O quam mirabilis est inspiratio que hominem sic suscitavit.

No thoughts for Beatrice?

I am all that remains, the melancholy of life’s autumn.

o gentle beatrice, guide me out of here

dude i just realized beatrice represents love in both the divine comedy and pentiment, and later she becomes melencholia, because andreas’ melancholy originated from love

Flip a coin

Melencholia and madness are two sides of the same coin,

I toss it into the air and it lands on the ground,

Revealing my fate,

But I flip the coin again;

I want this freedom to last for just a moment longer,

And as it dance through the air,

I breathe in untill it collides with the ground again,

This time with an even louder thud,

Melencholia and madness mixing together as one.

oh good heavens melencholia jumpscare

49, 74, 81?

49:

74:

81:

I'm sure everyone has those nights when you're ready to sleep but of course your brain decides that's the perfect time to go into extisential crisis.

Well a reoccuring one I have is the point between nostalgia and the future. The future is exciting because you can imagine that you have your dream job, you'll be independent, you see you achieving your dreams.

Yet there is also a part of me that desperately misses the past aka my childhood. Yes, it's probably nostalgia but it makes me scared to go forward because the more I go forward the more you lose yourself.

You lose your excitment for Christmas and birthdays. You lose your imagination. I mean, not entirely, no one can truy lose their imagination. But I sometimes look at my old stuff and man, I was so unfiltered and insane. Now my imagination is hemmed in by realism. I wish I had that child's openness to anything. I miss feeling that my dreams were achievable and that I was excited to do them. I miss the wonder of doing nothing and looking at the sky.

I tried to do it the other day and I just felt bored and unproductive.

I miss watching my favorite shows for the first time and how they thrilled me and I was excited for the next one. I miss the boundless energy I had for tag and the swings. I mean I still refuse to let go of my VCR player or VCRs because I cannot let go.

And the scary part to me is that you don't realize your memory is fading until you get a random trigger and you wonder how you vowed you'd always remember things and you just don't.

And I want to go back to when the people I loved were alive. I miss the school structure because I didn't have to make decisions so then I had more time for random stuff and drawing and writing that I love. I still love but has been tangled up with careers and the future. Ugh the future.

I want the future, I want to achieve my dreams and have a family and all that. But I don't want to forget my memories. Lose myself. I don't want more death.

And then you're just stuck in the middle. Desperately wanting to hold onto a tree and make the world stop. I just want the world to stop, I don't want to see what happens next.

So is there a word for this, nostalgic melencholia perhaps. Indecision of the future.

Whatever, I just want to say to the wide void of the internet if anyone else feels this way. I get it. You're not alone.

Mordecai@MenschOhneMusil·

Albrecht #Dürer- #Melencholia  (detail) 1514.

some guy on reddit made a list of deaths up to book 14, which is useful

anway, the list of deaths in the video is

Hopeless and larrakin

gordon

the elders

serpine?

vengous

the teleporters?

mr bliss

kenspeckle grouse

corrvival duce

tesseract?

craven??

calen??

carol

Anton

Ghastly

Ravel?

wreath

melencholia

finbar

cassandra

the rest of the sensitives who dies on the night of knives?

luke skywalker?

saracen rue

coda quell??

anway, thats who will be in the things, (the link i used goes up to 14 and i cant remeber who dies in 15)

if i missed anyone/you want me to add someone. tell me who,

also the ? means i'm not sure is i should do them, but i probably will unless someone says otherwise/i change my mind

?? means if no one says anything i wont do them,

Albrecht Durer ”Melencholia ” (detail) 1514 engraving

melencholia ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

Blasting city of melancholy & melencholia enthrothed is an indicator of my mental state

dbeksa mi doktor hovoril nech berie lieky lebo že zima je depresívna sezóna a nech nič nenechávam na náhodu a nech to nenechám zájsť tak ďaleko ako každý rok. keď ale mňa láka to nech sa mi zhorší stav, chcem vedieť koľko zvládnem, koľko znesiem a čoho som schopná. Nikto normálny toto nepochopí, že byť v takejto temnote je komfortné miesto, prináša mi to niečo, nejaký nevysvetliteľný pocit že je to niečo v com som "doma", niečo čo ma nikdy neopustí, niečo čo zostane so mnou navzdy, cítim sa v tom ako doma. je to ten najkomfortnejší pocit. Nie najlepší, no definitívne je to niečo v čom som sa našla, čo si zaslúžim. Každý rok si poviem ze tento sa nenechám pustiť dole vodou, no vždy si ma to so sebou vezme. Akoby to bolo niečo, čo ma chce a nechce ma pustiť. Depresia. Melencholia. Apatia. Disociácia. Našla som v tejto bolesti komfort a bezpečie. Natoľko až sa necítim sama sebou keď depresiu nemám (a je leto) a mám vtedy keď nemám depresiu pocit ze niečo nie je v poriadku. Stalo sa to súčasť mňa, a pre to nechcem brať lieky, pretože nenechám si vziať niečo co, aj keď ma to ničí, ale je to moje, jediná vec ktorá tvorí moje bytie a moju osobnosť. Toto všetko mi osobnosť vzalo a oni chcú aby som sa ja vzdala niečoho náhradného?????? Takto by som nemala ani jedno. Nemám tušenia kto by som kurva bola keby som. Neviem kto som. Mentálne som si neni istá či naozaj mám 23,msm pocit ze som sa zasekla, že sa niekde stala chyba a ja sa neviem pohnúť ani dopredu ani dozadu. Myslím že som zostala v 14 rokoch a odvtedy som sa po mentálnej stránke nevyvinula. Raz mi niekto povedal že človek sa zasekne vo veku kedy sa mu stane niečo traunativke a nespracuje to a ja neviem co sa mohlo stať. Sexuálne zneužitie je jediné čo ma napadá, alebo pokus o samovraždu. No na sexuálne zneužitie som nieže zabudla, ale nikdy som nad tým nerozmýšľala ako nad niečím co sa mi stalo, skôr niečo co som si privolala, zapríčinila a sama s tým súhlasila. O tom som nehovorila nikdy nikomu. Vedela som ze idem do niečoho sexuálneho a kyyvla som na to, no s ostatnými vecami som nesúhlasila. Nikdy ma to čo sa stalo nejako netrápila, len som sa cítila samej sebe nechutná a nechápala som ako sa to stalo, lebo v tom čase som sa strašne neznášala a nechápala som ako by niekto na mňa mohol chcieť siahnuť ale stalo sa čo sa stalo. Mam pocit ze som sa na celú tú situáciu pozerala zhora, že som sledovala samu seba zhora,sko tretia osoba. Úplne som sa pri tom vypla, pozerala pred seba, nebránila sa,len ho nechala nech sa odbaví.