so apparently the key to actually getting writing done was going to coffee shops and writing? who knew? anyways i have hit the last couple scenes of got au, tying things together and feeling like i’m gonna cry because i’ve finally been able to write!!!

also i have just finished the percy jackson show and my god i used to love that series so much…. perhaps a percy jackson ateez au is in the works (specifically in my brain rn but i am thinking of demigod ateez and 😭) 👀

thank u everyone for checking in i promise u i have not gone mia 😫 life has been putting out hit after hit and i am unfortunately not gods strongest soldier but we are so back

i said i will post things here, goddamit, and I WILL

so heres some life/creative updates

i will start by saying i feel super bad for not posting anywhere regularly. i suppose the brain worm of building engagement online has gotten to me too. but the truth is, if i want to build an audience for my project, i have to post. of course on the other hand i dont want to post some of the things i have, because they are spoilery and i want them to be revealed later!! dilemmas.

that said, the story is definitely taking shape. one of the reasons im hesitant of sharing it in any form is because its in constant flux. i build some of it and then i tear it down, reshaping it into something significantly different. (I wont give you context for those images just yet because of that) im a perfectionist, and i refuse to make a story that wont click as a whole. it has to be the best i can physically make it to be. so im writing out plot points, characters and their motivations, im making documents with lore. it has to click. and i think it might finally be getting to that point.

-

on the broader side of things, burnout doesnt help. i feel a black hole in my chest and its cold. it drains joy out of things. i suppose the reason is my isolation. i live in a very comfortable way right now, people have always been taking care of me. but i have no financial independence and i dont go out. i dont have art friends (or one than one irl friend, really). i dont go out to do traditional art, and those are all the things i want to do. i kinda feel like a plant that wants to sprout but its growing underneath something and its starting to wilt. its fucking pathetic. i feel so fucking ashamed to admit to people what my living situation is. im like a basement dweller redditor taken care for by his mom until hes 45. well, its not like that, but i sure fucking feel like it is.

im 29. its getting late. existential dread is really kicking in that im not living. im starting to panic. like my best years are behind me. and if i continue that way, everything will blow right by me.

i dont know what to do to be honest. i will continue to stumble around, maybe i will eventually recover to the point i will actually look for a normal art job (im aiming for 3d character artist) and have some money which will buy me some flexibility. it would also solve the problem of my stagnation. i would meet people, make things, i would get out of the house, and i would fucking wash myself regularly. yes its tmi but thats how depression be like. i feel like a wheel that is stuck in mud. that first push is the hardest.

but, to be fully honest, i am getting a little better. i still struggle with getting up regularly but its all better than it used to be, at least. so there is hope.

also i have to name this project. im thinking of 'benthic millenium' or something similar. i like the word millenium, and it fits.

so, um, see you later i guess? i will probably post some more character and location concept art sometime in the future, since i dont want to share any of the story outside of the actual comic. and thanks for reading my depressing rambling!

Ok, there was a post I never got to write so now I don't get to post a HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT update. But I want to write it anyway.

TMI, weird personal symbolism, etc.

There's a type I rather dramatically call "people of dark water" and it's usually women. Very rarely represented in media. Almost-tricksters with some kind of important personal truth if I try to boil it down to a sentence.

They usually have been wounded by something most people never notice (canary in the mine situation) or have the privilege never to encounter, and then made it into a strength somehow.

(watch me fall for someone like that every time)

I came up with the term when I learned that in Old Irish and in Proto-Indo-European there was a distinction between clear flowing water (danu) and dark deep water (dubros in PIE, dobur in Old Irish specifically). You can still see it in places' names across Europe (Danube, Dover, etc).

In part, Childe excites me so much because he's that. He's like all the women I've ever loved except that he's a guy.

There's also a Jim White's song Still Waters which is exactly about a person of that type if you look at the lyrics. The tone of the music doesn't match at all though. His still waters are Louisiana swamps, not sea or lake depths.

And I always wondered what would a character or an irl person of that type look like.

And when Aventurine came out I sort of nodded to myself and decided that yeah, that's it. He's that type. Nice to finally have an answer.

"Still Waters" became my Aventurine song.

So imagine my surprise when I used Aventurine's overworld skill and saw a "Still waters run deep" status appear.

*pauses for a moment of incoherent shouting*

A coincidence and something about archetypes, I know. It's a popular proverb, it fits him well and there's no way someone in Hoyo even listens to Jim White. Even Americans don't know him, he's a musicians' musician.

Also I'm not sure whether a similar phrase even exists in Chinese and maybe this parallel happens only in English translation.

Still, I feel like reality just glitched ot something of that sort.

Don't you know there are projects for the dead And there are projects for the living Though I must confess sometimes I get confused by that distinction And I just throw myself into the arms Of that which would betray me. I guess to see how far Providence Will stoop down just to save me.

Digimon Tamers - Episode 13

Whelp I guess they used up all the budget for episode 12 because this one was really bad. Like unpleasant to watch at times bad. You can't tell from my screenshots, but most of this episode was composed of still images, extreme close ups, and lazy silhouettes. Oh well, this is just the nature of these older, long-ish shows.

Notes:

So from the opening shot I knew this was gonna be a rough one. An overly long silhouetted battle between Guilmon and...some other digimon they didn't feel like animating properly lol. The shot that annoyed me the most though was the scene where Takato is talking with his teacher and the camera is zoomed out on their basically still bodies. Takato's teacher is frozen in this unnatural pose with her hand on her face for waaaay too long. I was like "MOVE!" There was a similar shot at Jian's family's dinner table where one of his sisters was frozen, smiling at the screen while everyone else was moving. These are the things I notice as an adult lol. Really takes you out of it.

Since there was so little animation, this episode compensated with a lot of talk with HYPNOS rambling on about their latest plans. I had to keep rewinding because there was a lot of jargon and I would zone out because there was nothing to look at on screen. The worst offender was the "Zoom call" (I know Zoom wasn't a thing) between the main HYPNOS dude and his colleagues. I thought maybe the images on screen were supposed to be profile photos because they didn't move, but then they moved slightly! Were those supposed to be live videos?? Was one guy just in "swinging-a-golf-club" pose for like 10 minutes straight? They should have just kept them still at that point...

The writing for Asanuma-sensei is so weird. She tells Takato that she thinks she "made a mistake" becoming a teacher. Uh...TMI! You don't say that to your 10 year old student! And then Takato agrees with her, which was so shady lol. I guess I wasn't wrong when I said she sounded dead inside.

Juri's Guilmon doodle was adorable. Glad she's sticking up for Takato. I like her little dog puppet, but can't help but feel if she did that IRL she'd get bullied :/

I really don't like the HYPNOS ladies. Their jobs are just too vague and they don't really have personalities. They always look off-model too.

So...main HYPNOS guy is racist?? Suggesting that Jian's family should pronounce their names the JAPANESE way. Geez. You don't see racism brought up too often in anime unless it's fantasy racism, so I found that interesting. Since their names were Americanized in the dub, I guess its probably left out.

So Jian's dad was one of the creators of Digimon like Oikawa? I didn't see that coming. Definitely the most intriguing revelation of the episode. If he knows about Digimon then...wouldn't he realize that Terriermon is one?

Impmon telling Culumon that his "culu culu" gimmick is annoying was satisfying not gonna lie lol. I want to see more of the two of them together.

Chinese characters always seem to have big families in anime. I guess that's the stereotype in Japan. Seems weird to me because of the old "one child" policy, but what do I know? (I guess Chinese immigrants in Japan would be a different story).

Sooo...mysterious ending with Terriermon acting hypnotized (haha HYPNOS...get it?) Kind of alarming since he was smacking into the window. I was struggling to digest the explanation but I think HYPNOS is baiting the digimon so that they can destroy them?

We get some hint of a potential big bad because one of the enemy digimon mentions his "God..." They're sure taking their time to cut to the chase with this one.

rank the Shadowhunter couples from best to idc about them and why?

Amazing!!! And I will probably get hate 🤣🤣🤣

1. KitTy - what a surprise huh?! But you could tell 🤣 and I actually explained it in my last post!

2. Herongraystairs - YES, I AM NOT DIVIDING IT AS WESSA AND JESSA BECAUSE THEY BELONG TOGETHER, change my mind (YOU CAN'T) This was the first time in my entire life when I read a book and couldn't decide which love interest I prefer, so I just didn't 😍 I can't believe how cc wrote them so perfectly, truly peak

3. Thomastair - I had a hard time deciding if they are nr 3 or 4 but I feel like I prefer them slightly more than nr 4 BECAUSE Alastair is so incredibly brave. After all that happened with his father, he still did everything to protect Cordelia and Sona. His character development is one of the best in the whole tsc. And Thomas my sweet summer child 😭 his kindness is out of this world. TO THIS DAY I remember those fucking Paris dates 😭😭😭😭

4. Malec - Cc can really write her mlm couples. Their devotion to each other 🥺 I will forever remember that Alec was the first shadowhunter Magnus ever dated because well he was a Downworlder but Alec saw so much more in him 😭 ok I'm gonna keep this short cause it will take me forever to answer 🤣

5. Gracetopher - YES I KNOW IT DIDN'T HAPPEN BUT IT HAPPENED IN MY HEART. In my mind my little asexual genius couple live happily ok? Grace is such a misunderstood character, she's a child of abuse, she was made to do so many bad things, manipulated as hell but she still wanted to change and be good. And Christopher 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 MY POOKIE I CAN'T SPEAK ABOUT HIM CAUSE I'M GONNA CRY

6. Jordelia - Cordelia was, is and always will be THE bad bitch. The ending of chain of gold when she told EVERYONE that she and James were fucking? ICOOONIC. But she's the bravest baby ever. James is this cute and gentle young man but in reality he will kill you 😍 they complete each other PERFECTLY, the tension between them in chain of iron changed me as a person, I will never be the same. ALTHOUGH they would be so much higher if not for chain of thorns... Like... This book just destroyed so many things I can't ☠️

7. Blackstairs - The tension between them when Emma was "dating" Mark, oh good god glorious. You know, Julian actually reminds me so much of James but he's SO MUCH MORE DISASTROUS, he's a fucking menace and I love that. His sexy brain did things to me 😎 Emma, my second bad bitch (I guess Cortana wielders are all that way) killing a Rider of Mannan??? I'm a goner for girl fighters. MY NEXT JACE HERONDALE. Julian will forever need Emma and Emma will forever need Julian 💕

8. Markkierantina - My poly cuties 🥺 it was the same as with herongraystairs, I couldn't decide if I want Mark with Cristina, Mark with Kieran or Kieran with Cristina, but cc corrected her mistake with herongraystairs and made them all smash. Amazing. Cristina was a key to make Mark and Kieran's relationship work, that's all I'm gonna say

9. Clace - That will probably surprise some of you but I kinda lost this clace magic along the way of reading tsc. I absolutely love them as characters and Jace is one of the funniest bitches. Idk, I don't feel it as much as I used to. But well I was 13 when I read tmi and now I'm 23 so 🤣 I still remember that 4-6 tmi books broke me emotionally so I have this great sentiment for Clace but we have many more couples that I love more 🥺

10. AriAnna - I fell in love with them when I read gotsm and I rooted for them SO HARD in cog and coi, I couldn't get enough of that tension. And then cot happened.... It felt like cc just decided to drop them, gave them an easy ending just to get rid of them... So I was greatly disappointed. And I know that if not for cot they would be higher

11. LucieJessie - Honesty (and I say this with great sadness) I was bored reading their story in cog and coi, they were just so bland to me, I don't know 😭 BUT cot made everything change. When Jessie came back to life he was SO FUN TO READ I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!! I loved them and I'm sad that it wasn't like that from the beginning

12. Sizzy - I know, I know. But I never felt them 💀 I mean, yes I love them together and I love their characters but I don't see the magic 😭😭😭 I WANT TO

13. GwynDiana - Oh they were SO IMPORTANT TO ME 😭 I adored every minute but they didn't have much chapters so 😫

14. GideonSophie - Honestly I read tid years ago and I don't remember shit, I know that I liked them and Gideon was a babe to her 💕

15. CecilyGabriel - Same as 14, I don't remember shit, but I know I liked them less than Gideon and Sophie 💀

I hope I didn't forget about anyone!!

HOLY SHIT Z WHAT THE HELL⁉️⁉️😟😟🤯🤯

NEVER HAVE I EVER READ A FIC THAT MADE MY PUSSY THROB THAT MUCH‼️‼️🤭🙁🥵🥵😳😳😱😱😱

I READ THAT THING LIKE FIVE 5️⃣🖐️🤯 TIMES AND TMI BUT I GOT OFF ON IT TOO BC DAMN WAS THAT GOOD😝😝😋😩😫‼️💕🙏💕

I WOOOOUULLDD DO LIKR A WHOLE ANALYSIS (hehe analysis 😼😼🤭😛) BUT UMMMM UR GIRL IS HIGHKEY ASS AT WORDS‼️‼️😥😰😱😭😫 LIKE POOKIE‼️😫 I LITERALLY FAILED ALL OF MY ENGLISH CLASSES BACK IN HIGHSCHOOL😀😀😀😀⁉️⁉️⁉️BUT AAAANNNYWAYS WHAY YHE HELL Z 😱😱🤯🤯

THE WRITING IS LITERALLY SO AMAZING🤩😍😝😋😋😋

WHY⁉️⁉️😡😡

WHO GAVE U THE MF RIGHT TO WRITE THIS GOOD😡⁉️⁉️⁉️😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😾

BUT FR POOKIE WHAT DO U PUT IN YOUR FICS BC🥴🥴🤤🤤🤤😵‍💫😵‍💫😵😵‍💫😵‼️‼️‼️

THERES BARELY ANY BOYPUSSY FICS OUT THERE WHICH IS DEVASTATING 🤬🤬🤬😓😢😩😫😡🤬

UR MY SAVIOR Z‼️‼️🥹🥹🙌💕

ALSO YOUR ART OF BOYPUSSY HANNIE IS SO FUCKINF DELICIOUS LIKE I OPENED THAT LINK AND ZOOMED RIGHT ON THAT PUSSY AND I FUCKING DROOLED‼️‼️🥴🤧🤤🤤🤤💦💦 GUESS WHO TOUCHED HERSELF WHEN SHE SAW IT❓❓❓THATS RIGJT‼️‼️ ME😻☝️💕💕💦 I NEED MY MF MOUUUTYHH ON THAT JUICY MF PUSSSAAYYYYYY‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏😫😝👅💦

READER IS MUCH BETTER THAN ME🙌🙌🤧🤧 CAUSE IF IT WERE ME I WOULD’VE PUT THAT VIBRATOR IN HIM AND ATE THAT MF PUSSY OOOUUTTT AND SUCKED THE LIFE OUTTA THAT CLIT😝😝😛😋😋🙏🙏🙏 RIGHT AFTER HE SQUIRTED LIKE IM FR GONNA MAKE HIM SQUIRT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME IN MY MOUTH 😋😛😛😜💦💦🤪😍😍😍LIKE THIS TONGUE IS GONNA FUCKING ABUSE THAT ALREADY ABUSED CLIT EVEN MORE 👅👅💦💦‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️DID I MENTION I LOVE CLITS❓❓❓ IF NOT THEN I WILL NOW‼️‼️‼️ I LOVE CLITS‼️🙌😋 CLITS ARE SO FUCKING AMAZING‼️‼️😍😍😜😫🙌 EVERY TIME I SEE SOMETHING ABT STIMULATING A CLIT IM IMMEDIATELY BRICKED 🧱🧱🧱 UP⬆️☝️🆙👆CAUSE IF IT WERE ME I WOULDVE TIED SUNGIE UP WITH A VIBRATOR TO HIS CLIT AND LEAVE HIM THERE FOR HOOOUURRRSSS‼️♾️😝😛😫☝️😋💦 I WOULD SPEND THE WHHOLE MF DAY ON THAT DELICIOUS CLIT ‼️‼️😍😛😋🙌👅💦😽👉👌OH MY GOD I SOUND GAY ASF BUT IDC BC ITS PUSSY‼️‼️😻🫰WHO DOESNT LOVE PUSSY⁉️⁉️⁉️😾😾I LOVE PUSSY‼️‼️‼️😛😛👅😻😽🙌 I WOULD EAT HANNIES PUSSY OUT ALL DAY ALL WEEK ALL MONTH ALL YEAR ALL CENTURY‼️‼️‼️‼️😝😜😜😽 THAT PUSSY IS SO MF JUICY💦💦 WND DELICIOUS AND IS BEGGING TO GET TOUCHED‼️‼️🙌👉👌😋

anyways pookie keep up the good work, amazing writing as always!! <3 🥰🥰💕 (definitely not rereading it for the fifth time and getting off on it…nooooo definitely not… ☺️☺️)

OH YM GOD i just logged in and this is the first thing i see 😭 I FUCKING SEE U ANON‼️ u are very seen

ANON I LOVE U SO MUCH MORE WTF THE AMOUNT OF PRAISE THAT U POURED OVER THIS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HAS BOYPUSSY BROKEN US BECAUSE IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT HAS 😭😭😭 GOOD LORD and to think that this was supposedly just a private gift but mei is kind and i was able to post it … NOW IM SO GLAD I SHARED IT BC U HAVE FOOD TO EAT MY DEAREST ANON 😁

“ure my savior” yo…yo dont perceive me as messiah itll inflate the shit out of my ego /j and give me impostor syndrome /hj BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS gosh i cldnt stop giggling u made my day with these compliments like im just Some Guy but because of ur words i am now Some *Happy* Guy

and omg! URE RIGHT MAYBE SHOVING THE VIBE IN AND EATING HANNIES PRETTY BOY CLIT OUT WOULDVE BEEN SO GOOD…but then again…TEASING THE BOY JUST FEELS SATISFYING ‼️‼️ i love hannie and his clit actually i love pussy in general i wish i had boypussy especially boyclit in my mouth rn (in a non sexual casual way) (which was what reader intended) (until y/n and han both went CRAZY)

i wont lie this ask gave me massive eye strain from the emojis /pos like that brings me joy ?! its an impressive thought to know that somebody out there is losing their mind over silly words i wrote and a few lines that i drew. CRAZYYYY thats crazy?!!!

ill keep this entire ask, print it into a booklet form, and reread it as if its a mini prayer guide. i cant anon ure so silly and precious HAHAHAH hope u have the nicest day always!

Have you ever been in a relationship before?

(Short answer:) I have dated before but not in a serious and longterm enough way that I’d call it ‘being in a relationship’, if that makes sense? Like, I’ve never thought of someone as my boyfriend/ex, so it's just been dating that never became serious enough to turn into a proper relationship.

(Longer TMI ramble answer lmao:)

I've mentioned this before, both in the context of writing Nat's anxiety for CYE and just simply ranting here, that I used to be really anx-depresso for years and years. I had zero interest or energy for anything for the longest time, including anything social. So while other people were doing the usual young people things and getting these experiences, I was just a sad blob getting through them days</3 Crappy times but great source material for writing realistic emotions for all sorts of different scenarios in stories😩 ANywho, I've always been pretty romance-y even when sad blobbing, so when I finally started to get out of that a lil and felt a bit more human, I wanted to try the whole dating thing too. So far I've never really clicked with anyone though, which is why it’s never gone past the more casual dating stage. 

In the last few years I noticed that I really don’t like the whole dating thing in general, at least not in the way it’s gone for me in the past. Learned that I hated being in a situation where the dating started with us having the same expectations (relationship, not casual), but somehow I'd end up feeling like only I was hoping to build that relationship / care / connection, and the other person was just after the physical side. I really didn’t like how it felt like the only way to get attention from these guys was through that route, and my people pleasing butt took a bit too long to realise that that was not a fitting vibe for me😅 Left me feeling a lil bit too insecure and objectified for it to be acceptable in my books :’) But so it goes, it's a learning process like anything else. Still, I decided not to do that at all for now: the next time I’ll even consider ‘dating’ someone, I want to feel like there’s some more connection first and not just physical attraction or whatever. 

It’s just tricky because dating in general seems to traditionally rely on that physical attraction and angle from the get go, and it's so fast. Like, dating apps always rely on the visual side of things from the start, y’know, and you're generally just expected to jump right into it. If a stranger asks me out somewhere, my first reaction is usually a whiplash because… wait, you don’t even know me??😭 (I find people attractive physically/aesthetically too, but that's more secondary for me in the beginning compared to sensing a good, matching vibe from someone over a longer period of time) I know dating is supposed to be about getting to know someone…. but I guess after all these years and experiences, it just easily gives me a weird ick when someone approaches me based on just my looks alone?

Asdfgh it’s confusing, I don’t know how to explain!! Like, compliments and interest is nice obviously, but I guess the next time before I date/go meet someone with the intention of dating, I want us to actually know each other a little bit so I know they actually like me too?? So it’s not dating just because they’re horny and they think I’m fit lmao :')  

Hello! So exams are almost over I only have one more class that I need to pass so I found some time and read Gigi's chapter. And I have so many things to say it's a little ridiculous but yeah. Be warned this is gonna be loooong.

Okay I thought that Madeleine was one of the good ones and because of what happened to Joseph(what exactly happened there?) she was filled with so much grief that she wants Lance dead but somewhere along the way she would realize her mistake and join the team again. But now, I'm not so sure. Because Gigi has a great instinct and I trust her. If she says she doesn't like Madeleine's vibes neither do I. Also her name starts with M? And we've established that people who's name starts with M are out to get Mavid so no thank you. However, I reserve the right to change my mind about this.

I'll investigate Aby for Gigi, I think the flowers and her secret boyfriend is someone Izzy won't like and that's why she's hiding him. My guess is Antoine(it just fits for a lot of reasons).

I just love that no one wants to disappoint Alec, they all just respect him and his achievements so much- what kind of idiot thinks you undermine him in your fics??

I remember David used to spend time with Aby because he liked babies, it really hurts to think about how different things would be if the Clave wasn't fucked up

This Lance is like Lucifer and Arthur is like Raziel and the David comes from Jonathan the shadowhunter/Raziel is always at the back of my mind, just waiting for the connection to drop

If the Clave keeps up with all this bullshit it won't have to worry about Lance because I'm pretty sure Max will burn it to the ground

Also let's not forget the vision Asmodeus showed Max about burning down the Clave because it hurt Magnus, I feel like that never got closure and could be connected to the reason Lance will attack Idris? (Because I'm pretty sure Lance will attack idris)

One word about Maxs reaction when he finds out about the wards/the tests because I feel like when he finds out about it it's all gonna go down pretty fast because my baby will go feral

Rereading LBAF made me realize just how close the gang was and Gigi's chapter really really hurt because we never got to see the new generation like that ever, if I get it correctly there are canon events that if they change the timeline is in trouble and there are things that just happen in every reality(like mavid eloping), do you think you will ever write a reality were they all stay close together and the LBAF 5 gang hangs like the og LBAF gang?

I feel like the the og LBAF gang had a relatively okay childhood and then with the Devlins their world changed and they all have a very screwed up adult life and their kids have a very screwed up childhood but when Lucifer leaves the picture they'll have an okay adult life. And then there's the TMI gang who can't catch a break, love those guys so much

I have so many thoughts Gigi's chapter really got to me I don't know why😭 And I have many theories as well, but I'll share them later👀 I can't wait to see how everything will unfold, I just get more excited with every update and main plot hasn't even started yet, you really know how to keep us in our toes🌷

PS: I read the Mavid one shot just after finishing a big exam yesterday and I LOVED IT! I laughed so hard and I loved the bathroom scene, it was explicit but not in a very descriptive way, it still felt really classy and still very Mavid, your writing is really great and you always manage to stay true to your characters which is really admirable. I can't wait to see you write more of those in the Mavid RWRB au, preparing for a wild ride. Also, some of the scenarios David had in his mind fit Mavid in different fics of yours and that was so cool and funny I loved it😂

UGH I NEEDED THIS AFTER THIS STUPID WEEK (i had no fuel or motivation so i didn't get any of my work done 😔)

I'm not at all surprised that Gigi's chapter led to a lot of thoughts because there is a fuck load of foreshadowing in it lmao.

LET'S GO.

We'll find out what happened to Joseph. Eventually. I can't wait yall to see whose pov it's gonna be from!! Madeleine is...complicated. She is definitely in the wrong. But I feel there is still time and space for her to understand that she is wrong and do better. Let's just hope she can do that before she does something that can't be fixed...Also I forgot who the M people are knkdfd. Mallory? And who else?? Lol.

Antoine?? And Abby??? I ship it

I'm just going to lean into the whole 'alec underminder' thing. Make it my brand now :P

If I start to think about all the things David lost, I will begin to cry. So, I'm not gonna do that.

Plot twist. LBAF V is actually about Lucifer and Raziel love story (idk if this is incestuous or not fkdndjk)

Can't wait bebe 😏

Fascinated to hear theories about why Lance will actually attack Idris (as Gigi/Camila were saying it's unlikely that Lance will attack unprovoked)

Max is slowly going from 'angry to disappointed' with all the Clave stuff (which I think is more dangerous). We won't see his reaction when he finds about the wards, but we will see him being indifferent because he is no longer in a "how fucking dare you" mentality but rather in a "of fucking course" mentality. He will go back to "how fucking dare" you later when they do manage to piss him off hehe.

I don't I think I will. For me, it depicts a very real reality where you don't always stay friends with people for generations (there are exceptions of course). Like my mom and her friends are super close, but I'm not close with their children at all. But when we hang out once a year at some event, we have loads of fun. I just think it's reality - and shadowhunters are no exception.

Don't forget LBAF gang's experience with Asmodeus and Belial hehe. Also what do you mean "when Lucifer leaves the picture" ckjnks. He is here to stay :)

ALSO I AM SCREAMING AT SOMEONE CALLING MY SMUT SCENE CLASSY THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED.

ALSO ALSO.

You only got horny once? That means that you're purer and better than most of us here 😭😭😭😭😭😭. What did tht guy do to ruin you? 👀

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE NEED SOME TMI AROUND HERE 😭😭😭

it’s probably nothing serious and petty to some of you BUT THIS FUCKED ME UP DIFFERENTLY 😭

get ready for a long, boring story time guys

tw: jahanara being fucking stupid

ok i’ve mentioned this guy before, but let’s call him X for this storyline 😭

so, me and X have known each other since we were 11, we went to the same secondary school and ended up going to the same college. we weren’t close in secondary school, he was just a classmate and a mutual friend and that was it really.

going round to september 2020 when college started, that’s when we found out that we went to the same college and a lot of our mutual friends also joined us there so that’s when we started getting close along with our other friends.

it all started with a game of among us and then a server on discord where we used to play and talk everyday 😭 it was really fun and i guess that stemmed my liking towards him?

he was so nice and funny and he’d always be nicer to me compared to everyone else in our friend group and that just threw me totally off-guard.

in college when we’d meet up before/after our classes, we’d be with the rest of our friends just chilling and stuff or we’d be walking home together talking about the most random things (mostly aot).

now now, everyone in our friend group knew that i used to write smut and ffs and stuff so they’d always tease me about it, but he in particular would ask me questions like “how do you come up with this stuff?” “are you even into any of the things you write?” and i’m guessing he used that against me later on, you’ll see.

i think around December 2020 was when i became absolutely certain that i had a crush on him and IT WAS KILLING MEEE and it was the night of my birthday, i was talking to my close friends and i told them i was gonna confess just to get it off my chest and they were very onboard and supportive about it, so i messaged him.

surprisingly, he was very nice and normal about it which was weird because he’s the most unemotional person in the world 😭 but yeah, he said he appreciates it but he wasn’t looking for a relationship or anything and he’s more focused on his studies and i reassured him like “oh, i’m not looking for a relationship either, i’m just telling you to get it out of the way.”

like genuinely, i didn’t want a relationship, YOU GUYS KNOW ME 💀😭 but yeah, and he goes “you deserve someone a lot better than me anyway,” which made me go ??? wow really?

we ended the conversation on a good note and basically got on with our lives as normal.

two weeks go by and suddenly he’s being so distant towards me?? he was actively speaking on the groupchats we were in and taking to other people but whenever i tried to speak to him ON THE GROUP CHAT, he’d just ignore me and i was thinking ????? ok then, what did i do to him?

it got quite bad to the point where he’d just be openly rude to me and making unsolicited jokes towards me (and other people) so we were all like what the hell???

he also VERY SPECIFICALLY SAID “jahanara is not funny” which tbh idrc about bc a lot of my irls say i’m the least funniest in the group 😭 but my mates were still there to defend me like their lives depend on it (love them fr 😭) and then he goes again, “jahanara is not funny. at all.” IM LIKE DAMN DUDE WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?

of course i ignored it and didn’t say anything because i HATE confrontation so i just left it.

X was close with my friend L, so she asked him why he was being so rude and distant to me and he goes “i didn’t want jahanara liking me because i knew she would end up hurt, so i made it seem like i’m a dickhead,” AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA 💀💀💀 it was not.

around february 2021, i was getting very very excited for the grammys because i thought bts would win and so i put a poll on my snapchat story that said ‘if bts win a grammy, i will _____’

that gained a lot of traction and people were sending crazy suggestions and one of my close friends was like “you should masturbate” AND I WAS LIKE GIRL???? ARE YOU FR???

and she was dead serious SO AS A JOKE, i added that onto the poll and everyone voted for that option because everyone saw me as the overtly horny virgin for bts that has never touched herself before because she’s scared 😭😭

i think a day before the grammys, everyone on the groupchat was talking about it, even the non-armys in our friend group were so invested in me doing this if bts won 😭 and they were all giving me tips and stuff and suddenly X goes “message me when you do it.”

i didn’t think much of it because my best friend also told me to message her when i do it which was so embarrassing 💀😭

so the grammys start, it’s about 2am march 15th 2020, and i’m sitting there waiting for them to announce who on, and of course, bts lost. i was bummed that they didn’t win but i thought fuck it, let me just do it once and get it over with because im an adult, how have i not done it before?

i send a snap of myself with a thumbs up to my best friend and X and i was like “wish me luck guys” and i was shitting bricks 😭

obviously i didn’t know what to do or how to start, but X responded to my snap straight away and he asked me if i knew what to do and i said no 💀 and i guess he kind of… got me started????

this is so embarrassing but he did actually help me get in the mood, he texted me a bit, yk just telling me how to get started AND I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER MY HEAD BUT I SENT HIM NUDES 😭😭😭😭 LIKE NOT FULL ON FRONTAL NUDES, JUST LIKE…. A TITTY PIC OR TWO. OR THREE (bare in mind, i genuinely thought he was helping me because he liked me back 3 months after i confessed).

like seriously, idk what possessed me to send him nudes, i think i was very h word and gripped onto the fact that he may have actually had feelings for me 😭

he screenshot all of them and he was feeding me with so many compliments and praise and yk pulling the whole “pretty girl” “good girl” thing and that really got me going 😭

OH AND THEN HE PHONED MEEEE AND HE GUIDING ME THROUGH THE PHONEEEE AND THAT DID IT FOR ME that was the first time i actually felt very GENUINELY turned on, LIKE I WAS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR, THIGHS LITERALLY SHAKINGGGGG AND THROBBING AND I WAS SHOCKED BECAUSE IS THIS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO FEEL??????

he was also… getting off too, i heard it all so that also blinded me into thinking he had feelings for me too 💀💀💀

he was doing the whole “if i was with you rn, i’d treat you so good” blah blah blah yk? the usual stuff, and i’m pretty sure we were at it for a good 40 minutes before wrapping up because i genuinely couldn’t finish and i hear a lot of women don’t finish often so i figured it was normal.

we said goodnight to each other and ended the call and the next day he sends a message on the groupchat and he goes “how was it, jahanara?” and i didn’t know what to say so i just went “yep, good. very good.” like we were playing this 'lets keep this between ourselves'.

i fully thought he liked me back after that night 😭 bro i was so blind 💀

i ended up telling my best friend because she has no other friends fr she’s my ride or die, so i just told her and the keeping it a secret thing didn’t last because one of X’s friends messaged me asking about it and i was like ….. how do you know?

turned out, X told his friend about it WHICH IMMEDIATELY GOT ME THINKING, OH NO WHAT IF HE SHOWED THE PICS I SENT??? so i messaged him asking him to delete them and he did, with proof, thank god .

everyone ended up finding out about what happened that night so everytime it was mentioned, it was just so awkward between us.

this all happened during the december-march 2021 lockdown we had and the lockdown ended on the 17th so i saw him that day it was so awkward being around him after that, i just knew things would never be the same.

i’d say around may, he started gaining an interest in one of my friends (a very close online friend) let’s call her D after i posted a photo of her on my story.

he kept asking questions about whether she had a boyfriend and stuff and me being me, completely impartial, i told him no, she doesn’t have a boyfriend, and then he wanted to add her on snap so i gave it to him.

i checked in with my friend D and she said she was fine being added by him and she had absolutely no interest in him the way he did AND she knew i liked him so she was never going to pursue anything anyway.

she added him back and X was trying to flirt with her and D thought it was the most embarrassing thing ever trying so hard to win her over.

he spent a good couple weeks chatting her up and begging for photos (nudes, duh) and she didn’t give them so he kind stopped with all the messages.

i knew everything because D was telling me what he was doing and i thought… God wtf? is this who i really like?

a lot of our friends found out about it and confronted him going “why would you go after jahanara’s friend begging for nudes when you know she still likes you?” and he got so much shit for it he took it out on me, again, being rude and making insensitive comments about everything and from there everything just fizzled.

i removed him everywhere, snapchat, instagram, his number, discord etc etc and he did the same apparently i couldn’t care less.

he became this guy that was so hard to talk to without getting attacked for no reason and he started spewing all this shit about what happened on grammys night, and just talking so much bs but me being me, i didn’t say anything about it or confront him about it so i just left it and let everyone else say what they wanted.

throughout 2021/22 everything died down, the groupchat became less active, people were talking a lot less, X was still bitching around me and being rude but whatever. everyone started uni so the groupchat actually died out so now interactions are very scarce.

this whole story pretty much stemmed my dislike towards males and relationships and sexual encounters. i haven’t even ATTEMPTED to be intimiate with myself since march 2020 because i’m always gonna be reminded of him and what he did, telling all his mates about it and what-not.

can’t even bring myself to wear the same pyjamas i wore that night because it makes me feel icky ☹️

but ye, that’s the story in balamory 😁 hope you guys enjoyed 😁👍

bared my titties for someone that wasn’t bangtan, i can’t believe it

Maybe it's just me, but I never found TSC villains compelling.

Most of them were either Cartoonish or uninteresting. Some of them were interesting at the beginning and lost the spark because of the pathetic job CC did in providing them proper page time.

My problem with her characters is not about them being the typical comic villains. Instead, they are soo poorly written and are only considered cunning because CC is dumb....ahem... What I mean is that they do not have enough brain cells to be considered cunning, definitely not as crafty as the writing suggests (they are vicious, yes. But that's a fundamental quality of a villain).

Valentine - the most intelligent, charming, manipulative, always 10 steps ahead - could not think that summoning an Angel (a heavenly being more powerful than he could ever be) and asking it a favour without offering any deal/ sacrifice or having a plan B was dumb? Why didn't he even think for a sec that even if Raziel doesn't know about Ithuriel's imprisonment and all, summoning an entity that can kill you easily could be risky? It's not even a last-minute plan, it's what he had been working for throughout the 1st, 2nd and 3rd books.

Also, if he has the power to capture Ithuriel, a powerful angel (as far as I know), then why not use that power to capture Raziel or why not use Ithuriel's blood to create a new race of half angels that he could control and use to wage war against other shadow hunters?

Sebastian: I never took him seriously. He was just...there obsessing over the main characters because that's what villains do. I did not feel sad (not even a little bit sad) when he died. I don't think he's as complex or as sympathetic as the fandom makes him to be.

Axel Mortmain: Seriously, do people even know TID has a Villain? I do. I'm not happy about it! Frankly speaking, Mortmain did spark my interest when he was revealed to be the bad guy at the end of the first book.

The reason for that: He's just a rich, immortal Mundane against Shadowhunters. He managed to manipulate powerful Downworlders like de Quincy. After reading all about how Mundanes are weak and inferior to the SH in TMI, I thought it would be nice to see a Mundane being a threat to the Shadowhunters. He was the only one with some level of intellect among all the villains in the TSC world. At least, that's what I thought when I finished CoA.

Of course, that interest died quickly when he was only used for causing more drama in a love triangle. CC didn't even pretend she cared about the plot or other characters.

Malcolm& Anabel are Ok-ish...I guess. Once again, neither left a strong impression on me, but I could see why someone else might like them. Or show sympathy for their backstory.

psttttt.........There's a villain called Shinyun...do you know that? Easily the most forgettable character I've ever read.

Tatiana: She had a sympathetic backstory but was a hilariously dumb villain. Once again, a character was established as cunning but only "cunning" because the other characters are stupid. The narration considers her cunning in the way Clave is considered Stupid.

Tatiana and Zara have something in common: both function as the "straw characters". Zara exists as a representation of people who criticize CC's romantic arcs. Tatiana had a motivation behind her hatred. However, from time to time, she was still used as a straw character. I never understood why she specifically said, "Herondales have dominated Shadowhunters history, there should've been more lightwoods". When she clearly hated Lightwoods too. That was oddly specific.

Belial: ugh.....where should I even begin...? Now, I didn't expect him to be a complex villain. But as THE PRINCE OF HELL, I expected a few brain cells from him. Turns out he's the dumbest Villain to ever exist. Now. I'm not going into details as you didn't finish ChoT.

It makes me wonder how TWP Villains are going to be? I'm assuming there would be a lot of Villains...I hope at least some of them are crafty, vicious and would feel like an actual threat to the characters.

Lmao, It's quite lengthy.

Anyway, Thanks for reading.

You’re definitely not alone in that. I agree 100 %. One of my favorite topics are the terrible cartoon villains that appear on the pages of these books. I once wrote in a post about Benedict Lightwood and Tatiana that the villains are characters who are reduced to few oversimplified evil traits and their villainy is over-exaggerated.

As characters they’ve essentially become a combination of both oversimplification and exaggeration, which makes them more caricatures of villains rather than believably motivated, individual characters. […] These character exhibit the degree of nastiness that primarily serves to enhance the goodness, moral superiority, and righteousness of the protagonists. Their lacking complexity is partly a result of this objective. Another part to this is the unwillingness in the narrative to accept the villain as wholly human person. They lack proper motivation or basis outside of being evil for the sake of being evil.  They have no inner life and all their time is dedicated to their evil deeds and self-serving purposes. Writing villains like these is also a result of overly simplistic understanding of certain characters for which the narrative then ignores the complexities inherent in each individual person—even the bad ones. The level of awfulness of these villains is something no sensible member of the Clave would deem as alright. They aren’t slick, charismatic, or suave enough for the readers or the Good Guys to be blinded by their malicious intentions, so why are the rest of the members of the Clave blind to it? These villains aren’t that intelligent and cunning. Their intelligence and cunning should be achieved through skillful use of literary devices, not dumbing down other characters. Having everyone go with their charisma that fools them only because the writing says so gives the other Nephilim bad contrast and is frustrating for readers to wait for them to catch up. They are villains, they are supposed to be awful doesn’t change the fact that what the writing has produced are walking talking mission statements only meant for spouting out obviously controversial and unacceptable ideologies. This comes from the habit of picking out only easy and surface level aspects to enhance their badness, like sexism, racial supremacy, and homophobia, which any sensible and empathetic reader would obviously strongly disagree with.

Valentine is only intelligent and a smooth talker because Clare just doesn’t write Clary being able to refute any of his arguments while I am doing it for her when reading. It’s all telling and showing, much like the rest of the books but it does a greater disservice to the villains. Here are some links to my other older answers about this topic if you wish to read more of the thoughts:

Sebastian’s potential at compelling villainy and him being EVIL

Thoughts on Sebastian being a villain

Thoughts on Zara being a villain

On Tatiana

A thought about Tatiana

Hello, actual aegosexual person here, to give a bit of insight on my specific opinions on the jokes regarding Uni, and compare them to my experiences in real life.

A few things to say right off the bat-- I don't identify with the label "aegosexual" (I much prefer "asexual", as it requires much less explanation and gets across what I am anyways), but I do fit the definition of aegosexual. I won't get into what I am attracted to, as that's a major tmi and this is not the place for it (plus I know some criticism blogs are minors and I am NOT taking any chances), but I will express my views regarding actual intimacy. Finally, I do NOT speak for all aegosexual people, that is not my intention. I speak for only myself.

I am a sex-repulsed asexual, full stop. The idea of seeing anything or actually experiencing anything makes my stomach turn. I find myself straight-up walking out of movies if something goes even a little beyond PG-13, and take great pains to avoid ever seeing anything like that. This does not extend to fiction (art, writing), but anything "real" is met with the highest amount of disgust on my part. I have no intention of ever doing anything, ever.

Still, there are jokes. I get fictional crushes, which become a point of "poking fun" at me in my friend group (always harmless fun, mind you). They use terms like "top" and "dom" and other things for me because of my interactions with them. They joke about me doing things that I would never actually do. But, they are just that-- jokes. If they ever say something that makes me feel uncomfortable, I tell them to stop, and they do. If their own jokes between themselves ever go too far and they notice I am uncomfortable, they stop for my sake. Though they all have a very crass nature, there's a full distinction between what is real and what is not. That is to say, they would never cross my boundaries.

All this to say that Uni doesn't really feel aegosexual to me-- at least, not to my experience. The jokes about her having sex with others and being horny are... fine, I guess, but-- to put it this way-- there doesn't feel like a difference between Carrie and Uni. To me, they both feel like they have some sort of amount of sexual attraction towards others. The only difference I can tell is that Carrie is actively stated to be promiscuous-- otherwise, there's fundamentally no difference that I can tell.

Aces can enjoy sex-- I heartily disagree with anyone who says otherwise-- but there's a difference between being able to enjoy sex and actively seeking it out. And with the sheer amount of sex jokes regarding Uni in this fandom and the comic itself, it doesn't feel like Uni's ace-ness is being paid attention to at any capacity whatsoever. It just feels like they treat her like any other allosexual character and then scream "SOME ACES HAVE SEX!!1!11!!!" when anyone dares to be even a little bit uncomfortable by how she's presented.

Thank you for the opportunity to speak, I am sorry for the essay in your inbox.

--Faerie Anon

Don´t worry Faerie Anon. I believe your points are valid.

Body image appearance discussion. tw for eds and dysmorphia and shit. and self harm and also sex tmi shit. idek. im contemplative bear w me

like basically i never was pretty as a kid or growing up. like idk i guess conventionally attractive people or if ur just "objectively" pretty ppl comment on that a lot if ur a girl like family members but i never really was complimented like that. if anything ppl just tore my appearance down in my family unintentionally or intentionally and i was bullied for my features as a kid and ppl commented on my nose a lot soooooooooo. i feel my really low self esteem just falls back into the whole like trauma of feeling like i shouldnt even exist bc of how i was raised and guilt instilled in u and all of the feelings of alienation socially and bc of my appearance and ethnicity and just who i was. i wasnt really pretty as a teenager either and when i was 18 and started actually exploring sexuality more idk i still felt like im not really pretty and its why i like never believe anyone who compliments me and i dont really get complimented on appearance much anyway so. and also the disordered eating borderline anorexia phase i had when i was 12-14 where i would like take ice baths and restrict and write my goal weight it was kind of fucked up ngl like i didnt rly damage myself physically like i didnt lose much weight but ik the mindset was very damaging and i just like did not feel good bc i had no energy bc i was starving myself LMAOOO anyway that definitely still carries w me even now even tho im better w it but still very much struggle w eating but thats more a depression dysfunctional thing i guess. and when i started getting more sexual i guess like i equate sex and love a lot sometimes i even feel like i cant be pretty but at least im somewaht attractive body wise and im good at fucking like is that crazy idk like sexual validation makes me feel loved and i dont feel like i am actually pretty or pleasant looking or nice looking so the most i can have is like my body is ok . and when i was a kid i used to want to cut my vagina lips off lmaoo cuz i iddnt know what outies were lmfao and shit and ive been having intrusive thoughts like that lately just bc im like really depressed and not having any sex and my relationship is not intimate anymore and i havent even masturbated bc ive been too depresse and i also think masturbating as a girl is kinda annoying like i wanna be in BED not like do it in the bathroom bc i have a big ass rabbit vibe that looks like an alien gun. like if u have a dick u can just jack off in the bathroom or something and its quiet yk???? but like w a vibe its ANNOYING. like i need to be completely alone and i live w someone so like thatsh ard. if i had a dick i would jack one off in the bathroom LMAO. im sexually frustrated and shit and feel like if im not sexual at all im just like ugly and something idk. But also not evne in the mood for sex bc im soooooo depressed. and also im very physical in romantic relationships but not w anyone else idk what thats all about. My mentality has always been if theyre being physically affectionate w me theres no way or little chance they can be mad at me. also i really hate porn and od not like watching it i havent really in yrs cuz i just didnt care for it after i started having long term partner sex cuz im crazy like that like i dont evendesire looking at other ppl when im in a relationship. yk. and i kinda disagree w porn just cuz ive seen waht it does to straight men and u hear so many stories. and it makes me uncomfortable to see ppl have sex i realized. i only like seeing myself have sex LMAOO. im like sexual but in a private way. and i have a weird relationship to sex and my body and shit. idek. its cuz im like ed core also not white also unconventional looking and idk was a late blooemr sexually a little so. IDEK. but yeah im trying to have a healtheir relationship to how i view myself but its fucking hard

Tag nine people you want to get to know better

Thank you @the-toad-in-your-piano for the tag!

Three ships

Hm, I will tell about my most recent one, the one I've written the most about, and the one that got me into writing fanfic and making fanart.

The latest: Nygmobblepot! Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot from Gotham. Well, what can I say? Sad, mentally ill and murderous men, what's not to like? They have an interesting relationship, and I like to see it being explored more in many different forms.

The one I've written the most: Willton, Frederick Chilton/Will Graham from Hannibal. Even though this is the ship with the highest amount of words by me, it's still only somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 words. I'm a beginner, but hopefully getting better all the time! I admit, this one isn't very popular. I like NBC Hannibal's Chilton as a character a lot, and I personally think he needs some other character to develop himself. Will gives us contrast, with his cool calculations and violent mind compared to Frederick's neuroses and anxieties.

The beginning: Good old Mystrade. Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade from BBC Sherlock. I'm a sucker for emotionally suppressed middle-aged men. I suppose I could explore my own experiences through them - anxiety, depression, self esteem issues. Older queer people have always made me hopeful, and even though it really isn't the same, sometimes fictional characters work as a substitute.

First ever ship

Huh, I am not absolutely sure, but I guess this would be Johnlock. I remember seeing one of the older Sherlock Holmes films when I was younger, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, 1970, and Holmes implying Watson and he were lovers felt surreal, almost. This one was an old film for a young kid such as myself, and there they were, queer, and it wasn't only a joke, we were not only portrayed as comic relief. Obviously it was somewhat humorous (Holmes trying to avoid fathering a child for Madame Petrova), but they didn't make it seem like queer people were lesser. In a way, I felt understood - that's what not having obvious actual queer representation causes - and it stayed in the back of my mind for a long time.

Now, thinking about the ships I've now told about, I realise I (often along with other people) have headcanoned one person of the pair as asexual, even though I've only known I'm ace myself for a very short time, comparatively.

Last song

I've been listening to Hannibal the Musical and Possibly in Michigan (Animal Cannibal). Completely normal and sane songs to listen to, I can assure you.

Last movie

I watched The Lady in the Van with my parents last night. It was quite amusing, both light-hearted and serious at the same time. Before that, The Batman (2022), which I didn't like as much as some of the other Batman films, but it was quite decent.

Currently reading

Haha, I'm not currently reading anything, really. The last actual book I read was the Shining by Stephen King some weeks ago. It was much better than the film, which I watched right after, although not scary at all.

Currently watching

Gotham (2014-2019). Finding television series that can keep me watching is not the easiest task, I guess. Usually I only like a few characters, and try to resist the urge to only see their scenes as long as I can.

Currently consuming

Well, I should be getting an evening snack, but I'm writing this. Going to get an apple and some mango gurt with rice cereal.

Currently craving

This is a bit in the TMI territory, but the ability to feel strong emotions, and for once not anxiety. I feel very empty most of the time. Fortunately I have Petunia the blue tongue skink. I also would like to learn Swedish and get even more herps.

Tagging (no pressure to actually do this! Also, with my luck, everyone I tag has already participated in this, but no harm done anyways. I have literally never interacted with some of you, and never in a personal manner with any of you, but let's ignore that for a moment, or otherwise I could never participate in these)

@nygmobblepot-trash @arabriddler @shyjusticewarrior @cliobii @evansdoodles @super-who-locked-me-in-here @barbacarisi @the-chilton @no1raulesparzafan

I’m laying in bed sobbing right now, not because I’m sad nerve is at it’s ending but bc it is truly one of the best works I’ve read on here to date and I am not exaggerating. At all. Not one bit. The emotions I’ve felt while reading this coupled with the plot twist?! Like I just, I don’t have words. This story will forever be so special to me. It took me places far from my own sad thoughts and ugh please accept my virtual hugs 😭 tysm Dee, for sharing this masterpiece with us 💜💜💜

🥺🥺 I'm sorry you were sobbing but I also understand why.

I cannot explain how deeply it hits resonates with me, that this au has impacted you this much.

Thank you for complimenting my writing and this au, as always it's so greatly appreciated.

For a long time i second guessed even the miniscule dialogues and reactions, and even the plot. Ngl as TMI as this is, in terms of shower thoughts and carpooling to work and in between lunches and coffee breaks i mulled over the plot and Nerve and the storyline and I was dead set on having a happy ending in terms of them staying together but not happy in their life, yet.

It's just been so freaking unreal. Istg I'm so bad at finishing things. Like I spur head on into new ideas and I'm so excited and I FELT that heaviness creeping up a bit, I did, but to knew I had to finish this and I knew I could and I did and I cannot explain the feeling.

And hell yeah I am so excited to do more. But not diving into any of that just yet.

Overall, nerve taking away your sadness a little and helping you get through a day or an hour or even a few minutes to keep being strong and keep the necessary in life and providing that comfort...it's everything. And thank you for receiving this au the way you have ❤️

(2/2)

PLEASE JAEMIN JAEMIN JAEMIN WHAT IS THERE TO NOT LIKE ABOUT HIM IS HE EVEN REAL and i can't help but think that jeno is the LEAN muscular type and then there's jaemin who's the JUICY MEATY muscular type LIKE LET ME BITE INTO THAT YUMMY ARMS AND BE HELD AND SQUEEZED BY IT AND HECK MAYBE EVEN BE SUFFOCATED BY IT

YEY CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING UR INTERNSHIP!! SO PROUD OF UU UR HARDWORK DEFINITELY PAID OFF!! and i'm quite nosy as heck so oooohhhh 👀 ur tmi reminded me of if i believe you 👀 (must be me having withdrawals i miss ur characters i'm quite attached to them i'm just gonna reread it after this hehe) BUT I CAN PRETTY MUCH RELATE AND UNDERSTAND there was one time i almost had a serious crush (thank god it didn't got deeper lmfao) since my friend got a new crush on someone too 😭😭 i was like u know what... it's been going almost 6 years since i had a serious crush on a real reachable person so me too i want to try and have those giddy gushing crush experiences once again 💀 so yeah it's pretty much on the loneliness in my case... didn't pursue that almost crush lol although i still find him cute sometimes but it's all surface level

i honestly wish i know what my alcohol tolerance is >< i've always drink drinks that has little percentage of alcohol in them like flavored beers or stuff like smirnoff mule or cocktails, guess it's either i just don't like the bitter taste of alcohol or i'm still not used to it AND IF I EVER DO I BET I'M GONNA HAVE A LOT OF CHASERS CUZ I HAVE A TASTE PALATE OF A CHILD

anyway ALL THE BEST AND GOOD LUCK on ur interviews and ur future endeavors may it be here in tumblr or irl!!! HAVE FUN AND ALWAYS STAY SAFE LOVE YOUUUU 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

- 💛

my jaemin feelings r really getting worse and worse he's just so lovely i associate him w so many scenes and scenarios LOL I SWEAR i will get better at writing him and then i can actually share my brainrot w y'all in an articulate way

firstly withdrawals omg ur so kind 😭😭😭🫶🏻 thank u for liking my characters so much... also yep definitely if i believe u's premise is very based off my own feelings. liking someone irl/a reachable person has so many strings attached and implications and complications it is not for the faint hearted but i really do miss it just a little bit...

omg ur rlly different from me... for me i drink to like taste the alcohol and i don't rlly like to mix it or get flavored stuff bc to me why am i paying for something i dont wna taste... when i meet new people im gna lie to them and say i cant drink tho so i dont face social pressure to do... in the wise words of na jaemin: "you're forbidden from saying that you have a strong tolerance getting excited and saying ohahahahahaha i drink soju out of the bottle"

THANK YOU for chatting w me i hope u stay safe too and u have the best of time during the holidayyyys (if ur still on holiday?) LOVE YOU

1) s(he) walks in beauty, pretty bird, just a name!

2) two scoops/two scoops (and a danish), assassin!verse

3)JASON!!! you get his characteristics absolutely on POINT.

4) the assassin!verse reader and dick, i wanna squeeze them both 🥺

5) angel by the wings! i don’t know anything about the character but it seems really cool!

6) the batfam showing up in the ice cream shop 😭 two scoops is the first thing i read from you a long while ago and it’s still my fav/comfort jason fic!

7) the sovereign beauty. still makes me teary because i wish i had someone like jason with me during my most vulnerable time. (tmi but it was horrible and it’s still such an awful & traumatic moment in my life, and reading that fic brings me so much comfort bc he’s so sweet and gentle. i love it and i love you for writing it)

8) the way you structure/set up each scenario is so well done; the visualization of each one is so vivid, you do such an amazing job at explaining everything!

9) literally anything with dick/jay. doesn’t matter what it is, i will gobble it up entirely

10) dick! i never used to read anything about him bc him and babs were always my otp, but you write him so well!

11) i would never request it bc i know how sensitive a topic it is, but something of jay comforting his s/o after a traumatic sexual experience. he seems so tender and kind. but idk, could be me projecting my trauma onto him or something 😂

12) half-eaten bagels, fuck up/fix up the friendship!

13) i have! ironically it was the one fic i haven’t read from you (angel by the wings) but one of my closest friends is obsessed with top gun/rooster + hangman, so i figured i just had to tell her about it since your writing is so well done

14) puzzle pieces, any of your bruce fics. pregnancy = a big nope for me but it was so sweet!! and i was never a bruce lover (in that sense) but i took a chance on them, and they’re some of my fav bruce fics now!

15) not really, but i guess.. are you planning to continue assassin!verse? its one of the best dick fics (heh) ive ever read! i love them so much!

🖤💛

what if I just started weeping from how sweet you are akfnakfnakf

And YES assassin!verse is still going and I have plenty of requests. I am just at a stage of life where all I do is run around like a chicken with its head cut off and contemplate the future (I graduate on Saturday)

BUT NEVER FEAR more is coming mwahahahah