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I’M SO CURIOUS [CHAPTER 6]

CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5

Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.

Chapter title : Lonely.

Pairing : Jongyu

Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut

***TW for this chapter*** some abusive exchanges

Word Count : 8000 words approx.

Links : AFF & AO3

Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!

The room was plunged into a dead silence, the only sound cutting through the quietness being the rhythmic ticking of the clock hanging over the closed door. Its two hands were showing that it was close to 9 pm. Normally, no one would be there to witness when it reached this hour of the night, but over the past few weeks, this hadn’t been the case. Someone had been there without fault every night working until he couldn’t anymore.

There was something about the calm and peace that engulfed everything around this time. He could pretend he was alone in the world and that nothing could get to him. This illusion had been his biggest comfort lately and he wasn’t ready to let it go, even if the dark circles under his eyes were telling another story.

He was overworked, he was exhausted, but that’s the only way he knew how to survive. When everything else failed, work was always there to keep him company and give him a semblance of purpose.

His eyes settled back onto the papers in front of him, looking for the best courses of action to tackle his newest case. This one was going to be tricky. Mergers were never simple. There were tons of negotiations and compromises to be made on each part to insure the best transition possible towards the new entity. The demands came easy, but never what each part was ready to let go to make things work.

Change is hard, he thought with a sigh, before flipping on to the next page of his growing file.

Before he could start reading again, a knock on the door interrupted him. He lifted a brow, puzzled.

"Yes?" he answered from his desk.

The knob turned and the door cracked open, revealing his best friend. He sunk back into his chair, relieved. But that relief was short-lived as he caught a glimpse of his friend’s expression.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

The tall one crossed his arms over his chest, effectively emphasizing his disapproval.

"Jinki, that’s enough," Minho finally said, making the other’s brows furrow from confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"You working that late every night," the younger one clarified. "I let it go thinking that it was only temporary, but clearly, this has become a bad habit and I can’t let you go on like this."

Jinki let out a long-drawn-out sigh as he rocked back into his cushioned chair.

“I understand your concern, but I assure you that I’m fine. I just have lots of new cases I need to work on."

"Yeah, because you decided to take on more than you could handle," Minho reproved.

"I can handle them just fine. Do you hear me complaining?"

"You never complain, Jinki. Doesn’t make it okay," his friend pointed out with the stubborn resolve he regularly displayed towards him.

Sometimes, Jinki was grateful for it, but other times, like right now, he wished the other would just leave him be. He was a grown adult. And that meant that he was the sole person responsible for whatever decision he made. Even the senseless ones.

"Minho, go home," he gently ordered. "I’ll be done soon," he reassured before his gaze flicked down to his papers once again.

For a moment there, Jinki had been hopeful Minho would comply and leave him to his work, but that hope was soon shattered as the taller one walked over to his desk and took the file away from him.

"No, we are going home," the latter countered before opening the closest filing cabinet and sliding the file in.

"That’s not where it goes," the one sitting directed.

"I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about where that file goes," Minho snapped as he turned around to look him straight in the eye. "Work is over and you are going to get some rest now," he instructed with an authority that Jinki was more than familiar with.

The latter knew there was no arguing when his friend used that tone. Minho would always be more stubborn about getting the last word than he would ever be.

"Okay, Chief,” he conceded with another sigh before getting up from the chair that had seen him through most hours of the week.

He slid his blazer on and grabbed the few things he needed, watching Minho staring at him from the corner of his eye.

"Do I have something on my face?" he inquired as he slid his car keys in his pants’ right pocket.

"You lost weight," Minho didn’t hesitate to say.

That made Jinki smile.

"Well, I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you."

"It’s not," the other objected. "It means you’re not eating enough."

"I mean a few pounds off my bones won’t hurt," Jinki lightly dismissed. ‘’I had to lose some weight, anyway.”

"No," Minho interjected again. "You didn’t have to lose weight. And even if you wanted to, that’s not the way to go about it," he went on in a disapproving tone.

"You need to take care of yourself, Jinki," he reiterated as the disapproval morphed into worry once more.

That effectively put an end to the conversation. Jinki couldn’t argue with that. He knew Minho was right. He knew he wasn’t healthy in every sense of the word. The problem was, a big part of him didn’t care that he wasn’t. He didn’t see the point. He would build himself back up and then what? Something else would come along to crush him to pieces?

He was so tired of fighting for his happiness. Maybe that wasn’t something he could ever get. Maybe his life was meant to be as plain as possible and dreaming for more was just pure madness.

As he settled into Minho’s car after the latter won the debate about which car they would take, Jinki took out his phone to check if he had any missed calls or messages.

“You’d better not be checking anything related to work," Minho warned as he started the engine.

"I won’t answer, I promise."

Jinki looked at his screen and saw he had missed a call. When he clicked on the notification and saw who it was, his heart stopped.

He immediately slapped his phone face down onto his thigh as he tried to will his heart back into a normal rhythm. Without realizing, he had closed his eyes to breathe through his internal ordeal, making his friend steal worried glances his way every few seconds.

"Jinki?" the one driving finally called out as he brought the car to a smooth halt at a red light.

The sound of his friend’s voice startled him, his eyes shooting open instantly.

"Yeah?" he replied, trying to gather his thoughts back into an organized puzzle.

"What’s going on?" the younger one pressed. "Is a client stressing you out?"

A client… I wish.

"Um, no… I just… Um…"

Thanks for nothing, brain, he mentally kicked himself as it kept drawing blanks.

"Is it who I think it is?" Minho asked as his eyes focused back on the road.

Brain, you can still help me lie about this. Come on!

His desperate request amounted to nothing more than an increase in his unease. He sighed, abdicating to the truth.

"Yes," he finally uttered as his gaze shifted to the window where his eyes could focus on the landscape that was running past them.

"Oh fuck," Minho let out loudly, eyes growing wide. "What’d he say?"

Jinki felt his jaw tense up.

"I don’t know, it’s a voicemail…"

"Oh…" the other expressed in a much softer tone. "What are you going to do?" he then asked, treading carefully.

Jinki let out a longer sigh, feeling his whole body abandon itself to the crushing feelings that had been looming over him for weeks now.

"I don’t know, Minho…" he managed to utter under his breath. He bit on his lip as he felt it quiver. "I just…" he started again before realizing his throat was closing on him.

Fortunately, Minho knew him like the back of his hand.

"No need to talk about it right now, Jinki," he reassured. "We’ll get you home so you can eat, drink something warm, and rest."

Jinki nodded, knowing he wasn’t in his right mind to make any kind of decision at this very moment.

As they finally made their way up to their loft a while later, Jinki felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He cocked a brow as he felt it, trying to figure out when he had taken it out of its silent mode. As it buzzed again, he pulled it out, walking closely behind Minho as they stepped out of the elevator.

It was an incoming call…

It was him… His heart skipped a beat. Again….

Feeling anger fight its way through his turmoil, he picked up on impulse.

"What?" he harshly answered, forgetting himself.

There was a pause, a brief window of silence.

"Jinki…"

And just like that, the voice he knew too well, but had tried his best to forget, came through on the other side.

His grip tightened around the device at this ear, his knuckles turning white.

"Why are you calling me?" he said through gritted teeth.

Another pause.

"I… was wondering when you were getting back, I-"

"Why’d you want to know that?" he sharply interjected, feeling the seams of his control rip apart thread by thread. He felt Minho’s gaze on him as he matched his pace, eager to reach his safe haven.

But before he could do so or get an answer from the other, he came to a halt mid-way through the hallway, his arm dropping to its side as he saw what, or rather who, was waiting a few meters ahead.

Everything suddenly seemed to come to a full stop. They all froze into place simultaneously, bracing for what was to follow. Jinki was in the middle of it all, caught between a worried gaze and a troubled one. He suddenly couldn’t feel his body, couldn’t even see clearly. Nothing was making sense anymore, throwing him into a panic that felt foreign, but all too familiar at the same time.

A steady hand squeezed his shoulder before lips grazed his ear.

"If you want me to get rid of him, just say the word."

The words were clear, but his feelings towards them not so much. He felt torn between his lingering anger and his desire for closure.

"Ming?" he quietly said, gaze still fixed ahead.

"Yes?" the other replied, staying close.

"What should I do?" he found himself asking as the internal battle continued inside him.

The taller one sighed.

“I can’t choose for you… But if you don’t feel like you can deal with this right now-"

"I don’t think I can deal with this at any time," he cut in, distressed.

"So I’ll tell him to go then," Minho settled before moving.

But before he could continue on forward, Jinki grabbed his arm.

"Wait."

Minho looked back at him, confused.

"I’ll… I’ll deal with him," Jinki said, mustering up all the courage he had in him in that moment.

Minho frowned, concerned.

"You sure?"

"Yes, yes," Jinki quickly dismissed. "Can you, uh…"

"Want me to leave you guys alone?" the other guessed.

Jinki nodded, gaze lowering to his feet as his request weighed on him.

"Okay," Minho immediately agreed, as if it were nothing. "How long do you need?"

"Not long, I suppose… Like twenty minutes?" Jinki offered for good measure.

"Okay." Minho turned fully towards him before adding in a low voice, "Don’t let him fuck you over, yeah?"

Jinki’s gaze met his and he nodded, grateful for the reminder.

Soon after, his friend’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, gradually fading in sound before they turned silent. Now, he was truly on his own and that thought was terrifying. Yes, he was angry, yes, he knew what was best for him, but he was also feeling very vulnerable and hurt and those two things made for a very dangerous cocktail if not kept in check.

Despite these thoughts, he willed himself into action and took step after step, closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds. If he had felt himself falter before, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. Gazing up close into those hazel eyes was like jumping headfirst into hot lava. It was threatening to burn him down to the core.

And somehow, he could feel that it was a shared feeling as the one looking back at him started wiping his hands over his loose-fitted black joggers. It prompted a quick assessment of the other’s attire, feeling a flutter in his chest at the matching all-black attire, complete with his favored black Timbs. The younger one’s blonde hair looked as fluffy as ever and Jinki found himself wanting to run his fingers through it.

Stop, he silently reminded himself, before fishing for his keys inside his pocket. Without a word, he led them inside, both pausing silently to remove their shoes.

"Do you want something to drink?" he instinctively asked as he made his way to the fridge.

"Um, no… thank you," the blonde replied, uneasy.

"It’s no problem, really," Jinki said as he opened the fridge’s door.

"I’m fine, thank you," the other reiterated.

"Okay," he acknowledged before pulling out a can of beer for himself.

He definitely needed some liquid courage.

He then made his way back to the lobby and gestured for Jonghyun to sit down with him in the living room. They naturally sat on either side of the center table, facing each other while keeping a comfortable distance.

Now that they were in each other’s presence again, everything felt surreal. It felt like they were stuck in a plane of existence that wasn’t actually real. Jinki didn’t want to say it felt like a dream, but that was the closest way he could describe it. There was a part of him that just wanted to jump the gun and let loose while an equally strong part of him wanted to keep everything locked in.

After all, Jonghyun had come to him and even left him a message prior to that, so it was probably best he let him say his peace before deciding on his best course of action. With that settled, he relaxed into the armchair and took a long sip from his beer.

He watched as Jonghyun was almost folded in two before him, forearms resting on his thighs as he stared down at the nervous dance his hands were conducting on their own.

Jinki felt impatient for him to break the ice, but he bided his time, willing himself to keep silent.

After a few long seconds, Jonghyun straightened up and cleared his throat.

"Did you listen to my message?" he asked in a quiet voice.

The brunette shook his head.

"No, I just saw it not long ago as we were coming back," he explained.

"Oh…" Jonghyun’s hand followed suit to rub the back of his neck, a gesture Jinki had grown accustomed to seeing whenever he was trying to soothe himself.

"Don’t… um… you can delete that," he then said.

Jinki frowned.

"Why?"

"It’s a bunch of nonsense… I didn’t think, I just, I left it impulsively and that’s why I came here actually, " he cleared up through his rambling before diving right back in. "I figured it would be easier to explain everything to you face to face, even though I wasn’t sure if you’d even talk to me."

"Well, I’m very interested in knowing more about whatever nonsense you left on my phone," the brunette persisted as his gaze zeroed in on the reddening cheeks of his ex-lover.

Jonghyun’s head dropped down again, eyes stilling onto the space between his feet.

"It’s mostly just me crying and sniffling… " he paused, swallowing down the lump that was forming in his throat. "And begging," he added in a voice close to a whisper.

"Begging?" the older one echoed, frowning.

The blonde nodded, still not looking up.

"Yeah, I was desperate…"

Jinki kept looking at him, confused.

"Desperate for what? More money?" he blurted out.

The grimace he caught on the other’s face before he dared look up at him again was enough to tell him that the words he had chosen had stung like he had wanted them to.

"Do you really think that’s why I’m here?”

The response was filled with hurt, but Jinki wasn’t without noticing the undercurrent of anger in his tone.

"I don’t know, you tell me," he threw back at him before taking another swig from his can.

"You know that’s not why I’m here," Jonghyun fought back. "That was never why I kept things going with you," he reiterated as his voice grew coarser.

"And why should I believe you? Just ‘cause you say so?" Jinki taunted, words dripping with contempt.

Jonghyun sighed to give himself a breather, letting his back rest against the soft cushion of the couch.

"That’s what I thought," Jinki said as he took the sudden silence as confirmation of his words.

"Can you just… give me a second?" the blonde requested, closing his eyes to think.

"Why? So you can build up more lies?" the older one kept on, relentless.

He wasn’t up to playing games. He wasn’t up to be fooled again. He was tired.

"No," Jonghyun immediately countered, keeping his mounting frustration in check.

"Why did you come here, really?" Jinki threw right back at him, straightening up in his seat.

The silence that followed and the helpless look the other gave him told him he had won this round.

"Ah," Jinki expressed in realization before delivering his next hit. "Did you come here to get your money’s worth?"

The blonde frowned, half-offended, half-confused.

"What?"

"You were probably expecting sex after having put all that hard work into this charade," he coldly laid out as he fully unleashed all the resentment he had keep inside these past few weeks.

Oh, and how much damage that did. Whatever composure Jonghyun had managed to keep instantly crumbled in front of him. Jinki’s emotionless gaze maintained the other’s devastated one, partly enjoying the power he was having right this moment.

The other part of him knew it was a matter of time before the overbearing weight of guilt would come crashing down on him, leaving him breathless. Nonetheless, he didn’t want to regret his words. Not when he had been flip flopping all this time in between believing what they had was real or it being the product of a well-crafted scheme.

Jinki wanted to be trusting, but he still had enough self-preservation instincts to know he couldn’t just give out that trust over and over again without any regard towards his well-being.

"Jinki," the blonde managed to croak out between quivering lips.

Jonghyun’s vision blurred despite himself, but he felt resolved to say what he had been wanting to say ever since their last encounter, ever since the moment they had last seen each other.

"I love you," he finally let out, the words knocking the breath out of him for a split second before tears rolled down his cheeks and painful sobs rose from his chest.

This was not how he had wanted to confess, but it felt like there was nothing else he could say, nothing else that mattered.

Jonghyun couldn’t see the other’s reaction, too busy wiping the tears out of his eyes and off of his face and trying to get himself together again. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s eyes widened and how his body froze as soon as those three words hit the air between them. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s mouth fell open and how his chest heaved as the words wrecked his synapses, taking over the control board in his brain.

Nothing could’ve prepared him for that. All the confidence he had mustered as he delivered blow after blow dissolved, leaving him stunned, almost knocked out.

He might’ve won the battle, but Jonghyun was threatening to win the war. He couldn’t have that.

"You love me?" Jinki echoed, making sure his tone was derisive and taunting.

Yeah, he really couldn’t have that.

But that didn’t seem to deter the one who had just bared his heart in front of him.

"Yes, I do, Jinki," he reiterated.

Finally being able to stare at him again, he repeated, "I love you. I love you so much, Jinki."

Jonghyun’s voice dripped with desperation, and he knew it, but he didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t going to have another chance at this, he knew it.

The older one’s lips thinned as his jaw clenched, trying to keep his guard up, still. He needed a moment to think, he needed a moment to figure out his next move, because clearly, Jonghyun wasn’t going to hold back anymore.

And that was scaring the shit out of him. He could be tough and mean all he wanted, but under his hard armour, was an utterly vulnerable and needy human being.

Not being able to find his words yet, he resumed his drinking, finishing up all the beer left in his now dented can. It had turned lukewarm inside the warmth of his hand, but nonetheless, the break it provided was quite appreciated.

Once he was done, he set the can down by his feet, before getting up.

"Where are you going?" Jonghyun asked from his seat, panicked.

"Need another beer," Jinki mumbled under his breath before walking back towards the fridge.

He welcomed the fresh air that hit his face as he opened the stainless-steel door in search of more liquid courage. But before he could grab another can, a hand met the middle of his upper back, startling him.

He turned back around to see Jonghyun standing right in front of him, so close to him…

"What are you doing?" the taller one blurted out as he looked into determined hazel eyes.

Jonghyun gnawed at his bottom lip, actually showing some hesitation, before pushing the fridge’s door closed with his hand.

"I want to know how you feel," he answered as he searched his ex’s face for any clues.

"How I feel about what?" Jinki feigned, in a poor attempt to buy himself some time.

That made the blonde scoff.

"I guess you have to be difficult about it."

That made the brunette mad.

"You think I’m being difficult?" he exploded. "Did you really think that after only a month I would forget what you did to me? Did you really think it would be as easy as you just showing up, saying I love you, and then I would just forgive you and take you back?"

"No, Jinki, I-"

"I fucking hate you," he interrupted as his body quaked with rage.

This was not like him. This was not like him at all. Yes, he could get mad, but no one had ever made him lose his mind so much before. He truly hated how this man could completely throw him off in a matter of seconds. His fists clenched by his side as he breathed heavily, waiting.

Jonghyun blinked at him, taken aback. It took him a few seconds before he seemed to come back to himself.

"You have every right to hate me," he acknowledged, keeping his voice soft to not add to the fire that was menacing to engulf everything. "I knew you would… I know you do," he went on, voice close to a whisper. "But it doesn’t change how I feel about you and what I am willing to do to be with you, even if it means waiting for however long," he added before stepping back to give the other more space. "I am sorry I just showed up like this and ruined your night," Jonghyun then said, feeling remorseful. "I won’t contact you until you are ready to tell me what you want… even if it is that you never want to see me again."

He then started turning to leave, but a firm grip on his arm had him spinning around and before he knew it, his back was against the cold stainless-steel door.

"You’re a piece of shit, you know that?" the taller one spat at him as his two hands settled at each side of the blonde’s head, trapping him.

The latter just gulped, scared, hurt, and confused.

"You really just came here to fuck with my head again and make me doubt everything, huh?" Jinki kept on, needing to let the venom spill out of him before it could kill him.

He was looking down on the smaller man like prey, ready to rip him apart any moment now.

"Jinki…" Jonghyun breathed out. "I am not messing with you, I never was," he once again stated, before adding, "I know the premise of us meeting shatters all my credibility, but what I have felt for you from the start has all been real."

When Jinki stayed silent, he took this as permission to go on.

"And I’m really sorry I agreed to take that money. I should’ve never done that, that was fucking stupid and selfish."

"It was," the brunette immediately agreed.

Jonghyun looked down at that, hit with even more guilt under the accusing eyes of his ex-boyfriend. But he couldn’t hide long.

The older one pushed his chin up with a finger, locking their gazes together once more. Jonghyun waited for him to speak, to keep on raging, but nothing came. And before he could say anything, soft plush lips brushed against his, making him shiver.

He gave an expectant look to those luscious lips, but before he could taste them, they travelled to one side of his face, connecting with his ear.

"You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?"

Jonghyun felt his heart skip at that, his body inflaming with desire.

"Jinki," he softly whined.

This was so much and so little at the same time, but Jonghyun didn’t know what he could or couldn’t do at that moment. He could just keep still, anticipating.

It felt like time was standing still, waiting for either of them to move before retrieving its course. Which didn’t take too long once Jinki grew more and more impatient. His lips travelled down to the blonde’s neck, leaving a trail of feather-like kisses, knowing how much he loved that.

"Fuck," Jonghyun let out under his breath, biting on his lip right after to keep himself from whimpering.

Jinki felt prideful of the effect he was having on the man who had hurt him so much, but who he desired nonetheless. He stopped his teasing ministrations to look at him again, allowing himself to admire his flushed face and glossy gaze.

Something dark, something visceral coiled inside him and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to ruin the blonde completely.

"Bedroom," he growled before dragging the other with him towards said place.

Something in the back of the other’s mind told him this wasn’t a good idea, but who was he to refuse Jinki after everything he had made him go through?

So he just followed and didn’t say a word when he was thrown onto the bed and was towered over immediately by the other’s heavier body. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he caught the brunette’s predatory gaze, all signs of the Jinki he knew, gone.

A faint alarm sounded in his mind again and he couldn’t help but listen to it.

"Jinki, maybe we shouldn’t-"

He was silenced by a brutal kiss, that was more teeth than lips, a stark contrast to the always gentle even when passionate kisses he was accustomed to. When he felt the other’s tongue forcefully roam inside his mouth as he pinned his wrists to the mattress, Jonghyun knew this wasn’t how this was supposed to go.

He wanted Jinki to love him back, not use him and then discard him.

"Jinki, stop," Jonghyun pleaded as the other pulled back to catch his breath.

The brunette cocked a brow before snickering when the blonde’s serious expression remained unchanged.

"What? Don’t want me to fuck you?" he mocked as he let go of the other’s wrists.

"I don’t want that, not like this," Jonghyun said, pushing on Jinki’s chest to signal him to move off him.

But Jinki didn’t move.

"Oh, suddenly you’re a fucking prude, huh?" Jinki belittled in contempt. "You wanted me to fuck your brains out on the first date, but now you don’t want it?" he remarked snidely.

It took everything for Jonghyun not to lose his temper and slap him right then and there, but he knew that was what Jinki was looking for. For him to further prove himself to be the asshole Jinki thought he was.

He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

"No, I don’t want it," Jonghyun confirmed, voice steady and resolute. "I don’t want you to hate-fuck me. If we are ever in bed again together, I want us to have sex because we love each other."

"Aaaw," Jinki voiced sarcastically. "How fucking romantic… the whore who got paid to go out with me is now looking for true love. That’s really cute."

Jonghyun’s hand flew before his mind could stop him. He felt the sting of his slap thrumming through his palm as he watched the brunette retract in shock.

Now that there was more space between them, reality seemed to sink in for both of them and it wasn’t pretty.

"Jinki, I’m so sorry," Jonghyun started, eyes widening as he sat up on the bed.

The brunette rubbed the side of his face, trying to get a hold of the situation. He suddenly realized what he had just said and what he had been about to do and it made him sick to his stomach.

"No," he interjected. "I’m sorry, Jjong," Jinki said, shame washing over him.

They just stared at each other, feeling awful for what had just transpired.

"I think I should go…" Jonghyun finally said, cutting through the painful silence.

Jinki just nodded, not knowing what else he could say. Part of him wanted to ask him to stay, but the rational part of him knew the best thing they needed right now was space.

Nonetheless, Jinki didn’t want to leave it that way. He wanted to at least show that he wasn’t a heartless monster. So before Jonghyun could make it past the doorframe, he hugged him from behind, closing his eyes as the other’s body warmth settled his heart a bit.

"Let’s talk at another time, yeah?" he carefully asked against him.

"Yeah, sure," Jonghyun accepted as he relaxed in his arms.

After a few more seconds of shared silence, this one much more comfortable, Jinki let go of him, not without some regret.

Jonghyun wanted to look back, but he didn’t, knowing he might lose it again.

So he left the room, breaking away, despite the pain he felt doing so.

Jinki watched him leave until he couldn’t see him anymore before slumping down back onto his bed, choking up on sudden tears.

I love you, too, Jonghyun, I do, he silently admitted to the now empty room.

I knew way before we met…

***

6 months earlier

(3 months before they met)

Jinki knew the obsession was starting to get unhealthy, but he couldn’t help himself. As he set the broom to rest against the counter, he looked through his phone for the song he hadn’t been able to get out of his head. It had taken some arguing and pleading with Taemin to get a hold of it, but now that he had it on his phone, there was no looking back.

Soon enough, the first haunting notes of piano started playing on their wireless sound system, filling the empty loft with grief and sorrow. This was probably not the best song to listen to while doing some Sunday cleaning, but there was nothing else he wanted to listen to right now. Ever since, he had heard his voice, it felt like something had changed in him. It felt like he had found a part of himself again.

Dust flew across the wooden floor to collect into a neat pile at the center of the living room as he pondered the words that were so beautifully sung.

My reflection inside the closing elevator

Looks miserable

But still, I live on…

That was the bit that hit the hardest. It felt like the one singing had found the words he often failed to find to express how he felt about his life. To the outside world, Jinki was well accomplished. He was a successful corporate lawyer at a young age, he lived in a prized part of the city and owned a luxurious car and fancy suits.

But Jinki had never cared about how he looked to the outside world. He had only cared about pleasing his parents first and foremost, but it seemed like nothing he did was ever enough for them. They never really acknowledged the life he had built for himself, the only words rolling out of their mouths being how he should’ve settled already, started a family, and attended country club events to be visible in the right circles.

But Jinki was done bending every which way to please them. Now that he had entered his thirties, he realized it was time for him to make changes that would make him feel better, not worse. He wasn’t without feeling the harsh claw grip of guilt seize his stomach every once in a while when he thought about his parents, but he always tried to remember how much his mood had improved since he had minimized contact with them to the strict minimum.

Speak your heart out

I can tell you're very lonely

Tell me some more

You know you can't take it anymore

Jinki froze mid-way on his way back to the kitchen as those words sunk in.

Yes, I’m so lonely…

He felt a lump form in his throat as the realization dawned on him.

Since when have you been all by yourself? The song threw back at him.

Seems like forever, he answered as if a reply was needed.

The last bit of the song played out leaving the room in an eerie silence. Jinki just stared into space, his shaky hand threatening to spill the content of the dustpan he had been holding. He didn’t know how long he stood there, sitting in the immense void he had never seemed to be able to fill.

But however long it was, it was suddenly interrupted by the door opening, signaling his best friend’s return. Jinki snapped out of his daze as the door shut behind the taller one and resumed his trajectory towards the trash can, getting rid of the mess.

"Hey, guess what happened to me today?" Minho said as he swiftly made his way towards him.

Jinki’s brow cocked for a second, but he quickly caught on to what that question hid.

"Ah," he deadpanned. "You worked your charms on a girl again?"

"No need to sound so exasperated," Minho reproached, clearly taking offense.

Jinki gave him a blank stare.

"Am I wrong?"

Minho crossed his arms over his chest, defeated.

"No, you are not, but this was different."

"I swear!" he then exclaimed as his best friend’s unchanging gaze had him vehemently wanting to make himself credible.

"Okay, okay," Jinki conceded. "What was different about this one?"

He now set his cleaning supplies to the side to give his full attention to the one standing before him.

Minho’s face immediately beamed with excitement as the memory of his previous encounter unfolded in his mind.

Jinki couldn’t say that didn’t warm his heart. Despite his harrowing feelings of loneliness, he would always be happy that his friend could find companionship so easily. Even though he never kept his girlfriends around long, the time he spent with them always seemed to do him good.

"So you know how I was out shopping for new suits?"

"Yeah…"

"Well that didn’t happen, ‘cause after I helped out an elderly woman cross the street-"

"Of course," Jinki interjected as he rolled his eyes.

Somehow, Minho always ended up doing the most stereotypical gentlemanly things ever. It was quite literally impossible to hate the guy, but his seemingly effortless perfection could get on one’s nerves at times.

"Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me!" Minho called out. "It’s only natural to help out someone who is struggling."

It took everything from him to keep himself from rolling his eyes again.

"Yeah, yeah," he dismissed. "Get on with it now".

Minho glared at him for a split second, before going on with his story.

"So as I was saying," he went on after clearing his throat. "I helped this elderly woman out and suddenly, this young lady came out of nowhere and grabbed her arm in panic. Before I could figure out what was going on, she started yelling at me and hitting me with her handbag," the younger one detailed as if recounting a movie scene. "Can you imagine? Everyone was just looking at us in shock, thinking I was being inappropriate or something."

Jinki’s brows furrowed in confusion.

"I fail to see why you sounded so excited to tell me about this encounter."

There was a sudden shift in his friend’s expression, his face shining with delight as his lips thinned out into a self-satisfied smile.

"Well… " he prefaced. "The elderly woman, who turned out to be her grandmother, started yelling at her in turn and explained how nice and helpful I had been to her."

The older one’s face lit up.

"Aaah, I see…" he exclaimed. "So you and that elderly woman hit it off, huh?"

The blank expression that instantly settled on his best friend’s face was enough to make him burst out laughing.

"Ladies of every age love you," he stated, still laughing. "Don’t act as if I said the craziest thing in the world."

"If I remember correctly, older women are usually attracted to you," Minho knowingly threw back at him, effectively stealing his friend’s amusement and turning it into his own.

"You will never let that shit go, will you?" was Jinki’s annoyed response.

"How could I?" Minho promptly riposted. "I have to keep bringing up the same old anecdotes, ‘cause you refuse to get your grown man ass out there and date someone," he then reminded.

Ah there it was. His Achilles’s heel.

"I’m not you, Minho," he quietly replied, his jaw clenching with the underlying anger he felt towards his friend, but also towards himself.

"No, you are not," the younger one agreed. "But that doesn’t mean you don’t have the same ability to make anyone fall for you. You just need to tap into your confidence again."

Jinki sighed as he felt the never far-gone ball of self-loathing roll inside his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to throw it away, but somehow, knowing it was there made him feel less lonely.

"Well, how about you finish that story so that I can take notes from the expert?" he managed to swiftly turn around to get the focus off his pathetic state.

Minho’s gaze narrowed at that.

"I know what you are doing, but I’ll indulge you for now," he accepted, catching the other’s relieved expression.

"So," he resumed. "Even though her grandmother explained to her what had happened, she still looked at me like I was a criminal," Minho recounted as his eyes grew wide from the passion of his storytelling.

"Okay…" Jinki voiced, still trying to figure out what was coming next.

"So of course, I felt like it was my duty to crush that perception completely."

"Aaah, so you went all out," the older one gathered.

"No, I couldn’t," Minho said with an amused smile that made him confused again.

"How come?"

"She wouldn’t let me treat them. She said I was too nice and that it was suspicious," he added with his signature hyena cackle.

"To be fair, I am surprised that has never happened to you before," Jinki observed. "I’m your best friend and I sometimes also find your kindness and generosity somewhat suspicious," he specified, half-joking, half-stating.

Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at that.

"Eh??" he exclaimed in disbelief. "Are you saying I’m faking it?"

"Not at all," Jinki refuted. "I just think that the universe gave you the most of everything and left the rest of us with crumbs,” he explained with an airy laugh.

The tall young man crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed.

"First, that is not true. Secondly, it’s sad that genuine kindness has become suspicious in today’s world."

Jinki nodded as he pondered those words.

"I can agree with that, but unfortunately, a lot of people out here are using people as a means for their personal interests."

Minho gave him a sympathetic look.

"I know where you and others are coming from, but it’s not everyone. There are still good, honest people out there."

"Hopefully," Jinki replied, tone heavy.

"No, not hopefully," Minho countered. "There are and I know you will find that special gem that’ll prove it to you."

"Yeah, yeah, sure," the older one dismissed before he found himself entertaining that hope for too long. "So how did it end with that girl?"

A wolf’s grin lit up his best friend’s face as he was thrown back into the memory.

"Very well. I saw that she had a squash racquet peeking out of her backpack and once I pointed it out and we started talking about it, it was pretty much a done deal," he boasted. "Her face lit up as if she hadn’t just thrown daggers at me with her eyes and she just marveled over the fact that I knew so much about the sport. So not long after, she gave me her number and we planned a squash game date for next Sunday," he finished with a proud smile.

If Jinki had been drinking, he would’ve spit out all of his drink onto the floor.

"A squash game date? Really?" he managed to utter before losing it to a fit of laughter.

"I don’t see what’s funny about it," Minho said as he felt his ego get pricked.

"How are we even friends?" Jinki let out between a wave of laughter. "You get excited about the weirdest shit, I swear. A few months ago, it was golf and now it’s squash. What’s next?"

His continued laughter granted him an immediate snarky response.

"What’s next is me getting into the sport of kicking your butt, that’s what’s next."

Unfortunately, that only made the older one laugh harder.

"Oh, you would most certainly excel at it, too," Jinki said as he caught his breath.

"You know what sucks?" Minho started. "It’s that you are incredibly strong for a guy who doesn’t work out that much, but you don’t put any of your natural strength to good use," he pointed out with a tone of reproach.

"I know you’re saying this so that I can accompany you on your sports’ outings, but that’s not going to happen," Jinki shut down, amused.

Minho crossed his arms, pouting as if he were a five-year-old who had just been denied candy.

"Suit yourself, then. But I still think you should get back into something outside of work."

The shorter brunette couldn’t dispute that. The monotony of his days and the encompassing boredom that had taken over his life was getting more and more unbearable. He felt like he had been stripped of any passion that could fuel him. He didn’t even know what it felt like to want something anymore.

And suddenly, the song he couldn’t shake came to him again, bringing to life the exact way he was feeling.

I think I know all the trifling stories in the world

But I don't know anything about you, with whom I've shared my breath my whole life,

I don't know, don't know who you are…

"I know," he finally said before looking downwards.

"You really have so many talents, Jinki," Minho kept on, emphasizing his point. "You just need to pick something and see where that leads you."

Jinki nodded, acknowledging his friend’s words with sincere consideration.

"I was thinking about taking piano lessons again…" he shared, somewhat embarrassed.

"Oh my fucking god," Minho exclaimed, almost jumping up and down in excitement. "Fina-fucking-lly!! "

Jinki laughed softly at that.

"Calm down. I am only considering it."

"Still, that’s big. What made you change your mind?" Minho asked, unable to contain his bewilderment.

Him. His voice. His words. His music.

"Um… just heard a beautiful piano piece and felt like learning it," he vaguely answered as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Oh nice. What piece was it?"

Fuck.

"Uh… I don’t remember actually…" Jinki slightly fumbled before going on. "I mean, it’s been a while since I heard it, but it awakened something in me for sure."

"Whoever it is from, I am eternally grateful to them for bringing you back to life," Minho said in a tone that was meant to be teasing, but that was utterly sincere as well.

Once again, Jinki had to roll his eyes.

"You are so dramatic."

"Seems like it works just fine for me, so I will take that as a compliment," the younger one turned around to his advantage.

"You’ll take anything as a compliment," Jinki said with slight exasperation.

"And you’ll take anything as a flaw," Minho riposted. "That’s why you need to do the things you love. Maybe then that’ll give you the push you need to get into the dating scene again."

"Eh," the older one shrugged, indifferent. "We’ll see about that."

"Oh, we most certainly will," Minho affirmed with a grin.

Despite his air of indifference, Jinki felt a pang in his chest as if a string was menacing to pull his heart right out.

I can tell you're very lonely

Tell me some more

You know you can't take it anymore

No, I can’t, he finally admitted to himself.

And somehow, that realization was enough to make his heart race again, breaking free from its restraints even if just for a moment.

#self-reblog #jongyu

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