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#sarastuff:jongyu
rollercoasterwrite · 2 years
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I’M SO CURIOUS [CHAPTER 6]
CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5
Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Chapter title : Lonely.
Pairing : Jongyu 
Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut
***TW for this chapter*** some abusive exchanges
Word Count : 8000 words approx.
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!
The room was plunged into a dead silence, the only sound cutting through the quietness being the rhythmic ticking of the clock hanging over the closed door. Its two hands were showing that it was close to 9 pm. Normally, no one would be there to witness when it reached this hour of the night, but over the past few weeks, this hadn’t been the case. Someone had been there without fault every night working until he couldn’t anymore.  
There was something about the calm and peace that engulfed everything around this time. He could pretend he was alone in the world and that nothing could get to him. This illusion had been his biggest comfort lately and he wasn’t ready to let it go, even if the dark circles under his eyes were telling another story. 
He was overworked, he was exhausted, but that’s the only way he knew how to survive. When everything else failed, work was always there to keep him company and give him a semblance of purpose. 
His eyes settled back onto the papers in front of him, looking for the best courses of action to tackle his newest case. This one was going to be tricky. Mergers were never simple. There were tons of negotiations and compromises to be made on each part to insure the best transition possible towards the new entity. The demands came easy, but never what each part was ready to let go to make things work. 
Change is hard, he thought with a sigh, before flipping on to the next page of his growing file. 
Before he could start reading again, a knock on the door interrupted him. He lifted a brow, puzzled.   
"Yes?" he answered from his desk. 
The knob turned and the door cracked open, revealing his best friend. He sunk back into his chair, relieved.  But that relief was short-lived as he caught a glimpse of his friend’s expression. 
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
The tall one crossed his arms over his chest, effectively emphasizing his disapproval. 
"Jinki, that’s enough," Minho finally said, making the other’s brows furrow from confusion. 
"What are you talking about?"
"You working that late every night," the younger one clarified. "I let it go thinking that it was only temporary, but clearly, this has become a bad habit and I can’t let you go on like this."
Jinki let out a long-drawn-out sigh as he rocked back into his cushioned chair. 
“I understand your concern, but I assure you that I’m fine. I just have lots of new cases I need to work on."
"Yeah, because you decided to take on more than you could handle," Minho reproved. 
"I can handle them just fine. Do you hear me complaining?"
"You never complain, Jinki. Doesn’t make it okay," his friend pointed out with the stubborn resolve he regularly displayed towards him. 
Sometimes, Jinki was grateful for it, but other times, like right now, he wished the other would just leave him be. He was a grown adult. And that meant that he was the sole person responsible for whatever decision he made. Even the senseless ones.
"Minho, go home," he gently ordered. "I’ll be done soon," he reassured before his gaze flicked down to his papers once again. 
For a moment there, Jinki had been hopeful Minho would comply and leave him to his work, but that hope was soon shattered as the taller one walked over to his desk and took the file away from him. 
"No, we are going home," the latter countered before opening the closest filing cabinet and sliding the file in. 
"That’s not where it goes," the one sitting directed. 
"I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about where that file goes," Minho snapped as he turned around to look him straight in the eye. "Work is over and you are going to get some rest now," he instructed with an authority that Jinki was more than familiar with. 
The latter knew there was no arguing when his friend used that tone. Minho would always be more stubborn about getting the last word than he would ever be. 
"Okay, Chief,” he conceded with another sigh before getting up from the chair that had seen him through most hours of the week. 
He slid his blazer on and grabbed the few things he needed, watching Minho staring at him from the corner of his eye. 
"Do I have something on my face?" he inquired as he slid his car keys in his pants’ right pocket. 
"You lost weight," Minho didn’t hesitate to say. 
That made Jinki smile. 
"Well, I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you."
"It’s not," the other objected. "It means you’re not eating enough."
"I mean a few pounds off my bones won’t hurt," Jinki lightly dismissed. ‘’I had to lose some weight, anyway.” 
"No," Minho interjected again. "You didn’t have to lose weight. And even if you wanted to, that’s not the way to go about it," he went on in a disapproving tone.
"You need to take care of yourself, Jinki," he reiterated as the disapproval morphed into worry once more. 
That effectively put an end to the conversation. Jinki couldn’t argue with that. He knew Minho was right. He knew he wasn’t healthy in every sense of the word. The problem was, a big part of him didn’t care that he wasn’t. He didn’t see the point. He would build himself back up and then what? Something else would come along to crush him to pieces? 
He was so tired of fighting for his happiness. Maybe that wasn’t something he could ever get. Maybe his life was meant to be as plain as possible and dreaming for more was just pure madness. 
As he settled into Minho’s car after the latter won the debate about which car they would take, Jinki took out his phone to check if he had any missed calls or messages. 
“You’d better not be checking anything related to work," Minho warned as he started the engine. 
"I won’t answer, I promise."
Jinki looked at his screen and saw he had missed a call. When he clicked on the notification and saw who it was, his heart stopped. 
He immediately slapped his phone face down onto his thigh as he tried to will his heart back into a normal rhythm. Without realizing, he had closed his eyes to breathe through his internal ordeal, making his friend steal worried glances his way every few seconds. 
"Jinki?" the one driving finally called out as he brought the car to a smooth halt at a red light. 
The sound of his friend’s voice startled him, his eyes shooting open instantly. 
"Yeah?" he replied, trying to gather his thoughts back into an organized puzzle. 
"What’s going on?" the younger one pressed. "Is a client stressing you out?"
A client… I wish.
"Um, no… I just… Um…" 
Thanks for nothing, brain, he mentally kicked himself as it kept drawing blanks. 
"Is it who I think it is?" Minho asked as his eyes focused back on the road. 
Brain, you can still help me lie about this. Come on! 
His desperate request amounted to nothing more than an increase in his unease. He sighed, abdicating to the truth. 
"Yes," he finally uttered as his gaze shifted to the window where his eyes could focus on the landscape that was running past them. 
"Oh fuck," Minho let out loudly, eyes growing wide. "What’d he say?"
Jinki felt his jaw tense up. 
"I don’t know, it’s a voicemail…"
"Oh…" the other expressed in a much softer tone. "What are you going to do?" he then asked, treading carefully. 
Jinki let out a longer sigh, feeling his whole body abandon itself to the crushing feelings that had been looming over him for weeks now. 
"I don’t know, Minho…" he managed to utter under his breath. He bit on his lip as he felt it quiver. "I just…" he started again before realizing his throat was closing on him. 
Fortunately, Minho knew him like the back of his hand. 
"No need to talk about it right now, Jinki," he reassured. "We’ll get you home so you can eat, drink something warm, and rest."
Jinki nodded, knowing he wasn’t in his right mind to make any kind of decision at this very moment. 
As they finally made their way up to their loft a while later, Jinki felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He cocked a brow as he felt it, trying to figure out when he had taken it out of its silent mode. As it buzzed again, he pulled it out, walking closely behind Minho as they stepped out of the elevator. 
It was an incoming call… 
It was him… His heart skipped a beat. Again….
Feeling anger fight its way through his turmoil, he picked up on impulse.
"What?" he harshly answered, forgetting himself. 
There was a pause, a brief window of silence. 
"Jinki…" 
And just like that, the voice he knew too well, but had tried his best to forget, came through on the other side. 
His grip tightened around the device at this ear, his knuckles turning white. 
"Why are you calling me?" he said through gritted teeth. 
Another pause. 
"I… was wondering when you were getting back, I-"
"Why’d you want to know that?" he sharply interjected, feeling the seams of his control rip apart thread by thread. He felt Minho’s gaze on him as he matched his pace, eager to reach his safe haven. 
But before he could do so or get an answer from the other, he came to a halt mid-way through the hallway, his arm dropping to its side as he saw what, or rather who, was waiting a few meters ahead.   
Everything suddenly seemed to come to a full stop. They all froze into place simultaneously, bracing for what was to follow. Jinki was in the middle of it all, caught between a worried gaze and a troubled one. He suddenly couldn’t feel his body, couldn’t even see clearly. Nothing was making sense anymore, throwing him into a panic that felt foreign, but all too familiar at the same time.
A steady hand squeezed his shoulder before lips grazed his ear. 
"If you want me to get rid of him, just say the word."
The words were clear, but his feelings towards them not so much. He felt torn between his lingering anger and his desire for closure. 
"Ming?" he quietly said, gaze still fixed ahead.
"Yes?" the other replied, staying close.
"What should I do?" he found himself asking as the internal battle continued inside him. 
The taller one sighed. 
“I can’t choose for you… But if you don’t feel like you can deal with this right now-"
"I don’t think I can deal with this at any time," he cut in, distressed. 
"So I’ll tell him to go then," Minho settled before moving.
But before he could continue on forward, Jinki grabbed his arm. 
"Wait."
Minho looked back at him, confused. 
"I’ll… I’ll deal with him," Jinki said, mustering up all the courage he had in him in that moment. 
Minho frowned, concerned. 
"You sure?"
"Yes, yes," Jinki quickly dismissed. "Can you, uh…"
"Want me to leave you guys alone?" the other guessed. 
Jinki nodded, gaze lowering to his feet as his request weighed on him. 
"Okay," Minho immediately agreed, as if it were nothing. "How long do you need?"
"Not long, I suppose… Like twenty minutes?" Jinki offered for good measure. 
"Okay." Minho turned fully towards him before adding in a low voice, "Don’t let him fuck you over, yeah?"
Jinki’s gaze met his and he nodded, grateful for the reminder. 
Soon after, his friend’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, gradually fading in sound before they turned silent. Now, he was truly on his own and that thought was terrifying. Yes, he was angry, yes, he knew what was best for him, but he was also feeling very vulnerable and hurt and those two things made for a very dangerous cocktail if not kept in check. 
Despite these thoughts, he willed himself into action and took step after step, closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds. If he had felt himself falter before, it was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. Gazing up close into those hazel eyes was like jumping headfirst into hot lava. It was threatening to burn him down to the core. 
And somehow, he could feel that it was a shared feeling as the one looking back at him started wiping his hands over his loose-fitted black joggers. It prompted a quick assessment of the other’s attire, feeling a flutter in his chest at the matching all-black attire, complete with his favored black Timbs. The younger one’s blonde hair looked as fluffy as ever and Jinki found himself wanting to run his fingers through it. 
Stop, he silently reminded himself, before fishing for his keys inside his pocket. Without a word, he led them inside, both pausing silently to remove their shoes.
"Do you want something to drink?" he instinctively asked as he made his way to the fridge.
"Um, no… thank you," the blonde replied, uneasy. 
"It’s no problem, really," Jinki said as he opened the fridge’s door. 
"I’m fine, thank you," the other reiterated. 
"Okay," he acknowledged before pulling out a can of beer for himself.
He definitely needed some liquid courage. 
He then made his way back to the lobby and gestured for Jonghyun to sit down with him in the living room. They naturally sat on either side of the center table, facing each other while keeping a comfortable distance. 
Now that they were in each other’s presence again, everything felt surreal. It felt like they were stuck in a plane of existence that wasn’t actually real. Jinki didn’t want to say it felt like a dream, but that was the closest way he could describe it. There was a part of him that just wanted to jump the gun and let loose while an equally strong part of him wanted to keep everything locked in. 
After all, Jonghyun had come to him and even left him a message prior to that, so it was probably best he let him say his peace before deciding on his best course of action. With that settled, he relaxed into the armchair and took a long sip from his beer. 
He watched as Jonghyun was almost folded in two before him, forearms resting on his thighs as he stared down at the nervous dance his hands were conducting on their own. 
Jinki felt impatient for him to break the ice, but he bided his time, willing himself to keep silent. 
After a few long seconds, Jonghyun straightened up and cleared his throat. 
"Did you listen to my message?" he asked in a quiet voice. 
The brunette shook his head. 
"No, I just saw it not long ago as we were coming back," he explained.
"Oh…" Jonghyun’s hand followed suit to rub the back of his neck, a gesture Jinki had grown accustomed to seeing whenever he was trying to soothe himself. 
"Don’t… um… you can delete that," he then said. 
Jinki frowned.
"Why?"
"It’s a bunch of nonsense… I didn’t think, I just, I left it impulsively and that’s why I came here actually, " he cleared up through his rambling before diving right back in. "I figured it would be easier to explain everything to you face to face, even though I wasn’t sure if you’d even talk to me."
"Well, I’m very interested in knowing more about whatever nonsense you left on my phone," the brunette persisted as his gaze zeroed in on the reddening cheeks of his ex-lover. 
Jonghyun’s head dropped down again, eyes stilling onto the space between his feet. 
"It’s mostly just me crying and sniffling… " he paused, swallowing down the lump that was forming in his throat. "And begging," he added in a voice close to a whisper. 
"Begging?" the older one echoed, frowning. 
The blonde nodded, still not looking up. 
"Yeah, I was desperate…"
Jinki kept looking at him, confused. 
"Desperate for what? More money?" he blurted out. 
The grimace he caught on the other’s face before he dared look up at him again was enough to tell him that the words he had chosen had stung like he had wanted them to. 
"Do you really think that’s why I’m here?” 
The response was filled with hurt, but Jinki wasn’t without noticing the undercurrent of anger in his tone. 
"I don’t know, you tell me," he threw back at him before taking another swig from his can. 
"You know that’s not why I’m here," Jonghyun fought back. "That was never why I kept things going with you," he reiterated as his voice grew coarser. 
"And why should I believe you? Just ‘cause you say so?" Jinki taunted, words dripping with contempt.
Jonghyun sighed to give himself a breather, letting his back rest against the soft cushion of the couch. 
"That’s what I thought," Jinki said as he took the sudden silence as confirmation of his words. 
"Can you just… give me a second?" the blonde requested, closing his eyes to think. 
"Why? So you can build up more lies?" the older one kept on, relentless. 
He wasn’t up to playing games. He wasn’t up to be fooled again. He was tired. 
"No," Jonghyun immediately countered, keeping his mounting frustration in check. 
"Why did you come here, really?" Jinki threw right back at him, straightening up in his seat. 
The silence that followed and the helpless look the other gave him told him he had won this round. 
"Ah," Jinki expressed in realization before delivering his next hit. "Did you come here to get your money’s worth?"
The blonde frowned, half-offended, half-confused. 
"What?"
"You were probably expecting sex after having put all that hard work into this charade," he coldly laid out as he fully unleashed all the resentment he had keep inside these past few weeks. 
Oh, and how much damage that did. Whatever composure Jonghyun had managed to keep instantly crumbled in front of him. Jinki’s emotionless gaze maintained the other’s devastated one, partly enjoying the power he was having right this moment. 
The other part of him knew it was a matter of time before the overbearing weight of guilt would come crashing down on him, leaving him breathless. Nonetheless, he didn’t want to regret his words. Not when he had been flip flopping all this time in between believing what they had was real or it being the product of a well-crafted scheme. 
Jinki wanted to be trusting, but he still had enough self-preservation instincts to know he couldn’t just give out that trust over and over again without any regard towards his well-being. 
"Jinki," the blonde managed to croak out between quivering lips. 
Jonghyun’s vision blurred despite himself, but he felt resolved to say what he had been wanting to say ever since their last encounter, ever since the moment they had last seen each other. 
"I love you," he finally let out, the words knocking the breath out of him for a split second before tears rolled down his cheeks and painful sobs rose from his chest. 
This was not how he had wanted to confess, but it felt like there was nothing else he could say, nothing else that mattered. 
Jonghyun couldn’t see the other’s reaction, too busy wiping the tears out of his eyes and off of his face and trying to get himself together again. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s eyes widened and how his body froze as soon as those three words hit the air between them. He couldn’t see how Jinki’s mouth fell open and how his chest heaved as the words wrecked his synapses, taking over the control board in his brain. 
Nothing could’ve prepared him for that. All the confidence he had mustered as he delivered blow after blow dissolved, leaving him stunned, almost knocked out. 
He might’ve won the battle, but Jonghyun was threatening to win the war. He couldn’t have that. 
"You love me?" Jinki echoed, making sure his tone was derisive and taunting. 
Yeah, he really couldn’t have that. 
But that didn’t seem to deter the one who had just bared his heart in front of him.  
"Yes, I do, Jinki," he reiterated. 
Finally being able to stare at him again, he repeated, "I love you. I love you so much, Jinki." 
Jonghyun’s voice dripped with desperation, and he knew it, but he didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t going to have another chance at this, he knew it. 
The older one’s lips thinned as his jaw clenched, trying to keep his guard up, still. He needed a moment to think, he needed a moment to figure out his next move, because clearly, Jonghyun wasn’t going to hold back anymore. 
And that was scaring the shit out of him. He could be tough and mean all he wanted, but under his hard armour, was an utterly vulnerable and needy human being. 
Not being able to find his words yet, he resumed his drinking, finishing up all the beer left in his now dented can. It had turned lukewarm inside the warmth of his hand, but nonetheless, the break it provided was quite appreciated. 
Once he was done, he set the can down by his feet, before getting up. 
"Where are you going?" Jonghyun asked from his seat, panicked. 
"Need another beer," Jinki mumbled under his breath before walking back towards the fridge. 
He welcomed the fresh air that hit his face as he opened the stainless-steel door in search of more liquid courage. But before he could grab another can, a hand met the middle of his upper back, startling him. 
He turned back around to see Jonghyun standing right in front of him, so close to him…
"What are you doing?" the taller one blurted out as he looked into determined hazel eyes. 
Jonghyun gnawed at his bottom lip, actually showing some hesitation, before pushing the fridge’s door closed with his hand. 
"I want to know how you feel," he answered as he searched his ex’s face for any clues. 
"How I feel about what?" Jinki feigned, in a poor attempt to buy himself some time. 
That made the blonde scoff. 
"I guess you have to be difficult about it."
That made the brunette mad. 
"You think I’m being difficult?" he exploded. "Did you really think that after only a month I would forget what you did to me? Did you really think it would be as easy as you just showing up, saying I love you, and then I would just forgive you and take you back?"
"No, Jinki, I-"
"I fucking hate you," he interrupted as his body quaked with rage. 
This was not like him. This was not like him at all. Yes, he could get mad, but no one had ever made him lose his mind so much before. He truly hated how this man could completely throw him off in a matter of seconds. His fists clenched by his side as he breathed heavily, waiting. 
Jonghyun blinked at him, taken aback. It took him a few seconds before he seemed to come back to himself. 
"You have every right to hate me," he acknowledged, keeping his voice soft to not add to the fire that was menacing to engulf everything. "I knew you would… I know you do," he went on, voice close to a whisper. "But it doesn’t change how I feel about you and what I am willing to do to be with you, even if it means waiting for however long," he added before stepping back to give the other more space. "I am sorry I just showed up like this and ruined your night," Jonghyun then said, feeling remorseful. "I won’t contact you until you are ready to tell me what you want… even if it is that you never want to see me again."
He then started turning to leave, but a firm grip on his arm had him spinning around and before he knew it, his back was against the cold stainless-steel door.
"You’re a piece of shit, you know that?" the taller one spat at him as his two hands settled at each side of the blonde’s head, trapping him. 
The latter just gulped, scared, hurt, and confused. 
"You really just came here to fuck with my head again and make me doubt everything, huh?" Jinki kept on, needing to let the venom spill out of him before it could kill him. 
He was looking down on the smaller man like prey, ready to rip him apart any moment now. 
"Jinki…" Jonghyun breathed out. "I am not messing with you, I never was," he once again stated, before adding, "I know the premise of us meeting shatters all my credibility, but what I have felt for you from the start has all been real."
When Jinki stayed silent, he took this as permission to go on. 
"And I’m really sorry I agreed to take that money. I should’ve never done that, that was fucking stupid and selfish."
"It was," the brunette immediately agreed. 
Jonghyun looked down at that, hit with even more guilt under the accusing eyes of his ex-boyfriend. But he couldn’t hide long. 
The older one pushed his chin up with a finger, locking their gazes together once more. Jonghyun waited for him to speak, to keep on raging, but nothing came. And before he could say anything, soft plush lips brushed against his, making him shiver. 
He gave an expectant look to those luscious lips, but before he could taste them, they travelled to one side of his face, connecting with his ear. 
"You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?"
Jonghyun felt his heart skip at that, his body inflaming with desire. 
"Jinki," he softly whined. 
This was so much and so little at the same time, but Jonghyun didn’t know what he could or couldn’t do at that moment. He could just keep still, anticipating. 
It felt like time was standing still, waiting for either of them to move before retrieving its course. Which didn’t take too long once Jinki grew more and more impatient. His lips travelled down to the blonde’s neck, leaving a trail of feather-like kisses, knowing how much he loved that. 
"Fuck," Jonghyun let out under his breath, biting on his lip right after to keep himself from whimpering. 
Jinki felt prideful of the effect he was having on the man who had hurt him so much, but who he desired nonetheless. He stopped his teasing ministrations to look at him again, allowing himself to admire his flushed face and glossy gaze. 
Something dark, something visceral coiled inside him and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to ruin the blonde completely.
"Bedroom," he growled before dragging the other with him towards said place. 
Something in the back of the other’s mind told him this wasn’t a good idea, but who was he to refuse Jinki after everything he had made him go through?
So he just followed and didn’t say a word when he was thrown onto the bed and was towered over immediately by the other’s heavier body. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he caught the brunette’s predatory gaze, all signs of the Jinki he knew, gone. 
A faint alarm sounded in his mind again and he couldn’t help but listen to it. 
"Jinki, maybe we shouldn’t-"
He was silenced by a brutal kiss, that was more teeth than lips, a stark contrast to the always gentle even when passionate kisses he was accustomed to. When he felt the other’s tongue forcefully roam inside his mouth as he pinned his wrists to the mattress, Jonghyun knew this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. 
He wanted Jinki to love him back, not use him and then discard him. 
"Jinki, stop," Jonghyun pleaded as the other pulled back to catch his breath. 
The brunette cocked a brow before snickering when the blonde’s serious expression remained unchanged. 
"What? Don’t want me to fuck you?" he mocked as he let go of the other’s wrists. 
"I don’t want that, not like this," Jonghyun said, pushing on Jinki’s chest to signal him to move off him. 
But Jinki didn’t move. 
"Oh, suddenly you’re a fucking prude, huh?" Jinki belittled in contempt. "You wanted me to fuck your brains out on the first date, but now you don’t want it?" he remarked snidely. 
It took everything for Jonghyun not to lose his temper and slap him right then and there, but he knew that was what Jinki was looking for. For him to further prove himself to be the asshole Jinki thought he was. 
He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. 
"No, I don’t want it," Jonghyun confirmed, voice steady and resolute. "I don’t want you to hate-fuck me. If we are ever in bed again together, I want us to have sex because we love each other."
"Aaaw," Jinki voiced sarcastically. "How fucking romantic… the whore who got paid to go out with me is now looking for true love. That’s really cute."
Jonghyun’s hand flew before his mind could stop him. He felt the sting of his slap thrumming through his palm as he watched the brunette retract in shock. 
Now that there was more space between them, reality seemed to sink in for both of them and it wasn’t pretty. 
"Jinki, I’m so sorry," Jonghyun started, eyes widening as he sat up on the bed.  
The brunette rubbed the side of his face, trying to get a hold of the situation. He suddenly realized what he had just said and what he had been about to do and it made him sick to his stomach. 
"No," he interjected. "I’m sorry, Jjong," Jinki said, shame washing over him. 
They just stared at each other, feeling awful for what had just transpired. 
"I think I should go…" Jonghyun finally said, cutting through the painful silence. 
Jinki just nodded, not knowing what else he could say. Part of him wanted to ask him to stay, but the rational part of him knew the best thing they needed right now was space. 
Nonetheless, Jinki didn’t want to leave it that way. He wanted to at least show that he wasn’t a heartless monster. So before Jonghyun could make it past the doorframe, he hugged him from behind, closing his eyes as the other’s body warmth settled his heart a bit. 
"Let’s talk at another time, yeah?" he carefully asked against him.
"Yeah, sure," Jonghyun accepted as he relaxed in his arms. 
After a few more seconds of shared silence, this one much more comfortable, Jinki let go of him, not without some regret. 
Jonghyun wanted to look back, but he didn’t, knowing he might lose it again. 
So he left the room, breaking away, despite the pain he felt doing so. 
Jinki watched him leave until he couldn’t see him anymore before slumping down back onto his bed, choking up on sudden tears. 
I love you, too, Jonghyun, I do, he silently admitted to the now empty room. 
I knew way before we met…
***
     6 months earlier
    (3 months before they met)
Jinki knew the obsession was starting to get unhealthy, but he couldn’t help himself. As he set the broom to rest against the counter, he looked through his phone for the song he hadn’t been able to get out of his head. It had taken some arguing and pleading with Taemin to get a hold of it, but now that he had it on his phone, there was no looking back. 
Soon enough, the first haunting notes of piano started playing on their wireless sound system, filling the empty loft with grief and sorrow. This was probably not the best song to listen to while doing some Sunday cleaning, but there was nothing else he wanted to listen to right now. Ever since, he had heard his voice, it felt like something had changed in him. It felt like he had found a part of himself again. 
Dust flew across the wooden floor to collect into a neat pile at the center of the living room as he pondered the words that were so beautifully sung. 
My reflection inside the closing elevator
Looks miserable
But still, I live on…
That was the bit that hit the hardest. It felt like the one singing had found the words he often failed to find to express how he felt about his life. To the outside world, Jinki was well accomplished. He was a successful corporate lawyer at a young age, he lived in a prized part of the city and owned a luxurious car and fancy suits. 
But Jinki had never cared about how he looked to the outside world. He had only cared about pleasing his parents first and foremost, but it seemed like nothing he did was ever enough for them. They never really acknowledged the life he had built for himself, the only words rolling out of their mouths being how he should’ve settled already, started a family, and attended country club events to be visible in the right circles. 
But Jinki was done bending every which way to please them. Now that he had entered his thirties, he realized it was time for him to make changes that would make him feel better, not worse. He wasn’t without feeling the harsh claw grip of guilt seize his stomach every once in a while when he thought about his parents, but he always tried to remember how much his mood had improved since he had minimized contact with them to the strict minimum. 
Speak your heart out
I can tell you're very lonely
Tell me some more
You know you can't take it anymore
Jinki froze mid-way on his way back to the kitchen as those words sunk in. 
Yes, I’m so lonely…
He felt a lump form in his throat as the realization dawned on him.
Since when have you been all by yourself? The song threw back at him. 
Seems like forever, he answered as if a reply was needed. 
The last bit of the song played out leaving the room in an eerie silence. Jinki just stared into space, his shaky hand threatening to spill the content of the dustpan he had been holding. He didn’t know how long he stood there, sitting in the immense void he had never seemed to be able to fill. 
But however long it was, it was suddenly interrupted by the door opening, signaling his best friend’s return. Jinki snapped out of his daze as the door shut behind the taller one and resumed his trajectory towards the trash can, getting rid of the mess.  
"Hey, guess what happened to me today?" Minho said as he swiftly made his way towards him. 
Jinki’s brow cocked for a second, but he quickly caught on to what that question hid. 
"Ah," he deadpanned. "You worked your charms on a girl again?"
"No need to sound so exasperated," Minho reproached, clearly taking offense. 
Jinki gave him a blank stare. 
"Am I wrong?"
Minho crossed his arms over his chest, defeated. 
"No, you are not, but this was different."
"I swear!" he then exclaimed as his best friend’s unchanging gaze had him vehemently wanting to make himself credible. 
"Okay, okay," Jinki conceded. "What was different about this one?"
He now set his cleaning supplies to the side to give his full attention to the one standing before him. 
Minho’s face immediately beamed with excitement as the memory of his previous encounter unfolded in his mind. 
Jinki couldn’t say that didn’t warm his heart. Despite his harrowing feelings of loneliness, he would always be happy that his friend could find companionship so easily. Even though he never kept his girlfriends around long, the time he spent with them always seemed to do him good. 
"So you know how I was out shopping for new suits?"
"Yeah…"
"Well that didn’t happen, ‘cause after I helped out an elderly woman cross the street-"
"Of course," Jinki interjected as he rolled his eyes. 
Somehow, Minho always ended up doing the most stereotypical gentlemanly things ever. It was quite literally impossible to hate the guy, but his seemingly effortless perfection could get on one’s nerves at times. 
"Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me!" Minho called out. "It’s only natural to help out someone who is struggling."
It took everything from him to keep himself from rolling his eyes again. 
"Yeah, yeah," he dismissed. "Get on with it now".
Minho glared at him for a split second, before going on with his story.  
"So as I was saying," he went on after clearing his throat. "I helped this elderly woman out and suddenly, this young lady came out of nowhere and grabbed her arm in panic. Before I could figure out what was going on, she started yelling at me and hitting me with her handbag," the younger one detailed as if recounting a movie scene. "Can you imagine? Everyone was just looking at us in shock, thinking I was being inappropriate or something."
Jinki’s brows furrowed in confusion. 
"I fail to see why you sounded so excited to tell me about this encounter."
There was a sudden shift in his friend’s expression, his face shining with delight as his lips thinned out into a self-satisfied smile. 
"Well… " he prefaced. "The elderly woman, who turned out to be her grandmother, started yelling at her in turn and explained how nice and helpful I had been to her."
The older one’s face lit up.
"Aaah, I see…" he exclaimed. "So you and that elderly woman hit it off, huh?"
The blank expression that instantly settled on his best friend���s face was enough to make him burst out laughing. 
"Ladies of every age love you," he stated, still laughing. "Don’t act as if I said the craziest thing in the world."
"If I remember correctly, older women are usually attracted to you," Minho knowingly threw back at him, effectively stealing his friend’s amusement and turning it into his own. 
"You will never let that shit go, will you?" was Jinki’s annoyed response. 
"How could I?" Minho promptly riposted. "I have to keep bringing up the same old anecdotes, ‘cause you refuse to get your grown man ass out there and date someone," he then reminded. 
Ah there it was. His Achilles’s heel. 
"I’m not you, Minho," he quietly replied, his jaw clenching with the underlying anger he felt towards his friend, but also towards himself. 
"No, you are not," the younger one agreed. "But that doesn’t mean you don’t have the same ability to make anyone fall for you. You just need to tap into your confidence again."
Jinki sighed as he felt the never far-gone ball of self-loathing roll inside his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to throw it away, but somehow, knowing it was there made him feel less lonely. 
"Well, how about you finish that story so that I can take notes from the expert?" he managed to swiftly turn around to get the focus off his pathetic state. 
Minho’s gaze narrowed at that. 
"I know what you are doing, but I’ll indulge you for now," he accepted, catching the other’s relieved expression. 
"So," he resumed. "Even though her grandmother explained to her what had happened, she still looked at me like I was a criminal," Minho recounted as his eyes grew wide from the passion of his storytelling.
"Okay…" Jinki voiced, still trying to figure out what was coming next. 
"So of course, I felt like it was my duty to crush that perception completely."
"Aaah, so you went all out," the older one gathered. 
"No, I couldn’t," Minho said with an amused smile that made him confused again. 
"How come?"
"She wouldn’t let me treat them. She said I was too nice and that it was suspicious," he added with his signature hyena cackle. 
"To be fair, I am surprised that has never happened to you before," Jinki observed. "I’m your best friend and I sometimes also find your kindness and generosity somewhat suspicious," he specified, half-joking, half-stating. 
Minho’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets at that. 
"Eh??" he exclaimed in disbelief. "Are you saying I’m faking it?"
"Not at all," Jinki refuted. "I just think that the universe gave you the most of everything and left the rest of us with crumbs,” he explained with an airy laugh. 
The tall young man crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed. 
"First, that is not true. Secondly, it’s sad that genuine kindness has become suspicious in today’s world."
Jinki nodded as he pondered those words. 
"I can agree with that, but unfortunately, a lot of people out here are using people as a means for their personal interests."
Minho gave him a sympathetic look. 
"I know where you and others are coming from, but it’s not everyone. There are still good, honest people out there."
"Hopefully," Jinki replied, tone heavy. 
"No, not hopefully," Minho countered. "There are and I know you will find that special gem that’ll prove it to you."
"Yeah, yeah, sure," the older one dismissed before he found himself entertaining that hope for too long. "So how did it end with that girl?"
A wolf’s grin lit up his best friend’s face as he was thrown back into the memory. 
"Very well. I saw that she had a squash racquet peeking out of her backpack and once I pointed it out and we started talking about it, it was pretty much a done deal," he boasted. "Her face lit up as if she hadn’t just thrown daggers at me with her eyes and she just marveled over the fact that I knew so much about the sport. So not long after, she gave me her number and we planned a squash game date for next Sunday," he finished with a proud smile. 
If Jinki had been drinking, he would’ve spit out all of his drink onto the floor. 
"A squash game date? Really?" he managed to utter before losing it to a fit of laughter. 
"I don’t see what’s funny about it," Minho said as he felt his ego get pricked. 
"How are we even friends?" Jinki let out between a wave of laughter. "You get excited about the weirdest shit, I swear. A few months ago, it was golf and now it’s squash. What’s next?"
His continued laughter granted him an immediate snarky response. 
"What’s next is me getting into the sport of kicking your butt, that’s what’s next."
Unfortunately, that only made the older one laugh harder. 
"Oh, you would most certainly excel at it, too," Jinki said as he caught his breath. 
"You know what sucks?" Minho started. "It’s that you are incredibly strong for a guy who doesn’t work out that much, but you don’t put any of your natural strength to good use," he pointed out with a tone of reproach. 
"I know you’re saying this so that I can accompany you on your sports’ outings, but that’s not going to happen," Jinki shut down, amused. 
Minho crossed his arms, pouting as if he were a five-year-old who had just been denied candy. 
"Suit yourself, then. But I still think you should get back into something outside of work."
The shorter brunette couldn’t dispute that. The monotony of his days and the encompassing boredom that had taken over his life was getting more and more unbearable. He felt like he had been stripped of any passion that could fuel him. He didn’t even know what it felt like to want something anymore. 
And suddenly, the song he couldn’t shake came to him again, bringing to life the exact way he was feeling. 
I think I know all the trifling stories in the world
But I don't know anything about you, with whom I've shared my breath my whole life,
I don't know, don't know who you are…
"I know," he finally said before looking downwards.
"You really have so many talents, Jinki," Minho kept on, emphasizing his point. "You just need to pick something and see where that leads you."
Jinki nodded, acknowledging his friend’s words with sincere consideration. 
"I was thinking about taking piano lessons again…" he shared, somewhat embarrassed. 
"Oh my fucking god," Minho exclaimed, almost jumping up and down in excitement. "Fina-fucking-lly!! "
Jinki laughed softly at that. 
"Calm down. I am only considering it."
"Still, that’s big. What made you change your mind?" Minho asked, unable to contain his bewilderment. 
Him. His voice. His words. His music. 
"Um… just heard a beautiful piano piece and felt like learning it," he vaguely answered as he rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.  
"Oh nice. What piece was it?"
Fuck. 
"Uh… I don’t remember actually…" Jinki slightly fumbled before going on. "I mean, it’s been a while since I heard it, but it awakened something in me for sure."
"Whoever it is from, I am eternally grateful to them for bringing you back to life," Minho said in a tone that was meant to be teasing, but that was utterly sincere as well. 
Once again, Jinki had to roll his eyes.
"You are so dramatic."
"Seems like it works just fine for me, so I will take that as a compliment," the younger one turned around to his advantage. 
"You’ll take anything as a compliment," Jinki said with slight exasperation.
"And you’ll take anything as a flaw," Minho riposted. "That’s why you need to do the things you love. Maybe then that’ll give you the push you need to get into the dating scene again."
"Eh," the older one shrugged, indifferent. "We’ll see about that."
"Oh, we most certainly will," Minho affirmed with a grin.
Despite his air of indifference, Jinki felt a pang in his chest as if a string was menacing to pull his heart right out. 
I can tell you're very lonely
Tell me some more
You know you can't take it anymore
No, I can’t, he finally admitted to himself. 
And somehow, that realization was enough to make his heart race again, breaking free from its restraints even if just for a moment.  
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rollercoasterwrite · 2 years
Text
I’M SO CURIOUS [CHAPTER 5]
CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 
Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Chapter title : Apologies. 
Pairing : Jongyu 
Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut
Word Count : 4500 ~
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!
                                                -   7 months ago -
 "Are you sure this is okay?"
"Why wouldn’t it be?" 
"I don’t know…" the other hesitated as his face reddened from a light blush. "Aren’t you going out with that other guy?"
"Which guy?"
The one sitting on the couch paused, lips forming a stern line. 
"You mean there’s more than one?" he asked after a few more seconds. 
The blonde sighed, feeling the spontaneity of the moment crumble under the other’s inquiries. 
“There's no one," Jonghyun answered. "No one serious," he added before diving back between the brunette’s legs. 
The latter gasped before his voice broke into a high-pitched moan, and if Jonghyun’s mouth wasn’t full of him, he would have smirked.
He had intended to take his time with him, to tease him to no end, but this one was far too insecure for that privileged treatment. He would simply bring him to completion in no time to satisfy his own sense of pride and oral fixation while he was there. 
It was almost too easy. He knew exactly how to bob his head and drag his tongue along the other’s shaft to elicit an array of breathless and needy sounds of pleasure. If he had learned anything in this damn life, it was how to make someone else feel good. Sexually, that is. Once you got the gist of it, it really wasn’t that difficult to make anyone fall apart. 
Jonghyun had always found that demise to be the most exquisite thing to witness. As much as he loved receiving, there was something even more satisfying in the act of giving. As long as the giving didn’t complicate things.
"Jjong…" the other suddenly exhaled as he deep throated him once more. "I’m-"
The warning was cut short by his body’s betrayal as warm spurts of cum painted the inside of the blonde’s mouth white. He took it all in, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down his throat as he swallowed. 
Jonghyun never cared for the taste, but there was nothing he loved more than having a drink of someone else at their most vulnerable. One could say it was a power thing. 
It probably was. 
He released the softening member and wiped his mouth clean with the back of his hand. Just as he was getting up, the doorbell rang, making him freeze in place.
"Were you expecting someone?" the one who had originally come to study at his place asked. 
"No…"
Jonghyun frowned, confused. He searched his mind for any indication of who it could be, but came up blank. 
"Maybe they’ll just leave…"
The doorbell rang again right after. 
"Maybe I should leave," the other offered, clearly uneasy. 
The blonde pondered his options for a few seconds before nodding in approval. 
"We can pick up where we left off tomorrow afternoon if you’re free," he suggested. 
"Yeah, sure."
The taller one got up, facing Jonghyun for a moment. 
“Um, so…" he rubbed the back of his neck, eyes darting down to the ground. "Thank you… for everything," he went on, blushing again. 
Cute, the blonde thought as he gave him an easy smile.
"It’s my pleasure," he purred as he slid a finger under the other’s chin to level their gazes. "You are always welcome to study here anytime, okay?"
The bashful young man blushed even harder at that. 
"O-okay."
He then took a step sideways and walked up to the front door. Jonghyun followed him with his eyes, but it was more because he was curious to find out who was on the other side. 
And the mystery was soon solved when his newest study buddy opened the door. Right in the middle of the frame stood a confused-looking Taemin. They both looked at each other for a moment before the one leaving gave him a curt nod before briskly continuing down the hallway. 
Taemin turned to gaze at the stranger some more before bringing his focus back to the one who had now plopped down on the couch. He frowned at him before stepping in and closing the door. 
"Who was that?" he asked, tone dry. 
"My new study buddy," Jonghyun casually answered as if he hadn’t picked up on the anger in his friend’s voice. 
"He looked awfully flustered for someone who just came to study," Taemin pointed out as his arms crossed over his chest. 
The older one shrugged.
"He’s a shy guy."
"Shy guy, my ass," Taemin dismissed. "I know that look," he immediately went on. "He clearly just busted a nut. “
Jonghyun faked a shocked gasp. 
"Wow, can’t believe such crude words are coming out of your mouth."
The glare that he received in return made him break, shoulders soon shaking with laughter. 
"What do you want me to say?" he finally said once he settled a bit. 
"Just admit that you were sucking him off."
"Why should I admit to that?" he threw back before his lips curved into a smirk. "Am I under arrest?" 
The brunette’s glare only intensified. 
"So you’ll really get with anyone, huh?"
Jonghyun paused for a moment, eyes searching the other’s tense expression. It wasn’t the first time Taemin had stuck his nose into matters that didn’t concern him. It was getting annoying. 
"If I’m in the mood and they’re in the mood, why not?" he said. "It’s only natural to seek out pleasure from another human being,” he replied, hoping that would be the end of that. 
But of course it wasn’t. 
"So you’re telling me it doesn’t matter who you seek it out from?"
"Not really," he acknowledged after briefly pondering the matter. "I’m just having fun.’’
It was probably the worst thing he could’ve said at that moment, but he couldn’t tell by the way the other’s expression suddenly turned blank. 
"Do you think you could ever actually be interested in someone? Like, for real?"
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose at the prospect of that eventuality. 
"I don’t want to say it’s impossible," he entertained for a moment. "But that person would really have to be something else."
"What do you mean exactly?" the other pressed. 
Jonghyun frowned at him, annoyed.
"Why are you so interested?"
There was a brief pause and suddenly, Taemin’s eyes weren’t so dead anymore. The turmoil he could read in them made him uneasy despite not knowing why it was there in the first place. 
"Because it’s hard for me to understand how you can go on like this…" Taemin started, eyes darting to the ground. "Sleeping around, but never feeling anything for anyone," he cleared up as if he knew the question was coming.
"I’m not emotionless, Taem," the blonde countered, slightly hurt. 
"I know you aren’t," he agreed. "You’re a great friend, but I just…"
The rest of his thought got lost in another stretch of silence, leaving the air between them charged with uneasiness and discomfort. 
Jonghyun couldn’t bear it. 
"I get it if you don’t understand, but that’s what works for me and I don’t see that changing any time soon," he laid out earnestly. 
Taemin’s lips tightened into a grim line, leaving the blonde even more perplexed. 
"What’s really on your mind, Tae?" he finally asked as he realized he might’ve been missing what this was about all along. 
The brunette looked straight at him and Jonghyun felt his chest tighten at the hurt he could read into them. 
"I don’t get you, Kim Jonghyun," the younger one admitted under his breath. 
"There is nothing to get, really," the other tried to joke with a small laugh, but once Taemin didn’t join in on the laughter, his own died instantly. 
"You can be so gentle, soft, loving and caring at times, but you still feel so distant, as if no one can ever reach you," the other finally let out, punctuating his last words with a heavy sigh. 
Jonghyun could only stay silent at that. He didn’t understand where all of this was coming from, which just made him confused and somewhat irritated.
"What do you want me to tell you, Tae?" he asked after a while, feeling like an answer was expected of him. 
For the first time since they had started talking, the younger one’s lips broke into a smile. It was a small one, a sad one, but it felt better to Jonghyun than the utter seriousness he had been submitted to so far. 
"I don’t know…" he recognized, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "I guess I…” he started again, mulling over his next words. "I guess I just wish you would let your guard down more," he found as their eyes met again. 
Jonghyun took that as a slight, his jaw clenching instinctively. 
"You’re acting like you don’t know me at all when you’re one of the only people I’m close to."
He instantly saw the twinge of guilt twisting his friend’s features. 
"I know. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that…" he retrieved as a wave of lucidity washed over him. "I’m sorry, Jjong," he repeated after rubbing his hands over his face to fully shake himself out of the state he was in. "I don’t know what my problem is today, maybe I need more rest," he added with a nervous laugh. 
"Maybe," Jonghyun slowly echoed, still weirded out by the whole ordeal. "You’ve been going hard with all these late night classes," he then observed. 
"I don’t really have a choice. We have to be ready for the end of the year concert and I sure don’t want to screw it up."
The blonde snorted.
"As if you could ever screw up. You’re the best dancer I know."
Taemin couldn’t help but give a wider smile at that. 
"Thank you, but we’re all pretty talented and hard workers, so I really don’t want to be left behind."
"I get that," Jonghyun conceded. "But you do need to rest, too…" His eyes flicked quickly up and down his body. "Did you need me to help you relieve some stress?"
The younger one’s expression changed again, uneasiness plastering his features. 
"I… I don’t think we should be doing that anymore," he quietly said. 
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed in an air of confusion.
"Oh?"
"It’s just…" Taemin looked down again, searching. "There is no point to it, right?"
The words felt like a blow to him, hitting him square in the chest. He knew there was no lie in that, but somehow, it didn’t feel right. 
"If you say so…" he said, unable to keep in the bitterness that rose inside him. 
Taemin looked back up again, his face displaying an expression of pain. 
"I should probably go find Jongin before practice starts," he suddenly said. 
Jonghyun blinked, even more taken aback. 
"You’re already leaving? You just got here," he expressed incredulously. 
Taemin chewed on his lip nervously.
"I know, but I’ll come back another time."
"Okay…" Jonghyun sighed.
"Sorry I bothered you."
"You’re never a bother."
Silence crept up between them again, leaving much unsaid.
"Okay, I’ll go now…" Taemin started awkwardly again. "See you later, Jjong."
Before he could say anything, the younger one turned on his heel and walked back to the door.
The sudden sound of the door shutting made him jump out of his thoughts and right back into reality.
                                                            ***
 The reality was that he had been an asshole for so long, that it had been hard for him to realize how much hurt he had caused, even to his closest friends. He was so hell-bent on the notion that he didn’t need anyone that he hadn’t been careful in the way he had dealt with those who actually cared about him. 
It was sad that it took such a miserable time in his life to realize it. But now that it was impossible for him to ignore, he knew he had to do something about it. It had taken a few days for him to muster the courage to contact him, but after some encouragement on Kibum’s part, he had finally made the call. It had been a brief conversation, but they had settled on a moment to meet up and talk, and that’s all Jonghyun needed. 
As he sat waiting at their usual meeting spot, leg bouncing from nervousness, he mulled over what he wanted to say. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but at least it was a first step in the right direction.  
"Are you ready to order, sir?"
The waiter’s voice made him jump right out of his thoughts, leaving him startled from the sudden intrusion. 
"Um… In a few minutes… I’m waiting for someone," he fumbled as he looked his way. 
"Okay, no problem. I’ll come back," the man said with a courteous smile, leaving the blonde alone again. 
He sighed, feeling some of the tension in his body leave him, only for it to rise back up as the familiar silhouette of the one he had been waiting for came into view. 
The brunette plopped down on the seat across from him, looking straight at him with a gaze that was ready to kill. 
"I don’t have much time, Jjong, so just get on with it."
The blonde was taken aback. He had expected anger, but not to have the rug pulled out from under him so soon into the conversation. 
He searched the other’s eyes for a moment, trying to seize the best course of action in this situation. 
"Stop looking at me like that," the younger one finally said. 
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed, confused.
"Like what?"
"Like a sad puppy," the other noted. "That won’t work on me."
"That’s…" he stopped himself before he could get defensive.  "Won’t you just talk to me for a moment?" he tried again, his eyes pleading unbeknownst to him. 
"I did agree to meet you, didn’t I?"
"Yes, you did, Tae," the other acknowledged. "But I need you to actually sit with me. I don’t want us to leave here in the same state we were before," he explained, hoping any of it would reach his friend. 
The latter still kept a cold look, but suddenly, he was settling more comfortably in his chair, showing that he was on board. 
That was enough to settle the blonde’s nerves a bit.
"Do you want coffee?" he then asked. 
The younger one simply nodded. 
Jonghyun gestured to the previous waiter and a few minutes later, they both had a steaming cup of coffee before them, one cream, one black. 
They both drank, using their drink as a perfect distraction to offset their current predicament. Jonghyun couldn’t help but steal glances at his friend, hoping that by the end of this, he’d still be able to call him that. 
He almost choked on the sip he had just taken when Taemin’s eyes met his again.
"So? Are you just going to be staring at me the whole time?"
Jonghyun had no other choice then but to put his cup down, rubbing his sweaty hands on his jeans. 
"I’m sorry, this is… I’m not used to this…" he finally settled on saying. 
The brunette scoffed, "To what? To having a coffee with me?" 
Jonghyun frowned, feeling the onset of irritation grow inside him. 
"You know what I mean."
Taemin just blinked at him, unmoved. 
Stubborn little brat, Jonghyun couldn’t help but think. But he immediately reminded himself that this was to be expected. He had screwed up big time and, for once, he needed to take responsibility for his behavior. 
"I’m sorry," he pulled out of himself before any courage left in him vanished. 
"You already told me that the other day," the brunette immediately struck back. 
"I know, but I’m not saying it for the same reason this time," Jonghyun clarified, wanting to make himself perfectly clear. 
That was enough to make the other one falter in his resolve to stay immovable. Confusion drew itself bright and clear on his face. 
"Did something else happen?" he asked. 
Jonghyun shook his head. 
"I’m talking about us, Tae."
The brunette frowned at that, even more confused. 
"What do you mean?"
Jonghyun looked away for a moment, lifting the cup to his lips, hoping the coffee would help him get through this. 
"I mean that…” he cleared his throat and looked up again. "I mean that I’m sorry for what I did to you," he expressed with all the sincerity he could muster up. 
There was a beat of silence during which he saw all the subtle shifts on the other’s face, Taemin’s expression going from surprise to turmoil before settling on anger again. 
"I don’t know what you mean," he spat out sharply. 
The older one couldn’t help but sigh.
"I know you do," he countered. "I know I hurt you by fooling around with you, and the worst part was that I never truly realized that until recently…" he admitted as his head dropped down slightly. 
He went on even though he couldn’t hold his friend’s gaze anymore. 
"I should’ve realized it that time you distanced yourself from me, but since things seemed to go back to normal after, I just didn’t make much of it. If I had realized-"
"Stop it, Jjong," Taemin suddenly interjected. 
At that, the blonde lifted his head up, meeting his gaze. Taemin’s gaze was still sharp like ice, but fire was clearly boiling inside of him. 
"I don’t know where this is coming from, but you don’t need to apologize to me. I knew you didn’t do relationships," he voiced in a tone that left little room to add anything else. 
But Jonghyun couldn’t stop there. Not when he was finally owning up to his actions.
"Yes, but we could’ve talked about it instead of you hurting in silence."
Taemin snorted, unimpressed. 
"We could’ve talked about it, huh? And then what?" he said, words drenched in resentment. "You would’ve suddenly changed your ways and gone out with me?"
Jonghyun froze, leaving his silence to speak for him. 
"That’s what I thought," Taemin immediately threw back at him as his anger rose. 
"It’s…" Jonghyun was fumbling, he knew it, but he hadn’t been as prepared as he had thought he was. "The thing is…" he stopped to gather his thoughts. "There was no place for a relationship in my plans. I just wanted to study to work towards my dream and if I could have some fun on the side then that was enough for me," he laid out. 
"I know that," Taemin said in return. "That’s why I tried to just let go of any feelings towards you after I fully realized that."
"Why didn’t you just stop talking to me?" the blonde couldn’t help but ask. 
It was now Taemin’s turn to fall silent. He looked away, playing with the handle of his cup for a few seconds, before saying, "Because I didn’t want to lose you."
His voice was barely above a whisper, but Jonghyun heard him loud and clear. 
"Okay," he replied, not knowing what else to say. He fell into his thoughts for a moment before adding, "So… how do you feel now?" he tentatively inquired, knowing he could very well be screwing everything up even more by asking. 
Taemin cocked an eyebrow, taken aback.
"You mean about you?"
Jonghyun nodded, embarrassed. 
"I’m not…" Taemin paused for a brief second. "I’m not interested. I mean, I did try to match you with Jinki after all," he promptly added.  
"Why did you, actually?"
That question had been bugging Jonghyun more than anything else the past few days. 
"Like you said, you knew how I went about things, so why even risk it with your cousin?" he kept on, eager for an answer. 
"That’s what I keep asking myself now," Taemin replied with a sigh. "I guess I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but when it comes to Jinki, I’d be willing to do anything to make him happy." 
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed in confusion.
"I’m not following…If it was about dating again, it really could’ve been anyone."
To his surprise, Taemin fell silent again, but this time, he looked nervous. 
"No, it couldn’t have been," he quietly uttered. 
"Eh?" the blonde exclaimed. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that Jinki took an interest in you," Taemin shared after debating with himself for a few more seconds. "And once I realized, I just felt like I had to do something about it."
Jonghyun felt like his mind was about to burst. This wasn’t making any sense. 
"What do you mean?" he repeated. “How could he have taken an interest in me before even meeting me?"
"Well," Taemin grabbed his cup mindlessly. "I know I talked about you often, but I think that what sparked a clear interest was when he heard you sing."
Jonghyun was suddenly grateful that they were in a public space, otherwise he might’ve started yelling. 
Instead, he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gather himself before proceeding. 
"What do you mean he heard me sing?" he echoed as he tried not to glare at the one facing him. 
The latter chewed at his lip, averting his gaze, before finally taking a sip of his cream-colored coffee. 
"Taemin?" the blonde pressed on as the other suddenly seemed intent on focusing on what he was drinking. 
The younger one sighed in defeat, putting his cup down again.
"It was an accident, actually," he clarified first. "I was spending the day at his and we were cooking-"
"Wait," Jonghyun quickly interjected. "You don’t cook."
That comment granted him a death stare.
"I can if I have help."
Jonghyun’s eyes widened in shock. 
“I would love to see that."
"Are you serious right now?" the other snapped, clearly offended. 
Right, this is not the time, he reminded himself.
"Sorry, continue."
Taemin shook his head at him before going on.
"As I was saying," he punctuated to show his lingering irritation. "While I was helping him out with the food, I decided to put on one of my playlists, not thinking that one of your demos was on there and then it just started playing-"
"Which one?" Jonghyun immediately asked.
"Elevator," Taemin promptly answered. 
Without even thinking, Jonghyun’s hands grabbed onto the edges of the table as he felt himself liquify. 
"No…"
Panic ran through him like lightning, rendering him mute for a moment. 
"I’m sorry, Jjong," Taemin immediately said. "I know how personal that one is for you. It really was an accident," he went on as guilt grew inside him. 
If this had been any other circumstance, Jonghyun would’ve probably lost his shit and left shortly after without much thought. But he had enough mind at this moment to remember what the whole purpose of this conversation was. 
Retrieving his hands, he looked at him and said, "It’s okay, I understand."
Taemin felt even more guilty, knowing that wasn’t really how the other felt. 
"I tried to change songs, but Jinki stopped me."
Jonghyun felt faint again.
"Why?"
"He was just… taken by it," the younger one shared. "He just stopped everything to listen and when it was over, he asked me who the artist was and I told him the truth."
"And then?"
"And then, he said…" Taemin’s eyes shifted sideways. "That’s the most beautiful voice I’ve heard in my life," he quietly revealed. 
Jonghyun was surprised he didn’t die right this instant. The words ran through his mind like race cars while his heart did somersaults in his chest. Suddenly, he was warm, too warm. 
"Jjong?" the younger one tentatively called as he caught his distress. 
"Give me a moment," he managed to say before burying his face into his hands. 
He knew he was being ridiculous, but this was just too much to handle. Of all the things he had anticipated, this was definitely not one of them. 
Jinki fucking heard me sing. He heard that song. He said that my voice- 
Silent screaming ensued. He just couldn’t handle it. 
He suddenly came out of hiding and looked straight at Tae. The other was looking even more stressed out now. 
"I’m okay," he lied, trying to sound as reassuring as he could.
"I know you’re not, but I didn’t want to lie to you."
Jonghyun nodded in acknowledgement. 
"Thank you for letting me know."
It wasn’t long before the shock waned enough to let sorrow seep in. He might’ve been shocked and felt slightly betrayed, but it still meant the world to him that Jinki would say such a thing about him. But what was the point now? He still didn’t know if he would ever be able to face him again. 
Taemin seemed to hear his thoughts because he suddenly said, "You should go see him."
Jonghyun jumped right out of his inner dialogue at that.
"What?"
"You should go see Jinki."
The blonde’s mouth opened in shock before shutting again. 
"I’m not going to lie, he is pissed and he looks miserable, but I feel like he still wants to see you," Taemin went on.
Jonghyun’s heart jumped again. 
"You saw him?"
Taemin looked down at his hands. 
"Yeah…" he shared. "It didn’t go well, but from what I could see…" 
He stopped himself, rethinking his words. 
"I just think you two should talk," he finally chose. 
"I don’t think he’ll want that," Jonghyun immediately said. "He made it really clear he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore."
"Of course he did," Taemin recognized. "He’s hurt, but that doesn’t mean he really feels that way."
Jonghyun pondered those words for a moment, letting them sink in. 
"I… I don’t know… this is just…" 
The blonde sighed, unable to reconcile his thoughts. 
"It’s a really shitty situation," Taemin chimed in. "And I’m sorry for creating it."
Jonghyun looked at him, saddened.
"You don’t need to apologize, Tae."
"I do," the younger one countered. "I could’ve gone another way about it or just been honest with you from the start…" He paused, heart heavy. "This was just a really bad idea," he added with a heavy sigh. 
Jonghyun felt even sadder. Here he was trying to make amends and now his friend was the one feeling guilty. 
"Tae… we all make mistakes," he reminded.  "I’ve made so many," he went on. "All I can do now is learn from them and try to do better."
Taemin nodded despite looking completely dejected.
"I know…"
Jonghyun knew nothing else he would say would change how the other felt at this moment, so instead, he reached a hand out hoping the other wouldn’t reject it. 
And to his relief, he didn’t. 
                                                           ***
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rollercoasterwrite · 3 years
Text
I’m So Curious [Chapter 3]
CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 
Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut 
Word Count : 10 000 ~
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!!
"When are you going to tell him?"
The question hit the unaware blonde like a ton of bricks. The hand that held his debit card froze mid-way as his head turned back towards his friend. 
"What are you talking about?" he feigned, trying to keep his face under control. 
"Riiight," the brunette scoffed, rolling his eyes. "What in the actual hell am I talking about?"
The other’s derisive tone couldn’t be missed, but Jonghyun let it slide to go back to completing his transaction. 
Once that was over, they walked out of the store, both of them carrying two bags in each hand. 
"You would’ve never bought a pair of pants worth two-hundred dollars before,” his friend bluntly pointed out as their footsteps synced on the sidewalk.  
Jonghyun felt his jaw tense up, but kept looking ahead. "And your point is?"
"My point is that you seem to be enjoying that prostitution money."
That stopped him dead in his tracks. 
"Excuse me?" he hissed, feeling his internal volcano awaken. 
The younger one turned back to face him. "I said what I said."
"Do you have a fucking problem, Kibum?"
"I do, actually," the other fired back. "That’s not you at all, Jonghyun."
The blonde’s sudden surge of anger fell prey to a wave of guilt, leaving him speechless for a moment. 
"The money was just a one-time thing," he simply said before picking up the pace again. 
"I know, but your relationship isn’t," his friend returned as he settled right beside him once more. 
Jonghyun could feel his face burning, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the sun beaming over their heads or from the cocktail of frustration and embarrassment that was forming inside him. 
"We’re not…"
"Don’t say that you’re two aren’t in a relationship," the brunette cut off. "How many dates has it been now?"
Five. "I don’t fucking keep track."     
Kibum clicked his tongue. 
"You’re so ridiculous, I swear.” 
Jonghyun chose silence this time, hoping that would be enough to make the conversation die. But of course, it wasn’t. 
"You’ve never stuck with someone that long before," the younger one went on. "So you’re going to tell me that it’s nothing special?"
Jonghyun took in a sharp breath, suddenly regretting inviting him out. 
"I’m not going to say anything, actually, because it’s none of your fucking business.”
The conversation lulled for a moment as they rushed across the street to make it before the light turned red. 
“Well, whose business is it going to be when the shit hits the fan, huh?" Kibum picked right back up. 
"I don’t know why you’d think that would become your business if anything were to happen," Jonghyun threw back with contempt. 
The other snorted loudly at that. 
"You like to act like a tough bitch, but do I have to remind you in whose arms you usually end up landing when the going gets tough?" 
The blonde glared at him as if the intensity of his gaze could end a life right here and now .                                        
"And do I have to remind you whose fist can land on your pretty face?"
The younger one rolled his eyes again. "Always threatening with violence, but never actually following-" 
His breath was cut short as he was hit square in the chest with one of the bags the older one was carrying.
"What was that?" Jonghyun asked, smirking, as he watched the younger one bring a hand to his heart with a shocked expression. 
"You know what? I’m not doing this anymore," Kibum settled before quickening his step to move past him. 
The blonde cocked a brow in surprise. When he saw that the brunette wasn’t actually turning back, he followed suit, having to jog to catch up with him. 
"Yah, Kibummie," he hailed as he tried to match his frantic pace. 
No answer. 
"Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you’re really mad now," the blonde half-taunted, half-inquired. 
Still no answer.
Jonghyun frowned, feeling his frustration grow. He was tempted to just dump him in the middle of the street, but he knew better than to make the situation worse right now. 
"Okay, I’m sorry," he forcefully apologized. 
He was again met with silence, but the look of contempt that was thrown his way at that moment did manage to spark some hope inside him. 
"You know how I get when we talk about that stuff," he tried as his expression grew softer.
That did the trick. 
"That stuff?" Kibum echoed, confused. "You mean love?"
Jonghyun’s eyes grew wide at the sound of that word. 
"The hell?" he all but yelled as his heart started thumping against the confines of his chest. "When were we talking about that?"
"I don’t know how many times you’re going to make me roll my eyes at you… it’s really getting tiring," Kibum said, annoyed. 
"It’s one thing to talk about our…" Jonghyun paused, taking a quick inhale in before pushing out the dreaded word. ""Relationship", but it’s another to talk about love."
"Okay, I can get with that," the younger one accepted. "But can you admit that what’s going on here is not like the other times?"
Jonghyun averted his gaze, concentrating on his feet and keeping a diligent focus on their cadence for a few seconds before nodding in response. 
"Good," Kibum acknowledged, satisfied. "More reason for you to be honest with him if you’re getting serious about this." 
"But what good will that do, huh?" Jonghyun promptly reacted as he looked up again. 
Their eyes met for a second before they both focused their gaze ahead again. 
"Do I really have to paint a picture here?" Kibum said, baffled. "What kind of healthy relationship are you two going to have if you’re already keeping secrets from each other?"
Jonghyun snorted. 
"You’re one to talk…"
The brunette’s mouth dropped open in disbelief. 
"How dare you?" he spat. "That’s not even comparable!"
"Yeah, okay. Whatever," the older one gave up as the onset of a headache began to tug at the corners of his temples. 
"Don’t try to get off topic," Kibum reproved. 
"Yes, Mom," Jonghyun said, derision weighing heavy in his tone. 
"Immaturity isn’t a good look on you, Jjong," the brunette sharply replied. "I can see he’s changing you for the better, so please don’t ruin it."
The blonde’s brow cocked. His curiosity was piqued. 
"What do you mean?"
"You smile more, you’re more outgoing, your energy feels…" Kibum paused, searching for the word. "Lighter," he pinpointed after a few more seconds. 
Jonghyun felt his face burn up once more. 
"Ah, well…"
"I can see you like him," Kibum said. "Like, a lot."
His heart responded with a somersault. 
"Well… if any of what you’re saying is true, I can’t afford ruining things by telling him the truth."
The younger one sighed. 
"Maybe I should be kicking Taemin’s ass for putting you in this mess."
Jonghyun couldn’t help but chuckle.
"The kid means well."
"Yeah? Why does he always have a satanic way of showing it then, huh?"
The blonde shook his head, lips curved into a crooked smile.
"It’s part of his charm, you know?"
Kibum snorted.
 "He must suck dick really good for you to be saying that."
There was a brief silence. 
"And then you wonder why I don’t want to share anything personal with you anymore," Jonghyun snarled, glare weighing heavily on his face. 
"Gosh, you really can’t take a joke, can you?" the younger one grumbled in annoyance. 
"If that’s your idea of a joke, then I’m clearly not the one at fault here," the blonde shot right back, effectively silencing his friend for a few seconds as the latter looked back at him, mouth agape. 
"You’re insufferable!" the younger one ended up spouting in anger. 
"But yet, you still hang out with me," Jonghyun casually pointed out. 
"Don’t think I’ll tolerate anything just because it’s you," Kibum warned. 
They slowed down a bit as the bus terminal finally came into view. 
"Are you still coming back to the dorms with me?" Jonghyun asked, somewhat worried now. 
A heavy sigh crossed the other’s bowed lips. 
"You really don’t deserve any more of my time, but tonight’s a big night, so it’d be cruel of me not to help you out."
Kibum could be a pain in the ass a lot of the time, but it was in moments like these, that Jonghyun was reminded why having him as a friend was a true blessing. 
"Thank you," he uttered with sheer gratefulness as they made their way to the bus stop.
They didn’t have to wait long for theirs to arrive and soon enough, they found a comfortable seat at the back, their legs lining up unconsciously against each other’s. The twenty-five-minute drive had them falling into a trance, calming down their overactive minds as they enjoyed a shared silence. 
It almost felt like a crime to get up and move, but they did nonetheless as their stop came about.
Silence stretched out throughout the five-minute walk to the dorms and throughout the additional minutes it took to reach the seventh floor. 
A sigh of relief left them both as they finally entered the blonde’s lair and put their bags down. 
"I need some water," Kibum said, voice slightly hoarse. 
Jonghyun didn’t even bother to answer, knowing the other would just go on ahead to quench his thirst. 
As he heard the faucet turn on, he walked to his room, closing the door behind him as he undressed.
He gave a quick look to his alarm clock as he tugged down his pants. 5:17. 
There was a little less than an hour before he would have to be on his way. That was plenty of time in a practical sense, but very little in an emotional one. 
His heart jumped as his mind dragged him down the possible paths this evening could take. It was the first time they were going to be alone and he couldn’t help but feel nervous, a little giddy, but also excited. 
He didn’t want to expect anything, but he was also ready for everything. 
He finally made his way to the bathroom and into the shower, sighing in relief as the hot blast of water drenched his skin. He ran his hands through his hair rhythmically, giving himself a good scalp massage, before bringing his shampoo and body wash into the mix to wash up thoroughly. The small space was soon filled with floral scents that tickled his nostrils and subconsciously brought a lightness to his tight neck and shoulders. 
He took a little more time than usual to clean up if the sudden knock on the door was any indication, but he let himself bask some more in the soothing atmosphere he had just created for himself. 
It was another few minutes before he finally stepped out of the shower and wrapped one of his towels snugly around his waist. Water droplets fell to the floor with his every step while some clung on for dear life as they slid down his skin.
He finally reached his room again, gaze falling upon an obviously annoyed Kibum. 
"You could’ve told me you were going to take a shower," the latter said. 
"I thought that went without saying," Jonghyun replied matter-of-factly. "I can’t show up all sweaty and gross."
At that, the brunette’s face brightened with mischief. 
"So… it is going down tonight," he gathered, a sly smile gracing his lips.
A flash of heat coursed through the blonde’s belly. 
"I… I don’t know…" he uttered as his mind started to drag him elsewhere again.
"This guy must’ve had enough of waiting," Kibum observed. "He’s not a fucking priest, for god’s sake!"
Jonghyun chuckled at that, relieving some of the tension that had found its way into his body just now. 
"That, he isn’t, for sure."
"But seriously, Jjong," Kibum started again. "If you do end up fucking, you at least have to tell me if he’s good."
The older one rolled his eyes, silently imploring whatever gods were out there listening to help him bear with his friend’s stubbornness. 
"Fine," he conceded with a sigh. "Now, can you help me pick out an outfit?"
"Of course," Kibum agreed as he sprung up from the bed to land on his feet. 
His hand reached quickly for the wardrobe’s door, sliding it further open to get a view of what he had to work with. 
Jonghyun could only see the back of his head for the most part, but the rustling sound of clothes being sorted through filled in the gap. He knew it was only a matter of time before an inevitable critique would roll off the other’s tongue.  
"Oh, thank god!" Kibum sighed in victory. He made a snap turn around, holding his hand up to show his discovery. 
The blonde cocked a brow. 
"That’s just a T-shirt." 
His words were rewarded with a scowl. 
"No. That’s not just a T-shirt."
“Okay…?"
A sigh of despair left the brunette as he closed his eyes to muster some patience.
"It’s a white T-shirt!" Kibum tried again. 
Jonghyun was even more at a loss. "Okay?"
At that, his friend’s expression grew even more frustrated. 
"You’re so fucking dumb, I swear," he groaned, dropping onto the mattress again. 
"Okay, let me try to put this simply," he started as he laid the t-shirt right beside him. "Most of your fucking wardrobe is on the baggy side, which, if that’s the kind of look you want to sport, then fine," he interjected with a bite of judgment. "But if you actually want to have some shape and appeal, we need to tighten your shit up."
"Okay… I get it… but why white?" Jonghyun asked. 
He wasn’t against brighter clothes, heck, that was his shirt after all, but he did generally lean towards darker clothing. 
"Seriously?" Kibum deadpanned. 
The silence that followed was the only answer needed.
"I fucking swea-" 
The younger one cut himself off abruptly, realizing it was no use. 
"Because that will actually show off all of that," he all but cried out as he gestured to Jonghyun’s uncovered chest vigorously.     
Jonghyun’s head immediately dropped down, gaze steadying on the planes and dips that stretched out to his towel. 
"I’m not sure I get what you mean…" he half-feigned, half-inquired as he looked back up. 
Kibum rolled his eyes this time.
"Give me a fucking break," he squarely dismissed. "You’ve obviously been hitting the gym more, so why not show off for once?"
Heat rushed up to the blonde’s face at the thought.
"I guess…"
"Seriously, you’d be so lost without me," the brunette asserted before standing up again.
Jonghyun waited to have his back to roll his eyes.
But he was quick to realize that he would’ve indeed struggled so much more if Kibum hadn’t taken charge. Instead of having to go through the pain of second-guessing every one of his styling choices, every decision was made for him in a matter of twenty minutes, even down to the way he should style his hair.
"Forget the gel and leave your bangs down," Kibum immediately said after he finished drying his hair off in front of the mirror. "We still want you to look casual and comfy.”
Jonghyun nodded in approval, always happy to keep things as simple as possible. 
"So what pants did you end up picking?" he asked as he turned back around. 
The younger one huffed at that.
"You’ve seriously not made my job easy with that non-ass of yours."
A frown creased the blonde’s brow as he glared at his friend.
"Smaller asses are valid, too, you know?"
"Oh, I agree," Kibum instantly acknowledged. "But that’s not what we are dealing with here," he added without blinking.
A three-second fantasy of landing a good punch on the other’s face flashed behind Jonghyun’s eyes, but he refrained from acting on it, because he really needed his help. 
"Stop running your mouth and just show me," he said, annoyance spiking his words. 
Sharp slanted eyes shot daggers at him before they moved to the bed. 
"Those tight denims should do the trick," the younger said before throwing the pants at him.  
Jonghyun caught them easily, instantly nodding at the sight of the darker blue shade. He didn’t wear them often anymore, but he could definitely agree that they were probably the best choice for tonight.   
"And it might be kinda chilly outside by the time we step out, so bring this with you, too," Kibum said as he indicated the black leather jacket in his hand.
"Good," the older one approved. "Shoes?"
"Your black Timbs.”  
"Perfect."
Kibum’s lips stretched into a sly smile. 
"Time to get some dick.” 
Jonghyun’s eyes brushed over his friend’s face with a wince of disgust, but somewhere in the middle of his lower belly, there was also a soft pang of approval. 
***
Jonghyun was nervous. 
He hadn’t realized it at first, but the feeling hit him on the road as he got closer and closer to his destination. By the time the car’s engine fell silent, his hands were shaking. 
Why am I so nervous?
The question rattled around in his mind as he let his head fall on the steering wheel. The thought fired through every synapse in his brain, but still failed to resolve itself with an answer. 
After mentally running through more of the same, he lifted his head up again, groaning at his stressed out and frustrated state. Realizing it would only worsen if he stayed immobile, he finally made a move to open the door and step out of the car.  
Once the door was locked, he looked up, taking in the tall condominium complex that stretched out before him. If he were being honest, he had expected something with a more grandiose look, but it wasn’t any more different than others he had seen in other neighborhoods. Somewhat though, that managed to calm his nerves a bit.
He finally started walking, momentarily leaving behind any thought that could’ve glued him into place. His pace was brisk, almost as if he were trying to outrun anything that could attack him from behind. He quickly had to stop again to put in the code that the brunette had sent him the day before. He punched in the numbers with one finger and let himself in as the door buzzed.
The elevator was only a few steps ahead and not long after, he stepped inside, pressing the button for the third floor. A quick thought about taking the stairs flashed through his mind, but he quickly dismissed it to focus back on his breath again. A deep inhale graced all corners of his torso before an exhale emptied it out. He repeated the process once more just before the elevator doors opened. 
His feet were now gracing the limestone floor, the sound of his heels clicking against it filling up the silent space. Every step he took was accompanied by a quick glance to each door as he searched for the right one. His venture ended up bringing him to the end of the hallway, right in front of a white door adorned with a shining number 11. 
Jonghyun just stared at it, mind empty, heart going crazy. 
"There is no turning back now."
His hand made its way to the doorbell on its own accord, his index finger pushing against it while his mind went blank.
His eardrums caught sound from the inside, but it was all too muffled to get a clear sense of what it was. 
Jonghyun stood there anxiously, silently wishing for this nerve-wracking anticipation to be over with. The sound of the door being unlocked a second later seemed to come as an answer to his prayers, but when it was finally pulled open, another draft of anxiety hit him square in the gut.
"I’m-I’m sorry," he stammered, embarrassed beyond words. "I think I’ve got the wrong place."
He immediately stepped back to make a quick exit, but the man’s next words made him halt just in time. 
"You’re Jonghyun, right?" he asked. 
"Uh… yeah…" the blonde confirmed, confused.
A wide smile spread across the unknown man’s face, making his large eyes narrow and crinkle at the corners. 
Who’s he? Jonghyun thought as his gaze scanned the sight before him. He’s gorgeous. 
The prompted thought only made him even more nervous which translated as a deep frown on his face. 
Before he could investigate what he was dealing with, Jinki finally joined in, pulling the taller man away from the doorframe to stand in his place. A mutter of protest came from the other, but the brunette casually ignored it.   
"Jjong!" he sighed, his breath a little shaken. "I’m sorry about that. I was finishing up in the kitchen and Minho got to the door first and…" 
A hand lifted to the back of his neck as his eyes darted down to the space between them. 
"Things aren’t really going as planned."
Jonghyun wanted to wrap him into a tight hug and let him know that he didn’t care, but a more pressing issue was toying with his mind. 
"Who is Minho?" he couldn’t help but ask.
 Jinki had mentioned him as if it were the most natural thing in the world, but this was the first time Jonghyun was hearing anything about that man. 
The brunette’s gaze shot up under his bangs and his eyes grew wide with realization. 
"Right… I never actually told you about him, huh?"
Jonghyun shook his head. 
Jinki sighed, more at himself than anything else.
"Come in. I’ll introduce you properly."
He stepped away from the doorframe, leaving an opening for the blonde to pass through. Once the door was locked and Jonghyun had taken off his shoes, he finally ventured into the brunette’s home. There was a subtle burnt smell in the air, but he chose to leave the matter on the back burner and instead give inquisitive looks to his surroundings. 
The apartment was a typical open concept loft, uniting the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room into the same spacious space. The set up was modern in style, the combination of wood and metal surfaces effortlessly complementing the cream-colored walls. Jonghyun wasn’t one to truly pay attention to details of this sort, but he could appreciate how everything seemed to work in unison to give a homey but classy feel to the apartment. He especially appreciated the fluffy white carpet that stretched out before one of the living room’s couches��a few meters away. 
"So what do you think?" Jinki inquired as he followed the blonde’s gaze. 
The latter snapped back to attention, a slight shrug of surprise gracing his shoulders. 
"Ah… it’s very nice…" he awkwardly uttered as he let his eyes drag away from the living room and settle back on the brunette. 
It was just then that he noticed his all-black attire, consisting of a tight t-shirt and form-fitting jeans. It was the most casual he had ever since him, but somehow, that made him even sexier. 
"You have a lovely apartment, " he added quickly to avoid selling himself out as a prying pervert. 
A beautiful grin answered his compliment. 
"Thank you," he said. "Although…" His gaze scanned around. "I really had nothing to do with it. Minho chose it and perfected it to what it is now."
Jonghyun’s brow shot up in response, his shoulders tensing. 
"Oh, so he lives here, too?"
"Well, yeah," Jinki replied, not noticing the sudden edge in the other’s tone. 
A clench graced the younger one’s jaw. Oh, well, that sure reassures me.
"Ah, he’s coming back," Jinki said as footsteps resonated from the hallway to their ears. 
The man in question came into view again, now rocking a striped marine suit that somehow made his legs look even longer. 
Jonghyun couldn’t help but frown at the sight. Tall bastard. 
"Sorry for the disturbance, I’ll be leaving now," the young man informed as he gave them an apologetic smile. 
"Good, but first, let me introduce you properly," the eldest followed up. 
"Aaah, right, right." 
He was quick to close in the distance between them, stopping right in front of Jonghyun. 
"So this is Minho," Jinki started. "He’s my-
"I’m his best friend, roommate and law firm partner," the other swiftly interjected with a liveliness that made Jonghyun want to wince. "Is he a hyung?" Minho then asked, gaze moving to Jinki. 
"No, no," Jinki answered with a chuckle. 
"Aaah okay, I can relax a bit more then," the other noted with an easy smile. "I’ve heard a lot about you, Jonghyun. I’m very happy to finally meet you."
Taken aback by the frank response, the blonde missed the blush that crept up the other’s neck at that exact moment. 
"Ah, um," he started uneasily. "It’s nice to meet you, too," he reciprocated despite his reluctance. 
Cackling in response, the tall brunette said, "That doesn’t sound too convincing."
Jonghyun’s eyes widened, stunned by his lie hitting him back in the face.
 "It is, I-"
"Don’t worry," Minho cut in, still laughing. ""I wouldn't be very warm, either, to someone my boyfriend's apparently close to, but that he never mentioned before," he then reassured, not without the double intent of throwing a jab at his friend too. "Choi Minho," the eldest loudly protested in response, not noticing the bewildered expression that had just settled on the blonde's face. "You're making it sound like I was trying to hide something."
As interested as Jonghyun should've been in the course the conversation was taking, everything that followed was lost on him. He could hear their voices, but none of the words reached him. Not after a single one had rendered his senses useless. Boyfriend. The word rung loudly inside his head, replaying again and again in a reckless loop as his heart raced. 
He managed to turn his head to give a look to his right, searching for a hint of what he was feeling on the other's face. But all he could see there was the frown that had settled deep between his eyes. Not used to seeing that expression, his newfound curiosity for what was causing it was what managed to make him leap back into reality.
There was a brief silence and suddenly the giant's eyes were on him, twinkling with mischief. "He's really cute after all," the latter said as his eyes travelled along his body. Jonghyun's reaction was innate, lips parting to give the other a piece of his mind. But he wasn't quick enough. "I wouldn't be worried in a million years. Trust me," Jinki all but snarled.
That was enough for Jonghyun to lose all bite. Instead, his teeth sank into his bottom lip. Shit. He is being hot again. 
The tallest smirked.
"As spicy as that would've been, you know I would never." He then looked straight at Jonghyun, a pleased smile still dancing on his lips. "I'm glad Jinki finally stopped acting like a little virgin. I have to thank you for that." "Can you just shut up and go now?" Jinki burst out as his skin flared up again. Yup. My sentiments exactly, Jonghyun silently seconded, his impatience growing by the second. "You were the one who wanted us to get acquainted," the younger one retaliated, eyes almost popping out of their sockets. "Well I think Jjong has a good idea of who you are now," Jinki indicated. Yup. An unnecessarily tall and annoying prick, the blonde kept on in the secrecy of his mind. "If you say so," Minho dismissively acknowledged. He didn't waste a beat of silence to continue on. "So, how do I look?" The smug smile that followed did nothing to help his case in the blonde's mind.
"Good, as always," Jinki replied, a lace of exasperation tugging at his words. "Thaaaank yooouu," his friend voiced excitedly. "You know tonight's a big night," he added with a wink. "Aren't you just seeing Yejin?" "Meeting her parents tonight actually," his friend filled in as he tugged on the front of his suit to straighten it out more than it already was. "Not worried though," he instantly added. Suuuuure, Jonghyun derided. It was a miracle he managed not to roll his eyes. Jinki was more patient, obviously. 
 "No?" he questioned, doubt raising his voice. "Nah," Minho assured. "She told them I was a lawyer and they apparently screamed from joy." A grin stretched out wide on his face. "So imagine when they see how handsome I am, too." If there had been a camera in the room, Jonghyun would've surely stared into it to display his sheer annoyance at the other's inflated ego. "Riiight," Jinki said, seemingly as annoyed as he was. It didn't go unnoticed by the tall brunette. "Okay, enough about me," he settled. "I'll leave you lovebirds alone now." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys before giving a lazy wave their way. Before he could exit through the front door, Jinki spoke up again. "You're spending the night at Yejin's, right?" Minho turned back around, meeting the question with a sly smile. "Of course." Jonghyun's heart jumped as his eyes grew a little wider. Calm down, calm down. "Good," Jinki voiced in satisfaction. Oh. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Have fun," Minho said with a wink before finally leaving. The clicking sound of the door closing sealed those words dramatically, making them suddenly aware that they were very alone. Jinki made a move first, turning his body towards him so he could look at Jonghyun properly. "I need to apologize," he prefaced, expression guilt-stricken. "Ah, it's fine," Jonghyun quickly dismissed. "We all have annoying friends." Jinki's brows rose, mouth agape. "That's not what I was talking about..." The blonde froze as the words struck him like a bucket of cold water being thrown in his face. "I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't-" The other's laugh cut him short. 
"Don't worry," he reassured. "I know he can be a lot sometimes, but he has a good heart." At that, a frown creased his brow making the brunette laugh even harder. "I swear," the latter defended despite it. "If you want, I can tell you about how he actually saved my ass in a big case." Jonghyun snorted. 
"Does it involve him sleeping with someone?" Jinki blinked. 
"How did you know?" The blonde shrugged. 
"He strikes me as the type." "He really didn't make a good impression on you, huh?" No. "I mean... If he's your best friend and you live with him, too, I bet he has redeeming qualities," Jonghyun conceded despite himself. "You are the worst at hiding your emotions," Jinki snickered. "But I'm glad, actually", he went on more seriously. "Minho can be quite the charmer and maybe a small part of me was scared he'd charm you." The admission came with a sheepish smile, sending Jonghyun's heart into a furious race again. "He's not my type," he said without hesitation. "What is your type?" Jinki asked in a cheeky tone. You. "Aah, you know... Guys that..." His eyes shifted as if an answer was floating around. "Um…" "Guys that get so nervous about a dinner at home that they burn the meal?" the other chimed in, giving an embarrassed smile. 
Jonghyun’s gaze settled back on the brunette, wide with confusion. 
"What?"
"I really hope that type of guy is your type," Jinki continued. "Or else… I’m screwed."
A nervous laugh followed and Jonghyun’s heart fluttered. 
"Don’t worry," he said. "I think that kind of guy is cute."
There was a lull of silence, during which Jinki turned redder than he had before, making the blonde melt and simultaneously cringe at his own corniness. 
"So, um," the brunette cleared his throat. "I was thinking we could order some food instead." 
"Yeah, sure."
"What would you like?"
"I really don’t mind."
"I really don’t mind, either."
"So how the heck are we going to solve this, huh?"
"Hmmm, what haven’t we had yet?"
They both pondered on the matter, reviewing all their previous dates. Apart from the fancy restaurant that had brought them together the first time, they had kept it pretty casual, eating at different local restaurants whenever they felt hungry. Jonghyun wasn’t much of a foodie to begin with, but Jinki was on the other end, so he usually followed in whatever craving the older one had in the moment. 
"What were you cooking earlier?" he thought to ask. 
"I was trying out a Coconut Shrimp Curry recipe."
"Mm, that sounds good. Why don’t we order that?"
"Yeah," the other agreed. "And we can pretend I actually made it while we eat it, too."
Jonghyun smiled at his silliness. 
"Sure."
"Okay, I’ll go find my phone so we can check out places," Jinki indicated, already turning to move. 
But before he could take a step, he was halted by a firm grip on his wrist. 
"Wait," the blonde said as he turned him back around. 
He stepped closer, slow and measured, his almond shaped eyes flicking upwards once there was nearly no more space between them.  
The other’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he gazed into those criminally pretty eyes, waiting. 
"You haven’t kissed me yet," Jonghyun finally said, tone expectant. 
A breathy laugh met his skin.
"You’re forever impatient."
"That’s been established already. So, don’t make me wait any longer."
You’ve made me fucking needy, you bastard. 
Jonghyun was expecting to be left hanging, just to get him frustrated to no end, but before he could prepare any argument in retaliation, the other’s soft lips caught his breath, melding their bodies together. A sigh of contentment left him; it was like everything was right in the world again. 
Jinki held him, arms hugging his waist under his jacket as they shared a soft and sweet kiss. Despite his eagerness, Jonghyun didn’t push for more, knowing well that everything he wanted would come in time. 
"Happy?" Jinki asked as he pulled away, eyes lingering on the lips he had just made pinker. 
"Mmhm," Jonghyun hummed, chest heaving slightly. "For now, yeah."
That made the other laugh again before he stepped back.
"Well, let me get my phone before we actually get to dessert."
He disappeared, leaving a baffled Jonghyun to wrap his mind around what he had just said. Knowing the man a little better now, he knew how purposefully confusing he could get. There could literally be a real dessert waiting ahead without any real prospect of something more. But fortunately, he hadn’t forgotten the exchange that had happened between him and his friend earlier.
He wanted to make sure we would be alone for the night.
That thought alone was enough to make him hot all over again, prompting him to take off his jacket. He walked to the hanger near the entrance and hung it on there before returning to his spot in front of the kitchen island. 
Jinki came back almost simultaneously, gaze fixed on his screen. 
"Hmm… I’m not sure we’ll find what we are looking for…" He lifted his head up. "Maybe we should-"
The pause was abrupt, weird even. But the brunette’s gaze gave it all away as it settled on the other’s chest before traveling further down. It wasn’t the first time Jonghyun was at the receiving end of the taller one’s hungry eyes, but it never failed to make him feel like a blushing schoolgirl. 
"Maybe we should what?" Jonghyun reminded with a thin voice as he tried to distract himself from his own desire. 
Jinki’s eyes shot back up to his face, confused. 
"Eh?"
The blonde cleared his throat.
"You were talking about the food…"
"Oooh, right," the older one said, face lighting up with realization before he looked at his phone again. "Um… so yeah, it seems like no restaurant near here makes that type of food, so it would take an eternity before it arrives here."
"Aaaw, that’s too bad," Jonghyun expressed with disappointment even though in truth, the matter left him highly indifferent. 
"So what do you want to do?" Jinki asked, a slight pout curling his lips. 
That on the other hand, didn’t leave him indifferent. 
"Hmm, how about pizza?" he proposed as he thought of the last time he had ordered in. 
"Yeah, pizza’s good," Jinki agreed. "I haven’t had that in ages actually," he realized upon further thought. 
"That’s perfect then," the younger one settled with a soft smile. "I’m bringing you back to basics."
"Definitely," the other chuckled. "You better not judge my choice of toppings though."
"As long as it’s not Hawaiian, you’re good."
Silence followed. 
"Oh come on, really?" Jonghyun exclaimed in disbelief. 
"What if it is?" 
The blonde crossed his arms resolutely.
"Well, I’ll judge you for sure."
"That’s it?" Jinki taunted, amused. 
"Well, yeah, that’s it," Jonghyun threw back, annoyed. "I’m not going to leave or something. That would be dumb."
The other’s amusement morphed into a full-blown laugh.
"Thank god you’re not that dramatic."
The blonde frowned.
"Is that sarcasm?"
"No, sweetheart. Of course not," Jinki kept on, giving him a sweet smile that made his words ring even more insincere.
"You know that I hate you, right?" Jonghyun threw right back at him.  
"I can live with that," the older one brushed off as he redirected his attention to his phone once more. "Plus, I hate Hawaiian pizza."
“Oh, thank the fucking lord," the blonde sighed out, relieved. 
Jinki shook his head at that. 
"You are truly something else."
"I just have good taste, that’s it," Jonghyun shrugged off. "So what are you ordering?"
"That Meat Lover’s one sounds good."
"And that’s when I remember whose cousin you are."
The older one laughed. 
"We gotta have some things in common."
"That’s really all I hope you two have in common," the blonde scoffed. 
"Are you really friends with Taemin?" the other taunted in reply. 
"Depends on my mood, really."
That was met with more laughter, but Jonghyun hadn’t really meant it as a joke. He did love his friends, but he also truly hated them sometimes. 
"So, what kind of pizza do you want?" Jinki asked. 
"All-dressed is fine."
"I thought you would’ve preferred Bare-Naked…"
Jonghyun frowned, confused, but caught up soon enough when he recognized the pleased smile the other was sporting.  
"Your jokes are just getting worse and worse," he voiced, scrunching up his nose in disapproval. 
"Oh, and I thought you said you had good taste," Jinki struck back before the same smile stretched even wider on his face. 
"Fuck you."
"Wow. Best comeback ever."
The reaction was immediate. Anger flared bright and hot inside the younger one as his jaw tightened and his hands balled up into fists. He was ready to go off the rails and rage, but before any words could come out of his mouth, the adult in him spoke up. 
Let it go. 
The voice was firm and resolute, decided to not let his weakness overcome him. 
If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t think twice and would freely let himself throw a tantrum, but he had enough conscience to not want to self-sabotage in this moment. 
"Whatever," he grumbled instead, crossing his arms over his chest. 
"Ah, please don’t be mad at me," Jinki implored as he caught his surly demeanour. "I’ll make my bad jokes worth your while, I promise," he added with a smile that could redeem a million sins and that instantly made the other’s heart somersault. 
“You'd better," the latter grumbled between his teeth before the brunette went on to call the pizza place and put in their order. 
"They said it’ll be here in twenty minutes," Jinki informed as he hung up. 
"Good," Jonghyun answered absent-mindedly. 
His attention had already been caught by something else in the time their conversation had lapsed. 
"Is that a piano book?" he asked as he pointed to the living’s room center table. 
Jinki’s brows shot up with surprise before his eyes followed a few meters ahead. 
"Oh, I forgot to put that away," he realized with some embarrassment. 
"So you’re learning to play piano?" Jonghyun pursued with inquiring eyes that bore into the taller one’s profile. 
"Yeah…" Jinki revealed, the scrutiny making him uncomfortable.  
"Since when? How? Where?" Jonghyun went on eagerly, obviously unaware. 
"Um… Just started a few months ago…" Jinki cleared his throat. "I take a class every Sunday and practice with a keyboard at home whenever I have time."
The blonde’s brows formed a tight frown over his bewildered eyes.
"Why am I learning this just now?"
"Didn’t really think you’d be interested…"
The muttered answer didn’t go unheard. 
"Not interested?" the younger one exclaimed a little louder than intended. "You know I study in a Music program, right?" he tried to say in a calmer tone despite his growing frustration. 
"Yeah, I know…" Jinki sighed, making the blonde’s brow cock upward. 
"So what gives?"
"Nothing," the older one quickly answered. "I didn’t think it was anything important, it’s just a little hobby I picked up again."
"Again?" Jonghyun immediately caught. "So you played before?"
"Yeah…"
"You’re into music!" 
Exclamation points were flashing in the blonde’s eyes, that piece of information alone firing up all his synapses. 
"This is one of the first things I should’ve known about you!" he reproached despite himself. 
"Like I said, it’s not that important in my life that I felt it was worthy of mentioning," Jinki reiterated, a bite of annoyance marking his words. 
"Not important, but the book is on display in your living room?" the blonde challenged, unwilling to let it go. 
"I just forgot it there."
"Well I’m glad you did, because from what I’m understanding you had no intention of letting me know about this," Jonghyun threw back, feeling more and more cheated. 
"That’s got nothing to do with us," Jinki said, trying to keep his tone even. 
Any kind of restraint the other was trying to keep over himself flew out right there and then. 
"Are you serious right now? How is something we have in common not relevant?" he went off, voice not far from a shout. 
"Jjong," Jinki warned. "Drop it."
"Or what?" he scoffed. "It’s not like you’re going to kick me out or something."
Despite his best efforts to keep a neutral expression, that was the brunette’s final straw.  Hard eyes looked straight at the younger one. 
"Don’t think I can’t."
Jonghyun’s frown deepened, jaw clenching with tension.
"You gotta be kidding." 
That clearly wasn’t the best thing to say. 
"Not this time." 
The brunette’s tone was sharp, unarguable even.
If Jonghyun didn’t know any better he’d think it wasn’t the same man before him. This man he was looking at was almost scary. 
"Really?" 
His own tone faltered under the weight of the other’s gaze, sounding almost meek. This wasn’t at all how he wanted the night to end. 
There was a pause, a quiet exchange through their locked gazes. Despite it, Jonghyun couldn’t for the life of him guess what the other would say, but he was praying with all his might that he hadn’t screwed up this whole evening. 
Just as the guessing game was getting the best of his nerves, a sigh broke through the dense silence. 
"I don’t want to kick you out, Jonghyun,” was the first thing the brunette said as his whole demeanour softened.
Thank god. Jonghyun’s shoulders relaxed.
"You fucking scared me for a sec."
"Did I?" Jinki questioned, surprised. 
"Of course!" The blonde gave him an astounded look. "You look fucking scary when you’re mad!"
Jinki chuckled.
"Oh, well," His mouth stretched into a pleased smile. "I guess that’ll teach you."
The blonde’s lips parted, but no words came out. Who the fuck are you? 
"Look." Jinki stepped closer to him, his expression having regained some seriousness. "I’m sorry I reacted that way." 
Jonghyun jumped slightly as a warm hand cupped the side of his face. It wasn’t long before he was melting under the gentle caress.
"No, I’m the one who’s sorry."
"Sorry for?" the older one teased with a soft smile which made the blonde scrunch up his nose in annoyance. 
"Sorry for pushing it," he said, disgruntled. "But you can’t blame me for getting passionate about you playing an instrument," he quickly followed up, arms crossing one over the other. 
The other’s hand dropped down.
"You know that any kind of justification following an apology makes it sound fake, right?" 
The playful jab drew out a scowl on the smaller one’s face. 
"So be it, I’m not taking that back."
Before the brunette could retaliate, he plunged forward, planting a kiss on his slightly parted lips. A barely audible sigh met the gesture before their lips locked fully, bringing a heightened sense of warmth to reverberate through their bodies. 
Jonghyun was not going to play nice this time. His tongue spoke for him as it swiped across the taller one’s lips, asserting its will. Being shown no resistance, he let it slip in with ease, claiming the mouth he had become so addicted to. Desperation and pleasure coiled inside his stomach as the brunette fought back with more passion, pressing their bodies together with a firm pull around his lithe waist. 
The blonde whined against him before one of his hands shot up to the back of his neck while the other gripped on the front of his black shirt. A groan answered the gestures, vibrating low and sensual through the kiss. Clearly, he had struck the right chord, because a moment later, the hands around his waist moved further back. 
A gasp escaped him, his eyes shooting wide open as the brunette’s hands squeeze his ass hard. Their gazes locked as the other checked for a reaction, a self-satisfied smirk breaking their lips apart for a second before he dove back in for seconds. 
Jonghyun moaned again, holding on even tighter to the taller one’s shirt. He was clearly losing the power he had first asserted. But he didn’t mind it. He wanted Jinki to show himself impatient; to show him how much he wanted this, too. 
And impatient he was. Before Jonghyun could get accustomed to the feeling of having his ass cupped by resolute hands, he was suddenly submitted to the delicious pain of having a crotch fully pressing against his own. By the way Jinki was pushing against him, he knew this was no accident. He was finally showing his hunger and the blonde was beyond delighted. 
"Jjong…" Jinki breathed out, barely pulling back. His mind blanked as the other’s tongue poked out to lick at his bottom lip, pupils blown out wide. "I…"
The aborted statement emboldened the smaller one, the grip he had on his shirt finally letting up as he slowly slid his hand down his covered chest, not missing the shiver and the clench it provoked on its way down south.
He tugged on the taller one’s belt, eliciting in him a poignant sense of déjà-vu. Their eyes locked again, making Jonghyun’s heart race from the implications he could read in the dark depths facing him. 
Gaze unwavering, his hand went to work, sliding the belt’s tongue out of its metal buckle with a ringing sound that cut through the heavy atmosphere around them. 
Watching the taller one’s Adam’s apple respond with a slow bob up and down his throat, gave him the last push he needed not to hold back anymore. He dropped to his knees unceremoniously, not minding the dull pain of landing on a hard surface. 
There were more important matters at hand and Jonghyun was going to make sure to give his full attention to them. The first being to close the gap between his first fantasy and reality. His eyes focused on what was before him, the thought of what he was about to uncover being enough to make him lick his lips again. 
Maybe he should have been questioning the fact that he felt hungrier for dick than actual food, but that was going to have to wait for another time.  
Without hesitation, his index finger and thumb pinched at his zipper and unfastened it, letting the curve of a bulge peek out from behind another layer of fabric. Jonghyun was impatient for sure, but he also liked to tease a bit. His hands tugged at the edges of the other’s jeans, sliding them down until they collapsed to the floor on their own. 
Meanwhile, his mouth moved forward on its accord, going straight for what it wanted. A hissing sound and a grip on his hair graced his senses as he took a light bite at the clothed erection that was already swelling up before him. 
He gave another bite, this time harder, and the hiss turned into a curse. Jonghyun smiled, pleased at the power given to him after such a long time. But he wasn’t without being bothered himself, feeling his own pants tighten. Want was coursing through his body making it tense and heated and focused only on making it reach its apex.  
Conscious again of the hand buried in hair, he looked up to see the upstairs result of his ministrations. The sight made his heart skip a beat. The man hovering over him had an expression of troubled lust, brows kneading tightly as his mouth hung slightly open. 
He had seen that face before, but he didn’t want a repeat of previous times. Jonghyun knew what he wanted to see this time. Looking back in front of him, he started kissing at his clothed erection, mouth and tongue traveling along it with languid strokes. He only stopped when he felt a harder pull on his hair, the dull pain making him moan. 
"Jjong…" The brunette halted, voice shaken by a quiver. "Wait, please…the pizza…"
The blonde’s brow arched up in disbelief. 
"You’re fucking kidding me," he spat out. "I’m about to suck your dick and you’re thinking about pizza?!"
"It's not that," the brunette quickly defended. "But the delivery guy's com-"
His brain short-circuited as he was suddenly bared of his underwear, leaving him hard and exposed. He didn't dare look down, an acute sense of discomfort seeping through the excitement that was spreading throughout his body.
"You're fucking kidding me," the blonde repeated, sounding breathless.
A beat of silence followed before his mind spoke on its own.
"You're fucking huge," he said louder this time.
He was too focused on the monumental piece of hard dick before him to notice the blush that had spread across the other's face.
"Fuck..." he let out, mesmerized. "Your hotness just keeps on giving, huh?"
Before the brunette could offer any input, lips suddenly took him in, giving a tentative suck to the crown of his dick already salivating with pre-cum.
His hips bucked, instinctively pushing more of himself into the tight warmth offered to him. The gesture was welcomed with a moan that vibrated through him and made him weak in the knees.
A resumed grip on the other's hair steadied him enough to withstand the subsequent assault. As he felt the base of his dick being squeezed by a firm hold, the blonde pulled back only to leave wet strips on the underside of his cock with an obviously experienced tongue, making him whimper at the bottom of his throat.
"Jjong..." he breathed, lids fluttering over his eyes.
The blonde's answer was sucking at his balls, giving them each their moment of glory inside his mouth before he moved back to the main course.
This time, he didn't test the waters. No, this time, he instantly took the dive, plunging the erection he had been sizing up deeper into his mouth.
Any restraint the brunette had tried to keep over his voice collapsed as the sensation sent a loud moan flying out through his parted lips.
"Fuck..." he cursed out as he finally looked down, hand softening a bit in the other's fluffy hair.
The blonde was covering him almost completely, cheeks hollowed out to accommodate more of him inside. The sight almost made him cum, the familiar pang in his lower belly hitting him deep.
"Jjo-"
His throat tightened around a groan as the one he had meant to warn began moving up and down his length, bobbing his head in a slow but steady rhythm.
A satisfied hum graced the motion, breaking the suction sounds that were filling the room. It wasn't long before Jonghyun picked up the pace, finding a perverse kick in almost choking every time he deep throated the other.
His pants became unbearably tight, but he didn't tend to it. He could probably get off just by sucking him off.
"Shit..." 
The curse above came with a rougher tug on his scalp.
"Jjong, I'm-"
But words came a little too late. A forward thrust in brought him deep inside the other's mouth again, letting it all go with a grunt.
"Ugh."
Suddenly, warm and thick cum was shooting at the back of the blonde's throat, making him wheeze, but he stayed put, welcoming it with all the greed that had built up inside him throughout these past weeks.
And from the load he was drinking in, he could tell the build-up was reciprocal. Jinki was just giving him a taste of it right now, leaving him wanting more.
As the brunette slowly pulled back, releasing his spent dick from his mouth with a wet pop, Jonghyun's gaze shot back up to him like an expectant dog looking at its master.
Jinki met his gaze with a mix of fondness and embarrassment, simultaneously flattening his hand over his bright shock of hair to gently comb through it.
"Sorry..." he quietly said.
Jonghyun almost swooned under his touch, but the apology instantly pulled out a reaction from him.
"What are you even apologizing for?" he retorted, annoyed.
The brunette looked away, averting further scrutiny. 
"I don't know, just..."
They were pulled out of their bubble by the sudden buzzing sound at the door, reminding them of the world that existed outside of them.
"Oh shit, the pizza," Jinki shouted out in panic.
Quickly rushing to get fully clothed again, he then ran to answer through the intercom at the door, leaving an even more annoyed Jonghyun to frown at the interruption.
"Tell me we are not really going to stop to eat pizza now," he verified as Jinki walked back up to him.
Confusion spread across the taller one's features.
"Well I already buzzed him in..."
Jonghyun rolled his eyes.
"I know," he huffed. "But that doesn't mean we need to eat it now."
"But then it'll get cold..."
"Are you fucking serious?"
An apologetic smile crept up the other's face, frustrating him even more.
"I'm afraid I am," he said, before holding out his hand for the other to take.
Jonghyun was tempted to ignore it, but finally grabbed it and let himself be helped up to his feet.
As soon as they were at eye level again, Jinki kissed him, soft and easy, tasting himself off his pliant mouth.
Pulling back just an inch, he said, " We've got all night to ourselves."
Jonghyun shivered, the words settling his impatience just a bit.
"Also," Jinki added. "If I don't eat before, my old bones won't be able to keep up with your youthful vigor."
His words were met with a distinct eye roll that made an honest laugh rumble out of his chest.
The doorbell ringing broke them apart and Jonghyun used that opportunity to take a trip to the bathroom. He ventured into the hallway in search of it, but before he could get there, he couldn't help but peak into a gaping door, the outline of a bed catching his attention.
He pushed it further open as his nose took note of the whiff of savory flavor coming a few meters away.
Even if he couldn't have been sure of whose room it was, what he found on the bed gave him the answer. From head to foot, the whole mattress was covered in white peonies. His eyes widened and mouth fell wide open as his heart thumped loudly inside his chest.
He was so stunned that he failed to hear the footsteps that were getting closer. It was only when a hand settled on his shoulder that he got abruptly pulled out of his trance, jumping in surprise.
Darker eyes met lighter ones as the blonde turned back slightly.
"I decidedly can't do anything right tonight," Jinki uttered, somewhat dejected. "I should've known to keep my door shut."
Jonghyun was immediately punched in the gut with guilt. 
"No, no, it's my fault," he immediately countered." I shouldn't have been snooping around, I just wanted to go to the bathroom..."
"It’s alright, really," Jinki halted before looking back at the bed. "So, what do you think?"
Jonghyun followed his line of sight, once again taking in the angelic sight the petals formed on the bed. He had seen such gestures being made in movies and had always thought they were over the top and cheesy, but to actually have someone do that for him...
And they weren't anything generic like roses, they were actually his favorite flowers.
"I... It's... It's..." He swallowed, feeling his throat tighten. "It's perfect."
The words fell out of his mouth with an unfamiliar quiver, prompting him to clear it out with a cough.
"I'm glad you think so," Jinki welcomed with a huge grin. "I remembered you mentioning these were your favorites when we were walking through the national park."
Jonghyun blinked at him, surprised.
"Wasn't that like weeks ago??"
The brunette laughed.
"I know I'm old, but I have a good memory."
The younger one's mind blanked again at that, dumbfounded by the gesture.
"Are you okay?" Jinki couldn't help but ask with a chuckle after a whole minute of silence stretched between them.
"Yeah..." Jonghyun breathed out. "It's just..."
He inhaled deeply before looking straight into his eyes again. 
"Why would you do something like that for me?"
Taken aback, the taller one answered on the spot.
"Why wouldn't I?"
When he saw the unchanged expression of confusion and astonishment on the blonde's face, he went on. 
"I thought I had made it clear that I really like you."
Jonghyun's eyes darted away, embarrassed.
"But..."
"No but," Jinki interjected. "I know that's not what you're used to, but I want you to know how much you mean to me."
The confession made his heart somersault. He felt an overwhelming warmth spread through him and suddenly, it all felt too much.
"Jinki..." he started faintly. "I don't deserve this."
As he watched a deep frown crease the other's thick brows, he went on.
"You've been so sweet and attentive, and I've just been..."
An asshole.
A liar.
"I've just been..." 
He wanted to say the words, but they felt stuck.
"You've been just perfect," Jinki filled in, giving him a loving look that only made him feel worse. "I don't know where this is coming from, but-"
"I've been lying to you," he blurted out as a window of imminence opened wide before him.
The other's gaze widened before narrowing under another frown. "What..."
Jonghyun's heart flipped, stomach coiling with anxiety.
"There is something I need to tell you.”
15 notes · View notes
rollercoasterwrite · 4 years
Text
I’m So Curious [Chapter 2]
CHAPTER 1 
Prompt : Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : romance, fluff, angst, smut (eventually)
Word Count : 9 400 ~
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl, my beta once again!!! 
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
If Jonghyun had thought he could've had a peaceful morning after having a troubled night of sleep, he realized he was gravely mistaken.
Loud knocks fell rhythmically against his dorm room's door like a hammer hitting a nail repeatedly, the sound instantly awakening his rage impulse.
He gave the door a death stare it didn't deserve before walking towards it, not even minding that he was only clad in short briefs.
"What?!" he burst out as the door swung open from his forceful pull.
The intent of his demeanour was miserably lost on the young brunette that stood before him. The latter just walked in as if he owned the place, wasting no time settling comfortably on the living room's small couch.
Jonghyun's gaze followed, watching as the other casually hooked a leg over the seat's arm before looking straight at him.
"Did you guys fuck?" 
The question dropped without notice, completely throwing off the blonde's stubborn grumpiness.
"Excuse me?" he let out in a voice that crescendoed from sheer astonishment.
"Why don't you start by closing the door," the other said, unbothered. "Unless you want everyone to know your business."
Jonghyun's bewildered look moved away from the other for the length of time it took to shut and lock the door before he brought it back on him.
"What's your fucking deal?" he voiced as frustration grew back into his tone.
"Don't get mad at me," the younger one replied, scoffing. "Taemin said you went on a date with his cousin, so I wanted to be the first to get the crunchy details."
A feline smile stretched across bowed lips as surprise read boldly on the blonde's face.
"Taemin told you?" the latter asked.
"Didn't you hear my opening question?" the brunette reminded with a frown.
Jonghyun frowned back in confusion before his face slowly relaxed.
"That isn't any of your business," he said, opting for a casual tone this time.
"Well yes, it is," the other countered. "Who else are you going to share this with? It's not like you are going to tell Taemin how good or how bad sex was with his cousin."
Jonghyun gave him a stone-hard look.
"Taemin just wanted me to go on a date with the guy, don't get shit twisted."
"You mean he paid you to go on a date," the brunette corrected. "So you had to put out."
That was enough to make the blonde's blood boil hot. "Kibum," he gritted menacingly. "Get out." "Come on, Jjong," his friend maintained in a calm tone. "I'm not gonna make fun, I just want to know if you had a good time." Jonghyun knew better than to trust those words. "I'm not telling you jack shit." Kibum's face hardened. Cold eyes silently battled with fiery ones before it became clear that a strategic retreat was the best course of action. "Fine," the younger one curtly said. He got back up on his two feet and promptly walked past the other, making sure to slam the door on his way out. A loud sigh left the blonde's mouth before he rubbed some of the tension off his face. It wasn't even 9 am yet and he already felt like the day was dragging on too long. But that wasn't anything new. The only thing that could help revive his functioning corpse was a fresh brew. Not wasting another second on thoughts, he moved to the small space that acted as a kitchen and got his small coffee machine running. As the strong and comforting smell filled the air, Jonghyun closed his eyes, trying to catch a break from everything.
But that was probably the worst thing he could’ve done at that moment. The very image that had played hide and seek with his mind for the past few hours came right at him with vivid details that made his chest and core tighten. His eyes shot open before that sensation could travel any lower.
He reached for one of his cupboard’s handle with a slightly trembling hand and pulled out his favorite mug. It was a light cream-colored mug that was a bit chipped at the rim and had a stained bottom, but it was a memento of moments from the past that he didn’t see himself being able to let go of. Not yet.
He filled it to the brim with the steaming hot liquid, enjoying the stark contrast between the colors. Cream and dark brown met against the fullest of his lips, the softest of inhales giving him a first taste of his favorite remedy. His face inevitably warmed up from the waves of heat that ran out through the tight space created by his hunched stance over his cup. It was then that he sunk in, plunging mouth first into the rich and dark pool that floated before him. Taking the dive had never felt better than in that moment.
A few invigorating laps in, he turned towards his living room to look out through the window. The day was a cloudy one, prefacing possible outbursts of rain. If it were anyone else, that might’ve been a depressing sight, but to Jonghyun it was comforting. He felt his shoulders relax as his eyes stilled on the scenery.
This moment could’ve been perfect in every way, but peace seemed to always be too much to ask for in Jonghyun’s world. Another series of knocks on his door jolted him back into a tense state.
I swear to fucking God…
He had the good sense to put down his cup on the counter before marching back towards the front door to tell his friend off.
"Go away, Kibum," he yelled at the closed door.
A muffled titter reached him from the other side. "Hyung, it’s not Bummie."
At that, Jonghyun felt a stab of anxiety. "Um… I’m… I’m… naked."
"So? I’ve seen your dick before," the other said, raising his voice to be heard.
The blonde had to close his eyes and take a deep breath not to feed into his murderous urges. He knew if he kept arguing through the door, more embarrassing things would probably come out of the other’s mouth, so he had to settle on opening the door. Even if that was literally the last thing he wanted to do right now.
He had barely pulled it open when he felt himself stumble backwards from the force of another body launching forward into him. A thumping sound reverberated from their chests colliding as arms wrapped tightly around his bare torso.
"Get off of me," he ordered, voice muffled from the shock of hair that pressed against part of his face.
The grip around him just got tighter, almost cutting off his breath, and for a moment there, he wondered if this was turning into an attempt on his life. Fortunately, it didn’t get to that as the other let go and stepped back. The grin he was sporting between his full cheeks didn’t feel even slightly reassuring to the blonde.
"What are you smiling about?" the latter asked, nervous.
If it was even possible the brunette’s smile grew even wider. He looked like he was about to burst into a million particles from how frantic his energy felt.
"I knew it!" Taemin finally exploded as he threw his arms up in victory.
Jonghyun cocked a brow, confused. "You knew what?"
There was a pause as the other looked him up and down with a narrowed gaze.
"You said you were naked," Taemin reminded, frown drawing his eyebrows close.
"I lied," Jonghyun admitted.
The brunette’s mouth dropped open as the crease grew deeper between his eyes.
"Why would you do that?"
A visible contraction ran through the blonde’s jaw. "I just wanted to have a peaceful morning, but I guess that was too much to ask for."
With that, he walked back to the counter and picked up his mug, determined to at least enjoy a nice cup of coffee.
"Can you please close the door?" Jonghyun asked as he glanced at the slight opening that remained.
The younger one did just that before taking a few steps towards him.
"I didn’t mean to disturb your peace," Taemin said in a more subdued tone. "I was just really excited to share the good news. "
"And what would that be?" Jonghyun inquired, gripping his mug closer.
Taemin’s lips stretched into a smile again. " He likes you, like a lot. "
And right on cue, Jonghyun’s heart flipped.
Shit.
"Who’s he?" he feigned in a measly attempt to remain in denial.
Taemin crossed his arms, unamused. "For real, now?"
Jonghyun didn’t budge, focusing instead on getting more coffee into his system.
"You know very well who I’m talking about," Taemin stated before his eyes zeroed in on the other’s cup.
"Are you not going to offer me some coffee?" he said, lips curling into a pout.
"Are you not going to finish what you were saying?" Jonghyun echoed, baffled by the sudden change of topic.
"Oh, so you’re interested now?" the younger one fired back.
A staring contest ensued, which the blonde conveniently abandoned to grab another mug from the cupboard. He filled it with what had remained in the coffee pot and handed it to his friend who, in the meantime, had wiggled his way closer.  
"Thank you, Jjongie," the latter cooed as he bounced lightly on his feet.
Jonghyun watched as he took a long first sip, taking that lull in conversation to mentally prepare for what was to come. He really wished he had had his much needed alone time to sort things out.
Feeling like his body would need assistance soon, he moved to the couch and slowly settled onto one of the soft cushions. Of course, that meant being copied two minutes later by the other one who sat right beside him. Jonghyun held in an annoyed sigh.
"So, are you ready to talk about this now?" the brunette verified as he shifted his body aslant to better look at him.  
"Yeah, whatever," Jonghyun answered, shoulders inadvertently hunching over.
"What did you think of him?" Taemin immediately asked.
The blonde’s eyes flicked sideways to catch the other’s face before he reverted to the comforting sight of his filled mug. His mind felt jumbled and whenever that happened, there was a risk he’d say something he would regret. He couldn’t afford that right now. He was naked enough as it was.
"He’s… nice," he finally chose. The simplest answer was surely his best option right now.
Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to suffice for his friend.
"Nice?" Taemin threw back with a cocked brow.
"Yeah," Jonghyun maintained before bringing his cup to his lips again.
"Anything else?" the younger one went on.
"Nope."
A sigh followed, but much to the blonde’s surprise, it sounded like a sigh of relief.
"I fucking knew it," his friend let out.
Jonghyun couldn’t help but look straight at him with a deep frown now creasing his forehead.
"Can you stop with that? What the hell does that even mean?" he snapped as he took in the victorious smile that graced the other’s face.
"You like him too," Taemin sing-songed like an elementary school kid.
"How did you pick that up from me saying he’s nice?"
"I know you too well, Hyung," the other stated. "If you hadn’t enjoyed his company, the first thing that would’ve come out of your mouth would’ve been something negative."
Jonghyun’s mouth dropped open before he shut it tight, his eyes then narrowing into a hateful stare.
The only effect that had was to make the brunette burst out laughing in his characteristic hiccupy laugh, almost spilling some of his coffee over in the process.
"Am I wrong?" he managed to say through his fit.
Jonghyun wished a simple yes could’ve settled the whole matter, but he also knew how bad he was at lying and how pointless it was at this point. That didn’t mean he had to outright admit though.
His stubborn silence had the other getting right back at it.
"I know you won’t just admit to it, but still, I’m happy things went well between you two," he said, voice sincere.
"Also," he added. "I’ve already made the transfer to your account," he casually informed before taking a sip.
That instantly pulled the blonde out of his muteness.
"Tae… I can’t, " he uttered, uncomfortable.
"We already discussed this…"
"Yeah, I know, but… it feels wrong."
The guilt which sprung up through his chest made his head fall forward, his gaze landing straight on his bare thighs.
"It’s really not a big deal," Taemin dismissed. "Anyway, it’s not like I’ll be paying you every time or something."
"Every time?" Jonghyun promptly reacted as he straightened up again. "What do you think this is?"
A sly smile stretched across the brunette’s lips. "Oh, I don’t know. You tell me."
Jonghyun gave him a bewildered look. "You’re not making any damn sense."
"I don’t need to, as long as I get what I mean that’s enough," the younger one indicated with a shrug.  
"In any case," he continued as he put down his cup on the small coffee table before them. "Jinki said he’d be texting you later today, just so you know."
The blonde felt goosebumps prickle his skin.
"I’m sure you have nothing to do with that," he scoffed, partly to divert himself from his body’s betrayal.
The brunette chuckled. "I actually didn’t have to say much." A mischievous smile played on his lips. "One thing you have to know about Jinki is that when he wants something, he is very stubborn about getting it."
Upon hearing those words, Jonghyun’s first impulse was to scream, but he miraculously managed to keep it together despite the shiver that ran through him.  
"Why does that remind me of someone?" he said as naturally as he could.
Taemin laughed. "Oh, I don’t know. "
He then pushed himself back up on his two feet. "I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your morning, Hyung. I gotta meet up with Jongin to practice."
Jonghyun frowned at him. "Again?"
"Well, yeah. We have a choreo to present in contemp’ class this Friday," he quickly defended.
Jonghyun gave him an unimpressed look before deciding that now wasn’t the time to force the issue.
"Yeah, okay, have fun."
He felt the other’s lingering gaze on him as he drank more coffee, but deliberately ignored it. A second later, he heard him mutter something under his breath, but didn’t make any move to show that he cared.
As expected, his demeanour prompted the brunette to leave his dorm without another word, but surprisingly, his door wasn’t slammed shut on his way out.
Jonghyun let out a long sigh as he looked around his living space.
All for a peaceful morning…
***
If Jonghyun had hoped that things would settle, he was once again gravely mistaken. He couldn’t even fault anyone other than himself this time. The inner turmoil he had been experiencing lately wasn’t anything less than strange.
Jonghyun wasn’t one to run after people or be particularly needy. Life had shown him that his best support system was himself and he had chosen to live his life in alignment with that lesson. The friends he had now had been made through a fortunate chain of circumstances that he was very grateful for, but in the back of his mind, he never felt like these relationships could persist over the long haul. He had always believed that he would end up going through life alone. The thought wasn’t even a dark assessment of his life; it just felt like the natural course of things.
That’s why the moment he found himself feeling something that could be categorized as neediness, he felt unsettled. Did he enjoy having company? Yes. Sometimes. Did he miss his friends when they didn’t get to hang out in a while? Yes. Sometimes. Did he ever feel like there was a void if he didn’t get to see other people? No. Not really.
So again, he couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he was feeling like an abandoned pup right now. It had been five days since Jinki should’ve supposedly texted him and he still hadn’t gotten any news. At first, he had chalked that up to the fact that Taemin had probably mislead him to mess with his head a bit, but by day three, he genuinely started to feel worried and insecure. What if Jinki had just been polite and hadn’t really enjoyed his company?
By now, he had probably had that thought a million times and every time, it felt like a soft stab to his chest. The day before, he had even thought of getting some information through Taemin, but at the last minute, he had buried his words down his throat, still determined on saving face. It was a good thing for his ego, but not so much for his current emotional balance. His eyes had now been glued to his phone for the last ten minutes, distracting him from the composition he had been trying to work on for the past few days. Something he cared about so much was now falling by the wayside because of irrational impulses.
The vibrant blue sky that had graced the day was now morphing into darker shades and soon enough, another day would’ve passed without him getting any kind of relief from his inexplicable predicament. He felt screwed in so many ways, apart from the way he was probably needy for. Jonghyun didn’t do emotional connection, but he did find himself in dire need of physical touch a lot of times. He wasn’t very vocal about it, but it was still very present nonetheless. Popping in some porn and jerking off to it before bed usually did the trick, but even that hadn’t been effective in the past few days.
He had jerked off, but his fuel hadn’t been some mindless porn plot. It had been something very real, but also very foreign. What was becoming clear in his mind was that if things kept up in the way they had, he’d probably have to call up Taemin again. And he certainly didn’t want to have to resort to that.
God… what is wrong with me?
He threw his phone on the empty cushion beside him before picking it right back up two seconds later.
Nothing new.
He groaned loudly at his own pathetic behaviour as his hand clenched tightly around the small device.
Damn you, Tae.
Jonghyun had been perfectly fine with the balance he had before. Was he working himself too hard? Probably. But he was staying focused and disciplined. Now those words felt like a joke to him.
His eyes shut as he took a few deep breaths to settle himself a bit. The exercise was enough to create some much needed mind space. Space that was soon filled with the only solution that could calm his nerves and turmoil.
Call him.
Of course, it was easier said than done, but after another five minutes of internal debate, he stopped fighting.
The loop of rings that reverberated against his eardrum brought his heart rate to a frighteningly high speed and for a moment there, he thought he wouldn’t make it, but the voice suddenly cutting through monopolized his focus.
"Jonghyun?"
The one in question swallowed, simultaneously realizing how dry his throat had become.
"Hello?"
He would be lying if he said he wasn’t thinking about hanging up right this instant, but something stronger than his fear prevented him from doing just that.
"Yes, it’s me."
Jonghyun heard his smile on the other end.
"Was just making sure," Jinki replied. "How are you?"
I’m just about to lose my fucking mind, but I’m good and you?
"I’m fine… I was just… doing some stuff for school," he voiced, feeling awkward.
"And you?"
"Well, first, I’m glad you’re fine," the other said. "Secondly, I could give you my ready-to-go answer or a real answer. Which one do you feel up for?"
"The real one, of course," Jonghyun immediately answered.
"Well…" A sigh followed. "I’ve been swamped with this new case and it’s really not given me any time to breathe. At first, I thought it could just be solved with an easy settlement, but now it’s just a complicated mess..." A longer sigh left him this time.
Guilt weighed on the blonde’s chest at that. He had been so wrapped up in his selfish needs that he hadn’t thought for a minute that the other might’ve had a good excuse for not calling back.
"I’m so sorry you’ve been overwhelmed by that," he offered.
"It’s fine, really," the other immediately said in return. "I’ve been through this type of madness so many times before." He then laughed.
"Still, I hope your workload will lighten up soon."
"I hope so too."
The inevitable awkward silence crept in in that moment, leaving Jonghyun in the face of his pitiful previous behavior.
"I didn’t want to bother you," he started, shameful. "I just…"
Nothing seemed justifiable enough to explain himself.
"Don’t worry about it," Jinki reassured. "I’m glad you called actually. I’ve been feeling guilty about not calling you back like I’d promised."
"But I was going to…" he immediately added. "I just wanted to have more time…"
"I get it," Jonghyun acknowledged, his shoulders relaxing from the relief of not having been forgotten.
"I’m glad you do and I’m sorry," the other said.
"Don’t worry about it,"Jonghyun reassured.
"No, but really, it’s not okay," Jinki went on. "I should’ve taken a few minutes to call you."
"What can I do to make this right again?" he then asked.
Jonghyun felt himself get warm all over. Why is he being like this?
A bunch of ideas popped up in response to his question, but ultimately, they all came down to one thing.
"I’d just like to see you, to be honest."
These words had probably not seen the light more than five times throughout his whole life, but in this moment, it felt like there was no better way to express what he wanted.
"Ah, well," a brief pause ensued, "I can definitely do something about that."
His voice felt like a soft caress against Jonghyun’s ear and he had to bite his lip to prevent any inappropriate sound from leaving him.
"Actually…" the brunette continued. "I’ve been thinking about having ice cream all day and I could definitely use a break right now."
Jonghyun frowned, not sure he was following. "You mean…"
"I mean let’s go eat some ice cream together," the older one reiterated in a cheerful tone.
"Unless, you don’t like ice cream, which would be totally fine too," he immediately added.
"No, no, I like ice cream," Jonghyun confirmed with a bit too much enthusiasm. He noticed immediately, making a mental note to himself to reel it in.
"But what happened with not stress eating?" he couldn’t help but ask, his teasing nature never too far behind.
The brunette snorted. "Pardon my language, but fuck that."
Jonghyun’s eyes widened as a familiar pang hit his stomach.
If he curses again, I’m fucked.
"Amen to that," he played along with a small laugh.
Jinki joined in before speaking again. "In what area do you live?"
"I live on campus," Jonghyun answered.
"Oh," the other exclaimed in surprise. "It’s actually not too far from where I work… maybe fifteen minutes or so," he informed.
Jonghyun found himself feeling a bit too happy about that fact and had to make another mental note to himself to calm the fuck down.
"I’ll just check real quick if there is an ice-cream parlor not far from there," Jinki indicated before falling into silence.
Jonghyun quietly waited, just now noticing the queasy feeling in his stomach that came around whenever he was nervous or uneasy.
Fortunately, he didn’t have to sit with it long.
"Okay, there is one at about a ten-minute walking distance from the campus," Jinki reprised. "Is that okay for you?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Okay, so I’ll text you the address," the older one settled.
"Good."
"I should be there in half an hour."
"Great."
"Okay, so see you soon," Jinki concluded with a smile that didn’t fail to translate at the other end.
"See you soon," Jonghyun reciprocated, a bit more subdued.
As soon as the line cut off, he flopped onto the couch, already overwhelmed by that bit of interaction.
He closed his eyes for a while, just trying to recover. After what seemed like an eternity, he reopened them and finally made a move to get ready. He didn’t have too much time, so he went straight to his room to get changed. He took off his hoodie, his cap and sweatpants and looked through his rack of clothes to pick out something more appropriate for the circumstances.
Jonghyun always chose comfort over style, but he still felt the pressure of making a good impression on the other. He knew there was no need to go all out like last time, but he could definitely put in more effort than he usually would.
As he looked through his items of clothing again and again, he couldn’t help but wish Kibum was there to help him out. Unfortunately, they still weren’t on speaking terms if the looks of hatred he had received from the other in the hallways were any indication. Jonghyun definitely had the luck of befriending the most stubborn people in the world.
After a few more minutes, he finally settled on a loose-fitting grey shirt and dark jeans that were ripped at the knees. He wasn’t sure it was the best choice, but in the end, that’s all he could agree with himself to wear. He completed the look with his black Timbs, thinking to himself that it was the perfect compromise between his worn-out Converses and his classier shoes. Lastly, he ran a hand a few times through his hair, managing to tame some unruly strands that stuck up.    
He couldn’t help but linger a bit too long in front of the mirror before realizing he really had to go. He slipped his wallet into one of his back pockets and travelled back to the living room where he picked up his phone again to look at the directions. Not long after, he was out the door. The evening breeze met him a few minutes later, instantly showing him that the warmth they had experienced during the day had now completely disappeared. He had the mind to go back up to get a light jacket, but his fear of being late trumped the need for warmth.  
His walk was fast-paced bordering on frantic, so what was supposed to take him ten minutes took him six, leaving him surprised when he found himself standing right in front of the parlor. He took a quick look around to see if Jinki was anywhere in sight, but he didn’t see him. Clearly, he was early, but he did hope the other would arrive soon before his nerves took over completely.
By the time the other finally appeared in his line of vision, he had had the time to envision every possible catastrophe that could occur during their time together. He wanted to be relaxed and enjoy this time, but he felt like he was off to an awful start.
"Am I late?" Jinki asked once he had reached him.
"No, no, I just arrived a little early," Jonghyun reassured before his eyes went on to feast on the sight before him.
The taller one was wearing a marine blue suit that did wonders to his silhouette and his dark bangs covered his forehead this time, giving him a softer, but equally enticing look. But that wasn’t even what had him reeling. It was the fact that the white dress shirt that peaked out underneath wasn’t buttoned all the way up.
He had to wonder if it had been that way all day.
An airy laugh pulled him out of his musings.
"It’s probably not the best outfit to wear to eat ice cream," Jinki noted as their eyes met.
Jonghyun felt his face heat up as he realized he had been caught staring.
"It-it should be fine," he stuttered as he rushed to reply.
But I won’t be, his mind threw at him immediately.
Jinki laughed softly. "I’ve probably lost a few good suits to food by now. One more won’t make a difference."
Jonghyun silently disagreed. No, no, this suit needs to stay.
"The trick is to ask for a cup, not a cone," he advised. "It’s less messy."
A slight pout graced the other’s lips, which didn’t fail to make the blonde’s heart flip.
"Cones are more fun though."
Jonghyun acknowledged that with a nod, not trusting himself to speak right this instant.
"Shall we go in?" Jinki prompted with a lopsided smile.
Jonghyun nodded again and a second later, he was following the taller one towards the entrance. As they stepped in, a small bell attached to the door tinkled above their heads, announcing their arrival to whoever owned the shop. For a few seconds, Jonghyun felt blinded by the bright neon lights, reacting to them with a frown and a wrinkling of his nose, but soon enough, the arrival of a middle-aged woman behind the counter brought his focus elsewhere. The woman greeted them with a pleasant smile and a warm welcome, which they immediately reciprocated.
As they walked over to the display cabinet, Jonghyun noticed the only two other people that were in the shop. It wasn’t hard to see that they were a couple. Their eyes were bound in a loving stare and they were holding each other’s hands, the only thing between them being a melting mountain of sundae.
Usually, he would’ve rolled his eyes at such a sight, but this time, he couldn’t. His stomach tightened and he quickly looked away. He didn’t need to look far for a distraction as his eyes fell on a dozen of colorful tubs of ice cream. Jonghyun still didn’t like that the place was so bright, but he could agree that it was probably the best way to make the products look even more appetizing. He knew that, because despite always sticking to his personal favorite, he now found himself staring at the fruit-flavored ice cream and even at the mint-chocolate chip one, which he had always clowned Taemin for loving.
"What are you getting?" Jinki softly inquired as his gaze stayed fixed on the merchandise.
"I usually always go for Rocky Road, but I’m kinda hesitating right now," Jonghyun admitted. "You?"
"I’m in the same predicament as you are. I always go for Vanilla, but damn… everything looks so good."
The blonde’s eyes tore away from the ice-cream to give the other a judging look.
"Vanilla? Really?" he expressed with barely contained disdain.
Jinki met his scowl with a confused expression on his face. "Well yeah… I like the classics."
"You can’t use that to justify eating Vanilla ice cream," the younger one threw back.
The brunette chuckled at that. "Seems like this is a pretty serious issue for you."
"I mean come on, Vanilla’s just sad," Jonghyun blurted before his mind could catch up.
"And I think Rocky Road’s pretty unsophisticated, but I’m not going to stop you from enjoying it."
The quick jab stunned the blonde momentarily, leaving his expression stuck between surprise and indignation.
A laugh left the other. "What? You can dish it, but you can’t take it?"
Jonghyun’s eyes grew even wider as a result, taken aback by the quick repartee.
So you can be cheeky, huh?
Jinki laughed again. "How about we both choose something different tonight?" he suggested as he looked once more at what was before them.
That effectively snapped the younger one out of his shock. "Mm, sounds good," he agreed.
After a few more minutes of going back and forth between choices, they finally settled and soon after, they were sitting face to face at a table in the back.
"How’s yours?" the taller one asked as he watched Jonghyun have a first taste.
"It’s pretty good actually," the latter said as he nodded at the soft green scoops in his cup.
"I like Pistachio too," Jinki acknowledged before tasting his own.  
Jonghyun just stared as the brunette licked off a few layers of ice cream. The hum of pleasure that ensued almost took him out.
"Wow, that’s great," the brunette then let out, impressed. "I guess I can alternate between vanilla and raspberry now, huh?"
Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh which effectively pulled him out of his trance. "Yeah, it’s good to live dangerously once in a while."
"I guess you’ll have to teach me."
For whatever reason, that made him shiver.
"Ah well… I’m pretty tame, actually," he indicated sheepishly.
"Is that so?" Jinki questioned, gazing straight at him.
Jonghyun wasn’t one to shy away from a look, but the power in those dark orbs was too much for him to handle.
"I think so…" he said as he looked down to his cup again.
That made the other laugh. "That doesn’t sound too convincing."
"Well…" Jonghyun pondered. "It really depends on what you consider dangerous."
His eyes flicked upwards to meet the brunette’s eyes again.
The latter smiled an amused smile. "I’m not much of a risk-taker as you might’ve gathered already, so my definition is probably broader than most people."
Jonghyun’s gaze narrowed with interest. "Even so, you must’ve done something risky once in your life."
JInki’s head lolled from side to side as he mulled over the thought. "I wouldn’t say risky. I just had a rebel phase during my teens like everyone else, but it wasn’t anything special. I just stayed out way past curfew a few times and drank my problems away a little too many times."
The blonde gave a satisfied nod. "That counts."
Jinki scrunched up his nose at that. "No need to give me participation points."
That made Jonghyun burst out laughing and he instinctively brought a hand up to cover his mouth.
"I’m not!" he refuted.
The brunette clicked his tongue before diving once again in his now melting raspberry delight. The ice cream was sliding past his cone and onto his fingers, but he didn’t seem to care.
And Jonghyun certainly didn’t mind either.
"That was pretty much how wild my teens were to be honest," he went on, more so to distract himself from the view before him. "Now that I’m in college, I really don’t have time to be messy or anything."
That made Jinki freeze, leaving his ice cream alone for a moment. "Why don’t I believe you?" he then said with a slight frown.
Jonghyun could feel his face heat up, but he tried to ignore it by going for a shrug.
"I don’t know," he just said.
The brunette squinted at him before his lips slowly stretched into a cryptic smile.
Jonghyun waited for him to voice his thought, but he didn’t, instead moving his focus back on his treat. He had to follow suit as his own ice cream was starting to puddle in its container.
It was another few minutes before Jonghyun was faced with an empty cup and Jinki chewed his way to the last bit of his cone. Not many words had been exchanged between them in the meantime, but Jonghyun couldn’t have found it in him to speak. Not when one of Jinki’s legs suddenly moved to brush against his in a manner that couldn’t be chalked up to coincidence. He had dared to glance at the taller one to get further reassurance, but his face hadn’t given anything away. The brunette had just given him one of his radiant smiles that did nothing to help.
And now that they were done eating and Jinki was wiping his fingers clean with a napkin, Jonghyun had to wonder what was going to happen next.
"I’m just going to stop by the washroom real quick, I’ll be right back," Jinki said, cutting through his musings.
Jonghyun just nodded and watched him walk away, not failing to catch how good his ass looked in his form-fitting pants. Once he disappeared, he let out a deep breath he had apparently been holding longer than necessary before he went back to reviewing his options.
He clearly didn’t want this moment to end, but he also didn’t know where they stood right now. Clearly, Jinki was sending him a message, but he wasn’t confident about his interpretation of it. The slightest touch could mean so much more to him than what it really was. If it weren’t anything serious, he would risk it, but the present circumstance just didn’t feel like any other time.
It felt different. And Jonghyun didn’t know how to handle it.
He spent the remainder of his time alone trying to figure out what he could say or what he could do, but he wasn’t able to come up with a clear plan before the other stepped out of the washroom.
His panicked state must’ve read clearly on his face, because the first thing that came out of the taller one’s mouth as he settled before him once more was, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, totally," Jonghyun lied as he tried to play it cool.
Jinki chuckled. "Good, because I’d like to bring you somewhere."
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed at that. "Somewhere?"
"Yeah," the brunette simply said, smiling. "I don’t want to tell you more, but I’d like for you to say yes."
Was Jonghyun the type to follow someone he barely knew to a location he had no information about?
"Yes," he immediately answered, his heart rate picking up simultaneously.  
Apparently, he was.
It wasn’t long before they were back outside, being greeted this time by a pitch-dark sky under which the streetlamps shone with a stark brightness. Their surroundings were pretty much void of any other human life making their walk to the car a peaceful and intimate moment.
Jonghyun was mindlessly walking besides the taller one, deciding that his fate pretty much wasn’t in his hands anymore. He was deliberately taking his hands off the wheel and letting the other take full control. That was something he hadn’t done in a while and the retrieval of that carelessness definitely felt invigorating. But he was doing his best to stay calm and keep his energy under control. Otherwise, he was scared he might blow his chance.
They finally came to a halt after walking down the street for a few minutes, stopping in front of a majestic Rolls-Royce. Jonghyun’s eyes widened at its sheen and pristine look, his mind quickly kicking in to remind him of their difference in status.
His ears caught the other’s laugh, but he was still stunned.
"I made the same face when I first saw it," the brunette shared. "Only to realize with time that it wasn’t that different from any other car."
Jonghyun’s gaze shifted to him, brow cocked. "I’d be really curious to know what you have in mind when you say any other car."
Jinki laughed again. "You probably have a point here. Nonetheless, a car is a car."
Following that, he unlocked the doors and made his way to the driver’s side, leaving Jonghyun to settle into the passenger’s seat.
The blonde let himself slide slowly onto the leather seat, every creak of the material under his weight making him hypervigilant of his every movement.  
The brunette’s amused smile let him know that he was probably overdoing it, but he couldn’t help feeling like he was about to fuck something up.
The soft rumble of the car’s engine calmed him a bit as the other’s hands settled on the wheel. It wasn’t long before the vehicle was hitting the road, prompting once again a warning thought in Jonghyun’s mind as to the potential danger that lay in this venture.  
He quickly pushed it away and focused his gaze ahead, looking at the buildings and greenery with a blank interest. The way the surroundings were drawing themselves with each passing intersection felt familiar for the first fifteen minutes of the ride, but soon after, the scenery changed.
There were no more buildings to be seen, leaving in their stead open fields stretching on either side of the road. Jonghyun suddenly felt compelled to ask about their whereabouts, but they hadn’t exchanged a word since the beginning of the ride. Now, the silence was a third party that just couldn’t be thrown out the window.
So Jonghyun held his peace, his hands meeting for a fidgeting dance every few minutes as his sharp teeth gnawed at his bottom lip in a pulsing fashion. He didn’t mean to be nervous or suspicious, but if anything, his survival instinct still had a seat at the table.
It was another ten minutes of the same before they left the fields behind to meet with a viaduct that passed over dark depths of water. Only when they reached the end of it, where concrete met land again, did the car slow down before coming to a stop.
That did nothing to help with the blonde’s nerves, but he chose to stay faithful to silence just a bit longer. The other’s soft breathing reached his ear again as the engine fell asleep. Jonghyun dared give a look his way, immediately meeting his eyes in the process.
The brunette smiled as if it were the most natural thing in the world and that was enough to make his shoulders relax a bit.
"I’m sorry if you were expecting something more glamorous," the other uttered somewhat apologetically.
Jonghyun couldn’t help but snort. "I wasn’t, but you do have some explaining to do."
Jinki laughed at that. "Of course, but let’s step out first."
He followed that up with the retrieval of his car keys and the unbuckling of his seatbelt before opening the door and sliding out of his seat. Jonghyun stayed still for a few seconds, still uneasy, before he finally pushed himself to follow him out, the sound of the car doors slamming shut following each other at a second of interval.  
It wasn’t long before Jinki was before him, a coy smile now dancing on his lips.
"So, " he started, hands settling deep into his pants’ pockets. "What do you think of this place?"
Jonghyun cocked a brow, perplexed. "Seriously?"
"Yeah…"
"Well, it’s…"
Creepy.
"It’s…" he tried again as his eyes took in the scenery once more.
"Spacious."
The brunette chuckled. "You’re nice for not saying what’s on your mind."
Jonghyun blinked at him as a sudden warmth spread across his face.
"I know it’s not quite paradise on earth, but for me, it’s… a peaceful place," Jinki shared as he moved his gaze to the river that rhythmically danced a few meters from them.
His eyes went back to him again before he added, "I just wanted to share that with you."
Jonghyun’s heart flipped inside his chest right on cue, making it possible for him not to bite his lip.
"How often do you come here?" he asked to move the conversation into more comfortable territory.
"Whenever I need to clear my mind," Jinki informed. "Which can be one or a few times per week, to be honest," he added before smiling again.
But Jonghyun could see sadness in his smile and that was enough to make his heart ache.
"How did you find this place?" he instinctively asked.
"I was trying to escape," Jinki admitted as he leaned back against the side of the car.
A deep crease grew between the blonde’s eyebrows. "Escape from what?"
A soft sigh crossed the taller one’s lips. "From my parents."
"Why? What happened?"
"It was a few years ago…" the brunette prefaced as his gaze fell towards the ground. "I went to theirs for what I thought was just a dinner, but it turned out that they had invited this girl over to introduce us…"
Jonghyun didn’t miss the clench that punctuated the other’s jaw as he fell silent. The memory was clearly painful, making him regret he had asked any further questions.
"We don’t have to talk about this, Jinki," he voiced as his eyes settled with worry on his dark expression.
The shift was instant. The other’s face relaxed and he looked back up, a hand reaching behind his neck to rub it as he smiled again, embarrassed.
"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get all serious like that," he said.
Jonghyun’s chest tightened. He was aching to give him a hug, to bring him some peace, but he wasn’t sure he could just now.
So, he went for the next best option.
"It’s okay," he reassured as he settled right beside him against the car. He immediately became hyperaware of the closeness between them, making it hard to concentrate on anything else.
"Thank you for sharing this with me," he managed to say as his eyes flicked up to reach the other’s.
He was answered with an intent look that menaced to make him burst into a million pieces.
"Can I be honest with you?" the taller one asked as his body shifted to look straight at him.
Jonghyun’s eyes widened as he took in the little space that was left between their faces, but despite his internal meltdown, he found himself able to nod.
"I really like you."
Jonghyun’s body faltered at that, his chest collapsing under a sharp stab that made him whimper against his will.
"Come again?" the older one teased with a cheeky smile.
A bright blush colored his cheeks, making him want to dig himself into a deep hole right that instant.
"That’s not fair," he grumbled with a small pout. "You can’t just spring stuff like that on people."
"So, you would’ve have preferred I hadn’t said anything?" Jinki said, amused.
Jonghyun retaliated with a punch to his arm, making the taller one burst into laughter.
"Yah, this isn’t funny. That should’ve hurt," he fussed, crossing his arms over his chest in protest.
"How can I not laugh when you’re acting this way?" the brunette pointed out.
"Are you making fun of me?" the blonde threw back.
"Not at all, I just think you’re cute," the other swiftly replied.
Another stab. Followed by a shiver. Jonghyun was pretty sure now that he wouldn’t survive this night.
"Yah, you’re pretty smooth for someone who hasn’t been on the dating scene," he observed, frustrated.
"If my honesty comes off that way, I’ll take that as a compliment," Jinki said with a light shrug.
"But I’m starting to get worried you don’t feel the same way, you’ve just been stalling this whole time…" he remarked with a pout of his own.
Apart from being subjected to one of the cutest sights he had ever seen in his life, Jonghyun also had to deal with his own mind and heart racing like there was no tomorrow.
"I really like you too," he said before he wouldn’t be able to anymore.
"Thank god," Jinki let out as he smiled in utter relief.  
Jonghyun frowned. "Are you really surprised? Cause if there’s something I’m not good at it’s being subtle."
The brunette chuckled at that. "I mean, I had my doubts…but it’s always nice to get some type of confirmation."
"I mean it’s really not in my MO to call first," Jonghyun indicated.
That instantly piqued Jinki’s curiosity. "What’s your usual MO then?"
Jonghyun couldn’t help but feel embarrassed at that. "Well, I mean…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I’m usually the casual encounter type of guy."
"Aah," the other acknowledged with a small laugh before saying, "So, I’m probably going too slow for you, huh? "
The blonde’s eyes widened at that. "No, no, not at all," he uttered in panic. "Like I said, it’s not the same, I-"
A gasp left his mouth as warm hands settled on his hips and pulled him closer. His eyelashes quivered slightly as he then felt them move to the small of his back, holding him tightly in place.
By the way Jinki was looking at him, he knew he wasn’t the only one who wanted so much more right now, but he was still wary of not losing himself just yet.
"Can I kiss you?" the brunette asked against him as his lips inched closer to his, their breaths meeting first before anything else could follow.
Jonghyun was left unable to do anything else other than nod, the warmth emanating from the other’s body almost making him dizzy. Jonghyun was used to encountering hot people, but this man right here was a different kind of hot.
And he got even more confirmation of that as the taller one’s lips captured his with an urge that made his heart thump loudly inside his chest and his eyes flutter closed.
He let himself be kissed without restraint, melting under the feeling of the other’s soft lips claiming his before moaning as he felt his tongue find his with an ease that felt almost too good. The sweet tang of the ice cream flavor he got a taste of only added to his hunger. Instinctively, he brought his arms up around the taller one’s neck, pulling him a bit further down to squeeze him closer, to feel him deeper.
Catching the low groan that elicited from him, Jonghyun returned the kiss more fiercely, wanting to see how close to the edge they could push themselves. They kissed without pause until the limit drew itself at the lack of air in their lungs.
Jinki pulled back first, drawing with his retreat a whine of complaint from the blonde.
The latter quickly resolved his need for more by lolling his head a bit to kiss the brunette’s neck, relishing the shiver that accompanied his ministrations.
"Fuck, Jonghyun…" Jinki breathed against him, fingers digging into his hips again as he tried his hardest not to buck his own forward.  
Jonghyun’s lips travelled up to his jaw, giving it a small poignant bite before he pulled back a bit to meet the taller one’s eyes again. The latter’s face was tense, and his eyes had that sheen of desire he was sure could be read in his own.
"Did you also bring me here to fuck, Jinki?" he dared as one of his hands slowly travelled down the other’s covered chest, relishing the softness of the material under his palm.
The brunette’s gaze narrowed just a bit more, focusing on the subtle blush that graced the younger one’s cheeks with a hunger he hadn’t felt in a really long time. If he were to only listen to his dick’s brain, he probably would fuck him right here and then.
And Jonghyun was making it incredibly hard to resist as his hand finally reached his belt and tugged on it with a provocative playfulness.
"So, am I right?"
Jinki’s eyes darted downwards, looking at how close the blonde’s small hand was to his crotch and thinking about how much he wanted it on it. Images of being brought to completion flashed in his mind and he had to bite down hard on his lip not to moan.
Out of precaution for his sanity, he grabbed the other’s hand and moved it away from him.
"Do I look like the kind of guy that would bring you to such a secluded place to fuck?"
Jonghyun shrugged. "I don’t know, you tell me," he said in a tone that had accents of challenge.
"Well, if you must know, my MO’s pretty much the opposite of yours," Jinki informed before chuckling a bit at the frown that drew itself on the smaller one’s pretty features.
"What does that mean?"
Jinki’s laughter died right that moment, unnerving Jonghyun deeply. He didn’t have much time to linger on it though as the brunette’s face came close to his again. Just when he thought he would be granted with the gift of another kiss, the other moved his head slightly, bringing his lips to his ear.
"It means that I like to wait," he whispered before pulling back again.
Jonghyun’s eyes had closed at the sound of his voice, lingering on the undertones of it for a few more seconds before he opened them again. His spine was still tingling from the shiver that had just run through it, leaving him in a heightened state of sensitivity.
He couldn’t help but want to be close to him, to feel more of him, but most of all, he didn’t want to force anything. Despite the way the other had chosen to get his point across, Jonghyun could still feel he was pretty serious about it. Jinki didn’t seem like the type of guy to play around with his words.
"Waiting it is then," Jonghyun acknowledged not without a tinge of disappointment pinching at his heart.
Jinki seemed to pick up on that, because a second later, he was laughing. "Don’t worry, I don’t mean waiting until marriage," he reassured. "I just want to get to know you better first."
Jonghyun felt his heart flutter. "Sure," he simply said as he tried to remain calm.
The brunette smiled softly. "I probably should bring you back home now," he indicated as his gaze travelled around them.
The blonde did the same, only then realizing how dark their surroundings had become.
"Yeah, okay," he agreed.
A few seconds later, they were back in the car, fastening their seatbelts, before Jinki had the engine running again.  
The ride back seemed to pass by a lot quicker even though they fell into the same shared silence as before.
As they crossed into familiar territory again, Jonghyun started bracing himself for the moment when they’d have to say goodbye. His neediness for the other still felt incredibly odd, but he just couldn’t help it.
The thought of asking him to come up to his dorm crossed his mind, but when the car finally stopped in front of his building, he felt stupid for it. He could wait a little more.
"I’m really happy we got to spend the evening together, Jonghyun," Jinki said as he smiled at him once more.
"Me, too," Jonghyun echoed as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "Thank you for bringing me back home."
"It’s the least I could do after bringing you out to nowhere," the other replied, laughing.
Jonghyun couldn’t help but join in. "I suppose. " He then looked down to his hands, thinking. "Since you showed me something significant for you tonight, maybe next time, I could do the same?" he proposed, a little nervous.
A slight push of the other’s hand under his chin had him looking right into his eyes again.
"I didn’t do that to put pressure on you. We can just go with the flow, really," Jinki said before bringing the same hand up to his cheek to give it a soft caress.
Jonghyun’s eyes closed again, trying to grasp every delineation of his touch. "Okay," he gently uttered under his breath.
Once he let himself meet his eyes again, he couldn’t help but want just a little more.
"Can I get a goodnight kiss?" he asked, somewhat embarrassed.
Jinki nodded before inching closer to him. Jonghyun sighed as their lips met in a soft, slow kiss, his heart rate picking up greatly from the feel of it.
It almost felt like a tragedy when the other pulled back to create a small window of space between them.
"I’ll call you soon, for real this time," Jinki promised before leaving a quick peck on his lips.
Jonghyun nodded in turn and waited for the other to settle back comfortably into his seat before finally making a move to step out.
It was only when he was up and standing on the sidewalk after watching the other drive away that he realized how much he was already addicted to this man.  
And that was definitely a problem.
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rollercoasterwrite · 4 years
Text
I’m So Curious [Chapter 1]
Part 1 of my story written for Jjong’s Month and for my lovely Dee @jjongyyu
Here are the ones I wrote last year : Just For A Day & Love Is So Nice
Prompt :  Jjong is a college student with tight money, but manages to get into a prestigious uni where he becomes friends with Taemin. One day, Tae asks him to go out on a blind date with his cousin Jinki, a notable lawyer who still hesitates about dating someone. Jjong refuses, but the amount of money Tae offers is a sight he can’t ignore. Jinki adores him immediately and after several dates, Jonghyun falls in love with Jinki, but he doesn’t know how to tell Jinki about his agreement with Tae.
Pairing : Jongyu 
Genre : romance, some fluff, probably angst, smut eventually XD
TW : I don’t know if it’s really triggering to anyone, but Jjong curses a lot in this one and is kinda crude so yeah at least you have been warned. XD
Word Count : 6500 ~ 
Links : AFF & AO3
Special thanks to Cheryl for being my beta and making it possible for me to release part I before the month ended.
"What's your type?'' The blonde cocked an eyebrow. ''What has that got to do with anything?'' The brunette shrugged. ''Just wondering...'' He said, giving his straw another mindless chew before going on. ''I've just never seen you show interest in anyone.'' The other frowned, confused.
''Again, why did that pop up in your mind just now?'' ''Jeez, can't I just ask a question?'' the younger one retorted, frustration now edging his tone. '' I know you, Tae,'' the blonde immediately clapped back. ''You never just ask a question.'' His statement had the other snorting in indignation.
''Is that really what you think of me, Jjong?'' ''Yes,'' the blonde squarely replied before taking another sip of his iced coffee. He watched as his friend settled into grumpy mode with a scoff and a determined cross of the arms. He couldn't help but puff out laughing at the childish display. ''I know you'll eventually spill it…'' Jonghyun taunted, lopsided smile dancing on his lips. ''I hate you,'' Taemin spat with spite that only manifested when he didn't get his way. ''Good luck with that,'' Jonghyun replied with a chuckle. A sense of victory swelled in his chest as he watched his friend struggle to come up with a comeback. The silence gave him some time to look around the nearly empty café they regularly visited to get some school work done or chat. He could never stop himself from taking in the peaceful setting, even though he’d probably seen it a million times now. With its white-framed casement windows that let the natural light in, its bare white walls opening up the space, the various-sized potted plants adding life and color around them, and the rustic furniture that contrasted so perfectly against all the light, it just felt to him like his little corner of paradise. It was even more beautiful now that the setting sun bathed the space with dancing lights of pink and orange. If the moment wasn't already perfect, the warm and full aroma of fresh coffee filling up the space left not even a modicum of place for discontent. Jonghyun felt good, and not even the sight of his friend's disgruntled expression was going to change that. ''Can I order us another round of coffee or are you just going to storm out like a little bitch and leave me hanging?'' he half-asked, half-baited. Taemin's gaze narrowed at the jab. Jaw tense, he replied, ''Call me a little bitch one more time and that coffee will end up in your face.'' '' I'll take that as a yes for the coffee then, '' Jonghyun concluded, not at all fazed by the other's threat.
He knew of his friend's evil ways, but for some reason, the latter seemed to know there was no point trying anything with him.
As soon as they received their refill of iced coffee, the younger one seemed to relax and, soon enough, he was back on topic. ''Jjongie...'' he cooed, shifting into his characteristic charmer mode. ''No.'' Jonghyun didn't need to hear the rest. He already knew he wasn't going to like it. ''You don't even know what I was going to say," Taemin whined with pouting lips. ''Right, but I already know my answer.'' ''What if I was just going to ask for a ride home?'' the fluffy-haired brunette argued. ''But you weren’t, so cut the crap,'' Jonghyun bluntly dismissed. He caught the glare that his friend shot him before he took in more caffeine.
The younger one's frustration soon turned into a desperate sigh, signalling he was about to crack open. ''Look, I need a favor,'' he finally revealed. ''Ask Kibum,'' Jonghyun indicated. The younger one scrunched up his nose in disgust.
''Ew, no. Just imagining them...'' The retching gesture that followed wasn't enough to distract the blonde from what he had just caught in the other's unintentional admission. ''Them?'' he echoed, confused. ''Who is the other person?'' Taemin froze at that, the only movement perceptible being that of his furious blinking.
''Tae??'' Jonghyun called out as confusion and nervousness simultaneously grew inside him. ''Yeah, um...'' the brunette cleared his throat. ''The other person's my cousin,'' he finally said. Jonghyun frowned deeply.
''What's your cousin got to do with anything? '' ''He has to do with the favor I need from you,'' Taemin outlined before deflecting his attention to his chewed-up straw. ''The fuck?'' the older one exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his friend. It was a few more seconds before the other stopped his balancing act of chewing on plastic and drinking. ''You know my cousin, Jinki, that I sometimes talk about?'' Taemin started. ''You mean, that you always talk about, '' Jonghyun rectified, not without an edge of annoyance to his tone. ''That is not true,'' the other instantly countered. ''Riiight,'' Jonghyun derided. “I must be imagining all these times you've been going on about something he said or did.''
''No, you're not. But it's definitely not all the time.'' If there was something that Jonghyun had come to learn about the beautiful young man he spent a lot of his waking hours with, it was that he was incredibly stubborn. Jonghyun had seen that attribute work in amazing ways, especially when it came to his dancing skills. But he had also seen it work in the most annoying and infuriating ways, and this moment was definitely more proof of that. ''Whatever,'' Jonghyun brought himself to say to avoid any blood being shed on the beautiful table between them. ''Anyway,'' Taemin went on. ''Jinki's been feeling lonely and I thought I should help him out a bit, you know, since he's helped me so much throughout the years.'' ''Are you going to suck his dick or something?'' Jonghyun couldn't help but voice. ''Eeeeew,'' the younger one all but yelled. ''He's my cousin!!'' ''The way you get all excited whenever you talk about him makes me wonder sometimes... '' ''You're fucking gross, Kim Jonghyun.'' That made the blonde's eyebrow cock. ''Interesting...'' he mused. ''What?'' ''Seems like I hit a sensitive cord,'' Jonghyun noted matter-of-factly. ''Stop that,'' the brunette said in his most authoritative tone, which didn't feel that convincing to the other. ''Don't worry about it, Tae. Apparently, that happens between cousins more than we think.'' The death stare he received made it hard for him to keep a straight face, the tickling edge of laughter bringing a twitch to his lips. ''I swear... '' Taemin grumbled as a visible clench graced his jaw. He forced himself to roll his tongue in his mouth a few times like his mom had taught him as a kid before resuming. ''I need you to go on a date with him.'' ''No. '' Jonghyun didn't even need to hear more. He wasn't going to entertain any of it.
His response had the other sighing deeply. ''I knew it would play out this way,'' Taemin indicated as he looked straight into the older one's eyes. ''That's why I'm ready to pay.’' ''Excuse me??'' Jonghyun loudly exclaimed. The other's silence and serious expression only got him more riled up. ''Do I look like a fucking prostitute to you?'' ''I'm not asking that you have sex with him. I just want him to get back into the dating scene,'' Taemin calmly explained. ''That's cool and all, but why me?'' Jonghyun had no choice but to ask, bewilderment splashed all across his face. ''I feel like you two could get along,'' Taemin answered. ''Plus, he's always had a thing for petite guys.'' ''I'm not petite,'' Jonghyun growled, gaze turning dark. ''Fine, you're a fucking mountain,'' Taemin conceded with a slight eyeroll to spare himself a pointless argument. ''Look,'' he quickly followed with. ''You just have to go on one date and in return, you won't have to be so stressed out about money all the time.'' The tension that had settled on the blonde's face morphed into another look of disbelief. ''Are you actually hearing yourself right now?'' ''Yes, I hear myself just fine,'' Taemin replied without shame. ''Sex or no sex, what you are asking of me is still prostitution,'' Jonghyun pointed out bluntly. ''No,'' Taemin squarely countered. ''I asked for a favor and you said no, so I'm adding money into the mix so that it's still a win for you in the end.'' ''I can't accept your money.'' ''Yes, you can, and you will.'' The blonde gave him a wide-eyed stare.
''The fuck?'' The brunette sighed.
''I know you've worked really hard to get to where you're at, but you deserve to have some space to breathe. That's what I'm really offering you,'' he added for emphasis. Jonghyun was at a loss for words. He knew Taemin meant well, but that whole deal didn't feel right. On the flip side, getting some extra money would definitely alleviate the burden he carried with him all the time. Getting into his dream school had been a big part of the battle, but actually being able to pay all the fees that came with studying there was a strenuous challenge in itself. He could only do so many hours of work without it affecting his grades and he had already reached that limit. ''Like I said, I only ask for one date,'' Taemin reiterated. ''And you can consider this whole semester dealt with.'' If Jonghyun's eyes could've grown any bigger, they would have at that moment. ''You're tripping...'' That made the younger one laugh. ''I've actually had time to think this through,'' Taemin informed him. ''So I understand if you need some time to think about it, too.'' ''I...'' Jonghyun's eyes darted towards his half-filled cup as his mind mulled over the offer. He knew he should stick to his no, but Taemin had effectively spoken to the part of him that ached for some relief. ''I'll think about it,'' he finally said as he brought his gaze up once more. Taemin grinned. ''Thanks, Jjong.'' In that moment, a lump of nervousness formed in the blonde's throat. He realized he had just sealed the deal.
                                                         ***
I can’t believe I’m doing this, he thought as he stared at the restaurant’s elegant façade.
It was probably now close to ten minutes since he had parked on the other side of the street, building up the courage to follow through with the offer his evil best friend had made him.
He still couldn’t believe he had agreed to it, but here he was, all dressed up, black dress shirt and black pants sticking to him like a second skin and the shaggy bangs that usually covered his forehead now slicked back with some gel to make himself look a bit more presentable. He had even traded his worn-out pair of converse shoes for polished leather loafers. The only thing that had been a non-negotiable for him was the tie. He felt like a fraud, but having agreed to do this, he wasn’t just going to half-ass the task at hand. Despite everything, he still didn’t want to make a bad impression on his best friend’s cousin.
He hated to admit it, but he was nervous. He didn’t know what to expect or what to do, or even what to say. This could be a whole disaster, and if it was, he knew Taemin would never let him hear the end of it. He didn’t do dates and he didn’t do formal wear. But again, here he was, getting ready to play the part.
I’m fucking pathetic.
He dropped his bare forehead onto the steering wheel, rapidly losing all resolve he had mustered up on his way there. He could’ve pretty much stayed in that position for the rest of night, but the sudden buzzing of his phone in his pocket jolted him back upright.
He looked at his screen and his heart jumped. He couldn’t hide anymore.  
''Hello?'' he answered as his body temperature jumped up a few degrees.
''Am I speaking to Jonghyun?'' the voice at the other end uttered.
The blonde froze for a moment, taking aback by the soft but deep tone that had just graced his ear.
''Hello?''  
''Y-yes, it’s me,'' Jonghyun stammered despite himself.
Fuck. They hadn’t even met yet and he was already screwing this up.
''Hi, it’s Jinki. Taemin’s cousin,'' the other man went on.
''Ah, yes. Nice to- I mean, um-''
He cut himself off, realizing whatever would come out of his mouth now would just further embarrass him.  
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
His obvious clumsiness was apparently amusing to the other one because he suddenly laughed.
And that laugh did nothing to help Jonghyun recover brain cells.
''I’m already in the restaurant. Are you here yet?'' Jinki asked.
''Um, yeah… Well, I’m just outside. I’ll be right there,'' Jonghyun answered.
''Okay, well I’m in a dark grey suit and I’m wearing glasses,'' the other informed.
''Cool,'' Jonghyun uttered as he tried to form an image of what the other looked like.
''So…''
The sound of the other’s voice brought him back to reality. He instantly gave himself a mental kick for getting lost in his thoughts.
''Yes, um, okay, I’ll be hanging up now,'' he indicated before doing exactly that.
Okay, Jjong. You’re already making a damn fool of yourself. Get it together.
He took a few deep breaths before finally turning off the car’s engine and stepping out into the mild weather.
For a moment, he thought about bailing out and getting back into the car, but he knew how much of an asshole that would make him feel like. And he definitely was no asshole. Plus, he couldn’t help but think about the money involved.
Well, maybe that made him an asshole.
He managed to push back all of these thoughts in favor of finally getting himself past the entrance door. Hand on the handle, he pushed it open and stepped inside, relinquishing his fate to the wicked hands of the universe. He barely had time to look around when his eyes fell on a sight he was sure he’d never forget.
Jonghyun froze midstep as his gaze took in a gorgeous man whose clothes fit the description he had received a few minutes earlier.
''Jinki?'' he managed to utter despite feeling like his whole nervous system was about to collapse on him.
The man’s face lit up at the sound of his name and as soon as their eyes met, he flashed him a stunning smile.
''Jonghyun!'' he reciprocated enthusiastically as he took a few steps towards him.
It took Jonghyun everything not to step back and run out through the door. This was definitely worse than he had expected. The man was… A few words popped up in his mind, all of them just making it harder for him not to lose his composure.
''Happy to meet you,'' the brunette said before bowing before him.
Jonghyun returned the gesture, bending further down, since he was the younger one.
''Happy to meet you, too,'' he echoed once he rose back up.
He tried a smile, but it felt too forced, too staged. If there was something Jonghyun wasn’t good at, it was definitely acting.
''Have you ever been here before?'' Jinki promptly asked.
''Um, no…'' Jonghyun answered, slightly embarrassed.
He had done his research earlier that week when Taemin had sent him the address only to learn that this restaurant was one of the finest in the area. He could barely afford the essentials so there was no way he had any extra to be visiting these places. Nor did he ever really have any interest to.
''Ah, it’s okay,'' Jinki reassured with a softer but equally dashing smile. '' I’m glad this is your first time. ''
Jonghyun froze again, eyes wide, as his mind ran straight to the gutter with the other’s words.
The latter seemed to notice as he suddenly chuckled nervously, ''That probably didn’t come out right. I’m sorry.''
Jonghyun’s eyebrow cocked as he stared at the other. Is he for real?
The subtle blush he caught on the taller one’s face told him that it was indeed an honest mistake.
''I’m- I’m sorry…''
Jonghyun instantly felt bad. He was the one catching double entendres where there was none.
''Don’t be, please,'' he implored. ''I’m sorry, it’s me… I’m being a little weird …''
The brunette seemed to relax at that. Retrieving his smile, he said, ''This is a little never-wracking, huh?''
''Yeah,'' Jonghyun admitted as he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.
''Well, it’s nothing a little alcohol can’t fix, right?’' Jinki playfully remarked.
That made the blonde laugh.
''Definitely.''
Any words he would’ve said next died in his throat as the brunette’s eyes zeroed in on him in a focused and extremely unnerving way.
''Um… should we go to our table now?'' he found the courage to say as he deliberately avoided the other’s intent gaze.
That fortunately was enough to snap the other out of whatever trance he had been in.
''Yes, of course,'' he replied, quickly clearing his throat.
They first stopped at the front desk, Jonghyun just tagging along as Jinki gave the elegantly clad lady before them his name for the reservation. She then led them into the restaurant, walking them past the tables until they reached the back where a beautifully set table awaited them.
Along the way, Jonghyun had stolen glances around, taking in the contrasting elegance of the furniture with the robustness of the ceiling-to-floor pillars that gave the space more character and charm. He was even more pleased by the warm lighting that completed the portrait like icing on a cake, giving the room an intimate vibe.
Once the lady had finished setting the menus on the table and another came in to fill up their glasses with water, they sat, finding themselves alone.
''So, what’s your poison?'' Jinki immediately asked.
The blonde’s brow cocked.
''Shouldn’t we be ordering some expensive wine or something?''
''We could, if that’s what you want, but I’d rather you tell me what you like,'' Jinki indicated.
For some reason, that was enough to make Jonghyun’s heart jump inside his chest again.
''Um, well… I don’t drink often, but I really like rum,'' he shared as he tried not to linger on his body’s unsolicited reaction.
''Great,'' Jinki exclaimed as his face lit up even more. ''That’s my favorite.''
Immediately after, he gestured to one of the waiters in sight and ordered two glasses of a brand of rum Jonghyun was sure he had never tasted before. The order was served to them a few seconds later, the golden-brown liquid swaying beautifully inside the clear glasses.
Jinki was the first to pick up his glass.
''To a beautiful evening,'' he softly said as he lifted it.
''To a beautiful evening,'' Jonghyun reciprocated with a small smile before they both brought their glasses to their lips.
The taste that graced the blonde’s tongue was a perfect mix of strong, velvety, and sweet, making it impossible for him not to moan from contentment.
''That is the best rum I’ve ever had,'' he enthused, before realizing the other’s gaze had changed again.
He didn’t know what it was, but he could definitely feel himself tense up because of it. Fortunately, he didn’t have to speak this time for the other one to get back into conversation.
''I would have to agree with that,'' Jinki finally said with a smile.
''I’m guessing everything here is great, huh?'' the blonde gathered.
''Yeah, I’d say so,'' Jinki confirmed. ''Although…'' he went on immediately after, ''I pretty much always order the same thing, so I’m probably not the best person to ask,'' he admitted in a somewhat apologetic tone.
''What’s your order?'' Jonghyun asked with genuine interest.
''Their duck confit.''
The blonde stared blankly at him for a few seconds as his mind tried to figure out whatever that could be.  
His confusion must’ve shown clear because the other chuckled before saying, ''It’s basically duck cooked in its own fat.''
Jonghyun grimaced at that.
''That doesn’t sound very appetizing to me.’'
''I can understand,'' Jinki said with another soft laugh. ''So what kind of food do you usually enjoy?''
''Um… pretty simple stuff I guess,'' Jonghyun answered, suddenly feeling embarrassed.
The brunette acknowledged those words with a nod.
''To be honest, I just love to eat, so give me anything and I’m in.''
The blonde snorted out a laugh at that.
''Sounds like Taemin.''
He was answered with a broad smile.
''I guess we have some things in common.''
Yeah, a stunning face seems to be one of them, Jonghyun replied in the safety of his mind.
''By the way, I’ve been curious to know how you two became friends,'' the older one went on as he picked up his glass again.
''Oh, that…'' Jonghyun uttered mindlessly. ''I don’t know if it’s a funny story or if it’s just really cringy…''
''Now you have me even more intrigued,'' Jinki prodded with a grin.  
''Well, if you must know,'' Jonghyun started, realizing this was another chance for him to get back at the little brat.  ''I first met him at a school party last year. I didn’t want to go in the first place, but a friend of mine insisted, so I tagged along. When we arrived there, my friend quickly abandoned me for a girl, leaving me alone in the midst of hundreds of strangers. At that point, I was just going to leave, but someone approached me. At first, I thought he looked cute, but as soon as he started talking, I could see he was pretty far gone. He said a lot of things, things that could’ve gotten him in deep shit if he had said them to any other guy. ''
''Oh god,'' Jinki suddenly interjected as a look of worry settled on his face.
''Don’t worry, this ends well,'' Jonghyun reassured with a small laugh.
''Good, please continue.''
''So, like I said, I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t help but fear what might happen if I left him there. I ended up asking him to follow me and we got out. Then I asked where his dorm room was, but he never managed to tell me, so I brought him back to mine. I got him into bed and he immediately fell asleep before waking up a few minutes later and puking all over the floor. He didn’t even seem to notice though, because he went right back to sleep after that. And then the next morning, once he was alert enough that I could walk him through what had happened, he apologized, thanked me a million times and hung around for the rest of the morning. I still didn’t understand what his deal was, but it felt weirdly comfortable to have him there. And then, I guess it just picked up from that.''
''That’s Taemin’s charm for you,'' Jinki acknowledged with what seemed like a prideful smile.
Jonghyun snorted again, ''Yeah, I guess.''
A full laugh rolled out of the brunette.
''You’ve obviously seen all that comes with that charm, too.''
''Definitely,'' Jonghyun replied immediately.
Jinki laughed some more.
''Well, thank god you were there that night and that you’re still in his life. You seem to be a good influence on him.''
The blonde’s brow cocked.
''A good influence?''
''Yeah,'' Jinki validated. ''Tae talks about you all the time and one of the things that always comes back is his admiration for your passion and work ethic. You seem to have rubbed off on him because I can see how serious he is about things now.''
Jonghyun was trying to keep his face under control, but he knew he was failing at hiding his surprise and utter shock.
''He’s never…. I didn’t know he…''
And he was also failing to verbalize any coherent thought.
''Taemin will never outright tell you this, but what I know is that he doesn’t hang out with someone if he doesn’t really love them.''
''Yeah… I guess,'' Jonghyun admitted as he unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck again. ''What about you and Tae?'' he inquired to get the focus off of himself. ''You two seem pretty close.''
He was first answered with a beaming smile that turned his mouth dry. He quickly reached for his glass and took another sip.
''Yes, we are. It’s just always been like that despite our age gap. I’m an only child so my parents would bring me to my aunts’ and uncles’ houses a lot and I always had the most fun with Taemin. He was always so joyful and full of life, and that always made me feel happy. As we grew up, that bond deepened and now, I just see him as my little brother.''
''That’s… really nice,'' Jonghyun said, feeling touched despite himself.
''Yeah,'' Jinki agreed. '' He’s always bringing good into my life.''
Their eyes locked at that and Jonghyun’s heart did another somersault.
''Um, so… shouldn’t we order or something?'' he uttered as his eyes darted back to his glass.
''Shouldn’t you look at the menu first?'' Jinki pointed out with a teasing edge to his tone.
Shit.
''Uh, yeah. Of course.''
After looking at a bunch of items that didn’t make any sense to him, he finally settled for the swiss chard and goat cheese cannelloni. He was pretty sure a pasta dish wouldn’t disappoint his taste buds.
Once their orders were placed, the conversation lulled for a bit, leaving Jonghyun time to assess everything that had happened up until now. He couldn’t say things were going badly. On the contrary, but that just made it all the more confusing for him. Without thinking, he brought his glass to his lips again and downed the rest of the liquid, which he immediately regretted when the fire that suddenly blew up in his throat made him cough uncontrollably.
''Are you alright?'' Jinki asked as he gave him a worried look.  
Jonghyun nodded through his coughing fit. It took a few more seconds for his airways to clear out and bring him back to a peaceful state.
''I’m sorry… I…''
''Are you okay?''
The genuine concern he could read on the other’s face made him feel even more self-conscious and stupid. He couldn’t help but look away.
''Yes, I just…''
He didn’t even know what to say. And he couldn’t even use his glass as a distraction anymore.
Dammit.
''Can I tell you something?''
Jonghyun looked up again, curious as to what that thing might be.
''Yes?''
''I haven’t been on a date in years,'' Jinki shared.
Jonghyun blinked at him in surprise.
''Seriously?''
''Yes,'' the brunette reiterated with a sheepish smile. ''I’ve never really made time for anything that didn’t have to do with work.''
''So, what’s changed now?'' Jonghyun couldn’t help but ask.
''Hmm…'' Jinki pondered. ''Well… I guess I’ve finally realized how much I was missing out on.''
''Oh, well, from what I’ve heard you’ve made a pretty good life for yourself already,'' the blonde pointed out.
''I guess in terms of social status, yes, but in my everyday life, things were starting to get…'' he paused, looking nowhere in particular. ''Repetitive.''
''Oh, and here I thought lawyers had the most exciting lives,'' Jonghyun mocked without thinking.
His eyes instantly grew wide as he realized what he had just said.
''I didn’t mean to-''
Jinki laughed, ''I get it. I could try to defend my job, but being a corporate lawyer really isn’t exciting.''
''So why do you do it?''
''Because that’s what was expected of me. And I’m good at it,'' Jinki laid out openly.
''But… ''
Jonghyun couldn’t even begin to understand how someone could just go about a job without being really passionate about it. He had fought all his life to be able to pursue music as a career because, in the end, there was nothing else he could see himself doing.
''It's alright,'' Jinki laughed off. ''I dodged having to go into the medical field, so that's a win in my book." Jonghyun was tempted to dig further, to understand why the other had settled for a life without much agency, but he didn't feel like it was his place. ''Have I just lost you?'' the brunette inquired. Jonghyun caught the flash of fear that went through his gaze and felt his chest tighten. ''No, not at all,'' he instantly reassured. ''I'm just... intrigued,'' he chose after a moment of thought. ''Okay." A second after, the brunette picked up his glass and downed it just as he had a few minutes before. The gesture surprised him and even more so the absence of coughing that followed. ''Let me order us another round of rum and you can ask away," the older one indicated before doing just that. What followed was a pretty intimate exchange on how they had been brought up, an exchange during which the blonde found himself revealing a lot more than he would have ever imagined. They had just met and there he was talking about how the only good thing his mother had ever done for him was kick him out. By then, they were both half-way through their meals and the place had become even more crowded, but that did nothing to distract them from one another. ''She kicked you out?" Jinki exclaimed, eyes growing wide behind his thick frames. "Well, yeah. She couldn't have a defiant son disturbing her peace all the time," Jonghyun intoned with full-fledged sarcasm. "That's horrible," Jinki voiced in shock.
''Yeah, but it turned out for the best,'' Jonghyun observed. ''Living with my sister helped me get my shit together and get me to where I am now." Silence followed his words as the other looked straight into his eyes. Jonghyun felt a shiver run down his spine. "You're incredible." At that, he was pretty sure the man before him was out to kill him. His heart raced as the words rang loud in his mind. "I'm sure I wouldn't have had that resolve if I were in your place," the other then noted. The blonde wanted to argue and dismiss any credit the other was attributing him, but the dark chocolate orbs he was plunged into took the words right out of him. A little voice in his head told him to stop staring, but he felt paralyzed. He was praying the other would break the spell by looking away, but he didn't. "Do I have something on my face?" Jinki inquired, titter vibrating in his voice. Yes, your face. "No, I'm sorry... I just zoned out..." Jonghyun excused as convincingly as he could. "I get it. I would zone out, too, if we were talking about my painful memories," Jinki remarked, offering him an apologetic look. "It's fine, really," Jonghyun quickly replied as to not blow his cover. "Even so, why don't we move on to lighter stuff now?" the older one proposed with a broad smile that crinkled his eyes. Or perhaps, could we move to a bed? Jonghyun couldn't help but think as the sight before him awakened a part of him he usually managed to keep under control. "Yeah, sure," he said, reciprocating with a smile of his own. The conversation went on from there to discussions on their favorite things, like books, movies, and music. Even though they didn't always share common knowledge or taste in these things, their openness to each other made the rest of the evening go by pleasantly. "Did you enjoy your meal?" Jinki asked after the table had been cleared. "Yeah, it was pretty good," Jonghyun genuinely answered. The brunette grinned. "Glad it was. Do you want dessert?" he then offered. "Hmm... I'd say yes, but I'm pretty stuffed," Jonghyun admitted with a breathy laugh. "We can share," the other proposed before crossing his arms over the draped table. "Their crème brûlée is fantastic and I'd love for you to have a taste." Jonghyun felt his mouth go dry. Even if he would've wanted to say no, the eagerness he could hear in the other's tone had him do the contrary. "Okay, sure," he uttered, hoping his answer came off as nonchalant. He received another eye-blinding smile before the other took the lead again and ordered the aforementioned dessert. It was a few minutes before a small ceramic dish was placed between them. Jonghyun stared at the caramelized crust with interest before his eyes went to the utensils. There was only one spoon. "Um... They forgot a spoon," Jonghyun indicated as his eyes flicked up to the brunette. " I'm not averse to sharing a spoon, so you can eat first, " Jinki naturally settled before picking up the spoon and handing it to him. Jonghyun took it, feeling somewhat uneasy. "Have as much as you want," the other then added with what was meant to be a reassuring smile. But Jonghyun just felt more unnerved by it. All the attention was on him and even though that was something he relished in regards to his music, it wasn't something he loved getting in any other context. Especially not right now, when the attention was coming from a man who seemed to know just what to do to get him riled up. "Please, eat," Jinki urged as his smile grew wider. At that, Jonghyun had no other choice but to comply. He scooped out a spoonful of the creamy custard that hid under the thin crust and brought the spoon to his lips. A subtle flutter graced his lashes as he had his first taste. The sweet eggy flavor mixed with the creamy but light texture felt like a true gift to his taste buds.
"So? Do you like it?" Jinki inquired as a soft smile danced on his full lips.
" Oh, yeah, so good," Jonghyun drawled as his eyes zeroed in on the dent he had made in the dish.
A full laugh rumbled out of the brunette's mouth.
"Enjoy."
Jonghyun met his eyes for a second before he plunged the spoon right back in. The second bite felt even more divine than the first and before he could let himself think, he went in for a third, fourth, and fifth spoonful.
It was only when his mind caught up with his stomach again that he realized that more than half of the receptacle was empty. His eyes widened.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry," he apologized as he put the utensil down and lowered his head like a child awaiting punishment.
He missed the expression of confusion that splayed across the other's face, but heard his words loud and clear.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. This was for you."
Jonghyun dared look up, inheriting the confused look in turn.
"I thought you wanted to share," he pointed out.
The brunette shrugged.
"I've had this dessert a million times. I'm not missing out."
"Still, I-"
"You can have it," Jinki interrupted purposefully.
Jonghyun blinked at him for a few seconds.
"Is it because of the spoon? I can ask-"
"No," the brunette interjected again. "I just want you to have it."
Jonghyun searched his face for any sign that he was lying, but found none.
"Plus," the older one went on, "I've put on a few pounds from stress eating so you'll be doing me a favor if you finish this," he ended with an embarrassed smile that leaned into an airy laugh.
Cute, Jonghyun’s mind prompted without notice. The thought had the blonde looking at the dessert again, not trusting himself one bit if he kept his eyes on the other man facing him.
Best that I just eat this so that I can get out of here.
Jonghyun did just that and soon enough, one of the waiters brought over the bill, immediately handing it to the brunette.
"Shouldn’t there be two?" Jonghyun immediately inquired as he furrowed his brows.
The older one let a pleased smile stretch wide across his face.
"Should there be?"
A shiver ran boldly across the blonde’s spine at that.
"Well, yeah… I mean… "
"I brought you here, so it’s on me," Jinki settled gently.
Before Jonghyun could slide in a word of protest, the brunette made his move and gestured to the same waiter that had lingered nearby. Jonghyun just watched as he felt robbed once more of a parcel of his dignity.
A few minutes later, they were finally heading out, the now cooler breeze of the evening meeting them upon their first step out of the restaurant. A moment of shared silence grew between them as they stood before the entrance and gazed into the half-busy street.
"So… " Jonghyun trailed off into silence.
He really didn’t know what to say at this point. The reality of this only being a one-time thing suddenly loomed in the forefront of his mind.
"Can I be honest with you, Jonghyun?" Jinki suddenly asked as he turned a bit more towards him.
The blonde felt himself tense up a bit at the additional proximity, but composed himself enough to nod.
"I would love for this to happen again," the older one instantly voiced.
His expression seemed serious enough for Jonghyun to believe his words, which only made his heart leap and his stomach flutter.
How does he do that? he couldn’t help but wonder as he felt all control seep out of him through now sweaty hands.
"Me, too," he agreed before time stretched too long between them.
Jinki smiled wide and bright.
"Glad to hear that."
Jonghyun made it a point to keep holding his gaze and return his smile, despite his main effort being on keeping himself together.
"I’ll be texting you soon, okay?" Jinki asked, his tone soft and easy.
"‘Kay," Jonghyun replied as he retreated to his nervous habit of rubbing the back of his neck.
"Did you come here by car?" the brunette then verified.
"Yeah, it’s right over there," the blonde indicated as he pointed towards an early 2000s white Corolla across the street.
"Good," Jinki acknowledged as his gaze followed. "I’ll let you go then. Goodnight, Jonghyun," he offered as departing words before flashing a last smile that read as soft but straightforward.
"Goodnight, Jinki," Jonghyun echoed as his face broke into a bashful smile.
They parted ways right after, Jinki heading farther down the street while Jonghyun headed straight to his car.
The blonde settled quickly into his seat, his head yearning to find the comfort of the steering wheel again. A big sigh left his lips as his forehead hit the sturdy surface.
As his eyes closed, his mind immediately formed an all too vivid image of the man he had spent the evening with. He could once again see his coiffed, but oh-so-soft looking hair, his beautiful bushy eyebrows under which thick frames sat perfectly on a proud nose, and his full lips that didn't waste a chance to stretch into one of the most beautiful smiles Jonghyun had seen in his life. The image could've trailed further down, but Jonghyun knew to draw the line there if he didn't want to make his pants any tighter.
He wasn't going to fool anyone, especially not himself. He was wildly attracted to this man.
And that was a problem.
                                                          ***
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rollercoasterwrite · 4 years
Text
THE SELFISHNESS OF OUR HEARTS - A YEAR IN THE LIFE | CHAPTER 9 - ESCAPE.
This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here
Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part 7] Genre : Romance, angst and heartbreak.
Word Count : 10 000 words ~
Jonghyun knew there wasn’t much he could do at this point. Despite having spent the remaining hours he had left to study for his exam, the actual test hadn’t gone as well as it should have. And he was the only one to blame for that.
Once again, he hadn’t been able to set his limit. He had let himself drown in everything that was Jinki because that’s honestly all he had wanted to care about in that moment. But now that he was back to the surface, he didn’t know what to do.
He had meant everything he had said about wanting them to be together, but he also couldn’t forget this side of Jinki he had seen again the previous night. He was ready to get past it, but it also made him feel a little scared. He was starting to realize there was much about Jinki he probably didn’t know. Things from his past that had made him the way he was today.
Jonghyun knew these were all things they needed to talk about, but he knew how fragile their peace was right now and he didn’t want to risk any shattering that would leave them even more broken. Sometimes, he couldn’t help but wish that their story had been written differently.
He had spent the remainder of his day in a cubicle trying to work on an essay that was due in a week, but from feeling like a failure because of his previous exam and from the whole distraction that his relationship had become, he hadn’t been able to do much.
Realizing staring at his screen any longer wouldn’t get him any further, he picked up his phone and slid his chair away from the table. A frown creased his brow as his eyes caught the notifications at the forefront of his screen. It wasn’t long before he was reading the two text messages he had missed since he had last looked at his phone 40 minutes ago.
[Jinki]
Hey, baby… When are you coming back?
Jonghyun stared at the message for a while, chewing on his bottom lip, before moving on to the next.
[Jaehyeon]
Hey ~ I haven’t seen you around today… Wanna get a drink or something?
Jonghyun stared again, feeling uneasy, before letting out a long sigh.
It was never a pleasant thing for him to ignore people, but he didn’t feel like seeing either of them right now. It wouldn’t make anything better, but for now, it felt like the best thing to do.
He clearly didn’t want to keep hiding away and pretending like he was actually doing something. Plus, his stomach was starting to feel hollow; after all, he only had had coffee and a pastry in the morning. He knew he needed to eat before his body actually gave up on him, but he also didn’t want to be alone.
He looked at his phone again as the answer to his predicament became very clear in his mind. He knew things might not go the way he wanted them to, but now was as good of a time to try. It wasn’t long before the phone was glued to his ear, his growing feeling of apprehension making his heart race and his mouth dry.
‘’ Well, well, well… look who is calling. ‘’
Jonghyun’s shoulders sank as his chest tightened, half-relieved and half-scared now that he actually had him on the line.  
‘’ Hey… ‘’
A brief silence followed, one that he didn’t know how to fill.
‘’ Is there something wrong? ‘’ the other asked as he picked up on the unease Jonghyun so easily failed to hide.
‘’ Um… no…. I… ‘’ Jonghyun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. ‘’ What are you doing right now? ‘’
‘’ Was just about to fix myself dinner… why? ‘’
‘’ Would you like to go eat something with me instead? ‘’ he immediately offered as if he’d never get the chance to again.
‘’ Do you finally miss me, Jjong? ‘’
The latter could sense the teasing edge to his friend’s tone which made him feel more at ease.
‘’ I did miss you… a lot… ‘’ he said as guilt coursed through him. ‘’ There’s just been-
‘’ It’s fine, Jjong. I know, ‘’ the other cut in. ‘’ We’re adults and life’s demands get in the way. ‘’
‘’ Yeah… ‘’
‘’ So where do you want to go? ‘’
‘’ Um… How about that cozy restaurant not far from yours? ‘’
‘’ Hamkke? ‘’  
‘’ Yeah. ‘’
‘’ Yeah, sure. When can you be there? ‘’
Jonghyun looked at the time on his laptop’s screen. ‘’ In about thirty minutes. ‘’
‘’ Okay, cool. I’ll probably arrive a little before to get us a table. ‘’
Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile. ‘’ Cool. See you soon. ‘’
‘’ Yeah, see ya. ‘’
He waited for the latter to hang up before doing the same. It was a few minutes before he was out of the cubicle and the library and making his way to his locker which was situated a few floors down and at the opposite end of the school.
As he walked through the hallways again, a wince gripped his features as the stiffness that had settled in his limbs during the past few hours called for attention. A few shoulder rolls helped get rid of some of the discomfort, but it wasn’t enough. The thought of a good relaxing massage instinctively crossed his mind as he made it closer to his locker.
Imagining a strong hand kneading the knots in his tense back didn't make him any more ready for the feel of an actual hand on his back. The sensation had him almost jumping out of his shoes and letting out a shriek that he would have never forgiven himself for letting out.
‘’ Calm down. It's just me, ‘’ Jaehyeon said, laughing.
The tall young man soon stepped into his line of vision as if further proof was needed, but all that did was give the smaller one the opportunity to glare at him.
‘’ Don't come up behind me like that, ‘’ Jonghyun reproved as a deep crease furrowed his brow.
The other's lips curled into a pout. ‘’ Where would the fun be then? ‘’
That obvious attempt at winning him over didn't make Jonghyun waver one bit. ‘’ I think we have very different definitions of fun, ‘’ he dryly remarked.
‘’ That's why we work so well together, ‘’ Jaehyeon immediately threw back, lips stretching into a smug smile. ‘’ It's called complementarity. ‘’
Jonghyun rolled his eyes at that.
‘’ Talking about fun… ‘’ Jaehyeon continued. ‘’ Did you get my message? ‘’
Jonghyun’s eyes flicked downwards at that question, his body tensing up again with unease.
‘’ Um, no… ‘’ he started, arms coming up to cross over his chest like a shield. ‘’ I was trying to write that essay for the Media and Politics class all day, so I turned off my phone… ‘’
He looked up again as if to verify that his lie was credible enough, doing his best to ignore the lump that guilt had formed in his throat.
What he got in response was a wide-eyed stare and a hissed curse.
‘’ I completely forgot about that essay, ‘’ Jaehyeon uttered in a panicked voice.  
Jonghyun reveled in his relief only for a second before reassuring the other. ‘’ It’s due in a week, don’t worry. ‘’
‘’ Still, ‘’ Jaehyeon exclaimed, not at all calmed. ‘’ That’s a big one and Mr. Park is very strict and I’ve already had a so-so mark in the previous essay and this class is one of the most important ones and how could I even forget about this I’m so stupid I-
‘’ Jaehyeon, ‘’ Jonghyun brusquely interjected as the other’s distress started to overwhelm him.
The taller one’s mouth closed instantly and his eyes locked with his, showing he was fully attentive again.
‘’ What’s going on? ‘’ Jonghyun asked with a look of concern.
‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ Jaehyeon returned all too seriously.
‘’ I’ve never seen you panic… ‘’
Their eye contact made him immediately see the flash of discomfort in his friend’s eyes.
‘’ Ah yeah… ‘’ An awkward laugh left the latter’s lips. ‘’ I guess it’s just accumulated stress… ‘’
Jonghyun felt even more worried as their last encounter consequently flashed through his mind.
‘’ Did something happen? ‘’
‘’ No, no… don’t worry, ‘’ Jaehyeon answered with a smile that shone bright.  
‘’ Are you heading out? ‘’ he then asked as he gave a look to the bag that was resting on the other’s hip.
‘’ Yeah… ‘’ Jonghyun answered, eyes darting to said bag. ‘’ I’m having dinner with a friend actually, ‘’ he then revealed to avoid any more discomfort on his part.
The taller one’s lips curled into an exaggerated pout. ‘’ And I thought I was your only friend… ‘’
‘’ Sorry to disappoint, ‘’ Jonghyun replied with a lopsided smile. ‘’ Despite what you might think, I can socialize sometimes, ‘’ he bantered as his smile widened slightly.
‘’ Apparently, ‘’ Jaehyeon huffed, crossing his arms. ‘’ It seems like I really don’t know much about you, huh? ‘’
‘’ There isn’t much to know, really, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured as he gave him a few light pats on the shoulder. ‘’ Plus, you do know a lot already. ‘’
‘’ If you say so, ‘’ Jaehyeon dismissed with a slight eye roll before resuming his first train of thought.
‘’ I wanted to hang out, but since you obviously got better things to do, ‘’ he emphasized, ‘’ I guess I’ll catch you here tomorrow? ‘’
Jonghyun shook his head, chuckling lightly at his friend’s reaction. ‘’ Of course, ‘’ he then answered with a wide smile.
Jaehyeon mirrored it instantly. ‘’ Okay then. See ya, Jjong! ‘’
‘’ Bye, Jae, ‘’ Jonghyun returned before the other moved past him. His gaze followed him down the hallway until his silhouette wasn’t in his line of vision anymore.
A soft smile kept dancing on his lips as he started moving again, grateful that he hadn’t lost a friend. It was a few minutes until he was facing his locker and retrieving his outdoor clothing and boots from it before locking it again. Once he was fully clothed, he finally made his way out of the place that took most hours of his days.
Unlike most people he knew, Jonghyun hadn’t had a linear academic journey. Getting a piece of paper that would allow him to get a stable and a valuable job by society’s standards hadn’t been at the forefront of his mind for a long time. Instead, Jonghyun had found himself trying to survive all these years. He had tried to find what really mattered to him. And it was only now in his late twenties, that he had a better idea of what it was. That lit a fire in him to give it his best.
Along the way, his sense of motivation hadn’t always been weakness-proof, but one thing he knew was that he didn’t want to give up. A few months from now, he would be graduating and then a whole new world of opportunities would open itself up to him. It was a stressful thing to think about, but it also felt incredibly freeing.
Nothing had come easy to him so he wanted to cherish every little blessing that life had bestowed upon him. Right now, as he waited at the bus stop that stood only a few minutes away from the campus, he couldn’t help but thank the universe for the one who had seen him through his biggest challenges in life. He never felt like he had been able to give back as much as he had received and that weighed on him heavily, even more so now.
All he could do to alleviate that feeling a little was to close his eyes and let the cool air surrounding him wash over his tired features, simultaneously inviting some of it inside him with a deep breath. He remained in that meditative state for a few more minutes before the familiar rumble of the bus’s engine was picked up by his ears.
He got in, addressed the driver a courtesy smile, tapped his smart card on the sensor before him and walked fast to the back to settle into one of the only vacant seats left. The bus was pretty full, making him feel tense as his arms brushed against the two people that were on either side of him. Usually at this hour, he was still on campus either studying, working on an assignment, attending a class or preparing for his radio show. Meaning, he was not used to what the outside world looked like anymore at this time of day.
It was definitely too busy for his comfort. He liked to have space, lots of space, and being squeezed together with strangers like sardines in a can wasn’t doing it for him. The predicament he was forced to endure made for quite the stressful ride. The fifteen minutes it took to bring him to his friend’s neighborhood felt that much longer.
A loud sigh of relief left his mouth as he finally stepped out of the bus and into the fresh air again. The retrieved freedom his body and mind found as he started walking forward made him smile. Soon enough, he would be forgetting about all of life’s discomforts as he’d be enjoying a warm meal in great company.
Another ten minutes brought him to destination. He stopped a few steps shy from the front door, suddenly feeling a dull pinching pain in his abdomen as the realness of the present moment dawned on him. He was nervous.
It had been a while since they had last sat down together and during that time a lot had happened. For all his friend knew, everything was fine in his life. And even though a lot of it still was, what wasn’t couldn’t be denied. But that didn’t mean he had to lay it out on his friend. For once, he could show he didn’t need saving.
With that point settled in his mind, he finally closed in the distance between him and the door and went in. A whiff of savory scents wafted towards him, hitting his nostrils instantly and making his stomach protest with a soft grumble. He pushed back those sensations to focus on his surroundings. His eyes darted across the dimly lit public area filled with occupied wooden tables, his ears inadvertently picking up on the buzzing chatter animating the space. Before he could feel overwhelmed, he spotted the familiar face he had been picturing in his mind for the last hour.
Said face became illuminated with a bright smile which settled any lingering worry Jonghyun had. Mirroring it, he promptly made his way towards the back of the restaurant, happiness and excitement actively pumping through him.
‘’ For a moment there, I was scared that you wouldn’t remember my face, ‘’ Minho teased once he reached their table.
‘’ How could I forget your ugly face? ‘’ Jonghyun fired back, sporting a self-satisfied smile as the other’s mouth dropped open.
‘’ Is that a way to greet your best friend? ‘’ the other huffed, eyes wide with indignation.
‘’ Yes, it is, ‘’ Jonghyun maintained to further annoy his friend. He then went about taking off his coat and scarf before draping them over the back of his chair.
When his gaze caught his friend’s again, he couldn’t help but chuckle. He sat down, levelling his line of sight with the other’s, taking in the frown that hovered over his wider brown eyes.
‘’ Take it back, ‘’ Minho ordered.
‘’ Take what back? ‘’ Jonghyun feigned, amusement still dancing across his face.
‘’ I’m not ugly. ‘’
‘’ Either way, it doesn’t change anything, ‘’ the brunette kept on, moving his gaze towards the menu.
‘’ Should we order drinks first? ‘’ he asked matter-of-factly despite being glared at.
‘’ I’m not ordering anything with you until you take it back, ‘’ the younger one persisted, crossing his arms over his chest for added resolve.
Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. ‘’ Seriously? ‘’
‘’ Yeah. ‘’
‘’ You know I’m joking. ‘’
‘’ So it should be easy for you to take it back then. ‘’
It was Jonghyun’s turn to frown. He apparently had forgotten about his friend’s annoying bouts of stubbornness.
‘’ Fine. I take it back, ‘’ he capitulated with a sigh. ‘’ You seem to have forgotten the many times I’ve praised your looks over the span of our friendship. ‘’
Upon hearing those words, the shift in the other’s demeanour was immediate. Unfolding his arms as a smile crept up his face, he said, ‘’ No, I haven’t forgotten. ‘’
Jonghyun shot him a death stare. ‘’ You’re a pain in the ass, you know that? ‘’
‘’ If I’m not mistaken, you do enjoy a good pain in the ass, don’t you? ‘’
The jibe left the brunette speechless, leaving him no other option but to flip him off. The action prompted a loud cackle out of the taller one which only contributed to his growing frustration.
‘’ Can we order some drinks before I decide to bite your head off? ‘’
‘’ Fine, fine, ‘’ Minho agreed, his voice shaking with lingering laughter.
Their first orders were soon picked up by the waitress that stopped by their table before they went on to look at the meal options that were listed on the menu.
Jonghyun hadn’t felt this hungry in a long time which made his ability to eliminate options very hard. He kept going over the pages until he saw his friend casting his menu aside.  
‘’ You’ve chosen? ‘’ he inquired.
‘’ Yes. I don’t know why I was looking to be honest, I always go for their Japchae. ‘’
‘’ I think I’ll just have the same, ‘’ Jonghyun settled as he closed his own. ‘’ I’ll die if I don’t eat soon. ‘’
‘’ Don’t tell me you’ve been forgetting to eat again, ‘’ Minho voiced with concern and a tinge of discontentment.
The brunette shook his head. ‘’ It doesn’t really happen anymore. ‘’
Before his friend could lecture him again on the importance of fuelling his body properly, the waitress came back with their drinks, a glass of rum for him and a bottle of soju for the other. The latter communicated their second order which gave him the opportunity to dip his lips into the golden-brown liquid that softly swayed inside the glass that he had just picked up from the table. The strong, velvety taste laced with sweetness made him sigh of contentment.
Once the waitress left again, Minho looked at him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher.
‘’ Is everything alright, Jjong? ‘’
The question caught him off guard and for a few seconds, he could only stare back at him blankly.
‘’ Yeah, sure… ‘’ He slowly started. ‘’ Why? ‘’
‘’ I don’t know… You look tired… ‘’
‘’ Oh… well, I’ve been pretty busy with school and all, ‘’ Jonghyun answered as nonchalantly as he could.
‘’ Oh right, ‘’ Minho acknowledged. ‘’ But you’re graduating soon, right? ‘’
‘’ Yeah, in a few months. ‘’ Jonghyun looked into his glass again. ‘’ I guess I’m finally going to do something with my life, ‘’ he half-joked, half-pondered.
‘’ Jjong, please. Everything you’ve done before is what brought you to this point. None of it was a waste of time or worthless, ‘’ Minho intently replied.
Jonghyun lifted his head to look into his eyes again. ‘’ You always know what to say, don’t you? ‘’ he pointed out with a soft smile.
‘’ That’s right. I’m beauty and brains, ‘’ the younger one boasted before picking up his bottle and pouring some of the soju into his glass.
‘’ I’m going to act like you didn’t just say that, ‘’ Jonghyun informed before taking another sip of his drink.
Minho did the same before retaliating. ‘’ The truth is always hard to accept, I can’t blame you. ‘’
The brunette rolled his eyes. ‘’ Instead of acting like an idiot why don’t you tell me how work is going. ‘’
The younger one’s face lit up at that. ‘’ Oh, it’s great. The kids are really amazing this year. Some of them have great skills and even those who struggle work really hard to get better, ‘’ he enthusiastically shared, which made Jonghyun smile.
‘’ There is this one kid in particular, ‘’ Minho went on. ‘’ My colleagues keep saying he looks just like me and I don’t know if that’s true, but I do have a soft spot for him. He is kind of clumsy, but he always wants to make me proud. ‘’
‘’ I thought teachers couldn’t play favorites? ‘’ Jonghyun teased.
‘’ It’s not like I’m giving him special treatment or anything, ‘’ Minho argued. ‘’ It’s just that… I don’t know… ‘’
The rest of his thought stayed within him as he drank some more.
Jonghyun watched him, figuring it out for himself.
‘’ I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this before, but I always thought you’d make a great dad. ‘’
He didn’t miss the look of surprise that flashed across his friend’s face before his eyes turned soft.
‘’ Thank you, Jjong, ‘’ Minho finally said. ‘’ It means a lot. ‘’
Jonghyun smiled. ‘’ It’s only the truth. ‘’
‘’ What about you? ‘’ Minho threw back as his index absentmindedly played with the tag on his bottle.
The other’s brow cocked. ‘’ What about me? ‘’ he echoed, confused.
‘’ Don’t you want kids? ‘’ the tall brunette inquired with curiosity.
Jonghyun was grateful that he hadn’t decided to take a sip at that moment, because he surely would’ve spat it all out.  
‘’ Are you crazy? ‘’ he exclaimed as his eyes doubled in size.
‘’ No. I’m being very serious right now, ‘’ Minho maintained, unbothered.
‘’ You’re definitely crazy then, ‘’ Jonghyun decided. ‘’ You should know that I can’t have kids, ‘’ he went on.
‘’ If you’re saying that because you’re gay-
‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun cut in. ‘’ I know there are options, but I just don’t think I’m built to take care of another human being. ‘’
‘’ Who is? ‘’ Minho instantly shot back. ‘’ You just take a leap and learn along the way. ‘’
‘’ If I take that leap, I’m pretty sure I’ll end up breaking my neck, ‘’ Jonghyun deadpanned.
‘’ Alright, ‘’ the younger one forfeited as he threw his hands up in defeat. ‘’ Let’s just wait and see what happens in a few years. ‘’ He followed up his words with a confident smile and then drank some more.
Jonghyun glared at him before following suit. There were a few seconds of silence during which his mind toyed with the prospect, creating for him a whole new world of possibilities he hadn’t really considered before.
‘’ I got you thinking, huh? ‘’ Minho teased as he crossed his arms over the table.
‘’ Not really, ‘’ Jonghyun lied. ‘’ All I’m really thinking about now is when I’ll have the honor of becoming a godfather, ‘’ he continued with a renewed energy for the subject that was his best friend’s personal life.
‘’ Godfather? ‘’ Minho repeated, confused. ‘’ To what child? ‘’
Jonghyun gave him a sharp flick on the arm, relishing briefly his exclamation of pain. ‘’ To your monster child. ‘’
‘’ No child of mine will be a monster. They’ll be the most perfect little thing on the entire planet, ‘’ the other settled with confidence.
The brunette rolled his eyes. ‘’ Whatever you say. ‘’
‘’ Yes, whatever I say, ‘’ Minho echoed with conviction.  
‘’ Unless you want me to find other potential candidates for the godfather position… ‘’ he added with an edge of provocation to his tone.
Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ I’m not worried about that. ‘’
Before the other could retaliate, the waitress came back with two hot bowls, which she rapidly placed in front of each of them before going back to her business.
Words took a backseat as they looked at the delicious-looking meal before them. Jonghyun was the first to make good use of his chopsticks and stuff his mouth with the mix of glass noodles, beef and veggies bathed in sweet savory sauce. He couldn’t help his moan of appreciation as he chewed through it, all the flavors crashing over his taste buds before making their trip downwards. As soon as his mouth was empty again, he stuffed it right up, not minding any of the good manners he knew he should have at table.
‘’ Jeez, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that hungry, ‘’ Minho remarked as he watched him with interest and disbelief.
‘’ Well I am, ‘’ Jonghyun managed to utter through a mouthful, his cheeks protruding like a squirrel with a full mouth of chestnuts.
The sight had the other shaking his head laughing before he proceeded to get to the contents of his own bowl.
It was a few minutes before Jonghyun allowed himself a breather, sinking back in his chair a bit to distance himself from the food. His glass was soon in his hand to fill himself up more with some liquid.
Once that need was met too, thoughts resurfaced in his mind, leading him to a question he had yet to have answered.
‘’ We’ve been talking about kids and all, but we haven’t talked about what comes before that, ‘’ he suddenly pointed out.
That was enough to get his friend’s attention off his own food and back on him.
‘’ You want to talk about sex, Jjong? ‘’ Minho asked with an amused smile as he slapped his chopsticks together.
The older one gave him an exasperated look. ‘’ No, ‘’ he immediately refuted.
‘’ So what then? ‘’
‘’ You know what I’m talking about, ‘’ Jonghyun answered. ‘’ It’s been forever since you’ve talked about a girl. ‘’
‘’ I’m not going to talk about every girl I hook up with, ‘’ Minho replied on the spot.
‘’ And that’s not what I’m talking about either, ‘’ Jonghyun countered. ‘’ I’m talking about someone you really like. ‘’
To his surprise, Minho didn’t have a ready-to-deliver answer to give him. Instead, he looked down at his bowl again and moved the rest of his food around with his chopsticks.
‘’ Minho? ‘’ Jonghyun voiced after a few more seconds of silence.
The silence dragged on a bit more, enough for panic to start rising inside him. It had his stomach in a tight knot by the time he finally got an answer.
‘’ Not everyone can be like you, Jjong. ‘’
That had him frowning in confusion. ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’
‘’ I mean, ‘’ Minho echoed before looking up, ‘’ That love doesn’t come easy to me. ‘’
That left him without words.
‘’ I don’t mean that in a bad way, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho clarified. ‘’ On the contrary, I admire how passionate you can be about someone. ‘’
That awakened him.
‘’ I don’t know if that’s always a good thing, ‘’ he pondered. ‘’ I’m not a good example of how to make a relationship last. ‘’
‘’ Well, you’re far better at it than me, that’s for sure, ‘’ Minho observed as he picked up his glass again.
Jonghyun watched him down the rest of it before continuing. ‘’ I have a feeling that when you find the right person, then you’ll be set for life. ‘’
‘’ I hope so… ‘’ the younger one sighed.
‘’ You will, ‘’ he reiterated as he placed a comforting hand over his.
‘’ What’s this about you being my cheerleader tonight? ‘’ Minho asked with a laugh.
‘’ Isn’t that what a friend is for? ‘’ Jonghyun followed up naturally.
‘’ Hmm, I wouldn’t know. ‘’
The death glare that granted him sent him reeling with laughter, annoying the other one even more.
Jonghyun eased his irritation with more food and more rum before the conversation was brought to more shallow subjects. He allowed his friend to expand on some soccer games he had recently watched before he had that backfire on him when the other decided to remind him of that one time he had tripped over the ball in front of the whole class back in ninth grade. Fortunately for him, he had an equally embarrassing memory of his best friend. He only had to mention their history teacher, Mrs. Hwang, to see all color disappear from the latter’s face.
He went back to eating again, chuckling to himself as he glanced at Minho’s disgruntled expression. It wasn’t long before he finally emptied his bowl and his glass, then basking in the great appreciation of his feeling of satiety.
Minho was also done soon after, sighing in contentment.
‘’ Do you want to get another drink or do you have to head back? ‘’
Jonghyun took a second to think. ‘’ How about we have another drink at yours? ‘’
Minho’s face split into a grin. ‘’ Yeah, sure! ‘’
Jonghyun mirrored it as the prospect ignited excitement within him.
‘’ Okay well, let’s pay and get out of here! ‘’
________________________________________________________________________________________________
When Jonghyun came to the next morning, he realized he had no clue when he had actually fallen asleep. The rays of sunlight peeking through the window blinds and striping the sheets covering him made him feel utterly confused and a little groggy. He closed his eyes again to offset the effects of his sudden awakening and used his arm as a shield to completely block out the light. It was only a few seconds before he found himself dipping back into the depths of his sleeping pool, leaving behind any parcel of reality.
He was left to float in it for another thirty minutes before a sudden noise made him jump out. His eyes soon found the eyes of his best friend which had him frowning in confusion again.
The other chuckled softly. ‘’ I didn’t want to wake you up so suddenly, but I have to leave so I just wanted to let you know that I left you some coffee and breakfast on the counter. ‘’
‘’ Oh… ‘’ Jonghyun let out, voice rough from sleep.
‘’ You don’t have to get up right now if you don’t want to, ‘’ Minho reassured with a smile. ‘’ Anyways, I have to go. See you soon, Jjong. ‘’
Jonghyun wasn’t given any time to reciprocate as the tall brunette immediately pulled the door close, leaving him alone again.
It wasn’t long before bits and pieces of the previous night came flashing through his mind. It had been a very fun night, one like he hadn’t had in a long while, but the thought that stuck out in the end was that he hadn’t spent the night home.
That single thought had his whole body tense up. He hadn’t had at any point during the evening or the beginning of the night the presence of mind to notify Jinki of his whereabouts, which was unlike him. He knew that would surely not make for a pleasant conversation when they would talk. And one thing Jonghyun didn’t want was to put more strain on their relationship.
Even if he had wanted to get in more sleep, the wave of anxiety that had just surged through him surely wouldn’t let him do so. The only option left was to get out of bed. That simple task wasn’t an easy one, but after a few minutes of struggling with himself to get a move on, he finally managed to stand on his two feet. His arms stretched high above his head to get the kinks out of his back and shoulders as he looked outside the window to make sure the world outside was still the same.
It sure did look like it was, but that wasn’t at all indicative of whatever new struggle the new day had brought with it. His own was proof of that. He carried the heavy feeling in his chest with him and into his friend’s bathroom, cleaning himself up a bit before heading to the kitchen to fuel himself up for the day.
He didn’t feel hungry at that exact moment, but looking at what Minho had left him made him smile. His best friend had actually gone through the trouble of cooking up a veggie-filled omelette with some rice and had left some fresh kimchi in a side dish bowl. There was even hot coffee sitting in the pot of the coffee machine a few inches ahead which had him smiling even wider.
Thank you, Minho.
Hungry or not, he was going to honor this caring gesture. At least, he was certain this relationship wasn’t in jeopardy.
He first opened one of the cupboards and picked out a cup to pour the coffee in. A second later, his cup was full to the brim, the dark liquid dancing against the white interior of the mug as he moved with it to sit in the dining room adjacent to where he was. The strong whiff he inhaled comforted him just enough to elicit a sight of content.
Then, he drank, the first sip dancing on his tongue like a wave of salvation, appeasing his tired body and mind which urged him to keep drinking. The emptier the mug got, the fuller his power source felt. Soon, he was back on his feet and rushing back to the food that had been left for him. The sight awakened his hunger and without wasting anymore time, he dived into the food, wolfing it down as if he hadn’t eaten in days. His eagerness worked faster than his stomach and before he could really feel full, everything was gone. A frown grew on his face as he stared at the empty plates in frustration.
He had the thought of going through his friend’s fridge to find himself more food, but a sliver of reason pulled him back from doing it. He knew Minho wouldn’t mind him eating his food, but he realized that the dissatisfaction wasn’t one of the body, but more so one of the mind. So instead, he settled for drinking one more cup of coffee before having to face his schedule for the day.
Half-way through it, his mind finally made space for him to think about school. It was a moment before he could figure out what classes he had for the day. And when he did, his eyes went straight to the clock that stood at the top of the kitchen’s cupboards.
8:15
Shit.
Between his frustration and panic, he lost a few more minutes kicking himself mentally for lacking foresight the night before. That sense of doom and despair that was never too far came back in full blast, hitting him hard in the chest. He held on to the edge of the counter for support as he felt his head swim with a million thoughts, his knuckles turning white from the pressure.
It’s just the Persuasive Communication class. I’m doing good in it. It’ll be fine.
Those self-reassuring thoughts helped him work through his distress just enough to get himself back into motion. He walked back to the room he had woken in and immediately searched through his pants to pull out his phone. The screen was black which reminded him that he had purposely turned it off not long after they had arrived here. He looked at it intently, battling with the thoughts of turning it on now or waiting later.
The first thought won. A few seconds later, he was faced with all the notifications that had stayed dormant throughout the night. As expected, all of them were from Jinki. He didn’t have to count them to know there had been numerous attempts on the other’s part to reach him. He looked at the text messages first and felt his stomach clench at the worry and despair he could feel through his written words. It was enough for him to not want to hear the voicemails.
With a rising feeling of dread, he pressed on the call icon and brought the phone to his ear. His chest rose higher and higher with every passing ring until the loop was suddenly cut short.
‘’ Jjong. ‘’
To Jonghyun’s surprise, the voice at the other end didn’t sound angry.
Despite that, he failed to find confidence in his own, only letting out an uneasy and shy Hi.
‘’ Where were you? ‘’ the other immediately inquired, worry edging his tone.
‘’ I stayed at Minho’s… ‘’ Jonghyun replied, still guarded.
He was answered with a sigh of relief which made him a little more relieved himself.
‘’ I’m glad you’re okay. I just couldn’t stop thinking that maybe something had happened… ‘’ Jinki shared, his voice thinning out on the last words.
That was enough to get rid of his relief.
‘’ I’m sorry I didn’t call or text… My phone was turned off and we drank and…
‘’ It’s alright, Jjong, ‘’ Jinki cut in. ‘’ I’m just glad you’re okay. ‘’
‘’ Yeah, I’m fine, ‘’ Jonghyun reiterated not without being confused by the fact that the anger he had been expecting from this conversation wasn’t anywhere to be found.
‘’ When are you coming back home? ‘’ Jinki asked which pulled him out of his bemusement.
‘’ I have to head back to school so… I don’t know… later… ‘’
There was a pause after which made his uneasiness stand out loud and clear between them.  
‘’ Okay… Well, I’ll be waiting. ‘’
‘’ Okay… ‘’
Another pause.
‘’ I have to go now, ‘’ Jonghyun said as his level of disquiet became intolerable.
‘’ Okay, see you later, ‘’ Jinki answered. ‘’ I love you. ‘’
‘’ I love you too, ‘’ he echoed rapidly before hanging up.  
A long exhale left him right after as if he had been holding his breath, his upper body collapsing over his legs like a balloon that had just been deflated.
Eyes closed, he tried to get some life back into him with a few deep breaths, slowly straightening up as he did.
Before he could level up to a standing position, his phone buzzed, immediately eliciting a twinge of anxiety in his core.
Relief quickly washed over it when he glanced at the ID.
[Where are you?] The message read.
Then another one came in.
[I swear Mr. Lim is trying to kill us. Fml.]
That made him snort with laughter as he visualized his friend slouching back in his chair in despair.
His fingers immediately started dancing across his keyboard.
[I overslept. I'll be there before the second half starts.]
He only had to wait a few seconds to be served with another piece of his friend's mind.
[Damn, Jjong. If I didn't know any better I'd think you didn't care about school anymore. :p]
[Think again.]
He threw his phone on the bed to avoid being pulled in further into a pointless argument that would make him even more late.
A quick shower later, he was ready to head out, fully clothed in his outfit of the previous day except for fresh briefs he had dared steal in his best friend's drawer. As he grabbed his bag to head towards the entrance, a subtle whiff of alcohol tickled his nose making his face twist into a grimace. His mind went to his locker where he hoped he still had a spare clean shirt to change into. Then, finally, his body went to the entrance where he suited up for the cold weather.
Turning the front door's knob, he made a mental note to himself to call Minho later to thank him for the mental break and the breakfast. He then walked out into the chilly morning before shutting the door close with the key he had been gifted with a few months back.
The route back was much more peaceful than what he had experienced the afternoon before which made it feel like he was back to school in no time. Once inside, he was surprised by the calm and peace he rarely experienced in the hallways. He was almost tempted to enjoy more of it instead of heading to class, but he knew his future self would curse himself for it.
He headed straight to his locker, shed his outdoor layers and stored them inside before looking in the top shelf for, hopefully, a clean shirt. His hands fumbled through the mess he had left in there for close to a minute before he had to accept that there was no piece of fabric there.
With a resigned but frustrated mind, he finally made it to the classroom he should've been in an hour and a half ago. To his relief, the door was open when he arrived indicating it was indeed break time. Few students remained and he passed them to reach his usual spot at the back. He was happy it had been left empty. He dropped his supplies on the table before glancing at the spot beside him, smiling as he recognized the lousy handwriting of his friend in the notebook he had left open.
He then plopped down on his chair and organized his stuff, bracing himself for his return to reality. Soon enough, the class started getting full again and a familiar silhouette crossed his line of sight. He watched his friend approach with a huge grin which made him cock an eyebrow.
'' Who's the greatest guy in the world? '' Jaehyeon boasted as he set a cup of coffee in front of him.
Rolling his eyes, he answered, '' You won't get the answer you're looking for but, thank you, '' he ended sincerely, keeping himself from saying he already had had his fill of coffee for the morning.
He then glanced at his friend's empty hands. '' What about you? ''
'' I've been caffeinating since I'm up, '' Jaehyeon informed as he sat down. '' My blood is probably black now. ''
'' Probably like cream if you ask me, '' Jonghyun replied with a snort which had the other frowning.
'' You're lucky I resisted putting anything in yours, '' the latter indicated. '' I really don't know how you do it, '' he added with a disgusted pout.
'' Adding anything in it just alters the flavor. If I'm drinking coffee I want to taste the coffee. ''
Feeling his friend's eyes burning a hole into the side of his face, he turned slightly to meet his eyes.
The seriousness on his friend's face had him on the verge of laughter.
'' Let's just agree to disagree, '' Jaehyeon settled as he crossed his arms.
'' Like always, '' Jonghyun pointed out with a small laugh.
Their attention was suddenly brought to the front of the class as they heard their names.
'' Would you mind if I interrupted your seemingly important conversation to go on with my trivial teachings? '' Their teacher voiced in a tone dripping with contempt as the whole class turned towards them.
'' Sorry, Mr. Lim, '' Jaehyeon immediately uttered in a quiet voice as Jonghyun retreated behind his surge of embarrassment.
The older man gave them another disapproving look before going on with the class.
Jonghyun opened his notebook, grabbed his pen and fixed his eyes on their teacher to give all his attention to the remainder of the class, but he was soon interrupted by a touch on his arm.
He looked down at the page the other had slid close to him.
His dick is probably so dried up that it’s about to fall off.
Jonghyun bit on his lip to prevent any sound from coming out of him, instead shaking his head at the other's silliness and catching the subsequent proud smile on his face from the corner of his eye.
The rest of the class went by with more focus on both their parts despite the dryness of the content that was being thrown at them. By the end of it, they felt exhausted.
'' I don't think I can take any more of that crap today, '' Jaehyeon finally let out as they stepped out into the hallway buzzing with students.
'' Don't you have like two more classes? '' Jonghyun half-asked, half-teased.
'' Not if I skip them. ''
It was Jonghyun's turn to give a disapproving look.
'' You do want to graduate, don't you? ''
Jaehyeon sighed. '' I guess... ''
'' But what will I do when you're not here anymore to keep me in check? '' he added with a pout.
'' You'll be just fine, '' Jonghyun instantly replied. '' Plus, you still have to endure me for another few months. ''
'' Thank god, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed with relief.
Jonghyun smiled at that before they fell back into a shared silent.          
That didn't last long.
'' So you partied hard last night, huh? '' The taller one inquired in a tone that was teasing but curious.
'' I wouldn't say we partied, but I probably had too much to drink, yeah, '' Jonghyun admitted with a shrug.
'' Apparently, '' Jaehyeon noted. '' I can almost smell the alcohol on you, '' he added with a chuckle.
Jonghyun gave him a terrified look as he stopped dead in his tracks. '' Really? ''
'' Well I mean it's probably my mind playing tri-
'' Do you have a spare shirt I could borrow? '' Jonghyun interjected in panic.
'' What? ''
'' I couldn't change shirts before coming here, '' Jonghyun quickly explained.
'' Oh, '' Jaehyeon gathered. '' I might have one in my locker. ''
'' Okay, let's go. ''
Jonghyun immediately lead the way, hurrying his step as panic coursed through his veins. He wasn't about to let his peers or even worse, his teachers, think that he was an alcoholic.
It wasn't long before his fear turned into relief as Jaehyeon pulled out a seemingly clean black long-sleeved shirt out of his locker.
'' Thankfuckinggod, '' Jonghyun let out in a breath before pulling his friend in front of him so that he could act as a shield. He then pulled his alcohol-fragranced shirt over his head, threw it on the floor and grabbed the one his friend was holding.
'' Dude, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed as he gave a quick glance at a shirtless Jonghyun and then at their surroundings. '' Right here? ''
Jonghyun didn't reply on the spot, instead slipping on the black shirt.
'' With your height, no one saw a thing, '' he finally said. '' So, '' he immediately added after, '' How do I look? ''
The shock that had settled on the other's face quickly turned into amusement.
'' It's clearly not your fit, '' he tittered. '' You look like a kid, '' he went on, his voice shaking with more laughter.
Jonghyun frowned at him. '' You'll excuse me for not being built like a fucking mountain. ''
Jaehyeon kept laughing. '' In your defense, one wouldn't know how small you actually are in your everyday clothes. But this... ''
He burst out laughing giving Jonghyun the impulse to push him away from him.
Jonghyun then looked down at the shirt that almost reached his knees and sighed. The only thing he could do to make himself a bit more presentable was to fold up the sleeves of the shirt up to his elbows.
Even the collar of the shirt sat too large on his frame, letting his collarbones show. Jonghyun knew he was on the smaller side even when he put on muscle, but the whole ordeal had him thinking that maybe he had lost weight again.
'' Sorry, Jjong, '' the taller one uttered more seriously, interrupting his train of thoughts. '' I didn't mean to laugh at you. ''
Jonghyun looked up and met his dark eyes. '' It's fine, '' he said. '' Thanks for the shirt. ''
'' My pleasure, '' Jaehyeon replied before picking up the one on the floor. '' Here. ''
'' Thanks. '' Jonghyun took the shirt his friend was handing to him and crumpled it in his hand.
'' We should go eat before our next classes, '' he suggested as Jaehyeon locked his locker.
'' Yeah, I'm starving, '' the latter grumbled.
'' Like always, '' Jonghyun teased.
Jaehyeon shrugged. '' Who knows? I might still be in a growth spurt. ''
'' If you grow any taller, I'm not speaking to you anymore, '' Jonghyun warned with some edge to his tone. Not waiting for a reply, he started walking towards the other end of the corridor.
'' Oh come on, that's not fair, '' Jaehyeon whined as he followed.
They went on with their banter until they reached Jonghyun's locker.
There, he got rid of what he didn't need anymore before pulling out his phone to look at the time. His left brow cocked as he caught the notification that popped up. He tapped a finger on the screen and put in his password to look at the message.
[Hey~ I brought you some food. I'm waiting in the main hall.]
His eyes grew wide as the words registered.
'' What? '' Jaehyeon immediately inquired.
'' Um... '' Jonghyun uttered as his mind blanked. '' I... ''
It was a few more seconds until he found a proper way to react.
'' Can you find us a spot at the cafeteria? I'll be there in a few minutes. ''
'' Okay... '' Jaehyeon acknowledged not without letting through his suspicion.
'' Thanks, '' Jonghyun quickly replied before going the other way.
The whole walk towards the main hall had his level of unease and anxiety rising with every step. He couldn't help but fear that there was more to this visit than a simple food delivery.
The fear brought him to a standstill as he finally caught his boyfriend's face. The latter flashed him a wide smile as their eyes met which Jonghyun did his best to reciprocate despite still being panicked.
It wasn't long before the other closed the gap between them, bringing them face to face.
'' Hey, '' Jinki softly uttered as his eyes crinkled at the corners from another dashing smile.
'' Hey, '' Jonghyun echoed awkwardly.
Jinki just looked at him for a few seconds before cocking an eyebrow. '' That's not your shirt, is it? ''
Jonghyun felt his face heat up. '' Um, no... I had to borrow a clean one from Minho before heading back here. ''
The other's expression stayed unchanged. '' Minho must have wider shoulders than what I remember. ''
'' He bulks up during winter, '' Jonghyun justified on the spot, since it wasn't a total lie. It didn't prevent the bitter aftertaste that came from guilt to settle in his mouth right after.
'' Oooh, okay, '' Jinki bought, face lighting up.
'' Here, '' he then said as he handed him the bag of food he had brought. '' I thought you'd like to have some homemade food today. ''
'' Thanks, '' Jonghyun replied as he grabbed the bag. '' You didn't have to go through all this trouble though. ''
'' It wasn't much trouble, '' Jinki indicated. '' It's food I cooked last night. ''
'' Oh, '' Jonghyun acknowledged, stomach tightening from the added guilt.
'' And also, '' Jinki started slowly as he rubbed the back of his neck. '' I wanted to see you even if just for a few minutes, '' he went on in a gentle tone.
Jonghyun felt his body warm up from his sweet words, forgetting for a few seconds his unease before flashes of their last encounters zipped through his mind.
'' Thanks again, Jinki, '' he reiterated to segue to parting words. '' I have to head back now... ''
'' Oh, okay... ''
The sheer disappointment in the other's voice and the hurt on his face made him disgusted with himself and for a second, he wanted to take it all back.
'' I'll see you in a few hours, '' he instead reminded, trying to be reassuring despite everything.
'' Yeah, okay, '' Jinki acknowledged before changing his expression the best he could with a faint smile.
The three words Jonghyun knew he should say next stayed stuck in his throat, making him resort to a pathetic handwave instead.
He quickly turned on his heel to avoid further damage, making his way straight to the cafeteria.
There, the hordes of students gathered all around made him instantly dizzy. He tried to make his way through the rows of tables to search for his friend, but it proved to be too much of a sensory effort.
He pulled out his phone and typed.
[I can't eat here. I'll be waiting just outside.]
He retraced his steps until he was back in the hallway which was much less crowded.
A few minutes went by before Jaehyeon finally appeared in sight.
'' Are you okay? '' Was the first thing that left the taller one's mouth as he stopped before him.
His look of worry didn't go unnoticed but Jonghyun still chose to put on an act.
'' Yeah, '' he voiced matter-of-factly. '' I just need to be somewhere less crowded right now. ''
'' Where do you want to go? '' Jaehyeon immediately asked.
'' I don't know... '' Jonghyun admitted, a little defeated. He felt like leaving the school right then and there, but felt trapped by all the stress he'd be facing if he did.
'' You know, '' Jaehyeon started with intent. '' My dorm's not far from here...''
Even if Jonghyun had wanted to, he couldn't help but give his friend a stunned look.
'' Aren't we at this stage in our friendship?'' The other went on with a nervous laugh. '' I see your apartment and you see my dorm. ''
That didn't do much to shake Jonghyun out of his frozen state.
'' Or... we could go to the studio, '' Jaehyeon tried instead, feeling beyond embarrassed by his first attempt.
'' Yeah, '' Jonghyun instantly agreed. '' Let's do that. ''
'' I still need to buy food though, '' Jaehyeon reminded.
'' No worries. I have food, '' Jonghyun informed as he lifted the plastic bag he was holding.
Jaehyeon frowned. He wanted to ask where it came from to confirm some of the suspicions already floating around in his mind, but he was too scared of crossing the line again.
'' Not sure that's enough food, '' he instead pointed out.
'' I'm not hungry, you can have it. ''
Jaehyeon could see by the other's weary expression that it wasn't in his best interest to argue.
'' Alright, '' he said.
They made their way to their recording room and from there, conversation turned to lighter things.
Jonghyun even found himself eating some of the food after much insistence on his friend's part. As expected, it was delicious, making him almost wish he had an appetite for it.
'' Yo, I don't think I'll be able to stay awake in class after all that good food, '' Jaehyeon shared as they made their way back to the lockers.
'' One of your white sugary coffees should help with that, '' Jonghyun threw back wittily.
'' Hahaha, '' Jaehyeon deadpanned.
'' You finish at 4, right? '' he then inquired.
'' Yeah. ''
'' Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, '' the taller one figured as his own day ended two hours later.
'' You know I never leave right after classes, '' Jonghyun reminded. '' We can meet up after your last class. '' 
A wide smile lightened the other's face. '' Great. I'll text you when I'm done. ''
'' Good. See you later, '' Jonghyun said before walking further down the hallway to reach his locker.
He picked up his items for his next class and made his way there, once again thinking about his boyfriend's surprise visit and everything that had happened between them in the last few days. He remembered all that he had said, his words of reassurance and love and felt even more weirded out by his own actual behavior. Facing him shouldn't have been that hard, but it had been and from the current tension he was feeling in his body, he knew it wasn't about to get easier.
Fortunately, class proved to be enough distraction for the rest of the afternoon even though it felt like a pain to get through.
His relief of being done with his classes for the day was brief as the thought of his essay waiting to be written came back to the forefront of his mind.
Usually, Jonghyun didn't have that much trouble getting to work and actually getting some shit done, but today was different. Despite having found himself a free cubicle and having set all that he needed in front of himself to write, he came up blank. By the time it was almost six o'clock, he had added three more lines to his already short paragraph, the realization making him groan in frustration.
Knowing Jaehyeon was going to text him any minute now, he closed up shop and made his way back to his locker. As anticipated, his phone buzzed just as he was putting some of his things inside. He reached into his pocket and pulled it out.
[ Doooooone. Where are u?] He read.
[At my locker.] He typed back.
It was a few minutes before the other appeared before him.
'' I thought you'd be at the library, '' Jaehyeon immediately noted, confused.
'' I can't concentrate, '' Jonghyun admitted, still mad at himself.
'' Oh, '' Jaehyeon exclaimed, biting his tongue again to not ask more questions on the matter.
'' So do you want to head out? '' he asked instead.
The answer was immediate.
'' Yes. ''
'' Okay... '' Jaehyeon acknowledged, a little taken aback by the desperation he felt in that single word.
'' Do you want to go to a café or something? ''
Jonghyun pondered the thought for a moment.
'' Actually, '' he started, mulling over the thought that had just popped up in his mind. '' Could we go to your dorm? '' he ultimately dared to ask.
Jaehyeon's eyes widened. '' But I thought you didn't-
'' I changed my mind, '' Jonghyun interjected. '' Let's go, '' he then said before he actually changed his mind again.
'' Okay, '' Jaehyeon said with a smile. '' I'll just grab my stuff. ''
He immediately dashed off the other way, leaving Jonghyun to ponder again. Deep down, he knew this wasn't the way to go, but stronger than that knowledge was his need to escape. Did he feel guilty? Yes. Did he fear the consequences? Yes.
But he also felt like he couldn't go back home right now. Not yet.
He pulled out his phone and as soon as the message window was open, he started typing.
[Minho wanted to hang out again. I don't know when I'll be getting back so don't wait up.]
He wasn't sure if the lie would hold up, but he didn't want to care about that in the moment. So he turned off his phone, put on his outdoor clothing and headed forward to join his friend.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
AFF Link ~
AO3 Link ~
15 notes · View notes
rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
Text
ART-TO-HEART.
Fic written for the Summer of SHINee event ~
Prompt/Plot : In their arts boarding school, Jonghyun and Jinki, who formerly didn’t know each other, become roommates on the last year. Jonghyun is a fiery popular dream boy at school, while Jinki is an awkward outcast who’s secretly gay. They don’t seem to have any in common, but through time in their intimate living situation, Jinki unexpectedly becomes the person Jonghyun can share his most sensitive and vulnerable side with.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : Slice of life, romance, coming of age, arts boarding school au, roommates au, crushing on each other without knowing trope
Word count : 28 k ~
Find it here : AFF and AO3
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
Text
Guilty Pleasure.
One-shot written for the lovely Dee aka jjongyyu ~  
Au where Jonghyun works in the Creative Affairs department of an entertainment company and has a secret crush on Jinki who is the young handsome CEO of that company. Oh and Minho is Jonghyun’s bff/fuck buddy. 
Prompt/Plot : Jonghyun will be fired by his head department soon, so before he's kicked out he braves himself to ask his CEO (Jinki) out for a date.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : Romance, angst, slice of life
Word count : 8 k ~
Jonghyun didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or punch someone in the face. Of all the things he would’ve thought could’ve happened today, getting fired wasn’t one of them.
The tension in his face must’ve been clear, because then he heard, ‘’ If things could’ve been any different we would’ve kept you Mr. Kim, but with the merging of the two companies… we have to make some changes. ‘’
His eyebrow cocked. Changes? The word echoed in his mind in a loop, growing louder and louder until a clench was visible in his jaw. The unease he could read on the HR lady’s face only added to his anger.
‘’ Changes? ‘’ he finally spat out as he rose from his chair. A flash of fear crossed the woman’s face before him, but he went on nonetheless.
‘’ I’ve devoted almost 7 years of my life to this company and you’re now telling me that my presence here is just some kind of liability to the company’s growth? ‘’
His words rang loudly in the room, their release harboring all the rage and disbelief that had bottled up inside him.
A heavy silence followed them while an expression of fear hung over the woman’s delicate features. Jonghyun suddenly felt ridiculous for his outburst, but he didn’t just want to relent; not after all he had given over the years.
‘’ Look, Mr. Kim, ‘’ the long-haired brunette carefully uttered. ‘’ I know our CEO has planned to write letters of recommendation for all the employees who are being let go so that they can find jobs in similar companies. ‘’
‘’ You’ll be fine, ‘’ she ended with a tight smile.
Unbeknownst to her, only one word had been enough to make his anger drop. In its stead, longing and distress curled into a tight knot inside his stomach. His jaw fell slack and his gaze became unfocused as he let his mind go astray.
‘’ Mr. Kim? ‘’
The sound of her voice instantly snapped him back to attention. He shook off any distraction with a sharp cough and quick swipe of his hands on his blazer.
‘’ I understand, Mrs. Hwang, thank you. ‘’
After giving a quick bow in her direction, he walked towards the door and grabbed the knob. A sudden surge of imminent fear clawed at his insides, but he managed to exit the room with his dignity intact.
No one would see him falter.
                                                          ***
No one at work anyways, because as soon as he left his workplace, his phone was on his ear, ready to spill his heart out to the only one he trusted enough to do so.
He lucked out after three rings.
‘’ Is this a booty call? ‘’
The question wasn’t unusual, pretty regular actually, but in that moment, Jonghyun was totally caught off guard.
‘’ Woah… how about ‘’ hello, how are you? ‘’ ‘’
He heard the other snort.
‘’ Oh yeah, I remember when we used to have normal conversations… ‘’ the other answered, making Jonghyun sigh at the heavy sarcasm in his tone. ‘’ When you didn’t just need me for my dick, ‘’ he went on nonetheless.
Jonghyun sighed again, closing his eyes to regain the little composure he had left. ‘’ You know you’re more than that to me… ‘’ He ignored the click of the tongue he heard and said, ‘’ Something bad happened and I need to talk… ‘’
The soft tone in which his request had been made seemed to do the trick, because the next thing that came out of his friend’s mouth was, ‘’ Where do you want to meet? ‘’
The blonde’s lips stretched into a lopsided smile. ‘’ My place? ‘’
‘’ Fine. See you in a few, ‘’ the other settled before hanging up.
That only had Jonghyun feeling lighter. With a renewed energy, he got into his car and hit the road. One thing he had always enjoyed was how close he lived to his workplace, but his quick arrival to the apartment complex in which he lived in only reminded him that in two weeks he wouldn’t have that luxury anymore.
Everything had been so perfect and he was now losing it all. Jonghyun would’ve loved to say that the worst thing about this news was that he was going to lose his job, but it really wasn’t. He was losing the one thing he had been fantasizing about day in and day out for the last year and a half. He felt stupid, childish and a little delusional when he thought about it, but that hope had kept him going more than anything else.
The thought of that imminent loss made every step he took towards his apartment feel heavier. When he was finally in, he got out of his blazer, loosened his tie and fell back on his couch, shielding himself from his surroundings by the arm he brought up to cover his eyes.
This is so fucking shitty.
That statement translated into a groan in the outside world, a groan that held all his tiredness and frustration. He wasn’t one to admit it, but he didn’t like change. He didn’t like the idea of having to change up his routine even in the slightest, so the thought of having to change such a big part of his life was definitely one of the scariest things ever.
He wasn’t tall to begin with so having to jump over that big of a hurdle didn’t seem feasible to him. Images of him breaking a leg were already piling up in his mind, bringing a slight tremble to his hands.
He straightened up immediately to bring his focus elsewhere, anywhere, but he was saved the trouble as the doorbell suddenly rang.
Jonghyun jumped off the couch and ran towards the door, unlocking it quickly before turning the knob.
A grin cracked his lips as he pulled his tall friend inside and closed it. Before he could have the mind to greet him, his eyes zeroed in on the bottle the other had in his hands.
‘’ What’s that? ‘’
The brunette smiled. ‘’ Some Jack. ‘’
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose in slight disgust. ‘’ Why didn’t you bring rum? ‘’
The other’s smile instantly dropped. ‘’ Are you serious right now? ‘’
A twinge of guilt made Jonghyun realize how ungrateful he was being. ‘’ No, I’m not, ‘’ he immediately retracted. He extended a hand to squeeze the other’s free one. ‘’ Thank you. ‘’
Their eyes locked for a while, leaving place to an unspoken conversation that left the air around them heavy and tense.
Jonghyun pulled his gaze away first. ‘’ Minho… ‘’
His mind trailed down the usual road it went whenever he was around his best friend, but a sudden curve brought him elsewhere, leaving him on a road full of bumps that lead to a dead end.
‘’ I got fired. ‘’
The words stumbled out his mouth like a pile of rocks, crushing anything else between and around them.
Minho’s eyes doubled in size as his mind wrapped itself around what he had just heard.
‘’ Fired? ‘’ he all but yelled in the hazardous zone the other’s words had just created.
Jonghyun nodded before all the tension that had built up in his body left him with a sigh. The little energy he had left seemed to leave him too, so he turned away and found his way back onto the couch again. Sitting this time.
Minho followed suit and was right beside him a second later. ‘’ Jjong… ‘’
The brunette’s soft voice had the blonde looking his way.
‘’ How can this be? ‘’
Jonghyun’s lips thinned in a brief smile from the worry he could hear in his friend’s voice.
‘’ Remember when I told you there would be a fusion of our rival company with ours? ‘’ The other nodded instantly. ‘’ Well, unbeknownst to us, that also meant that they would have to make some cuts in the staff to be able to afford all the costs that came with that reorganization… ‘’
Another sigh left him again. ‘’ So they cut me… ‘’
A deep frown creased the other’s brow. ‘’ The fuck? ‘’
‘’ Yup. My exact reaction when I first got the news, but there’s no way around it, so… ‘’ He inhaled deeply. ‘’ I just have to be a man and accept it. ‘’
‘’ Or you can be a man and fucking kick their asses, ‘’ Minho rectified as his hands tightened into fists.
Jonghyun knew the other was seriously angry for him, but he couldn’t help but find the sight endearing.
A breathy laugh left his plump lips. ‘’ It’ll be fine, Minho, ‘’ he reassured. ‘’ I already feel better talking to you. ‘’ His hand slid on the other’s thigh before he gave it a soft squeeze.
He knew that had the desired effect when he saw the other’s features soften.
‘’ What about Jinki? ‘’ Minho asked in a whisper as his gaze settled on the hand the blonde had on his thigh.
Jonghyun flinched. ‘’ Mr. Lee, ‘’ he instantly corrected before retracting his hand.
‘’ Whatever, Jjong. We’re talking about the same person. ‘’
Jonghyun didn’t fail to hear the sudden edge in his friend’s voice. ‘’ What about him? I won’t be seeing him anymore anyways… ‘’
As much as he wanted that to put an end to the conversation, he knew there was no chance it would.
And it didn’t.
‘’ You’ve been fantasizing about this man for the last year and a half, Jjong. You can’t just act like it’s nothing. ‘’
Jonghyun fell silent as Minho peered at him intently. ‘’ What do you want to me say? ‘’ he uttered after a while, voice quiet.
‘’ I don’t want you to say anything, Jjong. I want you to do something, ‘’ Minho sighed.
The blonde’s eyes widened. ‘’ Do what? ‘’
A small smile brightened the other’s face. ‘’ You’re leaving that place anyways, so why not risk it all and ask your boss on a date? ‘’
Jonghyun seemed to forget how to swallow in that moment, because a second later air failed him and left him struggling through a coughing fit.
‘’ Are you crazy? ‘’ he shrieked when he finally recovered.
Minho chuckled. ‘’ Well, I’d say a little craziness never hurt nobody. ‘’ He then scooted a little closer, leaving little space between them. ‘’Plus, I’m getting tired of you moaning this man’s name whenever I’m fucking you. ‘’
Jonghyun felt his face burn with embarrassment, making him immediately look down. ‘’ That only happened once… ‘’
The words barely left his mouth, but Minho heard them loud and clear. ‘’ No, it happened twice. And if it happens a third time, I’ll start getting jealous… ‘’
Jonghyun looked up again, eyes lighting up with surprise. ‘’ But… we’re… ‘’ The rest of his words died in his throat, reluctant to see the light.
‘’ I know what we are, Jjong, ‘’ the brunette filled in. ‘’ So I’m telling you that you should pursue the one you really want before this thing between us starts getting complicated, ‘’ Minho advised, his words bearing the heaviness of an untold truth.
The blonde swallowed hard against his now dry throat. ‘’ Minho… I… ‘’
His attempt to respond was cut short by a finger pressing against his lips.
The brunette gave him a reassuring smile.
‘’ Don’t worry about me, Jjong. Just go for it. ‘’
Jonghyun wanted to protest, but in that moment, he could only nod.
                                                       ***
But actually going for it definitely wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. Jonghyun had started out with great resolve the next morning, but when he had actually set foot in the building again, every bit of courage he had mustered up on his way left him. He was reminded that this wasn’t just one of his colleagues he had to go talk to. No, it was the actual CEO of their company for god’s sake. And it wasn’t like he was running into him every day either, so he quickly realized that for this to work out somehow, he needed to actually ask for an appointment with him. Which…
… was more than terrifying.
Jonghyun could actually count the times he had talked to Mr. Lee.
The first time was almost two years ago when the man had been promoted to the CEO chair to follow in his newly retired father’s footsteps. Jonghyun had been so excited for the change because the first Mr. Lee had been a source of fear to all of them and had made the workplace a living hell.
The transition had been honored with a big event after work.
They all found themselves in one big room, impatiently waiting for the man’s first speech. A few minutes later, they were granted their wish. As soon as the new CEO stepped on stage to introduce himself, Jonghyun knew they were in for a great era. The handsome brunette was all smiles and frankly that made Jonghyun unable to focus on what he was actually saying. Never had a man left such a strong impression on him with his presence alone.
After the speech was over, all the employees scattered throughout the room to talk and rejoice while Mr. Lee took the time to introduce himself to everyone personally. Jonghyun didn’t actually think he would get to talk to him, but somehow the taller man found his way to him.  
‘’ And to who do I have the honor to be talking to? ‘’ Mr. Lee asked with a dashing smile as he stopped in front of him.
Jonghyun blinked a few times, mind stunned by the fact that this man was actually real and actually talking to him.
‘’ So should I assume you have no name then? ‘’ Mr. Lee teased with a soft laugh.
It had taken him a few more seconds, but Jonghyun had finally managed to remember his name before the man had continued with his round of greetings.
The second time they had talked was during a congratulatory dinner that had been arranged to celebrate the great work the Creative Affairs department had been putting in to keep their company on the map.
That night, Jonghyun found himself in the spotlight for his ideas to the grand displeasure of their team manager, baby face Mr. Lee as they liked to call him, but that didn’t dampen his pride one bit, especially when Mr. Lee called for a toast in his honor.
Jonghyun felt his heart flip inside his chest when he locked eyes with the man who was sitting at the opposite end of the table, but he swiftly diverted his attention to his glass, emptying its content in one swift gulp.
The night went on with pleasant conversations as they ate and drank more than they could handle, Jonghyun being one of the only reasonable ones. Being a light drinker, he kept himself in check, sipping slowly on his second glass of rum as he fell back into more of an observant role. The one thing he found himself watching the most was his team manager sucking up to their CEO. He had always hated that little brat and he knew the feeling was mutual, but his over the top reactions towards everything the older man said only solidified that feeling.
After a while, Jonghyun decided to give himself a break by going out for some fresh air, without knowing that this would turn out to be the best decision he could have made. In a strange twist of fate, Mr. Lee came into his line of sight a few seconds later with another one of his irresistible smiles.
‘’ Do you mind if I keep you company for a while? ‘’
Jonghyun shook his head. ‘’ Not at all… ‘’
He nervously watched as the brunette plunged his right hand into one of his black dress pants pockets and took out a packet of cigarettes. The shock must’ve been visible on his face, because then Mr. Lee said, ‘’ I gotta admit… I can’t shake off this bad habit. ‘’
The airy laughter that followed his words had Jonghyun feeling weak in the knees and in that moment, he found himself thinking that this man couldn’t possibly be human.
‘’ Do you want one? ‘’ Mr. Lee asked.
Jonghyun shook his head again, slightly embarrassed, which earned him another melodious laugh from the other.
‘’ Hmm, you’re one of the wise ones then… I see you didn’t drink much tonight, ‘’ the older man observed.
Jonghyun inadvertently scrunched up his nose. ‘’ I wouldn’t say I’m wise… ‘’
‘’ Do you have a bad habit then… or should I say a guilty pleasure? ‘’
Yeah, gushing like a little schoolgirl over a man I barely know.
‘’ Is that really the kind of thing I can admit to our CEO? ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out instead with a bashful smile.
Mr. Lee then graced him with a smile even brighter than any of the ones he had seen before, making Jonghyun suddenly fear that he would lose his sight.
‘’ I was right then. You are pretty wise. ‘’
Jonghyun had thought at that moment that this was going to be the end of him, that he was going to die right this instant, but somehow he had managed to stay alive to finish the conversation nicely and get back to work the next day. He had found himself with even more motivation to push himself and give his all to the company.
The last time they had talked was a little over a month ago when there had been the first announcement about the merger between LJ entertainment and KK entertainment.
That day, a special meeting was called with all employees and a few hours later they were listening with worry and anger at the news. Jonghyun was worried and angry too, but once again, Mr. Lee’s presence provided his mind and body with great distraction.
Once the tense meeting was over, they all went back to their offices, but as soon as Jonghyun settled back in his chair, he received a call from the CEO’s secretary telling him that Mr. Lee wanted to see him. Jonghyun had no clue why that would be, but he didn’t question the request and immediately started walking towards the feared location. He had never actually set foot in his office before since his team manager was the one talking on their behalf, so he felt terrified. Especially after such news.
When he finally entered the man’s office and closed the door behind him, he felt like this was going to be his final moment.
‘’ Sit down, Mr. Kim, ‘’ Mr. Lee indicated with a smile as he crossed his arms on top of his desk.
Jonghyun wasn’t reassured one bit by that smile; he had had plenty of occasions to witness them and he now felt confident in knowing when they were genuine and when they were forced. This one definitely fell in the latter category.
The blonde still sat, his body tense as he waited for a catastrophe to come. He waited patiently, fearfully, but silence dragged on as the man facing him looked down to the table he was leaning against.
Jonghyun grew even more scared, which made his heart do a painful flip in his chest when Mr. Lee looked up again.  
‘’ Do you think I made the right decision, Mr. Kim? ‘’
The blonde’s eyes widened, surprised. ���’ Eh? ‘’
Mr. Lee’s face relaxed as he laughed. ‘’ I’m sorry, Mr. Kim. I should explain myself better, ‘’ he realized as he straightened up some more.
‘’ I’m talking about the merger of LJ with KK, ‘’ he then specified with a retrieved seriousness.
Jonghyun’s brows creased in a deep frown, still confused by the other man’s inquiry.  ‘’ I don’t understand, Mr. Lee… you’re the CEO, we trust you know what’s best for the company. ‘’
His words made the older man sigh. ‘’ Can I be honest with you, Mr. Kim? ‘’
The blonde’s teeth dug into his bottom lip, mind still fear-ridden, before he nodded.
‘’ Being the CEO of a company doesn’t mean you have all the right answers, ‘’ he immediately shared in a way that revealed to Jonghyun the burden he was carrying on his shoulders.
‘’ I didn’t take this decision lightly, but I now fear the consequences, ‘’ the brunette went on, gaze still digging into his.
‘’ I’m sure you made the right decision, ‘’ Jonghyun instantly reassured. He didn’t know that to be true, but he did trust in the man facing him.
The ghost of a smile danced across the older man’s lips. ‘’ I don’t want you to tell me what you think I’d like to hear. I want you to tell me what you honestly think. ‘’
Jonghyun tensed up even more at that, body paralyzed for a few seconds. When he finally managed to remember that he was a human being and not a static object, he said, ‘’ But… why me, sir? ‘’
Mr. Lee really smiled then. ‘’ Because as I once told you before, you seem to be a wise man. ‘’
Jonghyun felt himself blush and looked away. ‘’ Sir, I’m not… ‘’
‘’ And I don’t know the whole spectrum of business management so I’m really not in a good position to-
‘’ I didn’t call you here for that, ‘’ Mr. Lee interjected. ‘’ I’m asking for your opinion because your work here tells me that you’re a man with great vision and intuition. You constantly seem to be thinking outside the box and that’s what our company needs more of. ‘’
Jonghyun froze in a state of shock again. To hear this man say those words to him… It was…
‘’ If there is one thing I definitely regret is not talking about this with you first, ‘’ the other man added more quietly.
Jonghyun’s gaze instantly shifted to his face as his heart fluttered. The look he saw on it gave him every indication that he was not joking.  
Upon the other man’s insistence, he had managed to share his true nuanced thoughts, leaving him feeling distraught and grateful when he had finally stepped out of his office half an hour later that day.
Now, all this seemed to be part of another life; a life that was ending in a few days. Jonghyun knew his time was now or never, but he really couldn’t see himself actually taking that step.
He was utterly terrified.
                                                         ***
Another few days passed and Jonghyun now knew that he would be leaving the company and Mr. Lee behind forever. He had been too caught up in making sure the projects and ideas he had been working on would be carried out in the way he had intended them to, to actually plan out how he was going to confess to their CEO.
And there was no need to, really. Entertaining that thought had been childish all along and it really wasn’t viable in their adult corporate world. Jonghyun knew there had never been a chance for him to actually get a date with their CEO. This wasn’t some romance story that created unlikely situations to fulfill the reader’s desires. This was real life; his life.  
And in his life, he was now three days away from being released from his current duties and falling into an abyss full of anxiety and rum. He still didn’t understand how something like that could’ve happened to him, but there he was, going through his files to reminisce over all that he had created over the years. It wasn’t his property to take and leave with, but it was proof that he had made a difference here.
A difference that didn’t seem to matter in the grand scheme of things, but a difference nonetheless.
Jonghyun was just about to go on his lunch break when the phone on his desk rang. He frowned at the unfamiliar caller ID, but answered anyways.  
‘’Hello? ‘’
‘’ Hello, Mr. Kim. This is Mr. Lee. ‘’
Jonghyun froze, once again petrified by the only idea that this man wasn’t just some kind of unreachable mirage.
‘’ Mr. Kim? ‘’
A quiet exhale left him as he was brought back to the reality of the moment. ‘’ Y-yes? ‘’
‘’ I need to ask you a favor. ‘’
Jonghyun’s eyes widened in surprise and slight confusion. ‘’ A favor? ‘’
‘’ Yes, ‘’ the other man confirmed before taking a slight pause that had Jonghyun sliding to the edge of his chair, alert. ‘’ I would like you to have dinner with me tonight. ‘’
Jonghyun’s shock came out in a string of coughs that had him lowering the phone to actually get himself back into a normal breathing state.
He finally glued the phone back onto his ear after a few seconds. ‘’ E-excuse me, sir? ‘’
A breathy laugh ensued. ‘’ I guess I should work more on my communication skills before I actually get one of my employees killed. ‘’
The jest had Jonghyun feeling more relaxed, a foolish smile cracking his lips. ‘’ I wasn’t expecting that, sir… ‘’
‘’ Well I don’t aim to be predictable, Mr. Kim. ‘’
The man’s smooth answer had Jonghyun’s heart racing despite the unforgettable formality of their relationship.
‘’ I can see that… ‘’
‘’ So, will you join me for dinner? ‘’ the older man reiterated.
Jonghyun chewed on his bottom lip as one of his fingers curled around the phone’s cord, mind reeling with what could be behind that request. It was a few more seconds before he realized that losing an opportunity to spend more time with the man he longed for would be beyond stupid.
He needed to make the most of the little time he had left in his presence.  
‘’ Yes, sir, ‘’ he finally answered.
                                                        ***
Jonghyun looked slightly in awe and disbelief at his surroundings as the waiter guided him through a dimly lit hallway, lined on each side with sliding shōji doors. He had been in Japanese restaurants before, but never had he been in one of those private dining rooms he had seen many times in the movies.
They finally stopped in front of one of them. Jonghyun had no time to even think about bailing out as the waiter slid the door open and gestured for him to enter. Jonghyun gave him a quick parting bow before he stepped into the room. The sound of the door sliding shut instantly made fear rise fiercely inside him and the eye contact that quickly followed did nothing to help his distress.
The warm chocolate eyes he looked into suddenly disappeared behind a resplendent smile.
‘’ Good evening, Mr. Kim. ‘’
‘’ Good evening, Mr. Lee, ‘’ the blonde shyly reciprocated, barely moving an inch.
‘’ Are you just going to stand there? ‘’ the brunette bantered, chuckling.
Jonghyun felt his face heat up and quickly moved to divert his attention from the sensation. He took seat on the mat settled in front of the table, bringing him to eye-level with the taller man.
‘’ I’m glad you could make it, Mr. Kim, ‘’ the young CEO acknowledged with a gentler smile.
Jonghyun’s teeth dug slightly into his bottom lip, gaze expectant. ‘’ Why am I here, sir? ‘’
‘’ I will tell you soon, ‘’ Mr. Lee reassured. ‘’ But first, let’s order some food. ‘’
The blonde slowly nodded and took the menu that was handed to him. He glanced at the options that were on it, but his discomfort prevented him from really giving them any real thought. Here he was, alone with the man that had been the object of his desire for an excruciatingly long time now, and he had no idea how to act.
‘’ Did you make a choice? ‘’
The question snapped him back to attention and he found himself embarrassed by his lapse in focus.
‘’ Um… no… I don’t really know what to choose, ‘’ he admitted.
‘’ Hmm, well I know what’s good here… ‘’ Mr. Lee briefly pondered. ‘’ Do you mind if I order for us both? ‘’
Jonghyun shook his head vigorously, more than happy to relent control. ‘’ No sir, not at all. ‘’
A few seconds later, the waiter came back in and took the order before leaving them be again.
At that moment, Mr. Lee reached into a bag that Jonghyun hadn’t noticed before and took out a bottle and two glasses. Once they were all settled between them, the blonde finally saw what the bottle was.
‘’ Vieux domaine? ‘’ he immediately gasped as his eyes doubled in size.
A prideful smile lit up the other man’s face as he grabbed the bottle to open it. ‘’ Yes, I couldn’t help but notice that you always went for rum, so I thought I’d bring one of my favorites. ‘’
The blonde’s look of surprise went from the bottle to him as his heart fluttered. He couldn’t believe this man had paid attention to his drink of choice. He couldn’t believe this man was even paying any attention to him.
Mr. Lee gave him another warm smile before pouring some of the drink in each glass. Once he set the bottle down onto the table again, he asked, ‘’ Would you mind if we went on a first name basis? ‘’
The question did nothing to relax the other’s expression, making him look back at the other man as if he had just said that he wanted to bend him over the table and fuck him.
The brunette chuckled. ‘’ Am I asking for too much? ‘’
‘’ No, sir… it’s just… ‘’ Jonghyun’s eyes darted downwards. ‘’ It’s just… we’re not… ‘’
‘’ I know what we are… Jonghyun. ‘’ The emphasis on his name had the blonde look up again, his face still unable to conceal his bewilderment. ‘’ But right now, I want this conversation to feel more comfortable, more… open, ‘’ the older man pinpointed in a tone that felt utterly honest.
Jonghyun slowly nodded as the other man’s words started registering in his mind. He knew calling his boss by his first name wasn’t going to be comfortable, but he felt honored to have that privilege.
‘’ Okay… Jinki, ‘’ he tried, before instantly cringing. Saying it in the privacy of his apartment was one thing, but saying it to the actual man was another. It didn’t feel right.
‘’ Jonghyun, ‘’ the other firmly called as he watched his employee recoil in a hunched stance.
The latter looked up again, embarrassed. ‘’ Relax, please, ‘’ the brunette insisted. He then took his glass into his hand. ‘’ Let’s drink. ‘’
The warm smile he was given then did help Jonghyun relax a bit and he picked up his own glass. Watching the other raise his glass, he did the same and brought it to his lips after a shared smile. He hummed in contentment as the different accents of warm spices mixed in with the rum danced across his taste buds before continuing their voyage down his throat.
‘’ I haven’t had that one in a while, ‘’ Jonghyun shared. ‘’ Thank you, si- ‘’ He bit his lip. ‘’ Jinki, ‘’ he rectified in a voice that had a little less assurance.  
Jonghyun didn’t miss how the one facing him tried to restrain himself from laughing. ‘’ It’s my pleasure, ‘’ Jinki finally replied.
The door slid open at that moment and in came a group of waiters and waitresses carrying various plates of food. By the time everything was displayed on the table, Jonghyun was left wondering how they would possibly be able to go through all of it.
Once the restaurant’s employees made their way out and slid the door shut again, the blonde finally voiced his concern.
‘’ Um… this is a lot of food… ‘’
The brunette grinned. ‘’ Yes, it is, ‘’ he agreed before picking up chopsticks and grabbing a maki with them. Jonghyun watched as his boss’ cheeks puffed out as he chewed, thinking in that moment that there probably was no cuter sight than this one.
He followed suit by picking up his own chopsticks, but he first went for a strip of wagyu beef. He couldn’t help the moan that left him as a different set of flavors invaded his mouth. He felt his stomach grumble for more and immediately went for a few other strips before going through a few of the other dishes, momentarily forgetting about everything else.
His stomach finally let some space for his mind to think again when he felt an intent look on him. He paused and looked at his boss with worry, but the latter just smiled at him.
‘’ Seems like we both have quite an appetite, ‘’ the brunette playfully noted.
Jonghyun felt the heat of a fierce blush creep up his neck and cheeks.  
‘’ I’m sorry. It’s just really good, ‘’ he said quietly.
Jinki’s face brightened up even more. ‘’ I’m glad you think so. It’s my favorite restaurant. ‘’
The blonde’s heart flipped. Favorite restaurant?
‘’ Sir… ‘’ Fuck. ‘’ I mean, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun started again. ‘’ I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but… why am I here? ‘’
There was a sigh first, before Jinki’s expression became grave. ‘’ Because what I feared became a reality… I made a mistake. ‘’
Jonghyun’s brow cocked as a mix of surprise and confusion seized him. ‘’ What mistake? ‘’
‘’ The merger, ‘’ Jinki instantly replied, voice tense.
‘’ How is it already a mistake? ‘’ the blonde asked, still confused.
‘’ Because the company is losing you because of it. ‘’
The intensity with which the answer came sent chills down Jonghyun’s spine. Searching the other’s eyes, he realized that the decision had not been run by him beforehand.
‘’ Who made that decision? ‘’ he inquired as an answer immediately formed in his mind.
Jinki sighed again. ‘’ I… I gave each team manager the liberty to make their cuts, since they know their team members best … ‘’ His gaze wavered briefly. ‘’ I never thought for a moment that you’d be cut in the process. ‘’
Jonghyun’s lips thinned into a tight line as his jaw clenched. The thought of kicking his manager’s non-existent butt was very strong, but he managed to rein in his anger as he took hold of his glass and gulped down the rest of its content.
Looking again at his boss, he said, ‘’ Manager Lee never liked me, so his decision makes perfect sense. ‘’
‘’ I should’ve anticipated that, ‘’ Jinki remarked. ‘’ A man with your talent is inevitably going to make other people envious. ‘’
Jonghyun’s anger immediately melted from the heat the other man’s praise created in his body.
‘’ I’m not that talented… ‘’ he abashedly noted.  
‘’ Yes, you are, ‘’ the older man immediately countered. ‘’ And if it wasn’t for the sake of impartiality, I would’ve bypassed his decision and kept you anyways. ‘’
Jonghyun looked back at him in disbelief, convinced that if this kept on this way, he would meet his end.
‘’ I’m trying to fix my mistake, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki went on before pausing to take in some of his drink.
‘’ I’ve been making some calls to people I know for the past few days and I found you a similar position in another company, ‘’ he then revealed as he looked at the younger one earnestly.
Every muscle in the blonde’s body tensed up as a strong sense of unease grew inside him.
‘’ Sir, ‘’ Jonghyun voiced, before cursing himself once more for the slip. ‘’ Jinki… I can’t accept that from you. ‘’  
The older man’s face lit up with surprise. ‘’ Why? ‘’
‘’ Because I think you’re not making a wise choice putting so much faith in me like that… you don’t know me… ‘’
They locked eyes, darker ones still glowing with surprise as paler ones dimmed with worry.
‘’ I have everything I need to make a wise decision, ‘’ Jinki stated with conviction. ‘’ Your work speaks for itself. ‘’
Jonghyun looked away, crushed, realizing that the only interest the other man had in him was for his work. He should’ve been happy to be noticed for that, but it became even more clear to him in that moment that it would never be enough.
He looked up again. ‘’ You did say you wanted this conversation to be more open, right? ‘’
Jinki nodded. ‘’ Yes, I want you to be able to say what’s on your mind. ‘’
Jonghyun acknowledged his words with a nod of his own, teeth digging into his lip again as a spike of fear stabbed his chest. He knew he was about to make a fool of himself, but he also knew there would never be another opportunity like this for him.
He had to seize it.
‘’ Jinki… ‘’ he started quietly. ‘’ There is something I want more than a job right now. ‘’
‘’ Oh… what is it? ‘’ the other asked with genuine interest.
‘’ I… ‘’ Jonghyun took a deep breath. ‘’ I want to get to know you on a more personal level. ‘’
Jinki smiled. ‘’ I’ve been wanting that too, that’s why I wanted us to have a more comfortable conversation. ‘’
‘’ But… you probably mean that in a friendship type of way while I don’t… ‘’
His confession had him looking away, eyes darting downwards to his crossed legs to prevent himself from seeing the utter disgust on his boss’ face.
There was a pause, a long pause, leaving the blonde to wonder if he should just apologize and leave, but before he could actualize those actions, the silence was broken by the other’s voice.
‘’ You mean… you want us to be more than friends? ‘’
The older man’s soft and quiet tone had Jonghyun’s eyes flicking upwards. They searched his face, but it gave him no further clue. His expression was unreadable.
‘’ Yes, ‘’ he admitted with as much strength as he could pull out from himself in that moment.
The brunette’s chest heaved with a deep inhale before he released that breath through a quiet sigh. He wasn’t looking at Jonghyun anymore, instead, he directed his attention to his glass before picking it up and downing it like the other had previously.
When Jonghyun saw him fill their two glasses again, he realized the door wasn’t being shut in his face. He still had space to speak.
‘’ I’ve wanted to ask you out on a date for a very long time now… ‘’ he said with a little more confidence.
That seemed to bring the other man out of his bubble. ‘’ Jonghyun… ‘’ His voice sounded unsure, vulnerable, making Jonghyun’s brow furrow with concern.
‘’ If the circumstances were any different, I’d say yes to you. I’ve had these thoughts too, but… I’m in a difficult position… ‘’
Jonghyun felt a little soothed by Jinki’s saddened expression and sincere tone, but it did nothing to lessen the sorrow that spread through him.  
‘’ You mean… because you’re a CEO? ‘’ he croaked as the feeling menaced to spill out of him.
Jinki just nodded, eyes glinting with a pain of his own.
‘’ It doesn’t have to be known… ‘’ Jonghyun spontaneously offered as his mind grasped at any little thread of hope it could possibly find.
Jinki looked at him, stunned. ‘’ I can’t ask you to be a secret, Jonghyun… ‘’
‘’ You’re not asking, I’m offering, ‘’ Jonghyun asserted. ‘’ I can’t believe I’m even saying this myself, but if there is no other way, I’m fine with it. I just want to be close to you. ‘’
Jinki pondered the thought, eyes zeroing in on his glass again. When his eyes fell back on the blonde’s face, he felt his chest tighten.
‘’ I don’t want to say no to you… ‘’
‘’ Well don’t then, ‘’ Jonghyun instantly threw back.
‘’ But what if… ‘’ Jinki stopped himself.
Before he could continue, Jonghyun jumped in. ‘’ Let’s not think too far ahead. Let’s just start with a date, alright? ‘’
Jinki’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he slowly wrapped his mind around the idea. ‘’ Alright. ‘’
The blonde’s lips twitched upwards at the unexpected turn of events before his hand curled around his glass again. ‘’ Should we toast to that? ‘’
Jinki’s brows furrowed in confusion. ‘’ To what? ‘’
‘’ To you bringing me to another fancy restaurant for our first date, ‘’ Jonghyun half joked, half decided.
That had the other’s face lighting up brightly again as he laughed a frank laugh. ‘’ Why should I be the one treating you? You asked me on a date, so it should be the other way around. ‘’
The blonde’s lips curled into a cute pout. ‘’ I’m going to be jobless soon, remember? ‘’
Jinki ignored the leap his heart took inside his chest at the endearing sight and said, ‘’ Not if you take that job I was telling you about. ‘’
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose at the idea. ‘’ I’ll think about it… ‘’
‘’ What could possibly stop you from saying yes? ‘’ the older man wondered, confounded.
‘’ A few things, but… there are many ways you could persuade me right now… ‘’ Jonghyun hinted in a tone that held no subtlety, before choking back a chuckle at the other’s flustered expression.
Clearing his throat, the brunette said, ‘’ This is a business meeting, Jonghyun. Not a date. ‘’
That was all it took to have Jonghyun’s eyes glinting with hope. ‘’ So you mean that next time… ‘’
‘’ I don’t mean anything, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki immediately dismissed.
‘’ You certainly are comfortable to say what’s on your mind now, ‘’ he then observed with a slight note of annoyance.
‘’ Well that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? ‘’ Jonghyun reminded, not without some defiance.
Jinki’s jaw tensed, but not from anger. ‘’ I’m still your CEO, behave. ‘’
‘’ Hmm, right, ‘’ Jonghyun hummed. ‘’ I only have to wait a few more days... ‘’
That had Jinki shaking his head as he bit back a smile. ‘’ You are something else. ‘’
‘’ Well now that I know that my desire wasn’t completely foolish, I’m not going to hold back. ‘’
Jinki looked up to find the blonde’s eyes and shivered from the intensity in them. It was a few seconds before the energy in the room shifted into a more relaxed atmosphere as the latter’s eyes brightened with a soft smile.  
Grabbing his glass again, Jonghyun asked, ‘’ Can we make it official with a toast now? ‘’
‘’ Yes, sure, ‘’ Jinki agreed as he found himself spellbound by the other.
‘’ To our first date, ‘’ Jonghyun said, grinning.
‘’ To our first date, ‘’ Jinki echoed as he returned the smile.
They broke contact briefly to drink before locking eyes again, matching smiles dancing on their lips.
It was a little more than an hour later when Jinki voiced that he should be taking his leave. By then, they had cleared most plates on the table and had gone through almost all the bottle of rum.
The brunette got up swiftly, making Jonghyun do the same, although a little more clumsily. 
'' Well, I guess it's goodnight then, '' the younger one said first despite his desperate want to spend more time with the other. 
'' You know we can leave this place together, right? '' Jinki reminded, a slight note of amusement lacing his tone.
The remark had the blonde biting his lip in embarrassment. 
'' Right... ''
Jinki smiled fondly at the cuteness he was faced with before taking a few steps to close the distance between them. 
Looking into the other's bright eyes from such a close distance made his heart stop for a moment before its rate quickened to an unsustainable pace.
Before he could tell himself not to, he pulled the smaller man in for a kiss, his strong hands grabbing at his small waist.
Jonghyun's eyes widened in shock before his lids slowly fell over his eyes. He kissed back softly, one hand settling at the back of the taller one's neck, right before a quiet moan left him as he savored the feeling of Jinki's soft and sweet lips on his.
Jonghyun wanted more, but before he could claim it, the other pulled back a bit.
Jinki tried to speak, but found himself lost in the intensity beaming from the other's gaze. Not able to resist, he pressed his lips once more against his, relishing the soft sound it brought out of the other.
But before he could lose himself even more, he pulled back again, this time taking a step back to put more distance between them.
'' I'm sorry, '' Jinki said, eyes darting to the floor.
'' There is no need to be, '' Jonghyun instantly replied as he took in the brunette's troubled expression.
That didn't seem to reassure the other one as a long sigh left him.
Jonghyun's throat tightened with worry, but before that feeling could incapacitate him, he stepped closer to the taller one and said, '' I don't want you to feel guilty about this. ''
Jinki looked up, eyes dark with his own load of worry. '' I know... It's just... I really like you and I didn't expect the night to take that turn and... '' He paused to catch his breath. '' And I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. ''
Jonghyun felt himself melt at that. '' You're so cute, '' he couldn't help but say before smiling at the subtle blush his words created on the other's face.
'' I get it, Jinki, " he finally addressed. '' But like I said, let's just take it one step at a time. ''
Jinki nodded, shoulders relaxing. '' Yes, you're right. ''
That was enough to get them going and a few minutes later, they finally stepped out of the restaurant.
'' So it's really goodnight, then? '' Jonghyun said again, lightly rocking his body back and forth, as they stopped in front of Jinki's car.
'' Yes, but we'll see each other very soon, '' Jinki promised with a smile.
Jonghyun returned the smile before stepping back. He reluctantly waved him goodbye when he finally settled in his car seat and started the engine.
Once he walked away and entered his own car, he couldn't help but fear that this night had all been a dream.
It was only the next day that he got confirmation of how real it had been when the HR lady called him in and told him that there had been a mistake and that he wasn't going to be cut after all. 
Jonghyun left her office feeling beyond relieved, astounded and even more enamored with the man that would remain his CEO after all.  
 _____________________________________________________________________________________________
AFF  AO3
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
Text
Love Is So Nice.
One-shot written for Jjong’s Month .Here are the ones I wrote last year : Moon & Happy Birthday. And my other one for this year : Just For A Day. 
Au where Jonghyun is a pink-haired barista whose dream is to be a full-time illustrator. He is older than Jinki. Minho is his best friend. Jinki’s studying in business management at uni. Also, being gay is normal, no one cares. 
Plot : Jonghyun is 25 years old and has never been in a relationship. At this point, he has given up on the idea of having love in his life. Instead, he settles for having seven puppies one day. 
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : Romance, fluff, slice of life 
Word count : 7.1 k ~
Love had always been a weird notion to Jonghyun. It had always been all around him in every shape or form, but it wasn’t something he believed in for himself. It’s not that he didn’t want it, but the stars just didn’t seem aligned to grant it to him.
He had always been weird, awkward, detached, but also too moody and sensitive to vibe with most people. He was a loner and despite despising that about himself, he didn’t know how to be anything else.
Social interactions were his bane and with the years he had just accepted that he couldn’t have the upper hand. He had tried to fake it until he made it, but he had just ended up feeling like he was putting on a show that didn’t have any substance.
He was 25 years old now and he was slowly starting to feel like maybe he could get accustomed to the idea of being with himself until his expiration date came about. Well, maybe he could get a few puppies to keep him company.
Yeah, that seemed like a good plan. He really didn’t need anybody to fill the social void that hollowed out his insides. He certainly didn’t need anyone to validate his existence, care for him, lov-
‘’ Hey, yo, Jjong! ‘’
The all too familiar voice got the pink-haired man out of his musings, making him scrunch up his nose in annoyance as the only human he could talk to for more than ten seconds came into his line of sight.  
The tall lively brunette gave him a wide smile as he stopped in front of the counter Jonghyun was behind.
‘’ What are you doing here? ‘’ Jonghyun coldly asked as he grabbed a cloth and mindlessly traced circles on the vinyl structure he had been leaning on.
‘’ Um… isn’t this a café? Like you know, a place where people can sit and enjoy a drink and food? ‘’ Minho reminded, a note of amusement lacing his tone.
‘’ Yes, this is a café. But that’s not your scene, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted. His hand stilled over the counter. ‘’ So again, what are you doing here? ‘’
‘’ Can’t I just come by to see my best friend? ‘’ Minho pointed out with pouty lips and a bat of his eyelashes.
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed over his eyes at the annoying sight and the use of the term best friend. He didn’t understand why Minho insisted to define him in that way when he had a shitload of friends.
‘’ No, you can’t, ‘’ Jonghyun deadpanned. ‘’ You actually have to buy something. ‘’
Minho shook his head as a quiet laugh cracked his previous act. ‘’ You really are heartless, Kim Jonghyun, ‘’ he settled as he looked him in the eye.
‘’ I am going to buy something, but I’m waiting for my study partner to arrive, ‘’ he then informed.
That information made the other react instantly. ‘’ Oh my god, not again. ‘’
‘’ I know what you’re thinking, Jjong, but this is for real for real, ‘’ Minho immediately reassured. ‘’ I’m not getting that economics class at all and I can’t afford to fail it if I want to stay on the soccer team, ‘’ he vouched in a way that almost convinced the older one of his honesty.
Almost.
Jonghyun had seen this scenario unfold over and over again. Minho would find someone he liked in one of his classes, whether it be a man or a woman, would get them to study with him, usually in his dorm room, before ending the session with a late-night encounter between the sheets.
That ploy worked 100% of the time and Jonghyun had no trouble understanding why. Minho was probably one of the most attractive people he had seen in his life and compared to him, he was at the opposite side of the spectrum of social ease. He could get anyone comfortable with his charm and dashing smile.
Despite Jonghyun never openly agreeing to the self-coined term Minho used to describe this ability, he did believe he had this flaming charisma. And to be completely honest, Jonghyun was jealous of it. Maybe Minho didn’t really experience love, but at least he was getting some.
‘’ But why here this time? ‘’ Jonghyun couldn’t help but ask.
His question was answered with a roll of the eyes. ‘’ Weren’t you listening? ‘’ Minho reproved. ‘’ I really need to focus this time, so I thought it might help to not have my bed only a few meters away. ‘’
Jonghyun still had his doubts about the whole situation, but he let them slide. His friend’s conquests weren’t any of his business anyways.
‘’ Fine, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged before giving a look around his workplace.
His expression twisted in pure disgust as his eyes caught the same couple he had glanced at an hour earlier. Their sappy displays of affection hadn’t relented, making his desire to kick them out even stronger.
Minho followed his gaze and laughed. ‘’ Jjong, you really need to put yourself out there instead of hating on every lovebird you see, ‘’ he pointed out.
Jonghyun gave him a death stare. ‘’ I wouldn’t hate on them if they weren’t being so gross in public. There are other places to do that, ‘’ he sharply argued.
The brunette’s shoulders shook with laughter again. Before Jonghyun could even realize, he brought a hand to his hair and ruffled it affectionately. ‘’ Lighten up, Jjongie. ‘’
The older one all but huffed before the sound of the door opening caught his attention. Before he could bring himself to greet the newly arrived customer, Minho straightened up and charged towards him.
‘’ Jinki! ‘’ Was the name he heard the latter say before he trapped the smaller one into a hug. Jonghyun almost snorted when he caught the discomfort on the other’s face. Minho had never really known boundaries; he always acted on impulse.
‘’ Come on, I want to introduce you to someone first, ‘’ Minho indicated as he gestured for the other to follow him.
Jonghyun felt himself panic, but that feeling was cut short by his friend’s never-ending forwardness.
‘’ Jinki, this is my best friend, Jonghyun, ‘’ Minho filled in with a prideful smile.
‘’ Nice to meet you, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki said with a quick bow of the head before he flashed a smile of his own.
Jonghyun’s heart flipped inside his chest at the sight of it. He had never seen a smile so bright, so warm.
If it weren’t for the sound of Minho clearing his throat, Jonghyun probably would’ve stayed stuck in his stance for an embarrassingly long time.
‘’ Nice to meet you too, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun echoed as the cogs of his mind began moving again.
They held each other’s gazes silently for a few more seconds before Jonghyun remembered what his purpose was. He quickly bent down behind the counter and sprung back up with two menus in hand.
‘’ Here you go, ‘’ he quickly said before he turned the other way to make sure everything was in its right place.
He naturally eavesdropped on their conversation as he moved this and that around and pretended to wash a few cups that didn’t really need washing. It might’ve been only five minutes before Minho called him again, but that short lapse of time was enough for him to figure out that this study session might not just end with his friend getting a better mark.
‘’ I’ll take an iced black coffee and a blueberry muffin, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho indicated before turning towards the other brunette.
‘’ Oh, and I’ll have a macchiato with an almond croissant, please, ‘’ Jinki said with another warm smile.
‘’ Yes, sure. You guys can settle at a table, it’ll be ready in a few, ‘’ Jonghyun quickly uttered as he tried to ignore the acrobatics that his heart was doing again.
He almost sighed in relief as they finally moved farther away from him. He got to working on their orders, trying to keep his mind blank. But he found it harder than expected when the sound of his friend’s familiar laughter brought along with it a warm and full laugh, one that almost made him overfill the cup he was holding.
He caught himself just in time, silently cursing himself for his lapse in focus. What the fuck is wrong with me? He mused as a scowl darkened his features. Without the inkling of an answer forming in his mind, he gathered himself to get all the items on a tray and turned around again.
He was grateful that his grip on the tray was tight, because when his eyes caught chocolate ones again, he felt weak in the knees.
                                                     ***
A few days passed and Jonghyun still held on solidly to his future plan of living with seven puppies (he had finally settled on a number). He had even started visualizing the house they would live in and was now thinking about the names he could give them. He had already decided on the first one and even knew what breed he wanted her to be. For whatever reason, she had to be a her and a dachshund.
The thought of it brought a small smile to his face as he poured some coffee in a to-go cup. The café was about to close and he couldn’t wait to settle comfortably on his bed to do some drawing. He had gotten behind on some commissions and needed to catch up.
Just as he was covering the carton cup with a plastic lid, the door opened, making him jump slightly. Before he could even think about being annoyed by the last-minute intrusion, an expression of surprise crossed his features as his eyes met the person who had just come in.
‘’ Good evening, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki timidly said as he hid his hands in his jeans’ pockets.
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed between his eyes in confusion. ‘’ Good evening… ‘’ he slowly replied.
‘’ I know it’s late and you were probably about to close, but I have to stay up to catch up on my studying, so if it’s okay, I’d really love to have a coffee to go. ‘’
The other’s fast-paced explanation took a few seconds to register in Jonghyun’s mind. When it did, he slowly nodded.
‘’ Can you just flip the sign outside for me so no one else comes in? ‘’
His request was heeded on the spot and soon he found himself looking into those rich brown eyes again.
‘’ So what would you like? ‘’ he instantly asked, already thinking of the relief he’d feel when he’d find himself alone again.
If it were any other customer, it wouldn’t have been such bother, but this was his friend’s… study partner, if there was any truth in what Minho had told him. Plus, he hadn’t forgotten about how unsettled he had felt when he had first met him.
‘’ Just a plain dark roast coffee, ‘’ Jinki naturally replied, his fingers tapping lightly on the countertop.
‘’ Okay, ‘’ Jonghyun acknowledged. ‘’ It won’t be long, ‘’ he indicated before giving his usual courtesy smile.
He got the machine going again and let it do its magic before turning around to pull out another carton cup and plastic lid. He felt overly conscious of his every move like it was usually the case when another human being was near him, but for some reason, it felt even worse now. He kept facing the other way until the coffee was ready.
A few seconds later, he was presenting the brunette with a freshly brewed coffee to go. ‘’ Here you go. Have a nice evening, ‘’ he quickly uttered.
His heart jumped inside his chest when the other’s fingers brushed against his to grab the cup. Jonghyun’s eyes widened at the feeling, making him turn around immediately.
‘’ Thank you, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki expressed in a soft tone.
Jonghyun didn’t say anything else, too afraid to embarrass himself even more.
He finally heard footsteps heading the other way and when the door finally closed on itself again, he released a long sigh.
He didn’t know what was going on, but he really hoped this was the end of it.
                                                      ***
A few days passed without any other disturbing encounters and Jonghyun was more than happy about it. He had figured out the perfect life for himself and didn’t need anything or anyone to start messing with that in any shape or form.
Jonghyun knew himself. His heart barely needed a spark to create a full-blown fire. The last time that had happened, extinguishing the flames had been almost a never-ending task and from that moment on, he had promised himself he would never go through that again.
Fires were too dangerous and he was no firefighter.
He was only another young man trying to make his dreams come true by working in a café to support himself until his side gig could become his main thing. That was his path towards happiness. And a life full of puppies of course.
He headed towards another afternoon shift with that certainty in mind, a smile dancing on his lips.
But his smile fell as soon as he entered the café and caught a certain someone’s presence. Jonghyun headed straight towards the back, quickly greeting his colleague, before rushing to hide in the employees’ room.
Panic rose inside him as he thought of having to face the other again.
What is he even doing here?
Okay, Jjong, calm down. This is a café, he can come by for a drink.
But why here?
Maybe he’s meeting Minho here again…
Yeah, that’s it.
Calming himself down with that thought, he changed into his black uniform and finally stepped out to settle behind the counter. He immediately initiated small talk with his younger colleague to distract himself. The other went on about his day and Jonghyun tried really hard to pay attention, but it was practically impossible as he felt a gaze on him.
He didn’t dare look back, but there was no doubt in his mind whose gaze it was.
He prayed for Minho to step in and steal the show, but his arrival never occurred. An hour passed during which Jonghyun and his colleague had enough customers to distract themselves for a bit, but not enough that Jonghyun couldn’t catch the glances that were thrown his way a few tables away from where he was.
Soon after, his colleague’s shift ended and the traffic slowed down drastically, leaving him to panic again. He dared give a look towards his table and found him looking at his laptop’s screen, brows furrowed in deep concentration. The sight had Jonghyun captivated despite himself.
He suddenly wondered what this man’s story was. His passions, his dreams, his fears… Before snapping himself back to attention with a slight shake of the head.
No. I don’t need to know that.
What he did need to know was why this man had decided to come study here if he wasn’t meeting up with Minho. His mind kept running with the question on a track that seemed to have no end, making frustration grow inside him more and more.
Fortunately for him, the door opened just as he was about to lose his mind. His face lit up with joy as Minho stepped in.
‘’ You’ve never looked so happy to see me before, ‘’ the younger one bantered as he stopped in front of him.
Jonghyun immediately toned it down a notch, retrieving his more neutral expression. ‘’ I’m just relieved you didn’t stand up your study partner, ‘’ he casually noted.
Minho’s eyes widened. ‘’ Eh? ‘’
Jonghyun frowned. ‘’ Jinki’s been here for a few hours now. Weren’t you meeting up with him? ‘’
The same surprised expression stayed stuck on the other’s face before he turned around.
Jonghyun followed his gaze, but immediately brought it back towards the counter when Jinki looked their way.
‘’ Ah, Minho, glad to see you, ‘’ Jinki warmly greeted.
‘’ Same here, Jinki, ‘’ Minho reciprocated with a smile before turning back again. 
‘’ We had no plans to study together, Jjongie, ‘’ he then told him as he crossed his arms on the counter.
Jonghyun frowned again when a mischievous smile crossed the other’s lips.
‘’ Why are you smiling like that? ‘’
‘’ Just because, ‘’ Minho shrugged before giving a quick look behind him again. ‘’ I guess Jinki really likes this place, huh? ‘’
‘’ He’s only been here three times, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted.
‘’ He came here another time? ‘’ The younger one all but yelled as his eyes doubled in size again.
The death stare Jonghyun gave him made him calm down. In a hushed voice, he said, ‘’ Jinki doesn’t even live in the area. He’s a rich kid, Jjong. ‘’
Jonghyun blinked a few times, his mind paralyzed from the new input.
Minho’s chuckle snapped him out of it. ‘’ That’s why he didn’t fall for my irresistible charm… You caught his attention. ‘’
The satisfied smile Minho was sporting as he looked at him made him want to punch him in the face.
‘’ Stop being ridiculous, Minho, ‘’ Jonghyun scowled.
‘’ Tell me that again when he gets into your pants, ‘’ Minho teased, wiggling his brows.
Jonghyun felt his face heat up at the gross thought. ‘’ Could you please shut up, Minho? ‘’
His words came out in a snarl as anger stepped in to shield him from the other emotions that were menacing to overwhelm him.
But Minho didn’t relent. ‘’ You’d be in luck, Jjongie. From what I could see, he’s packing good stuff down there. ‘’
Jonghyun turned the other way as he felt his ears burn. The other’s smug laughter only added salt to the wound, making him now wish his friend could disappear.
‘’ He’s cute, Jjongie… Very cute, ‘’ Minho said, a slight purr lacing his voice. ‘’ When he does come on to you, please don’t be jerk, ‘’ he then advised.
Jonghyun immediately turned back around at that. ‘’ Even if what you’re saying holds any truth, who says I’m interested? ‘’
A boisterous laugh left the other. ‘’ Oh my god, Jjong, please… ‘’
The older one’s jaw clenched. He didn’t know what was so funny, but he certainly wasn’t laughing. Maybe when Minho would finally shut his trap, would he tell him about his wonderful life plan, so they would never have another conversation like that again.
‘’ I’m happy for you Jjongie, I really am, ‘’ Minho voiced in a softer tone as he wiped away the tears that had pearled at the corners of his eyes.
‘’ There’s nothing to be happy about, ‘’ Jonghyun shot back before pointing to the door.
‘’ Can you please leave now? ‘’ he urged as his patience level reached under 0.
‘’ Of course, sweetheart, ‘’ Minho said a little too loudly to Jonghyun’s liking before he leaned closer to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
Jonghyun completely froze, dumbfounded by his friend’s action. He stared at him in horror when he finally pulled away.
‘’ What the fuck, Minho? ‘’ he raged under his breath.
The latter grinned. ‘’ See you later, Jjongie, ‘’ he replied with a wink.
Before Jonghyun could pull out an answer out of him, the tall brunette strode towards the door and left.
After a few minutes of staring in anger at the door, Jonghyun finally recovered his wits and remembered where he was and how he was supposed to act. He grabbed a cloth again and cleaned the spot on the counter that Minho had leaned on before giving a quick look around.
He felt his face get warm again when he found dark eyes looking right at him.
                                                   ***
It was pouring like crazy outside and Jonghyun was counting down the minutes until he could get back home. No one had stepped into the café in hours and he was pretty sure no one would for the rest of the day.
Boredom was driving him crazy and the last cup of coffee he had just taken did nothing to alleviate his sleepiness. He had spent the whole night up working on drawings before having to come here to open the shop.
He was working solo from opening to closing since he was the only employee who didn't have academic constraints. He didn't mind it though; he had always preferred working alone.
Nonetheless, his brain still needed a little stimulation. Staring out the shop's window at the rain pouring had had its charm for a few minutes, but his mind had quickly asked for more.
It had started asking questions and going down certain paths, but Jonghyun had shut them down immediately.
His fingers were now itching to hold a pencil and draw, but he was scared that the moment he acted on his desire, a customer would walk in.
He let another fifteen minutes go by before finally giving in. He rushed to the back and came back with a notepad and a pencil. He naturally started drawing a dachshund because his obsession had just grown even stronger over the past few days. He knew he had to get one soon to make sure he’d stay on the right track. He smiled as he stared back at the puppy he had brought to life just from the touch of his pencil on a paper.
He then looked at the clock and scrunched up his nose. Only 10 more minutes had gone by. He gave a quick look to the door again before he flipped the page to start over on a new one. This time he just let his hand direct the pencil whichever way it wanted to go.
He found himself outlining someone’s face and got excited at the idea of having a new original character to work with. He operated fast, keeping his mind out of the process, every stroke of his pencil bringing him closer to a new life, to a new story to add to his imaginary world.
But when he stared back at the final product, his excitement totally dropped and in its place, fear rose fiercely inside him. Without thinking, he ripped the drawing apart in as many pieces as he could before throwing them out in the bin behind him.
Jonghyun stepped back away from it, still shaken by what had just happened. He closed his eyes to regain his composure, but the sound of the door suddenly opening put him on edge again. He turned back around only to have his heart leap inside his chest as he stared wide-eyed at the one who had just entered.
A soaked-looking Jinki shook off some water from his hands before stepping in further.
‘’ It’s open, right? ‘’ He asked with a worried look as he glimpsed around.
Jonghyun could only nod, shaken to the bone by the sudden overlap between his mind’s work and reality.
While he just stood there, the other moved forward until the counter became the only thing separating them.
‘’ I really need something warm right now, ‘’ he softly said before his face lit up with yet another big smile.
The pink-haired barista instantly grew hot in the face and shied away to keep himself safe.
‘’ You can sit… I’ll bring you the menu, ‘’ he managed to say despite the turmoil racking his body.
‘’ No need for that, I know what I want. ‘’
The instant reply had Jonghyun look his way again, a hint of surprise glinting in his eyes.
‘’ Oh, okay… ‘’
Jonghyun felt his chest and throat tighten as the brunette didn’t follow with any words, but instead gave him an intent look.
‘’ So… what can I get you? ‘’ he went on, his words tumbling out of his mouth with an uneasiness that just made him feel ten times worse.
‘’ I’d like a black coffee… ‘’ Jinki slowly said.
‘’ Okay sure, I-
‘’ And a date with you, ‘’ the brunette quickly added.
Jonghyun’s mouth fell open as his eyes widened in disbelief. If it wasn’t for the dark blush that instantly stained the other’s cheeks, he would’ve been sure his mind was playing tricks on him.
‘’ E-excuse me? ‘’ he blurted out nonetheless.
Jinki seemed to recoil into himself, but he still answered.
‘’ I'm sorry for being so forward, but after I saw you and Minho together I thought that I shouldn't lose my chance. ‘’
Jonghyun's brows furrowed at that. ‘’ Minho? He's just-
‘’ A friend. I know, I made sure of that, ‘’ Jinki swiftly cut in.
Jonghyun's mouth shut close as his brain imploded from all the other had just said.
‘’ Is that too creepy? ‘’ Jinki picked up as he watched the other's terrified expression with worry.
Jonghyun couldn't really say anything to that when he had just caught himself drawing his face on instinct.
‘’ I... It's just... ‘’ Jonghyun took in a sharp inhale, closing his eyes for a second.
‘’ I don't understand. ‘’
The words rang heavily in the air, leaving a few seconds of silence behind them.
‘’ What don't you understand? ‘’ 
The question came out of the brunette carefully, quietly.
Jonghyun's answer was much more assured. ‘’ Why not Minho? ‘’
Jinki's face lit up with surprise before it darkened with a frown.
‘’ He's not my type. ‘’
Jonghyun's shoulders relaxed unbeknownst to him, but his mind remained doubtful.
‘’ This doesn't make any sense... ‘’ He dismissed with a shake of his head.
‘’ You don't know me. So how can I be your type? ‘’
The words fell from his mouth sharply, making Jinki look back at him with shame, finally tearing his gaze away when his expression grew even more serious. 
‘’ I don't know what to say... ‘’ Jinki shyly admitted as he stared down at the counter.
Jonghyun felt a hybrid sense of satisfaction and sadness swell in his chest at the admission.
‘’ Maybe it's something as shallow as physical or sexual attraction, but to be honest, I really feel like it's more than that, ‘’ Jinki suddenly shared as he seemed to emerge from a deep train of thought.
‘’ I feel like if we got to know each other, we could... ‘’
Jonghyun felt his heart race at the sight of the brunette blushing again.
‘’ We could what? ‘’ he pressed as he forgot himself.
Jonghyun caught the slight waver that troubled the other's gaze, making him even more impatient.
‘’ We could fall in love. ‘’
                                                      ***
Love had always been a weird notion to Jonghyun. So weird that when the opportunity to experience it had knocked on his door, he almost hadn't answered.
Staying in with his imaginary precious puppies seemed like a far better and safe plan, but what Jonghyun realized was that love didn't just knock once and leave if ignored. It did whatever it took to get the attention it deserved.
Jonghyun finally gave in to the idea of considering their regular interactions as being something more than two people being polite with each other when Jinki held his hand one night after they came out of a movie theater. 
The acrobatics his heart did at that moment made him sure his final minutes were upon him before he realized his heart only seemed to go crazy like that when he was around Jinki.
The feeling scared the shit out of him, but the patience and care the other deployed towards him comforted him enough not to skip town and hide away forever.
It was another few weeks before Jonghyun's heart condition worsened. He literally felt it burst inside his chest when Jinki first kissed him on the doorstep of his mother's house. The only thing that saved him from not collapsing to the floor was Jinki's strong hold around his waist.
That same night, Jonghyun decided that his heart wouldn't have enough space for seven puppies and a full-grown man. 
One puppy and a full-grown man would do just fine.
That plan settled well within him until they had their first fight two weeks later. It was a misunderstanding about one of Jinki’s acquaintances, but before it could be cleared up, Jonghyun experienced the horrible pain of feeling his heart break in a million pieces. It took a while for it to hold together again, but with extra communication (which didn’t come to Jonghyun easy), reassuring kisses and time, it did.
And it changed. Jonghyun found himself being much more vulnerable and open which only made their connection deeper. In the process, he felt himself become more soft, needy and clingy around the other until he couldn’t get enough of the few hours they spent with each other almost every day.
One night, Jonghyun found himself asking the other to stay the night. It was his first time asking anyone to stay over.
‘’ Are you sure? ‘’ Jinki softly asked as he rubbed circles with his thumb over the other’s wrist.
They were standing in front of Jonghyun’s house again after an evening out to a restaurant and a follow-up at a small local bar.
Jonghyun had only had one drink, but still, he found himself blaming the alcohol for the words that left his mouth afterwards.
‘’ Yes, I think I’m ready. ‘’
He blushed furiously as Jinki’s eyes widened in shock. ‘’ You mean… ‘’
‘’ I don’t know… I just… I want you to stay, ‘’ Jonghyun sputtered as he fumbled with his own embarrassment.
‘’ Isn’t your family inside, I mean… ‘’
‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun quickly filled in. ‘’ My mom and sister went to visit family. ‘’
Jinki’s face relaxed before lighting up with a sweet smile. ‘’ I’ll gladly stay, baby. ‘’
Jonghyun felt his stupid, weak heart flip at the pet name. Before he could think more about it, he pulled the other inside and closed the door behind them.
That night Jonghyun finally let love inside. It spread through him like wildfire as it reached deep within him, making his heart stop momentarily before it exploded behind his eyes.
When he looked into Jinki’s eyes, he could see that his heart had exploded too.
                                                     ***
‘’ Hellooo! ‘’
Jonghyun abruptly came out of the daze he had inadvertently been plunged into only to see Minho’s lips curl into a wicked grin.
‘’ I know that face. ‘’
‘’ Huh? ‘’ Jonghyun let out, dumbfounded.
Minho chuckled. ‘’ Jinki took your innocence, huh? ‘’
Jonghyun’s eyes widened before he felt heat flush his face, making him look away and grab a cloth again.
‘’ I don’t know what you are talking about, ‘’ he feigned as his hand moved in a circular motion over the vinyl counter.
The other snickered at that before leaning as close as he could from the other side of the counter. ‘’ So…’’ He all but purred. ‘’ Was I right? Is he packing good stuff? ‘’
Jonghyun glared at his friend’s malicious grin, very tempted to wipe it off his smug face, but too discomforted by his body’s reaction to the question to actually go through with it. Plus, he was at work, so he had to stay professional.
‘’ That’s none of your fucking business, ‘’ he simply retorted.
‘’ Oh come on, Jjong. I tell you everything, ‘’ Minho wildly protested as Jonghyun turned the other way to sort out some utensils.
‘’ That’s your problem, not mine, ‘’ he curtly dismissed.
There was a pause, but Jonghyun knew better than to turn back around. That’s exactly what the other wanted.
‘’ So it’s like that, huh? ‘’ Minho finally said, his tone heavy with frustration. ‘’ Fine. I can leave. ‘’
Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the other’s childish antics before giving in to his pathetic threat.
‘’ Stop asking me stupid questions and I’ll stop ignoring you, ‘’ he indicated as if it were the most basic principle in the world.
Minho snorted. ‘’ You should be extra nice to me. I’m the reason you met Jinki, ‘’ he reminded.
‘’ How could I ever forget? ‘’ Jonghyun returned, exasperation clear in his voice. ‘’ You keep reminding us every chance you get.
‘’ Do you want a medal or something? ‘’ he then added when he saw Minho’s expectant look.
His grumpiness quickly subsided when his friend’s expression suddenly became sullen.
‘’ No, I don’t want a medal, Jjong, ‘’ the tall brunette squarely replied. ‘’ What I want is for things to stay the same between us, ‘’ he then shared before his lips tightened into a grim line.
Brows furrowed, Jonghyun immediately asked, ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’
‘’ I barely see you anymore, Jjongie, ‘’ Minho answered in the quietest voice Jonghyun had ever heard from him.
That made his stomach knot with guilt. ‘’ I’m sorry, Minho… I just-
‘’ You’re in love, ‘’ Minho completed in his stead as the hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
‘’ And I’m so happy for you, I really am, ‘’ he went on to clear up the cloud of guilt he could see in his friend’s eyes.
‘’ Just don’t forget about your old pal Minho, ‘’ he finished, his smile still elusive.
‘’ I would never, ‘’ Jonghyun dismissed in a heartbeat, a little hurt that the other would ever think that. But he couldn’t blame him, he knew how he could be. That could only help remind him that he could do a better job at showing Minho how much he meant to him.
Minho’s face finally brightened into a real smile. ‘’ Great, ‘’ he acknowledged before going on excitedly.
‘’ When are you getting off, we could do something if you want… ‘’
Jonghyun offered him an apologetic look. ‘’ Um… Jinki’s supposed to come by later… ‘’
‘’ But we can do something this weekend. Whatever you want, ‘’ the pink-haired young man quickly proposed as he caught the immediate slump of the other’s shoulders.
That seemed enough to stop the wave of disappointment that had menaced to wash over the brunette.
‘’ Yaaay, ‘’ he cheered before laughing softly.
‘’ I’ll let you be then, I should actually be studying, ‘’ he then indicated, scrunching up his nose in disgust.
Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh at that. ‘’ Yes, you should, ‘’ he encouraged. ‘’ Got any new study partners? ‘’
His teasing tone had Minho pouting. ‘’ No. I’m done with that. ‘’
Jonghyun brought a hand over his mouth as he laughed again. ‘’ Okay, if you say so, ‘’ he managed to utter once he settled a bit.
With a huff, the brunette said, ‘’ That’s my cue to leave. See you later, Jjong, ‘’ he added as his face relaxed into another smile.
Jonghyun smiled back. ‘’ See you soon, ‘’ he echoed before the other turned on his heel, walked towards the door and left.
For a few seconds, Jonghyun just stayed there, letting himself appreciate the fact that he was truly lucky to have such a friend in his life.
His eyes then travelled upwards to the clock before him as the image of another man he loved very much flashed in his mind. Excitement instantly tingled in his stomach as he realized that in less than two hours, he’d be able to see him again.
                                                      ***
Jonghyun didn’t think he had ever seen something more beautiful than Jinki’s smile. His heart always stopped whenever he witnessed it and right now was no exception. As the handsome brunette walked up to him with a grin that reached his eyes, he truly prayed that his heart would remember how to work.
Fortunately, he didn’t die in the seconds that followed even when Jinki wrapped his arms around his small waist.
‘’ How was work, baby? ‘’ Jinki softly asked, smile still dancing on his lips.
‘’ It was okay… I missed you, ‘’ Jonghyun immediately shared as he wrapped his arms around his neck.
‘’ I missed you too… a lot, ‘’ Jinki said as he pulled the smaller one a little closer.
A quiet gasp left Jonghyun as Jinki claimed his lips. He sighed at the softness of the other’s lips and the tightening hold around him before a moan tore from his throat when Jinki’s tongue found its way into the warmth of his mouth to meet his. One of his hands instinctively went to the back of the taller one’s neck as the kiss deepened.
Jonghyun didn’t even mind that they were in front of his workplace, not when he was finally getting what he had been craving for the past two days. Closeness.
He didn’t let go of him even when they had to pull away from the kiss to catch their breaths.
‘’ What do you want to do? ‘’ he quietly asked in the small space left between them, his chest slightly heaving.  
‘’ Whatever you want to do, ‘’ Jinki instantly replied, a sweet smile cracking his lips again.
Jonghyun averted his gaze as he felt himself blush. ‘’ I didn’t think of anything… ‘’
A soft laugh shook Jinki’s shoulders. ‘’ It’s okay, we can just walk a bit, it’s a beautiful evening. ‘’
Jonghyun nodded and a second later, they were walking side by side, their hands naturally finding each other's.
A comfortable silence settled between them, the fresh breeze of the fading day softly brushing over their skins as they basked in the simplicity of the moment.
An overwhelming sense of happiness took over the smaller one's body as he realized how perfect this moment was.
Under the darkening blue canvas that was the sky, adorned with accents of orange and pink, he was just a drop of life that had against all odds found his match amidst the ocean that was the billions of people on this planet.
The thought had a crooked smile tugging at the corners of his lips, his gaze mindlessly following the movement of his feet.
‘’ What are you smiling at? ‘’
The sudden inquiry made his heart jump inside his chest before he gave a look to his left. Meeting chocolate eyes, he said, ‘’ Nothing, I’m just… happy, ‘’ he pinpointed before a bashful smile swept across his lips.  
‘’ I hope I have something to do with that, ‘’ Jinki teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.  
A soft laugh tumbled out of Jonghyun’s mouth. ‘’ You have everything to do with it, ‘’ he confirmed as he squeezed the other’s hand tighter.
The brunette grinned. ‘’ Same goes for me, Jjongie. ‘’
They kept on walking for a while, sharing smiles every few seconds, before the brunette brought them to a halt.
‘’ Oh, Jjongie, look, ‘’ he said as he pointed to the other side of the street.
The older one followed his gaze instantly. Embarrassment tightened his chest as he recognized the place.
‘’ Why would you even mention that? ‘’ Jonghyun reproached with a slight pout.
‘’ How could I not? ‘’ Jinki countered with a chuckle. ‘’ It’s where we had our first date. ‘’
Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ You called that a date? ‘’
‘’ Yeah, definitely, ‘’ Jinki answered on the spot. ‘’ After that, I knew I wanted to spend as much time as I could with you. ‘’
A furious blush colored the other’s cheeks as heat pulsed through his body. ‘’ Stop saying ridiculous things… ‘’
‘’ I’m not, ‘’ Jinki argued with a fond smile. ‘’ You were blushing a lot too that night and you were so damn cute, it was hard not to kiss you, ‘’ he reminisced as he brought his free hand up to caress Jonghyun’s cheek.
The latter’s lashes fluttered against his soft touch as he tried to calm the wild reaction of his heart.
‘’ I was a mess, ‘’ he persisted as he remembered how awkward he had been. That whole night had just been a stressful nightmare and he had been sure at that moment that the brunette would never want to see him again.
‘’ You were the most adorable mess then, ‘’ Jinki settled before planting a kiss on his pink shock of hair.  
‘’ Whatever, ‘’ Jonghyun brushed off, still battling with embarrassment.
Laughing a soft, breathy laugh, Jinki said, ‘’ We can always have a do-over if you want. It’s right there. ‘’
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose in disgust. ‘’ I’d rather not. They don’t even have good rum. ‘’
‘’ Oh right, ‘’ Jinki instantly recalled. ‘’ Yeah, let’s find some other place. ‘’
‘’ How about we go to your place? ‘’ Jonghyun proposed, his voice low.
‘’ Do you have anything in mind? ‘’ Jinki inquired not without a hint of mischievousness.
‘’ No… ‘’ Jonghyun’s voice trailed as he leaned a little closer, lips almost brushing the other’s ear. ‘’ Just wanna be alone with you. ‘’
He glanced on the slow bob of the taller one’s Adam’s apple as he pulled back a bit, the sight making his stomach flutter.
‘’ That sounds perfect, ‘’ Jinki settled with a slight strain of urgency in his voice.
The next second he was leading them the other way, almost dragging the smaller one into a fast walk as if they were going to be late somewhere.
Jonghyun fought back a laugh at the other’s eagerness. ‘’ There really is no rush. ‘’
‘’ Hmm, I will have to disagree with you on that one, ‘’ Jinki replied, eyes set straight ahead.
Jonghyun now couldn’t help breaking into laughter at his boyfriend’s serious expression. The latter looked his way and a second later, his face relaxed into a smile.
‘’ I’m glad I was right, ‘’ Jinki pondered out loud.
‘’ Hmm? ‘’ Jonghyun hummed as a cute frown creased his brow.
‘’ About us, ‘’ the brunette shared. ‘’ Being with you … feels amazing, ‘’ he went on, his dark eyes locking with paler ones.  
Jonghyun felt himself blush again. ‘’ I’m glad you were right too, ‘’ he said, his voice all but a whisper.  
Jinki’s smile made him smile again before they both looked ahead, minds basking in the promise of another lovely evening together.
Jonghyun couldn’t help but think that love was still weird, love was still scary, but being with Jinki made all of that pale in comparison to what love felt to him right now.
It just felt…
So nice.
 ***************************************************************************************************************************
AFF   AO3
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
Text
Just For A Day.
One-shot written for Jjong’s Month  Here are the ones I wrote last year : Moon & Happy Birthday.
Au where Jonghyun was in some k-pop group before going solo and Jinki is a literature teacher at some uni. 
Plot : They meant the world to each other, but their different paths kept them apart for 7 years, before Jonghyun realized he couldn’t go on like that anymore. 
*The story is set more than a year after the release of Poet|Artist*
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : Angst, heartbreak, smut, romance 
TW : metaphorical and pretty literal mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts
Word count : 5.6 k ~
Jonghyun had always thought he knew the road to success. Because of that he had worked hard to be able to get into the car that would get him on that road. Luckily for him, he had been able to drive on it for the past few years of his life.
At the beginning, the ride had been exciting and gratifying, but it had slowly but surely started being exhausting and distressing. Spending so many hours behind the steering wheel had left him disoriented and lonely. He had tried finding his way again, but there was just more of the same all around him. He knew he had taken a wrong turn at some point, but he couldn’t figure out when.
And then, one day, as he halted the car to take some time to think, he remembered. The moment had been in front of him all this time, but for his own good, he had blinded himself to it. He had had to or else that would’ve meant leaving the road he had become so accustomed to and risk never taking it again.
That’s a risk he had never been willing to take before, but now time was of the essence; there wasn’t much fuel left in his tank. As he realized the thought wouldn’t leave him alone, he looked all around to make sure no one would catch him and then, he finally made his move.
As soon as he embarked on the other road, his chest constricted with worry. He suddenly could see all the discarded thoughts and feelings he had left on it, making the car shake as it took the bumps along the way. The further he drove, the more bumps appeared and at one point, he thought he wouldn’t make it.
He realized he hadn’t prepared himself well enough for this venture. He realized he should’ve thought of the dangers and consequences of suddenly choosing that road again, of suddenly wanting to find the thing that had been missing. He had gone without it for so long, he wasn’t even sure it would do the trick anymore.
He wasn’t even sure anything could save him at this point.
He kept on nonetheless, driving straight towards known and unknown. It felt like an eternity before he could finally park his car. His heart fluttered as he looked through the window at the house he had been searching for. He didn’t know the house, but he knew who was inside.
That knowledge brought forth his most loyal friends, stress, anticipation and guilt. They accompanied him to the front door, leaving him with a slight tremor in his hands. The right one closed in a fist and his timid friend, courage, gave him the impulse he needed to knock. He waited, looking down to his feet, heart racing.
It stopped for half a second inside his chest as he heard the door get unlocked. He looked up right at the moment when the owner appeared, glimpsing on the neutral expression that lasted for a second before it was eclipsed by surprise.
Widened eyes stared right at him.
'' J-Jjong? ''
                                                         ***
Jonghyun still couldn’t believe he was really there. He couldn’t believe this was all real.
But he was forced to when his long-lost friend let him in, brought him to his living room, offered him a drink and food and broke into his heart-warming laughter when he said that he’d like some rum.
'' Some things never change, do they? '' Jinki teased before disappearing into what Jonghyun guessed was the kitchen.
He came back with a bottle and two glasses that he placed on the center table before filling out the glasses with the golden-brown liquid.
'' Thank you, '' Jonghyun timidly uttered, still feeling out of place. He quickly brought the glass to his lips and took a long sip, hoping his friend courage would re-emerge again.
The other had in the meantime settled on the futon facing the couch the younger one was on, holding his glass in one hand, but leaving it untouched.
Jinki watched as Jonghyun’s eyes darted all around the room and couldn’t help but smile.
'' So what brings a big k-pop star like you in this corner of the country? ''
Jonghyun’s lips curved into a small smile as his eyes settled on the liquid in his glass. '' Can’t I visit an old friend? '' he replied, trying to keep his tone light.
'' Well, first of all, I’ll let you know that I’m not old… just old-ish. '' Jinki laughed, bringing the other into his laughter.
'' And second of all, '' he went on more seriously, '' I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but I think we have a different definition of the word friend. ''
The harsh but true words brought Jonghyun’s eyes on the other’s face. There was no more lightheartedness to be found on his strong yet soft features.
'' You are right, I… I don’t know what I was thinking, I… ''
Jonghyun put his glass down and got up from the couch in a panic, realizing how wrong he had been for leaving his familiar road.
'' Jonghyun. ''
The younger one’s mind and body halted at the sound of his name. He faced Jinki, his heart weighing heavy on his sleeve.
'' I didn’t mean for that to come out this way… '' Jinki said in a quiet voice. He then gestured to the couch.
'' Sit, please. I’d love to know how you’re doing, '' he went on quickly.
Jonghyun looked at him, unsure, but finally sat back down as he saw no change in his demeanour.
'' I’m sorry, Jjong, '' Jinki sighed, slouching slightly on his futon. '' It’s just… I thought I’d never see you again. ''
The brunette felt his stomach knot from those words. '' I’ve… '' He stopped himself, knowing there was no valid excuse.
Jinki smiled, but not brightly enough that Jonghyun couldn’t see the sadness behind it.
'' I know. You’ve probably hadn’t had any time to yourself in a long time. ''
'' Yeah… '' Jonghyun acknowledged despite the truth he carried inside him.
Their conversation melted into silence as they held each other’s gazes and held back words that couldn’t be said.
Jonghyun felt his heart swell inside his chest as he let himself drown in the depths of his dark chocolate eyes, instantly realizing how wrong he had been for keeping him away for so long.
'' So what have you been up to? '' he finally asked as he grew curious about the man before him.  
Jinki laughed a frank laugh, making Jonghyun warm all over. '' My life pales in comparison to yours, but if you must know, I’ve been teaching literature at the local university and I’ve been taking care of my little one. ''
Jonghyun froze for a moment, shocked. '' Your… Your little one? '' he verified, his tone careful.
'' Yes, Jjong, '' Jinki confirmed with his characteristic smile. '' I have a 3-year-old baby boy, '' he went on prideful.
The brunette felt something break inside him. He wanted to be happy for the other, he knew he should be… but he couldn’t.
'' So you have a wife too, huh? ''
Jonghyun silently cursed himself as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant for his tone to be so harsh, but his emotions were getting the better of him.
'' I had a wife, yes, '' Jinki answered, eyes darting down to his glass, '' But we’ve been divorced for a year now. ''
Jonghyun felt relieved for a second before that feeling was trampled by disgust towards himself. '' I’m so sorry, Jinki, '' he offered in all sincerity.
'' You don’t have to be. I asked for the divorce, '' Jinki said as he shifted in his seat. He then brought his glass to his lips and downed his drink all in one gulp.
Jonghyun watched him, bewildered. '' Why? '' he couldn’t help but ask.
Jinki looked into his now empty glass. '' She kept complaining that I wasn’t paying her enough attention and in the end, I realized that she was right so… I set her free, '' he quietly shared before looking up again.
Jonghyun met his beautiful brown eyes again, but this time it was too much. The sadness and guilt he read in them was too much of a reflection of his own sorrow.
'' It’s all good, Jjong, don’t worry about it, '' Jinki reassured as he sensed the other’s distress. '' As long as I get to see my baby boy, I’m good. ''
Jonghyun dared to look at him again. He could now see the crow’s feet at the corner of his eyes as he smiled once more and the dark circles under them. He looked tired, but Jonghyun’s breath still caught in his throat as he was unsettled by his beauty. He suddenly wondered if his son looked just like him.
'' What’s his name? '' Jonghyun asked without thinking. When he caught the discomfort that settled upon the other’s features, he feared he had asked one question too many.
'' Moon. ''
The answer had slipped out of the older quietly, but Jonghyun heard it loud and clear.
His heart stopped for a second before it started thrumming like crazy.
'' Moon, '' he repeated without even realizing, his gaze far away.
The sound of Jinki clearing his throat brought him back to the moment, only then making him realize that his hands had started trembling again. He did the only thing he could do to calm his nerves and downed his glass too.
Once he had put it aside, he said, '' That’s a beautiful name. ''
Jinki smiled, seeming relieved. '' Thank you. ''
'' Is he… here? '' Jonghyun asked, cautious and slightly nervous.
'' No, he is at his mom’s house for the week, '' Jinki answered.
Jonghyun felt his heart settle. He was relieved. He wasn’t sure if he would’ve been ready for that encounter.
'' Enough about me. How are you? '' Jinki swiftly inquired with a newfound energy.
'' I’m… alright, '' Jonghyun let out, uneasy. '' You know, the same old routine… ''
Jinki’s brows furrowed over his eyes. '' The same old routine? '' he uttered in disbelief.
Jonghyun knew why his words couldn’t make sense to the other, but he didn’t want to hide the truth behind all the glamor.
He wanted him to know. '' After spending so many years in the limelight, its brightness starts to dull. ''
'' So is that why your lyrics have become so sad? '' 
Jonghyun's eyes widened, his chest constricting. '' You listen to my music? ''
Jinki nodded, not breaking contact. '' I'll be honest, Jjong... I didn't for a long time, but then I just felt foolish for keeping myself from enjoying your talent. ''
Jonghyun didn't know how to feel anymore. There were just too many things going through his mind. 
Jinki apparently gathered that he was at a loss for words because he went on saying,
'' You're amazing. '' That violently brought Jonghyun back and in that moment, he was pretty sure his heart was going to burst.
'' Thank you, Jinki... '' He managed to get out through all the internal chaos he was in. 
'' That means a lot. '' That last bit came out in a whisper, meant more for him than for the other.
'' Well you're the poet|artist, I'm just another fan enjoying the art, '' the older one reminded with a wink.
'' You're not just another fan. You're the one who has supported me from the beginning and gave me the push to actually give this path a chance, '' Jonghyun rectified all too seriously.
The ghost of a smile danced on Jinki's lips. '' It would've been too sad to not have you share your gift with the world. ''
Jonghyun pondered that thought, not at all comforted by it.
'' Yeah well, sometimes I think it's better to be selfish, '' he said, words burning with resentment. 
A look of concern furrowed the other's brow again. '' Jongh- ''
'' I made a mistake, Jinki, '' Jonghyun cut off as a sudden surge of courage or madness, (he could never make the difference between the two) riled him up. 
Jinki looked at him with worry. '' What are you talking about, Jjong? ''
'' I'm talking about us, Jinki, '' he quickly said to not let himself have time to think.
'' I should've never let you go, '' he admitted as he forced himself to keep his gaze locked with his. 
Jinki suddenly averted it, looking down to his knees. '' You don't know what you're saying, Jjong. '' His tone was sharp, categorical, but Jonghyun knew Jinki too well not to know when he was affected.
'' I know exactly what I'm saying, Jinki. Why do you think I'm here? '' Jonghyun pointed out as he fought with his desire to get close to the other.
Jinki raised his head, setting eyes full of anger on the younger one. '' Is that your idea of making amends? Just showing up out of the blue to tell me that you made a mistake? '' 
The strain in his voice was enough to let Jonghyun know that there was much more to Jinki's words than anger. 
'' No, '' he sighed as sorrow filled his body to the brim. '' You deserve better than that, but I didn't really think it through when I was driving up here... I just wanted to see you, '' he admitted.
He only felt worse when the words left him because they made him realize how selfish he was. 
'' I wanted to see you too, Jjong. Almost every day for the past 7 years, but there's nothing I could do about it, '' Jinki pointed out, voice dripping with contempt.
Jonghyun felt his eyes burn, but he fought back, knowing he had no right to cry.
'' I'm so sorry, Jinki... '' he croaked, devastated.
'' No need to be, '' the older one instantly countered. '' I knew you couldn't lead both lives at the same time, but I just kept foolishly hoping that things could be different. ''
Jinki's expression and voice had softened, but that didn't settle the volcano that was menacing to erupt inside Jonghyun at any moment.
'' I can't do it anymore, Jinki, '' he started, voice shaky with emotion. '' All these years, I've had to push down my feelings for you just to keep up an image that isn't even my own... " He paused as he tried to gather himself.
'' I've recently realized that's where I went wrong. I just want to live my truth, Jinki, '' he went on, a slight note of hope lacing his tone.
'' You've been living it, '' Jinki immediately countered. '' You've reached the point where you can create the kind of music you've always wanted to create and be successful with it. ''
'' Yes, sure, that was my dream. But it was never my dream to be constantly scrutinized, to barely have any time to myself and to have no real significant relationship in my life, '' he fully erupted, leaving his voice scorched.
Jinki stayed silent, but his expression said everything. He understood.
'' I can't go on like that anymore, Jinki, '' Jonghyun said in a way that did nothing to hide the plea behind his words.
Jinki slowly nodded to show that he heard him. 
'' So what do you want to do? '' he asked, tone careful. 
'' I know I can't just up and leave everything behind, but if I can just get my mind off all of that and just be with you... Even just for a day... '' Jonghyun stopped himself, realizing how much he was actually asking for.
Jinki looked away once more, clearly distressed. '' I don't know if I can give you what you want, Jjong... "
Jonghyun's mouth opened, but no words came out. 
Silence grew between them, heavy and tense, before Jinki finally cut through it.
'' Just for today, '' he settled as he found the other's gaze again.
                                                          ***
It had been so long since they had touched that they were both a little awkward with it at first, but the passion between them was still the same. 
Every kiss, caress, lick and bite was just another opportunity for them to profess their love for each other through moans, groans, whimpers and sighs. 
Jonghyun had always been the most vocal of them both, but he was pleased to hear Jinki losing it almost as much as him now.
When he finally took hold of his manhood and started giving him head, the sounds that left Jinki became even bigger of an issue. He had never heard him so needy and desperate and heat soon started coiling in his stomach. He worked him good, making sure every bob of his head and flick of his tongue drove him right to the edge and when he felt like he had him there, he retracted.
Jinki groaned as he watched his wet and throbbing cock slip from the other's plump lips. 
'' Jjongie, that's not fair, '' he said in an almost desperate tone.
'' Don't be too mad, '' Jonghyun replied before straightening up. '' It's just that I want you to cum inside me, '' he finished as he straddled the other's lap.
Jinki hissed as their cocks rubbed against each other. His hands settled on the other's waist, that tiny little waist he had always loved so much, as the latter wrapped his arms around his neck.
Their eyes met again, both of their gazes glazed with lust and love.
'' Jinki... '' Jonghyun uttered as he once again felt like his heart was going to give out on him. 
'' Yeah? '' the older one breathed against him before pressing a soft kiss on the crook of his neck.
Jonghyun's body shook with a shiver from that simple touch. '' I love you, '' he said as he held him even closer.
'' I love you too, Jjong... '' Jinki pulled back a bit to look straight at him again. '' Never stopped... '' He softly added before claiming his lips.
Jonghyun sighed into him as they kissed, opening up his mouth to offer him his tongue.
Jinki moaned at that, instantly playing with it, making it subservient to his until they were both breathless.
Their foreheads met as they caught their breaths, both still yearning for more.
'' I want to ride you, Jinki, '' Jonghyun decided as his lust for the other became unbearable.
Jinki swallowed hard before nodding. '' But I need to prepare you first, '' he reminded.
Jonghyun whined in annoyance, but he couldn't go against it. There was no way he could take Jinki without preparation.
Soon enough, Jinki's lube-coated fingers were working inside him, opening him up gently and it wasn't long before the discomfort he felt turned into pleasure. 
'' Mmm... Jinki... '' He moaned against his ear as he pushed back once more against his fingers. '' I can take you now... Please... '' He begged.
Jinki immediately halted, feeling all the blood in his body rush straight to his twitching cock. He slipped his fingers out and grabbed Jonghyun's ass with his two hands. 
'' Even if you can't, I don't think I can wait any longer. ''
Jonghyun shivered again before climbing off him so he could settle against the headboard. 
Jinki moved back and made himself comfortable, a lazy smile stretching across his lips as the other just stared from the edge of the bed.
'' Like what you see? '' Jinki teased, a low laugh tumbling from his mouth. 
Jonghyun couldn't even begin to agree to that. Jinki was a masterpiece to him and in that moment, he seriously questioned how in the hell he had been able to stay away for so long.
'' You're perfect, '' Jonghyun said before making his way towards him.
As soon as he was close enough, Jinki pulled him in for another kiss making Jonghyun sigh in pleasure. 
'' You're perfect too, '' Jinki softly uttered against his lips.
Heart racing, Jonghyun looked away, conveniently grabbing the bottle of lube to squirt some on his hand. He then stroked it gently up and down Jinki's length, not missing the moan the other tried to keep in.
Jonghyun knew he was in for a hell of a ride, but his idea of it was nowhere near what he actually felt when his hips lowered to take in the other's length.
They both moaned as Jinki's cock pushed through the tight ring of muscle separating him from Jonghyun's warmth. 
'' Fuck, '' Jonghyun groaned as he eased himself down onto his cock even more, his hands on his shoulders to give him so support.
Jinki's hands tightly gripped the smaller one's hips, his jaw clenching from the conscious effort he was making not to slam his own upwards.
'' Jesus Christ... '' Jonghyun sputtered as he finally bottomed out after a few minutes. 
Jinki could feel him shaking and brought a hand to his cheek, softly caressing it. '' You okay, baby? ''
Jonghyun's body shook even more from the pet name. 
'' Jinki... You're driving me crazy, '' he whined against him, closing his eyes to better concentrate on how full he felt.
The sound of Jinki's soft laughter did nothing to help his oversensitive state. '' What did I even do? '' the older one asked.
'' Do I need to draw you a fucking picture? '' Jonghyun threw back as his eyes snapped open again.
'' Ain't nobody got time for that. You're not the only one losing it here. '' A shallow roll of the hips punctuated that point, making Jonghyun groan and get to action.
Jinki's nails dug into Jonghyun's hips as he started moving them up and down his length.
'' Fuck... Jjongie... '' He all but growled as he got lost in the feeling of the drags and drops over his dick.
Jonghyun bit his lip, trying not to cry out in pain. He just wanted to please Jinki, be the only thing on his mind again. 
Jinki wasn't a selfish partner though. When he finally caught the pain on the younger one's face, he immediately reacted.
'' Jjong, '' he softly called. When Jonghyun's eyes were set on him again, he went on, '' I want you under me. ''
Jonghyun's eyes widened slightly, confused. '' But... Am I... You don't like it? '' he panicked, suddenly growing self-conscious. 
'' No, baby... '' Jinki gently reassured. '' You're perfect, more than perfect, it's just that I want to take care of you. ''
Jonghyun's heart fluttered, a soft blush creeping up his cheeks. '' Are you sure? '' He couldn't help but ask as worry still nagged at him.
'' Really sure. '' Jinki followed his affirmation with a slow kiss as one of his hands settled on the small of Jonghyun's back.
Jonghyun felt himself relax against the other, his heart beating so loudly he was sure the other could hear it.
When he was flopped onto his back and Jinki leaned into him again, he relented all control. A soft sigh left his parted lips as Jinki penetrated him slowly, gently. 
'' Aaah! ''
Jonghyun's eyes closed as a jolt of pain suddenly shot through his backside again, making him tighten the hold his legs had around the other's waist.
Jinki caressed his thighs soothingly. '' Tell me if you want me to stop... We don't have to-
'' No, '' Jonghyun halted, bringing his hazel gaze to his chocolate one. '' I want you to... I want us.. '' His teeth dug into his bottom lip as he realized he was fumbling for the right words.
'' But I don't want to hurt you, Jjong, '' Jinki protested, his eyes glinting with concern.
'' I don't care if you do, Jinki. I want you inside me, '' Jonghyun whined, begging with his eyes. A whimper then left him as he felt Jinki's cock twitch inside him.
'' Make love to me, Jinki, '' he said as he brought a hand to his face, tracing soft circles on his cheek with his thumb.
Jinki shivered as his eyes shut tight. He slowly started moving again, grabbing Jonghyun's hand to kiss it before putting any lingering worry to the back of his mind.
Jonghyun retrieved his hand only to wrap both arms around the other's neck, bringing him closer.
Jinki kept moving slowly until his length was completely buried inside Jonghyun's ass. He kissed him on the temple, then on the cheek and then on the lips, before he finally pulled back and snapped his hips forward.
They both moaned loudly from the thrust. Lips meeting again for a sloppy kiss, Jinki's hips moved again, setting a slow but rough pace inside the other. 
Jonghyun's body burned up as pleasure spread through him like a wildfire, leaving him a panting and moaning mess.
'' F-fuck, '' he choked out as a particular thrust hit his prostate.
'' Oh. Did I find your sweet spot, baby? '' Jinki whispered against his ear.
'' Yeah... '' Jonghyun sighed. '' Do that again. Please. ''
Jinki didn't need to be told twice. He angled himself just right to hit that bundle of nerves over and over again, earning him a melody of sweet nothings.
'' Jjongie... '' Jinki moaned before kissing him again. His thrusts were becoming erratic as he felt himself near the edge. He slid a hand between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around the other's neglected erection.
A whimper tumbled out from Jonghyun's lips, the sound falling against Jinki's open mouth. The latter's lips and tongue muffled the trail of sounds that followed as he moved his hand faster around him and fucked him harder.
'' Baby... I'm close, '' Jinki warned as he finally let go of Jonghyun's lips.
'' Mmm... Me too, '' Jonghyun softly groaned before biting his lip.
Jinki pulled back a bit to move faster between the other's legs. His breath suddenly caught in his throat as he took in the most breathtaking view he had ever seen.
From Jonghyun's flushed face, to his bruised lips, to his cutely dishevelled hair and to the frown that creased his brow as he let himself go to pleasure, the sight was almost too much to bear.
'' You're so fucking perfect, Jjong, '' Jinki breathed out as he rolled his hips once more.
'' You too, baby... '' Jonghyun echoed before he pulled him in closer again. '' Cum inside me, Jinki, '' he sighed against him.
It only took him a few more lazy thrusts to send him over the edge. Crying out, Jinki came hard inside Jonghyun, the latter gasping at the sensation. He moaned loudly as the feeling of Jinki spilling inside of him sent him over his own edge, his back arching as he came all over the other's hand and stomach.
The room fell into silence as they both rode out their orgasms, dazed out of their minds. 
Jinki's body felt heavy on Jonghyun's petite frame, but he wasn't complaining. He held him tight as Jinki started nuzzling his neck. The gesture made him feel safe and so loved, he wished he never had to let go. 
Neither of them dared move, both too scared of coming out of their little paradise.
They were finally one again, after 7 years, and there was nothing more important to them than this moment right now.
                                                          ***
If someone had asked Jonghyun if he regretted taking the road he had taken, he would've said no, knowing that he might've regretted not taking his chance when it was presented to him. Jinki had been right when he had said that he had been living his truth, but experience had changed him and taught him that there was always more than one truth. Music would never stop being him, but a big part of him would never stop being with Jinki. 
The first time they had had to say goodbye, there had been this promise of meeting again soon, but soon never came and life went on.
This time though, Jonghyun didn't even have the chance to make any kind of promise. He had asked for a day and he had gotten a day and night. He was grateful, but also desperate to get more. 
This life he had was because of Jinki and it would never be complete without him in the picture. No, he couldn't be with him like he truly wanted to, but even a taste of that was better than nothing.
When Jinki finally accompanied him to the front door, Jonghyun knew he would surely regret not taking this chance. 
Turning around to face him, he uttered, '' Jinki. I-
The other brought a finger to his lips, halting his momentum. 
'' Jonghyun, let's just say goodbye. ''
Jinki's small smile did nothing to prevent Jonghyun's heart from breaking in that instant. 
Before he could regain the control required to agree to that, he was trapped tightly in a hug. Jonghyun held Jinki back instantly, feeling the dam inside him break at the thought of never feeling that closeness again. 
The other seemed to feel his distress because a second later he was running a hand up and down his back before pulling away.  
'' Goodbye, Jonghyun. '' 
The words hit the younger one like a ton of bricks, but he didn't want their last moment to end with tears, so he kept himself together. 
'' Goodbye, Jinki, '' he reciprocated, letting himself drown in his gaze for one last time.
Silence weighed heavily between them for a long while before Jonghyun finally made a move towards the door. He didn't look back as he stepped out of the house and went back into his car. 
The ride back onto the familiar road felt even more lonely and distressing than before, but he kept driving, not knowing what else to do.
3 months passed without hope, without change, leaving Jonghyun to wonder if there was any way out.
One day, his car eventually broke down and he was then sure there was no way he'd find his way back on track. As he wondered if he was facing his last moment, he took his phone out, hoping he’d find someone who could help him go on a little longer.  
He didn't think he would, but he scrolled through his contacts nonetheless. He missed it the first time, but as he made his way back up the list, he caught it.
Jinki's name.
Jonghyun's eyes widened as he stared at it, heart stammering.
Two seconds later, his phone was to his ear, his mind blank and his body tense.
'' Hello? '' 
Jonghyun let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding at the sound of the all too familiar voice.
'' J-Jinki? '' He stuttered as his bottom lip trembled.
'' Jjongie, is that you? '' Jinki asked, tone full of warmth.
Jonghyun couldn't keep it in this time. He sobbed hard as all tension left his body, leaving his body limp. 
'' Jjongie, what's going on? '' Jinki panicked at the other end.
It took a few seconds, but Jonghyun managed to calm himself down enough to speak.
'' I didn't know... I thought... '' It was all he could say before losing it again.
It was okay though, because Jinki once again knew what he was trying to say.
'' I... ''
He sighed.
'' I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I didn't say anything, but I couldn't help myself from keeping that door open. '' 
'' But how...when? '' Jonghyun asked, sniffing.
'' Not long before you left, when you were in the bathroom, '' Jinki confessed. '' I was happy to find out that your password was something that never changed either, '' he added with a soft laugh.
Jonghyun stayed silent as he took in the information. He had been so close to not wanting to go through another day when all this time he could've had a different tomorrow.
'' I'm glad you did that, Jinki... '' he quietly said. 
'' But you have to know that I lied, '' Jonghyun admitted with guilt.
'' Hmm? When? '' 
Jinki didn't sound too bothered, which encouraged Jonghyun to go on.
'' Just a day with you was never going to be enough. ''
His confession was followed by laughter.
'' Why do you think I couldn't help putting my number in your phone? ''
Jonghyun's heart fluttered, his body getting warm all over.
'' So you're saying... ''
'' I'm saying we can have as many days as you need, '' Jinki completed.
'' As we need, '' Jonghyun instantly rectified.
'' As we need, '' Jinki accepted, his smile resonating through his words.
Jonghyun couldn't help but smile too. 
For the first time in years, the road before him didn't look so bleak anymore.
________________________________________________________________
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
Text
THE SELFISHNESS OF OUR HEARTS - A YEAR IN THE LIFE | CHAPTER 8 - NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here
Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7  Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part 6] Genre : Romance, angst and heartbreak.
Trigger warning for abusive behaviour in this chapter.
Word Count : 7 400 words ~
‘’ I love you. ‘’ The words came out as a soft breath against the other’s ear as nails lightly raked over his back.
‘’ Jinki… ‘’ Jonghyun whined as the brunette’s dick pressed against his hole, not pushing in just yet. His nails dug deeper into his skin and his legs wrapped tighter around his waist, his breath catching in his throat and his heart fluttering as every nerve fired up under the other’s touches.
A first thrust brought their voices together in a harmonized moan, making them close their eyes as the sensation overwhelmed them.
There was a pause before Jinki’s lips travelled downwards to the crook of Jonghyun’s neck and he snapped his hips forward again, burying a few more inches of himself inside his lover. He relished the strained groan that broke from the other’s lips and dug his teeth into the soft skin his lips were faced with.
‘’ J-Jinki… ‘’ Jonghyun gasped, eyes shut and body shaking. He groaned again as hands grabbed his thighs and split him open a little more, making room for the last few inches to disappear inside him.
A shiver ran down Jinki’s spine as his chest heaved, mind blown and heart pulsing through every fiber of his body from the slick and warm tightness that was Jonghyun. He found Jonghyun’s eyes again as he lifted his head. They were hooded with pleasure and what Jinki could only hope was also love.
Stomach coiling from the overwhelming sight, he said, ‘’ You are everything to me… ‘’
Jonghyun’s heart skipped a beat as he looked back into his warm chocolate eyes. Before he could say anything, his lips were claimed with a soft kiss. He moaned and returned it more fiercely, arms wrapping around the brunette’s neck.
The latter deepened the kiss with his tongue, swallowing the soft sounds that were coming from the one beneath him as he let it glide against his and toyed with it with an ease that came from the incommensurable number of kisses they had shared.
‘’ I’d do anything for you, baby… I swear… ‘’ Jinki said as he pulled away just before making the pink lips facing him his again.
Jonghyun’s answer got lost once more in the sweet pleasure of being kissed so passionately and having a big erect cock buried deep inside him. He wriggled his butt a bit to get more pleasure, more satiation from this long-awaited moment.
Impatience bordering on desperation, he broke the kiss, cock twitching as he saw the line of spit still connecting their lips.
‘’ Jinki… fuck me… ‘’ he begged, breath heavy and muscles tense.
Jinki groaned as he felt Jonghyun clench tightly around his dick, awakening the painful predicament in which it was. He could only oblige as he stared at the masterpiece that was Jonghyun’s flushed face, eyes still shining and swollen lips slightly parted.
He moved slowly, not so much to tease, but to keep some kind of control over himself. Having sex with Jonghyun always had him feeling like everything was too much, like he wouldn’t make it. And after going without it for so long, that feeling was that much stronger.
Chocolate eyes still locked with hazel ones, he pulled out almost completely before pushing himself whole inside his tight ass.
Jonghyun let out a strangled moan as he felt his hole stretch out again to accommodate his lover’s impressive girth. A flash of pain shot through his backside, making him bite down on his lip as his hands fisted the sheets beneath them.
Jinki waited, hand snaking down the lines of the other’s defined chest and stomach before his fingers curled around his cock in a tight grip. He squeezed.
A cry left Jonghyun’s mouth, splitting his lips apart again. He closed his eyes as Jinki jerked him off, his soft but strong hand caressing him up and down in the most satisfying but painful way.
‘’ Baby… ‘’ he moaned, chest heaving. ‘’ Fuck… ‘’
Jinki swallowed hard as he watched Jonghyun come undone before him. Without realizing, his hand picked up speed and he watched with surprise as a few seconds later cum spurted out of Jonghyun’s dick, thick and warm on his hand, his name leaving the other’s mouth in the sexiest voice.
His cock twitched again painfully as the knot in his lower stomach tightened, making his need to reach his own release that much more unbearable. His hand left Jonghyun’s spent manhood to reach his lips.
Jonghyun grabbed it and sucked on his soiled fingers, tasting himself unabashedly, eyes flicking upwards to catch the brunette’s gaze as he licked his hand clean.
Jinki shivered, sure at this point that Jonghyun was going to be the end of him. He was okay with it though and as soon as he retrieved his hand, he started moving again, snapping his hips back and forth more smoothly, going in and out of Jonghyun as if his tight hole was his salvation.
It was a few thrusts later that a sudden high-pitched cry let him know that he had just found the other’s sweet spot. Bending the latter’s body almost in half, he fucked him just right to reach that spot with every hard thrust, not failing to notice that his dick was regaining some of its fullness.
‘’ Fuck… Jinki… ‘’ Jonghyun choked out, eyes fluttering, as he was slammed back into the high peaks of pleasure.
Jinki could only moan. It felt good, so good that he knew he wouldn’t last long. He lowered his panting and sweaty self some more onto Jonghyun’s equally sweaty body and kissed him again.
Jonghyun welcomed him fully, letting his tongue fall subservient to his dominating one. His hands found his strong back again as his heels also dug into it. ‘’ Fuck, baby… you feel so good… ‘’ he whined as Jinki’s head fell beside his on the pillow. Jonghyun held him tighter as a luscious groan filled his ear.
‘’ Mmm, baby, you’re close, aren’t you? ‘’ He felt as Jinki’s thrusts became shallower, but faster. A muffled whimper gave him all the answer he needed.
‘’ Jinki… ‘’ Jonghyun kissed the brunette’s temple. ‘’ Cum for me, I need you… ‘’
Jinki shivered against him and straightened up a bit to meet the other’s beautiful eyes as his hips slapped against his ass once more.
Jonghyun moaned, loving how Jinki was abusing his hole, leaving his body overly sensitive and wired. He pulled him in for another kiss as his hand slid between them, fingers brushing against the broader chest on top of him along the way.
Another moan broke from his lips as he started jerking himself off to find another orgasm in the pool of pleasure that they were drowning into. It wasn’t long before he felt himself reach that peak again, but before he could, Jinki gave another particularly harsh thrust that had his body shifting even more on the bed.
‘’ Oh fuck, I’m… ‘’ Jinki stilled, body tense like a drawn bow as he came hard and deep inside him.
Jonghyun whined as he was filled up by his man’s thick and warm seed, sensation that took the breath out of him for a split second and had him tipping over the edge once more without another touch needed.
Not able to hold himself up anymore, Jinki fell on top of Jonghyun’s smaller body, trapping him into place.
Their chests met as they heaved, their hectic pattern of breathing slowly starting to even out as they came down the ladder that had brought them to pleasure’s peak. Jonghyun’s arms came around Jinki’s back, hugging him close and tight before one of his hands travelled up to the nape of his neck to give it a soothing caress with his thumb.
In this state of afterglow, everything was right. Everything was peaceful. It was just them, being one.
Jinki was still as a rock, relishing Jonghyun’s warmth and softness after what had felt like an eternity spent apart. He only dared move to plant a light kiss on the other’s cheek, then moving his lips down a little lower, not missing the slight tremor he felt against him as he did so. His full lips followed the line from his jaw to the crook of his neck, teeth joining in to give a light bite as he finally met the curve of his shoulder.
‘’ J-Jinki. ‘’ Jonghyun’s breath hitched as the hand he had behind the other’s neck met with his soft hair to give it a sharp tug. ‘’ Please… ‘’
The plea was clear and so was the exhaustion in his voice. Jinki’s body moved slowly, feeling all the plains and dips of the body under his until their eyes were meeting again. His heart flipped inside its cage as sleepy but distraught eyes looked back at him.
‘’ What is it, Jjongie? ‘’ Jinki inquired as the sight had his hips moving forward again.
The pretty eyes he had been looking into disappeared as a whine broke past the brunette’s plump lips.
Smaller hands found his shoulders, trying to get a hold over him. ‘’ J-Jinki… I’m… you’re… ‘’
His cute failure to express a clear thought had a low chuckle rumbling in Jinki’s chest, not helping at all in the smaller one’s predicament. ‘’ Baby, what are you saying? ‘’ he pressed as he couldn’t help but roll his hips once more.
Jonghyun clenched around him with a groan, his throbbing and overstimulated hole trapping him as best as he could. ‘’ Stop that, ‘’ he ordered with a voice that managed not to waver despite the quickening of his heart rate and the soft pang of pleasure in his core.
A soft, breathy laugh left Jinki this time before he complied with a nod and lowered himself on the other. He was tempted to move his hips again, but he instead went for a kiss, bringing their lips into a quiet, soft and wet dance that lasted longer than their lungs would’ve probably normally handled.
Jinki finally pulled away first, Jonghyun’s panting mirroring his own.
‘’ Fine, let’s get some rest, ‘’ he settled as he finally felt the own weight of his exhaustion settling in his muscles.
Jonghyun winced as Jinki pulled out slowly, leaving a trail of wetness on the sheets when the head popped out of his hole. A soft thump followed as Jinki let himself fall right beside him on their mattress. He knew he should’ve gotten up to pick up towels, so they could wipe themselves clean, but he was just too tired now. And from the stillness of the body he glimpsed at, he could tell that Jonghyun was too.
Nonetheless, an arm soon found his chest and a soft hand laid right over his heart, making it instantly flutter. Jonghyun pulled on the last strings of energy left in him to bring himself closer and snuggle up to the man he had missed so much. When he felt like their bodies couldn’t be closer to one another, he closed his eyes, finally giving his weary head a rest. A foreign thought about his planned afternoon of studying came to mind, but he didn’t let it cross the border of his need for peace and quiet.
Jinki was here, with him, and right now that was all that mattered.
                                                        ***
But soon, Jonghyun realized that it wasn’t all that really mattered.
The intensity of their moment together had blinded him to the actual issues in their relationship, which had him asking for Jinki to come back home, to be with him again, soon after they had woken up.
A wide, honest smile had made him swoon even more and soon they had found themselves in the throes of pleasure again, their longing for each other knowing no satisfaction. The only thing that had been important enough to break them apart was Jonghyun’s radio show. He had remembered in time that he had one in a little more than an hour, the realization making him rise from their bed in panic.
In an effort to soothe him, Jinki had offered to bring him there with his car before going back to his father’s to get his belongings. Jonghyun had mentally acknowledged that piece of information with relief, comforting any worries he had related to the other’s whereabouts.
Thus, they had found themselves in the elder’s car twenty-something minutes later, the latter driving a little faster than usual to make sure his boyfriend would have time to set up before he actually went on air. It was a 15-minute ride, but Jonghyun felt like it had lasted an hour, because of how stressed out the prospect of being late always made him.
A long exhale had left his lips as the car finally parked in front of the campus. After a quick goodbye kiss, Jonghyun had jumped out of the car and had started running towards the entrance.
It was only now as he was making his way up the stairs to the hallway leading to the studio he borrowed that the error of his ways suddenly hit him. He had just completely gotten rid of his pride again just to satisfy his immediate need. He was supposed to have been the one in control, the one setting the terms to how they would resume their shared life together, but all that had crumbled the minute Jinki had… well that Jinki had been Jinki.
A shiver ran down his spine as he pondered that realization, but the course of his worries and fears was cut short as a familiar figure came into his line of vision when he neared the studio.
‘’ Jjongie! ‘’ Jaehyeon greeted with his never-ending supply of enthusiasm.  
Jonghyun couldn’t reciprocate. First, because being that vibrant wasn’t his style, but secondly, because he was suddenly embarrassed by what his friend had had to endure earlier. Despite his best efforts to go on with their studying session, he had had to dismiss his friend quite rapidly as he hadn’t been able to keep his mind off the other’s arrival and his behaviour and had soon realized that the latter wasn’t actually leaving as he should have.  
And now he didn’t know what to say.
‘’ Jae… ‘’ Jonghyun said, his voice awkward as he finally stopped in front of him. 
The tall brunette smiled at him, the same way he always did. ‘’ Did you manage to study on your own? ‘’
Jonghyun cleared his throat a bit as unease tightened it. ‘’ No, not really… ‘’
Eluding his friend’s gaze, he took out the key to the studio from his pocket and opened the door. He felt his friend following closely behind as he entered and felt himself tense up even more.
‘’ Jae… I need to start preparing for the show… ‘’ he quickly explained as he walked over to the mixing console. Indeed, he did have to focus for the few minutes he had left since he hadn’t had the time to come up with any subjects for this episode.
‘’ I know. That’s why I’m here. ‘’
Jonghyun’s gaze went straight to his friend, eyes glowing with surprise. ‘’ What? ‘’
The other was still smiling. ‘’ Am I wrong to assume you didn’t really have time to prepare for this one? ‘’
His words hinted towards something more, but Jonghyun didn’t bite.
‘’ You are not wrong… ‘’ He sighed. ‘’ I really need to get my shit together, ‘’ he voiced more for himself than for the other.
‘’ I’ll gladly help you out anyway I can, Jjong, ‘’ Jaehyeon instantly reassured. ‘’ Just tell me what to do. ‘’
Jonghyun’s shoulders relaxed at once, comforted by the fact that everything didn’t have to actually rest on them.
‘’ Would you mind… doing the show with me? ‘’ He quietly asked, his gaze expectant, but also fearful. For his friend had now gotten a glimpse of another side of him and of his life and he was ashamed of it.
‘’ Why are you looking at me like that? ‘’ Jaehyeon laughed off. ‘’ Of course, I’d love to. ‘’
Jonghyun searched his friend’s face for a lie, but he found none, making him feel a bit more relaxed once more.
‘’ Well… first things first… what could we talk about? ‘’ he mused as a hand came up to rest on his chin and the distance between his brows decreased.
‘’ Well… ‘’ the younger one echoed. ‘’ As a matter of fact… I was thinking before that we could talk about us. ‘’
The crease between his brows deepened even more as he looked at his friend. ‘’ Us? ‘’
‘’ Yeah, ‘’ Jaehyeon acknowledged with a grin. ‘’ It’s your show obviously, but I think last time we proved we had a good dynamic and it would be fun to ask each other questions that would allow the audience to know a little more about who is behind their favorite radio show. ‘’
Jonghyun tilted his head a bit as he pondered the suggestion. ‘’ What kind of questions? ‘’
‘’ Oh all kinds like… What was the last book you read? What’s your favorite childhood memory? ‘’
‘’ I hope you have more up your sleeve, because you’re not asking me these two on air, ‘’ Jonghyun replied categorically.
Jaehyeon hesitated for a second, wondering if he should press the issue or drop it. The seriousness he read in his friend’s eyes told him it was better to go with the latter.
‘’ Fine. I came with a list that has at least 50, ‘’ he indicated as he pulled out a folded paper from his jeans’ right pocket. ‘’ You can give them a look first, just to be sure. ‘’
Jonghyun looked at the time. There was approximately five minutes left before they had to go live. He grabbed the paper from his friend’s hand.
‘’ Can you set everything up while I check it out? ‘’ he asked, being mindful of his tone. He couldn’t hide from the fact that letting people in had always been scary to him. He could talk about himself when he was giving advice, but to have questions asked directly about him or about his life… That was a whole different ball game…
Nonetheless, he wasn’t totally closed to the idea of revealing a little more about himself to his listeners. They had accompanied him along this journey, some since the beginning, and had shown an incommensurable amount of love for his show. And he had never quite felt as if he was giving them back what they deserved.
Maybe this was a way…
His eyes scanned the sheet, his mind taking a mental picture of the ones he definitely felt more comfortable with. Before he could go through them all, he realized his friend should know which ones were safe and which ones weren’t. He quickly took a pen on his desk and put a star besides the ones he okayed and an x besides the ones he didn’t.
He managed to go through all questions right before the show started. Settling in his chair, right in front of his mic, he put his headphones on and took a deep breath. He caught the wink his friend gave him and felt his nerves settle a bit.
A few seconds later, they were on air and even though Jonghyun had started out more tense and nervous than usual, his friend’s ease and innate ability to pull out a reaction from him almost had him forgetting that they were conducting a radio show and not just having one of their usual back-and-forths.
As they started going through the questions, Jonghyun realized how little they had in common which had them arguing any time either of them answered one.
‘’ How can you like rain? ‘’ Jaehyeon all but shrieked for the second time when Jonghyun reaffirmed his love for rainy days.
‘’ How can you not? The world seems to slow down when it rains, everything becomes so peaceful, ‘’ Jonghyun calmly reiterated.
‘’ Yeah, it slows down, ‘cause no one can’t see a damn thing and it’s too depressing to want to do anything, ‘’ Jaehyeon fired back as if they were talking about a matter of the highest importance.
‘’ Well I prefer to see the beauty in everything, so that’s that. ‘’
‘’ You’re crazy… ‘’
‘’ And you’re painfully typical, but you don’t see me complaining about it, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted, the corners of his lips itching to break into a smirk.
Jaehyeon frowned before his lips curled into a pout of defeat, making his elder explode with laughter.
‘’ You guys, I think I actually managed to achieve the impossible. I made Jaehyeon shut up, ‘’ he guffawed as his eyes narrowed to thin crescents.
Jaehyeon mumbled something about the sun being unbeatable before crossing his arms in an exaggerated show of his sulking.
Despite his lingering resolve to show that he was mad, Jaehyeon returned to being his expressive and loud self in the matter of seconds as they finally agreed on something, which was that sleeping naked was the best thing in the world.
The show went on smoothly like that, their bantering and occasional agreeing only getting broken by a few bouts of them reading some of the listeners’ comments. Jonghyun was pleased to see that they were once more enjoying their dynamic and appreciating the little facts they were learning along the way.
As Jaehyeon said his parting words, Jonghyun looked at him, a sweet smile dancing on his lips. Despite what had happened today, his friend had showed up and made everything so much easier for him. And for that, he was beyond grateful.
The studio fell silent as soon as they went off air, the two showrunners linking eyes and sharing a smile.
‘’ Thank you, Jae, ‘’ Jonghyun said as a warm feeling filled him.
Jaehyeon’s smile grew wider. ‘’ It’s my pleasure, Jjong. ‘’
With that said, they got up from their chairs, put everything back in order and left the studio after making sure the door was locked. It wasn’t long before they were both passing through the campus’ main door, both of them instantly shivering as the cold of the night seized their well covered bodies.
‘’ Do you need a lift or something? ‘’ Jaehyeon immediately asked.
‘’ I wouldn’t say no, I’m already freezing my butt off out here, ‘’ the older one replied before his teeth chattered.
‘’ What butt? ‘’
Jonghyun glared at his friend as the latter laughed at what he felt was a witty remark. Giving him a light push on the arm, he said, ‘’ I don’t need a butt to kick your ass. ‘’
‘’ Careful now, will your foot even reach my butt, I mean… ‘’
A loud shout left the taller one as Jonghyun put his warning into action. He pleasantly watched as his friend rubbed his aching bottom and whined.
‘’ Serves you right, ‘’ he quietly said with a satisfied smile before starting to walk towards the parking lot.
He heard his friend follow in tow, right behind him, mumbling to himself until they reached his car.
A few minutes later, Jaehyeon had the car hitting the road, giving them a moment of comfortable silence as their bodies grew warmer. Jonghyun used that moment to look outside the window and enjoy the always calming sight of empty streets at night.
His mind was only taken away from its meditative state when his friend’s voice resonated into the confined space they were in.
Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow as he stared at the troubled expression that followed the uttering of his name.
‘’ Are you okay? ‘’ the other asked as his gaze stayed fixed ahead of him, hands keeping a firm grip on the steering wheel.
Jonghyun’s body reacted before his mind, his chest instantly tightening with unease and his eyes flicking downwards towards his legs.
‘’ Yes, I’m fine, ‘’ he answered a few seconds later as the question was finally encoded by his brain.
‘’ Why? ‘’ he then added, curious but nervous to know what his friend was specifically referring to. His eyes flicked back up to his friend’s face as he waited for his answer.
Jaehyeon sighed. ‘’ I know you’re not one to lay out your personal business, but after what happened earlier, I just wanted to make sure that you know… you were okay. ‘’
The palpable discomfort that weighed his friend’s words made Jonghyun even more anxious.
‘’ Jae… don’t beat around the bush, ‘’ he pressed. ‘’ Just say what’s on your mind. ‘’
Another sigh left the younger one. A red light finally gave him the chance to meet the brunette’s eyes, letting his concern show even more. ‘’ It’s just that… your boyfriend seemed to want to annihilate me at first glance and then the way your face changed when you talked to him… I … ‘’ Jaehyeon looked back to the road as the light turned green again. ‘’ I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that angry. ‘’
Jonghyun swallowed hard as his already present fear lumped in his throat. It took him a few moments to gather himself, but his voice finally pierced through.
‘’ Jae, I… I wanted to apologize for what you had to endure earlier… ‘’ He paused, thinking carefully of what he would say next. ‘’ As I had told you before, ‘’ he then continued. ‘’ Things are complicated and… there was a lot of tension between us so what you saw was kind of the culmination of that… ‘’
Jonghyun swallowed again. ‘’ We were both running on emotion and I’m sure Jinki regrets just as much as I do how he treated you. ‘’
His eyes shifted away from the blank spot he had been staring at to look at his friend once more.
‘’ I’m really sorry, Jae, ‘’ he apologized, silently hoping his words would be enough to put the whole ordeal behind them.
The car took a turn at the next stop, grabbing Jaehyeon’s focus for a few seconds before he was able to reply.
‘’ It’s alright, Jjong. I don’t really mind how I was treated, what I care about is that you’re not hurting, ‘’ he finally said.
Jonghyun stayed silent, eyes still on his friend. He wasn’t sure how to react to such a serious version of him.
‘’ You don’t have to worry so much, Jae… I’m fine… ‘’ he tried to reassure despite his trouble.
‘’ I hope so… ‘’ Jaehyeon sighed.
A heavy and uncomfortable silence fell again, both passengers in the car being weighed down by their thoughts and feelings. Jonghyun wanted to find the right thing to say to make everything right, but his repeated effort to do so failed.
What made the moment that much more distressing for him was that Jaehyeon didn’t utter another word for the rest of the car ride and that lingering silence was also not something he knew how to react to.
It was only when the car stopped in front of his apartment complex that the time came for words again.
Their eyes finally locked, heightening the awkwardness that had built up in and around them.
‘’ Take care, Jjong, ‘’ Jaehyeon said first as he gave him a small smile.
‘’ Jae… ‘’ Jonghyun immediately uttered as panic stabbed him in the chest. ‘’ I don’t want things to change between us, ‘’ he went on, not minding the desperation in his tone. He hadn’t fully realized it until now, but what they had had been a pivotal piece to his well-being in the last few months.
And he wasn’t ready to let go of that zone of comfort, that little window of normalcy.
‘’ That won’t happen, Jjong, ‘’ Jaehyeon immediately replied. ‘’ You’re my only friend and one of the greatest people I’ve met in my life. I don’t want to lose you, ‘’ he admitted, gaze never wavering.
The sincerity he could feel in his friend’s tone soothed Jonghyun a bit, but he knew what was said now, could change later on. Despite his lingering fears, he nodded and softened his rigid expression with a smile.
‘’ Thanks for the lift, Jae, ‘’ he then said before putting a hand on the car door handle.
A melodious see you soon left him as he opened the door, smiling back as his friend reciprocated. He watched the latter leave right after he shut it close, leaving him to wonder if things would really be okay between them. He knew he was probably worrying too much over this, but he couldn’t help but feel like something had or was going to change.
That ominous feeling weighed in his chest all the way to the apartment, erasing any other thought he could’ve had at that moment.
It was only when he finally made his way inside and was hit by the silence in the apartment that he suddenly remembered that his friendship with Jaehyeon wasn’t the only relationship that was on shaky ground.
                                                         ***
‘’ Jinki? ‘’ Jonghyun called out in a strained voice as panic pumped through his veins once more.
No answer.
Quickly getting rid of his outdoor clothing and his boots, he then started taking more steps forward, the overwhelming feeling of dread he had experienced too many times already instantly seizing him.
He passed by the empty kitchen and living room and slowly made his way through the hallway, hoping he wouldn’t find the other rooms lifeless either. He went straight for their bedroom first, thinking to himself that maybe, just maybe, Jinki had already gone to bed.
In bed he was, back against the headboard, Jonghyun saw as he finally pushed the door open, but the expression on his face was far from serene.
Lit cigarette pinched between his lips, Jinki glared at him as if he had been waiting to do so all his life.
Jonghyun looked back at him with eyes that were glinting with confusion and fear. ‘’ Since when do you smoke in our bedroom? ‘’ was the first thing he thought to ask.
Jinki’s frown creased deep between his brows as he held his gaze and took another puff. He only broke their eye lock to crush the last bit of his cigarette in the ashtray he had left on the nightstand besides their bed.
‘’ We’re free individuals, aren’t we? ‘’ he finally replied, words simmering with held back anger.
Their eyes met again, leaving Jonghyun even more confused and fearful. ‘’ What the hell are you talking about? ‘’
Jinki snorted. ‘’ I don’t know… you tell me. ‘’
Jonghyun stared back at his lover with bewildered eyes as his mind searched for whatever the other was referring to.
It was a few seconds before he gave up the search. ‘’ I really don’t understand. We were not fighting before I left, I just did-
Jonghyun shut his mouth as he was hit with realization. His heart sank as he kept staring at the other’s hardened expression, knowing this conversation was going to be a handful.  
‘’ Just say what’s bothering you, ‘’ he squarely requested to not show how unnerved he was right this instant.
Jinki’s pent up frustration translated into a short sigh before he gathered himself enough to speak.
‘’ I thought we were on the same page…. ‘’ he uttered in what to Jonghyun’s surprise was a quiet and controlled voice.
‘’ We are, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun immediately assured.
Jinki searched his eyes, but Jonghyun didn’t waver, knowing very well he had nothing to reproach himself in that regard.
‘’ So what was that earlier? ‘’ the older one asked as the source of his anger replayed in his head. ‘’ Is that your way of taking revenge on me for leaving? ‘’ he went on, voice growing louder with every word.
Jonghyun’s mouth fell open as he took in what was being thrown at him. ‘’ Revenge? ‘’ he slowly repeated before his mind was snapped back to the implication at hand.
‘’ I don’t know what about the radio show has gotten you so upset, but I can assure you that it had nothing to do with you. ‘’
‘’ So you were just genuinely flirting with him on air then? ‘’ Jinki sharply threw back.
‘’ What? ‘’ Jonghyun all but cried out.
‘’ It was an ongoing teasing fest, ‘’ Jinki almost yelled. ‘’ You even had the audacity to talk with him about how great it is to sleep naked. ‘’
His voice rang loudly in the otherwise silent room, its reverberations stiffening them both into their respective spots.
But Jonghyun wasn’t just tense, he was paralyzed by what he had just heard. He could feel Jinki’s eyes on him, but he wasn’t really looking back. It was as if he had just been punched in the head, leaving him dazed and whacked out of his consciousness.  
He didn’t know how much time passed before he slowly came back to himself, but it didn’t matter. Because he had nothing more to say.
Despite still being a little stunned, he turned on his heel and left the room hastily, almost making a run for the front door. He was unfortunately not quick enough and was soon stopped by a firm hand grasping his arm.
Before he could protest or wring himself free, he was forcefully turned around, bringing him to a close distance from the one who was standing a few inches taller than him.
‘’ Where do you think you’re going? ‘’ Jinki growled under his breath.
Jonghyun felt fear claw at his insides at the other’s unrelenting wrath, but he wasn’t about to let it show.
‘’ Let me go, ‘’ he ordered as he tried to pull his arm away.
Jinki retaliated with a stronger grasp that had his knuckles turning white. ‘’ So I was right, huh? ‘’
Jonghyun winced at the corkscrew hold the other had on him, the pain awakening his fighting instincts.
‘’ You’re fucking crazy, ‘’ he roared before pushing hard on the other’s chest with his free hand.
He watched as Jinki slightly lost his balance, giving him the chance to finally retrieve his arm and put some much needed distance between them.
‘’ What has gotten into you? ‘’ Jonghyun snapped as his chest heaved from the ruckus his body was being subjected to.
Jinki’s jaw clenched, fingers closing into tight fists. ‘’ You promised that no one would come between us, ‘’ he reminded, hissing.
‘’ Yeah, and no one is, ‘’ Jonghyun stroke back fiercely. ‘’ You’re just imagining things. There is nothing going on between Jae and I. ‘’
A heavy silence followed and reigned for a while in the empty space that was left between them, both of them thinking about their next move.
In the process, the tension dropped a bit and the fiery anger that was burning inside of them soon turned into embarrassment for one and into exhaustion for the other.
‘’ Why are you being like this, Jinki? ‘’ the latter sighed as he held on with one hand to the futon nearby.
Those words were enough for Jinki to feel beyond remorseful, the emotion spreading through his chest before growing into a lump in his throat.
‘’ I don’t want to lose you, ‘’ he croaked as his eyes darted to the floor.
‘’ I’m not going anywhere, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured. The sadness he could read on the brunette’s face as the latter looked downwards pushed him to start moving forward, every slow step he took bringing him closer to the other.
‘’ Jinki… ‘’ Jonghyun softly called out when only a few inches remained between them. The other’s unresponsiveness had him reacting on impulse, a finger sliding under his chin to lift it up, so their eyes could meet again.
Jonghyun instantly caught the glint of fear in the darker irises his paler ones were plunged into, making his urge to make it disappear that much stronger.
‘’ Despite… everything… ‘’ he carefully chose, ‘’ I’m still here. ‘’  
Jinki stayed silent and still, the only sign of his receptiveness being the softening of his gaze.
‘’ I’m yours, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun continued, voice almost down to a whisper, as he leaned a bit closer, his soft and warm breath hitting the side of the taller one’s face, making the latter shiver. ‘’ And no one is going to change that, ‘’ he affirmed as his heart started racing.
Jinki acknowledged his words with a nod, the speed of his own heart rate unknowingly matching the one of his lover’s.
‘’ You just have to believe it, ‘’ Jonghyun finished, gaze digging into his, before he brought a hand up to caress his cheek.
Jinki’s throat tightened as everything suddenly came crashing down on him. He soon couldn’t hold the smaller one’s gaze anymore as tears troubled his vision.
‘’ I’m so sorry… ‘’ he finally said, his shaky voice breaking the words apart as he burst out crying.
His head dropped against the other’s shoulder as he was instantly held in a tight embrace. The warmth Jonghyun exuded gave him permission to let himself cry despite the strong feeling of shame it created inside him.
His body shook as he sobbed painfully, his distress tearing his insides to shreds. Soon, there was too much sadness inside his body to leave space for shame and in that moment, his arms found their way to the other’s back, holding him back even more tightly.
Wave after wave kept engulfing him, making him fear that he would drown at some point. The only thing he could do to prevent that was to hold on to his anchor, to the only one who could help him reach the shore again.
And that person did just that, nursing him through the ferocity of his internal tsunami with soothing words that he didn’t hear, but could still feel, and with soft caresses that slowly, but surely calmed the storm that had claimed every parcel of his being.  
It might’ve taken an eternity, but Jinki finally came back to safety, his sobs quieting and the trembling in his muscles settling.
Jonghyun was still there, still caressing his back, still telling him that everything was going to be alright.
And in that moment, Jinki suddenly realized how wrong it all was.  
He slowly pulled away, shame slowly making its way back inside him. Clearing his throat, he said, ‘’ You shouldn’t be comforting me after how I just acted, ‘’ he pointed out as he took a step back.
‘’ You’re right, I acted crazy and-
‘’ I still love you, ‘’ Jonghyun cut in, taking a step forward to close in on the distance the other had just created.
He took Jinki’s hands in his. ‘’ All I want is for us to be together, for you to not leave me again and for you to trust me, ‘’ he voiced earnestly, ridding himself of any emotion that could prevent them from finding some peace and quiet in that moment.
Those words hit Jinki hard, making him recoil into himself.
Jonghyun noticed and instantly panicked. ‘’ What? What did I say? ‘’
Jinki looked right back at him, eyes dimming with despair. ‘’ It’s all my fault, isn’t it? ‘’
His heavy stare made Jonghyun lose his ability to form words for a moment, the mountain of emotions that had built up in the other’s gaze crushing him under its weight.
‘’ It is, ‘’ Jinki concluded as his question was met with silence.
He made another move to pull back, but right in time, Jonghyun got a grip on himself and on him.
‘’ Have you hurt me many times? Yes, ‘’ the latter started as he pushed back against the mountain.
‘’ But I have never felt anything like what I feel for you and even though it was really messy from the start, I don’t want to be without you. ‘’
Everything had come out of him without a thought, coming out as if his heart had suddenly been given the gift of speech.
And that seemed to be the right thing to pull out Jinki from under the rocks. His expression softened and his eyes brightened a little.
‘’ Jjong… ‘’ he breathed before he pulled the smaller one in another tight embrace, this time not falling apart in his arms.
The warmth of the other one spread through him this time and soon he felt like his whole body was on fire. He pulled back a bit only to crush his lips against his lover’s, kissing him fiercely with everything he couldn’t convey in words.
Jonghyun crumbled under his passion, hands gripping the front of his shirt to keep himself upright as Jinki’s tongue snaked between his parted lips and glided against his own. A moan broke from him at the sudden encounter, but it wasn’t long before he regained control and had the taller one moaning into his mouth too.
Soon, they were clumsily making their way to the couch, never breaking contact, until the back of Jinki’s knees hit the said furniture. Jonghyun immediately pushed him so he could fall back on it before he positioned himself on top of Jinki’s seated form, his legs and butt straddling the other’s firm thighs. He would never openly admit it, but there was nothing he loved more than being in this position.
Their lips instinctively found each other’s again and they soon started making out like their lives depended on it, the soft and warm act of survival making their breaths heavier and their primal sounds that much needier.
‘’ Jinki… ‘’ Jonghyun panted as he reluctantly pulled away, not failing to feel the bump that was pressing against his crotch. ‘’ I just remembered… I still have to study… ‘’
He hated that his mind had decided to throw that reminder in such a pleasurable moment, but he was also grateful that it had. Jonghyun hadn’t failed any exams yet and he wasn’t planning on making this one his first.
‘’ Oh… Really? ‘’
Jonghyun felt himself get even weaker as he saw Jinki’s disappointed expression, the latter’s full lips almost curling into a pout. He couldn’t help but peck them, lingering a bit in the contact to feel more of them against his.
He knew he had fucked up when a hand settled at the back of his neck and pulled him closer. Jonghyun groaned as Jinki bit his bottom lip before sucking on it, flicking his eyes upwards to catch his gaze. A pang of pleasure hit him low in the belly and soon enough, he was kissing him again as if nothing else mattered.
Only when the lack of air in their lungs became an issue again did they break apart, Jinki’s hand still holding him close.
‘’ Jjongie… I need you… ‘’ the older one pleaded as much with his eyes than with his voice, making the other whine in protest.
‘’ Baby, you know I need you too, but I also really need to study for this, ‘’ he explained.
‘’ I can make it quick, ‘’ Jinki argued on the spot. The distressed expression that earned him only made him want more and without further thought, he guided the other’s small hand to his growing erection.
Jonghyun bit his lip as he palmed it, realizing he’d never get over how big Jinki actually was. His mind was still fighting with him to resist, to hold on to his resolve, but the last shred of self-control he had flew out the window when Jinki started kissing his neck.
His eyes fluttered as his body turned lax under the sweet torture that was Jinki’s lips on his skin and the feeling of his sturdy and tense body pressing against his.
A flicker of reason sparked in his mind again, but Jonghyun effectively turned it off.  
He knew he wasn’t in his right mind, but right this moment, he didn’t want anything else to matter.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
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THE SELFISHNESS OF OUR HEARTS - A YEAR IN THE LIFE | CHAPTER 7 - NO ONE.
This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here
Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part 5] Genre : Romance, angst and heartbreak.
Word Count : 7 900 words ~
Jinki groaned as his alarm clock went off. His eyes opened, then closed again, his body fighting with him to stay in bed. He would’ve loved to listen to that urge and not do anything of his day, but he couldn’t go on like he had the past few weeks. Despite him having little faith that things could get better with Jonghyun, he had remembered what the break had been all about in the first place. He was supposed to work on being the best version of himself possible. When he had remembered that fact, he had decided to make some changes. The major one being to get back to work. A day of phone calls to his clients had gotten him back in the saddle, but following through with all he had to do was a completely different battle. And getting out of bed was definitely the hardest one.
After a few more seconds of floating between waking and sleeping, Jinki finally turned off the device so the aggressive beeping sound could stop ringing in his ears. He slowly straightened up before rubbing some sleep out of his eyes. Another groan left his lips as he finally stood on his two feet. He already knew it was going to be a long day just from how tired he was feeling. These days, he could only get in a few hours of sleep, if any, and it was definitely taking a toll on him. He hadn’t started out with great sleeping habits in the first place, but it was worse now. His mind was playing the same cassette over and over again, preventing him from finding some peace whenever he wasn’t purposely focusing on work or talking with his father.
He stumbled over his own two feet trying to get a move on, but caught himself in time by holding on to the wooden structure of his bed. Coffee, he immediately thought as he realized how much of a walking disaster he was. His body instinctively made a turn to get him to the nearest bathroom so he could wash up first. Once that was done, he walked with a little more enthusiasm towards the staircase leading to the first floor. A smile cracked his lips as he inhaled the comforting scent of a dark roast. He walked at an even faster pace towards the dining room, excited to get his lips on the hot beverage. This was a pleasure he wasn’t shying away from anymore since it was part of a silent contract he had made with himself.
Ever since he had gone back to live with his father, he had made a conscious effort to take better care of himself. That’s why he had decided to stick to only one addiction and logically, he had held on to the less harmful one. He still craved his cigarettes every day, but he had not caved in even in the worst of times. He had come to the painful realization that he had neglected himself in every way to put others first and to deal with the lingering guilt he always felt whenever something bad happened in his life. His father’s words had helped him question the beliefs he held about himself. He had grown to believe that he was a bad person to the core and had to make amends for it in every way possible, but he was slowly realizing that maybe everything wasn’t his fault.
For one, he was now trying to let go of the guilt he held for Gunho’s death. He knew it was the root to a lot of his problems so he had decided to work through the emotional load he was carrying inside him once more. His father had been more than willing to help him during the process, letting him spill his heart out and then helping him shift his perspective on things. It was like having a psychologist on hand and Jinki couldn’t be more grateful to have such an amazing and thoughtful father.
Jinki watched with hunger as the food and the coffee pot were set on the table. He thanked the employees for their hard work before they went back to the kitchen. He was eager to satiate his basic needs, but he didn’t touch anything yet. He didn’t want to start without his father. He waited a few minutes before one of the attendants entered the room.
‘’ Mr. Lee, ‘’ she quietly called out. ‘’ Your father says to start without him, ‘’ she indicated with a small smile.
Jinki’s eyes widened, surprised. ‘’ Oh, okay… Is he feeling well? ‘’ he inquired as worry quickly grew inside him.
‘’ Yes, yes, don’t worry. He’s on the phone, but he said he’ll be coming down soon, ‘’ she informed him.
‘’ Ah, I see… ‘’ Jinki gave her a wide smile. ‘’ Thank you. ‘’
The attendant smiled back and quickly turned on her heel to exit the room.
Jinki sunk back into his chair, a little distraught. His father had never left him to eat alone before. Who is he talking to? He couldn’t help but wonder. A grumble in his stomach finally settled the matter for him after a few more seconds. He filled his cup with hot coffee and as soon as it met with his lips, there was no holding back. By the time he heard steps nearing the room, he was almost done with his plate.
‘’ Good morning, son, ‘’ his father greeted with his usual pep.
‘’ Hi, dad, ‘’ Jinki replied after swallowing the food that had puffed up his cheeks.
‘’ Seems like you were pretty hungry, ‘’ the older man noted with a chuckle.
‘’ Yeah, I guess… ‘’ Jinki recognized, a little embarrassed. ‘’ I wanted to wait for you, but… ‘’
‘’ Don’t worry about it, I was busy, ‘’ he immediately dismissed. ‘’ I was talking to your auntie Youngmi and if you don’t mind, I told her you’d come up to chat with her a little… ‘’
‘’ Yeah, sure. It’s been a while, ‘’ Jinki realized as he sprung up from his chair.
‘’ The phone is in my room, ‘’ his father indicated as he sat down before his own plate of food.
‘’ Alright, ‘’ the younger one acknowledged, before leaving the dining room and going up to the master bedroom. He entered with a little unease, keeping his eyes straight ahead as he spotted the phone on the little wooden table at the corner of the room. He sat down on the cushioned chair before it before picking up the phone.
‘’ Hi auntie, how are you doing? ‘’ he asked enthusiastically.
‘’ The fuck? ‘’ a lower than expected voice loudly exclaimed.
Jinki felt his heart thump inside his chest as his brain immediately registered who it was. ‘’ Ki-Kibum? ‘’ he inquired nervously.
‘’ What the hell? Dad said that auntie Youngmi wanted to talk to me! ‘’ the younger one raged.
‘’ He told me the same thing too… ‘’ Jinki indicated in a calmer tone before a sigh left his lips. Dad, what were you thinking?
‘’ Why in the hell would he do this? ‘’ Kibum kept on, clearly feeling cheated.
Jinki felt his mouth turn dry and his palms get sweaty. He was scared to let the words out, but he knew at this point he had nothing more to lose.
‘’ I told him what happened… I told him everything… ‘’
A heavy silence followed his words. Jinki was pretty much expecting his brother to hang up any second now.
‘’ Why? ‘’ Kibum suddenly asked. His voice had almost turned quiet, surprising Jinki beyond words.  
‘’ Um… because it didn’t feel right keeping this from him any longer, ‘’ he shared, purposely leaving out the part about him living with their father again because he was a mess of a human being.
‘’ That wasn’t your choice to make, Jinki, ‘’ Kibum spat back, picking up his anger again.
‘’ I… I don’t know if it was anyone’s choice to make. It kinda just happened… ‘’ Jinki tried to explain, knowing it wouldn’t change a thing. He knew Kibum had to keep feeding the anger he had towards him. He understood that too well.
‘’ You’re really trying to ruin my life, huh? How am I supposed to look father in the eye the next time I see him? ‘’ Kibum practically yelled.
Jinki closed his eyes briefly, trying to keep his emotions under control. ‘’ If I can look him in the eye, so can you. You have nothing to be ashamed of, ‘’ he reminded.
‘’ Oh right… I was just too pathetic to realize that my boyfriend was getting it on with my brother, but yeah you’re right, I have nothing to be ashamed of, ‘’ Kibum scoffed.
Jinki bit his lip, trying to keep the pain in. There was nothing he could say to that. Nothing that would matter in any case.
Another moment of silence trailed again, leaving Jinki to wonder what was going on in his brother’s mind.
‘’ I can’t believe, father… ‘’ the latter suddenly said again. ‘’ Was he even mad at you? ‘’
Jinki knew that to be a trick question, but he didn’t want to lie. ‘’ No, not really… ‘’
Kibum snorted. ‘’ Of course not. He could never be mad at his favorite son. ‘’
Jinki felt a pang in his chest. ‘’ Kibum, you know dad loves us both equally. ‘’
‘’ I know he loves me, but I know he favors you. That’s been clear since forever, even more so after mom died, ‘’ the other asserted.
‘’ You don’t know that, it’s- ‘’
‘’ What? ‘’ Kibum sharply interjected. ‘’ It’s all in my head? No. There is so much proof it’s not even funny. He’s never been mad at you and he didn’t give you a hard time at all when you came out, ‘’ the younger one brought back.
‘’ He has reprimanded me a lot of times and he didn’t react as much because you had already come out a year before, ‘’ Jinki countered as convincingly as he could.
‘’ Jinki, it’s no use trying to spare my feelings. I’ve accepted it a while ago, ‘’ Kibum squarely informed.
‘’ Apparently it’s my fate to lose to you, ‘’ he then added, snorting.
Jinki felt those words deeply in his core, making him feel sick. ‘’ Don’t say that Kibum… ‘’
‘’ Oh right … I forgot you’ve never been a fan of the truth, you always hide from it, ‘’ the younger one taunted, voice dripping with contempt.
Jinki remained silent, swallowing back his pride.
‘’ It’s a wonder why people love you so much, you’re a coward who doesn’t even have enough backbone to stand on your own, ‘’ Kibum went on mercilessly.
Those words hit him right in the heart, making it hard for him to breathe. ‘’ How can you say that to me, Kibum? ‘’ he managed to utter with a trembling lip.
‘’ How could you do this to me, Jinki… ‘’ Kibum threw right back, voice hoarse with emotion. There was a pause. ‘’ How could you… ‘’ he repeated, voice breaking apart.  
Jinki felt a tear slide down his cheek, but wiped it away. Throat tightening, he said, ‘’ I don’t know, Kibum. I never thought something like that could happen… Never. ‘’
‘’ It didn’t have to, ‘’ Kibum immediately retorted. ‘’ You had a choice, Jinki. You could’ve just not acted on whatever was on your mind, but you did anyways. You- ‘’
‘’ I was selfish, ‘’ Jinki interjected. ‘’ In the end, I chose my feelings over yours. I admit it, ‘’ he confessed. ‘’ But I have to live with the weight of that choice every day. You think I’m not thinking about what that has done to you every fucking second of every fucking day? ‘’ Jinki continued, voice strained from growing distress.
‘’ That’s the least you can do for doing the worst thing you could have ever done to me, ‘’ Kibum coldly replied.
Jinki sunk back into his chair, feeling defeated. He wished he could get Kibum to see past his mistake; he wished Kibum could see how much he loved and missed him.
‘’ Bummie… ‘’ he slowly started, holding on to the shred of hope that was still inside him. ‘’ I don’t know how or if I can make this right, but all I want you to know is that I love you and miss you very much. I don’t really know how to go on without you in my life, ‘’ he laid out earnestly.
There was a long silence. So long, Jinki thought his heart would give out on him.
The younger one finally broke it with a sigh. ‘’ Supposing that I feel the same way, maybe we could talk on the phone once in a while, but I have one condition. ‘’ His tone had now grown deadly serious.
‘’ Yes, anything, ‘’ Jinki eagerly replied, despite his fear.
‘’ We are never talking about you know who. Don’t ever mention his name or even refer to your relationship with him, ‘’ Kibum revealed, tone leaving no room for argument.
‘’ I won’t, ‘’ Jinki agreed almost instantly. He felt somewhat uneasy as Jonghyun crossed his mind, but in this moment, there was nothing more important than mending his relationship with his brother.
‘’ Good, ‘’ Kibum said in a satisfied tone. ‘’ It’s late here so I’ll be going now. I’ll call you soon, ‘’ he indicated.
Jinki couldn’t help but smile. ‘’ Okay, Bummie. Goodnight. ‘’
‘’ Goodnight, Jinki. ‘’
Jinki waited for the other to hang up first before he did the same. The distress that had wrecked him just a few minutes ago was now replaced by a growing sense of peace. He knew everything was far from perfect, but it was a start.
He got up from the cushioned chair and rushed once more down the stairs, heading straight to the dining room. Another smile cracked his lips as he set eyes on his father again.
The latter looked up at him once he came into view. ‘’ So how was the talk with your auntie? ‘’ he asked matter-of-factly.
Jinki shook his head, laughing. ‘’ It was… ‘’ He paused. ‘’ Necessary, ‘’ he pinpointed. ‘’ We should be talking again soon, ‘’ he then informed with another smile.
‘’ That’s great, ‘’ the older man exclaimed joyfully. ‘’ I’m glad you two had that talk. Family is always important, ‘’ he went on.
Jinki smiled once more. ‘’ Yes, it is. ‘’
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jonghyun groaned as a buzzing sound slowly slipped into his consciousness, breaking through his hazy barrier of sleep. He stirred under his pile of blankets, turning his head the other way to block out the disturbance. When he heard the annoying buzzing again, he was forced to open his eyes, whining as light attacked his line of vision. It was only after a few more seconds of disgruntlement that he realized that it was his phone who had disturbed his peace. He reached for it lazily, almost making it fall from the nightstand beside him as he tried to grab it.
Phone finally to his ear, he grunted, not even caring who might be on the other end.
The boisterous laugh he was answered with made him wince. ‘’ Jjong, is that you or have I called a caveman? ‘’ Jaehyeon teased.
Jonghyun’s immediate response was a groan this time, his mind still working out how to form a sentence that early in the day.
‘’ Gosh, did you get drunk last night or something? ‘’ Jaehyeon went on, words intertwined with laughter.  
Jonghyun rolled onto his back, accepting the fact that his beauty sleep was now over. ‘’ Jae… ‘’ he sighed. ‘’ Why are you calling so early? ‘’
‘’ Bruh, ‘’ the other instantly reacted. ‘’ You need to check your alarm clock. It’s definitely not early. ‘’
The brunette did in fact look to his left, eyes growing wide as soon as they caught the time.
‘’ Shit… how can it be noon? ‘’ he grumbled as he hid behind his free hand and reality. Even though he couldn’t quite yet remember what he had to do for the day, he knew he was clearly behind schedule, which meant that he had to get out of bed, which meant he had to go against his will.
‘’ How can you not be out of bed yet? ‘’ Jaehyeon threw back in disbelief. ‘’ You’re Mr. Early Bird, ‘’ he then added, chuckling.
You mean Mr. No Sleep. But Jonghyun wasn’t about to let him in on his reality. Either way, he was as surprised as his friend that he had in fact slept in, again. It had now happened twice in the last week and it was sure messing with his brain. Yes, he was happy that he was getting some sleep, but he wasn’t sure why he was suddenly sleeping so much. And to make matters worse, he didn’t even feel like it was enough.
‘’ Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, ‘’ Jonghyun groaned as his other arm fell to his side again.
Jaehyeon laughed. ‘’ That makes no sense. Why don’t you tell me the truth? ‘’
Brows furrowed, Jonghyun asked, ‘’ What truth? ‘’
‘’ That someone’s keeping you up all night, ‘’ the younger one answered, words ringing with amusement.
Jonghyun felt a sharp pang in his lower stomach as his mind trailed away with the suggestion. He had been so needy for Jinki ever since he had left, even more so after they had talked, that almost anything could make him a horny mess at this point. He had pumped himself dry almost every night this week as thoughts of being sucked off or fucked by the other had troubled him.
‘’ Jjong? ‘’ Jaehyeon called out at the other end, instantly snapping him back to attention.
‘’ Ye-yes, ‘’ he stuttered, cheeks heated with embarrassment.
A low chuckle rumbled in the other’s throat. ‘’ Am I right? ‘’
‘’ No! ‘’ He couldn’t help but yell to leave no room for doubt. ‘’ It’s not that… ‘’ he reiterated in a softer tone before sighing.
‘’ Okay then. If you say so, ‘’ Jaehyeon forfeited despite himself. ‘’ But do you still want me to help you study? ‘’ he then reminded.
Oh. It was coming back to him now. He had planned to study all day for his History of Human Communication course and knowing how much he actually hated that class, he had asked Jaehyeon to help him study since the latter had already gone through it the previous semester.
‘’ Yes, I… I just need to wash up, eat and… ‘’ Get myself together, he thought, wincing.
‘’ Having a hard time, huh? Why don’t I come over to save you some energy, ‘’ Jaehyeon offered.
Jonghyun could sense the concern in his tone, but his words only created panic inside him.
‘’ Um… I don’t know… The apartment’s kinda messy… ‘’ he bullshitted to get himself out of the uncomfortable spot.
‘’ You should see mine, ‘’ Jaehyun replied, cackling. ‘’ Seriously, Jjong, you know I don’t give a fuck, ‘’ he reassured.
Shit. Jonghyun tried to make his brain work extra hard to come up with another excuse, but after a few seconds, he had to give up. ‘’ Alright, I’ll text you the address. I should be ready around 1, ‘’ he informed as his stomach coiled into a knot. He knew he would regret this.
‘’ Great, ‘’ Jaehyeon beamed. ‘’ Do you want me to bring something? ‘’
‘’ Hmm… yeah, maybe some food… ‘’ Jonghyun mulled over the thought. ‘’ Warm food, ‘’ he specified as a hand settled over his stomach.
‘’ Okay, chief. I shall deliver it right to your door, ‘’ Jaehyeon playfully answered. ‘’ See ya, ‘’ he finished before hanging up.
Jonghyun did the same before letting out a deep sigh. His gaze redirected itself briefly unto the white ceiling of their bedroom before he closed his eyes once more. That was all it took for him to start slipping back into the arms of Morpheus, but he fought back with a groan.
Jonghyun, come on, get up. The mental push was enough for him to open his eyes, but he still couldn’t move. He focused his eyes on the ceiling again, trying to awaken his mind, but he scrunched up his nose when a thought of his so-called boyfriend abruptly hit him. This wasn’t anything new. Despite his efforts to stay level-headed in his everyday life, his consciousness was still being drowned by thoughts of the other.
You really got me fucked up, Lee Jinki, Jonghyun silently accused as he inevitably relived their last conversation for the millionth time. He had felt so many things during and afterwards, that he couldn’t begin to process any of it. What always remained was frustration and confusion.
Feeling the anger fill him up again, he finally straightened up on the mattress, swinging his legs over the edge of their bed to get his mind off the brunette. But even as he started washing up, he couldn’t stop his inner monologue from feeding the furnace inside him.
How dare you say I love you when you walked out on me thrice? He internally raged as he started making his way back to his room to dress up. Rushing through the process, he finally made his way to the kitchen to get the coffee machine working. He would be damned if Jaehyeon arrived before he got himself in a better mood, and coffee always helped with that. A quick look at his phone had his shoulders relaxing. He still had a little over fifteen minutes left.
Whilst he waited for the coffee to finish brewing, he suddenly had a thought for his best friend. A pang of guilt unsettled his stomach as he realized how long they actually hadn’t talked. Minho’s always there for me, but I can’t even do the same for him, Jonghyun realized with utter disgust for himself. Maybe I should call-
The sound of the doorbell interrupted his thought, making him jump slightly. Jonghyun quickly took out a cup and filled it with the fresh coffee. Taking a few burning sips, he then slowly made his way to the front door.
‘’ Your favorite person in the world has finally arrived! ‘’ Jaehyeon chanted with a grin as soon as the door opened.
Jonghyun rolled his eyes before stepping back to let him in. The sudden whiff of food his nose caught as the taller one moved past him had any trace of annoyance leave him. After locking the door, he took the brown bag from the other’s hand. ‘’ Follow me, ‘’ he indicated before turning towards the kitchen.
‘’ Wait. ‘’
Jonghyun turned back only to see his friend staring at the bookshelf in the living room.
‘’ Don’t tell me you own that many books, this is insane, ‘’ Jaehyeon let out, a look of awe plastered on his face.
Yup, I knew it. This was a mistake, Jonghyun instantly thought before his mind started working to find the best way to respond. When Jaehyeon looked back at him, he found it. ‘’ Most of them are my roommate’s. ‘’
‘’ Oh, so there is someone else living here, ‘’ Jaehyeon mused.
His words rang with mischievousness, but Jonghyun paid it no mind. ‘’ Yeah, but he is out of town now, ‘’ he added, hoping it would squash the string of inquiries.
Jaehyeon pouted. ‘’ That’s too bad. ‘’
‘’ Unless you want to keep talking about someone who’s not there, I would suggest we get to eating, ‘’ Jonghyun squarely suggested before turning around.
The younger one chuckled as he followed the other into the kitchen. ‘’ Someone’s a little grumpy, ‘’ he teased as they stopped in front of the counter.
Getting a death stare, Jaehyeon held his hands up in defeat. ‘’ Okay, okay, no more teasing, ‘’ he promised as more laughter escaped his lips.
Jonghyun knew the other wouldn’t last long on his promise, but he was hoping that the food would provide enough distraction for a while.
‘’ What did you bring? ‘’ he asked after taking a few more sips from his cup.
‘’ I brought lasagna, ‘’ Jaehyeon answered, buzzing with excitement. ‘’ When you said warm food, I wasn’t sure what to bring, but then I came across this Italian restaurant and I was reminded of my love for lasagna, ‘’ he filled in.
‘’ I hope you don’t mind, ‘’ he immediately added, gaze searching for approval.
Jonghyun shook his head. ‘’ No, that’s great. I love lasagna too, ‘’ he reassured with a smile.
‘’ Great, ‘’ Jaehyeon acknowledged as he watched the other take the two dishes out.
A few minutes later, they were both seated at the dining table, taking a first bite out of their meal.
‘’ Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, ‘’ Jaehyeon all but moaned through his mouthful.
Jonghyun reciprocated the feeling with a vigorous nod first before saying, ‘’ You did good, Jae. ‘’
‘’ Like always, ‘’ the younger one instantly replied with a wink.
Jonghyun shook his head, a smile cracking his lips despite him. ‘’ Why am I even friends with you? ‘’
‘’ You got your answer right there. I put a smile on your face, ‘’ Jaehyeon answered, prideful.
‘’ You’re too confident for your own good, ‘’ Jonghyun lightly reproved, still smiling.
The other shrugged. ‘’ That’s what gets me all the ladies. ‘’
Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s antics. It was nice to be around someone who let everything out in the open; someone who was truly comfortable with himself.
‘’ Talking about ladies… ‘’ Jonghyun remembered. ‘’ Are you still seeing Seoyeon? ‘’ he inquired with some curiosity.
The sigh that left the other had Jonghyun cock an eyebrow, but he didn’t have to wait long for the explanation to come. ‘’ Yeah, kind of… I mean, I thought she was simple, but it turns out she’s rather hard to please, ‘’ Jaehyeon informed before filling his mouth again.
Jonghyun frowned before breaking into laughter. ‘’ You mean that she’s making you work for it, huh? ‘’
He knew he had guessed right when Jaehyeon scrunched up his nose at him. ‘’ Why not give something more serious a chance for once? ‘’ he kept on, knowing very well how the other would react.
Jaehyeon did not disappoint. ‘’ I’m still a baby, Jjong, ‘’ he exclaimed. ‘’ I need to live my life to the fullest before I even think about settling. ‘’
Jonghyun chuckled to himself before he went on to eat the rest of his food. By the time they both had cleared their plates, it was almost two in the afternoon.
Jaehyeon patted his stomach with a satisfied grin. ‘’ Damn, that was so good I could take a nap right now. ‘’
Jonghyun fought back a yawn as he mulled over the idea. ‘’ No naps. You still need to help me study, ‘’ he reminded.
‘’ Don’t worry, Jjong, ‘’ Jaehyeon reassured. ‘’ Hook me up with some coffee and I’m all yours. ‘’
The other’s slick tone had Jonghyun rolling his eyes again. He got up and cleared the table before getting a fresh brew going again.
They finally got to the actual task at hand a few minutes later, having relocated in the living room, but they weren’t fifteen minutes in that the sound of the door getting unlocked had them both alert.
Before Jonghyun could even think of his next move, the door opened to reveal the intruder.
The surprised gaze that fell on him made his stomach flip.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Jinki took a left turn, feeling his heart race inside his chest as he neared the apartment. Despite the constant reassuring words he had been telling himself, he still feared the risk of overstepping his boundaries. What if he isn’t on campus? The possibility had kept playing again and again in his mind in the last hour and now he was pretty close to feeling sick.
If Jinki could’ve had it any other way, he would never had put himself in such a stressful situation. But being the disorganized person that he was, he had forgotten some very important folders that he needed for work. The thought of calling Jonghyun beforehand had crossed his mind, but he had managed to convince himself not to do so, thinking that the chance of him actually being at the apartment at this hour was very slim. That confidence had withered with every mile he had added on the road and now that he was about to find himself in front of the apartment complex, he could feel a sense of dread clench his stomach.
It’ll be alright, Jinki told himself as he stepped out of his car two minutes later. He tried to shut his brain off as he made his way into the building and up the stairs to what he used to call home. Taking a deep breath, he finally took the finally steps that would bring him in front of the door. He stared at it for what felt like forever, palms getting sweatier with each passing second, before he finally snapped out of it and pulled out his key.
Here we go. He pushed it in the lock, turned it and grabbed the knob. He finally felt some confidence get back into him, but the feeling was very short-lived when Jonghyun met his line of sight a few seconds later.
He froze in the entrance as his eyes fell into widened hazel ones. Shit. His first instinct was to turn back and run away, but once his brain actually processed the fact that Jonghyun wasn’t alone, another instinct kicked in.
Jaw clenching, he asked, ‘’ Who is that? ‘’
That seemed to snap Jonghyun out of his shock. ‘’ That’s no-‘’
‘’ I am Jaehyeon, ‘’ the other interjected with a wide smile before bowing his head in his direction.
Jinki only felt more irritated as he instantly recognized his voice. His gaze went back to Jonghyun who was now scowling, but the other’s voice distracted him again.
‘’ And you must be the roommate? ‘’ Jaehyeon went on excitedly as if it were just a casual encounter.
Roommate? Jinki could feel the anger growing inside him. He turned back to push the door shut and allowed himself to step further inside. Fear had been trampled by something much more powerful.
He noticed the flash of fear that passed through Jonghyun’s eyes, but made light of it.
‘’ I guess you could say I’m the roommate since we sleep in the same bed, ‘’ Jinki blurted as all the muscles in his body tensed up.
Jaehyeon’s eyes grew big for a second before a nervous laugh left him. ‘’ Well it’s nice to meet you… Um… What was your name again? ‘’
Jinki played along despite his desire to obliterate the other’s existence. ‘’ I’m-‘’
‘’ Jinki. ‘’
Jonghyun’s stern tone had them both looking back at him. Jinki suddenly felt his pride shrivel up as the other’s dark expression suddenly reminded him why it had been such a big deal to come back here in the first place.
‘’ What are you doing here? ‘’ Jonghyun coldly asked.
Jinki froze once more, throat drying up. This wasn’t how things should have gone. He should’ve been able to get in and get out of the apartment without anyone knowing. This was definitely the worst of the worst-case scenarios imaginable.
‘’ I forgot some folders I need for work, ‘’ he indicated in an almost quiet tone.
‘’ Okay, go get them then, ‘’ Jonghyun deadpanned before turning towards his friend. ‘’ We should get back to studying. ‘’
The obvious shift between the way the brunette had just addressed him and the soft tone he had then used to talk to his friend had Jinki’s heart shatter into pieces. Feeling his eyes sting, he started moving fast, passing them before making it straight to their bedroom. The first tears started falling as soon as he closed the door before others joined in to completely blur his vision. He couldn’t begin to try calming himself down. If he had wanted any more proof that their relationship was in danger, this was definitely it.
Not able to uphold himself, he slid to the ground, his body shaking with sobs for what felt like an eternity. It was only after the eternity had passed did thoughts start emerging again, leaving him to mull over the only truth he had known for the past few months. With the renewed energy that gave him, he moved and started doing what he had come here for in the first place. He opened one particular drawer and instantly found what he was looking for.
That should distract me for a while, he settled as he sat on their bed.
But distract him it did not. He was mindlessly looking at the papers he had just taken out as the faint sound of conversation had him wandering elsewhere. He couldn’t make out anything that they were saying and that just added to his distress. A million questions were threatening to make him go crazy, making him itch to eavesdrop. He knew he wasn’t acting reasonably, but he just couldn’t help it. Jonghyun was his and his only.
He put down the papers he was holding, realizing there was no way he could get some work done here. Everything was too distracting. Not just what was going on a few meters from where he was, but also just the fact that he was back. He was back in their bedroom after almost two months and he was just realizing how much he had missed it. Without thinking, he grabbed the balled-up sheets that were near him and brought them to his nose. He felt his heart swell as he inhaled Jonghyun’s scent. Of all the amazing things that composed the man, his sweet and intoxicating scent was one of them. Jinki was sure it was why it was so hard for him to get a grip over himself whenever he was around him.
He knew his obsessive personality was also to blame for it, but he was reaching a whole new level of obsession. Just seeing Jonghyun with another man just now had made his blood boil with a rage he had rarely experienced.
I should’ve kept my cool… He realized with a sigh as he put down the sheets. He knew he had no right to be possessive and demanding when he was the one who had put them in the situation in the first place, but he still didn’t want anyone to interfere. Especially not when it was a good-looking guy who he knew was good friends with Jonghyun.
That’s why he was standing his ground for as long as would be necessary. Even though what might follow might be ugly. But Jinki knew ugly. He had already written 5 books showcasing it. It didn’t make him any less scared, but he wasn’t going to back off. Not when doing that might make him lose the one he loved more than he could even start to comprehend.  
Jumping back into memories of their getaway last fall, Jinki settled back against the headboard, letting time pass. It felt almost too soon when the sound of a door being shut snapped him back to attention. He had a moment of panic as he thought that Jonghyun might’ve left too, but that went away when he heard footsteps getting closer and closer.
He instinctively rushed back to the edge of the bed and grabbed his papers again, doing so just a few seconds before Jonghyun opened the door. When he felt the latter’s gaze settle on him, he put on the act of lifting his head from his work as if he had been in a state of great concentration.  
Clearly, Jonghyun wasn’t having it, because the next thing he did was rip the papers out of his hands and tear them apart in a fury that left Jinki dumbfounded.
‘’ What the fuck is wrong with you? ‘’ Jonghyun snapped as he threw them on the floor.
Normally, a million answers would’ve come to Jinki’s mind, but right now, in that particular moment, he was too shocked to even have a thought. Jonghyun’s energy was just hanging in the space between them, stilling them both in their stance.
‘’ Jinki, ‘’ the latter broke in impatiently, ‘’ You better answer me right now before I kick your ass out of this apartment. ‘’
That shook Jinki out of his shock. ‘’ That’s not a very nice way to treat your roommate, ‘’ he scoffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. He felt a surge of confidence rise inside him when he chanced upon the veil of uneasiness that passed over the other’s features.
That only lasted a second before Jonghyun’s face hardened again. ‘’ What do you know about treating people nicely? ‘’ he sharply threw back, catching him off guard.
Jinki looked away, feeling crushed by the heavy truth in his words.
‘’ Last time I checked, leaving someone hanging out to dry wasn’t considered being nice. ‘’
Jonghyun spoke with spite, clearly trying to wound him, but Jinki’s mind cleverly ran elsewhere with that statement.
‘’ Is that why you’ve been bringing that dimwit into our home? ‘’ he impulsively questioned as his own internal furnace started heating up.
Jonghyun showed surprise for a brief moment, before regaining his footing. ‘’ I don’t know who you are calling a dimwit, but if by any chance you’re talking about Jaehyeon, well at least I know that he cares about me, ‘’ he replied in a strong tone.
Jinki took that for insolence, which only added to the fire. ‘’ Yeah, I can see that. He really seems to care about getting into your pants. ‘’
Jonghyun’s mouth fell open slightly. ‘’ What… ‘’ he slowly let out, confused. ‘’ You’ve only met the guy now, how-‘’
‘’ Yes, but I remember you talking about him a few times, ‘’ Jinki cut him off. ‘’ And then I heard you two on the radio the other day… Whether or not you’re playing into his game, I wouldn’t know, but I’m pretty sure my instincts are right about him, ‘’ he laid out, disgruntled.
‘’ I can’t believe this… ‘’ Jonghyun spoke out almost quietly. ‘’ You have no fucking idea what you are talking about, ‘’ he went on, raising his voice to make sure his words went through.
But unfortunately, Jinki had a thick skull. He rose to his feet and looked straight into the smaller one’s eyes, his expression, dark. ‘’ Jonghyun, I don’t want you seeing this guy anymore, ‘’ he firmly ordered.
Jonghyun’s eyes widened with what felt to Jinki like fear and surprise, before they glinted with something more subtle, but not subtle enough that the taller one didn’t have time to catch it.
‘’ Who are you? ‘’ Jonghyun asked as he backed away immediately.
Jinki answered by stepping closer, letting his gaze dance over Jonghyun’s pretty but strong features. He felt his heart flutter inside his chest when they locked eyes once more. ‘’ I’m your boyfriend, ‘’ he softly said against him, breath tickling his cheek.  
Jonghyun’s eyes closed before opening again, the clench of his jaw visible. ‘’ You can’t just decide that again. ‘’
Jinki didn’t feel threatened by that show of resistance. Jonghyun’s tone had lost some of its fire.
‘’ Didn’t you say that we weren’t over? ‘’ he reminded, gaze searching for his.
‘’ Yes, but I also said that I wasn’t ready to see you yet, ‘’ Jonghyun completed as his eyes stayed fixed on a square of fabric from the other’s black shirt.
‘’ I can’t leave knowing that some other guy might be keeping you company in our bed, ‘’ Jinki shared in the small space left between them. When Jonghyun still didn’t look back at him, he softly lifted his chin up with a finger, finally meeting his beautiful hazel eyes once more. The turmoil he read in them made his stomach flip. ‘’ I can’t leave if I’m not sure you’re still mine. ‘’
‘’ Jinki, there’s no- ‘’ Jonghyun let out a soft gasp as Jinki’s body pressed against his. He could feel himself get weak in the knees and light in the head just by that bit of proximity. It had been too long.
‘’ Jinki, please… ‘’ Jonghyun all but whined as he begged with every fiber of his body that the other would listen.
‘’ Please what? ‘’ Jinki asked, naturally feeding into the tension.
Stop. That’s what he had meant to say, but a totally different answer came out despite him. ‘’ You know what… ‘’
A low chuckle escaped Jinki, unknowingly sending a shiver down Jonghyun’s spine. ‘’ Remember the first time you said that to me? ‘’
Jonghyun frowned at the other before the heat of a blush colored his cheeks as his mind retrieved the memory. Looking away, he said, ‘’ Yeah… ‘’
‘’ I knew how wrong it was to bring you back home with me that night, but I restrained myself and didn’t overstep my boundaries, ‘’ Jinki recollected. ‘’ But that was then, ‘’ he added as he slid his arms around the other’s small waist and pressed his lips against his right ear. It took him everything not to slam Jonghyun against the door behind them when he felt him shiver against him.
‘’ Now there is nothing stopping me from having you, is there? ‘’ He dropped his voice a few octaves to make sure it struck the right chord.
Jonghyun’s shaky breath was all the answer he needed. He made those pink plump lips his again, instantly earning him a soft sigh. A moan escaped his own lips as Jonghyun placed a hand behind his neck and kissed him back harder. Jinki felt like a drug addict who hadn’t had a fix in days and who was finally getting it.
He ran his tongue over the younger’s bottom lip, showing that he needed more. Jonghyun instantly granted him access, opening his mouth for him, sighing into him in a way that made Jinki feel like everything was right in the world. He kissed him with everything he had, because he couldn’t kiss him any other way, but also to show him that this was it for him. This moment right here, it was everything.
He finally pulled away, looking straight into eyes that were now glazed with lust. Jonghyun looked so beautiful in that very moment that Jinki was suddenly scared his heart would give out. He wanted to tell him again that he loved him and that he was so, so, so sorry, but there was too big of a chance that those words would ruin the moment.
Instead, he was going to do the only thing he could do. Imprint his touch on Jonghyun’s body. Make him remember why he was the only one who mattered. Softly dragging Jonghyun towards their bed, he pushed him down not far from the edge. The other’s utter compliance comforted him to go on. He settled between the younger one’s legs and started undoing his pants, the latter instinctively lifting his hips to help the pants and briefs slide down. They pooled around his ankles, leaving Jonghyun open for Jinki to have.
The older one looked back up to find his eyes again and saw the glimmer of hesitation in his expressive brown eyes. Jinki tried to silence any worry the other might have by softly caressing his thigh. He then broke contact to initiate a bolder one. He carefully took Jonghyun into his mouth, giving the head a first suck. Another soft sigh instantly fell from the younger’s parted lips as he instinctively gripped his dark hair. Jinki went on, running his tongue from the base to the tip before taking Jonghyun further into his mouth.
‘’ Jinki…’’ Jonghyun gasped as he threw his head back slightly.
Jinki complied to the silent request by moving slowly around his length, making sure that every flick of his tongue and bob of his head were hitting Jonghyun’s sweet spot. The latter’s increasing moans gave him enough indication, making him take him deeper.
Jonghyun’s hips rose in response, making him inadvertently hit the back of Jinki’s throat with the head of his dick. Jinki pulled back slightly, nostrils flaring, before taking him deeper once more, accommodating himself to his full length.
Jinki felt a sense of pride swell in his chest as his name came out of Jonghyun’s mouth between soft pants. He hummed around him, sucking hard, feeling a dull pain in his scalp as Jonghyun tightened his grip even more.
‘’ Jinki, I-I’m… ‘’ Jonghyun’s breath caught in his throat as his face twisted in pleasure.
Jinki only had to work him a few more seconds before he spilled in his mouth, voice straining on the long moan he let out as his orgasm washed over him. Jinki drank him in with a low moan of his own, getting intoxicated with his taste, before he finally pulled away.
Jonghyun shivered as he watched his wet and spent cock slip from the other’s mouth. ‘’ Jinki, ‘’ he whined as he moved a hand to his arm, gently tugging on it.
Jinki moved upwards to face Jonghyun again. ‘’ Yes, baby? ‘’ he affectionately asked as his head still floated in the clouds.
Jonghyun’s cheeks turned a pale shade of red again as they locked eyes. ‘’ Can we… ‘’ He stopped himself, feeling even more embarrassed.
Jinki saved him the trouble by kissing him softly before looking at him. You are going to be the end of me. ‘’ I want to… so bad… but…‘’ It was now Jinki’s turn to stop himself, struck by a sudden warning thought.
‘’ What? ‘’ Jonghyun voiced with barely concealed impatience.
‘’ You have to promise me…‘’ Jinki finally started after pushing down his feeling of guilt.
‘’ Promise you what? ‘’ Jonghyun echoed, clinging to his every word.
‘’ That no one is going to come between us. ‘’
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
AFF Link~
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
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The Selfishness of Our Hearts - A Year in The Life [Part 7 | Preview]
Clearly, Jonghyun wasn’t having it, because the next thing he did was rip the papers out of his hands and tear them apart in a fury that left Jinki dumbfounded.
‘’ What the fuck is wrong with you? ‘’ Jonghyun snapped as he threw them on the floor.
Normally, a million answers would’ve come to Jinki’s mind, but right now, in that particular moment, he was too shocked to even have a thought. Jonghyun’s energy was just hanging in the space between them, stilling them both in their stance.
‘’ Jinki, ‘’ the latter broke in impatiently, ‘’ You better answer me right now before I kick your ass out of this apartment. ‘’
That shook Jinki out of his shock. ‘’ That’s not a very nice way to treat your roommate, ‘’ he scoffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. He felt a surge of confidence rise inside him when he glanced upon the veil of uneasiness that passed over the other’s features.
That only lasted a second before Jonghyun’s face hardened again. ‘’ What do you know about treating people nicely? ‘’ he sharply threw back, catching him off guard.
Jinki looked away, feeling crushed by the heavy truth in his words.
[coming soon on a blog near you]
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years
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THE SELFISHNESS OF OUR HEARTS - A YEAR IN THE LIFE | CHAPTER 6 - WHO WAITS FOR LOVE?
This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here
Chapter 1  Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part 4] Genre : Romance, angst and heartbreak.
Word Count : 8 500 words ~
Jinki had been sitting in the same spot for the last fifteen minutes, just looking outside the window. The beautiful yet unusual scenery before him had him captivated, taking his mind off everything it always carried around. Gusts of wind were blowing the swirling snow all around, bringing some light to the darkness of the sky and leaving the streets empty of any human soul. They were probably all peering out of their windows, just like he was, mesmerized, distracted from their everyday life. This weather was a rare occurrence, something unheard of since ages. It was almost surreal, like a wild figment of mother nature’s imagination bestowed upon them. Jinki was grateful for such a view a few weeks into the new year. Everything was getting hidden under piles and piles of snow flakes, hiding every patch of unevenness the ground usually displayed. Outside, everything seemed perfect.
An ache in his neck brought him back to his body, his hand automatically reaching behind it to soothe the stiffness. He wasn’t even his thirties yet, but sometimes he felt like he was already an old man. Sometimes, it felt like he had lived many lives before this one and he was carrying the weight of them in his muscles and his psyche. He had wished many times for a do-over, but he hadn’t yet figured out where the restart button on life was. So he just lived with that burden, every passing day making him want to find a way out of his head. There was a limit to what writing and sleeping could do for him. And it was made even worse when he couldn’t count on these crutches. He had spent the last month restless with thoughts and emotions, unable to figure his way out of the mess he had created. He had wanted to put them all on paper to create his own path to clarity, but every time he had tried to sit down and write, he had been overwhelmed by a sense of fear and dread so strong not even a word had been able to come out of his head. He knew what was blocking him. He was scared of finding out where his mind and feelings would bring him. There was comfort to be found in not knowing, in leaving everything on pause.
He was back to square zero, right where he had left himself a little before he had moved out of the family house. He was once again hiding and reflecting, unable to move. The only thing that was clear to him was that he wasn’t going to flee far away. He was staying right there, close to the only source of happiness he had, just in case. He wasn’t naive enough to think that only because he had hit the brakes that the one he loved hadn’t continued driving down his own path, maybe even finding someone else to share it with along the way.
He was brought back to the broadcast he had listened to two nights ago. He felt a pang in his heart as he remembered how happy Jonghyun had sounded with his special co-host for the night. What made it even worse was that he knew that other guy; Jonghyun had talked about him several times before when he’d shared about his days spent on campus. They seemed to have developed a great friendship and now there was nothing to stop that friendship to grow even more.
Maybe it’s for the best… he thought as he finally moved from the windowsill he had been sitting on. He took out his phone from his pocket and went searching for the little effort he had made to keep in touch. A bitter taste filled his mouth when his eyes stopped again on his unanswered text. I hope you are doing good. Happy holidays. He knew he was wrong for sending such a generic message after what he had done, but he had just wanted to show that he still cared. Part of him had hoped that he would get an answer, even the simplest thing like a Thank you, but there had been nothing. The year had thus ended and started without any communication between them. He couldn’t lie to himself; he was miserable.
A knock on his door had him put his phone down. He was almost happy for the distraction, but part of him wanted to be left alone a while longer. Nonetheless, he walked towards the door and turned the knob. The always joyful face of his father appeared as he pulled it open. Jinki couldn’t help but smile back at him. Despite everything going on, there still was a blessing in his life. He could count on the comforting presence of his father to make things a little better.
‘’ Care to join me for supper? ‘’ the older man asked.
‘’ Of course, dad. I’m sorry I didn’t come down, I hadn’t realized what time it was, ‘’ Jinki explained, embarrassed. He always came down to eat with his father, whether it was for breakfast, lunch or supper. He appreciated every little one of these moments. He always came out of them feeling a little more at peace, even though that feeling lasted only just for a little while.
‘’ Don’t worry about it. I too got a little too distracted by the snow, ‘’ the gray-haired man admitted.
A frown graced Jinki’s face for a split second before he shook his head, laughing. He would never understand how his father always seemed to know what he was up to. ‘’ It’s quite the sight, ‘’ he noted as they made their way down the stairs leading near the dining room. Jinki felt his stomach rumble as a whiff of the food nearby reached his nostrils. One thing he had retrieved ever since he had gone back to stay in the family house was his appetite. It hadn’t been an overnight thing, but he had gradually made an effort to eat more consistently. His father’s shocked and worried expression when he had first set foot in the house had been enough motivation for him. He had realized at that moment how frail he had gotten.
‘’ Yes, we have to cherish these rare wonders the world sometimes offers us, ‘’ his father wisely put as he took seat in front of his plate filled with food.
Jinki did just the same, smiling as he nodded in agreement. ‘’ I don’t think mom and I are the only ones who have a way with words. You always say things that leave me thinking. ‘’
‘’ Well, I think your mom had a lot to do with that. After spending so many years together, there was bound to be things that we transferred to one another, ‘’ the older man remarked before digging his fork into his meal and enjoying a first bite.
Jinki smiled again, but this time, a wave of sadness filled him. A day didn’t pass without him missing his mom. She had been such a light in his life and no one else would ever be this bright in his life again.
‘’ I wish she was still with us, ‘’ he voiced despite himself. He looked down to his plate, moving the food around with his utensil, but not yet bringing it to his lips.
‘’ I think about that every day, but life doesn’t always go how we’d like it to. We can only have control over so much, ‘’ the other observed as his gaze settled on the dark expression of the younger copy of himself.
‘’ Do we actually have control over anything? ‘’ Jinki couldn’t help but question, eyes still on his food.
‘’ You always have control over something, ‘’ the older man answered. ‘’ You can always choose to live your truth, Jinki. ‘’
Jinki lifted his head at those words, brows furrowed. ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ he inquired as he locked eyes with his father.
His father gave him a small smile. ‘’ As much as I enjoy having you here, I know you didn’t just decide to come live with your old man again just for the sake of it. You are hiding from something, aren’t you? ‘’
Jinki felt himself tense up. ‘’ I’m not hiding… I’m just… I’m just trying to figure things out… ‘’
‘’ And have you? ‘’ his father kept on.
‘’ Not really… I mean… it’s complicated, ‘’ he indicated as he grew more uneasy by the second.
‘’ Too complicated for me to understand? ‘’ the other verified.
Jinki’s eyes darted sideways, unable to bear the scrutiny he was being put under. His right hand let go of his spoon and joined the left one on his jeans to wipe the sweat off his palms. ‘’ It’s not that you can’t understand… it’s just that… you’ll hate me if I tell you. ‘’
His father’s shoulders shook with sudden laughter. ‘’ Jinki, you are my son. My flesh and blood. I could never hate you, ‘’ the old man reassured.
‘’ You can’t say that when you don’t even know what I did, ‘’ the younger one immediately countered.
‘’ I know you, Jinki. You are a good person so whatever bad thing you think you did is probably not even that bad, ‘’ the gray-haired man argued.
‘’ But it is, dad. I can barely live with myself. I thought being on my own would help me be more at peace, but I’m not. ‘’ He had hoped he would never have to expose his father to his sin, but he wasn’t sure he could keep holding on to his secret anymore. His father deserved to know what kind of son he really had.
‘’ On your own? ‘’ the other echoed. ‘’ Were you still seeing Taemin up until now? ‘’ he then inquired.
The question almost had him snorting. ‘’ No, dad. It’s not Taemin… ‘’ The brunette took a deep breath, using that pause as a buffer for what he was about to say. ‘’ I was seeing someone else… someone that you know… ‘’ he hinted, peeling off the first layer.
The older man cocked an eyebrow. ‘’ Another one of your exes? ‘’
‘’ No, dad… I… ‘’ Another deep breath. ‘’ I was seeing… Jonghyun… ‘’ he finally uttered as his whole body turned cold and rigid.
The silence that followed his words made him want to run outside and bury himself under a mountain of snow. He didn’t even dare look at his father in that moment, knowing how disgusted he must be with him.  
‘’ Is that why Kibum didn’t fly in for the holidays? ‘’ his father suddenly wondered as he put down his own utensil.
‘’ Probably… ‘’ Jinki muttered, puzzled by his father’s initial reaction.
‘’ Aaaah… I understand now why you two have been so distant with me for the last few months, ‘’ the older man calmly noted.
Jinki was even more puzzled now. ‘’ Dad, did you even hear what I just said? ‘’ he reminded, eyes back on the one facing him.  
His father sank back into his chair, letting out a long sigh. ‘’ Yes, I did, Jinki. It is a very unfortunate situation, but like I said before, I know you. You are a good person and I know you would’ve never purposely tried to hurt your brother or anyone for that matter, ‘’ he pointed out. ‘’ One of the things we have very little control over are the matters of the heart, ‘’ he went on, giving his son the most understanding look that he could.
Jinki shied away from it. ‘’ It doesn’t matter what my heart felt… what it still feels… I… ‘’ His head dropped forward, ashamed. ‘’ I hurt Kibum, I stole his happiness from him. ‘’
‘’ Yes, he must be heartbroken and it honestly breaks my heart too, but things happen for a reason. I believe that what is meant to happen will happen even if it’s very difficult for all the parties involved, ‘’ his father reasoned.
Jinki knew his father to be an honest man, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he was just trying to lessen the pain of that horrible confession both for him and for himself.
‘’ You would never be able to say that if you had seen Kibum, ‘’ Jinki stated. ‘’ It feels like I ruined him… ‘’
‘’ You’re right. I have not seen Kibum. But I’m seeing you right now and it looks like you’re ruining yourself, ‘’ his father said, tone heavy with sadness.
Jinki felt his bottom lip quiver. Before he could even regain control over himself, the tears started falling.
‘’ I’m sorry… ‘’ He uttered shakily as shame filled him. He buried his face in his hands, hoping he could just disappear into thin air.
He heard the sound of a chair being pulled back before footsteps clicked on the wooden floor, getting louder and louder with every step. Soon, he was sheltered by his father’s arms, his warm embrace making him feel a little less naked and vulnerable.
‘’ Don’t be sorry… I just want you to be happy, ‘’ his father shared with a heavy heart.
‘’ But... How can I be? This is horrible... ‘’ Jinki pointed out through strangled sobs.
His father pulled back and set his hands on his son's shoulders. ‘’ That's what I thought too when your mother died. I thought I could never find happiness through that ordeal. But I remembered the blessings I still had... ‘’ He squeezed the other's shoulders. ‘’ I still had two sons who needed me and that I needed too if I was ever going to get through this. So I did everything in my power to cultivate that happiness, to make sure you two felt loved. In the end, her not being there had a good side. It made me be a better father to you two. I don't think I would've been so understanding and present had she been there... ‘’
Jinki lifted his head as his sobs turned more quiet. ‘’ I get what you're saying but the situations are not the same. You weren't the cause of her death. ‘’
‘’ And you were not the cause of Gunho's, ‘’ his father immediately threw back. ‘’ Nonetheless, you still hold yourself responsible for that tragedy and you've gone on doing that for every little bad thing that has happened afterwards, ‘’ his father went on as he leaned against the table to look at his son. He caught the surprise on the latter’s face and smiled. ‘’ Bad things sometimes just happen, son. So when are you going to hold on to your blessings? ‘’
Jinki just stared back at his father, speechless. The man had once again given him a lot to think about. 
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Jonghyun had been standing in the same spot for the last five minutes, just looking outside the window. He had been trapped on campus all day, studying and attending two classes, barely having a minute to breathe. All the while, the snow hadn’t stopped and he was now staring at the snowflakes falling to join the ones who had already piled up on the streets. Jonghyun stared in awe at all the whiteness that had gathered on the ground, at the magical scenery that made everything seem so pure, so perfect. In that moment, his mind felt light like a feather, the thoughts it usually carried fading into the background. A smile cracked his lips as his gaze caught students throwing snowballs at each other, laughing, seeming carefree. Jonghyun would’ve done the same if he had had any time, but he still had to study for an exam he had the next day in the early afternoon. The semester was an intensive one since he had chosen to take classes during the winter break. He would’ve usually waited for the spring semester to start like most students, but he knew that if he had too much free time on his hands he’d go crazy.
This time around, Jonghyun had decided that Jinki’s departure wouldn’t turn him into a shell of himself. He wasn’t going to destroy what he had going on just because the other had decided to turn his back on their relationship again. He was going to prove to himself that he could figure things out on his own, that he didn’t need anyone to push him forward in life. That was the only silver lining he had managed to see through this whole mess. His pride was thus the only thing that helped him get out of the bed he had occupied alone for more than a month now. He had been tempted several times to go against it and call Jinki, even more so after he had received his text message, but he had promised himself that he wouldn’t beg anymore. If Jinki wanted to be with him, he would have to make the first step and run a whole mile afterwards to be able to get his forgiveness this time.
‘’ Jonghyun, ‘’ a familiar voice suddenly screamed from afar, immediately bringing him back to the present moment and stealing his gaze from the outside world. He turned his head and caught the bright smile of his study mate and occasional broadcast co-planner who was running towards him.
‘’ Yah! Why don’t you answer your damn phone? I was looking everywhere for you, ‘’ his friend loudly reproached as he finally stopped in front of him.
Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the other’s dramatic entrance. ‘’ Is there an emergency? ‘’
The one named Jaehyeon huffed before crossing his arms over his chest. ‘’ Yeah, there is. You need to take a break. ‘’
Jonghyun laughed. ‘’ Unfortunately, I still have to study for an exam. ‘’
Jaehyeon echoed his laughter. ‘’ As if you’re not going to ace this exam, anyways. ‘’
‘’ Well, I’m not confident enough to gamble with my results so I’m still going to study, ‘’ Jonghyun replied with a shrug.
‘’ Oh come on, an hour off won’t hurt. You’ve been going non-stop, like have you even celebrated during the holidays? ‘’ his friend bantered, laughing some more.
Jonghyun just smiled, knowing better than to tell his friend the truth. He had in fact not celebrated during the holidays because he had had no one to celebrate with. Minho was the only person he could’ve had a good time with, but he had chosen to lie to him just so the failure that was his relationship wouldn’t be exposed. He knew that if his best friend knew what was going on, he would urge him to break things off. It was actually good advice, but Jonghyun wasn’t yet ready to consider that option. Instead, he had created this story where him and Jinki had spent the whole vacation in a chalet just to make sure he wouldn’t have to face his best friend. And now with all he had to do for school, he had another perfect excuse to make himself elusive. He knew at some point he’d have to stop playing this lying game, but he would keep on as long as he could. This behaviour clearly wasn’t going to make him best friend of the year, but right now, he felt like there was no other way.
‘’ Like seriously, I came all this way, even though I’m on break like every normal student, because that’s the only place one can see you anymore, ‘’ Jaehyeon remarked, his brows furrowing in concern.
Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ You’re talking like you haven’t seen me in ages. You were on my radio show two days ago. ‘’
‘’ Exactly, I was on your radio show, Jjong. Still something related to school. I mean it was really fun and all, but you know, there is something called life and it can be found outside these four walls, ‘’ Jaehyeon laid out, voice dripping with derision.
‘’ Meh, not interested, ‘’ Jonghyun dismissed before he started walking, heading towards the library.
‘’ Oh, come on, Jjong, ‘’ Jaehyeon protested as he caught up with him.
‘’ You won’t change my mind, Jae, ‘’ Jonghyun stated categorically.
‘’ Um… well you kinda have to… ‘’ Jaehyeon said, suddenly embarrassed.
‘’ Oh really, now? Why is that? ‘’ Jonghyun inquired with fake interest as he picked up speed.
The taller one sped up too, determined to get his friend on board. ‘’ Because we are going on a date, ‘’ he answered matter-of-factly to hide his fear.
Jonghyun froze in place, unaware his sudden halt had almost made Jaehyeon trip over his own feet.
‘’ What did you say? ‘’ he slowly uttered after being in utter shock for a few seconds.
A nervous laugh left his friend. ‘’ Look, I know I should’ve told you before, but I tried to call you and text you several times today and you never answered so I’m sorry I have to drop this on you, but we only have like 20 minutes left before we have to meet them so can you please just come with me? ‘’
Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow, confusion trampling his terror. ‘’ Who are we meeting? ‘’
Jaehyeon tittered. ‘’ Two girls I met yesterday. ‘’
Jonghyun felt his shoulders sink in relief from knowing that his friend was just being his same old self.
‘’ Good for you, but that has nothing to do with me, ‘’ he squarely noted.
‘’ Yes, it does! ‘’ Jaehyeon exclaimed, tone tinged with panic. ‘’ Let me fill you in real quick, ‘’ he went on, not minding Jonghyun’s annoyed expression. ‘’ I saw this really beautiful brunette and her friend walking in my direction so you know, I just used the old trick of ‘accidentally bumping into her’. So then, I introduced myself and we got to talk for a while and it turned out that they go to our uni! ‘’ the brunette revealed with barely contained excitement.
Jonghyun just gave him a blank look, unimpressed.
‘’ So yeah, during the conversation, her friend mentioned that my voice sounded familiar and then she asked if I had been on your radio show the night before and when I said yes she literally shrieked before sharing that she was your biggest fan and had always wanted to meet you, ‘’ Jaehyeon went on even more energetically as if it would transfer some of his excitement to the one facing him.
Jonghyun’s brows furrowed over his eyes. ‘’ Okay, so let me get this right… You set up a double date without asking me first just so you could score with that other girl? ‘’ he laid out, feeling his body tense up with the onset of anger.  
Jaehyeon gave him a sheepish smile. ‘’ Yeah, kinda… ‘’
Jonghyun had never been the violent type, but in that moment, he felt like he could commit murder. ‘’ I can’t believe you… ‘’ he growled.
The taller one gave him an apologetic smile. ‘’ Look, you don’t have to stay long… ‘’
Jonghyun glared at him, but his anger rapidly dropped. ‘’ I’ll do this for you because you’ve been a great friend to me, ‘’ he complied before taking a step closer towards the other. ‘’ But don’t you ever do this to me again, ‘’ he finished in a chilling tone.
Jaehyeon nervously swallowed. ‘’ Got it. ‘’
‘’ Good. Now, where are we meeting them? ‘’ Jonghyun asked curiously as if he hadn’t just threatened his friend.
‘’ Ah, it’s the café where most students of our uni go to study or chill, ‘’ Jaehyeon indicated. ‘’ You would know if you actually socialized with people here. ‘’
Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the obvious jab. He really didn’t care about making a bunch of insignificant friends just for the sake of showing that he wasn’t alone. ‘’ Okay, just let me put these in my locker first, ‘’ he said as he pointed to his books.
The trip there and the trip back to the entrance gave the brunette time to brace himself for the encounter that was about to come. I just have to make some small talk and then it’s back to the library. That simple statement helped him relax a little more.
‘’ And you know… maybe you can use that opportunity to get some too… ‘’ Jaehyeon said with a chuckle as they stepped outside.
Jonghyun would’ve laughed if that didn’t remind him of how lonely he actually was. His hand had helped him get by all this while, but sometimes, the frustration was so great he felt like he was going to burst. Nonetheless, he wasn’t desperate to the point of seeking comfort in the arms of a woman. Or in anyone else’s for that matter.
‘’ I’m good, thank you, ‘’ he curtly answered. He felt Jaehyeon’s gaze on him, but ignored it.
They walked in silence for the next ten minutes, shivering in turn as the cold wind hit their bodies.
‘’ Okay, it’s right there, ‘’ Jaehyeon finally indicated as he pointed forward.
‘’ Thank god, ‘’ Jonghyun expressed, relieved. The scenery had been beautiful to look at from the inside, but being outside wasn’t enjoyable at all.
‘’ Here we go, ‘’ Jaehyeon uttered before he pushed the door open.
Jonghyun felt his heart rate pick up as they stepped inside. He gave a quick look around. The place had a nice and vintage vibe to it, with its dimmed lights, square wooden tables and cushioned chairs. He looked over at the baristas working and felt a little tinge of nostalgia in his core. But he didn’t have time to linger on it as Jaehyeon suddenly grabbed his arm.
‘’ Okay, I just spotted them. ‘’
Without giving any more indication, Jaehyeon started walking, forcing Jonghyun to follow right behind.
‘’ Hey ladies, ‘’ his friend warmly said as they stopped in front of their table.
The two young women gazed up at them, instantly smiling wide. Jonghyun could’ve guessed which one was a listener of his show. He could practically see hearts in her eyes as she took in his presence. He was almost sorry for her, knowing that he would inevitably have to disappoint.
‘’ Come on, sit, ‘’ she urged as she and her friend removed their bags from the empty seats besides them.
They did just that once they were done removing their coats and scarves.
‘’ So I guess I should make the introductions, ‘’ Jaehyeon said with a smile. ‘’ Jonghyun, this is Seoyeon, ‘’ he started as he fondly looked at the girl to his left.
Jonghyun gave a quick bow. ‘’ Nice to meet you, ‘’ he said to the model-looking brunette. Why am I not surprised…
‘’ And this is… ‘’ Jaehyeon froze as he looked at the petite blonde. ‘’ Sorry, can you remind me your name? ‘’ he asked, embarrassed.
Jonghyun glared once more at his friend for his lack of care.
‘’ I’m Minjee, ‘’ the blonde eagerly filled in before she bowed her head towards him.
Jonghyun reciprocated. ‘’ Nice to meet you too. ‘’
‘’ She talks about you all the time, ‘’ her friend exposed with a little laugh.
Minjee shot her friend a deadly glare, missing the uneasy expression on Jonghyun’s face. ‘’ I don’t… I just talk about the show a lot, because you address some very interesting subjects, ‘’ she explained as her gaze went down to the table.
Jonghyun fondly smiled at her embarrassed stance. ‘’ What was your favorite show? ‘’
Minjee looked up in surprise. ‘’ Oh… that’s a great question… ‘’ she pondered out loud.
‘’ The last one was pretty awesome in my opinion, ‘’ Jaehyeon threw in with confidence.
Jonghyun kept himself from rolling his eyes. ‘’ Yeah, it was nice talking about lighter stuff for once, ‘’ he admitted.
‘’ Yeah, but I actually love when you’re sharing your thoughts on serious topics, ‘’ Minjee shared. ‘’ I still can’t stop thinking of that one show where you talked about mental health. I think it helped a lot of people be okay with their own issues, ‘’ she went on passionately.
Jonghyun smiled again as his body filled with warmth. He was happy to know his work had some kind of impact. ‘’ I’m glad you enjoy my show. It means a lot, ‘’ he voiced, beyond grateful.
‘’ I’m not really into listening to radio shows, but I might give yours a chance. I think it’s admirable that you’d touch on such subjects, ‘’ Seoyeon indicated as she gave him an intent look.
‘’ Why don’t we order some drinks, huh? ‘’ Jaehyeon abruptly interjected.
Jonghyun gave his friend a quick look as he tried to keep himself from laughing. Clearly, Jaehyeon didn’t like that all the attention was on him.
‘’ Yes, we should before they kick us out, ‘’ Jonghyun agreed as he grabbed a menu.
A few minutes later, they all fell back into conversation, their hot drinks set before them. Fortunately for Jaehyeon, the discussions took another turn and soon enough, things looked like they were going to go his way. Seoyeon was leaning into him a bit more and laughing at his every word at this point. On his side, Jonghyun tried to take genuine interest in Minjee. He learned that she was in the Visual Arts program and that she liked playing the violin amongst other things. Jonghyun couldn’t help but think that if he had been into women, he probably would’ve been attracted to her. Unfortunately, all he could offer was his friendship.
‘’ So what are you going to talk about tomorrow on the show? ‘’ Minjee asked after she had done sharing her favorite pieces of classical music.
‘’ Hmm… I don’t know yet, actually, ‘’ Jonghyun admitted with a chuckle. ‘’ Do you have any requests? ‘’
Minjee’s eyes widened. ‘’ Um… No, I… I’ll be interested in whatever you have to say, ‘’ she indicated as a light blush crept up her cheeks.
Jonghyun gave her a sweet smile. ‘’ Well, I hope I don’t disappoint, because I was thinking of freestyling again and maybe taking some calls for a change, ‘’ he informed.
‘’ You could never disappoint, ‘’ she instantly countered. ‘’ I think taking calls might be really interesting. People will be happy to have a chance to talk to you, even if just for a little while, ‘’ she went on, ecstatic.
‘’ I guess so, ‘’ Jonghyun softly acknowledged before taking another sip of his coffee. That quick break in conversation suddenly reminded him that he still had to study for his upcoming exam. He gave a quick look over at Jaehyeon and Seoyeon who were still in their own little world. He subtly tried to get their attention by clearing his throat, but that didn’t work. So he used the rough, but effective option: a kick under the table.
Jaehyeon winced in pain before finally turning his head towards him. ‘’ What? ‘’ he angrily uttered.
Jonghyun briefly shot daggers at him. ‘’ I’m sorry, but I have to leave now, ‘’ he then told all three. He instantly felt Minjee’s disappointment, but tried not to be fazed by it.
‘’ Aaaw, really? ‘’ the long-haired brunette expressed with a pout.
Jonghyun knew that her disappointment wasn’t for his departure, but because he would be leaving her friend unattended. ‘’ Yes, I have to study for an exam… ‘’ he shared apologetically.
‘’ Maybe Minjee could walk you back to the school, ‘’ Jaehyeon conveniently proposed.
Jonghyun just stared at his friend in disbelief. ‘’ There’s no need to… ‘’ he turned down as lightly as he could.
‘’ It’s fine, we should be heading back home anyways… I heard more snow is going to come down tonight, ‘’ Seoyeon pointed out.
Minjee just nodded, clearly still crushed by the abrupt ending to their moment.
‘’ But… ‘’ Jaehyeon started, but he quickly shut his mouth as he locked eyes with his friend again.
Jonghyun was the first to push his chair back and get up. A few seconds later, they had all put on their outdoor clothing and were making their way to the front to pay.
‘’ I’ve got this, ‘’ Jaehyeon indicated as he grinned at Seoyeon.
Jonghyun kept himself from rolling his eyes once again, but was instantly grateful that his forced outing wasn’t going to cost him a thing. Soon after the bill was taken care of, they all stepped out into the cold. They naturally fell into pairs, Jaehyeon and Seoyeon being only a few steps away from them. Jonghyun caught when the brunette took his friend’s phone to put in her number, making him nervously look back at the blonde facing him.
‘’ Don’t worry, I won’t do the same, ‘’ Minjee immediately reassured as they locked eyes.
Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow, confused. ‘’ Eh? ‘’
Minjee gave him a small smile. ‘’ You already have a girlfriend, don’t you? ‘’
Jonghyun’s eyes widened for a split second, before he gathered himself. ‘’ Um… yeah… ‘’ he answered.
‘’ What gave it away? ‘’ he then inquired, curious.
‘’ I don’t know… I could feel you being guarded… ‘’ she shared as she looked down to the snow. ‘’ And plus, why wouldn’t you be already taken? ‘’ she added with a little laugh.
‘’ I’m sorry, ‘’ he instantly apologized. He knew none of this was his fault, but he still felt bad.
‘’ Don’t be. I’m just really grateful and happy to have met you, ‘’ Minjee said as she looked up to him again.
‘’ Same here, ‘’ Jonghyun echoed with a wide smile.
Minjee smiled back before walking over to her friend. Jonghyun waved goodbye to both of them as Jaehyeon found his way back besides him. The latter waved too before they started walking the other way.
‘’ Well, I think one more date should be enough to seal the deal, ‘’ Jaehyeon noted mischievously.  
Jonghyun looked at his friend with disgust. ‘’ Is that all you care about? ‘’
‘’ Of course not! ‘’ Jaehyeon practically yelled as he took offense. ‘’ She’s really cool and all, but sex is important too don’t you think? ‘’
I wouldn’t know… ‘’ Whatever, ‘’ Jonghyun sighed. ‘’ Where’s my thank you? ‘’
‘’ Thank you, Jjong. I really appreciate what you did for me tonight, ‘’ Jaehyeon instantly said. ‘’ Although… I wish you would’ve gotten her number too… ‘’ he observed with a pout.
Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ Who says I didn’t? ‘’
‘’ From what I saw, you weren’t in chase mode, you were in polite mode, ‘’ the taller one shared. ‘’ Not your type, huh? ‘’
Jonghyun’s lips stretched in a brief smile. ‘’ Not exactly… ‘’
‘’ So what’s your type then? ‘’ Jaehyeon asked with a newfound enthusiasm.
Jonghyun looked down to the fresh snow, concentrating on his every step for a while. He wanted to keep the silence going on forever, but he could feel his friend’s intent gaze on him.
He suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, making his friend do the same. ‘’ Men, ‘’ he simply answered before he started walking again.
‘’ Wha-what? ‘’ Jaehyeon stuttered in shock.
‘’ I’m attracted to men, Jae, ‘’ Jonghyun reiterated, feeling like a weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. He was used to keeping that secret from most people he knew, but he had started feeling uneasy keeping that information from someone he had come to spend so much time with. Someone that he genuinely appreciated despite some of his irritating behaviors.
A long silence followed his words and that was enough to make him anticipate the worse. Jaehyeon never fell silent.
‘’ Look, I understand if you can’t be around me anymore… I get it, ‘’ Jonghyun voiced to give his friend an easier way out.
It was now Jaehyeon’s turn to stop walking. Jonghyun looked at him, scared. ‘’ I don’t care, Jjong. It’s cool if you’re gay… I mean it’s fine, ‘’ he let out nervously.
‘’ You sure? ‘’ Jonghyun verified, doubtful.  
‘’ I mean… I wasn’t expecting that at all, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a great friend, so yeah, I’m sure, ‘’ Jaehyeon expressed more confidently. He then looked straight into Jonghyun’s eyes and smiled.
The latter smiled back, relieved. ‘’ Thanks, Jae. ‘’
‘’ You know me, I’m the best friend one could ever ask for, ‘’ Jaehyeon instantly boasted.
Minho’s image came into Jonghyun’s mind, but he quickly pushed it away. ‘’ Okay, don’t get too full of yourself now… ‘’ he advised, chuckling.
‘’ It’s just the truth… ‘’ Jaehyeon pointed out as they instinctively started walking again. ‘’ So, do you have a boyfriend then? ‘’ he naturally asked.
Jonghyun felt his heart skip a beat. I should’ve known… ‘’ Um… it’s complicated… ‘’
‘’ Oooh, complicated… I like that! Tell me more, ‘’ Jaehyeon kept on, mind in full inquisitive mode.
‘’ I think that’s enough sharing for tonight, ‘’ Jonghyun replied, feeling his hands getting sweaty inside his pockets.
‘’ Oh come on… you can’t leave me hanging like that, ‘’ the other whined.
‘’ Yes, I can, ‘’ Jonghyun threw back categorically.  
‘’ So I’m just never going to know what’s going on? ‘’ Jaehyeon exclaimed, frustrated.
‘’ Probably, yeah, ‘’ Jonghyun curtly answered.
I don’t even know what’s going on.
 _______________________________________________________________________________________
Jinki looked up to the clock that was in his room.
7:57. Only 3 more minutes…
He felt his palms get sweaty as he then stared at his screen. His eyes stayed fixed on the banner of the radio show, Jonghyun’s smiling face making his heart race. He had decided to heed his father’s advice. He was going to hold on to his blessings. At first, he hadn’t known how he was going to go about it, but fortunately Jonghyun had provided him with the solution. He still wasn’t sure it was the best idea, but he had at least more chances of getting an answer. There was nothing keeping him from going back to their apartment, but he didn’t want to force his return on the other; he had taken enough decisions for them both already.
8:00.
Jinki gave a quick look to his left to make sure his father’s cellphone was still besides him. He had had enough sense to realize that using his own would’ve ruined his plan immediately. He then quickly put his earphones in. The soft and familiar sound of Jonghyun’s voice made him feel warm all over. He closed his eyes to better focus on it, making everything else disappear. By the time the jingle started playing, Jinki felt his nerves take over again. He knew he had to make up for so much, but a big part of him was scared he wouldn’t even have a chance to.
‘’ Okay, so as I had announced on my website, I’m taking calls tonight. You can ask me any question, about anything, but please make sure it’s respectful. ‘’
Jinki felt his chest squeeze. In about a few seconds, he would be one of them.
‘’ Ah, I’m glad so many of you in the chat room think it’s a great idea, ‘’ Jonghyun warmly voiced.
The brunette held his breath as the other went on to say that the line was now open. He picked up the phone, but didn’t press the call button right away. He knew it would be best to just get it over with, but fear had him paralyzed.
Jonghyun’s voice caught his attention again. ‘’ Hello! Who am I speaking to? ‘’
‘’ Hi! My name is Joonwoo. I listen to your show every time. Thanks for letting us call you, ‘’ the young sounding man enthusiastically expressed.
‘’ Hi, Joonwoo. It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much for your support. What is your question? ‘’
‘’ Um… well… These days, I feel like I don’t know if I’m on the right path. Do you have any tips to deal with uncertainty? ‘’
Jinki felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of Jonghyun’s laugh.
‘’ Aish, I knew you guys would hit me with the big life questions… ‘’ the latter then said. ‘’ First of all, I want to say that I think it’s normal to deal with that kind of feeling at some point in our lives. I think it can be pretty healthy actually, because to me, if you are never feeling uncertain, you never have the opportunity to re-evaluate what you are doing and change. Our minds and bodies are smart and they give us signals all the time and we should listen to them as best as we can. If you are not sure you are on the right path then maybe you aren’t or maybe you are, but something about the way you are going about it isn’t right yet. So I think the first step would just be to analyze when that feeling of uncertainty shows up, like is it every hour of the day or is it just when you partake in this or that activity. It might help you identify the cause. Also pay attention to the things that excite you, that you naturally want to do. Usually, everything feels right in those moments so that might help you know what you need to incorporate more into your life. And if you’re completely confused about everything, I’d say try something new. Sometimes, it’s no use doing more of the same. Maybe you haven’t encountered your path yet so go find it out there. ‘’
As the last words left the other, Jinki felt like he had just fallen even more in love with him. That was great advice.
‘’ Wow, thank you so much. That really helps, JjongD, ‘’ the caller said.
‘’ I really hope it does. ‘’
There was a brief pause before Jonghyun started talking again.
‘’ Oh wow, there are so many callers… I might have to make my answers shorter if I want to be able to talk to you all, ‘’ he indicated with another laugh.
Jinki felt his heart sink. Shit. He quickly unlocked the phone, pressed the call button and put it on speakerphone. He heard ringing before an automated message said ‘’ Please hold, your call will be answered as soon as possible. ‘’ His leg started shaking. I really hope so…
In the meantime, he kept on listening to distract himself and to get more wisdom from the one he loved. He was surprised that there were so many questions about mental health being asked, but he was glad that Jonghyun’s show was providing young people a space to be able to discuss that topic.  
‘’ Hello! Who am I speaking to? ‘’ he asked again for the trillionth time.
‘’ Hi! This is Minjee! I don’t know if you remember me… ‘’ a young woman answered.
‘’ Of course I do! I’m so glad you called. What’s your question? ‘’ Jonghyun inquired joyfully.
‘’ Maybe it’s going to sound silly, but… what’s the thing you are the most grateful for? ‘’ she asked.
Jinki felt his heart rate speed up.
‘’ Hmm… that’s a great question, actually. I’ll be honest with you, my mind usually goes down the negative route so a lot of times it’s really hard for me to see it, but I seriously have a lot to be grateful for. I think above anything else, I would have to say that it’s the people who have been and are there for me… I’ve had the chance to always have someone be my backbone and help me get through life… ‘’ Jonghyun took a deep breath. ‘’ And I think that without that, things could’ve gone very wrong for me… ‘’
‘’ I’m glad you are well surrounded, JjongD. You deserve it, ‘’ the young woman replied.
‘’ Sometimes I feel like I don’t, but thank you for saying that. ‘’
Jinki felt a pang in his heart. You deserve everything, Jjong…
The call was followed by a song break, giving him time to stress out again. Maybe he won’t even have time to take my call… Maybe he’ll just hang up if he hears my voice… Shit, this was such a bad idea… Maybe I should hang u-
‘’ Hello! Who am I speaking to? ‘’ Jonghyun said once again.
Jinki froze. There was an echo to his voice. He gazed down to his phone.
‘’ Hello? ‘’
There was no doubt about it now. Jinki quickly took his earphones out and picked up the phone with his sweaty hand. He knew he had to speak up or he would definitely lose his chance.
‘’ Yes… hi… ‘’ he uttered feebly.
There was a pause, a fear-spiking pause.
‘’ Do you… do you have a question for me…? ‘’ he finally heard on the other end.
Jinki felt slightly relieved. ‘’ Yeah so… I thought you might be able to answer this one… ‘’ He cleared his throat, feeling his chest constrict. ‘’ Do you believe in second chances? Or actually, third chances…? ‘’ he awkwardly got out before chewing on his bottom lip.
There was another pause, an endless one.
‘’ It depends on what the person has done… I think people can be forgiven for their mistakes, but there is a point of no return that can be reached if there is a lack of trust and respect… ‘’  
Jinki could only nod to himself, his throat clenched shut.
‘’ Thank you for your call, ‘’ Jonghyun said before hanging up.
Jinki slowly lowered the phone away from his ear before he hung up too. The chewing had stopped and he could now feel his lip trembling. His body knew before his mind could catch up and when it did, he burst out crying like he had never let himself before. Everything was pouring out of him and by the time his sobbing quieted, he felt like an empty shell.
He gave a quick look to the screen and saw that the show had ended 10 minutes ago. He suddenly felt ridiculous for thinking that his plan was going to change anything. He felt ridiculous for thinking that he could get another chance. He slowly got up from his chair and started walking straight to his bed, hoping to erase all of this with some sleep. But a buzzing sound had him look back to his desk. He ran to his phone on instinct and picked it up.
‘’ Hello? ‘’ he said, heart racing.
‘’ What the fuck, Jinki? ‘’
The racing pace became a thrumming one inside his chest as his ear was met again with the sound of the other’s voice. He was sure his heart would burst at any point now.
‘’ Jjong… ‘’
A long and heavy silence filled the distance between them.
‘’ I don’t… I don’t even know what to say to you right now… ‘’
Jinki could hear in his voice that he was tense. He’s still trying to spare my feelings…
‘’ If you need to yell at me, yell at me, ‘’ he replied.
His words were followed by a sigh. ‘’ I’m not going to yell at you through the phone. I just wanted to know why’d you do something so stupid… ‘’
‘’ Because I’m stupid… ‘’ He closed his eyes, shameful. ‘’ On so many levels… ‘’ He added in a whisper.
Another sigh came through. ‘’ What I told you on the broadcast… I meant it. ‘’
Jinki felt his throat tighten again. ‘’ I know. ‘’
‘’ I haven’t been waiting around for you like a little puppy. I’ve been living my life, ‘’ Jonghyun calmly indicated.
‘’ As you should… ‘’ Jinki acknowledged, not without sorrow.
‘’ If you are coming back, I’m not going to be so welcoming like last time, ‘’ the younger one went on confidently.
‘’ I get it… I’m not coming back if you don’t want me to… ‘’
Jonghyun snorted. ‘’ It’s your apartment, isn’t it? ‘’
Jinki felt another pang in his heart. ‘’ No, it’s our home, ‘’ he rectified.
A long, dead silence followed, making the older one feel even worse.
‘’ Why did you call? ‘’ Jonghyun finally said at the other end.
‘’ You didn’t answer my last text so that’s the only way I figured out to be able to talk to you… ‘’ Jinki answered, uneasy.
‘’ Of course I didn’t answer that text… it was stupid, insulting even, ‘’ Jonghyun retorted. ‘’ How could you wish me happy holidays when you knew damn well that wouldn’t be the case? ‘’ he went on, voice raspy with anger.
Jinki swallowed hard. ‘’ I… I guess I thought you’d have spent some nice time with Minho…. ‘’
‘’ I didn’t see Minho, ‘’ Jonghyun sharply informed.
A frown creased the other one’s brow. ‘’ Why? ‘’
‘’ Because I would’ve had to tell him what was going on and if I had done that, he would’ve told me something that I am not yet ready to hear, ‘’ Jonghyun explained, his last words almost coming out in a whisper.
Jinki felt his heart rate pick up. ‘’ Which is? ‘’
Jonghyun sighed again. ‘’ To break things off with you… ‘’
The other’s heart fluttered this time. ‘’ But you don’t want to… ‘’ he slowly voiced.
‘’ No… not yet, anyways, ‘’ the younger one indicated.
‘’ So what does this mean? ‘’ Jinki inquired, unable to stop himself from being hopeful.
‘’ It means that we… are not over… ‘’ Jonghyun started carefully. ‘’ But, I’m not ready to see you yet, ‘’ he finished, more assured.
Jinki felt his chest tighten. The hope had suddenly vanished. ‘’ Okay… ‘’ he said, crushed.
‘’ Okay then… I’m going to hang up now… ‘’ Jonghyun awkwardly announced.
‘’ Wait! ‘’ Jinki exclaimed as fear spiked inside him.
‘’ Yes? ‘’
‘’ I… ‘’ Jinki took a deep breath, centering himself on what mattered. ‘’ I love you, Jjong, ‘’ he expressed with all the love and care he could convey at that moment.
Another long silence followed, making the fear grow inside him once more.
‘’ Goodnight, Jinki, ‘’ was all Jonghyun said before hanging up.
The abrupt ending to their conversation was the final trigger to make Jinki lose all his composure. The tears welled up in his eyes as he dropped his phone on the floor. He tried to wipe them off immediately to erase any trace of weakness, but they spilled forth like an endless flow. After a few more seconds, he stopped fighting and accepted the reality that he was in.
He doesn’t love me anymore.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
AFF Link~
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rollercoasterwrite · 6 years
Text
Moon [One-Shot]
One-shot written for Jjong’s Month
Plot : Jonghyun’s life ended on Earth, but his existence goes on.... elsewhere.
Pairing : Jongyu 
Genre : Angst/Supernatural
TW : the whole plot is based on Jjong’s death so... yeah 
Word count : 5 800 words~
Every day, it’s the same thing. Jinki opens his eyes and automatically the thought hits him. Jonghyun is dead. This morning isn’t any different from the other days. He lets out a sigh as he clumsily stumbles out of bed, after giving a quick look to his alarm clock. Half the day has already gone to waste, and he is glad. The fewer waking hours his mind is offered, the better. He walks straight to his coffee machine, trying his best not to fall on his way to the kitchen. The aches in his muscles tell him how weak he has become, and part of him feels guilty for letting himself go so much.
He hasn’t been able to leave his apartment the last few weeks, just the thought of having to step into the outside world making him nauseated. The only thing he has managed to do is keep in touch with his bandmates, his brothers, and reassure them that he is doing okay. He doesn’t like lying to them, but he would hate himself even more for worrying them. He is supposed to be the big brother they can all count on, and even though he can’t physically be around them right now, he has never stopped offering them support either through phone calls or text messages. He knows that he is lacking in this role now more than ever before, but he refuses to abandon the duty just yet.
It's too soon… The thought whirls in his mind as he pours freshly made coffee into his cup. The first few sips bring a little more life into him, but the spike rapidly falls and his head starts to feel heavy again. He closes his eyes, but that just makes it worse. His thoughts immediately pull at his heartstrings, and he finds himself holding onto the counter for support. Jinki knows what this is: he recognizes the onset of a panic attack. Luckily for him, he has gotten better and better at dealing with them. He starts deepening his breaths as he counts backwards in his head.
30, 29, 28, 27—
His routine is interrupted by an overwhelming sense of panic. Instead of feeling his airways open, he feels them constrict dangerously. This feels like nothing he has experienced before.  
Breathe, dammit, breathe, he panics, as he starts feeling shaky. By the time his surroundings become a blur, his hand is on his chest, the nails of his fingers digging into his shirt. Jinki fights for his life, but he feels his body giving up. Porcelain shatters and then he follows, wheezing. A particularly violent shiver runs through him as a cold gust of wind swooshes into the room. Jinki would be confused if he had any mind to think, but right now his whole word has collapsed, reducing him to sensations.
The cold invades his body, making him shiver once more before he stills completely. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jinki's eyes open slowly, his lids ungluing themselves from the curve of skin bordering his slanted eyes. His pupils catch waves of blue, while is eardrums tingle with the soft arrangement of flutes and bells. Jinki finds himself being entranced. He hasn't heard anything like this before. With the blurs of blue filling his eyesight, he finds the word for it. Celestial. Jinki wants to know where it's coming from, so he tries to push himself up onto his elbows, but fails miserably. His limbs feel too heavy, and the effort makes him dizzy. His head hits the soft fabric of what he imagines to be a pillow, and once again all he sees are waves. They are dancing in front of his eyes, slowly, consistently, as if he is looking through the thick glass of an aquarium. This kind of view would normally be soothing, but he knows what's happening right now isn't normal. There’s no aquarium, just blurry waves of blue all around. He is utterly disoriented, and before he lets himself panic even more, he tries to catch a clear view of his surroundings. But soon enough, he realizes he can't. His eyes just can't focus. His heart accelerates as he becomes filled with a deadly mix of fear and despair. The music still playing in the background now seems almost frightening. He attempts to move again, but the weight of his body is still too much to bear. “It's the frequency,” a voice says in the distance. Jinki feels all the hairs on his body rise. No... This can't be... I'm dreaming... “You’re not used to our planet's frequency, so that's why your body is out of whack right now. Give it a few more minutes and you should be able to see correctly and move around,” the voice continues matter-of-factly. Jinki tries to piece the words together in his mind, but all he can gather is that it's his voice.  “Jj-Jjong...?” he stutters, dubious. “Yes, it's me, Jinki.”  Jinki hears hard heels clicking on what sounds like ceramic. His heart rate picks up again. He wants to see even more now. Even if this is a dream, he wants to see his face again. Jonghyun is now only a few meters away from him. He sees the fear, the confusion and the anticipation on his face, and the sight makes his stomach churn. I shouldn't have brought him here. The thought follows him as he gets even closer. And before he can make use of his better judgment, he reaches out to touch Jinki. His hand settles on his forearm. That simple and innocent touch makes his blood run hotter through his veins. He wants to pull back, but the draw is too strong. Jinki turns his head towards the point of contact, despite being unable to see.  “This feels a little too real,” he whispers, heart thrumming hard inside his chest. “Because it is real,” Jonghyun whispers back as his eyes are drawn to Jinki’s plump lips. Shit. He pulls back abruptly, turning his back on the one lying down on his bed. He tries to clear his mind, using the image of a dark sky full of stars to create a visualization barrier. The sight has him smiling, feeling calmer. Visualizing space always does the trick for him. He turns back with more confidence, but his effort turns out to be in vain. His barrier fades into reality as he sees Jinki again. The brunette is now blinking at him, his stare focused and his body straightened to a seating position. He can finally see. He holds his gaze up as Jonghyun stares right back at him. Words become a strange notion to him as he takes in the other's beauty. Jonghyun has always been beautiful, but there's something otherworldly about him now. The face he is looking at is still the same, but the eyes he used to look into have now lost their hazelnut richness, replaced by a mesmerizing ocean blue color. The short white hair he had then is now down to his shoulders and is punctuated by a thick strand of silvery blue. Jinki's aghast look then travels up and down his body. Its litheness is hidden under a beautifully ornamented robe that pools in ripples at his feet. Jinki almost loses himself in the shining crescents of moon on the silk fabric, but the sound of his name brings him back. “Jinki...” Jonghyun repeats, unable to form any other words. Now that he has followed through with what he has wanted ever since his return, he doesn't know how to handle it. He is looking at a dishevelled and sleep-deprived Jinki, but it's still a beautiful-beyond-words Jinki. “That's it. I've finally lost it,” Jinki chuckles, his laughter fear-ridden.  “I told you, this is real,” Jonghyun softly reiterates. He dares getting closer again when he realizes there is no other way around it. He pinches Jinki's arm hard, watching his expression go from surprise to pain. “This is real,” he repeats in a tone that leaves no room for argument.  Jinki's eyes widen. “But how... You're... you're...” Dead. “What you were about to say is true, but it's only part of the story,” Jonghyun says, knowing that from that moment forward, there is no turning back. Jinki might forget this moment, but he himself never will. Jinki swallows hard against his dry throat. An overwhelming wave of anxiety makes his mind spin before it goes completely blank. Jonghyun puts a comforting hand on his forearm again as he sees him turn a few shades paler.  “I didn't mean to scare you,” Jonghyun expresses with gut-wrenching guilt. “I just...” He finishes his sentence with an intent, honest look.  Jinki looks right back at him, waiting for more. He doesn't want to guess; he wants to know. “Tell me,” he finally voices, as he feels Jonghyun closing off. Indeed, Jonghyun’s eyes are on him, but they are not looking at him anymore. He has brought out the dark sky full of stars again, blocking himself from his emotions.  Jinki puts a hand over Jonghyun’s, but Jonghyun still doesn't respond. Jinki starts to panic, but before he can take any action, Jonghyun comes back. “I want you to let go,” Jonghyun answers, as he takes a big step back. This time he sounds collected, neutral, which only makes his words sound that much more harsh. “What...” Jinki feels something break inside him. He knows something has just been lost. He knows the words Jonghyun had meant to say weren't the ones that had just crossed his lips. “I want you to be happy, Jinki,” Jonghyun continues, being wary of the window of emotion he hadn't completely closed. “How can you say that?” Jinki throws back, as he finally breaks free from his mental daze. His fingers ball up into fists, anger welling up inside him. “You're...you're dead,” Jinki reminds with resentment. Thanks to his visualization trick, Jonghyun is almost unmoved, but he still understands the other man's predicament. “I know it seems to make no sense, but like I said, there is more to that story.”  “No, there isn't. I'm having a really fucking bad dream, and soon enough I will wake up and everything will be back...” Jinki feels his heart squeezing, “to normal,” he forces himself to say to save face. “Hopefully, I can help you before you have to go back,” Jonghyun informs him before he snaps his fingers. The melodious harmony of bells and flutes that had faded in the background of their conversation suddenly comes to the forefront. Jinki looks toward the sound, but he sees only a wall. His eyes search around the room, noticing how empty it is, apart from a majestic chandelier standing at the other corner of the room. Nostalgia hits him even harder as he looks at a plethora of candles, their blue flames giving the room a dreamy glow. He searches for the source of the music, but to no avail.  “You won't find what you are looking for,” Jonghyun indicates.  Jinki frowns at him, irritated. All these unknowns are really starting to get on his nerves. “What is that music, anyways?” he asks, as he crosses his arms over his chest. “It's a moon song,” Jonghyun answers, as he lightly leans against the bedpost. “I usually use this one to help me sleep me better, but I tweaked it a bit so that the sound waves have a farther reach. Every moonwalker in a 10-mile radius from here will be unable to wake up for the next hour or so.” An even deeper crease forms between Jinki's eyebrows as Jonghyun’s explanation only makes his confusion grow. “Moon...walkers?” he echoes, uncertain. “Yes, that's...our name.” Jonghyun looks down to his hidden feet. “You are on the moon, Jinki.” Jinki stares at him blankly, and then it hits him. Laughter shakes his shoulders before breaking free openly through his mouth. He laughs so hard he has to hold his sides, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. “This is too much,” he chuckles as he wipes off his tears. Jonghyun sighs. “Look, we don't have much time. I know this is a lot to process, but I need you to believe me,” he pleads, as he looks into the brunette's eyes. He can feel the window inside him opening a little more, but he lets it. Jinki needs to believe him. And the latter almost does when he takes in Jonghyun’s expression. A quiet Oh passes his lips as his laughter dies completely. “So I'm on the moon, huh?” he ponders as he looks at the sheets still covering his legs. He takes them off, deciding in that moment that if this is real, he has to make the most out of it. His legs dangle briefly over the edge of the bed before he pushes himself up. The dizziness hits him again, forcing him to still into place. “Be careful,” Jonghyun says as he catches the unease on the taller man's face.  Jinki moves again, carefully, walking straight towards Jonghyun. The walk isn't long and a few seconds later, he is straight in front of him, only a touch way.
As Jonghyun fights to keep his barrier up, he realizes how strong his feelings still are. He doesn’t want to create an even more difficult situation for them, but having Jinki standing so close to him, he can feel himself wanting to give in. His beautiful brown eyes seem to be staring into his soul, barring him from any defense he might’ve thought efficient.
He is not wrong. Jinki has always been perceptive, always been aware of how people around him are feeling. And even though losing Jonghyun showed him that he hadn’t been sharp enough, this time he feels like he knows.
“You seem…nervous,” Jinki pinpoints, as he slowly looks him up and down. He doesn’t miss the slight hand twitch and the slow bob of Jonghyun’s Adam’s apple in his throat as his eyes travel back up to his face.
“Of course I am,” Jonghyun admits, forcing himself not to look away. “Bringing a human here is a felony, punishable with eternal imprisonment or disintegration.” His answer is truthful, but mostly convenient.
Jinki’s eyes widen with surprise before they narrow into a squint. “Why would you take that risk?”
“Because I was…” Jonghyun stops, embarrassed. Luckily for him, blushing isn’t a thing here. “I was watching you and…you seemed so…”
“Miserable?” Jinki guesses when Jonghyun fails to finish his sentence.
Jonghyun gives him a pained look as all the images of him crying his heart out, punching walls, having panic attacks and staring blankly into space all come back at once.
“You looked really sad,” he simply says.
“Is that so surprising?” Jinki asks. His mind doesn’t spend much time trying to figure out how Jonghyun has been able to watch him, because what he really wants to know is why.
“You left us, Jjong…” he reminds him.
“I know. I had no choice…”
“What do you mean?”
“I made a deal with the elders,” Jonghyun starts, lowering his gaze to Jinki's chest to focus his thoughts. “I wanted to live as an earthling so badly, they granted me my wish.” Jonghyun's eyes close as he feels his heart squeeze. “Except...” Jinki waits, hooked on Jonghyun's every word. “Except?" he echoes, as the pause seems never ending. Jonghyun opens his eyes, looking up at the taller man again. He sees the anticipation and the confusion in his eyes, and he wishes he didn’t have to say the next words.   “Except I wasn’t able to live a full human life. I was granted 10 000 days on earth before I was expected to come back home,” Jonghyun reveals. His heart weighs heavy in his chest as the words leave him, and his sorrow becomes that much greater when he sees Jinki's expression darken. The latter stays silent a while, eyes darting left and right, his mind running with the new piece of information. “So you knew all along...” Jinki realizes. His voice is down to a whisper, but Jonghyun doesn't miss the anger that laces his words. “No, I didn't,” Jonghyun immediately refutes. “All memory of my life here was erased as soon as they sent me off. I lived like a true human being until...” Jonghyun stops and looks inside himself, finding his safe space, “until a year ago,” he goes on more calmly. “The memories started to come back, and a few weeks later all the pieces of the puzzle came together. I remembered who I was, and I remembered the deal. I then had a few months left to build a path that would end with a credible departure.” Despite his efforts, Jonghyun feels the guilt growing inside of him as the other remains silent. He tries to resist with his sky and stars, but he gives up when Jinki looks into his eyes again. The dark brown eyes are shooting daggers at him, and his barrier is not powerful enough to protect him at this point. “A credible departure?” Jinki repeats with spite. “You fucking killed yourself, Jonghyun. Yeah, we knew you were struggling, but when that happened, we weren't, like, ‘Oh yeah, this makes sense.’”  His rage makes Jonghyun want to disappear, but the moonwalker knows he deserves every bit of that rage. “It's not like I could've opened up about what was really going on. It's not like I could've told you what I really was,” he points out apologetically. Jinki ponders the words, empathy suddenly gnawing at his angry heart. But anger still wins.  “How selfish are you?” he says. “Did you think it would just be okay to drop by for 10 000 days and then leave?” Jinki’s chest is heaving by now, his anger too great for his human body to take.
Jonghyun’s mouth opens and closes, but no words come out.
“You were a son, you were a brother, you were an inspiration to many, you were…” Jinki catches himself just in time, looking away as the words that were about to leave his mouth play in his mind. “You were just…fucking important, Jjong.” A sigh leaves him as his anger drops, leaving him weary. Feeling dizzy again, he steps back and leans his back on the footboard of the bed.
Jonghyun bites into his now-trembling lip. He feels sadness wrap its arms around him, suffocating him. He shouldn’t be so weak. He shouldn’t still be so human.
“I shouldn’t have become that known,” he says, struggling to keep himself together. He hides his hands behind his back as he feels them shaking too. “I just wanted a normal human life,” he admits as his eyes travel across the room to his chandelier.
“But I guess anywhere I go, music will be my lifeline,” he reflects as he watches the blue flames dancing.
Jinki’s eyes stop briefly on Jonghyun’s gorgeous profile before following his gaze to the other side of the room. They watch the flames together silently, letting their minds breathe.
“Why did you bring me here?” Jinki asks quietly, leaving the comforting sight to face the oh-so-ever troubling sight of the man sharing the room with him.
“I want you to stop blaming yourself for what happened,” Jonghyun answers, his eyes turning away from the captivating blue to dive into profound dark brown. “I want you to know that what happened in the end was not your fault.”
Jinki feels a lump forming in his throat. His hands ball into fists as he fights not to cry. “It might not be, but…this fucking hurts,” he croaks as his throat tightens. Before he can put up more of a fight, the tears start falling and he finds himself staring into the thick glass of an aquarium again.
Jonghyun rushes to him, his human instincts trampling his moonwalker stoicism. He hugs him tightly, pressing his lips against the top of his head. “I’m so sorry, Jinki.” He rocks him back and forth into his arms in a soothing manner as he releases a calming effect. They stay like that for a long time, Jinki's sobs punctuating the silence between them as the moon song keeps on in the background. Jonghyun is now caressing his back, helping him through his pain while he tries to keep his own at bay.  Jinki finally stops crying, feeling a lot more calm. He sniffs before pulling back slightly. Jonghyun's hands immediately go up to his face, wiping his tears off gently.  Jinki's heart flutters at the soft touch. He feels better, much better. And then it hits him. “What did you do?” Jinki asks, suspicious. Jonghyun's eyes widen. “I...” He shouldn't have noticed. “I just helped you a little,” he answers, as his fingers play with the sides of his robe.  “Was that some kind of spell?” he keeps on, brow cocked.  Jonghyun grimaces at the suggestion. “It's called a transfer,” he shares, as he brings a hand to the middle of his chest. “I can conjure a feeling and transmit it to someone else,” he says simply.  The other frowns before his features soften and a quiet “Oh” leaves his mouth. “So that means... You can erase pain?” he asks.  Jonghyun hears the anticipation in his voice and feels his heart break some more. “I cannot. I can...” He pauses, searching for the right words. “I can dull your pain momentarily, but it doesn't go away.” “Oh...” Jinki looks down, disappointed. And then looks up again as an idea flashes in his mind. “Could you...turn me?” The words come out shy before a soft blush colors his cheeks as he realizes what he has just asked. Jonghyun stares at him, aghast. “You mean... turn you into a moonwalker?” he verifies.  Jinki nods slowly, feeling more nervous when he catches the turmoil in the other's stunning blue eyes. “Jinki, I—” “We had no chance down there,” Jinki cuts in urgently. He sees the blond's jaw grow tense at his words, but continues nonetheless. “So I thought... maybe here...” He lets the rest linger, focusing on the moon song to keep his nerves under control.  Jonghyun sighs. He should step back, put some distance between them, but the draw is still too strong. He brings a hand up to Jinki's face and caresses his cheek. The latter leans into his touch, closing his eyes to clear everything else. His heart jumps in his chest when soft lips meet his forehead. He laces his arms around his beloved's tiny little waist, pulling him closer. The footboard creaks from the added weight, but that doesn’t stop him. He nuzzles his neck with his nose, inhaling his sweet scent as he grabs onto his hips even more tightly.
The moonwalker bites his lip instantly to keep in any sound that might worsen the situation. His breath still hitches when Jinki goes on further with his torture. Sharp teeth dig into his pale skin, and it takes every ounce of control inside of him to keep in a moan.
“Jinki…,” Jonghyun puts his hands on Jinki’s, “let go,” he orders as seriously as he can.
“You can’t turn me, right?” Jinki finally voices without relinquishing his power.
Jonghyun swallows painfully, the sorrow blooming again inside his body. “It’s not like we’re vampires or something… so, no, I can’t…” he admits with defeat. “If you stay here too long, every one of your senses will become void and then your body will start to decay…”
“And what if you made another deal with the elders?” Jinki is desperate for a solution; he wants to keep laying eyes on the beautiful being in front of him for the rest of his life. Jonghyun blinks a few times, his mind blown by the suggestion.
“That... They wouldn't...” He stops as his mind struggles to cooperate. He's already getting images of Jinki living with him, sharing every day and night with him. He's already getting a glimpse of their happiness together. And then he remembers everything else.  “I won't ask them,” he says categorically. Jinki frowns, instantly letting go of the other's body. “Why?” “You said earlier that I had been selfish for making that deal, and you were right. I was selfish because I didn't anticipate the impact it would have on the people I would leave behind. And now I don't want you to make the same mistake,” Jonghyun says gravely. “Your brothers, your family needs you,” he reminds, watching Jinki's expression go from indignation to consideration as the last words leave him.  “They would be fine...” Jinki argues feebly, as his gaze travels down to the little space between them. A big part of him believes it, but he knows he would feel even worse if he chose his own happiness over that of his family. Jonghyun gives him a sad look that he doesn't see. “You have always been our strength, Jinki.” Jinki scoffs. “I don't think anyone thinks that of me anymore.” “You'd be surprised.” Jonghyun brings a hand to Jinki's hair and kneads his fingers softly through them. “Being strong sometimes means just being there,” he points out in a voice that is as gentle as his caress. Jinki sighs, defeated. “So, what now?”  Jonghyun moves his hand to cup the other's chin, lifting his head up to meet his eyes. There is pain, there is fear in those pretty eyes. But there is also...  “I love you,” the moonwalker blurts out as he is flooded by a wave of emotions. He is not left a chance to be embarrassed by his sudden outburst because Jinki replies, “I love you too.” And then he just becomes a puddle of warmth and gooey feelings.  They lock eyes for a while, letting every word they wanted to say to each other seep into the shared silence. Jonghyun then takes Jinki's hand and drags him towards his bed. “There is still some time left,” he notes, as he climbs on the mattress first. He lays on his side, propping himself up on one elbow. Jinki blinks at him, his eyes inadvertently following the slow movement of his robe falling off one of his shoulders before setting on the beautiful cascade of white hair hitting the pillow. The sight freezes him into place, all the wires in his brain short-circuiting.  “Jinki...” Jonghyun calls out softly, as he tries to stay level-headed. “I want to cuddle,” he says in the quietest voice. Jinki nods slowly as the blood starts rushing back up to his brain. A few seconds later, he gets on the bed too, lying right beside the gorgeous being that puts his human self to shame. He settles on his back as Jonghyun cuddles up to him, lacing an arm around the blond when Jonghyun lets his head rest against his chest. “I needed this,” Jonghyun sighs, eyes half-closed. Jinki shifts his gaze from the ceiling towards him. “What do you mean?” he asks, intrigued. “I needed...this moment,” Jonghyun admits. “Leaving my life on Earth was really hard. And still is...” he goes on, as the words tear at his heart. Jinki feels the other's body stiffen against his, so he hugs him tighter. “I...didn't even think about that,” Jinki realizes with guilt. Jonghyun smiles a sad smile. “There is so much more I wish I could've experienced...” “You had an amazing life,” Jinki says against him. “Yes. I had an amazing family.” Images of his Earth mother, his Earth sister, his Earth puppy and finally, his Earth brothers, flash before his eyes, rendering him silent. Jinki lets the silence be, contemplating his own life as it was and how it is now. “I will forget all of this, won't I?” he finally expresses, as the moment of his departure dawns on him.  Jonghyun finally shifts to look at him. The words take some time to leave his mouth, his heart fighting with his mind not to ruin this precious moment. “Most of it. But you might relive some parts of it through your dreams for a while...” he indicates, as he tries not to lose himself into the other's dark orbs. “Oh...” Jinki lets out, his tone seeping with disappointment. “But part of you is moonbound now, so whenever you look up to the moon, I'll be able to help you from a distance,” Jonghyun reveals with a small smile. “You mean...like before?” Jinki asks, as the memory of his mood shift comes back to him. Jonghyun nods, his smile growing a little bit wider as he catches some relief on the brunette’s face.  “Like I said, it won't erase the pain,” he quickly reminds Jinki, “but it'll make life more bearable.” Jinki nods to show he understands. “And what about you?” he asks, mindful of the other's previous words. “Me?” Jonghyun picks up with surprise. The blond mulls over the thought with a long hum. “I still feel tied to my human self, so it's still a struggle right now, but it'll get better with time,” he reassures Jinki with a smile that hides other underlying emotions. 
“Do you have family here?” Jinki inquires with worry.
“No, my manas died a long time ago, and I’m an only child,” Jonghyun promptly informs him.
Jinki gives him a confused look. “Your what…?” “Ah sorry, I mean my parents,” Jonghyun fills in with a soft laugh.
“What about friends?” Jinki goes on, a little panicked.
“Aaah, friends…” Jonghyun lips curl into a pout. “I don’t really mingle with others that well…”
“But…”
“I’m fine, really. All I’ve ever needed here was my music,” Jonghyun interjects, wanting to erase every bit of worry inside his friend.
Jinki’s ears catch the since-forgotten moon song. “It’s really beautiful,” he notes, now distracted by the melody.
Jonghyun smiles. “Thank you.”
The music fills the space as they focus on it, Jonghyun once again curling up into Jinki. The latter welcomes the closeness with all the fibers in his body, hoping this moment will imprint itself into him, one way or the other. Time goes by slowly, but it doesn’t seem long enough when Jonghyun finally shifts again.
With one look, Jinki understands. He simply nods, feeling his heart getting heavy again.
“Just close your eyes…” Jonghyun whispers, trying not to break the peace they have been bathing in.
“Wait… I…” Jinki’s mind is rushing with a million thoughts, but there is only one that matters now. “We will never forget you, Jonghyun,” Jinki voices, throat tightening with emotion.
Jonghyun feels his heart swell with love. “I know.” He sets his hand at the center of the brunette’s chest. “And I’ll always be with you.”
Jinki catches a last look at his love before his vision blurs. The last thing he hears is the beautiful melody. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sun is down by the time Jinki comes back to himself. His mind slowly wakes up as he opens one eye and then the other. He realizes fast enough from the ache he suddenly feels in his back that he isn't in his bed. He moves slowly onto his side, the shift bringing into view the white ceramic floor and the shattered cup not too far from him. A frown grows on his face as he tries to put the pieces together. What the...? His mind searches, and when it can't find answers, fear gathers in the brunette's stomach. Still confused, he finally pushes himself off the floor and up on his two feet. A grunt leaves him when he starts walking. He feels sore all over, which only adds to his incomprehension.  I guess I— The faint sound of a phone ringing pulls him out of his thoughts. He instantly wants to rush to it, but his body limits him to a fast walk. He picks up the phone just in time.  “Where were you?” he hears at the other end as he sets the phone against his ear.  Jinki feels anxious as he hears panic in his little brother's voice. “I...” Jinki pauses. He has yet to figure out what happened to him. “I was...”  Taemin's sigh cuts his train of thought. “I get it. You were in your own world. But you didn't answer all day, hyung...” he reproaches in a pouty tone. Jinki's eyes widen. He turns towards the window in his bedroom and pushes the thick curtains open. Night has fallen. “I'm sorry, Tae...” he says with guilt. Even though, he hasn't done it on purpose, he still doesn't want to cause the younger one more distress. “Did something happen?” he inquires. “No... not really. Today was just...” A long pause follows Taemin’s words. “Today was just really hard,” he finally admits in a quiet voice.  Jinki feels a pang in his heart. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks. “No... I just... Can you just stay on the phone with me for a while?” Taemin requests, his voice thin and insecure. “Yeah, of course,” Jinki answers, with the warmth of an older brother. He swears he can feel relief wash over Taemin as silence settles between them. “Did you look at the full moon, hyung?” Taemin asks with a smile. Jinki frowns as the mention of the orb leaves him with a strange feeling. “No...”  “It's really beautiful...” Taemin notes with wonder. Jinki looks outside his window, eyes up to the sky. He sees it. The orb is shining bright and full against the dark ink of the night.  “You're right,” he agrees, as he feels himself being pulled by it. He keeps staring, his muscles relaxing as a feeling of calm washes over him.  “Hyung, I've been thinking...” The brunette chews on his bottom lip, nervous. “I've been having this silly thought...” “Hmmm?” Jinki hums, curious. “I'll tell you if you promise not to laugh,” Taemin demands. “I won't laugh,” the older one promises. It's a few seconds of soft breathing at the other end of the line, before Jinki gets to know what's on Taemin’s mind. “I've been thinking about this more and more, but... what if Jjong is on the moon...watching over us?” he shares in confidence. Jinki ponders the thought, eyes still fixed on the circle of light in the sky.  “Do you think I'm crazy?” Taemin checks, anxiety spilling into his words. “No, Tae,” Jinki instantly reassures him. A smile tugs at the corner of his lips as an image of their lost one sitting on the moon draws itself before his eyes. “Actually… I don't think that's crazy at all.”
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rollercoasterwrite · 6 years
Text
Happy Birthday
Drabble written for Jjong’s Month 
In this dizzying world the reason I breathe it’s you~
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : Angst; fluff
Word count : A little over 1k
'' Happy birthday... '' Jonghyun reads out loud with a sigh. He throws the nicely decorated card on the floor and picks up another one.  '' Happy birthday... I wish you all the- '' The rest of the message is ignored with another flick of the wrist.  Jonghyun picks up another card and another and another until the pile they had formed on the table was now a mess on the floor. He sighs to himself, again, depressed and unimpressed by all those 'nice' gestures.  His hand reaches for the espresso he had taken the time to make himself right before settling in front of the wooden table. His fingers tap against the porcelain as if it was a keyboard, following the quiet and comforting rhythm of the rain tapping against his window.  '' Happy birthday '' Jonghyun tells himself, the words breaking once again the silence in the room. The corner of his mouth raises into a crooked smile, a broken smile. He knows he should be happy; everyone is happy on their birthday. But he is not everyone. He's the odd one. The one who cries too much, who has weird conceptions of this world and who prefers to be alone most of the time. He is the one no one would suspect has so much pain trapped into the body he has always found too petite, too delicate. He doesn't hate himself, he just doesn't feel like he belongs to this world. A world so dizzying it makes his mind spin at night and his heart feel heavy during the day. Day and night, he feels weird, awkward and his birthday is just the landmark reminding him he has to endure these feelings for yet another year. The only silver lining he sees in the dark skies shading his soul is that is he has made it so far.  '’ I'm still here ‘' he congratulates himself silently, the smile he still has going on feeling a little more genuine. He enjoys his silence and his espresso letting everything fall to the sidewalks of his mind. He only leaves one thing walk down the route of his consciousness. The thought has him dealing with this always weird cocktail of warmth and dread.  Jonghyun feels himself get tense and nervous but most of all excited. He doesn't want to call what he is feeling happiness to prevent himself from ruining it. Instead, he just keeps acknowledging that he is lucky enough to have been granted this endless blessing, to have been given another soul with whom to share his life with. He looks at the clock on the wall facing him. '’Soon'’, he realizes. This only has his previous sorrow dilute into a surging pool of anticipation. He taps on his now empty cup, his sharp teeth diligently working his bottom lip. He gets more and more nervous with each passing second, with each passing minute. He knows his feelings haven't changed, but part of him is scared the other's have. Their last encounter had been marred with a bittersweet feeling. A feeling that came from the knowledge that they weren't going to see each other for weeks. Jonghyun had cried and had been held and comforted, but the feeling of loss he had felt after the other's departure hadn't been any less painful. Thus, in this moment, Jonghyun can't help but wonder if their reunion is going to live up to his expectations. He is left to wonder if he has dreamed all of it... His heart jumps in his throat as the doorbell rings. He gets up, not minding the mess he has left on the floor. He is almost skipping to the front door, the sudden spark of joy inside him trumping any doubt he has had. He opens the door and squints. He has been bathing so long in the dark that the sudden brightness that exudes from the other is almost too much. Before he can even utter a word, he is embraced by the warmth of the sun; by his sun. A happy sigh leaves his lips as strong arms wrap themselves tightly around his tiny waist. He hugs back, arms settling higher, comfortably around his lover's neck. '' Happy birthday '' Jinki says softly against his ear. A shiver runs down Jonghyun's spine as he is reminded of the hot buttery voice of his boyfriend. Of all the presents he has received, his voice is the only thing he needs. He is the first to pull back from the embrace, wanting to lay eyes on the beautiful light that is Jinki. He only gets a clear view for a second before he is left blind with tears. One of his hands grasps desperately at the front of Jinki's jacket as painful sobs leave him. '' What's wrong, baby? '' Jinki asks, panicked. His arms have already found their way back around Jonghyun's small frame, unconsciously rocking them back and forth in a soothing manner. '' Nothing... '' Jonghyun croaks out between sobs. '' It's just... '' He takes in a sharp breath. '' Thank you. '' The words hit Jinki's ears but he is not sure he understands.  '' What? Why? '' Jonghyun manages to even out his breathing with a few deep breaths. He is still holding on to Jinki as he puts his thoughts into words. '' It's just... you. You make me so happy. I'm so happy you're here, '' he explains against the taller one's chest. '' Jjongie...'' Jinki holds him even tighter, if that's even possible. '' I should be the one thanking you for being born on this day. For coming into my life. '' The words are soft and sincere, a balm to Jonghyun's doubts and fears. Jonghyun looks up, eyes still watery. '' I love you. '' Jinki smiles his widest smile. '' I love you too, Jjong. ''  Jonghyun pulls him in for a kiss, sighing as Jinki instantly claims his mouth hungrily.  '' Bed... '' Jonghyun mumbles before Jinki kisses him again. Jinki nods into the kiss, taking his time to enjoy the sweetness of Jonghyun's mouth, before he pulls back slightly. Their eyes lock and Jonghyun feels like his heart is about to explode. He feels so happy, no not happy, blessed, lucky. He takes Jinki's hand in his and drags him towards his room. On their way, Jinki notices the pile of cards on the floor, but doesn't say a word. He knows how Jonghyun feels about this particular day so if anything that kind of behaviour is to be expected. He is glad Jonghyun isn't looking at him right now or he would see the sadness in his eyes. He just wants Jonghyun to be happy. '' I will make it better, baby, '' he silently promises himself as he is pushed down onto his mattress. He flashes his brightest smile again, erasing any other emotion from his face. '' Happy birthday, baby. '' His words come with a soft caress on the other's cheek, leaving Jonghyun a little flushed when he brings his hand down.  Jonghyun feels so loved, so safe, he can't help but smile. '' Thank you. ''
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