#literally the highlight of my playthrough so far | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dapperrokyuu · 5 months

Note

Alright now that I’ve seen the end Slay the Princess, who’s your favorite princess?

Ill do you even better and give you my top 5/the ones Id love to get if I played the game, just to see their sequences in the end and how itd reflect on that version of the player (literally made a list for fun just before you sent this ask, hehe).

Admittedly, a lot of this is informed by aesthetic and then enjoyment of their routes because I came into (watching Manlybadasshero play) the game after some fandom osmosis–thus, understanding I wouldnt have all my thoughts together within one playthrough. So I cant say Ive devoted my satisfactory amount of attention to speak on the princesses’ narrative presence... But I did rewatch their routes and “Thoughts on this vessel?” sections a bit to formulate a stronger opinion. Here we go...! (Buckle in, fellas, haha ha h a…)

1. Adversary/Eye of the Needle

The Adversary and the Eye of the Needle are very hand in hand imo, and I love the progression into a dragon-like appearance for the latter, especially in combination with the cabin becoming akin to a dragon’s den. This (combination of) routes stands out the most to me (as far as Manly has played) because I personally feel its the one where the princess is the most active and engaged. Whether its being beaten to death or running for one’s life, the route was very exciting for me! And it was intriguing how the princess and player felt the most on equal ground because they are both intent on pursuing some objective. Its just that in this case–and this is how this princess exceeds and is an overwhelming presence compared to the player–the princess is set on a choice they dont care to deny and the player is a creature of the habit called “deliberation,” as narrator aside, in-universe reasons aside, the very structure of Slay the Princess has taught you to constantly pause and consider your choices.

It contributes to the tone of the routes so well! Even if you can sit forever in the Outside World, the game progresses like a split second decision and/or that any time given to you is at the princess’s turbulent discretion. In a game where your choices tend to matter most (which, frankly, they do, its kind of the whole point, but you may not know that your choices are what caused this situation yet, lol), the princess seeming to supercede you and the narrative and the concept of death is!!! Powerful and quite something, lol. And poignant, considering *gestures vaguely but particularly at the Narrator*.

Otherwise, I love how theres apparently many more and amusing divergences in this route (that Manly did not showcase) and the ending is pretty cathartic. And to keep this a bit short, yadda yadda, dragon dens is where they store and protect their treasure and in this case, the treasure is fighting you, yadda yadda, as the vessel of growth, the princess’s embracing of the cycle of violence between you two is her latching onto the only avenue of growth she can perceive (as opposed to escaping–since you didnt offer that option prior–and dying since thats tend to be the stop to the concept of growth), yadda yadda-

2. Spectre

This princess’s voicework is probably my favorite! The whispering under the regular voice acting is just really neat, doing a great job setting a tone of something delicate, chilling, and unnerving. The princess’s design shifts between cute and scary very well too! Her personality is probably my fave overall; while her “thoughts on this vessel?” section highlights her embodying kindness and understanding, they only exist to an extent that is fair. Which is, well. Fair. And I think it extra emphasizes the understanding aspect, with how the princess is aware of her circumstances and the injustices that have occurred yet is willing to let bygones be bygones. Shes coy, sincere, and pragmatically deadly, which is a full spectrum of delight for me!

The moment that really gets me regarding her character is when you say youre gonna leave her. Other decisions lead you to working together or demonstrating you have no intention to with some form of violence–both resulting in the Spectre just responding fairly. But the “leave” option truly shows that the Spectre doesnt/never intends to act out in malice, since Spectre responds out of desperation to avoid perpetual loneliness, pain, and emptiness. Theres an aspect of “fairness” here too (youre abandoning and hurting her more after having murdered her), but the choice comes after a breakdown and deliberation as opposed to an immediate retaliation. Even then, Spectre laments that she didnt want things to be this way but youve made her worse. Other stand out moments are when Spectre goes, “Youre funny when youre confused. But I didnt give you permission to touch me,” and the player’s moment of patheticness, lol.

This route really hints onto the meta aspects of Slay the Princess too, which is neat! The whole “want to end the world” convo, Spectre just wanting to go home, reality being what is in front of us vs. static truth/objectivity, whether destruction being one thing leading into another vs. the same thing reborn, glass on the floor, and the narrator being like Spectre as a memory of a person…I dont have much to say here currently–still need to ponder, itd be a whole other conversation, Im a bit tired, lol–but its tons of food for thought that I enjoy! Yay, Spectre!

3. Prisoner

Fun fact: this is a rewriting of the extreme word vomit that was me lamenting over how I was kind of confused about the Prisoner but chose her for the sake of a 5th (note the placing change) and then discovering the absolute genius she is!!! Basically, my only exposure to the Prisoner I had was Manly’s recent playthrough, which contained (what Ill call) the Chained Together variation and didnt even have her “thoughts on this vessel?” section due to the game going into the final sequence immediately after. The Prisoner’s section in that final sequence befuddled me because I couldnt connect much other than a theme of “inevitable change,” and even when I dug up the Prisoner’s “thoughts on this vessel?” elsewhere, I couldnt put it all together…until I watched (what Ill call) the Head Trophy variation in the middle of my initial writeup.

Regarding what I enjoyed prior to recognizing genius, I really enjoyed how the Prisoner conducted herself–her curtness and resignation was very unique. Her form was created as a result of the player cutting off her arm, instilling a matter of fact-ness to her that allows her to slit the player’s throat later (got this from the Wiki, Manly didnt show this part). Upon waking up once again chained and chained even more, I interpreted the cleverness aspect from the Prisoner’s “thoughts on this vessel?” section as being able to come to terms with her situation, play along, and bid her time in hopes that her patience (that she emphasizes) would eventually reward her. After all, the Prisoner was willing to pretend she and the player met for the first time until the player prompts otherwise, even saying they dropped “playing the game”--very meta of her! Thus, I interpreted the Prisoner as the princess completely embodying/accepting her role in the game; she couldnt leave when she defied her role last time, so she was fine continuing to wait this time. As a character who realized they were a character and systematically changed their behavior to attempt a new avenue of escape, I thought that was the extent of the Prisoner’s cleverness and was satisfied…enough.

AND I WAS WRONG. DELIGHTFULLY WRONG. I assumed the Prisoner was completely fine with her potentially only means of escape becoming not one, since she didnt seem upset or disappointed. Which was frankly incorrect, as her rude curtness is a result of her being miffed with you. Why? Because her cleverness actually alludes to the fact she had a plan for escape the entire time, and you utterly fucked it up! Which, tbf, she shouldve shown more reaction than curiosity to dissuade the player, but I digress- During the Head Trophy variation, you realize that the Prisoner had a plan this entire time to deceive the Narrator and she succeeds so well because she also got me and got the player. How often do I get got? It was amazing! From the stare as the Prisoner takes the knife away from the player, to the smile before That All Happens, to the wink as it occurs and after, it may speak to an underestimation thats set up due to the Prisoner’s appearance and behavior, but reflecting on all the signs that She Planned This dismantles that perception and reaffirms that the Prisoner is a person with depth beyond what you expect from her and those in her role. As I viewed the Prisoner as a caricature of the princess’s role in the first place (the whole point is that the Prisoner is exactly like the princess in appearance except the chained/locked up aspect is exaggerated), this route is so striking for me with its interrogation of victimhood, how victims are treated/viewed, and how that may be unintentionally stripped of their personhood and reduced (into a caricature of solely “a victim”). The Prisoner puts it quite nicely when the player attacks and she “suddenly” has a ton of fight in her, stating, “Im not a damsel to be helplessly murdered!” …Im not sure if I put it into words the best, but I hope this is understandable. To top off the topic of Prisoner’s cleverness, its a neat detail (I dont know if this is intentional) that the Prisoner does the opposite of what her prior princess form did: the player cut her arm to free her last time, she cut herself out this time and the player “died” the last time, she “died” this time. Beyond recognizing there was a Narrator beyond them she should fool, the Prisoner also reasoned that since having the player kill her is likely not favorable, dying by her own hand might just be fine! The Head Trophy variation is just more poignant when you note that her “thoughts on this vessel?” section talks about how the Prisoner protected herself when others could not but for her plan to work, she has to put complete faith in another.

As 1000% better the Head Trophy variation is in the Prisoner’s route, I do have a soft spot for the Chained Together variation since, from both the Prisoner and the Narrator’s perspective, it must be a hilarious emotional rollercoaster. The Prisoner’s plan failed and shes now stuck with the loser who made it so…for potentially forever! The Narrator probably oscillates between an uneasy concession that while both gods are not dead, they are locked up forever and an utter dread that things may fall apart at any time and thus, the world is practically doomed with no way to change that. The Prisoner doesnt have to decapitate herself, which makes her freedom extra cathartic in the relief she likely felt and didnt expect…and also extra sad in how she found it was nothing but cold and is quickly taken away. Theres also something to be said about how the player joins the princess in her perspective by chaining himself up and that they both inform each other’s perspective, leading to their escape together: (1) since the princess isnt starving to death, the player also doesnt, which is a surprise to the Voices and (2) the player showing up again signaled that change is indeed possible to the princess, perhaps causing the ability for the world to erode around them. Maybe the latter is the Voices informing the player, causing the change…? But I like to think its the initial thought since the cabin could and shouldve have eroded prior to the player’s arrival, assuming the Prisoner understands the concept of erosion…which, I assume she does- Anyways, the route is as emotional as it is kind of wacky, which is up my alley!

4. Witch

This princess is the one I enjoy the most aesthetically. Im a sucker for both witches and cats, what can I say? The allusion to the fable The Scorpion and the Frog really tickles me, and ultimately, whatever decisions made in this chapter are some form of hilarious. Whether we’re both dying on the floor with broken backs or handing a blade to someone who immediately stabs you, its great. I do enjoy the progression into the Thorn chapter, especially with the immediate regret from the Witch and the following reconciliation in Thorn’s chapter, but Thorn is not as funny and aesthetically pleasing as Witch princess for me, which is why she is not here, haha.

Her “Thoughts on this vessel?” section adds a lot of depth to her, since the way the Witch presents herself is very superficial and guarded. Particularly the statement about the Witch making for a “righteous” heart, in combination with her ability to just slip out of her chains. She couldve freed herself at any time, but chose to stay and confront you. Which I feel speaks to the bitterness aspect, as the Witch feels its only “right” to pursue an answer to her pain–whether it be the player’s penance or punishment. The game’s thoughts on bitterness are made even more poignant when you realize the Witch’s ends are either death (hers and/or yours) or a transformation into another state.

5. Tower

This route is just incredibly cool in how she takes over the narrator and the little divergences of the narration’s phrasing to be in her perspective in the voiceover. The progression into that route was amusing for me to think about because I think the shift of perspective that transforms the princess boils down to either “the princess had the might of a god to have defeated you,” “your sudden stop during the fight was a blessing from god to the princess,” and/or “your sudden stop was because your recognized the value of the princess’s life as larger than your own (‘larger than life,’ referring to her bigger form as the Tower and godhood itself).” The Tower calling you disappointing is funny, but what also sticks out is how she said she wanted company before turning into the Tower. Even as the Tower with the ability to just free herself, she chose to wait for you because thats what she wanted, and I think that plays on the relational idea of “What is a god without a believer?” since she’s willing to have the player as a priest or pet, lol.

How this route differs from the Adversary route is interesting, as the Tower is indeed also an overwhelming presence whose decisions matter more than yours not because her single minded relentless pursuit of it but because of the power to overwrite yours. Its a twist on the player’s and princess’s roles until now, but instead of making them equal like in the Adversary, the roles were reversed on who decides and who is forcefully changed as a result of that decision. Of course, you cant take the ability to choose from us, as a player completely, but its about the best you can do, I imagine. And not to mention the “defiling” aspect when you slay the Tower, dragging her down from godhood to an equal (humanity?) or perhaps her original state of someone who responds to your decision as usual… I think this route connects deeply to the meta aspect of Slay the Princess, since this state is where the princess is closest to the “concept of change” and the concept of their true self as a god. It makes the “thoughts on this vessel?” section very poignant because change in itself is indeed a constantly dominant, terrifying, and arguably divine force in its inevitability.

Honorable Mention to...the Damsel!

I really like the deconstruction of her concept, but that also means I feel that liking her is completely counterintuitive to that very deconstruction, lol. Her route is very straightforward in what it does, but it kind of has to be. Meaning it does what it set out to do very well.

This took a bit and is so much more than you asked for, so thank you for your patience and acceptance. Im just bonkers and bananas, so if I have it partially done, I might as well go all the way instead of going in depth on only one, lol. It was a fun exercise in pondering deeper about the princesses and dipping my toes in the ~meta~, but I will also readily say that Im not at all nearly deep enough into Slay the Princess as a whole to be confident on my takes, so this may have just been a session of Talking Out Of My Booty. Nonetheless, I hope this was enjoyable and thank you for prompting me to think about it! The order of the princesses changed throughout this answer, and it may be fun to guess what order they were written in, lol. Id love to hear about your fave/faves if youre interested in sharing as well~! And please, have a lovely day too!!! c:

#a wild ask appeared!#thanks and also Im so sorry adnbladkj #but also maybe not and youre welcome??? I dunno boss #a showcase of how theres tons of thoughts up there theyre just in a dam constantly threatening to spill out and it either manages to stay #there forever or is a FLOODDDDD- anyways #slay the princess #I guess. in case anyone would find this an enjoyable read- gotta think on the game a ton more but bandwidth mayhaps Ill get there someday #*shrugs* I still gotta get into my cha*ns*w m*n thoughts... <- so I dont spam/mistag lol

61 notes · View notes

woodchipp · 3 months

Text

Currently replaying OMORI because I'm a masochist with my best friends @beevean and @the-crow-binary providing emotional support lmfao. Even despite how soul-crushingly boring it is, I think we're still having some sort of fun with this clusterfuck of a game

Highlights (and the misc. problems we've managed to spot) so far include:

I already knew that this game's length was detrimental to it during my first solo playthrough, but this playthrough is helping me put into perspective just how bloated OMORI is, even when it comes to an aspect like dialogue. For example, a single conversation between Space Boyfriend and the main cast took us approximately 5 minutes to get through, and it's not like the writing is gripping enough to make us give a shit about the characters or anything they're saying

Speaking of the dialogue, you can just see how hard it tries to be witty and Quirky™ the way Earthbound and indie RPGs like Undertale were. Needless to say, it fails horribly, and the end result of that was me having to fast-track some conversations because they were unfunny and weren't relevant at all

I got unintentionally (!) stuck in White Space for 15-20 minutes because I couldn't find the map the game needed me to find to let me open the door. Beev came to hate the repetitive 8-bit BGM the area had by the time I finally found the map lol. game_design.exe

Headspace's music is so ear-gratingly abysmal oh my god. I can only call it "dollar-store Kirby music" because that's the most appropriate description that comes to mind and I'm pretty sure Lost at a Sleepover gave Beev severe PTSD. Of course, the music of Faraway Town isn't any better: the "track" that plays in the first fight with Aubrey is less music than it is the result of an .exe file being put through an audio player. Sonic Chronicles might have some serious competition in the "worst video game soundtrack" category asdfghjkl

The plot of the Faraway Town segments is so cookie-cutter that it genuinely hurts to sit through. Character writing (or the lack thereof) aside, Sunny and Kel spend half a day loitering around the town and asking Aubrey's cronies where she is even though Kel could've easily gotten that information from Mikhael had he just indulged the latter's delusions of grandeur a little bit

Faraway Town's daytime sky is literally a scrolling JPEG of a cloudy sky. The battle backgrounds of the real world segments are edited JPEGs as well. Everyone's houses look exactly the same on the outside save for some of them being a different color. The developers spent six years and more than $200,000 on this game.

Sunny's fights against his fears are boring. You just need to wait until a particular turn when the game grants you a special skill you use to end the fight immediately. What was the point of designing these hallucinatory monsters if the player doesn't get to fight them at any point during the main route?

Aubrey (ostensibly) swinging a nail bat at Sunny is not treated with the same degree of realism as Sunny slashing her with a knife. Additionally, Aubrey rides away on her scooter just fine even though she's supposed to be bleeding

Mari's picnic baskets are inexplicably scattered all across the town and fulfill the exact same function as they do in Headspace. So much for realism!

I won two of the fights against Aubrey's goons even though I was trying to lose. gameplay.exe

Sunny is even more unpleasant than I remember. He doesn't respond to Basil - who is supposedly his best friend - when the latter talks to him, stays silent while (and after) Kel vents to him about Hero yelling at him and barges into the church despite Kel advising him to wait until the sermon ends. Why should I feel bad for him again?

Kel generally seems to treat Sunny like an actual baby, spelling out incredibly obvious things to the latter (e.g. that Sunny shouldn't be carrying a knife or walking in the road because it's dangerous) and making all of Sunny's decisions for him, to the point of not allowing Sunny to return into his own house until nighttime under the pretense of "there's so much to do! it's a brand new day!"

Finally, the "fight" against Sunny's fear of spiders comes completely out of nowhere since nothing triggered said fear during Sunny's adventures outside

Peak game, everyone.

And it's going to get way worse down the line!

#omori #omori game #wood et al play omori #ig that's a tag now lol

37 notes · View notes

silver-wield · 2 months

Text

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Review Chapter 6 & 7

Okay, this collection of posts will be filled with spoilers, including clips and screenshots, so if you don't wanna see things, then don't look. Some of the things I'm gonna highlight will include references to Remake and other sources to link with the overarching plot. This is a straight path playthrough with no sidequests or extra content.

Time to hit the beach!

But first we run into some friends. Johnny's been scammed into running a hovel of a hotel but he gives us rooms for free.

The whole Johnny bit was kinda much, but it could've been worse.

Literally can't go to the beach unless it's in the right clothes, so Cloud does a few fun activities to earn tickets and then joins sailor Barret. Boi gets in his feels over soldiers degrading and then it's time for a pov change.

As fun as all the other possible scenes are, I think this is the most plot relevant. Aerith and Red talk about the white materia, the whispers and what was stolen from her.

And then it's right back to the fun doing stuff to earn swimwear! Tifa gets to play her theme in a concert at one of the hotels and we hear how the original person ran off with their lover. You can find them both at the Cosmo Canyon hotel.

After everyone's changed, Cloud indirectly calls Tifa hot and there's some mild flustered flirting.

And then Hojo shows up. Honestly this still seems so freaking random having him lie on a lounger while girls fawn over his wrinkled skanky ass.

Eventually we hit a boss fight, and weirdly enough it's Yuffie and Johnny to the rescue!

After that comes some conversation where Tifa speaks the line in her profile.

After a night's sleep we meet Yuffie again and you can choose how to answer her a bit like her OG recruitment, but no matter what she's coming with.

And it's a trek up the mountain. Literally.

Aerith is the slowest. Literally.

The party splits into two. Yuffie, Barret and Tifa go first. Yuffie leaves drawings on the cliffs to direct us and tell us a lil story.

Yuffie winds up Barret, who yells at her and makes her cry. Tifa tells Barret off and makes him cry. They all make up and become good friends.

Anyway, while we're climbing we get a moment with Rufus, who tells off the board for letting Midgar get ruined and not stopping his crazy father from dropping the plate. The weapons are talked about briefly, but overall, Rufus has different priorities than his dad.

Then we get another interlude with Zack. Elmyra comes to take Aerith home, and Zack comes along with Cloud.

Then it's back to Mt Corel and Yuffie explains the interim government in Wutai and we see more hints about Glenn and his team.

They find a weapon in the reactor, then head to the bridge, which needs lowering. Cloud has a funny turn so it's left up to Yuffie, Tifa and Barret to do the thing.

Yuffie's level is mostly swinging and throwing her star at stuff, and culminates in a boss battle to protect three baby chocobos. There's a super cute part after where Tifa says the baby bird looks like Cloud but cute 🤭

We take a trip on a minecart with more throwing star and shooting things and reunite with the group at the bridge.

And in Corel, Barret finds a less than warm welcome.

Cloud has another funny turn. Sephiroth can't have Cloud feeling confident about Tifa having a scar, so distracts him when Tifa finds doc Sherain, who saved her life after Sephiroth's attack. He says someone from Shinra helped too, so maybe we'll find out in part three.

Barret gives us a brief history of Corel and the reactor and his part in it. We're heading into the start of one of the most emotional character arcs of the game.

If you don't cry over Barret's story you have no soul!

Honestly, Costa del Sol has always been filler material. And I seem to be saying that about a lot of chapters so far. Tbf Corel and the prison give us true meaty storytelling and Barret's arc has always been one of my faves and remains one of my faves. John nailed every line ❤️😭

#FF7Rebirth spoilers

8 notes · View notes

shima-draws · 2 years

Text

Highlights from tonight’s Game Grumps live show!! If you’re going to the live show this month and don’t want any spoilers or giveaways about what it’s about please stop reading here 💕

Also apologies for my crappy photo quality but I was sitting kinda far away also my phone is old but I WANTED TO SHOW THEM ANYWAY

-Arin came out in a dress and Dan came out in a knight outfit

-Dan called for Matt to play sexy music they could strip to. Matt played the Chicken Dance song. Dan and Arin proceeded to sexily strip to the Chicken Dance song.

-The audience was split into two halves; the grump side and the not so grump side. We proceeded to chant for our respective side for the remainder of the show

-Dan asked one of the audience participants to describe Arin’s ass in one word. She said “dainty”. Arin turned around and shook his ass at the crowd and said “My ass is juicy as fuck!!” The crowd started to chant JUICY AS FUCK. JUICY AS FUCK. JUICY AS FUCK

-There was a rhythm game at one point and Arin and Dan sung the 2nd BEST Zelda Rap Ever!!!! It was INCREDIBLE

-CHERRY VANILLA AND ROCKY ROAD

-An ongoing gag was the villain of the show (a sentient hamburger named Burgie) revealing that he’d kidnapped PRINCESS MUSTARD and PRINCE PICKLE to which Arin and Dan revealed they were dating them. The royals then revealed they were dating each other so everyone is dating everyone I guess

-Also Burgie kidnapped Matt Mercer who also revealed he’s dating Arin and Dan

-Burgie reveals he was the one who made Arin accidentally end the game in their Battle Kid playthrough out of jealousy

-As a boss fight, Arin was forced to play Battle Kid and beat the Lotus Guardian while the audience (and Dan) cheered him on

-Arin was able to win and he picked Dan up and swung him around in circles in a hug 🥺

-Burgie came back for a Final Boss fight, Arin and Dan fought against him using the audience’s cheers as power. Arin and Dan’s fursonas did a literal fusion dance together (their last pose being filtered with an explicit warning LMAO) and fused into an EPIC DAN-ARIN FURRY to defeat Burgie

-They also faced off against smaller bosses like one of their many Links and David Cheeseman and Frank from House Party which CRACKED ME UP

-Since this was their third show on tour, Arin and Dan were actually tied 😳 But Dan’s side won tonight so now the score is 2-1!

-Arin said his side was the sexier side even tho we lost

-Dan kept complimenting people in the audience and things he noticed about them and it was so sweet…….

-Also Dan calling Arin his best friend 🤧

-There were CROWNS in our seats!! I have a Grump crown because I was on the Grump side for Arin

It was SUCH a fun show and I’m so glad I got to go see them!! And I guess it’s been a long time since they’ve come to Denver so they seemed pretty excited and so did the audience haha

#Shima speaks #I’m so so so glad I bought tickets I’m so glad I got to see them #It was such a good show I haven’t laughed that much in a while #They always make me smile 💕 Thank you Danny and Arin 😭#I took a lot of videos haha #Bad quality but I have them in my possession now and forever #Game Grumps #Game Grumps Live #Idk how I should spoiler tag this? Uh? Ask to tag?#Long post

149 notes · View notes

ssnakey-b · 10 months

Text

FF8 English-French translarison, part 25: Four years later

Well, it only took four years but the translarison is back, baby! I told you I didn’t give up on it. That said, looking back, I found it amazing that some people seemed to follow it closely and get genuinely excited for new updates, and I have to admit I feel a bit bad to have disappointed these people. So to all those who have been following the Translarison from the start and were saddened to see it gone, I offer my apologies. If you’re still around and still excited for it, you’re real ones. Now, on the off chance that some of you stumbled upon this post with no idea what I’m on about, hi. I’m Ssnakey-B (fun fact: it’s short for SsnakeBite!), a French native and Final Fantasy VIII-obsessed weirdo. So, just a... short while ago... I decided to bring these two things together and start a playthrough of FFVIII where I would compare the English and French translations of the game, partly because I’m a bit mental, but mostly because I noticed quite a few differences between the two that I feel give a different view of the characters and various moments in the game, which i think highlight the importance of translation in how audiences perceive a work. So you see, it’s a translation comparison; a translarison, if you will. I also take the opportunity to analyze and comment on various moments from the game. Oh! And I go through this assuming people are already familiar with the game, so beware of spoilers. And whether you’re an OG or a newcomer, if you need to catch up, why not check this convenient list of links to every part published so far that I put together? Anyway, time to finally get back into it. Last time, we finished the CD 2 content with the second and final battle against Edea, putting an end to the Battle of the Gardens. And so, we return to find Squall moping in bed, because that’s what he does when faced with stressful situations, which is a mood and a half.

“So it’s all over, then.”

French Squall, no!! We literally just returned! Now’s not the time to give up!

Okay, joking aside, we do have quite a bit of difference right off the bat, as in English, his inner monologue goes as such:

(is it over...?)

(What happened...?)

(Rinoa......)

(What happened to Rinoa......?)

Whereas in French, it goes like this:

(So it’s all over, then)

(When it comes to Edea, at least...)

(But... for Linoa?)

(This story has only just begun!)

So yeah, very different tone I would say, with the French version sounding more determined, less confused. I’ll leave you to decide which one is more fitting given the circumstances. I think an argument can be made for both, depending on whether you believe it’s understandable for someone in his situation to be lost and confused, or if this lighting a fire under him reflects his character development.

Also, not entirely sure why the English version is going so crazy with the ellipses......

After a quick visit to the infirmary, Squall is told by Quistis over the intercom to visit Edea as she is back at the orphanage. Since we get to visit Balamb Garden again, let’s take the opportunity to check on the various NPCs before that, shall we?

First, we’ve gota small difference with this kid who runs around the hall all the time. In English, he says “Come on! ... Take the pain! One more!” whereas in French, he says “I want to beat my endurance record!”. So in both versions, we get that he’s training hard, but we have a slightly different take on it.

Next, we have he cafeteria ladies, the unsung heroines of Balamb Garden. The one on our left mentions students being obsessed with their weight in both versions but interestingly, the English one says a bit more, joking about how “They won’t be able to get a tummy like mine! Ahahahahaha!” which is absent from the French version entirely. Speaking of, the French cafeteria lady doesn’t just say that students are concerned about dieting but that she thinks they’re “more obsessed by calories than their exam”. MA’ AM.

THEY JUST FOUGHT AN ACTUAL BATTLE AGAINST AN ACTUAL ARMY.

THERE WERE HOCKEY MONSTERS.

I think that deserves SOME credit towards their graduation.

Anyway, that’s about it for differences with them although do keep in mind, in the French version, they’re all out of pretzels, not hot-dogs. This is a crucial difference.

We’re not done with the cafeteria, however, as we get to this group, which I’m sure some of you have been looking forward to. And really, it IS interesting since you can’t directly translate the ifnamous “SaaD” pun (which i assume wasn’t in the original Japanese anyway). So how does it go? Well, shorter, mostly. Check it out.

First, here’s the English version:

“I must say, we’re pretty tough.”

“Word... I thought it was the end for me when we had that fight with the other Garden.”

“We’ve accomplished quite a feat. The fighting inside Garden, the battle with the other Garden... That wasn’t training. It was the real thing!”

“YEAH! There were lots of casualties from both sides, but we’re still alive!”

“YEAH! YEAH! We can DO IT!”

“But... We still aren’t SeeDs...”

“...So, we end up complainin’... SaaaaaaD...”

“SaaaaaaD...”

“Sometimes, I actuallly enjoy complaining... SaaaaaaD...”

And now, the French take on it:

We were brave on this one.

I thought we were going to die for sure!

There is a big difference between classes and a real battle.

Yeah! We managed to make it out alive!

We’re not that bad, after all!

But we’re still not Seeds...

That’s true. What a catastrophe...

How sad.

We truly are pitiful.

Again, you’d think being part of an actual battle would at least earn them some credits. I gues sit still wasn’t enough for them to pass already. Either that or the pun from the English team caused them to have some points docked.

You’re probably wondering if there’s anything interesting in what the Quistis simp Trepie ins aying. The answer to that is not really, although he doesn’t call her “sinful” because it’s somehow her fualt he isn’t getting any sleep.

There isn’t much difference in the dialogue between these girls (in fact, it’s surprising how closesly it matches) but I did want to bring it up because it just occured to me that they are likely talking about Linoa, and I think it says a lot about her that in her short time in Balamb Garden, she apparently managed to make friends with some people to the point they want to go visit her in the infirmary.

I suppose it IS possible that they’re talking about an unrelated friend who could’ve gotten injured during the battle of the Gardens and there are more beds that we don’t get to see (it would be weird if there was aonly one) but at the same time, there’s no indication of that in either version of the dialogue. Although with that said, I did notice that there’s usually a group of three girls chatting around and here there’s only two of them, so who knows?

There are a couple interesting things here. The dialogue with Zell is almost identical (also, always found it weird that he’s sometimes in his civlian clothes and sometimes in his cadet uniform in this bit. What a weird thing to put extra work towards), but this little girl’s lines couldn’t be more different. In the English version, she wants reassurance, asking “Is the scary stuff over? It’s over, right?”. But in French, she says “So the warm-up is over? I was just starting to have fun.”

So not only did this little girl apparently take part in the fighting in the French version (which contradicts Squall’s orders, BTW), she’s clearly developed an insatiable thirst for battle that can only be shortly quenched by the blood of her enemies. Terrifying and also great potential for a sequel. Just sayin’, Square-Enix.

We also have a slight difference in tone with this guy. In English, he sounds still shaken yet thrilled by the battle, going “I...I fought too. And...and, victory was mine!!!” while in French, he’s much collected, going “I fought too. And I suffered no injury!”

Next, we head to the library. This student explains that it is taking request for new books and weirdly, the line in the screenshot above is not in the French version. Another weird change is that he then says that he is “all for fiction” whereas in French, he says that he prefers news. The girl also says in English that she wants mystery novels and in French, she says she wants crime thrillers/whodunits and nothing else.

I guess mystery and crime novels aren’t mutually exclusive, but I feel like “mystery” is a much broader category, so that’s the kind of detail that once again hints at the translations being done independently rather than based on one-another.

Next we have these two and this one is very interesting. First, in English, the girl on the left asks “So I guess we won?” but in French, what she says is more along the lines of “So I take it we won?” which is really weird because it makes it sound like she wasn’t there and doesn’t know what happened.

But more importantly, the one on the right replies with the above line, which is excellent, but in French, it becomes “You never really know who wins... But yes, I think we did.”

Yeah, the French version dropped the ball on that one IMO.

And finally there’s this bizzarely rare NPC who I don’t think i’ve ever seen before and had to go back and forth multiple times to get to appear after switching to French. She’s sad in both versions but not quite as much in French, where she just laments “oh, this is all so sad” rather than outright crying like here.

I believe that’s it for the first floor, let’s get to the second and meet Selphie! There’s an interesting little difference as she specifically says that the Garden’s BBS is fun, whereas in French, she calls it the “network”, even using the English term, which is surprising considering for once, it’s not a anglicism that we use in this context, really.

You may also have noticed that she’s wearing her cadet uniform, well she adresses that and interestingly, in both versions she calls them “regular” uniforms which might imply it’s not actually a cadet-specific uniform? Squall does keep it in his room even after graduating, so I guess that makes sense. But what’s really interesting here is that in English, she says those are nice for a change as you stop wearing them once you become a SeeD.

So I guess those ARE cadet uniforms but wait, she’s wearing right now so clearly they don’t stop wearing them and I’m way overthinking this, aren’t I? What I meant to talk about is that in French, she kind of has the opposite stance saying that while these uniforms are pretty neat, she prefers the SeeD ones (and she doesn’t mention anything about no longer wearing them).

Quick stop by this guy to mention that he only breakes the fourth wall in the English version, which is surprising considering so far, the French one has been the one to have some fourth-wall breaking jokes.

There’s no real difference here (other than the English version sounding more excited due to a liberal use of exclamation marks) but I did want to point out that this is the only NPC so far to acknowledge Squall as his boss.

And that wraps all of the interesting bits I could find within Balamb Garden. Time to get to the orphanage! And here we have another example of how nearly identical phrases can have a different vibe in different languages. Here, in English, Quistis says “...I feel uncomfortable seeing her” while in French, she says “I am not very comfortable at the idea of seeing her again”.

Now maybe it’s just me, but I feel like the English take on it makes it feel more like Quistis is uncomfortable seeing Edea at all, as if her very sight made her uncomfortable, whereas the French one feels more like she’s talking specifically about hos strange it feels to go visit her after they nearly killed one-another. Small, but crucial differences.

The difference between Irvine’s lines is much more pronounced. In English, he says “There’s so much we want to ask the Matron” and in French, he says “It’s weird to go see someone we fought” (which of course mirrors Quistis’ feelings).

Since the characters not in your team are standing in this area, we’ve got different lines depending on what your party is, so let’s quickly go over them. In English, Selphie says “I’ll go after you, Squall. Ok, ok?” and in French, she says “You speak first, OK?”.

Now that’s a very interesting one because I feel like the French version makes Selphie sound a bit more nervous and relying on Squall to break the ice, which goes to show they’ve come to trust him as their leader, even when interacting with Edea.

As for Zell, in English, he goes “We’re meeting the Matron... M-Man, I’m nervous”. His French counterpart is more calm, saying “It’s a bit stressful seeing the governess after what happened”.

Small thing I noticed, Cid tends to nervously chuckle a few times, which doesn’t happen in French, making him seem a bit more eloquent. For example, here he says “I’m sorry” in the French version.

There is also a small difference before he asks them to forgive Edea where in English, he says “I don’t care about myself... But...” while in French, he says “I know I disappointed you”. Again, one of those small things that does change the overall feel of the scene a bit.

Interestingly, as they start talking with Edea, I noticed that this is a rare (possibly unique) occasion where some of the lines are the same for multiple characters, although it’s all variations of “We attacked you even though we knew you were our Matron” in both versions.

There isn’t a huge amount of difference in Edea’s speech at first, the only somewhat notable one being that in French, she explicitly tells them that she could become possessed again at any given time while in the English version, she trails off after saying “At anyime, I may...”.

Also interesting is that each character has a different line if you try to leave before Edea is finished, which is admirable attention to detail, but also not so great if you’re some sort of fool who for some reason decided to compare two translations of the same video game and has to reboot the game each time to try different party combinations, only to find that the unique lines aren’t different enough to mention anyway.

Something I want to point out is another example of the difference in how text is formatted in both versions, as we’ve seen in some of the pre-hiatus entries. As you can see, in the English version, “Sorceress Ultimecia” is highlighted in blue, which is not the case in the French translation, where the name isn’t different from the rest of the text.

We eventually reach an interestng divergence in the speech. Nothing major but in English, Edea explains that "There was no way I was going to let Ultimecia get a hold of Ellone. The only thing I coud do was... ..Surrender my soul to ultimecia and lose control my mind”.

Note how the way she says it here sounds like she willingly let Ultimecia take her over so she couldn’t go after Ellone. Meanwhile, in the French version, Edea says that she “refused to let her bewitch Ellone. In revenge... I am the one she possessed”.

So this one makes it sound more like Edea somehow stopped Ultimecia from possessing Ellone, and Ulti taking Edea instead was a punishment. Quite a different take on the story.

This difference seems to be confirmed a bit later in the English text, where Edea says that if Ultimecia tries to take her over again, she’ll “make a stand this time”, implying she didn’t resist initially. This distinction is absent from the French version.

Another interesting small difference; in French, Edea tells the group “I need you, children” when mentioning the fact that they may be forced to fight again, in contrast to the English version, where she refers to them as “Young SeeDs”. One sound smore like she’s appealing to them as the children she raised, one as the soldiers they’ve become. Once again, it’s a small detail, but one that I think allows for a different reading of the situation.

And now, we get to the part where Edea mentions Adel for the first time.

Ah, crap...

Well, I would have had to mention it sooner or later.

So, the French version did something weird with Adel. Now we all know, Adel is an unusual character in that despite being a woman, she has a clearly masculine body (and I don’t just mean because she’s muscular. Women can be muscular, but she has other masculine characteristics). And I guess the French translator was confused and decided to turn her into an intersex character.

To my knowledge, the French version of the game is the only one to have made such a change and er, yeah, once I found out, it was pretty awkward, and it hasn’t gotten better in modern days where trans, non-binary and intersex representation and rights are a much bigger concern, or at least a more mainstream one. I also want to mention in passing that they use the term “hermaphrodite” which isn’t exactly proper these days, but I want to remind everyone that back then, the word “intersex” wasn’t commonly used (in fact, I’m not sure it existed at all), so I won’t hold that against them at least.

Now, I guess that change in itself wouldn’t necessarily be a huge issue (although it does kind of break the rule that only women can become sorceresses, especially as they usually refer to Adel using male pronouns from what I recall), a bit awkward but ultimately not that big a deal...

... but what makes this so much worse is that, while one variation on how the characters react to Edea asking if they know about Adel, one of the lines (which are shared across multiple characters, at least in the French version), isn’t too terrible, referring to Adel as a “half-man, half-woman being”, there’s one where the character, either Zell or Irvine, uses a term which... well, I don’t know if to call it an outright slur is quite right (it doesn’t help that French people aren’t quite as offended by slurs as English-speaking people tend to be), but it’s not exactly a respectful term for someone who likes to crossdress.

Look, I’m not even gonna bother trying to find an English equivalent, it’s not necessary and that’s one can of worms I am perfectly happy leaving closed. I just wanted to bring it up because I feel it would be unfair to you to hide it. I don’t even think the translator was trying to be insulting to anyone, it was just a very poor judgment call that ended up messing with canon and creating an unfortunate situation for no reason. Know that we here at the Translarison say “Trans Rights!” and “Intersex Rights!” and I know damn well that the FFVIII cast does as well, awkward translations be damned.

With that out of the way, back to business. Edea mentions that she received her powers at the age of 5. This seems to confirm that she was already a sorceress before reciving Ultimecia’s powers. There is also a difference in translations as in English, she says that she received her powers from “the previous sorceress” which sounds like there can only be one at a time (which is immediately contradicted by them bringing up Adel).

Next, when Squall brings up Linoa, his English self says that her body was called and she wasn’t moving, so no wonder Cid took it to mean that Linoa died. However, his French self says that she “fell into a deep coma”, which IS accurate, but also makes it weird that Cid still has the same reaction.

Speaking of him, his reply to Squall sounds more tactful in French to me.

English:

“Squall, I understand how you feel. But you are in a position of leadership. The other students at garden have a right to know the outcome of the battle and what’s to come. Take whatever information you can get here, back to Garden. Remember, it wasn’t just Linoa. Everyone fought.”

French:

Squall, I understand that all this is emotionally exhausting for you. But think about your role as leader. The BGU students are relying on you. You mustn’t forget about the fate of your comrades. Linoa’s life isn’t the only one on the line.

And after Squall says “I understand, but...”, Cid still comes off better in French, as English Cid retorts “But, but, but... that isn’t something a leader should say...” which sounds horribly dismissive, while French Cid says “No ‘buts’. A true leader forgets his personal issues...” which not only feels less dismissive IMO, but also seems to refer back to his own actions, as he had to train SeeD to fight Edea in spite of his own feelings.

Oh, and when punching the wall afterwards, French Squall thinks “...... Fool” and I’m honestly not sure if he’s referring to Cid or himself.

There aren’t many differences while Edea explains Ultimecia’s goal and Squall reminisces about Linoa, but there is an interesting one. In English, when someone asks what would happen to the world if time was compressed, someone else answers “I can’t even imagine a world where time is compressed!”.

In French, Edea (presumably) clearly answers “If time is compressed, we will all plunge into nothingness.

And as the game fades back to Balamb Garden, we end with Xu a.k.a. Shu. In English, she tells Squall “I don’t want to say this in front of Quistis and you, but... I don’t know if some people will be so forgiving”. In French, she doesn’t actually speak directly to Squall, whispring to herself “Squall and Quistis are too king with the priestess. I’ve got the feeling that the others won’t forgive her so easily”. And yes, it’s a whisper because it’s not using the transparent text box.

Well, that is it for our first entry back. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did (the weird Adel stuff notwithstanding) and that you’re looking forward to more, I know I am. Don’t hesitate to let me know what you think of it and if you have any questions, my asks are open and of course you can leave them as a comment if you prefer.

Take care and I’ll be seeing you for part 26. No promises on when it’ll be out, but hopefully before another four years.

13 notes · View notes

darkfromday · 1 year

Text

game. of. the. year.

okay so highlights from my eleven-days-and-counting playthrough of tears of the kingdom so far:

“DID HE JUST TAKE 27 OF MY HEARTS IN 3 SECONDS???”

yelling “YOU CAN REWIND TIME???” on day 1 and making my mom laugh while she was next to me on the couch

catching a star fragment out of the sky while diving, not once but twice

taking either five minutes or an hour to figure out any given shrine

related to this, either saying “I am a genius” or “...I went to an Ivy” (derogatory) depending on how long it took

saying “holy damn you can go through solid walls?? neat” in ascend tutorial and then forgetting that was a solution to early game problems for the next ten hours

“damn I wish your botw horses transferred” *later* “wait, THEY DID????”

“how thE FUCK do you kill these creepy hands omg stop murdering me I just want the underground shrine!!”

“I’m not smart enough to build shit in this game tbh” *builds a rocket raft for a korok*

the rocket raft breaks apart and the korok falls back down the mountain and into the sea, forcing me to start all over

“where is my house WHERE is Hateno Village was it this far away before???”

(I have made it to Hateno Village. I still have not reached my house)

either curbstomping black bokoblins or being curbstomped by them, with no in-between

*for three real days* “I MUST return to Tarrey Town!! I want to see what’s happening there!!” *finally makes it there and only stays 20 minutes before swanning off somewhere else*

“I think I’m watching these Zelda memories in the wrong order”

having my first Zelda Theory and having to keep it to myself

staying off twitter to keep from being spoiled... only to get lured into a false sense of security since people kept only sharing korok videos, and get spoiled for something I haven’t reached yet anyway

saying “what the fuck is THAT, NOPE” every time I see what looks like a giant elemental dragon in the distance, starting with the first lightning one in an old castle ruin

making so many cold resistance meals, only to not even use most of them for their intended purpose because I already bought all the cold resistance armor before meeting Tulin

trying to dive down from a glide and kill a construct enemy only to miss and fall to the earth below

saying “yeah I’m going to Kakariko” five times a day and not going

getting lost in the Lost Woods again bc WHAT THE FUCK YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TAKE ONE STEP WITHOUT HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG. (please do not tell me)

finding the underground tunnel to Hyrule Castle and wandering around murdering an obscene amount of Like Like enemies

“oh look, this is where the Hylian Shield was in botw, maybe it will be here again--I can’t open this door--NO FUCK NOT THE GLOOM HANDS AGAIN”

...wait. I can’t get in the room which means the gloom hands can’t get to me. But I can hit them with arrows through the bars. Advantage: me

Tulin’s avatar and I defeat the hands, finally, proof that they can be fucking beaten, I can turn my attention back to getting in that room--no. Phantom Ganon boss appears. Immovable gates do not stop him

the reward I receive for beating Phantom Ganon, sacrificing many good weapons and a shield in the process, is not worth the scare to my heart, because it is not the Hylian Shield

that time I went to sleep peacefully in a stable and the Blood Moon cutscene smacked me immediately in the face

trying to get to a shrine sitting on top of solid ice in the dumbest ways for an hour, before realizing that I could just rewind time on some of the falling stones in the area to get high enough in the air to float down to it

“I have so many bomb arrows!” “...now I don’t”

saying “why can’t we have remote bombs, stasis or cryonis back” at least once a week mid-puzzle

“whisper to me, horse god”

“THERE’S A MEAL LIMIT??”

“THERE’S SHRINES IN THE SKY???”

“THERE’S SHRINES UNDERGROUND????”

living out my dream of being a journalist even though I have the wrong degree IRL (thanks Lucky Clover Gazette)

“There’s how many wells?”

seeing a black boss bokoblin in Hyrule Castle and just going “NO.” and turning around

two Lynels have seen me. neither have engaged

living in fear of the day Hestu gets bored and leaves Lookout Landing

“are my other botw friends besides Teba okay... I’m scared to check”

“you know, Rauru’s kinda.... nevermind”

holding in my trauma because I’ve been poor in video games before even when others were rich, but this is the first time I really feel poor (and so do other people apparently)

Beedle is my best friend

“cool, pirates in Lurelin”! *doesn’t go to investigate*

performs most haphazard tower-and-shrine-collection methods of all time

dying a billion times in the first few days. and still dying. died today in fact

“you know, Ganon’s kinda... NEVERMIND”

having either 100 brightbloom flowers ready for the depths or 17

wondering when I will feel strong enough to fight a Hinox, Stalnox or other big boi

*first Talus-riding Bokoblin encounter* “WHEN I SAW THIS IN THE TRAILER I DIDN’T THINK THIS WOULD BE REAL”

having to almost bite my tongue to keep from calling the “ultrahand” ability “godhand” in the first few days for some reason idk why

“I will reunite you!! I must get you to your friend! This is so exciting!” <- me about the first korok-friend-reuniting mission......

“please tell me there’s not 900 more koroks in this game, I didn’t even get them all in the last one”

searching for an outfit that isn’t weaksauce in defense but lets Link have his hair down because....~

dying several times on the tutorial sky island because I needed to get down to a lower platform and I forgot that diving into water is a safe activity

RIP to my fire fruit stash

“I SUCK AT SHIELD SURFING NOW :’(”

...and I’ve only done a little of the game.

#the legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #totk spoilers #Darkday plays games #personal

8 notes · View notes

jayextee · 7 months

Text

RAGE 2

In a turn of events that will shock and appal anybody who knows me personally, I'm in love with a polarising game.

"In love" is too strong a term, perhaps. The thing is, every 'RAGE 2 is shit' take I see on the Internet, the harder I wanna double-down on being a fan of this game. And its prequel, yes, I am one of the three who love it.

What we have here though, is an awkward marriage between Avalanche Studios' openworld design a la the excellent Mad Max and id Software's trademark (if you ignore DOOM 3, as I often do) brand of satisfying shootybangs. It works as much as it doesn't, so I'm gonna go through the good, the bad, and the ugly right here.

The Good

Oh for crying out loud, RAGE 2 is a beautiful game. Although sadly lacking some of the stylisation of the original game (which reminded me personally of those late '90s fully-painted 2000AD strips and covers, niiiiice...) but now we have colour! And absolutely oodles of the stuff, including my beloved pink; used to great effect to draw attention to and highlight important interactables or areas. This lends itself to a visual clarity that supplants the gunplay excellently.

And of the gunplay, oh, I have some words. They're all good words. RAGE was no sloucher in this department itself, so build upon that absolutely solid base with a bunch of Nanotrite-fuelled abilities to spice up battlefield agility and strategy and we have ourselves one hell of a fun time. Even the vehicular combat has seen a welcome shot in the arm, although it's not quite as satisfying as that seen in Mad Max, it's still pretty fun to take down the endlessly-respawning convoys across the wasteland.

The Bad

That aforementioned wasteland. 'Waste' is indeed the operative term there; for there's a lot of empty space. Now, I don't play a lot of openworld games at all (RAGE, Mad Max, and the Arkham games are basically my entire diet) so this could be par for the course. But so much of it's just

s t r e t c h e d - o u t

and lulls between that satisfying gunplay can be pretty large sometimes. Especially stings when engaging with the openworld is pretty much the meat of the game's filler content, even when playing for a minimal 'see the ending' run.

This is lessened somewhat with certain lategame vehicles (I'd have gone insane were it not for the Icarus, I tells ya) but still. Look, I've already said I like this game a lot, are you expecting a whole itinerary of complaints here?

The Ugly

Not literally ugly, as this is a great-looking game through and through. But there are bugs. Ragdoll bugs, floating prop bugs, frozen physics object bugs, enemies stomping the player through the floor bugs, invisible NPC bugs; even a particularly-heinous game-breaker that can happen literally as the final mission is supposed to trigger that so far, fingers crossed, I've managed to avoid on both a casual playthrough and a completionist one. But hey, I guess this is technically A Bethesda Game™ and I gather that pretty much goes with the territory at this point.

Also it's worth noting that the game fucking loves the Cyber-Crusher boss and there are a few of those. They don't get any more difficult each time either, it's just the one boss again. And again. And so forth.

Conclusion

It's good! I like it a lot! Even love, to spite The Internet in general because I love to cheer on any underdog I see; imagined or otherwise. It's got some flaws but I was very much willing to overlook these things for a game that, although I couldn't say was unilaterally-superior to its prequel, does nonetheless take some steps to improve upon it. And it has a proper final boss encounter as well, instead of, well, just a room that the original game had.

Unpopular opinion maybe, I wish they'd do a third. 4/5

#fps #boomer shooter #first person shooter #id software #rage #rage 2 #bethesda #mad max #avalanche studios

3 notes · View notes

musashi · 2 years

Note

im literally already screaming!! if i dont share ep4 i will implode!! i havent even touched it except to see the title card IM SCARED. i SAW that parrot i have DREAMS of that parrot this Cannot be at all like mcpoyle vs ponderosa: the trial of the century bird moment bUT I LITERALLY HAVE A DEGREE IN BIRD LAW AND. WHAT. DID THE BIRD REMEMBER THE LAST WORDS?

....Von Karma. At last i shall meet him. shaking yelling vibrating thats not a metaphor. im basically a tiny shaking lapdog rn is it anxiety? is IT EXCITEMENT? IS IT... KIN ANGER?

tune in next time on!!! soup has to go to work youll hear from me when im brrrrreak! (or sooner you were not joking about the brain rot)

GG is so far ehhh not the worst id prefer if ProZD had a playthrough though... cause sorry to arin and dan but Maya does NOT fknn SOUND LIKE THAT

THE PARROT IS MY FRIEND YOU WILL GET TO MEET HER VERY SOON I LOVE HER SO DEARLY

wright & kelly would be one hell of a legal team can you imagine. the amounts of bird law that would be happening there. i constantly make the bird law jokes in my discord server but no one besides me has seen sunny so no one gets the reference i feel seen.

YOU GET TO MEET MY PAPA!!!!! MY PAPA WHO I LOVE SO MUCH!!!!! i can't wait to hear what u think of him. he is so important. he is the world to me. i love turnabout goodbyes cause it has all 3 of my comfort characters :] also if you're miles u legally have to tell me or it's entrapment. wait i just realized that joke works literally and as a bit hold on im laughing so fucking hard

yyyyyyyeah i love arin and dan for comedy but i purposefully do not watch them when it comes to games i like cause i get so angry ^^; that's just me though, others may differ. although i was certain sungwon did have a playthrough? isn't he on press buttons & talk? idk i've never watched pb&t my go-to is RTgame's stream archive (the archive. not the highlights ghfg) but i swear sungwon was one of the ppl involved.

he's also the voice of a character i can't tell u about yet! in a super high quality fan translation of an AA game without an english release. kinda love it. the only thing i can tell you is that one time someone asked him to rate papa on a sexy scale and he said like 8/10 or something. big win for the [REDACTED]

#sifusoup #wendy answers

7 notes · View notes

hartofhearts · 3 years

Text

Tifa and Cloud: Closing the Distance

One of the things I love about Remake is its many self-contained character arcs. These character arcs may begin in one chapter to be resolved in a later one, providing continuity, a sense of character growth, and finally resolution throughout the game. While some arcs are extremely overt (leaning on explicit lines in dialogue to draw attention to key themes), others can be quite subtle and quick, very “blink and you’ll miss it.” These “mini-arcs” rely on cinematography over script to help players make the connection. This helps reward fans who replay the game--you’re likelier to catch one of these mini-arcs after a few playthroughs.

My favorite mini-arc is one of these subtle ones.

During the “Alone at Last” scene in Chapter 3, Tifa and Cloud try to catch up, but they both get caught up on their emotional distance--their inability to be vulnerable with one another.

Tifa: I'm sorry. I know it's a touchy subject.

Cloud: Not exactly small talk. Especially with someone you haven't seen in a while.

There’s been some great discussion on key nuances being missed in the translation, but regardless, the cinematography shows us the general intent of the scene: it’s meant to emphasize the significant distance between the two.

This shot accentuates the vast space between them by centering the scene on the space itself; Tifa and Cloud stand off-center on nearly opposite ends of the screen. Their emotional distance is what the camera is trying to convey. It adds an additional layer of meaning to the scene... while Cloud and Tifa are making an effort to reconnect, their shared inability to open up to one another means they are unable to close the distance between themselves.

And this is fine and makes sense for this point in time in their character arcs--it’s only Chapter 3! Cloud still has not spent time with the AVALANCHE trio and thus opened up, Cloud still has not remembered the Promise and his deeper connection to Tifa, Tifa still has not been forced to acknowledge how important Cloud is to her by losing him again, and Cloud and Tifa have not yet proven to each other time and time again how much they care for and trust one another. (See: the Corneo mansion rescue, the back-to-back Sahagin fight, the catch at the pillar, and countless other moments both big and small.)

Finally we hit Tifa’s Resolution in Chapter 14, which draws many parallels to the original Chapter 3 scene. Once again Tifa and Cloud are “alone at last.” Once again they have a “touchy” conversation which is “not exactly small talk.” And once again, the camera emphasizes the distance between the two:

However, since Chapter 3, the relationship between Cloud and Tifa has significantly evolved. While Chapter 3′s Cloud and Tifa were too shy and unsure of one another to be vulnerable, Chapter 14′s Cloud and Tifa have learned that they are each others’ ride or dies. Tifa trusts that Cloud won’t up and leave Midgar (coughleavehercough) as he seemed wont to do in Chapter 3, and Cloud has recognized that he truly wants to be there for her.

And this makes all the difference--for as we know, Tifa’s Resolution scene ends far differently than Alone at Last.

Tifa can finally take the literal steps she needs to close the literal distance between them.

Cloud can finally reciprocate Tifa’s efforts by pulling her into a tight embrace, further closing the distance.

This is very much one of their character arcs in Part 1--Cloud and Tifa deepening their relationship and trusting one another more. For all that they were far apart in Chapter 3, Chapter 14′s Tifa and Cloud make a deliberate effort to become closer and share a new emotional intimacy.

Final thoughts:

I love how in Chapter 3, their feet are separated by the floral rug between them. (Albeit with a four-petaled flower, not the six-petaled reunion lily.) Then in Chapter 14, there’s a field of reunion lilies (more flowers!) between the two--which Tifa is finally able to cross in order to seek physical comfort from Cloud.

Remake Part 1 intentionally chooses to show that while Cloud and Tifa may have been distant in the beginning of the game, by the end of it they are not only closer, but they also want to be closer to one another. That they work towards deepening their trust and their bond. Which is honestly the most defining aspect of the Cloud/Tifa relationship: while fate can try to keep them apart, they constantly struggle to stay together and consciously choose to do so.

Which brings me back to the Alone at Last scene--while Tifa and Cloud aren’t comfortable enough to discuss Cloud’s past as SOLDIER, that doesn’t mean they will never be. They are both plainly committed to being there for one another--after all, doesn’t Tifa immediately ask to hit up the town together? And doesn’t Cloud agree to spend time with her? Even if neither of them are quite ready to be vulnerable with one another, they are willing to put in the work and eventually get there.

Of course this mini-arc is just the beginning of Cloud and Tifa’s relationship development--even in Tifa’s resolution scene we learn that their newfound emotional closeness is still clumsy (see: Cloud’s painful hug). I’m sure later parts of Remake will continue to highlight how much growing and trusting in each other they still need to do. (And I’m sure the “trusting in each other” bit will be very painful and make us cry a couple times.)

#FFVII #final fantasy vii #ff7 #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #tifa lockhart #cloud strife #cloti #cloud x tifa #cinematography #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 remake

141 notes · View notes

kerra-and-company · 2 years

Text

Finally finished my replay of PoF and am getting started on LWS4, and I wanted to highlight a few things from the first part of what’s probably my favorite living world season:

[LWS4 spoilers below!]

I completely forgot that the NPC that you talk to at the Astralarium in Istan calls you “Canach’s crony,” and I died laughing. There’s no explanation for this given in canon, as far as I know--did she interpret you two being friends in a weird way? Did she lose that bet Canach placed on you in the casino (my personal hypothesis)? Who knows?

As someone who hasn’t played through GW1 all the way (and who’s gotten the farthest through Prophecies rather than Factions or Nightfall), I didn’t realize that Lonai (the one who chases you through portals for a while) is a character you meet in Nightfall until now. I already enjoyed her character, but this makes her story bit hit harder.

Whenever Koss asks for Kormir’s help during your fight, you go blind for a bit, which is a very basic observation on my part, but I thought it was neat!

Is Kito...just. Always following you?! I was laughing at him popping up while I was talking to Sayida and then I remembered him talking about watching the Commander die in PoF. Did he get assigned to monitor them? How far away does he spy from? Does he watch them sleep? Sir.

Joko has a bounty board with literally two names on it, and that’s “[Character Name] aka ‘Commander’” and “Zaeim”. It’s a decently sized bounty board, so either there are only two posters and lots of empty space, the posters are giant, or there’s just multiple posters of two people all over it.

When you’re in the prison cell as a warrior, you get out by becoming angry enough to kick the door open. It’s great. And Zaeim still calls you crafty.

And last but not least: I don’t think I realized this on playthrough 1, but Warden Amala very specifically glamours herself to look like Balthazar when she’s fighting you. And she sets lots of things on fire. And you’re fighting to get out and protect someone close to you who you can’t reach or help before they’re captured. Whose commanders would hate this extra for trauma reasons? Show of hands, please. I bet it’s nearly all of them.

#lws4 spoilers #gw2 #pof spoilers #obligatory character-specific note:#i also laughed because kerra definitely went 'partner; not crony' and then continued with the conversation #kai speaks #I be rambling about lws4 don’t mind me

16 notes · View notes

itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

:)))) So I've started playing the witcher again AND AHA i Have more complaints, doing some main quests cause there's nothing else rly to do now, and yen has just comfirmed that she also has amnesia for a short time, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? This whole time, including literally the line before she said that, she's been belittling and mocking and just acting like she didn't believe Geralt about his amnesia/ THAT HIS ACTIONS WERE DUE TO HIS AMNESIA???? so.,,, she's rly just such a bitch lfmao I can't with this woman, She is a grown ass adult and she's being petty and cruel over something this man can't be entirely blamed for. Also asked why she didn't come look for geralt, as she only had her memory loss for a short time due to the mages helping her, she just assumed that geralt would look for her... she just assumed he was fine and- I can't stand her. I AM GONNA SPEED PAST HER SHIT AND GO FUCK AROUND SOME MORE HOLY SHIT shes insufferable

YOU'RE BACK, ANON, HI :D

All of this though. My knowledge of the Witcher story was so spotty when I first played that it took me a while to really piece everything together. (Helped immensely by playing through the first two games. Imagine that lol.) So when it fully hit home that 1. Yennefer also had amnesia, 2. She had been ignorantly pursuing another witcher just like Geralt pursued another sorceress (if we ignore the fact that Triss was actively going after him), 3. She recovered her memory way faster and did nothing to find/help Geralt, 4. She only sought him out after she'd tried to find Ciri herself and failed, AKA I'll look for you now that I need you for something, and finally 5. All of this came about because the Wild Hunt kidnapped Yennefer and Geralt TRADED HIMSELF FOR HER... I'm just, like, livid on his behalf lol. I mean damn, Geralt has his own list of flaws and you can absolutely play him as a dick, but in terms of the events we have no control over—their "real" characterization in the games—it really is a night and day difference between them. At least for me. Yeah, Yennefer is a grown-ass woman who spends the majority of the time being petty, hypocritical, or downright cruel. Does she have moments of compassion, wit, humor, etc.? Of course! Are they enough to outweigh everything else and make me like her though? Still nope...

I'm deep into my second playthrough and I'm like you, anon: I've been avoiding her parts as much as possible lol. I actually just went to Skellige because I need Yen for a secondary quest and I became frustrated by how heavy-handed their supposed chemistry is. You don't get a choice about whether Geralt greets her with a "You look beautiful" during a funeral, it just happens. The majority of the options from then on are some version of innuendo and when you pick the neutral route (that's thankfully there) Yen still turns it into a 'Remember the last time we were at a ball and had sex ;)' conversation, more innuendo about reading minds with the "I don't like that" option becoming more flirting about secrets... Even back before you've even found her it's all about her unique scent, the unicorn, how everyone recognizes you from the love ballads... it doesn't feel like they have a relationship to me. It's all just sex and how hot they both are. Compare that to literally anyone else in the game—yes, including Triss—and it just highlights how unnatural it feels. I mean, it's not going to feel unnatural to a player who already adores the relationship, but if you haven't bought into it yet... the game does incredibly little to sell them liking each other outside of the booty calls. I have no desire to romance Triss either, but at least with her I get conversations about the world, her interests, and our relationship outside of the physical. Yen seems to have three modes: we're having sex now, I hate you now, or we're looking for Ciri. It really doesn't make for an engaging romance imo. Especially in a game as choice-based as Witcher, you really can't get by on just "Well, they're canonical, so..."

In other news, I'm on the Blood and Broken Bones difficulty because I have every intention of platinuming this thing. I also added a couple of mods to even out aspects of the gameplay that previously bugged me. This included an "always full exp" mod because it sucked putting off a quest for a while, going back when you were a higher level, and getting literally 2exp for the same work. Except... then I leveled too quickly and all the mobs were super easy and I didn't want to "cheat" lol. So I got rid of the exp mod, added the AMAZING random encounters mod, cranked that difficulty up, and am now constantly besieged by mobs of my level or higher whenever I try to do... anything. It's great fun. Makes the world feel far more dangerous and you can earn a little extra coin by taking on bounties. I hope to make all the grandmaster witcher gear this time, so I'm gonna need all the coin I can get...

Do you plan to get the DLCs when you're done? I'm so eager to replay Blood and Wine again!

#witcher #gaming #anti Yennefer #mymetas

27 notes · View notes

agent-cupcake · 3 years

Note

Hey AC! I love your blog and was wondering if I could get your opinion on something. I've seen some people complaining that Ingrid and Hilda are treated by the fandom, with Ingrid stans saying that Hilda is also racist towards Almyrans (which, granted, she is) but doesn't get nearly as much hate about it as Ingrid does. But personally I feel like their attitudes and the way they react towards Dedue/Cyril are wildly different and Hilda generally seems less hateful/irrational about it. Thoughts?

This is... kind of a touchy topic... I like it though! It’s worth discussing, especially since I feel like it’s broke criticism to simply deflect blame onto a character in order to prop up another. Full and obvious disclosure: I very much dislike Ingrid and very much love Hilda. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to compare them for the sake of which is worse. I fall into the trap of character criticism through comparison far too often and it's not really valid unless you can fully explore each character in their own right beforehand. Which is why, while writing this, I came to the conclusion that the ways these two characters are interpreted and the reason people view their racist tendencies differently has far more to do with the characters themselves than their actual beliefs.

From first impressions to subsequent playthroughs, this is pretty much how I feel about Ingrid: she brings up her hatred of the Duscur people and Dedue unprompted and uncontested several times at the very beginning of the game, putting it front and center to her character. This is important, it sets a foundational component for how I could come to view her. According to her introduction, she is honorable and respectful, a model lady knight trope. But, as mentioned, she's really racist. Literally standing around thinking about how awful it is that Dimitri would trust a man of Duscur because they are all bad people. Yikes. And nobody calls her on it. Again, this is very important for perception. People judge Sylvain for his bad behavior in a much more harsh way than they do Ingrid for her vitriolic loathing for another classmate who we have seen as nothing but respectful. It's weird. And then, despite the fact that her close friend Sylvain was able to reason out that it’s not possible for the Duscur people to be at fault for the Tragedy, despite the fact that the prince of the country she supposedly hopes to serve with unwavering respect and loyalty has made it clear that he does not believe that Dedue or Duscar are responsible for the Tragedy, and despite the fact that Dimitri, her close friend and the one most affected by the Tragedy (seriously, she lost a guy she might have married and he lost his best friend, mother, and watched his father be killed in front of his eyes) continuously insists that neither Dedue nor Duscur are at fault, she loudly and openly believes that the ensuing massacre of Duscur was deserved and Dedue is inherently culpable simply because of his race. Her motivations for this hatred feel even more cheap considering her dogged hero worship for Glenn was born out of the fact that she was promised to him, making the fact that she’d use his death as reason enough for the destruction of countless innocent lives even more unsympathetic in my eyes. I mean, seriously, she was around 13 and he was older than her, how close could they have truly been? Dimitri says they were in love, but she was a child. Abandoning my modern sensibilities about age of consent or whatever, kids at that age don't have the emotional or mental capability. Maybe this is just nitpicking, but I have a very hard time caring about that relationship. But, if her actual justification is because of what happened to Faerghus as a result of the Tragedy and feels duty-bound as a knight to find justice through the systematic destruction of the Duscur people, then it just circles back to confusion considering the future leader of said country doesn't hold Duscur or Dedue responsible. The importance of perception comes in because despite these paper thin excuses and her seemingly willfully ignorant hatred, she is never challenged on her racist beliefs. The reason she seems to change her mind about Dedue and consider that maybe excusing a genocide is wrong stems from guilt that Dedue continuously comes to her aid in battle at the potential cost of his own life. I can understand, to a certain extent, why she might feel the way she does. But, again, I have such a hard time with any justification when nobody that she's close to is even nearly as hateful as her, there is plenty of evidence (evidence that the people close to her have found!) to provide a very reasonable counterclaim to Duscur's guilt, and that none of that even matters when it would require her to openly contradict the prince of her country to make the claim that Dedue was in any way complicit in the Tragedy. Which would be fine if she wasn't established as the model Lady Knight archetype, which also brings us into Ingrid's moral high horse. Admittedly, I hate the Lady Knight trope. I have a significant bias against these types of characters. However, I really do think that this moral crusade is where she lost me completely. Without even a shred of empathy or self awareness, she lectures Sylvain about his shitty behavior even though their circumstances are at least somewhat similar and he has his reasons (bad ones, maybe, but ones worth understanding if she actually cares about him), she lectures Felix about not being interested in knightly endeavors (an aspect of his character that is born of the trauma she has appropriated), and she lectures Claude about behavior that is befitting of a man in his position. Not because she cares about the girls Sylvain is hurting, not because she thinks there are any grave stakes from Felix choosing to do his own thing, and not because she knows that Claude's behavior affects his ability to lead, but because she doesn't like these behaviors and thinks they should be fixed. Yet, at the same time, she believes Dedue deserved to lose his family, country, and culture based on his birth and nobody ever does anything to morally correct her, it is something she eventually is forced to acknowledge on her own. It's frustrating, infuriating even, that the game lets her get away with being so grossly hypocritical. And, all the while, she is being painted as sympathetic. Again, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for her about Glenn, and I certainty don't feel sympathetic towards her issues about marriage because there's never any actual tension there. Of course she won't be forced to marry, she's a Lady Knight. Beyond being unsympathetic, I also find her massively unlikable. Awful design, poor voice direction, food-loving-as-a-personality-trait, the fact that she's written as one of those stock "feminist" characters who hate makeup and girly things until it benefits them, and constantly butting in on other characters to give her opinion without taking any criticism herself are all aspects that I just personally dislike. Ultimately, Ingrid being racist is only a symptom of the many reasons her character is one of my least favorites. Most of these points can be countered by someone who doesn't take issue with the things that annoy me and to point out that Ingrid DOES get over her racist beliefs. It's not fair to say that she doesn't change but, for me, the damage was already done by the time she became tolerable so I still have a hard time appreciating her. My assumption would be that there are a lot of other people who feel similarly to me regarding their dislike of Ingrid so they focus on one easy character flaw, her being racist at the beginning of the game, as a reason to validate their dislike of her overall.

On the other hand, Hilda's racism isn't a main trait of her character. It's related to her overarching character flaws, but she doesn't bring it up unprompted and can actually be pretty much missed without the Cyrill supports. Like you said, Hilda does seem less hateful and irrational, it doesn't take willful malice and an active rejection of reason for Hilda to dislike the Almyrans, they pose a genuine and provable threat to her family and territory, seemingly senselessly testing the borders and throwing away lives for the sake of conquest. To be clear, her "you're not like those OTHER Almyrans" schtick is legitimately nasty. Her behavior is gross and condescending and it really underscores the fact that Hilda is ignorant, lazy, inconsiderate, and incredibly comfortable in her privilege. She accepts what she's been told at face value because she's too lazy to look into it further. Cyrill does tell her she's stupid to think that way, though. Which is satisfying because Hilda in those supports is insufferable, it really highlights the worst aspects of her character, dismissive, manipulative, and very selfish. However, for me, she's also very likeable. I'm not interested in going over my opinions on her like I did with Ingrid as I don’t feel it’s as important to my point but a few reasons I really like her is because I think Hilda has a fantastic design, cute supports, amazing voice work, and is secretly sweet in a way that absolutely tickles my fancy. I am sure many people do not agree with me, which is fine. Additionally, just as Ingrid grows out of her racist beliefs, so does Hilda. They both end the game as more tolerant and caring people. Still, for the same reason a person could argue that Ingrid is actually great and I'm being unfair, they could argue that Hilda is terrible and I'm too biased. That's fair and true..... but I think the fact that Hilda is more generally appealing in conjunction with the less obvious nature of her racist attitude makes people less likely to dismiss her as a racist in the same way they do Ingrid. Unless they dislike Hilda, in which case, it’s all fair game.

Anyyyways, a main takeaway from this is that I highly doubt people are truly arguing on the individual basis of who's more racist, but that they're engaging in the age old waifu war. As with many characters in this game, it's easier to argue moral superiority when you can't quite articulate what you like or don't like about a character. Or, even worse, when you're arguing opinion. Even now, as is clear by reading this, I am arguing my opinion of why I don't like Ingrid. Not because she's racist, but because of the character traits and writing choices that make her unlikable to me. I like Hilda because, flaws and all, I find her to be compelling and enjoyable. From the people that I know, at least, that is basically how the Ingrid stans v Hilda racism argument is structured, even if they dress it up in different language.

By the by Hilda never talks about how the Almyrans deserve to be wiped out. I think that probably sours a lot of people's opinions of Ingrid no matter what happened afterward but that’s fine we can just pretend that didn’t happen

#fe3h #fire emblem three houses #mmmm i am sorry if she is your fave #you are valid but i feel like she was the bully volleyball player in highschool and i can't get over it

48 notes · View notes

zirkkun · 3 years

Text

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

39 notes · View notes