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bipercabeth · 4 years

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percabeth | hurt/comfort | 3k | commissioned by @mericatblackwood

a post-TLO fic in which we finally Let Percy Cry

Annabeth doesn’t know what to do with anger—her own or others’. She can take her problems to the sword fighting arena or bury her nose in blueprints for weeks, but she’ll still come away with a tight jaw. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands when they aren’t clenched into fists.

So when the tendons in Percy’s hands strain around his silverware at dinner, when his eyes are downcast and he’s closed off in that I’m-angry-but-trying-desperately-not-to-look-it way, Annabeth can only fumble over a painfully casual attempt at conversation and watch as he retreats to his cabin. He doesn’t even make an appearance at the campfire. The flames have been low in the weeks following the Battle of Manhattan, but they’re rising tonight.

The problem isn’t reading Percy; it never has been. Annabeth knows what’s hurting him and why. It’s the fixing part she struggles with.

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He’s been angry for the better part of a year, often because of the ambiguous impending doom of his sixteenth birthday, but not exclusively so. Annabeth caused more than her fair share of his anger, she knows. Rachel had been there to provide an escape in her place, but Annabeth supposes part of being Percy’s girlfriend means that it’s her who gets to provide solace now. Not that she didn’t before, but. There’s a deeper commitment now. He was always her person—as she was his—but it’s out in the open. She’s the first line of defense—she wants to be the first line of defense from danger, be it physical or emotional.

So Annabeth dons her Yankees cap and sneaks to Cabin 3, replaying the conversation where Percy shrugged and said he’s fine when she tried to call him out. He isn’t fine. She knows that much.

That doesn’t mean she expects to find him curled in on himself, bedsheets tangled around his middle. It shouldn’t be possible to look small in a twin bed, but he looks so small—not at all like the hero the other campers celebrate over the campfire. It’s a stark reminder that he’s only sixteen.

He lifts his head when the door opens, his eyes wide. Annabeth remembers that she’s invisible and knocks her cap off her head. She’ll pick it up later. Right now Percy’s breath stutters at the sight of her, his eyes shining like open wounds.

Annabeth can do dry anger: the cold, unfeeling rage that motivates, propels, inspires. But wet anger—the paralyzing, painful kind you cannot power through—leaves her scrambling for purchase. Annabeth is a runner. She doesn’t sit in anything.

The sheets rustle as Percy closes his eyes and takes refuge in his bed like a dog hiding his wounded paw. Despite his efforts, he cannot disguise his limp.

“Please don’t hide from us,” Annabeth pleads.

“I’m not hiding from you,” he says mildly, not lifting his head from the pillow. “I can’t hide from you.”

“But you came here.”

“I knew you would come.” Percy shrugs, casually stating as fact something Annabeth didn’t know herself until a few minutes ago.

In this moment, Annabeth envies Percy’s connection with Grover. She would kill to have a way to funnel her emotions into Percy’s brain in a way he could understand. All the love and concern she can’t articulate could exist in the world without the struggle of finding the right words.

Still, Percy specified her. Grover is out there at the campfire, probably sensing Percy’s pain like a twinge at the base of his neck, but Annabeth is the one Percy can’t hide from.

The thought propels her to the edge of his bed, sitting in the curve of mattress his torso folds around. His knees press into her right thigh as he shifts to close the space between them. Annabeth realizes with a jolt that he left this space for her to occupy.

On her other side is his face, youthful and soft in the moonlight streaming through the window. Blue light for a blue boy, swimming in blue sheets that should shelter him instead of giving him something to fist his hands in. His arms cage his chest as if his heart is trying to escape it.

Annabeth reaches for his hand, drawing it to rest between hers. If his heart is a burden, it’s not one he has to bear alone. They held the weight of the sky once. They can handle this.

For all their shared burdens, the one that weighs on Percy now is uniquely his. Annabeth is a hero, but not the hero. Shouldering “child of Athena’s final stand” for a few weeks is not the same as “hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap” looming overhead for four years. Percy’s very existence has been dissected and politicized since the moment he was claimed, whereas Annabeth could’ve chosen a quieter, quest-free life if that’s what she wanted. She chose to pick it up. Percy’s choice was to stand under a weight that would otherwise crush him.

It occurs to Annabeth that everyone who has shouldered this burden before him is dead. The heroes whose birth was prophesied, whose death was prophesied, died fighting their battles centuries ago. There are no words for that.

Words are Percy’s strong suit, anyway. He has always known what to say to calm his friends down. Annabeth can’t recall the last time she saw someone do the same for him.

She squeezes his hand and focuses on being here, where it matters.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, knowing he doesn’t. Or rather, knowing he doesn’t want her to have to talk about it.

As expected, Percy burrows deeper into the bed. Half his face is squished in his pillow; the sole eye Annabeth can see fixes on the empty space in front of him. He gives her a noncommittal shrug she doesn’t buy. But at least he won’t lie outright.

Silence follows. It nips at Annabeth’s ankles, nagging her to move, to do something, but she decides to sit with the discomfort. The confession he’s suppressing is a palpable thing: Annabeth watches it stutter in his lungs and claw its way up his windpipe. Percy will tell her when he’s ready, and she’ll be here when he is.

“I’ve been having dreams,” he says, still not meeting Annabeth’s eye. That’s okay, though. He’s getting the words out. That’s what matters, right?

“What kind of dreams?”

Percy grimaces. “Not the useful kind. Nightmares, mostly. About the war.” He doesn’t breathe between the sentences, just grits his teeth.

“It’s over, Percy. The war is over. We can rest now,” she tries.

“They can’t.”

Dread settles over Annabeth, but she asks anyway. “Who can’t?”

“Beckendorf,” he chokes, his hand tightening in hers. “Silena, Castor, Lee, Michael—I killed him, Annabeth. I told the others where to go, and they died because of me, but I killed Michael.”

Annabeth opens her mouth to interrupt, but the names keep coming. Percy steamrolls through the tears, leaving her to watch his anger limp along until it collapses into the worn bed of sadness.

“Ethan shouldn’t have been on Olympus. I should’ve hit him harder, then he might have stayed down. And Zoe—I knew she was going to die. We found out who her dad was, and I knew and I couldn’t do anything. And Bianca wasn’t supposed to stop the automation. It was supposed to be me. She could’ve come home to Nico, and maybe then—”

“Percy…”

He shrinks with each word, looking every inch the child Annabeth found on Half-Blood Hill: bruised, tired, and crying for his mother. “My mom died because of me. I didn’t even save her—I saved the world, because that’s what I had to do. Hades let her go, but she still died.”

Annabeth gapes at him uselessly. To love Percy is to know intimately the amount of guilt and unearned blame he assigns himself, but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach.

“You saved your mom,” she reminds him. “You saved her and the world. You shouldn’t have had to do either, but you did.”

“But I didn’t save the others.”

“No one could’ve.”

“I should’ve. When you fight the way I can, the people who die around you die because you can’t get to them fast enough. If I had just been faster, I...” He takes a shuddering breath. “Why do I get to survive when they don’t?”

A lifetime of war games and war alike, and that question is the worst thing Annabeth has ever heard. Percy is just laying there, still not meeting her eye, and she doesn’t know how to help him.

Terrified of how he’ll answer that question, Annabeth leans down to kiss him before he can. She tries to pour everything into it despite not having too much experience. Kissing Percy so far has been fun, sweet, and definitely trial and error. Nothing this desperate, this needy. She inhales him like she can steal the painful words from his lungs before he says them.

Annabeth tastes tears and pulls back, terrified that she’s done something wrong. Instead, Percy’s hand catches the back of her neck, keeping her close enough for their foreheads to touch. It’s there, inches away from his trembling lips, that Annabeth finds the words.

“You saved me,” she pants. “From the Furies on the bus, at the Lotus hotel, when Polyphemus knocked me out—” her fingers travel to his grey streak— “when we held up the sky, at Mount St. Helens, on Olympus… Too many times to count. From the first day we met, you gave me hope.” She strokes his cheek and wipes away the tears, feeling her own eyes well up. “Every day. You save me every day.”

Percy clings to her hand on his cheek and releases a deep breath, fully exhaling for the first time all night. “You save me just as often.”

“So let me do it now, yeah?”

Percy looks at her, green eyes wet and wide, and nods carefully. Annabeth sighs her relief against his forehead before pressing her lips there with an aching softness. There is more to say, but she takes a moment to just hold him. The Fates deemed her his anchor to mortality, so anchor him she will.

“You survived because you were saddled with the weight of the world at twelve years old and the gods owe you a fucking break.” She looks at the ceiling, almost daring thunder to rumble. The sky stays silent. “More campers are alive than dead after a war with impossible odds, Percy. You saved so many, but you can’t save everyone. None of them would want you to blame yourself for this. We have to honor their sacrifice—and, in some cases, their choice.”

That breaks him. The last of his anger gives way to painful sobs, the ugly kind that squeeze your lungs like a spasming fist. In this moment, he is not the wounded dog, but rather the limp itself: the awkward cadence of his breath reminiscent of limbs struggling to hold new weight.

“What do you need?” she asks. “What can I do?”

The mattress jostles as Percy scoots closer, freeing up part of the bed. “Could you stay here with me? Wake me up if it gets bad? If you have to go back to your cabin, that’s fine—”

He’s cut off by Annabeth kicking off her shoes and crawling into bed behind him. There isn’t much room on the twin mattress, but she tucks her knees into the backs of his and wraps around him, and they fit well enough. She settles quickly to avoid overthinking, glad for the excuse to be close to him.

This is entirely unfamiliar territory, as Annabeth discovers when she tries to figure out what to do with her hands. She’s never spooned someone before.

Percy senses her hesitation and laces their fingers, pulling her arm around his torso. Annabeth squeezes him tight, like maybe lining up their hearts will calm the frantic beat of his. Between that and her body protecting his Achilles spot, she’s got him.

It’s a little awkward, the silence that follows. They haven’t exactly had pillowtalk before, let alone while calming Percy during a breakdown. Annabeth doesn’t know how to hold him to make all that go away, so she clings to him as tight as she can.

“You’re like a boa constrictor,” he chuckles. It’s a wet, half-hearted laugh that tells Annabeth he still has more to say. He’s at his worst when he’s deflecting.

Still, she moves to loosen up. “Sorry.”

He tugs at her hand. “No! I mean, it’s nice. I feel… safe.” He pauses, his breath deep. “I always feel safe with you.”

Annabeth hasn’t kissed much of him apart from his lips, but she liked the comfort of kissing his forehead. She tightens her grip again and presses her lips to his shoulder, just because she can.

“Sometimes they’re about you,” Percy whispers.

Annabeth lays her cheek on his shoulder, trying to see his face. “What?”

“The nightmares. Sometimes they’re about losing you.”

“Percy, look at me.”

The tension falls from his spine as he flips around, tangling further in the mess of sheets. Annabeth smooths everything out for him before laying on her back and tugging him close. He ends up halfway on top of her: his arm around her waist, her hands in his hair, their legs a tangled mess.

She holds his face, thumbs swiping at his cheeks gently. He may be invulnerable, but he’s a fragile thing. Maybe even more so with the invulnerability.

“Tell me about them.”

“What? No. Annabeth, I’m not— I can’t talk about you d— about losing you. I can’t say those words.”

Annabeth just holds his face and his gaze. “You should. Talk about it here, safe, with me, and maybe it won’t be so bad when you fall asleep. I’ll be here the whole time.”

The tension in Percy’s body is palpable as he resists Annabeth’s coaxing. But slowly, she slips her hands to his scalp and massages him there, leeching the stress from his body as he sinks forward into her. His weight presses Annabeth into the mattress. It’s comforting, having him above her. She can feel every breath he takes, every time his heart beats in his chest.

“We’ve almost died a ton of times, but that was always together.” He swallows, and his Adam’s apple bobs against her collarbone. “But then on the bridge with Ethan, when you took the knife…”

Percy takes a shuddering breath.

“Sometimes we get you to the hotel and Will can’t help. Or I can’t find Will. Or Blackjack can’t grab you. Or—” his grip tightens around her, and his tears fall on her skin. “Sometimes you, you die right there at my feet. You jump a second earlier, and Ethan hits you in the chest, and I kill him for it. I kill everyone on the bridge. Most times it’s an accident, just the river listening to me, but sometimes… sometimes I don’t know. Both scare me.”

One of Annabeth’s hands moves to his Achilles spot of its own accord. Percy gasps into her neck, where some tears fall as well. He’d fought his way through his confession, coming from somewhere so deep inside him that the deluge of tears was unavoidable. She hopes to distract him from them now.

“You saved me on that bridge,” she reminds him, her free hand scratching lightly at the base of his neck.

“But what if I didn’t?” he breathes. He sounds so small.

“Doesn’t matter. You did. Anything else is a hypothetical.”

“But in the future—”

“Uh uh.” Annabeth’s chin taps Percy’s temple as she shakes her head. “It’s like strategy. You can think and think and think and plan your whole life out, but it’s not real. You never know what’s going to happen until your feet hit the floor. Are your feet on the floor?”

“No,” he grumbles.

“No,” she echoes. “You’re in bed. You get to rest now.”

Percy is still for countless heartbeats. Right when Annabeth thinks he might’ve fallen asleep, he props himself up on one elbow to look at her. Even in the lowlight, Annabeth can make out his puffy eyes and wet cheeks.

“You know you’re my best friend, right?” He sniffles, his nose wrinkling adorably as he does, and his eyes bore into Annabeth’s. “You’re my girlfriend too, but you’re my best friend first. Always.”

Annabeth hears that statement for what it is and grins despite the tears prickling in her own eyes. “And you’re mine. Always.”

A smile breaks out on his face like dawn at this late hour, brightening up the small space between them. Exhaustion sets in to close it, drawing Percy to settle back into Annabeth’s neck with the slow pull of gravity.

They drift off in a bed made to be slept in alone as they share a burden made for one person. Newness tinges the corners of this memory, this moment Annabeth finds herself missing before it’s gone: Percy asleep above her, finally getting the peaceful rest he deserves. Part of Annabeth wants to stay up all night to make sure he gets the most of it, to watch his back as she promised to do, but her eyelids are heavy with sleep in no time.

What sticks with Annabeth is this: Percy’s breath slow and steady against her neck, his heartbeat reliable as ever as it syncs with her own. The world is warm and safe despite all the evidence to the contrary, and that’s what makes this moment untouchable. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, here they are. Together in every way that matters.

#i hurt myself writing this i am not going to lie #if u read this on tumblr all i ask is u give it some love on ao3 bc engagement with tumblr is Trash but i try to keep commissions accessible #commissions #my percabeth #my fic #mericatblackwood

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impishtubist · 3 years

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🍋!

🍋 Share a scene that involves love (platonic too!) and/or friendship

“Harry,” Remus calls up the stairs. “Your uncle is here.”

Harry’s bedroom door opens, and he appears at the top of the stairs. And then, spotting Regulus, he hurries down the stairs and into Regulus’s arms. Harry is the only person Regulus is so openly affectionate with, and it only serves to reinforce the fact that making Regulus his godfather all those years ago was the correct choice.

#imp is writing #regulus black #harry potter #someday i will finish this AU #mericatblackwood #anyway regulus loves his nephew send tweet

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zutaralesbian · 3 years

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zutara and bamon!

Zutara:

Why I ship them (or why I do not): Ooooh Zutara. They're one of my oldest ships and one that I ALWAYS drift back to eventually when it comes to phases lol. I started shipping them back when I was about thirteen and they were one of my first major introductions to online fan works. The first time I watched ATLA it was when it was first airing and I was only a young kid, so I naturally just 'shipped' the canon pairings. But when I found out that Zutara was a thing I was intrigued by it and a bunch of meta and fics later, I was hooked. I just love the fire and water symbolism of them and the way they parallel each other. Their relationship development and the mutual understanding and respect they have for each other by the end of the show. There's just....so much interesting storytelling material for Zutara. And I think that's one of the biggest reasons they're so popular.

My favorite moment between them: I feel like this changes all the time but I think right now it would be the cave scene in Ba Sing Se. Despite Zuko's betrayal afterwards I just loved how these two people who were enemies for the entire time they've known each other bonded and found some understanding between each other. Also Katara offering to use the water from the oasis to heal Zuko's scar and Zuko letting her touch the scar???? Kill me. I feel like a lot of what I love about Zutara is represented in that scene alone.

My least favorite moment between them: I don't think there is a ZK scene that I hate. I mean, I don't like the infamous pirate scene in book 1 but I also think people make it out to be a lot worse than it actually was. (I've seen people compare it to the R*ylo scene where Kylo captures and tortures Rey and that is so undeserved and extra.)

The character I prefer: Zuko is my socially awkward son and I have a special love for him so he's definitely my personal fave. There aren't many character arcs that make me as emotional as his. BUT at the same time I know Katara is queen and she's definitely my second fave.

A fanfic idea for them that I would love to read or write: The post-war idea I have where Mai leaves Zuko for Ty Lee, Katara and Aang breakup amicably, and then Zuko and Katara fall for each other on a trip together to visit a healing Azula lives in my mind rent free.

What I would have changed about how canon handled them if I could: As amazing as canon Zutara done right would have been, I'm kind of okay with them not being canon? Mostly because with the exception of Sukka I think Bryke sucks at writing romance lmao. And I have more than enough ZK fanwork to keep me satisfied. BUT in a perfect world I would have had Zutara been implied as a future romance in the end and erased the K*taang and Ma*ko stuff. (The gaang are all literal children. I think it would have been more than fine if they ended the series all single.)

Bamon:

Why I ship them (or why I do not): They had great chemistry and were just a fun dynamic with a lot of potential (especially in the later seasons after they became friends.) I think their development from begrudging allies (and occasional enemies) to friends was fun to see and always an underrated dynamic in TVD and I would have loved to have seen it go all the way to lovers.

My favorite moment between them: Damon reciting the letter he wrote to Bonnie before he put himself in the coffin that she never read always gets me in the feels.

My least favorite moment between them: For some reason I can't really remember a specific scene but I know there were plenty in the early seasons that made me angry lol

The character I prefer: Oh definitely Bonnie. She was a queen that always deserved better than the way that shitty ass show treated her. She's the only reason I stuck with TVD as long as I did. I do admittedly have some kind of soft spot for Damon too though and I prefer him as a character over Stefan. But I completely understand why people hate him lmao 🥴

A fanfic idea for them that I would love to read or write: It's been soooo long since I've even thought about Bamon fic. But back in the day S6 canon divergents were my shit and I'd be down to reading one again if there are new ones out.

What I would have changed about how canon handled them if I could: Here's how I think I would have made them canon starting in S6: Damon and Bonnie would have had a frenemies with benefits kind of arrangement while they were stuck in the prison world together. (Honestly it's ridiculous to me that they didn't on the show. Two people with chemistry stuck in a prison world together with only each other for company, not expecting to escape and they never once fucked? Fffs). Once they're both free from the prison world there's this lingering Tension between them even though they obviously decided to stop having sex now that they were both free. Bonnie now feels off seeing Damon and Elena together and she eventually realizes it's because she's developed feelings for him. But she keeps it to herself out of loyalty to Elena and Damon has been obsessed with Elena for almost as long as Bonnie's known him so there's no way he'd feel the same anyway.

This would continue on for a while until we got to S7, where Damon decides to put himself in a coffin until Elena wakes up. I would have had part of his decision to do this be because he realized he has feelings for Bonnie and felt like he was betraying Elena by having them, so he ran.

Cut to Damon returning and Bonnie suddenly being in a relationship with Enzo. Damon would have been insanely jealous and this would have kicked off a Damon/Bonnie/Enzo triangle. Maybe Damon has some kind of talk with Stefan that makes him realize it's okay for him to want to be with Bonnie, that Elena wouldn't have wanted him to be miserable while she was gone. The triangle would have eventually ended with Bonnie/Enzo breaking up and Damon/Bonnie getting together. (And the 'Dear Bonnie' scene would have been re-written to be a reveal that Damon confessed to being in love with Bonnie and not knowing what to do about it in the letter). We would have then seen Damon and Bonnie as a couple throughout the entirety of S8, with the finale having the implication that Damon was going to stay with Bonnie throughout her whole human life and then one day in the far future reconcile with Elena. (Basically the same way the Will/Tessa/Jem situation was in The Infernal Devices.) What really sucks is that the TVD writers could have EASILY done something like this if they weren't cowards.

Thanks! :)

#zutara #bamon #mericatblackwood #answered #long post /

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glorianas · 4 years

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mericatblackwood said: and 10 years later rory and jess still have not had sex ……… disgusting

it is repulsive 2 me, and i was rewatching s3 with rory talking how she was thinking she and jess might have sex, which is a really sweet scene and like no rory can’t have that experience with her bf who she was really in love with at 17 she has to have the married guy who sucks because????

#mericatblackwood

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astudyinfreewill · 4 years

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hey this may be a stupid question, but it's already been a long time since ive read trk so i don't remember everything properly, so can you explain to me why exactly ganseys behavior in the book is seen as problematic??

hey! don’t worry, there are no stupid questions in my book. in fairness, it’s not about gansey’s behaviour in trk, it’s about his behaviour throughout the whole series. most of his problematic actions all come down to the same basic flaw: self-centeredness. for all that gansey is a generous and loving person, he can’t help but make everything about himself. he is driven by anxiety to define his place in the world beyond his privilege, yet he is blinded by that very same privilege - a bad combination, and one that leads him to show very little empathy for the people he loves.

like many teenagers, he’s looking for affirmation from his friends... but then resents them for not giving it, while failing to see that (most of) his friends are dealing with traumatic issues. when his friends reject his input - because it is not what they need or want at the moment - gansey always, always takes it personally. at no point does he try to ask himself, okay, if this isn’t what my friends need, then what do they need from me and how can i be a better friend? instead, he goes straight into self-pity mode, complaining that his friends reject his support and walk away from him. thing is... it’s not real support if it only makes him feel better and not them.

i don’t really have the time to write an extensive meta on all of the interactions where gansey’s lack of empathy comes into play, but here’s a list of just the most glaring ones in the series, in no particular order:

gansey consistently tries to pay for adam’s way and persuade him to move in with him, even though adam has told him multiple times that he is uncomfortable with it because independence is key to his sense of self as an abuse survivor. sometimes he does this even when he’s fully aware that it will start a fight. despite that, adam is usually the one apologizing, at least on page

notably in trb there’s a scene where gansey tries to get adam to move in with him, but when adam asks what’s going to happen if gansey leaves henrietta - is adam just supposed to drop out of aglionby and follow him? - gansey doesn’t reassure him that’s not gonna happen. he just says adam will have to start again at a new school.

as i said above, this is not true support because it helps gansey feel better without inconveniencing him, but it is not what adam wants. if gansey wanted to support adam, he’d at least promise he would stay in henrietta for their final year of high school, instead of expecting adam to follow him around the world.

when adam rejects that offer and says he’ll stay in the trailer park, gansey takes it incredibly personally and his first response is to victim-blame adam for his abuse, saying things like: “you let your dad pound the shit out of you. you’re as bad as [your abusive mother]. you think you deserve it.” when adam still refuses to move in, and tells him, rightfully so, that gansey doesn’t know what it’s like for him, gansey follows that up with “don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of”. this is past mean and straight into cruel.

adam is the one who apologizes after this fight. let that sink in.

when thinking back on ronan’s suicide attempt, it is strongly implied in the text - and was made explicit in deleted scenes - that gansey appears to have taken ronan’s suicide attempt not just as a traumatic event, but as a slight against him, and is always vaguely guilt-trippy when it comes up (i.e. you promised me you wouldn’t get suicidal again)

gansey does illegal things on ronan’s behalf, multiple times, without ever wondering if this is what ronan wants, see: bribing school officials to keep ronan in school when ronan explicitly wants to drop out, because staying in school is what gansey thinks he should do. even if gansey’s heart was in the right place (i believe in staying in school), he is essentially involving ronan in illegal dealings against his will.

gansey is happy to share his search for glendower with the others, and delegate tasks to them (adam especially) as long as they do things his way. when adam acts against one of his decisions, gansey is absolutely unable to let that go. and while i understand that he is hurt by the breach of trust, because adam went behind his back, his language is telling: “i did tell him that we were to wait, right?”. you don’t “tell” your friends what they “are to do”. that’s not an equal relationship.

this is also seen in the way gansey acts with ronan in more of a parental role, actively ordering him about. you know there is a problem when an outside character refers to ronan as “gansey’s dog” and neither gansey nor ronan disagree with this.

there’s the infamous hospital scene in trb, too, which has been excellently analysed in this meta post by @bleachersmp3 and @mericatblackwood, but i’ll say a few words about it anyway

in this scene, adam has just been beaten into losing his hearing. he has just come out of the hospital, bruised and traumatised, and has been told he will now have a permanent disability as a result of his abuse. he is now also homeless, because by pressing charges against his father to protect ronan, he has ensured his parents will kick him out for good. so he is forced to move into monmouth - something we have been told from the start of the book he absolutely did not want, because it was critical to his sense of self not to depend on gansey’s wealth. so, he’s bitter about it.

and okay, that’s not entirely fair, because it wasn’t gansey’s fault. but if your friend had just undergone such horrific trauma, surely you would be a little lenient, and understand they’re not being objective atm, right? well, not gansey. instead, gansey launches into a tirade at him: “what is your problem, adam? [...] is there something about my place that’s too repugnant for you? [...] I’m sick of tiptoeing around your principles!”

when adam snaps at him that he’s being condescending by using highbrow words (we can assume that this is a discussion they’ve had before, because adam tries to get gansey to use more everyday words multiple times in the book, especially when it’s clear that blue doesn’t understand something, so it’s something gansey already know adam finds condescending), gansey goes straight to victim-blaming again, this time with a classist twist thrown in: “i’m sorry your father never taught you the meaning of repugnant. he was too busy smashing your head against the wall of your trailer while you apologized for being alive.”

gansey does not apologize at any point after this fight.

when adam sacrifices himself to cabeswater - which he does explicitly to stop whelk from murdering one of them and save gansey - gansey takes it as a slight against him, because it goes against what he told adam to do, and sadly asks adam “why? was i so awful?”, showing he has completely misunderstood adam’s reasons. adam tells him, and not for the last time: “it was never about you”.

it clearly doesn’t sink in bc they have the same discussion in the dream thieves, when gansey again asks him why did he go to cabeswater against his orders. he does this in an emotionally manipulative way, too - implying that ronan and blue both think badly of him while gansey has been defending him so adam owes him. adam again tries to tell him “it wasn’t about you”, which gansey refuses to believe, and reminds adam that the glendower search “belongs” to him. adam replies that if gansey wants adam’s help - which gansey relies upon frequently, as it seems like adam is assigned a very large share of research and coming up with ideas - he needs to treat him as an equal

after the fight, when adam has a mental breakdown due to the combination of stress, ptsd, and magically-induced hallucinations, and is found wandering along a highway, clearly dissociating and undergoing amnesia, gansey is still so bitter about their fight that he contemplates leaving him behind in dc, so that “adam will have to apologize for once” (for once???)

consider all this emphasis gansey puts on how much adam betrayed his trust; consider that gansey then spends nearly two books seeing blue behind adam’s back (starting in tdt, through bllb, and halfway through trk)

consider that despite the fact adam takes the reveal gracefully and thanks gansey for his honesty, when adam later in trk is honest with gansey about his feelings for ronan, gansey’s immediate reaction is to assume adam is using ronan as a sexuality experiment and warns him not to break ronan’s heart, because ronan is just so fragile and adam is just so cold

consider that the only basis gansey has for making this assumption is that “adam has hurt him (gansey) so many times before”, but never stops to think about his own responsibility in their disagreements, or whether he ever hurt adam

as you can see, the vast majority of these are in the first two books, with the exception of the “shovel talk” in trk. i would like to say gansey grows over the series, but i think unfortunately it’s more to do with the fact that starting with bllb, the plot is split between gansey/blue and adam/ronan, so gansey just doesn’t get as many interactions with adam and ronan (he’s still bribing school officials on ronan’s behalf though, including selling monmouth which at the time is where ronan is also living).

gansey isn’t a bad person, and doesn’t (always) mean badly. he does love his friends. unfortunately, his refusal to see things from anyone’s perspective but his own makes him a toxic friend on a great number of occasions.

#trc #meta #gansey #toxic friendship #mp #gotta stop here because i need to work and also i'm getting upset #long post #suicide mention tw #anonymous #answer #my meta

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creativefiend19 · 4 years

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Thanks for the tag @tinyarmedtrex ! Here’s a selection of Pynch fic recs in no particular order:

Dear Ronan Goddamned Lynch by kiiouex - G

Adam makes no friends at college, Ronan has destroyed his cellphone, and now their relationship hinges solely on UPS. ( @kiiouex has also written this second person D/s Pynch fic that’s spot on: “You’re so weak” “Just for you, Parrish” -phew!)

Mouth Open (1-2-3) by flightspath - E

Adam takes it in, looks at Ronan’s open face again. There’s a flush of sweat beading at his hairline, and Ronan’s brow is smooth and unfurrowed. He looks peaceful. He looks filthy. He’s holding his mouth open, soft and wanting (pitch perfect super-hot Pynch D/s by @flightspath)

Like a Lung by Seek_The_Mist - E

CDTH spoilers: A meeting, too much love to spare, and what happened between an evening and a morning. (The excellent dorm room visit porn we all deserved after the CDTH excerpt killed us with the bloody murder crabs. Everything by @seekthemist is excellent - but esp the Spy AU chapter and kinky Tumblr prompt fills are so fucking H O T)

grow me a garden of roses by kanzentai - T

In which Adam's a florist, Ronan dreams, Noah plays (a very bad) cupid, and everything smells like flowers. (An absolutely lovely and romantic Florist AU fic by @aobaba )

impossible, inevitable by witchadamparrish - T

(...Or, my response to the prompt then there's tongue, where Henry thinks Adam and Ronan are boyfriends, so obviously they have to kiss to prove him wrong) @mericatblackwood has written one of my fave Pynch first kiss fics. They have more great Pynch reads.

Wondrous Hypotyposis by DubiousSparrow - T

Adam has always made lists to get through life. But the longest list is new. He adds to it frequently. He reads it every night before he goes to sleep. It’s his Ronan list. (This fic almost killed me. This author’s River Town AU is one of my fave places to escape to)

there were two gods in this church by CigaleDesNeiges - T

Ronan worships like he loves, and loves like he worships. (Beautifully poetic, and skating the edge of certain topics that really interest me ^^)

I have Loads more fics I love - I should totally do this again. This was so much fun! (Tagging anyone who feels like reccing stuff)

NB: I tracked down the fanartist! I’ll post just the art separately, with their permission.

Art Credit: Ilse @mortedartur

#TRC #Pynch #fic recs #pls help me credit this artist

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revolutionarysuicide · 3 years

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tagged by @sourcedecays to post images from my phone that represent me! no pressure tagging @mericatblackwood @sapphospoet @aryastark-valarmorghulis @direwolf-summer @wanderingbandurria @commiemoony and anyone else who wants to do it!

#tag game

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ive-garden · 3 years

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the rules: tag five or more people that you are thankful for in your 2020, that you’re thankful exists in a world that’s hard to live in. whether that be through random reblogs on your posts, or people you have had full blown conversations with. whether it’s just seeing them in your dash, or interacting with them. i was tagged by @hklnvgl

This is awsome because I was already planning on doing a post about this. Because I really need to thank a few people here for making my 2020 better.

2020 was a very emotional year for everyone and for me it was not different. A lot of sad thinks happened to me, to my family, to my friends to basically everyone I know.

In the great scheme of thinks I think I was actually lucky because a few good thinks also happened this year that I'm really thankful for. And I know a lot of people out there got it a lot worse than me, so I try to be thankful for the good things.

One good thing was the blogs here and the fics. It might seem silly or even idiot for some people but the fics and blogs and jokes I found here this year really helped with my mental health. For months I was deep in Pynch contents to distract me of the real life problems so I'm really really really thankful for the people I'm tagging here, you really made my life better this year, thank you very much.

Please keep doing what you do because I know it might seem silly or that no one cares but somewhere in this huge world you are making a difference in someone's life. Love you all 💜

@creativefiend19 thank you for all the Pynch discussion and the fic recommendation, you are awsome and I'm really happy I came across your blog and the messages we exchange 💜

The same goes to you @hklnvgl. Really awsome Pynch discussion the three of us had. 💜

And @catbishonen your art is really amazing and make my day everytime you post a new one. Your Pynch os cannon for me 💜

And thank you again to everyone else I'm tagging here, you really helped me in a way or another this year.

@toast-the-unknowing @flitwickslittlebrotha @pynches @2am-limbo @emmerrr @two-of-swords-621 @12am @mericatblackwood @punchupatawedding @394-fandoms @of-stars-and-moon

There are a lot of other fic writers that I love but don't know their Tumblr, so thank you guys too.

#thanks #tagg game #sorry for the long post

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allalrightagain · 3 years

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Tagged myself from @hmslusitania

pumpkin or apple // cocoa or cider // halloween or thanksgiving // leaf piles or apple picking // hay ride or corn maze // wooly sweater or furry slippers // pumpkin carving or knitting // black cats or bat // skeletons or witches // fake blood or fake spiders // mashed potatoes or stuffing // orange or black // apple pie or maple donuts // marshmallows or candy corn // vampire or werewolf// fireplace or cozy nook // spiced wine or craft beer // candied apples or s'mores // big scarf or oversized hoodie

Tagging @lunapwrites @twentysevensummers @impishtubist and @mericatblackwood <3

#some of these were really difficult #and some of these I can’t eat anymore but I still prefer them #reblog games #lt talks #i refuse to choose between cider or cocoa because I will happily drink either

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zutaralesbian · 3 years

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eleanor guthrie and buffy summers!

Eleanor Guthrie:

My three favorite things about them:

Her ambition. I feel like ambition is one of the main traits that often gets female characters unfairly hated by fandoms and Eleanor (and Max tbh) are definitely not exempted from that 💀 But it's a trait I really like in characters, especially women!

Her bravery. She's so brave. Going into a crowd of dangerous men with only a stick as a weapon to defend Max. Rescuing Abgail from Vane whom she knew was violent and didn't take well to being "betrayed". And then of course (even though I don't like to think about it 😭) her dying while defending Madi.

The way she wears her heart on her sleeve. I've never understood why it's such a popular interpretation to see Eleanor as manipulative because imo I don't think she has the skill. If I'm remembering correctly, I think we see her openly crying onscreen more often than both Max and Anne. And she's VERY bad at hiding her anger lol. But I liked the fact that she's often very openly emotional.

My three least favorite things about them:

Her taste in men :( Her taste in women seemed great though I wish we had gotten to see more of it

Some of her moments did kind of veer into white feminism. Like as much as I loved her "too many goddamn men" speech, her including Mr Scott in the list of men who tried to get in her way was not it.

The fact that she went from wearing those hot pirate outfits to those boring dresses 😤

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Eleanor/Flint: My favorite chaotic duo :( They're so similiar as people and I loved when they worked as a team because I think they truly understood each other. (But I also loved that even when they were on opposite sides, they never trash talked each other on a personal level.) Her truest father figure :(

Eleanor/Max: Loved these two. They were so angsty but also so so interesting. As much as I love Maxanne Maxanor would have served as a lovers to enemies to friends back to lovers endgame 💔 (And tbh sometimes I really do wish they had been endgame just because I'm bitter about the ambiguous ending Max and Anne got. Unlike most of the other main characters who were based on Treasure Island characters or historical figures, Eleanor and Max were completely original to Black Sails. The writers could have done anything they wanted with them. *sighs*)

Eleanor/Madi: Wish we had seen more of them tbh! But I love their scene right before the event we do not speak of happens.

My three favorite moments of theirs

Pretty much the entirety of 2x06. Her shooting a gun to break up Flint and Vane's fighting. Her rescuing Abigail from Vane. Her interactions with both Abigail and Flint. When Vane almost caught her and she locked the gate in his face. Just queen shit all around in that episode.

Her team up with Anne to save Max and her blackmailing Silver into helping them.

Her apologizing to Max in S4 :(

Buffy Summers:

My three favorite things about them:

Her heroism. (And her selflessness, even though it often makes me sad). She is always so ready to do what's right, even when it's hard. Her sacrificing herself to save Dawn and sacrificing Angel in order to save the world are two scenarios that come to mind.

Her bravery. She always goes head first into situations, even when she is scared.

She's just very kind and isn't a judgemental character. (To an extent, of course). She befriends Willow and Xander at the beginning of the series, who were underdogs at the high school. She stuck up for Cordelia on occasions, even back when Cordelia was being portrayed as "the mean girl". I can't really recall a time where she was outright nasty to someone for no reason and I always like that trait in characters.

My three least favorite things about them:

Her selflessness made me sad at points, especially in the later seasons when her friends started becoming assholes. There were multiple occasions where I wanted her to tell Xander and Willow to fuck off lmao

What Sp*ffy did to her character at times. I think one of the only times I ever outright disagreed with Buffy was when she sided with Spike over Giles and had no sympathy for Woods who just wanted to avenge his mother's murder. Sp*ffy should not have been a thing again after the attempted rape.

????? I can't really think of anything else I don't like about Buffy.

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Buffy/Dawn is like, the most important relationship on the show I think. I loved that Buffy's love for her didn't waver at all when she learned the truth and she continued to see her as her sister.

Buffy/Giles: Once again, I HATED what they did to this relationship in S7 just so they could prop up Spike 💀

Buffy/Faith: Everyone knew this relationship would be on my list it's my brand lol. The enemies to lovers that should have happened instead of Sp*ffy.

Honorable mention to Buffy/Tara, an underrated friendship that I wish we had gotten to see more of :(

My three favorite moments of theirs:

"I'm the thing monsters have nightmares about." That line!!!!!

The class protector scene at her high school graduation. You all know what I'm talking about.

“You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.” 😭

Thank you! :)

#eleanor guthrie #buffy summers #black sails #btvs #long post /#answered #mericatblackwood

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zutaralesbian · 3 years

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for the character meme, harry james potter and eleanor guthrie!

Harry James Potter:

OTP for them: You know it's weird but I don't think I really have a solid romantic OTP for Harry? He's my bi son but the most important relationship for him to me is the golden trio.

BROTP for them: Ron/Harry/Hermione ofc. As much as I can't stand J.K R*wling now they are sadly one of my favorite friendship groups ever :(

Other ships: I'll admit that I've read a Drarry fic or two (I'm an enemies to lovers hoe) but I don't really SHIP them because I don't really care about Draco as a character in canon lol. I go back and forth about whether I romantically ship Harry/Luna or just see them as sweet buds. And I definitely headcanon that he had a crush on Cedric in GOF but I don't think I really ship them in the typical sense either.

Also, while I think I mostly see them platonic Harry/Ron is lowkey underrated as a ship. Ron was literally considered 'the thing Harry Potter would miss most' in GOF. Plenty of romance tropey potential there.

What kind of fic I’d write about them: I'll never write HP fic but IF I did it would probably be something post series that addresses his trauma and how he slowly learns to heal :(

A favorite canon moment: The scene in GOF when he's getting ready for one of the tournaments while the other champions are with their families and then he realizes that the Weasleys came to support him 🥺 Moments where Harry realized that he now had people who loved him and cared about him always made me emotional. Also "there's no need to call me sir, professor' just because it was savage and funny af lmao

Color that reminds me of them: Green!

Song that reminds me of them: Hmmmm....drawing a blank on this one

A headcanon about them: Harry used to spend a lot of his time as a young kid petting stray cats in the neighborhood. They were his first friends :(

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: Sirius is never wrongfully convicted for betraying James and Lily and he and Lupin get custody of baby Harry and give him the loving home he deserved.

Anything else: I love my son Harry James Potter so, so much. He was one of the first male characters I actively stanned as a kid and he'll always have a special place in my heart, despite how much I hate his creator now.

Eleanor Guthrie:

OTP for them: Max/Eleanor *sighs* :(

BROTP for them: I would die for her relationship with Flint. We stan a chaotic gay man and his equally chaotic bi daughter.

Other ships: Back when I was actually in the Black Sails fandom I liked Eleanor/Miranda as a crack ship. Eleanor and Ms. Hudson had potential. Also Eleanor/Anne but only in a Eleanor/Max/Anne ot3 context.

What kind of fic I’d write about them: Once upon a time I entertained writing a fic where she doesn't die, poisons and kills Woode Rogers, and then eventually raises her baby with Max and Anne helping her.

A favorite canon moment: Soooo many. She was too iconic. But I think I have to go with when she rescued Abigail from Vane and locked the gate on him. She was just so amazing in that entire episode in general.

Color that reminds me of them: Red, for that one outfit she wore in S2 🔥

Song that reminds me of them: 'Control' by Halsey. Mostly because I once watched a kickass fanvid of her to that song. You can find it HERE

A headcanon about them: She and Flint first met when she was only twelve years old and he was immediately impressed by how fierce she was.

A random AU I think up on the spot for them: I love Maxanne too but....an AU where she and Max slowly fell back in love during late S3/early S4 would have slapped.

Anything else: I love her so much and she deserved so much better than what the show did to her character in the end. It's one of my biggest problems with the show and it annoys me how much its overlooked by the fandom 🙃

Thanks! ❤

#harry james potter #eleanor guthrie #harry potter #black sails #hp #mericatblackwood #answered

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