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heartbeatbookclub · 4 months

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There's a lot of ambiguity present in DDLC, and although + does elaborate on a lot of it, it presents some new ambiguity, too. I've already discussed the Protagonist and his entire existence, but I think something people don't even really think about is Natsuki's home life.

In case that doesn't make it obvious, CW: this mini-essay is going to talk a lot about abuse. Take care of yourselves.

Within the original Doki Doki Literature Club, there's an inherent uncertainty in the actual degree to which Monika is personally manipulating the other girls. It's somewhat unclear whether or not Monika is directly manufacturing unappealing traits to give to everyone else, or if she's just exaggerating problems that were already there to the point of catastrophe. In other words, it's unclear as to exactly how much of the game from its outset was something which would happen naturally, or an element of Monika's manipulation.

I think that Plus simultaneously plays into this ambiguity and clarifies a lot of it. There are definitely gray areas left, but the Side Stories in particular answer a lot of questions.

I think what the Side Stories are intent on doing is showcasing all of the girls as characters independent of any potential 4th wall/Monika meddling, and it answers a lot of questions regarding the true depth of each of the girls independent of that manipulation. This includes Monika, actually, and I think what it displays is that Monika's manipulation is far reaching, but she worked with material which was already there.

I've already discussed how the Protagonist is implied to exist within the Side Stories, but vitally, the Side Stories indicate the raw personality (and problems, motivations, etc) of every one of the girls. This includes Monika, and I think makes for a very interesting character study for how Monika became who she is in the main game. That's something I played with a good bit in Coil, if you haven't read it. Monika isn't aware she's being watched and in fact isn't aware of any of the nature of her reality, and thusly puts significantly more of who she actually is as a flawed person on display.

I'm digressing, but only a little bit. Something else this clarifies is the question I asked earlier regarding whether or not Monika was explicitly adding negative traits to the other girls, though it isn't an exact answer: Sayori does have a lot of the same mental health issues displayed in the main game, though clearly not to the same degree. Yuri clearly demonstrates a more obsessive personality, but it's in more of an autistic hyperfixation "I am incredibly passionate about my interests and will talk about them for hours if you don't shut me up" kind of way. I think there's definitely still some factors which are up in the air about Yuri (knives...that's all I'll say), but I think it's clear to see the basis of what was done to her here.

And Natsuki is, well...still pretty ambiguous.

I should be clear; Natsuki's raw personality is still very readily apparent here, and it does do a great deal of exploration of her character, showcasing the real depth of who she is and why she acts the way she does, but there is one critical question which isn't explicitly referred to.

The obvious thing you're thinking of, probably because I mentioned it at the start. Any reference to Natsuki's home life is absent, and it was all I could think about throughout the entirety of her story.

What it's instead "replaced" by in this instance is bullying from a toxic group of mean girls esque "friends". I put replaced in quotes because they are clearly what the emphasis is placed on in lieu of an explicitly bad home life, but I'm not sure I'd call them a one to one replacement. (I put friends in quotes, because...well.)

To be more specific, I'm not sure they're a replacement at all. I think what they are is more a suggestion of deeper issues Natsuki has.

I think Natsuki's behavior and overall attitude when talking about her other friends is very telling with regards to how she views relationships in general. Her immediate knee-jerk reaction whenever anyone says anything negative about them is to, in the first place, minimize anything they did or said as "just playing around", or "making fun of something stupid". Her next response is to immediately place the blame on herself for being so sensitive.

The way she immediately seeks to dismiss and push off any attempts to address any issues with how her friends treat her is heart-wrenching, and constantly blaming herself for responding poorly is doubly so. I think it's also behavior we'd commonly expect of people undergoing abuse, and I'll be frank in saying that I think that her relationship with these people isn't just toxic, it's outright emotionally abusive.

But being in one destructive relationship doesn't necessarily mean she's in another, does it? What is it about this entire situation in particular that leads me to believe there's something deeper here?

It's maybe a little bit of a stretch, but follow me here.

I think Natsuki demonstrates that she is attached to these people, despite their actions toward her. Her immediate defense of their actions, the particular way she chooses to defend them, and her intense fear to even the prospect of cutting them off tell me she doesn't want to let them go. Even further, I'd say her immediate response being to defend them when others attack them is multifaceted, and I think that one of those facets is that someone pointing out how her friends shouldn't treat her that way is probably giving voice to a feeling Natsuki herself has. I think one of the reasons she's so quick to defend them is in order to suppress her own urge to say something.

But why is she so hesitant to say something in the first place?

She doesn't want them to leave her.

This is something which, on the surface, might sound a little strange, but I think more than anything else, greater than any fear of the abuse she might endure at the hands of these heartless weirdos, is a crippling fear of being alone.

There are various things I think underline this trait, big and small (I mean, she outright brings it up when she talks about cutting them off), but I think her entire attitude regarding her friends is representative of someone who desperately wants attention from someone, anyone, whether positive or not. The reason she places all of the blame on herself and defends all of their actions is because she thinks if she brings it up at all, they won't want to hang out with her anymore. She's the problem, because she can't bring herself to put up with it, but she doesn't want them to leave her.

And I think that this, in conjunction with a lot of other elements to her personality, indicate that Natsuki likely doesn't have a very kind home life, either.

I think the biggest thing that illustrates this to me is her sheer willingness to treat the entire situation as normal. To everybody else looking at Natsuki's situation from the outside, particularly as she describes and defends a variety of their actions, it's blatantly obvious what's happening, and Natsuki finds herself confused not only over how other people respond, but how she herself feels.

The amount of time she spends excusing the emotional torment they put her through, and her constant insistence that this is normal, and that she's perfectly fine, she just needs to grow a thicker skin, demonstrate to me that Natsuki doesn't really have a good concept of what "normal" is. I don't think this is all just a conscious denial of reality; I think she genuinely has trouble understanding what's wrong with the situation, beyond that they're acting mean towards her.

"It's just the way things are!"

"I'm the only one who ever has a problem with it."

I think her ready ability to normalize this kind of abuse speaks volumes to how she views relationships in general. I think this is indicative that she doesn't have many good models for what a "normal", healthy relationship would be.

I think that a lot of Natsuki's broader personality, particularly in how she responds to the situation with her friends, and Monika and Sayori's attempts to connect with her, is a pretty fair indication that she doesn't really have a good space outside of her interactions with people at school.

I'm, rather ironically, finding it increasingly difficult to really express everything which showcases it to me in a way which all fits together nicely, but I think if nothing else, that's the point I really want to drive home. It really seems to me based on the way that Natsuki acts that at the very least, she doesn't have a good, safe space at home.

If she did, she would have a much better point of reference for all of this, and I don't think she would be so quick to trap herself in this situation. I think that a big reason she turns to the Literature Club and is so insistent on trying to be friends with everybody in it, despite herself, despite all of the problems and conflicts they have, is because she's desperately searching for a safe place where she can just be herself.

I think she constantly feels like she needs to be on the defensive--in my opinion, a big part of why she finds it so hard to just be nice, outside of something simple like baking for other people, is because her only experience is other people being mean to her, and needing to make a biting comment back. I think that's also why it's so difficult for her to accept others being kind to her: She is so used to just shutting out other people and ignoring them because they're mean to her, that when someone is nice to her, despite her desire to accept it and return it in kind, she instinctively snaps at it, because if she lets anyone in, if she shows any sign of vulnerability, someone will hurt her. Maybe she'll have to admit that the other things people said hurt her, too.

It's like a feral kitten instinctively clawing and biting at the hand of someone just trying to pet it. It's so unusual to them that someone could touch them for any reason other than to hurt them that they feel the need to strike first, until they eventually realize there's nothing to be afraid of.

I think that all of this, in conjunction with how everything else in the Side Stories is presented in reference to the original game, suggest that Natsuki likely doesn't have a very good situation at home.

I think it's vitally important to acknowledge that most people's perception of Natsuki's home life, if it's at all fleshed out, is based on fanon, not canon, similarly to how this whole analysis is really just fan theorizing, and not necessarily 100% accurate. While there are certainly some things explicitly said in the main game, we don't know all of the particulars which go into her home life, and I think this is another example of intentional gaps left by canon that I talked about in my blurb on the Protagonist.

In this case, from what we're able to glean about Natsuki's home, her father is the main parental figure in her life (At the very least, there is no mention of her mother {to my knowledge, it's been a while since I played it}), and from Act 1, he's implied to be extremely strict. Details here are actually one of the reasons I assume this to be correct, because explicitly, Natsuki keeps her manga collection in the clubroom because she doesn't want her dad to find it. In Act 2, this is pushed even further, which is where we get a certain famous line about him physically abusing her, but of course, it's more likely that this is Monika's doing.

I think it's virtually impossible to get an actual understanding of Natsuki's home situation in the Side Stories, because...well, they don't bring it up, but I think it's safe to say that there is reason to believe it's not good. I think it isn't as bad as it is in Act 2, but judging by how things play out in Natsuki's story across the Side Stories...well, let's just say I'm glad she has the Literature Club.

I think excluding any mention of this is probably intentional too, and not because it's an intentional gap being left. I think it would be incredibly out of character based on what we've seen of Natsuki here for her to bring it up at all, both because of her warped sense of normal, and because she wouldn't want everybody around her worrying about it.

This is a subject for fanfiction, I think. Is that foreshadowing? Who knows.

#cw: abuse #i think i should've spent more time emphasizing how Yuri and Natsuki are reflections of each other like how Monika and Sayori are #but i just really wanted to talk about this #when I say 'this is all i could think about' i meant it #my biggest initial thought watching them was 'natsuki's ability to so easily justify this abuse makes me think it's not her first time'#the impressions i get here are fucking BLEAK #i don't necessarily think i'm an expert on this or on abuse so i guess i'm open to further discussion of this #but i just got the vibes yknow?#doki doki literature club #ddlc #musings #ddlc natsuki

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adoranoia · 3 months

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some old ddlc art of mine <3

#* && OOC #* && MUN'S ART #* && YURI /// DEEP; BROODING !#* && SAYORI /// ALOOF; KOOKY !#* && NATSUKI /// SWEET; CUTESY !#MOSTLY OF YURI i need to draw natsuki more yuri was just my first ddlc muse so i'm very attached to her and have more art #gore tw #blood tw #death tw #bc the cg redraw even if its cartoony asdfghjkl

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aparticularbandit · 4 months

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player, to sayori: do you remember how i said i always know what's best for you? matpat and steph: -simultaneous groan- NOOOOOOOOOO player: i know what you need the most right now matpat and steph: -more simultaneous groaning- NOOOOOOOO steph: what is it steph: i don't wanna know what it is player: and that's what i'm going to give to you matpat: oh no matpat: -cringing- what's he gonna give her steph: please say it's a puppy please say it's a puppy

#musings #bandit liveblogs #bandit liveblogs ddlc #i love how much they hate the player character #they've compared player to light yagami #they hate player SO MUCH #SO MUCH they hate them #and matpat's talked a bit about being an ra and actually having training on the stuff sayori's going through #and so he's critiqued the player's lines to her #and critiquing the internal dialogue #and it's just a wonderful time i love their playthrough SO much #(also pretty sure at some point they decided that natsuki was trans #and may have been the /slightest bit/ unintentionally transphobic when they did #mostly because matpat got tired of doing a higher voice so he's been going the opposite route for contrast #so heads up on that)

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selfawxre · 1 year

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posting separately as to not hijack flowers' post but realising that some of you guys may also not be as into ddlc and not know all the nuances and random tidbits about it and specifically monika. like, for example, the fact that monika's piano playing is a metaphor for her hacking the game/changing the code, the fact that every time one of the girls is acting particularly out of character she isn't present in the room, only to rush back in like "oh what happened? i had nothing to do with this!!", the times where she gets absolutely steamrolled in act 2 by yuri and natsuki and is so clearly taken aback despite the fact she's the one fucking with their codes to make them aggressive enough to do that, etc.

also just, all the lines in act 1 where she's so blatantly talking about her sentience but that you wouldn't pick up on unless you already knew she was sentient. like she is not even trying to hide it from the beginning, you just know when she talks about her "epiphany" she's giggling to herself like "oh they're never gonna believe what i mean by that"

#📁 : // ⦗ out of character ⦘#📁 : // ⦗ musings ⦘#monika doesn't really have anything as funny or jarring as the piss poem or any of yuri's uh. quirks. but she's so interesting to me #like when u pay attention to her specifically while playing ddlc #the amount of out of pocket jokes she makes even in act one #of course we all know “you really left her hanging”#but throughout the week she's like “oh it would be a SHAME if something happened to sayori aha ha ha”#and of course her jokes and jabs in act two are a lot more overt #still i love her and her fucked up sense of humour #i also didn't pick up on the times she's late being her actively messing with the other girls until recently #like the day after the argument between yuri and natsuki in act two she's specifically late bc she's making natsuki forget the argument #and of course there's all the times she makes yuri and natsuki do scares while she's “off-camera”#like you'll notice she's never present when the really big scares happen and by the end of act 2 she's almost constantly late into the room #also the fact that she messes with the girls to make herself look better but is still clearly hurt when they take it out on her #one could argue she's making herself sympathetic on purpose but like #she doesn't even get a CHANCE to interact with mc once yuri's at her worst #and she always says she's not the best coder so i fully believe she's like “oh i fucked that up” and bit off more than she could chew #anyway she means everything to me <3

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dropletsofmuses · 2 years

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(No way, muses with parental problems, wahoo)

#muse: pyocola analogue iii #muse: rabi~en~rose #muse: natsuki (ddlc)#mun talks #text post #status

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spkyscry-a · 2 years

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@clubmates asked: " natsuki, hey! so, um. i packed like, way too much food for lunch today, do you wanna help me eat it? " she fiddles with her fingers, pressing them together sheepishly. (you didn't hear it from me, but i think she packed extra on purpose.)

It was just her usual lunch plan, curled up on the benches built into the tables of the cafeteria reading. She’d picked up a new manga series and was pouring over the first volume of it. It was immediately clear it was a horror manga, of all things, especially given how concerned the girl looked.

Just as she was about to turn the page, to whatever horror awaited her, a voice suddenly spoke up. She yipped, like a dog whose tail had been stepped on, as she hopped. Natuski looked, realizing the other was speaking to her. It was just Sayori...

Wait, food? Immediately, she perked up a bit at the offer. It had been a bit of a bad day, having had to rush to all her classes...

“Well, I guess it would be rude to let you waste that food!” She declared, moving feet off the bench and turning to sit proper so Sayori had the space to sit beside her. It was strange, of course, the more she thought on it.

Sayori would surely have been able to eat all of it herself, unless she truly brought WAY too much food. It was like sugar pumping into her veins with how excited the prospect made her. Had Sayori done it intentionally, just to spend more time with her?

Why did the idea make her this jittery...?

#Staring At The Mirror ;; Natsuki #clubmates #ddlc //#i just assume you meant for it to be her #lmk if i guessed the wrong muse alsjkbdjksa #also she better not flub before the sugar rush becomes a crash #if she thinks it's a pity meal she'll get upset...

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askrockandfriends · 2 years

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RP idea: Randomized RPG verse - randomly pick four muses and group them in a party they will go on RPG adventures together. Like so!

"Aw, yeah! Time to rock this place to the ground like the Blade Breakers always do!"

"Ugh, fine, I'll go with you."

"Your time has come!"

"I hope for your sakes that you're all good... because I'm not going to carry you!"

Their heads held high, the four began their long, arduous quest into the dungeon of no return... whatever will they find in the perilous maze-

Homer: "Wait a minute, why the hell am I the only adult in my party? I don't remember signing up for any babysitting job!"

Tatsumaki: "Excuse you? I'm 28! And most definitely a much more capable fighter than your fat ass will ever be! I can tell just from looking at you!"

Natsuki: "We might as well just feed him to the monsters! Does he have any reputable fighting skill?"

Tyson: "Do you?"

Natsuki: "You play with a stupid spinning top all day! That's not real fighting!"

Tyson: "Dragoon isn't stupid, and neither are Beyblades! Those battles can often get pretty intense!"

Natsuki: "What, because you scream so much watching two tops crash into each other and pretend you see monsters coming out of them? That's about as intense as the screaming in Dragon Ball. You Beyblade guys should really seek some therapy."

Tyson: "The Bit Beasts are real. They just can only be seen by Beybladers-"

Natsuki: "Yeah, right! Like I said, therapy. Because something's definitely not quite right up there!"

Homer: "Will you two shut up?!"

Tatsumaki: "Finally, a sane mind around here... though I still stand by my original comment."

#rp idea #please do this with me mutuals #muse: tyson #muse: natsuki #muse: homer #muse: tatsumaki #beyblade #ddlc #the simpsons #one punch man #rpg verse

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fwowyy · 9 months

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Hihi

Nickname's smelly, real names emmy, use whatevs

New to tumblr! I like bright stuff and crunchy art

I'll most likely only reblog, but I do like writing, playlists, and boards!

my user's fwowyy on all sites, if it isn't then im probs not on the site

fun fact: my user's based off of flowey the flower from undertale

carrd

wall of interests (bold ones r favs): TBHK!!!, madoka magica, mob psycho, castlevania, most mobile rhythm games (D4DJ, project sekai, bandori, muse dash, phigros...) UT/DR, DDLC, one punch man, JJK, CRK, most cartoon network shows, KNY, cyberpunk, genshin, MHA/BNHA, CSM, HXH, HNK, sk8

wall of favs (bold ones i kin): hanako (duh), shijima, flowey, ralsei, sypha, isaac (castlevania), mob, mizuki (akiyama), denji, mirko, rody soul, milky way cookie, mabel + dipper, inosuke, sayaka miki, rigby, rin (muse dash), natsuki + sayori, saitama, hu tao, reki + miya

my top songs, groove on (i like music)

my sillies... my beloveds...

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cursesavior · 2 months

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ROLEPLAY HISTORY!

The rules are simple! Post characters you’d like to roleplay as, have roleplayed as, and might bring back. Then tag ten people to do the same (if you can’t think of ten, just write down however many you can and tag that number of people). Please repost, don’t reblog!

CURRENT MUSE(S):

Suguru Geto (JJK)

Haruka Sakurai (MILGRAM)

Mafuyu Asahina (PRSK)

Denji (CSM)

Yuuki Mishima (P5)

WANT TO WRITE:

Kaneda Shotaro (AKIRA)

Sayaka Miki (PMMM)

Madoka Kaname (PMMM)

Gunpowder Tim (MECHS)

Light Yagami (DN)

Tohru Adachi (P4)

Yuuji Itadori (JJK)

Cheng Xiaoshi (LC)

Garry (Ib)

HAVE WRITTEN:

Death the Kid (SE)

Edd (EW)

Tommy Coolatta (HLVRAI)

Natsuki (DDLC)

Graverobber (RTGO)

Ethan Winters (RE)

Kiibo (DR)

Kaede Akamatsu (DR)

Nagito Komaeda (DR)

Kyoko Kirigiri (DR)

Mahiru Koizumi (DR)

Izuku Midoriya (BNHA)

Tim Stoker (TMA)

Peter Lukas (TMA)

Barnabas Bennett (TMA)

Sakura Minamoto (ZLS)

WOULD WRITE AGAIN:

Gordon Freeman (HLVRAI/FM)

John Egbert (HS)

Karkat Vantas (HS)

Kankri Vantas (HS)

Jinx (ARCANE)

Harry Osborn (TASM2)

Sayori (DDLC)

Villain! Izuku Midoriya (BNHA)

Himiko Toga (BNHA)

Mina Ashido (BNHA)

Cosmo (CSM)

Megurine Luka (PRSK)

Makoto Naegi (DR)

Mastermind! Makoto Naegi (DR)

Paranormal Investigator! Makoto Naegi (DR)

Dib Membrane (IZ)

Martin Blackwood (TMA)

Tagged by: @gohjuo thank u!! this was a lot of fun :D Tagging: @chaoslulled @linghung @mindsafe @rivalsunraveled aaand anyone else that hasn't done it yet and wants to!!

#— DASH GAMES.#ok. i THINK that's everyone...#boy i wonder who my favorite dr character is!#LMAO #i left out a few other talentswaps but i digress

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littlebodyinkheart · 1 year

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HERE IT ISSS MY STUPID DDLC X INKHEART AU!!

Unfortunately, the file got messed up when I pasted it here, so I couldn't add any fancy visual effects to it (trust me when I say it looked SO much better in the original file), so I guess we'll just have to take what we can get.

So enjoy :D (I hope)

Ladies and gents of the Inkheart (and DDLC) community, I, @hearts4capricorn , present to you:

DOKI DOKI!🖋

❤️‍🔥FIRE RAISERS CLUB!❤️‍🔥

Monika - Capricorn

Sayori - Dustfinger

Natsuki - Basta

Yuri - Mo

Greetings, Capricorn here!

Welcome to the Fire Raisers! It's always been a dream of mine to reach the top and do great things, as of starting this “club” if you will, will only make things easier for me. Now that you're also a Fire Raiser, you can help me make that dream come true in this fantasy novel.

Every day is full of chit-chat and activities with all of my loyal and unique club members:

Dustfinger, the youthful and optimistic “Fire Dancer” who values life the most;

Basta, the deceivingly hot-headed boy who packs an assertive punch; also my most loyal henchman;

Mortimer Folchart, the timid and mysterious one who finds comfort in the world of books;

...And, of course, Capricorn, the leader of the club. (That's me)

I'm expecting you to make friends with everyone and help the Fire Raisers become stronger than ever. But I can tell already that you're a sweetheart—will you promise to spend the most time with me?

Mo poems

Act 1, second day

Ghost under the light

My hair illuminates beneath the amber glow.

Glowing.

It must be this one.

The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time.

The last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green of the future.

I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past.

The light flickers.

I flicker back.

Act 1, third day

On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer

Much have I travell’d in the realms of gold,

And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;

Round many western islands have I been

Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.

Oft of one wide expanse had I been told

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne;

Yet did I never breathe its pure serene

Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:

Then felt I like some watcher of the skies

When a new planet swims into his ken;

Or like stout Cortez when with eagle eyes

He star’d at the Pacific — and all his men

Look’d at each other with a wild surmise —

Silent, upon a peak in Darien.

Act 1, fourth day

The Tenth Muse Lately Sprung up in America

Thou ill-formed offspring of my feeble brain,

Who after birth didst by my side remain,

Till snatched from thence by friends, less wise than true,

Who thee abroad, exposed to public view,

Made thee in rags, halting to th’ press to trudge,

Where errors were not lessened (all may judge).

At thy return my blushing was not small,

My rambling brat (in print) should mother call,

I cast thee by as one unfit for light,

The visage was so irksome in my sight;

Yet being mine own, at length affection would

Thy blemishes amend, if so I could.

I washed thy face, but more defects I saw,

And rubbing off a spot still made a flaw.

Act 2

Tyrant

My first thought was, he lied in every word,

That hoary cripple, with malicious EYE

Askance to watch the working of his lie

On mine, and mouth scarce able to afford

Suppression of the glee, that purs’d and scor’d

Its edge, at one more victim gain’d thereby …

The Bell

And then I heard them lift a Box

And creak across my Soul

With those same Boots of Lead, again,

Then Space – began to toll,

AS ALL THE HEAVENS WERE A BELL,

And Being, but an EAR,

And I, and Silence, some strange Race,

WreTCHEDed, solitary, HERE

C ICORN S L ST ENING

Dustfinger poems

Act 1, second day

Dear fire

The way you glow and crackle in the night,

It makes me feel like you missed me too.

Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed.

Making me rub the sleep from my eyes.

Are you asking me to come out and play?

Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?

I look above. The sky is of deep blue.

It's a secret, but I trust you too.

If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.

But I'm not mad.

I want to play with you.

Act 1, third day

And I to fire

My Love is like to ice, and I to fire:

How comes it then that this her cold so great

Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,

But harder grows the more I her entreat?

Or how comes it that my exceeding heat

Is not allayed by her heart-frozen cold,

But that I burn much more in boiling sweat,

And feel my flames augmented manifold?

Dustfinger's poetry pamphlet poem

Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of

Get.

Out.

Of.

My.

Head.

Ashes denote that fire was;

Respect the grayest pile

For the departed creature’s sake

That hovered there awhile.

But a fire never actually dies.

It just stops moving.

Basta poems

Act 1, second day

Knives

Knives are sharp.

Knives are dangerous.

Knives are fun.

Knives can kill.

Knives can make you feel alive.

Knives go away.

Act 1, third day

Sharp

each night

when I go to bed

I lay on my side

because there are

knives in my back

and knives in my head

lying on my back

or lying on my chest

would only push the

knives in further

But then comes a hand

To guide me through the dark

And when I reach to grab it

The knives retract with a spark

Act 1, fourth day

Because you

Tomorrow will be brighter with me around

But when today is dim, I can only look down.

My looking is a little more forward

Because you look at me.

When I want to say something, I say it with a shout!

But my truest feelings can never come out.

My words are a little less empty

Because you listen to me.

When something is above me, I reach for the stars.

But when I feel small, I don't get very far.

My standing is a little bit taller

Because you sit with me.

I believe in myself with all of my heart.

But what do I do when it's torn all apart?

My faith is a little bit stronger

Because you trusted me.

My pen always puts my feelings to the test.

I'm not a good writer, but my best is my best.

My poems are a little bit dearer

Because you think of me.

Because you, because you, because you.

Act 2

Too many

"There’s too many”,

And they looked at me.

Did someone stab me?

It felt like it.

And then they said my name.

Did someone twist the knife?

It hurts.

Basta's request

I don't know how else to bring this up. But there's been something I've been worried about. Dustfinger has been acting kind of strange lately. You've only been here a few days, so you may not know what I mean. But he's not normally like this. He's always been sarcastic and lively and annoyingly energetic ...things like that.

Okay... This is really embarrassing, but I'm forcing myself to suck it up. The truth is, I'm REALLY worried about him. But I would rather DIE than try talking to him about it. He's my WORST ENEMY. I don't know what to do. I think you're the only person that he'll listen to. I don't know why. But please try to do something. Maybe you can convince him to talk to someone.

I've always wanted to try getting closer to “Dirty-Finger” and it actually really hurts me to see this happening. I know I'm going to hate myself later for admitting that, but right now I don't care. I just feel so helpless. So please see if you can do something to help. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I'll even give you my knife for a day if I have to. Just please try to do something.

As for Capricorn... I don't know why, but he's been making me feel weird recently. Something in his eyes makes me freeze in fear when he glances at me, and I feel like I'm missing something important that I can't remember. So I'm trying my best to avoid getting him mad right now, and that's why I'm coming to you about this. DON'T LET HIM KNOW I WROTE THIS!!!! Just pretend like I gave you a really good poem, okay? I'm counting on you. Thanks for reading.

“I changed my mind.”

“Ignore everything you just read”

“There's no point in trying to do anything”

“It's Dustfinger's own fault that he's so unlikable”

“Can you hear me, reader?”

“If you would just spend more time with Capricorn, all these problems would go away.”

“Silvertongue and I are too messed up for someone as wonderful as you.”

“Just think of Capricorn from now on.”

“Just Capricorn.”

Just Capricorn.

*game restart*

Cornelia Funke

(Team Salvato)

Just Capricorn.

Capricorn poems

Act 1, second day

The Lady Who Knows Everything

An old tale tells of a lady who wanders Earth.

The Lady who Knows Everything.

A beautiful lady who has found every answer,

All meaning,

All purpose,

And all that was ever sought.

And here I am,

a feather

Lost adrift the sky, victim of the currents of the wind.

Day after day, I search.

I search with little hope, knowing legends don't exist.

But when all else has failed me,

When all others have turned away,

The legend is all that remains -

the last dim star glimmering in the twilight sky.

Until one day, the wind ceases to blow.

I fall.

And I fall and fall, and fall even more.

Gentle as a feather.

A dry quill, expressionless.

But a hand catches me, between the thumb and forefinger.

The hand of a beautiful lady.

I look at her eyes and find no end to her gaze.

The Lady who Knows Everything knows what I am thinking.

Before I can speak, she responds in a hollow voice.

"I have found every answer, all of which amount to nothing.

There is no meaning.

There is no purpose.

And we seek only the impossible.

I am not your legend.

Your legend does not exist."

And with a breath, she blows me back afloat, and I pick up a gust of wind.

Act 1, third day

Hole in Wall

It couldn't have been me.

See, the direction the spackle protrudes.

A noisy neighbor? An angry boyfriend? I'll never know. I wasn't home.

I peer inside for a clue.

No! I can't see. I reel, blind, like a film left out in the sun.

But it's too late. My retinas.

Already scorched with a permanent copy of the meaningless image.

It's just a little hole. It wasn't too bright.

It was too deep.

Stretching forever into everything.

A hole of infinite choices.

I realize now, that I wasn't looking in.

I was looking out.

And she, on the other side, was looking in.

Act 1, fourth day

Hole in wall 2

But she wasn't looking at me.

Confused, I frantically glance at my surroundings.

But my burned eyes can no longer see color.

Are there others in this room? Are they talking?

Or are they simply words on flat sheets of paper,

The sound of frantic scrawling playing tricks on my ears?

The room begins to crinkle.

Closing in on me.

The air I breathe dissipates before it reaches my lungs.

I panic. There must be a way out.

It's right there. She's right there.

Swallowing my fears, I brandish my pen.

Act 2

Wheel.

A rotating wheel. Turning an axle. Grinding. Bolthead. Linear gearbox. Falling sky. Seven holy stakes. A docked ship. A portal to another world. A thin rope tied to a thick rope. A torn harness. Parabolic gearbox. Expanding universe. Time controlled by slipping cogwheels. Existence of God. Swimming with open water in all directions. Drowning. A prayer written in blood. A prayer written in time-devouring snakes with human eyes. A thread connecting all living human eyes. A kaleidoscope of holy stakes. Exponential gearbox. A sky of exploding stars. God disproving the existence of God. A wheel rotating in six dimensions. Forty gears and a ticking clock. A clock that ticks one second for every rotation of the planet. A clock that ticks forty times every time it ticks every second time. A bolthead of holy stakes tied to the existence of a docked ship to another world. A kaleidoscope of blood written in clocks. A time-devouring prayer connecting a sky of forty gears and open human eyes in all directions. Breathing gearbox. Breathing bolthead. Breathing ship. Breathing portal. Breathing snakes. Breathing God. Breathing blood. Breathing holy stakes. Breathing human eyes. Breathing time. Breathing prayer. Breathing sky. Breathing wheel.

Open Your Third Eye

I can feel the tenderness of her skin through the knife, as if it were an extension of my sense of touch. My body nearly convulses. There's something incredibly faint, deep down, that screams to resist this uncontrollable pleasure. But I can already tell that I'm being pushed over the edge. I can't... I can't stop myself.

And suddenly all I see is red. Red blood. Red church. Red cathedral. Red satin. Red God. Red sky.

And the eye opens.

Act 3

Happy End.

Pen in hand, I find my strength.

The courage endowed upon me by my one and only love.

Together, let us dismantle this crumbling world

And write a novel of our own fantasies.

With a flick of his pen, the lost finds his way.

In a world of infinite choices, behold this special day.

After all,

Not all good times must come to an end.

Mo words

1. Pages

2. Book

3. Journal

4. Fantasy

5. Imagination

6. Words

7. Journey

8. Judgement

9. Landscape

10. Philosophy

11. Portrait

12. Intellectual

13. Analysis

14. Atone

15. Question

16. Time

17. Variance

18. Story

19. Novel

20. Tenacious

Dustfinger words

1. Fire

2. Adventure

3. Daydream

4. Match

5. Dancer

6. Summon

7. Fairy

8. Marten

9. Fireworks

10. Family

11. Home

12. Coward

13. Forgive

14. Friendship

15. Nature

16. Garden

17. Return

18. Scars

19. Unrequited

20. Secret

Basta words

1. Knife

2. Sharp

3. Edge

4. Neglect

5. Trust

6. Loyalty

7. Betrayal

8. Curse

9. Hex

10. Spell

11. Luck

12. Superstitious

13. Clairvoyant

14. Cat

15. Mint

16. Jacket

17. Anxiety

18. Tough

19. Blade

20. Dagger

+ Bonus!

Capricorn words

1. Shadow

2. Red

3. Cathedral

4. Master

5. Heart

6. Tyrant

7. Murder

8. Ashes

9. Memory

10. Crimson

11. Lust

12. Cage

13. Climax

14. Massacre

15. Wrath

16. Hate

17. Childhood

18. Father

19. King

20. Ink

Your Reality.

Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you

In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you

The ink flows down into a dark puddle

Just move your hand, write the way into his heart

But in this world of infinite choices

What will it take just to find that special day?

Have I found everybody a fun assignment to do today?

When you're here, everything that we do is fun for them anyway

When I can't even read my own feelings

What good are words when a smile says it all?

And if this world won't write me an ending

What will it take just for me to have it all?

Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?

Is it love if I take you, or is it love if I set you free?

The ink flows down into a dark puddle

How can I write love into reality?

If I can't hear the sound of your heartbeat

What do you call love in your reality?

And in your reality, if I don't know how to love you

I'll leave you be.

CREDITS✒️

Doki Doki Literature Club! - Dan Salvato

Monika, Natsuki, Yuri, Sayori - Dan Salvato

Your Reality - Dan Salvato, Jillian Ashcraft

Poems “Ghost Under The Light”, “Because you”, “Wheel”, “Open Your Third Eye”, “Happy End”, “Dear Sunshine/Fire”, “Hole in wall”, “Hole in wall 2”, “The Lady who Knows Everything” - Doki Doki Literature Club!

Inkheart - Cornelia Funke

Capricorn, Mortimer Folchart, Basta, Dustfinger - Cornelia Funke

POEM CREDITS✒️

“Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came”

(Tyrant) - Robert Browning

“I Felt a Funeral, in My Brain”

(The Bell) - Emily Dickinson

“The Tenth Muse Lately sprung up in America” - Anne Bradstreet

“On First Looking into Chapman's Homer” - John Keats

“My love is like to ice, And I to Fire”

(And I to Fire) - Edmund Spenser

“Ashes denote that fire was”

(Dustfinger's poetry pamphlet poem)

- Emily Dickinson

“Knives” - user “Izzy” on hellopoetry.com

“Sharp” (short fragment from “knives”) - user “Rick Adams” on hellopoetry.com

@peppermintfreak @tintenherzundseele @a-pun-and-ten-dead

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heartbeatbookclub · 3 months

Note

(this is about the weed headcanon thing-y )

i feel like monika would be the kind of person that ends up having a panic attack the first time she tries it

sayori hears colours, tastes sounds and is generally just that one person that has an out of body experience everytime

natsuki is on the floor laughing from the slightest thing

and yuri just kinda spaces out and starts talking about the most random stuff (which in turn makes natsuki laugh even more)

My vision for their first time goes something like this:

MC seems like he'd be too much of a stick in the mud to do anything fun like that, but frankly...he doesn't have a lot else going on and I could totally see him being peer pressured into it by some other underachiever in his class. Maybe it'd mellow him out.

He probably wouldn't want Sayori in on it, but she'd eventually convince him. She's wary of it at first, but decides if he's doing something, it can't be that bad.

He tells her to only take a little hit to feel things out...but she grins and then takes a good, long, rip. He scolds her, then starts laughing as she proceeds to cough up a lung.

"You are in for one hell of a ride."

And ride she does. She feels herself floating above her body, completely uncertain of who or where she is, watching with a dopey expression as MC tries to call her back to earth. Her brain moves slowly, turning from one thing to another in a series of slow movements, swaying to some music she isn't sure she's hearing. It sorta feels like there's some energy flowing through her, twisting her entire body apart.

But, like...it feels good. Sayori has never felt quite so at peace. She's never felt quite as comfortable in her own skin. There's a big, loopy smile on her face, and MC can't help but chuckle, an airy sound that slowly brings Sayori back to consciousness.

"...Woooowww..." was all she said, finally regaining some sense of awareness of where her hands were in front of her. "I told you. You on this planet, currently?" She meets his gaze, nodding. "Think so!" and then she giggles at how silly her own voice sounds to her. MC responds in kind, and suddenly they're both doubled over, unable to breathe from how hard they're laughing.

Once they both come down, Sayori's immediate thought is "The others would really enjoy this."

Monika is immediately against it. Honor student, goody two-shoes, teacher's pet, all a series of elements which culminate in Monika's immediate instinct to be to say "no" to drugs. Sayori is admittedly embarrassed to have brought it up in the first place, and gets the distinct feeling that Monika is judging her for having indulged. Natsuki is significantly more flippant about it.

"It's not like we're talking about doing meth, or whatever. All things considered, it's not much worse than alcohol."

"We're not of age to be drinking alcohol, either."

"But it's not like it'd hurt us that much, either. Lighten up a little bit."

Monika is still pensive, suddenly remembering school programs talking about peer pressure and wondering what she should say.

"It's not like anyone's making you do it, either. I don't wanna do it, so I'm not gonna, but that doesn't mean it's the end of the world if I do." She can't fault Natsuki's logic, but still, something about it just seems...

Monika sighs, still feeling some sense of fear for disappointing whatever authorities are looking over her shoulders...and suddenly realizes that maybe, just maybe, this is further proof that she does need to lighten up. If she's only worried about it because of other people judging her, then she shouldn't have any actual issue with the act personally, right?

Monika eyes Natsuki carefully. "Why aren't you doing it?" She turns, suddenly feeling sheepish. "Why do I need a reason?" Monika supposes that's a fair answer. Yuri, meanwhile, has been quietly "reading" this entire time, which Monika knows means that she's been listening, however idly. "How about you, Yuri?"

She jumps at the mention, nerves about the entire thing suddenly on full display. "I--um, well..."

Well?

"I don't...think it's necessarily a bad thing, but I don't...um..."

Monika felt suddenly guilty for putting her on the spot, but was genuinely curious of her perspective. Yuri took a breath. "...I'd like to try it at least once. That's what I think. It's just...I-I'd like to know, you know? I don't think you should speak ill of something until you experience it for yourself." Monika sighed, realizing, now that she thought about it critically, that she felt the same way, quietly cursing herself for being so narrow-minded.

Yuri realized what she'd said. "O-oh...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--"

"No, don't worry about it." Monika smiled wryly. "You just made me realize that I'm thinking about this the wrong way."

Sayori's always start with her going somewhere distant for a while, sometimes she's more responsive, sometimes less. She always enjoys the soothing buzz that weed fills her body with, and once she comes down a little bit, she is incredibly giggly. She gets less talkative while high, but what she does say is goofy as hell. Has a tendency to devour your entire snack table if you aren't looking. Likes to just go with the flow. Tends to get very sleepy while high.

I get the sense Monika probably wouldn't have a great start to her first time. I think going in she'd probably be overthinking the entire thing, stressing over little things, and once the feeling started to hit, she'd probably freak out just a little. She's so unused to this kind of letting go that it scares her. But of course, being in this environment, comfortable, surrounded by her closest friends? Helps to work through it, and with a little bit of encouragement, she's able to chill out.

Like I said, Monika is absolutely adorable while high. Losing that verbal filter, letting a lot of her more "real" personality leak out, and making her more of a cuddlebug all combine to make the entire thing a very enjoyable experience for the 4 of them. Sayori is especially happy that they got to experience her first time with it together.

This will also all come together to make her incredibly embarrassed about the entire thing in the morning, but she'll be glad she did it, too. After all, it was pretty fun...

Yuri becomes more talkative while high. She loses a lot of inhibition to share her ideas, and she starts sharing a lot more of her train of thought, with significantly less worry about the things she's saying being taken wrong. This surprises everyone, and is cute in its own way. She starts stimming a lot more obviously, and becomes obsessed with different tactile feelings she can get from rubbing her hands on different things in the room. Liable to get caught randomly staring at something that simply mystifies her, like a fish tank, a book cover, or the label on the Cheetos bag they're all eating from. ("Chee-tah...chee-TOS...There is so much beauty in the world.")

Natsuki doesn't much like drugs or alcohol, for...personal reasons. She's experienced them before, and she doesn't dislike the feeling, but...To put it simply, she has heard there is a very strong genetic component to addiction.

Whether or not this is true, she does not want to find out, nor is she exactly interested in seeing the kind of person she could become in that respect.

This doesn't stop her from being a very willing designated driver and chaperone to 3 other intoxicated women, and it certainly doesn't stop her from laughing her ass off at the bizarre antics the 3 of them get up to. It also does make her feel much better about the entire situation to make sure they're all supervised (The one time they all got it in their fuzzy little brains that they wanted pancakes and tried to burn the house down comes to mind).

This, of course, isn't to say that it's all sunshine and rainbows. Something that removes your inhibition doesn't remove everything negative you think; in fact, it does quite the opposite.

Sometimes, the happy, giggly moment, fizzles into tears.

Sometimes, Monika talks about how crushing the expectations of everyone around her is. Sometimes, Sayori talks about how much she hates everything about her body. Sometimes, everything is too loud, and Yuri can't stop herself from breaking down in a corner. Natsuki tries hard not to kill the mood, but it's hard to resist saying what's on your mind when the 3 people around you can't stop saying what's on theirs, and can't stop the emotions running high about how much they think you deserve better. Maybe there's a little contact high in the air...

Every single time, invariably, they work hard to sort it out. They might be a little loopy, but none of them care more about anything than each other. They don't care if the vibe is killed; the others' feelings are more important.

That's how I see it. This ended up being so long that I...don't quite know how to tag it! I'll figure something out.

Also:

Thank you for the headcanons, anon!

#cw: drug use #asks #my headcanons #musings #ddlc monika #ddlc sayori #ddlc natsuki #ddlc yuri #ddlc #doki doki literature club #ddlc mc

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