#last semester in undergrad
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Quantum electrodynamics
Lecture 6
The prediction of antiparticles; Dirac (fermionic) field; introductory notes on Beta decay
#last semester in undergrad#physics#physics student#stemblr#uni student#university#quantum physics#quantum electrodynamics#blackboard#women in stem
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Young once again recruiting for positions based on gut feeling.
#last week it was TJ as the ships shrink bc of one semester of undergrad psych#Stargate Universe#SGU#Justice#Justice (episode)#Everett Young#Chloe Armstrong#it's not a stargate rewatch rewatch
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first week of classes done… pray for me
#I texted my weekend job’s manager while in my final zoom class#and told her ‘hey I’m going to need to be taken off Fridays pls’#the amount of work I’m about to be doing is insane#2 Undergrad / 2 Grad / one TA class 5hrs / 15 Tutor hrs / retail job on Saturdays / Club meetings on Weds#I’m excited for the classes but this… this is a lot#and I’m learning from last semester#and already trying to reduce everything outside the necessary tasks#just…#pray for me#I’m going to be reading so much and writing so much#g.txt
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earlier when I was saying bye to my favorite teacher she was so nice to me and she gave me a hug and told me to keep in touch and said she was also sad I didn't get to take more classes with her and anyway I love her so much she's been such a good teacher and I will keep in touch even if I'm a scaredy cat about it
#She also thanked me again for the board game I made for my unessay project which was so nice#it was my last day of classes as an undergrad ever#I'm so sad about it tbh#but now everything else I have to do I won't see anyone again for because my finals are online and then I just have papers#well I'll see my capstone professor again next week and also next semester when I come back to present my research#but idk it hits especially hard I won't see my anthropology professors anymore cause it's not my major and I won't graduate with them#I keep thinking maybe I should have done the double major anyway but idk I was mostly aftaif my scholarship money would run out#every day I consider doing anthro phd a little heavier
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the artist is experiencing finantial difficulties
#ive youve been following for a while you know i have a killer combo of dyslexia and dyscalculia#im finishing my undergrad now. nearing my thesis and such#i have a scholarship that covers half my tuition and its been ok but last year#i had to dump a very math heavy class i was failing. to keep my scholarship#im retaking it this year BUT I HAVE OVERLAPPING CLASSES#this time a code heavy course#literally same day from same to same hours#so i wanted to take an extra semester to literally take that ONE CLASS and finish my thesis without rushing#but they may charge me THE ENTIRE YEAR. FOR ONE CLASS#idk what to do#if i fail that class ill have to take the whole year regardless#literally no way to triumph#sigh#tessas txt#support my art and whatever
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I could/should elaborate when I’m not falling asleep as I am rn but like. I feel like for the people who you “mourn” who have died young and/or suddenly who you knew only in passing, or only casually interacted with, or were once close to but in the years between then and their death you barely spoke, etc etc etc, you arent actually mourning them or their presence in ur life (and now palpable absence) (supposedly) but just what it means to be a human on earth who has to grapple with inevitable loss and the immense weight of what a Person is and their footprint on everyone they interact with that is fleeting even tho there are several billions of us on the floating rock but none of those billions of lifetimes are ever overlapping 100%…. sigh :/
#context a student who graduated last semester (undergrad) died in a car crash like 500 miles away#and one of my fellow grad students/TAs and a few of his former profs are so upset about it and like………#u barely knew this kid I mean of course I feel terrible that someone with his life ahead of him was snuffed out in the blink of an eye#but like…….. if u had never found out about this. or if this hadn’t happened and he went on to live a boring long life#he would mean next to nothing to u !!! u would be none the wiser! u would probz not even recognize his name in 10 years! why are u crying!!!#idk I would be less ANNOYED and hashtag BOTHERED by it if the same people didnt say such nasty derogatory shit about their undergrads#like every other time I talk to u about mundane news ur complaining about how ur students are all lazy untalented idiots#but now THIS ONE who was never meaningful to u before THIS GUY is SPECIAL to u…? u mourn him?#2 weeks ago if I showed u his student ID photo u would struggle to remember his name but NOW HE MEANS SOMETHING#NOW THAT HES GONE AND IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER ANYMORE NOW HE MEANS SOMETHING TO YOU#tldr if ur still reading lmao I feel like this stuff is always about yourself and almost never about the dead person#which is valid in its own way I mean I’ve literally cried after passing mangled cars and ambulances with people who defs aren’t gonna surviv#but it’s never been about their life’s overlap with mine and retconning some kind of memorable or emotional significance to it#idk why I’m so emotional about this in like 3 separate directions but it’s just so fucking frustrating !!!!!!! 🥲🤡
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cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc
pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement
#taylor.txt#the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych#we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol#i hate it here…i hate it#but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance!#some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is#for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field#notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this#i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes#but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field#i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average#semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel#also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents#AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel#in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off#while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day#currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed#i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers#ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project#i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy#and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol#and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine#also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks
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My sleep deprived brain just had a thought,, that I wanted to share with the class: OG!SQQ gives Squidward’s vibes. Idk how to explain it, but at their core, they’re very similar. Am I the only one who sees it? Do I just need to sleep some more? Will I get a healthy sleep schedule someday?
LMAO
sure, at the surface they are both curmudgeon-y and picky as all fuck.
but no, their cores are not similar, and let me explain
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squidward's attitude comes from being stuck in retail/service worker purgatory. he has an inherent sense of self-worth and believes he deserves more than he is currently given. he also seems to come from a relatively middle-class (fwiw in bikini bottom, under the sea) family that had access to a university where he could feasibly encounter old money individuals such as squilliam fancyson, and is able to save up to afford housing in a development community despite the fast food job.
(does that imply bikini bottom has a livable minimum wage?? from mr. krabs???? wow)
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shen jiu's attitude is bluster from someone who clawed their way up to the top and damn it all you'll have to pry it from his cold, dead hands. he doesn't have an inherent sense of self-worth, which is why he's more vicious about protecting what he has earned. he also isn't working a service job--his position is prestigious and basically a 'started from the bottom now we here'. he did everything he could to survive and make it where he is now, and still fights to maintain that position.
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one, while in a downtrodden job, has always been part of society and will remain so. the other was disenfranchised to the extreme, and can easily become so again (à la qht accusation in pidw)
pride bitchiness vs fear bitchiness
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you probably do need more sleep (as in, many people don't sleep enough so probability says you're likely in that group of the population), and healthy sleep schedules aren't a one-time permanent achievement so don't worry too much (in fact, that will make it even harder to sleep).
it comes and goes.
#inquiry#Anonymous#opinionated verm#i too do not have a healthy schedule rn... the blocks are the same but the rest is not restful#but it's also better than last semester. and better by far than undergrad.#but i've had much better too#easier to accept that it's something that fluctuates with life events and not self-castigate
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actually the best part of academia is when youve been in the same department long enough that profs just start telling you all the gossip unprompted
#im in my last semester of my undergrad and im TUNED IN#which profs are currently not speaking to each other and who had a big outburst at the department meeting etc etc#theres a lot Happening rn and. i know. im in the loop#academia#molly speaks
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professor whose class I liked is being criticized on ratemyprofessor: skill issue
professor whose class I hated is being praised on ratemyprofessor: you just say that because you were a teacher's pet
#bolo speaks#hope that clears things up#my undergrad basics class last semester had problems midway through with incoming freshmen thinking there was too much reading and I#(english major + already used to college-paced classes) thought they were being wimps
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got my final grades for the fall semester. prof was kind enough to give me an A in the class (even though i probably should have gotten a B+?) but in the comments for the final essay, she said that it was ok but it felt like i just skimmed the readings/notes for basic concepts rather than any deeper thoughts and…… ugh she got me that’s exactly what i did. i did that essay in about 1 day and i’m not proud of it.
#i was so bad with task management last semester i really really want to do better this next one#kinda sucks though because i was kinda hoping for a reference from her since i had her in another class i did well in but now i feel i’d be#too embarrassed to ask for one after giving such mediocre work! i left every assignment for the last minute and barely spoke in class.#tbf i was working 2 part time jobs and my meds stopped working but the class wasn’t hard so it’s still embarrassing#idk idk idk i suppose all i can do is try to do better next semester. in undergrad i didn’t start getting the hang of everything and getting#actually good grades until my junior year. too bad this is only a 2ish year masters program though!#t
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finals season affirmations. i will not subtlety threaten suicide in emails to my professors. i will not casually drop my mental health diagnosis into conversations with my professors to manipulate them. i will not show up to class having obviously been crying on the way there. i will get eight hours of sleep a night and eat vegetables and go to the library
#okay i was seriously unwell in my last semester of undergrad and my advisor let me get away with pretty much everything because i#1. was (for the most part) the best student in the program and 2. she was a social work professor meaning she was a social worker before#anything else. so she was very lenient with my missing assignments and missing classes and yes i did tell her a little bit abt the shit#going on. in my brain
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why does this semester feel like the easiest term in my entire time at college yet i’m taking the most credits i’ve ever taken in one term
#i took only like 12 or 13 credits last semester and it was SO rough even though i managed to scrape by with all A's#but i'm taking 16 credits this semester and it feels like such a breeze so far. mostly because my two anthropology classes only have#biweekly discussion boards#this is my last semester in undergrad and it feels like i'm going to finish really strong. so far none of my grades are lower than a 98%#i'm sorry to dork out but i'm really happy with how much easier this semester feels compared to my last one#non sims
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i have a job interview this afternoon (🥳) & i am hoping against hope that being 4 days post-seizure is long enough for my brain to not feel like an absolute scrambled egg bc i really want this job 😭
#like i’m still tired as fuck & my body’s still v sore & there’s still technically an open wound on the side of my tongue ??#but if i can do my last round of finals (final semester of undergrad) & write my thesis in the post-seizure fallout#then i think i can manage a zoom interview#i would like one (1) job pls
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so many things to grade in the next ~24 hours and i am SO tired from teaching as well as the makes-you-tired disease but we're going to do the bare minimum of grading and call it a day ig
#just glad it's today and not yesterday when i could barely make it over to the table to host zoom office hours#i like bare minimum grading anyway; last year all i did was give out 100s on homework#it definitely is something that our supervisor expects me & other person w my job to have 1 day turnarounds on 30-40#written/qualitative assignments via a long rubric while we are both actively very sick#idk. worst of both worlds you are in charge of everything about the class on paper but not the materials or the grading scheme#or the lesson plans or the course structure. etc.#good thing is you get to be the ultimate grade-enterer for a core class & pass everybody#but yeah. this place is so reliant on grad labor; now that 4(?) of us are sick &still doing our jobs but slower the world is in turmoil etc#theorycomp tag#carol overreacts to life#like; breaking news: a covid surge at the beginning of the semester when maskless undergrads are moving in means ppl will get sick#also: tried getting another person in the theory teaching force to cover one of my classes last friday and my supervisor was like#'they haven't been here long enough; they're not qualified' & like. idk#not allowed to cancel our own classes bc we have to keep up with her class but there aren't enough qualified ppl to get subs so ???#wack. truly wack situation#so called progressives/liberals when the pandemic isn't over and we aren't 'back to normal' etc
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i’ve been a microsoft word enthusiast for years but now my laptop is broken and i have no access to my files so maybe google docs was onto something
#this is why songs kent parson cries to has not been updated#i wanna cry and scream#did u know that losing access to all ur files in ur last semester of undergrad is really rough
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