#like no fucking joke
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who needs therapy when rewatching fullmetal alchemist brotherhood for the millionth time is free 😜🥰😭
#calling myself out#fullmetal alchemist#fullmetal alchimist brotherhood#fma brotherhood#fma#fmab#biggest comfort anime ever#like no fucking joke#this anime means so much to me#words cannot describe#i love this anime with literally all of my heart#the amount of comfort it gives me is unmatched with anything else#😭😭😭#god what i’d give to watch it for the fist time again#best anime
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Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.
All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.
#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day#and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back.#he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi#he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes#but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them.#and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him.#your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back.#i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently
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they are Cancelling me for dealing with my grief as best i can . also for the vicious war Crimes
#book 24#the conversation between the gods at the beginning there is just this#greatest hits#all i say is vicious war crimes in a vague way#and you all start frothing at the mouth like rabid dogs#a lot of yall get the memo with the blorbo tags but also. seeing quite a few strange pulls#not exactly war crimes but Ok#sometimes normal vicious crimes can just be normal vicious crimes ok guys#can yall stop tagging this as israel u guys r fucking weird….#if u see this and think it is a joke about actual fucking horrific war crimes and ethnic cleansing. u may be fucked up in the head#please be normal#will people stop commenting on this please. none of yall r funny
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bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word
I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.
(I'm sorry)
#art#twisted wonderland#(sort of atemporally somewhere between episodes 6 and 7?)#(i - i wanted that lilia joke okay)#long post#tumblr went 'you can post up to 30 images now :)' and i was like well okay then#anyway once again i'm sorry#i'd say i don't know why i did this but actually it is because i wanted kalim to scandalize everyone#i tried to keep it...you know...tasteful. a tasteful amount of fucks.#hey remember how the framing premise for the original birthday interviews was that yuu worked for the school paper#because i have never forgotten. in my head they are still getting up to all kinds of wacky reporting hijinks.
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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
#something something toxic relationships notwithstanding#(re: the friends stuff)#most people love you. automatically. for being alive. like people are just MADE that way.#and the reason kms jokes don't always land is bc people fucking love you and are like - ahhh how do i help#let them help you!!!!!!
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i absolutely love teenagers. i told a group of them about my work and asked them what their demands for the united nations would be and they debated among themselves and told me to "tell them to make doner kebab three euros again". yeah man i'll ask
#no joke ive been citing this as a positivr example for youth engagement to anyone in the ministry who will listen#teens SHOULD be advocating for everyday problems they face like the cost of living crisis and not be#shouldered with the responsibility for the entire future#'teenagers are the future' they are also the fucking present. allowed to have ordinary problems like everyone else!!!#dont fucking burden them with your shortcomings! you figure it out!!!!
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'Brother in arms' oh they were in each other's arms alright
#yes this is a joke about garroth and laurance canonically fucking#i love how the aphmau wiki/canon series has them listed as brother in arms and they also like. had sex.#idk why that's so funny to me#garroth ro'meave#laurance zvahl#garrance#aphmau#aphmau mcd#mcd#minecraft diaries
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Supernatural was so so so so so funny in how they were like: "Dean is such a ladies man, only boobs boobs boobs" and then they would give him a love interest in season 6 and never again.
BUT they'd have him make Cas a mixtape.
And grieve Cas like a heartbroken widower.
And then have him be happy for the first time all season once Cas returns to him (even though his mother'd still be missing).
And they'd have Dean stop with the hook-ups completely. And instead they'd have Dean make Cas watch movies together.
And have date nights.
And they'd have Dean on his knees confessing.
And the last person who'd confess his love to Dean would be a gay angel.
But Supernatural was so so so so so funny they'd be like: this means nothing.
#cas was THE love interest all along#also forever grateful to these writers who were like THIS MEANS SOMETHING#and forever fuck you to those who treated the ship and the shippers like a joke#destiel#supernatural
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how the fuck does someone date in 2024
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Rabbits
Some bonus art, I initially started making this in a totally different art style but changed my mind about halfway through lmao, here are the parts I finished
#edit: terfs fuck off#this is literally about people like you#flashing#pulsing light#eye strain#(only under the read more cut)#art#comic#colored pencil#Illustration#I realized like halfway through making this that this is just the leopards eating peoples faces party joke lmao#im glad i abandoned that original art style bc the way it gets compressed when converted to a gif is so bad 😩#actual reason i abandoned the original style was it was taking super long#especially if i wanted it to actually look good#but i still liked how it came out so i wanted to post it anyway lol
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staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%
🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
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setting up a timer on my phone that goes off every night at 10pm as a reminder to not trust my thoughts past that hour
#clutching my head#like no fucking joke#one moment i’m fine then boom 10 pm i’m borderline unstable#get me oughttaaaughhhfhgd#cnp rants
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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also don't let ur friends/society/tumblr posts/whatever convince u to start smoking or drinking or whatever if u don't want to. there are health risks there are social and financial aspects to consider and it's totally fine and normal to not want to. there's no moral aspect to it you can drink and do drugs or whatever if u want and that's chill but u should know what ur doing and do research and if u decide u dont want to that's chill and anyone who tries to shame u for it can go fuck themselves
#text#DORRY FOR ALL THE POSTING THIS MORNING this isnt even super related ifve just been thinking abt it a lot#bc the new thing is posting about how smoking is hot. Dont start smoking kids. genuinely#u r GOING to fuck up ur life and ur health and ur lungs and ur bank account probably. dont start smoking#like all jokes aside. do not. or at least know the risks and know what ur getting into#u r not immune to addiction u r not immune to health risks u r not immune to additional financial strain
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> be zuko
> try desperately to ingratiate yourself within the avatar’s friend group (to no avail, of course, because you have terrible social skills, and previously tried to kill them, also)
> try to fight off the human wmd you previously hired to blow them all up
> fail miserably, because he is indestructible
> watch as sokka effortlessly kills him with a very precise boomerang throw to the brain
> suddenly recall every single time you got hit in the head by his boomerang
> feel immense gratitude for what you had previously dismissed as uncle’s obnoxiously stringent and paranoid over-emphasis on the importance of helmet safety
#zuko#sokka#combustion man#iroh#sokka could’ve taken down all of unanimity with his boomerang#he and yangchen would’ve been the fucking dream team fr#altho i guess jujinta also has rly precise aim so he basically fulfills that role#but like. sokka has precise aim AND everything else kavik has (except for waterbending but like. he doesn’t even need it)#anyway. these tags are not relevant to the post at all#also i think zuko would like the helmet bc a) they’re regulation so he feels more militaristic in them and b) they cover his scar#but for the purposes of this joke of he hates the way they compress on his skull and he also whines before iroh makes him put it on#honestly both are equally plausible to me#so let’s just say it’s a combination thereof
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listen I expected literally Nothing from the D&D movie okay, like I can't make it clear enough that I expected the most soulless money grab with a good cgi budget imaginable, I went in having already gone through every stage of grief and landed on acceptance and LISTEN
I fucking CRIED during this dumb RPG movie. it wasn't just "not terrible" it was objectively good with a clever plot and compelling characters and sincere emotional beats. this movie loves D&D so fucking much and it NAILS the "a bunch of goobers try to be cool and accidentally discover The Power Of Friendship And Also Great Violence" classic D&D party vibe. their barbarian's last name is fucking Kilgore and my entire family cried in the theater.
I hope they make twelve of these motherfuckers.
#honor among thieves#dnd#dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves#holga kilgore#she is a BARBARIAN whose name is KILL GORE like who among us has not been in a party with this exact character#some new player who picked whatever they were told was the easiest class and gave them a name that is 98% a joke#and just piggybacked their backstory onto the most experienced player's as like rp training wheels#and then smash cut 60 sessions later and we're all getting choked up over john dingus or whatever#do you motherfuckers know how rarely i cry????? about ANYTHING?????#god it was so good#i am going to watch this an unhealthy amount#i want a separate movie for every red wizard and also one about xenk's backstory#his name is X E N K with an X these writers have played some fucking DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS#do i have to buy dead in thay now?????? i think i have to buy dead in thay now#i literally ran dnd on friday and this movie put me in WITHDRAWAL i want to play some dnd Now
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