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graphx · 4 months

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Krolia and Colleen parallels

Mother that leaves her son, daughter that leaves her mother DO YOU SEE THE DOTS CONNECTING???

anyway snippet for VLD Hiraeth AU! Check out the tag for context!

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Colleen had always loved the quiet. The world blurred around her when she was focused, her ears ringing in the silence in a way that soothed her rushing thoughts, allowing her to finally breathe and think in peace, to perfect her research in a way that articulated her thoughts that often moved too fast for even her to track. Colleen was a quiet person, although certainly not shy. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind which tended to be a bad habit when her mouth got ahead of her. Which it usually did.

But Sam always helped.

He would squeeze her shoulder or brush their knuckles together, listening to whenever she was fed up with the latest Garrison bullshit. She had never felt pressured to talk, but he had always made it clear he would love to listen. The soundless air had always been comfortable to her, only occasionally broken by Katie flipping a page or Matt typing on his keyboard.

It was always quiet and she had never minded.

Until now.

Now it was suffocating, her heartbeat thundering too loud in the emptiness. Something had seeped into the air, making it hard to breathe without Sam, Matt and Katie beside her. Their heartbeats no longer echoed alongside her own and Colleen had never heard anything louder than the absence of those sounds. It was like everything she was, everything she had been, a mother, a wife, a scientist, had been shattered into pieces she couldn’t even hope to connect again.

The pieces that had once made up who Collen had been were scattered to the stars, spread so far across the galaxy that not even gravity could force them back together again. And god did she try to put it back together again. Years upon years of obsessive research not even a clue, a hint, something, anything that Colleen could dig into without it slipping through her fingers like sand. Katie had been beside her the entire time, a constant presence at her shoulder that wasn’t enough, it wasn’t whole, but Colleen would fix it, she had to, for both of them, if she just tried a little harder-

And suddenly there was a rift she couldn’t mend between them. Colleen had pushed away her own daughter and she was so pathetic that she didn’t even realize how much time she had lost before it was already gone. Katie’s encouragements at her side were gone, turning into her own search, only growing more determined as Colleen’s despair consumed her like a vacuum, encompassing any hope she ever had of finding the rest of their family.

Colleen wondered, if she had ever thought to stop herself, if she would have seen how thin Katie had gotten. Would she have seen the way Katie wouldn’t eat until she finally made some kind of breakthrough? Would she see Katie’s eyes, bloodshot from lack of sleep, mirrored on her own face? Would she have even said goodbye, if she had noticed Katie had been leaving the house so much? Would she have wished her luck? Would she beg her to stop before the addiction she had started swallowed them both?

Guilt with more force than any black hole started to tug at the pieces that were left of Colleen. How could she have done this? Why couldn’t she be better, the better that Katie of all people, deserved? Katie who still fed Bae-Bae under the table. Katie, who loved to talk with her dad for hours about all the details of his missions, no matter how boring. Katie who would make up games and flashcards to help Matt study for his exams. Katie, who would stay up watching the stars for hours with her brother with awe on her face instead of hate, like the sky itself was somehow to blame.

And then Colleen realized she hadn’t seen Katie in a long time. She saw a girl cutting her hair with scissors clenched in her palm and amber eyes filled with star fire. The only thing left of her brother was the face they both shared. Katie had given up everything she was for her family in more ways than one. Colleen had seen her daughter destroy herself, right beside her and did nothing to stop it.

So Colleen had resigned herself to her fate. The pieces of herself with Sam and Matt had been lost to the stars, never to be seen again. But no matter how shattered and broken it had become, Colleen still fought to keep the piece of herself that Katie had. But Colleen was a hypocrite and it was too late to save them now.

Katie had been furious at even the suggestion of stopping, biting back with words like thorns that burrowed into Colleen like cutting brambles. Then she left more and more often as Colleen’s pleading grew more and more desperate. She would only get more reckless, that much Colleen knew, when she didn’t get answers. And Colleen would be there, waiting for her daughter to come back, waiting for her son to come back, waiting for her husband to come back. That’s all she was good for, wasn’t it?

Waiting.

How sad is that? A mother who is supposed to be an inspiration for her children is placing her last hope and fears on someone who should never have to carry that burden. Colleen thinks about Katie’s team then, the only reason she let her leave, the ones who must carry that burden with her.

She thinks of an Altean boy with tan skin and bright blue eyes, making Pidge laugh for the first time in what seemed like years. She thinks of her dark skinned friend, hugging her tightly, rambling to calm her down. She thinks of the dark haired kid with violet eyes laying a hand on her shoulder.

Children, so unbearably young, with Shiro to lead them, no matter how broken he is. And the worst part of her hoped that maybe there was some chance that Katie would do the impossible. If anyone in the universe could, it would be them.

Until then Colleen would at least be productive while she waited, keeping an eye on every step the Garrison could take. She would be damned if Sanda tore one more family apart and she could have done something to stop it. It’s endless work and she loses herself in it again, helping Adam conceal his efforts to negotiate with the rebel alliance without Sanda’s interference. They had put in hard work over the years deceiving, sneaking and sabotaging. But it was all put in jeopardy when an unidentified ship entered the atmosphere.

It’s a single ship, not transmitting any sort of communication that would give away its position, but that doesn’t make Colleen feel better. It passes the satellites without any trouble, and she almost considers sounding the alarm before she recognizes the model of the ship. It’s of Galran origin, the sleek purple metal only slightly peaking through the cloud cover, undetected by any Garrison precautions. It’s the same type of transport that had been used by Blade of Marmora members to ferry civilians off of Earth before its destruction in the crossfire between opposing Altean and Galra forces.

Now that it’s in the atmosphere, and heading to the surface fast, Colleen could manually take over and cause it to crash, but she hesitates, her curiosity getting the better of her. There had been no contact with the Blade of Marmora since their arrival on the planet, not even when Keith had crash landed. Surely they would have contacted Adam or the rebels rather than coming in unannounced? Had they come for Keith? He had been a valued member before he lost contact with them, surely they would want him back. Colleen’s heart clenched at the thought of Katie having a friend leave, but she wasn’t sure he’d want to. Not willingly, anyway.

When Keith had first come he was hostile to everyone but Shiro, and Colleen had assumed that had been the exception given their time surviving in the arenas. He used to jump at every sudden movement, quick to draw his knife with a flick of his wrist in any situation. But he has changed so much with the other Paladins, relaxing in a way that made him seem like a new person. It was still his decision to make, but Colleen couldn’t help but hope he stayed, if not for himself, than his team who had relied on him just as much as each other.

Colleen steeled herself, sending Adam a warning to her location and what she had discovered. With a blaster strapped to her belt for protection and a couple of gravity generators in case she needed to stop the ship from leaving, she headed out. Following the coordinates was simple. The ship had landed in a clear area far away from most of the crowded encampments so she treaded lightly.

The blue foliage covering the planet’s surface in this sector had always made Colleen uncomfortable with the unnatural smell of rubber and the way it crackled under feet, the sound making her cringe as she attempted to disguise her footsteps. They left an obvious trail wherever she went, changing a multitude of shades whenever they touched her feet, rippling like a sea of color. They arched out of her way seconds after her feet had already left the ground before returning to their previously dormant state, changing back to a navy color. Plants had always fascinated her, but it was so different from a home she would never see again she had long since lost her enthusiasm. She would much rather be in the greenhouses, preserving what little pieces of Earth they had left rather than traveling through the outskirts under a sickly yellow sky.

Eventually she came across the clearing, the blue vines still ensuring the ship was somewhat obscured from view. Colleen got to work quickly, attaching her devices to the landing gear of the ship and a couple more beneath the hull, ready to be activated whenever she needed. It was obvious no one was on the ship so they must have left already and Colleen began looking for clues to which direction they had headed. Other than the trail she had left behind there was no disturbance in the sensitive grasses. It was a Blade of Marmora agent since they had covered up their tracks so easily, but they had to have left behind something…

Her eyes wander above her towards the bark of the surrounding trees(if they could even be called that with more sharp spires than branches). The bark had changed from its regular russet to a bright splash of orange, although it was already starting to fade back to its original color. If Colleen had been moments later she would have lost it. Apparently even professional Blade members couldn’t hide everything. Her small feeling of victory was overwhelmed by anxiety as she realized the trail of fading colors was heading towards the camp.

She prayed with every step that her footsteps would be more soundless, or even mistaken for some kind of weird animal they hadn’t encountered yet as the trees became brighter and brighter until she was in view of one of the settlements. She froze, hand hovering over her pistol as she laid eyes on the woman in front of her. But the Galran wasn’t focused on her arrival, ears not even twitching in her direction. She was sure the agent would turn around any moment hearing Colleen’s heart beating out of her chest. Surely she had to have heard her coming?

Her heart dropped to her chest when she realized she could hear the laugh of Alice McClain’s child from here. If she looked past the back of the woman she could see the Paladins, Katie standing on the tips of her toes trying to reach the treat Lance was holding above his head. Hunk was trying to get them to stop running around, his hands full of snacks he had made for them, which wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. Keith was sitting beside him, smiling as he watched, grabbing another one while Hunk wasn’t looking. He burst out laughing as Katie elbowed Lance in the ribs, stealing her prize and running behind Keith and Hunk for cover.

It was at that moment the woman’s shoulders slumped, grief clear in her posture as her ears drooped and she turned. Before she caught sight of Colleen her face was anguished, eyes downcast and slitted in a sorrow Colleen had only seen in the mirror. But the moment her eyes landed on Colleen the expression melted off her face, narrowing into something much more somber. It was odd how much she had seen that exact look on Keith’s face when he had first come here. Colleen half expected her to react like Keith would, flinching in surprise at any stranger and immediately dropping into a fighting stance.

But the Marmoran did none of this, her face so blank and empty it was eerie. She raised her hands and Colleen realized they were more like claws. Twin streaks of darker purple ran up the sides of her face like scars, perfectly symmetrical to her yellow eyes, regarding her with indifference like she had expected this situation.

“I swear by the Trials, I have no intention of harming anyone on this planet. I came with a message.”

“If you mean that then drop your weapons,” Colleen responded in a cool headed tone, eyes not leaving the woman’s no matter how much she wanted to look behind her and make sure Katie was far away from here. She couldn’t risk any sort of fight this close to so many people, and Colleen knew as well as she did that reinforcements would be here any second.

“I have come unarmed.” The woman said in the same tone, unmoving with hands still in the air.

“Keith said no member is ever without a weapon, typically one of Luxite. Where is yours?” Colleen gauged her reaction and saw the slightest bit of that sorrow return to her eyes at his name before she broke eye contact to glance at the sheath of her belt.

“This is my message,” She slowly removed the weapon, a dagger with a unique design and a bandage wrapped around the hilt. She unraveled it before turning the handle with a glowing insignia towards Colleen in a gesture of peace. It seemed to be some sort of Galran symbol, one that she recognized on Keith’s blade as well. Colleen hesitantly took it, the dagger feeling heavier than she expected.

“Give this to him and both of you will never see me again.” The words seemed to stick in the woman’s throat, but she said them without an ounce of regret. The pieces were starting to align in Colleen’s head, making a picture she didn’t like.

“Why not give it to him yourself?” Colleen asked, not quite managing to keep the anger from her voice.

“That is none of your concern,” the woman replied evenly, lowering her hands. “I will be leaving now. Don’t expect another unauthorized visit from any Blade members again.” And with that warning she left, walking right past Colleen and not even disguising her steps. Rage unlike anything Colleen had ever felt consumed her as she turned to stare, once again, at the woman’s back.

“I knew the Blades were different from us, but I had never expected the ones who saved us from a dying planet to be the same kind of creatures that would abandon their children.”

The words stopped the agent in her tracks, feet rooted to the ground and unmoving. Colleen had a brief moment of hesitation since it would be unwise to instigate a member of the highly deadly organization they were currently allied with. Instead fury settled in her gut and she decided, no, she was going to speak her damn mind.

“I could never picture it in my head, you know. That a mother could ever just leave her child behind. It didn't make sense. It never has, to me. So I want to know why you’re leaving such an amazing boy behind and I want you to have the decency to tell him why.”

“What could you possibly know about losing the child next to you? To have him right beside you and not even know it was him? To see someone so determined to do the right thing even if it kills him. To see him struggle and suffer and not be able to do a single thing, because he wants it? To be there his whole life and not even know what he was going through. It’s pathetic… It’s weak. And he deserves better than a mother who didn’t even recognize him.”

The resignation in her voice, the hopelessness seeping out of every word only makes Colleen’s own heart sting more. Weren’t those the exact thoughts she had whenever she looked at the child she failed? Weariness suddenly takes hold, weighing heavy on her bones as her hand falls from the pistol strapped to her hip. She can’t judge her, not anymore than she does herself. She watches the Galran with her back still turned make her way back towards the ship, grass shifting out of her way from an unseen breeze as it turns a dark violet whenever her feet brush against the ground, soundless, as she disappears.

#VLD Hiraeth AU #my fic #2023 #vld #voltron #voltron legendary defender #pidge vld #keith vld #colleen holt #colleen vld #krolia #krolia vld

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