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javierpena-inatacvest · 8 months

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Chapter 14- Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Summary: You and Javi celebrate your first Christmas together in Laredo

Word Count: 11.3K (could be worse?)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't be a fool, wrap your tool), oral (f receiving), face sitting (awh hell yes), creampie, praise kink, breeding kink, mentions of food/eating, mentions of grief/death (but it's sweet), children being assholes (I'm a teacher, I'm allowed to say it), our favorite idiots Carter and Miller making a brief appearance (I missed them), Javi being so sweet with kids (this does deserve a warning, I'm sorry) Javi being so kind, patient, thoughtful, amazing UGH he is too good for this earth 🥹😩

A/N: Thank you for your patience as I finally get this chapter done! Life has been absolutely crazy these past two weeks, so I'm hoping now that things have settled down, I can get back to working on chapters at a more regular schedule 🥴 If you're a Christmas girlie (gender neutral) like me, this chapter is for you, because even though it's only October, I really can't help myself (and like these two idiots celebrating Christmas together for the first time?! C'mon 🥺)

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“So you’re leaving early today to do arts and crafts? That’s a new one.” Agent Miller snickered, leaning over his desk to slap his partner, Agent Carter, in amusement as they watched their boss begin to organize his desk and pack up his briefcase, already rolling his eyes in annoyance at the grief he was about to get from his co-workers for his early departure.

“I’m not the one doing the arts and crafts. I’m just going into her class to help, you idiot.” Javi sighed, glaring at Miller as he finished sorting the rest of his paperwork piles.

Last week, you had asked Javi if he would be able to come into your classroom one afternoon when he wasn't busy, to help with the project you were planning for your students to give to their parents as a Christmas gift before they left for winter break. You had quickly realized that for the sake of your sanity, what you had planned was nowhere near a one man job, and because it was a surprise gift for their families, you didn’t want to ask any parents to come into help. Javi had happily accepted, even with your adamant warnings of the case of Christmas Crazies your class had with only days left before winter break.

“…. To help do arts and crafts. Just callin’ a spade a spade here, Peña. Does that mean we’re gonna start having craft time here, too?” Miller and Carter chuckled to themselves, smirking at Javi, now slinging his briefcase over his shoulder, making his way out of his office.

“Listen, Miller. Give Peña all the shit you want, but I would way rather be cutting and gluing shit and throwing fist fulls of glitter in the air than working on these fucking reports.” Carter huffed, waving the file folder Miller was supposed to be working on in his face before throwing it back down on his desk.

“Fair enough.”

“I wouldn’t trust you dumbasses with scissors and glue if my life depended on it.” Javi groaned, raising an eyebrow at the pair before picking up one of the finished reports off of Carter’s desk, using it to point at the two on his way out. “These better be done by the time I get back tomorrow.”

“But I’m gonna need extra time to decorate them for you, Peña!” Miller grinned, he and Carter playfully swatting at each other in hysterics, Javi flipping them off as he headed out the door.

After his mom passed, Javi would have never thought Alma Pierce Elementary School would be a place that would hold any more relevance to him, let alone be a place that he would frequent, now that his future wife worked there. He couldn’t help but smile as he pulled into the parking lot, thinking about the joy it would have brought Lucia to see that her years of having Javi help her with her own classroom were still going to good use with you. He also couldn’t help but smile to himself as he grabbed the coffee sitting in his cup holder he had picked up for you on the way over from the station, also knowing his mom would have had some choice words to say to him if he showed up empty handed to your classroom.

After checking in with the office, he made the now familiar route down to your classroom, weaving through the tiny bodies patterning down the hallway, screeching and squealing with what had to be uncontrollable Christmas excitement. He gently tapped at your door before opening it, a grin growing across your face as you looked up from your desk as you saw your fiancé with an extra large cup of coffee in his hands at the doorway.

“Oh my god, you brought me coffee? I owe you my life, you are the best. Thank you.” The sigh you let out felt like the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders as you shot up to run over to Javi, giving him a big hug before snatching the cup out of his hands and taking a long swig of the caffeine you knew you were going to need to get you through the afternoon.

“I figured you could probably use it.” Javi chuckled, pressing a kiss into the top of your head before looking around, noticing that you were the only one in your room. “Where are the kids?”

“They’re at lunch, I was just about to leave to go pick them up. They’ve been absolute psychopaths today. I know it’s wrong to say I wanna drop kick a child out a window, but I’m real close.” You grumbled, taking another long sip of your coffee. “I don’t think I would have made it out alive today if you didn’t come in to help, so I apologize in advance for their behavior. I may or may not have told them that because you work for the police you keep track of what kids are well behaved or not to try and scare them a little.” You grimaced, knowing that the comment you had made earlier to your kids when you told them Javi was coming into help wasn’t the most ethical, but you were desperate for anything that would even remotely help control the chaos in your classroom with only 2 days left before winter break.

“Any kids in particular I need to be on the lookout for?” Javi asked, laughing to himself as you leaned over to set your coffee on your desk before heading towards the door to go pick up your class from the cafeteria.

“Oh… you’ll know them when you see them.”

You closed the door behind you, giving Javi a quick wink, leaving him alone in your classroom to wait for the arrival of the promised circus show that was your students. He wandered over to your desk, peeking through the piles of papers, sticky notes of to-do’s and drawings your students had given you. On the wall by your calendars, there was a photo of you and your family, 2 of you and Javi, and a note that he had written you one day and stuck in your lunch box, scribbled down in his rushed handwriting

Te amo mucho, hermosa. Have a great day.

-J

He thumbed gently at the wrinkled note, smiling to himself, still in awe of how the pieces of him seemed to follow you in everywhere you went. The sweet moment was quickly interrupted by the sounds of little voices bursting through the doorway, chattering away as they rushed to go sit on the carpet at the front of the room.

“Who’s that guy?!” A boy’s voice asked, pointing in Javi’s direction before balling up his body and doing a literal somersault across the carpet.

“It’s Mr. Peña! Do you not remember when our teacher told us before lunch that he was coming, dummy?” A girl’s voice responded, rolling her eyes at the boy, now laying face down on the floor. As more and more kids came over to the carpet, the more and more voices began to chime in.

“Don’t call him a dummy, Angela, that’s mean!”

“Well he is!”

“Why does that guy have a mustache?”

“My uncle has a mustache!”

“When are we going home?”

“Miguel tried to kick me in the nuts at recess!”

“I did not!”

You buried your hands in your face, letting out a deep sigh, shaking your head before looking back at Javi, quietly mouthing “I’m so sorry.” across the room before making your way to the front of the class.

“If you can hear me, clap once.”

3 or 4 half hearted claps followed over the chatter.

“If you can hear me, clap twice.”

More students began to join in, curious to see that Javi was now also following your directions.

“If you can hear me, put your hands on your head and turn off your voice.”

Finally, the volume of your room began to ease, all of your students, and Javi, quietly looking at you with their hands resting on top of their heads.

“Okay, 3rd graders. Right now, we are going to work on our holiday presents for our grownups we’ve been talking about all week. Remember how I told you this morning that we have someone special coming in to help today?” The class nodded, eyes glued on Javi. “This is Mr. Peña. Can you guys say hi?”

“Hi, Mr. Peña!” The class waved at him, Javi now smiling and waving back at them.

“Mr. Peña is taking time out of his day to come help us with our project, so we need to show him what a respectful, responsible and safe class we are, okay? If we can follow directions and everyone gets their project done, then we will have time for extra recess at the end of the day.” Javi snickered at the silent grins and high-fives on the carpet in hopes of bonus time outside. “Once you glue your picture on your plate to make your snowglobe, you can come see me to put the snowflakes inside, and then take it over to Mr. Peña and he’s going to hot glue it for you.”

A tiny hand quickly shot up, waving it back and forth. “No, Miguel. You cannot use the hot glue gun. It’s a grownup's only job.” You tried your best not to roll your eyes as Miguel frowned and put his hand back in his lap, knowing damn well he would be one to try and hot glue his hands together. “Do we have any questions before we start?” Almost all of your class’s hands shot up immediately, all beaming at Javi, frantically wiggling their arms in the air. You laughed to yourself, knowing that none of them had any questions about the project, and just wanted to talk to Javi. “Are these all just questions for Mr. Peña?” The class nodded, now squirming in their spots. “Okay, we can do 3 questions right now, and maybe if we have time at the end we can ask him some more questions. Is that okay, Mr. Peña?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.” Javi smiled, trying his best to keep from smirking at you and your teacher voice that seemed to be having a much stronger effect on him than he had intended.

“Okay, Mr. Peña is going to pick 3 people who are sitting on their bottom and are waiting quietly and patiently for a turn.” You couldn’t help but smirk back at him as he stepped next to you on the front of the carpet, nervously running his thumb over his knuckles to prepare for his interrogation from 8 and 9 year olds. He pointed over to a girl at the back of the group, nodding to her to ask whatever was on her mind.

“So you’re marrying our teacher? Do you love her? Have you ever kissed her before?” The entire class erupted with giggles as Javi’s face went red with embarrassment.

“Uh, yeah. I love her a lot and that’s why we’re getting married.” Javi leaned over to whisper in your ear as the kids continued to snicker. “Am I allowed to answer the last part?”

“We’re not gonna talk about kissing at school, okay, Maya?” You laughed, giving Javi a little nudge as he pointed to the next student, picking a boy this time, in hopes that he wouldn’t have intense questions about his love life.

“Our teacher said that you work at the police station. Have you ever arrested anyone? Do you catch bad guys?” One of the boys asked, the rest of the class leaning in with intrigue. Javi rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, trying to maneuver another hard hitting question.

“Well I uh, I help train the guys who catch the bad guys, I don’t actually go out and catch them.”

“SO YOU DON’T THROW PEOPLE IN JAIL?!” Miguel shouted out, barely letting Javi answer his question.

“I’m gonna throw you in jail, Miguel…” you muttered under your breath, hiding your face behind Javi’s shoulder, the both of you trying to contain your laughter.

“No, I don’t. Uh okay, last one.” He pointed to another girl who had been patiently waiting with her hand raised the entire time Javi had been sharing.

“One time, my grandpa punched my dad in the face, and they kept punching and punching and so then my mom called the police, and then he had to go to jail and my Grandpa kept yelling you motherfu-.”

“OKAY, on that note we’re gonna start with our projects, everything is already on your desks. Come see me for snowflakes and Mr. Peña for gluing both pieces together.” Your eyes widened in horror, jumping in to try and cut her off before she could finish the rest of her thought. It had thankfully seemed like the rest of the class had been oblivious, racing back to their desks to work on their projects. You pinched the bridge of your nose before rubbing your fingers against your temples, trying not to wither away from the embarrassment your class had decided to subject you to with their questions for Javi.

“... I am so sorry.” You sighed, shaking your head as you looked over at Javi, trying his best to keep from laughing at the antics your class was already up to before they had even started working on their project.

“Is this what it’s like every day?” Javi’s eyes widened as he looked out at the classroom, already overwhelmed by the noise and bodies moving everywhere.

“It’s normally not this bad, I swear I’m a good teacher. With it being 2 days before break, as long as everyone makes it home alive, I’m calling it a win. Thank you again for coming to help, Jav. You okay to man the hot glue station?”

“Of course, Osita.” He smiled, giving your hand a little squeeze.

“Miguel will legitimately try to glue his hands together, so just be… extra careful when he comes around.”

You couldn’t have been more thankful that Javi had agreed to help you with your project, because passing out confetti snowflakes alone was enough to make you lose your mind, let alone try and glue things together, too. Through the chaos, you and Javi found yourself exchanging quick glances, quietly laughing to yourself at the craziness. You couldn’t help but stare a little longer as you watched Javi your students, patiently helping each of them, listening to them share about who they were planning on giving their handmade gift to, complementing them on their work, and carefully monitoring to make sure no one (especially Miguel) got too close to the hot glue gun. You’d be lying if you said it ever got old watching how goddamn sweet he was with any kid he talked to, making your heartbeat a little faster at the thought of how much sweeter he’d be when it was one of your own.

By some miracle, everyone had finished with their gift before it was time for gym, glady sending them on their way to go burn off some excessive energy to help you through the last few hours of the day. Javi’s mom had clearly trained him well, coming back to find him helping to clean up the leftover mess from your crafts after dropping your class off.

“You don’t have to help clean up, Jav. You’ve already done more than enough.” You sighed, sitting yourself on top of the desk Javi was next to, reaching out to grab his hand.

“Osita. If this is what you do every fucking day all day long, the least I can help you do is clean up. Jesus Christ, this was fucking exhausting.”

“Well, I really threw you into the worst of it, so I apologize. Thank you again for helping. The kids really liked you. They kept asking the whole way to gym when you were going to come back. I told them when they stopped acting like a pack of wild monkeys, maybe you’ll consider.” You and Javi laughed, Javi gently resting his hand on your knee, thumb circling against your jeans.

“I’ll come back any time, Hermosa. Getting to watch my hot, future wife kick ass at her job is way better than having to harp on Carter and Miller to run the reports I ask them to every goddamn day. I’m more than happy to stay if you need more help, but I figured since I took the rest of the afternoon off, and I have a genuine appreciation for a fraction of how fucking hard your job is, I would go home and make whatever you want for dinner and finish up shit around the apartment so we can spend tonight doing whatever you want.” You smiled up at Javi, reaching your hand under his chin, pulling it closer to you to plant a quick kiss on his lips.

“Someone’s really trying to make sure they make their place on the Nice List before Christmas.” You smirked, raising an eyebrow at Javi, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You deserve it all, Osita. It’s seriously the least I can do. Although, the things I wanna do to you later are definitely gonna end me up on the Naughty List.” He gripped his hand around the meat of your thigh, giving it a long squeeze as he placed a tender kiss on your lips, trying to use every ounce of self control to remember he was still at your work, let alone an elementary school where an 8 year old could come busting through the door at any moment.

“You’re such a fucking dork. You’re lucky I love you so much.” You rolled your eyes, playfully swatting at him. “Thank you, Jav. You really are the best. Can we do breakfast for dinner?”

“I had a feeling that was what you were gonna ask for.”

“Breakfast is the superior food at all hours of the day, and no one can convince me otherwise.”

“Pancakes or waffles?”

“Surprise me.”

You pecked a quick kiss onto Javi’s cheek before sliding off the desk, wrapping your arms around him, giving him a hug, pressing your face into the fabric of his dress shirt, savoring the familiarity of his sweet and spicy cologne that had become the scent that smelled like home. “Alright, as much as I don’t want you to leave, I probably should be a good teacher and print the rest of the things I need and salvage a survival plan for the next two days before the gremlins get back.”

“I’ll see you at home, Hermosa. Love you”

“Love you too.”

With one last squeeze, and a wave as he headed out the door, Javi left you in your empty classroom, looking out at the disaster left in your student’s wake. Christmas couldn’t come fast enough.

Anything that you had planned for the afternoon had quickly gone out the window after your class had returned from gym, your plans for an extra long recess turning into an even longer recess, and part of a movie before sending the kids on their way home. Some way or another, you were able to drag yourself home, the promise of breakfast food keeping you afloat the entirety of your drive home.

As you walked down the hallway of your apartment, you could hear the quick pops and sizzles of the bacon Javi was cooking over the muffled Christmas music in the background. Turning your key in the lock on the doorknob, you pushed the door open, immediately dropping your school bag and kicking off your shoes, practically falling to the floor from exhaustion. Before you could even turn around to greet Javi, you felt his arms reaching under your legs and around your shoulders, making you squeal as he scooped you up, carrying you across the entry way towards the living room.

“Hi?” You laughed, looking up at Javi in confusion as to why you had barely made it 2 feet into your apartment before he was picking you up and carrying you away.

“Hi.” He smiled down at you, giving you a little shake in his grip.

“Can I ask why you’re carrying me? Am I not allowed to walk anymore?” You guestrued down at the ground, watching your legs dangle with each step Javi took.

“Because you work harder than anyone I know, and after today, if I’m fucking tired, you must be fucking exhausted, and my amazing, beautiful future wife deserves to relax.”

He paused, tilting his head down to give you a kiss before turning his body the opposite direction. You had been so focused on Javi as he carried you from the doorway, you hadn’t even realized what was set up in the living room until he had shifted his position, facing you towards it. You looked over to see a blanket fort built between the ends of the couch, TV paused and ready to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life”, and the Christmas tree the two of you had decorated together lit up and twinkling, casting warm shadows on the walls. “Pajamas are in there, so change, lay down and I’m bringing you breakfast while we watch the movie.”

You could feel the tears welling in your eyes as you looked out at the living room and back up at Javi. “Javi, you didn’t have to-”

“I know, I didn’t have to do anything. I wanted to. I know how much you love Christmas and how we haven’t done much to celebrate since you’ve been busy with work, so I wanted to do something for you.” A grin grew across Javi’s face, watching your jaw hang open in shock as he set you down, letting you go over to examine his blanket creation. You stood there, shaking your head in disbelief, wondering to yourself how the hell you had gotten so lucky that someone cared enough about you to make you dinner after a long day, let alone plan something special for you, even if it was just in your living room. Before you could even respond, Javi was heading back to the kitchen to turn off the beeping timer of the oven, gesturing over to the fort. “I’ll be in there in a second.”

“Javi, you set this all up for me, at least let me help with dinner or-”

“Osita. Go put on pajamas and lay down. I swear to God, you’re the only person I’ve ever met that needs more convincing to go sit and relax than get up and do things.” He laughed, pointing at the covered couch, demanding you to get in. You held your hands up in defense before kneeling down to peek under the blankets Javi had draped over the top to see your comforter, all the pillows and blankets you owned, and your favorite sweatshirt and sweatpants of Javi’s folded neatly on top of everything. You quickly stood back up, unzipping and shuffling out of your jeans, trading them out for the sweatpants before stripping yourself of your shirt and bra, peeking around the corner to see Javi biting down on his bottom lip, eyes glued to you as you slipped his sweatshirt over your head.

“I should have known better than to think you would have put out clothes for me to change into for any other reason than your own selfish gain, Javier Peña.” You jabbed, Javi shrugging as he grabbed two plates of the breakfast that he had finished cooking, bringing them back over to you.

“Me? Wanting to watch you change on purpose, knowing damn well you were gonna take your bra off before you put my sweatshirt on? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Osita.” He smirked, a devilish grin growing across his face as he ducked into the fort, giving you a quick wink.

“You? Wanting to see my boobs? Yeah, you’re right, how silly of me.” You groaned, voice oozing with sarcasm as you followed him, snuggling yourself under a blanket as Javi handed a plate over to you. “In all seriousness, this is really sweet of you, Javi. Thank you. Didn’t picture you as a big blanket fort kind of guy.” You giggled, giving him a little nudge.

“I would make them all the time when I was little. Especially with my mom. I’d play with Hot Wheels in there, or my mom would read with me- I don’t know, maybe it’s from being with you at school today, and thinking about her, but I got home and thought you’d like it. You seem like someone who made their fair share of blanket forts as a kid.” Javi’s face beamed with a soft smile, the dimples of his cheeks creasing as he grinned over at you.

“That’s really sweet. She sounds like she was the best mom. That’s a lot sweeter than my memories of building forts. My brothers and I had a pretty much permanent one set up in the basement made from old hockey sticks, but it was referred to in our house as Pound Town. We would go in and beat the shit out of each other with pillows until it collapsed on us and we’d have to pause, try to build it again, and beat the shit out of each other with pillows as we argued about if we were building it right or not. My parents let it slide because we weren’t annoying them, until one day when Patrick and I got in a huge fight about which couch cushions to use and he took one of the hockey sticks and hit me in the face and gave me a black eye. Pound Town was no more after that.” You grimaced, taking a bite of one of the chocolate chip pancakes Javi had put on your plate.

“I’m pretty sure at this point, you could tell me that you and your brothers robbed a bank and I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“We were always well behaved during December, though. My parents definitely played into the threat of being on the naughty list as soon as Thanksgiving was over. At least they got a few weeks of peace each year. I honestly think that my parents were just as excited for Christmas movies as we were, because it at least gave them an hour and a half of semi-silence.” You laughed, nodding your head towards the TV.

“I’m gonna be honest, Osita. I don’t blame them.” You sighed, leaning your head against Javi’s chest, feeling it rise and fall with each small huff of laughter. “We don’t have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” either, I just know you said you liked it and we didn’t get to watch it yet.”

“No, this is a perfect pick. It’s one of my favorites. You wanna start it?” Reaching over for the remote, you smiled at Javi as he nodded, pressing play as the title credits began rolling across the screen. Javi had quickly come to learn that if you liked a movie, not only were you willing to watch it a million times, you knew just about every line, like you were putting on a one man production of whatever it was you were watching. Although you always quoted everything to yourself under your breath, something about it made Javi’s heart melt, spending more time looking over at you, whispering the lines of the movie to yourself, rather than watching whatever was on the screen. In between bites of breakfast, Javi watched your cheeks turn rosy as you watched a little George and Mary on the screen, eating ice cream at the drugstore, Mary leaning down to whisper in George’s ear. Javi had only seen the movie a handful of times, knowing it nowhere near as well as you, but well enough to know the line you mouthed to yourself wasn’t quite right.

“Javier Peña, I’ll love you ‘till the day I die.”

The two of you munched away at the rest of your breakfast dinner, Javi taking both of your empty plates back to the kitchen before nestling back under the blankets, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you laid your head against his chest. Now watching George and Mary throw stones through the windows of the old, abandoned house, making wishes of what they hoped their lives to be, you snuggled closer to Javi, draping your arm over his waist, twisting the ends of his t-shirt between your fingers.

“I can’t believe they’re actually gonna start building the house in a few weeks.” You looked up at Javi, beaming with excitement. After Javi’s proposal, both to be his wife and to build the two of you your dream home, you both had been working to draft up and finalize plans for construction to physically start happening. All of the design process had been smooth sailing so far, you and Javi easily agreeing on things you wanted for the house- layouts, designs, sizing- the only thing that was stopping you from moving forward with progress was deciding how many bedrooms the house was going to have.

“Not too late to tell Danny we need to add another bedroom.” Javi teased, gently squeezing your arm.

“I think 5 bedrooms is plenty, Mr. Ambitious. If we have more than 4 kids, we might as well add enough rooms to house a baseball team.”

“I’ll give you a football team’s worth of kids, if you want it.”

“I know you would, but you’re not the one who has to push a football team’s worth of kids out of you.” You laughed, playfully swatting at Javi before he wrapped his arm around the small of your back, flipping you so that your chest was caged with his, bodies laying pressed against each other.

“I’m happy with 1 kid or 10. Whatever you want, Osita, I’ll give it to you.” Javi smiled softly, brushing a stray piece of hair from your face before cupping your jaw in his palm, thumb delicately circling across your skin.

“What if I want you?” You whispered, stretching your head up to nibble at his chin, planting kisses along his face and neck, each one more desperate and hungry than the last.

“You have me, Hermosa. Forever.” He reached down, grabbing your left hand, carefully twisting the gold and diamond band around your finger in his. It wasn’t long before his hand had left yours, beginning to roam down your shoulders and back before slipping under the waistband of your sweatpants, grabbing handfuls of your ass as you pressed the weight of your hips further into his, feeling his bulge starting to grow underneath you. Working his hands back up around your hips, he pushed your sweatpants and underwear down your legs, slightly raising your lower half to help Javi strip them off your body, leaving your lower half exposed. Javi’s grip tightened around your thighs, suddenly locking his arms around them, scooting you closer to him, now sitting on his chest.

“Javi, what are you-” You protested, taking a second to realize what Javi was prompting you to do.

“Wanna take care of you, sweet girl.” He rasped, continuing to pull you closer towards him, now sitting on him near his collarbone, as he cut you off.

“Are you sure, Jav?” You asked, biting down on your lip, looking down at Javi, lust pooling in the dark brown of his gaze, a devilish smirk stretching across his lips. “I’m always worried I’m gonna suffocate you when we do this.”

“I’m still alive, aren’t I? Baby, if I die between your thighs from you sitting on my face, I’ll die a fucking happy man. Please?”

“Okay, okay.” You nodded, letting out a little, breathy laugh as Javi tugged you one last time, your already dripping heat hovering over his face. You began to slowly lower yourself down, Javi’s fingertips gripping the flesh of your hips, forcing you to shift your weight onto him, making you moan as you felt his strong nose brush against your clit. You could feel the width of his tongue dragging along your cunt, slowly and deliberately working himself along your sensitive bundle of nerves. His face nestled between your legs, he took his time with each lick, taking extra time to press harder on the spots he knew made you weak, loving how wrecked he could tell you already were as you rolled your hips over his face. You could practically feel his smirk buried in your pussy as the movements of his tongue became more precise, flicking at your clit making you whimper as you braced yourself on the edge of the couch, grasping at the cushions.

“Javi… Fuck, oh my god.” You whined, feeling the tension begin to build in your belly as Javi wrapped his plush lips around your mound, sucking feverishly as you rocked your hips back and forth, grinding down harder, the hairs of his mustache brushing against your thighs. You could feel him hum in approval against your cunt as your back began to arch, a familiar tingle growing at the base of your spine as his mouth latched firmer around your clit, desperate to make you come undone.

“Fuck, baby- oh shit- Javi, don’t stop, fuck, fuck, I’m so close. Fuck, I’m- mhhhmmmmmm.” Your orgasm crashed through you, pleasure overtaking your body as you came, whimpering and moaning Javi’s name as he dug his fingers deeper into your flesh, holding you against him as he continued to work you through your high. Your body went slack, draping your upper half over the edge of the couch as you felt Javi scoot out from under you, looking down to see his face glistening in your slick, accompanied by a boyish grin as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he gazed back up at you.

“Goddamn, Hermosa. Fucking soaked me. That feel good, pretty girl? You want more?” You nodded frantically at him, still at a loss for words as your chest heaved with each shaky breath. Gently grabbing your waist, he shifted you down so your back laid buried in the comforters and head rested against a pile of pillows, planting soft kisses down your body as he quickly pushed his sweatpants and boxers down his legs, freeing his painfully hard cock, its tip already dripping with precum, staining the fabric of the pants and underwear it had been straining against. He reached down, stroking his dick as he lined himself up with your entrance, running his tip through your folds, already soaked with your slick from your last orgasm, before slowly pressing inside you, letting you savor every inch of his length buried deep inside you. His hips flushed against yours as he bottomed out, his fullness stretching you open with the sweet sting that had become one of your favorite feelings in the world. “Always so wet for me, Osita. Fuck, I can’t believe this perfect fucking pussy is mine forever. You’re mine forever.” He mewled, slowly pulling himself back before pressing deep inside you again, each stroke making you feel even fuller than the last.

“Forever.” You whispered back, your voice trembling as his cock pushed further into your cunt, practically hearing the lewd noises of wetness between the both of you as he thrusted in and out. Sitting back on his heels, Javi hooked his arms under your legs, pressing them to your chest, gently rubbing circles against your already throbbing clit before sinking back into you, the stretch of the new angle and added sensation of his fingers making you whine as your arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingernails digging into your back. “Fuck, Javi. You feel so big, fuck, it feels so good.”

“Fuck me.” Javi hissed, the rhythm of his hips hitting yours beginning to become more rapid and desperate as he watched you writhe under him. “You’re fucking perfect, Osita. Gonna be a perfect wife, a perfect mom, fuck- I can’t wait to marry you, live in our house- oh shit- Fill it with our kids. Fuck, te lo daré todo (I’ll give you everything).”

Everything was making your mind go blank- his words, his fingers rubbing against your clit, his cock pounding into you, over and over in the spot that had you seeing stars. The coil in your belly began to build as Javi buried his face in the nape of your neck, nipping and sucking at your pulse point, his words hot and heavy on your skin. You could feel your cunt beginning to clench tighter around his length, your heart beating fast as your orgasm began to build with each push and pull out of your heat. “I know you’re close, baby. Give it to me, Hermosa. Cum all over my cock. Gonna fuck myself so deep inside you, shit, can’t wait until I can fuck a baby into you, wish I could make myself stick, fucking get you pregnant right now.”

Just like that, something inside you snapped, your body tensing as you felt yourself squeeze around Javi’s dick, soaking him as your orgasm ripped through you. A string of expletives and his name fell from your mouth, your brain short circuiting from the overwhelming intensity, sobbing into his shoulder as you came. It wasn’t long until Javi was close behind you, rapidly chasing his own high as he pounded into your heat, dripping with your slick. “That’s it, baby. Such a good girl. Fuck, I’m not gonna last much longer. Meirda- so wet and tight for me. Oh fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum too, holy- ahhhhhhh.” Javi gritted his teeth as he thrusted one last time, spilling deep in your walls, making sure to milk himself of every last drop as he slumped on top of you, your chests rising and falling in unison as you tried to catch your breath.

“Jesus Christ…” You laughed to yourself under your breath, reaching up to run your hand through Javi’s curls, dark and damp as they stuck to his forehead. “Javi, if you keep saying shit like that when we fuck, I am gonna end up pregnant before we get married.”

“And that would be a bad thing because…” Javi smirked, pressing a tender kiss against your lips, feeling his grin on your mouth.

“Javi!” You giggled, rolling your eyes and playfully swatting at his bare chest as he hovered over you, gently twisting his fingers through the messy ends of your hair. “We have talked about this! Once we’re married and the house is all the way finished, then I’ll toss my birth control in the trash. But until then, you’re really making it work unpaid overtime, you menace. I hate to break it to you, but keeping your dick inside me isn’t gonna do anything for you right now.”

“Like you don’t like it.” He chuckled, the both of you letting out a little hiss at the loss of Javi being buried inside you, feeling the mixture of your spend drip down your thighs as he laid back down next to you, wrapping his arm around your back, pulling you closer as you rested your head on his chest, hiking your leg up over his hip. “I’m just saying, Osita, Christmas is only a few days away, you could just throw it away early and-”

“JAVI!” You scolded him, giggling as he raised an eyebrow at you, giving a little shrug. “You will get plenty of other presents. That one’s gonna have to wait, as much as I don’t want to either. The house should be done right around the same time as the wedding anyways, so you won’t even have to wait that long.”

The two of you had very easily decided that you didn’t want a big wedding by any means, bringing Chucho endless amounts of joy when you had asked him if you could have your celebration at the Peña ranch. The thought was the first thing that came to both you and Javi’s minds- something small and simple, really only wanting your close friends and family to join you on your big day in a place that held such importance to the both of you. While you and Javi had agreed that you would have married each other tomorrow, you had compromised with the middle of June, giving you a few weeks after the school year had finished to let you have some time to prep or plan anything else that needed to happen, without the end of the year school stressors on top of it.

After working with Javi’s cousin, Danny, (who finally received your finalized floor plans a few days ago after finally compromising on your bedroom count), he was able to guess that given that the winter was normally less busy for him and his crew, he would also hopefully have the house done by mid to late June, planning to have the majority of the work completed after you came back from your Honeymoon, you and Javi offering to finish up any last touches that he wouldn’t be able to get to after you returned.

While the both of you had agreed that you would wait until you were married before your birth control prescription was canceled, never to be seen again, you managed to talk some sense into Javi, telling him the house needed to be finished before you started trying, God forbidding that something went wrong, leaving you who knows how pregnant in an unfinished house. Regardless, it hadn’t stopped Javi from the moment that ring went on your finger to play into just how badly he was ready to give you the family you deserved, making it very hard for the both of you to stick to your plan.

“I know, I know.” He sighed contently, picking your arm up, draping it over his chest so he could play with the ring on your finger, delicately thumbing at the stone and gold band. “Knowing I get to spend the rest of my life with you is the only fucking Christmas present I’ll ever need for the rest of my life.”

“You’re really trying to make your way back onto the Nice List, huh?” You giggled, biting down on your lip as you reached up to grab Javi’s face, giving it a little shake. “You’re all I’ll ever need, too, Javi.” A cheeky smirk spread across your face as you looked up at Javi, pressing a hot kiss against the skin of his neck before you spoke. “I gotta shower and clean this mess up, you wanna come with me and hang out on the Naughty List just a little bit longer?”

“I’d take coal in my stocking any fucking day for you.”

Someway or another, you managed to make it through the last two days of school, bribing your class with more play time, recess, and movies than you’d like to admit. You and Javi were planning to spend the second half of your break with your family in Chicago, giving you two a few days to celebrate your first Christmas in Laredo together, now that you were on break. You had agreed to spend Christmas Eve celebrating with Chucho, the 3 of you gathering at the Peña ranch in the afternoon, offering to help Javi’s dad with chores around the farm since he had graciously given everyone else the day off to spend with their families. It took no convincing on your end to go out and help Javi feed the animals, one of your favorite chores on the farm, especially when it came to the cows.

“I can’t believe how big they are.” You cooed, scratching one of the not so baby cows you had met for the first time a few months ago along its nose, giggling as it gave you a little lick.

“They don’t stay little and cute for very long.” Javi chuckled, throwing the last bale of hay over the fence into one of the troughs, wiping his hands along his plaid shirt before resting his arm around your waist, standing next to you as you continued scratching and petting the rest of the cows that had gathered looking for attention.

“Excuse you? They are still incredibly cute! Apologize to these sweet babies!” You gasped dramatically, holding your hand over your chest as you swatted at Javi.

“Hermosa, they’re cows. They’re loud and annoying once they’re full grown, and last time I checked, I don’t think they can understand what I’m saying.” He laughed as you looked back at him with fake disgust, taking a step back, crossing your arms over your chest. Before you could argue back, one of the cows let out a long, loud mooooo, pointed in Javi’s direction, turning to look back at the cow before looking back at Javi.

“I think that’s cow for fuck you, I am cute.” You smirked, giving Javi a little shrug as you nodded back at the cow.

“Whatever, you dork.” Javi sighed, rolling his eyes at you as the two of you grabbed the rest of the feed buckets, heading back to the truck.

The two of you finished your rounds and you and Javi made your way back to the house to find Chucho humming away in the kitchen, chopping and dicing up vegetables to throw into his simmering pot of broth for the Pozole he had promised Javi for their Christmas Eve meal.

“Chucho, do you think that cows are cute?” You questioned, kicking off your shoes at the door, Javi following behind, shaking his head. Chucho chuckled to himself, wiping his hands along his worn apron before picking up his wooden spoon to stir his stew.

“Why are you asking?” He asked, looking over at you as you made your way into the kitchen, popping a leftover piece of pepper into your mouth, talking between chews.

“Because your son doesn’t think they are, and had the audacity to tell the cows to their face they were, in fact, not cute.” You glared over at Javi, trying to hold back your laughter as you pretend to be stern.

“They’re cute when they’re little but once you have to deal with them every day, full grown, they’re a pain in the ass.” Javi sighed, following behind you, sneaking between you and his dad to take down some bowls out of the cabinet, setting them on the table.

“That is because Javier never pays attention when he walks through the pasture, and always ends up with a boot full of cow shit. I think they are cute, Mija. Not as cute as some other animals, or as cute as human babies…” He paused, raising an eyebrow at the two of you, smirking. “But yes, still cute.”

“Told you so. You can’t blame the cows for your shit shoes, that’s on you, Jav.” You giggled, hitting him in the chest before grabbing spoons and napkins to set down next to the bowls Javi had placed. “Do you need help with anything else, Chucho? It smells delicious, I’m glad your cow bashing son requested it tonight.”

“Cabrón (asshole).” Javi groaned. “Mamá would always make pozole and tamales for everyone on Christmas eve. She would put all of the cousins to work kneading the dough and assembling the tamales. She would hold the piñata hostage until we helped her finish, which I can’t blame her for. Her tamales were delicious, but I always think about having her pozole and eating a shit load of candy before crashing on the couch trying to stay up, waiting for Santa when I think about Christmas.”

“Before Lucia died, every year we would host our whole family here for Christmas eve. Dios Mio, there must have been 30 crammed in here each year, singing and dancing, making more tamales than anyone could count. No matter how hard he tried, Javier would always be the first to fall asleep on the couch, and we would have to carry him to bed. I think he would get so excited he would wear himself out.” Chucho smiled, turning off the stove, bringing the pot of the pozole to the kitchen table, the two of you pulling out a chair to take a seat.

“She sounds like she was such a fun lady. I wish I could have met her. And eaten her tamales, because I bet that they were amazing.” You beamed, looking over at Chucho and Javi, Javi now settling into the seat next to you, draping his arm over the back of your chair as Chucho stayed standing, letting out a content sigh as he placed a hand on his hip.

“Well Mija, I was planning on giving your Christmas gift to you later, but now that you bring it up, now seems as good a time as any.” Chucho smirked, waddling his way over to the living room, as you and Javi glanced at each other in confusion, waiting for his return. A few moments later, Chucho was back, carrying a small, red package with a white ribbon wrapped around it, outstretching it towards you.

“Chucho, you didn’t have to get me anything, I-” You protested, not accepting the gift until Chucho was sliding it across the table, placing it right in front of you.

“It is a gift for both of you. I know that Lucia would have been so thrilled to know how happy you have made our Javier. How happy you have made both of our lives. She would have loved you so dearly, hija, and would have wanted you to have these as you and Javier start your own family.” Tears welled behind Chucho’s eyes as you carefully took the package in your hands, resting it between you and Javi as the both of you gently ripping away the wrapping paper and bow to reveal what was inside Chucho’s gift. You held a small, leather bound book between you two, Chucho gesturing to have you open it to see what was inside. As you flipped back the cover, you revealed the first page, a picture of a young Lucia in the very same kitchen the 3 of you found yourself in, smiling at the camera as she stirred a pot of something on the stove, apron tied around her waist. Below the photo were bold, shaky cursive letters, reading “Lucia’s Recipes.”

“Pops…” Javi whispered in shock, delicately touching the page, gazing up at his dad.

“Your mamá would have wanted you to have all of them. She always told me that she couldn’t wait for the day she could have a daughter to share all of her cooking secrets with. She would have been even more excited to share them with you Mija, knowing the wonderful woman that you are.”

Carefully turning the page, you could feel your lip quiver as you looked at Chucho, feeling how watery your eyes were now becoming. “Chucho, this is- I don’t- thank you, Chucho. This is so special. I’m honored you want them to share them, I- I know how important these are to your family.”

“You are family, hija.” Handing the book off to Javi, you pushed up out of your chair, making your way over to Chucho to wrap him in a tight hug, Chucho quickly reciprocating, squeezing you back.

“Thank you, Chucho.” You whispered into his shoulder, trying your best to keep from sobbing as Javi pushed out of his chair, joining the both of you in a group hug, holding the two people he loved most in the world in his broad grasp.

“Thanks, Pops.”

“Los amo a los dos (I love you both).” Chucho sniffed, pulling away to wipe away the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Now, let’s eat this pozole, I can hear Lucia yelling at me for letting it start to go cold.”

The 3 of you spent the rest of your night full of pozole, Javi finishing off at least 3 bowls as you talked at the kitchen table, sharing stories of your favorite holiday traditions and memories. Chucho broke out at least 4 different photo albums to share photos of Christmases past, filled with lots of ones of an adorable Javi and his bright, toothy grin as he opened up presents. Chucho was thrilled with the present you and Javi had gotten for him- a new work jacket for out on the ranch, Javi noting that he probably was still wearing the same jacket he did when Javi was first born.

You and Javi had insisted that you let Chucho help you clean up around the kitchen after making you dinner, practically having to force him to sit down in his chair to relax while the two of you got to work collecting and cleaning dishes in the sink. You got to work washing as Javi dried, taking time to turn on the radio in the kitchen, raising the volume as he tuned in to the local station that had been playing nothing but Christmas music for the past week. “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” began playing from the speakers, immediately beginning to sing along, swaying your hips, scrubbing the last of the pots and pans. Javi snuck up behind you, snaking his hands around your waist, placing a soft kiss on your shoulder as his chest pressed against your back.

“Dance with me.” He whispered, placing his hands on your hips to spin you around, making you giggle as your sponge splashed in the sink, playfully drying your wet hands against his flannel before interlacing one of your hands with his, the other one resting on his shoulder as he wrapped his free hand around the small of your back. The two of you gently swayed in the dim light of the kitchen, the soft sounds of Frank Sinatra’s voice humming in the background.

Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of yore. Faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us once more.

As the sweet and syrupy melody of the song played on, Javi held up his hand, prompting you to spin under his outstretched arm before pulling you back in, resting his hand on your back, the other holding your face as he dipped you down, his lips curled in a tender grin against yours as he leaned in to kiss you.

Through the years, we all will be together, if the fates allow. Hang a shining star upon the highest bough. And have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

“I love you, Osita.”

“I love you more, you dork.”

You rested your head on his chest, smiling into the worn fabric of his button up, soaking up the sweet simplicity of the moment- how right then and there, it felt like there was no one in the world but the two of you, slow dancing in Chucho’s kitchen, arms wrapped tight around the man you loved. It felt like holding everything you’d ever need. Everything you’d ever want. It felt like holding your home.

If there was one thing you were not, it was patient, especially when it came to waiting. You never had been, and at this point in your life, you were very much convinced you never would be. Ever since you could remember, you were always the first one up in your house on Christmas, frantically waking up your parents and brothers to let them know presents were stacked under the tree at an ungodly hour, forcing your parents to implement the “If you don’t stay in your bed until 6 A.M. you won’t get any of your presents” rule to try and save some ounce of their sanity for the chaos that ensued after the 4 of you were really wide awake. Even as an adult, you couldn’t help but wake up giddy on Christmas, feeling as bright eyed and bushy tailed as you did all those years ago as a kid. While Javi was very aware of your love for Christmas, he wasn’t aware of the fact that it meant that you would be wide awake, waiting for him to wake up this early in the morning.

“Merry Christmas!” You squealed, trying your best to contain your excitement as you watched Javi finally begin to stir, his sleepy curls peeking out from under the covers, eyes squinting and blinking heavily as he let out a big yawn, draping his arm over your waist, half awake.

“Good morning.” He grumbled, rubbing his hand over his face, practically still asleep. “What time is it?”

“6:45…” You replied, grimacing sheepishly, wincing at the early hours plastered on your alarm clock. “You can go back to sleep if you want to, sorry if I woke you up.”

“6:45? Jesus, how long have you already been up for, Osita?” He sighed, propping himself up on his elbows, running his hands through the messy ends of his hair.

“Not that long…” You muttered, looking away from him, hoping it would deter him interrogating further. Javi said nothing- he only cocked his head to the side and stared with that look he gave you when he knew you were hiding something, knowing damn well his tired, puppy dog eyes would pull the truth out of you. “Fine…” You huffed, turning back to him. “I’ve been up since 6.”

“6 in the morning? Jesus Christ, hermosa.” Javi laughed to himself, shaking his head as he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you to lay against his bare chest. “I guess I can’t say I’m surprised. What the hell have you been doing since you got up?”

“I made coffee, took a giant shit after I drank the coffee, turned on the lights to the Christmas tree, put Christmas music on in the living room, and then I came back to bed and I’ve been trying to read while I was waiting for you to wake up.”

Javi could do nothing but let out an amused sigh as he pressed a long kiss into the top of your head. “You’re insane, you know that?”

“You’re the one who proposed.” You sassed back, holding your ring in Javi’s face, a playful smirk growing across your face before giving him a little poke on his chest. His response to your witty remark was grabbing you by the waist, flipping you on top of him as he tickled your sides, pecking quick kisses along your body, making you flail and squirm as you erupted with giggles. “Let go, pendejo! You’re gonna end up with a black eye for Christmas if you don’t stop!”

“I’d like to see you try.” He grinned, releasing you from his grasp, giving you a little shove. “Alright, well I’m fucking awake now.” Reaching his arms over his head, Javi let out another loud yawn.

“I made you coffee.” You shrugged, trying to provide at least a little peace offering to him for your early morning wake up.

“I’d fucking hope so.” The two of you laughed as you shuffled out of bed, Javi lazily throwing on a t-shirt and pajama pants before you both wandered out of the bedroom, you at a much quicker pace than Javi.

As much as Javi wanted to give you a hard time about your over exaggerated enthusiasm this early in the morning, he couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter as he walked into the living room, seeing you sit curled up on the couch, clutching a mug of coffee, beaming at Javi as Christmas music played softly in the background, the walls dimly lit by the twinkling lights of tree, being hit with the realization that every Christmas for the rest of his life, would be a Christmas spent with you.

“For you.” You smiled, holding out Javi’s mug, steam dancing off the top of the bitter brown liquid. “My family always opened presents before we did anything else, but if you have something else that your family always did, or you don’t want to, we can-”

“Osita, I know you wanna open presents first, it’s okay.” Javi snickered, kissing your forehead before you shot up off the couch, running over to the tree to grab one of the several neatly wrapped boxes stacked beneath it.

“Okay, thank God, I think I would have spontaneously combusted if I had to wait any longer to give you your gifts.” Hurrying back over to the couch, you placed your boxes on Javi’s lap, snuggling back up next to him as he began to tear away at the wrapping paper of the smallest package.

“You don’t have any photos on your desk, so I figured I’d get you one. That way you can stare at my ugly mug all day long.” You joked, nodding toward the picture frame Javi was holding with a picture from your cousin’s wedding a few months back.

“Shut up. Thank you, I do need more pictures of us in my office, and you look so hot in this picture.” He smirked, giving you a little nudge before picking up the next gift in your pile. “Thank you, Osita.”

“Says the one who’s in the fucking tuxedo in that photo.” You rolled your eyes, watching Javi shake the wrapping paper off the next box.

“Fuck, I’ve been needing new boots. Thank you, Osita, these are so nice.” Javi grinned, holding up the dark leather shoes, letting the bottom of the box drop to the floor.

“I know you have, and you refuse to buy yourself new ones, so I figured I’d upgrade them for you.” You crossed your arms over your chest at Javi, wondering how he’d ever convince himself that he wasn’t just as stubborn as you.

“Jesus, this is heavy.” He laughed, working away at the wrapping to reveal a plain, cardboard box, giving you a confused look.

“It didn’t come in a box and I couldn’t wrap it how it was. I promise you your first gift isn’t a heavy cardboard box.” The two of you laughed as Javi tore the tape holding the top together, digging through the tissue paper, eyes going wide at the contents of the box.

“Osita…” He warned, pulling out the bottle of his favorite Texas branded whisky he would only order for himself on nice occasions, knowing 1- how hard it was to find, and 2- that it was not cheap.

“Don’t even try to start with me. It’s Christmas and I love you and you deserve all the nicest things in the world. I know how much you love this stuff, even though it tastes like pure gasoline, and that you would never buy it for yourself.” You smirked, grabbing under his chin, squeezing his cheeks.

“Thank you, Osita. Where the hell did you find this stuff?” Javi looked at the bottle in disbelief, examining it before setting it carefully back on the ground.

“Steve knew a guy.” You shrugged, only pausing for a moment before pushing yourself off the cushions, only to be stopped by Javi’s grasp around your wrist, pulling you back down.

“These are all perfect, baby. Thank you so much. You're too good tot me. My turn.” Javi grinned, grunting as he got up off the couch, looking through the boxes to find the one he wanted, snatching it up and handing it over to you, immediately beginning to shed the box of its paper. “If you don’t- if you don’t like it or don’t want it, that’s okay, but I figured-”

“Javi, I’m sure whatever it is, I’ll love it.” Taking a pause from your unwrapping, you reached over to give Javi’s knee a squeeze, smiling at him before shuffling the lid off the top of the long box. “Oh no way! Are you serious?!” You squealed, holding up the emerald green and black Dallas Stars hockey jersey. “Javi, what the fuck, this is so cool! Thank you!” You dropped the jersey in your lap, leaning over to give him a tight hug.

“Thank god, I was worried you were gonna be pissed it wasn’t a Blackhawks jersey, but I think you already have 2 here, and like 3 more at your parents house, so I figured, you might like one for the Stars, too.” Javi sighed, relieved that his gift wasn’t about to stir up any unwanted hockey tensions.

“I will wear it every game, except for when we play the Blackhawks- Then I will bury it deep in the closet.” You giggled, picking it back up to stare at it, oblivious to the fact that Javi had already gotten up again to get you another gift.

“These two go together.” He smiled, handing you over the much smaller box as you tilted your head in confusion. You quickly unwrapped the second box, a smaller version of the box for your jersey you had just opened. Still unsure of how something so tiny could go with your new jersey, you suspiciously lifted up the lid, your jaw dropping as you saw what was inside. “Holy fuck, Javi, are you serious?!” You gasped, pulling two tickets to the Dallas Stars vs. Chicago Blackhawks game, clutching them like you couldn’t believe they were real. Taking a second to actually read the ticket, your mouth gaped even further. “Jav, holy shit, these seats are-”

“Against the glass.” Javi smirked, watching your eyes dart back and forth between the tickets and his smug grin.

“But what about- how are we, wait- wouldn’t we have to-“ you mumbled to yourself, trying to process the gift while figuring out the logistics of getting to and from a night game in Dallas from Laredo.

“I’ve got it all taken care of. The game is on Friday in February, the other 3rd grade teachers said they would do whatever to help you take that Friday off, our flight leaves at 2, we land in Dallas at 3:30, and I have a hotel booked for Friday and Saturday. Figured we could make a weekend of it.”

“Javi- You can’t- Javi this is too much- baby, are you serious?” You whispered, breath shaky as you looked up at his beaming face, leaning in to kiss you.

“I can, and I will. You deserve it. Merry Christmas, Osita. There’s one more thing.” He smirked, raising an eyebrow at you, grabbing one last present from under the tree and setting it in your lap.

“Javier Peña, you do not need to get me anything else, I swear to God-” You protested, giving Javi a stern look as you stared at the present in your lap.

“It’s not anything big, I saw it when I got the jersey and couldn’t help myself. Just open it, please?” He sighed, picking it up and bringing it even closer to you.

“Okay, okay.” You shook your head, quickly tearing away the wrapping paper to reveal the box underneath. Lifting the lid, you dramatically rolled your eyes at Javi as you lifted up the red, lacy, lingerie that was tucked away in the tissue paper it had been delicately folded under. “This looks a lot more like a gift for you than a gift for me, Mr. Peña.” You laughed, giving Javi a playful nudge.

“Well, if you put it on and let me unwrap you like the pretty little present you are, I’m sure I can find a way to make it a gift for the both of us.” Javi rasped, leaning over to nip at the exposed skin of your neck, making you let out a breathy moan, before coming to your senses, immediately darting up off the couch towards your bedroom.

“Where the hell are you going?” Javi asked, laughing at you as you sped off, lingerie in your hands.

“Changing so you can unwrap your last present!” You winked, wiggling the lacy outfit in the air before ducking into the bedroom. “Hey!” You shouted, your voice slightly muffled from behind the bedroom door, creaking it open to pop your head back out.

“What, hermosa?” Javi laughed, awestruck smile glowing across his face as he stared at you.

“I love you, Javier Peña. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Osita. I love you more.”

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @blackfemalenerd @deppydelta @beware-my-thorns

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theidiotwhowritesthings · 8 months

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The Art of Failing [1]

Werewolf!Joel Miller x F!Reader, Vampire!Din Djarin x F!Reader

Series Warnings: violence and mild gore, mentions of blood and injures, reader is described as active and able to fight, eventual smut, loss of a child, angst to fluff, more warnings to come based on individual chapters

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, self doubt, mentions of blood

Word Count: 10,360

Summary: The Division of Mythological Affairs was created to protect and serve the supernatural community while keeping the knowledge of their existence a secret. You hoped to become an Agent of the DMA like your mother before you. Just as your dream begins to fall apart at the seams, you stumble across a missing persons report that could change everything. You are desperate to solve the case, to prove your ability, and you find yourself with unlikely allies⏤ a werewolf running from his pack and a vampire shunned from his coven. The stakes are high, lives are at risk, and success hinges on the three of you learning to work together.

[a/n: it's here!! i'm so excited to officially share this because it was so much fun to write and i'm even more excited to show y'all the rest]

MIDDAY MADNESS

"failure does not mean your life is over."

Every workplace had that one employee who was deemed irreplaceable.

The employee who showed up early, went the extra mile, and made the lives of those around them easier. The one who had a passion for their work⏤ who was born to do what they do with a smile on their face. You were that employee. Without you, everything would collapse into chaos and madness. Mayhem would fill your 8-storied workplace to the brim until it was spilling out into the unsuspecting streets of Austin, Texas. Riots would break out. Fire would engulf the city. The world would never know peace. Without you⏤

“Hey, coffee girl!” The sharp, angry voice startled you and the precariously stacked drinks in your hands nearly toppled over. You readjusted your hold on the carriers with a breathy sigh. “Where the hell is my cappuccino?”

Perhaps calling yourself the most irreplaceable employee here was a bit of a stretch. You were important though. Your job was vital. If it weren’t for you then your co-workers would be caffeine deprived which would lead to headaches which would then lead to mistakes and errors in paperwork which would, eventually and inevitably, lead to worldwide destruction somewhere down the line. You were needed here. You were vital and a necessity. At least, that’s what you told yourself over and over in the form of a mental mantra. It was either that or get caught in the abysmal, black hole your life seemed to be right now.

“Here you go, sir.” You angled the carrier so he could scoop up the cup on the far left. The man yanked his cup away hastily, nearly knocking over the other drinks again, and rushed away without even so much as a ‘thank you’. You pressed your lips together in annoyance.

You were vital. You were vital. You were vital.

With a brief pause to piece your patience back together, you pasted on a broad smile and began to continue your morning deliveries. For two years, you had been taking coffee and lunch orders, scheduling meetings, running errands, and doing basically every other busy work task put on your plate. It was exhausting, both mentally and emotionally, but it was the price to pay. You wouldn't take this kind of treatment anywhere else and the only reason you still put up with it was because it was just a stepping stone.

Today you were a glorified assistant.

Tomorrow you would be an Agent.

An Agent of the Division of Mythological Affairs.

It was a title not many held and was exclusive for a number of reasons. The DMA was established decades ago to police and protect the supernatural community. It was the responsibility and duty of the DMA to keep the peace amongst the community while also keeping said community secret from the rest of humanity. Knowing that the monsters of myth and legend were real was privileged information. The only reason you were clued in was because of your mother. She had been an Agent herself years ago and you grew up surrounded by supernatural forces. Hell, your childhood best friend was a forest nymph.

As you grew older, you grew more passionate about the world you were blessed to know and the dream to walk in your mother’s footsteps took root. You trained and you studied, desperate to make the world a better place, and thus far all you had succeeded in was mastering the skill of carrying four drink carriers without dropping them.

After delivering the final cup of coffee, you made your way up to the eighth floor. There was about fifteen minutes before you had to get down to the lobby for your next task of the day, and you planned to spend it begging. You greeted familiar faces as you passed them. The separation of labor could be seen in the change of clothes as you got to the higher floors. Everyone you passed now were dressed in nice and expensive suits. It was the upper levels that housed the policy makers⏤ more politician than soldier.

The eighth floor was the nicest of them all with open windows that let in natural light. There were no ugly cubicles littering the bulk of it. Instead, modern and sleek furniture sat around the space and private offices were housed here.

“Hey, have you seen Captain Roberts?” You asked Stacey, one of the secretaries you saw in meetings every once in a while, and she didn’t even lift her eyes up from the magazine she was flipping through. She just pointed to the right towards a hall of offices. You mumbled a thanks and continued on. There were a few different Captains who worked in this sector of the DMA, but Captain Roberts was in charge of the Agents and Analysts you worked with most often.

You were halfway down the hall when an unfamiliar, armored figure stepped out of the conference room to leave. Mandalorian. Your pace stuttered in shock as you stared wide eyed at the intimidating man stalking toward you. There were too many vampire covens to count, but a few were infamous enough to merit memorizing.

The Mandalorians were one of them.

Their signature being the impenetrable armor they wore at all times⏤ faces they never revealed to anyone. It wasn’t unusual to see a Mandalorian or two wandering around the building. They occasionally worked contracts with the DMA picking up on bounties. Not all DMA sanctioned bounty hunters were Mandalorian, but the best undoubtedly were. You didn’t recognize this one though.

His all silver armor was haunting and his gait spoke to strength and skill. He was close enough now that you could see your wide, staring eyes in the reflection of his visor, and you forced yourself to snap your gaze to the floor as you passed. The air was tense around him, it followed him like a dark cloud, and his heavy boots stormed past you without pause. You couldn’t help but glance over your shoulder to watch him a second more. His worn out cloak whipped around him at the pace he marched out with and a few suited men practically leapt out of his way to avoid being in his path.

You let out a low whistle and turned back towards the conference room he had just left. Being on the radar of a Mandalorian had to be a fate worse than death, and you pitied whoever had pissed off that one. Outside the conference room door, you adjusted your work blazer and took a steadying breath. You were vital, this organization was lucky to have you, and you would be an Agent if it were the last thing you did. You rapped your knuckles against the door and waited until a deep voice called out for you to enter.

Inside the room were three others. They sat at an elongated conference table centered in the room with their backs to Austin street views out the floor to ceiling windows. On the wall across from the windows were large screens designed for calls and it looked like one had just ended. Of the three people in the room, you only recognized one. Captain Roberts, a gruff man in his late sixties, stood at the head of the table with a few folders and papers spread out in front of him. He was built like a grizzly bear and had the temperament of one as well. The red of his beard was graying and you still hadn’t gotten used to his bald head quite yet. He used to have hair thick and long enough to braid, but when his hair started to recede he chose instead to just lose it all.

“If that’s all, I have other matters to attend to.” Captain Roberts cleared his throat and motioned toward you. It was a dismissal on his part, and you stepped closer while the two other suited individuals packed up their belongings to leave. The second they were out of sight, Roberts groaned. “Perfect timing, kid. I hate dealing with Olympus representatives.”

Your jaw fell open and you pointed to the door, “Those were…” You had never met the souls responsible for carrying the messages and words of the gods and goddesses back down to Earth. “Really?”

“Try not to look so excited. The gods are dicks and they live to make my job more difficult.”

“You say that about everybody.” You replied and wandered over to stand by him. Your eyes darted down to the papers scattered on the table. It looked like a missing person report. “I saw a Mandalorian in here earlier.” The report looked like it was talking about a child. You narrowed your eyes and pulled it closer. The Mandalorian was reporting his own missing child. A young boy who had disappeared overnight. “Why were you meeting with a Mandalorian and Olympus representatives over a missing kid?”

Roberts snatched away the reports to tuck them into a folder with a chastising glare. “I didn’t. I was meeting with the representatives when the Mandalorian burst in. Kind of like you did.”

“You were happy with my interruption a few seconds ago.” You argued. Roberts gave you a tired glare, and you nodded toward the folders in his hands. “You know I was talking to Hannah downstairs a few days ago and she was telling me that the number of missing kids has skyrocketed this last month in comparison to previous months.”

Roberts grunted, “What have I told you about being nosy?”

“Maybe I could help.” You offered. “I could⏤” Roberts scoffed out your name with a shake of his head and made a beeline for the door. You scrambled after him. “Roberts, come on. Please.”

“You came all this way up to beg me about a missing persons case?”

“Well, I actually came to beg you about applying for the Agent qualifications exam, but I’m not picky about what I beg for. I’ll take what I can get.”

“No.”

“Roberts⏤”

“I said, no.”

You locked your jaw in annoyance as you both climbed into the elevator. In order to sign up for the qualifications exam you needed the approval of a Captain. It seemed no matter how many times you begged Roberts to write you the letter of recommendation allowing you to sit for the test, he always had some excuse to say no. Any Captain’s letter would do the job and you could technically find another to badger about this, but you were the stubborn kind. Captain Roberts had been the one to qualify your mother, and you wanted him to be the one to qualify you too.

“If you just gave me a chance,” You snapped, “I could do it.”

“We’re not getting into this again.”

“Give me a real reason then!”

Roberts glared at you with a look that would have anyone else cowering or running for the hills. You could see beyond the anger and frustration. Beyond the huff and glowering. Underneath all the rough Captain bravado was someone who cared, but right now it was infuriating. Roberts rubbed his bald head and shook it with disdain, “Your mother wouldn’t want you risking your life like she did.” It felt like your heart had stopped in your chest. Of all the excuses he had plied you with in the past this was the first time he used your mother as one. “She would want better for you.”

“Don’t.” You whispered.

“You’re a bright girl. You say the word and I can get you a job in research. You would be a hell of an Analyst⏤”

“I don’t want to be an Analyst! I want to be⏤”

The elevator doors dinged open and you both grew silent. A small group shuffled onto the elevator making small talk. You stood stiff and straight, arms crossed over your chest, while Roberts pouted on his side of the elevator as well. Three floors down and the group dispersed leaving you alone with the Captain once more.

“You can do better than this, kid.” Roberts said firmly. “You have your whole life ahead of you.”

“This. This is what I want for my life.” You couldn’t bring yourself to meet his gaze again. You just stared at the numbers at the top of the elevator door, each lighting up as you got closer and closer to the ground floor. “I just wanna help people like mom did.”

“There are other ways to do that.”

The elevator reached the bottom floor and you finally turned to Roberts, “Are you going to approve me for the exam or not?”

Roberts held your gaze for a moment, sadness seeping into his blue eyes, and he sighed, “No. No, I’m not.”

You bobbed your head once, biting back the burning threat of tears prickling at your eyes, and you hurried out of the elevator. Roberts called out after you, making others near the elevator doors glance in your direction, but you didn’t pause in your stride.

There was a small cubicle, amongst a sea of others, down a hall connected from the lobby that you called your own. It was tiny, just big enough to house a computer and a bit of desk space for you to stack busy work all over, but it was yours. The cubicle wall was decorated with pictures of friends, family, and a spattering of Halloween decorations you had put up for the upcoming holiday.

You dropped into the seat, Roberts’ denial ringing in your ears, and your eyes landed on one photo in particular. It was your high school graduation and your mother had her arms wrapped around you proudly as you both beamed at the camera. The sight of it made your stomach turn and without thought you tugged it off the wall where it hung to stick in a drawer. Your mother was a hero who changed so many lives, and you could only wonder what she would think if you now⏤ sitting at a cubicle buried in busy work and covered in coffee stains.

You had buried yourself in errands and paperwork to distract from the bitter rejection of Captain Roberts. The small voice at the back of your mind whispered that all you had to do was seek out a separate Captain for your letter of recommendation. You knew for a fact that the Captain who worked the neighboring district handed out letters like candy. They had the mindset that the test would weed out the ones who didn’t deserve to be there, and you were confident you could pass. It was a quick and easy solution, but it felt too much like cheating in your eyes.

A part of you wished you could kick your pride to the curb. A dream was a dream, right? It didn’t matter how you got there as long as you got there. You blew out an irritated breath of air and leaned back in your seat to stretch your spine. No matter how many times you repeated those words in your head they didn’t seem to stick.

“Hey, pumpkin.” A voice drawled from behind you, and the condescending tone of it immediately made your blood pressure rise. Slowly, you turned in your seat to face the bane of your existence. Agent Miles Jackson was average in height but constantly acted as if he were compensating for something or another. You assumed it was his lack of a bearable personality. The weight of his stare gave his brown eyes a beady quality and his thin lipped smile could only be described as smarmy. He winked at you and the urge to gouge his eyes out washed over you. “What’re you doing here?”

You furrowed your brow, “Working. I know that’s an unfamiliar concept to you.”

“Ha ha. Funny.” Miles snorted. “I meant, why the hell are you still here and not picking up my lunch?” You opened your mouth to complain, but he cut in. “I want my usual from that sandwich place right down the road. The faster the better.”

“Miles⏤”

The man turned on his heel and began to march away before letting you say another word. You glared at his back where his light blue, wrinkled button up shirt was untucked from his one size too small dress pants. You just wanted to throw something at the back of his head. With a huff, you pushed to stand and grabbed your purse from the drawer under your desk. Between the morning you had and dealing with Miles, you were seriously going to need a drink tonight.

It took no time at all to pick up the food. You called ahead on your walk, and the workers there knew you fairly well as a regular. When you got back to the building there was a commotion in the lobby. More people than normal were milling about and a steady flow of people were streaming out of the first floor bullpen⏤ the exact place you were heading. You slipped through the crowd and as you got closer and closer to where Miles’ desk was the noise began to increase.

“⏤'nd you’re not fuckin’ listenin’ to me!”

The words reverberated into the hall stopping you dead in your tracks. Calling it a yell would be underselling the wall of sound that slammed into you. It was a roar⏤ earth shattering, enraged, and excruciating. You rushed into the bullpen, hand clutched tight to the to-go bag of food, and gazed over a sea of desks. The bullpen was where most Agents worked day to day. Usually, the routine tasks involved speaking to concerned citizens or interviewing suspects. A good bulk of the work involved filing reports when not out on the streets working on a case. However, the room was nearly empty and continued to get even emptier as people rushed past you. At the center, with the agent you were looking for, was a man you didn’t recognize.

He was gruff with broad shoulders covered in a worn out flannel. A peppering of gray littered the thick, dark hair atop his head and even spilled into the scruff on his face. The clear details that could be seen from a mile away was the redness in his face, the vein protruding along his neck as he yelled, and the rage simmering in his dark eyes. His anger was volatile and palpable. Your focus seemed to zoom in on the flash of pain, and once you saw it… it was all you could see. This was a man suffering. Amongst all that rage was heart wrenching fear and agony.

“Sir⏤”

“Don’ you fuckin’ ‘sir’ me.” The man snapped and shoved at Agent Jackson. “You son of a bitch, listen⏤”

Miles pointed in his face and the man snarled in response. “Don’t you take a tone with me. Do you know who I am?!” You got closer and you could see the man’s canines lengthen and his brown eyes flickered in shades of a burning gold. Wolf. He was a werewolf. Genetically speaking, there were hundreds of lineages from the initial werewolf. Unlike vampires, who were similar regardless of the coven, wolves differed. Based on what you could see here, this guy was probably from a local pack. The ones around here didn’t necessarily need the full moon and their emotions controlled a lot of their abilities. Miles ran a hand through his hair with a huff, “Now, Mr. Miller, we have your statement. If you’ll be patient with us⏤”

“Are you fuckin' kiddin' me right now with this bullshit!?”

You weren’t sure how this guy got stuck talking to the least empathetic and least helpful Agent in the entire building, but your heart went out to him. While Miles rattled off a long winded excuse, you crept forward to set the food on his desk and your eyes landed on an open report. The wolf’s name was Joel Miller, and as your eyes scanned the page you understood his rage.

“Your daughter is missing?” You gasped. Both men snapped their gazes at you. Miles glared at your intrusion, but Joel’s narrowed eyes held more questioning than rage toward you. You picked up the report to read the details, but all you could think of were the other missing children cases⏤ the Mandalorian this morning and his missing child. The report in your hand was poorly written which you expected of Miles. “When did you last see⏤”

“I already took his statement.” Miles snapped at you.

Joel, on the other hand, pointed his finger at the file with a glare, “Does it not say it in there??” Sensing the tension, you were hesitant to nod your head. Joel filled in the blanks though and snarled at Miles. “You fuckin' bastard. Are you not takin' this seriously!? She's a kid! She's only fourteen! I swear to the Gods, I’ll⏤”

“I assure you that we have what we need.” Miles snatched the report from your hands. “You’ll have to excuse my assistant. She isn’t trained." You sucked in a sharp breath, your own rage beginning to bubble up, at his words. As if you needed extensive training to read a piece of paper. “Pumpkin, you’re excused.”

“I’m not your assistant.” You spat at him. “Have you considered the other missing kids?”

Joel’s eyes widened, “'Scuse me?”

Miles scoffed and shook his head to glare at you, “That has nothing to do with⏤”

“And there was a Mandalorian here this morning whose kid disappeared overnight.”

Miles chuckled and the sound pissed you off further. It had the same effect on Joel Miller who looked close to shifting into his wolf form to leap across the desk and maul the man. Miles motioned toward you, “Well, that’s it then. Mandalorian.” You furrowed your brow. “I would bet my money on this being a blood feud. Wolves vs fangs.”

You shook your head, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“The wolves took the vampire kid, and in retaliation the vampires took the wolf’s kid.” Miles argued confidently. He turned to Joel and gave a slight shrug while scooping up the bag of food you had brought for him. “We will look into the matters, and we will call you with further information.”

“That’s it? You’ll call me?” Joel yelled. The wolf slapped the bag of food out of Miles’ hand and to the ground. “My daughter is fuckin' missin' 'nd that’s all you’re gonna give me right now!?”

Miles slammed his hand against his desk while staring at his lost meal. His glare toward the wolf deepened, a move you found to be hilarious considering Miles was far from intimidating, but you watched as his hand went to his hip where his service weapon rested. Your eyes widened and you set a hand on Miles’ chest to draw his attention to you.

“Stop.” You warned. “That’s a bad idea.” Miles locked his jaw and you tried to defuse the situation. “This isn’t right. Your theory is wrong. A wolf pack would never use a kid as a bargaining token in some rivalry.” You scoffed. “And the Mandalorians are the only vampire coven to allow children in their ranks. They literally adopt kids off the street to raise and care for. But you think they kidnapped a wolf’s child?”

Miles suddenly grabbed you by the arm roughly and squeezed hard enough to make you wince. The sound of a low warning growl filled the air, but all your attention was focused on the loathing rage in Miles’ eyes. He seemed… unhinged, somehow. With his other hand, Miles pointed a finger in your face. “Listen to me, pumpkin.” He snapped. “You need to stop playing ‘Agent’. You’re a bookish errand girl who has no idea what she’s talking about or trying to get involved in.” His words stung even more with Captain’s Roberts’ rejection still ringing fresh in your mind. “It’s pathetic how desperate you are to be an agent like your mommy. Especially considering, you’ll never be what she was. You’ll never be more than the useless, desperate⏤”

Your hand curled into a fist and lashed out before you had even a second to think. Miles’ nose crunched under your now throbbing knuckles and blood splattered down his blue shirt. He cried out in pain and you stiffened in realization at what you had done. “You bitch! I’ll get you fired for this!”

Angry, embarrassed, and frustrated, you spun on your heel to rush away. Miles was still hollering behind you in a rage and before leaving the room you gave one last glance over your shoulder. The goal was to glare at Miles or admire the new shape of his nose, but as if pulled by an unseen force your gaze landed directly on Joel. Once you made eye contact with the wolf, there was no looking away. There was a haunting power in the way he stared back and it seemed to singe a hole through your very being, and you could feel his agony⏤ his devastation and desperation. The embarrassment you felt grew as you realized you were useless to him. Just like Miles said. You mouthed a quick apology and left in a hurry.

Downtown Austin had a district for the supernatural. Not that any human knew that it was for the supernatural specifically. With the right words, a person could find themselves in underground Austin where a market and community lay hidden. As you saw no reason to sit around and wait for the consequences of your actions to find you, you climbed into your car to drive across the city to see a friend. Once parked, it took no time at all to find your favorite bar. It was one owned by a witch and open to any and all who were interested.

Despite being underground, ‘Lucille's’ did not feel closed off or stuffy. The ceiling was high, a spell cast to mimic the natural lighting for the time of day, and the walls and furniture were decorated in greenery making the room feel like a clearing in a forest. Usually when you were here it was late evening or night time so the bar would be lit accordingly, but as it was literally 2 in the afternoon it was pure midday sunlight that shone down on you.

The bar wasn’t empty. A number of patrons sat around enjoying a casual lunch or drink, but you weaved through the tables to make your way to the actual bar. It was made of thick mahogany wood and glass. Behind the bar, the shelf was lined with liquors and raw materials. Jars filled with dragon scales, phoenix feathers, wormwood, and any other ingredient that could be used for spells or drinks. There was a glow from behind the shelf itself that shifted in a swirling of soft colors.

As you sat down on a cushioned bar stool, you saw a familiar forest nymph walking out of the back carrying a box. Her pale green skin was accented by a darker, vine like pattern that encircled her limbs and torso⏤ made even more clear to see due to the loose, white tank top she wore. Her vibrant pink hair was pulled back into two buns atop her head and littered with yellow and blue flowers. She dropped the box with a grunt and her brown eyes landed on you in shock.

“Whoa! What’re you doing here??”

“Hey, Nima.”

“You here for lunch?”

“Not exactly.” You gave her a tight lipped smile as she bounced over with a bright grin. She stood close enough that you could see the slight movements of the vine-like pattern on her skin and it must have been close enough for her to see the misery in your features. Before she could begin her interrogation, you lifted your dominant hand to nod toward your bruised knuckles. “Can I have an ice pack?”

Nima wrapped a handful of ice in a rag for you to set on your hand and listened quietly as you told her about your day from start to finish.

“First off, I’m making you a stiff drink.” Nima grabbed a glass and she knew your preferences enough that you didn’t need to say a word. “Secondly, after you down this we’re getting in my car and we’re gonna go kill Agent ‘Shit for Brains’.” Your lips twitched up in amusement. “Thirdly⏤”

“How many bullet points are in this pep talk?” You asked. “Just so I can keep track.”

“You would make a gods damn brilliant Agent.” Nima paused in drink making to point at you. “I don’t care what anyone else says.” She shook the metal tumbler three times before pouring the drink in the martini glass. The light pink liquid bubbled and fizzed. She set it in front of you and you raised an eyebrow at the glittering light that shimmered from the bubbles that popped in it. Nima shrugged, “So, I added a joy charm to your drink. Sue me.”

The corner of your lip twitched up and you didn’t hesitate to bring the drink to your lips. The fizzing bubbles of the joy charm tickled your mouth and it reminded you of eating pop rocks as a kid. Unlike the pop rocks, it left an immediate light hearted buzz in your brain that made the glow of the lights around you seem a little bit brighter. Coming here had been the right decision. Between the drinks and Nima’s threats against Miles’ life you were feeling a bit better.

Nima stayed with you chatting for a while longer, but when a group of elves noisily wandered in she had to veer away to serve them. You finished the last of your drink, pushed the glass aside, and then folded your arms to lean on the bar with a hum. The joy charm left your brain with the happy buzz, but your heart still felt heavy. All you wanted to do in life was help others, like your mom had, and now you were going to get fired. You couldn’t even provide support for the people who were helping others.

So much for being vital.

You absentmindedly began to count the bottles on the expansive shelf in hopes to keep your mind occupied until Nima could come back and distract you. It was around 116 that you felt somebody sit on the stool right beside you. Any annoyance you felt at a stranger picking a seat so close to you when there were so many other open stools was muted by the effects of the joy charm. You continued to count and at 200 the stranger said your name.

Eyes wide, you turn your head and the sight of Joel Miller’s glare you jumped in surprise, “Gods!” You were sitting up now, half hanging off your stool, while gripping the edge of the bartop. “What are you… How do you know my name??”

“I asked 'round.” Joel replied gruffly. Unsure of what to say, you bobbed your head awkwardly. He had his arm resting on the bar as he faced you, and his hand was balled up in a tight fist. The wolf was wound up tight⏤ ready to snap at the slightest provocation. “Now tell me more 'bout the Mandalorian.”

You scrunched your nose, still in disbelief that this wolf followed you in the first place, “Um, DMA restricts me from giving out the information of someone else. I’m not really supposed to do it without going through the proper channels.”

“Yeah, well, you don’ really got a job anymore, far as I can tell.”

“I still have a job. I haven’t been fired.” You countered with a nod then mumbled. “Yet.”

Joel leaned in closer and you stiffened at his growl, “You think my Ellie missin' has somethin' to do with the Mandalorian?”

You assumed that was the name of his daughter. “I can’t say anything for certain. I mean, I don’t know anything⏤”

“You knew more than that bonehead Agent.”

“That’s not hard.” You mumbled with a quiet snort. Joel did not seem amused and continued to burn through you with his gaze. You cleared your throat and nodded. “All I know is the number of missing persons cases involving children has been higher this last month than usual, and some Mandalorian is missing his own kid.” Joel gave a slight nod and you could see the wheels turning in his head. You shrugged, “But I don’t think it’s the feud between wolves and vampires doing this. I know that’s what Miles assumed but… I just have this weird feeling that⏤ that something else is going on.”

Joel clenched his jaw before speaking, “Why?”

“I don’t know.” You sighed, defeated. “I don’t have evidence or a good reason. It’s just a... gut instinct.”

You squirmed under Joel’s continued gaze until he finally looked away. He turned in his seat to face forward and now you were the one staring. With how tense the wolf was, he looked to be made of stone. A handsome statue wearing a scowl that could fill even the gods with a chill.

Nima bounced back over and gave Joel a skeptical glance. She raised an eyebrow at you in question and you waved your hand in front of your neck to signal her to leave him alone. Nima scooped up your empty glass and carried it away.

“Where is he?”

Your head snapped back to Joel, eyes wide, “Sorry?”

“Where is the Mandalorian?” Joel demanded slowly. “I wanna talk to 'im.”

“I⏤I have no idea, man.” A laugh of disbelief left your lips. “The local Mandalorian coven is a mystery. They’re more tight lipped than any other coven I’ve heard about. Only a few people even know where they hide.”

Joel narrowed his eyes at you. “That’s all you got for me?”

You scoffed, “I’m sorry. If I had known you were going to stalk me out of the building⏤” Joel rolled his eyes with a huff. “⏤then I would’ve prepared accordingly. My bad.”

Joel hissed a curse under his breath. His eyes closed and a hand rubbed his jawline before resting over his mouth⏤ attempting to settle himself, you assumed. You glanced over at Nima who was staring at you in concern and you gave her a quick nod and pointed to the wolf beside you. A few moments later, Nima came over and placed a glass of dark liquor in front of you. She mouthed the words, ‘You good?’, and you gave her a tight lipped smile. She shot Joel another wary glance before moving over to her other customers.

You cleared your throat and pushed the drink in Joel’s direction. He opened his eyes and stared down at the drink. Joel sniffed the air then furrowed his brow, “That’s Lavagulin.” You shrugged. That sounded right, but you didn’t know the dark liquor types well enough to confirm it. His gaze turned skeptical and paranoid, “How do you know my drink of choice?”

“Oh, I don’t.” You held your hands in surrender. “Nima does.” You pointed to the forest nymph who was flipped a tumbler with a broad grin. “I don’t know how she does it, but she can guess anybody’s drink of choice. I’ve never seen her fail.” Joel stared for a second more before picking up the drink and taking a long sip of it. You rubbed the back of your neck nervously. “Listen, I’m sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. I wish I could help.”

Joel didn’t respond to your comfort and just continued to drink. You briefly considered calling Captain Roberts. Miles had probably already gone to the man to snitch on you for breaking his nose. There was no way you wouldn’t get canned for the attack, even the Captain couldn’t protect you from that, but somebody should know that Miles was out of line with a citizen. Joel Miller needed real help to find his daughter, and gods knew that Agent Miles Jackson wasn’t going to be of any use. As the thought crossed your mind, you tilted your head. Help. Joel needed help.

“I could help.” You blurted out loud.

“What?” Joel was nearly finished with his drink.

“I could help!” You repeated. Why hadn’t you thought about this before? Joel needed help, and you needed to prove that this was a job you were more than capable of. “My mom was an Agent⏤ one of the best. She had all these connections and…” Joel was now facing you entirely as he had turned in his seat. For the first time since you met him, you saw more than just anger, panic, and pain in his eyes. There was a flicker of hope. You shot him a smile. “I think I can find out where the Mandalorian coven is.”

Joel leaned forward on his seat, “Where?”

“We need to go to my apartment. There’s a journal with a map.” You jumped up and began to root through your bag for your wallet.

“What’s going on?” Nima came back over. “You leaving?”

“Yeah, it’s a⏤ it’s a long story.”

“Everything alright though?”

You huffed when you couldn’t find your wallet, “What? Yeah, no. It’s fine. Just give me a second. I think my wallet is buried under here somewhere.”

Nima shook her head with a frown, “I’m not taking your money.”

“What’re you talking about?” You demanded.

“You don’t have a job. I’m not taking your money, babe.” You winced at her half true comment. The DMA didn’t pay you all that great anyways considering your position wasn’t super high on the career ladder. But then again, if you solved this case and proved your worth then you could be the Agent you knew you were capable of being. Suddenly, Joel held out a few folded bills. Your eyes widened, but Nima snatched the money from his hands with a smirk. “You on the other hand, I can very much take money from.”

Joel ushered you out of the bar as Nima waved after you and demanded you call her later. The wolf said he’d follow behind you in his own truck which you figured he wouldn’t have a problem with considering he had done it once before. You just prayed the plan you had in mind was actually going to pan out.

If you had known you’d have a near feral werewolf sitting in your living room this afternoon, you would’ve cleaned up a little better before leaving in the morning. You scrambled through your room searching for the journal that you knew was somewhere around here.

“You got it, yet?” Joel barked from the other room.

“Almost! Just⏤ Just hang on!”

Finally, you found the journal buried under a stack of papers on your desk. You mumbled your relief and immediately began to flip through the journal pages searching for something that could point you in the direction of the Mandalorians. You knew for a fact that your mother had a connection⏤ either directly or indirectly. You managed to find the vague map scribbled out midway through the journal. It wasn’t much, but it was more than you had ten minutes ago. You took a quick picture of it with your phone and began to leave your room only to pause. Frozen in place, your eyes darted over to your bedside drawer. After a second of contemplation, you hurried over and pulled out the handgun tucked away for safekeeping. The only ammunition you had was regular bullets and silver ones. Neither would help against a vampire, especially a Mandalorian vampire decked out in ceremonial armor, but the idea of having it on you brought some semblance of comfort. You tugged on your shoulder holster and triple checked the weapon before safely tucking it in place. The last two things you grabbed before leaving your room was a jacket to wear over the holster, keeping it mostly hidden, and your mother’s old badge.

When you stepped out into the living room, Joel was standing and staring at a few pictures on your wall. His eyebrows were drawn together, deep in thought, as his attention was focused in on a picture of you and your mother from when you were a child.

You cleared your throat and his eyes snapped back to you. You opened your mouth to explain the picture, but Joel closed the space between the two of you back on target, “Where is it? The coven?”

“Here.” You opened your phone to point to the picture you had taken.

Joel narrowed his eyes, “That’s all you got? You don’ got an address or somethin'?”

“An address?” You scoffed. “They live underground in the middle of nowhere. Sorry I don’t have a PO box to type into google for you. We can find it with this. Let’s go⏤”

“We??”

You set your hands on your hips with narrowed eyes, “Yeah, we.”

“You’re not goin'.”

“I’m not letting you and your pack stampede into a vampire coven!”

“I don’ have a pack.” Joel shook his head, and you tried to hide your surprise. “I work better alone. Now give me the map.”

“Fine,” You corrected, “I’m not letting a lone werewolf storm a vampire coven.”

“And how is addin' a human to the mix gonna tip the odds in my favor, sweetheart?” Joel scoffed and motioned to you.

“For one, they won’t kill me on sight for being a werewolf.” You argued. “And two,” You pulled the badge out of your pocket and flashed it to him, “I’m an impartial party. A peacekeeper.”

Joel snarled, “If they do have my kid for some reason, I don’ plan on keepin' the peace.”

“Yeah, see, that sentence proved my point. You need me.”

Joel opened his mouth to argue more, and you were fully prepared to counter anything he threw your way, but then he surprised you by locking his jaw and giving you a stiff nod. You hadn’t actually expected that to work. Joel turned to leave your apartment with a grunt and you hurried after him.

“Also, we’re taking my car.”

After another short lived argument, you managed to wrestle Joel into your vehicle. According to the map, the coven was just outside Austin city limits, truly in the middle of nowhere, and it would take at least an hour to get in the vicinity. Then you’d have to search for it further. The drive was just as awkward as you would’ve guessed it to be. Joel didn't seem like the type of man who enjoyed small talk even on a good day let alone right now. Unfortunately, the more nervous you got the more you seemed to want to talk.

“So, can I ask you something?” You blurted.

“No.”

“Oh.”

An even more tense silence filled the air between the two of you as you focused on the road ahead. Joel sighed and shook his head, “What?”

“You said you don’t have a pack.” You continued on with your line of questioning despite the lackluster permission he gave.

“Is there a question somewhere in there?”

“Is it true?” You asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever met a werewolf without a pack.”

“Well, now you have. Congrats.” Joel replied dryly.

Your cellphone began to vibrate and the name ‘Captain Roberts’ flashed on the screen. You ignored the call, “So, it’s just you and your family then?”

“It’s me 'nd Ellie. That’s it.” Joel grunted. He shrugged after a beat, “Got a brother too but he’s still in the pack. Tried to leave when I did, but I convinced him not to.”

“Oh, so you left on your own.” You voiced the thought aloud. Your phone began to vibrate again. ‘Captain Roberts’. Ignore. “Why…” You were very, very curious as to why a werewolf would willingly leave his pack to be on his own⏤ or on his own with his daughter, you should say. But, it seemed too personal for you to pry into. “What’s Ellie like?”

Joel paused in thought. “She’s smart, but she’s also trouble. Bit of a little shit.” There was a small smile on his face as he said the words. “Obsessed with these stupid jokes 'nd puns.”

“She sounds fun.” You chuckled. “You said she was fourteen?” Joel nodded once. For the third time, your phone began to vibrate and you hit the ignore button with more force than needed. “What⏤”

“You ain't gonna answer that?” Joel questioned.

“No.” You shook your head. “It’s just gonna be a long conversation about disappointment and it’ll probably end in my termination. Roberts, the Captain, likes me, but Miles⏤ the Agent whose nose I broke⏤ he’s kind of a big deal.”

Joel scoffed, “He’s a big deal?”

“Not in a ‘good at his job’ way. More in a ‘my daddy owns you’ kind of way.”

“Got it.”

“Yeah, when he said he was gonna get me fired he meant it.” You sighed. “It’s all about knowing the right people, and he’s related to the right people so it’s even worse.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“You’re telling me.” You mumbled with a sigh. This time there was a notification about a voicemail being left along with the missed calls. That was not a message you were eager to listen to. The rest of the drive passed in silence, but it wasn’t as tense as the start of the trip. You drove your car off road where the map suggested. The map had a shaded portion where the coven supposedly was, and you prayed they hadn’t recently moved. You drove, scanning for some kind of the symbol drawn on the map, and when Joel spotted it carved into a tree you parked the car. “So, you’re not going to like what I’m going to say…”

“Then don’ say it.”

“I think you should stay with the car.” You said it anyways.

Joel stared at you as if you had grown a second head, “Are you outta your gods damned mind? I’m not sittin' here 'nd waitin'⏤”

“If it’s me alone I can talk to them as an Agent of the DMA and question⏤”

“You’re not an Agent.”

“I’m also not a werewolf.” You snapped. Joel had his jaw locked so tight that you could hear him grinding his teeth against one another. You held a hand out towards him to plead your case. “I’m not gonna say that I get it because I don’t have a kid. I could never fully understand how you feel right now, but… Joel, I’m going to do everything in my power to help you find Ellie. If we go in together it’ll stir them up, but maybe if I’m alone they’ll stay calm enough to answer some questions. I’m not a threat to them. I’m just a dumb human, after all.”

Joel turned away and rubbed his face. The exhaustion and frustration were clear to see. He sighed, “Fine. You have twenty minutes. Twenty minutes 'nd then I’m goin' after you whether you like it or not.”

“Deal.” You agreed.

You reached over him, he stiffened at the closeness, but you mumbled an apology and rooted through your glove compartment. There was a small, travel bottle of perfume that Nima had tucked away for you. It was one you never used, a bit too strong for your liking, but she was adamant about keeping it around in case of emergent night outs when you needed to get ready on the go. There was a collection of hair products and makeup tucked somewhere in your back seat too.

After finding it, you opened the car door and began to spray it all over yourself. It took only two squirts of the bottle when Joel began to cough. He rubbed his nose with a deep frown, “What the fuck are you doin'?”

“I’m trying to get the smell of wolf off of me.”

“You’re ruinin' your scent.” Joel grumbled with no further elaboration. You sprayed yourself three more times just to be sure, and ended up hacking up a long yourself as the strong floral scent hit you like a truck. Joel chuckled, “See?”

“Here’s to hoping the Mandalorians hate how I smell too. I’ll be right back.”

You closed the driver’s side door and marched out to walk past the tree with the carving. Joel called out after you, and when you glanced over your shoulder you saw he had rolled the window down. Joel nodded once, “Careful, sweetheart.”

With a reassuring smile, you gave him a thumbs up that he shook his head at before rolling the window back up. Your reassuring smile falter once you faced away from him and you steeled your nerves as you pressed into the thick of the trees. You could do this. You could handle this. You were vital.

The goal was to follow the trail of carved symbols in the trees. It drove you deeper into the forest and after finding four more you noticed that the path had looped you into a circle so you were back in front of symbol three. Worry briefly flooded your senses as you thought you may have taken a wrong turn and time was ticking down. Joel would be kicking down your car door to come find you and gods knew with the amount of perfume you wore it wouldn’t be hard.

You blew out an annoyed breath and kept on, but you only got a few feet further when a figure suddenly loomed in front of you.

“Gods!” You cried and scrambled back a few steps. The Mandalorian in front of you was towering in height and immensely broad. He wore navy pieces of armor, and you couldn’t fathom how someone so large and dressed in so much metal could be so loud. He stood still, like a statue, and his blank helmet stared down at you. Quickly, you readjusted your stance and cleared your throat. With as much confidence as you could muster, you pulled out the badge and flashed it at him⏤ introducing yourself as an Agent with your last name. “I’m with the DMA, and I’d like you to take me to your leader.” You winced as the words came out awkward. “I mean, I’d like to speak with someone on a missing persons case. I believe it would be in the benefit of your coven. Is there someone in charge I can speak to?”

The Mandalorian said nothing and you tucked your badge back into your pocket. You weighed the pros and cons of opening your mouth again, but before you could come to a conclusion he held his hand out toward you. Hesitantly, you reached out and the second your fingers brushed against his the Mandalorian tugged you toward himself and threw you over his shoulder. A cry of disdain left your lips but the world became a sudden blur of color and sound as wind whipped past you and with a few blinks you were no longer in the forest. He dropped you with no announcement and you grunted as you hit the cold, stone floor.

“Thanks for the warning.” You scoffed and tried to get your bearings. Nausea rolled through you and the room felt like it was spinning. When your brain finally caught up to what had happened, you glanced around to see he had carried you into a cavern. Light spilled from overhead, like a spotlight, and with a glance up you realized he had dropped down into this cave system.

“Come.” The Mandalorian grunted and you struggled to your feet to follow him.

As he led you deeper into the cave, the walls were lit with torches. Doorways into other halls and rooms were carved into the wall, but this Mandalorian led you straight down the center. Other Mandalorians like him began to gather and peer out of the spaces to stare at you and it took all of your might to keep your shoulders straight and your chin held high.

At the end of the cavern, was a circular room that was taller than it was wide. A stone structure was built in the center of the room and the shape and fire burning at it’s center reminded you of an old timey forge where weapons used to be made. The navy Mandalorian you had been following barked out in a different language⏤ Mando’a if you remembered correctly⏤ and a different Mandalorian with a helmet of gold stepped out from a back doorway into the room. The shape of her armor seemed more feminine and around her waist hung a thick metal hammer.

“You are not the Agent described to me.” She said in a smooth and calm voice.

“Sorry?” You replied confused.

She repeated your last name. “You are not her.”

Your eyes widened, “Oh. Oh! Right, no. Um, you’re thinking of my mother. You knew her?”

“Very well.” The Mandalorian confirmed. Two other Mandalorians stepped into the circular room just to stand against the wall with the large navy one, and it made your skin crawl nervously. It seemed like overkill. Just one Mandalorian could demolish you. You didn’t understand why they needed a total of four with you. “Why are you here, young one?”

You nodded, back to business, “This morning I saw a Mandalorian at the DMA headquarters. He was filing a report on a missing child. He was⏤ His armor was all silver. Like a shiny silver, and his under suit looked brown?” You tried to recall any details you remembered of him, but it was really the bright shine to his armor that stayed in your mind. “Anyways, we’ve had a string of missing children and I wanted to speak to this Mandalorian⏤”

The three Mandalorians behind you barked out a word you didn’t recognize and you jumped in place. The leader hummed, “He is no Mandalorian.”

“Uh,” You squinted with a twist of your lips, “He looked very Mandalorian⏤”

They barked the same word again. She spoke once more, “Din Djarin.”

“What?”

“That is the man you seek.” She said. “He has broken his creed. He is Mandalorian no longer. We do not associate with him.” You scrunched your nose in disbelief. Of all the rotten luck. You manage to actually find the mysterious Mandalorian coven only to find out that the one Mandalorian you sought out was excommunicated from his coven. Great. “Is that all you have come for?”

“Technically, yes.” You replied slowly. “Unless, do you know anything about his kid? Or where I can find him?”

“No.” She answered simply and bluntly. Fantastic. Outside the room, you could hear hissed whispers and low growls. Two sounds you never considered good news. “Are you prepared to pay your price?”

You focused back on her, “The price for what?”

“For your life.”

At those three words, you felt your blood run cold. Nowhere in your mom’s journal did it mention any sort of price. The noises outside grew louder and one of the angry growls was unfortunately familiar. You cursed under your breath and turned just in time for two Mandalorians to drag in a thrashing Joel. They forced him to his knees with a hiss. One gloved hand clamped around the back of his neck and you saw Joel’s teeth lengthen as the color of his eyes began to flicker in shade.

“Joel.” You blurted and his eyes lifted to meet yours. You gave a discreet shake of your head, and the burning gold of his eyes returned to a warm brown.

“Your twenty minutes was up.” He grunted.

“Young one.” You spun in place and the leader of the Mandalorians was dangerously close. You tried to take a step back, but her hand wrapped around your throat. Joel snarled for her to let you go, and you held up a hand behind you in hopes to reassure him. Her hand wasn’t restricting your air. It just rested there. A vague threat. “Will you pay your price?”

You swallowed, unable to see a situation where denying her ended well for either of you, “Yes?”

The leader used the hand around your throat to tilt your head up and to the side, exposing your neck, and then she moved quicker than you could see. Her other arm was a blur and you felt a sting of pain against your neck. The room’s air seemed to thicken with tension as she held up a blade smeared with your blood. She released you and began to stalk toward the forge. You rubbed at your neck nervously. You weren’t bleeding out, but it shook you to your core all the same. The leader whispered in Mando’a before flicking beads of your bright red blood into the fire at the forge’s center. The blue flames flashed white before returning to their natural state.

She turned and tucked the knife away. “You have paid your price. Paz will take you above ground.” She nodded to the navy Mandalorian that had brought you in. “The wolf stays.”

“Wait, no⏤” You began.

“He will die for trespassing.”

“Hang on!” You scooted away from Paz. “Can’t he pay the price? Or can I pay for him?” Somehow, through a helmet, the leader managed to shoot you a dry look. That’s how you interpreted it, at least. Paz was stalking toward you as Joel thrashed in the arms of the Mandalorians and your mind raced for a plan. Just as he reached out to grab you, you blurted, “Riddur!”

The room froze and even Joel paused in his rage to stare at you. The leader titled her head. You pointed back to Joel, “He is my riddur.”

“You know what that word means?” She questioned.

“Yes.” You nodded. The Mandalorians were the most family oriented of the vampire covens. The bond between lovers was sacred. ‘Riddur’ was translated to spouse, but it carried a heavier weight than the english word. They may have hated wolves, but you prayed to the gods that they respected the bond enough to let it carry over outside the coven. “Please. Don’t do this.”

There was an agonizing pause where you could feel your heart trying to beat out of your chest. The leader gave a curt nod and you breathed a sigh of relief. “You may take your riddur and leave.” The Mandalorians released Joel and stepped back. You hurried over to his side to loop an arm through his. “But, young one?” You stared at the leader and the gaze she cast your way was nerve wracking. “Do not come here again. The price to pay next time will be steep.”

You nodded and mumbled a thanks before dragging Joel out the way you had come in. All the Mandalorians in the cave continued to stare. Joel kept pace with you and whispered, “Ellie? Did you find the Mandalorian we were lookin' for?”

“No. He’s not here. He was kicked out of his coven.” You replied. “We have to look elsewhere.”

Joel spat a curse out under his breath, but thankfully he continued to rush out with you rather than turn back. As you reached the spot where you entered you suddenly remembered that it hadn’t been you who came in. You stared up at the hole in the ground and sighed, “Joel⏤”

“Hold on.” Joel scooped you up and jumped. You yelped in surprise at the height he managed. It cleared the hold and he landed on the ground by the edge. At the landing, you heard his knees crack and Joel grumbled in annoyance before setting you down. “Let’s go.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” You replied.

The two of you sped through the forest and didn’t slow your pace until your car was in sight. Joel glanced your way, “Riddur.” He repeated the word. “What does that mean?”

“Oh, uh, it means spouse?” You offered. “In the werewolf setting I suppose the closer term would be ‘mate’? It’s a bond between lovers.” Joel raised an eyebrow and you felt your cheeks grow warm. “I just knew that Mandalorians took that kind of thing seriously. It was the only idea I had to get us out of there.”

He stared for a long moment, long enough to make you nervously rub the back of your neck, and then he nodded, “Thanks for that. I… I appreciate your help.” Joel grunted uncomfortably. Your lips twitched up into a smile. The two of you reached the car and climbed in. Before you could start it up, Joel cleared his throat. “It was 'cause of Ellie.”

“What?”

“Earlier. I know you wanted to ask why I left my pack. It was for Ellie.” Joel responded. “She… We’re not related by blood. She’s actually… Ellie is only half wolf.” Your eyes widened in surprise, but you stayed silent so he could continue. “My pack didn’ want half breeds. That’s where they drew the line.” Joel sunk in his seat and rubbed his jaw⏤ a nervous tick of his you were realizing. “But she’s my daughter. They didn’ get that so I left.”

You pressed your lips together and started to reach out to touch his shoulder, but at last minute you dropped your hand and shot him a smile. “Thank you for telling me. We are going to find her.” You shrugged. “We need some other way to find the ex-Mandalorian, but we have a name now and I… I‘ll think of something. I swear it, Joel. I’m not gonna rest until we find her, okay?”

“Yeah, alright, sweetheart.” He replied. You started the car and began to turn it around when Joel let out a cough. “You smell awful, by the way.”

“Thank you for that. Appreciate it very much.”

Come hell or high water, you were going to find Din Djarin. As you drove, a few ideas came to mind. Terrible, terrible ideas, but beggars can’t be choosers at the end of the day. You shot Joel another glance out of the corner of your eye and your resolve steeled. This was more than just about redeeming yourself and getting your job back. You were going to find Ellie for Joel even if it killed you.

For notifs on updates, as I no longer do taglists, please follow @theidiotupdates

Banners by @cafekitsune

#the mandalorian #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #joel miller #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #din djarin x female reader #pedro pascal characters #the mandalorian fanfiction #werewolf!joel miller #vampire!din djarin

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sci-fi-disney-prince · 3 months

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Garrett Hedlund Mini March Fic Madness

In honor of March Madness, I created this master list of Garrett Hedlund character fanfics and may update it even after March. This may not be mobile/tablet-friendly.

Note: This may not have all of the stories posted on Tumblr and/or elsewhere since I am only one person and could only find as much as I can and unfortunately get distracted by Garrett along the way. Also, these do not belong to me. These stories belong to these lovely fanfic writers credited below and to the people behind the original source material. Do keep in mind that many of these fanfics are targeted for 18 years of age and older, so reader discretion is advised.

Tagged: @the-blind-assassin-12 (the person behind March Fic Madness 2024)

Key: ❤️‍🔥 = Smut(ty)/Explicit 🍬 = Fluff ❤️‍🩹 = Angst

Updated as of May 5, 2024

Sci-fi-Disney-prince’s G.H. Corner coming soon

Special Events

@/triplefrontier-anniversary (A fanfic and art event to celebrate Triple Frontier's 5th anniversary which is run by @romanarose and @for-a-longlongtime that goes from March 1st-March 14th. Take out the slash to go to their page)

Masterlists

Mitch Keller x F!OC Waitress Oneshot Masterlist by @marmie-noir [Content warning: violence, sex, and 18+ content] ❤️‍🔥

TriFRambles’ Masterlist by @triframbles

Delta Landscaping Mainlist by @rhoorl ❤️‍🔥

Benny Miller Masterlist by @dameronscopilot [some 🍬, some ❤️‍🔥]

Garrett Hedlund Masterlist by @dameronscopilot 🍬❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹

Benjamin "Benny" Miller Masterlist by @musings-of-a-rose [Some Fluff, Some Angst, Some Smut, some all of the above]

FishBen Rec List by @thirstworldproblemss [Some fluff, some angst, some smut, some all of the above]

phoenixhalliwell Masterlist by @phoenixhalliwell [includes Triple Frontier guys x Gender Neutral!reader]

Individual Stories

Triple Frontier

"Every Kiss Begins With A Mistletoe" by @kittyofalltrades [Santi and Benny x Reader] ❤️‍🔥

"Not So Silent Night" by @kittyofalltrades [Benny x Reader]❤️‍🔥

"Office Party Love" by @kittyofalltrades [Benny x Reader] 🍬

Sleepy Benny by @pilothusband [Benny x Reader] 🍬

"I’m gonna keep you in love with me for a while" by @pilothusband [Benny x Reader] ❤️‍🔥

"An Unexpected Discovery" by @pilothusband [Benny x Reader]❤️‍🔥

"Benny's Favorite Librarian" by @kittyofalltrades [Benny x Reader]❤️‍🔥

"Before I Go" by @cowboystokes (deactivated) [Benny x Black!Reader (Co-Parents)]

"Drunk Poetry" by @violentdelightsandviolentends [Benny x female reader - Content warning: cursing and alcohol mention] 🍬

"I see my shot" by @writefightandflightclub [Benny x female reader - Content warnings: alcohol, mildly steamy making-out, swearing, “unrequited” feelings and implied possible public sex acts (fade to black).] ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥

"I've loved you three summers now, honey, I want them all." by @bullet-prooflove [Benny x Reader]

"Disinhibition" by @busycryin [Benny x Reader - Content warning: Injury, bad words, mentions of sex] 🍬

"Slow Motion" by @miss-beep-beep [Benny x Viet!OFC - Content Warning - some cursing and kisses] 🍬❤️‍🩹

Four Brothers

"Hopper saves a boy’s pieces, Joyce puts him back together" by @imeanwhynotbruv (Jack Mercer Stranger Things AU/crossover - TW: abuse)

"Number" by @jackmercerenthuiast (Jack Mercer x Reader - Content warning: Mentions of drugs, alcohol, suggestive language, and gang violence)

Tron: Legacy

"Masks" by @ivorydragoness44 [Sam Flynn x Reader] ❤️‍🩹

"iii. morning kisses. waking up next to your significant other and pulling them up and capturing their lips to yours." by @solar-siren [Sam Flynn x Tron] 🍬

Tulsa King

More from other movies/shows/projects in the new masterlist

#benny miller #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic #jack mercer #four brothers #garrett hedlund #tron: legacy #sam flynn #tulsa king #mitch keller #four brothers fanfic #Tulsa king fanfic #marchficmadness24

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chasedbyatlantic · 3 months

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nightclub love, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — your best friend, maria miller, sets you up with someone she knows you'll fall in love with in no time, despite it being your co-worker.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson!joel, gender neutral!reader, slow burner-ish, maria love, dom-ish!joel, cutesie patootsie dina, drinking, touching-ish, swearing. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.9k

a/n: should i make a pt 2?? love this one icl! remember to reblog, like, comment, and follow for updates!! also make sure to send requests! xoxo.

—

For weeks, you had been preparing. Maria, your best friend, had begged and begged you to help with her famous (and upcoming) Summer Solstice Party. Every year since Jackson had been up and running (and Maria was in charge), she hosted this party. She had aimed it to be a night of normalcy, a night to remember what had happened before the world went to shit. It was successful, these parties. You had enjoyed the partying aspect of it, not so much the setup.

In your post-apocalyptic life, you were a painter. You had lived and breathed art, you had even got into MIT for the arts program, but the world ended before you were able to start your post-secondary tour. Though, after everything happened in the early two thousands, you discovered your hidden talent for hunting, and being able to operate firearms quite easily. This lead you to many successes in protecting yourself while you were out on your own, and being able to protect others while leading them outside of the Jackson walls.

Maria had appointed you as the co-leader of the "Jackson Protectors" (something Tommy, Maria's husband, had came up with). After Maria had her baby, Tommy had decided to step down from the role to spend time with his family, and make sure he was always there for his newborn baby and his wife. Maria had only thought of you for the person to step up and take on such a big responsibility, so she didn't really give you a choice in co-leading the group. You hadn't minded, though, it was nice to get out of the walls.

Maria's annual party was only a few hours away now, and you had finally brought over the piece she asked you to make. It was an oil and acrylic painting of the beloved town you all had resided in, she wanted to put it behind the bar (in the town's pub, called "The Nightclub"), so that everyone was able to see the beautiful artwork you were able to create so easily.

"Hello?" You called out as you pushed open the wooden door with your foot, your arms were too occupied carrying the canvas that your foot was the next best option to get the door. There wasn't a response, so you had just proceeded in. Glancing around, you had seen that the bar was turned into a nice hall. Tables were pushed to the outskirts of the room, chairs had pieces of colourful string tied on the backs and legs, the stage was decorated, everything felt so warm.

You had moved your way over to the bar, spotting a tool kit sitting on the counter. It was perfect, you could hang this now and have it be a surprise for Maria whenever she went in the room next. Tucking the canvas under your arm for a split second, you went behind the bar and reached into the tool kit. You had gotten a few flat-head nails out, along with a mallet. You had lined up the nails along the middle of the empty space on the wall, gently nailing them in before hanging your painting up.

Before you could double check that it was nailed in straight, you heard an 'eek!' coming from behind you. You could only recognize it as your best friend, Maria Miller. "Oh my god! It's the most beautifulest thing I have ever seen!" You felt the girl embrace you from behind, this made you fold your arms upward and return the hug (without turning).

"Was nervous ya' wouldn't like it." You chuckled as she let go, you turned around. "Wouldn't like it?" Maria had questioned, "Are you kidding me? I love every piece of art you do." She embraced you in a proper hug now, and you hugged her right back with a smile on your face. You were honestly nervous that she wouldn't like it, and you had braced yourself for any feedback she might've given you.

Maria had let go of the hug, now holding your shoulders. "I have a surprise for you." The smile dropped off your face, you didn't like surprises. Surprises before were nice, but not in this hell-bound world. "What?" You were doubly as nervous about this than with the painting. "Okay, so, I've set you up with someone at tonight's part-"

"You what?" You interrupted the woman in front of you. Oh no, no no no. Your facial expression fell even more after this. "Don't worry! He's a good boy, I promise. You'll love him- please, just please cooperate with this." Maria had pled with you. You could only stare at her, like you were dumbfounded by what she was saying. In reality, you were far from dumbfounded, you just didn't know why she would do this without consulting you first.

You waited a moment before you replied, "Am I able to back out?". Maria could only smile at you, indicating that you most definitely would not be able to back out of this. After a moment of silence between the two, you couldn't help but let out a small laugh while shaking your head. "'M not forgiving you for this, woman."

You had walked out from behind the bar, leaving Maria there. You knew she had much more organizing (things she had made clear she wanted to do by herself, otherwise you would've helped her) to do before tonight. "I'll drag you out of your house if you don't show up tonight, mark my words!" She laughed as she called out to you. Right before exiting the bar, you waved her off, a small 'yeah, yeah!' escaping your lips. You knew that Maria had good intentions setting you up with someone she knew, but you didn't think it was going to go well. God, you thought to yourself, if this party doesn't go well, a hole would be dug and that would be your new home.

You had put on a nice outfit for tonight. The temperature had rose a ton (despite it being dark) since earlier, which had confirmed your questioning of what you should attend the party in. You had showered, fixed your hair, sprayed perfume, and put on some lip products you found inside the bathroom cabinets before making the treacherous walk through hell's half acre to get back to the bar.

You were neighbours with Maria, and she lived in the farthest part of the town. It didn't help when you had events like this, or the long trail to and from work in the early mornings and late nights. Thankfully this was only the third time you made this hike today, earlier going and coming back from dropping the painting off, and now. If Maria and Tommy hadn't given you a few days off of work, you probably wouldn't have went to the party. Work was exhausting, especially when it was hot outside.

You had your hands in your pocket as you were walking, humming to yourself. You were ripped out of your thoughts as you heard someone call your name, you turned immediately to spot a familiar brown-haired girl. "Hey." You nodded over to her, as you slowed your pace so she was able to catch up. This was Talia's (a friend of yours) younger sister, Dina.

"Hi! You're going to the party, right? I'm so excited." You could only bring a smile to your face, nodding your head. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." Dina mimicked the smile you had on your face. You two had talked for a while as you approached closer to the bar. You had found out that she was so to-the-moon for this party because someone she had liked asked her out, and they were attending together. You had given Dina the 'make sure you're safe' and whatnot talk, since apparently Talia hadn't.

As soon as you had gotten to the bar, Dina had bid you a goodbye with a tight hug, before running off and finding her date. You couldn't remember when you had been happy like that. Sure, you were happy a lot of the times, but never beaming. There was too much worrying in this world to ever be beaming anymore, as depressing as that sounds. Not getting into it too much, you had finally stepped into the bar.

You were immediately engulfed with the scent of whiskey, sweat, and good food. Despite what had you had just said, this brought a genuine smile to your face. Seeing people just embracing the current moment, and having no worries for just a little while- who couldn't smile at this?

You had glanced around, looking for Maria. Though you didn't see her, you saw the next best thing. "Hey, Tommy! Have you seen your wife?" The man had turned, raising his brow before he had seen you. "Hey- naw', pro'lly runnin' 'round somewhere, being a hostess and whatnot." He passed you a smile before taking a sip from his dark brown bottle. You smiled and nodded.

You shortly found your way over to the bar, ordering the strongest of whatever they had. You had recognized the bartender from around town, but had decided not to make conversation with him. He passed you the drink in a glass cup, before going back to serving others. You had brought the edge of it to your lips, sipping the amber liquid. Holy fuck, you thought to yourself, this was some strong shit.

Before you had muttered a string of swear words under your breath, something- someone had caught your attention. A hand was placed on the bottom of your back, and you shifted your weight a little. Earlier it was mentioned that you were the leader of the "Jackson Protectors", Joel Miller (Tommy's older brother) shared the role with you. He was tall and extremely muscular, and was definitely older than you.

"Sorry, peach. Just gotta squeeze on in 'ere." Joel had muttered, just loud enough for you to hear. He let the nickname roll off his tongue, although you didn't think anything of it. Nobody would hear, as the bar area was packed like a can of sardines and extremely loud from the many different conversations happening. Joel had ordered something on draft, you didn't really hear.

You had never really seen him outside of work, only a handful of times. You wouldn't have taken Joel as a party type of guy, he was extremely closed off and- well, alone. Not in a rude way, no, but in a protective way. "How's it goin'?" He had asked you, "Noticed ya' haven't been in for a few days." Joel's hand was no longer on the low of your back, but gripping the tall, glass cup. He was leaning his elbow against the bar top, as you were leaning your back against it.

"Way too busy, I've sort of- I'dunno, missed it? Work, ya' know." It came out of more of a question rather than a statement. This only earned a laugh from the man across from you. "I get what ya' mean, felt like that when my arm broke-" He let out a small laugh, "-had nothin' to keep me occupied, wishin' I was out'n huntin' things." You nodded your head as you took another sip from the glass in your left hand, keeping your face neutral this time.

"Ya' didn't come across as the type to like- well, things like this." You hinted toward Joel. He shrugged his shoulder, taking another sip from his cup. "'M not, never was." You had an almost concerning look now, why was he here if he didn't like these types of things? "-But," Joel quickly added, "Figured I'd try it out after all these years o'not goin', ya' know?" You could only nod your head. It was true, you've never seen Joel Miller attend anything other than his daily work shift. Maybe he had a change of heart, but you didn't know if you really believed it.

Joel had started to talk about something else, but for some reason, you had zoned out. Your best friend had caught your eye from right behind Joel, so you were now focused on her. It didn't take long for her to notice you staring at her, and her face turned upwards. She was mouthing something to you, but you couldn't make sense of what it was. After squinting your eyes, and Maria repeating it twice more, it hit you. She had mouthed 'that's the one'.

Your expression fell as you snapped back into reality. Really? Your work partner? You weren't saying Joel was ugly, or had an ugly personality (far from that, actually), but you couldn't mess around with someone you worked with. "You alright?" Your eyes moved from just above Joel's shoulders to meet his gaze. You nod your head before almost feeling lightheaded, you were going to kill Maria.

"Do ya' know how to dance?" You spit out before thinking it through. You were pretty sure you didn't have a crush on Joel Miller, but- no buts, you had thought to yourself. You couldn't, if something bad went wrong, you would still have to work with this man every single day. You could slap yourself right about now.

"Drunk words're sober thoughts, eh?" He asked (rhetorically) to you, which had earned a true, dumbfounded look on your face. You only managed to let a "huh?" escape your lips, and Joel shook his head with a small laugh. "Nevermind, c'mon." His hand fell to the bottom of your back once again, and before you knew it, you were walking with him to the packed dance floor. You could feel the eyes of conservative mothers on you, probably spreading lies about how you two did this at work. It wasn't true (not yet at least).

You two got on the floor, and Joel let go of your back. He moved his hands more forward, placing them on either sides of your hips. You looked down, an immediate heat rising to your cheeks. It was the alcohol, you told yourself (only half of that statement was true). Your actions took over your thoughts as your arms wrapped around Joel's neck, the only thing running through your head was if you still smelled like the perfume you put on earlier.

The song had changed, it turned into a slower one- one that you were able to dance to properly. "Now, I'ain' gone dancin' in years, so don't go too hard on me if I mess up, alright peach?" There it was again, peach. The nickname was given to you by Joel a while ago, after you had found a peach tree while out on a run with him. Joel thought it had really fit you and your personality, so he didn't give it up.

You laughed, probably louder than you should have, "Don't worry, I'm not any professional neither." You were following Joel's lead, following where he put his feet. You never learned to dance properly, there was never anybody to teach you. You had managed to step on his toes a few times, but there was no yap from him about it. Joel was- enjoying himself, the first time in a (long) while.

"You didn't have to," You had began, the drunken thoughts taking over you, "I know Maria put y'up to this, it doesn't need to go further than dancin'." You could feel Joel's grip tighten slightly on your waist, something you wouldn't have noticed if you weren't so focused on him. "I wanted to," He quickly reassured you, "Just had to make sure ya' wouldn't- I'dunno, not let me?" You could tell Joel was being genuine, the tone was in his words. This was the first time the man had ever let you in on what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

You two talked and danced for another while, before the party started to die down into the early hours of the morning. You found out he didn't live too far away from you, so you both accompanied each other on the walk home. You too were far too drunk to be walking alone anyway, despite the town being safe. Joel's house was first on the way back, but he had decided to walk the few extra blocks to make sure you got home okay.

As you got home, you had fumbled with the front gate before stepping in and closing it behind - it was only two feet high, so you could still bid your goodbyes to Joel. You had turned around once the gate was shut, his eyes already down on you. "Had fun tonight, almost too much fun." This brought your face up into a smile, nodding your head. "Guess I better-"

"Can we do this again sometime?" You had interrupted Joel, catching him a bit off. "Only if ya' wanna." You had bit your lip, bracing yourself in case he were to say no. Thankfully, he didn't- far from a no. "Wasn't thinkin' we wouln't go out again, now were ya'?" You two were very close, close enough that he could hear the spike in your breathing pattern. "I'll see ya' tomorrow?" You questioned, your hand on top of the fence post. Joel followed suit, his calloused hand now overtop of yours. "I'll pick 'ya up, bright'n early."

You thought this was going to go horribly earlier, you really believed it was. You didn't want to fall for anyone, because you didn't know how much time everyone had left- you were afraid of loss, afraid of losing the people you got close to. You were scared that one day, you would wake up and they would be gone. Within a span of a day, though, you had gotten over the fear of loss. You had found someone who was just like you, but also the complete opposite in many ways. You knew, for a fact, that you had just found someone else you trusted with so much in you, he wasn't just someone you worked with anymore. Who knows, he could turn into something more with time to come, and you almost hoped he would.

—

nightclub love, matt maltese

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livyjh · 9 months

Text

Temptation ch.4

Co-written with @fhatbhabie

No outbreak!Dbf!Joel x Fem!Plus size!Reader

Series Masterlist

Rating: EXPLICIT 18+

Summary: After you break things off with your toxic boyfriend, you move back home with your dad. His best friend and neighbor, Joel Miller, takes an interest in you. But you’re the one who has to convince him to make the first move.

A/N: here’s chapter 4!!! Just a reminder we are posting a new chapter every 4-5 days instead of once a week, because we love you 🩷 enjoy! And thank you for reading!!

Chapter warnings: SMUT, daddy kink, humping, fingering, oral sex, unprotected p in v, dirty talk.

Divider art by: @saradika

You waited patiently all day, looking at your phone every 5 minutes, waiting on Joel to text you. You felt silly, like a school girl waiting on her crush to message back. You sat down at the kitchen table with your dad, having dinner when your phone vibrated on the table. You looked at the screen and saw it was from Joel.

Joel: Hey pretty girl

You: Hey. Didn’t think you were gonna text me.

Joel: Meet me by the pool when your dad goes to bed. Preferably without panties ;)

You felt the heat rush up to your cheeks as you set your phone back down on the table.

“Everything okay?” Your dad asked.

“Y- Yeah I'm fine. Might go out with some friends tonight if that's okay?”

“Of course, just be careful. I gotta go to bed early tonight, got work early in the morning.”

“Why don't you go ahead and get ready for bed? I can clean the kitchen for you.” You said.

“Think I’ll take you up on that.” He smiled at you before standing and making his way up to his room.

You walked into the kitchen with the dirty plates and started to wash the dishes. You glanced out the window above the sink and saw Joel getting out of his work truck. He was in a dark grey t shirt that wrapped oh so tightly around his biceps along with a pair of dark jeans. You chewed on your bottom lip as you watched him walk into his house. Fuck, you need your dad to go to bed now.

****

You sneak by your dad’s bedroom and see him snoring in his bed. You smiled and closed his bedroom door and grabbed your phone.

You: My dad’s asleep. Be there in a sec.

Joel: Sounds good ;)

You made your way out of your house through the back. You looked over and saw Joel walking out of his house. You walked through his gate and walked over to him.

“Hey, sweet girl.” he said, smiling.

“Hey.” You grin at him as you close the gate and walk over to him.

He grabs your wrist and pulls you in flush against his body. His arms snake around your waist as he leans down to kiss you.

“Sarah’s back at school so we’ve got the house to ourselves tonight.” He murmurs against your lips.

You can’t help but let out a little moan at the implication.

“Come on, baby.” Joel keeps one arm around you as you both walk into the house.

He looks at you hungrily and you start to blush. Why were you so anxious right now?

“S- so… what now?” You raise a brow.

“Don’t go gettin’ shy on me, darlin’.” He laughs. “Let me take you to bed.”

“Okay.” You smile softly as he grabs your hand and leads you upstairs to his room.

You sat down on the bed as he closed the door and turned to you. His eyes were darker than usual. Similar to how they looked when he was fucking your throat.

“Same shirt… different shorts…” he observed.

“Had to change them from how soaked I was.” You bite your lip.

“Hope you didn’t put any panties on.” Joel smirks and moves towards you.

He pushes you to move back on the bed. You both kick off your shoes before he gets between your legs, supporting himself over you.

You look at his eyes, then his nose and lips. God, his lips…

“See somethin’ ya like?” He asks teasingly.

You nod slowly. “Please kiss me.”

“Since you asked nice…” he trails off as he leans down and presses his lips firmly to yours.

You whine into the kiss, wrapping your legs around his hips and forcing them down against your own.

“Fuck-“ you gasp, feeling that he’s already hard in his jeans.

He growls and grinds down against you, the length of his hardness pressing perfectly against your slit through the clothing.

“Joel!” You cry out, so turned on that every nerve ending was on fire.

“What do you want, princess?” He hums, lips ghosting over your jaw and ear.

You shiver with anticipation. “Your cock. Please.”

“Please, what?”

“Please… daddy.” You respond.

“Good girl.” He whispers in your ear before sucking your earlobe into his mouth.

Your back arched up at the sensation, breasts pressing into Joel’s chest.

He sits up on his knees and looks down at you. Your cheeks are ruddy, hair messy, lips swollen from kissing, shirt rucked up to expose your belly. You looked amazing. But still had too many clothes on. Both of you did.

“Take your top off.” Joel demands.

You nod and sit up, removing your shirt and tossing it to the floor.

“Lie back down.” He says, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts before pulling them down.

The cooler air of the room hit your wet cunt and it made you clench around nothing.

Joel took his own shirt off and got out of his jeans, which only left him in boxers. You were completely naked, dripping wet for him.

He army crawls his way up the bed, settling on his elbows between your legs. “Open ‘em up, honey.”

You spread your legs wider for him, watching, anticipating his next move.

He puts his hands under your thighs to support them and prop them up over his shoulders as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your vulva.

“Joel…” you bite your lip.

He looks you in the eyes and brings two fingers to your slit, dragging them through your folds to collect your slick.

“F- fuck.” You breathe out.

Soon, he’s pushing the two fingers into you, making your eyes flutter closed.

“Uh-uh.” Joel groans and you look at him again. “Eyes on me, baby.” He smirks.

“Yes, daddy.” You nod.

“Good girl.” He grins wider as he pushes his fingers all the way inside you.

“Ah!” You gasp, clenching around his digits.

He leans down to your center, pressing the tip of his tongue against your clit and wiggling it. You moan softly, then let out a high pitch whine when he starts thrusting his fingers slowly. You don’t even sound like yourself, the way he’s making you cry out.

“Please!” You say with a strained voice.

“What do you want, doll?” He asks before sucking your clit into his mouth.

“I need to cum.” You whisper, trying to keep composure as the heat built in the pit of your stomach.

“No one’s stoppin’ you.” He thrusts his fingers faster and harder, sucking on your clit hard enough to make you see spots.

“Y- yeah!” You nearly scream as you orgasm, breathing hard as the waves of pleasure wash over you. You reach down and grab his hair with both hands as you grind up against his face. You let out a broken sob when he bites your clit gently.

His mouth and fingers stop and he moves up the bed, bringing his wet digits to your lips. “Suck.” He orders.

You don’t say anything, just open your mouth and move your head forward so that your lips wrap around the base of his fingers. You start to suck greedily, swirling your tongue around each finger and moaning as you make eye contact.

“You’re a little fucking slut, aren’t you?” You nod as he pulls his hand away from your mouth.

“Yes, daddy.” You smile.

He laughs darkly, “Shouldn’t have told me that.”

“Why? What are you gonna do?” You taunt.

“Are you on birth control?” He rolls down the front of his boxers to release his sizeable cock.

You nod once, about to give verbal confirmation but by the time the sound of “Y-“ came out of your mouth, he had already slammed inside you.

You let out a strangled moan, grabbing his shoulders and digging your nails into the backs of them. It hurt. Fuck, he was stretching you good.

His forehead was pressed to yours, his elbows on the bed on either side of your shoulders, boxing you in.

You breathed hard, smelling the scent of… just… Joel.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you.” He growls, biting your bottom lip momentarily.

“Want you to fuck me till I’m crying.” You let out a shaky breath.

He laughs again, mischievously. He starts to pull out slowly, getting about halfway out before he pounds into you once more.

“Fuck!” You whimper.

“Tell me more.” He groans.

“W- want you to…” you pause to whine when he pulls out again and starts a slow pace fucking into you. “-to be rough with me.”

He moans in his throat as he sits up enough to grab your wrists and pin them above your head with one of his large hands.

“More.” He demands.

You struggle slightly just to see how tightly he really was holding you. It was tight. He starts thrusting faster as you try to form a sentence. “Want… want to feel your cum inside me…”

“You will.” He promises.

You gasp when he speeds up again and reaches down with his free hand to rub your clit. “More.” He says once again.

“I want you to ruin me for anyone else.” You say in the most whorish voice you could muster.

Joel growls deep in his chest and pulls out of you, quickly flipping you over on the bed, grabbing your hips hard enough to bruise, pulling them up so you were on your knees… then his dick slid into you and got so much deeper than when you were on your back.

“Daddy…” you moan into the mattress beneath you.

Joel reaches up and grabs your hair, pulling your head up so your sounds weren’t muffled. “Feel good, hon?” He asks, pounding into your pussy from behind.

“Yes!” You shout.

He’s grunting with each thrust and you know he’s getting close. You figured a man like Joel would last a lot longer… and he probably could, but this was his first time fucking you. And your cunt was too good for Joel to deny himself release for much longer.

The head of his cock kept rubbing against the sweet spot inside you and you were close too.

“Gonna let you cum again. But you wait for me.” He orders.

“Yes, sir.” You whine quietly.

“Didn’t hear that.” He yanks your hair.

“Fuck… I- yes, sir!” You say louder this time.

“That’s right…” Joel smacks your ass with his free hand and watches it jiggle. That’s what finally does him in. “Fuck.” He barely whispers the word as he releases into you.

You gasp at the feeling as he keeps moving, your body feeling like it was about to catch fire. “Fuck, yeah, Joel…” you whine as you finally cum, toes curling and back arching.

He lets out a strained groan as he slows down and pulls out of you. You bite your lip to stifle a moan as his cum leaks out of you.

You roll to your side and close your legs to try and keep from making a mess. Joel gets up and grabs a towel from the bathroom. He guides you to lay on your back, pushing your legs apart. You blush, whimpering softly from sensitivity as Joel cleaned you up.

He threw the towel in his hamper and got into bed next to you.

“Do you, um, want me to go?” You sit up on your elbows.

“No.” He shakes his head and smiles. “Hell, why don’t you stay the night?”

“Really?” You raise a brow.

“Do guys normally ask you to leave right after?” He asks.

“Yeah, so, I thought maybe-“

“Uh-uh.” He grins and wraps an arm around your middle, pulling you back into his chest. “You’re staying right here.”

***

The next morning you slowly opened your eyes, feeling Joel’s arms wrapped around your waist.

“I’ll go make us some breakfast.” Joel kissed your lips sweetly. “You stay here and look pretty.” He smiled and pulled on boxers and a t-shirt.

You nod as he leaves the room, leaving the door open as he made his way downstairs.

“Holy shit-“ Joel nearly fell backwards on the stairs when he spotted a body at the kitchen table. Within a half second he knew who it was.

“Morning, dad.” Sarah smiled over at him.

“Sarah!” Joel exclaimed, quite loudly, so you could hear. “What are you doing here?” He speaks loudly again.

“Fuck.” You muttered to yourself and silently got up and closed the door to Joel’s bedroom so Sarah wouldn’t see you if she came upstairs. How the fuck were you gonna get out of here?

Meanwhile, Joel approaches the kitchen table and sits down, feeling a little uncomfortable just being in his underwear and a thin shirt. “Uh, when did you get here?”

“Last night.” Sarah ate another spoonful of her cereal. “Not surprised you didn’t hear me. With… whoever you’ve got up there.” She chuckled. “My only class today got canceled so I figured I’d just come stay the weekend.” She shrugged.

Joel tried to be nonchalant, acting like this wasn’t a super stressful situation. “You should’ve called.” He clears his throat.

“Tell me about it.” Sarah rolls her eyes. “I will next time. Didn’t know you were back on the dating bandwagon.”

“Uh-“ Joel hums. “It’s… yeah. Yep.” He confirms to get Sarah to stop asking questions.

You’re upstairs, starting to panic. You look at your phone and realize you’re gonna be late for a job interview if you don’t leave RIGHT NOW.

You look over at the other nightstand and notice Joel’s phone. You couldn’t even call him and beg him to get Sarah somewhere she couldn’t see you sneak out.

You look around the room frantically, then spot your savior. The alarm clock. If you set it for 9am and wait three minutes, it would go off and Joel will come back to shut it off.

You walk around the bed, press a few buttons on the clock and sit down, hoping for the best.

Joel and Sarah sat in awkward silence for a couple minutes as Sarah finished her cereal. Then Joel heard his alarm start to go off upstairs.

“Better get that.” Joel laughs nervously and gets up, quickly making his way back to his room.

He opens the door and slips inside before closing it quickly.

“I have a job interview in 30 minutes.” You whisper.

“You didn’t wanna tell me that sooner?” Joel rolls his eyes jokingly.

“Sorry. I forgot.” You shrug and laugh softly.

“Alright. Uh…” Joel sighs and tries to think of the best way to get you out of the house without Sarah seeing you.

“You keep thinking. I have to pee.” You grab your shirt and shorts, along with your shoes and purse and head into Joel’s private bathroom.

You set your clothes on the counter, your purse and shoes on the floor next to the toilet. You go pee real quick, wash your hands, and get dressed.

Joel bursts in and grabs your arm. You barely have enough time to reach for your purse and shoes before he pulls you out. Little do you know, something had fallen out of your purse and got left behind in his bathroom. He’s pushing you towards his door as he whispers. “She just went to her room. I heard her. Come on. Let’s get you out the back.”

You’re still barefoot but it doesn’t really matter because all you’d be walking on is grass and a wood patio. Being barefoot was quieter in the house anyways.

You two rushed downstairs and to the back door. Joel quickly pulls you into a tight hug and presses his lips to the center of your front hairline.

“See you later.” You smile as you hug him back.

“See you later.” He releases you and you slip out the back door and through the gate between yards. Thankfully your own home’s back door was still unlocked from last night. Your dad said he had to leave early this morning, so he was (thankfully) definitely gone by now.

That was a close one.

————————————————————————

Tag list: @evyiione @chyannealaniz

Want to be added to the Joel Miller taglist?

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daresplaining · 1 month

Note

I'm going to need to know your FULL opinion on the erosion of Elektra Natchios in The Red Fist Saga ASAP!

OOF. Okay, here goes...

Elektra's role in the Red Fist Saga directly follows the Woman Without Fear mini-series, so I feel like I should start there, especially since I haven't really talked about it yet on this blog. Woman Without Fear was an Elektra solo comic that came out just as Devil's Reign was ending and the creative team was gearing up for the Red Fist Saga. The mini-series's purpose was to introduce big, shocking changes to Elektra's origin story. These changes didn't end up having much to do at all with the Red Fist Saga, or with anything else really, but they did functionally strip her of her agency and autonomy and made her motivations instead revolve around Matt. Now, Elektra's origin story has changed before. Frank Miller himself gave us three versions: the original, introduced in Daredevil volume 1 #168 and #190, a slight variation in Elektra: Assassin (he changed the timeline a bit and modified the character of Elektra's father), and then an entirely new, in my opinion much less interesting version in Man Without Fear-- which was not intended to be part of the 616 continuity, though that didn't stop later writers from drawing from it, including Zdarsky, who seems to have used it as a core text to inform his characterization of Elektra in general.

I know you know Elektra's original origin story, but I'll provide the general gist for anyone who might be unfamiliar: Elektra Nachios was the daughter of a rich Greek diplomat and his wife. Her mother was gunned down by assassins while pregnant, but Elektra survived. Her father, now paranoid and fearful, put Elektra in martial arts classes from a young age, while also keeping her sheltered to protect her from harm. She ended up attending college in the US, where she met Matt Murdock, another sheltered kid with a beloved but overprotective father. They fell in love, but the magic was destroyed when Elektra and her father were taken hostage by terrorists. Matt tried to be a hero, and Elektra's father ended up getting killed. Shattered by grief, Elektra left school and traveled across the world to train with Stick, who had trained her childhood martial arts teacher before casting him out (in Elektra: Assassin, the timeline is slightly different; Elektra trained with Stick before attending Columbia, though the end result is the same). Stick saw Elektra's skill, but judged that she was too emotionally compromised to complete the training and kicked her out. Elektra devised a desperate plan to prove herself to Stick: infiltrating the Hand and taking them down from the inside. She failed tragically. Turned cynical by grief and hardship, she used the skills she had picked up from all of her training as weapons to protect herself from a harsh and unforgiving world. She carved herself a life from the tragedies she had endured. She became an assassin.

Note that I mentioned Matt's name a grand total of two times in that synopsis. It's not to say that Matt isn't important to Elektra, of course he is, but he isn't that important to her origin story. The star of this beautiful tragedy is Elektra, as she should be.

Woman Without Fear introduces something new-- at least, new to the comics (more on that in a moment). It takes the Elektra: Assassin timeline and suggests that she trained with Stick when she was still a child. (It also brings in things from the Man Without Fear Elektra origin, but I don't think I'm going to get into that here because that is a whole other rant and this post is long and tangent-y enough already). It then suggests that when Stick rejected her, she still ended up with the Hand-- but not of her own will, with the intention of destroying them. No! She was successfully recruited. And once the Hand had her in their clutches, they sent her out to go after another target: Matt Murdock. In this shiny new backstory, Elektra and Matt run into each other at college not as two kindred spirits, but because Elektra was ordered to hang out with him in order to bag him for the Hand...before, oh no!, accidentally falling in love with him. To add extra insult to this character assassination, we're told in the main series that even her behavior during her father's hostage situation was intended as a test for Matt.

What this change indicates to me is a fundamental lack of understanding of Elektra's character; or worse, a lack of respect for her complexity, or a conviction that she operates at her best as a tool to further Matt's narrative.

What is possibly most baffling to me about all of this is that this change had pretty much no bearing on the Red Fist Saga. Why was it made? What was the point? The term "MCU-ification", referring to changes being made in Marvel's comics that seem aimed at aligning them more closely with the MCU, gets thrown around a lot-- possibly too much-- but this really does seem like a case where there's no other clear explanation for the change other than to shift 616 Elektra's backstory closer to that of her live action counterpart. (In the Netflix show, Elektra recruited Matt for Stick; something I, as a huge Stick and Elektra fan, actually thought was a cool What If?/alternate universe because it presented an opportunity to explore a different take on their relationship). The new backstory is mentioned a few times in the main Daredevil series, but otherwise it seems irrelevant to the plot. And that's because Elektra herself is kind of irrelevant to the plot. She seems to have three purposes in this story: 1. To serve alongside Stick as an exposition machine and provide details about the Hand/Fist/Pinky Toe/etc.; 2. To be someone Matt loves and thinks about in moments of danger and conflict (despite the fact that they have very few moments of actual emotional connection in this story, despite getting married!), and 3. As a warm body onto which Matt can project his perpetual internal musings on good and evil ("Elektra was Bad, but she is Good now. She, like all people who have done bad things, is still worthy of God's love and is capable of rehabilitation, and look! Her decision to take on the Daredevil identity is proof that she is now Good! She has become a worthy soldier of God." Man, I wish I was exaggerating.)

Elektra's appearances in Daredevil comics have always centered around Matt to some degree, simply because it is his comic. There's miles of difference between reading a DD comic with Elektra cameos and reading an Elektra solo series. But that doesn't mean it isn't frustrating to have comics like the Blackman/Del Mundo run, or the Dark Reign solo tie-in, that delve so deeply into Elektra's rich psyche, that truly do look at her worldview in a way that is complex and morally difficult and so, so compelling, and then to have comics like this where she barely even feels present because so little effort has been made to do anything other than slap some vague morality lessons onto her and make sure she and Matt sleep together every other issue.

#Daredevil vol. 7 #Woman Without Fear (2022)#Elektra Natchios #Asks #Commentary #Adventures in Continuity #Reading “Woman Without Fear” truly felt like being punched in the face. And to what end?

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themakeupbrush · 7 months

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List of Met Galas since 2001

I've gotten a few asks for a list of Met Galas. Technically, the gala has existed since 1948, and been themed since 1973, but I started at 2001 to keep it short (there was no gala in 2000 apparently). If you're interested in every theme that's ever existed, there's a chart on Wikipedia.

Most lists online start somewhere around 2011-2013, since it wasn't covered by the press the same way before then.

2001 Jacqueline Kennedy: The White House Years

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Christina and Lindsay Owen-Jones, Annette and Oscar de la Renta, Carolina Herrera Caroline Kennedy and Edwin A. Schlossberg

Sponsor: L'Oreal

2003 Goddess: The Classical Mode

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Tom Ford, Nicole Kidman

Sponsor: Gucci

2004 Dangerous Liaisons: Fashion and Furniture in the 18th Century

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Renée Zellweger, Lawrence Stroll, Silas Chou, Edgar Bronfman Jr. Jacob Rothschild, Jayne Wrightsman

Sponsor: Asprey

2005 The House of Chanel

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Karl Lagerfeld, Nicole Kidman Caroline, Princess of Hanover

Sponsor: Chanel

2006 AngloMania: Tradition and Transgression in British Fashion

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Christopher Bailey, Sienna Miller Rose Marie Bravo, The Duke of Devonshire

Sponsor: Burberry

2007 Poiret: King of Fashion

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Cate Blanchett, Nicolas Ghesquière François-Henri Pinault

Sponsor: Balenciaga

2008 Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Giorgio Armani

Sponsor: Giorgio Armani

2009 The Model As Muse: Embodying Fashion

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Kate Moss, Justin Timberlake Marc Jacobs

Sponsor: Marc Jacobs

Ticket Price: $7,500

2010 American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Oprah Winfrey, Patrick Robinson

Sponsor: Gap

2011 Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Colin Firth, Stella McCartney François-Henri Pinault and Salma Hayek

Sponsor: Alexander McQueen

2012 Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Carey Mulligan, Miuccia Prada, Jeff Bezos

Sponsor: Amazon

2013 Punk: Chaos to Couture

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Rooney Mara, Lauren Santo Domingo, Riccardo Tisci Beyoncé

Sponsor: Moda Operandi

Ticket Price: $15,000

2014 Charles James: Beyond Fashion

Co-chairs: Aerin Lauder, Anna Wintour, Bradley Cooper, Oscar de la Renta, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lizzie and Jonathan Tisch

Sponsor: AERIN

Ticket Price: $25,000

Theme Announcement: September 4th, 2013

2015 China: Through the Looking Glass

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Jennifer Lawrence, Gong Li, Marissa Mayer, Wendi Murdoch, Silas Chou

Sponsor: Yahoo

Ticket Price: $25,000

Theme Announcement: September 11th, 2014

2016 Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Taylor Swift, Idris Elba, Jonathan Ive Nicolas Ghesquière, Karl Lagerfeld, Miuccia Prada

Sponsor: Apple

Ticket Price: $30,000

Theme Announcement: October 13th, 2015

2017 Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady, Katy Perry, Pharrell Williams, Rei Kawakubo

Sponsor: Apple, Condé Nast, Farfetch, H&M, Maison Valentino

Ticket Price: $30,000

Theme Announcement: October 21st, 2016

2018 Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Rihanna, Amal Clooney, Donatella Versace Christine and Stephen A. Schwarzman

Sponsors: Christine and Stephen A. Schwarzman, Versace

Ticket Price: $30,000

Theme Announcement: November 8th, 2017 (currently the latest they've announced the theme)

2019 Camp: Notes on Fashion

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Lady Gaga, Harry Styles, Serena Williams, Alessandro Michele

Sponsor: Gucci

Ticket Price: $35,000

Theme Announcement: October 9th, 2018

Planned for May 4, 2020 (canceled) About Time: Fashion and Duration

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Meryl Streep, Emma Stone, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Nicolas Ghesquière

Sponsor: Louis Vuitton

September 2021 In America: A Lexicon of Fashion

Co-chairs: Timothée Chalamet, Billie Eilish, Amanda Gorman, Naomi Osaka, Tom Ford, Adam Mosseri, Anna Wintour

Sponsor: Instagram

Ticket Price: $35,000

2022 In America: An Anthology of Fashion

Co-chairs: Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Regina King, Tom Ford, Adam Mosseri, Anna Wintour

Sponsor: Instagram

Ticket Price: $35,000

2023 Karl Lagerfeld: A Line of Beauty

Co-chairs: Anna Wintour, Dua Lipa, Michaela Coel, Penélope Cruz, Roger Federer

Sponsors: Chanel, Fendi, Karl Lagerfeld (brand)

Ticket Price: $50,000 (most expensive to date)

Theme Announcement: September 30th, 2022

#met gala #long post #im being generous on when more media outlets started covering the met gala heavily #many only include the past few years

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justforbooks · 1 month

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Who was Lee Miller?

Why the model-turned-war photographer is finally getting her due

A surrealist with an incisive eye, finding the beauty and absurdity of everyday life. A model who posed for Vogue and sat for Pablo Picasso and Man Ray, but whose fashion career was suddenly cut short. A war photographer who embedded with the US military to chronicle the harrowing events of World War II — and posed defiantly in Hitler’s bathtub on the day of his death.

Lee Miller was an American artist who remade herself many times without straying from the principles that guided her life and career. When she died in 1977, her photographic work had largely been forgotten; her own family was unaware of the scope of her practice, and what she witnessed in the war, until they found her cache of negatives. Now, five decades later, she’s the subject of the Kate Winslet-led biopic “Lee,” which premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival in September, as well as a recent monograph of her work and an exhibition at mega-gallery Gagosian in New York, where some of her prints were for sale.

Her son, photographer Antony Penrose — whose father was the British surrealist painter Roland Penrose, whom Miller married in 1947 — has made it his life’s work to bring attention to his mother’s legacy. He co-directs her archive with his daughter, Ami Bouhassane, and has authored multiple books about Miller, including the most recent, “Lee Miller: Photographs.” For the past decade, he’s consulted on “Lee” as it came together, and has finally begun its run in both the United Kingdom and Spain.

“There were movies proposed and very nearly made before,” Penrose said. “This is the one that we’ve been waiting for, because I feel it is a brilliant rendition of Lee’s life, values and personality.”

He still recalls how “bewildering” it was when he and his late wife, Suzanna, found some 60,000 of her negatives and prints in their attic shortly after Miller’s death. She had developed a unique surrealist way of looking at the world, capturing everyday eccentricities that play with the viewer’s perception: a scratched-up door at a jewelry store becomes a small explosion of sparks; tar spilled on the street glistens darkly like some deep-sea or cave-bound creature.

But her range was staggering. Here was Elsa Schiaparelli supine among two cheetah sculptures, and Marlene Dietrich posing in dramatic sun in the designer’s ruched house coat. Here was a crowd of people spitting on four women, their heads shaved, as they went to trial for accusations of associating with Nazis. Here were the bodies of concentration camp victims in Dachau, and the liberated prisoners standing over a pile of human bones.

“None of us — and that includes my father — knew the scope of Lee’s work, particularly her war work,” Penrose said of his mother. “She deliberately didn’t tell him what was going on, because she didn’t want him to be worried.”

After the war, Miller struggled with depression and alcohol dependency, decades before post-traumatic stress disorder — and its symptoms — was officially recognized. When the occasional curator or art historian would turn up to better understand the depth of her work, Penrose said Miller would deflect the focus and downplay her career. It’s only been through her archive that he was able to understand the life she lived.

“It was a voyage of discovery,” Penrose added. “It was like finding a person that we had not known before — way beyond our kind of understanding and knowledge.”

Reinventing herself

For many years, Miller was remembered primarily for her modeling work in New York and with the reductive label of “muse” during her time in Paris. She sat for Pablo Picasso as he painted her in lurid yellow and green, illustrating her “extraordinary wit and liveliness… and a very bold, confrontational approach to life,” according to Jason Ysenburg, a director at Gagosian and co-curator of the gallery’s show “Lee Miller and Friends”.

She was also often remembered — but not credited — for her portrait collaborations with Man Ray, with whom she was romantically involved and remained friends throughout her life.

“Those images of Lee were as much by Lee as by Man Ray,” added Richard Calvocoressi, the show’s other co-curator.

Miller has been described by many as a supermodel on the cusp in her early twenties, a period just before she met Man Ray. But she was seemingly blacklisted by fashion clients overnight, after a portrait of her by the photographer Edward Steichen was licensed for a Kotex ad promoting menstrual products.

“She absolutely came to a crash stop. Nobody wanted the Kotex girl modeling their frocks,” Penrose said. “She didn’t even know that the photograph was going to be used for that purpose — it was bought through an agency.”

Though Miller used the setback as a sign to shift her practice, sexist social structures continued to shape her career. Art historians and curators of the 20th century relegated female surrealists — many of whom appear in Miller’s images, like the painter Leonora Carrington and the photographer Dora Maar — to the sidelines of the movement when they were, in actuality, crucial figures; Penrose recalls that his own father referred to them more as “muses” than artists in their own right, despite their prolific outputs.

But despite the imbalances within their group, Miller’s time with her friends ahead of World War II was seemingly idyllic. She’d left Paris in 1932 for New York when her relationship with Man Ray ended, and then unexpectedly married Egyptian businessman Aziz Eloui Bey and moved to Cairo. When she spent the summer of 1937 back in Paris and met Roland, it sparked a two-year affair (and series of love letters when they were apart), that eventually resulted in the dissolution of her marriage.

Some of Miller’s emblematic images of the period show their vacations across the south of France from beach outings with Roland, Picasso and Maar and the model Ady Fidelin, to a picnic that has drawn comparisons to Édouard Manet’s famed painting “Le Déjeuner sur l’herbe” as a topless Fidelin is pictured alongside Man Ray, the poet Paul Éluard and artist Nusch Éluard.

But as Ysenburg points out, the tumult of the era had already begun — Nazism brewed in Germany and the Spanish Civil War broke out, prompting Picasso’s monumental and career-defining work “Guernica” which was painted the same year Miller returned to Paris.

“It was a community that in the sense that they were friends and lovers,” Ysenburg explained. “It seemed a very carefree time for them in a world that was changing very quickly.”

She saw ‘what we’re missing’

Many artists fled Europe in the 1940s, and Miller could have gone back to New York to safety, Penrose said. But she’d settled down with Roland in London and refused to leave, instead becoming a photojournalist for British Vogue, documenting women who were contributing to the war efforts, and taking both fashion and street images during the Blitz.

Later, she was accredited as an official correspondent with the US armed forces — one of just four such female photographers. During this period, in Normandy and in Munich she worked closely with the Life photojournalist David E. Scherman. Together, they entered Hitler’s apartment with soldiers on April 30, 1945, the same day that Hitler shot himself in his bunker in Berlin. Just that morning, Miller and Scherman had taken photographs in Dachau; Miller tracked mud from the concentration camp all over the apartment’s floor before stripping down to pose in the bathtub. She took the same photo of Scherman, who was Jewish, as well.

“Those boots carried her that morning around the concentration camp, and now she’s grinding the filth of that place into Hitler’s nice clean bathroom,” Penrose said. “They prove that she’s not there as a guest in his house. She’s a victor.”

Even as Miller faced the harrowing effects of the war across Europe — sights that would take a toll on her in its aftermath — she still maintained her keen artist’s eye. After all, she believed there was nothing “more surrealist, more mad, more nightmarish” than the war, according to Calvocoressi.

“Even in the most dangerous and demanding circumstances, she’s still looking out for weird, quirky images,” Penrose said. “I find that that so endearing — the hallmark of her artistry is just to see what we’re missing.”

Miller took her last assignment for Vogue in the early 1950s, as Penrose notes that she could no longer meet deadlines because of her declining mental health. But she didn’t stop photographing, taking some 1,000 photographs of Picasso as Roland worked on his biography, which published in 1958.

Penrose said that throughout the course of her career, she was always “looking for the metaphor” in her surroundings. Of the many poetic moments she captured, one took place in front of the Vienna Opera House in Austria’s capital in late 1945 amid the lingering destruction of war. Framed by twisted metal support beams and rubble, the soprano Irmgard Seefried is photographed singing an aria from the Italian opera “Madame Butterfly,” in what Penrose believes to be an image set up by Miller — who captured her with arms outstretched, completely in silhouette.

“In a way, it’s a reversal, because you would have expected the singer to be beautifully lit from all kinds of sources.” Penrose explained.

“Gone is the costume. gone is any kind of glamorization… what we have is this absolute passion, about the triumph of art over destruction.”

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

#just for books #Lee Miller #Portrait

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noxturnalpascal · 5 months

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🌙✨My Masterlist✨🌙 (🌟- new/updated)

Series Masterlists

Devotion (CultLeader!JoelMiller) (🌟updated 5/31)

Sanity is a Cozy Lie (SerialKiller!JoelMiller)

Vigilante Shit (Sheriff!TimRockford) 👀coming soon

Happy Ending (FrankieMorales)🌟 *completed*

One-Shots

I Said I Wouldn't Hook Up With Him, Then I Did Again (DieterBravo x ActorF!Reader)

What's at Stake (MaxPhillips x VampireHunter!F!Reader)

Dancing is a Dangerous Game (FrankieMorales x StripperF!Reader)

Hoe-l Miller (DivorcedSlutJoelMillerAU x BartenderF!Reader)

Mutual (SteveMurphy(Narcos) x F!Co-WorkerReader) Part 2 - The First Taste (complete with moodboards by Steve's #1 Fan)🌟

if it were a snake, it would have bit you (Fat!Frankie 500words)🌟

Birthday Surprise (For ChloeAngelic B-day - HBF!Joel crackfic)

Plenty of Time (MLM crackfic based on gracieispunk characters)

🚨Upcoming🚨

Taylor Swift Fic Challenge (Reputation Album - Delicate, Joel Miller)

ABBA Fic Challenge (Waterloo Album - Honey, Honey Frankie Morales)

WIPS ✍️

Nude Art Model Dieter Bravo One-Shot

Unnamed Series (Moodboard Peek)

Javi G Bachelor Series (Moodboard Peek)

Unnamed Javier Peña Series (Moodboard)

The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) - Cold as Ice

Joel Miller (NoOutbreakAU) - What Hurts the Most

#masterlist #noxturnalpascal #pedro pascal characters

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brewsterispunkk · 1 year

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sunshine state

PART 8: CRY TO ME

pairing: benny miller x f!reader

WC: 6k

summary: an unexpected call sends honey back home. she doesn’t go alone.

warnings: grief, death of a loved one, referenced smut, these idiots can’t communicate, so much angst, fluff, toxic family dynamic

A/N: this was co-written with @jc-writes-bullshit who helped pull me from my writersblock!!! also, my semester is finally over! I’m hoping to finish sunshine state before the new year now that I have more time on my hands. we shall see. ALSO: i recently started an aemond targaryen x oc fic on ao3 if anyone wants to check it out! my username is the same there as it is here !

PS: this chapter is named after the song cry to me by solomon burke. BUT there is another benny miller one shot called Cry To Me by @carni-val ! I want to put a disclaimer that this chapter is in no way based off of or plagiarizing their art! the only similarity is the title! However, I would recommend their fic. It’s a must-read to any and all benny miller fans !

PART 8: CRY TO ME

You weren’t there when Benny woke up.

He inhaled suddenly, snapping awake at the lack of your presence in his bed.

His bed.

His heart stuttered, recalling the events of the night before as if they were a dream.

He sighed, eyes fluttering shut again. As he nosed his pillow, he noticed he could still smell your perfume on his sheets. His stomach thrilled, and for a moment all he felt was contentment.

After months and months of you haunting his dreams, flitting through his life and turning it upside down like a tornado, he couldn’t believe that he actually got to have this.

He felt his stomach flutter at the memory of what had passed the night before. Your hands in his hair, your legs around his waist, the way your breath shallowed when he touched you. How you’d felt around him. It had never been like that with anyone else before.

Benny had never been one for casual sex, save for a few stints in his younger years. Still, he was far from inexperienced when it came to sex. He’d had plenty of girlfriends throughout the years, and plenty of sex besides. But now, when he tried to recount them, all he could see was your face. The very idea of sex with someone else made him cringe. One night with you had ruined him for anyone else, forever.

His house was uncharacteristically quiet for a morning that you were there. Usually, he would be woken up to the sound of you bustling about the kitchen or living room, rooting through his fridge for something edible or fiddling with his coffee maker. Now though, it was just silent.

Suddenly, Benny started. Where had you gone?

He couldn’t see you fleeing before he woke up, leaving him like this was some one night stand. That was, unless…

Unless you regretted it.

His stomach dropped at the thought. That was the worst case scenario.

He’d hoped that once you’d woken up, the two of you could talk about what happened. The two of you hadn’t discussed what exactly this was last night—you hadn’t quite gotten there before you’d jumped his bones. Benny had no idea where you were at.

As far as he was concerned, you were convinced that this had just been a favor for a friend, a casual thing. Nothing serious. The very thought of that made Benny scoff. You were the most serious thing in his life. He just hoped he hadn’t fucked it up.

He looked around for his phone— he hardly ever slept without it. He’d spent so much time with some of the guys in his squad that now going a night without his phone, a night with the possibility of missing one of them if they needed him, was a foreign concept.

But, he wouldn’t have slept with his phone last night. He’d been too busy with … other things.

Benny swore under his breath. He reached around for shorts, a pair of boxers, anything-- and when he’d finally found a pair of sweatpants he tugged them on and trudged out to his living room, his stomach turning as he tried to plan what he could possibly say that would remedy this, or fix your now doomed-to-fail friendship, or bring you back.

- - - -

His dog tags were the first thing you’d seen that morning when you woke up.

A stream of pleasant memories flooded your mind; Benny’s hands on your hips, the softness of his lips. The feeling of him inside of you, filling you up. You’d been like puzzle pieces instead of ships passing in the night and for once, anxiety wasn’t the first thing you felt when you woke up. It was the sturdiness of Benny’s chest beneath your fingertips, then the chill of the silver chain around his neck under your palm. And when you lifted your eyes, you found your nose just inches from his, those sea-glass eyes of his still concealed behind closed lids and long blonde eyelashes that curled up at the ends in a way that would’ve made any girl envy him.

And then, as you shifted but only slightly to improve your comfort - soreness between your legs.

You grunted, regretfully leaving Benny’s grasp to sit up. You knew sex would have discomfort the first time around. You had been right.

You swore under your breath as you pressed your feet against the floor and began to collect your clothes, pulling on your abandoned underwear and - now with an unfamiliar light filling your chest - Benny’s discarded t-shirt. You padded down the short hallway to his bathroom, imagining he’d have tylenol in his medicine cabinet. It seemed unlikely to you that someone who had been in the MMA circuit as long as him wouldn’t have some over the counter pain reliever. Honestly, the probability of him having something stronger was just as likely. Once again, you’d been right. You downed two aspirin tablets and then set off to find your phone. It was the first thing you checked every morning.

You found it tucked down in between Benny’s couch cushions. It dangled between your fingers as you sauntered to Benny’s kitchen to make yourself some coffee.

As you popped the capsule into his Keurig, you finally checked your home screen.

Something had happened.

That was all you could think as a heavy cloud settled over your cheery mood. Four missed calls from your mom. Two from your brother, though why he would be calling you at all was a mystery. One from your dad. Almost a hundred missed texts from your parents and your grandmother and a brood of cousins you saw twice a year at best.

Your heart raced as you unlocked your phone. You played a voicemail from your father first, hoping that would give you some insight.

His voice was gruff and uneven.

“Hey, sis.” He said, and when his voice cracked something in you split open. This was very bad.

“Uh … we tried to reach you last night, but you must’ve been asleep. It’s your - it’s your Papa. He’s … he’s passed away.”

And just like that - in a split second - the world stopped. The light seeped from the room.

Your papa had always been special to you. He wasn’t like your mother’s father, who had been old from the time you had memories of him. No, Papa and your grandmother had had your dad young. Your parents had you young. Papa had run and played with you from the time you could walk. He taught you about constellations. He taught you how to change your oil and had taught you the names of parts of an engine and he had shown you the perfect way to trim the leaves of a tomato plant. Every year at Christmas, he gave you a record from his collection, usually John Denver or Neil Diamond or the Monkees.

And there had been so many close calls with him. He was sick with different kinds of cancer on and off but never let it dampen his spirit. There had been so many close calls - including an incredibly stupid incident where he’d accidentally given himself blood poisoning with Raid for cockroaches - but nothing had ever taken. Nothing could take out Papa. He was the strongest person you’d ever known.

“It was peaceful.” Your father continued. “He was just so out of it … I don’t think he really knew what was happening. I know that doesn’t make it better for us, but …” His voice cracked again, and this time, you could tell he was crying. “Call me when you get this. We should talk. I love you, baby.”

And click. The call was over.

You listened to it again. And again. And every time, you waited to hear something resembling laughter in the background; some show, some ha! Gotcha!

But none ever came.

The world, suddenly, felt very small.

You should’ve called more. You should never have left home. You should’ve been there.

As you sank to the floor, your back to the cabinet, you wondered how anyone could possibly be as selfish and as careless as you.

- - - -

Benny was at your side.

You never would’ve noticed if he hadn’t wrapped his arms around you. Even the words tumbling from his lips—“I’m sorry” and “we can just forget, we can forget it ever happened” - wouldn’t have been strong enough to pull you from inside of your own head if you hadn’t felt the safety of his touch.

You looked up at him and found he was little more than a blur in the moment. You hadn’t found it in yourself to cry - but you would, surely, at a later date when it somehow set in - but your whole world was turning around you. Plane tickets, rental cars, buying something black (you’d ditched all of your black clothes after a week in the Florida heat), orchestrating housing for a long weekend, family reunions, a plane ticket home, missing work … it was all too much, all at once. So you held onto Benny, his pine scented body wash still clinging loosely to him and drowning all of your big feelings momentarily in an imaginary sea of green. You pushed your nose into his neck and squeezed your eyes shut.

“Honey?” Benny brought his palm to rest at the back of your head. “Are you feeling okay?”

The stinging began behind your eyes, becoming a prickle. You felt your face growing hot but decided it didn’t matter. It was too much.

“He’s dead, Benny.” You whimpered. “My papa. He’s dead.”

Benny’s grip on you tightened. He knew how much your grandfather had meant to you; God knows you’d discussed him enough times as you compared your unruly mud-pie and Sunday fishing filled childhoods.

“Fuck, honey. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

Benny didn’t feel the need to fill the air with words like you did. Everything about him was comfort, was stability; perfect just as it was.

“I have to - I have to go home.” You leaned back against the cupboard, and for the moment, Benny released you.

He sat back, his arms roping around his knees. Like a little kid trying to sit still.

“For the funeral, and all. You know.” You pressed the heels of you hands into your eyes. “Fuck, I gotta find a sitter for Salem, and - I have to book a ticket home. I mean, I could take my car, but that thing is, just - a fucking massive hunk of crap-“

“You’re not taking your car.” Benny said with finality.

“How the hell else am I supposed to get there?” You snapped.

“We’ll drive.” Benny said.

We’ll drive.

“Benny-“

“You’re not going alone.” He told you. “The plane tickets are gonna cost you an arm and a leg. And you can’t take your car. And … you shouldn’t be by yourself.”

You considered it for a moment; having Benny around made you better. He was honest about who he was from the first word he spoke to you. He was funny, and joyful, and he somehow always knew the right thing to say. And the thought of facing your family without him felt like trying to keep yourself from getting swallowed by a black hole.

But, still. You were who you were.

“You don’t have to–”

“I know.” Benny reached for your hand. As it enveloped yours, you allowed yourself to look at him for the first time. Those big, sweet bambi eyes of his - giving away every little feeling - were like lakes all of a sudden. Like you could drown in them.

“I don’t even have to meet your family, if you don’t want to. I’ll - stay across town, or find a Super 8 or something–”

“Don’t be stupid.” You said, and it came out a little sharper than you meant it to. You squeezed Benny’s hand. “Of course you’ll meet them. You’re my best friend, Benny.”

Part of you reeled inside. Best friend.

Best friends who fuck sometimes, your mind corrected, and you cringed.

Right. You two had had sex. Insane, charged, mindblowing sex, and you still didn’t know what that exactly meant for your relationship. In all honesty, you were too scared to ask. You knew that he had been doing you a favor.

“I could do it,” he’d said. It was just a task; a friend helping another friend out.

But still, part of you hoped, wished. Now that you’d gotten a piece of what it was like to be with him, you didn’t know how to go back. You thought you’d combust or explode or die if you had to forget about it and move on. You’d been lying to yourself when you said that you would be able to move on if you could have him at least once. There was no moving on from Benny Miller.

But you didn’t have time to think about how awful you may have fucked this up. Your family needed you. You needed your family.

You felt your chest clench at the idea of going home and your papa not being there. There had been no warning, no preparation. You weren’t even able to say goodbye, he was just gone.

What had been the last thing you said to him? The last full conversation? The last time you’d helped him cook? Watched a show with him. You couldn’t remember. How could you not remember?

Your bottom lip trembled and somewhere in the peripheral of your hearing, you heard someone whimper. It wasn’t until you felt Benny’s hands on your face that you realized it was you.

He titled your head up toward him, and for the first time you realized that he was kneeling on his kitchen floor with you. His green-blue eyes gazed into yours and instead of finding pity or disgust or awkwardness, you found tenderness.

The thought caused a sob to wrack your shoulders, and you broke, folding in on yourself.

“Hey, hey.” Benny cooed, hauling your trembling form into his arms. “It’s okay. It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”

You dug your face into his shoulder and one of his hands snaked into your hair, massaging your scalp. He held you while you wept.

“I’m sorry,” you huffed pathetically, holding onto his shoulders.

“No, no. Don’t apologize,” he whispered into your hair. “Let it out, honey.”

You clung to him, and you weren’t sure how long you stayed like that.

Eventually, your tears calmed into sniffles and Benny’s hand was still moving up and down your back.

You pulled back, wiping the moisture left around your eyes. Benny’s arms fell to your arms, and one of his hands moved to tuck an errant curl behind your ear.

“God,” you croaked, eyes bleary. “This is just a mess. I’m so sorry, Benny.”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me right now,” he said softly, thumb moving up and down your forearm.

“No, Ben. After last night—”

“Don’t.” His voice was soft but firm. Your eyes filled with tears again.

God, you’d ruined this, hadn’t you?

“No, please, I don’t want you to think–”

You were cut off by his lips on yours, and it was enough to send your stomach fluttering.

It wasn’t a passionate, desperate kiss like the ones you’d shared the night before. No, this kiss was chaste, but just as steadfast. It was closed-lipped, but firm, and achingly slow. It felt like a goodbye.

“Baby,” he breathed, and when you looked into his eyes, they were soft. “It’s okay. I know.”

The resigned look in his eyes made your heart stop.

Oh, you thought. He thought you were going to ask him to forget it.

He kissed your forehead and you just sat there, at a loss.

What were you even going to say to him?

“Hey, I know you just did me a huge favor, but I'm actually in love with you and never want to be with anyone else for the rest of my life?” Or, “hey, I’m in love with you and I think I have been for months, thanks for the sex by the way!”?

No. The truth was, you had no idea what you’d been about to say, or where you’d even begin to describe where you were at. You weren’t even sure you’d be able to. Besides, there were more pressing things that occupied your mind at the moment.

Your grandfather.

The thought hit you like a truck, stealing the breath from your chest.

Benny pulled back from your forehead, the usual easy look in his eyes. He looked exactly as he always did, proving to you that whatever happened last night couldn’t have been as big a deal to him as it was to you. Your chest panged at that notion.

“How soon do you need to get back home?” He gently asked.

You blinked.

“The funeral is in four days,” you said, sniffling. “I should get back as soon as I can, though. God, my dad’s gotta be an absolute wreck.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll call the gym, and we can leave first thing in the morning. Sooner, if you want.”

“And I need to call Santi to see if he can watch Salem,” you added. “I’ll let my mom know we’ll be up soon. Both of us.”

You said the last part pointedly, raising your eyebrows at him. He chuckled. You still couldn’t believe that he’d thought you were going to make him stay across town. As if.

“Let me handle Santi,” he said, standing up and offering a hand to you from where you were on the floor. You sighed and let him pull you off the tile by the arm.

“Are you sure?” you asked. “I can handle it. You’re already coming with me—”

“Honey,” he cut you off so softly that it made your heart yearn. Even when interrupting you, he was kind. “I’ve got it. You call your mom.”

“Okay,” you breathed.

He smiled at you and tapped your chin, before turning on his heel and walking back to his bedroom. As his footsteps faded, you heard his voice on the phone, no doubt talking to work.

You dialed your mom’s number, and as the phone rang, you truly felt as though your world was caving around you. Still though, the one constant thing was that Benny was next to you.

- - - -

The road was somehow lonelier than you remembered, if that was possible.

The only consolidation was the fact that Benny was humming quietly beside you, laser focused on the road while you looked onto the cornfields absently.

You silently thanked that he didn’t ask you if you were okay. One look at you could answer that question, but still. You thought that if anyone asked you that, you’d break down again.

He reached for the volume on the radio as the song reached its bridge, and his humming turned into full-blown song. You had barely realized the radio before then, being so caught up in your own grief-addled mind to be fully present. You snorted at the song choice once you recognized it.

“You will never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you!” Benny sang the chorus of Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs dramatically.

He turned to you when he saw you laughing.

“What?” he asked defensively.

“Nothing,” you said. “Just didn’t think they were your thing.”

“Hmm,” he hummed before glancing at you. “They’re not really, but they’re yours.”

It touched somewhere in you that he had thought to put your favorite artist on, even though he was the one behind the wheel, and it was his car. You felt your eyes mist up for what must have been the fifth time that day.

“Besides, maybe they’ve grown on me,” he added as an afterthought, eyes on the road.

You blinked the tears away.

“Told you so,” you muttered.

The past 24 hours had been a whirlwind.

It included packing for yours and Benny’s week-long stay at your parents’ house, calling off of work (something that shouldn't have been nearly as hard as it was), and convincing Santi and Everett to stay at your place for a week to watch Salem.

Initially when Benny had called Santi up with the proposition, he’d been vehemently against it. Benny hadn’t even been able to get out the reason why the two of you had to leave town before he refused. Apparently, Santi “didn’t do,” cats. Which proved to be a problem, as Frankie and Mari still had a newborn, and Will was still radio-silent after his and Benny’s fight. Once Santi figured out why you were leaving town though, he caved (with some convincing from Everett).

Now, as you and Benny made your way through the Appalachian mountains on your way to your midwestern hometown, what you worried about was your family.

More specifically, how your family would handle your bringing home a man who wasn’t your significant other.

You already knew that your aunts would love him; A handsome, tall, former military man like Benny? You’d’ve been surprised if your Aunt Jeanette didn’t propose to him herself. Your father would be fine, at least you didn’t have to worry about that part. He already knew about Benny and how he’d been your best friend for the better part of a year. You were closest with your father by far.

No, it was your mother and your brother that you worried about.

Your mother would be ambivalent at best and aggressive at worst toward him, all under the guise of protectiveness. Your brother would treat Benny’s very presence there as some sort of pissing competition if precedent was any indicator.

Once, when you were in your freshman year of college, you’d gone out with a marine for a few months. It had been a bad relationship, and he had been a bad guy, but still, he’d met your family once and when he did, your brother was on his very worst behavior. It was because he felt threatened, you knew, but still. You weren’t looking for a repeat of history.

“I can hear you overthinking over there,” Benny’s voice tore you from your worries.

“Sorry.”

“What is it?”

“My family,” you sighed, squeezing your eyes together. “I’m just imagining how uncomfortable this is going to be for you.”

“Please,” he laughed out, reaching over to squeeze your knee. “I did seven years in the army. I think I can handle your crazy family for five days.”

“I just can’t stop thinking about it. The drama, and all the questions we’ll get.”

“Honey, it’ll be fine.”

“I really wish it was that easy to get out of my head Benny, I do,” you said.

“Okay,” he offered. “Okay. Run me through your worst case scenario, then.”

“You realize it’s not worth it, and you never talk to me again.”

“Jesus, honey.” He scoffed. “You’re so dramatic. As if you could scare me off. You’re stuck with me now, or haven’t you figured that out?”

You half laughed at him supposing he was right. You were well past that.

“Tell me what to expect, then,” he said.

You sighed. That was better. You could do that.

“My aunts are gonna love you,” you began.

“Well that’s good to hear.”

“You didn’t let me finish. They’re gonna love you a little too much. Seriously, you’re like their wet dream.”

He threw his head back and laughed at that.

“I’m having a hard time seeing the problem with this.”

“Ha ha.” you said sarcastically. “Anyway, if they make you uncomfortable just tell me. My dad will be fine, he already knows about you. My uncles are fine, my cousin’s boyfriend is a dick, other than that, it’s just my mom and brother I’m worried about.”

“And why is that?”

“My mom is,” you paused. “Complicated. I genuinely don’t know how she’ll react. I already told her you were coming, but still. She’s a wild card.”

“Okay. What about your brother? Scared he’s gonna beat me up?”

You actually laughed at that, unable to hold it back. The very idea was hilarious. No, Benny could take your brother in a fight any day. It was the potential for drama that your brother held that made you nervous.

“No,” you finally said, voice still holding humor. “No, you could take him. It’s more that he likes to stir the pot. Any chance to embarrass me or cause problems, he’ll take it. I just don’t want him to involve you in the insane power trips he goes on.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I promise to be on my best behavior.” He offered.

That meant a lot to you. Benny was a hothead, that was no secret to either of you. It was something that made him such a good fighter. The fact that he was even willing to put up with someone intentionally trying to rile him up meant the world.

“I appreciate it, Ben, but that shouldn’t be your job.”

“Honey–”

“It’s not fair that you have to put up with it–”

“Honey,” you stopped at the urgency in his voice. It was the tone he used when you were rambling. You took a deep breath and met his eyes.

“It’s not your responsibility either.” He said evenly, looking at you. You took another breath.

“You’re right,” you nodded. “I just really appreciate that you’re even doing this for me. It feels like adding this to the mix is too much.”

“I’ll be the judge of what’s too much, honey,” he placated. “Let me help you with this. I’m here because I want to be, not because I feel like it’s a chore or because of pity, okay?”

You stayed silent, looking out the window at the rural landscape. Anything to not meet his eye. All of a sudden you felt embarrassed, like your biggest fear was just exposed for the world to see, because in reality it was. Benny had just seen through all the bullshit you put up about independence and not caring and thrown it to the wind. And now you were left with the truth; with the bare-bones reality that you needed him.

“Okay?” He asked again.

“Okay,” you caved.

You supposed you would need at least one ally if you were going to get through this week. It might as well be Benny. The truth was, no matter how much it scared the shit out of you, he was the one person you could always trust to have your back.

- - - -

You’d forgotten how much you missed the noise.

The quiet that Florida offered was nice, and it was welcome when you had it, but this. It hit you like a ton of bricks.

It was familiar in a way that made you ache and laugh at the same time. It was all that once had trapped you, and it was all that was now welcoming you back. It was the same and it was not.

Standing in your parents’ kitchen, you watched as your little cousins chased each other down to the basement for a game of hide-and-seek, nearly tripping your uncle as they raced past him. They were too young to fully grasp what was going on, why everyone was sad and grieving. You envied them for it.

In the other room, you could hear your dad and uncles talking about the economy again, while your mother and aunts prattled on about some other cousin or relative’s divorce. Your grandmother was sat quietly in the corner, and the seat next to her was occupied by Benny, who looked to be schmoozing the hell out of her.

It brought a smile to your face.

At the kitchen table were your other cousins–the ones you’d grown up with whose own children now wreaked havoc downstairs. They all seemed more somber than the rest, as if the others were just trying to continue as normal, but they were the ones who truly understood how strange this all was.

It was the same and it was different.

This was the same scene that you had lived out a million times throughout your childhood; a crowded, noisy house, your cousins running about causing mischief, too much food to go around, and laughter ringing from the rafters. Only now, it just seemed…off.

You were no longer a child, and the cousins you’d grown up with now had children of their own. Your mother and aunts and uncles were older too. And there were empty spaces. Your papa’s space was empty.

You shook your head to stop that train of thought. There would be plenty of time for tears at the funeral, and you’d been gone too long to be considered normal. You couldn’t leave Benny to fend for himself for too long either. Your grandmother was harmless enough, but it was only so long until some other member of your family decided to sink in their claws.

You skirted your way through your parents’ crowded living room, dodging a kid here and a cat there, before finally making it back to your seat beside Benny.

“Coffee?” You offered, handing him a mug made the way he liked it.

“Thanks, honey.” He patted your knee, taking a long sip of the hot liquid.

You sipped your own.

When your grandmother turned to converse with one of your aunts, Benny turned to you.

“So,” he began. “Don’t hate me, but there are at least twenty people in this room and I can barely remember the names of half of them.”

You laughed.

“That’s okay. If it makes it easier to remember, my mom and aunts’ names all start with J. It’s Jeannette, Joyce, Julie, and Jackie.”

“Huh,” he cocked a brow. “That would be great if they didn’t look so damn similar.”

“I know,” you shrugged.

It was true; your mother and her sisters all resembled each other. You took more after your father, though.

“Don’t worry about it,” you finally added, turning toward Benny. “All you need to know is that my mom is Jackie. Don’t call her that, though, unless she tells you to.”

“Got it.” He nodded, eyebrows furrowing in concentration.

The first meeting with your mother had gone surprisingly well. Better than what you’d expected. It was by no means touchy-feely, but it was cordial. Kind, even, if you could believe it.

She’d seemed suspicious when you’d told her vehemently that you were just friends, and that the trundle in the basement would be fine for Benny. But, she also had expressed her gratitude to him for getting you home safely and for being such a support to you since you’d moved to Florida.

It was an olive branch if you’d ever seen one.

So, it was now your brother that you had to worry about.

He’d had yet to make an appearance. Apparently, he was tied up on the base until tomorrow morning, so he would be flying out and arriving after that, tomorrow evening. That gave you some time to get acclimated to being back, yes, but also time to worry about having him and Benny beneath the same roof.

Your brother was a dick, but he was also your brother, which meant that he knew exactly how to hit you where it hurt. It’s a skill all siblings have. You’d seen Will hit Benny below the belt before, and vice versa. And you were completely prepared to take whatever blows your brother dealt in the coming week. It was the fact that you knew he would single out Benny that made you nervous.

You looked over at Benny beside you, and saw that his eyebrows were still drawn together in thought. You grappled with the urge to smooth out the wrinkle that formed between them.

“I can hear you overthinking over there.” You repeated his words from earlier.

“Hm,” he chuckled, turning to you. “Just trying to figure out how to make sure your mom doesn’t hate me.”

“What?” you laughed, not expecting that.

“She’s scary,” he laughed along with you. You could only nod.

“She scares everyone. You’d know if she hated you, I promise.”

He hummed, and before you could stop yourself, you continued.

“Besides, I don’t think anyone could hate you, Ben.”

You held your breath once the words were out.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

His eyes softened and he opened his mouth like he was about to say something, before your Aunt Joyce’s voice stopped him.

“Benny!” She shrieked, and the moment was gone.

“Come over here and tell us about your work!”

Benny’s eyes locked with yours and you had to hold back a laugh at the panic you saw in them.

“Good luck,” you mouthed at him as he made his way over to her.

- - - -

You couldn’t sleep.

You were in your childhood bedroom; a place where you’d slept thousands of times before without consequence, and still, you couldn’t sleep. You’d been tossing and turning for hours, and sleep just wouldn’t come.

You tried to blame it on too much caffeine, the excitement of the past few days, anything, but you knew what the common denominator was: Benny.

You couldn’t sleep without him there. At least not tonight, at least not after what happened.

After your family had overstayed their welcome (customarily), you had all retreated to your respective corners of the house: your father to his office, your mother to their room, and you and Benny curled up on the couch and watched hallmark Christmas movies.

It was the end of November, and the television channels were beginning their Christmas countdowns. Normally you hated the holidays. Your family never really celebrated thanksgiving, and Christmas was always a dramatic affair that included more fighting and bickering than family together-ness, so you’d grown to hate the tediousness of it all. But there, sitting with Benny and laughing at the ridiculousness of whatever Christmas-themed monstrosity hallmark had conjured up this year, made you realize that maybe you could like it if it included him. And that thought scared you.

Sitting up in your bed, you made your mind up and came to a decision, no matter how stupid that decision may be.

You crept down the stairs with skilled agility, being sure to bypass all the creaky floorboards that had gotten you in trouble in the past. You wrapped the quilt you’d brought with you from your bed tighter around your shoulders as you neared the basement. It was always freezing down there, no matter how much your parents cranked up the heat.

You were sure to be quiet as you snuck into the dark room where Benny was sleeping. It wasn’t dark and dank like many basements you’d seen, but it wasn’t completely finished either. You could barely make out his form on the trundle bed in the low lighting.

You shuffled closer and gently placed a knee on the bed.

“Honey?” he asked in a scratchy voice. Your heart stopped.

“Sorry,” you whispered sheepishly. “Did I wake you? I was trying to be quiet.”

“No,” his answer was immediate as he shuffled from the middle of the bed to one side, wordlessly making room for you.

He held up the heavy comforter as you moved closer, a wordless invitation. You slid in, perhaps a bit too close to be considered platonic, before placing your own quilt over his own comforter.

“I’m sorry it’s so cold down here,” you said lamely, suddenly embarrassed that you’d been caught sneaking into his bed.

He must think I’m pathetic, you thought.

“It’s okay,” he chuckled half-heartedly. “I don’t mind.”

You knew that was a lie. Benny would sleep in a sauna if he could. Still, it made your heart clench.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked after a moment of laying there in silence.

You shook your head.

“Nope.”

He hummed at that, shuffling a bit closer before sighing. He was getting comfortable, you realized. Getting ready to sleep. You felt his breath on your lips, and even in the darkness, you could tell that if you moved forward an inch, your noses would be touching.

“Me neither.” He finally added. “Goodnight, honey.”

“Goodnight,” you hummed back, tangling your legs with his under the blankets.

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