#lackingfaculties
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SO ABOUT THAT SUGAR DADDY AU (Oh, Worm?)
Oh, anon, you know how I said I thought it wasn’t my thing? TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG. It is my thing, if it’s involves silly shenanigans and worm research. Many thanks to @lackingfaculties for convincing me of my wrongness. I am recording out conversation re: that sugar daddy au right here, under a read-more for my own future reference and because it makes me so happy.
lackingfaculties: My mind jumps to Anakin as the sugar daddy, and Obi-Wan as a down-on-his luck nematologist or something. Mainly I just laugh at the crazy shit rich!Anakin would get away with.
glimmerglanger i started grinning at nematologist and HAVE NOT STOPPED he needs the money, his work is important! (anakin keeps trying to eat the things he's studying) it's ani getting the money from palps, where is it coming from???
Some sort of extreme sports star? Or in a modern au, a cryptocurrency guy or a youtube titan who builds battle robots or something? What's the most ridiculous way a 22 year old could become fabulously wealthy?
"youtube titan who builds battle robots" is the best thing I've ever heard. Or, oh, those people who build and fly the really fast little planes for redbull? But idk if they make any real money....
Maybe he incorporates some revolutionary computer software in the plane that he patents and licenses? But he makes his $ in a way that Obi-Wan finds inexplicable, and enough $ to substitute for his psychic powers and laser sword
ahaha, obes googles him after they meet and is like.... sounds fake, but ok. He can't really argue, anakin definitely HAS money and is easy with spending it, after all
Would Anakin proposition him the first time they met, like that bad movie with Demi Moore and Robert Redford, and have to convince Obes? Or would Obi-Wan come into this already open to being a sugar baby?
i feel like maybe obi-wan knew what was up (maybe an app was involved) but anakin attempts the proposition anyway and is so bad at it the whole thing almost falls through? But obes really needs that worm research money, so....
also, i am imagining ani's friends his age teasing him about getting a sugar baby that's so much older and calling him sugar grandpa and then they see him and they're like oh shit oh fuck nvm we get it
Huh... Obes and Bant the ichthyologist get drunk, and after chugging a few bottles of rose make some dubious decisions?
And Obi-Wan has been making people lose their minds over his hotness for the past 21 years IRL, so I completely agree.
I feel one if his friends must actually say the term GILF
*crying amused tears* they're like what are we going to do, our funding is in the shitter, we desperately need some outside revenue. More drinks are had. No one remembers who actually suggested obi-wan uh.... using his money maker, but there they are
OMG PLEASE THEY MUST
How would Obi-Wan's friends react to this? Would this even be the most ridiculous thing he's ever done? Probably not. Would Quinlan the parapsychologist ask him for sugar babying tips?
i am laughing about bant having a moment of drunken revelation and suggesting the sugar baby thing and obi-wan going oh no i could never ask you to-- and her being like, no, obes, I'm talking about YOU doing it, for the good of the department
this is def not most ridiculous thing he's done, some of them knew him when he was a grad student. OMG QUINLAN LIKE LISTEN DOES HE HAVE ANY FRIENDS YOU COULD INTRODUCE ME TO AHAHA
Obviously quinlan meets Aayla through Anakin! She's his lawyer or his agent? Or Anakin introduces Quinlan to Padme, who's a former debutante/current... uh. Radical fashion environmentalist?
Bant masterminds the whole thing! She whips out her phone and takes some tasteful, softcore photos that she uploads to the app
obi-wan barely remembers the photos and is like aha surely they weren't that revealing and then he checks the app and is like OH FUCK but before he can delete them in embarrassment he realizes that he's got like.... multiple replies... and the department really needs the funds.... and what could it hurt really, to meet this guy who does... something with airplanes....ahaha
i now need actual fic about professor quinlan and radical fashion activist padme, or, oh what would ventress do, hm...
Padme goes somewhere to organize a protest at not!Zara HQ, with her inner circle who all wear kabuki makeup to elude facial recognition tech. Coincidentally Quinlan is there investigating a potential... uh. Jesus on toast sighting? Something Fox Mulder-y. Asajj is Zara's efficiency consultant? So she chops heads off figuratively in this AU
I mean, Bant is a tasteful woman. No dickpics, but Obes didn't realize just how much butt cleavage was showing? But enough to attract Anakin's attention. Just how did he start browsing this app though?
i feel like maybe he just has no idea how to start a relationship, he's got that prodigy awkwardness, but he's also lonely or needs a date for something fancy or just is horny and he looks thru pretty sure it'll be a dead end BUT OH THERE ARE OBI-WAN'S ASSETS and he.... cannot select fast enough
That's Anakin all right! And Obi-Wan can tell himself it's just escorting
obi-wan: I'm def just going with him to this party, that's all. Anakin: plotting how to get him in bed and naked, maybe offering more money would work?
also, obes hiding in anakin's bathroom, msging bant desperately like: he just bought a microscope i mentioned once and touched my back, bant, what do i do am i a hooker tell the truth
She tells him, think of the worms. Think of their joint research project into worms and fish. Future generations of scientists need their research. You're their only ho[pe], Obi-Wan Kenobi.
ahahhaah, and so he does, at least until the first time they kiss, and then he isn't thinking about worms
Exactly, Anakin is hot and very sweet underneath the ridiculousness. And Obi-Wan's lonely too, his worms can't keep him warm at night
If you end up writing this, please include the word "worm" as often as possible
if i thought i could write good humor i would write this and title it "Oh, Worm?"
#lackingfaculties#obikin au#sugar daddy au I GUESS#oh worm#silliness#look maybe if i get better at humor#i will give this a go
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lackingfaculties replied to your post “I've always wondered why Obi-Wan wasn't chosen by anyone and had to be...”
That "late bloomer" point you bring up makes me wonder... do they pick padawans based on raw power? Because I can't imagine Obi-Wan wasn't a very smart, thoughtful kid.
That’s a good question. I doubt they were judging on raw power, that just doesn’t seem very...Jedi. And students who were defeated in the duels were taken as students, so it’s not like it was an elimination round type of thing to get a Master. And for sure Obi-wan was smart, although Master and Apprentice (and Jedi Apprentice, to a degree) does cast him as a bit of a rule-breaker.
Maybe it’s based more on interpersonal fit. (I mean, it was always going to be based on interpersonal fit to some degree.) We see the duels, the way the students are presented, kind of like an audition, where they have 10 minutes to show their stuff. Do the Masters look at Initiate profiles? I’m sure they gossip so they know who is who.
Perhaps I’m approaching this the wrong way. Maybe Yoda saw all this potential in Obi-wan and Qui-gon happened to be free (and in need of a foil) and he smashed the two of them together, even though Qui-gon may have felt that they wouldn’t have jived on a personality level. (Of course, there’s all that bit about the Force and how Qui-gon would influence Obi-wan who would eventually train Anakin and that whole chain of events.)
It’s likely a combination of all these things and some other stuff I haven’t even considered yet. You can really take it in a few different directions, though.
#lackingfaculties#hello there#legobiwan responds#obi wan kenobi#qui gon jinn#yoda#alright guys im getting off tumblr for a bit#more later
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the explanation about knights spending time in many different planets and that influencing their accents and then passing that on to the younglings too makes a lot of sense! also can you imagine baby-wan hearing that accent on the holonet and being like i want to sound proper and pompous too! and then swallowing a thesaurus as well and going "hello fellow younglings i'm looking to today's educational instruction with much anticipation" and hearing we're 5 we don't know what that means
Obi-wan doesn’t know either but he likes to say it because it makes him feel SMART
lackingfaculties replied to your post “What’s your personal hc about obi wan’s accent? The jedi all grew up...”
I find it funny that Anakin as Vader has a touch of that upper-crust British accent. Is he channeling a version of Obi-Wan to seem extra-intimidating?
lkjhhjklk he’s just like “how could I sound MORE intimidating? oh I know, take the same clipped voice Obi-wan used when he was extra annoyed with me, it’s perfect”
but more seriously I think it’s because he spent 20 years around the elite of the empire, and they probably all speak this way, just like Tarkin
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Hi, someone on my dash reblogged your post about Stark Industries t-shirts - the Bluefly website has a red one if you search for "Stark Industries" - it also had a t-shirt with a more modern SI logo a few months ago. It's gone now, but it's probably still available somewhere if the red one isn't to your liking.
For anyone else on my dash who was interested, here's the Stark Industries retro ladies T in question!
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❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
When Evgeni wakes up, it’s to a killer fucking hangover and some dude watching him from the other side of the room, his arms crossed and the corners of his mouth pulled down into a deep frown.
“Uh,” Evgeni says. He’s so far from feeling anything resembling alive and well, and he knows he only has himself to blame for it. And Ovie. Mostly Ovie, because the banya and the vodka were his idea.
“What are you doing in my house?” the guy says, and that’s—he’s American. Evgeni wasn’t expecting that.
“Uh,” Evgeni says again. His mouth is dry and tastes pretty horrible, and his head is steadily pounding as he tries to squint through the sunlight streaming into the room. He thinks he does a pretty good job, all things considered, when he manages to say back, in English, “This my house.”
The guy licks his lips and pulls a face like he can’t believe that he has to deal with any of this. It’s a shame he’s not Russian; maybe then he’d recognize a hungover KHL player when he saw one.
“Yeah, it’s really not,” the guy says, and Evgeni looks around. Bed, lamp, end table, tv—everything is exactly where it would be in his house, but none of it is his.
“Oh,” Evgeni says.
There’s not much else he can say, really.
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Sugar Daddy AU anon here! Please accept this heart ❤︎💖❤︎ as my humble offering and thank you to lackingfaculties as well. The idea is hilarious & wonderful! My hc is that the funds for the department surged after Anakin's involvement (cough) and Obi-Wan would be in a very interesting situation in order to explain the source of money to the head of department (probably Prof Windu): (The sponsor is very supportive of Obi-Wan's effort, Prof Windu. Yes, the money is 100% legal, Prof)
!!! I’m so glad to hear from you! I really got to give some more thanks to lackingfaculties, too, for bringing this into my life. DEPARTMENT HEAD PROF WINDU, YES. He’s looking at expense reports, frowning, wondering, exactly, where that new microscope came from and why Obi-Wan and Bant’s trip to the wetlands is suddenly funded, hmmm....
Anonymous said:
sugar daddy anakin being absolutely nuts about how college students find obi-wan to be a thirst trap. has to be physically stopped from buying the school to kick out one dude who showed up to class fucked up and tried to touch dr kenobis ass. just stupid amounts of money and obi-wan is just like. what does he even see in me, nerdy worm man..oh man he has grease on his cheeks thats not fair
anon, I am DYING. Anakin swinging by Obi-Wan’s class to pick him up for a meal/bring him a book he forgot while at Anakin’s/etc and being IMMEDIATELY suspicious at the amount of besotted undergrads in the seats, all of whom look FAR TOO DREAMY to be learning about basic biology. (Anakin suspects they’re more interested in learning about Obi-Wan’s biology, how dARE)
Anonymous said:
obi-wan falling in love and spending weeks pining and self flagellating bc he doesnt love anakin for his money but for his heart and his laugh and his boundless energy,,but eventually anakin will move on to someone younger with interests more in line with anakin's taste and it's gonna break his heart but at least the worms are set for life, even if the rest of obi-wan's life is going to be emptier
Ohhh, ouch, but also, yeah. He’s like damnit I’ve fallen for my sugardaddy. Bant warned me about this. At least he’ll still have his worms T_T meanwhile, Anakin is desperately trying to figure out if Obi-Wan like-likes him while also, you know, ring shopping. Just in case. (okay but this ending in with an officer and a gentlemanning would make me glad).
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