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entropy-sea-system · 10 months

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In light of how some people (including aros!) have been throwing certain identities under the bus in criticising the aro manifesto, I am making this post. Im demiromantic allosexual and nonfriending aplatonic, and lovelustic aro.

To start off, I hate the aro manifesto too and find issue with its queerphobia and romance negativity. However, this does not mean you get to throw romance repulsion under the bus (although Im not romance repulsed and am aro, I support romance repulsed aros and other romance repulsed people!) As it is not inherently romance negativity or queerphobia to be repulsed by romance! Romance repulsed people are great.

Now since that's out of the way, I want to talk about something that is a way even aros shit on certain identities. First of all I would like to say that the aro manifesto literally NEVER denigrates platonic love or nonromantic love, EVER(in fact it actually encourages it while tearing into romantic love). So you are not even making a point about the manifesto itself if you do this.

There are people who don't feel platonic love and/or nonromantic love. And we will always exist. Let's not be hostile to these experiences. It is not wrong at all to not feel any kind of love. Loveless people, whether loveless aro, loveless apl, loveless due to neurodivergence, and so on, are amazing and we should support these experiences!

Let me make that very clear. In fact it is also very okay to only feel romantic love, regardless of your orientation(reminder that some aros do feel romantic love, and in fact it may also be the only type of love some aros feel.).

It is also okay to be aplatonic or atertiary in other ways (Im aplatonic and atertiary myself, also adding that you do not have to be aro and/or ace to be these identities!) and/or feel a disconnect from nonromantic and nonsexual relationships. These identities do not exist just so some aros can feel better about themself by putting these identities down.

Do not reinforce platonormativity by treating friendship as mandatory. Friendship is optional just like romance is, even if you need friendship to be happy (which yes can be possible even though you like to shit on people who derive a lot of happiness from romance or feel way bettee when they have a partner, it is possible to feel a need for ANY type of relationship and that is okay!!), not everyone does! In fact some of us need to not have friendship in our life in order to be happy just like you may need to not have romance in your life for the same reason!

It's not the fault of loveless aros that aromanticism is seen as devoid of all kinds of love by arophobes/aromisics! Some aros fit the 'stereotype' of aromantics and that's okay. Its the fact that people assume all aros are loveless that is the problem.

There is nothing wrong with being loveless and please remember that loveless people still are not even accepted within the aro community. As much as being loveless is a stereotype used to malign aros, the identity itself is hardly respected within OR outside the aro community and you need to understand this. If you only give voice to and respect aros who experience a lot of nonromantic love, you are completely missing the point and are silencing loveless people in the community.

It is also ableist to use ableist slurs (especially slurs used against people with aspd) towards loveless people, especially since some people who are neurodivergent cannot feel love or feel a disconnect from love due to their neurodivergence (and no, we do not need to feel love or be completely devoid of neurodivergence or mental illness to be given respect!).

You will not become acceptable to society by doing this. To arophobes/aromisics, you are not superior to loveless aros, aplatonics, atertiary people, or other people with a disconnect from love or nonromantic and nonsexual relationships . They target all of us. Instead of looking down on people for not feeling love, or for not feeling nonromantic love, support all of these experiences and extend compassion to other people even if they aren't exactly like you in every way.

(Note: the term nonsexual is used here because some people who don't want some/most types of nonromantic relationships may still want sexual relationships that are nonromantic in nature, and I wanted to reflect that in the wording! And also because the aro community does not actually pressure people to want nonromantic relationships that are solely sexual!)

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