Year One Batman my beloved ♥️

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So I’ve been drawing again for almost a year, not a lot but I’ve been drawing. Been sober since March 11 2021 self medicating with booze almost killed me that day. Do people still use tumblr?

Im back in school for a business degree and other than school I mostly just play on goatlings.com and watch tv or play video games. I am most active in fb when I’m not in fb jail for one of my notorious bans.

My mental health is in a decent place and I am hopefully getting a gastric bybass early 2023.

I guess I’ll share some of my art for the past year.

All characters belong to people so donut steal or whatever.

The Renei AUP drawing is on permanent hold until one day I feel the magic again, anyway besides that I started working in a new Cascabel design :D

I still have to do Cafecito's, but I might also add Mozz & Mazz on her ref when I get to it (now that I think about it I wonder if I should rename Mazz 🤔)

Now that my dripping nose has slowed down and im feeling more myself, i want to draw, and. Well. Drawing with ADD when focus requires more effort than usual (sick!) is like:

Want to draw, but brain not cooperating, need something in the background to satisfy that restlessness, turn on tv show

Tv show somehow not enough to settle down??? After one episode thoughts still circling to other things. Change tv show.

Second tv show STILL not working. Suddenly brain changes track to thinking about something random.

Switch to a documentary about that random thing. Ten minutes in discover that this is too literal

Switch to a movie vaguely related to the thing.

Movie works for about two hours. Then it ends. Very frustrating, need to find new thing.

Decide to switch to music. Absolutely not working. Doesn't satisfy that ‘ive been alone in the house and i need human interaction’ itch. :/

Attempt to listen to an audio book. Sickly and feeble brain cannot hear words spoken in a dull voice anymore they become a distant hum that does absolutely nothing to help. Why do all audiobooks have the worst readers? The only exception to this is joe mazz*llo and i suspect its cause he's an actor. Or i just like his voice in a southern accent, who knows.

Finally accidentally stumble on a well written tv show with (THANK YOU) over 10 episodes an hr long each that will sooth your restless soul and let you draw for the rest of the day, wow. It only took like...four hours to do this.

FUNNY ENOUGH? The best background distraction to get me in the drawing zone ever turns out to be live hockey. But it has to be live, it can't be a game where i already know the outcome. And it has to be a team i care about. Like i know i would joke about listening to the games at work and how they were distracting but the truth is beyond taking breaks to type out commentary ocassionally live hockey worked like what i imagine adderall would be like to make my brain fucking focus. I absolutely did not expect that. Something about how its happening LIVE combined with needing to know all the terminology combined with my brain in the background trying to vizualize the action on ice while vizualizing the stuff im working on just...is peak attention span for me. :/ brains are so fucking weird. (try explaining to your boss that your productivity every other day decreased at work because the penguins got booted out of the playoffs and that was what you were using to focus for like...months.)(i dont know what im going to do now that the rangers are in the same boat :/)

Coin Coin Chapter Five: In the garden… is the latest instalment in composer, improviser, saxophonist, bandleader and visual artist Matana Roberts’ visionary project exploring African-American history through ancestry, archive and place. Weaving together elements of jazz, avant-garde composition, folk and spoken word, Roberts tells the story of a woman in their ancestral line, who died following complications from an illegal abortion. At a time when reproductive rights are under attack, her story takes on new resonance. “I wanted to talk about this issue, but in a way where she gets some sense of liberation,” Roberts explains. By unpacking family stories and conducting extensive research in US public archives, Roberts has created a rounded portrait of a woman who is, as their lyrics put it, “electric, alive, spirited, fire and free.” Each part of Coin Coin explores radically different musical settings, from the free jazz and post-rock eruptions of Chapter One to the solo noise collage of Chapter Three. Featuring a new ensemble steeped in jazz, improvisation, new music and avant-rock, helping to expand the project’s existing sonic palette, Chapter Five is no exception. Roberts is joined by fellow alto saxophonist Darius Jones, violinist Mazz Swift (Silkroad Ensemble, D’Angelo), bass clarinettist Stuart Bogie (TV On The Radio, Antibalas), alto clarinettist Matt Lavelle (Eye Contact, Sumari), pianist Cory Smythe (Ingrid Laubrock, Anthony Braxton), vocalist/actor Gitanjali Jain and percussionists Ryan Sawyer (Thurston Moore, Nate Wooley) and Mike Pride (Pulverize The Sound, MDC). The late, great trumpeter jaimie branch, who was due to play on the album, receives a credit for “courage”. The album is produced by TV On The Radio’s Kyp Malone, who also contributes synths. As a composer, Roberts draws upon strategies associated with the post-war avant-garde, including John Cage and Fluxus member Benjamin Patterson’s conceptual approaches to scoring and performance. The immersive work of Maryanne Amacher, in which “sound and the body almost collaborate” is another key influence. “That is the foundation for me of the Coin Coin work,” they explain. “It’s not just the alto saxophone as an instrument placed in the jazz canon, it's the alto saxophone as an instrument that can be utilised to affect the body.” Listeners will be struck by Roberts’ ability to mould diverse sounds into a cohesive whole. The spoken word passages are accompanied by driving modal jazz on “how prophetic”, minimalist synth loops on “enthralled not by her curious blend” and cantering folk forms on “(a)way is not an option”. These are interspersed with instrumental pieces that range from avant-garde abstraction and squalling free jazz, to solo saxophone reflections and Mississippi fife and drums blues. There’s a further evocation of American roots music in the powerful group vocal arrangement of “but I never heard a sound so long”, adapted by Roberts from the plantation lullaby “All The Pretty Horses.” While this new chapter of Coin Coin focusses on a female-identified protagonist, others haven’t (Chapter Three being from the perspective of a male ancestor) and Roberts intends for future chapters to continue to cover the breadth of the gender spectrum, as well as their Native American heritage. “I'm proud that people say that the Coin Coin work speaks of a woman's story. But I want to make sure that it retains its inclusivity, because what we look like is not always what you see.” This reflects Roberts’ own experiences as a queer person of colour. For the remaining chapters of Coin Coin, Roberts will continue exploring identity and ancestry. “Expect it to keep heading towards a liberation of the human spirit.”  

Mazz Drops Some Bars On The Complexities of Love 'Bad One' Mazz' "Bad One" emerges as a captivating blend of influences, drawing inspiration from the iconic "Charmaine" by Plan B, it effortlessly weaves a modern Afroswing vibe reminiscent of artists like B Young. Mazz's collaboration with Miami-based producer Regi, along with the harmonious partnership with Danger Sounds, elevates "Bad One" to a level of sophistication that is hard to ignore. It's not just a song; it's a harmonious union of past and present, a testament to Mazz's potential to reshape the musical landscape. It's a noteworthy addition to the music industry that warrants a closer look. https://www.musicarenagh.com/an-exclusive-interview-with-mazz-the-artist-behind-keys-to-my-heart/ "Bad One" is a reflective exploration that sheds light on the complexities of love. Its lyrics resonate with listeners, inviting them to ponder their own experiences and emotions within the context of relationships. Whether your playlist caters to specific moods, genres, or themes, "Bad One" is a compelling and relatable addition that is sure to strike a chord with your audience. Mazz's "Bad One" stands out for its lyrical depth and emotional resonance. The song's entrancing melodies and unforgettable hook make it a truly engaging and enjoyable listen, while its thought-provoking lyrics add a layer of depth that sets it apart. Debuting on the radio in August through BBC Music Introducing, Mazz's journey since then has been marked by the steady growth of a dedicated fanbase. "Bad One" isn't just another track; it's a testament to Mazz's remarkable musicality and his ability to explore the intricacies of love and relationships in a distinct and compelling manner. Watch Bad One below https://youtu.be/EU5b7pWBOCA Follow Mazz on Twitter Soundcloud Youtube Instagram Spotify Tiktok

For @mus-brunneis

I can’t believe of all the animatics I have in my WIP folder, this is the one I finish.

I’ve been obsessed with the Centaurworld soundtrack, and somehow this came about :’D

But Rowan and I have decided that the longer Ace stays in Hell, the more demonic and draconic features she tends to adopt. And one day that just so happened to be a tail.

The song is Baby’s First Spell from Centaurworld, obviously.

Finished that sketch

(Oc: Mazze)

Hello I’m artist Alanaartdream from tumblr instagram and Twitter here trying to draw fanart for

TheAMaazing https://www.youtube.com/c/TheAMaazing

AND

Berd Boi https://www.youtube.com/c/Berdboion

Please go check them both out they are rather amusing channels and I hope my attempts at drawing fanart for them are at least ok

Late posting this but this is what I drew for @scriberat 's birthday! 💟

Aakash I realized that I need to practice drawing Hero and finish finalizing her tattoos so here’s a dumb thing. Hero and Tebolo starring in “The Bodyguards Doomed Romance” by Mazz’s Pirate Studios. 

This is Paul McCartney in @mazzy410 's witch AU. I worked hard on this. I'm really happy about how this came out.The bottom pic is what I based the drawing off of. I already submitted this to Mazz, but I'm so proud of this I thought I'd actually post it on my blog. I wanna thank Mazzy, though. The witch AU has brought me so much inspiration and honestly is what got me back to drawing. This is actually my first fan art! Thanks, Mazz, I love you!

Day 9- Magic in mix ups.

Day 9

I start the day with babies. Completely surrounded by babies. I walk into Victoria library and ask for the story telling event but the man seems very confused and tells me there is no event. Ah! but there is! I get escorted to the baby library with a clear sign outside which reads “no unattended adults allowed” or something like that. I feel a bit peculiar to be there childless. When I sit down cross legged on the coloured carpet I introduce myself straight away to one of the mothers who is there with her little girl. Then for the first time ever in the residency- I introduce the project unannounced. Maybe to soften the weirdness of being a young person sat cross legged in a sea of children. The class is great and the children love it. It Is madness actually. There are toddlers everywhere. Something hits me about the session however as I watch- non of the parents talk to each  other. Even at the beginning, before the session had started, no one interacted. People then streamed out after the session had finished. Completely consumed by being parents. Which is fair enough. Its just fascinating how this space which was for kids and babies, was somehow ghost chaperoned by parents. The parent, and woman, who is spoke with told me she had a teenager and was looking for activities for him to do. This is the first time someone has reacted with a request for information when they find out why I am there. I like this reaction especially because I also feel there isn't much going on for teenagers, from what I have seen. We talk about how it needs to be cool but not sport. A tricky brief for self conscious pre pubescent kids and teenagers. I leave the class feeling broody, but needing a coffee and thinking about this lack of conversion. Im pickled. I eat some dates.

I pop into the Victoria shopping mall for a loo break. I am happy because they are free and clean and there isn't a big line. It makes me wonder about getting people out the house. An elderly person, or even younger people often worry about access to toilets while in public. I wonder how much more of a consideration is for disabled people, or parents with babies. I noticed on my first day in Pimlico library there was a sign on the door giving directions to the closest public toilet other than the ones in the library. I want to suss out the obstacles which will hinder someone from getting off the settee and leaving their flat. 

In the afternoon, something magic happens. 

It is magic from a big mess up…a mess up I made.

I ever so orderly walked on to the library to get changed into my leggings and sports bra for my afternoon session of yoga. After the last exercise class, I think it’s better to be overly exercised dress than under. I head over to Thamesbank centre gearing myself up then BOOM, I remember, Yoga is at The Abbey Centre. Which is 30 minutes minimum walk away. Class was about to start. This, however, is where the magic is. I initially think oh no what have I done, this is there residency ruined and then I though, what will I do for 1hr30minutes. Without much consideration or hesitation I wandered into the Thamesbank centre to see what was happening. Their door is always open, literally. I was greeted with big smiley faces from some of the older ladies I recognised from the ETAT session earlier in the week. Emily was also there with her carer. People were coming and going. Some were eating chilli and others painting. A war veteran who was at the last session was continuing to paint his remembrance poppy painted clock. It was a living room. I wandered to the back to sit with Edna and two ladies who I had been at Lunch club with in week 1. It felt natural and powerful because this was my decision. My connections. It was a space for me to hang out. I wasn't there with agenda or a task. I was there to spend 90 minutes just being. We spoke of all things, of Ireland, of volunteering, attractive dentists, fussy house guests and I was even told how best to eat spam (covered in batter then deep fried). I was also able to have a good conversation with one of the ladies who I had met at lunch club and got the sense she didn’t like me. We had a good chat and Im now pretty confident she does like me. I think. 

The whole experience felt really natural, which is something I know I crave. It was enjoyable for me, simply as me and I was proud that being in this community lead to choosing not to go to the library when I messed up, or had free time, but to put myself into the complete unknown. I then started drawing with a lovely young lady called Mazz. We exchanged pictures and I walked away feeling better than I have felt before In the residency. As I walked away I wrote: 

“I go back as a friend, as an equal, as just someone who is a bit lonely in that minute, to pop in and say hi. I am now a promoter or being a popper. I will advocate the hugely beneficial effects of popping in. Popping your head in. Stopping for one cup of tea. For a quick natter as the side of the street. There is power in the little moments. There is power in being a regular. Pop in. EVERYONE SHOULD ALWAYS JUST POP IN”

This has been overwhelming in my time here in and around Churchill Gardens. It has been overwhelming at how regular people are to activities because of the lack of commitment needed to be a regular. It doesn't require money, a rolling bank transfer, monthly subscriptions. People come and go and talk and talk it seriously or don't talk it seriously. The activities in place work at this point because they are accessible to people who don't know what next week will be like. I believe the quick fleeting moments of joining in with a space or activity for whatever amount of effort or time you can give is wonderful. It works on this level, and in this instance. 

There is a List which my Dad of all people gave to me many many years ago. It is titled ‘Golden Rules’ and at this point in my life, and in the residency it seems vital. 

(Excuse the poor picture quality)

Today has given me a deeper belief in the golden rules and a further sense of home in this community. I think the rules ignite what this residency has been, and what it continues to deliver. Tiring and vulnerable and gosh I have never needed so many baths, but it has been such a privilege to be a regular, to be tired even. The golden nugget of today however, be a regular.

I end the day walking round Tate Britain, nattering away with Charlie. We don't take in any of the art but its a great ending to the day. A happy day. 

ps. sorry I missed yoga 

Thoughs on some movies

Okay so i saw two movies today that I really enjoyed, albeit for different reasons and this are some thoughts(tm) i had about them

For starters this journey of mine started when i was looking at Joe Mazzello’s page on imdb after really enjoying his acting (and maybe cause i think he is hot but shhh)

The first movie was 2016’s Undrafted ,written and directed by Joe

That movie was incredible. Not only do all the characters in it get a chance to shine and have distinct personalities but they are all relatable characters in a sense. You relate to all their struggles

The story itself is simple but perfectly executed. The whole movie happens during one single baseball game but its so thrilling and it draws you in completely. I dont even get baseball and i was hooked. Its a movie that doesn’t require full understanding of the game to enjoy

When talking about specific characters it’s easy to point out Mazz, the main character , but I actually wanna focus on smaller ones

Pat was amazing, such an interesting character to have. He holds so much anger in himself but at the same time he is a genuinely sweet friend

Then we have the team’s captain: Ty . A super dedicated guy who just wants to do his best and he just seems to have such a huge love for the sport. He is also a wonderful friend, specially regarding Garvey (who is such a lovable character tbh)

Garvey is also amazing, he is encouraging and supportive and he is just doing his best to help

Fotch is also a highlight, bringing a lot of perspective into the lives of the characters there. He also shows a big amount of total dedication to what he loves

In general its a movie about people doing what they love the most, play baseball. And the story of how they motivate each other to be the best they can be , even if their best isnt perfect or even good playing they work together perfectly

Next movie : The social network written by Aaron Sorkin and directed by David Fincher

I’ve had this movie on my watch list for forever and finally got around to watch it

The writing is awesome, everything is fast paced and seemingly perfectly dynamic

The main characters are explored deeply and thoroughly

Its a story I already knew the bases of but going deeper into it was incredible

I came out with very different opinions on the characters and what motivates them becomes clearer and clearer as the movie progresses

I really relate to Eduardo’s complete dedication to his friends. Maybe thats why the movie hit me so much , cause i felt like he did , betrayed and just sad. It was never about the money in this case

Anyway this has been movie blogging with anny. Im gonna sleep now cause im real tired

am i running through the mazzes of your mind or my mind

you draw lines in the sand

that always wash away

want to hold my hand for a second

then the next you turn away

tell me which side i belong

then you change your mind again

it’s like we take one step forward

then you say stay as you walk away

i’m the foolish one now

trapped inside a maze

the walls around me tell me lies

it makes me crazy

makes me blind

i hear the clock ticking

but who exactly is running out of time

is it us

is it you

is it me?

should i run?

i swear you don’t understand

it’s not even like i’m making a decision to stay or go

there’s layers

i don’t know how to go anywhere i even want to go

and of course i wouldn’t want to leave

you’re the only person i even feel like i know

maybe that sounds selfish

i don’t really know what this is anymore

of course i wouldn’t want to leave

but what’s worse

i guess the maze i’m finding myself in

is deciding you don’t want me

or need me anymore

and the moment my hand is on the exit

you run and close the door

and i let you

and i walk right back to where i started

and i watch as you walk away into the darkness

leaving me alone again

rethinking how it got like this