Kellogg's Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies Halloween cut-out masks (1950s)

Kellogg Co, 1954

1957 Kellogg’s Variety pack

RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOES (1988) dir. John De Bello

Todays cereal is Chocolate Corn Flakes!

Initial impressions: A couple years ago I tried (and greatly enjoyed) a box of chocolate Frosties, so when I came across these Chocolate Corn Flakes in my local corner shop I knew I needed them. The humble Corn Flake hits the spot like only the best cereals can, something about the slightly soggy slightly crunchy spoonability a good serving of Corn Flakes brings to the table makes them an S-tier cereal. Let’s see what chocolate can add to the mix of this classic flake!

Post bowl thoughts: I was wrong to assume these would just be chocolate Frosties, which had the sweetness one expects of a frosted cereal and beyond that were relatively one-dimensional.

This bowl of Corn Flakes is doing what all cereals that say they are for adults should be doing. It’s taking that slightly too sweet, one-note child’s food and elevating it to an adults palate.

The Corn Flakes are the same cereal pieces we all know and love so I won’t discuss texture, instead the important part is the chocolate.

These flakes are not overly sweet, keeping them true to the core identity of the Corn Flake. Instead what you get is a rich, deep chocolate that doesn’t cross into sickly or too much. These are both a breakfast and a dessert flake, with the perfect chocolate for all occasions. The chocolaty milk at the end was the cherry on top of this thrilling new bowl. This is one of the best chocolate cereals I’ve ever had.

[snickers commercial voice except the year is 1878] you’re not you when you’re horny. have some corn flakes

🌻

if I had a time machine, I think I'd like to go back in time and kidnap John Harvey Kellogg.

you know, the corn flakes dude! the guy who was very against people being horny in general, and didn't ever want sugar added to his cereal!

anyway, I'd take him to Cereal City in the late 90s - let's say 1999 - and make him tour the sugar-coated tourist attraction, so he can see firsthand the warped fruits of his sugar-free health-food labor.

after that, I figure I can encourage him to eat some frosted flakes while I show him erotic fanart of Tony the Tiger, and then read aloud to him the horny messages said mascot regularly receives on twitter.

I just think it'd be fun to ruin that guy's day. y'know, make him experience some man-made horrors beyond his comprehension, and all that jazz.

(I have a similar plan for Sylvester Graham - the equally anti-sex preacher who inspired the graham cracker - but that mostly involves taking him to a folk festival bonfire in the 60s and making him watch horny hippies make s'mores.

what can I say - I just feel like it'd be a fun time.)

Kellogg's Corn Flakes, 1965.

#Painting 'Still Life with Corn Flakes' by Noah Verrier (2022)

Superman Krypton Hydro-Jet Rocket (1955)

Kellogg Co, 1955

1961 Kellogg’s Corn Flakes with Huck Hound membership

1960's Kellogg's ads starring King and Prisoner Smurf (but with fanmade English translations).

The Smurfs (C) Peyo/IMPS/Lafig Belgium S.A.