Retrospective
Masterlist
Maybe it started as curiosity, in the way you look like him or in the way you look scared of him to some point, well, scared for him, concerned by his wellbeing while you call him "idiot" when Ratchet has to fix his arm again.
"What is the big idea? You could get killed" there is anger more than anything in your voice, he didn't even care before but now you are the one putting your little hands on the deep dent on his side to take debris out of the harder places.
How forward!
Maybe Ironhide was right, Sideswipe will never say it in front of him, maybe you really are a human of science! and that could explain your interest in how to heal or patch wounds of the battle, or your interest in different mixes of energon, or your peculiar (almost evil) laugh while reading translated datapads.
Now, if it were any human he would think how stupid there were to try and understand cybertronian technology or try to adapt to it, but you and the other humans coming and going in the ark were trying to read glyphs, you were trying to understand their culture.
You were quite the strange one, and he was getting worried by the time you gave to your "human studies" and the time for your "alien studies", Sideswipe told you that calling them aliens was rude and you gave him a whole presentation of how you were right and he still doesn't get what power can get a point.
"So, how it goes?"
"We are both alien species to one another and it's fine"
"Good, there is nothing wrong in calling me or you alien, because is at some point correct"
"I still don't like it!" You weren't happy but you let him have it.
An you were strange, even for humans, any other human would've turned away from them when the chance was there, you latched onto Ratchet and Wheeljack in your seemingly neverending desire to get information that led you to an explosion, surprisingly Wheeljack wasn't there and it wasn't his deal, you were knocked out and there was energon everywhere when Sideswipe looked for you, turns out, you wanted to make energon goodies, snacks, candy, and your first good batch was given to him, it wasn't exactly good or bad, but it was the most flavored thing he got since the beginning of the war and he was grateful for it after years of almost tasteless but survival required basic energon.
Your knowledge was power, maybe not a physical one like his, one that made you pinpoint different things on his own performance, in the way he was fighting, and while he didn't like the comments he was still happy to show off in front of you while punching a Decepticon in the faceplate, you're all worked up giving him, supposed, praises with your little arms moving around, "-Behind you! there is another one, stop smiling like a dope and LOOK BEHIND-!!"
Maybe it was the kick at the back of his helm or the way you were concerned about him, your precious notes flying around because you didn't close your little bag, almost falling down ungracefully to get to him when his brother finally appeared to give him a servo, but since that moment Sideswipe started to see you different even when you were spouting quite colorful words.
Sunstreaker laughed at him, but, for once, he didn't care.
He was way more focused when you, once again, took the matter on your hands while Ratchet guided you to repair the little crack on his helm.
"I'm fine with little things on the arms or legs, the head is way more delicate!" Did it hurt him your refusal? It did, because you were doubting your abilities, and Ratch was there! So he was super confident when he told you: "Come on! Doc on the building!" And let your hands roam around one of his most delicate circuits.
You almost failed midway, letting Ratchet end the repair, still, you took Sideswipe servo on your little hands, or it was most accurate to say he had your hands on his servo? You were deeply sorry, more than what you should feel, even if you only said it once, but he was grateful for your intention and how you stayed with him for the few minutes it took to repair him.
It didn't hit him as fast as that decepticon, but during the night cycle he was still thinking of your little hands, soft and warm, you were probably recharging, sleeping, already, and in all honesty, Sideswipe felt stupid for thinking about that so late.
Then, while searching for the things he, purposely, hided from you to get your attention, you let out a "I didn't think this would happen even outside of there" you were sad, Sideswipe didn't need to be the brightest bulb to notice it, and when he asked you he didn't really thought you would answer giving how skittish you were with your own life out of the Ark.
Your words stung deep, and he just let you rant, all you wanted to say to feel lighter was good even when he felt fury on his own spark, he only kept you seated on him, surrounding you with his arms, letting you take rest on his frame, you didn't cry and he was grateful, he didn't know how he could answer with you cries and the guilt of hiding your things, of course, he didn't know, but he had already put so many things everywhere, telling you about the exact places would be way too evident and he didn't want you anger pointed to him, even if for him it was a joke, a way to get you out of the endless books and information that you devoured.
If he wanted to take you car racing you said: "Not now, I really need to finish this"
If he wanted to talk you would say: "Sorry, I'm pointing the most important parts" while you were painting all your book with that marker.
If he wanted to even have a moment with you: "I can't, I need to submit this before the deadline" he was mad at you, at the fragged computer for taking your attention away and almost making you faint of exhaustion.
Sideswipe has seen humans more than once now that he is on Earth, and in comparison it's obvious to say you don't look healthy, so he continued to hide your things, now only the ones you said were from school, just so you could get to recharge while he "searched" or to spend more time with you perched on his shoulder armor.
He wasn't exactly deep on it, before he noticed the way you always found your way to him, and he asked himself if this was how everybot had a human companion, he rubbed it on Sunstreaker's face more than once while he prompted Sideswipe to clean himself because the human left fingertips on you, gross.
Movie and game nights came along, whatever was dragging your energy away over for a moment and he was oh so grateful, learning about monopoly made his helm hurt but he basked in your voice explaining the neverending rules, movies were his favorites so far, some got really good explosions and stories, you called him "action movies simp" or whatever, but one day you looked way too happy while showing him a movie with very heavy atmosphere, not in a bad way like the scary ones, it was most like "Why are those two humans so near?" He didn't get the real deal so fast, on why humans had their intakes, mouths, pressed so hard, and he asked if they were fighting, you laughed.
"It's a kiss"
Maybe Sideswipe should had asked you? frag, maybe even ask Jazz or even Ratchet before entering human internet and falling down a hole of human sentimentalism and depravation.
A kiss, he noticed from his investigation, is a very human thing to express love or sexual arousal, even both, and that was so alien as it was strangely hot, he wanted to try, like the people on your movies, who kissed after a long time separated or after surviving an apocalypse, he looked at you, figuring out how to ask, it was better to ask a human who may have the information for it, and you seemed to know everything!
"A kiss? No, nothing of that!" You were red, like the color of your blood, like the colour of his armor, and, deep down, that you didn't know about kisses was in some way something that made his energon lines hotter and he was more than sure his faceplate had the color of energon.
Then, the next thing came, marriage, humans has something similar to conjunx ritual and he was flabbergasted for a second.
"It's not so different" you said after hearing his very lacking explanation and writing down on a notepad you had near, Sideswipe had you cushioned on his neck cables with your blankets around, he was near to recharge while resting on his back, "so holding hands or hugging, been very physical is the start, then you are really sincere, and you gift things to finally seal the deal" you laughed and he smiled by the sound, "you bots are really fast, we start dating or living with one another before going to marriage"
Your conjunx ritual was called marriage, what a funny word, Sideswipe recharged on the floor with you at his side, having a servo over you.
"You two are pretty much always together" some bot said, and it was in that moment that it hit him, almost several days later, when he noticed that, hey, they were right.
You two were always together like a pair of junxies, Sideswipe laughed, how ridiculous was that! It was impossible in every way! Even when your hands have been on his a lot, or when you talked to him about your most deep secrets or...
...
Sweet Primus-
No, no, no, he needed a moment to think, it was impossible, you weren't even aware, how was it possible? It was utterly impossible for a human to be approaching him in such a way-
"It's a paper crane, I bought the paint because it reminded me of you and I made and folded it myself, making paper isn't so hard when you know how-" your explanation went on and on, and Sideswipe would've been happy to hear you till the end if his processor wasn't burning already.
Like, holy frag, no, HOLY FRAG.
What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? You look at him expectantly, waiting for an answer, and he needed to think this well, in what he was getting himself into while his spark pulsed so hard, so wild, not even his best battle so far made him feel this way and oh Primus his cooling fans are overworking and his frame is heating, what is he going to do? Where is Sunstreaker to help him?
"I like it"
Where is Sunstreaker to slap some sense on his processor? Primus damnit, that response was awful and lame.
But, lame as it was, it made you smile.
Maybe it really wasn't part of conjunx ritual, frag, it never was, by he knew that humans don't get married from the get go, they wait, they "nurture" feelings, and he did his own part, it took him cycles on end and way too many failed attempts, but he felt prideful when his digits managed to create something for you.
Just to have his brother destroy it in front of him.
Sideswipe gets it, Sunstreaker is worried for him on his very own shitty way, it still doesn't make him less angry but maybe grateful for seeing the paper crane in one piece, it's a gift, one he wants to keep closer and safe, made from scratch, something you did with him on mind.
He'll talk with Sunstreaker, he knows where he is getting and, while it wasn't unheard of spark split brothers to share a same conjunx it certainly was no record of a cybertronian and a human, let alone two, but Sunstreaker can still find love, Sideswipe has faith on his brother (as in a joke because he, as his twin, can hardly put up with his narcissist tendencies), they don't have to share everything because he knows Sunny doesn't feel like that with you, so he has been sure to keep his feelings to himself, not using the spark bond they share as brothers and keeping all his outbursts to himself, he could stay here with you, have something in a possible future.
One that maybe will never be, because Sideswipe waits for you, a new hair clipper on his servo, this time more colorful, drops of paint seem to be an expression of art he still doesn't exactly get, waiting for you to come along the next cycle, or the next after that, or some other one.
But you aren't there.
When he knows why, Optimus himself has to stop them from tearing one another apart, and convince Sideswipe that you are probably fine.
From that, it has been an earth week.
Your little pedes, feet, get off him, taking you to the store he just parked in front of, Sideswipe now knows the address and even the postal code of this place, it's apparently your favorite to get little things made of dead plants.
"It's cheap and good" and by the amount of things you used on a daily basis he understood your need to be frugal, he still didn't get how great little sticky colorful papers were, but you beamed in relief when you got those, your usual tired face plate, face, had a breath of life returned, and he felt your enthusiasm while you showed him your usual sticky notes, this time with the form of stars.
Stars don't look like that, but he'll shut his mouth in order to let you have this moment of happiness.
"It's limited edition, can you believe it?"
"Looks good!"
"Sides?"
If Sideswipe had been driving he would've stopped cold dead on his way, you were still unaware of his brothers voice on his internal comm link while you are now talking to him about a new book.
"Sunny! You're up early, where's the fire?"
"Where are you now?"
Aw man, he really thought he had more time, recently Sunstreaker saw in human television about "Beauty naps" and was trying it, Sideswipe took that like an advantage and got to see you, picking you up from your education facility, at first you turned him down, but then again, you wouldn't have to pay public transportation.
It was a blessing, he almost lost you when Sunny was cold enough to try to make him be a bad guy, but he got to see you, every single day, and maybe it was too much to you, Sideswipe does confess that hunting you down town on his alt mode was less than ideal with all and your screaming, someone even called the police on him, but he got you inside his cab with such a good move he wished it was recorded, he wanted to talk to you, know why you simply just disappeared for so long without saying something! Not even leaving a sticky note in form of a kitty with information of your whereabouts!
Do you know how big boss Optimus is worried about you? Or Ironhide? Tracks? Everyone? Him?! Have you thought about his poor spark before just going MIA?!
Apparently that was enough to have you look at him with anger, one that made him stop completely, Sideswipe has seen you angry before and has been victim of your silent treatment more than once, like that time when you got a bad grade or when he accidentally ripped off one of your books.
This was different, and he could say you were fearless when you called him a "fragging liar, scrap of the world, son of a glitch, I believed in you!"
Yeah, Ratchet told him and Sunstreaker to don't say bad words in front of the humans, but not even in his wildest dreams did he thought of such colorful words getting out of your normally sweet mouth, nor the obvious hatred your eyes were shooting at him.
For a moment, Sideswipe could feel cold and terrible despair.
You shouted, he tried to placate you, you started to cry in silence and that was way worse than your loud fury.
"I told you about it and you told everyone, right?"
"Look, I need you to listen to me for-"
You hit him.
You slapped his servo away when he tried to touch get you near.
And it almost makes him say sorry to you even when it wasn't his fault.
Sideswipe has never seen you cry, not like this, and he doesn't know what to do because he has never cried, not even when his life was shit on his town of origin, not even when Sunstreaker almost left him to go to Earth or when everyone else just thought his brother was better.
But he felt way to near to tear up when you touched your hand in pain, recently noticing the results of your action, it was bounded to hurt since he was made from living metal, you were crying, you were in pain, and that almost made him cry with you.
"It wasn't me" he starts, maybe looking and feeling worst than he really is, you are crying and he doesn't want to cave in on the fear of you walking away to never be seen again because he knows that, in case you really tell him so, he will do it, he'll never go out looking for you again if that's what you want and that scares him so much because he still wants to be at your side, "I swear, I never told anyone, it's just me and you"
Me and you, those words holding more feelings that you could've ever imagined at the moment he said it.
Sideswipe doesn't want to, out of camaraderie or whatever, but he tells you the truth, and now you have a resentful tone and angry expression when the name of his brother is mentioned.
"It's a relief" you said later while, on your own volution, taking place on his driver seat, your little hands on his interior, a smile that took his worries away, "I thought I lost a friend"
It hurt to some degree, yeah, he knew, Sunny has been very adamant on what he said before, he is only a friend for you.
But that can change, he has been watching human culture with the older bots, he was getting real information on human paring process with human TV.
Humans startr as friends and then goes a they were roommates and then a human wedding.
It's an objective on mind and while Sideswipe isn't know for his patience, which is killing him, he is trying to take a little longer to give you the hair clip.
But not even all his patience can prepare him for the force of his brother.
And Sunny is so going to beat him.
"Sideswipe you are with the fleshy, aren't you?"
"I mean" he finally answers, you look so happy with the things on your bag, "we went out to buy some... Rations?"
Sunstreaker laughed, dry and angry, "So I'm here working, with one human on my cab and you go on a date-"
"It ain't a date! And what do you mean you've a human?" Sunny wouldn't let a human enter his cab and no human in base would get in his cab voluntarily, not without an order from boss bot, that only meant something was happening and that made Sideswipe accelerate without even realizing it, straightening your seat and security belt, "Sunny, where are you?"
"Oh well, since you abandoned me I'm moving one of the humans when it's supposed to be your work, and it sucks, do you have any idea how-?!"
There is an explosion, and Sideswipe can't hear his brother, he can't feel him for a dreadful second that prolonged way too long, you have to hold to his steering wheel to prevent an impact while asking him what's wrong, for once Sideswipe doesn't answer you before getting all his energon and burn it to reach the base faster.
Sideswipe has always been prideful on making you see all his good, show you that he is almost invincible even when he is being trashed by his enemy, still getting on his pedes by himself and flashing you a smile, maybe leaking a bit of energon from a nasty dent, but still the strongest bot you'll ever see.
When he let's you see his broken image when others tell him: "Sunstreaker didn't make it" in the worst day of his life, you only take seat next to him, he is so quiet in the now so big habsuit he shared with his brother, for some reason he has his chest open and, for the first time, you see his spark, you ask him what's he doing, he doesn't say a word, and you let him have this, maybe is a way to mourn the dead, and while Sunstreaker wasn't your favorite bot at the moment, you were with Sideswipe in this.
It almost made you jump from the scare of his movements when, two days later, he moves from his seated position, shouting as if he is fighting someone, then he shouts again, Sideswipe looks at you, then he raises you above a few meters, a happy grin on his face, "He is alive! He is fragging alive!"
You don't even have a moment to ask a "what?" when he kissed a side of your head and leave you there, saying something about returning with his brother and Hunter by dinner time while you see him change to his alt-mode in a hurry, burning wheels on his way.
He takes 5 days in reality, he ends up dragging back a pretty injured Sunstreaker and all your anger goes down the drain when you see the bot like that, Hunter is nowhere to be seen but he appears later on, or that's what you believe at first while Sideswipe apparently expects you to praise him and his stupidity to go head first into danger, again.
"Did I surprise you?"
"Why didn't you call for backup?"
He laughed at your angry tone, he was leaking energon, bullet holes on his armor, you don't have to ask to know it was a human's doing, he is missing an optic and you would be so much erratic if you didn't know he could get another one.
Sideswipe gets on your level, extending a servo out for you, there is a hair clipper there, "Here, for you" maybe he wanted to tell you something, but Ratchet is already dragging him away to receive treatment, you don't know why so many bots go there or why they also take Hunter.
You don't ask, and that was your mistake.
Sideswipe's repairs took way less time than Sunstreaker's, who was angrier than usual while his brother was flexing his good as new arms in front of you both, Sideswipe had this strange habit of putting you near Sunstreaker, telling you to call him Sunny just like him, and that was scary on it's own way because you understand that the golden mech doesn't want to do shit with humans around for the time being or forever, no one explains, and you should have asked.
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