I feel like there are roughly two kinds of "painfully weird kid" that you can be during your K-12 school years. the first is your "I am trying so hard to be normal but I just cannot seem to hit the mark. there's just something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it" and the second is the category I was in, which is your "everyone around me is so incredibly weird but they obviously can't help it so I will just have to accept this."

People wondering about Drunk Steve and honestly I think Steve’s such a Mom™️ and, also;

“A cosmopolitan? Really dingus?”

Steve, sips his cosmo, dressed to the nines because when he goes out drinking and actually wants to drink he’s got to gussy up because that’s what happens when you are, as the Reba theme song goes; 🎵 A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kids and never stops 🎶 so any occasion to go out that doesn’t involve snacks and token money must not be taken for granted.

“You guys laugh it up and drink your swill.”

“Man, you look like a waspy mom or like a Sex and The City mom, you know, trying to figure out which character you are. Cosmos are for old ladies.”

“Yeah man you’re a Charlotte. Charlotte’s not even the cool one!” Robin says, surprisingly.

Nancy tilts her head.

“It’s weird that you can accurately categorize Steve as Charlotte. Didn’t know you were a fan.”

“Oh is that the tight assed yuppie one? Cuz it fits!” Eddie and Robin stare at Steve and laugh.

Nancy giggles.

“One,” Steve puts down his fancy glass and glares at the three. “I am proudly a Charlotte. She’s a solid somewhat neurotic character who knows what she wants and goes for it despite the romantic foibles. She got Harry. We should all be so lucky to have Harry. And two,” he points at them, listing their drinking faults on by one.

“You,” Points to Robin with a sneer. “Drink shit vodka out of the plastic bottle, two chugs and your so drunk you scream profanities in the night and keep trying to get us to dare you to kiss Nancy.”

Robin blushes, puts down her glass of clear vodka.

“Yeah,” Nancy looks at Robin confusedly. “Whats up with that?”

“You!” Points to Nancy, she jumps. “Actually like Goldschlager and commit crimes like a feral mongoose and lord forbid you stop at that felony because, no, you’re constant mooning and flashing people of authority. Hopper still can’t look you in the eye after the sheriff’s station incident.”

Nancy blushes, glares and pushes her tall glass to the side. It glimmers in the light.

Eddie giggles, actually giggles at her.

“I still can’t believe you photocopied your ass and left a stack in a folder on his desk.”

“She labeled them important.” Robin grins. “And stole all the illicit evidence.”

“So. Much. Weed.” Eddie grins.

“And handcuffs!”

Steve takes another sip, and then pokes Eddie hard in the chest.

“And. You.”

“And…me?” Eddie points to himself.

“You hit on me constantly, Eddie.”

“I really do.” Agrees, unashamed.

“You try to take off your clothes.”

“I get hot when I’m drunk.” Shrugs.

“You ordered $500 worth of pizza and wings to be delivered to Carver‘s house. With his parents credit card information which you somehow have.”

“Totally guilty.” Nods.

“And that’s not counting the time before that, when you got drunk and you paid two lesbian hookers to show up at his house to perform on each other in front of his mother’s dinner party. And they were paid to also say that Jason was the one who paid them and scheduled this private showing!”

“You know he’s in an all boys Catholic school because of me, right?” Says proudly.

“And the worst part about all of this, because I could excuse it all if you were drinking some sort of crazy hard obscure liquor but it’s not even that. You get White Claw drunk like some white sorority girl on spring break. What the hell is that?”

“…”

Nancy and Robin sip there drinks at the awkward silence.

“I’m not apologizing.”

Turns out Steve is a judgmental drunk. Or buzzed.

Just a bunch of silly goofballs, I adore them.

Thank you so much for this, you made my day ;o;

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear Chapter 19: Matt

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+, MINORS DNI)

Story Summary: While speaking at a local school for visually impaired youth, Matt runs into his childhood best friend, with whom he lost touch almost 20 years prior.

Warning/Tags: None for this chapter.

Word Count: ~ 3600 (Catholic weddings are LONG, y'all.)

A/N: The big day is here! Only one more chapter to go...

"10 minutes until you say 'I do'," Foggy said as Matt finished getting ready for his wedding to Y/N. "I'm honestly surprised you two didn't elope."

Matt chuckled as he adjusted his tie. "We briefly discussed it but Y/N said she wanted to get married in the church with all of our friends and family there."

He smiled to himself. His proposal had gone off without a hitch and he and Y/N had quickly set a wedding date. "Maybe Aunt Ruth and I could start looking at wedding dresses while she's here for Thanksgiving next week," Y/N had said as they lay together in post-engagement coital bliss, her head on Matt's chest as he traced gentle patterns along her bare back.

Matt had nodded. "That sounds like a good idea."

Y/N had looked up at him. "What do you think about the end of April for our wedding? My lease will be up then so it kind of feels like the perfect time to get married."

A smile had spread across Matt's face. "April sounds nice. Want to call the church in the morning to see what dates they have open?"

"Mmm. Mmhmm."

They had called Clinton Church first thing the next morning and booked their wedding date for the end of April.

"5 months until we say 'I do',"  Y/N had said after they had hung up.

Matt had wrapped his arms around Y/N, his heart fluttering at the contented hum she had made. "I can't wait."

He mentally shook his head. "How do I look?"

Foggy patted him on the shoulder. "Like a man who's about to get hitched."

Matt grinned, nervous excitement flitting around his stomach. "Thanks again for your help this morning."

"Of course, buddy, anytime."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Matt?" Aunt Ruth's voice called out. "May I come in?"

"Yeah, Aunt Ruth, come on in," Matt replied, turning towards the door as it opened. 

"Oh my goodness, don't you look handsome," Aunt Ruth said. "And Foggy, you as well."

"Thanks, Ms. Y/L/N," Foggy replied.

"Matt, Y/N would like to speak with you before the ceremony begins."

Matt's blood turned to ice in his veins. Shit, did she change her mind? "Is she okay?"

"Oh yes, everything is fine, dear, I promise," Aunt Ruth reassured him. "Y/N just decided that she wants a private moment with you before you say 'I do'." 

Matt let out a breath and nodded. "Okay."

Aunt Ruth led him down the hall to another room. "I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

Matt nodded and took a deep breath as Aunt Ruth walked away, then knocked softly on the door. "Y/N?"

"Come in," Y/N's voice replied.

Matt opened the door and stepped inside.

He could hear the gentle swish of Y/N's wedding dress as she turned towards him. "Hi, Matty."

"Hi, angel," Matt replied, still nervous that Y/N might have changed her mind about marrying him. "Is everything okay? Aunt Ruth said you needed to talk to me."

Y/N took his hand. "Yeah, sweetheart, everything's fine. I'm sorry if I scared you, I just… I wanted to show you something really quick."

She took a deep breath. "Remember how back when we were kids, all of our personal belongings were labeled with our names?"

Matt nodded. Y/N had helped him keep track of his stuff until he was able to put Braille labels on everything.

Y/N lifted Matt's hand up to the bodice of her dress, right where her heart steadily beat. "My heart has belonged to you since the moment we met."

Matt's brow furrowed as he traced the familiar bumps of Braille writing. M-a-t-t-h-e-w.

"It's in red to match our wedding colors," Y/N explained.

A broad smile spread across Matt's face and he shook his head, fighting the urge to start crying. "I really love you, you know that?" 

Y/N let out a light laugh. "That's good to know, sweetheart, especially considering that we're supposed to be getting married in less than 5 minutes."

Matt grinned. "I better run then. I don't want to spend a minute more than I absolutely have to without you as my wife."

Y/N pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

Matt nodded. "I'll be waiting."

"Love you."

Matt slipped out of the room and headed back down the hall.

"Hey, everything okay?" Foggy asked him as he re-entered his own waiting area.

Matt nodded, unable to keep a smile off of his face. "Yeah, everything's perfect."

Foggy let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. Ready then? It's time."

Matt nodded again. "More than ready."

"Alright, let's go get you married."

He and Foggy headed into the church and took their places at the front of the altar, and a few moments later, a soft melody started playing.

Matt waited as Father Davis took his place as officiant, followed by Karen as Y/N's maid of honor, then Harley, Y/N's coworker Jessica's son, as ring bearer and Sophie as flower girl.

He took a deep breath as the doors opened once again and the Bridal March began.

A smile spread across his face as Y/N began her walk towards him.

As she approached, Matt thought back to that first moment they had met. He had immediately known that she was the answer to his prayer, but he hadn't quite realized at the time that he had also been hers.

He held his hand out to Y/N as she reached him, pressing a kiss to the top of her hand before turning to face Father Davis.

"Good afternoon," Father Davis said.

"Good afternoon, Father," everyone replied.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

"Amen."

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness Matthew and Y/N join together in holy matrimony. Let us begin with our opening prayer."

Y/N and Matt bowed their heads as Father Davis raised a hand over them. "Dear Heavenly Father," he began, "we ask your blessing down upon Matthew and Y/N as they pledge their lives to one another through the sacrament of marriage. May they look to you for guidance in all that they do, in your name, amen."

"Amen," everyone repeated.

"Please be seated."

Matt and Y/N knelt hand-in-hand on the portable kneeler as everyone sat and Aunt Ruth walked up to do the first reading.

"A reading from the Book of Genesis," she began. "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I shall make a suitable partner for him. So the Lord formed out of the ground various wild animals and birds of the air'…"

Matt subtly turned his head towards Y/N, who was glancing over at him. 

He gave her hand a squeeze, their silent signal for I love you.

Y/N squeezed his hand back twice in response. I love you too.

"The word of the Lord," Aunt Ruth finished.

Matt turned his attention back to the lectern. "Thanks be to God."

Everyone answered the responsorial psalm, then Foggy walked up to do the second reading. 

He cleared his throat. " A reading from the first letter from St. Paul to the Corinthians.

'If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Matt smiled to himself. By that definition, Y/N was love, and Matt was the luckiest man on earth by getting to have her for the rest of his life.

"Love never ends," Foggy continued. "But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 

Faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love'."

He went to step down then caught himself. "Uh, the word of the Lord."

"Thanks be to God," Matt replied with a grin.

Next followed the Gospel Acclamation, then the Gospel.

Matt and Y/N stayed kneeling while everyone else sat for the homily.

"I haven't had the privilege of knowing Matthew and Y/N for very long," Father Davis began, "but from what their loved ones have told me, it's about time they got married."

Matt grinned and nodded in agreement as their wedding guests chuckled.

"From my understanding, they met as young children and immediately became inseparable," Father Davis continued, "as only truly best friends can be…"

Matt listened as Father Davis continued tying his and Y/N relationship to the readings.

"God has brought Matthew and Y/N together not once, but twice, and so here we are today, celebrating their love and commitment to one another," Father Davis concluded, turning towards them. "Matthew and Y/N, may you continue to love and support one another all the days of your lives."

Matt nodded and gave Y/N's hand a squeeze.

Father Davis sat for a moment in silent reflection, then stood once again. "Please rise."

Matt and Y/N stood and faced one another. Here we go.

"Matthew and Y/N," Father Davis said, "you have come together into the house of the Church so that in the presence of the Church’s minister and the community your intention to enter into Marriage may be strengthened by the Lord with a sacred seal. Christ abundantly blesses the love that binds you. Through a special Sacrament, he enriches and strengthens those he has already consecrated by Holy Baptism, that they may be faithful to each other forever and assume all the responsibilities of married life. And so, in the presence of the Church, I ask you to state your intentions."

He then went through the standard questions about whether Matt and Y/N were there of their own free will, whether they agreed to love, honor and cherish each other, and whether they would welcome any children they were blessed with, all to which both Matt and Y/N answered in the affirmative.

Father Davis nodded. "Since it is your intention to enter into the sacrament of Holy Matrimony, please join your right hands."

Matt smiled as Y/N took his hand in hers.

"Matthew, do you take Y/N to be your wife?" Father Davis asked. "Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life?"

Matt nodded, a broad smile on his face. "I do."

His smile grew even wider as he heard Y/N's heart flutter.

"And do you, Y/N, take Matthew to be your husband?" Father Davis asked Y/N. "Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and to honor him all the days of your life?"

"I do," Y/N replied, the love and adoration in her voice music to Matt's ears.

"Then may the Lord in his kindness strengthen the consent you have declared before the Church and graciously bring to fulfillment his blessings within you," Father Davis continued. "What God has joined, let no one tear asunder."

Matt couldn't help but grin. We did it. We're married.

Foggy stepped around Matt and handed their rings to Father Davis.

Father Davis sprinkled some holy water over their rings. "Bless and sanctify your servants in their love, O Lord, and let these rings, a sign of their faithfulness, remind them of their love for one another.

Through Christ our Lord."

"Amen," Matt and Y/N said together.

Father Davis handed Matt Y/N's ring. "Matthew, place this ring on Y/N's left hand and repeat after me: ' Y/N, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity'. "

Matt took Y/N's hand and slid her wedding band next to her engagement ring. "Y/N, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity."

"And Y/N," Father Davis continued, "place this ring on Matthew's left hand and repeat after me: 'Matthew, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity'."

Y/N slid Matt's ring onto his finger, the cool metal a comforting weight against his skin. "Matthew, receive this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity."

Matt grinned. While they were shopping for their wedding rings he had been fully prepared for Y/N to just choose a ring for him and be done with it, but instead Y/N had had him try on rings made from all sorts of materials and in all sorts of designs until Matt had found the one he was most comfortable with wearing.

You're the one who has to wear it for the rest of your life, she had said, so shouldn't your comfort be the most important thing?

He turned his attention back towards the altar as Karen walked up to do the Intercessions. "Please respond, 'Lord hear our prayer', " she said.

"Lord hear our prayer," everyone replied automatically.

"For Matthew and Y/N, may they continue to grow and love one another through the faith of their Church, we pray to the Lord."

"Lord hear our prayer."

"For the souls of Matt's father and Y/N's mother, may they rest in peace knowing that their children have found solace in one another, we pray to the Lord."

"Lord hear our prayer."

"For all those in need of intercession, we pray to the Lord."

"Lord hear our prayer."

"We now pause to add our own intentions in silence." Karen paused for a few moments. "We pray to the Lord."

"Lord hear our prayer."

Father Davis waited as Karen took her place back at Y/N's side, then said, "Let us now share the words that Jesus taught us to pray."

Everyone recited the Lord's Prayer, then Father Davis moved back in front of Y/N and Matt. "Matthew and Y/N, please kneel and join hands."

Matt took Y/N's hand in his, grinning as she ran her thumb over his ring.

"Let us pray to the Lord for this bride and groom," Father Davis said, "who kneel at the altar as they begin their married life, that they may always be bound together by love for one another."

After a moment of silence, he continued. "Holy Father, maker of the whole world, who created man and woman in your own image and willed that their union be crowned with your blessing, we humbly beseech you for these your servants, who are joined today in the Sacrament of Matrimony.

May your abundant blessing, Lord, come down upon this bride, Y/N, and upon Matthew, her companion for life, and may the power of your Holy Spirit set their hearts aflame from on high, so that, living out together the gift of Matrimony, they may adorn their family with children and enrich the Church."

"Amen," everyone added.

"Matthew and Y/N, please rise."

Matt grinned as they stood.

"By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Matthew, you may kiss your bride."

Matt turned towards Y/N and cupped her face in his hands, then pressed his lips to hers. My wife.

"It is my pleasure to present, for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. Matthew and Y/N Murdock!" Father Davis continued.

Matt took Y/N's hand in his as they headed back down the aisle.

Y/N gave him another kiss as they reached the end. "I love you so much, Matty."

Matt hummed happily. "I love you too, my angel."

They made their way back around to the altar so they could sign their marriage license and take their wedding photos before walking over to the church's event center for their reception.

Matt grinned over at Y/N as they waited in the lobby for the deejay to announce their arrival. "You think anyone will notice if we skip the reception?"

Y/N huffed out a laugh. "Ready to get our honeymoon started, huh?"

Matt smirked. "Something like that."

"Well considering we're the center of attention and we have our first dance, then the toasts, cake cutting and bouquet toss and our last dance… yeah I think we'd be missed."

Matt took her hand as the deejay turned the music down to speak. "...Please welcome to the dance floor, Mr. & Mrs. Matthew and Y/N Murdock!"

The doors to the event center opened and Matt and Y/N walked in, taking their place in the center of the dance floor.

Matt smiled at Y/N as the music for their first dance started. "May I have this dance, Mrs. Murdock?"

His smile grew wider at the uptick in Y/N's heartbeat. "Why, yes you may, Mr. Murdock," Y/N replied.

Matt pulled her close as they began to sway.

"I'll always remember, the song they were playing

The first time we danced, and I knew

As we swayed to the music, and held to each other

I fell in love with you

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Could you be my partner every night?

When we're together, it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

I'll always remember, that magic moment

When I held you close to me

As we moved together, I knew forever

You're all I'll ever need

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Could you be my partner every night?

When we're together, it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?

Could you be my partner every night?

When we're together, it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?"

Matt wiped away a tear from Y/N's eye as the song came to an end, then pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "Every single one, angel," he murmured. 

Y/N sniffled. "Me too, Matty."

"Come on, sweetheart, let's go eat."

They had decided on a catered buffet for their reception, so they were served their dinner then went to take their seats at the head table.

The deejay turned the music down once again. "Ladies and gentlemen, the best man would like to say a few words."

Matt turned towards Foggy as he stood.

Foggy cleared his throat. "Matt, when you first mentioned Y/N way back in law school I thought you had to have been making her up -- this perfect childhood friend who you had fallen in love with but never got the chance to tell that you loved her."

Matt took Y/N's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Well," Foggy continued, "it took 16 years but I eventually found out she really did exist, and she's every bit as wonderful as you always described her."

"Aww, thanks, Fog," Y/N said.

Foggy picked up his glass of champagne. "I'd like to raise a glass to the newlyweds. Thank you for letting me be a part of your big day and I love you both -- mazel tov! "

"Cheers!" everyone echoed.

Karen gave a brief speech next, then Y/N said a few words. 

Finally, Matt stood.

"First, I'd like to thank everyone for being here to share in Y/N's and my big day," he began. "I know I can speak for us both when I say that we appreciate each and every one of you for being here to celebrate our wedding with us."

He turned to Foggy and Karen. "Foggy and Karen, we have been through hell and back together and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to stand by my & Y/N's sides as we pledged our lives to each other."

He turned back to Aunt Ruth, who sat at Y/N's other side. "Aunt Ruth, thank you for welcoming me to the family with open arms and for giving me your blessing to marry Y/N."

He smiled down at Y/N. "And finally, Y/N, my beautiful wife. I have loved you since before I even knew what love was and promise that I will show you every single day just how grateful I am that I get to spend the rest of my life with you. Thank you for loving me in return."

Everyone applauded and made "aww" sounds as Y/N stood and cupped Matt's face in her hands, pressing her lips to his. "You're determined to make me cry, aren't you?" she said.

Matt kissed her back. "Only happy tears, angel, I promise."

They sat back down until it was time to cut the cake and do the bouquet and garter toss.

Karen caught Y/N's bouquet, and if Matt purposely made sure that Foggy caught Y/N's garter so that he and Karen would be forced to dance with each other instead of around each other… well.

He just wanted his friends to be as happy as he was, that was all.

Finally the deejay announced the final dance of the evening.

Matt held Y/N close once again as the music played, then finally it was time for their big send-off.

Matt grinned as they got ready to leave. He had a surprise for Y/N and couldn't wait to give it to her.

Does thelma have any real friends?

Did she have real friends in childhood?

How does she normally spend her 🎂birthday🎂?

What is Thelma's favourite charity?

What's Thelma's "looks good on the resume" charity?

What is thelma's background?

Does thelma believe in religion?

thank you for letting me write the essay. this will not be an essay.

I'm not completely heartless, okay? I think life is really shitty, and no one, even really awful moms, should be friendless. I mean, I've established, in most of my AUs, that Thelma has a book club that meets every week, and yeah, it's mostly to gossip about the neighbors, but she does have a regular group of friends that she sees all the time. They have their book club, and they hang out in the same corner with their wine at every fundraiser, and there were always dinner parties when kids were growing up. (I like to think that she was close friends with the Sheffields when Mouse and Amelia and Phillip were younger, and that only changed when the "kids" all went to school and moved out)

They are real friends, even if they're all the same kind of people that she is - rude, stuck up, entitled. They all come from money, and they were all raised the same way, and they all kind of have the same attitude toward anyone they deem less than perfect by their standards. But they're friends. And even Thelma deserves those.

Gregory's infidelity gets found out and they all turn against him and he deserves it like he lost all of his friends in the divorce because all of their wives were friends with Thelma first

She definitely had friends growing up. She went to a fancy private school (the same one that Mouse and Kim go to in the Gerwitz Siblings AU), and went on all the weekend shopping trips and ski trips and everything. Some of those friends are even the friends who are in her book club.

I'm absolutely fascinated with Thelma being objectively awful but also being like... a person, with friends and a life and a story and her own shit going on off to the side

Normally, she'll spend her birthday with her friends - brunch with mimosas at the Donovan, and then going out to a fancy dinner when Gregory is off work. Her afternoon is the same as whatever she does on a normal day. It's actually very low key considering who she is as a person.

As for "favorite charity" that question assumes she cares... at all? Like, yes, she goes to the fundraisers, and the gala every year, and everything else. But that is entirely for appearances. It's not about doing good, it's about looking good, and being seen by cameras, and answering pointless questions about the jewelry she's wearing. She honestly couldn't care less where the money goes. Like, she has strong opinions on things like her son's sexuality and life choices, but even then, I don't think she even like... looks? to see where the money is going? she doesn't read the flyers or invitations? Yes, I think this is very odd, but Thelma is, in most ways, a mystery to me.

She's not religious. She wasn't raised with any religion. She was prepared to follow any religion that her husband might follow, but Gregory III wasn't super devoted to anything, either, except for like... the family business. Their religion is money. it's very funny to me that their son is head over heels for a good Catholic school boy, but that's just because the juxtaposition of it makes me giggle

Mouse and Jay both went to private school, just very different ones

hello its the anon from the other day who asked u abt possibly explaining cof to me. I've decided to use 🔱. how are you doing? I'm a little out of sorts with words at the moment, but I'm still yearning some kind of connection, I feel like you'd understand. Everyone I chat to I get scared I'm being clingy so I just pull back to the point I lose the habit of messaging them and stop. But I'm still so scared of being clingy I go on anon. shrug. anyway i know cof is a half life 2 mod ? but what is it ackshually about .

i get that >_< i still send people anons sometimes, even if i know they'll be able to tell it's me, maybe based on the way i speak, or maybe because i say stuff that's relevant to our relationship... either way, it feels like it's a bit safer that way. i get scared of being clingy too. people like me best from a distance sometimes and it also feels like ... i can lie to myself better that way, you know? like "no i'm not that attached." when i actually am. i'm still doing that sometimes.

yeah, technically it is a half life mod! or at least was developed that way iirc. the story itself, without giving spoilers, is pretty generally a psych horror (i'm gonna put the rest under the cut since i can get really rambly and meandering when i talk sometimes)

cof is a psychological horror revolving around simon (i was gonna link his wiki page but it does have spoilers...). in the beginning of the game we're already introduced to him as someone who is what i'd describe as "pathologically lonely." the opening monologue demonstrates this pretty well.

he gets hit by a car trying to help some guy at the beginning of the game, and then wakes up in like this abandoned ass place and shit gets weirder n weirder (<- sucks at trying to explain without spoilers)... there's a lot that holds symbolism for his own psyche throughout the game, i think, and honestly even though i'm fucking ass at 99% of games i play (like, really ass, to the point where i am extremely selective on who i game with because my only talent is invoking gamer rage by being disoriented as fuuucck) i really enjoy it! i'm usually the type to watch others play games but it's free so i downloaded on impulse after seeing sick ass art on here.

i got super into the game because of the psychological aspect especially. i really like psych horror. especially when its well executed. i'd love to be able to write something of the genre but i've been in a weird brainfog for a little over a year re: creativity and shit. i think i'm coming out of it now.

there's also the obvious aspect (as one could probably determine by my blogging habits LMAO) that i relate a lot to simon in terms of ... isolation, i guess. i've lived in a small town all my life with little to no interaction with my peers (got in free to a private catholic school as a kid and i swear it fucked me up since the first like 9 years of schooling for me were almost completely isolated from my peers) and feeling like being alone is your default state does some weirdddd shit to your head i believe. i'd love to write a more introspective thing about his character one day, when i can gather my thoughts in a less scattered way...

thank you for asking me btw, i really appreciate when people show interest in the things i like. i have a complex that i like things in a shallower and less interesting way than others do, so i tend to keep my interests close to my chest / get a bit embarrassed talking about them, but people have been so much kinder to me as of late than the people i used to surround myself with and it's helping a lot.

So I got re-diagnosed with ADHD recently and got on proper medications for it. I say re-diagnosed because I had been diagnosed in childhood multiple times, but my parents refused any sort of therapy or treatment for me. I’ve spent my entire life self medicating in various ways and beating myself up in an attempt to just be functional. 

I gave up on normal years ago!! After so many teachers, family members, and friends just telling me to be quite. Just pay attention. Just make a list. Just try this app. Just stick to a routine. Just write it down. Just don’t be so sensitive... I seriously wonder sometimes if I just... human wrong? 

The things my parents and teachers constantly told me run on repeat in my head every time I notice the gap between me and ‘normal.’ I berate myself by saying I am just being lazy. I am not trying hard enough. That if I can only do better, read another self help book, find a new app.... That I could be normal too. Everything would click and I could get my shit together. 

Over the years I think I myself have become my biggest bully... and I learned to bully myself for the natural way my brain works because a bunch of uneducated adults and teachers told me I was purposely failing because I just didn’t care. I learned that I didn’t deserve love, empathy, or basic human respect until I ‘grew out of it’ and that was so deeply ingrained in me, and my inner critic got so big, that I thought I was just... bad. Not even broken! just offensively wrong to everyone and anyone I came across.  

When I was a kid and still in catholic school we would stay after school mass for private prayer or reflection and I would look around at all the statues and crosses and wonder what I did to make god hate me. 

Let that sink in. 

I thought my parents and teachers hated me because god had made me bad. and no matter how many prayers I said, how often I went to confession, or how much repenting and apologizing I did to those statues... nothing changed. 

I don't have a unique experience. I am sure a lot of you relate to this and I am fucking sorry. 

I only graduated in 2015 guys. I’m 23. Those same ignorant teachers and school administrators sill work with kids just like me every single day and I wonder if they understand what a negative impact they can cause. Not just on kids with ADHD... but any kid who doesn’t have a perfect home life or is struggling with mental health issues. We are called liars. We are told we are faking. We are told we just want attention. We are called dramatic. We are told we are lazy. That we lack work ethic and if we don’t want to work at McDonalds for the rest of our lives we better get it together. 

The thing that always frustrated me the most... is that I always tried.

It was never about not trying. 

I don’t think I am more overwhelmed as an adult then I was in school... but I think I am more aware that it is not normal for things to actually be this hard. I’ve been in therapy for like... 2 years now I think? I needed two years of therapy to deal with the complex trauma from my first 18 years of life to even get to a point of being able to show myself enough compassion to not instantly shut down the thought of “well maybe I have no reason to lie to myself and everyone else about how my brain works?”  

Yes. 

I have a lot of genuine fear that I am making the entire thing up for attention and all those teachers and my shit parents were right all along. That really I am just lazy and life really is this hard and it wont get any better because everyone procrastinates or gets distracted every now and then. 

I know I am not alone in this ether. Tons of people feel this way about their mental health because our society treats mental health differently than other forms of illness or trauma. You wouldn't worry about faking a broken arm or a failing kidney. 

I was shaking as I waited for my appointment to start. I was terrified that I wasn’t going to be believed even though all I had to do was tell the truth. I was afraid to say that I felt like the coping skills I had learned on my own through self help books and therapy were not enough and I wanted to try medication. I was afraid she was going to think I was just a drug seeker because I have self medicated with different things in the past to try and quite my head down enough to function. 

Instead I felt listened too, validated, and not alone. 

I had my first day at work today on my new medication and FUUUUUCK is there a night and day difference. I don’t act any different in a social setting but guys... . My head was quieter then it has been in years and instead of crying in the bathroom because I was overwhelmed... I had to take a quick cry brake because it was 4:30 and I actually got everything done I needed to without my brain pulling me in 50 directions all at once. 

Do you know how much energy you have at the end of the day when you’re not spending your entire day mentally berating yourself over the fact that you are doing everything but the thing you need to do? Do you know how much time I save when I don’t have to start from the beginning of work tasks over and over every time I get interrupted because I loose my train of thought and don't want to make a mistake? 

After I got out of work it was not straight home to smoke some weed and vegitate because I am out of spoons and transformed back into my natural gremlin state. I stopped and put gas in my car, I did my dishes, I walked the dog, and I worked on my fics some while still getting downtime! I still got to play on tiktok and obsessively check the election results. 

My energy level, concentration, and mood have been consistent the entire day. That NEVER happens. 

I get to go to bed tonight knowing I did every fucking thing I was supposed to do today and honestly... I have no clue how many years its been since I could say that. 

Today I wasn’t just functional... I got to feel normal. 

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

Blind Date Chapter 3

“Bless me father for I have sinned.” Matt said ceremoniously as he sat in the small confessional. “It has been a week since my last confession.” He paused as he gathered his thoughts, attempting to find the right words for this.

“Matthew how many times do I have to tell you that the confessional is not for your personal therapy sessions?” Father Lantom half scolded as his eyes rolled behind the separation screen.

“No, I promise, this time it's actually a religion thing.” He assured him. “You see I've been seeing this girl and well she's kinda wonderful. We have fun and we seemed to really be working as a couple.”

“Seemed?” Lantom asked accusingly. “A girl willing to overlook your nightly hobby and you let her go?”

“You know you're really bad at this no judgement thing.” Matt quipped back. “And I don't know...the thing is she's not exactly a Catholic…”

“And?”

“Or even a Christian in general.” Matt added.

“And?” The priest so far was failing to see the problem here, then again knowing Matt as well as he did the girl could be an actual devil and there'd be little he could say.

“She's a Pagan father.” He clarified.

“Well now look who's judging.” He quipped back with a chuckle.

“Her words. She's very proud of it. She even  found a way to show me her tattoos of her gods.”

“And?” Matt blinked surprised, never did he dream father Lantom would approve of this.

“I'm pretty sure the bible is very clear on the subject of witches.”

“Matt, over the last few weeks i've been seeing much less of the devil out and about. I assume this girl has something to do with it.” Matt nodded, he's been so preoccupied with you that he hasn't been going on patrol as much as he used to. “This girl could be the daughter of satan himself but the fact is she is bringing out the best in you. At the end of the day that is pretty much the basis of any of all this. So stop acting like a moron and go be with her.”

“I may have really upset her.”

“Then bring flowers.”

~ ~ ~ ~

Matt drew in a deep breath of the floral aroma that flooded the small flower shop he knew. He couldn't count the amount of times he had passed by it on his way to work, never feeling a need to stop in until now.

“Matt right?” The girl behind the counter asked in a voice he found all too familiar, watching him perk up at the mention of his name. “Its Dana… from last night…”

“Shit.” He dropped his head realizing his poor luck. “Umm about last night… I'm really sorry for ruining your wedding and beating up your brother.”

“Please,” she said waving off the incident, “don't, Johnny is an asshole and deserved it. Honestly, if he wasn't my brother he wouldn't have been there.”

“Then maybe you can help me?” He asked with a sheepish smile. “I kinda fucked up.”

“Oh god...what happened?” She asked with a sigh knowing how you can be.

“Well uhh… I'm a Catholic and-”

“And (y/n) gets incredibly defensive about her religion.” Dana said with a nod, knowing exactly where this is going. “Even more so after my Evangelical brother started beating her for her heathanistic ways.” She let out a regretful sigh. “Wait right there.” He does as he is told, and soon he feels her wrap his hands around a bouquet of flowers. “They're hyacinth, her favorite,” she explained as a relieved smile brushed across his face.

“I think I smelled these at her place the other night?” Matt asked as he gave them a sniff.

“More than likely, she always keeps fresh flowers.” She explained with a smile, glad to see you found one that took the time to care.

“How much do I owe you?” He asked reaching for his wallet.

“With the way you jumped up to defend (y/n) last night? On the house. She could use a guy like you in her life.”

“You are an angel. Thank you.”

“By now she's definitely at her bakery, its on the corner of 10th and 48th, right across from Hells Kitchen Park.”

The bell above your bakery's door chimed softly as he entered. “Welcome to Magicakes! I'll be right out!” You called from the back, elbow deep in honey cake batter. Matt smiled hearing your cheery voice as he breathed in the sweet confections you surrounded yourself with every day. In a rush you grabbed a towel, wiping the batter from your shirt as you hurried out, stopping in your tracks once you saw who it was. “Oh...what do you want?”

“I want you to hear me out…” he held up the bouquet, “and I brought you these.” You silently folded your arms over your chest. “They're your favorite...right.”

You couldn't help feel your heart softening for him as he held the beautiful purple blooms out for you. “They are.” You moved to take the flowers from him. “Thank you.”

“Look, (Y/n), I'm not what one would call a good Catholic. I drink, I swear, I fight... Actually come to think of it I'm a pretty terrible Catholic.” He paused chuckling to himself. “But the last thing I ever wanted to do was offend you for your religion.” He held his hand out for you. “Please forgive me?”

You stood with a sigh as you looked him over before taking his hand, reaching behind him to flip the sign from open to close. “Come with me.. I have something I probably should have told you about ages ago.” You said as you lead him into the back, shutting the door to the kitchen behind the both of you. Once in private you lifted your shirt before taking his hand and running it over your back. He found the sin the be rough and striped with scar tissue.

“What happened?” He asked softly as he traced the small slashing scars running up and down your back.

“Johnny happened.” You admitted as you lowered your shirt.

“He did this to you?” Matt's voice lowered as rage for this guy began to boil in him. You nodded. “Why?” It didn't matter much to him. There is no reason to do this to a woman as sweet as you. But even he could see the abuse still affected you.

“Because I am proud to be Pagan, and very actively practice. He said he was trying to save my soul because he loved me.”

“(Y/n) I swear I would never…” he couldn't even bring himself to say it, just gently wrapped his arms around you. Your face burrowed into his chest as your arms wrapped around his waist.

“I know. I'm sorry. I just got scared.” You sobbed.

Matt pulled away from you, removing his glasses so you could see the sincerity on his face. “I promise I will do my very best to be as supportive of your religion choice as possible.” His words pulled a smile through your tears as his fingers gently brushed them away. “Well, there goes my plans of inviting you to Mass with me next week.” He joked, hoping to make your smile grow. “I think Father Lantom would really like you.”

You half heartedly laughed. “Well if you think I won't burn on church property maybe one day...but not next week. That's Litha.”

“Litha?” Matt asked curiously, wanting to show every effort to at least learn, to make you feel more comfortable.

“It's one of our holidays, the summer solstice, longest day of the year. Actually I was planning on inviting you. We stay up the night before singing and dancing around a fire, watch the sunrise. Then we spend the day honoring the sun gods and eating honey everything…” He smiled seeing your face light up being able to speak so freely about your religion. “This year is extra special since the Honey Moon falls on the same day.” You added with extra excitement as you made your way from the kitchen into the shop to flip the sign back to open. “I'm willing to bet the kids will make honeysuckle crowns.” You added with a chuckle.

“Wow sounds more fun than any of the holidays I got growing up...just meant an extra long service and sometimes a present to unwrap.” He said with a half laugh as he leaned against one of your glass display cases. “But I guess that's what you get when you're raised by nuns in a Catholic school.”

“Ugh that sounds horrible.” You both couldn't help laughing as he agreed.

“Oh! Here,” you paused rushing back into the kitchen, coming back with a small honey cupcake, “try this!” You exclaimed as you held it out to him. He popped the small dessert in his mouth savoring every sweet flavor of summer it had to offer.

“This is amazing! Is this for your celebration?” You nodded with excitement. “So how about after your done here we go get that lock changed and get some ice cream?”

~ ~ ~ ~

“Ok...ground rules.” You stated as you handed Matt his vanilla come. He nodded signalling he was ready to start negotiations as you took your raspberry swirl. “First and foremost...I'm only sticking around if I can start calling you my boyfriend.”

“Is this- Are we going steady?” Matt joked as he gently took hold of your arm, laughing as you childishly answered with a yes. “Good. Ok no guilt to the other for not wanting to take part in religious events.”

You nodded as you meandered through the city heading nowhere in particular. “Wouldn't have it any other way.” You paused for a moment, recalling everything about your last relationship that made you uncomfortable. “You can pray for me only if I can cast for you.”

“I'm not much for prayer.” He chuckled lightly. “Oh, here's a good one..you can't get pissed at me for my ignorance.”

“Hmm ok...but expect me to invite you. You don't have to say yes but its always a lot of fun.” You said as you reached up to give him a soft gentle kiss.

Chemistry (Part 4)

Part 4: Netflix and Chill Bumps

Rating: T

Pairing: Edwin/Edward Elric x Winry Rockbell

Disclaimer: I don’t own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Word Count: 2106

Description: Part 4 of this Edwin Thing (it just keeps going)

Edward gets to pick the movie for his Friday night date with Winry, and his choice isn’t quite her cup of tea. Fortunately, he’s learned how to distract her.

A/N: This AU was supposed to be 3 parts and a companion piece, but the fates have decided otherwise. So, for now, each new thing will be a new part with no defined end. Anyway, this one isn’t smutty, and also, I hope you like it. Let me know.

Fic trade with @winryofresembool “This movie is really scary, but you’re into it, so I’m trying not to cover my face the whole time, but—WHAT IS THAT?” from these fluff prompts.

tag || first || ffn || ao3

previous || next

Edward

I can’t believe she’s actually willing to watch this with me. I’ve known Winry forever, and she doesn’t do scary movies. Not the thrillers anyway. B-rated blood and guts movies she can handle, but the ones that get into your head and make your heart race…

I steal a glance at her and force myself not to grin. Her eyes are the size of saucers, and the title only blinked through the screen a few minutes ago. She’s holding the blanket really tight, too. I wonder how long it will take before she hides under it.

If I were any kind of decent boyfriend I would change to something else. Like Doctor Who or that romantic movie she keeps mentioning…something about loving boys before. But I’m not changing it because if my devious plan works, she’ll be too scared to watch and hide her face in my chest, allowing me the perfect excuse to cuddle her.

Also, I like this movie, but, considering how many times I’ve seen it on my own, that’s not really a factor.

I hear someone walk past the door at the top of the basement stairs, and Winry flinches.

“What was that?” she hisses.

“Probably just Al,” I murmur softly, sliding my arm around her tense shoulders.

“Oh.” She relaxes, fractionally and slowly looks back at the screen.

We’re having our date night in my basement since it’s the most private room in the house with a TV. We could’ve watched the movie on my laptop in my bedroom, but Dad has all these dumb bedroom rules for when we have girls over about keeping the door open at least twelve inches, and not sharing a blanket, and having at least one lamp on. I’m honestly surprised he doesn’t check on us every fifteen minutes to be sure we’ve managed to keep all of our clothes on. You’d think he was some kind of dorm parent at a catholic boarding school or something. It’s a miracle Al and I were ever conceived the way he acts about dating.

The joke is on him, though, since Winry and I have already done the damn deed. Twice since prom night, actually. Though, we’re going to have to get creative since we can’t do it at her house anymore—not after the look Granny Pinako gave me when she caught me leaving the house the morning after prom. Plus, my house clearly isn’t a safe option, and the other times we did it were in less than ideal circumstances—once in the chemistry lab after hours when I was supposed to be working on some advanced experiments that I had to ask special permission to do, and once during lunch when we did it in the back of one of the cars in her shop class garage. I thought we were for sure going to get caught by Ryan or somebody.

But, regardless, I really shouldn’t bother worrying about it right now because none of that will be happening tonight. Not with Mr. Van-those-moans-better-be-because-someone-is-bleeding-out-on-the-TV-Edward-or-I’ll-have-The-Talk-with-you-in-front-of-your-girlfriend-Hohenheim upstairs.

He tried to give me “The Talk” when he found out I was having Winry over to watch a movie. As if the first time he gave it to me wasn’t painful enough. Alphonse looked like he was about to pee himself laughing, meanwhile, no one is giving him the sex talk. And he’s had a girlfriend for OVER A YEAR. I mean, how is it that I somehow look like a horny teenager and Al looks pure and innocent when he’s the one who can smooth talk any girl in school, and I can barely say two words to Winry without sounding like an idiot?

“Hey, Ed…”

“What?” I blink and glance down at the girl tucked into my arm.

Is she trembling? No. Nothing even truly scary has happened yet. Maybe she’s just cold.

“Look…” she swallows, and I bite my lip.

Fuck. She is scared. I shouldn’t be enjoying this, but…hell if I’m going to stop now.

“Are you okay?” I ask gently, even though I already know the answer.

“Yeah. It’s just…this movie is really scary,” she starts, her eyes darting to the TV and then back to mine as she licks her lips, “but you’re into it, so I’m trying not to cover my face the whole time, but—WHAT IS THAT?”

She jumps up from the couch and starts hopping around wildly. Meanwhile, I instantly double over, holding my stomach. I know it was cruel, but I couldn’t help it, and now I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. Fuck my original plan, this was so much better.

“Ed! Something is on the couch!” she shrieks. “It just crawled on me!” she whimpers through her chattering teeth as she runs her hands over her body, trying to rid herself of an invisible critter.

“Winry–” I gasp, reaching an arm out to brace myself on the coffee table. “Winry, calm…down.”

“Calm down?” she hisses. “You calm down after something horrible climbs on you! Where did it go? Did you get it?”

“Winry, it wasn’t anything. I was just teasing you,” I choke, climbing to my feet. “Seriously, there’s nothing there.”

I approach her slowly and rest my hands on her shaking shoulders.

“Wait. What?” she whispers. “Did you say… You? You were teasing me?”

Oh shit.

“I mean…yes? It was just my fingertips on your thigh, I didn’t think—HEY!”

She shoves me backward, and I fall onto the couch before I can catch my balance.

“Edward Elric! You are such a…TOTAL…IDIOT…ASSHAT…JERK!”

She punctuates each insult with a blow from the pillow she grabbed off the seat next to me, beating me over the head with it.

“I…CANNOT…BELIEVE…YOU!”

“Winry!” I bellow, ducking out from under her, crawling away from the couch on all fours. “Cut it out!”

“You knew I didn’t like scary movies!” she yells over me, throwing the entire pillow this time. “Why would you do that?”

“I’m sorry, all right?” I bite out, scrambling to stand.

“Not sorry enough!” she huffs. “I had thought, maybe, if you were determined to watch a movie that was going to scare the pee out of me, you might be nice enough to hold me closer so I wouldn’t be so afraid, but NO! Instead, you DID THIS!”

Her body goes still and she takes a few harsh breaths before her shoulders slump forward and her hands go to her face. Her body twitches, and I feel something cold run down my spine when I hear her whimper.

Oh fuck. Oh no.

“No, no, no, no, no!” I blurt, immediately wanting to punch myself for making this happen. “Winry, don’t cry. I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have scared you. We can watch something else. I’ll let you pick.”

I reach for her, but she swats my hands away.

“Shut up, Edward!” She glares at me with bloodshot eyes. “I’m mad at you.”

“I know,” I groan. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re right about that,” she sniffles.

“I didn’t mean to make you this upset. I just… It was a bad joke. I’m really sorry. Please, forgive me, Win.”

She wipes at her face and looks up at me again before letting out a wet sigh.

“Of course, I forgive you, you jerk,” she murmurs, shaking her head. “Since when have I not.”

“Okay…good.”

I tentatively put my arms around her, pulling her back down on the couch, where I stretch out with her on top of me, her head resting on my shoulder.

“You owe me,” she says softly.

“I always owe you,” I point out. “But you’re right.”

“I don’t think I want to watch this anymore, Ed.”

“I actually guessed that,” I laugh softly, which gets me a flick on the ear. “Ow.”

“You said you’d let me pick,” she reminds me, her voice getting airy. “I want to watch To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.”

“That’s the sappy teen one, right?”

“Just put it on, okay?”

I turn my head to kiss her forehead as I hit the buttons on the remote. She snuggles closer to me, and I reach down to pull the blanket up over us as the opening titles begin.

“Hey.” I frown at the screen before glancing down at her, “I thought this was supposed to be about high school kids. Why is she in a field in that old timey dress?”

“Shut up, Ed. Just watch.”

I roll my eyes before they dart to the stairs where light is shining into the dark room through a crack.

“What?” I call. “Do you need something?”

“It’s just me,” Al answers, coming down the top few steps. “May is over to study. You guys sounded a little…loud, so she asked me to check on you.”

“We’re fine, Al,” Winry replies, planting an elbow in my chest to raise herself up.

I wince, but ignore it.

“Ed just decided he’d rather scare the life out of me than get a goodnight kiss is all.”

“Wait, what?” I blink. “No kissing?”

She gives me a look I can read all too well, and I groan.

“Fuck. That’s not even fair, Winry.”

“Well, then you shouldn’t have–”

“I think you two are okay,” Al mumbles. “I’m just going to go back to…yeah.”

He leaves, and I start to shift Winry off of me.

“Okay, whoa!” she yelps, throwing her hand out toward the arm rest behind my head. “You don’t have to throw me on the floor.”

“I’m not,” I grunt. “I’m just… What the hell? I said I was sorry, and you forgave me.”

“Forgiveness doesn’t negate consequences, Edward.” She frowns. “You were really mean,” her voice softens. “And it hurt my feelings.”

“Dammit, Winry. You know I’m the literal worst with emotions. I’ve always been terrible about doing stupid things that make you cry. It’s not like I meant to.”

“Well, that may be true, but I still think no kissing is a fair punishment.”

“Oh yeah?” I scowl at her. “Well, you do realize that means you won’t get any kisses either then, right?”

She blinks and then frowns. “Oh.”

“Seriously?” I shake my head at her. “You didn’t think of that?”

“I’m still upset, okay?” she snaps. “Quit.”

“How about this,” I suggest carefully, slowly tucking her back into my side, “no kissing until the end of the movie.”

“That might require more restraint than you realize,” she murmurs.

“Then it sounds like a decent compromise to me.”

“Okay.” She nods, resting her head on my chest. “But after the end, kissing is fair game until you have to take me home.”

“How long is this movie again?” I ask instantly.

“A little over an hour and a half,” she answers, checking the run time on the TV screen.

“And, uh, when is your curfew tonight?” I follow up, glancing at the time on my phone.

“Midnight,” she breathes with way more sexiness than should be legal.

“Uh, Winry…” I swallow, trying to ignore the rush of lust filling my veins. “That’s like…over forty-five minutes of making out. I don’t know if I can…”

“Calm down, boyfriend,” she says quietly, pressing all of her softness against me. “We still have to watch the whole movie first.”

Fuck me to death. What kind of hell have I gotten myself into?

I close my eyes and inhale the scent of Winry’s shampoo, trying to relax. I mean, it’s just an hour and a half. That’s only ninety minutes. I can handle that. As long as I don’t think about what comes after. I can definitely manage to watch a movie with Winry on top of me for that measly amount of time. No problem.

“Ed, why is your skin covered in chill bumps? Are you feeling okay?”

“What? I’m fine,” I sputter. “Don’t—It’s nothing.”

“You’re such a boy,” she mutters before sighing. “I love you.”

I freeze for a second before I exhale, squeezing her gently in my arms as I start to relax.

“I love you back, gearhead.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see her roll hers, but I don’t say anything. Instead, I turn to the TV and let myself be sucked into her cheesy romance movie. She was willing to watch my movie even if it meant she’d have nightmares for a week. The least I can do is watch hers. Not to mention I owe her.

And, even if I didn’t, I’d watch grass grow if it meant I got to be with her. The only place I want to be at for the rest of my life is beside her.

@ask-aph-acadia, @lilcutiebear, I’m making a new thread to reply to you both here p:

lilcutiebear: I took French immersion from k-12 so I’m very much in support of learning a second language and not monolingual. Personally I think there are two big factors in animosity towards French immersion in the west that have nothing to do with dislike of francophones. One is that I have seen articles complaining that it is like having a private school within the public school system (I’ve seen articles like that from basically every part of the country not just the west). More particular to the west is that many ppl here aren’t French Canadians or English Canadians and think it would make more sense to teach another language like German or Ukrainian or Chinese or Cree since more people here have those kinds of ancestry. So sometimes it feels like the east is pushing its linguistic divide onto us. I also feel like Anglophones here are different from Anglophones out east because a lot on Anglophones here are only Anglophones because their ancestors were forced to attend school in English rather than their native language. (I.e. My grandpa’s first language is Polish and even though he grew up in a community that was evenly split between poles and Ukrainians (with most kids understanding at least part of both)and his teacher was Ukrainian she wasn’t allowed to teach in any language other than English).

yes absolutely, this is another aspect of the issue that gets totally glossed over in the anglo/franco division. I don’t know about my personal family line but certainly people with my ancestry were discriminated against, forced to learn English, and also put in internment camps for their heritage and speaking Ukrainian. Canada making everything into a Catholic/Protestant or a French/English binary really does not evenly apply to the history of the West in particular but also can cause similar rifts elsewhere. Like we recognize bilingualism is good but 1. our educational systems are often garbage and 2. finding exposure to a native speaker of a target language can vary wildly, and learning French across Canada can be difficult if you are learning International French at School and Quebecois, Acadian or backwater prairie French at home. and 3. it’s always been grating that French (and English) are always prioritized over languages people already speak- we recognize Canada is a bilingual country, but there is not enough motivation or access to materials or native speakers in all locations unless you’re Really Super Determined to get a government job and can afford to move to a city with the programs. Canada is also a country of immigrants, and multilingualism should be celebrated beyond French and English.

ask-aph-acadia: For the criticism: I do remember seeing a few people draw the territories with darker skin, but since I couldn’t really see a big difference in their traits and the other provinces’ in the old art, I really had a hard time seeing if they were white or not, even though I know that First nations and Métis can have paler skin ( One of my characters is actually Métis and has pale skin, but I tried to make it easier to see with the other traits. ) I should maybe watch more of the ProCan videos though, just to make sure I don’t say things that were changed.

Lol i mean good luck, we basically do one video every three years and the projo has come to a standstill but yes Attempts Were Made 

I think that if PEI didn,t exist as a province at all I wouldn’t have had that much problems with NB and NS being a couple. I remember thinking that making it this way was excluding PEI from Acadia ( I can’t really say the Maritimes for this situation, since Newfoundland doesn’t have much to do with all of that ), forgetting that it’s been a part of NS too, maybe for a smaller time, but it still happened and gets forgotten a lot in designs for Acadia. PEI was also there when NB and NS talked about becoming one colony, so again seeing them as a couple made me feel like the smaller one was being kind of forgotten. I usually see people making PEI Nova Scotia’s sister/brother, while leaving NB and NS as a couple and I’ve always wondered what made them that different from Prince Ed for other people. 

Obviously I’m not a Maritimer, and I do tend to have my reading of the history shaped by what people have done in the past so I can absolutely see that there’s ambiguity in those relationships. I can’t speak for Sherry’s interpretations, I can only attempt to justify them in my own readings. I did get the sense that PEI has a very strong little sibling vibe i.e. the strong independence streak without wanting the responsibility, but I can read NS as the long suffering big brother figure for either of them. I think it’s the strong Scottish heritage that tends to tie NS and PEI together more than NS to NB, but I could be wrong.

As for Alberta and Saskatchewan, I think a lot of people see them as “sister provinces”, me included, and that’s why we usually see them as siblings, without mentionning the project of “Buffalo” ( I think that’s what it was called? Correct me if I’m wrong ).

Buffalo is correct: nowadays we tend to see each other as sister provinces but it can also depend on the reading of the history- Wilfrid Laurier dividing the provinces up can be seen as completely arbitrary with little regard for the people already living there, as an eastern imposition etc, but it rubs me the wrong way to just throw them together because they share a birthday (because I’ve got a personal Dislike of using Confederation as a literal birthday rather than a symbolic birthday and I really don’t like AB/SK portrayed as identical and interchangeable twins (even though lately our politicians have been playing that game loll a story for ANotHER Time). It’s definitely a close relationship that I tend to at least read as adoptive siblings since I’m Not a fan of literal biological relationships- they are definitely the closest out of the former Rupert’s Land territories fam.

For Poutines: I can tell you that when the cheese curds are fresh from today, it’s even better. I live in an area where the milk industry is very big and we’ve got that company called Chalifoux that makes the best cheese curds I’ve ever tasted. A lot of our restaurants use them in their poutines and it’s amazing. I know a few people that prefer shredded cheese but they obviously didn’t taste the best poutine in the region.

Another day another reason to be sad and lactose intolerant ToT and yet i regret nothing

For Alberta: I see that Quebec and Alberta have a very different version of the story. Honestly, I never saw Quebec as a province that tried to bother Alberta, we’re so concentrated on our own politics  that we hardly notice what happens in the rest of the country most of the time. I think the last time I heard about Alberta in the news was during Fort Mac’s wildfires, and a lot happened since it started. But again, we’re so focused on complaining about Phillipe Couillard that we don’t even see what he does, for the most part ( Doesn’t change that he’s a shit PM to me, but that’s a story for another day. ) The only other time I’ve heard about AB in the news was for the pipeline and I can say it’s at that moment that I’ve heard the most people going against the prairies. 

That’s regionalism for you, most of us tend to only focus on our own affairs until the minute someone releases some bad poll data about how much one hates the other online and then everyone goes ballistic. p: Pipelines again are a nuanced issue and while I personally am anti-pipeline i understand the reasons AB doesn’t see it that way, again we just got over a long 44 year political dynasty headed straight towards economic dependence on a single resource that our current government is trying to undo, and frankly it’s overly simplistic to just paint us as the bad guys because we’ve made some dumb decisions and backed ourselves into a corner here. We’re dumb, we get it, but don’t say it to our faces lol. Again if you are interested in this stuff I try to reblog news articles frequently on my personal blog under the yeah y yeah alberta tag  (my political bias is Obvious)

The other part of the story is the federal government is built on pitting regions of Canada against each other, and right now the West is the favourite scapegoat. Former PM Harper did not help our image at all in the 2000s-2010s and I take IMMENSE satisfaction knowing that he’s now got to answer to a Muslim mayor and a New Democrat premier, you have no idea. But it’s fear mongering like that where ohhh the west is all about oiiillll and then ignoring the history of Eastern Canada literally just taking it from us and the federal government making it our current major export etc etc is really hypocritical at best (the scapegoating Alberta for the oil and saying ohhh it’s so baaad and unenvironmental and then wanting to live off the profits is something that really is an easy way to piss us off, and the federal government does it all the time. 

We really saw Alberta and Saskatchewan as the big bad guys and a girl I knew started to DESPISE the provinces, even though she also hated Quebec? ( She’s the one we had drama with when creating our version of the provinces, she hated Alberta so much that she wanted my character to die… That’s a lot of hatred, but that is also a story for another day. ) I think a lot of Quebeckers are not over that yet, it’s probably time for us to go complain about something else than that ahah.

This is one of those touchy subjects and it Really Pisses me Off when people like to use aph Alberta OCs as their stereotypical villain character without ever considering our perspective or history, it’s happened enough that I’ve not been seeking out ocs for my province anymore for that reason. We already get that enough in mainstream politics, and all it does is make us angrier and act even more out of spite. I’ve seen Quebec and Ontario both treated the same way, of course, but QUON is such a popular pairing that more often than not its just Oh here is Loud Obnoxious Alberta Here To Ruin Everything for Us Once Again. They’re all such good and nuanced characters that it makes me real sad to see them reduced like that. I’ve always seen the relationship as playful banter/teasing between the three of us (and really four because BC is up there with us) and I kind of feel partially responsible for my adlibbing in old IAMP episodes being taken Too Seriously.

Also hating a character is once thing, hating them to wanting them to die is beyond rude, and hating an aph oc for representing a place with real people is Beyond offensive to me, sigh... 

For French: I can get why a lot of people complain about having to learn it, it’s a hard language, even for native speakers. We’re also guilty of blaming the “anglos” for making us learn English. I do see how Quebec and Ontario look like they have been working together, but we don’t see it from inside Quebec, since we complain about Ontario as much as we complain about the rest of the provinces ( Ontario is actually our biggest target, it’s easy to do, since we’re so close. ) I don’t mind people complaining about French outside of Quebec, but it’s when people do it inside the province that it bothers me. I already see so many people choosing to speak English instead of French, thus loosing what’s supposed to be their native tongue that I and a lot of other people get on the defensive when we talk about language issues, like when we don’t know what language to speak in in Montreal. Remember when I talked about Phillipe Couillard? Well, he recently asked for English people to come back in the province and I can tell you that it wasn’t welcomed as a good thing by most Quebeckers… ( I could rant about Couillard for hours but I think it’s better if I stop it there) We’re welcoming of tourists but when we hear them complain about how everything’s written in French, it’s at that moment that we get a lot more like the stereotype.I would love to visit one day, and maybe these English class will finally be useful somewhere else than on the internet ahah

(of course once again see Amy’s response above for the western perspective on this issue) 

there’s a lot of common jokes that the only unifying thing about canada is everyone’s hatred of ontario and that the best thing to solve everyone’s problems would be if ontario were to separate and leave the rest of canada alone xDD but of course at the end of the day it’s still nothing personal and as much as I can’t quell the Stereotypical Albertan gut reaction to shake my fist at all things Ontarian, I am very fond of this place and have been treated exceedingly well whenever I’ve visited and I hope my good fortune will continue. But of course I understand wanting to protect French within Quebec, and I do really wish it was a more accessible language in other parts of Canada. But yeah, travel, education, all that gives me hope for the future (too bad Canada is so Damn Big or I’d be all over it already). 

Quadpolar. Multipolar? That's Science right? (Part One)

Nope. Not really. But it definitely makes sense.

I guess we'll start with stats. I say this because I've been accused of "making up my mental illnesses" more times than i can count. I guess at this point you can decide for yourself. These are my diagnosed illnesses.

ADHD, diagnosed age 4, probably had it since i was a fetus with a fidget spinner.

Depression: Diagnosed age 16, had it since about age 12.

Anxiety: Diagnosed age 22. First panic attack at age 18.

Bipolar Disorder: Diagnosed age 25, can remember being a volatile mess since puberty but it really only escalated after age 19.

Before i get into this I do want to say one thing: as someone who has genuinely hidden all of this behind the fakest persona you can imagine her entire life (yes. I said it. I'm fake), putting all this out in the open is the most difficult thing I've ever done. I've acted fearless my whole life when I'm really afraid of everything. I've acted like nothing bothers me when i overthink everything. I have ALWAYS acted like I don't care what anyone thinks about me when really, I'm obsessed with other people's opinions of me.

So why do this?? I've been combative, have plenty of people who hate me, gotten into all sorts of fights, cared WAY too much about what people think of me and now I'm literally giving every single enemy i have all the ammunition they could ever possibly need to fire at me with. Why? Because this is who I am. I've spent my entire life trying to be someone I'm not, denying my flaws in public and feeling them so deeply in private, feeling guilty and ashamed, overcompensating for my lack of self esteem-- it's. Fucking. Exhausting. So I'm done. There is never any shame in being who you are. As shallow of a statement as it is: words are words, and (especially when you're me) there is always going to be someone who hates you. Exhausting yourself trying to be someone you're not will never be worth it. If someone is going to leave you, they will find a way. If someone wants to stay, they will find a way. You might as well let yourself feel the things you feel instead of putting them in a plastic bag and wrapping the damn thing around your own head. Alright, that's my motivational speech of the day.

The cool thing about having a bunch of disorders is that they all get along. Not with me, but with each other. I can genuinely say i feel about 3-5 major emotion shifts in a day and have had plenty of people comment on my erratic facebook statuses. "Why are you always complaining?" "Your mood swings are ridiculous," and, my personal favorite: "lol, you're so bipolar." YA THINK?

But honestly it hasnt always been this way. I guess before i start detailing my days I'll give you a little backstory about my life. I really don't talk about this to anyone except the people closest to me so, as i mentioned above, this is incredibly terrifying. Guess that's one thing you probably didn't know about me: I'm not so fearless after all.

Little Jay (yes I'm using pseudonyms in case this goes public) isn't very interesting until she moves to Maine in the 5th grade, but I suppose some details are important. I was vastly intelligent for my age but a total fucking nightmare where behavior was concerned. I started Kindergarten a gifted Montessori school back in New Jersey, after which I suppose the real trouble started. My devout, eager to impress mother enrolled me in first grade at a private Catholic school where I acted out to the point of ruin. I believe i lasted three months in the school before I was both expelled and elevated to the second grade all at once. How that makes sense, and how a first grader gets expelled (I can't remember but it was me + catholic school + strict rules so clearly a recipe for disaster) I will never know. Moving on to second through fourth grade in a public school, i was enrolled in COUNTLESS extracurricular activities to try to reign in my energy. Ballet (got kicked out), Karate (got kicked out), Irish stepdancing (stop fucking laughing. Oddly enough the Celts had a high tolerance for bullshit and kept me around until we moved), soccer (got kicked out after spurring a screaming match between my father and the coach), violin lessons and piano lessons (the only two that lasted most of my life although i had a revolving door of teachers.) As far as school, my grades were great but my behavior- PLOT TWIST- was not. I was skipping class because i was bored, hiding on the playground to avoid head count and causing a school lock down (my mom told me about that one), going to the nurse's office constantly (for attention? To skip class constantly? Beats me) and, of course, building a fantastic rapport with the principal.

In 4th grade i was the only student in the history of the primary school to ever be suspended. Three days for writing a very colorful letter to my awful teacher for taking away the stuffed animal that i brought to class every day to play with because my ADHD addled mind didn't want to focus on classwork. I didn't have friends in primary school. My mother constantly informed me that none of the other kids' parents wanted to invite me over or let their kid play with me because i was a "bad influence," and even my own high class New Jersey socialite relatives loathed my visits. I even ended up getting molested by a random older boy at the campground one summer, but it was brief and unscarring to tell the truth. What was cool though, is i NEVER remembered giving a shit. As far as i remember i had a great childhood. I went to summer camp every summer, even though i got kicked out of three before we found the right one. Oddly enough it ended up being a Christian camp, we sang Jesus songs twice a day, had a gospel story session, mostly did summer camp stuff, i fucking loved it. Go ahead and laugh. My parents bought me almost anything i wanted- a pool, a four wheeler, a three week trip to maine every summer, birthday parties where ponies COME TO OUR HOUSE- and nobody's opinion really mattered to me as far as i recall. I was on Ritalin for some of this, my first medication. My mom took me off it because she thought it turned me into a zombie.

My phone's about to die and the REAL fun begins in Grade 5 when my parents decide we're going to move 500 miles away to "start over," but that's in a couple hours. ;)

Wipeout

Prompt: Allergies

Word Count: 832

Rated: T

This is the second drabble I wrote for @spdrabblebomb, for the day two prompt of “allergies” on 4/25/17! Posted to AO3 here.

Kenny supposed that, as a consolation for the curse of repeating grisly deaths, it was only fair that he would have a body free of allergies. When the first greens showed and the first sniffles punctuated the air, he could only point and laugh. Everyone hated it and hated him, but he loved to rub their snotty noses in it. As he’d decided, it was only fair.

“Can you die from this?” Kyle croaked, and Stan had to rub his back a few times in sympathy while he coughed through a throat that probably felt gouged by razorblades.

“I mean, I don’t think so. I think it’s mostly annoying?” Stan offered, shrugging slightly. Kyle glared at him.

“Yeah, annoying. I’ll tell you your suffocating lungs are an annoyance next time you need the spare inhaler. On that note, carry your own shit, asshole.”

Stan backed off with his hands up in surrender. “Woah, chill dude, okay? Sorry, Jesus.” Kenny laughed, and both their heads whipped around to look at him. He shrugged and fully enjoyed the way his coat’s collar obscured the view of his shit-eating grin. It was like his own private party in there, where no one would know just how much of a good time he was having. It was the greatest, honestly.

They walked through the last hallway of the middle school where Cartman would inevitably latch onto their gang. He was a textbook parasite, but they all kind of loved him anyway, like the rescue pet with a really jacked up eye or some shit but who was actually really nice and a good cuddle buddy. Except Cartman wasn’t really nice and Kenny could only assume he was a shit cuddle buddy. He was definitely the kind of asshole to steal all the blankets. He hated the idea of cuddling Cartman before it even assaulted his mind. He’d probably whine about wanting to be the little spoon, ew. He shook his head and shivered, and earned a couple puzzled side-eyes from Stan and Kyle in front of him before they continued a conversation about grades or something. Kenny liked the confused attention, because he liked to remain a mystery. It was a hot character trait to have. On cue, Eric appeared from behind the lockers, and he flicked at the side of Kyle’s head.

“Is your body finally rejecting your ginger genes, Kyle?” He asked with a sneer, and Kyle clearly did not have the energy to fight with him like normal, because he just bowed his head and tugged his blanket over himself until he gave Kenny’s jacket a run for its money.

“Fuck off Cartman, I know you get allergies too.” His barely visible eyes shot daggers at him, and Eric scoffed.

“Psh, do not. Only gingers and Jews get allergies, and- oh, would you look at that? Two for one!” He flicked the side of Kyle’s head again with a snicker, and Kyle growled low in a way Kenny knew had to hurt him. It was probably worth it. He laughed again, and this time three pairs of eyes looked back at him with slight disdain.

“Just look at Kenny, Catholic and blond, and nothing bad ever happens to him! Well, if you don’t count the pop tart dinners and the rats,” Cartman joked, and Stan and Kyle, those bastards, giggled discreetly at his joke. Kenny’s sympathy for Kyle looking like the plague kicked his ass wore thin. That, and his irritation at Cartman’s comment struck the smile clean off his face. Nothing bad happened, yeah right. People just never remembered it.

His shoulders slumped in the way they did every time he started thinking too much about how lonely dying all the time was, and he looked down at the sidewalk covered in elementary school kids’ shitty chalk drawings. He absently walked inside the squares of a badly drawn hopscotch course while The Three Stooges went at it about some bullshit problem. He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets while he passed them in a quickened pace. ‘Woe is me,’ he thought, and he was only mostly joking.

“Shut the fuck up, fatass! Just because me and Scott Tenorman both happen to have red hair and allergies does not- oh shit, Kenny!”

He turned around at Kyle’s exclamation, but before he could ask anything, he looked down at the ground to see asphalt instead of sidewalk, and he knew some sort of deadly vehicle was speeding right toward him. Kenny sighed, not bothering to move out of the way, because what was the fucking point, really? The last thing he saw before he blacked out was Cartman running his sleeve across his nose, leaving a disgusting trail of snot across the fabric. ‘Fucking gross,’ he thought, and right before the breath was snuffed out of him in a broken bloody mess on the road, he had a good laugh on the inside.

‘Well, at least I don’t have fucking allergies, right?’

Because I Don’t Know Where Else To Put This

When this blog began it was one of the many intelligent avant garde Traditionalist blogs that Catholics around the world looked to with hope regarding the future of Catholicism. The idea that this new traditionalist movement would bring about change in the Church - nothing was further from the truth. It all boiled down to shitposting historical memes and talking trash about other bloggers on the opposing sides of our little flame wars. As it became clearer that the Church wasn’t selling what we wanted to buy, most of us drifted away - because of course bloggers are powerless in the face of a 2,000 year-old institution that has survived every great scourge that has come upon it. I left the internet almost completely in the hopes of doing something with my life, a true Held. I wanted to be something instead of writing about how things were supposed to be. For a while it seemed that was happening, and on top of it all I was having quite the adventure. Four years, 12 states, 9 homes, and a lot in between. It was a great time. But I didn’t count on people. Well, that’s not entirely accurate: I counted on people too much. I trusted that modern man had the capacity for loyalty, honor, respect, or the ability to be trusted. I didn’t quite understand yet that not only had our socioeconomic system trashed traditional modes of living but that it had on an individual level absolutely ground out most of the virtues we grow up still believing people possess on some kind of base level. They don’t. Everyone - yes, you and me included, - is a capricious and fickle bastard who doesn’t live up to their obligations or responsibilities. We are all animals running around telling ourselves we’re not, failing to acknowledge the pull instinct still holds over us because it terrifies us; ergo, it is never controlled and disciplined as it should be. We spare ourselves the rod and spoil our souls in the process. I was betrayed, repeatedly, in horrifying and despicable ways. My best friends of 6+ years who I met back in High School over WoW took my rent payments and used them to buy up the lease while they barely paid rent so they could move out and leave me stranded, several hundred dollars in the hole with a good job but not one that would get me a place to live. My college friends aided and abetted rumors I was a pedophile that almost got the police involved - ironic when some of them were only 18 or 19 and still messing around with 15 year-old girls, but hey, I knew everyone involved and consent was clearly established so why should I have cared? Then I ended up back home and reunited with a friend I’d met at the start of college, and we hit it off spectacularly. Got a place together with two roommates who were also our friends, got a job I didn’t need to support her, and after three months I had every intention of keeping the relationship. I’m a terrible person to live with, don’t get me wrong, but I supported her every step of the way. I did everything I could in the middle of nowhere on a budget to be the best damned boyfriend I could be, and I honestly did love her. I felt, “Hey, this is going somewhere.” Then after a fight where a lot of our problems came out, I told her to pack her things and leave, because there was no salvaging it. I thought that was the end and we could be peaceable, but no. She spread vicious rumors and lies about me beating her and being abusive, a terrible sexual partner, et al that not only contradicted facts my roommates witnessed but flat-out didn’t make any sense. Suffice to say my partner was kinky, and she wanted to do a lot of out-there stuff I was also into. I just wonder if it ever occurred to the people she’s shown bruises to that every single one is on her ass or thighs. Because when I beat the shit out of someone, I do the most ineffective thing imaginable and literally kick their ass. After all this I find out from third party sources she’s pregnant - with my child. Now her and I had discussed kids and I said I wasn’t even going to think about it until we had our own place, we both had jobs, and reasonable amounts of income to where we could budget a child into the equation. But I should’ve realized what kind of woman this was when after we meticulously cleaned our messy house she had it trashed after I’d gone to work within a few days, and at a time when we barely had food as it was she made entire platters which, half-eaten, were buried under dirty laundry. Let the record show I supported this woman and was only ever happy to come home to her. In my state, I have no rights to this child. There is no legal relationship between us and if she doesn’t put my name on the birth certificate, I don’t exist. If I try and claim my child, I’ll probably lose the case, because our courts favor women in custody cases while denying them basic healthcare in the 21st century. This woman is so slovenly and lacking in moral fibre she prefers couch-surfing, with dope-heads and sleeping in cars with homeless people she fucks while pregnant and begging for food outside of coffee shops to moving back home, getting a job, and being an adult like the rest of us. Only a woman in the 21st century could honestly get away with such a disgusting existence and not be reviled by everyone with half an ounce of decency. The men who aid and abet her existence are just as much as disgusting - most of her clothes I’ve come to realize are men’s clothes, procured from Heaven knows where. She said she was going to get her stuff on the third from our roommates’ house. But she’s yet to call them, and most of her belongings still reside there. She can’t even be bothered to take care of her own things - and somehow the State things she’ll be a better caretaker for a child than me, because she has a vagina, and will name it something edgy and stupid and misspelled because it sounds pretty. Where are my friends in all of this, you ask? Well, the majority of the male ones have taken her side because they want to get in her pants. Now, she was an attractive woman, but in all frankness without a personality - which she does have - and an out-going outlook on sexuality - which she has - she’s probably a 5 normally. A 7 if she puts effort into her appearance and personal hygiene, and only a 10 on most men’s scales because she’ll put out. But yes, I was in love with her. But I was in love with a phantom: I fell in love with something that wasn’t there, after swearing I’d never do that again. My female friends - well, mixed bag. But the running theme is betrayal. I can’t even cross the parish line without my phone blowing up. I couldn’t walk through downtown at night without having to beat off some teenage fuckboy who thinks he can actually fight me and/or beating me up will get him brownie points with my ex so he can get in there. Newsflash, buddy, you’d be better off just trying to choke her instead of me if you wanted to get her to fuck you. I can’t even go to my usual haunts: people come in, harass me and anyone I’m with, and disrupt the evening until the manager makes them leave. In fact the great straw that broke the camel’s back on me for this town was when the manager told me to not come back because of the crowd that was following me. Because yes, Shannon, I invited these people in to ruin my night. Good luck finding another college-aged white guy in this town who fucking tips the bartenders what they’re owed on gratuity and drinks something besides your domestics. Those imports aren’t cheap man, and get more expensive the less they’re drank. I even quit my job over it. I had multiple people try and start things with me in my sales department, only for security to show them the door (as an electronics store we basically have to have police in the store or things get stolen). Now, granted, I probably didn’t help things - at one point I texted a guy who said he wanted to kick my teeth in my work schedule for the next two weeks and told him to stop by any time he wanted a new computer or a new place to spew shit from - but what kind of fucking society is this where someone who’s slandered can’t even defend themselves? What sort of men are you trying to create, America, when we can no longer accept the fact that some problems won’t be solved with anything but physical humiliation? Some people just need to be beaten, hard; I know that fluffs with your liberal sensibilities. But it’s a basic truth across all human civilization. You’re not better than success. The only good thing here is that my parents are selling the house I was raised in. A lovely estate, but not nearly as expensive to keep as one might think. So I’ve convinced them that I’m going to take it, fixings and all, and find some way to afford it. I suppose it’s moving back home in the best way one can; my parents aren’t here, there’s no family around to bother me, and I’ve got a private bar I keep stocked. I don’t have many friends around here, but the ones who are so far have no connection to any of the last 4 years of my life and are content to bask in how much I’ve changed - never mind I’m slowly putting back on my weight, because I can’t be tossed to give a fuck anymore. Female attention is 100% over-fucking-rated. They don’t bring anything to the table that I actually want, so I just settle for some “fun” and then we all move on and pretend to not be unsatisfied so we can give our parents and grandparents a silent middle finger with our existence. So here I am: back in the middle of nowhere with nothing going for me but an internet connection and alcohol. Fan-Fucking-Tastic. The worst part is I know this leads to an unfulfilling existence, and for once I don’t care. The quest for fulfillment in this age is absolute folly. It is a sick joke played on you from the time you’re small. There is no fulfillment. Beat yourself down with drugs of any kind and alcohol and cheap, banal stimulation until you accept the small bubble you’ve been born into. Find a job that doesn’t make you want to slit your wrists and pays the bills, do only as much schooling as you need for that job, then you can be old and happy even though you’re a complete fucking simpleton like the family you probably despise. But hey, as much as you hate them, they’re happy - and you’re a miserable cunt. So who really did life right here? Human beings are gross. They are disloyal and our modern, individualistic age only aids and abets some of our worst traits. I’m no better. I gallivanted across the playground we ungratefully enjoy that was built by our ancestors who had no idea the monster they were creating. In the face of everything humanity did and endured to get where we are now, perhaps it would have been better if we simply stopped a long time ago. Perhaps it would have been better if I simply stopped long ago, too. All I’ve done this entire time is thrill-seek and look for something to put meaning into my life, only to realize life has no meaning. From dissatisfaction with religion to utter disregard for live at 21 borne out of nothing but experience and analysis. It’s all an absolute toss, and there is no place for anyone with intelligence, because all we do is become miserable drunks and psychopaths because we keep on trying to make sense of things where there’s no sense to be made. So take my strong advice: stand up, and walk away from the keyboard. It’s not like any of you chuckle-fucks were actually going to read this or reply to it or give a shit anyway, so go ahead and take that tip for what it’s worth. There’s no point to this website or anything you will ever try to do with your life. Get a job, finish school, and find a way to be smile when you’re sad. Because if we don’t keep this lie going civilization - or what’s left of it - will crumble.