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sunsp0tarchive · 1 month

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On Gabbi and Ellis and their relationship(s)

long post!!!

A post about my ocs relationship for once.. on the blog where i have mainly art of them anyways... surprising i suppose I often think "ah i will actually write this in my proper book, or i will make a comic about it" and then i never do, but i would be happy if people got to know them a bit better anyways. And it doesnt stop me from writing it out later on, in the detailed way i want to anyways.

I guess i wanted to explore a bit how these two come together, what they see in each other, and how that evolves over time. And how they evolve over time too. Ellis has never really been in a relationship at all, because of his literal physical isolation, he has very little experience in handling certain feelings. In the past, he experienced abuse and punishment for crying or saying his thoughts. He cant even properly identify his romantic feelings, in a way. Ellis craves human connection and physical connection (and i mean that in a non-sexual way too, he quite literally cannot stop putting his head on gabbis shoulders or lap or just hugging him, because it just makes him feel calm and happy.) Ellis is very emotionally stunted. This appears to other people from the outside as him being kind of cool, aloof, prince-like in a way. But the truth is that he is mostly stoic and socially awkward because he literally never had any other option. A deep sense of shame and self loathing underlines everything he feels , as well. Crying, in front of Gabriel, properly for the first time, is a good thing for him. Being met with kindness, understanding and concern when he is trying hard to suppress his negative emotions, is a big turning point for these two. I suppose i am getting a bit ahead of myself, but mostly their attraction to each other took root in both of them finding each other attractive. Gabbi in particular was hit immediately with a heavy, painful crush. Ellis always found both Anna and Gabriel attractive, but he truly grows to feel very strongly about Gabriel as they spend days in the library together, just talking and playing chess and doing whatever. Gabriel trying so hard to hold back his feelings, Ellis trying so hard to understand what hes feeling in the first place.

Gabriel has been in love once before, with someone he could not be with, Esra, who is a bit older than him and just didnt feel comfortable with their age gap (despite them being adults and all. Esra being 26 and Gabbi being 19.) And it weighed on his heart in a really terrible way. He tried to rush into a relationship with a man a few years back, but was treated badly, berated and it was overall a very toxic experience for him. Gabbi had kind of resigned himself to the idea that he wont find anyone again, knowing he couldnt be with Esra, who is deeply special to him. Then developing such powerful feelings for someone who is "in a relationship"(as it appeared that Anna and Ellis were getting together, quickly. Knowing his sister has never been in love before either, the conflict of not wanting to ruin something for her was weighing on him heavily.) it made him feel like he is cursed. He wants to love and care, he doesnt like conflict or stress. He wants to feel love without the burden of shame. To simplify things, their relationship starts off with noticing surface level beauty in each other, grows by listening to and understanding each other, and grows by them both changing significantly as people.

What traits do they appreciate most in the other? Ellis sees Gabriel as a very emotionally intelligent, competent, sweet person. Someone who has a gentle and understanding heart. But somehow also has a sense of hypercompetence to him. (A lot of this is just at the beginning, as Gabriel is horrifically overworked and a nervous wreck.) But his emotional intelligence and true ability to understand others, it means a lot to Ellis. Of course he also thinks gabbi is very cute, beautiful and elegant. He sees Gabbi as a prince, more than the other way around. Gabbi sees in Ellis, an independent, intelligent and very mysterious person at first. Ellis' intelligence and genuine inquisitiveness about his world and surroundings make Gabriel feel like he is having true, genuine conversations that make him feel fulfilled in a way. He loves to explain things to Ellis, and Ellis loves having things explained to him. He sees the soft, naive person underneath the aloof demeanor. Of course , physically , Ellis is extremely beautiful to him as well.

Gabbi is very emotionally dependent at first, very pathetic and attached. Ellis almost detached, not giving as much as Gabbi needs and wants. Theyre all over each other physically when they start their relationship, but it was hard for them to speak about deeper feelings. Ellis slowly learns to express his emotions, his desires as well. Not to dwell on it too much in this post, but their sexual dynamic also changes a lot over time. (i might make a post about it later too.) Gabbi grows to have a spine, to be less anxious, beautiful, confident, but also a bit selfish i suppose (he will of course keep growing, he is only 22-26 as far as im imagining rn.) . Ellis grows to let himself feel things. Becoming a bit blubbery and sad and dependent for a while too haha... But over a long time, both of them learn not to let constant shame weigh them down in their lives.

#gabriel #ellis #text post #long text #oc #original character #feel free to ask questions or anything about them i love that heheh #Finally i wrote about them

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luellasu · 4 years

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✧.° hello hello !!! i’m diana ( she/her, 20, est ) aka ur resident girl group stan !! so i’m a little late to the party but i’m finally here, introducing my baby angel luella ( she is quite literally an angel hehe ). u can read all abt her under the cut, but if u want 2 plot, we can do so thru im’s or on discord depending on what u prefer !! my discord is everybody say STAN LOONA#5522

𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 : #ANG3L // STATS » luella ‘lu’ su, ( appears to be ) twenty, cis female, she/her, ballerina. ATTRIBUTES » devoted, mercurial, captivating, demure. SEEN » strangers whispering in the night, the lingering scent of vanilla in the air, tired eyes stained by glitter and mascara. DO NOT MISTAKE FOR » tzuyu chou.

( 𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵. )

so,, since she cant remember her life as a human, i’ll keep it short !!! but i figured it’s worth mentioning

as a human, she had big aspirations. she was raised predominantly by her grandmother because her parents were always working

luella had always wanted to be a dancer, but she came from a lower middle class family and they couldn’t afford to put her in lessons. so, sometimes she would watch classes through the window

she studied hard in school and was at the top of her class, and despite never formally receiving lessons, all her years of observing classes made her a promising dancer

lu took a year off after high school to work and save money, and planned to audition for a prestigious ballet academy in europe because there were recruiters in her town

however, on the way to the audition, she died in a car accident along with her parents. a few months prior to this, her grandmother had died of old age

so, with the deaths of her and her family, it didn’t take long for her to be forgotten all together

( 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑳 . )

as an angel, luella avoided living with humans at first. she did not want to get too attached, and she felt that living among them wouldn’t end well for her

however, even from a distance, she became attached to one human. it was a girl, a ballet dancer. it was then she made the decision to live among humans, and she decided to take up ballet to be closer to her

still, even living among humans, she managed to keep some distance. she was more reserved, and extremely observant. eventually though, the two became friends. she felt more protective over this one human above all others

this continued for a while, but the guilt of having a favorite began to linger in her thoughts. she made the decision to leave and continue watching her from afar instead

once lu left the human world, she started to feel a lot better about herself and could say she no longer had favorites. for a few years, this worked perfectly. except the ballet dancer she had once been so close to developed an illness and passed away from it

lu was riddled with regret. she wished she had stayed close to her for the remainder of her life instead of running away. the worst part was, she knew that human felt abandoned by her

it was the first time as an angel that she felt like a failure

for a while after the death of the dancer, luella couldn’t focus properly. she began spacing out a lot, making mistakes more frequently ( when prior to this, she was the perfect example of what an angel should be ). she could not move on and started to feel like she was not fit to be an angel

as this was negatively impacting her ability to carry out her responsibilities, she pressured by the other angels to either overcome her failures or lose her status as an angel

this ultimatum made her realize she wanted to remain an angel and that she would have to get her act together to do so. for a brief moment, she contemplated giving up her status, to be able to forget it all. but when it came down to it, she didn’t want to lose the memories of all those she had crossed paths with, especially the dancer, who at least was alive in her thoughts

it was not easy to return to being the perfect angel, but she worked hard to get back to that level

eventually, she felt ready to live among humans once more. she decided to move to lunehaven for a while, though she really wants to move to paris one day. in the meantime, she has continued pursuing ballet and works as an instructor for kids

she attempts to live a quiet life, not getting too close to anyone, but it does get lonely sometimes

( 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀. )

luella tends to be quite reserved. she rarely initiates conversations or hangouts, but is relieved when someone else does. she enjoys being social, she’s just skeptical about getting too close to others

she is a scorpio sun with a libra moon so take that as u will !!

she is extremely devoted to dance and being an angel ( despite everything that happened ), and also very devoted to the few that she is close to, however, she changes her mind a lot about other things. her mood tends to change a lot, but she does her best to keep this to herself

as you can expect of scorpio and libra placements, she can be quite an intense/obsessive lover BUT can also be flighty if something seems too serious or causes her to feel too much. yes, she is a walking paradox i do not want 2 live in her head !!!

she adores classical music, which can be expected of a ballet dancer. she wants to learn how to play violin one day

her taste is pretty .... refined, so she can be quite the snob sometimes

she enjoys going to the theatre and the opera and stuff like that, and mostly goes alone

she comes alive at nighttime tbh,, the quiet hours once everyone has gone to sleep is her favorite time of day. she lovessss stargazing and if you become her friend, she will force you to have picnics under the stars

she’s bi bi bi babey !!!

take a look at her pinterest board to get a feel for her aesthetic !!!!

( 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. )

cultured duo - someone who goes to the theatre/cinema/opera with her !!! it could be against their will, maybe she begs them to come. or maybe they also enjoy the these things

ex-fling/gf/bf - there could b more than one of these !! they could have ended on bad terms or good terms, still have lingering feels or tension or maybe they remained friends !!! we can plot this literally however !!

unrequited crush - maybe she has a crush on ur muse and it scares her to admit. OR ur muse could have a crush on her and maybe she’s oblivious to it

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension !!! they started out hating each other but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. maybe they keep it a secret and don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best/close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they strongly dislike each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - ride or dies. platonic soulmates !! this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - i think it would be cool if maybe one day she drank a little too much or was having an off day in general and your muse helped her get home and spent the night to make sure she was okay. lu probably feels like she owes them a favor and is really grateful in general that they took the time to care

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason, which we can plot. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. maybe they bring out a bad side to her that most people dont see

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok !!

this is all i have for now, but maybe eventually i will make a plots page !!!

#luneintro #✧.° ░ 𝒖𝒎 𝒊 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 ╱ ooc.#this is so late helppppppakjhsdjshddkh #it is 6 am i hav 2 go 2 bed now

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aplaceforthesoul · 4 years

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Anonymous submitted:

for tash again pls from https://aplaceforthesoul.tumblr.com/post/620183874016870400/anonymous-submitted-from

i’m really sorry that i keep hammering on about this but some days im ok and i thought im getting over it but sometimes like today it all comes in waves and i’m overwhelmed with sadness and cry about it again and i dont know where else to turn because i dont really have friends and my family expected me to be over it.

i used to have a friend who is still working there (lets call her C). we bonded bcs we’re from the same country, on the same visa, and the same age, although she’s been working there longer than i have. our visas expire around the same time, and we both had spent a lot of time together worried about what to do about it (we wanted permanent residency, but it’s not easy) so we talked about maybe going to regional australia and study something else, maybe we’ll just return home, and we can live together. we bonded over how we were not getting paid, our toxic employers, etc.

C came to australia as a student, on her own, and started working at this restaurant years ago, when it once was a small takeaway shop, before it reopened in a bigger place - thats when i joined the team. in some way, the original boss had acted as a sort of maternal figure to C, who is obviously far away from her family, and she is also epileptic. so the boss had done things like fetch her to and from the airport, the clinic, advice for living in the country, etc. and somehow, in this employer’s twisted mind, she thinks it is then ok to treat C like free help for her shop rather than an employee because she had done all this for her. so instead of paying C properly, as well as paying her super and everything else an employer should do, she finds it ok to abuse C by paying her whenever she likes, screaming at her for not answering her phone, overworking her, etc.

and C has on numerous occasions complained to me about the abuse she went through. she clearly doesnt like the boss, as on numerous occasions she had brought up the idea of reporting the business, she complains about the work, not being paid and the difficulty it had caused her and flat out said doesnt like the working conditions. BUT. if u were to ask her about the NICE things the boss has done for her, she changes her tone. she boasts about the GOOD things the boss has done for her like the flowers for her birthday - the pictures of her holding the bouquet is her profile pic everywhere, and how the boss takes care of her during an epilepsy episode - (and then put her to work the next night.) i’ve always thought it was weird , but never questioned her more about it. soon after the fallout with the two bosses, i was on the phone with her. i was crying bc i was distressed about the change, and she said: “we are the children, and they are the adults. if the business fails, it fails. let them deal with it. we’ll just carry on our work."

we were talking everyday after that just before i realised i had gotten fired. our last conversation was in february, on the phone, when we were talking about hanging out after work. and suddenly, everything dropped. i realised i had been let go from work, and suspect that the boss had told C not to talk to me anymore. i know C had extended her visa by changing to a student visa, to study cooking, because the boss said she would sponsor her if she did that. she went to study with borrowed money from her family (since she isnt getting paid nearly enough to even pay her rent smh) which is something she told me she didnt want to do. like i dont understand that at all.

what a shit show huh.

now C is not returning my messages. in fact i saw her at the shopping mall just last week. my first instinct was to go up and speak to her, until she spotted me, stopped in her tracks, and went the other direction. i truly did not expect her to be the one to turn her back on me, after everything we’ve been through.

my visa is supposed to expire next month, but after the lockdown my family and i decided that it is the best decision to stay put in australia for the time being. so i applied for a visitor’s visa for a year. the form asked for proof that i had stopped working, in the form of payslips or contract, both of which i dont have, obviously. but i submitted it anyway so now im still waiting on my application.

it just baffles me how one bad employment and two incompetent bosses had fucked up my life this bad. i cant apply for anymore work in australia, so i have no income, the only other person who understood my situation is now gone, now im just waiting until its safe to leave the country. sitting at home, doing nothing but mulling over how i had lost my job, lost my best friend, lost the opportunity to do my masters, and leave the country i had lived in for this long.

im trying not to think about it anymore but its like half a year later and its still causing me grief but nobody knows or gets it.

anyway. sorry that this is long winded i just need to vent. you’re amazing tash, if only i could borrow your residency while you’re in the uk.

hey again <3 yeah getting permanent residency in australia is a nightmare, australia’s government is mostly anti-immigration which makes me sad.

I can honestly understand why you’re still thinking about this and being negatively impacted by it all, the job gave you hope of completing your masters and staying longer in the country? and hope is a very powerful emotion! to then have it all taken away in such a brutal and unfair and cruel way...well that would affect anyone pretty badly. add in the fact that the ending of the job has created a lot of other negative situations and distress? it makes a lot of sense about why you’re still upset over this.

this business needs to be reported, honestly what they’re doing is cruel and illegal. it’s quite clear that they are using the promise of sponsoring study as a way to manipulate vulnerable people into underpaid work, it’s also now very clear that they have no intention of following through on that promise -- it’s now become a pattern of behaviour if they did it with C as well as you. they shouldn’t be allowed to continue to operate and to profit off the backs of immigrants and illegal wages. you’re the one who’s suffered, it’s up to you whether you do want to do this? but I would think a lot about it -- I know you mentioned that your parents are close with the owners, but this isn’t ok.

I think all you can do now is put this behind you, accept the reality of the situation and try to be as kind to yourself as you can. spend time looking after yourself, practising self care, prioritising you and your well-being. maybe that means daily exercise and walks, or creating art (clay, painting, drawing?), or spending time gardening, or practising yoga / meditation, whatever works for you. as long as it’s calming and relaxing for you, and you find some measure of peace? then that’s what matters.

know that what happened to you wasn’t right, it wasn’t your fault at all. you were exploited and taken advantage of, and you didn’t deserve that. try to keep yourself busy as best as you can, take it one day at a time. make a conscious decision to work on letting this go and looking forward, see how things go. I think right now is the hardest bit, because you’re kinda stuck in limbo and there’s lockdown / social distancing measures to deal with too? but once you get moving again and things change, it may have a more positive impact on your mental health when you’re being kept busy again and you have a change of environment.

I’m glad you were able to vent and get this off your chest, I hope you’re able to find some peace and acceptance moving forward xxx

- tash

#advice #submission #australia #workplace #abuse #exploitation #stress

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lizzodorito · 4 years

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quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically, but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with.

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

#me

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lil-pink-goblin-gal · 4 years

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My messy week recap and me panicking also there’s a max word limit and i hit it :)

So i like my friends, but i have this one friend that can get really loud and she sits right beside me at lunch? and when im tired/sensory sensitive it can be really, lets just say panic inducing? I feel really bad since its a big group and people see me going to cover my ears sometimes or flinching and i don’t want them to think im faking it? or being rude? I got here this year, im new and my god am I so worried about having everyone hate me and being alone again. But everyone is so nice and i don’t, I can’t with emotions? i have empathy problems already so im not very good to talk to about things of that nature so I try not to stress anyone else out over my problems but everything boils over? which is why im writing all my rant here, i really wish i didn’t have to have a separate blog for my shit that sucks, I like my friends but thats too personal and i feel like continuing to rant on my main would seem like im begging for attention, I run the risk of this now, before i had like 3 friends not even now i have way more and its, a whole deal. I play dnd and we’re splitting into two different campaigns and the DMs both wanted me in their campaign! tho this might’ve been one of them saying that since neither of them wanted me? god im, overthinking everything im so stressed? sorry if you see this and you know me irl btw. I have so many things to do, i like social studies! its the only class i answer questions in and my teacher is really nice, I did a rough draft of my character? A pirate bard. My blanket is really soft even if the tag is somehow always in my face and my dry hands catch on the fluffy part, my dogs and i had a nap after school, I finally brushed my hair after having it in a bun for weeks, might go to bed early ish and be generally happy tomorrow morning, the only part of me hurting is my forearms when i streach them and my foot when i flex it! I get to wear mostly yellow tomorrow for a dance prefomance. A guy in my drama class keeps making eye contact with me, does he think i look bad? is he judging me whst am i doing wrong? should i stop smiling so much ik i look weird when i smile sometimes maybe my laugh is ugly or maybe i need to stop stimming? is it because im new? but theres another new girl and i don’t think he stares at her? I keep on trying to get people to tell me wtf is up but? people say im like, attractive and like sure but he’s friends with two of the prettiest girls at the school i don’t think he’s staring at me cause im like mildly cute? No somethings up, I act more like myself in drama since im normally free to fidget/stim (i forgoing which one is for adhd?) and my favourite is rocking, maybe i should try to stop? i’ll test it out next class maybe. Also in drama my friend put a blanket over me and i think it was an invitation to sit next to her and like, be near her but than she kept on slowly moving back? and i tested and moved back a bit she moved more im?? so confused what did i do, im not sure. I feel like i might have more thsn just ADHD? sometimes i feel like i don’t have ADHD and im just lazy and anoying and stupid but, i do things and i don’t think it’s normal for people with only adhd. The guy i keep making eye contact with is very tall and very funny he kept on making dad jokes and my friend kept on making puns and i was almost crying. I really want to have a crush, there are two really nice guys in my dnd group?? who willingly touch me without expecting me to initiate first which im always anxious about doing, but they’re both really nice and god i haven’t been like, properly held since i was like 10 (or like a month ago but i was half asleep and sobbing doesn’t count) and they’re always warm and its very nice. I wish i had classes with them but only dnd. I hate my body and we have to dance but the dnd room is starting to be realky full and i don’t know some people i might fake an injury or drag everyone somewhere else to practice since i cant with the noise and the eyes its too much. But i really wanna spend the time i have with my friends not practicing a thing. theres max word??

#adhd #actuallyadhd #rant #ik i like reading about random peoples shit so here #if you like hard to follow rants im your gal #rants!

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selflife-hacks-blog · 5 years

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How Cell Phone Affects Environmental and Child Health

It was a boon for better communication but do you know how cell phone affects health and usage has many health hazards and retards child development.

Various studies indicate that the emissions from a cell phone hazards on health can be extremely harmful, causing

Genetic damage

Tumors

Memory loss

Increased blood pressure

A weakening of the immune system, ESPECIALLY FOR CHILDREN.

Cell phones emit radiofrequency radiation (radio waves), a form of non-ionizing radiation, from their antennas.

Parts of the body nearest to the antenna can absorb this energy.

The fact that this radiation is invisible, intangible, and enters and leaves our bodies without our knowledge makes it even more intimidating.

The biological effect of electromagnetic fields is to cause dielectric heating.

A pooled analysis of two case-control studies conducted in Sweden that reported the cell phone effects on health.

Statistically significant trends of increasing brain cancer risk for the total amount of cell phone use and the years of use among people who began using cell phones before age 20

Mobile phones primarily function on electromagnetic waves for all forms of communication, even internal. The brain has its own electric impulses within, which carry out communication in the neural network.

In children, the waves from the phone can easily penetrate right into the interior parts of the brain, since they do not have a strong shield.

Research has shown that by merely talking on the phone for 2 minutes, the electrical activity inside a child’s brain can be changed.

This erratic activity can cause problems in mood patterns, behavioral tendencies,

and have trouble learning new things or focusing properly in this way cell phone affects health

In fact, a 2017 study in the Clinical Psychological Science journal found that for adolescents in grades 8 through 12, increased time on new media (to include social media and smartphones) led to an increased rate of depressive symptoms, suicide-related outcomes, and suicide rates.

SO WHERE WAS IT GOING WRONG AND HOW CELL PHONE AFFECTS HEALTH??

t’s not just teens that are experiencing this constant need to connect with their phones, though. parents are often part of it. According to a study published last year in the journal of Child Development, Teens today are experiencing a slower path to embracing adult responsibilities than ever before. And the researchers concluded that cell phone and tablet engagement was at least partially to blame. Because with social connection always just a few clicks away, Teens today are less likely to leave their homes and seek that connection in the “real” world. Even when they are out in the world, many still experience a difficult time detaching from their phones.

Mobile Phone Safety Tips to Decrease the Risk:

The phone planning

Dr. Hill thinks it’s also about involving kids in those conversations. “There are a lot of reasons a parent might introduce those devices. There’s no one right age, because, depending on your reasons for introducing them, the right age may vary. So, my first question is always, ‘Why does your child need this device?’ Once you’ve answered that question, you can set rules. By this way we can avoid cell phone affects on health

It’s much easier to start doing that from the very beginning than it is to roll back their access once you’ve already given them free reign.”

"Children playing" has a whole new meaning in this generation" Mobile phones are changing human skeleton! Especially people who are hunched to their screens seemed to develop a bony spike on the back of their skulls. Researchers from the University of the Sunshine Coast in Australia did the study People are increasingly growing lumps of bone at the bases of their skulls

The bone forms to support bigger, stronger muscles needed to hold our heads Looking down at phones puts extra strain on previously lesser-used muscles

Many people spend more than couple of hours on their mobiles or smart phones or tablets everyday, this directly have effect on their bony architecture.

Researchers study in the Journal of Anatomy said growing numbers of people have growths called enlarged external occipital protuberances(EOP) at the base of their skull.

This bump on our head is mostly cant be visualized or felt with the hand when palpated but these late years many young people seemed to develop the bump which is clearly seen when inspected behind their hair.

Research showing that the bumps are most common among 18 to 30-year-olds.

Click here to read more about Mobile phones are changing human skeleton leading to ”TEXT NECK” (VIDEO)

The Environmental Cost:

While some estimates assert that smartphone lifespans have the potential of reaching up to 5-10 years, most consumers use them for an average of only 12-24 months.

One look at the typical smartphone commercial, and it’s easy to see why. Advertisements for yearly updated models tout innovation and convenience and have stimulated the growth in sales that has made Europe the biggest market for smartphones in the world.

Over 60 percent of mobile phone sales are replacements for already-existing phones, 90 percent of which are still functioning when they are discarded. Consumers want newer, better, faster; and smartphone providers give it to them.

This constant updating has produced a huge amount of e-waste (less than 16 percent formally recycled in 2014), most of which ends up in a landfill where harmful chemicals can leak into groundwater and affect both human and plant life.

By 2020, it’s estimated that the EU will generate more than 12 million tonnes per year of waste from electrical and electronic equipment. Though campaigns around the world work to raise awareness about safe recycling or reusing practices, most of the environmental impact happens before the phones even make it to stores.

Still heavily dependent on fossil fuels, the manufacturing process generates waste that is 200 times the weight of the phone. At first glance, this information appears congruent with a consumer problem. (source)

Few tips to get your child protected :

Avoid giving the cell phones to children under the age of 17.

Young children are yet to develop the skull bone density and protective tissue for the brain, making them vulnerable to bad effects of the radiation.

When your child talks on the phone, opt for a wired headset instead of holding the phone next to the ear.

While traveling, avoid keeping the mobile with the child. The metal body of the vehicle blocks the radiations, which causes the phone to increase its power to catch them.

In areas where the signal strength is weak, do not let your child use the phone.

Mobiles, in such cases, amplify their own radiation to get a good signal strength, which can be harmful to the child.

As an adult, it is important for parents and other people in the house to restrict their use of phones when they are around children. This is not only for purposes of avoiding radiation, but to create a behavior pattern as well.

It is advised to take extra care if there is a mobile phone tower on your building or nearby or even close to the child’s school since their exposure to radiation is more than usual.

Completely restrict your child from taking phones to the school. Keep the school’s contact number and provide them yours in case of an emergency.

Keep your mobile phones safely with you and out of sight of your kids at night. Children may quietly try to get a hold of it and use it without you finding out.

Hope, these few have enlightened the damage caused by the mobile.

Mobile phone on mental health:

Though there are many studies have shown that the fact that spending most of your time online is harmful to your health physically but, a new study has said that text-based messaging apps such as WhatsApp have a positive impact on a person’s psychological well-being.

The research study published on may 31st 2019, in the International Journal of Human-Computer Studies which was titled as “Psychosocial Outcomes Associated with Engagement with Online Chat Systems”, has shown that WhatsApp has positive impact on mental health of users. This test includes an online questionnaire measuring WhatsApp use and motivations, online bonding, quality of relationships, group identity, and psychosocial outcomes.

Clink to know more about WhatsApp is good for your mental health- Research proven

Mobile phones and skin cancer :

Other good things regard mobile usage, is its technology which is using in health care purposes like detection of cancer! you heard it is right. Mobile can cause cancer and can detect cancer;

There are various applications in your smartphone that can help in the detection of skin cancer. Some send photos to a dermatologist, some provide instant feedback and others offer helpful reminders about self-checking your skin and scheduling a doctor’s appointment.

There are few smartphone applications which are available that can help in early diagnosis and tracking of the regular self-examinations.

All you can do is to capture a photo of the marks or mole and track them yourself or send them to you skin doctor. Though these applications are very useful, there are few limitations for these.

Miiskin:

Miiskin is a mole mapping application to analyze your skin. as your dermatologists would perform mole maps as part of a clinical full-body skin exam, using this digital dermoscopy (magnified digital photography) can help in catching suspicious lesions.

This application can capture the high definition dermoscopy photos and provide information more than that of the normal digital photos. According to the website, anyone with an iPhone with iOS 10 and newer or a phone running Android 4.4 and newer can use Miiskin. This Skin Mapping feature provides automatic identification for suspicious moles.

Click her to know more about Mobile apps to detect the skin cancers

CONCLUSION:

Though cell phones are boon in modern technology. There are lots of evil which cannot be avoided but this can be reduced by self and child education about the various health and mental hazards that can be caused by the radiation from the cell phone signals. These few basic precautions around the child help to reduce health hazards and live a healthy life.

Read other articles regarding mental health:

STAGE FEAR: How to get rid of it??

B-Complex Can Treat Panic Attacks and Anxiety

Allergy is associated with depression and anxiety – Research proven

Wrist band that can track your emotions

#brain cancer with cell phones #can mobile phones harm babies #cell phone affects child health #cell phones and child development #cellphones and children #child health and mobiles #health hazards of cell phone #physical health #mental health #recent advances

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pacman-tattoo · 7 years

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Okay so we got the boys as big brothers but I'm curious,,, what about the BMC girls as big sisters???? :0

omg yes yes yes i’ve been thinking about this but i’ve been avoiding doing it since i’ve had requests aka im using this as an excuse to do it

i just put everyone under the cut since i did all of them so

thank u nonny

Christine

best. older sister. ever.

if you’re into musical theatre, it’s a huuuuge bonding experience!!!! i headcanon christine started when she was a kid and always loved it so just

imagine getting into it when ur in middle school/high school????

christine helps you with stage makeup and teaches you how to do it properly and what the right amount of stuff is!!!!

if ur not into acting n stuff, you work crew or lights maybe

or you just come to every show and cheer her on!!!!

internally you’re just like “THATS!!! MY SISTER!!!!”

although the play she did junior year was kinda weird

all her theatre friends know you

like?? you could have never done theatre and everyones like “IS THAT [y/n]???”

christine will jam out to showtunes in her car and she gets INTO IT and its rly fun and sometimes the two of you have duets

also the two of you will sing like 50 different parts for one song

can i be honest and say christine probably has sO MANY PICS OF U TWO LIKE

CLOSEST SIBLINGS EVER

also sometimes people are like “do u two fight” and ur like “no???? why would we” “ur siblings” “i mean yeah but have u seen her?? does she seem like the person who would fight over dumb things? like the closest thing we’ve gotten to a fight is when i said one of her musicals was ‘okay’ and thats because i didnt even listen to half the soundtrack”

… u two… watch bootlegs together….

“JUST LOOK AT HIM HE’S AN ANGEL” “CHRISTINE U NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM I KNOW HE’S AN ANGEL”

ok not theatre-related stuff

christine!!! is just!!! really positive a lot!!!

but like, you kinda get to see her being unsure sometimes

if anyone talks shit about her yOU ARE R EA D Y TO F I GH T

christine takes meds for ADD and often you’ll remind her in the mornings just in case she forgets (which is rare unless she’s had a late rehearsal the night before! but she still appreciates it!!)

christine knows exactly how to cheer you up! like, you like sitting back and watching movies? she’s got u. you like petting dogs? well, the best she can do is pictures at the moment but she will sent u all!! the dog pics!!!!

i hc that she’s really into romcoms so sometimes she takes u to the movies with her and its fun

ok but like

midnight chats with christine where the two of you just kinda aimlessly ramble together and its a very nonjudgmental time and you two talk through things

also helping christine by running through lines with her. thats all

u and christine have a lot of videos of u two doing stuff like ur own lil skits and ur own “cooking show” together as kids and it’s really cute

i just rly love christine and its rly obvious

Chloe

i mentioned how with jake as ur big bro you get a lot of ppl like “oh, ur jake’s lil sibling” and it’s the exact way with chloe

except you get a lot more fuckboys. its gross. you’ve told off a few of them.

alright i’ve had this headcanon but like

fuck gender roles completely. chloe does ur makeup and you feel like a god damn boss

like, ur eyeliner could cut a man.

brooke is around a lot and shes nice to u (sometimes nicer than chloe is)

honestly chloe is rly confident and she strikes me as the kind of person where like, you could be having a bad day and she’d just compliment u but in a way that ur like “is… is that a compliment or are u mad that im sad”

its both.

can i say that chloe is kinda terrible? to other people? like she can be kinda crass toward you a lot but she has these little moments where she’s actually a decent big sister (like her doing ur makeup???)

but even then you two fight and its not rly a good time but one of u will apologize if its Really Really Bad

i like to imagine chloe’s parents have moments like “take [y/n] with you” and shes just “ughh fine”

her friends dont rly mind since ur mostly quiet

“anyway she’s kind of a slut-” “chloe don’t fucking call other girls sluts”

the two of u argue. some of her friends are recording u two fukn fighting

softly theres just someone going fight fight fight fight

it probably ends up on social media

so people know..

you have a couple people like “YO!!! U FOUGHT WITH CHLOE????”

“yeah i mean she’s my older sister so… i can call her our on her shit i guess?” “WHAT T HE FUCK SHES UR SISTER????”

“wait she signed up for the play?? wtf who else is in it” “jake dillinger-” “god damn it chloe.”

im not even gonna touch on anything that happened at the halloween party other than just you were glad she got out unscathed in the end.

but after some rumors fly u dont rly trust her??? as much???

anyway. moving on.

Brooke

actual Good

“why do you hang out with chloe?” “w-what do you mean?” “no offense but……she seems…..kiiinda bitchy……..”

brooke doesn’t talk to u until u apologize

which honestly is understandable bc chloe’s kind of her bestie and u just insulted her so

anyway

very gentle big sister

shes in play??? u will be there like!!! “thats cool i didnt know u were into theatre”

i feel like i talk about the play in every headcanon i do but its such a big part so

wait is she dating this guy

she seems to??? kinda like him??? he sounds nice

whats his name

jerry or something

ur ready to fight him tho like, remember brooke’s ex who cheated on her??? u may or may not have called him out.

and possibly punched him.

and possibly gotten beat up

dont fuck with football players

brooke comes home from jake’s halloween party kinda early and shes rly upset and ur just like “wHO HURT U”

ur gonna fight chloe and jeremy.

maybe.

anyway u kinda sit around with her trying to cheer her up

the next day the two of u go to the mall or pinkberry or somewhere to cheer her up

then chloe calls

“brooke please dont pick it up”

she doesn’t.

and then she does after chloe texts her and ur like “brooke n o o o”

ok so uh

brooke is a sweet big sister even if she’s not there 24/7

imagine being asked on a date by someone cute and ur like ‘fUCK BROOKE H E L P HOW THE FUCK’ and she helps u look cute and calms u down

a sweet bab

i love her

Jenna

im just gonna go ahead and get it out of the way: you know a loooot of shit since jenna knows everything

jenna is protective and no one dares to say shit about u because like

rumors fly? she’ll debunk them AND find the fucking source and tell them off

someone insults u and she hears it? she will F I G H T

someone insults and makes u feel bad and she always finds out because she’s rly good at noticing things??? she will either cheer u up or approach the person herself

or both

i dont care where u guys go but ur family will go on summer road trips and you and jenna take selfies everywhere like

close siblings. the good shit.

honestly jenna is probably the kind of person who watches tv with u and sometimes she ends up not sleeping a lil so she just keeps watching whatever show and then shes like

wait shit i cant spoil this for them

jenna sits next to u and ur like “you already know whats gonna happen dont u” “yeah” “gdi”

jenna strikes me as the kind of person who would be a vlogger imo

being her sibling u get pulled into her vlogs sometimes

theres no warning shes just recording u at 12 am in the kitchen like

“hey [y/n] what are u doing” and u just staring at the oven “baking cookies what does it look like-” and u look up and shes recording and ur like “ayy”

late night snapchat story consists of her and u watching stuff together bc neither of u can sleep

sometimes she just gets a “jenna go to bed”

it never happens

i wish

i had more headcanons for her but i d on t

thats all babes

#bean answers things #bean writes things #anonymous #be more chill #be more chill reader insert #bmc #bmc reader insert #christine canigula #christine canigula headcanon #chloe valentine #chloe valentine headcanon #brooke lohst #brooke lohst headcanon #jenna rolan #jenna rolan headcanon #my girls i love them so much

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