#looks like he's sharing the braincell with nick today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luminous-shifting-vibes · 3 years

Text

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

33 notes · View notes

valentino-red · 4 years

Text

sinnerman

Chapter 1

coney island queen

Why Sol didn’t just walk out of the cineplex after Murray asked her to choose what ‘movie’ to star in was beyond her. Not taking part of all this madness was the smart, rational thing to do-- and then she saw tawny eyes across a smoky room, and suddenly she forgot what it meant to be rational.

Nicky Valentino. It was obvious that he was a gangster. There was something in the way he looked across the room that spoke of a man protecting his spot at the top. Then there was his cousin, Ralph della Rosa, who was acting much too cautious to just be ordinary family. And finally, Floyd Capo; he stunk so much of tobacco that Sol’s late grandfather, who himself smoked cigars, would have blanched.

“You gotta get your arms around this lifestyle and embrace it.”

Sol snorted. Only a person with one and a half braincells wouldn’t figure out what lifestyle Floyd was talking about. If Sol was smart, she would run to the nearest church and beg to enter a convent.

But she was still stunned by the roses in her room and the gorgeous breakfast. It was embarrassing to realise just how easily she was won over by opulence. These were things that she didn’t let herself enjoy in the twenty-first century; her bed was way too soft to be comfortable, and the housekeeping staff was suspiciously polite. Sol remembered her old room fondly; a cheap mattress on the floor for a bed, a threadbare blanket to fight the heat of tropical nights, and instant coffee to go with a piece of pan de sal, her favorite bread.

“Miss Diaz? Mr. Valentino is on the line.”

Sol looked up from the cup of coffee she was drinking. The bellhop, standing as though he were a statue, gestured at the old-fashioned telephone. “He wishes to speak to you.”

Nodding, Sol took the telephone receiver from the bellhop.

“Good morning, love. Hope I didn’t wake you.”

Sol didn’t notice the smile on her face when she heard Nicky’s voice. “Don’t worry about it; I’ve been up since five.”

“Oh?” Nicky’s voice was smooth like scotch. “Had a hard time sleeping?”

Sol rolled her eyes. “Force of habit,” she replied. “I rise with the sun.”

“A man would reckon that a broad like you got a lot of beauty sleep.”

She couldn’t help but snort. “Yeah, and I bet you’ll find my eye bags real attractive.” Soledad took another sip of her coffee. “Anyways, thanks so much for the breakfast. I don’t think I’ll be able to walk today.”

“That good, huh?”

“I usually have a piece of bread in the morning, so this was really… a lot. Makes me wonder if someone has ulterior motives for the food and flowers.”

“Maybe someone was trottin’ around like a horse’s ass last night, and wanted to apologize.”

Sol laughed, a deep sound from her belly. “Don’t worry about it, Nicky. I understand.”

“Well. I just wanted you to know when I tell you ‘I’m sorry,’ I really mean it. I know I was out of line leaving you in the cold like that, but it couldn’t be avoided.”

The grin on her face couldn’t be helped, and Sol felt her face heat up.

“Thanks, Nick,” she said. “But really, I know that men like Floyd can be difficult. Besides, Ralph set me up in a really fancy place. Sorta makes me wonder if a certain someone would need to rob a bakery after he sees my bill.”

Nicky laughed at the other end of the line. “Don’t worry about it, kid.”

“Are you sure?” Sol smiled. “I’m pretty great at worrying.”

“And I’m pretty great at making money.” Sol could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “How about the flowers? I was dreaming about you all night, so I woke up at the crack of dawn to pick each one.”

“Nicky,” she said. “I don’t think I have a heart anymore. It just melted.”

He laughed again, and Soledad imagined him-- the brunette hair in a razor cut, tawny eyes crinkling at the corners and sparkling in dim lights. The way he tilted his head back to let out a laugh. She wanted to make him laugh again.

“I’m afraid that I’ll have to let you go for now, toots,” Nicky said. The smile in his voice was still there. “Enjoy your breakfast and meet me outside in an hour. Capisce?”

Soledad suddenly realised that she had no clothes, and only a small makeup bag that she had in the purse she was carrying to the cineplex. She sighed.

“Capisce.”

She handed the telephone over to the bellhop, mind still running. The majority of the hotel staff were still in the room, trying to look like they weren’t eavesdropping. Oh, well-- it couldn’t be helped.

“Mr…”

“Jonathan Smith, at your service,” the bellhop said.

“Mr. Smith, I have a few requests,” Soledad said. “First, I was wondering if you could procure me a fresh set of clothing-- in yellow, if available. Please charge it to the room. And if I could have a fresh cup of coffee, that would be wonderful.”

Jonathan Smith, the bellhop, did a small bow. “Of course, Miss Diaz. And how would you like your coffee?”

“Black, Mr. Smith.”

“No sugar or cream, Miss Diaz?”

“Have you broken up with a lover before, Mr. Smith?”

“Yes, madam,” he said in a straight face. Sol nodded in approval at his professionalism.

“I want the coffee to be as black as your ex’s soul.”

Jonathan Smith’s stoic demeanor broke into a grin. “I see, Miss Diaz. Your clothes and coffee will be brought to you right away.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Smith. And do take a croissant. If I try to eat everything, perhaps the bed will become too small for me.”

Even when the bellhop left, Soledad chatted a bit with the remaining staff. By the end of it, two other busboys got their own shares of roses to give their wives, and the maids had a sample of some of the food. As Sol went to the bathroom to take a quick shower, she felt a little bit confident that maybe her telephone call with Nicky wouldn’t be the talk of the Waldorf Astoria’s help that afternoon. Or at the very least, they wouldn’t say that she was a bitch.

***

Ralph didn’t expect Soledad to be chatting his head off about the Rolls Royce’s specs, and he didn’t expect her to clean up so well. She was in a yellow dress with long sleeves and a sailor style collar, curly black hair brushed neatly, framing her long face. The kid wasn’t Ralph’s style in any stretch of the imagination-- she had a face that could have been a man’s-- but he could see how Nicky would fall for her. She was sun touched and radiant. When the kid walked, it was as if she had already conquered the world.

The plan had been to let the kid in, and to drive off to Nicky’s surprise, but the girl had been talking his head off about the car for a minute already.

“Listen, Sol,” Ralph said, cutting off another of her questions. “The Royce is a sweet ride, and the sooner you get in the back seat, the sooner you can see how she drives.”

Jesus, he thought to himself. And I thought I liked cars.

Sol slipped into the backseat, and the sudden luxury of the car’s interiors flooded her senses. The seats were in a plush camel colored leather, with intricate flower embroidery. She ran her hand on the seat, looking up to see a certain someone looking at her with warm eyes.

“There she is,” Nicky Valentino said. “The sweetest of the sweet.”

Soledad did her best not to blush. She failed. “Hello to you, too.”

She settled into her seat, trying not to notice how close she was to Nicky. It was a bit crazy; she had hung around good looking men in bespoke suits before, and never had she felt as woozy as she did now.

“You sure did take your time out there with Ralph, didn’t ya, toots? Made me sorta feel like you were a bit sore about last night and was tryna not see me.” Soledad rolled her eyes. “Your car is beautiful, Nicky. And frankly, I’d kill to take her for a spin.”

“Oh, yeah? You’re only finding the car beautiful?”

There was a challenge in his eyes, and Soledad couldn’t help her raised brow. Nicky was smirking at her, a blush on his face, and it was obvious that he was fishing for compliments. She wouldn’t give him any.

“Well, Ralph looks better in the daylight.”

The two men broke into laughter, with Soledad joining them after a beat. The mischief in Nicky’s eyes only became more pronounced.

“Hey,” Nicky said. “Just so that things are clear-- I really do feel bad for leavin’ ya on your lonesome last night. So what’d ya say? Would you let this sorry sap do something nice for you?”

“If you’re talking about lettin’ me have a spin, then absolutely,” she laughed. “But it’s still a yes for me with anything else. I’m not mad, Nicky. I’m really not.”

“Thank God,” he replied. “I’d drink to that. Hey, how about that? Care for a drink, sugar? They call these things mimosas.”

Soledad shook her head. “I would, Nicky, but I’m running on four cups of coffee. Liquor is the last thing I need. Besides, isn’t that illegal?”

“It’s illegal to drink. Period.” Nicky winked at her. “But you wouldn’t be here if it was, would you?”

“If it was legal to drink? What are you talking about?”

Nicky’s smile stretched to a Cheshire cat grin, the entirety of his focus on Soledad. If she felt lightheaded before, now Sol felt like she could faint.

“You think that guys like me are a dice roll away from getting bumped off or going to the big house. And I think there’s a part of you that likes that. Otherwise you wouldn’t have decided to be in this movie or whatever you think this is.”

The smile from Soledad’s face faded, and she couldn’t help but reach for Nicky’s hand. His eyes met hers, surprised by her sudden seriousness.

“Nicky, remember what you told me last night, when I gave you my hand?”

“I do,” he said. “You feel like home.”

Soledad nodded, lost in thought and looking at their now entwined fingers. “I’m in this for you, Nicky. I’m not here for the money, the power, or the thrill of it. If I wanted that, I would have stayed back home in the Philippines. But for some reason, I went back here to the past and met an amazing man that I feel I’ve known all my life. If anything, you being a gangster worries me more than it excites me.”

Nicky brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “There ain’t no reason for you to worry ‘bout me, sweet thing. I got ya by my side, and you’re my lucky charm.”

The ride continued on, with Nicky teasing her with his ‘surprise’, and the pair of them almost getting a poor puppy off the street. Soledad almost wanted to get it, before thinking that it might actually belong to someone else. Nicky had been a bit distraught at the thought of leaving the little thing by itself, but they continued on with their banter, with Ralph sometimes chiming in.

“Hey, Nicky,” she said, eyes flickering to his. “I was hoping that you’ll help me get something.”

“Alright,” he replied, without missing a beat. “What is it?”

“A job.”

“A job?” He raised his eyebrows at her. “Why would you want that?”

“Well,” Sol said. “I’m practically destitute--”

“No, you’re not.”

“Look, I’ve got no job, no home, and no money to buy my own food. I am destitute.”

Nicky frowned, clearly not liking the idea.

“Hey, Nick. It’s alright. I’ve got a wide skill set. I’ve got a degree in financial management and law-- I mean, it’s Filipino law, and the constitution I know is the 1987 version, but I’ve needed to do more readings anyway.”

“I don’t really think that you need to work, toots. Trust me, I’m more than capable of providing for you.”

Sol laughed, a sound that came deep from her belly. “A hotshot gangster like you. Of course you can.”

Nicky exchanged a look with Ralph, their mood sobering. Sol noticed the pair, snorting at their surprise.

“I ain’t no gangster, toots.”

Soledad shot him a dirty look, only a bit annoyed that he wasn’t coming clean. “I know a lie when I hear it, Nicky.”

He raised an eyebrow at her in response, but the mood got heavier anyway. “Look,” he said, voice dropping a few octaves lower. “I’m from a town with rules that cutthroats invented four hundred years ago in the old country. And I still got friends who think that’s the only way to live. But I ain’t one of them. I never broke the bank by breaking someone’s bones.”

“And Floyd Capo is one of those friends.”

“Yeah,” Nicky sighed. “Ya know, toots, before you showed up, I was a wheeler dealer who made his money in real estate and spent it faster than he could count it. I ain’t no gangster.”

“That was a weak close,” Soledad sighed. “You’re not exactly subtle. Anybody that knows what a mobster is could tell, Nicky.”

“Huh. You wasn’t so prickly last night.”

“I was boozed out, confused and touch starved.”

“And now?

She smiled. “Caffeinated, confused, and touch starved.”

“And why is a pretty lady like you so prickly?”

Sol snorted, looking out the window. “You don’t get to be single for twenty-nine years without a bit of paranoia.”

Nicky was going to say something until he caught her reflection in the mirror. Her eyebrows were drawn tight, and her mouth was set in a thin flat line. There was something that was bothering her, and he wanted to know what it was. He squeezed her hand.

“Hey,” Nicky said as she looked up at him. “You got me, kid. Before you waltzed into that speakeasy, I was a mobster with the world at my feet. And now I’m something completely different, ‘cos of you.”

“And what are you now?”

Nicky smiled at her and it put all the stars in the world to shame. “Now, I’m a romantic.”

***

When they got to Coney Island, Soledad’s face lit up like the Hollywood sign. Nicky smiled down at her; the kid was so small she didn’t reach his shoulders. He could pick her up easy, like a child.

“Omigod, Nicky,” she squealed. “We have to ride everything.”

“I’m not quite sure I can handle the carousel, toots.”

Sol snorted. “‘Cos those horses are gonna take a bite off your ass.”

“Haha,” Nicky said, offering his arm. “You’re a riot, ya know that?”

She slipped her hand into his instead, and when he looked down at her in surprise, he caught her blushing. Nicky could feel his own ears heat up.

“I know,” Sol said. “I know.”

They spent the rest of the day going to the rides. Nicky liked the way Sol’s eyebrows raised when she noticed him bribing the ticketmasters. He had asked her about it, and with a shrug she replied that he grandfather would bribe his way out of speeding tickets all the time. Nicky had laughed, noticing the way Soledad would preen at the sound. By the looks of it, she enjoyed making him laugh. The thought made Nicky want to go to the nearest stranger and tell them that he was crazy for his little lady.

They went and rode the Ferris Wheel, with Sol still tucked under his arm. Her short black hair tickled, and he couldn’t help but smile at the feel of it.

Nicky thought that telling Sol about his sister would be a hard thing to do, but the doll was patient and understanding, giving him none of her pity and all of her empathy. She was quiet while he told her how they’d slip over to the rides, and how his sister spent a night in jail.

“My pops cleaned my clock fierce that night,” Nicky said. From their height in the Ferris Wheel, he could see the whole of Coney Island. “But that wasn’t what got me. It was that I abandoned my sister when she needed me the most.”

Nicky did his best to crack a smile. “But to save you from seeing a grown man get all misty eyes, I’m gonna save that story for another day.”

He threw his arms around Sol’s shoulder as the gondola swayed. She leaned into him.

“You know,” she said, “I don’t have any siblings. Sort of wish I do, but I had this little cousin, Micky, who was three years younger than I was, and at the time we lived close to each other. One day I saw him at an empty lot crying his eyes out, and he told me that his friends bullied him, telling him that he was a nobody and couldn’t do anything right. They told him that his family had no money, which was stupid because we’re were old money rich.”

Sol was looking at him, a fond smile on her face. “I took a stick and went to the kid’s house. Tampered with their water line. The next day, their house flooded. Man, my grandfather was so angry at me, I think I spent a good ten minutes under the belt. My tito was mad at me too. He never let me see Micky again.”

Nicky drew her closer to him. “I guess we’re really written in the stars, toots.”

She laughed, high in his embrace. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess so.”

The rest of the day was filled with banter. Nicky kept her under his arm, and she kept him laughing. They were strolling on the boardwalk, and he couldn’t help but notice the way her hair curled under her ears. She was blushing and fumbling over her explanation of how the bracelet was lost, but Nicky couldn’t care less. He used to think that the bracelet was important, but seeing her in the daylight and in his arms was worth fifty of those bracelets.

“Hey,” Nicky said. “I noticed that you ain’t wearing those rags you had on last night.”

Soledad blushed. “Oh, uh. Well, I figured that a hotel as swanky as the Waldorf had some clothes lying around.”

“And let me guess,” Nicky said in a deadpan. “I’m paying for it.”

She answered with a shrug. “What can I say? I don’t have a job, so you’ll have to be my keeper.”

“Then I guess you won’t be prickly when I tell you that ya don’t have to ask a hotel for new clothes no more.”

“Nicky,” she said, eyes wide. “Don’t tell me you bought me clothes.”

Nicky leaned against the railing in a knowingly devious pose, winking at her as the noon time sun made his tawny eyes look like molten gold.

“Let’s just say that your wardrobe is gonna be full of designer dresses, stilettos from France, diamonds, minks--”

Sol dropped her head on his solar plexus hard enough for it to almost hurt. On reflex, he put his arms around her. She hugged him back.

“Why are you spoiling me so much,” she mumbled into his shirt. “I just met you last night.”

“You don’t have to know someone to know that you want them.”

There was a true heat in his voice and gaze. Soledad swallowed hard as he pulled her close. They were just a few inches away from each other, and she could see the small mole under his left eyes and his beet red ears.

“‘Cause I know what I want.”

Soledad thought that they were going to kiss, until Ralph came up to them, coughing into his hand awkwardly.

“Sorry to break you two lovebirds apart,” he said. “But there’s some coppers by the docks.”

“There’s always going to be some flatfoots in this town,” was Nick’s answer. He sighed in frustration. Soledad took a few steps away from him to catch her own breath.

“They’re looking for you, Nick.”

In a few quick heartbeats, Nicky spilled out orders to Ralph, and the two of them were on the run. They were able to get past a few officers, but a big man in the blue uniform saw them and gave chase.

“Meet me at the alley, toots,” Nicky said, before sprinting away from the police officer. Soledad looked at the man grimly. She could outrun him, or she could buy Nicky some time.

“Hello, officer,” she said, as the burly man took a pair of handcuffs out.

“You’re under arrest.” His voice was gruff, and his moustache was severe. Soledad almost wanted to laugh; he looked like a caricature of a policeman.

“I want my rights read to me,” Sol replied. “Mainly because I have no idea what you’re arresting me for.”

“Nobody is reading anyone’s rights,” he said, handcuffing her. “Besides, I saw you with Valentino on the dock.”

“Then it’s your word against mine, Detective.” The man huffed. “I ain’t no detective. Just an honest officer doin’ his job, and you’re a no one, kid.”

“Then,” Sol said, “I’m really sorry that I have to do this.”

There were three things that she did in quick succession. First, she spun around and kicked him square in the jaw. He fumbled back, surprised. Then she kicked him again in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of his lungs. Finally, she kicked the back of his knees, sending him to the ground in a loud thud. The policeman groaned in pain, and when he tried to get up, she kicked him in the stomach again.

“I’m a twenty-nine year old captain of the Philippine Commonwealth’s army, not some kid,” Sol said, foot on his chest. “And between you and me, there’s no such thing as an honest officer these days.”

She could see a familiar black beauty roll into the street-- it was Nicky’s Rolls Royce. Sol took her foot off the officer’s chest.

“Just for the record,” she said. “I’m retired. And we both know what retired army captains are asked to do by their governments.”

The officer’s eyes widened, and Sol resisted the urge to smirk. She was a professional, after all.

“I’m not on the wrong side of the law.” She stepped away from the police officer. “Anyway, if you want to get promoted, remember this: have as many good friends in high places. Stray dogs turn into hungry wolves very quickly.”

The officer groaned, trying to sit up. “Is that a threat, or a warning?”

“It’s advice,” she replied. Sol bit her lip as she looked at the officer’s broken nose. “I’m really sorry that I had to hit you,” she said, voice soft, “but circumstances called for it, Officer…”

“Marquez,” he replied. Soledad nodded.

“If I ever see you again, I hope you won’t try to handcuff me,” she said.

The older man grunted. “Try not to hang around shady characters, Captain, and then we’ll see.”

She gave a quick nod before jogging to the Rolls Royce. Ralphie opened the door for her, and Nicky gave her a look that turned her knees to jell-o. But this was a look that was heated for all the wrong reasons.

“So,” he said conversationally. “What does the government ask retired army captains to do?”

#fictif #tatw #nicky valentino #fanfiction #nicky valentino x oc #nicky valentino/oc #two against the world #pls go easy on me this is my first fic uwu

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wintersxsoul · 5 years

Text

SO SHOOT US, WE WERE DATING!

Summary: Reverse Fake Dating Undercover Cops! AU

Pairing/s: Bucky x Reader / Steve x Sam / Nat x Sharon

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: Tbh we dont know ?? we just love being a mess together I guess,, we had to do it to ‘em. We even made moodboards, enjoy our masterpiece.

A/N: So, two crackheads, aka @trashpanda-barnes and yours truly, decided after a long intense brainstorming session to put this ramblings together to create this crackheadassery show. Buckle up for a part 2 laid ease and gentle ants.

Shay: this was our first time sharing a googledoc and HOLYSHIT technology has come so far, its a miracle Lydia hasn’t killed me yet bc of all the font-changing I kept doing constantly. anyway... we done did a thing, fellas! Our two collective braincells present… this.

Bucky and Y/n have been dating for almost three years, they are both cops in the same squadron, so it’s forbidden for them to date. But they said: fuck this shit and now they even live together, but…. secretly.

Steve is also a cop in the same precinct and he is dating Sam, a pastry chef.

Y/n and Bucky have to infiltrate in a Biker Gang for a case and of course pretend they are not actually in love or anything pfft why would anybody think that?? They are just roommates, right???

They flirt with random members of the gang to avert suspicions and then give advice to each other to make it seem more real.

One day, Bucky accidentally tells Y/n, "You're absolutely right, honey!" and everyone just stares at him so he just...he has to start calling everyone pet names 24/7. It’s his new personality trait so he has to answer with a pet name to even the big boss. “Have a nice day today, James.” Bucky just nods at him smiling, but since everyone is staring at him, he swallows thickly and answers: “You too, sugar.”

Everytime that happens, Y/n is just hollering with Natasha, a member of the gang. Nat is fierce and ruthless, the only one that hasn’t got a pet name. One time Bucky tried, but she just looked him dead in the eye and warned, “don’t.” And that was it. Best day of both girl’s lives at the gang was the day Bucky told Thor, the most dangerous looking dude, “Love your bike, doll.” Thor had smiled widely at that compliment.

The dudes on the gang decided they wanted a bonding moment so they all went to get tacos. They drop Y/n at home and it’s funny to her because Bucky can't get off so he just awkwardly waves goodbye at her in front of the building of THEIR shared apartment. So he just directs them to Steve's place and he’s like "Hey Steve! Can you buzz me in, babe?!" and Steve of course is all "the fuck you on about?! What the hell are you doing here???"

And those big bulky dudes outside are confused and kinda suspicious so Bucky is like "We had a fight.... he's still mad at me" he says like the liar he is. So he tries again and yells at Steve over the buzzer "hEY OPEN UP STEVE, IT’S ME PLEASE WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS, I PROMISE, IM SORRY BABE BUT I AM HOME NOW."

Steve has Sam over, and this was their date night and Steve promised, he promised Sam he’d stop bringing his work home. So he is like "this is not the time, I’m with Sam right n—"

bucky interrupts "SAAAAME YES, I WISH I was with you, same babe same... please buzz me in??" Steve just hangs up like, “goodnight, Bucky”

The dudes are sympathetic and are like.. "sorry your boyfriend ain't letting you in man. Hey, you wanna crash at any of ours?"

So Bucky just sighs and nods, texting Y/n to tell her he’s crashing at this super huge dude’s house, Riley.

Riley looks so fucking frightening but he is actually super soft and lives with his equally soft girlfriend, Aaliah.

And they have two adopted stray dogs. And both of the dogs really take to Bucky.

One is a golden yellow and the other is a soft white. The white one, Bucky notices, is missing a leg.

“Lost it in a car accident”, Riley tells Bucky, “We’re just glad he came out of it alive” And the dog gives Bucky’s face a big fat lick. “What’s he called?” “oh, Winter” and Bucky near-about cries. Y/n’s phone blows up with 500 images of Bucky with the dogs alone. The golden one, Bucky learns is called, Summer.

He's an especially big fan of Riley’s cookies. Riley loves being a part of the gang but he also has a pastry business on the side. Bucky buys a shitton of cookies to take home.

He calls Y/n next morning to tell her they should go to the shelter and adopt as many cats and dogs as they can, and Y/n just sighs because she knows she can’t fight Bucky over this. “Who’ll look after then when we’re at the precinct?” Y/N tries to point out but Bucky is like, “Easy. We just take them to the precinct with us.”

Natasha eventually figures out that they are dating, and interrogates Y/n about their actual purpose in the gang.

Y/n blows up the cover and explains that they are trying to find a gang that sells drugs and that their Captain, Nick Fury, thought they were responsible. After a few months undercover, they realize they all are just soft bikers that like to dress in black leather and chunky boots.

Nat is actually scary, at least that’s what Bucky thinks, but Y/n has seen her with Liho, Nat‘s cat, and she is sure that she just likes to mess with the guys and scare them.

Y/n makes Nat swear not to tell the others yet, and Nat is actually the one who offers a lead about the gang that was actually selling drugs.

“See? if you’d just come clean right up front you wouldn’t have wasted your time chasing the wrong lead” she rebukes Y/n. “But then I’d never have been friends with you, Nat” she nudges Nat’s shoulder and there’s that hint of that signature smile on Nat’s lips.

Y/n tells Bucky about the lead and they decide to shadow that gang on a stakeout and just as Nat had suggested, they catch the actual culprits red-handed, bringing the case to a close.

Thor and Riley are devastated when Bucky comes clean and tells them he has to leave them. “but we can walk our dogs together every morning, Riley!”

Once the case is closed, Bucky and Y/n decide to tell everyone that they’ve been dating for a few years and their squadron just sigh loudly.

Sharon is like, “What? We still gotta pretend we didn’t know? oh okay.”

“You guys KNEW?” “Of course we did,” Tony shakes his head, as he mockingly says, “oh my god they were roommates.”

Clint just sadly passes Fury a tenner. “I bet that you’d keep it a secret for five years.” he shakes his head at them, “I trusted you guys. But look at me, I’m poor now!” “what did Fury bet?” Bucky asks curiously. “that you’d mess up before this month ends.” Fury says before going back into his office.

Steve just glares at Sam once they find out, mouthing a “shut up” when his boyfriend tells him all proudly “I told you they were fucking!”.

Sam and Riley became good friends when they discovered their shared passion.

So they all live happily ever after, especially Bucky, cause he got to eat Riley’s cookies almost every morning while they walked Winter, Summer and Storm, his and Y/n’s puppy.

Y/n and Natasha became inseparable and thanks to that, Sharon and Nat started dating.

As Bucky said, they take the puppy to the precinct, everyone falling in love with the little fur ball. Y/n hates to admit it, but she adores Storm. And a few months later, she convinces Bucky to adopt a black cat. “Isn’t Storm gonna be jealous? Or what if they start fighting?” Y/n of course just shrugs and ignores Bucky’s protests. “they’ll keep each other company when we’re at work. Otherwise Storm will get lonely. And sad. Do you want to see Storm sad?” “No,” Bucky pouts, “fine we’re getting a cat. We’re proper parents now, doll. Whaddya say to that?” “We should buy stuff for them then, Detective... and who knows we might even have to get married?”

Bucky just smiles. He has the perfect proposal planned. Soon.

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