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aconstantstateofbladerunner · 3 years

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The Glitch

I get the Broken Reality au is a haha funny joke but there’s been some legit great art for it and since Butterfly is over and I haven’t gotten into the groove of my other projects yet, I decided to try some flash fiction of my interpretations. Note that this is very small and informal; I used whatever idea came into my head over the course of an hour or so instead of the weeks of planning that go into my usual fics. This was an experiment for fun. But if people enjoy the concept, I may be tempted to expand on it.

Credit to @lollitree @moonpaw @gentrychild @owlf45 and @cyber-phobia (I’m sorry if I missed someone I lost track of how many people were involved in this mess).

Content working for reference to infant death.

Please enjoy!

The city shut down for a typhoon warning. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Dark clouds blocked the sun so much that by mid-morning it still looked like it never bothered coming up. And yet the humidity made it too hot for coffee. Inko didn’t know how to feel. Work would have been a good distraction. But she didn’t want any coworkers or clients to see if today got to be too much. And it was already shaping up to be. She caught herself making two plates of food for breakfast.

Inko sat alone in the kitchen. She couldn’t bring herself to finish her own plate. Sickness set in fast. The food had been cold for a long time before she summoned the strength to get up and throw it away. Then she stood over the open trash can a while, debating whether to try and hold it together, or just throw up and get it over with. She eventually managed to keep her stomach steady enough to go back to her bedroom. There was another trashcan in there anyway.

A sound stopped her. From her office. The distinct sound of something heavy falling onto the carpet. Right as she walked past the door.

Please not this again…

She opened the door with her eyes closed. Her mind conjured a familiar image. A bedroom full of books and hero posters. Bright colors and personal touches. A child’s room. Inko opened her eyes to her drab home office. Some of the older case file binders slipped off the pile again. She really needed to sort those into storage. Not today though. She didn’t bother to pick it up.

Inko walked faster than normal the rest of the way to her room. She doesn’t want to face the temptation to search for old toys she remembers storing in the empty closet. Or search the walls for scuff marks from action figures tossed into them she could always see even after the walls were painted. She hid her planner on a tall shelf and put the ladder away to make it that much harder to go through it over and over looking for doctors’ appointments and school events she knew were coming up. Finally reaching her bed brought no comfort.

Of course she knew today’s date by heart. She hadn’t put it on a calendar in the fourteen years since she used to look at it every day. Inko stuck her head under her pillows, as if they could block out the silent noise of her memories. Memories of before, the time even when she was by herself, she was never alone.

Fifteen years now, today. With a shuddering gasp, the tears finally came. Thunder crashed outside. It’s not fair! Why is it still this hard after this long? Phantom kicks in her belly joined the growing ice there.

The hardest part was she still felt like that sometimes. Like she wasn’t really alone. Inko didn’t believe in ghosts, but the lost of what could have been was more than haunting enough. She felt it watching her. Judging her. Waiting just long enough for her to settle down into a peaceful, content existence before it reared up to plague her heart all over again. Cliché hauntings like spooky faces in the mirror or blood coming out of the drains would have been preferable. Those would be generic enough not to remind her directly.

Rain started outside. Her phone lit up with a notification she ignored in time with a thunderclap. The storm was getting closer.

Maybe I should call Hisashi, the thought crossed her mind. Maybe he’s going through this too. She bit her lip bloody. Her frustrated memories weren’t in question like the others. Probably not though. I don’t want to talk to him anyway.

Hisashi had been stuck in the denial stage of grief, which often came off as him acting like he didn’t take hers seriously. Not a year, not even half a year looking back, after they came home from the hospital, he wanted to try again.

“We can’t let mourning hold us up forever,” he said. “And it’s not like we lost a once in a lifetime opportunity! We’ve got at least another twenty years to keep trying!”

But we did lose him! she had wanted to scream. Still did, years later. Why didn’t he understand? He was your loss too! Inko wanted for the next roll of thunder, then shouted.

“I don’t just want any baby! I want Izuku!”

The lights went out. The temperature rose five degrees instantly when the ceiling fan stopped going. The rain stopped.

Power outage. Inko sat up with a sniffle. Turns out the notification was a warning about roving blackouts. Of course. Oh well. I wasn’t really in the mood to cook tonight any-

Thunder boomed even louder than before, making her jump. Then another. Lightning flashed outside at the same time. It was right on top of her.

What? I thought the typhoon wasn’t supposed to make landfall until later toni-

Another crash. It vibrated through her bones. Then another. The lightning lit up her whole room. Except for a shadow on the wall. Inko jolted to look, holding her breath, and found only her own shadow in the next flash.

“I’m such an idiot…” She went for her phone again. For peace of mind, she decided to use her data to check if an evacuation order went out. Or any updates at all really, since the weather came so much faster than the news said. “Nothing,” she sighed annoyed. “I hate being alone for weather like this…”

A new notification pinged.

[Mom]

Inko blinked rapidly. The message remained. All of her insides turned inside out in an instant, and she started crying again. Was this someone’s idea of a sick joke? No one ever got a chance to call her that. She touched the note to open it, but nothing happened. No app or source was displayed. Nor did it go away after a few seconds like normal.

“Wha- What’s going on?” she wept. In a mix of sorrow and rage, she wound up to chunk the device across the room. But she froze.

Outside her window, floating against the pitch-black sky, were two small orbs. Perfectly circular and glowing. Watching her. She didn’t dare move.

Another ping. She looked without moving.

[I’m sorry]

“… What?”

For a moment, all the sounds in the world dropped out. They all came back at ounce.

Lights flickered. Both the ones inside and the lightning going outside. Multiple strikes laid on top of one another. No relief. Thunder pounded over and over like a drum solo. It shook the whole building. Inko ran into the closet away from the window. She slammed her hands over her eyes but it didn’t help. Her terrified cried were whispers to the screams of the storm.

A child’s scream. She heard it. Each flash of light came with a cry. The distinct sound of a little boy calling out in pain blended with unyielding nature. It came from every direction. Every hair on Inko’s arms stood up in fear. She felt the charge in the air. But she had to go out. Her baby was crying for help.

She burst from the closet into the living room. All the lights and appliances turned themselves on and off. The TV showed only static between its flashes. Something drew her too it. The storm was deafening. It pounded through her head like a heartbeat. The beats got faster. The static flashes started to look like a face. Her usual caution was abandoned as she fell to her knees and touched the screen. The snow cleared for a single instant. Just long enough to look like the blank eyes from the window. She felt the heartbeat there too.

Then it stopped. All of it. The noise and lights all went quiet and dark. The TV went completely cold in an instant. Inko, stunned, palmed over it looking for something. Anything. The pulse. Warmth. A burnt fuse or faulty wire. But nothing. The rain started again.

She pulled her hands back to her lap. Her heart was still racing and tears kept flowing down under her chin. She looked around. Everything in the living room and kitchen looked the same. No sign of the earthquake-like convolutions the whole appartement experienced only minutes ago. Inko combed the entire space for evidence. An object knocked off the shelf. A picture frame fallen from the wall. The notifications. Toys in the closet or scuffs in the wall. Still not a sign. She even stepped outside her door to check the sky. Only light rain and shattered thunder, just like the news said the day before.

There was only one thing out of place. Back in her bedroom, the bottom drawer of her nightstand hung open. Inko had to steal herself before approaching it. There were only two things in there: a little green blanket, and a picture of the ultrasound. The most recent one from her last appointment. The doctor said he was doing fine.

“Izuku…” she whispered to it in her hand.

She remembered the squealing little bundling being put in her arms for the first time. The first time he smiled at her. Teaching him to walk, then immediately launching into play. Him coming home with bruises and scrapes after the kids at school were mean to him, and crying in her arms. Then, him coming home with his first real friends in a long time. She made them all dinner. Katsudon. That was Izuku’s favorite.

Only she didn’t remember. The same way she didn’t really remember the toys and scuffs. Those were fantasies. Daydreams of what could have been. She just thought about them so often they felt like memories. Especially today. It was his birthday after all. They’d fade back into vague dreams by tomorrow. They always did.

And she would be left with reality. The silence. The cold, still little hand between her fingers. Soft cheeks without blush. Eyes that never opened. Clutching him too tight to her chest, knowing the second she let go he would be gone for real and it would all be over.

But it was never over. Inko went through this same torturous song and dance every year for fifteen now. All the guilt and dread would subside slowly over the next one, until it all came back at once. Just like this.

At least it’s done for now, she tried to reassure herself, climbing back into bed. It still wasn’t even noon yet. Plenty of time for another breakdown. Hopefully the next one won’t be, feel, as loud. She sighed heavily into her sheets. This sort of thing can’t be normal. I should really try therapy again.

Against her better judgement, she kept the blanket out, and clutched it to her chest. Static electricity pricked her fingers. With her other hand, she reached across the bed, and tried to imagine someone else there. Not Hisashi, never him anymore. Izuku. He was fifteen and happy, but the storm was making him nervous so he came to lay beside her. She remembered it like it was now. If she closed her eyes, she could feel his warm, soft skin, with a healthy, if a little anxious heartbeat just underneath. The mattress warped as he sighed.

“We’ll be okay. It’s just a little rough weather,” she promised.

“Okay, Mom,” Izuku answered quietly. “… I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I’ll start trying to get myself together tomorrow. For now, let me have this.

Izuku didn’t respond for a while. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Happy birthday.”

#midoriya inko #midoriya izuku #broken reality au #the glitch #mha #bnha #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #aconstantstateoffanfiction #april fools #the long con

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 4 years

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Imagine: Erik teaching his daughter to love her dark skin.

Imagine:

[ Short, fluffy. ]

“Daddy,”

Erik was in the middle of talking with a group of his guy friends from his youth before they stepped out for more protesting and solidarity. All of the men are wearing black from head to toe, poster boards with various quotes such as:

Unapologetically BLACK

The new racism is to deny that racism EXISTS

Skin color is not reasonable suspicion

I CAN’T BREATHE

Justice for Breonna Taylor

Erik was in the middle of writing on another poster board when he heard his ten year old daughter, True, call for him. Her voice was shaky and small, the sound of it causing his chest to tighten. Erik recapped the permanent marker before turning to his beautiful daughter with sepia skin, her cheeks wet from her fresh hot tears.

“What’s going on, True? why are you crying?” Erik pulled out one of his dining room chairs, grasping True’s tiny hands in his, bringing her closer to him with urgent eyes.

“I was gonna tell mama but she’s sleeping and she might go over there,” True looked down at her pink converse.

“Listen, whatever you were gonna tell your mama you can tell me,” Erik squeezes both of his daughters shoulders, “Talk to me, baby, what happened?”

“Kimberly, across the street,” True timidly pointed towards the open window that was sending a warm draft throughout the dining room, “She said I was ugly.”

Erik could feel his friends movements behind him still. True averted her eyes to look at the wall, trying her hardest not to break down and cry.

“Okay...why did Kimberly call you ugly?” Erik spoke calmly.

“She said my skin looks like tar...it reminds her of an apes skin.”

Erik’s eyes flickered with rage as he watched his daughter cry before him. How dare this little white girl say that about his beautiful black daughter? How dare she make a joke that her ancestors before her would have made about his daughter? He wanted to charge over there and bang down Kimberly’s door. That all sounded perfect but all it will lead to is the police being called; the pigs.

“True...I want to tell you something,” Erik cleared his throat; raspy voice strong and abrasive because of his anger towards what Kimberly said, “there is this quote from Marcus Garvey...it says the black skin is not a badge of shame but rather a glorious symbol of natural greatness,” Erik gently takes True’s face into his hands, his thumbs wiping away her overflowing tears.

“Your skin is a glorious masterpiece, the sun kisses your skin like no other, hey,” Erik soothes True, “black women, black girls; there are different shades of beauty. Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. Kimberly’s words shouldn’t matter, you know why? Because Kimberly isn’t my baby girl. Kimberly could never be you because no matter what shade of melanin you are, know that your skin tone is brilliant. You, my princess are phenomenally made!”

“You’re a gift, baby girl!” One of Erik’s friends says, the others following suit with more compliments and encouraging words.

“That melanin tho!” Another one shouted, causing everyone to chuckle and True to blush.

“Black girl magic PERIOD,” Erik says pulling his daughter in for a hug, “I want you to repeat after me, True...I love my dark skin.”

“...I love my dark skin,” She says while keeping eye contact with her father.

“I am a strong melanin princess,” Erik playfully squeezes True’s Afro puffs.

True giggles, “I am a strong melanin princess.”

“I am impressively dripping in black beauty, and can’t NOBODY tell me otherwise, say it.”

“I am impressively drippin’ in black beauty and can’t NOBODY tell me otherwise!!!” True shouts, Erik’s friends wolf whistling and clapping in the background.

“SEE, that’s what I’m taking about. You are my beautiful, chocolate, princess. Kimberly ain’t got nothing on you, she envies you.”

“Thanks daddy,” True gave him a wide braces filled smile before wrapping her arms around Erik’s broad shoulders, “I love you daddy.”

“I love you too, True,” Erik kisses her kinky hairline, “Now, remember what I say. You gotta love yourself, baby girl.”

Erik stood up from his seat, grabbing his permanent marker and handing it over to True, “Before I go, I want you to write something powerful on this poster board that represents all the black girls in the world, okay?”

True uncaps the marker, walking up to the poster board. She stood there, staring at the black canvas, unsure of exactly what to say. She gasps, leaning over to write something out. Erik watches his daughter write big letters across the white poster board with a wide dimpled smile.

“Black girl MAGIC!!!” She shouted before holding up the poster board for the others to see, “Daddy! I wanna go protest with you!”

“Okay,” Erik simply says, “We’re meeting for a rally, call on the spirts of the fallen and our ancestors to be with us. Remember, Asé?”

“That means amen, right?” True says.

“Yes. It is an African philosophical concept through which the Yoruba of Nigeria conceive the power to make things happen and produce change. It is given by Olodumare to everything - gods, ancestors, spirits,” Erik stands fully, “I am root of your root, soil of your soil, bone of your bone, and blood of your blood. Love, love, love, asé.”

“Will we say asé for Breonna Taylor?” True says with wide hopeful eyes, “She still didn’t get justice.”

Erik smiles proudly at his daughter for knowing her name, “Of course. For all those who deserve justice and who didn’t deserve to be taken away from us. All of our people.”

A knock came to the door, a hard knock like the police. Erik shared a look with his friends before walking to the door. Before he opened it Erik peeked out of the living room curtains, holding a hand up to his friends to let them know that everything was okay. Erik had to watch his back, he was a strong voice for the Oakland community. Opening the door, Kimberly and her mother, Suzanne are standing there. Suzanne looked startled for a second but she gathered herself, turning a blazing eye on Kimberly.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Erik, but I overheard my daughter say something very, very cruel to True while they were writing with chalk on the pavement,” Suzanne looked embarrassed, her eyes avoiding Erik’s, “Is there something you have to say to True!”

Kimberly twisted her foot on the steps, her face solem and her long, black hair shieldjng her eyes, “I’m sorry True for calling you a monkey.”

“And I am terribly sorry for this,” Suzanne has a hand clutched to her chest, “I don’t know where Kimberly heard this from but we did not teach her to talk like that. You should be ashamed of yourself-

“Kimberly is a child, children absorb everything around them. Not to cause problems but...maybe Kimberly heard it from her other white friends? Maybe they don’t like True so they told her to call my daughter a monkey.” Erik gave Suzanne a stern look as if he were watching her suspiciously.

Suzanne blinked at Erik with confusion, “I think I would know if my daughters friends said anything like that, Kimberly, did Rebecca and Sabrina say anything to you today about True?”

Kimberly looked like she wanted to hide. True didn’t take her eyes off of her so-called-friend. She knew the truth but she wanted to hear Kimberly say it. True grasps Erik’s hand tighter. Erik looked down at her, her silence enough to let him know that there was more to the story.

“Kimberly!” Suzanne shouts.

“Rebecca doesn’t like that I play with True. She says that her father thinks all black people are infectious and corrupt.”

“WHAT!!!” Suzanne’s voice boomed like she was holding a megaphone to her mouth, “Kimberly, why would you allow your friend to say those things about True? Why would you say things like that? I am so embarrassed right now,” Suzanne points a stern finger at Kimberly, “apologize again!”

Kimberly angrily wipes away her tears with the back of her hand, “I’m sorry True! I’m sorry I said that!”

“I accept your apology,” True leaned into Erik’s solid body, “But I can’t be friends with you anymore.”

Suzanne felt True’s words as if she were the girls friend. Kimberly angrily storms off across the street, running up her porch and into the house.

“True, I know what Kimberly said was very mean but...you don’t want to be friends with her?” Suzanne looked offended.

“No, she doesn’t. I’m sure those girls have picked on my daughter and the fact that Kimberly knows that shows that she will do it again. My daughter doesn’t feel comfortable with your child,” Erik wrapped a comforting hand around True’s shoulder, protecting her guarding her.

“Well,” Suzanne turns to leave, “I’m sorry again, True.” She looked like she wanted to say more on her daughters behalf but instead she walked back to her home.

“Did I do the right thing, daddy?” True asks, looking up at her fathers with sad eyes.

“You did what was best for you, that’s the right thing, baby girl,” Erik kisses True on top of her head, “Let’s not tell your mom about this just yet, you know she will raise hell about it.”

“Yeah, let’s just go protest,” True pulls her fathers hand back inside, “Let’s go, daddy, we have to get out there!”

“Haha, okay, Princess.”

#nahimjustfeelingit-writes #erik killmonger #black panther killmonger #killmonger #blacklivesmatter #blackgirlmagic

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peachyunjinnie · 4 years

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❝there’s always a first time❞ hjs ― m.

― summary:

your brother seungmin is very protective over you, but one day your best friend gave you a stick and poke tattoo and you get an infection. fortunately seungmin’s friend jisung as a hobby tattoo fanatic helps you take care of it and when seungmin wasn’t there you two decide to run away.

badboy!jisung/goodgirl!reader | fluff, smut | 5.3k ↬ content warnings: swear words, the mention of alcohol and drugs. drunk/high sex, with a little size and corruption kink.

a/n: i had this idea a couple of days ago and i tried my best to get this idea into a fic, i hope you enjoy it !!

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The relationship between me and my cousin Seungmin is better than with anyone else, you could say that we could consider ourselves as siblings and even best friends. We had the same taste in humor and even better lived in the same house after my mother died right after she gave birth to me. My father ended up bringing me to my aunt and uncle at the age of 2.

Seungmin is 1 year older and has ‘BBPI’ as he calls it which means Big Brother Protection Instinct. I know, complete nonsense and as a 16-year old I don’t get why I have to be protected. Well, as Seungmin said I am still ‘his small sister’. Pathetic. As said before Seungmin is 1 year older to be exact 11 months and 28 days and has friends, for whatever reason, he has a whole group. Well, he warned me about one of them, the walking trouble: Han Jisung. He basically is the opposite of me, a 180 if you want to say it.

He stole the car of his stepfather numerous of times and I remember seeing him drunk and completely stoned in school, that I will never forget. Last year he was stumbling through the hallways of our school. His hair messy and his smile never leaving his lips. He had the hardest time trying to keep his eyes open, or even just keeping his legs moving. And the best part, he puked on his teacher's chest. It was the highlight of the whole day, no the whole semester. His stepfather thank god is very wealthy and managed to keep him in school, somehow.

I heard a lot of rumors about this Jisung and I really do not want to believe that he was in the Russian mafia boss nor do I want to believe that he killed his father and is living with his mother who helped him. It was really funny though to hear how unique and ridiculous the fantasies and the gossip was at our school, I mean a Russian mafia boss, seriously?

I hung out with my own friends, but sometimes I would get to talk and just meet my brother’s friends. In conclusion, we even had the same taste in friends. They were really nice. I really have the best friendship with Felix and Changbin. Felix firstly has an excellent taste in music and humor, secondly, he is by far one of the most concentrated gamer I’ve ever met. Changbin is just Changbin. He is kind of annoying and clingy with his friends. Which you would’ve never expected from this buff hulk. And to be completely honest with you, Changbin and Lix...are kind of cute together.

Well, with Seungmin being as protective as he is, he has told me clearly that dating is already a picky topic but dating one of his group members. I think he would be as angry as he was when I asked him what a ‘Day6′ was. He really ignored me for 3 weeks straight, with a text message saying ‘if you know who wonpil is then you are allowed to talk to me’. (stan day6, cowards.)

“Stop moving so much, I’ve done it before and you’re overreacting.” She whisper-screamed. She was nearly done with her K on my thigh, It was way bigger than I thought it would be, but it looked good.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m just getting poked by a hot needle on my thigh over and over again.” My sarcasm was louder than the thoughts in my head that were shouting lines of ‘you’re so in trouble’ or ‘you will never be able to get this off your skin’.

“So.. Here we go. Done.” She said as she was looking at her masterpiece of a K on my thigh of the size of a thumb. But it looked even and nice. She has done a (The first letter of y/n) on her thigh. I cannot believe how red it was though, and swollen. Extremely swollen

“Kim, when will it be ‘okay’?” I asked her with a slight nervous undertone. I really am the biggest chicken on earth. She opened her bag and got saran wrap. She took some out and wrapped it over her creation with such a soft touch. I still cringed and squinched.

“Maybe a week or two. It doesn’t take too long.” She smiled at our bond. I smiled with her. We ended up in a big hug and stayed like this for some time before she packed her stuff and headed out.

I admired her work on my thigh and stood up, with an overwhelming pain spreading across my thigh. I couldn’t stand up on my own feet, my thigh stung extremely and harshly.

Panic rising through me, what the heck should I do now? Should I call my mom and tell her about it? Should I tell Seungmin and ask him for help? Should I just emigrate to Brazil and start my new life as a Silvia Theresa Rodriguez?

I crawled to my bed and tried my best to let the 2 years drama club pay off. I called my mom and asked for a painkiller. She came up to my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

“Honey, is everything okay?” Her concerned eyes scanned my body and noticed my messy hair and my pale face. I coughed.

“Mom, I-I’m sick.” She sat there and looked at me and gave me the painkiller with a glass of water.

I snatched it out of her hand and gulped the pill down as if it were the only banana in the jungle. Her concern grew faster and she shook her head.

“I’m going to call your teacher. You’re not going to school.” She said as she got off my bed and walked off with her phone in her hand, dialing the number.

After the longest 8 hours, Seungmin came home, and thank god came into my room. With a bag of McDonald's and a big smile, he went to my bed and sat down.

“Why didn’t you come to school?” He gave me the bag and with a breathtaking smell of fat and fast food filling my nose and getting the best of me.

“Oh, I am sick my head hurt a little, and mom overreacted.” I said with a huge load of fries in my mouth.

With a small pat on my thigh, he hit the right spot of the K and a shriek came out, my whole body tensing up and Seungmin looking at my covered thigh. He took the blanket off. My shorts relieving the now swollen and slightly scabbing spot.

A moment of silence filled the room and Seungmins face has gotten from a healthy color to a concerning red and then to a frightening purple.

“Surprise...” I smiled awkwardly.

“Y/N, you got a fucking tattoo...” His voice was a low growl, but still, you could clearly hear the pure panic in his voice.

“Uhm, haha yea. So I made it myself, you like it?” My shaking voice showing the state of mine. My thigh looked pretty bad and as painful as it would’ve been, without the painkillers.

“Did you disinfect it?” My whole head went blank. Of course, it was so swollen and scabbing, Kim didn’t disinfect it. My face went paler than pale and I rethought the consequences of an infection.

“Okay, I’ll take that as a no. Get your shoes and we will get to my friend he will help you.” He really was very serious about the infection so I stood up with a numb pain, but not as overwhelming as it was yesterday. I searched for my shoes and directly followed him.

A quick bus ride and a small foot-march later there was a big but still small and cozy house. Red and white, reminding me of a red velvet cupcake. Looks fancy but is cute at the same time. The grass and the dwarfs decorating the beautiful view. A middle-aged lady working in the garden, planting in seeds and watering the red tulips.

“Hello, Mrs. Han is Jisung home?” He grinned at her.

“Oh hello, Seungmin. Nice to see you again!” She smiled at him with a motherly aura surrounding her. She hugged him and I could see that she liked Seungmin a lot. He didn’t really know what to do awkwardly stood there and let her do. She noticed me standing there and hiding behind Seungmin's tall figure and met with her warm brown eyes.

“Hello, and who are you?” she asked with a bigger smile.

“Uh, I am Seungmins sister.” I immediately trusted her and her warm embrace.

“Ah yes, I can see the model genes going in the family. You seem like you’re in a big rush to see Jisung, he’s in his room.” She told us and saw my embarrassed blush across my face as Seungmin took my hand and yanked me downstairs to where Jisung was.

The basement as a room, interesting. It was colored black and had a lot of posters of some bands that I have never heard of. There he was on his bed smoking a cigarette and admiring his newest addition to his arm, a slightly red and in saran wrapped tattoo. A small skull drinking from a glass bottle, very precise and well made. He sat there and continued to smoke.

“Seungmin, what’s up.” he took a puff. Not giving anyone a single look. His hand tapping over his forearm and keep admiring his skull.

“I need your help. My sister made a tattoo and now it’s infected. Do you know what to do?” Seungmin seemed very concerned and worried. Jisung stood up and chuckled a little.

“The little Y/N, has a tattoo?” He asked me and looked down at me.

His eyes have the same warm brown as his mothers and I weirdly trusted him regardless of his reputation. His hair was dyed a very light blonde and his face was very chubby, unlike his body which was athletic: muscular but slim. He had two tears on his face and my thoughts went crazy. Who in the actual hell did he kill and the rumors of Jisung being a Russian mafia boss came into my mind and I reconsidered if I should be worried to be in a room with him?

“Seungmin, I have some lemonade for you.” Mrs. Han's voice echoed through the basement and he looked at Jisung.

“Go for it, I will take care of her.” He gave him green light and Seungmin looked at him with a look in his eyes. Which could be translated into ‘If you hit on my sister, I will drag your corpse to the nearest forest and let you get eaten by the birds’. Jisung nodded and Seungmin went upstairs.

“So tell me, how did you do that?” He said with a smile as he pointed to my infected K. His hair falling on his face, a little messy but still perfectly proportional.

“Uhm, a long story...” He went to his desk and took out a liquid and a cotton pad. He pushed the chair next to the bed and patted the bed. I quickly sat down. Him in front of me.

“I have time, come on.” He looked up and gave me a simper. I felt a small tickle again and wanted to trust him with it.

“Well uh, my friend Kim wanted to get us bonded. She took a needle and poked my skin for some time until it was done.” He laughed a little, letting me see his whites.

“You stick and poked and didn’t disinfect it?” His eyes still on mine and not leaving the look they had, of the warm and soft chocolate brown.

“No, we didn’t and stop making fun of me- Ah-” His cold hand touching my thigh. My body stiffened and it was hard to relax.

“Calm down, relax. You wanna listen to music? disinfecting this will be a little uncomfortable.” He stood up and walked to his stereo. He took out a cassette and stuck one in. A prehistoric cassette, I haven’t seen this since I listened to Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban one years ago. After some seconds of silence, ‘All The Small Things’ by blink-182 boosted through the speakers.

He turned around and sat down again and wet the pad with this liquid. He took off the wrap and the air hit the wound. It was a stinging soreness, that leads me to look away and bite my lower lip, hard.

He took the wet pad and started to clean up the wound as careful and gentle as possible, the stinging and burning pain was a very harsh rush of pain. I whined and groaned loudly.

“Does it hurt?” He asked as he was still cleaning up.

“Well, yes,” I said with a small whine.

“Good. If I see you with a new tattoo I will get you punished.” his voice getting raspier and raspier. But he still cleaned the wound up and was done with the disinfecting. He stood up again and got some of the saran wraps and pointed his finger, signaling me to stand up.

I stood up from his bed and he kneeled down to wrap it up. His hands still very cold and tickling my thigh.

“So Kim, is your friend?” His voice a little absent.

“Yes, my best.” I had to automatically smile.

“Tell me about her, how is she like?” I was surprised at his interest in my personal life but answered him.

“Oh, um she is reckless and she never thinks about her actions. She makes out stupid things that I have to box her out of. But she also has a nice and gentle side that not many know. I love her a lot.” I smiled at our memories and how easy it was to be myself around her.

As I was in my thoughts, Jisung took out a bottle of Jack Daniels and takes a glass. He gets him a good amount and gets another glass after seeing my big eyes. After a long friendship with Kim who was known for drinking, I have never drunk any alcohol, well until today. He gave me a glass full of brown fluid.

“I- I can’t believe we did that.” I laughed as Jisung was holding my hand walking on an abandoned street in the middle of nowhere. He had given me a big sip of the whiskey, it was a burning sensation of my taste buds being confused and curious for more.

“It’s better, not being sober right?” He asked stumbling into the sunset.The bitter taste of the alcohol and the adrenaline of me running away with a friend of my brother without his permission. I felt every single touch of his hand tightening and holding my hand in his clutches not letting go.

“Come on drink it, Y/N. The painkillers are not going to help you any better than Jackie will.” He smiled and waved the glass in front of my nose. I mean I never was drunk and I want to know what it’s like. My curiosity and stupidity have gotten control of me and I accepted with a shaky hand.

I took a small sip of the whiskey and the bitter and stinging sensation was so disgusting. I couldn’t swallow it and started to look around for somewhere to spit it at. But with Jisung forcing me to look up at him with his fingers, pushing my head upwards.

“Swallow it, now.” his eyes burning holes into mine and letting me breathless with no other choice other than swallow. I gulped the fluid down and the burn in my throat was unbelievably harsh.

“Good girl, now. If Seungmin sees your ass drunk this will be very dangerous for both us. Do you have any other clothes or is this everything you’ve got?” He already searched in his closet and gave me a black hoodie with some jeans.

“Here you go. Hurry up, my mom is not going to keep him for any longer.” He went upstairs and left me with there a little tipsy and with some clothes from this boy that I barely knew.

After getting them on I noticed the size difference, Jisung has it in L. On me it was XXL. The size was really funny and the jeans that should hug his waist like they are on the ones he is wearing, are now hanging from my pelvic bone. I saw my reflection of the mirror and busted out in laughter.

Jisung came down and looked at my new outfit, and laughed as well. He came in front of me and squished my cheeks. He played with them and ruffled my hair into a mess, I officially am looking like I just woke up with my PJ’s.

“You look so cute, this stuff is the tightest clothing that I have and your body is just sliding through.” He smiled and looked into my eyes, his hands still cupping my cheeks. A strong smell of alcohol and cigarettes leaving him, mixing with his cologne.

He stepped back and admired this baggy look. He had a hand on his chin, thinking about what can make it look even better than it already does. With an idea in his mind he sought for.... a belt.

He took the of course black belt and put it over my waist. I almost wanted to remind him that I am not a toddler and can put on a belt myself, but the sudden closeness of him and his firm grip on his jeans on me. My heart did a small tap dance, but he continued to put it on with no sign of hesitation.

“This looks better. Take your shoes and let’s get out of here.” Trouble, that was what I am going to get after this. Am I out of my mind going with Jisung with no other thought? Am I dumb for trusting this dude that threw up on his teacher's chest in the hallway last year?

He packed his bag with a shit ton of bottles and some other stuff that I don’t even want to know what it is, the curiosity of what is in this bag now really bugged me. What did he have in this bag? He started to notice my glare on his black backpack.

“You ever had drugs, little one?” He asked as if it was the most normal thing to ask a 16-year-old. If I ever had drugs, the small sips of this weird and burning stuff and the coffee I had in the morning.

“N-No.” My stutter surprised me and the sudden tension started to get harder and intense. My subconscious shouted in my head to get out and go home with Seungmin, but this Jisung really had something and I wanted to explore that.

“There’s always a first time and I needed to go out anyway. You wanna meet my friends?” His smirk was absolutely precious and there was no way in hell that I could say no to this face. After my agreement, he smiled even brighter than before. He took some of his rings and gave those to me and some chains. I looked so different from what I daily wear and with a hat my appearance was complete.

“I-It’s so much better. Not having this pressure.” After another big gulp of the whiskey, he threw the bottle to the road and opened his bag. A see-through water like a bottle. He gave it to me and I opened it after some seconds of struggle. We stumbled through the sunset of the lonely and empty roads of a beautiful panorama.

“Le-Let’s sit down for a while. I am so ti-tired.” I laughed and sat down on the empty road. He joined me and took the opened vodka bottle from me and took a small sip after gasping dramatically and getting a green bag out of his pocket. It looked like leaves and after a long time of finding out what it was, I knew it when he started to build a joint.

I took the bottle and drank the alcohol. I couldn’t believe this scenario, I am drunk and I am about to get high. I will get so much damage for this one night, but it still felt like it was a Bonnie and Clyde after play. Such a euphoric moment, and a moment I would’ve never have dreamed of.

So deep in my own thoughts and my own actions and with this alcohol in my hands, I didn’t see that Jisung was already done with his work. He saw my lazy eyes and pointed out to his bag.

“Hey, listen to music on my phone the code is 0325.” I crawled over to his bag and searched for the perfect song and here it was. New Flesh by the Current Joys, a carefree and a lighthearted song. The song started playing and Jisung snickered.

“I start to really learn a new si-side of you. Little miss Y/N.” He finished his joint and licked it clean. He grabbed in his bag and pulled out speakers. This bag really is a survival kit. He connected them to his phone and the music blasted out with such an enormous volume.

He took out his lighter and the fire sneaked it’s way through the marijuana and gives out a really unique smell. He seemed relaxed and fell on his back. He now was lying on the hard and cold cement road, his little relaxing tool between his fingers.

“So you never smoked before, like ever?”He has gotten up again and let his arm over my shoulder, giving me a really focused look.

“N-Nah.” I giggled for no reason. My head felt dizzy and my vision getting blurry after breathing in second-hand smoke.

“So I’m gonna show you, ho-how to do it the right way.” He smiled and almost closing his eyes completely.

He took my face into his hand and held the joint on the other hand. He gave it to me and I held it the best way I could, trying to let it fall down. I took a big hit and coughed all of the smoke out in a matter of 3 seconds.

He laughed uncontrollably and as he was laughing my head started to turn, my stomach started to growl and my mouth was getting dry. I honestly did not expect it to work that easily but I felt the difference in my body. I took another puff of it and another.

With a little time it has gotten easier and better to not cough. Jisung after not talking for what seemed like a whole eternity, started to notice that the sky is getting darker. He saw a whole field next to the road and threw his stuff in there and threw himself as well.

“Come here! The field is soft.” He shouted from his new spot and I giggled and jumped on top of him. His laugh resounded through the emptiness surrounding us and my giggle became a little quieter when I felt his hand on my hip. As before, when he put on the belt for me, my face grew hot and my eyes stayed on him and I played with his hair. He stroked my body with his fingertips, it feeling like electric wires rushing through my hot body.

I leaned down and then kissed his soft lips. Right at this moment I didn’t care about anyone. My brother, my parents, my friends not even my own thoughts that screamed in my head to cut it off and go home. I wanted to live and wanted to enjoy, feel this moment. Exactly live in this moment right here and there. In a field in the middle of nowhere with the music still blasting somewhere near us and the taste of alcohol still running through my mouth and most importantly, Jisung being right here and there.

“I d-don’t want to pressure you to anything, Y/N.-” I shushed him up with another kiss and his smile making the butterflies in my tummy explode into a mess. He tucked on his hoodie and leaned into my ear.

“I am sure you look even better without my hoodie on.”

I giggled loudly, his hand getting lost on the inside of my hoodie. Grasping on my bra and massaging it softly. My world turning in circles and the music still playing on the highest volume from the speakers, somewhere in the grass.

“I want you, now.” I said, looking down to him. I took off my hoodie and threw it next to Jisung beneath me. His hands still on me, my hair falling down to the side of his face. I was needy and what could feed this hunger was him.

“If your brother could see his little girl…” he smiled at my face being some small inches in front of his. the taste of the marijuana in my mouth mixed with the strong vodka and whiskey was driving me into the dumbest things.

I kissed his soft lips, touching them a little and his tongue rolling with mine. He tasted like danger and everything forbidden for me, giving me a thrill of my life. I continued to go down his neck, sucking the best I could making it hard due to the lack of energy.

“You’re doing great, little one.” He moaned when I once reached his hard and perky abs, leaving a trail of bruises and hickeys all the way down here. He groaned once I unlocked his belt and pushed his jeans down to his boxers. The outline of his dick was hardly poking out, getting me to an idea of my first blowjob ever.

I pulled the off and there he was, poking at me. The hard and red tip, cum dripping on them slightly. I took him in my hands, carefully pumping him. His eyes following my actions his whines and stares telling me to put him in my mouth, I couldn’t get him all in, him laughing at me trying my hardest to deepthroat.

“Your little mouth is amazing.” He mumbled with his eyes closed tightly, his hands getting lost in my hair. Moans and grunts getting me wetter and wetter. I couldn’t breathe and with my mouth being filled up completely, my eyes turning to the back of my head.

I backed up and took some time to breathe, a string of saliva connecting my lips with his wet and throbbing dick. He pushed his hair back, his hand still on my head, grabbing and pulling at it hardly. I choked lightly on his pressure on my head, pushing me down and forcefully getting me down. After some seconds of complete silence he let go and a broken groan echoed through my dizzy head.

“Uh fuck, how can this small mouth get all that in?” He smiled looking down at me with his lazy eyes on the string of saliva connecting his tip to my lips. I started to laugh out, the feeling of a dick in my mouth reminding me of a Popsicle. He laughed as well, this whole scenario being unbelievable. It was deep dark outside, the only light being the lanterns of the side street and the moon, shining out heavily. The wheat among us, the music that still played beside us.

He suddenly stopped giggling immediately and closed his eyes. His head was thrown to the ground and he held my head in his hands, still thrusting into my mouth hardly.

“Wh-Where can I c-cum?” He stuttered and I just continued to bop my head down his length, feeling every inch in my mouth, I choked a little on the twitch of his cock. “Fuuuck.” He groaned loud through the hard beats of the music. I felt his dick twitch again in my throat and as I moaned the vibrations got him to spill his load into my mouth. The warm liquid running through my throat, I choked once again and the shivers went down my spine mercilessly.

“Ah fuck.” He tried to collect his breath, moaning more curse words. I still sucked at the tip and popped him out of my mouth, his seeds running down my lips. I looked up at his brown eyes, stars above us reflecting in them. He had the warmest and softest expression on his face, starring down at my cum filled mouth, trying my hardest to swallow everything.

“Now it’s your turn, princess.”

226 notes · View notes

thinkingaboutyoungroyals · 4 years

Text

Lost Boy Epilogue: Found

Summary: When his family moves from San Francisco to the town of Shadyside, T.J. thought his life would change. And it did. He just didn’t think it would come in the form of the ghost of a boy who haunted his new bedroom.

Prologue

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11

@delicatesleeper,@ibroughtachallah,@frenchtohste,@alittletooliteralleah,@tyrusmagocious,@tjskipping, @mirrorslover, @opatrickr, @lesbianrelateddeath, @justkimberley,@burning-hot-pan,@green-lemonboys,@anotherangelfromspace,@thebisexualweirdo,@likelightning-inabottle,@thedampjofangirl, @fizasdr, @awkward-bisexual-alien, @whipashwhipash, @abg-blah,@atthemomentimintothis,@emberofthefrost, @sana-drinks-isklar, @tyrusisobviouslyendgame, @delilahdee00, @lazymarvelfan, @glitch-ditch-canonbitch, @miracufan

A/N: Hi, guys! Here it is now: the epilogue. Please read this note, first! It’s very important!

First things first, I want to thank everyone who read, commented, liked/left kudos, and followed this story from beginning to end.

Second, a couple of things have occurred since the last chapter was posted and I’d like to address them here, now.

So, I know most of you were unhappy with how I chose to end that chapter but you already knew what you were getting into when you clicked on this story. So, to that one person who was very rude in their comment (you know who you are, if you are still even subscribed to this since I politely asked you to unsubscribe and I’m still kindly asking you not to bother with reading this Epilogue because it’s not for you), this is what I have to say. A writer can choose how to end their story in the way they want, it’s their work and it’s their vision. They worked hard to produce a story and, for an emotional story like “Lost Boy” that’s filled with angst and tragedy, it can take a toll on their own mental and emotional health. I have no problem with constructive criticism, but your comment was not constructive, at all. You have no idea how many times I’ve re-worked this story since last year, the effort and every bit of my own emotions I put on it. So, the fact that you said the things you did makes me believe that you don’t realize all the work it took to create this story you supposedly enjoyed but proceed to insult when it didn’t end the way you wanted. It’s MY story.

And, following up on that, if you’re unhappy with how I wrote my stories and you want to write your own version, please, please, please, PLEASE ask me for permission. My story ideas are precious and important to me, as any author will tell you. This is the second time it’s happened and both times, both stories were written without my permission. Even if you credit me in your author notes, which I appreciate, I still want to be asked if I’m okay with it because when it’s sprung up on me, I’m caught off-guard and it upsets me. I want to be able to make that choice to have something I come up with re-written and I won’t pretend I’m okay with it. So, again, please, please, please, PLEASE ask me for permission, it’s only common courtesy.

And, third, I’ll be taking a short break after this but I will start accepting prompt requests again, soon.

With that said, enjoy this Epilogue!

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The streets and houses looked the same as he remembered…yet also not the same.

Mrs. Singh’s shrubs are still shaped like birds. The Caranos’ front porch had been re-painted from white to a bright sunny yellow. Mr. Lee’s picket fence was finally fixed. And the Smith’s gnomes still stare stonily right into his soul.

A breeze swept by him and he shuddered, zipping his jacket further up before stuffing his hands into the pockets. He continued down the path to his destination, his gaze swiveling around and taking in his surroundings.

Everything was familiar…yet also not familiar.

After some time, he finally made it to the gray-painted house with the navy-blue roof and white windows. The picket fence surrounding it was still intact and still white.

He couldn’t help the smile that graced his lips as he walked up the path to the front door. His stomach was filled with butterflies and nerves. He kind of felt guilty for being here and almost turned tail and ran. But, no, he was going to do this. He swore to himself that he would.

Raising a hand, he pressed his finger to the doorbell and waited.

It didn’t take long for the door to swing open and reveal a blonde-haired woman, who smiled in a friendly manner upon seeing him.

“Hello. Can I help you?”

“Hello, ma’am. Is this the Kippen household?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Hi, uh, Mrs. Kippen?”

She nodded.

“I’m… Cyrus Goodman. I used to live here?”

She blinked, brow furrowing in confusion before a look of understanding took over.

“Oh! Goodman! Yes! We bought the house from your parents. Hi, how are you, dear? What brings you here?”

Cyrus chuckled, lightly, his nerves disappearing. “Uh, it’s kind of a long story. But, I was wondering if your son, T.J., was home? He did something for my parents over a year ago and I just came by to thank him, in person.”

“Of course! Come on in!”

She stepped aside and allowed him to enter the home he hadn’t seen in so long.

“He’s up in his room, I’ll go get him,” said Mrs. Kippen before heading up the stairs.

Cyrus took that chance to look around.

Everything was different. The furniture. The photos and paintings on the walls. Even the scent. Instead of the faint aroma coming from the lavender candle that his step-mother Sharon always had lit to relax her patients, there was the unmistakable fresh smell of store-bought Febreze (he just wasn’t sure which one).

He no longer recognized his former home.

A gasp and a glass falling to the floor and breaking caught his ears.

He turned to see a blonde-haired teenage girl, looking at him with wide blue eyes, like she had seen a ghost or something.

He awkwardly lifted a hand to wave. “Hi. I’m Cyrus.”

She continued to stare, her body trembling.

Worried, he asked, “Are you okay?”

“Y-You…” The girl finally found her voice. “B-But, y-you’re…”

Cyrus’ brow furrowed. Did she know him?

“Mom, just tell me who it is,” a new voice reached his ears.

“I’ll let him introduce himself. Come on, don’t keep your guest waiting.”

Distracted, Cyrus turned his head towards the stairs.

Mrs. Kippen was coming down and behind her was a blonde-haired boy.

Instantly, Cyrus felt his breath catch in his throat and the blood rushed to his cheeks. His palms were suddenly sweaty and his heart suddenly decided it wanted to run a marathon.

Tousled blonde hair. Green eyes that reminded Cyrus of freshly cut grass. And a built that definitely screamed “Athlete!”

Damnit, the guy was cute!

This must be T.J., then. His mom definitely did not exaggerate when she told Cyrus the guy was good looking. It wasn’t just her trying to set him up with someone to date.

When T.J. caught sight of him, he froze, eyes wide, like a deer caught in headlights and his mouth open in shock.

Cyrus cleared his throat, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. “H-Hi.” He cleared his throat. “Um, T.J.? Right? I’m-.”

“Cyrus,” T.J. breathed and the way he said the name was, strangely, familiar to Cyrus.

Had they met before? But, he was told that the Kippens were new to Shadyside.

The goosebumps that appeared on his skin confused Cyrus, too.

“You’re Cyrus.” The blonde continued to stare at him.

Cyrus let out a soft chuckle.

“Yeah. I guess you’ve heard of me? Well, of course, you have! You live in my old house! And staying in my old room! I hope you like it! Wait, of course, you like it! Haha, you chose it, after all. I hope it was comfortable and… uh…”

T.J. blinked, speechless.

Knowing he was rambling by now, Cyrus subtly tried to wipe his hands on the side of his jeans.

“You gave my parents my journal a year ago. And I just came by to thank you. We just got back, actually.”

“But…how…”

Oh, of course, he wouldn’t know what happened the year before. No one knew. Cyrus had begged his parents to make sure of it.

He nervously ran a hand through his hair. “It’s kind of a long story.”

It was now that Mrs. Kippen decided to intervene.

“We’re gonna clean this up.” She gestured to the broken glass on the floor by her daughter’s feet. “T.J., why don’t you take Cyrus up to your room so you can talk? But, leave the door unlocked, please.”

To Cyrus’ surprise and curiosity, T.J. turned a deep shade of red.

“Mom!” the blonde almost shrieked.

Cyrus didn’t know why his heart refused to calm down at all. Was he nervous? Maybe a little. But, what did he have to be nervous about?

T.J.’s sister was still staring at him and Cyrus tried to ignore the way her eyes seemed to zero in on his back as he followed the other boy up to the second floor.

When they reached his old room, Cyrus immediately noticed the difference. Instead of the plain old white door Cyrus remembered, rainbow-colored paper that formed “TJ” was stuck on the wood.

(Cyrus’ heart may have skipped a beat. Weird.)

Across from that, the room that Cyrus remembered as a guest room, had a paper “Amber” on it.

“Um…come on in.”

T.J. had opened the bedroom door while Cyrus was distracted.

Nodding, he stepped into his old room and was immediately washed by a sense of familiarity and unfamiliarity at the same time. He stopped in the middle and looked around.

The bed frame was the same, but the sheets and covers were a dark green, instead of Cyrus’ more familiar light blue. His old desk was still being used, filled to the brim with books, papers, pens and pencils, and other knick-knacks.

His inspirational posters had been replaced with photo frames and posters of basketball stars. Hoodies were slung over the chair, the edge of the bed, and the closet doorknob. A basketball sat under the window that overlooked Sharon’s old garden.

It was his room yet also not his room.

“I like what you’ve done with the place,” he commented, walking over to the desk and perching on the edge of it, still looking around. “It doesn’t look like my old room, anymore.”

T.J. let out a kind of choked gasp and Cyrus turned his attention to him, curiously.

The blonde looked pale, his gaze still on Cyrus like he couldn’t decide what to make of him. And, by the look in his eyes, he seemed on the verge of crying.

He didn’t think Cyrus was gonna take away his room, was he? Because that was ridiculous, his parents didn’t even own this house, anymore.

“Are you okay?” he asked, feeling a little worried.

T.J. bit his lip before nodding. “Yeah… I’m fine… You’re here… You’re really here… But, how… I mean, last year…”

Ah, right into the nitty-gritty.

Before Cyrus could begin his explanation, T.J. blurted out, “Can I hug you?” He turned read again before following it up with a shy, “Please.”

He should really be questioning this. T.J. was a stranger. His stranger danger instincts should be on overdrive, as it always was when meeting something new. But, for some odd reason he couldn’t pinpoint, he felt comfortable with the blonde boy. And not just because he was cute.

Despite being shocked and kind of caught off-guard, Cyrus found himself nodding and hopping off the desk. In a few strides, T.J. walked forward until he was standing right in front of Cyrus. He was about a head taller than Cyrus so the latter found himself looking up at him.

T.J.’s green eyes had flecks of yellow. They were really pretty.

Cyrus could feel himself blushing at the thought but before he could even comprehend what was happening, T.J. had raised his shaking arms to go around him but he didn’t touch Cyrus. He was hesitating as if Cyrus was made of glass and T.J. was scared of breaking him.

Finally, after what felt like agonizing long minutes (but were probably only a few seconds), T.J. fully wrapped his arms around him, bringing him close to the firm chest.

Cyrus’ heart started running that marathon again. T.J.’s hug was warm and comfortable and he felt like crying, for some reason. He could feel his eyes stinging with tears but he forced them not to fall.

T.J. hugged him for a long time. Maybe a minute or two passed before he finally let go. Maybe because Cyrus had started squirming a little.

The blonde turned away and sniffled.

Cyrus heard him but decided not to comment. Clearly, T.J. was going through something but it was his decision to tell Cyrus or not. After all, they were strangers.

T.J. finally turned back around, looking sheepish. “Sorry. I… uh… Sorry.”

Cyrus smiled, assuring him that it was okay.

“It’s just… last time I saw you… Your parents were going to take you off life support. And…”

Of course! The last time T.J. probably saw him, he was unconscious to the world. For all he knew, Cyrus had died. And that was kind of Cyrus’ fault to begin with. He had to explain himself.

“Yeah… about that. We should probably sit down.”

He made his way back to the desk and he watched as T.J. hesitated before going to the bed and sitting there, instead.

“So… you were right… they were going to take me off life support,” Cyrus began, swinging his legs to combat his nerves. “But, I woke up. Like… literally, moments before they were gonna pull the plug, I just woke up. The doctors couldn’t explain it. Said it was a miracle but whatever it was, I’m just glad for it. I really like being alive.”

He chuckled a little and T.J.’s lips quirked into a soft smile.

It was a nice smile. Cyrus was momentarily distracted by it until the blonde asked, “Why didn’t they tell us? We were waiting to hear back about… your funeral. Is that why they didn’t say anything? Because there was no funeral?”

Cyrus pursed his lips. “Yeah… that was kind of my fault. I asked them not to tell anyone I woke up.”

T.J.’s eyes widened. “What? Why?”

Cyrus looked back to last year, the moment he opened his eyes to his parents’ tear-stained faces, the shock in their eyes, and his mother’s hysterical screaming for the doctor. The various hands on him, touching and prodding and checking every inch and crevice of his body. The confusion as to why he was on a hospital bed, feeling stiff and sore, his head all fuzzy.

“When I first woke up, it was like waking up from a long nap,” he began to explain. “Except, it wasn’t just a nap. It was all scary and confusing and I thought I was still dreaming for most of it. Until, finally, when everything calmed down, they told me what happened to me. That I was in a coma for more than a year and they thought I was never waking up. They couldn’t explain it. I was brain-dead, only kept alive by the machine. But, the doctors thought they may have made a mistake in the initial diagnosis. It’s rare but it does happen. I guess I got lucky.”

“No one told us,” T.J. stated, sounding hurt. “We waited and we even went to your mom’s house. No one was there.”

“In all the fuss, my mom forgot to give everyone a call.”

Which was a miracle, itself, really. His mom never let an opportunity pass by to talk about the latest happenings. And Cyrus waking up from a year-long coma was definitely something she would talk about.

“I asked her not to say anything, especially to my friends.”

“But… why?”

Cyrus sighed as he closed his eyes.

“I was ashamed. And embarrassed. And… just… I couldn’t face them after everything.” He opened his eyes to see T.J. staring at him in rapt attention. “You know, when a person first wakes up from a coma, they’re not exactly back to their old selves. It’s kind of like… starting from scratch. Like a toddler learning everything for the first time. I was sedentary and unconscious for a long time and I needed rehab to re-learn basic actions again. Like walking and remembering things. I could talk a little, but it hurt and I had trouble forming long sentences. I think my voice changed but that’s probably just puberty.”

He linked his hands together, clasping them together on top of his knee.

“The doctor recommended a rehab center in L.A. so my family packed up everything and we moved there. They didn’t say anything to anyone else except for close family. Honestly, I feel kind of guilty for not telling my friends but… I just wanted to be a little less… broken… before I see them again.”

Cyrus smiled and hopped off the desk, wincing a little at the ache in his right knee when his foot landed.

“But, I’m back now! And I’m ready to see them again. I mean… I’m not fully recovered. I still have trouble with my memory and my legs give out sometimes… not that it’s any different from how I was before the coma… but, I’m better. Much better.”

For a moment, it looked like T.J. really had no idea how to react to the situation. He was still staring at Cyrus. And Cyrus wasn’t used to cute boys staring at him. It should unnerve him, but he wasn’t uncomfortable, at all.

He couldn’t explain it but there was something about T.J. that made Cyrus feel comfortable, like he was someone he could trust.

“Why did you come here?” the blonde finally spoke up. “I mean… we didn’t know each other.”

“I told you. I wanted to thank you for giving my parents my journal last year. My mom told me everything.”

It made him overly curious about the mysterious T.J. who moved into his dad’s old house, befriended his friends, and helped him come out to his parents.

“I’m sorry,” T.J. quickly said, standing up. “I overstepped my boundaries but it only felt right to give it to them.”

“I know. And you have no idea how much I appreciated that you did that.”

And Cyrus meant it.

When his mother finally told him and even showed him the journal, he knew he was supposed to feel upset and violated. Yet, instead, he felt at peace. Somehow, a part of him was grateful for the person who allowed his parents to finally see the real him.

“It wasn’t the ideal way to come out,” he admitted. “But, considering the circumstances, I could have died. And my parents would have never known. I know I’d regret it in the afterlife.”

T.J. winced, looking away and staring at the window. He looked upset. Was it something Cyrus said? Maybe he felt guilty for outing Cyrus? He really shouldn’t.

Still, he moved forward and placed a hand over T.J.’s arm, squeezing gently in what he hoped was comforting.

“I’m not mad at you,” Cyrus said. “I appreciate what you did. I swear.”

Finally, T.J. turned back to him, looking worried. “Do you… remember anything from when you were in a coma?”

That was an unexpected inquiry.

Cyrus shook his head as he removed his hand from the other boy’s arm.

“No, not really. Like I said, it was kind of like waking up from a nap.” He furrowed his brows, remembering a few blurry images and a distant yet familiar voice. “I know I dreamed. I definitely dreamed. I just don’t remember what the dream was.”

T.J. blinked and turned away again. “Yeah… I figured.”

There was something sad and melancholic in the tone of his voice. He sounded… heartbroken.

Cyrus was hit with the overwhelming need to wrap him in his arms.

“So… what happens now?” T.J. asked. “Did you tell Andi and the others yet?”

“Not yet. We only got back yesterday so we’re still in the middle of moving in. For some reason, I just... needed to come here and meet you, first, before anything else. But, I asked my mom to call them over to the house this afternoon. My parents decided to live in the same block this time instead of opposite sides of the town, so they can keep a better eye on me. And… I’m kinda nervous to see them. But, excited, too! Definitely excited. I missed them.”

Now, T.J. turned back to him, a small smile playing on his lips. “They missed you, too. You have no idea how much I… they missed you.”

He was really handsome when he smiled. Cyrus hoped they could be friends so he could see it more often.

His phone beeped and when he checked it, he saw a text message from his mother asking him if he was coming home soon. He supposed it was time. He still had some memory exercises to work on. And probably some physical exercises too before the girls and Jonah (hopefully) would arrive that afternoon.

This time, he knew he couldn’t get out of exercising because he needed it if he wanted to make a full recovery.

“I have to head home, now,” he announced, feeling kind of sad.

It was only for a few minutes but he liked hanging out with T.J. He wanted to get to know him more.

To his delight, T.J. offered to walk him home.

“So I can visit you sometime,” he explained.

Cyrus’ heart fluttered and he couldn’t deny the attraction any longer.

Funny. It took him ages to realize he had a crush on Jonah. Not even an hour with T.J. and he was already admitting to it.

As they walked, Cyrus rambled on and on. He talked about L.A. and how much he liked it, the rehab center and the people he met there, and the exercises he had to do to get his motor skills going and his memory to sharpen. He hoped T.J. didn’t mind him talking so much but talking was also a way for him to better his speech skills.

He didn’t realize how little he took for granted simple things such as remembering, walking, and talking before he was unable to do so properly for months. Now, he wasn’t going to waste a single minute of this second chance at life.

He was going to live his life to the fullest.

T.J. didn’t seem to mind him talking so much, at all. In fact, he seemed rather enthusiastic, answering and asking questions in turn. He even told Cyrus that he was originally a California guy, hailing from San Francisco, so he had visited L.A. a few times with his mom and sister. (But, he clearly had a bias for San Francisco.)

“Are you gonna enroll at Grant, then?” T.J. asked him while Cyrus was trying to catch his breath. “You were gonna go there, right? Before the whole… you know.”

Cyrus wondered how much T.J. knew about the circumstances of his coma. Did he know about Cyrus’ mental state back then? Everything that led up to the accident? Most likely, the girls and Jonah told him, but they didn’t know it was an accident either. Even his parents thought that he did it on purpose until he corrected them.

Truth be told, Cyrus wasn’t sure he was ready to talk about it to someone other than his therapist.

“No, I’m not,” he replied to T.J.’s question. “I’m not fully recovered yet. I’m still going through all the therapies and… well… I don’t think I’m ready to… you know… go back to the school and act normal, like nothing happened.”

The thought of having to put on a face and pretend for everyone made a pit form in his stomach.

T.J.’s face fell. “Oh.”

“But, we can still hang out!” Cyrus added, quickly. “I’d love to get to know you better… and be friends!”

He hoped his excitement wasn’t too obvious.

The smile returned to T.J.’s face. “Yeah?”

Cyrus nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”

Finally, they reached Cyrus’ new home. They must have talked for quite some time because Cyrus barely noticed the minutes flying by. The ache in his knees told him enough, though.

Now, he was standing in his driveway, not quite wanting to part from T.J. yet. He was really enjoying their talk.

“Um, do you want to come by this afternoon with Andi, Buffy, and Jonah?” he asked. “You didn’t text them, did you?”

Chuckling, T.J. shook his head. “No, of course not. That’s your truth to tell.” He appeared to contemplate his answer. “And as much as I’d like to, I don’t want to impose on your time with them. I mean, I had you this morning. It’s their turn.” Then, he turned red. “I mean, you came by to see me this morning! So, this is their time, you know. And, uh, they’d… really like to see you… Cause I liked seeing you… I mean, to see that you’re okay! And well and… alive. I’m really glad you’re alive.’

Blushing, himself, Cyrus couldn’t stop the little giggle that escaped him. (He was giggling!)

“Thank you,” he said. He bit his lip, feeling shy all of a sudden. “Um… So… I’ll see you around?”

T.J. nodded, his lips upturned into the biggest smile Cyrus had seen all morning. “Definitely.”

A beat passed. Then two.

Cyrus didn’t know what compelled him to or where the courage came from.

But, soon, he found his legs moving forward and, upon reaching the taller boy, his toes lifted him up. He pressed a kiss to T.J.’s cheek.

T.J. let out a soft gasp.

Realizing what he just did, Cyrus stumbled back, horrified hand over his mouth.

“Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I’m sorry, T.J.! I didn’t know why I did that! It was too forward of me and I’m so sorry! I’m sure you feel uncomfortable but I swear, I’m normally not like this and-.”

“Cyrus!” T.J. laughed, stepping forward to grasp Cyrus’ hand. “It’s okay! Really!”

Cyrus’ heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. His body was all warm and his lips tingled from where they pressed on T.J.’s cheek.

He had never felt like this before. Not with someone he just met. He didn’t believe in that love at first sight stuff. But, the moment he met T.J., everything just felt so… right.

“You still remember,” T.J. whispered.

Cyrus furrowed his brows. “Remember what?”

But, T.J. shook his head. “Nothing. Sorry. Just… that was a surprise. But, I can’t say I didn’t like it. Cause I did. Like it, I mean.”

T.J.’s hand in his felt nice.

“It’s… strange.” Cyrus gently squeezed the hand. “I feel like I know you so well already even though we just met. I just can’t help but trust you.”

T.J.’s smile was blinding and his eyes twinkled as he gazed at Cyrus. “I know what you mean. Maybe it’s because Andi, Buffy, and Jonah talked about you so much. But, I know that the real thing is a thousand times better.”

God, was he always this smooth?! They only just met and he was making Cyrus feel all kinds of giddy things he had only read about before or watched on T.V. Would it be always like this the more they get to know each other?

“Um… I hope this isn’t too forward but… Are you doing anything tomorrow? Do you want to go out?” T.J. asked.

Cyrus wanted to scream.

Was he still in a coma?! Did the cutest guy he had ever laid eyes on just ask him out on a date?! Just after an hour of knowing him?!

“We could have lunch at The Spoon. Maybe take a walk in the park? You like swings, right? We could go swinging.”

Cyrus forced his voice to come out. “Like… a date?” he croaked.

It was T.J.’s turn to look shy. “Yeah. If that’s okay. I mean, it doesn’t have to be a date. We can just hang out as friends. If you want, we can ask the others to come with us and make it a group thing and… well… yeah.”

His heart really needed to calm down so he could give a proper answer without his voice shaking.

“I’d like that,” he managed. “For it to be a date, I mean.” He cleared his throat and flashed a smile. “I’d love to go on a date with you, T.J.”

And, with those few words, the blonde’s face lit up like a child at Hanukkah.

“G-Great! I mean, awesome!”

He let out a laugh and without warning, he pulled Cyrus into his chest again, wrapping his arms around him.

So, T.J. was a hugger. Cyrus had no complaints about that. He liked hugging. And holding hands (and T.J. was also clearly a hand holder).

When they finally broke apart, both of them were grinning. Cyrus’ cheek hurt from how wide his lips were stretching but he hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.

Quickly, they exchanged numbers.

“So…” said Cyrus.

“So…” T.J. repeated, cheekily. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Cyrus nodded, giddy. “Tomorrow.”

He stepped forward and gave T.J. another hug goodbye before forcing himself to break away and walk to his front door.

When he turned around to catch one more glimpse of the blonde, T.J. was already walking away but right at that moment, he also looked back at Cyrus. Their eyes met and a kind of understanding passed between them.

Cyrus didn’t know what it was, exactly. But, one thing was for sure.

This was just the beginning for them.

All this time, he felt lost.

But, now, he felt like he had been found.

He had a new reason for living.

A/N: Well, there’s that. I hope it was a nice surprise! It took everything in me not to just blurt it out whenever you guys told me how sad you were. But, I hope this was worth it! Again, thank you so much for all your support and for following this story! I’m very grateful!

And I hope everyone lives their life to the fullest! Live it with kindness, gratitude, and love!

#andi mack #tyrus #tyrus lost boy #tyrus fanfic

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vaguelygeiszlerian · 4 years

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ok i just saw this existed, i live on tumblr mobile where i ignore the activity tab and scroll endlessly, bear w me

Animated character that was your gay awakening? uhhhhhhh,,,....,,,.. if i remembered anything abt my childhood i would tell u, im gonna say rukia from bleach because i want gorgeous short people to step on me

Grilled cheese or PB&J? peanut butter Always... tho if it was a fancy grilled cheese (there is a special preparation).... i would be torn

What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? it really depends! i bounce around, i watch a lot of baumgartner restorations, i watch a LOT of nyx fears video essays on horror movies i would never watch, i watch longplays of, like, nier automata bc im still delighted by cryaotic?

Your go-to bar order, if you drink? i dont really get to order a lot of drinks at bars, itll depend, if im with friends ill order as many things off the cocktail menu as my money allows, if im with my parents ill order long island iced teas or whiskey and lemonade

What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? i literally own like 3 pairs of shoes, one of which being the only pair i can actually safely wear haha.... but my favorite pair is the black red and gold converse that dont fit anymore but still remind me of high school

Top three cuisines? mexican, italian, whomever the fuck invented kasoundi

What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? yeah as said above i have no clue about anything about my childhood so idk i think mum said once that my first proper word was just ‘no’ which sounds abt right

What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? idk if my last job counts? i mean i used to do all round garden labor stuff until my pain got worse and i literally couldnt anymore so i got relegated to desk work

Look up. What’s directly across from you? oh a container of pesto i didnt like the flavour of and just... forgot to throw out.... i will do that tomorrow

Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? i have a rwby poster signed by ray and jack? its p cool

Preferred way to spend a rainy day? preferred right now? wrapped in a metric fuckton of blankets w my partner

What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? i..... dont like bagels

Brunch or midnight snacks? i live a weirdly scheduled life, midnight snacks and brunch are interchangeable to me now, so both

Favorite mug you own i..... dont really have one? all of my actual mugs that are mine have my deadname on them haha

What coffee drink would you describe yourself as? overbrewed black coffee that someone left to go cold before dumping six packs of sugar in

Pick a song lyric to describe your current mood (and drop the name and artist!) ‘ And I don't want your pity I just want somebody near me ‘ bc we all love a bit of mitski when we are feeling the self isolation creeping in

Fruity or herbal teas? fruity teas only! or rather i drink fruit tisanes! but if you mean actual tea then herbal, i only drink peppermint tea

What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? fruits basket! everyone watch the reboot

That book you were forced to read for class but actually ended up enjoying? all the books i read for class sucked but medea wasnt so bad

Do you match your socks? only when theyre very fun patterned socks, and even then sometimes i will match them to the wrong pair but the same pattern, aka my double watermelon combo (i have a pair of green socks w watermelons and a pair of black socks w watermelons so)

Have you ever been horseback riding? no and i never will because i am fucking terrified of horses

What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) uh.... uh i mean im not sure if it counts as a phase but i was stupid into vampires (to the point of me and my friends constructing the intricate theory that our teacher was a vampire and we had to kill her by the time we graduated (she was not and we did not and i hate all of those people now) i was just the weird conspiracy kid i guess, we used to spend every lunch staring across the oval at a house we were SURE an alien lived in (it was just a plastic bag being rustled by a fan)

Have you ever been to jail? bkdnbrb god no

What’s your opinion on Lazy Susan’s (the spinning tray in the middle of tables)? im a lazy susan

Puzzles? i cant solve a rubiks cube but give me a 2000 piece jigsaw and ill sit there for 6 hours trying to solve it

You can only have one juice for the rest of your life, what is it? oh this is tough..... orange juice, the fancy kind but with no bits in it, i used to like the bits but these days i just want a clean juice experience

What section do you immediately head for when you walk into a bookstore? ,,,,,,the ya fiction section, i never buy anything from there but i like to see if series i read as a teenager ever got new instalments after i stopped liking them

What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now? how to sleep like a normal person

Who’s your go-to musical artist when you’re feeling upbeat? uh, it depends! lizzo or my playlist of musicals! (which is literally just starkid/tcb stuff)

Where could someone find you in a museum? i could literally be anywhere, probably in front of some old piece though, just staring for an hour bc im struck by the majesty of it (and my legs probably locked up so i couldnt move anyway)

What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? so i have a nice white button up and some really nice jeans i just got, and my suspenders, and my cool blue heels that i know i cant wear bc my legs cant handle walking in heels anymore, but it would look cool am i right

Rainbows, stars, or sunset colored clouds? i look up at my roof which is almost entirely covered in glow in the dark stars and then stare into the camera (i wish every day that my roof was like the roof of the healthy harold van, i still have fucking dreams of that beautiful ceiling)

If you could own any non-traditional pet (dogs, cats, fish, rodents, etc), what would it be? non traditional? id want a lizard that could curl round my shoulders like a leathery scarf

Do you have more art on your walls or more photographs? i dont have any photos on my wall so art by default

You have to get one meme tattooed on your body, what meme is it and where does it go? i just want the pensive emoji tattooed in the small of my back so if i wear a crop top everyone has to suffer with me

Pick a superhero sidekick to hang out with fuck superheroes they suck, can i hang out with jason todd red hood style

Lakes, rivers, or oceans? oceans, i want to go to the beach so fucking bad

Favorite mid-2000s song i dont really have a Big Favorite but like..... i constantly thank god for esteban

How do you dress when you’re home alone? ive been in the same sweatpants and old paint shirt i got from my painting and decorating course for three days

Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? armchair closest to the kitchen, perfect to make a quick escape if dad comes in

Knives or swords? knives, i dont have the upper body strength for swords

A song you didn’t think you’d enjoy but ended up loving? oh uh run away with me by crj, *bwoooooooo buhnuhnuuuuuu buhnuhnuuuuuhhh buhnuhnuuuuhhhhh*

Pick an old-school Disney Channel Original Movie HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL BUT SPECIFICALLY ONLY CERTAIN PARTS FROM EACH OF THEM BC COLLECTIVELY THEY SUCK BUT PARTS OF THEM ARE PERFECT

Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? no caption i dont want people to really acknowledge that i post things

Name a classic Vine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anQds9PQ7CA

What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? hash browns hash browns hash browns ONLY

How do you top your ice cream? god its been so long since ive been able to eat ice cream.... with the reeses peanut butter ice cream shell topping

Do you like Jello? jelly is the pinnacle of our society and i wish i were eating it right now

What’s something that you don’t have a picture of that you wish you did? i wish i had a picture of myself and my partner so i could set it as my phone lock screen (that or i wish i had a picture of me and a friend i really dearly miss bc i have pics of her in my phone but not of us together and i want some but i cant bring myself to say so)

How are you at climbing trees? theres a tree in my front yard i used to be able to hang off but nowadays i think id hurt myself just trying to lift my nasty meat sack off the ground trying

#long post #christ that took like 3 hours #i dont know things about myself #thanks for asking though #Anonymous

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green-there · 4 years

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Concerts 2019-February 2020 : favorite songs and tid bits from shows

Cage the Elephant- Back stabbin’ Betty is my favorite song by them. Telescope was really great to hear live because of the soothing tone of the song and the energy behind it and reminds me of being younger feeling moody. It was my friends birthday, and we drove there in a stacked line of cars to the outdoor cathedral. We had to drive down a surprisingly long dirt road, and walked to the amphitheater. We passed these rainbow bicycles strewn about that were for only google workers to use, and I peed in an open undeveloped field half way to our destination. The closer we got the more packed it got. We made it in through the crowds to a grassy ledge way back behind the seats, but found ourselves a good view. When the music began it was so exciting to watch the dad with his kid on his shoulders, the group of hispanic guys singing along, and this tinder date gone wrong unfolding before us. So two couples came to watch next to eachother, and couple A’s frat boy ended up grinding on couple B’s female (EVEN DURING SLOW SONGS)... nothing like a sad slow grind I guess? My friends mom showed up with her personal favorite type of alcohol that she knows my friend can’t stand and drank it for her. The people in front of us started smoking weed, and we ended up moving to a spot where we could watch a close up screen of what the singers actually looked like. Beck seemed desperate when he came on stage mentioning more times than needed that he opened for greenday, and wouldn’t let the poor cage the elephant’s main singer get a break so he wouldn’t feel lonely on stage. He was dressed to the 10s, and had a big crazy finale. Next time I listened to cage the elephant, it was my friend playing cigarette daydream driving to a thai food date with my lovely friend and it was reminiscent of simpler times and very peaceful.

The Growlers- They have not made a bad album. I love how the singer moves with his music, and I just couldn’t stop smiling at their show in Seattle! I can’t choose just one song I like the best because they all feel so nice to listen to. The guy from the Strokes produced some of their new music, and I was worried at first that it might shift away from their raw sound, but I can’t complain. Its great. It makes me so happy whenever I listen to them even when when the songs have dark themes, there is something really reassuring about his voice. The flight to Seattle was so funny, I watched yes man completely silent with subtitles with my best friend. The first day in the city we walked around with our suitcases feeling especially ‘standing out like a sore thumb’ which made us feel somewhere between embarrassed and fabulous. Our Canadian friends had a cousin we got to stay with and drove us to the show after a city tour, and called in an old favor with the venue people to let in our Canadian buddies. (She’s so cool she showed us this multi floor brick artist loft overlooking the ocean with a band that never stops playing, burning man kind of creative energy) Long story short at the concert, I went to get us all drinks, couldn’t bring them to the floor (drinking age in Canada is different than US and we didn’t think ahead) so I had to drink all the drinks I bought for us. Very tipsy I danced held and had an emotional connection with the flamboyant fella next to me, along with anyone willing. I was in a floor length sparkly black sheer dress- so I was feeling hot haha. The venue was like a formal old style maybe dance hall and had chandeliers. Im pretty sure the walls were painted red, but I cant be sure.

The Oh Sees- They were sold out in San Francisco, which is why we went to Seattle! My friend is a psych rock connoisseur, and says that she has been listening to them 2 years going and is still in love. Their mosh pit was fantastic, and my ears were ringing for the next couple of days. Very experimental, and the songs all have a wonderful way of combining which I really appreciate. The Daily heavy is a very exciting song, The duck intro never fails to disappoint. I dressed in ripped jeans, combat boots (thank god), and a jean jacket. We spent touring with my friend bf in the city and the gardens, ending up on this very hip part of town. The grunge phase was never just a phase for Seattle, but a life style. The poles on the street were like an arm width thick with posters tacked one on the next. My friend almost got hit by the door by thee Oh Sees lead singer she has been geeking out on and was flattered. I was trying to find her a suitable hook up, but we wern’t so lucky. The venue was dark and moody with hip band posters on the walls upstairs. We got some drinks and talked about how nice it was to not have to worry about how to hold our arms or think about our hands, because we had drinks. The first band I really didn’t like. The Oh sees had suuuch nice crowd energy. We went up to the non gendered bathrooms at one point, but my friends favorite song came on right she was about to go in and she just said fuck it and we ran back downstairs. I moshed and it felt so so nice, and I stepped out so I could keep an eye on my friend when she went in. I didn’t want her to get overwhelmed or hurt without someone to get her out. She did really good at just going with it. The outro to the concert was bizarre and lengthy, and a good way to finish her off.

The Mystic Braves- This was my first show I saw at the Chapel in San Francisco, and it was so wonderful! Amazing grapefruit tequila something I tried, everyone was really laid back, and I just had this feeling of being really happy I got to be here at this place and time. And the disco ball looks so cool watching how the lights carry across the bright red interior super steep ceiling. There were candles along the side walls, and I felt like it was really fitting for a repurposed church. My favorite song by them is can’t grow peaches and cloud nine! The lead singer wore really tight pants. My friend said she recognized different musicians there. I was admiring so many different beautiful people that were collected around that stood out in a way that next to each other they seemed to fit (if that makes sense). I went up to the upstairs bar and pretended like some wealthy moody city person like a sultry vampire-y version of sex and the city. Downstairs after the show we went to a bar filled with distorted clocks and ate frys, talking about how nice it would be to talk to people and know what to say.

Astroid No. 4- They played the same night as The Mystic braves, and we got there late, so we just caught the tail end. They are note worthy though, they have a good sound.

Andre Moya- Claro Esta En Mi Corazon makes me get that feeling like eating really good chocolate does- if that makes any sense. Summer’s Daughter is so dreamy, his sound is gorgeous! It was a couple days before Halloween, and it was supposed to be a costume party kind of thing, so it said. My friend and I went dressed as clowns and we are stand off-ish typically even when we don’t want to be. We parked and some dude made fun of us before we even got out, and it was so hard to go in but we drove all the way out to santa cruz to see him in a wind storm. Anyways it was like 7 of his friends hanging out drinking beer when we went up, none in costumes. He didn’t get to play much because some miscommunication with the Catalyst where he was playing, but he was so sweet! They threw together costumes when we came, and he introduced us to his friends and gave us beers, and we did our best to talk. Such a beautiful legs and long hair, not to mention a very dynamic painter! I got asked on the street by a kind guy if I wanted to go get dinner with him and I politely declined. Our clown duo me and my pal went to Pluto’s cafe who are opened until 3am and ate vegan nachos, and I was convincing myself that I could feel drunk off a beer. The drive back wasn’t as scary and windy thank god.

The Dead Ghosts- They got one of their songs on a Canadian sitcom show called Letterkenny! They played at the Chapel, and the singer was so funny he dedicated one of his last songs to this couple who were choking on eachothers tongues the entire time. Its funny that he made a point of that because me and my boyfriend were going to makeout for a sec to see if we could not be anxious sober doing that, but I wussed out. He talked with us for a while after the show which was really cool. I really like ‘When it comes to you’ by them. It felt so nice just him like sitting on the stage chatting with my friend and boyfriend about the funny things he’s come across, his travels, what his music reminds us of and the such.

Torrey- They were so sweet! My boyfriend described them as great sunset music and got all excited when they had a couple of free CDs, but didn’t get to them in time. He talked to the main girl and she mailed one to Costa Mesa for him! Scruffy is my favorite song by them, I agree they are great sunset drive music. She was so cute!

The Shivas- So they started the band back when they were teenagers in Oregon, and the Catalyst was their first venue that opened their doors to get them on their first little tour! They were very thankful and gave them a big thanks during the show in Santa Cruz. You make me wanna die is their biggest song, and I’ve loved it for so long, its the best feeling to put a face to a voice! And they have such a cute look! The guy in control of the lighting had a few projectors pointing at the band and had a different colorful puddles of dyed oils, water and bubbles that he would distort with the music, which was really exciting to watch. Turn me on is a great song, and I bought a pin for a dollar with the cover art on it.

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- Driving in the city my best friend does very very good at and Im proud of her for it. We parked in this absolutely massive parking garage that felt like an extended dream walking through the huge in ground spiral upwards searching for a door. We made it up, but I freaked my friend out a bit getting into the surreal feeling of the place. The street was filled with cool people, and we often talk about how we wished we could smoke. But my friend and I had the same problem with track, which is we are both just bad at breathing. Huge dream like open space building in a tight line spiraling upstairs to this overly formal but massive room with huge arches and a tall tall ceiling. Big huge fans in those windows to get this massive body of humans some air. People smoked weed around us in the crowd, so we were in and out so my friend wouldn’t have to worry about breathing. Their concert was something brand new. It was like the first time being in the snow or something- just insane. This show was their first release of Infest the rats nest. They have a huge group of guys, including 2 drummers that play in sync, and OH MAN. The energy in that room and how we all fed off the transitions in the music and how you can see physically how people in the audience change with the music. Plus their music brings up things that genuinely frighten me like climate change. I just recommend the whole album of infest the rats nest. And fishing for fishies is a song that sounds child like and a completely different tone which I was listening to before I went in and was completely caught off gaurd.

Stonefield- They are the second band I’ve bought a shirt from (Wooing was the first band). Its really cool. They remind me of classic rock music when people started getting all experimental. The whole band is female and they all came out wearing matching corduroy pants and jackets, each in a different color, and all have really long hair. I really like People by them and Delusion is great too. They are so hot ah man what a power move to wear all corduroy matching suits and play so hardy ooh man.

Twin Peaks- The crowd surprised me! Lots of people who obviously went to Berkley which was a bit intimidating honestly. They have a lot of nice songs, Making Breakfast and Shake your Lonely are good for a morning perhaps where you are making breakfast. I can see it walking somewhere laid back. Mid-day only if its summer and you are by a body of water.

Post Animal- Their first album is great, then they got a bit more of a pop sound. Buried gold in that first album! What the heck they make an album like that and then got popular for their pop?? That first album shows that they are great at what they do, and hopefully it will get dug up and popular and they will come home to psych rock papa. Tame Impala got big for it, so if they are worried about being less liked for more of a psychedelic sound then piggy back on tame impalas newer fan base. Not ideal but PLEASE such posibility lost when they rolled over and went pop.

The Drums- “I want to buy you something, but I don’t have any moneyyy, I don’t have any moneeeey!” There is a real hit home chorus if Ive ever heard one. Very much a surfer feeling, and Im for it. Dark themed beachy pop (for their older stuff), great control over his voice, and he dances when he sings which I love. Their new stuff has some tech-y sounds in it. They played in the Catalyst too, but the big room for them because they are more known.

COWGIRL CLUE- Walked blind into that one. Had no previous knowledge of music like hers before being there. We were so worried that her microphone wasn’t picking up her voice, and thats why we couldn’t make out her words. She’s dating a guy from the garden so I heard. CHERRY JUBILEE is honestly a banger and it took time to realize it haha

The Black Lips- The girl in the band is so hot I love her look so much! They played in San Jose on this street with nice art galleries on and around it. O Katrina and Crystal Night are my favorite songs by them. They have an interesting mix of band members, they all have their own distinct style which is unusual, but it was nice. And the audience was the same kind of assortment of the outliers which makes me comfortable. The bar had a kind of rugged presence that was the first of its kind for me.

Ohmme- I cried hearing them sing. Such insane knowledge of how to use their voices, listening to them in person it makes sense when people talk about voices as instruments. They know what they are doing and they just work so well together. I have this feeling that there is possibly an Irish folk influence? Im not sure if Im reading that in. But that, some great guitar shindigs that they play, there is an element of surprise as their songs transition in intensity. Give me back my man and Fingerprints are so satisfying. Wheel is their newest (and real good). AND THEN SHE WHIPPED OUT THAT VIOLIN Oh man so talented. Plus they brought up points for being pro choice, access to period material, strong feminist power here ahh

Wand- The singers voice is so distinctively peaceful and entrancing, the music is psychedelic and makes your mind wander with it like a dream. They remind me of Radiohead but my friend said those are figting words (haha).They played at a venue attached to a bar made for old guys to hang out in, and you could tell by the crowd. Anyways. Im convinced their bass player was checking me out and I was very flattered. He had a beautiful hairline which is something I didn’t know could be beautiful- but it really works nicely with his face structure. The singer uses a violin bow to play electric guitar with which is a very new concept to me! My favorite part about them is the transitions of intensity throughout their songs, there is something almost orchestral about it that just makes me tear up thinking about. The lighting was absolutely beautiful! You remember the Shivas concert I talked about with the lighting being experimental pools of colored translucent liquids and oils on projectors all moving with the music? Well this was that but evolved. Pricy looking projectors and high saturation colors. The motions of this music just carry you through so many feelings and just being a part of the color and music just melts ya. Bee Karma, 6661,Wonder, Keep you up Aghhhh so good! so so so good.

Bridget Dawson- She was so cute! A band of misfits! She makes music with the Oh Sees now and then, and I liked how they had saxophone in all their songs. They played at the chapel, and we got our favorite grapefruit- tequila drinks. Its called Paloma I think. This guy who plays spanish classical guitar live stream on his instagram now and then and dresses all 70s (He sang both my friend and I into songs on his instagram live feed and made us geek out kinda hard) was talking to Andre Moya and we were giving them some space to talk to the bar tenders before we went over because we think they are cool and we were kind of embarrassed for being legitimate clowns in front of Angelic Andre. Any who, Bridget Dawson has a beautiful voice and you can really tell she loves making music. When the band was playing I was just imagining how I could run into them just like grocery shopping or at the library or somewhere unexpected because we are all little people with our own lives and minds and how you never know who’s in that creative stream of consciousness until you dig around a bit and really listen to how they perceive and interpret the world.

Mr. Elevator- You can tell by the singers voice that he kind. Dreamer is my favorite song by them! Nico and her psychedelic subconscious not only is a great name for a song, but was really fun to see people really get into dancing to that song. I really appreciate the people who want to dance and just do because they feel like it and don’t need any other thought than that to move. Getting to this frame of mind would feel so freeing, and Im taking my baby steps to allowing myself access to my voice and body. The crowd’s energy was just at a place I really want to be. They play a lot of electric keyboard and organ (organ? Oregon?) The singer had such an embracing energy about him I wish we could be friends :)

Kamikaze Palm tree- The keyboardist that played with Wand reappeared in The Catalyst’s mid sized room for the first set (and my personal favorite of the 3 bands that night). Here we had first band member: very focused beautiful drummer/singer with a white mullet- very etherial, second band member: an individual who had eyes like death that would find a victim to stare into in between bouts of expressive movement while they played guitar (lipstick, cute little hearts on the cheeks, curly hair, preferred gender unknown), and third: our sweet keyboardist that played with Wand earlier. The guitarist was all over the place, the other two were the picture frame. The keyboardist was obviously entertained by the guitarist, and the drummer/singer was back and forth between guitar in front, drumming in back, singing wherever she was at the time. Their music has as much energy and movement as their action of performance. My favorite part was when the guitarist stared into my soul with dark eyes. Looking into someones eyes is one of the most intimate actions you can have with another person, and they gave me a dead stare I was so flattered and enjoyed observing their stone-like expression. And their music feels like they get the same ups and downs going between the energies of peace and chaos. It was like an inner dialogue behind their music, and I couldn’t help but cry smiling like a weirdo. There weren’t many people at the venue yet, so it was a little practice of letting myself feel(and I don’t think I was too obvious thankfully).

Froth- They played after Kamikaze Palm tree. These guys had an interesting social dynamic. The drummer seemed to be micro managing the volumes of their output, and had an extensive dialogue with the guys in charge of sound. But maybe the last band put it on odd levels or something (which I wouldn’t doubt.) The singer seemed really tense about the situation, and the guitarist was just obviously tired of dealing with the drummer. They wanted to be under red light the whole set. The singer seemed like he would be nice, and the crowd got really big out of nowhere. The next band to play was Duster, who apparently hadn’t played in something like 18 years. But what a place to be put in! Right after the dynamic Kamikaze Palm tree just had, and before someone that was a dear loved long lost loved band of a large mass of people!

Duster- Upon reading their Spotify description it seems that they started up at the end of one categorization, and before the beginning of the next, so they were popularized in their later years because they were genre lost and recaptured. But wow I could feel their space influence at their show, definitely music to travel and/or cry to. I loved their transitions, their following was so happy to see them you could just feel it! Its contained and deep in a way where I cant quite place. Their songs have a range. Some are looking up into the stars, feeling your body shift into them as you realize how you are a part of each other (a song like topical solution), or being outside as a storm approaches and overtakes you so you get to the point of feeling the warmth in your blood moving separate from the coldness of your skin, and the process of getting where you need to be to be (Echo, Bravo).

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