#lmk your thoughts
Text
close call
summary: after a close encounter with an Infected, the only thing that calms you is the comfort of your partner.
word count: 5.4k
content warning: tlou-type violence (not too graphic), mention of guns, minor language
authors note: inspired by opening scene of this fic
masterlist | ao3
Everything had happened so quickly. One moment you were treading through the depths of the forest with Joel, trying to find a decent spot to rest before nightfall came, but the worst thing happened when you drifted away from Joel for a few moments.
A twig snapped.
It was a rookie mistake. To bring attention to yourself over something as minuscule as a tree branch breaking underneath your feet, but the simple action caused your heart to beat repeatedly against your chest.
You mentally scolded yourself for the dumb mistake you made, hoping you didn’t gather the attention of anyone nearby, or even worse, an Infected. You check over your shoulder to see if the noise got your partner’s attention, but when you see that you’re still alone, a deep sigh leaves your lips. You’re not sure if it’s relief that the loud noise hadn’t gained anyone’s attention or if no one approached you because it caused your anxiety to swell up.
Just when it seemed like the coast was clear to make your way back to Joel and forget any of this happened, to tell him you found a suitable place to crash for the night, the undeniable sound of a Clicker makes the thumping of your heart even faster and harder than it was less than a minute ago. You’ve dealt with Clickers in the past, it’s the reason why you’ve been able to survive in this hell hole of a world for nearly twenty years now, but the sound of them alone would terrify anyone. If it didn’t, the sight of them did.
Your hand instinctively reaches for the gun you have resting on your hip, but your hand just gently pats the area. Another sigh leaves your lips when you realize where your gun is- in your pack. Whenever you travel with Joel for long periods of time, you usually put your weapon away during the night because you know you would be safe with Joel’s protection. You know he would never let anything bad happen to you.
Just your luck, you forgot to put your gun back in its holster when you and Joel continued your travels in the early hours of the morning. Maybe it was because it was so early in the morning and you simply weren’t thinking straight or it was lack of sleep or it just wasn’t your day, but regardless, your gun is in your pack and the only weapon you have on you at the moment is the knife that rests on your right thigh as the clicker’s calls keep getting louder and louder as each second passes.
The simple sound of your knife clicking open is what finally sets the clicker in your direction. The only sound that could be heard from miles was the echoing of the clicker’s screech. The disturbing figure was approaching you at an inhumane rate.
Fuck.
Before you could even prepare yourself against the upcoming attack, the creature lunges itself towards you. The heavy weight easily knocks you off your feet and it feels as if all of the air is knocked out of your body when your back collides with the cool, soft grass. It was a miracle in itself that you didn’t loosen your grip on your knife (probably the first sign of luck you’ve had all day) as the horrifying face grew closer and closer towards yours. It nearly took all the energy you had left to take a calming breath.
The echoing sound of its snarl makes your ears vibrate with how loud and up close the creature was at this point. You could see the vine-like infection growing out of its mouth. The sight in itself is enough to keep you up late at night with how horrifying it looks. You’ve had a handful of encounters with Clickers before, but you’ve never been close enough to see the tiny details that litters its face and you hope to never come in contact with one this close again.
One of the Clicker’s hands grasps the arm that isn’t wielding your knife, possibly another sign that things could begin to go in your favor tonight, as your opposite hand lunges at the creature's throat. The creature on top of you lets out another blood curdling scream, the sound bouncing off of your eardrums for a second time with a pain you never wish to feel again. You let out a scream in response as the pain in your ears gets to be too much. When you glance at the creature’s throat, believing that you stabbed it in the area that would kill it with one swift movement, you find that you missed the side of its throat by mere centimeters, the stab revealing itself near its collarbone.
Of course. You missed.
The stab you managed to get in seemed to have inflicted some pain, but not enough. When the creature let out that blood curdling scream, its grasp on you loosened, just barely, but it was enough for you to shove the creature off of you with your forearm. It took all of the strength you had, but the Clicker flew a foot or two away from you. This gives you the spare moment you need to get up on one knee, preparing yourself to swing your arm in the creature’s direction but before you can lunge another attack, the sound of a gunshot echoes in the forest.
Then… silence. The sound of local birds cawing as they fly in multiple directions is the only sound that could be heard for the next few seconds as the thud of the now dead body falls only inches away from you. Your eyes instinctively close shut at the loud noise, out of fear of the whole event that was going on, but you were surprised at the sight in front of you once you had reopened your eyes: the unmoving body of the Clicker.
Hell, you were surprised you were alive.
Letting out a shaky breath, you look at your surroundings to see what the source of the clicker’s death was.
Joel.
A shaky breath leaves your lips as soon as you see him and it only takes him a few seconds before he joins you at your side.
You were half expecting Joel to scold you for the dumb mistake you made, telling how you need to be more careful and how you’re not supposed to leave his side (something he’s told you multiple times in the past), but you’re surprised by the
feather-like touches his fingertips have on the outskirts on the palm of your hand as it still tightly grasps the weapon once he kneels besides you. His fingers gently begin to grasp yours, silently encouraging you to loosen your grip you have on the blade. Without saying a word, your fingers begin to unclasp their grip until the blade simply rests in the palm of your hand. Joel doesn’t waste another second to gently take the weapon from you, slowly retracting the blade back into its rightful place so that it can’t harm anyone else before he puts it in his back pocket.
His hands cup your cheeks as his eyes scan for any life-threatening injuries you may have gotten.
“Baby, are you hurt?” He asks you.
A shaky breath leaves your lips, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. You muster enough strength to shake your head. “No, no. I’m, uh- I’m okay.” You manage to say.
“What happened?” Joel asks you, the only sign of his worry was the look in his eyes as he looks over for any injuries for the second time.
Events of what just happened from the past few minutes leave your lips faster than you can recall. You tell Joel you don’t know how it happened. You remember being by his side, telling him whatever came across your mind during the moment when he told you should probably begin to settle down for the night, when the next thing you know you’re face-to-face with a Clicker.
You didn’t mean for any of it to happen. You didn’t mean to wander off. You didn’t mean to step on that branch. You didn’t mean to get the attention from the Infected. You didn’t mean for any of it to happen.
It was all your fault it happened. A bunch of ‘I'm sorry's’ leave your lips immediately afterwards. At some point, tears run down your cheeks and onto the palms of Joel’s hands when they never stop cupping your cheeks.
The sound of his voice sounded like background noise at first, a distant sound trying to lure you out of the awful thoughts that began to circulate within your mind, but eventually the familiar sound of his deep voice helped lure you out of the dark clouds within your mind.
“Hey, it wasn’t your fault.” Joel calmly reassures you as his eyes never broke contact with yours.
“Yes, it was. It-“
“It was not your fault. You didn’t mean for any of it to happen.” It took everything within him for his exterior to be as calm and collected as he appears to be.
The sight of you only inches away from death nearly terrified him, his worst nightmare about to come true, but he can’t think about ‘what if’s.’ Not now. He has to be calm. One of you has to be.
“If I hadn’t, then…” You trail off.
“If you hadn’t then it could have found us in the middle of the night. It was a good thing that you found it. Really.” He reassures you.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.” He promises you.
When he sees the fear in your eyes never faded for a single moment, his eyes soften, trying to ease your nerves within you. It’s worked in the past. Somehow he’s always managed to comfort you when something awful like this has happened in the past, but not this time. Rather than finding comfort in his words or his presence, your eyes wander to the corpse that lies not even a few feet away from you.
“Oh, God, I-I could’ve…” You trail off as your eyes never stop staring at the body. The nerves within you only worsen as the thought of what could have happened go through your mind.
When Joel notices what your glance is fixated on, the grasp he has on your cheekbones quickly leaves, the warm sensation of his skin quickly being replaced by the cool wind, as his arms wrap around your frame and guides your head in the crook of his neck. A vain attempt, really, a way to shield you from the horror of what is right in front of you. The familiar scent of his and the steady heartbeat of his helps with the erratic beating of your own heart.
“I’ll always be there to protect you.” He whispers in the shell of your ear. The soft words of his only helps with the growing feeling that was growing inside of you just moments ago.
In the past you would have asked for further confirmation, asking why or if he’s sure, but after
being in each other’s lives for a few years now, you know that Joel is a man of his word. He wouldn’t say something that isn’t true. You trust him with every bone in your body.
“I could’ve died.” Your body physically twitches at the realization of that, but Joel’s grip on you only tightens. A silent promise to you that he would never let anything bad happen to you. Thoughts of how you, not the Clicker, should be dead roam within your mind and the only reason you’re alive in the first place is because of Joel.
“That’s not going to happen as long as I’m around.” He promises you as silence falls over you.
Nothing else has to be said between the two of you. The feeling of you in his arms is a physical reminder to him that the safest place for you is to be in his arms. It tells him you’re still here and alive, and the thought of that alone helps with the nerves that made its way home in his bones. The feeling of your hot breath fanning against the crook of his neck only helps with the calming feeling beginning to reside within him, replacing the levels of nerves that lived within him only moments ago. The sight Clicker directly above you, so close to infecting you, was a sight enough to haunt his dreams at night. He couldn’t shake the feeling of losing you that way, not when he’s lost so many people over the years in the same exact way. He doesn’t know if he could handle losing another person, especially someone as important as you.
You were inches away from death. If he hadn’t heard you, if he hadn’t found you in time, you could’ve- no. He can’t let his mind go there. If he does, he may never come back from that state of mind. He can’t lose himself over meaningless ‘what if’s.’ The only thing that matters at the moment is that you’re here and safe.
The words ‘I’m so glad that you’re safe’ and meaningless rambles die on his lips. He wants to tell you just how relieved he is now that you’re okay, that he doesn’t know what he would do if you weren’t his life. Saying those kinds of things don’t come easily for Joel, the last time he allowed himself to be that vulnerable with someone else only ended in him being hurt, so he settles for the feeling of you in his arms.
The grasp he has on your waist only tightens while the arm he has wrapped around your shoulder gravitates down to the biceps of your arms. They’re covered in the material of your jacket, but rubbing up and down your arm helps keep his mind off of things. He rubs countless circles and random shapes to take his mind off of things. It gives him something to focus on for the time being. A soft moan leaves your lips in response and a shadow of a smile appears on Joel’s lips as he continues the action. He can feel the way your lips curl upwards in satisfaction as you bury your head impossibly deeper in the crook of his neck.
When you curl closer towards him, an inch of exposed skin reveals itself when your shirt slightly rode up. Joel didn’t waste a single second to adjust the grip he has on your waist so that his fingers can feel the warmth of your flesh. Just like he did with the grasp he has on your arm, the feeling of his fingers on your bare skin, rubbing indestinguable shapes, sends shivers down your spine. His movements seemed to be never ending, not that either of you would complain. The intimate moment didn’t have to last this long between the two of you. A simple hug, a short reassurance, would have sufficed, but intimate moments like these were rare in your relationship.
The physical embrace reminds you both everything for the time being is okay. When your body fully relaxes against his, to find full comfort in your partner’s grasp, a sigh leaves Joel’s lips.
You’re okay.
You’re safe.
He saved you.
It’s been such a long time since either of you found comfort in someone else’s arms. That tends to happen when you’re living in a world as messed up as the one you’re currently living in. It’s a great comfort to know that someone cares about him as much as he cares about them- to have his feelings reciopcrated for the first time in what seems like a lifetime ago.
The small smile on Joel’s face only grows at the thought of that. He’ll tell you someday, hopefully sometime soon, but he needs the time to figure out what to say. He wants to say the right word at the right time, but he settles for the growing warm feeling he has in his belly as he allows the feelings of pure love and adoration to run through his veins- a feeling he hasn’t felt long before the outbreak happened nearly two decades ago.
“I’ll always be there to protect you.” Joel promises you.
“And I’ll be there to protect you. You know that, right?” You ask.
“I know.”
A moment of silence fills the air, only the local ambience could be heard for miles until Joel breaks the silence. “But we should probably find some other place to spend the night. It’s not safe here.”
As much as you hate to break the short yet tender moment between the two of you, you know Joel’s right. It’s very unlikely someone else or another Infected didn’t hear the sound of the gunshot that echoed not that long ago. You probably brought even more unneeded attention to where you currently are and need to find someplace to stay until the sun rises in the morning.
A soft grunt leaves Joel’s lips when he begins to stand up from the soft grass, silently offering his hand to you. Without hesitation, you accept his grasp and allow him to pull you up from the ground. As the two of you move deeper and deeper within the forest, the feeling of Joel’s fingers firmly (yet gently at the same time, a perfect presentation of himself) intertwines with your hand, never leaving your grasp for the remainder of your walk together. The only time his grasp slightly loosens is to gently squeeze your hand, a physical reminder to himself that you’re here and safe with him.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Joel hadn’t kept you out of his sight since you found a spot to rest for the night. Even when he was preparing dinner for the two of you, every so often, he would look up to make sure you were still nearby.
Hardly anything was spoken when you were eating, mainly because neither one of you knew what to say. The most you’ve said all evening was how surprisingly good the food was or how beautiful the night sky looks, both of which Joel agreed, then nothing else was spoken. You would feel Joel’s eyes on you every so often and when you would look in his direction, his eyesight would go in the direction of the lit lantern that sits in front of you guys.
Neither of you knew what to say- you felt like you should probably apologize once again for what happened earlier on in the day and Joel wanted to say something, anything, but no words formed on the tip of his tongue. Based on the way your eyes were looking off in the distance for so long, he could tell something heavy was on your mind, but he didn’t know what to say.
Then, the silence was broken.
“Hey, is everything okay?” He asked you when he saw your eyes were now fixated on the stars littering the sky above you.
“Oh, yeah.” You answer as your eyes go from looking at the night sky, back to him, then back at the star-filled sky as you contemplate on your answer. “It’s just… it reminds me of when I was a kid. My parents would take us out camping when I was younger and it was always something I looked forward to.”
You then continue to tell him about the camping trips that seemed so normal and perhaps a bit boring (being a teenager would do that) but the normalcy of something like that is something you crave so much and you would do anything just to do something like again. Spending the night in the middle of the forest with Joel is probably the closest you’ll ever get that feeling of normalcy again.
You recall of the cliché camping activities you cherished doing with your family over the years: going swimming in the nearby lake with your sister, trying to catch the frogs near the lake with your mom but you were never able to, the hot dogs and s’mores that would be roasted on the campfire at the end of the day, and finally, finding comfort in the night sky above you as you tried to make yourself comfortable in the thinnest sleeping bag ever.
All of those things gave you a warm feeling in your stomach in the same way you felt when your mom tucked you in at night as a kid- the same way it feels as the warmth of the nearby lantern feels on your skin at this very moment.
“It’s the simplicity of it all that I miss. Just knowing I could drop everything and drive to the same spot that I spent countless summers with my parents, the familiarity of it all is what I miss the most, I think.” You admit with a soft smile.
The same expression reflects on Joel’s face as well when you admit all of this to him.
This was probably one of the stories you told him about your childhood in a long time. It was such a simple confession, one that rolled off the tip of your tongue with such ease, but seeing the way your face lit up with such a child-like joy after the awful day you had was what caused the butterflies beginning to form in the pit of his stomach. Seeing the way your nerves were beginning to lift off of your shoulders, how you were beginning to go back to your old self, helped ease Joel’s mind a bit.
“That sounds nice.” He tells you.
“It was.” You admit, the smile on your face beginning to grow larger as images of times with your parents during your childhood emerge in your mind. “Did you ever do anything like that as a kid?”
“Fishing with my dad.” He admits. “My dad would always wake me and my brother really early on random Saturday mornings and take us out to the closest lake he could find. Tommy always hated it. Waking up so early on the weekends when all he wanted to was sleep in, just to spend it with near silence with my dad for a few hours then to spend another hour or so back on the road, but those times with my father is what I miss the most. The simplicity of it.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“Oh, yeah…” He pauses. “Tommy.”
The subtle nostalgic look on his face tells you so much about his brother than words ever could. The way he spoke about him told you they had a falling out of some sort, maybe they eventually went down different paths during the pandemic at one point or even worse, his brother was killed as a result of the infection, you’re not sure. It’s not often Joel speaks of his past, so you don’t question him any further. If he wants to tell you more about his previous life, he will. If not, that’s okay with you. As long as Joel is in your life, that’s good enough for you.
Then the subject matter is dropped for the remainder of the night as the two of you reflect in the good times in your lives- you were reflecting on the happy times you spent with your family when you were a kid and Joel simply glances at your reflection as you look up at the night sky above you, thankful for having someone like you in his life.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“I wouldn’t have been there to protect you.” Joel says after you both had finished cleaning up the mess you had made from eating dinner and you were finally about to head to bed for the night. The only item remaining is the lit lantern that acts as the only light source for miles.
His words surprise you as you glance in his direction. “I’m sorry?”
“I thought I had lost you earlier.” He confesses.
“You would blame yourself if something had happened?”
“I almost wasn’t there to protect you.”
“It would've been my fault anyway, I should've been more careful. If I hadn't wandered off, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.” Before Joel could reassure you and tell you it wasn’t your fault, you continue. “I know you think it wasn’t but it was. I'm okay with that because I know you’ll always be here for me. You’ll always be there to protect me.”
“Always.” He promises.
“Besides, you’re the one I should be worried about. You’re the one that's always in danger, not me.”
“You know you don’t have to worry about me.” He reassures you.
“But I still do. I worry that every time you leave, you won’t come back. That you’ll leave the QZ one day, or a deal goes bad, and then I’ll be alone, that I won’t have anyone and that thought terrifies me.” You admit.
“I feel the same way.” He softly admits.
“You do?”
He nods his head. “Earlier today, I was so scared of losing you and I didn't know what I would do without you. The idea of life without you seemed meaningless and I-I couldn’t bear the thought of that.”
"Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “I don't know. Guess if I had said it outloud, then it would’ve…”
“Would’ve seemed real.” You finish his sentence for him. He nods his head. “Oh, Joel, you mean more to me than you know.”
“I know.”
A soft smile appears on your face when his hand reaches for yours- his way of telling you how much he cares for you and how he couldn’t bear to lose you without saying anything. You know how much Joel cares for you, possibly even more than anyone else in the entire world, and the thought of that makes the smile on your face grow even larger.
“I love you." He tells you for the first time.
“I know, I love you too.” You tell him as you gently squeeze his hand. The reflection of the lamp in front of you being the only source of light and heat around you.
There were only a few moments of silence between the two of you when the sensation of a pair of warm lips resting against the top of your forehead. The action itself caught you off guard at first, but you eventually caved in, letting your body slump over as Joel’s hands gently cups the sides of your cheekbones. Tender affections like these are rare from Joel, but not uninvited. You’re always taken back whenever they occur, but you always found comfort in the simplicity of his affections.
It’s been so long since you’ve received attention and affection as gentle as Joel is giving you right now, so you’ll take any kind of physical contact you can get.
As soon as his lips come in contact with your warm skin, a soft sigh leaves his body as his eyes shut in relief. The stresses of the day finally escaping. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if something as awful as losing you were ever to happen. The last time he allowed himself to feel this way for another person, they ended up leaving, so he’s willing to do everything in his power to make sure that doesn’t happen with you. If it does, he doesn’t know if he can forgive himself. This world is cruel and unforgiving, and he’ll be damned if those he loves aren’t protected.
Surviving on your own for so long also took so much from you. You’ve managed to not suffer the level of loss as Joel has dealt with over the years, but fuck is it numbing. You’ve lost so many people over the years because of this cruel and awful world, you’ve managed the pain that comes along with the death of someone close to you. You’ve just… existed. When things seemed the darkest, that’s when the beacon of light returned in your life in the form of a man.
It took a while for Joel to trust you and you’ve never blamed him for it. If you’ve suffered half the amount of loss he's dealt with over the years, you would be the same way, but over the years, you’ve managed to gain his trust. Eventually, he’s revealed parts of himself he hasn’t shown another person since the outbreak occurred.
Working together was difficult at first. He only spoke to you only necessarily. Traveling to the location of your next job was often filled with sounds coming from around you, sounds often coming from the gravel underneath your feet or the sounds of birds chirping. Over time, the two of you began to grow closer. At first, you traveled together because going out in the open along was dangerous, suicidal even, and going out in pairs was highly advisable because there’s less of a chance you’ll end up dead.
Protecting you from danger was only part of the job at first, to make sure that neither of you got hurt as you were sent out on a job Tess recommended you both for, but those long hours spent together eventually developed into something more. You began to reveal parts of your life before the pandemic, what everyday struggles that seemed life altering really seem minuscule now. Joel usually didn’t have much to say, only letting a few comments out to let you know he’s listening as silence falls on you again, but eventually, he began to reveal parts of his past life to you as you had done to him on so many occasions. They seemed like minor things at first, but it wasn’t until one random night traveling together that it dawned on you just how vulnerable he was being, like the story he told you earlier of his dad.
“Thank you, Joel.” You tell him.
“For what?” He asks.
“Just…thank you. I don't know what I would do without you.”
“I’ll always be there for you.” Joel promises you.
After a few moments of silence, the distant sounds of crickets being only the thing that can be heard, Joel speaks again. “We should probably go to bed.” He says as he guides you to the area where you’ll be sleeping for the night.
It’s not the most comfortable area, but it’ll do. The feeling of the soft grass on your skin helps give you the minimal comfort that can be found in an area like this. The feeling of Joel’s arms wrapped around your frame helps bring the added comfort you needed in order to feel sleepy. If he hadn’t been there, you probably wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep because of the day’s events.
This isn’t the first time you’ve slept in each other’s embrace, no, you’ve done it plenty of times in the QZ in each other’s apartments, but this time it felt different. Maybe it’s from the intimate confession that was said just a few moments ago, or it’s the calming ambiance of the forest, or it’s a combination of the two, but the feeling of being wrapped in Joel’s strong arms at this very moment is the closest feeling you’ll feel in this world of falling asleep next to your significant other.
Silence lures over the pair of you. You’re about to drift off to sleep when a question pops up in your mind. Before you can try to push it to the side until morning, your mouth moves faster than your brain.
“Can I ask you something?” You ask.
“Yeah.”
“Why are you always saving me?”
“Because you’re like family to me.” He tells you as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Hearing those words bring tears to your eyes immediately because you haven’t been able to see your family since the night the outbreak began.
“You’re family to me too.” You tell him.
Then nothing else has to be said. No ‘I love you’s’ or anything like that. You both just know. You both know how much you mean to each other, how you couldn’t possibly imagine life without the other, how life would see meaningless, just having each other gives life meaning since you both nearly have lost everyone else.
“Goodnight, Joel.”
“Goodnight, baby.” He tells you as you both drift off for the night.
#my writing#tlou#tlou fanfiction#tlou fic#the last of us#the last of us fic#the last of us imagine#tlou imagine#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller fic#joel miller imagine#hi im back from hiatus of like 5 months after i got inspo lol#lmk your thoughts#also i hope this actually shows up in the tags
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A sharp scream awakes her, nearly sending her toppling off the couch. There’s echoing screams and metallic scrapes that follow, and while she fumbles for anything to hold her upright, two things happen:
First, her hand finally finds purchase on her desk. Second, she realizes the commotion was from the TV.
With a roll of her eyes, she grabs for the remote on the floor and clicks it off, ignoring the way her heart had practically rumbled out of her chest.
On again. Then off. On again. Then off. Just to make sure it won’t happen again.
It’s well after midnight, she also realizes, looking at her phone’s screen. She must’ve fallen asleep while journaling and… yes, her notebook’s currently supine on the floor.
She heaves herself off the couch to retrieve her empty wine glass, and thinks about how messy the rest of the end table is. She should probably clean it… but the thought of having to interact with mess makes her brain feel septic. At least for the moment.
She’ll do one thing, though, and it’s to carefully remove the half-written page of her notebook.
It’s one of her irrational thoughts, the need to start fresh and finish an entry in one go, lest something horrible happen to her come morning.
She’s been having a bit of a spike in thoughts like that lately, not that she lets them get the best of her. That’s mostly because she knows where they come from, the root cause of her stress. Of course it’s…
Jeongyeon.
Jeongyeon reminds her of Mina.
Quiet. Very to herself, even if she doesn’t mean to be.
Well, isn’t she kind of like Mina too? In a way. It’s part of why they hit it off so well in the first place. They both have a habit of observation. Though it’s a mystery whether Jeongyeon is the same.
It’s likely. Jeongyeon wasn’t sly in hiding her wandering eyes, her intensity. She just hadn’t realized someone else was watching her too. And maybe she never would.
Another blatancy about her: she was comically bad at acting with any sort of normalcy. With a plastered smile on her face, actions bordering on robotic. She must’ve thought everything was going fine. And well… she’d tried to make the woman feel like things were going fine, in response. So it’s not completely Jeongyeon’s fault.
But what she can do, is notice this line of behavior isn’t Jeongyeon’s usual.
Jihyo always spoke about Jeongyeon like she’d created the universe itself, told her about her days with the other woman as if they were some kind of great tale. And for the most part, they were. She loved to hear about what made her happy, what got on her nerves. Even-
—
“So, Jeongyeon has this idea that if you put a song on loop during sex, you can use it as an instant switch when you want to get in the mood.”
“…”
“You do psych work so… is it true , you think?”
—
So surely there’s more to Jeongyeon than just a few one worded answers.
One worded answers are the devil. Just the thought of them frustrates her to no end. If she makes tea, though, that’ll fix it. That way she can detox and destress as the inevitable happens.
Her inevitable thoughts about Mina.
She rises from the couch and takes her few steps towards the kitchen. It’s there she resumes her thoughts.
They’re amicable, the two of them, when the situation calls for it. Only two other people knew of their history, and there was no point in making a big fuss during group gatherings.
So they chose to let things be, not bothering to contact each other unless they absolutely needed to.
Of course, she has no real ill will towards Mina. Even at her most upset, she always wanted what was best for her. For the both of them.
Though that doesn’t make the memory torment her any less.
—
“I’m alone, waiting for just a text from you with the very little time I have off that we agreed to spend together and you’re either hanging out with your coworkers or begging to spend time with Momo. Where do I fit in?”
—
She laughs, thinking about the quiver in her voice. It might’ve been a little pathetic, in hindsight. Words said in a desperate need to get her point across.
But “you don’t get to do that analyzing stuff with me,” was what Mina had said. And she couldn’t help it-
—
“Well what else should I do when you won’t tell me what’s going on or how you feel? What am I left with if you don’t give me anything aside from ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’?”
“What is it you want Mina? Answer me honestly. And I promise I won’t get mad.”
—
Her voice had been soft, as she begged. Pleaded. Because maybe, just maybe, she’d hoped that Mina wouldn’t come to the obvious conclusion. The one that stared them both in the face. She hoped that maybe, for once, her perception wasn’t as spot on as it usually was.
But Mina gave her that look. That damned awful look that told her the next few words weren’t going to be ones she wanted to hear.
And that was that.
No she isn’t carrying a torch for Mina anymore, but the memory still stings, nags at her insides. She even considers journaling about it for a fifth time. But she won’t, not tonight. Instead, she clicks the burner of the stove on and off and on again. Four times until she’s satisfied.
But being around the stove like this… she feels the embarrassment of yesterday creep it’s way up her spine.
“Whyyy did I walk into the kitchen like that?,” she asks her reflection in the kettle.
One more click and it’s gone.
She knows she’s going to have to address this soon, if Jeongyeon won’t.
Their current situation isn’t working for anyone. For as much as Jeongyeon’s been walking on eggshells, she, herself, seems to be completely crushing them under her feet. Which, excuse her therapy brain, means it’s time for a new approach.
Because the thing is? Minatozaki Sana no longer gives up on a challenge. Even if she fumbles her way through it, she won’t give up on happiness so easily. There’s probably something to be said about that, but she resists the urge to analyze herself. It’s better not to make herself go mad.
Right now, she’ll take the kettle off the burner and pour herself a mug of hot tea.
The mug she chooses tonight is one of her recent favorites, simply because Jihyo had commented on how pretty it was when she was over days ago. It’s nice to have a reminder of her on nights where she thinks too deeply.
But it also reminds her of Jihyo’s story in response. How Jeongyeon had bought her a beautiful blue-glazed mug in Jeju, just so Jihyo could have one that better suited her grip.
So yes, Sana concludes, Jeongyeon must be the observant type. And thoughtful, at that. Her gaze is as intense as it is tender. She’d known that all along, really. But her brain, per usual, had to work through the evidence to find the answer.
Even when the evidence was presented to her from the start.
—
“Are you cold?”
“Hm?”
“Your legs are shaking. Here-”
“You can use my jacket if you want. I have a sweater on underneath, so it’s all good.”
—
She remembers the beginnings of protest bubbling up in her throat, when the jacket was draped on her, overcome with the need to convince the other woman things were fine. She didn’t need to sacrifice her own warmth in the chilly outdoor air.
She did so anyway.
An insignificant moment to Jeongyeon, perhaps, for several reasons.
Sana was still fairly new to everyone… except Mina and Momo (and Nayeon by proxy) really. And that particular event had gone beyond their usual group of friends, extending to a few people from campus, maybe some coworkers. Lastly? Sana was still in what she had aptly dubbed her “Mina mourning period.”
Sana had been an outwardly happy person for years, wearing her joyousness like a knight’s armor. It worked well to protect her. Harsh words, snide remarks, testy glares. All of it just bounced right off of her.
It still works well for her, as someone who wants people to adore her, to have people know her as one who was “always happy,” rather than one whose despondency made others uncomfortable.
It worked very well… until her heart was broken. When her armor had temporarily cracked.
She’d been on week 2 of stewing in her own misery. Nothing but nights of tears, scribbled journal entries and enough cups of tea to have her running to the bathroom every hour.
That night had been no different, in terms of Sana’s mood. She was quiet and reserved, nursing her second or third beer in her own little section of the circle. She’d forgone her usual flashy colors and habits in order to simply enjoy bask in the night and maybe feel like herself again.
That one simple gesture, that warmth from the fabric, was bright enough to combat the dull drab of everything else.
But then Jeongyeon left early, not even bothering to take the jacket from Sana.
“Fate’s funny that way,” she mumbles, watching the tea leaves dye her water dark. It really is funny. If Jeongyeon had never left her jacket, there would’ve been no need to approach her “best friend” later.
—
“That friend of yours… is she your roommate?”
“Roommate? You mean Jeongyeon?”
“Yes! I think so. She left this with me.”
“Uh, but also… is she seeing anyone?”
—
It’s a memory she thinks on quite fondly. Sana went in expecting the pretty woman with the sharp eyes to mend her broken heart for a just a while. Months later, she’s blessed with the love and affection of said woman’s girlfriend.
And only a fraction of a hair closer to the woman she’d been initially after.
Sana’s going to change that, though. It’s certain. She taps her tea strainer four times against the mug’s rim to insure it.
Of course she has doubts, because what would be worse: Forcing a relationship that leaves all three people broken, or leaving the remaining two behind to salvage the remains of what they have?
Neither is acceptable. So-
“I’ll just have to walk it back.”
She raises the mug to her lips, basking in its warmth while she ruminates on a potential plan.
Minutes later, when she finds herself properly settled for bed, she’s sure of what she’ll do. Now, she’s left to see how Jeongyeon responds.
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I read somewhere (Twitter i think) that it was great that Sanji's dream is to find the All Blue, not to be the greatest cook ever, etc. And I have to agree.
First of all, I think that if he had been written as wanting to become the best cook, it would have quickly become gimmicky: I mean, even a great writer like Oda cannot do how many variations on quite a narrow theme (the anime has great filler arcs about it though as far as I can remember).
But it also further highlights Sanji's kindness and care. There is something casual to his approach to food: yes of course it is delicious (mentioned so many times) and it aims at serving Luffy in him becoming the pirate king. But he's not a snob about food?? Of course he will look for good quality ingredients and interesting new recipes, but as long as it feeds someone it's all that matters too. He knows that food is a basic need and he will make do with what he can find as well.
His dream of finding the All Blue is a way for him to try all the fish in all the seas, but it also drives him to go on this great adventure with Luffy, a more personal decision for someone who always feels like he gets validation from doing things for others.
And I just love that about him, and the way Oda managed to develop his character. Post-WCI Sanji is often interpreted by fans as purely selfless and kind and caring etc (which I love and is truly a part of himself), but I feel like we can bring a bit more nuance by taking into account his personal dream. In the end, he is a full-fledged character, one of the best written in the series because of that imo.
#im writing this at like 4 am on a weekday sorry if it's incoherent#but i thought of it just before falling asleep and i needed to get it out#lmk your thoughts#sanji stans rise#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#one piece meta#op spoilers#spoilers: whole cake island onwards#all blue#all blue smile
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Along with my dog AU I'm working on a bird AU, I have a bird picked out for all of the main Crystal Gems, but I just wanted to draw this trio the most, I'm pretty satisfied with all of my choices so far.
#steven universe#steven universe fanart#digital art#su peridot#su lapis#su jasper#steven universe peridot#steven universe lapis#steven universe jasper#birdified#bird au#su birdified#bird photo provided for your convenience :)#lmk your thoughts
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okay i have a very serious question.
mulder & scully vs. chucky.
#i think this one isn’t too obvious#like… people who know about chucky struggle to kill him so msr might struggle a bit but then again..#i definitely think sculder could kill him the question is how quickly tbh…#like chucky could kill them too but IDK!#lmk your thoughts#sculder#chucky#charles lee ray#txf#msr#mulder and scully#the x files#poll time#random polls
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kiss the girl- j.m
pairing : jj maybank x female reader
summary : after finally coming to terms with his obessesion pope and john b urge him to just "kiss the girl"
words : 2.1k
warnings : none?
a/n : first post on here, pls be kind. wanted to start off with my bby boy <3 feedback would be appreciated.
there was no doubt about the fact that jj maybank was head over heels for you. everyone knew it as he hadn't chosen to disguise his infatuation for you. the only person who was actually oblivious to this was you which seemed ludicrous to say the least since jj was practically drooling anytime he was in a close enough proximity to you.
over the course of the past two months you had been racing through his mind, truthfully the only thing on his mind.
at first when he felt the impulse to touch your hand or to feel his lips against yours he was disgusted in himself. not that having the chance in doing so would repulse him it was just that having known you since you were kids such thoughts didn't seem appropiate to even discuss with himself let alone with you. you were his best friend and he wouldn't want anything the destroy that. he wouldn't let anything destroy that. so keeping his feelings at bay seemed like the chosen option that would be beneficial to him in the long-term.
"dude you are so whipped" john b said as he tied the boat to the dock, struggling to tie a knot in the rope. up until he spoke jj hadn't been focusing on john b or pope nor their presence. his concern was elsewhere where you stood alongside kiara and sarah. he smiled to himself as the corners your mouth perked up at something one of the girls had said.
it wasn't just your smile that enticed him further but the way you held yourself, your hand laying by your side, presenting jj with the urge to do nothing more than to feel his fingers in yours.
"dude shut up so are you" jj scoffed as he turns back to the boys , running a hand through his dirty blonde hair before taking his cap and placing it on top of his fluffy mop sending a smirk over to john b. john b swiped his tongue to the corner of his mouth knowing that he could not further argue with that statement.
"he got you there man" pope chuckled as he came to rest his hand on the back of jj's back in approval.
john b had finally tied the boat to the key with much effort and to feed his satisfaction into his accomplishment he decided to pull out a beer from the cooler. thanks to jj the cooler was always full.
for July in the outer banks it was far more humid and the air much too dry than anticipated meaning that most days were spent lingering by the swamp. the only place where the air held some amount of moistness and the water cool against one's skin.
"so how are things with you and sarah?" pope asks to divert himself from the exclusion that he had tumbled into from the two boys. it wasn't that he was particularly interested in his response because by the looks of it john b was much alike jj. in love.
lowering the glass bottle from his lips john b flashes a small smile, staring off into the far distance. the smile that he showed was one that had been buried deep since the disappearance of his father. now it had come back there was a thesis that it was all sarah's doing. pope was glad of this and at that moment in time he knew that this girl was good for him and he good for her.
"i don't know man i think i love her" he pauses as he turns to look over at sarah, her blonde hair flying in the soft breeze, "she's just.....-".
"everything" jj blurts out as he too turns over to look at the girls. pope eyes jj up and down with his arms folded across his chest.
"yeah". john b agrees with this with a nod before taking another sip .
"guys are you hearing yourselves right now?" pope scoffs to himself as he watches the two practically transfixed with the two girls. sure he had a certain amount of liking towards kiara but at least he chose to be discrete about it.
"if you don't do something about your thing with y/n jj i swear to god-" pope warns jj and it seems that he is serious that he will be the one to confess jj's intimate feelings.
in surrender jj sets down his beer on the edge of the boat and raises his hands in the air. "fine, fine i'll do it tonight" he says, lowering his hands and once again picking up his beer he spots pope rather flabbergasted with his response, john b also.
"is that okay with you?" jj confirms with a smirk knowing that he had truly outsmarted pope which was shocking enough. pope just nods in agreement.
john b laughs to himself for a moment at pope's face of utter shock. it is not long before the three break out into bursts of laughter until they are joined by a few familiar faces. it seemed that the girls were bored without their male companionship.
the three girls boarded the boat, first sarah followed by kiara then you. now that six people resided on the watercraft it had started to become cramped. therefore sarah makes her way over to address her boyfriend.
"hey boys" sarah greeted with a small wave at jj and pope before landing a peck on john b's cheek leaving him "all starry-eyed and shit" according to jj.
jj had barely acknowledged sarah once he spotted you in a close proximity. there you stood your arm linked in kie's as you were in conversation with pope who was seemingly throwing eyes at her.
feeling rather rejected from the whole debacle you turn to see jj fiddling with the rings on his fingers, the numerous rings. just as he looks up he meets your eyes and you smile warmly at him. it was only a matter of seconds before he felt his heart rate increase and his mood escalate.
"hey y/n" jj says lifting up his hand to wave but it just lingers in the air for a moment as he realizes how cheesy it is. once that awkward tension had disintegrated a blush flashed upon his cheeks.
"okay you got to admit that was cute as fuck" kiara whispers into your ear and you could do nothing but agree with her. the golden boy could be indeed classified as cute.
truth be told now that you think about it there was something different that radiated off the maybank boy. it was something that you couldn't quite place your finger on.
deciding to allow jj the pleasure of being in your company you pull yourself from kiara's grasp, leaving her alone with pope. beside him there was an unoccupied space at the foot of the boat so you join him there.
"hey j" you say turning to him only to notice that his cheeks are still tarnished red. "hey" he replies, his voice coming out croaky. slowly pulling the beer bottle from his grasp you take a swig yourself before returning it back to him.
when you pushed it back in his direction for a sliver of a second your finger grazed against his own making you all warm and fuzzy inside, definitely something different that you would feel for him. out of impulse you pull your hand away quickly hoping that he didn't notice but that was near impossible since he had now engraved that moment in his mind.
"how are you?" he asks completely brushing off what had just occurred. you liked this in him, his ability to play it cool and seem so laid-back even though he lacked to show this earlier with that god awful wave. but it was cute.
"i'm good" you nod to yourself once again taking the bottle from him, keeping your hand far away enough from his own.
"you?" you ask. normally the conversation wouldn't be so dry or awkward but it was something that hung in the air, something left unsaid that triggered this.
sarah now came sauntering over, her own beer in hand, empty. "you guys wanna play spin the bottle?". you shrug and turn to jj to see his response. his heart, now pounding faster in his chest is telling him to say yes in the chance that it might happen. that he just might be able to kiss you even if its just for a stupid game.
"sure" jj nods getting up from his position, offering a hand to you. setting down the glass bottle you take his hand once again that feeling arises but this time you accept it and even perhaps enjoy it.
***
"okay so who wants to go first?" kiara asks rubbing her hands excitedly with one another. you wonder why she has such interest in this but then you remember all the flirtatious comments that pope had sent her way, and she didn't seem to dislike them.
the six of you sat in a circle around the infamous beer bottle in the middle that had once shared your lips and jj's. that idea left you to think to yourself....would jj kissing you be so bad?
each of you turn to look at one another waiting on somebody to volunteer their contribution. "i'll go" jj says his hand hovering over the glass in case someone else would allow him leave. his eyes went around the group yet no one gave in but you did notice john b grin widely at jj. strange.
with one flick of his wrist it starts spinning and the group anticipates the outcome. as it comes to a slow it finally comes to rest at your feet.
there is an awkward silence as you keep your eye contact with the ground rather than having to look him in the eye. its not that you don't want to kiss him per say but he's your friend and if you do this will it ever be the same? will you ever the feel the same? but honestly you don't have much of a choice.
slowly but surely you raise your eye line upwards to meet his. normally a situation like this would be nerve-wracking anyways but along with your friends as an audience it was on a whole other level. you now had the pressure of meeting not only meeting his standards but also that of the others.
"come on man kiss the girl" pope urges jj as it is clear that he is growing impatient, voicing the others' thoughts as well. jj gives pope a look as he is clearly planning to do just that.
jj moves closer towards you so now that the circle has become deformed. at this moment in time your hands begin to sweat, now all clammy, your cheeks are heated although luckily enough the sun has just set so it would be unlikely for anyone to notice.
jj, now closer than before leaves just an inch between his lips and your own. "are you sure?" he whispers, his warm breath fanning your face. it smells nice almost like vanilla.
someone coughs and you are now suddenly aware of the others and how awkward it all is.
you don't even answer his question, you don't need to. you move closer presenting him the opportunity to place his lips on yours, its not long before he grasps this moment. he sets his lips upon yours and then it happens, the feeling. its like the first spark hitting a bark of wood and its new and exciting and its all you could ever wish for. allowing yourself to sink deeper into the kiss just reminds you that it has toe end but his hand holding your chin makes up for it. he holds it like his most prized possession. you thought it would be weird but during this moment you wanted nothing more than to stay like this, but sooner or later reality punches back.
it is him who pulls away first which disappoints you but due to his expression you can tell that he is pleased with himself and what you had both just experienced. a tender kiss with your best friend. no, a tender kiss with someone whom you would not like to regard as your "friend" but something more?
"ya'll need to get a room" kiara says leaning back so that her back hits the edge of the boat. "i second that" pope says and john b and sarah both nod.
you laugh it off uncomfortably, jj the same. honestly you decided to drown out what the others were saying after that, knowing it was just going to be dirty ass jokes. all you really wanted to do was experience that feeling again with him, with jj. you wanted him, not as a friend. admitting it to yourself was the first step. jj maybank had made an impression on you and judging by the way his sapphire eyes latched onto yours he would be doing far much more than that.
#jj maybank#obx fic#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank x reader#obx#the effort#jj maybank fanfiction#outer banks#outerbanks jj#poguestyle#pogues for life#reblog pls#love ya <3#lmk your thoughts#i had too much fun with this
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i’ve been having some thoughts on mama from girl at home !! i kinda wanna give her some personality even tho it’s technically a reader insert
i did a smau which insinuates she’s a brunette which makes sense cause nora is also a brunette
also someone said awhile back that it would be cool if she was a writer so i feel like that could def be her job!
any other thoughts on her?
also marlee will probably be a new oc because i want her to have a girlfriend and jax is her only other friend besides liana lol i try not to write “your best friend” or “y/b/f” because i just don’t like the way it looks, and you might’ve noticed i try my best to not have y/n insert unless absolutely necessary
#allies writing#girl at home#mat barzal x reader#mat barzal x you#lmk your thoughts#jax is a character from a lot of my stories i’ve written lol#and marlee is based on my epilepsy nurse who i love so much!!#she’s incredible
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although motherhood taught you many skills, multitasking was not one of them. you struggled to cook with a flailing baby on your hip or to talk on the phone with a new crawler on your hands or, in your current case, you struggled to hold open a door while pushing a stroller through at the same time.
you thought you had it all figured out. that being a single mother wasn’t quite as difficult as you assumed it would be, but some days were hard. you found yourself just barely getting by. other days, conquering the world seemed easy as could be.
“here, let me help.” a voice came from the other side of the door, pulling it open wider for you and your son to get through.
you sighed in relief, too focused on avoiding the door with the stroller to see who was your knight in shining armor, “thank you. i apologize for causing such a-”
when your eyes finally met the man in front of you, you could have swore the world stopped spinning; like one of those cheesy movie scenes. he was handsome, super model handsome, and stood confidently.
he noticed your mid-sentence stop and chuckled softly, “it’s no problem. everyone else was just going to watch you struggle so i figured i’d help.”
you smiled.
“um,” he cleared his throat. “this place has really good cakes. you should try them.”
“yeah, i’ll take a look. thanks.”
the boy stepped aside and you ventured further into the cafe. it was a cozy feeling — a simple aesthetic and little pastel decorations scattered around. the worker at the front counter was extremely kind and helpful in assisting you with a drink option.
while waiting for your order, you spotted the display case with various little desserts that the man from earlier mentioned. you went to take a closer look until your son started to fuss from beside you.
“order for y/n!”
you panicked for a split second. attend to your crying child before customers got annoyed or get your drink so you’re out of other customers’ way?
“don’t worry, i got it for you.” the same boy from a few minutes ago stood in front of you again. “hope you don’t mind.”
the same sigh of relief left your lips, “maybe i should start bringing you everywhere with me.”
“maybe we could start by grabbing a table and letting me get to know you?” he smiled.
#mini series⁉️ maybe⁉️#lmk your thoughts#jaehyun#jaehyun imagine#jung jaehyun#jung jaehyun imagines#nct#nct imagines#nct fluff#nct dad au#nct jaehyun#nct jung jaehyun#nct senarios#nct series#nct 127#nct 127 imagines#nct jaehyun imagines#jung jaehyun fluff#nct drabbles
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+1 hc addition at least one of the the places bryce bartended at was a strip club
#idk why but the urge for this hc suddenly overcame me#idk if he stripped ngl#id say no#but also. money.#but i could see it either way tbh. bc he'd just get lots in tips from the people that suggested it but then Not do it. bc again money#but also who knows maybe he decided to every once in a while#lmk your thoughts#but anyway he was besties w all the dancers <3 stayed late to chat w them all the time
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Percy’s patronus is an ant. When he feels love and support from multiple people, it can become a swarm of ants. But mostly it’s just a really big ass ant, fuelled by his love for Oliver. (Maybe a red ant).
Reblog with ur patronus ideas for Percy!
#percy weasley#patronus#Percy Weasley patronus#bamf percy weasley#percy weasley defense squad#Oliver wood#percy/oliver#I had a reasoning for the ant at one point#but I don’t remember it anymore#it’s in my unpublished fanfic tho#and now I can’t see him with any other patronus#lmk your thoughts#what kind of patronus do u think he has?
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a lover’s quarrel
pairing: matt murdock x reader
word count: 4.7k
summary: things have been rocky between you and matt recently, so he does the one thing he never thought he would do to win your trust back.
content warning: alcohol consumption mention, mild language
main masterlist | ao3
The past few nights have been hell, to say the least.
You’ve been distracting yourself to rid of the thoughts that gnaw at your brain- telling you the mistakes you made that night, what you should’ve done, what you should’ve said, how stupid you were to miss the signs.
You were so stupid to miss the so obvious signs.
How could you be so stupid?
Instead of dealing with these thoughts, you distract yourself- with work, meaningless tasks around your apartment, or drinking your sorrows away at some local bar, like you are right now.
The call of your name and the feel of a gentle hand on your shoulder gathers your attention. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the familiar blonde woman who you’ve grown rather close with recently. Karen.
“It took me forever to find you here.” The blonde woman admits breathlessly, almost like she was nearly running all around the city just to find you.
“Sorry.” You tell her.
“You didn’t answer your phone. I called, texted. I was worried about you.”
“Sorry.” You tell her again. “I just needed some space, some time to think.”
“That’s why I came here. I just heard what happened…”
Her gaze lingers on you, waiting for you to tell her your side of the story so that she can help you somehow, but the only thing you do is take another sip of your drink, letting the alcohol burn your throat.
“What happened between you and Matt?” She asks you.
“Ask Matt.” You spit out bitterly, taking another sip of your drink in the process.
“I did.”
“And?”
“And he wouldn’t say anything, only to ask you. So, what happened?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Bullshit, it doesn’t matter!” She nearly shouts in the empty bar. “Matt’s hurt. You’re hurt. Both of you are hurting, so can’t you just talk it out and move on?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” She asks angrily.
“Because I wasn’t the only person there that night. There was someone else, a woman, that I’ve never seen before in his bed.” You tell her. A sigh leaves Karen’s lips when she hears this. “For as long as I’ve known him, he’s been hiding something from me. I don’t know what, but that night was the last confirmation I needed to know he doesn’t truly love me.”
You saw the look in his eyes when he was looking at the mysterious woman. His eyes gleamed when he spoke to her gently, a look you’ve never seen him give you in all the time you’ve been together. That night was the night you knew you would never have a way fully to his heart. Matthew cared for you, sure, but it was nothing compared to the way he feels for the woman that was in his bed. He could never feel for you the same way you care for him, the amount of love you have for him.
“What?” The blonde woman lets out a chuckle of disbelief. “That’s insane. Matt loves you.”
“No. No, he cares about me but he could never love me, not after the way he was looking at her.”
“That’s insane. I’ve seen the way Matt looks at you. It's crazy, it’s- he loves you more than I’ve ever seen anyone love another person.”
“Funny. He’s never said a word about it to me before.” You can’t help but let the bitterness in your voice come back.
Your name leaves Karen’s lips. “Please, talk to Matt.” She pleads.
“No.” You answer plainly.
The aforementioned man then enters the room, but you’re too focused on the empty glass in your hand to notice. You only notice when you take a glance at the woman sitting next to you, seeing Matthew for the first time in days.
Your name leaves his lips. “Can we talk, please?” He asks, nearly the same way Karen had done so only moments ago. He offers his hand to you, silently asking you to leave with him.
Glancing over in Karen’s direction, she nods at you, silently encouraging you to go. It’s the motivation you need so that you can be alone with the one person you dread most in the world right now.
Hesitantly, you do.
Normally, you would be more than happy to spend some alone time with the man you’ve grown to care deeply about these past few months, but given the circumstances, it’s the last thing you want to do. You know that once he explains himself, you’ll understand and forgive his actions, but you’re not sure if that’s something you can do, not yet anyway.
But talking about it might just be the closure you need.
~~
There’s a thick layer of awkward silence when you first step foot in Matt’s apartment.
Not a single thing has changed about it since you were here last. That should be a comfort to you, knowing that hardly any time has passed, that the past four days were only days and not weeks like how it seemed. Even the jacket you threw on the back of a chair is still there, not moving a single inch after you left in such a hurry the other night.
“Would you like anything to drink?” Matt offers you as you glance around the main living area of the apartment.
Not a single thing has changed. If anything, it seems like you were teleported back to that night, only the mysterious woman is no longer here.
“Just some water.” You answer. Nodding his head, Matthew turns away from you to fetch you a glass of water and a drink for himself as well.
For the tough conversation that’s about to come, you know you have to drive out the effects of the alcohol that’s in your system as much as you possibly can. You didn’t have much to drink, only a drink or two, but you can already begin to feel the alcohol running through your veins, just barely, but it’s there.
“So, why did you bring me here?” You ask as he hands you the glass of water. The room was filled with silence as the two of you both took sips from your drinks.
“I think we need to talk. There’s a few things I need to talk to you about.”
“Like how you had some random woman in your home when you told me you were busy?”
A heavy sigh leaves his lips as he bows his head. “Yes.” You wait for him to continue, and he does so a few moments later. “There’s a few things about myself I haven’t told you yet.”
“Okay…”
The next words that come out of his mouth makes your heart drop to your stomach, your worst fears coming true.
“Things between us have never been easy and they’ve only been getting more difficult lately.”
“Why does it sound like you’re breaking up with me?” You ask as your heartbeat begins to race rapidly.
“That’s not it, I promise.”
“It would make sense- all the secrecy, the lies, how distant you’ve been lately.”
“That’s not it.” He repeats.
“Then what?”
“I haven’t been completely honest with you lately, and you have every right to be angry with me. I know you probably don’t trust me at the moment, but I promise to explain everything.”
“Which is what exactly?”
“Something you need to understand is that I never meant for any of this to happen.”
It’s true then. He’s fallen in love with someone else. He loves that other woman.
“If you don’t want me around, just say it.”
“Would you just let me explain!” He snaps at you. His voice being the loudest it’s ever been for the first time since you’ve known him. His frustrations begin to get to him. You stay quiet as he continues. “I know I should have told you about this sooner, but what you thought happened that night, the woman that was here, it’s not what you think.”
“What was it then?”
“She was… helping me with a case.”
“What kind of a case requires her to be in your bed?!” You ask out of disbelief, crossing your arms across your chest in the process.
At his side, Matthew’s right thumb twitches slightly- his tell when he’s about to tell a lie. “It was a long day and she was just resting.”
“You’re lying.” You point out.
“Why would I lie to you about that?”
“Just stop with the lies and tell me the truth.”
“I was just helping her with something and we lost track of time.”
“Is that it?”
“Yes.”
“Do you really think I’m that naïve? That I wouldn’t notice?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw the way you were looking at her, Matthew. I know she’s not just some client of yours- it’s obvious there’s a history there. I’m not stupid, I know the look of being in love looks like.”
“What?” He lets out a chuckle of disbelief. “You think I’m in love with Elektra?”
“Elektra? That’s her name?”
Matt didn’t even realize the slip up until you repeated the name of the woman back at him. The feeling of his heart drops to the pit of his stomach.
“She doesn’t mean anything to me, I promise.”
“How can I believe a single word that comes out of your mouth? Am I not good enough for you?”
“Can you please calm down?”
“Are you seriously asking me to calm down when you just admitted lying to me about this woman?”
“Because you won’t let me explain.”
“What else have you been lying to me about? Did you also lie to me when you told me that I was far more special than anyone else you ever met? Do you just tell that to everyone else you’ve slept with?”
“No? I-“
“You know what? I don't care anymore. You can- I’m done.”
“You’re done?”
“I’m done. All the secrets, the lies. I’m done, I can't deal with all of this anymore. I’m done.”
“Would you just-‘ He lets out a sigh of pure frustration. “Let me explain, please?” He asks in a gentler tone this time.
“What is it then?” You ask.
Much like when you left the bar earlier in the night, he offers his hand to you again, the same hand he offered earlier. However, this time, there is no hesitation in taking it. He slowly guides you to the opposite side of his living room, stopping right in front of the chest that contains his father’s boxing outfit that Matt got as a memento after his father passed. You've seen it before, mainly out of curiosity when you and Matt first started dating. You've asked Matthew about the story behind the clothing, but he never liked to speak about it, only telling you his father was given the clothing shortly before his untimely death. And that was always okay with you. That's all you needed to know and you consider yourself lucky that Matt even told you about it because it was clearly a very difficult subject to talk about.
Letting go of his hand, you kneel in front of the chest, opening it slowly. You expected to see something different, maybe an explanation as to why he’s been so secretive lately, but nothing. It’s just as you remember it- not a single thing in this entire apartment changing.
“What?” You ask, glancing up at him. “I don’t understand. It’s just your father’s boxing equipment.” You say as you pick up one of the gloves his father once wore.
“Look underneath.” He tells you.
Glancing up at him, you can see how his figure is the most nervous you’ve ever seen before, even more so than the night he asked to make your relationship official. His arms are now crossed against his chest, one of his legs quickly bouncing up and down, even a heavy breath leaves his lips as he waits for you to see what’s underneath, the true reason why he’s been so secretive as of late.
Looking back at the chest, you grasp the top layer, and to your surprise, it detaches itself from the chest, revealing what was truly underneath it. A gasp leaves your lips as you grab the one item that is well-known around the city.
The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.
Well, that explains a lot about his weird behavior lately.
All of the secrets, the sudden cancellation of plans you made earlier in the week, how quiet Matthew gets whenever the topic of vigilantes pops up, everything. The only thing you’re still puzzled about is the woman that was at his place the other night.
The mask itself is lighter than you thought it would be. It’s firm, yet light, much like Matthew. He’s quite stubborn at times, nothing you say would ever be enough to convince him of something once he’s made up his mind. Besides that, he’s also quite gentle. The two of you could be in an extremely heated argument and his voice or his words would never come as harsh as yours would. Even in arguments, he would be gentle with you, not wanting to make you any angrier than you already are.
The mask embodies the nickname that the New York Bulletin gave him over a year ago, yet it also represents everything about Matthew, the good and the bad he sees in himself- how he’s able to help others because of his identity being hidden but the said identity also is a physical representation of the inner anger that he has, the feelings that he has suppressed until he lets it out at night.
“Matthew…” Is the only kind of response you can only come up with. You want to say so much more but not a single sentence comes up.
“Now you know.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” You ask. “Did you think I would judge you or something?’
“I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“Then why tell me now?”
“I needed you to know.”
“Why?”
“I knew that I couldn't lie to you anymore, not after the other night.”
“Who else knows?” You ask.
He tells you that only you and his best friend know, not the woman you were spending your evening with just an hour ago.
“Karen?” He only shakes his head in response. “Why tell me all of this and not her?”
“I can’t lose you. As soon as you left, all I was able to feel was… nothing. All I wanted was to tell you everything but I couldn't.”
“Why not?”
“Because I didn’t know how. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to tell someone.”
“Who was that woman?” You ask.
“An old friend. She’s only helping me with a new threat in the city.”
“What threat?”
“I can’t tell you. I would only be putting you in danger if I do.”
“Are they a bigger threat than Fisk?”
He nods his head. “They’re a dangerous organization who will stop at nothing to get what they want. That’s all I can tell you.”
“Okay.” You say simply.
The less you know, the better.
“She was only helping me. She means nothing more than that to me.”
“But I saw the way you were looking at her…”
“I did once have feelings for her in the past, but I don't feel that way about her anymore. We’re friends, nothing more than that, I promise.” He reassures you.
“But you did feel that way about her once?”
“A long time ago, yes.”
“Okay.” You simply say, not sure what to say next. It's a bitter pill to swallow that Matthew held such strong feelings about this woman at one point, and now, he’ll be working with her to stop some dangerous organization that he won’t tell you about.
“What are you thinking?” He asks you after a minute of silence.
“I don't know. It's a lot to know not only that my boyfriend is renowned around the city, but he’s also getting help from his ex-girlfriend to take down another dangerous organization. It's a bit much to learn about in just a few minutes.”
“It’s a lot, I know.”
A soft ‘yeah’ leaves your lips.
“You have every right to be angry with me.” He tells you.
“I’m not mad at you, Matthew. As much as I want to be, I understand why you’ve been keeping this from me.”
“I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.”
“I know. I get it.”
“If you need time, or space, I understand.”
“Do you still love her?” You ask the only question that's been lingering on your mind for minutes but never gaining the courage to ask.
“No. I did once, but not anymore. I want you, only you.” He admits.
Upon hearing his confession, your heart falls to your stomach. Not in a bad way, no, but rather in a good way. Unlike earlier on in the night, the feeling of butterflies erupting in your stomach happens for the first time tonight. Confessions like these aren’t common between the two of you. Whenever you have spent the night over at his place in the past, sweet confessions like this usually happened in the morning. You’ve always known Matt cared for you, but you never knew just how deep these feelings ran in his heart. You can’t help but let a small smile appear on your face at the thought of your feelings being reciprocated by Matt.
Without thinking twice about it, your hand reaches out for his, tugging gently to encourage him to sit next to you on the floor. Both of your knees bump into each other with the close proximity the two of you are now. It’s the closest you’ve been all night long. The heating radiating from Matt’s skin to yours is a comfort you’ve longed for days now. You just never realized how much you missed it until now.
The only time you have been able to find comfort when your nerves set you on edge, much like a tumor growing deep inside of you, is when your skin is touching Matthew's. His rough skin against yours is something you can focus on whenever things get too much. It calms you, helps you gather your thoughts. Ever since the topic of his previous lover was mentioned, your heart rate was racing like crazy, but right now, it's finally beginning to slow down. It’s not racing a million miles anymore.
Your anxieties are now reassured.
Earlier in the night, you thought this would be the final night you would spend at Matthew's apartment. You thought he would tell you he has feelings for this other woman and he would let you go, but you learned it was the opposite. Yes, he did care about her at some point in his life, but the place she once had in his heart is now replaced with you. He may never be able to truly let go of his feelings for her, she was his first love and that’s not something you’re able to just forget, but the way he feels for you is so much greater than what he’s ever felt for her.
The love he has for you is different, but there’s not a thing he would change about it.
When your gaze lingers at your intertwined fingers, mindlessly playing with them, you now notice the cuts on Matthew’s knuckles. You never noticed them before, usually assuming that he hurt himself when accidentally running into a wall or something along those lines, but now you know the true reason why. The cuts on his hands are nearly healed at this point, being a faded red color as the wounds are now being replaced with fresh skin.
The gentle stroke of your thumb rubbing against the cuts slightly stings for Matt, but it’s a slight pain he doesn’t mind. Throughout all the time you’ve been together, the feeling of your skin touching his has always been a great comfort to him. It doesn’t even have to be during a moment where the thoughts in his head get to be too much, it can be when the two of you are simply enjoying each other’s company in silence, just like you are right now. The way things have been going tonight is much better than he thought they were going to go.
When he first found you at the bar, he thought for sure tonight was the last night he would ever see you again after he revealed his second identity to you. He knows that you aren’t opposed to the large number of vigilantes running around Hell’s Kitchen based on the few conversations you’ve had about the topic in the past, but he just wasn’t sure how you would react when he revealed the red suit to you.
There are so many different ways tonight could have gone. You could have left as soon as you found out, you could have been furious that he didn’t tell you about this sooner, hell, the way you took the news didn’t even come across his mind. Rather than judging before he was able to explain himself, you tried to understand everything from his point of view rather than your own, and that’s one of the many things Matt admires about you. When you don’t understand something or when you and Matthew disagree on something, you always try to understand things from his point of view before making any criticisms, and you only prove how understanding you can be about something you don’t understand when he begins to tell more about the mysterious woman.
He tells you everything, how his love for her consumed him so much that he skipped classes to be with her, how they did things together that he didn’t necessarily agree with her.
Everything about their time together is the direct opposite of the kind of relationship the two of you share. Rather than being forced to do something, he knows that you would never push him into doing something that he wouldn’t want to. You would listen to what he had to say and let him make his own decisions, never pressuring him to do anything. Your kind nature would help him understand the motives of his actions.
The entire time he’s known you, not a single thing has reminded him of his previous relationship, and that’s the exact thing he needs in his life right now. He doesn’t need to have the extra chaos in his life. He knows that the only time you would question his actions is if you didn’t understand and simply wanted to understand why, but never to the point where he felt like he felt pressured to do something else.
“Why did the two of you break up in the first place?”
“She wanted me to do something that I refused.” He answers, his gaze wandering off in the distance but his eyes look in the direction of your intertwined fingers. “She found the man responsible for my father’s death and she wanted me to have my revenge.”
Not a word comes from you, mainly because you have no words to say. The topic of his father’s death is a very difficult one for Matt and he rarely talks about it. The only time he’s ever mentioned it was when he first showed you his father’s boxing clothing for the first time. “She wanted me to do the one thing that I refused to do, so I left. I knew I couldn't be with her anymore.” He admits.
“Thank you for telling me this, Matt. I know it must not have been easy.”
The only sound that can be heard in the entire apartment is the exhales coming out of both of your noses. With the close proximity you are to him, you can see his chest beginning to rise up and down very quickly like he still has resentment towards the woman that caused him so much pain. The only thing that seems to be centering him at the moment is the feeling of your palm up against his. The feeling of your skin touching his has the same effect on Matthew as it does on you- if things begin to get too much for either of you, you know you can always seek comfort in the other’s skin. You don't have to verbally reassure him to let him know you’re here for him, the gentle squeeze of the hand tells him exactly that.
This entire night has been a hard one, not only for you but for Matthew as well. Everything that was said this evening sounds insane like it came out of some sci-fi novel, but it’s real. Tonight went completely different than you thought it was going to. You first thought things were going to change between the two of you, and they did but in a completely different way. A much better way.
It wasn't easy for him to be so vulnerable about any of this. As a kid, he was taught that the more people you let in, the more you’re risking getting yourself hurt in the end, but right now, he doesn’t care. The only thing that he cares about at this very moment is that you’re still here after everything. You could’ve left when he gave you an out, but you didn't. Instead, you tried to understand why he never told you any of this and then never faulted him for it. Yes, you were still angry about it, but you stayed. As crazy as everything he told you, you’re still here and that’s all that matters.
The feeling of your knee lightly hitting Matt’s gives him the added comfort he so desperately needed at the moment. The heat radiating from your leg to his only intensifies the warm feeling he has in his stomach, a feeling that was first formed when your hand reached out for his so that he could sit next to you. He thought telling you everything he has told you tonight would be more difficult than it was. A part of him thought he wouldn’t be able to go through with it, that his second identity would be a reason why the two of you would continue to drift apart, but something deep within him gave him the courage to tell you everything, not sparing a single detail.
Maybe it was the feeling he had in his stomach when your hand interlocked with his, giving him the courage deep down to not back out and finally tell you the whole truth.
Maybe that was the last bit of courage he needed so that you would finally know everything.
Or maybe it was the fact that you were so understanding about everything. Yes, you were still beyond pissed at him for keeping this a secret from you for so long, but you tried to understand things from his perspective before judging him.
Or maybe it was all of those reasons combined. If you were still standoffish with him, he doesn’t know if he would have been able to go through with all of this.
Everything that happened tonight went completely different for both of you. Both of you thought this would be the last time you would see each other but for completely different reasons, you thought that somehow Matthew fell in love with someone else while Matt wasn’t sure how you would take the news of his vigilante identity. Things went completely different than what either of you ever expected, but neither of you would change a single thing.
The only thing that strikes fear in Matthew is the way he feelsfor you. He’s not afraid of the feelings themselves, no, but the thought of actually admitting them to you for the first time. The last time he’s done so, the relationship ended very, very badly, but that’s a problem for another day.
The only thing Matt cares about this very moment is that you’re still here, so he lets himself have the tender moment between the two of you. He can tell you about it in the morning.
#hi im reuploading this because tumblr didnt make it show up in the tags yet again#so attempt 2#lmk your thoughts#my writing#daredevil#daredevil x reader#daredevil x you#daredevil imagine#daredevil fic#matt murdock#matt murdock x you#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock fic#matt murdock imagine
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Posted my very first fanfic!! Please give it a read and let me know if you liked it 💕
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40562412
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another day another “how to use tumblr” post for the masterpost maybe???
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Hey how are you sweetheart? Hope you're doing well 💗
I remembered you had done one of my favorite asks I've ever given and saw your post.
I have a question about your rules and it's okay if you are uncomfortable with my asking you this that is completely understandable and your choice I won't be upset or offended at all you are entitled to your own bylines but if I was to request something along the lines of a afab reader x slightly yandere kazutora but with the afab reader being the only one who is aware of her noncon kink in the situation of pushing his buttons till he snaps and makes his twisted sexual fantasies real that hes been having about her every time she comes by the petshop but only ever speaking to chifuyu before leaving only ever glancing at him with what he thinks is irritation so he decides to make her pay for never treating him like she treats chifuyu because she doesn't realize how much he does want her to himself. But shes been doing it on purpose because her real interest is him but he always seems to quiet and chill but she has a thing for the quiet type that actually are a force to be reckoned with when pushed to snap and take what they want when theyre "prey" is least expecting or so she'd let him think he is but she actually would be enjoying the whole forced against a wall in a alleyway on her way home or something like that type idea still be considered something you'd be uncomfortable with?
If so that's okay I just wanted to ask you so I didn't make you uncomfortable or upset you. I want you to be comfortable not feel like I wouldn't respect you because of your rules/choices.
Tysm sweetheart I appreciate your time. Have a nice week!! Make sure to take care of yourself and please don't overwork yourself hun. You're worth the care and effort of making sure you are cared for before pushing yourself for others. Much love ❤️
First of all, thank you so much for this ask. thank you for thinking of my boundaries, and THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME.
here !
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related to your Axl post: on a scale of 1-10 how upset do you think Lestat was when he realized he couldn't get tattoos? (I'm assuming VC vamps can't get them, it never comes up in canon)
Good question. I’d imagine he’d have been aware of the existence of tattoos shortly after he became a vampire, he’d have seen them on sailors when he left Paris to travel and later on soldiers during the revolution. Getting one probably wasn’t on his radar due to his noble pauper sensibilities, and he probably had a big issue with permanence at that time. I can see him being uncomfortable with having something unchangeable on his body, which itself was made alien and unchangeable by his turning. Nothing matters if you can’t remember anything, amirite?
However in modern times when he was exposed to the culture of rock musicians, he’d have probably wanted one. AFAIK tattoos were much more of a staple in punk scenes rather than glam ones, but in heavy metal there was some degree of style hybridity. I imagine he’d have liked Axl’s tattoos and been a little bit jealous of them. So I can totally see him slapping on fake tattoos right before a show lmao. Especially if the band had continued past the one show. He would’ve gotten bored of the Party City Vampire getup pretty soon.
So to answer your question, 6/10. It’s complicated.
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