#just to see how id do yk
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you ever have like three major inconveniences all in a row and then have google maps draw a dick on your way home alone at night just to spite you because it knows you're lost anyways and
#i made it home safe somehow eventually but fuck man#so much for being able to write tonight 🙄🙄🙄🙄#literally spent all day at work like cant wait to get home and write!#fuck my life it is two hours past my bedtime imma be a zombie tomorrow#at least i wasnt jumped going thru some sketchy ass places on tbe way back!#tho i kinda wish i was so id have an excuse to not go to work tomorrow and could prolly call the piggies for a drive home#after fighting off my attacker w my umbrella#thatd be kinda badass#i know i shouldnt but ive always wanted to get in a fight#just to see how id do yk#not for like masochistic reasons but more like sadistic reasons#i want an excuse to absolutely rock someones shit and have them deserve it#put a mf in their PLACE#i know this may seem shocking if youve read wgoin 2 but my disclaimer is that its absolutely for masochistic reasons if its seo changbin#have you Seen those arms????#im far from the initial frustration and anger at forgetting to press start on my laundry then having my kfc order disappear for 35min#and missing the bus home and calling an uber and having the uber delayed and starting to walk and then getting lost#i have now reached hysteria where everything is actually quite comedic#and i do not want to sleep bc the effects of staying up this late on a work night Will bite me in the ass as soon as my alarm goes off#delaying the inevitable you know how it be#cant believe i waited like 40min for my kfc only to eat barely half of it#how deep in the trenches am i if i put it in the fridge to microwave tomorrow#yeah thats objectively like. disgusting#im gonna do it#mischiefing time
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i remember seeing someone call tubbo a fully grown adult at 19 (obvs before he turned 20) and i gotta say. i think maybe some people have a really skewed idea of what constitutes as "fully grown". and also what constitutes as properly mature. thinking that at 18/19 (or hell even at 20/21) people are now fully grown and mature is insane to me like yall thats how you get people thinking their life is over at like 23 and that 30 year olds are senior citizens 😭😭 be fr
#this is a problem no matter where you look but i think a lot of ppl in the mcyt fandom esp seem to think once youre-#-considered an adult at all that it automatically means youre fully grown and mature and thats just nooottt really true for most ppl#which i think can lead people down to sort of dangerous paths especially because 'adult' is often defined by age of consent#and theres also some slight cultural differences like even just between the us and the uk where due to 18yr olds being able to drink in-#-the uk (and other places) i think it genuinely causes some dissonance#where i see often in the us that when youre 18/19 youre still treated (id say rightfully) as being rather young and not Truly a grown adult#hence. yk. the term Young Adult#but i think in places where the drinking age is younger it starts causing people to see younger people as more mature#which is also why a lot of predators like to push for the age of consent to be at a younger age like 15 or 16#and why many lolicons try to point at japans age of consent (which for the record is complicated and not as simple as just 'age of consent-#-is 13') as a defense for how they act#because these sorts of milestones (having sex and drinking) are seen as marks of a true adult. which gets into a whole lot of other#complicated things#and often dangerous things and ways of thinking#ANYWAYS . basically 18/19 isnt fully grown 20 is also hardly fully grown itself#and theres ways to combat people infantilizing tubbo and other creators his age without acting like hes actually#fully grown and mature lol. i promise you humans are not fully grown at 20 years old are you kidding me 😭😭😭😭#if youre in your 20s you still have a lot of time and space to grow i promise. do not fall for the idea that your life is done by like 23#idk. im only 18 myself but it just feels insane to me that if i were a creator people would be calling me a fully grown adult#not that im not an adult but i dont think im mature enough to be seen as fully grown and i guess itssss. sad?#to see other people my age think that turning 18 means youre fully grown. just really not true#theres a lot of 30 year olds who still see early 20yr olds as being practically babies we have Not made it to full maturity yet i prommy#mask mews
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Nothing funnier to me than a fansite that horrifically white washes pics of the guys until they genuinely look like walking corpses but then will have DO NOT EDIT in all their captions like baby.... if there's anyone here who should have the editing software taken away, it's you...
#see this is where i might potentially have a controversial opinion#bc while i 100% always link back to twt videos or pics from concerts and stuff#bc i think its the polite and fair thing to do#i also find the DO NOT EDIT DO NOT REPOST stuff slightly silly#just bc ypure taking pictures of famous people and posting them on the internet like.... people are going to#i think putting credit is 100% the right thing to do but also if i ever went to a show and took a pic that wasnt a total blur#id p much expect others to save it and do stuff with it bc thats just how the internet works#also somehow pics taken at the airport and other invasive places with those captions especially make me laugh like you can go mob them#and take those pics but also expect everyone else to respect your copyright or something?#like at least with concert stuff its expected to take videos so i really do believe you shpuld link back#bc its like wow thank you for taking that video and sharing that funny moment with the rest of us#but some of it im like Nah be for real#like yeah always link back to op when applicable but its not always applicable yk#and white washers dont deserve anything at all
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the urge to self sabotage bc it would be easier. BUT I WONT DO IT!! I NEED TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I CAN DO THINGS THAT ARE GOOD FOR ME!
#i have a history of like. wanting to take the hard path and when its Actually Hard instead of#going thru w it i just like...dont do anything. usually i become anxious to the point of illness etc etc#but rn its like...i cannot fuck this up fr i rly have to at least try !! ive been given a good thing i have to at least . try.#i need to be nicer to my future self they are just as much a person as any of my friends that id go out of my way for#by that point we may so different from each other that all the bad things i do that harm my future arent just harming MY future#but also someone distinct from me in many ways. yk. like who are u hurting ? they (future u) may be a stranger at that point#with how much things change. do you have a right to rob them of potential health and happiness?#im not trying to play around w counterfactuals i just need to be kind. i just need to be kind even if its myself.#lets see.
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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eldest daughter syndrome really do be kicking my ass tbh
#i just find it like so unfair yknow#im the only one who works in myhouse and full time#but i come home and the house isnt clean and i tidy up and sort everything out and tidy the kitchen anf living room after dinner and put#my sister to bed and yk if there was no one else to do these things id understand but#i have 5 brothers all of whom are adults and they dont lift a finger#its not as if any of them work bec they dont and neither does my dad#and im so so so exhausted yk? bec not everything is my job or responsibility#and i keep blaming other things for me getting sick but yknow what maybe i just dont rest enough#and the other day i was upset bec i'd had a tough day at work and i felt unwell and i cleaned up everything after dinner and my brother#said i didnt have a right to be upset bec i “chose” this. like as if i chose to work full time nd do all the chores for a family of 9#and it just really upsets me bec no one sees an issue with it and im so mad at my mom at rhe same time#constant therapy sessions w her bec shes mad at my dad and wants someone to vent at and then he does the same abt her and my brothers#and im so tired yknow just sososos tired bec she'll complain abt how they dont do anything but then she wont ensure they do either#its just empty complaints whereas she thrust responsibility on me when i was 9 and yet my brothers are 18+ - all but one that is and they#cant even do their own laundry bec she just..... did everything for them all the time but now is mad that they cant do anything.#like yes i know my dad is a failure of a husband and a father i expected that i'll never be a good enough daughter for him and that the onl#thing he has to say about me is that im bringing shame on our family despite everything ive done but come on#im just tired and upset#its hard not to see yourself as a robot or machine when theres little room to be anything else.#and even on a day like today when i dont feel well it never stops and i just keep doing#im sad i want a hug from my gangster bf#oh god i am sorry pls do not perceive me for this#and yk what#thats why i cant stand when people are nice to me bec all i can think of is#i havent done anything to deserve this? i should have to give something in return#or if not#theres something this person must want because why else would they be nice to me when i havent done anything for them#i cannot fathom the concept that someone just wants me because its me#its literally just not possible why would anyone fo that for me
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the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.
he never was.
#ramblings#incoherent beyond belief its 4 am#and im trying to avoid manga spoilers#might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything#actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers#manga readers know whats up#idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet#but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so#cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO#which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away#but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound#him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder#trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others#hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him#he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS#ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be#his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything#which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk#like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him#but.#hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late#both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR#also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot#the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it#CRAZY#if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga#ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE
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unironically refer to persephone in hades as my mommy bc i love her. i mean this in an extremely non sexual way in the most familial love way i do genuinely mean she is my mommy and i need her to hug me crunchycrystals irl
#crunchyposts#hades game#the speed at which i am maxing out my relationship with her is unparalleled i genuinely shouted “NO” when i got locked out dshjfghdsj#i am clinging to this woman for dear life. the first thing i do after i die is talk to her and give her a gift. i almost cried the first#time i was ripped away from her in the overworld#my priorities in this game are reuniting orpheus and eurydice and making sure i show my mother how much i love her#every time i see her like the inner 8 year old in me just goes mommy......... my mommys here..........#family crush. on persephone from hades. the first one ive had i think lol#i need to hug her :((((( yk usually my sapphic brain would take over and id be like ough persephone pretty#but now its like thats my MOM shes pretty bc shes my MOM my MOTHER she BIRTHED ME#am i making sense sorry i just gave her 2 ambrosia in a row i love her lol
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Fake manhater moment but if it wasn't for bf idk if I'd have made it this far 👍 anyway its 3.30 am yknow. And I don't wanna sleep to be honest. But I will take a quick nap soon
#like tbh it helps that hes so innocent. i already scare him sometimes. i cant give in and start doing drugs again#or abusing meds. hell just be scared and sad id never do that. i remember how i felt abt junkies when i was very young#id never want him to see me like this. and even worse i wouldnt wanna be the person who makes him realize junkies arent like. aliens.#yk what i mean?#anyway gonna smoke maybe and drink some tea and do some sewing nd then sleep#wait ill continue i wouldnt want him to see me and realize 'oh this could happen to anyone it doesnt happen to bad people only#that sorta thing#im tired... nearly 4 am after all. ughg
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okay benzos acquired n ive spoken to first one now n she doesnt hate me or blame me but i saw it say lake charles in caller id n i knew it was her n not spam call i just knew but she still loves me n said she cant hate me ever n i am still stuck with her since like bitch 2017 we fucking saw peep n $b n ghostemane n a few others with those together like ur stuck with me but she said back to me im stuck with her too n 🥰🥰🥰 plus she said would have done the same if id done that too and sent that message n then answered the phone like that n shes gonna try to call again b4 she gets out n see me next week n other one im less worried bc i didnt put her in there plus 🥰💖 👀
#like bitch weve said before wr both take ride or die how we do n only issued weve ever had were caused by me letting a virgo girl ruin my#life a little n then last yr we talked out finally n why its felt dif to me#dumb lil quote i remembered us talkin about before n god ur me n im u yk u see me to my core n get it n ur even closer to me than b like#secrets bond us its in our dna 👼#i think we manifested each other js like i never thought about angel id find someone who got me this much but you get n see me even more#n the newer me since then too#sorry all emotional i just was so worried over both it was making me feel sick n rn i can logic theyre both safe#batbaby rambles
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born to do a Saeko Only y7 run forced to be technically illiterate
#snap chats#we all know if i knew how to mod id make so many stupid masadai screenshots but not the point#ive been obsessed with solo runs for rpgs for a while so NATURALLY i wanna ask the question if each y7 chara can solo the game#i was thinkin of saeko specifically cause. 1.) love u 2.) in my first playthrough i primarily used her for support#though subsequent playthroughs obvi i switched her up to be way more offensive#the only chara you really can do this with is ichi and MAYBE adachi since. well ichi's obvious but adachi's the earliest accessible#'what about nanba' girl he LEAVES FOR THREE CHAPTERS#and ofc you only get saeko come chapter 5 - same thing for eri. not gonna even MENTION joon gi and zhao LMAO#so obvi i dream of a mod where you can swap ichi- at least for battles- for any of the other party members#if youve seen rpg runs that ft multiple members at a time then yk the plan is to just have everyone else block and do nothing#or get them ko'd as fast as possible. but obvi in this Mod Reality i would just have The One character to make it. awful LMAO#i mean me and other rpg enjoyers think y7's easy enough so why not the extra challenge#adachi gets the Can Also Do This Run pass since he's playable just about as long as ichi is#exceptions being of course the first chapter / beginning of second chapter and the first sawashiro fight / chapter 3#i already know people are thinking of the jima fight.... throwing up at that thought#honestly i think JUST them might make the challenge impossible#at least with ichi you have the poundmates but the others Id Consider to be out of luck#itd be fun imo to see how far each chara could get tho#beyond grinding i think youd HAVE to master perfect guarding not just for the jimas but ESPECIALLY for tendo#kiryu doesnt exist to me. apparently. idk he was a wash on my first playthrought but joon gi WAS the unintentional punching bag so--#anyway im almost done with this comm i just gtta shade it so bye
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I was going through the autism diagnostic criteria with my partner and asking him if he could think of any clear examples of my behaviour that correspond to each one and on a completely unrelated note I am apparently way more noticeably obsessed with cats than I realised
#help i thought i just liked them a normal amount#like obviously if you see a cat you have to stop your whole day to try to befriend it#wven if youre running late and on the verge of a panic attack#the cat must be befriended#and of course if the cat doesnt like me i respect their boundaries but am also heartbroken all day#you know#totally normal human stuff#but apparently it is a notable trait of mine that i am obsessed with cats and he has “never seen me so happy” as when i am around a cat#apparently most people dont buy and carry around cat treats on the offchance they might meet a cat in the course of their day#like i dont think it means i have autism just bc im obsessed with cats that would be stupid#but it is hilarious that i asked “hey do i have any abnormally intense interests?”#and without missing a fucking beat this man replied “oh like how you are with cats?”#there were other stuff on the list too ofc#like dnd and linguistics and permaculture and mushrooms and stuff#which i recognise are probably more akin to what i would typically think of as a special interest in how i interact with those things#but top of his list was cats#i dont even have a cat#i have never had a cat#i just really love them#i reckon if i had cats i would never leave the house tbh but it would be worth it bc id have cats yk
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only the funniest things being allowed in goofs realm is giving me hope for yeet bigly content cause name anything funnier in regards to this godforsaken podcast
#manifesting anthony going you see brian griffin again.. you see a guy with a wheels for feet and an eyepatch..#I WOULD SCREAAAMMM#And then throw up#i cannot for the life of me name anything funnier than the yeet bigly name reveal#i was walking home and doubled over in laughter because its just so fucking funny and also a little cringe cause yk its 2023 not 2019 anymo#id u went vack in time to tell me a year ago taht my favourite characters evee would be called yeet bigly and killa demall i..#i wouldve believed killa#bur yEET BIGLY??#would have laughed in ur face then continued reading shitty ao3 fanfics#dndads#dungeons and daddies#yeet bigly#anthony burch please ill never adk anything of u ever again#anthony imagine how confused the craihlist person would be!!#just do ir bro i know u want to *whispwes in ur ear very convincingly*#lets pretend i rolled a nat 20 on my persuasion roll anthony pls#i think i fr wrote the qords anthony and plwase 50 times in these tags#JUST LISTENED TO THE END OF EP 34 ANTHONYYY PLEEEASSEEEEEE#make that 52..
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trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time
#i will make at lease One irl friend to hang out with regularly !!!#dont get me wrong taking time off work to do school was a great decision but like. i dont rly talk to anyone anymore#save for the two days per week i have class :/#and it sucks idk.#i havent had a Best Friend TM that i actually get to see more than once every 12 months in years#& im also struggling to control how i usually put more importance onto other people than they do me#like this week in particular im rly feeling the whole experience of labelling someone as a really good friend only to find out that i am#at Best just a pleasant acquaintance#which is fine yk not every relationship has to be something super deep#but still. sucks when it keeps happening.#like id rather the reaction to me almost just be actual disgust bc then thats pretty unambiguous#no room to get hopes up or create a narrative.#anyway i usually go with the strategy of just talking to someone like we're already friends bc ive heard thats the most effective#/least awkward way to get to know people. & im also only focusing on a couple people at a time so i dont get overwhelmed#bc last time I just. yeah it wasn’t the best moment#struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage#recently I just feel like I’ve green falling onto the ‘over eager and annoying’ cycle :/#been*#I don’t want to be a Chore I guess.#I keep thinking about how nice it would be to not feel that way#like maybe I’m not the most exciting person ever and it takes me a minute to get used to someone but :/ idk I think I’m good company#(god knows I spend enough time around just myself lmao)#usually I can tell when I’m feeling like this again bc I start spending more money on hobbies and Stuff#just to fill time/give myself something to look forward to#but I can’t really do that rn lmao/don’t want to#I’m not rich I can’t just have retail therapy every time I start to feel lonely :/#it’d be nice lmao but no not practical#man I just want to talk to people. have conversations. feel like people are actually Happy that I’m talking to them.#that’s it that’s all#they say never trust your brain after 9pm but what if you’ve been sitting with it for weeks?
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Even when they ask, venting to people makes me feel like a tar pit lol
#E asked like what's up i havent seen u in years u never come when we gather like are u Ok#n i was thinking for so long like a way to explain without burdening them but also not seem like making generic excuses..#and after thinking for so long and not liking anything i was too tired to be coherent#so I just started writing.. and ended up venting without even asking if it was ok in 34 fucking messages lol#dropped as much as i could think of. cried in the bathroom for a while. played it cool in the gc#genuinely feel like concrete shoes on everyones feet every time i speak to anyone specifically my friends#like yeah friends r there to support u n shit but like. im well aware of how terribly tiring it gets when someone only#opens their mouth to vent lol#worrying about worrying them only adds to my worries. do you see my point#vent#personal#it is not only a chore and a pain (and a source of worries) to them but also to me#so they can like. pretend it's not happening. or keep poking to try and help. or silently slide off like w C#but idk which one would hurt less lol#even here w how often i vent i feel like yall see these type of post and just go ''ah. bottomless pit of despair again. dear god''#and that's not like. being unking towards yall. i get tired of /having/ to vent this much lol it is a lil freeing but#freeing like putting off a lil of the fire that is burning you alive is freeing. id much rather not have been on fire from the beginning yk
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hmmm I should play Pokémon Violet soon. i want to assign Pokémon teams to mdzs characters but idk the sv pokedex like at All. I’m sure I could make solid teams just picking from all the other regions but what if there’s a rlly fitting paldean Pokémon yknow .. I could just go thro all the dex entries but I’d rather meet them in game so I Don’t permanently end up thinking ab any of them as like ‘the wwx Pokémon’ or anything.
im so sure someone else has made them Pokémon teams Somewhere but there’s 1,000 Pokémon now (hey don’t cry. 1,000 different pokemon, okay?) so im sure I can bring some of my own flavors to the table anyway
#meowings.txt#the closest thing to a written out character analysis I’ll ever post Will be Pokémon teams#im not entirely sure who all I’d do but. deffo wangxian. obv. and thennn. oh prolly jin ling.#and then I’ll prolly just see what happens w like. jc and jgy and sizhui and wen ning and qing#ill deffo Try for jc sizhui and wen ning but idk if I can make them full teams we’ll have to see. jgy and nhs I have Thoughts on but again#idk if I could make them full teams. wen qing either but like womens rights yk#OHHH Id try w yi city also for sure. I bet I could do xue yang and xxc & I’d love to try the other 2#we’ll see LMAO im literally just going to look thro every Pokémon n itll b how ever many I see that make me go ‘oh that’s this character’#anyway. this post is mostly to remind myself to do this when I get a chance.
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