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mikaela-the-slut-expert · 4 months

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Hi! Can I request a Hua Cheng x bottom male reader x Xie Lian one shot? Maybe that the three of them are already in a relationship together. And maybe when they all go to Qi Rong's (the black water calamity) lair to kill him in that one chapter/episode, Before they start fighting Qi Rong starts flirting with reader and it makes HuaLian jealous as fuck. And so when they defeat him they drag reader back to the Puqi Shrine and reminds him who he belongs too 🤭

Also if possible can you make it smut?

Feel free to delete this ask if you want tho!

Look At Me

Hua Cheng x M!reader x Xie Lian

Sorry it took so long I'm still in school guys 😞 at first I was confused because I thought you were talking about He Xuan because I was sure he was the black water calamity

I forgot the prince's name guys

I made up connections for Qi Rong and reader

Ignore grammar mistakes

Slight ooc?

Smut ahead!!!

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They knew it wasn't going to be easy, nor was it going to feel good. Hua Cheng has meant to find Qi Rong, reveal the truth to Lan Qin Qao, and continue on with their lives. Well, he just wanted to beat the shit out of Qi Rong for what he did to Xie Lian.

All of you went to Qi Rong's lair, and watched Hua Cheng beat Qi Rong's face into the ground. Then you all got to listen to the truth about the banquet. So far so good. 'good' is an emotional ride for everyone there. But that was the whole point anyways.

Everything was going as planned, in Hua Cheng's book anyways. Until Qi Rong started slandering Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. He started yelling about how Hua Cheng was Xie Lian's dog, and how Xie Lian is so pure he must've been blinded by it.

You have a deep past with Xie Lian, and a relationship with both men so of course you aren't happy to hear these things. Especially from Qi Rong. You used to be close with him, of course you were. He was Xie Lian's cousin so obviously you would've met him. Now look at Qi Rong. It was truly pitiful.

You were upset by the words Qi Rong was saying, he used to be such a good child for you. The things he was saying weren't fair to your lovers, you also didn't want to see Qi Rong get beat up anymore. Xie Lian and Hua Cheng already had a go at him.

"Qi Rong you've grown to have such a vulgar tongue, please be quiet." You weren't going to hit anyone, you're too sweet for that, so you could only ask him nicely. It's the first thing you've said since you've been here. You haven't said anything, rather staying quiet instead. You just didn't want things to escalate further.

You hadn't expected it to work, Qi Rong is. . . Unstable, to put it nicely. Plus he hasn't looked at you this whole time you doubt he remembers you at all. It's been so long.

Qi Rong snaps his head towards you and his giggling dies down. "Y/n? Y/n is it really you? What a wonderful reunion this is!" Even though Qi Rong had just been upset about 'people throwing a party in his lair'.

"Come closer, come closer I want to see your face y/n. It seems you've been by my high and mighty cousin all this time." He grins widely. You don't reply to that, you don't know what to say. You had gone to step forward though, to allow Qi Rong to see your face after all these years.

Xie Lian stopped you though. Where he usually is so hesitant to touch you has been thrown away, he pulls you by the elbow, behind him now. Xie Lian doesn't know why he does it. Anger? Jealousy? Selfishness? Protectiveness? Hostility? Who knows but he knows that him and Hua Cheng will lose it if Qi Rong dares to spit harmful words towards you.

But Qi Rong doesn't. He does the contrary, as if Qi Rong had really missed you. As if he had a right to your person. He laughs, finding it hysterical how Xie Lian pulls you behind him. How his big cousin is selfish even though he acts like the most selfless person to ever breathe. "Hahaha! Look at you big cousin! Look, look! You've always been selfish! Selfish!" He laughs and laughs against the ground.

Qi Rong looks at you, what he can see peaking over Xie Lian's shoulder anyways. "Y/n, Y/n I've missed you over these 800 years. You must've been blinded by big cousin's light too! His pureness and selflessness right?! You should come with me instead. I miss Y/n's pretty face I haven't seen it in so long!" And he dares to try and reach a hand to your robes.

You don't know if he's being honest in his words or if he's saying it to piss off your lovers. You wouldn't put it past him. "Qi Rong please" you hiss through your teeth. You had been so focused on Xie Lian that you had completely forgotten about the seething ghost behind you.

Hua Cheng's devotion to Xie Lian is admirable and his devotion to you is the same. Qi Rong very quickly finds his face being slammed into the ground again. It's a very gruesome sight and you didn't enjoy it all. Hiding behind Xie Lian and covering your ears as Qi Rong continues to roll your name over his tongue.

Things pass, and tensions increase. Eventually leading to Qi Rong being cut in half and thrown into boiling liquids. Even though Xie Lian drags you off, you can't help but stare where Qi Rong was thrown.

Once the three of you are out of the lair, you're all interrupted by Shi Qingxuan and Feng Xin. Feng Xin wants the two of you to come back to the heavens. To come home. He demands it actually, threatening Hua Cheng with his bow and arrow. Shi Qingxuan stops him though. You and Xie Lian get pulled behind Hua Cheng.

Once things smooth over with them and Hua Cheng bullies Feng Xin with blood rain, you were expecting to go back to the heavens with Xie Lian. The two of you do need to get up there and explain everything that has happened. Xie Lian and Hua Cheng decide differently though. Instead you're dragged off and your lovers are eerily silent, seething quietly. You don't know what to say, because you don't know why they're upset. So you don't say anything you let them drag you along.

They've taken you to Puqi shrine. You can only assume that maybe after such a tiring day, that everyone is missing home. Maybe your lovers just want to spend a few hours with you and have some peace. To make what happened earlier a distant memory. Your mind is quickly changed.

Your assumptions prove wrong when Xie Lian drags you through the door and shoves you down on the mat. "H-hey! What is wrong with you?" You look away. Xie Lian grips your jaw and snaps your gaze back towards him. "Look at me, don't look away again" Xie Lian has never treated you so roughly. You've known him a long time and he's always treated you carefully. Not even in bed does he usually dare to treat you so hard.

You try to gain your balance, and to get off of the floor. You're quickly pulled back by your shoulders and your back meets Hua Cheng's chest. Leaving you between your two, seething lovers. And you? You poor, oblivious thing. You don't even understand why.

"A-Lian, San Lang! Why are you acting like this!?" You're left with no answer besides Xie Lian practically tearing at your robes and San Lang pinning your back against his chest. He's not giving you the chance to move away. Not that you would anyhow.

Hua Cheng being angry, and upset is nothing new. It's concerning sometimes but he tends to pout a lot so you expect it. Seeing Xie Lian angry, is frightening. Well, not exactly but you haven't seen him angry in a long time but he's never been angry with you. Ever.

You're stripped quickly, and your hands shoot out to Xie Lian's face. Holding his face in your hands, making him look at you, forcing him to pause in his ministrations. "A-Lian, what's wrong?"

Xie Lian's brow furrows and he lets out a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry y/n" he huffs softly and holds your wrist. He moves his face to the side and kisses your palm. "Qi Rong was right I am selfish. I am, I shouldn't be but I can help it. But I'm selfish for good reasons" he moves closer, nipping at your neck. His usual soft kisses, become possessive bites.

"I have a right to claim you, to touch you. You're mine. You're San Lang's. You're ours" he hisses through his teeth and he bites your shoulder hard. His hands roam while he talks, spreading your legs and his oiled fingers prod at your hole. Where did he get a bottle of oil? When did he even do that?

San Lang makes himself busy by kissing you and shoving his tongue down your throat. Stealing your breath as if it were his. Not that he needs to breathe.

Xie Lian continues, "But what right does he have to claim you? To try and take you away from me, from us?" Xie Lian growls out, and presses fingers up against your prostate. It didn't take long for him to find it, he's explored you many times. It causes you to arch against San Lang's chest and moan into his mouth.

Xie Lian doesn't feel like being nice today though because his fingers continue to rub and curl up against your prostate. You squirm against them both, moans being ripped out of you by Xie Lian nimble fingers. "A-Lian, A-Lian, please~!"

San Lang bullies you too, making you dizzy from his kisses and his forces your legs apart. He's encouraging Xie Lian to bully you. San Lang is good in bed and Xie Lian is usually obedient, but Xie Lian getting out of his shell to bully you? San Lang enjoys it thoroughly.

One of his hands wraps around your dick and he strokes you, he only makes it worse. The two take out their frustrations on you, leaving you to mumble their names. With both of them bullying your front and back, it's not long until your cumming. A long moan spills from your lips and your legs try to clamp shut. San Lang doesn't let them though.

You double over and heave a breath when they don't stop. Xie Lian bullies your prostate and San Lang moves his fingers faster around your dick. It quickly puts you into overstimulation and pretty tears drip from your eyes. "No, no, slow down~" You whine, and your legs shake into San Lang's hold.

"Tell us who's you are then" San Lang purrs in your ear. Another orgasm is forced out of you and you babble some more. "Xie Lian d-does, San Lang too. Please!" You squeal from the pleasure.

Those words are forced out of you many times that night, because they don't intend to let you get away so soon. They bully you for the rest of the night and when you show up in the heavens the next day you have a slight limp. The other officials are worried you were injured by Hua Cheng, but it was both Xie Lian and Hua Cheng who made you cry on their cocks.

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I hope you like it 😁🙏🖤🖤

#tgcf #tgcf headcanon #hualian #hualian x reader #tgcf x male reader #hua cheng x reader #tgcf hua cheng #tgcf hualian #tgcf xie lian #xie lian x reader #tgcf oneshot #mxtx tgcf

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baiwu-jinji · 2 months

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I received a very thoughtful anon ask about Qi Rong and in the process of doing research for the ask, I came across a meta about Qi Rong on the Chinese website Zhihu that I absolutely loved, so I translated the meta into English - anon I will answer your ask ASAP, in the meantime I hope you're interested in this excellent meta:

I think Qi Rong's feelings for Xie Lian isn't that of a fan for his idol, but that of a child for an imaginary "father". So he wouldn't try to understand and study XL's character like Hua Cheng; he's only looking up to this "father figure".

This isn't a baseless conjecture - the relationship between father and son has always been a topic that can't be averted when it comes to Qi Rong. I'm guessing that when he was bullied and excluded by other kids in his childhood, it didn't occur to Qi Rong to hate the circumstances of his family; instead he wished for his father to stand up for him and help him teach those nasty kids a lesson. This wish had always existed in Qi Rong's heart and became a traumatising shadow of his childhood.

Whereas his cousin, the prince Xie Lian, who suddenly appeared in his life to help him, was unconsciously used by Qi Rong to fit his expectation of the "father". XL did what he expected a father to do, so he placed XL in his fantasies about a father. Since his abusive and useless father doesn't cut it, then someone as gentle and strong as XL must be the standard for what a "father" is like. Subconsciously Qi Rong had this idea.

Therefore I think a lot of the dumb and horrible things that Qi Rong did for XL is only due to the anxiety that a son feels towards the indifference of the "father", so he tried to do something compensatory to win the father's attention and approval; but this didn't work out at all.

This is also why he's good to Gu Zi, because Gu Zi is just another Qi Rong - he's abused by the father but still begs for the father's love and doesn't allow others to hurt his father. It's probably because Qi Rong understands what this feels like that he'd pretend to be a seemingly decent "father" for Gu Zi.

(Here the author also points out the connection between Qi Rong and Gu Zi based on their names, which needs to be explained to English readers in more detail - Qi Rong's name "Rong," in Chinese "容", is comprised of two parts: 宀 and 谷. The latter part is "Gu" (谷) as in Gu Zi's name, and the former part 宀 stands for a house or a home - in this sense the character "Rong 容" (Qi Rong) incorprates the character "Gu 谷" (Gi Zi) and provides a "home" or "shelter" for "Gu".)

Qi Rong shows off all kinds of places to the kid that he's never been to, deliberately bigs himself up, and protects the kid at the dire moment, because all of these are what Qi Rong hoped his father would do for him. However, Xie Lian was only a kid himself; how could he answer Qi Rong's expectations for a father?

Qi Rong undoubtedly loathes his biological father, because when Qi Rong was a kid, his father was useless and crass, made a laughing stock of Qi Rong and his mother and became the reason Qi Rong was mocked by other kids. But when Qi Rong needed his father and needed him to scold those kids, his father didn't care about him at all (probably only the father could accomplish this sort of task since Qi Rong's mother was depressed and sickly; this plot is repeated later on in Feng Xin and his son).

When the entire country was being destroyed, his other "father," Xie Lian, became a laughing stock too. XL didn't manage to help him before and after his death. For Qi Rong, this is a replay of the events that happened when he was five years old; this perfect "father" proves no different from his biological father.

So fundementally Qi Rong hates Xie Lian for the same reason that he hates his biological father. He indeed projected too many wishful fantasies on XL, but I think it's more about the son's disappointment towards a "father" instead of a believer's disappointment for a "god". In fact, whether XL activated the human face disease or whether he managed to saved Xianle is of secondary importance to Qi Rong; the complaints someone could voice out loud usually aren't what he actually cares about.

Of course, Qi Rong is possessed by the idea of avenging Xianle to some degree, otherwise he wouldn't have plotted revenge with other Xianle descendants. But what Qi Rong really cared about, he only managed to speak when his soul dissipated - it's what he always wanted to say to Xie Lian and his biological father but never could: "I worship and need you so much, but you don't care about me at all". This is more the case of a son who craves the father's love and complains about it. The relationship between Qi Rong and Gu Zi is comparable to the relationship between Jun Wu and Xie Lian. At least Gu Zi received some paternal love and won't grow up to be like Qi Rong, which is nice.

(For anyone interested in reading the original Chinese, here's the link: https://www.zhihu.com/question/372905885/answer/1735047946?utm_psn=1754070720630493184&fbclid=IwAR0eSI0gya5ERovl1C1Fphv2ZjnXGuKUalA378VWcZjoCj4NiUD7Pw6BDS0)

#qi rong #xie lian #tgcf #tgcf meta

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prince-liest · 11 months

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was recently talking to a friend about qi rong which then lead to me going on a reread of my favorite qi rong fic EVER, and now I’m in my feels about him, his relationship with his family, and his relationship with xie lian and guzi.

I just love qi rong a lot. to be clear, he’s a horrible little gremlin and that is a lot of WHY I love him - but I also think that fundamentally qi rong is a character who is super traumatized but does not receive sympathy for that trauma because he is not traumatized in a “palatable” way which is a trend that starts when he is young and just never ends, canonically, at any point in his life

right from the bat: the first 5 years of his life, he's being physically and emotionally abused, he's cast out to live in a shed, his mom is forgotten by her family. by the time she finally escapes his abusive father and goes back to the palace, her elopement with him has been swept under the rug and most people don't actually know what happened - and are then weirded out by her and qi rong, causing all the children and even most adults around qi rong to basically refuse to interact with him. so he's abused and hated, then isolated to the point where nobody talks to him, nobody plays with him. the one time he thinks he succeeded at attempting to make some friends, it turns out that they tricked him into writing a death wish for himself and his mother on his lantern.

and all the while, he's watching xie lian and the adulation he receives, not understanding why xie lian gets those things and he does not. everyone always says he looks like xie lian. he’s even called xiao jing, like he’s a mirror of the crown prince. what’s the difference?

and then xie lian himself is the only person aside from his own mother to be genuinely kind to qi rong. qi rong is desperately lonely, envious and fixated on the cousin that nobody will stop comparing him to, and then said cousin is the only person to reach out to him with kindness. of course he wants to attach himself to xie lian and emulate him.

unfortunately for both of them, then his mother dies - not just randomly, but specifically in defense of xie lian’s mother, and having extracted a promise for xie lian’s parents to care for qi rong. however, things don’t actually change at that point. sure, they take him in and buy him whatever he wants, but as far as love and care are concerned, xie lian is really the only potential source of those things left for qi rong. xie lian is also a teenager with a lot of pressure on his shoulders and a lack of understanding of difficult situations. of course he doesn’t know how to raise his traumatized, misbehaving cousin! and nobody else bothers to. it’s deeply unfair for xie lian to be used as the singular tool to discipline and direct qi rong, and that directly contributes to their extremely soured relationship.

now that qi rong’s mother is dead, there is nobody left around that actually wants him or is willing to put effort into properly raising him. when a kid turns out as wild as qi rong - that's not just random happenstance, that happens because they weren't parented right (or at all). he acts out in increasingly insane ways for the attention everyone hates to give him - anyone's, but especially xie lian's, which sucks for xie lian because it should have been his parents providing qi rong with an authority figure and source of love, not xie lian's teenage self. and people respond by waving him off, giving him whatever he wants just to make him go away, and ignoring him, because he has a deeply off-putting personality.

and it causes everyone around qi rong to resent him in this vicious cycle that escalates his behavior because he doesn't know what else to do - until eventually even xie lian, the one person that he really looked up to, hates him too.

obviously qi rong is an awful person by the point we reach in canon, but I also think that if he had received regular hugs as a child and maybe some actual parenting from someone who didn’t beat him, instead of just being given a bunch of money and being told to fuck off

specifically because he was weird and traumatized and unlikeable

things would have turned out very different for him. because he very clearly tries - that’s one thing that’s very clear in the flashbacks and even continues to modern canon: qi rong really tries to get love and attention, and when that doesn’t work, he just escalates to “any attention, bad attention, attention that proves I’m worth something, proves wrong all the people saying the supposedly-amazing cousin that took away my only source of kindness when he started hating me, is so much better than me”. he starts out an awkward, off-putting kid and ends up the night-touring green lantern. of course he holds enough resentment to end up a calamity. his cannibalism shtick doesn’t even read as genuine to me, it just seems like he picked out “what’s the worst, most attention-grabbing thing I can possibly be to pre-emptively justify everyone’s disgust in me” and landed on that.

(see also: I think it’s hysterical that he has very strong opinions and abilities as pertains to gourmet cooking, and then just uses them to lure in victims so that he can have his meal of Raw Unseasoned Human Flesh. you can’t tell me he’s doing it for anything other than the bit at this point.)

and that’s also why I think his weirdly wholesome relationship with guzi also makes a lot of sense. qi rong is a shockingly decent father to him (eventually), probably in part because he overidentifies with guzi also being abused by his father, but also, because guzi is literally just a kid and therefore is not someone that yet has the capacity to have all these preconceptions about qi rong, nor for qi rong to read into his words and be insulted, because. that's just a kid. there’s nothing to read into.

I think his treatment of guzi (eventually) shows that he's capable of being at least kind of decent (or at least functional), he's just never been in a circumstance where his trauma and relationships let it happen. his material life was always supplied for, but his emotional and familial environment in xianle was invariably toxic for him.

anyway, I think qi rong needs a shower and a hug, in that order, and then to be forced to learn to interact with people who don't immediately assume the worst of him. thanks for coming to my TED talk, I know it was long as hell.

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #qi rong #xie lian #guzi #tgcf meta #meta #my writing #long post #text posts #tgcf spoilers #just as they pertain to qi rong not the main plot

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one-flower-one-sword · 6 months

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"Mu Qing spat out a mouthful of blood and grimaced like he'd been stabbed where it hurt. He replied, spiteful slowly, "Thank goodness I kicked you out. If we'd kept you in the army and let you get closer to His Highness, were you going to watch him all day with your mind full of unspeakable filth? Disgusting!"

Xie Lian's heart squeezed violently. Hua Cheng had his fist raised at first, but it froze in midair when Mu Qing spat the word "disgusting." Veins bulged on the back of his pale hand. The fingers clenched and loosened, loosened then clenched.

A long moment later, Hua Cheng said icily, "For now, I won't argue with you on that point. [...]"

TGCF Volume 6, page 66

Hua Cheng's reaction here is really interesting - and gets more heartbreaking the more you think about it. I think to understand it, we need to take a look at his distorted self-image and his extreme self-blame whenever he feels he's failed Xie Lian in some way. While doing this, I think it's important to keep in mind that we're looking at these things as separate from Hua Cheng's very real - and very earned! - confidence in his knowledge, abilities, and strength. He knows exactly what he can and can't do and has no problems stating those things as facts. That "aggressive, rebellious confidence" as Xie Lian describes it is a defining part of Hua Cheng's personality and who he is as a person, that is then juxtaposed by a surprising fragility in other matters.

Right when we meet Hua Cheng at just ten years old, he's already been abused for so long and so severely that it's made him actively suicidal. He's also already internalized that his right eye is ugly, evidenced by the way that he keeps covering it with his hands when the bandages are removed after he was beaten and dragged through the streets by Qi Rong and his lackeys:

After a pause, Xie Lian smiled softly. "The doctors will see to your wounds now. Don't be afraid and lower your hands, okay?" The child heard but hesitantly shook his head.

"Why not?" Xie Lian asked.

He was silent for a long time before replying, "Ugly."

TGCF Volume 2, page 349

The right side of his face also appears to receive the most abuse when he gets beaten, as Xie Lian realizes when he sees him again a few years later and his bandages come loose after being attacked by a group of other kids:

During that scuffle, the bandages on the boy's head had been partially yanked off, giving a peek on the other half of his face. It was quite swollen, covered in black and blue bruises. It was obvious that these injuries hadn't been caused by the brawl just now. TGCF Volume 3, page 56

It can be deduced that he probably learned very early in his life that if people see his eye, he gets beaten. It seems to be known around the area that he frequently gets beaten up and kicked out by his family, to a point where even kids from wealthier families know about him and refer to him as apparently everyone else does - the "ugly freak":

"Wow, wow, the ugly freak got kicked out again!" Although these kids were all around the same age as the boy in the shrine, every single one of them was taller than him and looked like their parents fed them well. There was probably a holiday coming up, since they were all dressed in new clothes and shoes. [...] "Hey, ugly freak, are you sleeping at the shrine again tonight? Watch out, your mom is gonna beat the crap outta you when you get home!"

TGCF Volume 3, pages 54-55

This post is going to get quite long, so I'm putting the rest under a read more.

Hua Cheng seems to internalize this view of himself as something ugly and revolting to a point where even hundreds of years later, he's wary about showing Xie Lian his true form. At the same time, he seems to long deeply for Xie Lian to see and accept the real him, so he tries to test the waters when Xie Lian asks the "young master" on the ox cart what Hua Cheng looks like :

The youth laughed. "Who knows? But he's blind in one eye." He pointed to his right eye. "This one."

That was nothing outrageous. Xie Lian recalled one of the many backstory versions where Hua Cheng wore a black eyepatch to hide that missing eye and asked, "Do you know what happened to that eye?"

"That's a question everyone wants the answer to," the youth replied. Others asked because they wanted to know what Hua Cheng's weakness was, but Xie Lian asked purely out of curiosity. He didn't say anything, and the youth continued, "He dug it out himself."

TGCF Volume 1, page 175

And then again after they're back from Banyue:

Hua Cheng didn't turn around but continued to stare at the dilapidated ceiling of the shrine, and Xie Lian could only see this handsome young man's left profile. Hua Cheng said softly, "If I was ugly."

"Huh?" Xie Lian gaped.

Hua Cheng finally turned his head slightly. "If my true appearance is ugly, would you still want to see it?"

Xie Lian was taken aback. "Is it? Although there's no real reason, I never thought your true appearance would be too horrible-looking."

"Who knows?" Hua Cheng said, half-jokingly. "What if I'm discolored, disfigured, ugly, monstrous, and horrible. What will you do?"

At first, Xie Lian thought this line of inquiry was rather fascinating. So the overlord of the Ghost Realm, the one called the devil incarnate and feared by all in the heavens, would care about his looks? But when he thought about it deeply, he didn't think it was very funny anymore. He vaguely recalled, in one of the many rumored backstories of Hua Cheng, one said that he was a disfigured child from birth, or something along those lines. If that was true, then he must've grown up discriminated against by others. Maybe that was why he was particularly sensitive about his appearance.

TGCF Volume 1, pages 369-370

This quote is really long but I wanted to include all of it because Xie Lian's realization here is very important - Hua Cheng's issues don't stem from vanity but from being othered and subsequently abused because of his unusual red right eye. The society they're in shows many instances of ableism, racism, xenophobia and classism, where any attempted change to the status quo as well as anything that goes against "the norm" is regarded with instant suspicion and rejection - as Pei Ming puts it once, "Where there is abnormality, there is evil."

When he finally does show Xie Lian his true form, Hua Cheng is anxious about it up until Xie Lian remarks that it doesn't look bad:

Xie Lian examined him as he followed, smiling. "So, this is your real appearance." Hua Cheng paused slightly in his step. Maybe it was his imagination, but Hua Cheng's shoulders seemed to stiffen for a flash of a second. The moment didn't last, and Hua Cheng responded naturally. "I did say that the next time we met, I would greet you with my real appearance."

Xie Lian grinned and said earnestly, "Not bad." Xie Lian's tone wasn't teasing or consoling, the words were simply said. Hua Cheng gave a small smile back, and this time, it was genuinely relaxed.

TGCF Volume 2, page 103

Xie Lian's acceptance of his true form seems to have reassured Hua Cheng enough that he appears in it a lot more regularly after that, though it's always with the place where his right eye used to be carefully covered. He's also still too afraid to tell Xie Lian about their shared past and who he really is, and even more afraid to confess his feelings because he fears that then Xie Lian will no longer look at him with acceptance and instead see Hua Cheng as this:

He pointed at a little blood-red person on the wall. Right next to it, there were a bunch of messy, twisted, indiscernible characters - it looked like they had been written in a state of delirium or scrawled to vent the author's feeling during a period of extreme suffering. Based on those characters, Xie Lian could guess that the little blood-red person painted there was Hua Cheng himself, but for some unknown reason he had depicted himself as extremely ugly and disfigured.

[...] There was an ugly little blood-red figure at the bottom of the mural. It cupped a small flower in its hands, which it was offering to the statue.

TGCF Volume 6, pages 52-55

Hua Cheng having internalized this distorted "ugly freak" image of himself isn't the only thing tripping him up though. Every time he can't prevent Xie Lian from getting hurt or can't help him, Hua Cheng takes it as a personal failure on his part and immediately seeks to punish himself. Be that by lashing out at Eming, which is essentially an extension of himself:

Xie Lian stroked Eming. "Fangxin is still better suited." Fangxin remained motionless. Eming had tried so enthusiastically to offer itself up but was so blatantly rejected. It hopped back to Hua Cheng's side, weeping. Hua Cheng didn't spare it a single look before he smacked it with a backhand slap. "What are you crying about? This happened because you're useless! Trash!"

TGCF Volume 5, page 120

Or denying himself to touch Xie Lian, like after Xie Lian got accidentally hurt by Eming (an especially cruel punishment given that Hua Cheng had longed for Xie Lian for hundreds of years):

Hua Cheng, however, let go of his hand. "Don't mind them," he said to Xie Lian. "Come with me." His voice was low, the emotion behind it hard to discern. Yet the way he let go of Xie Lian's wrist was swift, almost like he'd been shaken off.

TGCF Volume 2, page 192

Repeatedly witnessing Xie Lian be brutalized and violated while he didn't yet have the power to stop it from happening traumatized Hua Cheng deeply and left him with a wrathful anger that he wields not only against those who wronged Xie Lian but also against himself for any and all perceived failures.

Now, what does all of this have to do with the quote that started it all? In it, Mu Qing accuses Hua Cheng that if they'd have kept him in the army, he would have kept watching Xie Lian "with his mind full of unspeakable filth! Disgusting!" (the fact that he describes a man having romantic feelings and sexual desires for another man in such a way comes off as extremely homophobic of course but that's not the topic of this post)

Hua Cheng, who hates Mu Qing deeply and with good reason, then not only stops his assault but actually goes on to say that he won't argue with him on that point for now. His inner conflict shows in the repeated clenching and loosening of the fingers in his fist - he's extremely angry and would usually never agree with Mu Qing, yet finds himself unable to deny his words. It's noticeable also that it's the "disgusting" that makes him freeze up.

So why would Hua Cheng, someone usually so confident and so unapologetically himself, concede this point to Mu Qing, someone he hates and who's just been viciously insulting him? I would argue that there are two possible reasons.

First of, if viewed through the lens of everything we reviewed in this post, Hua Cheng feels like he "can't argue" on this because he does desire Xie Lian and always has - while at the same time knowing that he, an ugly disfigured other that has repeatedly failed at keeping the God he's pledged his existence to safe from harm, could never be good enough to deserve being with said God like that.

Second of all, as I analyzed in my previous post, Hua Cheng's reaction to Xie Lian having seen the statues and murals is profound fear and heartbreak because he's so sure Xie Lian must now be scared of and disgusted by him. At this point in the story, Hua Cheng is still utterly convinced that his feelings aren't requited, which is something he can deal with. But what he can't bear is the prospect of his feelings, his very devotion, causing Xie Lian pain. Failing to keep Xie Lian safe from being harmed by others is bad enough, but hurting Xie Lian himself? Unforgivable. His fear that his desire for Xie Lian will be upsetting to him is so strong that even after the confession scene, his immediate reaction to Xie Lian even just mentioning the murals is "I'll go destroy them" (Volume 6, page 88), and he doesn't calm down until Xie Lian reassures them that he only saw a few of them and won't look at the others if Hua Cheng doesn't want him to.

#tgcf #rereading tgcf #hualian #hua cheng #i almost didn't post this despite how much work it was #because i kept second-guessing myself and overthinking everything #so now I'm just gonna throw it out there and hope for the best haha

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