Kevin wakes up, breathing hard, only to find he’s back in his bed. He reels for a second, disoriented from both the dream and his new location. The last thing he recalls was cuddling on the couch with Jean and Jeremy…but perhaps this was just a dream as well.
He pulls his knees up, wrapping his arms around his legs before plunking his head down on top of them.
This has to stop.
He only has two days left now. Two days to try and explain what happened before slowly extricating himself from their lives forever.
It’s not enough time. Not nearly enough.
But he can’t remain in this never-ending limbo. He has to find the courage to rip this Band-Aid off once and for all. He deserves it – and Jeremy and Jean deserve some kind of explanation, whatever that may be.
He lets go of his legs, dropping his hands down to the soft comforter. He flexes his fingers slowly, watching the digits dig into the material, leaving small, impermanent marks.
For one tiny moment, he wonders if there’s a universe out there with an alternative version of himself that’s happy. He wonders if there’s a Kevin who gets to keep his Mam, who gets to grow up with his Da, and who gets to experience the joy and wonder of Exy without the threat of death over his head. He wonders if that Kevin gets to fall in love, and have that love returned.
He wonders if the Kevin in that universe likes himself.
Then he casts the stupid idea out of his head because the reality is this is the only version of himself he knows. This is the life he’s stuck with. This universe is his, and these are the choices he’s made.
Now he must deal with the consequences.
as the season goes on i am more and more convinced chim will give eddie the “tomorrows not promised to anyone” speech that eddie gave to him in 313 like it is all so clear to me