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judedeluca · 3 months

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Crashing Into Goodbye - A hypothetical Daria episode Part 1

I've had this concept stuck in my head for a few days now and I wrote a lengthy bit of dialog to go with it, but I have other stuff I need to work on so I wanted to jot it all down and post it to stop hyperfixating on it.

We all know that things never particularly got that bad between Daria and Quinn. The fifth season even addressed the fact that Quinn's terrified of her relationship with Daria turning out to be like the one their mom has with her sisters.

But I wondered about the idea of Daria and Quinn having a legitimately bad fight. Like the worst they've ever had. This would be around Season 2 or 3, when Quinn was only just beginning to gain some more sympathy points from the narrative.

Crashing Into Goodbye features Daria being genuinely distressed when the Morgendorffers learn that Helen's sister Amy has been in a traffic accident. Her injuries aren't severe, but Amy does get a bit banged up and has to stay at a hospital for a few days.

Daria's really shaken up by this. The idea of losing Amy terrifies her on a level she's never felt before, as she often feels like Amy's the one person who in the family who truly gets her. We know that's not true, but Helen and Jake don't handle the situation that well. Helen gets stressed out when she has to deal with both Rita and their mother showing up because of Amy's situation, and it once again becomes yet another Barksdale beat down about how the sisters were raised. Jake is so terrified of Helen when she's involved with her sisters that he opts out like he did in Season 5, especially because of what being near her mother brings out in Helen. And since Quinn's never particularly been close to Amy she's not really focused and brushes Daria off as being her usual "weird" self when she actually tries to talk to Quinn. As such, this leaves Daria feeling even more isolated from her family than usual as she thinks she's the only one who actually gives a shit about Amy. This puts her on edge both because of how she views her family treating her beloved aunt, and how they're treating her. She knows she's similar to Amy, so she can't help project and it eats her up.

The only person who knows how Daria's really feeling is Jane, but even Jane is shocked at how emotional Daria's getting. She's never seen her be this vulnerable. The stress becomes too much for Daria during Mr. O'Neill's class and she leaves to be physically ill in the bathroom. Jane explains to O'Neill what Daria's dealing with; she doesn't want to because of how O'Neill is but she's kind of at a loss right now. He gives her permission to bring Daria home.

Unfortunately, Daria's on her way out after the bell rings, which results in Quinn and the Fashion Club seeing her sister's cousin's leaving early and gets mad she can't leave too. Daria finally snaps as Quinn tries to pretend she now cares about their aunt just to ditch school, and it escalates to the worst fight they'll ever have. And almost everyone sees it.

Quinn: Hey, why do you get to leave school early that’s not fair! I’m upset about Aunt Amy too!

Daria: What?

Mr. O’Neill: Is that true, Quinn?

Quinn: Oh yeah, I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental anguish and distress over the whole thing, right girls?

Stacy: Um…

Tiffany: Uh…

Quinn: RIGHT?

Stacy: Oh, right!

Tiffany: So much anguish…

Sandi: Definitely. In fact Quinn, you’ve been so broken up about your dear aunt’s misfortune I’d say you might need some time off from the Fashion Club to get your emotions in order. Maybe even permanent time off.

Mr. O’Neill: Oh dear!

Jane: Oh, that is low even for you Quinn.

Quinn (glaring at Sandi): I wouldn’t say I’m that-

Daria: For Christ’s sake, stop it Quinn!

Mr. O’Neill: Daria!

Jane: Whoa.

Daria: You’re really gonna use Aunt Amy’s accident just to weasel out of going to school?

Quinn: Isn’t that what you’re doing?

Daria: Can’t you act like a human being, for once in your life?

Quinn: Oh, like you know anything about being human! You expect me to believe YOU care about her? You don’t care about anyone! You’re too smart for that.

[As Quinn’s voice gets louder, more people start amassing around her and Daria, including some teachers from nearby rooms. Some seem intrigued by the arguing, others confused, but most are concerned. Among the Fashion Club, Stacy looks worried as she’s never seen Quinn this openly nasty. Tiffany’s expression remains neutral, while Sandi’s expression is one of amusement. Either at Daria being called out or Quinn showing an ugly side to herself, it’s not clear]

Quinn: All you care about are your weird books and foreign movies and being a, a, a brain who thinks just because she makes jokes no one understands and gets straight As and isn’t interested in what’s new and exciting and popular that makes her better than the rest of us! We get it, you're too smart to go on dates. You're too mature to wear cute clothes. You're too sarcastic to ever be happy about anything! Get a life already Daria, it's pathetic!

Mr. O’Neill: Now girls, let’s all take a deep breath-

Daria: I'm pathetic?! I don’t care about anyone?! This coming from a girl willing to exploit every boy who breathes in her direction to get free stuff yet somehow treats the basic concept of simple gratitude as if it were a malignant disease. Does this sound familiar? “Oh gee Adam, I wish I COULD go out with you, but I just CAN'T see myself dating a boy whose fingertips are smaller than mine it’s IN the Fashion Club bylaws. Thanks for the plane tickets though I'll let you know what Maui's like!”

Jane (to the crowd): For the record, that actually happened. She just got the photos back.

[The Three Js exchange shocked expressions, wondering who Quinn’s been exploiting behind their backs]

Daria: You engage in petty power struggles between your equally shallow and airheaded rival (Sandi: HEY!) so you can spend day after day with the same two girls, having the same conversations debating on what material your socks should be made from and why they don't have a diet version of diet soda.

Stacy: I knew that was a dumb topic when I said it, I knew it!

Tiffany: There, there...

Daria: At least I'm not the one who’s spent all our lives telling people I was adopted in case you need new bone marrow. You're such a coward you'd rather strip naked on the football field than have the guts to admit we’re sisters in public!

Quinn: DARIA!

Sandi [feigning surprise, eyes wide in delight as if this was the best day of her life]: Oh my gosh I can’t believe it. Stacy, Tiffany, can you believe what that weird girl said?

Stacy: Uh…

Tiffany: Saaaaid?

[Ms. Barch and Mr. DeMartino decide to try and break the fight up]

Ms. Barch: It’s a sad day when sisters are at each other’s throats in a male dominated, patriarchal society. Come on, let's break it up.

Mr. DeMartino: Okay girls, let’s cut this little daytime SOAP OPERA before the next BELL!

Ms. Barch: You get your filthy, greasy paws off her you disgusting excuse for a-!

Daria and Quinn: STAY OUT OF THIS!

[DeMartino AND Barch quickly back off, a rare moment where the two have ever been on the same page looking equally scared of Daria and Quinn's mood. The Three Js quickly try to feign ignorance in order to make Quinn happy.]

Brittany: Wait, did Quinn really not know Daria's her sister?

Jodie: No Brittany, Quinn's just lying.

Brittany: Ohhh like how I tell my brother our dad, like, found him under a bridge whenever one of our pets goes missing in his room? At least I don't THINK he found Brian under a bridge.

Jodie: Brittany I don't think we have time today to unpack your family's issues alongside Daria's. Let's save that for next week.

Brittany: Okay!

Jamie: Quinn doesn't have a sister guys that's her cousin!

Joey: No way that's Quinn's nanny!

Jeffy: Stupid she's not Quinn's nanny she's her live-in maid!

Jodie: Are they for real?

Mack: You see what I deal with when Kevin’s not around?

Brittany: Wow, I can’t believe my Kevvy ever wanted to date someone as nasty as Daria’s sister!

Quinn: She’s kidding! She’s not actually my sister. My cousin’s just delusional with grief!

Daria: Yes, SISTER! [Quinn winces] Her sister who’s tired of putting up with her crap and everyone else’s crap!

Mack: Uh-oh.

Jodie: Oh man.

Brittany: Eep!

Upchuck: Feisty!

Andrea: It's always the quiet ones.

Jane (growing more worried by the second): Daria, please. Forget about Quinn and let’s just-Daria!

[As the arguing gets worse, we zoom in on Daria and Quinn. As it happens, we notice the expressions on those around them are quickly looking identically concerned and worried until we can only see the two sisters. We see Jodie’s angled through the crowd and is next to Jane, exchanging worried expressions]

Daria: You wanna know why I care about what happens to Aunt Amy? Because I feel like I’m the only one who does care! Mom was at least willing to pretend she cared, but then Rita and Grandma showed up to put a stop to that. And Dad’s too scared to get involved in case Mom rips his head off, so he’s been utterly useless but what else is new?!

Jodie: Daria you don’t mean that.

Jane: I don't think she's ever meant it more than she does right now, unfortunately.

Daria: Because Aunt Amy’s the only person who ever consistently made me feel like I have a family that cares about me as a person! Who’s not constantly getting on my case about what I wear or what I like to do-

Quinn: Have you ANY IDEA how many snide remarks I’ve heard from you over the years-

Daria: And maybe, just maybe, I have a future worth looking forward to that’s not going to be defined by the shit I have to deal with from people like you!

[Jane and Jodie are now trying to pull Daria away from Quinn, while Stacy and Tiffany have broken from Sandi to try and pry Quinn back.]

Quinn: Well then go live with Aunt Amy if you think she’s so great! You should’ve been living with her all along because you’re both a couple of weirdo geek losers! Half the time I think Mom and Dad bought you from her, but I doubt anyone would’ve ever spent money to have a baby like you!

Daria: You mean an unpopular baby?

Quinn: I mean A FREAK!

Jane: Quinn shut the hell up!

Jodie: Quinn that’s enough!

Stacy: Stop fighting you two!

Tiffany (more animated than usual): Stop it, Quinn!

Quinn: So go live with Aunt Amy and stop ruining my life like you always do! Then we’d all be a lot happier if you were gone!

Daria: Oh anything to make you happy, SIS!

[There’s enough venom in the word to take down a full grown elephant. That last “sis” is the straw to break Quinn’s back to the point she grabs Daria and pushes her against the lockers]

Quinn: AND THE NEXT TIME SHE PLOWS HER CAR INTO A TREE I HOPE YOU’RE IN FRONT OF IT!

GASP!

[The silence that follows this outburst is smothering. Quinn’s clamped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide in shock. Daria’s had the wind taken right out of her. Her glasses have fallen off. She puts a hand to her head before looking at her sister.]

Daria: …

Quinn: I, I didn’t. Daria I would never-

Sandi (subdued as Tiffany and Stacy back up next to her again): Did she just say what I think she said?

Tiffany: Oh, Quinn…

Stacy (lip trembling): Quinn how could you?

[From Daria’s POV, we see Quinn looking horrified as she realizes what she just said while those standing around Quinn – THE FASHION CLUB, THE THREE JS, BROOKE, MR. DEMARTINO AND MS. BARCH, AND SEVERAL OTHER BACKGROUND STUDENTS – are all giving Daria sympathetic and shocked expressions. Tiffany’s shaking her head in disappointment. Stacy’s crying, the way a child cries seeing their parents arguing. You know a situation is messed up when even SANDI feels bad for someone.]

[From Quinn’s POV, Daria is looking more emotionally exhausted and hurt than we’ve ever seen her look before. While JANE, JODIE, MACK, BRITTANY, ANDREA, UPCHUCK, MR. O’NEILL AND MRS. BENNETT, are giving Quinn looks that range from disgusted, shocked, and enraged. Even Mr. O’Neill is frowning in Quinn’s direction. Jane looks like she wants to tear Quinn’s throat out. Without a word, Daria turns around and starts running through the crowd behind her.]

Jodie: Daria!

Jane: Daria wait!

[Jodie and Jane follow after Daria, with Jane stopping to give Quinn one last withering glare before departing after her friend.]

Ms. Li: What on Earth is with all this shouting?! Why are you people congregating in the halls like this? Unofficial assemblies are a violation of school policy! And did I see Daria Morgendorffer leaving school property before dismissal?

Mr. DeMartino: I be-LIEVE you should ask the younger Miss Morgendorffer about why we're CONGREGATING. SHE can tell you all about the BLISTERING DISCUSSION she just had with her SIS-TER. ISN’T THAT RIGHT, QUINN?!

Ms. Barch: Yes Quinn, inform Ms. Li about why your SISTER left school.

Quinn: I...

Ms. Li: Miss Morgendorffer, I'm waiting.

Kevin (oblivious as always): Yo Mack Daddy, I was in the boys room when I heard a bunch of shouting, what’d I miss?

Mack: Daria’s sister pushed her against the lockers and told her to get killed.

Ms. Li: What?!

Kevin: Whoa! That's not cool, Quinn.

Quinn: I didn’t say that!

Andrea: You just heavily implied it.

Quinn: I didn’t mean to!

Upchuck: Save it Toots, the dumb act's not gonna help you this time.

Brittany: Yeah! Like, what do you think we are? Stupid?

[Tears running down her cheeks, Quinn runs away down the opposite end of the hallway. No one follows after her.]

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