kind of really annoyed about the discourse surrounding the phrase 'the future is plural' right now. i can't speak for endos and exactly what they mean when they say it but frankly i think the people saying that it means they WANT people to have DID/experience horrific trauma are kind of just looking for an awful meaning behind the sentiment rather than looking at it for what it is. it's a statement about hoping the future is more accepting of plurals than it is right now, (including endos, as this is a phrase primarily said by them).

i feel like you really have to be reading the phrase in bad faith, like, intentionally so, to be getting that kind of message out of it. i think people are getting so blinded by their hatred of endos that they're just seeing things that are not there in what they're saying.

even if it were explicitly about DID, i still don't take it to mean that they want people to be traumatized. 'i hope nobody has to have this disorder in the future' this is an unreasonable and unrealistic goal that will never happen, because no matter what, even if the world were perfectly just and no abuse ever happened, people would still have DID because like it or not, long-term trauma still happens to people that aren't abuse. that's what the other 10% is in the DSM's statistics of what causes DID.

i can't speak for endos because i'm not one, but if i were to say something like 'the future is plural', it wouldn't be because i'm saying i want people to be deeply traumatized, it's because i'm saying that i want people to be able to be mentally ill and traumatized without stigma. where if someone wants to be open about their trauma and their DID, they can do that without people constantly crawling up their ass to try and find evidence that they're faking it. where people with DID can just exist and it's not some huge deal, you can just live your damn life and you don't have to be some kind of special educator to everyone about your condition.

this mindset people have just feels ridiculous to me.

something something the Beau 🤝 Ashton comparison of the death drive masked as self-sacrifice kicking in due to finally achieving personal success and a growing sense of belonging but the contrast of how that presents along the class divide. Beau, raised in an upper middle class yet personally hostile home environment, wanting walk away from everything and retreat back into the warmth of being a failure who nobody cares about in one grand gesture to trade her life for another's, vs Ashton, abandoned by both family and society, wanting to transform themself into something that can do what they believe they can't because he believes he has real no future and this grand gesture is all he will ever be worth.

hello. sorry! i prommy am still brainrotting over those funky gay guys (and stevo. always stevo) i just have like 8 weeks left of my whole degree!! so i’m focusing hard on that :) i might get some writing done in between, i might not but just an update for u :)

I ignore Chuugly for less than 24 hours and I get 6 asks, 3 replies and and tagged in a post

My darling, my love, my sweet summer child, this is getting boring.

going insane. thinking of wyll and reader raising little lily together... it only takes him one glance at you playing with your daughter, the sound of your melodious laughter and the tiny ones happy little giggles makes his heart leap with joy.

he wonders what he's done to deserve this. such happiness in the form of a loving spouse and a beautiful daughter.

he wonders about giving lily a little sibling too... later that night, when she's tucked in for sleep and you're laying in bed with your husband, he presses a kiss to the palm of your hand, trailing tender pecks of affection down your arm, up your shoulder and neck, smiling against your skin as you hum happily, comfortably at his affection.

when you ask what's gotten him like this he smiles, looks at you with a love so deep its difficult to hide - not that he wants to of course... he voices his thoughts, how he wants to father another child with you at his side, how he wishes to have some semblance of a normal life with you after everything you've been through, with two (or more, should you want to) wonderful children besides you.

you're silent for a bit and he's quick to reassure you its entirely up to you, he's already happy as it is, he doesn't want you to feel pressured...

he quiets down when you kiss him, hands cupping his face and he can taste saltiness on your lips. tears fall down your face but not of sadness or anything of the sort... it's happy tears, as you smile and whisper that you want this as well, you'd love to carry his child into this world one day...

you don't think you've ever seen wyll be this happy as when he kisses you back, one hand caressing the front of your stomach, where your future child will eventually be, like he's already anticipating it, desiring this as much as he did that first night you kissed under the stars.

im going to walk directly into the ocean

Sorry

Sometimes I think too much about how my relationship to psych medication / drugs could have been if it had been one free of coercion, force, control and unethical experimentation and way too high doses for a minor. And then I lose myself a little in that rage and despair.

I hate everything about that system, but I still like the concept of being able to say. I like the way this substance makes me feel. I feel like this positively changed my life. Give it to me legally. I want legalized drugs and I dont view my psych meds as anything other than already legalized drugs locked behind a weird system. But I have yet found a psychiatrist who actually let's me be in control. Who lets me say, I need something else, this isnt cutting it, no, not another drug from the same fucking group, something completely different. Who let's me say, I dont like these side effects no matter if they seem minor to you, let's change this. Who let's me say this is the schedule I need my meds on for them to actually have much of an impact. Who let's me say hey I had this stuff years ago and it was the only thing that really helped me, it seems aggressive but can we just fucking try it again because this is supposed to be about helping me. Who let's me say this dose is too fucking high and the negatives are taking over.

Fuck I haven't even found a psych in over 4 years who has actually given a fuck about my physical health and hasn't just taken me off meds cold turkey when discharging me or switching things around, who has actually ordered blood panels to see if the levels are okay, who ordered EKGs or whatever they need to monitor that this shit isnt negatively affecting my body. They cant even fucking do the bare minimum for safety. They dont know the common side effects to what they're prescribing. A 50 year old doctor who mainly pushes anti psychotics did not believe me that I had tardive dyskenesia as a side effect because HE DID NOT KNOW IT WAS EVEN A THING THAT COULD HAPPEN. He opened google and begrudgingly said "hm well okay. I guess that might happen". He had to google the side effects to something he had been cheerfully writing me scripts for for over a fucking year. Not even because he forgot them but because he never fucking knew in the first place.

I'm dreaming of being able to control what I get and how and when. Meanwhile reality is a living nightmare and the only way to truly escape it is to completely refuse psychiatric medication and either self medicate in one way or the other or abstain from what actually could be fucking helping me. What the fuck is wrong here

i need to rank the persona ops but i think i’d have to separate it into two lists based on animation vs song. cause so many songs and ops are mismatched in quality like: p4d’s op is fun but janky as fuck, but dance! is one of the best songs of the bunch, and p3d’s op is soooo pretty and fun but our moment is really forgettable.

pq2 is an underrated top tier in both categories though, there needs to be more appreciation for road less taken in the world.

also im sorry, i know this is a hot take, but tbh i’d rate p5d and p5s and vanilla p5’s ops over p5r’s in both categories. i inexplicably feel so strongly that the p5r op is mid. it’s so underwhelming i just cant find it in me to like it all that much.

p3re’s is an instant high tier, definitely one of if not the best animation-wise, what a fucking stunner oh my godddd. full moon full life is super solid but i can’t help but feel that it evokes a lot of comparison in structure to burn my dread and soul phrase, without being as strong as either. not necessarily worse, not overall, most of my affection for soul phrase is because of exposure rather than liking the song, but the build up in it and burn my dread is just better than full moon full life despite the latter feeling really similar to both. but idk that might just be nostalgia blindness

i’ve just spent significant amounts of the last couple days watching the ops, including listening to the songs on their own and watching the animation on mute, and i have opinions

So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything

Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds

It’s so funny how all the Valkyries fucking despise Gna

Tried a new brand of chocolate and it’s genuinely terrible incident 5 dead 17 injured

…what dark ass corner of tiktok did that screenshot come from??

Bro batfam tiktok is so 💀💀💀 maybe I haven’t found my people yet but the way they talk about Damian vs Tim is so fucking tragic “poor Timmy 🥺” this and “dc hates tim Drake 🙄🙄🙄” that like they not only think it’s an unpopular opinion to like him over there, they think he’s written badly SPECIFICALLY to favor damian like…

These are like sister images to me. Not the same but on the same scale.

wow rich white people are so quirky hehe

you give major i'm not like other girls vibes

well you're sending me this unprovoked out of nowhere meanwhile i'm hanging out with my friends so look inside yourself