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hairstevington · 9 months

Note

if you’re still taking steddie requests could i request something based on the song the marriage of bigfoot and mothman by the forgetmenauts? (super fucking steddie coded if u haven’t heard it btw) (also if u dont want to no worries!)

IT IS FINALLY FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This request is from March and I've been writing it off and on since then. Thank you for being patient and I hope you like this absolute chaos of a fic. I wrote it on my most unhinged of days. Enjoy!

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The Marriage of Bigfoot and Mothman | (Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington)

Summary: Eddie and Steve are reunited four years after the final battle with Vecna. They're still madly in love, but Eddie is a little different now. Steve doesn't care, and they both decide to run away together. Meanwhile, Deputy Carver is on their tail...

Word Count: 6.2K

Warnings: Kas!Eddie (kind of not really), pretty much all characters make an appearance, this story is bonkers, no smut whatsoever, sticks to canon except Eddie and Steve were in love, some angst but with a happily ever after, mentions of homophobia/ACAB, everyone highkey gaslights Jason, based on the song from the ask (go listen to it first for context!)

(Ao3 link here )

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1990: Hawkins, Indiana

“We’ve got a situation.”

Deputy Jason Carver sat in his brand new police car. His freshly promoted status had him feeling high and mighty, and he was ready to crack down on the crime of his small, boring town.

Well, it was usually boring, but today? Today he had a surefire way to utilize his new power.

“What’s up?” his partner asked. Andy had joined the force pretty much just to be his friend’s partner. It started off as a joke and then became real. Deputy Carver took his work very seriously, while Andy…less so.

To be honest, it kind of pissed Carver off. All the buddy-comedies they’d watched together? Turned out, not realistic.

"I'll give it to you straight," said the Deputy, gritting his teeth. “I was minding my business, driving through town, and I saw that Freak, Eddie Munson.”

“No way,” Andy responded, sitting up straight. He was fully invested now. “I haven’t seen that guy since -”

“Exactly,” Carver responded.

“Are you sure it was him?”

“Unmistakable,” Carver confirmed. “I noticed a car going too goddamn fast, so I followed them, flashed my lights, and told them to pull over. The asshole didn’t. I lost him on the interstate doing 105.”

“Wait, he didn’t pull over?” Andy asked, shocked. “Isn’t that illegal?”

Jason stared at his friend blankly.

“That’s -” he sputtered, at a loss for words. “Oh my god. Yes, it’s illegal.”

“Well, we gotta catch him then!” Andy suggested, pumping his fist. “Let’s go, man!”

Carver at least appreciated the enthusiasm. He turned the key in the ignition and off they were. To where? He wasn’t sure yet, but he was determined nonetheless. He was the fucking Deputy! He could do this. He could do anything.

Plus, Eddie was one of the least inconspicuous people on the planet. He was in a giant van, for one. But also -

“There’s one more thing,” the Deputy said as he drove them. He laughed to himself quietly in disbelief. “When he passed me on the right -” He reenacted this dramatically, speaking as if it were a performance. “I saw it wasn’t just Munson. He was driving around with Steve Harrington of all people.”

“Pshhh,” Andy said, shaking his head. “Now you’re lying.”

“Swear to God,” Carver promised. “And the strangest thing of all-”

“Stranger than King Steve riding around town with the Freak?”

“That’s the thing,” Carver responded. “They weren’t just riding around town, they were singing.”

“No way,” Andy said, confused. “Singing what?”

Carver cleared his throat, then echoed the words he’d heard not long ago -

“You'll never take us alive, it's our wedding night

We made our vows in the meadow in the dead of night

I will be his forest, he will be my light.”

Andy stared at the man beside him, who’s eyes were now fixed on the road.

“Dude,” Andy said. “How the hell did you remember all that?”

The Deputy shrugged, shook his head, then spit out the driver’s side window.

“Shit was catchy.”

“WOOOOOOOOOO WE’RE FUCKING CRAZYYYYYY!” Steve yelled out the passenger side window of Eddie’s van. Eddie cackled in response, turning the music they were blasting down enough to have a conversation.

“We’re not crazy, we’re in loooove,” he assured Steve, a gentle smile on his face. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time.

“I mean, I’m pretty sure for us it’s both,” Steve responded, equally joyous.

Steve wasn’t wrong. The two of them had reunited only a few weeks ago, after four years apart. Now, they were gathering all of their friends so they could run away together and have a pretend wedding ceremony on a farm (because gay marriage wasn’t legal but there were no laws against living with a really close friend of the same gender forever and always).

Oh, and Eddie had come back from the dead after the bats got him in the Upside Down, and now he had wings and glowing eyes.

So…that was also unorthodox. Let’s dive into some context.

1981: Hawkins, Indiana

It was the first day of Steve’s freshman year and Eddie’s sophomore year. Steve was fourteen, and Eddie was fifteen.

Steve had what parents and faculty called “potential.” His grades were decent (save for English and History), and he was on track to be on several sports teams. He was friendly with pretty much everybody in the way some kids are, but he didn’t have a solid friend group or even someone he could call a best friend.

Eddie, on the other hand, was a nobody. He was just a kid who blended in among the others, and he liked it that way. His uncle, God bless him, called Eddie “eccentric,” but Eddie knew that was just a different way to say “weird.” He excelled in English and History, because he did a lot of reading in his spare time (and he had a lot of spare time, considering he didn’t talk to anyone). He was pretty horrible in math and science, though. And generally, he hated being in school, so he skipped a lot to hide at this picnic table he’d found in the woods.

Because he was a shitty student, he had to take Algebra a second time.

Guess who was in his class?

Eddie and Steve would talk to each other every so often in class, but mainly focused on schoolwork. However, they also shared a free period, and since it was Steve’s first time at Hawkins High, he found solace in the familiar face. They worked together sometimes, and eventually had an agreement - Steve helped Eddie with his math homework, Eddie helped Steve with English.

And then…well, they were kids with confusing feelings about having a friend versus having a crush. But all of it came to a screeching halt, because then Steve met Tommy, and he got a little mean.

Eddie kind of knew Steve was headed for greatness in the Hawkins High student body, but he didn’t realize he’d jump to the top and leave Eddie in the dust.

The last time Eddie and Steve saw each other had cemented their fate. They were joking with each other as usual, and then -

“You’re…afraid of the dark?” Steve accused, laughing.

“Well, it’s not - I mean, I wouldn’t say -”

“You’re afraid of the dark.”

“I’m NOT-”

“Don’t worry, tons of people are the same way. Most of them are waaaaay younger, but-”

“Shut your goddamn mouth or I’ll shut it for you.”

“How are you gonna do that? You gonna kiss me, Munson?”

The following silence was all Steve needed to hear. It confirmed what Steve suspected Eddie was feeling, as well as the way the feelings were reciprocated.

Truthfully, Steve just panicked and reacted poorly. He had to decide - either stick with Eddie, confront something he wasn’t ready to confront, and become a social outcast, or join Tommy’s group of assholes, repress all those feelings, and eventually hook up with a bunch of women and be referred to as a King. Obviously, he chose the latter.

Eddie, for the record, ran from it all, too. He decided to embrace his anger and pain and give people something to hate him for. He was fine with being invisible, until Steve made him feel seen - after that, he was desperate for people to notice him, and he did it in the only way he knew how. Plus, Eddie figured that him being the school freak really pissed Steve off, so that was something. But Eddie found friends between music and Hellfire Club and drugs, and he felt pretty alright.

They didn’t talk to each other for five years.

1986: Hawkins, Indiana

Ah, yes. The typical way all estranged friends reunite - Person A throwing Person B against the wall of a boathouse and threatening him with a broken bottle to the neck, after Person A disappeared due to being suspected in the brutal murder of a fellow classmate.

A meet-cute of sorts.

Eddie admittedly hadn’t even noticed who it was he was threatening due to being in a blind panic. He felt himself getting feral, but after the shit he’d seen, no one could blame him.

Dustin’s voice calmed him down enough to recognize the man he'd pinned.

“You,” Eddie said softly.

“Hi, yeah, it’s me,” Steve replied nervously. Eddie let up and backed away.

The next few days were terrible and stressful and filled with horrors Eddie never could have imagined he’d face. But any time he had a moment with Steve, it was like none of that mattered.

The world was ending, and people were dying. Eddie would have been lying to himself if he said he hadn’t thought about Steve all the goddamn time, and now who knew how much time they had left?

Steve clearly felt it too, because when the group realized they’d have to hide Eddie somewhere he wouldn’t be found, Steve insisted he stay with him. Nobody questioned it, each going off their different adventures, connected by a walkie talkie.

So, Eddie and Steve spent hours alone together, and they got to talking pretty fast. Confessions and apologies spilled out of them before either of them realized it was happening. By the time the others returned, the two of them had already processed and forgiven each other for what had happened when they were kids, AND admitted they had non-friendly feelings.

“Holy mother of chest-hair, Batman!” Eddie exclaimed after Steve took off his shirt.

“Not really the reaction I wanted, but okay,” Steve muttered. Eddie laughed, then took a step closer.

“Sorry, I just - I’ve seen you shirtless before in the locker room and stuff, and you didn’t have aaaaall of this.” Eddie ran his hands against Steve’s chest, prompting Steve to jolt backwards and laugh.

“Stop, man, that tickles!” he exclaimed. “And yeah, I stayed pretty hairless back when I was a swimmer.”

“Are you telling me that you were waxed back then?”

“I - well, it was -” Steve sputtered, flustered. “I think we’re going off course, here.” Eddie smirked, then put his hand around the back of Steve’s neck. He tangled his fingers in the hair at the base of Steve’s skull, gripping tightly into a fist. He tugged on it a little to prove a point.

“I like it, you know.” Steve blushed.

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Eddie confirmed, bringing his lips impossibly close to Steve’s. “It’s like you’re Steve ‘The Hairier’ Harrington.” Steve rolled his eyes and pushed Eddie away.

“Get away from me, Munson,” Steve teased. “You ruined it.” Eddie just laughed, undeterred.

“I don’t think I did,” he replied. “In fact, I’m willing to bet that all you’ve ever wanted in your Pretty-Boy life is for someone to accept you for everything you are - excessive hair and all.”

Steve tried to play along and act like he was irritated by all this, but he clearly wasn’t. Especially since Eddie was dead-on.

“I’m not that hairy,” he insisted. “You’re acting like I’m Bigfoot or something.” Eddie’s face lit up, and Steve immediately backtracked. “No, no. You’re not about to make that a thing.”

“Steve,” Eddie began. “You know how much I love urban legends. You can’t just dangle the most amazing comparison in front of me and expect me not to make it a thing.” Steve groaned.

“Jesus,” he mumbled. “Why the hell do I still want you so bad?”

“Oh, probably something to do with the deal I made with Satan,” Eddie responded.

Steve couldn’t restrain himself anymore. His attempt at looking annoyed was wearing off, his glare softening, a smirk emerging across his lips.

“I don't get how you manage to piss me off and turn me on at the same time.” he said.

“It’s a gift.”

“Right,” Steve sighed. He gave into his urges and charged forward, kissing Eddie passionately.

He’d never felt this way about anyone before.

They spent five days together that week, but it felt like a lot longer than that. They’d become something like boyfriends in that time - although, they were fighting monsters and plotting how to destroy some big evil dude instead of going on dates. Still, they were something.

After Steve jumped into that lake, and Eddie, Nancy, and Robin saved him from the bats, Eddie tended to Steve’s wounds. They were side by side as long as they possibly could be.

Deciding to split up for the final battle was excruciating, but they both knew it was for the best. Steve had to be with Robin, and Eddie had to be with Dustin, and they all had specific roles to play.

It hadn’t been long enough to call it love, even though they both felt it. If they’d had more time, their final words to each other could have been something special. Something powerful. Something that conveyed what they meant to each other.

But they didn’t have that time, so they settled on -

“Hey, Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Make him pay.”

Steve held up his end of the bargain, but it wasn’t enough. By the time he’d gone back to where they’d left Eddie and Dustin, only one of them was left standing.

Steve did what any nineteen year old would do in that situation. He repressed it, fully and completely. Barely acknowledged or talked about it. The alternative was too painful to accept.

And then, he started aimlessly searching for something else to focus on. He spent a lot of time driving around. Dustin had a girlfriend in Utah, so that gave Steve a good excuse to skip town every so often. He’d drive around the country, bit by bit, never quite finding what he was looking for.

1990:

Four years came and went. The kids graduated high school and were getting ready for college. Robin was about to get her degree. Steve had been spending a lot of time at her university, but he didn’t quite fit there either.

Hawkins became boring again, and Steve decided once everyone was grown-up and scattered that he would never go back.

He drove all the way to California.

One of the gas stations had a newspaper that caught his eye - Mothman sightings. Something blurry in the sky that no one could ever follow or get a decent picture of. Steve’s heart sank as his mind betrayed him, shattering the strict rule he’d lived by for years.

Eddie would’ve loved this.

Damn. That was a buzzkill.

“You hear about the Mothman thing?” the guy at the register asked. Steve looked up, less than enthused to have this conversation. He shook his head. “Wild stuff. People are seeing him everywhere. Around this area, actually. Business has never been this good.” The man laughed, and Steve realized he must be the owner or something.

Steve had been wondering why there were so many people in town he’d never heard of before, when the beach was hours away.

Steve mumbled some sort of response and took off, cursing his inability to find a private place nearby. He drove around the town, but all the spots he deemed worthy of a breakdown were occupied.

He parked next to the woods, then wandered in and walked as far as his legs carried him. He spotted a dark cave and headed inside, a dire need to be invisible.

Then, he screamed and punched the cave wall, hurting his hand so badly he screamed again.

“Dammit!” he yelled, crashing to the floor.

It was pitch black in there. Almost as if he were in another world, or perhaps in no world at all. It was kind of peaceful, in that way.

“You good?”

Steve jumped up faster than he’d ever moved before upon hearing a second voice.

“Jesus Christ!” he yelled. “Who - I - sorry, I thought I was alone in here.”

“Yeah, clearly,” they replied.

The voice was so similar to Eddie’s that Steve couldn’t bear it.

“Sorry, you were here first so I’ll go,” Steve said, turning toward the lightened exit.

“You could stay.”

Steve shook his head, knowing the other person in there couldn’t possibly see it.

“No, I - Look, I know this won’t mean anything to you, but I’m having a shit day - well, a shit life, honestly, and you sound a lot like someone I’m trying not to think about so -”

“Steve,” the voice said, sending a chill down his spine. “It’s me.”

“Shit,” Steve muttered. “Great. Now I’m hearing things. This conversation probably isn’t even happening, right?”

“How the hell did you even find me? No one else can,” the voice continued.

“Would you shut up?” Steve asked, irritated. “You’re not - I’m going insane. I gotta get out of here.” He took a step forward, but was pulled back by the wrist.

“Wait,” the voice beckoned. “You don’t get it. You found me. Were you looking for me?”

“Dude, what is this?” Steve replied, tugging his hand free. “Some messed up game of hide and seek? I was just looking for somewhere to be alone, and I found this place by accident, and I’m not even alone here, so I’m going.”

“Jesus Christ, Steve,” the voice said. “It’s me, okay? It’s Eddie. I didn’t die when I was in the Upside Down - or, well, I did, but then I came back or something, and now I’m here, and you found me on accident. Like, that’s got to mean something, right?”

Steve’s head was spinning.

“What?!” he exclaimed. “I - no, that’s impossible. Why wouldn’t you have - I mean, it’s been years, and he would have - we would have known. No, this is bullshit.”

“Iiiit’s not,” the voice responded. Steve scoffed.

“Let me see you, then.”

There was a long, tense silence.

“I look different.” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, me too,” he said. “Come on, I gotta see you or I’ll go insane.” The alleged “Eddie” sighed.

“Fine, but before we go out there, let me give you a little sneak peek.”

Suddenly, Steve was face to face with two glowing red eyes.

“Jesus!” he yelled, jumping back. “What? I - what?!”

“Yeah, I know, how do you think I feel?” the voice responded. “Glowing eyes and big wings, now. I wish I was kidding.”

Steve had seen his fair share of shit at this point. He’d seen all kinds of monsters. He’d been in alternate dimensions. There was a world in which this person (person?) was telling the truth.

Which would mean Steve had Eddie back.

Hope flickered in his chest for the first time. Screw the wings. Screw the eyes. He walked toward the light and waited for footsteps behind him, but heard none. He stopped and spun around.

“Come on,” he said. “Follow me. Please. I don’t care what you look like.”

“You say that now -”

“Yeah, and I mean it,” Steve insisted. “If you’re really - if it’s really you, then I don’t give a shit about the eyes or wings or horns or whatever the hell else you got going on, because I’ve - God, I’ve missed you more than anything, so just step out of this goddamn cave or I’ll carry you out there myself.”

Steve wasn’t usually one to find random dark caves and spill his guts to disembodied voices that claimed to be his ex, but there’s a first time for everything. He realized as he was speaking that he’d already decided to believe what he was hearing was true - which meant that if he was wrong, he’d be crushed.

But that didn’t matter. He’d been crushed before.

“I actually don’t have horns,” the voice said.

“What?” Steve asked, baffled as to why that was relevant. “Yes, you do. I saw the pictures in the paper -”

“I bought fake ones at a Halloween store,” the voice explained. “Which - now that I’m saying it out loud, makes no sense, but I’ve been by myself for like five years now and I kind of have this thing for being dramatic -”

“Jesus Christ it really is you,” Steve mumbled.

“That’s what convinced you?” Eddie asked, chuckling.

“Well, yeah,” Steve replied. “Nobody else would do that.”

“Fair enough.”

“Wait, have you been keeping your eyes closed this whole time so that I wouldn’t freak out?”

“Maybe.”

Steve smiled in the darkness, amazed at how naturally their banter came back.

“That’s dumb,” he said. Suddenly, the red eyes were back. Upon second inspection, they weren’t really that crazy. Then, Steve felt a hand grasp his, and that was it - the final confirmation he needed. He knew from one moment of physical contact that this was real.

He had Eddie back.

Together, the two of them walked out of the darkness.

Steve stared at Eddie for quite some time, analyzing his new look.

“Could you please for the love of god say something,” Eddie begged. “I can fly and see in the dark, but I can't read minds.”

He still had a humanoid figure. His face was the same as it had always been, save for the eyes (which, by the way, looked a lot less intense in the light). The wings were new, but they were only visible when Eddie wanted them to be.

“Okay,” Steve said with a nod. “I’m thinking I can work with this.”

“Seriously?” Eddie asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Steve insisted. “Bigfoot and Mothman. It’s kind of perfect, right?”

“Bigfoot and Mothman,” Eddie repeated, grinning. “Jesus H. Christ, I love you.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide as soon as the words were out of his mouth.

“Shit,” he said, immediately terrified. “I mean - I didn’t mean to say that. If we could just pretend like that didn’t happen, that would be great.” Steve smirked. He’d spent a lot of his life pretending, and he had no interest in repeating those mistakes.

“So, you don’t love me?” he teased, taking a step forward.

“My answer depends on whether or not you love me,” Eddie replied. Steve took his hand again and squeezed.

“I do,” he admitted. “Always have. Your move, Munson.”

Eddie kissed him instead of answering, but there was no doubt in either mind that what they were about to embark on was something major - for both of them.

“This is -” Eddie began after they separated. “This is crazy, right? Like, the world already feels weird about two dudes running away together, let alone one dude and one half-dude half fucking moth.”

“I could go crazier,” Steve said.

“What do you mean?”

Steve took a deep breath. The world had never been that kind to him, but it had given him this, and he wasn’t about to waste a single moment. He’d been running so long, and Eddie had been hiding, and neither of them should have had to live like that anymore.

“I mean, I - I’ve always wanted to ride around like I have been, but I never wanted to do it alone,” Steve explained. Eddie’s face shifted into recognition.

“Six little nuggets in a Winnebago, right?”

“You remembered,” Steve replied with a smile.

“Of course I do.”

Fuck it. Eddie was his soulmate. It didn’t matter that there were a lot of factors against them - if they were in it together, everything would be okay.

“The nuggets are all over the country,” Steve said, referring to the kids who weren’t even kids anymore.

“Well then,” Eddie responded, smiling. “If you think they’ll be as cool about this as you are, I say let’s go grab ‘em.”

They spent the next few weeks traveling the country and rallying up their friends. They’d had the same conversation over and over again - Eddie’s alive? He looks like that? You guys are gay? You’re running away to a farm together???

Whatever. It was crazy and it was amazing.

Dustin was so relieved that Eddie was alive, he didn’t care about the gay thing or the fact he could fly. Eddie and Steve asked Dustin to be their best man, and he burst into tears of joy.

Lucas called out how insane the whole thing was, but accepted it nonetheless.

El was confused, but supportive.

Max literally couldn’t give less of a shit about any of it, but was glad they were happy.

Mike short-circuited at first, but idolized Eddie so much he accepted the situation pretty quick.

Will was unfazed and over the moon for them.

Robin was ultimately just upset that Dustin was going to be best man and not her. Naturally, they donned her Maid of Honor, and then she was good to go.

Jonathan was chill about it. Eddie being a demon weirded him out a little, though.

Nancy was the one with the most reservations, but mainly she was concerned for their safety. Eddie and Steve assured her that they would be in the middle of nowhere, and that Eddie’s freaky appearance would keep them safe just fine. Since everyone else was on board, Nancy shrugged and said of course she would be there.

Wayne, like Dustin, was mainly just blown away by Eddie being alive. The rest of it was irrelevant to him.

Joyce was baffled by the whole thing, but since her children were okay with it, she was too.

Hopper just kind of grunted in approval and said nothing else.

Now, everyone was meeting up at the predetermined location - a homestead that used to be owned by one of Steve’s relatives. It happened to be for sale, so they bought it.

Off they went to their new home.

Jason and Andy had spent all day tracking and following Eddie’s van. It was slow going at first, until a concerned citizen called the local police station to report a two men raiding a gift shop. Her story was nearly discounted at first because she’d mentioned one of the men had wings, but…

Well, honestly? Jason had caught a glimpse of those, too. But it had been so quick he convinced himself he was mistaken. He convinced himself the concerned citizen had been, too. Wings? On a dead man? Preposterous.

Anyway, they chased that lead and ended up locating the van at the gift shop, and - sure enough - Eddie and Steve were walking out.

Hand in fucking hand.

“Oh, sweet lord,” Jason muttered.

“Look at all the shit they stole!” Andy exclaimed, pointing at their loaded trunk.

“I don’t care about the shoplifting,” Jason snapped back angrily. “Look at them! They’re - they’re - they’re holding hands!”

“Dude, who cares if they’re gay,” Andy replied. “We’re supposed to look out for crimes.”

Jason stared at his friend, wanting to argue, then realized he couldn’t. He grumbled, then got out of the car to confront the pair.

“Don’t move!” he shouted, prompting Eddie and Steve to turn to them. Jason was giddy in anticipation of reciting the Miranda Rights - he’d always reveled in that part of the job.

“Jason?” Eddie asked, not at all intimidated. “You’re a pig, now? Thaaaaat seems about right.”

“Shut up,” Jason shot back. “You’re supposed to be dead, Freak.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve just been missing, actually,” Eddie clarified.

“Well, I found you,” Jason said, raising his gun. He thought for sure it would cause Eddie to back off, but he didn’t.

“Ooh, Big Boy Carver’s got a gun,” Eddie mocked.

“Eds, let’s maybe take a step back,” Steve said softly. At least one of them had a sense of respect for authority.

“Jace,” Andy said, tugging at the Deputy’s shirt sleeve.

“Dude, whatever it is I’m kind of busy,” Jason replied through gritted teeth, unwilling to look away from the boys.

“They’re stealing our car.”

That was worth breaking his gaze, for sure. When Jason turned - sure enough, their cop car was driving away without them. Some red-headed teen was behind the wheel, with a curly-haired guy beside her in the passenger's seat.

Jason turned back to see Eddie and Steve had jumped into the van and were attempting to drive away.

“Hey, what do you think you’re -”

Jason tried to shoot at the tires, but he couldn’t move. He was completely frozen, but not out of fear or hesitation - this was something out of his control completely.

He was forced to stand and watch the van speed away, his own police car not far behind them.

Shit.

“WE’RE THE FREEEEAAKS!” Eddie cheered as they sped away. Steve laughed, relieved that they’d had backup or else they never would have gotten away.

“Thanks, Jane,” Steve said, high fiving the girl in the back seat.

“You are welcome,” she replied with a smile, wiping a drop of blood from under her nose.

“Holy shit, that was AWESOME,” Dustin’s voice said through the walkie talkie.

“I’ve never stolen a cop car before,” Max added. “Huh.”

“Don’t make a habit out of it, alright?” Steve warned, ever protective of the kids.

“Yes, mom,” she replied.

They were all meeting at the homestead in groups - Eddie and Steve were originally transporting Robin, Max, Jane, and Dustin, but Max and Dustin ended up making a snap decision to save their asses. The adults - Joyce, Hopper, and Wayne - were meeting them in a separate car. Nancy, Jonathan, Mike, and Will were another group. Lucas was showing up by himself, as he was just coming back from London.

“Okay, well that was cool and all,” Robin interjected. “But you do realize that cop cars can be tracked a whole lot easier than this van, right?”

“Is that true?” Steve asked.

“I dunno, but she said it pretty confidently,” Eddie responded. “Sounds right.”

“So…we ditch the cop car and consolidate,” Max suggested. “Then meet at the farm as planned.”

“They’d still find us eventually,” Dustin argued.

“Not with me driving.”

“Chill out, Mad Max.”

“GUYS!” Steve interrupted. “They’re gaining on us.”

Everyone looked in the rear view mirror to see the cops on their trail. The Deputy led the pack with intense anger in his eyes, desperately attempting to catch up.

“I can keep them away,” Jane offered. “I will protect you.”

“El,” Dustin said. “Not that I didn’t love seeing you flip that van to save us last time, but we probably shouldn’t murder anyone today.”

“Her name is Jane,” Max reminded him.

“Shit, sorry.”

“No murder?” Eddie whined with a fake pout. “But it’s my wedding day!”

“Eddie, could you take this seriously, please?” Steve pleaded, starting to feel nervous.

“Relax, I’ve got a plan,” he responded, cool as a cucumber. “But everyone’s gonna have to play along.”

Well, this could only end well.

Jason and Andy followed the group all the way to the middle of nowhere. It was some barren farmland that hadn’t been cared for in ages. The only thing that seemed somewhat new was the “Sold” sign out front.

For the last hour or so, Eddie and Steve hadn’t tried a single thing to get away. They’d led the cops right to the farm, which was…suspicious.

The Deputy was more than prepared to shoot this time if he had to. Clearly, this was a trap, and he wasn’t falling for it.

“Be ready for anything,” Jason said as he parked the car and stepped out.

“Got it,” Andy replied, actually serious for once. They walked together slowly towards the main house, their hands on their holsters for good measure.

“Heeeelp!” a woman’s voice called from behind the house.

“We are just poor damsels in distress! Please someone save us!” Jason shifted his attention to the vulnerable ladies who needed his assistance and ran toward their cries. Once he got there, they stopped yelling, and he realized neither of them were in any danger.

Two women, one a little older than the other. Jason thought he recognized her from the school band, way back when, but he wasn’t sure. The other one…

“Wait, aren’t you the girl who stole my car?” he asked.

“Sure did,” the red-head admitted with a smirk. “Stole these, too.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out Jason’s favorite pair of sunglasses.

“Hey, give those back,” he said, outstretching his hand.

“What are you gonna do if I don’t? Shoot me?” she teased. “I know a good lawyer.” Jason sneered as she put the glasses on herself, smug. Jason was about ready to scold her, but instead heard more voices, now at the front of the house.

“Hey, look!”

“Over here!”

“Forget the sunglasses,” Andy said. “Come on, let’s go.” Jason (begrudgingly) followed his partner around the house, only to find two teenage guys waiting for them, also not in danger. He recognized them, too.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Jason said. “I know you. You were in that club - Hellfire Club. With -”

Jason’s eyes widened. Holy shit. He was uncovering a whole conspiracy.

“That’s correct,” the curly-haired one replied. “I’m Dustin, this is Mike.”

“Hello!” Mike said with a goofy smile.

“You were right this whole time,” Dustin said calmly.

“We’ve sold our souls and live to serve our master,” Mike added.

“Eddie,” Dustin clarified.

“Wait, what?” Jason asked. “Okay, everyone here is insane. Andy, let’s call for backup.”

“Hey, Jason.”

Oh, great. A new voice. Jason turned around yet again to find -

“Lucas….Sinclair???”

Okay, wow. Lucas had been on the basketball team with Jason back in high school. He was one of Hawkins’ biggest success stories, because he went on to play pro and make it big.

“Nice to see you again,” Lucas said.

“It’s - what are you doing here?” Jason asked, his head spinning.

“Oh my god,” Andy muttered. “Dude, Lucas made a deal with the devil! That’s why he made it and you didn’t.”

“Andy, shh!” Jason didn’t like people to know that he’d worked very hard to be a professional athlete, because he didn’t want anyone to know he’d failed miserably.

“Yup,” Lucas confirmed. “You got me. The only reason I am where I am today and you aren’t is because of Satan.” Mike and Dustin stifled giggles behind him.

Jason couldn’t lie - having Satan to blame was kinda nice.

And then, Jason and Andy heard the front door of the house open, and looked to see a man walk out. Jason’s blood went cold.

“...Chief Hopper?” he asked, astounded. “But you - the mall fire…”

It had been front page news. Local Sheriff Jim Hopper died in the Starcourt fire. First Eddie, now him? What the hell was going on?

“Congratulations on your promotion,” Hopper said casually.

“Thanks,” Jason replied, dazed. “But you -”

“Yes, yes, I did,” Hopper continued, looking mournfully at the ground. “We’re all dead, here.”

A teenage boy walked out of the house next, one that Jason recognized immediately.

“Will Byers…” he muttered. Will had also been a top story - the kid that got lost in the woods, pronounced dead, and then came back like nothing had happened. “Wait, you’re saying that you - that you both died?”

“Yeah, that’s what we’re saying,” Will replied with a nod.

“But you aged!” Jason argued.

“Uh, yeah,” Will said with a shrug. “We can do that.”

That didn’t sound right, but Jason nodded anyway. None of this made sense. Was he dreaming?

“Nah nah nah,” Andy said, backing up. “I draw the line at ghost children. I’m out.”

“Andy…” Jason said with a sigh, but it was too late - his friend was already halfway to the car.

“Okay, so what you’re all saying is…” Jason began, attempting to recap what he’d been told. “You both are dead,” he said, pointing at Hopper and Will. He directed his attention to the girls and boys next. “And you all are part of a cult that worships…Eddie Munson.”

Everybody looked at him and shrugged.

“What about Steve?” Jason asked.

“Fresh blood,” Mike explained.

“Okay, so where is Eddie, then?”

“Right here.”

Jason looked up to see Eddie perched on the roof in all his glory - arms outstretched, wings on display, red eyes glowing.

“Jesus Christ!” Jason exclaimed. “Andy! Call -”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t do that,” Eddie warned. He flew (flew!!) off the roof and landed in front of Jason. “What are you gonna do? Tell people what you saw today? Nobody will believe you.” Eddie took another step forward, causing Jason to take a step back. “We’re all gonna stay here, and we won’t bother anyone, so you should probably just go ahead and forget any of this ever happened.”

“I won’t do that,” Jason insisted. “I can - I will -”

“Okay, so you need a little more convincing. No problem,” Eddie said. He outstretched his hand and narrowed his eyes in concentration.

And then, Jason started floating.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Jason cried out as fought against the invisible force lifting him up. “Let me down! How are you -? Put me down!”

Eddie just shook his head and laughed.

“Promise to leave us alone,” he said.

“Fine! Dammit, I promise!” Jason yelled. “I won’t tell anyone! I’ll leave you alone! Just let me go!”

Jason fell back to the ground after that, and then he scrambled to his feet, ran to his car as fast as his legs would carry him, and drove back to Hawkins.

Him and Andy never told a soul what they’d seen.

“Do you, Steve Harrington, take me, Eddie Munson, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Once the coast was clear, the team worked to create a makeshift venue for the upcoming nuptials. Nancy took over as the lead with Joyce, assigning tasks to everyone. Jonathan set up chairs, the kids took over decorations, and Robin and Dustin got their respective grooms ready for the event.

Now, everyone was seated on that homestead, watching their two friends have the weirdest wedding ceremony of all time.

“I do,” Steve said.

And they all lived happily ever after.

---------------------

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