#music inspo : apologies by grace potter and the nocturnals | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rollercoasterwrite · 3 years

Text

I’M SO CURIOUS [CHAPTER 5]

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4

Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.

Chapter title : Apologies.

Pairing : Jongyu

Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut

Word Count : 4500 ~

Links : AFF & AO3

Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!

- 7 months ago -

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"Why wouldn’t it be?"

"I don’t know…" the other hesitated as his face reddened from a light blush. "Aren’t you going out with that other guy?"

"Which guy?"

The one sitting on the couch paused, lips forming a stern line.

"You mean there’s more than one?" he asked after a few more seconds.

The blonde sighed, feeling the spontaneity of the moment crumble under the other’s inquiries.

“There's no one," Jonghyun answered. "No one serious," he added before diving back between the brunette’s legs.

The latter gasped before his voice broke into a high-pitched moan, and if Jonghyun’s mouth wasn’t full of him, he would have smirked.

He had intended to take his time with him, to tease him to no end, but this one was far too insecure for that privileged treatment. He would simply bring him to completion in no time to satisfy his own sense of pride and oral fixation while he was there.

It was almost too easy. He knew exactly how to bob his head and drag his tongue along the other’s shaft to elicit an array of breathless and needy sounds of pleasure. If he had learned anything in this damn life, it was how to make someone else feel good. Sexually, that is. Once you got the gist of it, it really wasn’t that difficult to make anyone fall apart.

Jonghyun had always found that demise to be the most exquisite thing to witness. As much as he loved receiving, there was something even more satisfying in the act of giving. As long as the giving didn’t complicate things.

"Jjong…" the other suddenly exhaled as he deep throated him once more. "I’m-"

The warning was cut short by his body’s betrayal as warm spurts of cum painted the inside of the blonde’s mouth white. He took it all in, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down his throat as he swallowed.

Jonghyun never cared for the taste, but there was nothing he loved more than having a drink of someone else at their most vulnerable. One could say it was a power thing.

It probably was.

He released the softening member and wiped his mouth clean with the back of his hand. Just as he was getting up, the doorbell rang, making him freeze in place.

"Were you expecting someone?" the one who had originally come to study at his place asked.

"No…"

Jonghyun frowned, confused. He searched his mind for any indication of who it could be, but came up blank.

"Maybe they’ll just leave…"

The doorbell rang again right after.

"Maybe I should leave," the other offered, clearly uneasy.

The blonde pondered his options for a few seconds before nodding in approval.

"We can pick up where we left off tomorrow afternoon if you’re free," he suggested.

"Yeah, sure."

The taller one got up, facing Jonghyun for a moment.

“Um, so…" he rubbed the back of his neck, eyes darting down to the ground. "Thank you… for everything," he went on, blushing again.

Cute, the blonde thought as he gave him an easy smile.

"It’s my pleasure," he purred as he slid a finger under the other’s chin to level their gazes. "You are always welcome to study here anytime, okay?"

The bashful young man blushed even harder at that.

"O-okay."

He then took a step sideways and walked up to the front door. Jonghyun followed him with his eyes, but it was more because he was curious to find out who was on the other side.

And the mystery was soon solved when his newest study buddy opened the door. Right in the middle of the frame stood a confused-looking Taemin. They both looked at each other for a moment before the one leaving gave him a curt nod before briskly continuing down the hallway.

Taemin turned to gaze at the stranger some more before bringing his focus back to the one who had now plopped down on the couch. He frowned at him before stepping in and closing the door.

"Who was that?" he asked, tone dry.

"My new study buddy," Jonghyun casually answered as if he hadn’t picked up on the anger in his friend’s voice.

"He looked awfully flustered for someone who just came to study," Taemin pointed out as his arms crossed over his chest.

The older one shrugged.

"He’s a shy guy."

"Shy guy, my ass," Taemin dismissed. "I know that look," he immediately went on. "He clearly just busted a nut. “

Jonghyun faked a shocked gasp.

"Wow, can’t believe such crude words are coming out of your mouth."

The glare that he received in return made him break, shoulders soon shaking with laughter.

"What do you want me to say?" he finally said once he settled a bit.

"Just admit that you were sucking him off."

"Why should I admit to that?" he threw back before his lips curved into a smirk. "Am I under arrest?"

The brunette’s glare only intensified.

"So you’ll really get with anyone, huh?"

Jonghyun paused for a moment, eyes searching the other’s tense expression. It wasn’t the first time Taemin had stuck his nose into matters that didn’t concern him. It was getting annoying.

"If I’m in the mood and they’re in the mood, why not?" he said. "It’s only natural to seek out pleasure from another human being,” he replied, hoping that would be the end of that.

But of course it wasn’t.

"So you’re telling me it doesn’t matter who you seek it out from?"

"Not really," he acknowledged after briefly pondering the matter. "I’m just having fun.’’

It was probably the worst thing he could’ve said at that moment, but he couldn’t tell by the way the other’s expression suddenly turned blank.

"Do you think you could ever actually be interested in someone? Like, for real?"

Jonghyun scrunched up his nose at the prospect of that eventuality.

"I don’t want to say it’s impossible," he entertained for a moment. "But that person would really have to be something else."

"What do you mean exactly?" the other pressed.

Jonghyun frowned at him, annoyed.

"Why are you so interested?"

There was a brief pause and suddenly, Taemin’s eyes weren’t so dead anymore. The turmoil he could read in them made him uneasy despite not knowing why it was there in the first place.

"Because it’s hard for me to understand how you can go on like this…" Taemin started, eyes darting to the ground. "Sleeping around, but never feeling anything for anyone," he cleared up as if he knew the question was coming.

"I’m not emotionless, Taem," the blonde countered, slightly hurt.

"I know you aren’t," he agreed. "You’re a great friend, but I just…"

The rest of his thought got lost in another stretch of silence, leaving the air between them charged with uneasiness and discomfort.

Jonghyun couldn’t bear it.

"I get it if you don’t understand, but that’s what works for me and I don’t see that changing any time soon," he laid out earnestly.

Taemin’s lips tightened into a grim line, leaving the blonde even more perplexed.

"What’s really on your mind, Tae?" he finally asked as he realized he might’ve been missing what this was about all along.

The brunette looked straight at him and Jonghyun felt his chest tighten at the hurt he could read into them.

"I don’t get you, Kim Jonghyun," the younger one admitted under his breath.

"There is nothing to get, really," the other tried to joke with a small laugh, but once Taemin didn’t join in on the laughter, his own died instantly.

"You can be so gentle, soft, loving and caring at times, but you still feel so distant, as if no one can ever reach you," the other finally let out, punctuating his last words with a heavy sigh.

Jonghyun could only stay silent at that. He didn’t understand where all of this was coming from, which just made him confused and somewhat irritated.

"What do you want me to tell you, Tae?" he asked after a while, feeling like an answer was expected of him.

For the first time since they had started talking, the younger one’s lips broke into a smile. It was a small one, a sad one, but it felt better to Jonghyun than the utter seriousness he had been submitted to so far.

"I don’t know…" he recognized, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "I guess I…” he started again, mulling over his next words. "I guess I just wish you would let your guard down more," he found as their eyes met again.

Jonghyun took that as a slight, his jaw clenching instinctively.

"You’re acting like you don’t know me at all when you’re one of the only people I’m close to."

He instantly saw the twinge of guilt twisting his friend’s features.

"I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…" he retrieved as a wave of lucidity washed over him. "I’m sorry, Jjong," he repeated after rubbing his hands over his face to fully shake himself out of the state he was in. "I don’t know what my problem is today, maybe I need more rest," he added with a nervous laugh.

"Maybe," Jonghyun slowly echoed, still weirded out by the whole ordeal. "You’ve been going hard with all these late night classes," he then observed.

"I don’t really have a choice. We have to be ready for the end of the year concert and I sure don’t want to screw it up."

The blonde snorted.

"As if you could ever screw up. You’re the best dancer I know."

Taemin couldn’t help but give a wider smile at that.

"Thank you, but we’re all pretty talented and hard workers, so I really don’t want to be left behind."

"I get that," Jonghyun conceded. "But you do need to rest, too…" His eyes flicked quickly up and down his body. "Did you need me to help you relieve some stress?"

The younger one’s expression changed again, uneasiness plastering his features.

"I… I don’t think we should be doing that anymore," he quietly said.

Jonghyun’s brows furrowed in an air of confusion.

"Oh?"

"It’s just…" Taemin looked down again, searching. "There is no point to it, right?"

The words felt like a blow to him, hitting him square in the chest. He knew there was no lie in that, but somehow, it didn’t feel right.

"If you say so…" he said, unable to keep in the bitterness that rose inside him.

Taemin looked back up again, his face displaying an expression of pain.

"I should probably go find Jongin before practice starts," he suddenly said.

Jonghyun blinked, even more taken aback.

"You’re already leaving? You just got here," he expressed incredulously.

Taemin chewed on his lip nervously.

"I know, but I’ll come back another time."

"Okay…" Jonghyun sighed.

"Sorry I bothered you."

"You’re never a bother."

Silence crept up between them again, leaving much unsaid.

"Okay, I’ll go now…" Taemin started awkwardly again. "See you later, Jjong."

Before he could say anything, the younger one turned on his heel and walked back to the door.

The sudden sound of the door shutting made him jump out of his thoughts and right back into reality.

***

The reality was that he had been an asshole for so long, that it had been hard for him to realize how much hurt he had caused, even to his closest friends. He was so hell-bent on the notion that he didn’t need anyone that he hadn’t been careful in the way he had dealt with those who actually cared about him.

It was sad that it took such a miserable time in his life to realize it. But now that it was impossible for him to ignore, he knew he had to do something about it. It had taken a few days for him to muster the courage to contact him, but after some encouragement on Kibum’s part, he had finally made the call. It had been a brief conversation, but they had settled on a moment to meet up and talk, and that’s all Jonghyun needed.

As he sat waiting at their usual meeting spot, leg bouncing from nervousness, he mulled over what he wanted to say. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but at least it was a first step in the right direction.

"Are you ready to order, sir?"

The waiter’s voice made him jump right out of his thoughts, leaving him startled from the sudden intrusion.

"Um… In a few minutes… I’m waiting for someone," he fumbled as he looked his way.

"Okay, no problem. I’ll come back," the man said with a courteous smile, leaving the blonde alone again.

He sighed, feeling some of the tension in his body leave him, only for it to rise back up as the familiar silhouette of the one he had been waiting for came into view.

The brunette plopped down on the seat across from him, looking straight at him with a gaze that was ready to kill.

"I don’t have much time, Jjong, so just get on with it."

The blonde was taken aback. He had expected anger, but not to have the rug pulled out from under him so soon into the conversation.

He searched the other’s eyes for a moment, trying to seize the best course of action in this situation.

"Stop looking at me like that," the younger one finally said.

Jonghyun’s brows furrowed, confused.

"Like what?"

"Like a sad puppy," the other noted. "That won’t work on me."

"That’s…" he stopped himself before he could get defensive. "Won’t you just talk to me for a moment?" he tried again, his eyes pleading unbeknownst to him.

"I did agree to meet you, didn’t I?"

"Yes, you did, Tae," the other acknowledged. "But I need you to actually sit with me. I don’t want us to leave here in the same state we were before," he explained, hoping any of it would reach his friend.

The latter still kept a cold look, but suddenly, he was settling more comfortably in his chair, showing that he was on board.

That was enough to settle the blonde’s nerves a bit.

"Do you want coffee?" he then asked.

The younger one simply nodded.

Jonghyun gestured to the previous waiter and a few minutes later, they both had a steaming cup of coffee before them, one cream, one black.

They both drank, using their drink as a perfect distraction to offset their current predicament. Jonghyun couldn’t help but steal glances at his friend, hoping that by the end of this, he’d still be able to call him that.

He almost choked on the sip he had just taken when Taemin’s eyes met his again.

"So? Are you just going to be staring at me the whole time?"

Jonghyun had no other choice then but to put his cup down, rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans.

"I’m sorry, this is… I’m not used to this…" he finally settled on saying.

The brunette scoffed, "To what? To having a coffee with me?"

Jonghyun frowned, feeling the onset of irritation grow inside him.

"You know what I mean."

Taemin just blinked at him, unmoved.

Stubborn little brat, Jonghyun couldn’t help but think. But he immediately reminded himself that this was to be expected. He had screwed up big time and, for once, he needed to take responsibility for his behavior.

"I’m sorry," he pulled out of himself before any courage left in him vanished.

"You already told me that the other day," the brunette immediately struck back.

"I know, but I’m not saying it for the same reason this time," Jonghyun clarified, wanting to make himself perfectly clear.

That was enough to make the other one falter in his resolve to stay immovable. Confusion drew itself bright and clear on his face.

"Did something else happen?" he asked.

Jonghyun shook his head.

"I’m talking about us, Tae."

The brunette frowned at that, even more confused.

"What do you mean?"

Jonghyun looked away for a moment, lifting the cup to his lips, hoping the coffee would help him get through this.

"I mean that…” he cleared his throat and looked up again. "I mean that I’m sorry for what I did to you," he expressed with all the sincerity he could muster up.

There was a beat of silence during which he saw all the subtle shifts on the other’s face, Taemin’s expression going from surprise to turmoil before settling on anger again.

"I don’t know what you mean," he spat out sharply.

The older one couldn’t help but sigh.

"I know you do," he countered. "I know I hurt you by fooling around with you, and the worst part was that I never truly realized that until recently…" he admitted as his head dropped down slightly.

He went on even though he couldn’t hold his friend’s gaze anymore.

"I should’ve realized it that time you distanced yourself from me, but since things seemed to go back to normal after, I just didn’t make much of it. If I had realized-"

"Stop it, Jjong," Taemin suddenly interjected.

At that, the blonde lifted his head up, meeting his gaze. Taemin’s gaze was still sharp like ice, but fire was clearly boiling inside of him.

"I don’t know where this is coming from, but you don’t need to apologize to me. I knew you didn’t do relationships," he voiced in a tone that left little room to add anything else.

But Jonghyun couldn’t stop there. Not when he was finally owning up to his actions.

"Yes, but we could’ve talked about it instead of you hurting in silence."

Taemin snorted, unimpressed.

"We could’ve talked about it, huh? And then what?" he said, words drenched in resentment. "You would’ve suddenly changed your ways and gone out with me?"

Jonghyun froze, leaving his silence to speak for him.

"That’s what I thought," Taemin immediately threw back at him as his anger rose.

"It’s…" Jonghyun was fumbling, he knew it, but he hadn’t been as prepared as he had thought he was. "The thing is…" he stopped to gather his thoughts. "There was no place for a relationship in my plans. I just wanted to study to work towards my dream and if I could have some fun on the side then that was enough for me," he laid out.

"I know that," Taemin said in return. "That’s why I tried to just let go of any feelings towards you after I fully realized that."

"Why didn’t you just stop talking to me?" the blonde couldn’t help but ask.

It was now Taemin’s turn to fall silent. He looked away, playing with the handle of his cup for a few seconds, before saying, "Because I didn’t want to lose you."

His voice was barely above a whisper, but Jonghyun heard him loud and clear.

"Okay," he replied, not knowing what else to say. He fell into his thoughts for a moment before adding, "So… how do you feel now?" he tentatively inquired, knowing he could very well be screwing everything up even more by asking.

Taemin cocked an eyebrow, taken aback.

"You mean about you?"

Jonghyun nodded, embarrassed.

"I’m not…" Taemin paused for a brief second. "I’m not interested. I mean, I did try to match you with Jinki after all," he promptly added.

"Why did you, actually?"

That question had been bugging Jonghyun more than anything else the past few days.

"Like you said, you knew how I went about things, so why even risk it with your cousin?" he kept on, eager for an answer.

"That’s what I keep asking myself now," Taemin replied with a sigh. "I guess I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but when it comes to Jinki, I’d be willing to do anything to make him happy."

Jonghyun’s brows furrowed in confusion.

"I’m not following…If it was about dating again, it really could’ve been anyone."

To his surprise, Taemin fell silent again, but this time, he looked nervous.

"No, it couldn’t have been," he quietly uttered.

"Eh?" the blonde exclaimed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Jinki took an interest in you," Taemin shared after debating with himself for a few more seconds. "And once I realized, I just felt like I had to do something about it."

Jonghyun felt like his mind was about to burst. This wasn’t making any sense.

"What do you mean?" he repeated. “How could he have taken an interest in me before even meeting me?"

"Well," Taemin grabbed his cup mindlessly. "I know I talked about you often, but I think that what sparked a clear interest was when he heard you sing."

Jonghyun was suddenly grateful that they were in a public space, otherwise he might’ve started yelling.

Instead, he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather himself before proceeding.

"What do you mean he heard me sing?" he echoed as he tried not to glare at the one facing him.

The latter chewed at his lip, averting his gaze, before finally taking a sip of his cream-colored coffee.

"Taemin?" the blonde pressed on as the other suddenly seemed intent on focusing on what he was drinking.

The younger one sighed in defeat, putting his cup down again.

"It was an accident, actually," he clarified first. "I was spending the day at his and we were cooking-"

"Wait," Jonghyun quickly interjected. "You don’t cook."

That comment granted him a death stare.

"I can if I have help."

Jonghyun’s eyes widened in shock.

“I would love to see that."

"Are you serious right now?" the other snapped, clearly offended.

Right, this is not the time, he reminded himself.

"Sorry, continue."

Taemin shook his head at him before going on.

"As I was saying," he punctuated to show his lingering irritation. "While I was helping him out with the food, I decided to put on one of my playlists, not thinking that one of your demos was on there and then it just started playing-"

"Which one?" Jonghyun immediately asked.

"Elevator," Taemin promptly answered.

Without even thinking, Jonghyun’s hands grabbed onto the edges of the table as he felt himself liquify.

"No…"

Panic ran through him like lightning, rendering him mute for a moment.

"I’m sorry, Jjong," Taemin immediately said. "I know how personal that one is for you. It really was an accident," he went on as guilt grew inside him.

If this had been any other circumstance, Jonghyun would’ve probably lost his shit and left shortly after without much thought. But he had enough mind at this moment to remember what the whole purpose of this conversation was.

Retrieving his hands, he looked at him and said, "It’s okay, I understand."

Taemin felt even more guilty, knowing that wasn’t really how the other felt.

"I tried to change songs, but Jinki stopped me."

Jonghyun felt faint again.

"Why?"

"He was just… taken by it," the younger one shared. "He just stopped everything to listen and when it was over, he asked me who the artist was and I told him the truth."

"And then?"

"And then, he said…" Taemin’s eyes shifted sideways. "That’s the most beautiful voice I’ve heard in my life," he quietly revealed.

Jonghyun was surprised he didn’t die right this instant. The words ran through his mind like race cars while his heart did somersaults in his chest. Suddenly, he was warm, too warm.

"Jjong?" the younger one tentatively called as he caught his distress.

"Give me a moment," he managed to say before burying his face into his hands.

He knew he was being ridiculous, but this was just too much to handle. Of all the things he had anticipated, this was definitely not one of them.

Jinki fucking heard me sing. He heard that song. He said that my voice-

Silent screaming ensued. He just couldn’t handle it.

He suddenly came out of hiding and looked straight at Tae. The other was looking even more stressed out now.

"I’m okay," he lied, trying to sound as reassuring as he could.

"I know you’re not, but I didn’t want to lie to you."

Jonghyun nodded in acknowledgement.

"Thank you for letting me know."

It wasn’t long before the shock waned enough to let sorrow seep in. He might’ve been shocked and felt slightly betrayed, but it still meant the world to him that Jinki would say such a thing about him. But what was the point now? He still didn’t know if he would ever be able to face him again.

Taemin seemed to hear his thoughts because he suddenly said, "You should go see him."

Jonghyun jumped right out of his inner dialogue at that.

"What?"

"You should go see Jinki."

The blonde’s mouth opened in shock before shutting again.

"I’m not going to lie, he is pissed and he looks miserable, but I feel like he still wants to see you," Taemin went on.

Jonghyun’s heart jumped again.

"You saw him?"

Taemin looked down at his hands.

"Yeah…" he shared. "It didn’t go well, but from what I could see…"

He stopped himself, rethinking his words.

"I just think you two should talk," he finally chose.

"I don’t think he’ll want that," Jonghyun immediately said. "He made it really clear he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore."

"Of course he did," Taemin recognized. "He’s hurt, but that doesn’t mean he really feels that way."

Jonghyun pondered those words for a moment, letting them sink in.

"I… I don’t know… this is just…"

The blonde sighed, unable to reconcile his thoughts.

"It’s a really shitty situation," Taemin chimed in. "And I’m sorry for creating it."

Jonghyun looked at him, saddened.

"You don’t need to apologize, Tae."

"I do," the younger one countered. "I could’ve gone another way about it or just been honest with you from the start…" He paused, heart heavy. "This was just a really bad idea," he added with a heavy sigh.

Jonghyun felt even sadder. Here he was trying to make amends and now his friend was the one feeling guilty.

"Tae… we all make mistakes," he reminded. "I’ve made so many," he went on. "All I can do now is learn from them and try to do better."

Taemin nodded despite looking completely dejected.

"I know…"

Jonghyun knew nothing else he would say would change how the other felt at this moment, so instead, he reached a hand out hoping the other wouldn’t reject it.

And to his relief, he didn’t.

***

#a shorter chapter for me lol #angst is my middle name #music inspo : apologies by grace potter and the nocturnals #the chapter was already written but the title comes from there it just matches the vibe so well #sarastuff:jongyu #I'm So Curious #SHINee #jongyu #SHINee FanFic #shawols #babywols #taemin #jonghyun #onew #jongtae #my goal is to finish this by the end of the year #amazing I actually could write this XD

6 notes · View notes