#just havent been seeing asks used around much on the dash or in tags like they used to in the last couple years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

armedjoy · 1 year

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a long and (later on) personal post about my engagement and future on this site beneath the cut

to start, some observations about my time here:

disco elysium holds the record for the first fandom im truly engaging with. i check the tags, read the 'spinoff' fiction, its fun. one could say our ideological milieus here are themselves a fandom, but in terms of something thats strictly media, this is it. going on 11 years here and thats what broke the streak, its that fucking good.

i regret deleting my sideblog 'information-nexus' back in '15. it was an organized and well-tagged news, theory, "how-to", and resource blog, but it was taking way too much of my time. i was attempting to make a whole ass virtual library on tumblr, which is far too ambitious for one person, especially considering that it would never pay bills. i shouldve opened it up to some friends to co-mod it and dialed back my involvement. oh well

i regret less the deletion of 'film-space' in '14. posts were just the movie poster with a brief summary of the plot and then a quick review. i came up with my own system that reworked the 4 star ratings into how id recommend based on genre preferences. film reviews in print seem to belabor the point and online reviews seem to lean too heavily on arbitrarily defined scoring. the point should be to either encourage or dissuade readers from seeing it, not remind them you're the wittiest person in the room or that you've atomized the medium into an exploded diagram, and i held to that. it forced me to watch movies more critically wrt to both the art form and the politics it portrayed. but i took an extended break from the site and lost momentum. it just seemed... pointless

ive been pretty bad with managing every inbox/ chat ive ever had - except this one, the personal blog. i tell myself "i'll get around to answering that" and thats been a lie most of the time. the vast majority of my time here is spent reading things that cross my dash, so getting a question on a completely different subject seems to exceed my bandwidth. i genuinely enjoy most of my interactions here but im simply not in the correct mindset most days. that said, most of the mail 'left-reminders' has gotten just feels like im being asked to do an undergrads homework.

i havent posted my face in, what, 8 years? which i might change. i mean im already fucked - ive posted some wild shit before [REDACTED] was a meme, and my face is already linked to this blog & backed up somewhere at fort meade. whats another hole in an already sunk ship, yeah?

funnily enough, i originally joined to post my photography & short stories. look how that turned out lmao

why am i posting this? ive been seriously evaluating my continued presence here. for some time ive had a desire to leave, which up to this point has been greatly outweighed by the reasons to stay. there are other platforms that are bigger, faster, algorithmically supercharged to provide every niche interest you allow it to know... but im still not as invested as i am here. tumblr's appeal is equal parts utilitarian and sentimental - no other platform has been this educational, informing, and entertaining. this place really is the internets bleeding edge for both humor and anarchist/ communist discourse. and for more personal reasons, i have greatly valued sharing this little corner of the internet with you all. i have enjoyed sharing each of your interests and discussions, witnessing your personal developments. know that this random guy on the internet is & always has been rooting for you.

ive had some serious rough patches over the last decade, and ive used this site as a grounding rod as much as a resource and social outlet. but my friend group is vast now, im living healthier, and im making positive changes. for the first in a very long time, i am truly feeling better, finally moving beyond 'managing' into 'growing.' and more than anything, i need to grow creatively.

simply put, writing fiction is the calling of my heart. and if im to commit to it, i cannot divide my attention. beyond being my sole committed creative outlet, it helps me manage daily life. writing feels like gardening: in the structure it builds to do it right, the determination it requires to continue when i fail, and the joy it inspires when i create. when an idea settles in and i can piece it together while going about my day, only sitting down to write when i know most of it. the emotion i experience after unwinding something that has rooted itself around my mind is tremendous and complicated - it feels like an exorcism, of sorts. the feverishness that seizes me to get it all down before it slips away, the relief when i know i can finally move on, the pride of creation, and the dreadful anticipation of being read - all of it is a bittersweet cup that i will gladly return to.

i need to make space for that, with whatever little amount of bandwidth i have to work with. i refuse to wake up one day knowing that i have postponed the only thing thats ever meant a damn to me, only to realize ive run out of time. i will not squander whats left.

at some point, i know i need to put this behind me. this, and several other self-imposed obligations, must greatly diminish or disappear entirely. it might be in a few weeks or a year, but it has to happen. i might keep this one up, sporadically popping in for occasional exchanges, and pass off the sideblogs to someone else. i've already scrubbed the archive. or maybe i'll just delete entirely; perhaps virtual presences are best if they resembled a sand mandala, something designed to be swept away to make space for something - or someone - new.

i had to write this down, get this all out, if only for myself. i cannot begin to estimate the amount of time ive spent here, so it had to be said for my own reconciliation of that time... and to keep myself to it.

when im ready to leave, i'll let you all know.

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yeoldontknow · 3 years

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❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

#check in tag

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babysizedfics · 4 years

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I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

#little/big concepts #illness tw #vomit tw #food mention #long post #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

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kiyomie · 4 years

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When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes :^) [in case you've got more people you want to shower with compliments~]

ooh i recieved two more of these from @alice-chan-chan and @qvalcuno i'll be posting them all here~ (this'll be pretty long but ily all so endure)

@dicennio i think everyone knows how utterly talented this human being is (i always shower u with compliments in each of your edits❤) not to mention i love your sense of humor and overall just a really c o o l person

@eijunes woah cat your gifs are on another level seriously your fkbu gifsets (which ive seen but havent reblogged bc spoilers i havent watched them) the different colors you use in each of them BRO WOAH MY EYES BLESSED also ur a kind person our interactions were fun and cute i'd like to talk more in the future❤

@kagehjna oooh ilaydaa we dont talk often anymore but i really love your presence around my dash sm❤ i never forget how much of a fun and kind person you are thank you for leaving all those kind messages in the tags ugh my heart melts everytime

@haru-kaas anto!! i think you know already how much i love your content (if u didnt know well now u do🤩) and i love our interactions too, you're also one of the people here who just make this site way better

@kuroushi aahh omg i love your blog and holy shit your sense of humor😶 pls how could i live without your shitposts and memes and not to mention quality👌 edits in short tumblr won't be the same without u and wow are u so kind to talk to, looking forward to more interactions!!

@jaegerists siri!! i think you're one of the first mutuals i have on this site?? i remember thinking woah- they followed back😶 do know that i treasure your presence here on this site and also those lovely tags u leave on my stuff! all the love❤

@yokamis liiiaaaaa oMg i just love how damb sweet you are to me, your asks and replies (basically our past interactions) just melt my heart with how kind you are, you are also again another person i'm glad to have met on this site, thank u for existing you sweet person❤ i hope your doing amazing!!

@kurootetsuros audreeyyy!! yet again another person i'm blessed to have met here omg tumblr made me meet so many wonderful people including you, you've been so kind, supportive and fun through and through i would really love to talk and interact more with you and your talented self (hav all my luv❤❤❤❤)

@reddoriot tsuki!! AGAIN another sweet presence on my dash, you spread so much positivity how can anyone not love you😭 gosh ur talented too your art and gfx?? gimme sum of that talent🤲 you're simply just a lovely person your kind messages make really me smile🥺 (do know that ily too mwa❤)

@todoya k e l l y YOU are just- UGH im so bad at words but omg ily?? you took my heart already and are taking good care of it uwu everytime i rb my edits and leave those messages i cRI because how can one person be this sweet?? my fcking heart, also not to mention, you're so approachable?? what?? I feel so comfy in interacting and talking with u and that means a lot all the love always (watch mp when u have time pls)

@runwiththewind gabi!! ahhh i think we've only been mutuals recently and what?? i hate that sm, why have i only discovered your amazing blog recently?? your talent is i m m e n s e are you kidding?? I get even more in awe everytime i look at your edits, they're fucking superior period accept it, just...the work that goes into them...also thank you for hyping me up everytime i post my heart melts so much with how supportive you are❤ i'm looking forward to more interactions!!

@todorokih angell!! is an angel herself actually, we dont talk very often anymore but still i treasure all our interactions and you've always been the best in all those times, you're also talented af i hope you know how much i love the signature coloring you have on all your creations, all the love❤

@alice-chan-chan alice!! ofc i'll tag you here too you've seriously always been so kind and supportive always, i'll always never forget to mention how i love the cuteness and vibrance of your edits, your style is so distinctive wish you all the bests ❤

@qvalcuno aahh yes i'll tag you here too honestly i think you don't know how much i appreciate all the support/likes/reblogs, i really hope we get to interact more and ALSO if i remember correctly your blog (yourself) has a special place in my heart here bc you're the first person to ever send me an ask complimenting my small works and edits not too long ago❤ all the love as well

@villainii aaaahh we don’t interact much but do know that i also treasure your presence a lot <3 i really love seeing you and your blog around you are a kind and talented gfx maker i’d love to see more content from you!!!

@kioymi hey mika!! i would like to let you know that you're also one of those people who make my tumblr experience better, cute and sweet people like you never fail to shower positivity everywhere seeing you around my dash sure does brighten my day a little❤ your edits get better and better each time omg!!

@kikisdeliveryservices jill!! we haven't interacted much but im so thankful to know someone like you here, thank you for your kind words always, i never forget anything like that, and thank you again for sending in that ask when i recieved anon hate that one time, i really want to interact more with you your blog itself is just cute ghibli heaven (but im one of those uncultured swines who've only watched 2 ghibli films rip) but i love all your beautiful gifs and content❤

@ohreigen hey mary!! we dont talk much too but just know that bruh...i admire your edits with all my damn heart, to me before you were one of those big blogs whose creations look up to you always never fail to deliver quality content, keep making them pls everyone on this site (esp myself) need it!!

#this is SO long i should shut up but no #ppl need some love here #AND TERE #i keep saying this but i love your edits #seriously seeing you around here is the best #i dont think my experience here will be the same w/o u tbh #not even kidding #asks #tetsurouk #long post

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thompsborn · 3 years

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Flash flash 100 yard dash (Flash Thompson aifjekfkkf) 💗💗

@wayward-fairchild u also sent flash but rose sent her ask before u did so i’m answering hers but also tagging u since u also sent flash ok love u both thank u for sending my babey 💕

how i feel about this character

i ADORE eugene thompson with my entire heart. he is a soft soul who was raised by improper parents—depending on version of canon, that severity may differ but no matter what the fact is that flash was never born to be a bully he was not born hateful or spiteful he was raised to feel the need to prove his worthiness and prove that he is equal to or above the people around him because he is always treated as lesser than in his own home and he needs people who see that and understand that to help nurture him and support him and help him believe and reinforce the fact that he doesn’t have to prove his worthiness to deserve love and family and !!! dude i love flash so much i could go on forever

all the people i ship romantically with this character

HARRY!!! peter!!! honestly ned has been considered before but i havent read or written them yet but i have thought about it. mj but not in mcu because mcu mj is either with peter or a lesbian in my mind there is no inbetween, so like in the comics flash and mj. gwen is also a possibility but not mcu because gwen hasnt been in the mcu yet and it makes me unsure but if gwen is similar to comics or tasm then i could also see myself shipping her and flash.

my non-romantic OTP for this character

ned!!! i know i said above i’ve been considering him as a ship but outside of that, i love ned and flash becoming really odd best friends after worming his way into the spider-man protection squad. i specifically love this exahse i read a fic once where flash was like “but why do u care” and ned said “we’re your friends, dumbass” and my heart was like yesssss

also mj and flash being a power duo of best friends ??? yes indeed bitch. yes indeed.

my unpopular opinion about this character

not a bad guy!! oh my god!! flash is not a bad guy!!! i know he’s a bully (even more so in tasm and comics and the trilogy than in mcu) and that’s never okay but he isn’t a bully because he’s a bad person, it’s literally a cycle of abuse. flash is abused, neglected, treated like shit, by his family—or, at the very least, by his dad, in all versions of canon, though the severity does vary depending in canon. he feels like he needs to prove that he’s strong, that he isn’t scum, that he deserves to be praised and the only way he knows how to seek out that validation is through violence/verbal abuse. he isn’t a piece of shit!!!! i can be head over heels in love with a fic but the SECOND the fic has flash being a mindless bully without any depth i just. deflate. like i can still finish and enjoy that fic but flash being constantly used as a throwaway bully and not as a complex character just ruins at least a portion of my enjoyment for that fic.

you want a mindless bully?? brad davis. fuck brad davis. all my homies hate brad davis

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

in mcu? VENOM. VENOM!!!!! VENOM!!!!!!!!!! i want to see flash battling this thing that is initially so angry and violent that it’s trying to coerce flash into being a villain but flash isn’t a harmful person as heart and he fights it and maybe he goes to peter for help!! bc peter’s identify reveal!! and spider-man is flash’s hero!! and instead of venom poisoning flash, flash guides venom and they learn to coexist and !!!

venom!flash is an entire story and an entire THING in the comics and some of the animated shows and i wanna see it SO BAD in the mcu

#flash thompson

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glamjrwi · 1 year

Text

I posted 3,292 times in 2022

That's 3,292 more posts than 2021!

881 posts created (27%)

2,411 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@angelstoneyaoi

@enderspawn

@albatrio

@pretzel-the-frogtopus

@oli-disaster

I tagged 1,813 of my posts in 2022

Only 45% of my posts had no tags

#jrwilb - 619 posts

#jrwi - 213 posts

#just roll with it - 112 posts

#jrwi riptide - 70 posts

#jrwi spoilers - 52 posts

#councilblr crew - 41 posts

#gillion tidestrider - 33 posts

#jrwi prime defenders - 31 posts

#chip jrwi - 30 posts

#jay ferin - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 122 characters

#to be fair if i was a teenage noodle boy who had died twice and it sucked both time i don’t think i’d wanna get hit either

My Top Posts in 2022:

Okay I’m making this while tired but I figure I can at least get it started and smart people can add on. if you’re here from jrwitwt first off HELLO!!! Welcome. I know there have been several posts going around saying watch your step, we do things differently here, and to get with it, that might seem a bit intimidating. So I wanted to make this non-exhaustive list of how tumblr works and HOW we do things different so you can get settled in :)

also these are just to the best of my ability and based off my time here i am by no means a standard, just a starting point

-You might’ve heard this one already but there isn’t much of an algorithm here. You can follow certain tags and blogs. The best way to find people is to just scroll through tags and check out blogs whose posts you enjoyed

-reblogging is standard. Likes are typically for letting a mutual(or anyone rlly) know you saw their post or during liveblog sessions(at least that’s how I use them) while we have replies on posts that might look like a comment section. It really isn’t most of the time. Comments are normally put in the tags of reblogs. It’s completely okay if your blog is just reblogs that’s super normal here. you don’t have to have an original thought if you don’t want to

-If you really don’t want to post/lurk and only follow ppl, change your pfp so we know you aren’t a bot. Blank blogs have a history of being bots and if we can’t tell you’re a person a lot of people will block on sight. Just fair warning

-We do a lot of blocking here. If you don’t like someone’s posts, block em and keep going. The filter tags system on tumblr really works(I’ve heard twt is fussy and not great) and most people tag things appropriately here so you Will Not see the shit you don’t want to

-TAG THINGS APPROPRIATELY PLEASE it’s a give and take. When it comes to spoilers, as long as the original poster tagged it you normally don’t have to tag it again in a reblog but you can out of courtesy

-Bonus point a lot of us use “jrwilb” as a tag when everyone is on the dash liveblogging a stream ep or just when they get around to watching it. Some people have personalized ones, and some ppl also main tag their liveblogs so it’s just a good one to know ahead of time

-People chit chat through asks frequently. You don’t have to feel shy abt it, esp if you are being friendly. But if you’re anxious a lot of people leave on anon asks so you don’t have to have your name attached

-We don’t really do callouts/negativity posts. If you see a take or headcanon you aren’t fond of going around. You can block/filter, or you can make a positivity post or post abt your own interpretation!!! A lot of people here love different takes and headcanons and try to value all of them. Again, if one squicks you really bad, filter/block it. If you really wanna complain, be sure to do it in dms or a private discord server

-our concept of what jokes are okay to post are very lax. there really isnt an official thing but i’ve tended to notice we dont really tend to do anything the council havent done. we joke abt gillion tits and eggs here because the council have done it. we have made very lewd jokes because . . . mcs and everything else grizzly does when he’s not playing dakota. so be prepared to be jarred by how . . . interesting it gets here

Okay that’s all I can think of for now. Members of councilblr feel free to add anything smile

252 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

BEHOLD THE RESULTS OF The Most Projectable™ PC of All Time SURVEY

See the full post

322 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

condi the only mf in this house i respect

440 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

i am coping

526 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

AYOOOOOO

663 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #not my long ass posts being my top ones #lmao #great to see the number of liveblogs too that’s funny

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mithranqueersmusings · 3 years

Text

The Night Before XII

Chapter: 12/15

Rating: U

Summary: Ringo hangs around after the club closes and meets a stranger.

Tags: Smut, Slow Burn

Pairing: George Harrison/Ringo Starr (Background McLennon)

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

The following day was spent rather unproductively, Ringo hardly moved from his bed and refused to get dressed into anything decent. Paul and John had left early, they could easily tell when Ringo wanted to left alone, but they ensured that at least one of them would be available should Ringo need anything at all. Last night hardly felt tangible, but the grogginess of Ringo's mind and the overhanging sadness made it difficult to forget. He wasn't entirely sure what he felt so bummed out about: was it merely the pain he felt to see George with another man? Or was it the sheer humiliation Ringo had experienced, having to expose his feelings to George in such an unappealing way? Perhaps it was a mixture of both, but he was determined to only let it sully this single day for tomorrow held endless possibilities and he truly believed that the date with George would still go fairly well, even with all this tension now risen to the surface.

Sometimes it was nice to have days like this, comfortably lounging around in pyjamas with no real objectives in mind. Ringo channelled out any lasting aggression he was harbouring by blasting music on his speakers, just about loud enough to stop himself from thinking. He had more than several comfort films to watch, many of which starred his favourite actor Peter Sellers, to make the time fly by without much thought. Throughout the day he conversed sparsely with John and Paul, neither of them addressing the actual events of last night but their concerned tones were enough of an allusion.

He treated himself to some pizza for dinner, settling down in front of his television and letting the hours pass. These days of nothingness were necessary, especially with the amount of excitement he'd been unwillingly plagued with this past week. Part of him debated not even bothering to get into bed, just to gradually pass into unconsciousness on his sofa, but the mature section of his mind - one which was often ignored - convinced him to tuck himself into the covers and let sleep wash over him.

Ringo gladly slept well into the afternoon, the only thing getting him out of bed was his growling stomach. Reaching for his phone he swiped away a variety of meaningless notifications then paused when he noticed a text from George. His mixed feelings were considerably less tangled than they had been previously, but there was still a hint of dread in his stomach when he thought about him.

Look outside your door.

It was sent a couple of hours ago, Ringo worried he'd missed whatever surprise had been waiting for him. He didn't appreciate the cryptic tone, nonetheless he padded over to the front of his flat and cautiously opened the door. Sitting before him was a vase sporting a diverse bouquet of flowers, Ringo wasn't even sure he could name half of them. He looked at it for a while, registering how to fit this in with his torn attitude towards George, and noticed a small card perked upon one of the leaves; he picked it up and inspected it closely.

First of many treats I have planned for tonight. I hope your hangover isn't too bad and you aren't regretting giving me another chance.

Ringo found himself smiling, he must have looked rather odd standing in nothing but his boxers and socks clutching onto this card for longer than he needed to. The thought of one of his neighbours seeing him in this precarious situation spurred him to take the vase inside and shut the door behind him, he inhaled the fresh smell deeply as he brought them into the kitchen to find an adequate placement. He couldn't deny how beautiful they looked, as much as his pessimism wanted to convince him that this was merely a disingenuous ploy. It was difficult to hold onto the resentment, Ringo found himself leaning more towards the attitude that it was merely an extremely unfortunate situation and that George had never intended on hurting him. What use was there in holding onto the past?

Drinking his morning cup of tea, Ringo stared at the flowers before he realised he should probably respond to George's text.

sorry i only just woke up the flowers are gorgeous thank you so much

You're welcome It's the least I can do really There's plenty more where that came from

flowers or surprises??

Both Just you wait

havent got much a choice have i?

I can pick up you around 7 Does that work for you?

it sure does

Ringo debated whether to send another text, he really wanted to clear the air completely but wondered whether it would be better to do it in person. The last thing he wanted was for the whole night to feel like George was having to make it up to him, rather than it being an enjoyable night for the both of them. He understood George's guilt completely, but it would no doubt make him feel rather ridiculous with the forced nature of it all. If only things could just go back to normal, was that too much to ask? He let out a sigh, drafting out a message and staring at it for a while.

i dont want this to come across as harsh or ungrateful or anything but could we leave out any conversation about last night?? i just want to have a good time and not think about that stupid stuff

Impulsively, Ringo sent it without much further thought. He knew it wasn't the most coherent or effective way of getting across his jumbled thought process but the last thing he needed was even more stress seeping into today.

Last night? What happened last night? I was at home didn't step outside for a second

you're right how silly of me must have you confused for someone else

Ringo felt relief washing over him, a grin spreading across his face as he continued to stare at the message from George. Perhaps tonight wouldn't be as stressful as he'd originally anticipated, he'd almost forgotten how at ease George was able to make him feel.

Now arrived the age old dilemma: what on Earth was he meant to wear? He probably should've asked how upscale the place was that George had picked out for them, he didn't want to risk dressing up too much and looking like a fool. Not that Ringo had a great array of formal clothes to choose from, he wasn't one to frequent snobbish establishments if he could help it. He emptied out almost his entire wardrobe, tossing clothes behind him into barely distinguishable piles like he was starring in a teen movie. It took far longer than necessary to narrow down his choices, eventually settling on a navy jumper and some dark trousers. Looking at himself in the mirror he realised there was no way this outfit reflected the amount of time he'd spent choosing it, but the last thing Ringo was about to do was spend more time agonising over something that no doubt didn't matter much at all.

His stomach started rumbling while he waited for George to arrive, he only hoped the food would be appealing. Ringo had a reputation for being a picky eater, not that he could necessarily help it with his endless list of allergies. He found himself worrying that wherever they went Ringo wouldn't be able to eat anything and it would spiral the entire date into disaster. Exactly where this paranoia came from he didn't know, he only hoped it would disappear as soon as he laid eyes on George.

When the long-awaited text finally arrived, Ringo grabbed his jacket and hurried down the stairs. If he didn't eat soon he felt like he was going to pass out, he knew that wasn't truly the case but he couldn't deny that it felt that way. George beamed at him through the glass window, Ringo reciprocated the grin without it feeling even the slightest bit forced. Everything felt normal, thank goodness.

"Don't you look dashing?" George spoke first, a playful tone in his voice.

"Why thank you." Ringo stepped out of the building "I wasn't quite sure what to wear, if I'm being honest."

George was sporting a dark green turtleneck, on top of which he wore a black chequered blazer with trousers to match. It was the most dressed up Ringo had ever seen him, and it was a pleasant sight to say the least.

"Well you look great." George reassured him "Now, I'm absolutely starving so let's get a move on."

They slid into George's car, Ringo felt a little strange to not be the one doing the driving. As they began pulling out onto the main road, Ringo felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Trying to be polite, he decided to ignore it, it was likely only Paul or John wishing him good luck on his date. Neither of them spoke much as they drove, they'd have plenty of time to talk once they got to the restaurant. George hummed to himself rather quietly, Ringo wasn't sure he was even aware he was doing it. After several minutes, George's hand gradually moved away from the steering wheel and onto Ringo's thigh; he never turned to look at him, his eyes fixed firmly on the road ahead. Experimentally he began rubbing his thumb on the fabric of Ringo's trousers, it was a sweet gesture that Ringo appreciated. Ringo gathered the courage to press it one step further, sliding his own hand underneath and interlocking their fingers together. Once again George didn't turn, but a small smile spread on his face. Ringo wasn't sure this was exactly the safest way to drive, but it helped relax his nerves a little.

Not too much time had passed before they'd arrived at their destination, a rather small building with a cosy looking interior. George turned the ignition off but neither of them made any further movements, sat firmly in their seats with their hands still clasped together. The muffled sound of the bustling city outside the car overpowered any potential awkward silence, Ringo was afraid to move lest he ruined the moment.

"You ready to go inside?" George asked, his voice far quieter than necessary, finally turning to face Ringo.

Ringo nodded, hopefully managing to hide his disappointment as George's hand slipped away. They both stepped outside of the car and made their way towards the restaurant, it was pretty packed but fortunately George had booked a table for the both of them. Anxiety began to creep into Ringo's mind as they were guided to their seats, he hadn't been on a proper date like this for so long, he felt like he'd forgotten how to make regular conversation. Yet sitting down across from George made all those worries disappear, all he needed was the smallest amount of eye contact and he felt safe once again.

"You like wine?" George asked, perusing the drinks menu.

"I can't lie, I'm not a fan." Ringo didn't want to risk sounding rude.

"How about a cocktail or something? Just don't look at the prices." George chuckled "Whatever you want, my treat."

"I'd love a Sex on the Beach, if you're offering." Ringo said rather sheepishly.

"Last time I checked Liverpool didn't have any beaches." George feigned a quizzical expression "I think I'll have one too."

The drinks didn't take too long to arrive, Ringo felt relieved to get some alcohol in his body to help him relax. Although he was determined to not get too drunk tonight, it was about time he experienced George's company sober. The atmosphere of the restaurant was nice, rather homely, far less intimidating than the grand vision Ringo had conjured during one of his bouts of paranoia.

Everything just felt right, there was nowhere else he'd rather be or anyone else he'd rather be with. The gleam in George's eyes and the faint smile always barely hidden on his lips let Ringo know that he was feeling the exact same way.

#the beatles #Beatles #beatles fanfiction #beatles fanfic #george harrisonxringo starr #George Harrison/Ringo Starr #george harrisonxreader #ringo starr/george harrison #starrison

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

Note

hi i hope you don’t mind me being nosey but i was wondering if i could ask a few things about u being aro? i kinda just wanted to know how u figured it out? and also do u still get feelings for people but choose not to pursue it? sorry if i’m kinda intruding i don’t mean to, just curious

i dont mind at all darl! (actually...lowkey i love when people are curious about it lmao so feel free to ask more questions) also this is going under a cut cause it got longer than i meant it to lmao

figuring it out wasnt easy and it took a lot of self reflection and like months of questioning and doing research and then worrying i was getting it wrong. Basically i first considered the idea that i could be aro when i was approaching my 25th birthday. A friend of mine (the only guy i’ve had any sort of a fling with) had announced he was engaged and i was completely down on myself wondering why i couldnt get a single date when he was off getting engaged (not that i even Wanted to get married i just would have liked some attention). I figured there had to be something wrong with me or something about me that was broken. And then i saw someone i followed at the time reblog a post about being aro. I’d seen the phrase a little before but never really considered it as fitting me but i’d also never really paid attention to what it actually meant.

I don’t remember what the post was exactly, it’s probably somewhere in the thousands and thousands of posts i’ve liked over the years but there’s no easy way to check so . Whatever it said it felt relatable enough that I went and googled aromanticism to try and figure out what it was and if it fit me. Because I was already in a headspace where I’d been thinking about my lack of a romantic history already, a lot of the stuff that i read had been stuff i’d been thinking about anyway. Like Reader said in Platonic when she was talking about how she figured it out, I’ve never had a proper crush. I spent months thinking about it after my friend told me he’d proposed. I have very vivid memories of literally deciding to have a crush on a boy in primary school because it seemed like i should (again, i included that directly in Platonic lmao down to the boys name and everything). And every guy I’ve had an interest in since has been either a brief physical attraction that i forgot about as soon as I wasn’t seeing him regularly or something that I deliberately manufactured either in an attempt to fit in with the people around me or because i was kind of bored. Even the cute music teacher at work last year like he was hot and i wouldnt have said no to a kiss or whatever but i just didn’t have any feelings about him beyond that.

While I was trying to figure out if I was aro I read a lot of websites. The AVENwiki has a page on aromanticism and I think also has pages on some of the aro-spec identities like greyromantic and demiromantic so that was a good starting point for definitions. Google also gave me a few different forums and stuff where aro people were talking about being aro. A lot of aromantic resources are tied up in the asexual community though because that’s where the language and everything was first suggested and what it evolved from. I don’t think that necessarily helped me feel comfortable using the term aro to describe myself because i’m pretty confident i’m not ace but the more I looked into it the more stuff I found from people who were allosexual but aromantic. Anyway, I spent weeks just googling “aromantic” and seeing what came up and rereading what i’d already read and resisting the fact that a lot of it fit me. Then I spent a while trying to find like a quiz or something that would just give me an answer. I found a few quizzes but all of them assumed at least one previous relationship so none of them were any use to me. But gradually I started feeling okay with calling myself aro. I think part of my hesitation was probably also because knowing I was aro didn’t feel like a solution it just felt my damage had a name. The other part is that romantic attraction is not easy to define which makes it hard to identify if you feel it or not so the part of me that wanted to be Normal kept being like ‘well if you dont know you cant call yourself aro’. But I thought about it a lot and I read any aro related post that crossed by dash and then ventured into the tumblr tag and found some helpful discussion stuff in there and then I started calling myself aro just quietly, only in my own head. It took a long time before I felt okay admitting that I was aro on my own blog but obviously i got there in the end lmao. That friend, the one who got engaged, he’s the only person i’ve told irl though.

as to your second question....

I don’t think I feel romantic attraction. Truthfully, as i said before, it’s hard to know for certain and there is a possibility that i could form a romantic attraction to someone one day but i think it’s very unlikely. Other forms of attraction are different though. I can be attracted to people physically and sexually. And I think I could possibly be attracted to people in a platonic “man i’d really like to be their friend” kind of way though it doesnt come up very much because im not really one to like meet people. I like my own company.

But i’ve never really acted on any sort of attraction or feelings for others. I was definitely attracted to CMT but I never acted on it because it seemed like too much work. The was a guy who worked at a pop culture collectables shop a few years ago who i thought was very cute and I did contemplate asking him out but it just never felt like a real option and I sort of just ignored it until he left the job. So yeah I guess I do get some sorts of feelings and then choose not to do anything with them, but they aren’t romantic feelings. But like right now I’ve got no interest in anyone (apart from ben and roger but i guess they dont really count lmao). None of the teachers at work interest me and i havent met anyone else recently and it really isnt bothering me. Theres a guy in IT who i could possibly see myself fawning over a bit cause he’s handsome and has an unusual accent but he’s got the same name as my brother so i’ve already ruled him out as a no go lmao.

Anyway, hopefully that answered your questions! If there’s anything else you want to know or you’d like me to try and explain something more fully my inbox is always open!

#Anonymous #about me

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illusionlock · 5 years

Text

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick!

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

#don't be scared. i am here with you.#smile for me #smile for me game

148 notes · View notes

unclejuho · 6 years

Note

🚨 Weewoo weewoo 🚨 You've been held back by the love police! 👮 Say something nice to 10 of your mutuals and pass the message around 👮 Let's spread love not hate ❣️

ooaabhjdbhj this took me so long to answer but here i go!!! im late!!! and im repetitive!! but all these people make my heart go u*u

@jaevoon ((((her name is liz?????))

liz,,, you were like the solid first person i came to talk to on tumblr bc of your stupid lizard youngbin ask n then made the greatest decision to watch about time with the squad. i love your loyalness to jaeyoon, your even more loyalness to doyoung and your tags that always make me angery wheeze. and uh. i guess youre actually most loyal to yoelin, h u h. your soft huevos tag says it all. and i love your personal blog

@rowoonst

moving on to my next target, dear miss dawONSt,,,, i cant compliment you the same as liz bc loyalness, dont know her. im actually surprised roro is your icon. guess you really love seafood huh ;))) i love your face and your love for all your mans. like.. your obsession with shownu sim is still my favorite thing about you, but recently i havent had the pleasure of seeing him in the chat,,, hmmm,,, maybe you and liz should do your next spam with shownu sim.

@cheondae

louise im feel like i always say this but youre lowkey my absolute favest blog on this entire flop site… i know we dont rlly talk but dbhjbhbh youre such a dear mutual to me???? like you just make my dash the best it can be and ugh. i love your love for sf9 so much its so cute and so pure and god youre so funny and also. french?????? je aime a french bitch!!!! anyway yea you make me soft and i just highkey always wish to remain mutuals bc when we do talk its so much fun and you always make me smile so much ♡♡♡

@sunnpils

SAMMMMM UGH… my sweetest???? my loveliest?????? i just have a soft heart attack whenever youre online in the chat bc like. i love talking to you ashhjsbhs honestly??? youre so easy to converse with it feels lovelie. youre so cute and your gifs are!!!! so good!!! and so much goals!!! honestly you deserve to be the top tier blog out of all the rose, day6 and got7 blogs if youre already not!!!! i love you sam!!!

@rapperravioli

LARA SO I KNOW WE HAVENT TALKED IN A WHILE EITHER which is all bc of my dramatic switch of blog styles but i love you so much and asdbbhsj youre my favorite ravi stan ever???? who honestly deserves HIM so much??? if not you deserve more which… how is that even possible tbh… but omg youre always so cute and so nice to me nnn,, even though lettuce is your favorite food (ill never forget it im sorry i just)) youre one of my favorite people on this stupid site abhabhsh. honestly i hope you do get to see ravi bc i havent asked you yet bc if you dont i may actually cry… your instagram is also so PRETTY LIKE i get a heart attack whenever i see you on there i sometimes forget youre a 100/100 goddess like… i love you so much

@baektoyoo

OUR QUEEN OF TALENT??? OF DRAWING??? OF BEING SOFT AND JUST????? BEING so amazingly sweet im??? bawling???? ugh im still smad we couldnt meet up when you were in holland like.. i need me to go to canada asap… ugh i love how nice you always are to everyone plus,,, your cartoon drawings… im actually obsessed.. i cant believe youre actually gonna make me a juwoon one someday too… sO NICE.. and like i just love you so much asdbhahbsbh youre always so sweet and you just make my day when i see you on my dash its actually a bit embarrassing but shhhh… i also love sassy soph that we so rarely get to see ;))))

@hwiyyoung

another QUEEN??? just (hwiyoungs) queen of general being the most amazing??? oof em i have so much respect to you and everything you do like. your gifs are so amazing and youre overall so nice to everyone and just. whenever you rb a post of mine and compliment smth i do i just get giggly and proud and ugh you make me so happy!! plus youre so cute and asdbhjhb i love talking to you… also your selfie tag gives me butterflies hows the aesthetic like that. do you remember when we all trolled you as ems 8)

@javajaeyoon

ALE??? MY SWEET ALE WILL YOU ACTUALLY SEE THIS??? omg alex honestly the first thing i think of is us voice calling and just. shbjhadhbj talking to you is so much fun ugh… im smad we havent talked in a while but ALL IN GOOD PEACE since i know youre busy and go you.. so good at staying away from the web.. anyways alex i love you sm ugh.. youre always so funny n so cute and hhhhhh i just thought of your selfie n i choked again that hair was on fleek and youre so gorgeous!!! you and youngbin jaeyoon would be so cute im sure of it… my otp 8(((((

@woodawns

miss sflop9???? my dearest inseong anti?????? my gOOD hwi stan friend???? my UNNIE??? sahdabbahds god.. or should i say,, heol??? omg shi talking toyou is so much fun n we’re always the same with our spams.. n our thirst abt our mans even tho you say you hate inseong n all he stands for but i KNOW DEEP DOWN in your bONES you love that guy a whole much! also its so funny ahsbjd your love for drama… a true kpop stan… ugh i know you dont like showering me with love but ill continue to shower you with my love till the end of times bc thats just how it be!!! heol youre just so funny n im glad we r talking like we r because you make my days a lot more progressive hhh and im glad to be sharing these fine men with you.. even if you call juju zaddy which. im still not on board with but whatevs!!!!!

@jikseu

I SAVED THEBEST FOR LAST???? my lovlie inna!!!!!! im lov you forever!!! and you know no one can take that away! i hope you know im always here for you and you can always come to me

#me struggling to write paragraphs bc im not a writer bitch but heres everything shortened down to a sentence #if any of you are too lazy to read this wordfart #: i love you all

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looselucy · 7 years

Photo

November

I had never been good at goodbyes. The first goodbye I really remember, was when our pet dog Timmy died, and I forced my mum and dad to give him a funeral, and I probably cried for about a week. Another stand out goodbye in the list of many, was my brother moving to uni, and that was very reasonable for me to be a mess of tears and tantrums, because I hadn’t seen him since he left. One of my most recent goodbyes, was when I moved to university. I was only a few hours away from my parents and our new dog, Timmy-Two, but I absolutely had a breakdown when they dropped me off there. To be honest, they were no better, which was predictable behaviour from Phil and Lisa, always emotional, especially when it came to their darling daughter. The whole thing was atrocious when they left, watery eyes and inaudible sentences and desperate hugs and it was so pathetic I nearly vomit even thinking back to it. And then this one. This goodbye, was just as shit as the rest.

“I promise I’ll come visit!” Grace insisted. I sobbed as I hugged her, not wanting to look at that stupid pink suitcase she had packed behind her, wanting to kick it over or pull all her clothes out and throw them everywhere just to keep her with me a bit longer. “Or,” I sobbed uneasily. “You could just stay!” “Sorry, Pippa, but the uni life is just not for me.” I just kept sobbing, but sobbing this time seemed more plausible than when my parents left, because there was no guarantee she would come back. She promised me she would, but I knew that wasn’t enough. It’s strange, being at uni. Friendships develop so quickly it’s hard to even keep track of how close you all get. And with Grace being in the room next door to mine on our floor, from moving in on September 15th, to November 1st, it was safe to say she was my best friend. I was besotted with her, and I really didn’t want her to leave. She hated her course though, and she dropped out before it was too late, before she was too committed. Not even the end of the first term in our first year, and she was leaving. I was really going to miss her. “Alright, alright!” Zayn barked from beside me. “You’ve been hugging her for about ten minutes now, you’re being selfish, Pip! Let me have a go.” Tears kept rolling down my face as I gave her up for a moment, the rest of the gang moving in to give her a goodbye hug. There was me, Grace (before she selfishly decided to leave) Zayn, Mike, Tally, and Ringo. (I had still to learn Ringo’s real name, she was a quiet one, and a Beatles fan, I think.) Everyone was saying their goodbyes, but no one was quite as emotional as I was about her leaving. They all gave her their hugs and farewells. “You best stay in touch!” Tally instructed. “I will! I promise! God, you’re all so dramatic.” Everyone kind of laughed except me. I was not amused. Zayn moved and gave her a kiss on the head before I took over again, hugging her so tightly it was like I knew for a fact I would never see her ever again. Like I said, I’ve never been good at goodbyes. “You’re an emotional wreck.” She giggled once everyone else had rekindled back in the kitchen, giving us our space. “How many times do I need to promise?” “But I’ll miss living with you.” I tried to calm down. “I love you being here.” “I’ll be back before you know it.” “You better be!” “I’m gunna miss my train...” She groaned. “Fine.” I shot, pulling away from her and wiping away my tears. “Go. Leave me here alone to die.” She backed out of the door, grabbing her suitcase and looking at me whilst giggling. She did always say that she liked how I got emotional about little things, like songs and films and TV shows. But I had calmed a little, finally. I stood in the doorway giving her the weakest smile I could summon. “Gunna miss you, Girl.” She smiled. “You too. Get home safe, okay?” I sniffled. She nodded, and I knew she was emotional too, but she wasn’t the crying type like I was, so the goodbye was lacking tears on her part. I think I cried enough for the both of us. We said goodbye a final couple of times, and by the time she was in the elevator going down to the bottom floor I was relatively calm, wiping away my final few tears. I slumped past our bedrooms as I walked down the corridor, three doors on each side, making my way to the kitchen and living room area of our halls, where they all sat giving me sad head tilts, knowing how close we were, how much I would miss her. I stuck my middle finger up to the lot of them, making them laugh awkwardly, as Ringo quietly went back into her room. Defeated, I flopped down on the sofa and huffed out my sorrow as Zayn tucked me under his arm, kissing my forehead once before we nestled comfortably together. “I can’t believe she’s actually gone.” Mike sighed. “Just like... ‘cause she mentioned it on day one and then stuck around... I kinda thought she was all talk.” That’s what we had all been hoping, because Grace was one of those people who could walk in a room and make everyone’s day a little bit brighter; she could cheer up anyone just by smiling or telling a small joke. She was incredible. “You’re just gutted you didn’t get a chance to shag her.” Zayn chuckled. “Mate, I’m gutted with my sex life full stop! Not just when it comes to her! She was more wife material anyway, I’ll hunt her down in a few years.” I tried to laugh but I really wasn’t in the mood, I just kept staring at the tele as Zayn traced comforting circles on the top of my arm with two fingers, staring at the TV too. We had gotten lucky with our flat, we were in one of the better-quality student accommodations, so everything was modern and nice. The only downfall really was the communal shower rooms, which for some odd reason were placed past the living room and kitchen, so everyone got a good sight of you dashing through in a towel and dripping on the floor whilst they tried to watch TV. But our rooms were lovely, the whole thing was pretty lovely, so we knew it would only be a short amount of time before a student on a waiting list would take Graces now empty room. “How long you gunna be sad for, Pippa?” Tally asked me as she balanced her plate full of pasta on her knees, given we had no table. “Dunno. Could be years. Maybe I’ll never get over it.” “Well you’re gunna have to ‘cause we’re definitely going out tonight!” Mike tried. “I can’t.” I shrugged. “I’m in at nine.” “Pussy!” “Fuck off, Mike!” I giggled, throwing the nearest cushion at him. “Reyt!” He chirped, moving back to the hall. “It’s wank o’clock. See you all soon!” Zayn was in stitches as Mike strolled out of the area and into his room, Tally was trying her best not to laugh but I could see she was failing miserably. “I never knew living with lads would be such a cliché!” I groaned through a stifled laugh. “You lived with your brother, didn’t you?” Tally giggled. “Yeah, but he never announced when he was going for a wank, thankfully.” That just made Zayn laugh even more, he was absolutely creasing next to me, having to move his arm from around me and cover his face. I started to think how even without Grace, I would be fine, because that lot meant the world to me. I shook my head and stood myself up, walking over to my food cabinet and grabbing out a packet of crisps, standing and leaning rather than sitting back down with Zayn, who was still chuckling away to himself. “You sure you can’t come out tonight?” Tally sulked, looking over her shoulder to me. “I really shouldn’t.” I huffed. “You haven’t missed a lecture in like... three weeks.” “To be fair, that is really good.” And it was. The first year of uni seemed to be a complete write-off, and my brother had said exactly the same thing. You could pretty much take the piss in your first year, and still pass. He told me that second year was a little bit harder but you could still go out most days of the week and miss a fair few lectures. However, in his last year, he sounded like he was going to have a mental breakdown he was working so hard. So in my head, I still pretty much had two years of fun left. Missing one lecture, for the first time in almost a month, couldn’t be too bad. And I did need cheering up. Zayn stood himself up and moseyed over to me, hooking his arms around my waist and I put mine over his shoulders, both of us swaying in our hug. “C’mon, Pippa. We have to go out, the only way to deal with sadness is drinking.” “Sad, but true.” I agreed. “So,” He grinned, pulling away from me. “We going out?” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, but obviously I was smiling anyway, caving into the idea of going out and possibly missing a lecture. “Fine.” I breathed. “Let’s do it.” + + + We passed the shots I had bought down the line, Zayn banging his hand on the bar eagerly. It was me, Mike, Tally and Zayn. We had tried to convince Ringo to tag along with us, but she was having none of it, said she had too much work to do. We always tried with her though, and it’s not that we thought she didn’t like us, she was just so withdrawn. But there was nothing we could do other than try. The line of shots made their way down the group, each of us having three each; one red, one green, one purple. I had always been terrible at shots, so I had no idea why I bought them, especially three at a time. Seemed pretty stupid, but there we were. “Alright, on the count of three, we do red!” Zayn shouted, as though he was some kind of soldier ready for war. “We have five seconds before we move onto purple, and a maximum of ten seconds, before we go onto green. Are you with me?” “Shut up, Zayn.” Tally laughed. “I SAID ARE YOU WITH ME?” He shouted in her ear. If I had already taken my first shot I would have spat it out laughing, but thankfully I laughed without spitting the substance everywhere, having a minute to calm down before Zayn counted to three, and we did as we were instructed. I was doing alright until the third shot, whenn I felt like I was going to throw up all over the bar, but luckily, I didn’t. I counted to eight seconds out of my given ten before I finally did the last shot, feeling their affects so quickly, it almost felt like a waste of time that I wasn’t dancing. It took me a little bit longer than the rest to recover, they were already on their way to the centre of the dancefloor by the time I pushed away from the bar, stumbling a little as I did before regaining my balance and dancing over to them, a cheeky, somewhat tipsy, smile on my face. Another thing I loved about uni is that I had come across a group of people who were exactly the same as I was on a night out. None of us gave a shit, and our terrible team dancing was what made our nights so much fun. I’d say around half an hour of intense boogying passed before Zayn signalled that he wanted a cigarette, and he knew that it was likely I would join him after a drink, so I did. We wandered to the heated outside area, which was one of the good things about our favourite club, Thimble, though after many discussions we still couldn’t figure out why that was the name they had chosen for a club. Zayn handed me a roll-up, and placed one in his mouth, getting out a lighter and sparking mine for me before he sparked his own. Within seconds, out of nowhere, two arms grabbed Zayn from behind, right around his waist as the mystery man lifted him in the air, making a girly scream irrupt from him lips, which brought in a couple of eyes and a couple of laughs. As soon he was dropped, he turned around to find the culprit. “Fucking hell, Louis!” He gasped, slapping his palms against the boys cheeks. “I nearly shat me’self, you idiot!” “Alright, Lad!” The other one said as they started hugging. I think I had heard Zayn speak of this Louis before. He was on his art course with him, but what Zayn had apparently forgotten to tell me was that he was absolutely gorgeous. I stared at him as the two of them interacted, and I was a little entranced. He was all slicked back hair and black clothes, turtle neck, freshly shaved, striking eyes. He was beautiful. After a while Zayn turned back around to me, grinning like he didn’t see Louis every bloody day at his lectures. He was acting like he hadn’t seen him in years. Classic effect of alcohol. I gave Zayn a look, a look that said, if you don’t introduce me to this God of a man now I will kill you. “Oh shit.” He mumbled. “Umm, Pip this is Louis. Louis, this is Pippa.” He moved in and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I already knew he was charming too, which was frustrating. I couldn’t cope when boys were attractive but charming too, it was always too much to take in. “Nice to meet you.” He said as he pulled away, looking me up and down. “You live with Zayn, yeah?” “Right across from him.” I nervously replied. “Are you the one who cries a lot?” He smirked. I sucked in air through my teeth, cringing that of all the things Zayn could have said, that was what he had decided to pass on. “Umm...” I let out a breathy laugh. “I get emotional about things.” “Every time I watch E.T. I cry like a baby, don’t worry about it.” “To be fair,” Zayn chirped. “I cry at Finding Nemo.” ”No, fair shout man!” Louis looked deadly serious. “At the beginning-” “When his wife dies!” Zayn gawped. “And Nemo is the only baby left!” “It’s absolutely heart breaking.” “Heart breaking.” Louis repeated. It struck me quite quickly how similar Louis and Zayn were, and I knew why my flatmate had raved about his friendship with the blue-eyed boy. I shook my head at them, taking a drag of the cigarette Zayn had rolled me, my head spinning slightly, half of me ready for bed and the other half ready to carry on my terrible dancing. Behind myself and Zayn we heard someone shout Louis’ name. ”Gotta run.” He smirked again. “Nice to meet you, Pippa.” “You too!” I cooed, blushing as though he had complimented me. ”Zayn.” The two slapped their hands together before clasping their hands tights together. “See you tomorrow, bro.” “Later, man.” Louis bounced off to the lad who had shouted his name, yelling and cheerful and 100% attractive in every way ever possible. Jesus wept, I was actually impressed by him, I just wanted to eat him up on the spot and leave nothing for anyone else. As soon as I knew he was out of earshot, I slapped Zayn hard on the arm, hitting that stupid tiger tattoo, his arms completely on show thanks to the fact he cut the sleeves off his t-shirt. “Ouch!” He laughed. “What was that for?” “Why the fuck does your stupidly attractive mate only know me for the fact I cry?” “I don’t know! I’ve told him other stuff.” “Right. Like what?” “Like... how you throw up on hangovers sometimes.” “Brilliant, Zayn. Thank you.” I couldn’t stop smiling even though I was shaking my head. His apology to me was him wrapping one arm around me and pulling me to him, giving me a kiss on the forehead, still chuckling away to himself. He moved out, extending his little finger, waiting for my finger to link up with his. “Alright.” He laughed. “I pinky-promise, I will say better things about you in the future. I’ll make him think you’re a goddess.” “How exactly?” I giggled. “Umm... I’ll tell him about how Finn said you’re really good at giving head.” “Y’know what, don’t say shit, Zayn. Let’s just let him forget I exist.” That probably made him laugh ever harder, grabbing me by the shoulders as I turned around, both of us throwing our cigarettes on the floor and making our way back inside, ready to find the rest of the troops. Zayn steered me off towards the bar before we joined the team again, where he purchased me two more drinks, that completely tipped me over the edge. + + + I awoke on the floor in my room, still in my dress from the night before, one side of my face dinted from the bumpy carpet beneath my skin. My eyes opened slowly, and I recognized the spot immediately, this not being the first time I had awoke on the floor, literally inches away from my bed. I had no idea why I did that, I swear to god it must have been a decision I made when I was drunk, though in the morning I could never recall why I would ever think it was a good idea. I groaned and cursed to myself as I moved. I first readjusted my arm, and in the process knocked over and entire can that I had open next to me, beer soaking into my already ruined carpet. I hurriedly stood the can back up, though a good 90% of it had already spilled so there was literally no point. My head was pounding, every joint in my body ached like fuck as I sat myself up, rubbing my eyes, not really caring about the fact I must have been rubbing my mascara all over my face. All I knew was that I needed water, or a cup of tea, or something that would help mend my broken body. “Holy. Shit.” I grumbled to myself. I stumbled to my feet, nearly falling forward and whacking my head against the desk that sat ahead of the window, which looked out to what seemed to be an endless line of student accommodation. The only thing that got me through that hangover was the thought that there had to be a student in one of those buildings who was feeling even worse than I was. There just had to be. Luckily, this was one of those hangovers where I didn’t feel like throwing up, I just needed drink and food and possibly a cuddle, even though my usual person to cuddle was Grace, and that option was out of the window. I found my phone on the desk, checking what time it was and seeing it was almost 12pm, only an hour until my lecture finished. “Fuck!” I don’t know how I thought that I was going to manage getting there at 9am after drinking so heavily. Basically, I knew I wasn’t going to go, but I still kicked myself for it, I still got so annoyed with myself for not making it. I pulled my dress down to cover my dignity, all that was left of it, before turning on the spot and heading towards the door, eager to get some fluid in my system that wasn’t alcoholic, scraping my hair to the side slightly and catching a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror on my door. Surprisingly, my makeup was relatively intact, but there was no denying I was an absolute state. I tugged on the handle to my door and opened it slightly, poking my head around the corner and looking to the left down the corridor. Judging by how quiet it was, everyone was still sleeping, or in a lecture. The kitchen was so quiet it suggested that anyway. I fell through my door and groaned to myself as I scurried down to the kitchen, screeching to myself as I made the short journey, feeling so painfully sorry for myself you would have never thought my pain was self-inflicted. As soon as I step foot in the kitchen, which was still stupidly quiet, my heart caught tight in my throat, stumbling backwards and shouting out my shock. “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!” The random boy that was stood in our kitchen whipped his head round to catch a glimpse of me, eyes going up and down my body as he chuckled under his breath, shaking his head as he looked back towards his drink, continually dipping a teabag into the mug of hot water in front of him. “Nice.” He huffed, grinning to himself. “Shit. Sorry. You’re very quiet.” “I am.” He turned to look at me. He was extremely striking. I think it was his sharp jawline, how tanned he seemed to be, which was near impossible given the UK’s climate, so that was noticeable right away. “Did Tally bring you back?” I asked, hesitantly moving towards my food cabinet. It wouldn’t be the first time Tally had brought home a ridiculously attractive boy, in fact, she did it often. She had a way about her, an aura, boys flew to her like flies on shit, and she lapped it up. This guy had to be her best effort though. His hair was short, messy and brown and curly. He was topless, just a pair of running shorts on. It revealed to me his perfectly toned body, which had one very noticeable tattoo. An enormous butterfly on his stomach. I caught glimpse of it and then decided not to stare, but I remember thinking that was odd. He didn’t have any other tattoos, just that one. “Who?” He baffled. That threw me, I couldn’t think of any other plausible reason he would be in our flat. I certainly hadn’t brought him back, I would remember him. And Ringo hadn’t even gone out. I then thought maybe he was Ringo’s secret boyfriend, and was silently congratulating her in my head. “Sorry, I thought you were one of Tally’s conquests.” “I live here.” He replied. My eyes went wide. That was the person who was going to replace Grace. That guy. Jesus wept, I had only just gotten used to bloody Zayn walking about the place, even Mike wasn’t all bad, and then that one? I swore that people had not been so insanely attractive at school, or college. I moved to uni and then suddenly there was just a gaggle of attractive men and I for one, was not good at coping with attractive people. I became a nervous wreck and found it hard to structure sentences. “Y-you live here?” I pointed to the floor. “Just moved in this morning.” “Oh.” I gawped. “You live here?” He leant against the kitchen top. “Umm, yeah. In the last room on the right. First room on the left. Umm…” “The room next to mine?” He smirked. “Yeah.” He probably knew the effect he had on girls, he was stupidly confident, not struggling in the same way I was. I suppose it was partly down to the hangover, I figured maybe I would be better later on, or the day after, or next week… I would learn to deal with it at some point. After a few moments of awkward silence, he breathed in through his teeth, making it even more awkward, and pushed away from the counter. “Better go unpack.” He coughed. “I imagine I’ll see you around.” “Probably.” “What’s your name?” “Pippa.” “Pippa?” “Pippa Payne.” “Pfft, seriously?” He scoffed. “You sound like a character from an Enid Blyton book.” I just lowered my eyebrows and looked at him in a complete state of shock as he walked away, laughing and shaking his head, removing himself from the kitchen and going back to his room. I stood there unable to think of something to say, how snotty he had been and how he just did not care that he made that comment about me. True, it wasn’t the worst thing he could have said, but it just amazed me that he burst that out to me during our first interaction. I hadn’t even had the chance to learn his name so I could make some snotty comment back. I got a pint glass out of my cupboard and filled it to the brim with water, before practically running and banging on Zayn’s door, loud and ignorant. “Bet a tenner that’s Pippa.” I heard him yell from inside. “How am I supposed to win this bet?” I yelled through the wood. “By not being Pippa.” “But I am Pippa.” “Well then you owe me a tenner.” I huffed, rolling my eyes and letting myself in. Zayn, like most people, had managed to get himself in bed even though he was stupidly drunk. His bed was to the right as I walked in, a mirrored version to mine since he was just across from me. I stared down to him with serious eyes after having slammed the door shut. He let out a confused laugh as he looked up to me. “What?” He gawped. “We have a new person.” I whispered. “What?” “A new person. A boy. And he’s just taken the piss out of my name.” He uneasily lifted himself so he was upright in his bed, taking in what I was telling him. I hurriedly moved and put my water on his desk, before sitting at the end of his bed, still looking at him with the most intense look on my face. He ran his hands over his eyes and through his hair. “Grace literally moved out less than twenty-four hours ago.” He groaned. “I know, and they’ve replaced her with a twat. A really attractive twat.” “What did he say?” “Something about a character, something... I dunno, but I didn’t like it!” “Give it a week and you’ll be his best mate.” Zayn huffed. But he was far from right. Because over the next few days, I was going to discover that my new flatmate and I were not going to be friends, not at all.

#I've decided I wanna get this up before HBS #I can't put it off any longer #so lets fucking do it #BB #Butterfly Boy #1dff #Harry Styles #BB1

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bythepowerof4 · 7 years

Text

clea and nick and a very confusing two day argument @nickatnightwalker

[during daisy’s 420 dash shenanigans]

bythepowerof4nnnno dont encourage her this is bad

nickatnightwalkerim encouraging her to be distracted byh being queen of something clea

bythepowerof4noooooo i dont think its gonna work like that shell just try harder

or maybe not i dontt fucking know i dont know anything

nickatnightwalkersame my guy but it was a chance i was willing to take on behalf of all of us

bythepowerof4ok sure great fingers crossed whatEVER

we are all sooo super grateful

nickatnightwalkeroh this is worse

bythepowerof4that wasnnt even a goov fucking burn

bythepowerof4that was so LAME and she thinks she s so SMART and i hate her

and i dont wanna talk about it actually how are you

nickatnightwalkeri am

dying

bythepowerof4Great

nickatnightwalkeri would have gray hair by now if it were possible for me to have melanin

bythepowerof4youre not helping though!!!!! uoure engaging!!!!!

noo ok not my business

this is meant to be chill i want to be chill

nickatnightwalkerjus wait till the bowl goes around again

nickatnightwalkeri was trying to distract her you kmnow thats the only way to stop the daisymobile

bythepowerof4thats not fair you know thats not fair

nickatnightwalkerwhat waiting for the bowl or the daisymobile

bythepowerof4Both duh

nickatnightwalkeryes i know, and, also unfair that this is happening on 420 day or our lord and savior snoop

bythepowerof4its not fair that we have to deal with this whether it happens or not wee could just like walk away from the weird passive aggressive blogging ccrcle right now if we so chose

yeah????

because this isnt FUN nickolas it is not

nickatnightwalkeri personally am having a loads of fun messing with ines

you have to dea l with everything when it happens so this is just a thign

bythepowerof4oh cool great youre just as bad fantastic news

nickatnightwalkerok i did no t and have not publicly read anybody out yet to date

i only do that privatley and only when it suits me

bythepowerof4:/

://////

bythepowerof4look at u ur being a dick right niw!!!!

nickatnightwalkeroh what to ines

im screwing with her

shes trying to fight me

bythepowerof4because this is soo the best way to deal with that sort of situation

nickatnightwalkerits just funny idk why shes getting all snaked out of shape

bythepowerof4"hot" you dick????

Youre both being gross now stop it!!!

nickatnightwalkera joke

a JOKE

shes a lesiabn

also just like

bythepowerof4its not FUNNY nick

neither of you are funny its weird and annoying and embarrassing

nickatnightwalkershe wants ot punch me bc i sias d bite me

i dondt really feel like imobligagated to take her seriously anymore

besides shes a shit so no t only is it funny to watch her blow a gasket over the same google image snatched pic i also like pissing her off

bythepowerof4u arent obligated to fight w her either but ur doing that,, a lot

idk

Im not making sense

nickatnightwalkerthis is brely a fight

[nothing until nick sends the photo]

bythepowerof4im not mad at you and im not mad at her so can you not tag team revenge for once in your fucking life

we're having an almost genuine conversation for once without you interjecting to make fun of me and pretend play matchmaker for shits and giggles so can you please, please cut it out

nickatnightwalkerim not making fun of you

nickatnightwalkerif i was making fun of you itd be a lot meaner

you should be flattered i even considereed encourragign you to go for daisy

[next day]

bythepowerof4hey!! how are you feeling haha, is ur hair still going grey

bythepowerof4im not trying to act like nothing is bad btw i just wanted to start it off nice sorry :/

nickatnightwalkermy hair's moved past being gray and now it's black, so im inadvertently copying misha again

bythepowerof4lmao this is some goth power play shit love it

nickatnightwalkerwhite haired twink is out 2008 gerard way is in

bythepowerof4as it should be!! do you need eyeliner like i don't have any but it would really make the Look

nickatnightwalkerwhy would i need that when i have dry erase markers to just apply liberally to my face

bythepowerof4so resourceful?? pinterest diy that shit

bythepowerof4we can raid the art rooms, get some glue while we're at it and cut a big chunk out of your hair gel budget

nickatnightwalkerdanger with that is potentially overgluing and making it fragile and breakable like glass

bythepowerof4glass bones and paper skin and glass hair also. got it

i mean youre pretty protective of it already i doubt anyone would notice the difference!!

nickatnightwalkerevery morning i break my legs getting out of bed

bythepowerof4do your heart attacks put you to sleep bc i know that feeling

nickatnightwalkeryeah thats why i sleep like four separate times a day

bythepowerof4and i thought that was just a #relateableteen thing

bythepowerof4so not to be weird but is this like. Chilly lackluster banter or are you actually not mad at me

nickatnightwalkerno im pissed

bythepowerof4ok

can i ask why

nickatnightwalkeri mean well first ya came at me for fucking with you which

like i said

i do but it's obvious

then you were a shit to daisy

thats that

bythepowerof4iiii mean. you said you wouldnt do that anymore. and then you did. i was just upset

and im sorry about daisy, i told her that too

bythepowerof4like really sorry!!

i just think its weird that someone can say, threaten to kill her and call her a bitch all the time

and youll date him

but i cant get a little upset when we're all high and im having a super stressful few days!!

nickatnightwalkerdo what anymore

bythepowerof4fuck with me

about her

nickatnightwalkerim not

i havent been

bythepowerof4you did though

bythepowerof4like what else was that picture

nickatnightwalkeryou said she was weird and creepy and i sent a picture of her being cute and sweet

bythepowerof4i said she was ACTING weird and creepy which objectively is an accurate description for someone talking about throbbing tentacle dicks and using the word "quivering" in relation to the nether regions of the girl they beat up for fun

but like, what do i know

i dont think shes weird and creepy and thats not what that photo was about im not an idiot

nickatnightwalkerlisten i frankly think everyone needs to reserve their judgment on the moire and daisy situation because it's clearly very complex and beyond the comprehension of mortal men and none of our fucking business to judge one way or another and, yknow, imho, moire has gills and misha smells like magic and youre 4d so maybe also reserve your fucking judgment on who's weird around here anyway

bythepowerof4i know thats why i apologized

nickatnightwalkershe can say shit like that and still be cute and sweet

bythepowerof4but like i said, high and upset and still getting used to this, so u can forgive me for one slip up surely

nickatnightwalkershe contains motherfucking multitudes

bythepowerof4thats not what you were saying though!! you didnt say that

you sent me a picture trying to make me jealous or something, just like she was saying, because obviously i cant have a private conversation with either one of you

nickatnightwalkerif youre jealous thats your problem

bythepowerof4im NOT

you both keep acting like i am thats not fair!!!

nickatnightwalkeri wasnt youre the one who's fixated on it

dont believe i ever said the j word

bythepowerof4i didnt either!! she did!!!

im not fixated on anything i just want to be able to talk to you without you making it about her all the time

nickatnightwalkerweve occasionally talked about more than daisy im p sure

bythepowerof4:/ you know what i meant

nickatnightwalkerwell this IS about her whether you think im continually screwing with you in some single minded attempt to torment you or not

and im not a fan of someone who says theyre her friend telling her shit like that

bythepowerof4i said SORRY it happens ok!!! i feel really awful about it why do you think i was so upset yesterday?

nickatnightwalkeri dont know dude i was baked

bythepowerof4i didnt know that specific thing upset her so much bc no one gave me a rule book for this shit and im never gonna do it again

nickatnightwalkerok cool

im also deciding rightnow this second i dont care if you believe why i sent the picture or not because youre so dead set on me trying to fuck with you ill never change your mind

and for the record

damians never called her a bitch again

nickatnightwalkerand if he tried to kill her, id be more concerned about scraping enough of him up off the sidewalk to fill a bucket

bythepowerof4youre not even gonna try to understand why i might think that

like i could tell you if u gave enough of a shit to listen yeah

nickatnightwalkeris poor self esteem and daisys difficulty with dropping her persona not the right answer

bythepowerof4not quite but thhanks

for that

nickatnightwalkerthats usually what it is

bythepowerof4ok just. Listen for a sec without jumping in to insult me yeah

bythepowerof4the two of you like, obviously tell each other everything. like u straight up reference shit shes obviously told u n vice versa

and that makes it weird cause it feels like im never talking to just you and thats why its weird when u bring her up bc its like, why wouldnt u just tell her whatever i say!!!

bythepowerof4and u keep saying i have a shot w her and telling me how to impress her when i just wanted to brag about winning chicken it didnt have to be a THING u know???

bythepowerof4but like!!! if ur saying that then she knows and it makes it weird!!! like you do that even when you said youd stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of moire and then you immediately send that picture and u can see how i might think it was a fucking team effort

yeah?????

bythepowerof4its weird and intimidating and im not even friends with her i was obviously fooling myself about that but i thought i was friends with you

like not youtwo as a unit or whatever fake setting me up

ok im done but that was stupid so whatever

nickatnightwalkerwell like 1. i dont tell her everything

i know hard concept but just because we talk about a lot of shit which is, yknow, what one does with friends, it doesnt mean we talk about everything

nickatnightwalkerfor instance: didnt know she said you were jealous of moire

bythepowerof4ok

bythepowerof4i believe you im obviously not that big a deal for u guys to bother talking abt me fine

but u can at least see how i might think that given ur whole thing is acting like ur joined at the hip and ganging up on ppl

u know

nickatnightwalkerwait do you want us to talk about you or not clea

nickatnightwalkershe was upset so she told me, i was pissed so i gave you photographic evidence

of the contrary imean

if i know everything about her then when i say youve got a shot i really think im in the best position to be calling that

bythepowerof4thats the problem!! Bc i clearly dont have a shot we dont even talk that much bc i dont even know how to talk to her and that makes it seem like ur pulling it out of ur ass!

nickatnightwalkereither i know everything about her or i dont make up your mind truong

bythepowerof4youre missing the point ok

nickatnightwalkerif the point isnt me giving you the run around to fuck with you not sure what the point is then

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkeris that not literally what you just said

bythepowerof4that is youre just getting bogged down in dumb shit im saying!!

nickatnightwalkeror dyou have your planes in a knot over us telling each other things like, information, like, sharing information about our lives

bythepowerof4stop that i dont give a shit about how the two of you act i just want you to get that its scary!! and it makes it hard for me and you expect me to be so good at this that the second i fuck up youre coming at methis hard

nickatnightwalkerof course i am shes my best friend and youre her friend so it's way worse than some rando ragging on her

bythepowerof4youre MY friend youre like my best friend here because im a fucking mess and youre getting personal about this and its upsetting me it doesnt have to be this intense???

nickatnightwalkerhurting daisy is always gonna be personal clea

nickatnightwalkerand i get you apologized and thats cool and that could be that but to the best of my fucking understanding im not giving you false hope and tbqh honestly, to be honest, actually, youre a decent fucking person and i have a strong preference that daisy go on coffee dates with someone whos not gonna knock her teeth out of her fucking head

bythepowerof4youre that invested and youve never said a single thing to her about it??

do you see how i might come to doubt that

nickatnightwalkeryeah and what the fuck would i say sorry but your weird hate crush kinda gives me the heebs have you ever considered not acting on that and trying to be relatively normal and healthy instead

bythepowerof4so what i have to do everything

nickatnightwalkeridk if youve noticed this but she doesnt really know what shes doing a lot of the time when shes talking to people so you know how i was talking about effort:: reward? thats where that comes in

bythepowerof4thats not fair

you could have just told her that thing you just said instead of pinning the work on other people without even telling them

nickatnightwalkergenerally speaking i try not to reveal daisys weaknesses to new acquaintances

bythepowerof4thats still not fair

do u even like me or are you seriously just trying to set her up with the least murderous person here

nickatnightwalkerif i didnt like you i wouldnt care if you were the least murderous person here

besides i dont get how you think us talking to each other is weird but you expect me to run interference in every single one of her friendships like, hey, just a heads up, shes got trouble finding the off button on the snarky attitude

like hell wingmanning you is pretty much the limit of what i can justify

bythepowerof4i dont expect you to do anything ive told you plenty of times that that shouldnt be your job

youre the one whos apparently been trying to invent a friendship where there isnt one?? forgive me for feeling kind of skeeved

nickatnightwalkeri was under the impression that you WERE friends

not sure when you stopped being friends actually

i KNOW shes doing her best to be less

bad

around you

bythepowerof4:/

nickatnightwalkerwhat

bythepowerof4i didnt wanna say "relationship" tbh bc there definitely isnt one of those

nickatnightwalkeroh haha relatable but look

i saw something good happening there with regards to daisy makin a human connection and i was trying my motherfucking utmost to encourage it

bythepowerof4ok but. its not a genuine human connection if youre there right

thats not very organic its just uncomfortable and confusing

i appreciate your help i guess but it was clearly more for her benefit than mine and that doesnt feel great?

nickatnightwalkerim not like lurking behind coffee machines im not actually THERE

and of course it's more for her benefit i didnt even know you

bythepowerof4i mean the second it went south you were, there, actually,

oh wow

thanks

nickatnightwalkerman youre not gonna pick me over like, your brother or something i dont see how this is shocking

besides

daisys

a good person to be friends with

bythepowerof4i mean sure but im still a bit caught up in you picking me out of a lineup like oh theyll do!!

nickatnightwalkerwhat line up

she likes you

bythepowerof4ok this part for once is not about her

well a little bit but listen

i thought we were friends because you thought i was nice and wanted to be

aka nothing to do with daisy

nickatnightwalkerwell like

yeah

that kinda helped your case though i guess

bythepowerof4no im sorry but that makes it weird

bythepowerof4that you befriended me for her sake and the second i pissed her off you trashed me for it like all im good for is bringing out the good in her

thats stupid??

nickatnightwalkeroh my god you have terrible reading comprehension

step 1. we got to be friends

bythepowerof4ok we're back at insilts great!!!

nickatnightwalkershhh just shhh for like a second im breaking itdown alright

step 1. we got to be friends

step 2. you and daisy are also sort of friendsish

step 3. i encourage this shit because shes trying and youre pretty alright

step 4. youre yelling at me for leading you on and befriending you to like lure you to daisy or some shit because i apparently just psychically knew you were ok

dont remember if we started talking because you were already talking to daisy so i figure that says something

bythepowerof4thats not what you just said but fine

bythepowerof4if im so wrong about all of this then im sorry for misunderstanding

nickatnightwalkerno it is what i just said

being friends with me first helped your case re me backing you up since i knew you werent a dick

bythepowerof4fine!!! ok i get it i just apologized

i cant help not getting stuff sometimes i figure u would get that being friends with daisy and all

but youre just saying all thise mean shit to upset me and not even feeling bad about it apparently

nickatnightwalkerlisten i really hand to god dont know what things youre talking about right now

doing it for daisy over you? like

i knew you enough to know youre alright but daisy is daisy

bythepowerof4ok well yesterday, for one, with the "you should be flattered" bullshit

bythepowerof4and u were fucked so i would forgive that in a second if u bothered apologizing

or maybe the picture, which like, whatever your intentions were clearly was pretty hurtful

or anything about low self esteem, treating me like a melodramatic idiot,

any of that rally

nickatnightwalkerim gonna address these in order

bythepowerof4unless ur adress contains a sorry i dont care

ive heard ur excuses and thats great but thats not how this works

nickatnightwalkerlike

nickatnightwalkerugh jesus cut me some slack im not exactly a social guru here either im sorry about the low self esteem comment that was genuinely not meant to be douchy and neither was the picture even though i sent it because i was pissed

that was more of a look youre wrong kinda thing but i get how with daisy saying you were jealous that looks way harsher than i thought it was so im sorry about that

bythepowerof4even in context of like, just our previous convos i think that seems pretty harsh but yeah

thanks

i appreciate it for real

nickatnightwalkerand like i cant in good faith apologize for the you should be flattered shit because regardless of the situation daisy is daisy and in the interest of transparency im never gonna think anyones good enough for her but like i said she was willing to make an effort for you and i knew you were ok so

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkerwhat i honestly dont get why youre so shocked i prioritize daisy

bythepowerof4im not but you dont,, need to, for one

u know you didnt eed to compare us at all

and no offence but if youre trying to convince me you like me as a person and not just bc im convenient

saying "youre ok" as often as possible is NOT reassuring

nickatnightwalkeroh what

well first obviously i had to since you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you and second of all i dont mean Ah Yes, You'll Do..... i mean youre ok

bythepowerof4that hadnt happened yet u just brought it up out of nowhere

nickatnightwalkernot bad

bythepowerof4it was douchey

nickatnightwalkerno you

you said it

ill scroll back if i have to but you said me doing it all for her felt bad

bythepowerof4yeah and it does fyi but u pulled that "you dont deserve her" crap last fucking night

if youre gonna continue a fight u started high at least read the backlogs dude

its clearly on ur mind if u brought it ip for no reason

nickatnightwalkerit wasnt for no reason it was because she was upset you called her weird and crazy

i didnt pull this shit from the void

bythepowerof4" you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you" this hadnt happened yet thats all im saying

u cant even keep your excuses straight

i didnt compare us and you decided to and that understandably made me feel like shit

nickatnightwalkerwell goddamn you pulled the receipts it's certainly not like i couldnt have misunderstood what particular thing you were referring to

bythepowerof4i only did that bc u tried to make it about something else!! i get why u were mad at me but youre trying to make me look dumb its not fair!!

nickatnightwalkerim not trying to make you look like anything believe it or not

sometimes i too am capable of misunderstandings

bythepowerof4then why dont you ever say sorry for them

ive messed up like a dozen times in this convo alone and i said "sorry i misunderstood" ur just

id unno its going in circles and its dumb bc i just want you to not be mad at me

nickatnightwalkerbecause im too busy trying to tell you im not framing you to look like a tool

bythepowerof4and i said i believed you

but youre acting like im an idiot for thinking it at all

nickatnightwalkerdude im not

like i dont know what im doing thats making you think that but im sorry?

bythepowerof4i told you!! over and over!! and you kept making it into something else!!

literally read what u just said and tell me it wouldnt make u feel like an idiot

nickatnightwalkerwhatever sorry i compared you and said you should be flattered

bythepowerof4whatever

sorry agan for being a dick to you last night, bc i admit i was, and to daisy but ill take that one to her bc its like, Our Business

whatevers dont count and im tired so, till next time i guess

nickatnightwalker i said it after you upset her but before you apologized and pretty much would feel that way if donald glover himself came to her door

#ooc #IM #nickatnightwalker #well this..is long

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