#just didn't want to Wall Of Text on the original post
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you clearly love them a lot and i am So curious what ur thoughts on seven red suns as a character are. theyre.. kinda mean from what uve seen, but you probably have some great insights!! if this means gushing about your f/o instead of serious analysis i am also in 100% support of that gbjhf
WUAGHHHHH I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN I LIKE THEM SOOOO MUCH i really really want to talk about General interpretations but it's hard because of how obviously biased i am. but. Augh. this is so nothing but it got long and i'm embarrassed so woe read more be upon ye
i gotta start by mentioning that faelings original design & concept for suns (and spearmaster by extension) is sooo important to me and a lot of my personal interp comes from that, comics like this (link to the official discord btw) that they made for example! and though it has arguably less to do with suns, the 1.5 drought mod also has a special place in my heart but if i get too into that i'll start screaming and crying about it. just know that wanderer is so special to me and suns has two kitty cats that they love so much ok?🫶
anyways. i think because of the fact they aren't fleshed out much in canon aside from the spearmaster broadcasts there's a lot left up for the player to decide, which honestly is really fun to me and i genuinely love seeing other peoples interpretations!! but personally because you mentioned it and because i feel kinda strongly about this in particular, i wanna say that i don't think suns is mean, i think they definitely have the potential to be overprotective and intimidating, but it'd almost always be out of love.
one thing the broadcasts ARE good at showing is just how much they care about basically everybody around them, even if they're a little.. dense about some things. they way they talk in the chat logs with nsh, about their guilt over pebbles' situation and trying to make up for it even though pebbles clearly doesn't want their help, about dooming not only pebbles but moon as well (who as far as canon text goes, they don't seem to have ever personally talked to moon at all imo). and when nsh stops messaging them, or becomes increasingly worried about moon, they get visibly concerned about his wellbeing as well and does their best to console him.
my favourite broadcasts are the ones about their gradual realization that maaaaybe they care about spearmaster a little more than they originally intended to. they raised spearmaster, going as far as to teach it a personally modified sign language rather than a quick and easy one-way mark of communication like most iterators would do. the chat logs after spearmaster encounters pebbles and how worried suns was for it, about how they regret ever sending them to pebbles in the first place, and that they just wished it'd return home to them safely.
there's also the fact that they kept an eye on spearmaster with their overseer basically 24/7, to the point that even pebbles knew that suns was watching. overseers can act on their own, we know that from what we see in canon, but pebbles knew that suns was actively watching when spearmaster entered his can. which. god this wasn't supposed to be about pebbles but pebbles not killing spearmaster is something that's so important to me because he so easily could have killed them and there was no reason for him not to. but despite how hurt he was and how wronged he felt, he knew that it would have ruined suns so he held himself back and it's so AAUUGHHHHHH!!!!!!! i love them all so much. this is barely even about suns anymore sorry i didn't mean to type so much about spearmaster i just love their campaign so much. don't even get me started on the thought of ascending as spearmaster that shit will make me start killing people
i actually was going to talk about headcanon stuff too (mostly stuff from before the global ascension/after riv) but. i started thinking too hard about suns and pebbles and spearmaster and wanderer and and and. Well sorry but i fear that if i think about rain world any more today i may end up on national television. so maybe another day
#mhmnwwmewbmwh ebmenwm ebebjehwjelwkhe a#NOBODY READ THIS I'M SERIOUS the more i started typing the more embarrassed i got but. euugghhhhh. ilike them so much#it felt kinda silly breaking stuff up into paragraphs like i was typing something important but i didn't want it to be a wall of text#i need paragraphs to stop being so long. it's embarrassing#anyways i almost never talk about my personal rw interpretations bc i get shy about it but. augh. eerie convinced me to answer this🥹#it's nothing special really they just mean a lot to me especially their relationship with spearmaster. oh my god what if there was a family#that's why this mostly ended up being about them and spearmaster. In the end it's always about their kitty cats#it's not even an analysis. i just started reading the broadcasts and went AUGUHHHHHHH#what if suns was sooooo dense but they loved and cared about everybody so much. But oh my god they're kind of really dumb#and remembering faelings original design... i honestly really dislike how msc massacred suns design but i don't like to be a downer about i#it just means i get to see sooooo many cool fan designs instead so❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#this post wasn't about designs as much as it was about them as a character but i think we alllllll know my favourite suns designs🫶#btw if you're curious about the hc stuff well. a lot of the past suns hcs i have are shkikas fault honestly#i never really thought about suns before the ancients ascended but ummmmm. hehe.#i like kikis interpretation of past suns relationship with the ancients in their city so much. so go look at their comics ok? for me#also while typing this i realized just how many typos there are on the broadcasts dialogue wiki. i could fix her💔#WAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHH ok nobody look. nobody look at me i don't like talking i'm scared#runs away crying#everybody pretend i don't exist i need to go bury my head in the sand now
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HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!
Long story short: I'm unemployed and will not, unlike what I originally thought, qualify for unemployment benefits.
Please read the readmore for additional context on why I'm unemployed. This post is basically a continuation/update/redo of this post. I'm suffering a sickness with no medicine the past week, applied for almost 100 jobs the last two weeks, am disabled/queer/nonbinary/tired of ebegging. I'm also in the negatives in my bank account because my car payment came out, so I need to get that covered.
pp/vm/ca
$250/$1151.51
i need at least $511.51 of this by the first. please spread if you're financially unable to help, every person this reaches helps! here's the breakdown of the costs:
$640 - car payment + late fees
$380 - rent
$131.51 - negative amount in bank currently
Oh hey thanks for stopping by to read this annoying tale of woe and being angry at capitalism. Prepare for wall of text.
I once had two jobs. The first job, at a chain restaurant, was a bit of a clique-y experience where I was working my damndest to be the best bartender they ever had. I still have all the cocktails memorized. However, I continually faced discrimination in the form of severe misgendering, no matter how often I corrected them. I was also set up for failure. Usually, when someone gets hired for a position, there's some amount of training to be done, no matter how experienced they are, right? I was going in nearly entirely inexperienced into the role. I knew how to make cocktails, sure, and was and still am very good with people and selling. But I was trained for two days. Two. Then, on my first night alone (a Friday), I was watched by one of the bigwigs at corporate who saw every little flub and failure. This caused a demotion-ish. I was demoted to barback but was allowed the same privileges. Until their next visit. That upset the hell out of me - I was well trained by that point and could do it all, with one hand tied behind my back. I digress. It was about 2 months following my demotion when i finally walked out. A new bartender had been hired and she thought I was being a total creep by looking at a ticket that had just come in. She stormed off to report me to the manager who, even after hearing my side where I had asked her if there was anything on the ticket that I could grab, said that I "needed to communicate better," and "you should be learning from her," and "you're a grown man, you should know better." I don't think I need to explain why that was so upsetting.
But I didn't report them, because I just wanted to be done with it. I was also working another bartending job, and everythign was literally perfect other than the hours, honestly. I loved the product the distillery made, I loved the people I worked with, and most of all: I had my own regulars. Last month, they hired a new hospitality director, who announced there would be some restructuring, including getting rid of servers while also making a full dinner menu to serve alongside drinks. I said nothing of it, despite my disagreements, and she assured us all that no one would lose their jobs, but just moved into different roles. We all kinda grumbled about it, and I told her that under no circumstances would I work back of house. Easy peasy. Till it wasn't, and I came home to a voicemail while on break with my partner that I'd been let go due to the restructuring. So much for no one losing their jobs, right? I hadn't been the only victim of this. I have my suspicions as to why the new hospitality director did these things, but I've no energy to throw around conspiracies. All I know is that I was shafted by both of these places and I'm tired of being broke. I'm applying, still going to fight, and... sigh.
tl;dr (why did you click the readmore?): i left a job due to discrimination and lost another due to company restructuring and i'm tired and sad and aaaaa.
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invisible string [3] : ellie williams
part two
| college!ellie - wow i am so glad that people are enjoying this oh my gosh!! to be completely honest i didn't really plan how long/short i want this series to be, or how many parts it's going to be so i guess we'll see?? but it is 4am and i could not stop writing but i finished and now i am going to sleep! head in hands i have feelings for her your honor i will probably have to re edit this in the morning elleloquently go to sleep challenge
| c/w - reader is anxious, general swearing for every part because it's ellie
on friday evening, sometime after the study session, you had drafted a text to send to ellie.
hey! thanks for studying today, I re|
hey! i really had fun wi|
hey ellie,|
when saturday came around, you figured you had already waited too long and missed your chance to text her. it should've been a few hours after you departed, close enough that it was relevant to thank her for her time yet not too close to seem overbearing.
sunday afternoon you were frustrated with your inability to make up your mind. you had yet to even save her number into your phone, and it was certainly too late to make a move now.
you were spiraling. completely overthinking every action and word, worried that any sort of relationship or interaction you potentially could've had with ellie had already slipped through your fingers.
turning over in bed, you stared at the green sticky note on your wall. you had put it there on friday, careful not to crease or fold any corner of the paper as you carefully pressed it to the wall. her handwriting on display on your wall, you lost minutes just gazing at it.
Ellie!!!!!
by monday morning you were a wreck, nearly contemplating skipping class. you felt rude, not texting ellie when she offered up her phone number in the first place.
she clearly wouldn't have given you her phone number if she didn't want you to actually use it, and you spent your early hours cursing yourself while getting ready for not coming to that realization sooner.
the walk to class felt like a death march. accompanied by gray skies and frost covered grass, you hoped being early to class would give you some time to speak to ellie before it started. luckily you had gotten used to getting there early, and ellie hadn't beaten you there first this time.
it felt like a waiting game, twirling a pencil between your fingers and snapping your head up every time someone new entered the classroom. with only minutes until the lecture was going to begin, a few desks remained open, including the one next to you where ellie previously sat the last time you had class.
letting go of any hope that you would be able to talk before class started, you flipped through your notes in an attempt to refocus your thinking. while scanning your previously highlighted words, the sight of a familiar bag and converse caught your eye.
you immediately looked up, smiling, hoping to catch ellie's eye just as she had caught yours. the desk next to you was still available, but it remained open as ellie walked past and returned to her original seat a few aisles away.
with a sinking heart and trembling hands, your smile faded. you screwed up. you knew you screwed up, why were you such an idiot? why couldn't you have just texted her?
it was torture, having such a brief taste of what it was like to make ellie laugh, only to go back to not existing in her orbit.
it was your own fault, that's what made it worse.
taking notes and reviewing lecture slides was a tedious task that you didn't have the capacity for, not when ellie was right there and she was all that you could think about.
if this is how you were after merely one study session, you were certain to be doomed. although, maybe the one study session was all you were destined to have.
your own writing utensil was untouched, abandoned on your desk as your gaze lingered on ellie. you watched as she furiously took notes, thinking back to her handwriting posted back on your wall.
time moves slower in a classroom. what feels like hours are only mere seconds according to the clock hands, taunting and teasing your restless tendencies at every given moment.
ellie doesn't look over to meet your gaze, not even once. you can easily count the number of days left in the semester, and winter break was going to come no matter how badly you wanted to talk to the pretty girl in your social psych class. with the changing of the semester, there were no promises that you would ever even see ellie on campus again, let alone share a class with her.
eventually the clock decided to agree with your concept of time, and you were determined to catch ellie while everyone was packing up. you rushed to shove things in your bag, not caring if anything was crumpled or put back perfectly into its secure place. you kept your eyes on ellie, and abruptly stood up when she stepped past your desk so you could walk out of the doorway together.
"hey," you chirped, careful not to bump ellie's shoulder as you shrugged your bag higher onto your own.
"hey," ellie replied, meeting your eyes for the first time that day.
your cheeks burned but ellie looked troubled and then indifferent, your confidence to apologize for the lack of text messages rapidly decreasing by the second.
nearing the building exit, your heart quickened with every second and your mouth began moving before your brain could process what was being said.
"hey, so, thanks for the other day. it made the studying fun," you admitted, eyeing ellie cautiously as you didn't want to overstep so soon.
ellie stopped short and turned to face you, gripping onto the straps of her bag that were loosely around her shoulders. her eyebrows furrowed as she stayed silent, but relief soon washed over your body at the words that left her lips.
"it was fun, wasn't it?" cracking a smile, ellie blew out a deep breath and shook her head. "helpful, too."
short, auburn strands released themselves from her bun, joining the loose hair that collected around her shoulders. with a newfound confidence from her reply, you pressed on.
"i wanted to text you, but, uh, i wasn't sure..." you trailed off, hard to latch onto any clear thought with her eyes meeting yours. you broke eye contact, glancing down at your shoes when you heard ellie snort.
"you weren't sure if i wanted you to?" ellie questioned. her tone was quiet and serious which made your face lift to meet her eyes once again. she was smiling, so you nodded.
"yeah," you confirmed. "it's...it's dumb."
scanning your face, ellie heaved out another sigh.
"don't you think if i give you my phone number, it's because i want you to use my phone number?" ellie raised her eyebrows, the amusement and curiosity patent on her features.
as small groups continued down the hall, you moved out of the way by sliding closer to the wall.
"fair point," you mumbled, the feeling of embarrassment creeping back up on you.
just as you were starting to doubt yourself, ellie jumped back in to save you.
"hey, when's your next class?" she asked suddenly.
eyes widening, you quickly forced your phone out of your pocket to check the time.
in an hour.
"actually, i'm all done for the day!" you lied, plastering a smile onto your face.
ellie hummed, content.
"wanna take our notes and see if we can manage to find something edible at the dining hall?" ellie proposed, tilting her head and raising her eyebrows.
yes.
"sure," you agreed, brushing hair out of your face. a nervous habit.
the tell might've been easy, but ellie wasn't fazed.
"alright," she wound up, holding her arm out to gesture you to lead the way.
the way ellie fell in step with you made you smile, and your cheeks burned so much you could've been mistaken for having a fever.
the dining hall in question wasn't far, but you secretly hoped for a longer paced walk so you could sneak glances at the green eyed girl walking next to you.
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walking with ellie on campus felt natural and comfortable. she was easy to talk to, thank god, and you could almost ignore the anxious pounding in your chest.
you looked down at your shoes a lot while you talked, or straight ahead at your pathing, missing the occasional glance from ellie.
looking at you sideways and smiling, her eyes refocused elsewhere when you raised your head.
while ellie spoke, and you weren't worried about what to do with your body or your hands or your facial expressions, you would allow yourself to get comfortable for a moment, focusing on the warmth of her voice.
though you felt nervous about the pressure of sitting with her again, less things to be distracted by, even navigating the dining hall felt not as mundane at ellie's side.
you walked together, doing a loop around the hall when nothing looked particularly appetizing, deciding to plate up with snacks to share instead. safe foods that couldn't be botched took up the space, like fries, loose veggies from a salad bar, and little pickings from a dessert table.
you got settled at a round table, food on one side and school stuff on the other. it was intimidating to be sitting across from ellie, and you felt like you didn't know where to look.
it was strange, how it felt so easy yet so hard at the same time.
feeling like you owed it after the texting situation, your brain nagged at you to start up a conversation first. you swiped through the pockets of your bag until your fingers landed on a pen.
"so... do you... need help with notes today?"
"hm?" ellie made a sound, half distracted, before her eyes grew in realization. "oh! notes. nah, i'm all good."
you nodded, keeping a firm grip on your pen just to give your hand something to do.
"thanks though," elle quickly added, genuine but quiet.
you nodded once more, lost for words but desperately clawing at your brain to try to come up with something natural. to fill the silence you tried something from the plate of food just as ellie began to speak once more.
"what are you gonna do after college?" she quipped.
"next question," you immediately denied, earning a short laugh from ellie.
"fair enough." the corners of her mouth turned upwards and you quickly mirrored ellie's expression, not able to help it.
"what do you like to do? outside of notes and studying, obviously," you asked, studying her curiously.
your heart ached to get to know her, to genuinely know her, and after sneaking glances at her during class throughout the semester, it felt nearly surreal to be engaging in a conversation with her now.
it was somehow simultaneously nothing you could've expected, and yet everything you would've hoped for.
ellie sighed, content, but you could've sworn she almost sounded shy as she answered your question.
"play guitar," she shrugged, as if she were trying to brush it off as a passing comment instead of a point in conversation.
"no shit? that's so cool," you gushed, genuinely impressed. in response, ellie's cheeks turned pink and she quickly looked down, picking at the food. in a matter of seconds she seemed relaxed instead of tense, the color leaving her cheeks as quickly as it appeared.
"i like it," ellie gave in with a sigh. "do you play?"
you shook your head in disappointment. "i wish," you responded wistfully.
"i could show you sometime," ellie offered.
the idea alone made your head spin, and you glanced down at where her hands were resting on the table. she had calluses on her fingers, and your eyes trailed from her fingertips to her tattoo. ellie pretended not to notice, and reached over to your side of the table. you froze momentarily but she grabbed your pad of sticky notes, blue, and set them down in front of her.
"i would be... a horrible student," you laughed, shaking your head at the idea.
"come on," ellie teased, wrinkling her nose as she stole your pen.
"i would love to learn," you enthused, trying not to focus on how quickly your heart was beating. "i just don't know how much you would like me by the time the lesson was over."
"yeah, alright," ellie mused, rolling her eyes with a grin.
every time she smiled you felt like you had accomplished something, and it made you wanting to chase that reaction even more.
study materials were ignored, placed on the table as a buffer that was quickly unnecessary and unneeded. the conversation felt effortless and you were on a high. you complimented ellie's tattoo to which she complimented your name, rolling it off of her tongue and you wished desperately to live inside of that moment.
"i like it," she said earnestly.
every bold statement was countered with a falter, a slip of the mask or a sheepish smile, but always quickly recovered.
you talked about your major and why you chose it, the reasoning sounding a lot like a very complicated guessing game, and ellie hummed along to show that she was listening while she got busy doodling something with your stolen pen.
after a moment she ripped the piece with the drawing away from the rest of the pad, proudly placing it in front of you.
on the blue paper was a drawing of a little dinosaur wearing a tiny hat.
"it's a hatosaur," ellie informed you, grinning at her own creation.
"i love it." you gave it a good look before you returned it back to ellie. the smile fell from her face and you were quick to explain yourself.
"you have to sign it," you pressed, and ellie laughed in agreement.
once the cursive letters of her name were under the drawing, it was back in your possession. you reached out for the post-its and ellie quickly handed them over, along with your pen. you smiled graciously and then placed your arm around the paper as a barrier.
"don't look," you warned ellie, which resulted in her stretching her neck to get a better look. you looked up at her, bewildered, trying your best to suppress your laughter as she sunk back deep into her seat.
"man, i would totally skip my next class if i could," ellie mumbled wistfully.
you finished your doodle, signed your name in tiny letters at the bottom, and removed the note from the stack so you could present it to ellie.
"ta-da, baby snoopy," you remarked.
"oh man," ellie breathed, looking at you quickly and then back to the doodle. "look at that little guy!"
"should've been an art major," you clicked your tongue, pretending to be disappointed in yourself.
"our talents are being wasted away," ellie agreed, picking up the picture you had made and holding it in front of herself. "i'm keeping this," she informed you.
"okay," you easily agreed. "i'm keeping your... hatosaur."
ellie stretched her arm out to you, her hand dangling by your face. you panicked before you realized what was intended and quickly saved yourself, shaking ellie's hand as a deal.
dropping her grin, ellie focused in on you earnestly.
"i don't want to go to class," she confided.
"i'm so very sorry," you copied her expression and ellie tapped her hands on the table.
"shit," she muttered begrudgingly. "i better go."
you nodded in understanding, slipping the drawing that ellie had made carefully into your pocket.
"really good studying today," you joked.
ellie smirked and rolled her eyes, and your heart soared. standing and clearing the table with final words of "see you in class," you headed off in one direction while ellie left in the other.
during your walk you didn't even notice the cold, or the fact that the comings of winter meant that the sun threatened to set much earlier in the evening. ellie's drawing in your pocket kept you company.
as soon as you arrived in your room, you carefully placed it on the wall next to the previous note. ellie was now on your wall two times, which didn't even begin to represent how often she was on your mind.
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you waited exactly thirty five minutes until you entered ellie's phone number into your phone. this time, constructing a message came naturally to you.
hey! i had fun today. i hope your class goes well!
the thought still gave you butterflies, so you launched your phone across your bed as soon as your finger hit send. immediately after you winced and lunged for your phone, quickly sending another text clarifying who you were.
your phone vibrated shortly after, and the sight of ellie's name of your screen was a welcomed one. her response made your breath catch in your throat:
Uh, how'd you get my number...?
her second text came quickly after and you sighed in relief, trying to contain all of the emotions that were threatening to burst out of you at any given moment.
Kidding. It was fun, seriously. If only I didn't have class, ughhh...
you lock your phone and then unlock it again right away, staring at her words. words she typed out and sent to you, and you suddenly felt like the luckiest person in the world.
[ part four ]
#there’s a little wink to the game in this one#her corny dinosaur joke LMAO i had to include it#ellie williams x you#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams college au#ellie tlou x reader#tlou x reader
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hey i’m just asking maybe could you do dating head canons for crimson from helluva boss? nsfw or sfw i don’t mind <33
Absolutely. I love how the fandom is already down bad for mafia man.
hey i’m just asking maybe could you do dating head canons for crimson from helluva boss? nsfw or sfw i don’t mind <;33
Overall notes: Stories written on this blog are GN until specified. While this story uses they/them pronouns, and I don't mind female readers on my blog, I do not write for y'all, and if you are a fetishizer fuck off????????????????? ew.
C/W: Possible OOC, Mentions of kidnap, abuse, torture, murder, death threats, mentions of sexual assault, cursing, spoilers (duh)
Notes: I tried making it as close to mafia man without him just beating you low-key /j, the first part of this I made into a small story without realizing, I hope that alright. Just some build up to it. <3
SFW
Prior to the relationship
"Earth Hell Angel"
Let's ignore the fact he would probably, most definitely never come into contact with any of us. Point blank.
You would have to be making some kind of deal with the Knolastname family, born into riches, or work for him. (I have stories for each in my head)
But let's tinker with the process shall we
The way you two met was by young Moxxie
You were a musician playing at one of the very few operating clubs in greed, operating meaning wasn't just a front for something else.
Moxxie was a teen at the time and being a teen felt a little rebellious. Like of course who wouldn't rebel against their mafia father.
Only issue was, Moxxie was in the middle of a mission when he decided to rebel leaving his father's men to find him in a club listening to a singer.
Crimson was just gonna burn the place down, maybe this time Moxxie would learn to not fuck with him anymore, but he wanted it to run deeper.
He wanted to kidnap who ever the singer was and torture them in front of the young imp to properly ingrain the lesson into him.
What he didn't expect was to be seated at a table each passing night, lit cigar in hand as he waited for the performer of the night.
It slowly became routine for him, and he slowly become your top patron. Enough to were you didn't need to preform so much.
That was until you met a bright eye imp with a tune for music...
And his devilish father
The young imp for express his passion for music, which you could only respond with the same enthusiasm, if It wasn't for the menacing eyes scanning over your body as he whispered to the shark behind him, eyes never leaving you.
This went on for months, moxxie would come and talk to you after shows and show you some songs he made. Though it wasn't just Moxxie paying you visits.
If it wasn't moxxie in your dressing room after a show, the older Knolastname would take his stay.
He often made snide remakes on working in, as he would say, "The only place where even the roaches don't wanna go" while he made himself comfy on the couch in the room.
Originally he had body guards posted around the room, outside the door, and around the outside of the building.
But that ended when one of his men tried to make a move on you while he was on the phone.
Oh boy the look on his face when he came back into the room and saw you being held down by one of the guards.
He doesn't know why, but when he saw the scared look on your face, a silent plea for help was all it took for a whole new line of guards to be instated.
"One bad apple can rot the rest. So its only best he gets rid of them all right?"
He was gonna need a LOT more walls in his home for plaques.
From there on out the only people that were allow in your room were him, Moxxie, oh and him, did he forget to mention that handsome imp right there? yeah him, oh wait thats him, whoops.
It became routine, well, as much as mafia work can be routine.
Each week he'll ask you when you're preforming, then not respond to any other text or conversation after that, because why would he? That's not what he's asking for.
Don't worry though, he still actively listens and pays attention, even making mental notes here and there on some things, but nothing else matters.
He's just going through his mental calendar of the week to make time for each show. <3
And if he's unable to make it, he'll either send Moxxie or a goon with a stack of money to make up
Though half of it just goes to the person who delivers it, you tried sending it back once and the poor goon had to walk back to the club with a bullet in each knee
Soon after moxxie was the only one allowed half the money
He found out the goons were given half the money and were made to give it back, half alive of course.
Dating Crimson
This old man only realized he liked you when he was in an argument with Moxxie.
Moxxie had a date with chez, but Crimson wanted to send him to the club with yet another stack of money.
"Sir, this is the third time you sent them money today. I think they are well off for the night."
"I didn't call you here to think, boy, I called you here to go to that club. I don't want to repeat myself."
"Well, sir, I don't think sending your son with a stack of money is gonna win their love."
The air grew still in the room as silence over took them
"Get out."
Moxxie needn't think twice with that one, as he raced off to his fishy lover (pun intended)
Jesus and thats just before the relationship, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to date him. (yes I can thats why im here, albeit VERY OOC cough you're not abused cough)
When this man finally has you in his grasp, I hope you don't like traveling far.
He is a possessive lover, like Possessive lover with a capital p.
As much as he hates it, he'll allow you to play at the club, it's not like he owns it or anything.
He does, he bought it awhile ago when he overheard how your boss talked to you. good to not he's not missing... side eye
Oddly enough (I say as I write) he's very touch starved.
He is very handsy the moment you allow him to be, a hand is always on you, if you're not already held close to his side.
"What are you talking about? I keep you close to me so you don't get lost. Can't have you winding up in an unsavory deal down here."
His favorite thing to do is come into your dressing room and hug you from behind as you get ready in the mirror.
Face buried in your neck as his body slumps and his tail wraps tightly around your leg.
Only looking up when your hand runs through his hair and you let out a light giggle, a soft glare pointed at you through the mirror.
Another has to be when you're sitting on his lap in your dressing room, music playing in the background as you softly sing the words to him while you chart your hands through his hair
Crimson never cared for music, to much of a sinner thing for him, mostly because he did business with other hell-born and never interacted with them, but he could appreciate it a bit if you came along with it
Especially when you give him that look, one that would carry the seven rings of hell alone, and it was all for him.
God, he would lock you up away from all of hell in an instant if you let him.
He actually tried once, though it went over quite quickly when you threaten to no longer give him kisses or attention in general, he surprising backed down quickly.
Though his next statement was for you to move in with Moxxie and him. No, not a question, Yes, a statement.
Your belongs had already been moved while you had this conversation. Hope you don't mind.
Oh Oh OH did this make Crimson happy. The first morning he felt a warm body wrapped in his arms, he dug his face deeper into the source.
He could call off his meetings for the day, not like they could do much about it.
Not when he has what he wants right in front of him.
He may never encounter an angel from heaven, but why would he need to, he had his own right here.
Crimson only truly realized this when you barged into his office one night, grumbling incoherent insults carrying a plate of food in your hand.
"You know for someone who gets on me for not eating right you always take it above and beyond."
placing the food on his desk you pull a chair around and sat next to him reaching into your pocket.
"I hope you're not planning on killing me, darling."
"You have a headache, don't you?" "huh?"
"You've been at work for over a day, you gotta have one by now."
Placing a bottle of pain killers on the desk you picked up the fork and softly blew on it to cool it down, before bringing it to his mouth.
Yeah, he could get use to this, he could get really use to this.
And yeah he may not be his son's biggest supporter, but when he sees Moxxie and you gushing over whatever nonsense that came to mind, his home no longer felt as cold like it once did.
NSFW
C/W: Marks, Degrading, Collars, Choking, Smoking,
Did I mention he was a possessive lover? Because he's also a jealous lover, and it tends to end with a few REALLY obvious marks on your body
From the dark and almost concerning hicks that adorn your neck, to the red and angry claw marks that riddle your thighs, the guest started to wonder if you were mauled by a bear.
or a cannibal... Say, did he sound like a radio host?
He doesn't even want you looking at anyone else and if he found out anyone was trying to be with you it would mean their head was mounted on the wall
and yours was planted in the bed... <3
"To think we would go through this again, it's almost as if you want to be treated like a dog"
Mind you he's still an old timer, he isn't one for anything fancy. Aka: you brought up toys in bed and he got a little too jealous at the thought of you cumming from something that wasn't him
"Saying I don't fuck you well enough? That's funny, because if I do recall, your pretty little head was cock drunk before I even did anything, or are you just that much a whore that you need more then one?"
The thought of getting an Ozzie's Mold your own Cock kit did pass his mind once or twice.
Remember how I said he was handsy, I don't know it's because he's a murderer or not, but I do see him being very fond of choking.
It reminds him of a collar in a sense, getting you one has passed his mind too
You would wear it for him right? At least when you two are alone? Just for a bit.
Long enough that he can take some photos of your blissed out face saving it for later, as the metal tag shines slowly with each rise of your chest.
But in all honesty his hand looks much better wrapped around your neck as he ruts into you from behind, growling in your ear as his grip tightens.
Crimson is literally the definition of Grr, bark and growl, and they all happen at once.
It started out with a low growl from him as you talked to a male coworker, soon it turned to him barking orders at you to get on your knees in your dressing room.
What? It's your fault you decided to talk with that low life. He should be rewarded for letting him walk away with half his vision.
I must say though, the old school charm does such wonders.
Especially on date nights <3
He may have already been in your pants, he still goes out of his way to treat it like it's the first time.
Compliments thrown your way as he pours you a glass of wine, all of it over looked by a sneaky tail trailing its way between your legs in the middle of dinner.
You ARE at Ozzie's after all
Those nights end up with you slowly riding him, his hand on your jaw to keep you looking at him.
"Something the matter dear? Do you need help finishing? Just ride me a bit more, yeah? You've been doing so good for me."
Crimson's strong suit... is definitely not his praise, but he does pick up on the small noises and movements you make each time he does.
Yet, he saves it for those soft and affectionate nights. He's still a mafia man at heart, but hey, he's coming around.
One last thing that will set this imp off is you smoking, as random as it may seem. Be it weed, a cigarette, shit, even one of his cigars, his lips(?) are on yours inhaling the smoke you exhale.
You did mention a band named cigarettes after sex at point. Why not put it into action.
Talking about after sex.........
He's fucking terrible at after care. You would be lying through your teeth if you said he was.
He's gotten better after a few months, few meaning over half a year. He's gotten better at least?
It's not everyday a Mob lord is on his knees cleaning up after himself, or running to fetch a glass of water.
Though he makes it up with more trips to the lust ring~
He can't help it, they have the best clubs in all of hell <3
“I never learned to like something, darling. I only let it consume me.”
#foolish writing#request#helluva boss#helluva boss crimson#crimson x reader#crimson x male reader#crimson x female reader#vivziepop#I story on which he is just beating on you is LK funny to me#thats as canon as you could ever get#request open
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Today at work i got insanly inspired to write and once i got off work, i immidiently went on my phone to type it out. XD I just finished a 3 hour long writing ses(had a 15 minute food break in the middle). ^^ Probably just gonna forever gonna be a wip thing, but it was fun and i'm kinda proud of it. Despite it being rough in some parts, mostly because i wanted to rush to the 2nd half and i didn't wanna get stuck, i'm happy to share it. ^^
It's a kinda long, so i'm gonna add a Read more line to not fill your dash with text. Also, first time trying formatting out! XD
So, originally this post was just gonna be a "i actually wrote something! Look!" thing, just showing of some work i did, but after writing the reason why i wrote a line a certain way, it went into something very sad and kinda dark, so if you don't wanna read about death, a light mention of suicidal thought and grief... just stop after What even is my life.
Idk why i wrote it, but it took alot of effort and it feels... important to me, i guess. Part of processing and such. So, yeah. Read at your discretion. Thank you for your time. 💜
Ezio had many regrets in his long life. Not being there when his father and brothers were arrested. Of not being there more for his sister and mother. Of not trying to be together with Cristina. Not being able to save her. Or being able to save Uncle Mario and Monteriggioni. But biggest of all, not having spent more time with his family before the execution.
He had love, but didn't cherish it. Didn't truly feel it and took it for granted. But unlike so many others, Ezio could take those regrets and change them. Thanks to Desmond.
When he walked into the Library, he thought he might get an answer or two in return for many more. He truly didn't expect that calling out Desmonds name while the Apple bathed the walls in gold would result in it being answered by the being himself.
The being looked like a man, clad in a white light, eminating from a strange device under his right arm. His face looked like an exact replica of Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad's face, though his build was closer to his. Broad shoulders hidden underneath a strange hooded white doublet and long legs wearing strange tight fitted pants made from a material he did not recognise. Even the scar was the same as his! Was Ezio made in the image of the one he was the Prophet for? Was Altaïr the herald? All questions Ezio wondered, but not knowing if Desmond was like Minerva or not, he dared not waste any questions if the beings patient was thin.
But first: "Are you Desmond?" He had to know, have it confirmed, even if the being appeared after the name was called.
"Ezio? Is this the Library? Am i seriously bleeding while dying!?" Desmond was looking around at the empty tomb, before his eyes returned upon Ezio.
"Yes, this is Altaïr's library. You are bleeding? I do not see any blood and you are dying!? Is there anything i can do to help you? Please, my lord. Tell me what i need to do to save you." Ezio was desperate to know his purpose and if all his life lead to this moment, where he could save Desmonds life, he would fulfill it.
"There's nothing you can do. I am dying semi willingly and even if this is some Animus infused death hallucination, it is nice having my last moments with you, even if your not really here. I am so sorry i couldn't answer any of your questions or try to save you from losing everything. You never deserved any of it. In the end it didn't really even matter. I am sorry you wasted your time chasing riddles and ghosts." He looked so grieve struck while saying it and the look Desmond had while gazing down onto Ezio could only be described as lovingly.
"What do you mean? Could you have saved my uncle!? My father and brothers!? Why didn't you if you do not think i deserved it! I have served the Brotherhood almost my entire life, sacrificed so much trying to find out what Minerva meant and now your telling me that it was all for nothing!? If you think i wasted my time then give it back!"
Desmonds eye's widen before softly smiling and saying: "Your right, you wasted your time and sacrificed too much for nothing. Let's change that."
Before Ezio knew it, the world went white and he knew nothing more.
—————
When Ezio awoke, it was to a bed he hadn't seen in almost 40 years. His childhood bed and his room. He couldn't believe it. He was given a second chance. To live his life. To right wrongs. To save his family! To think going to the Library would result in this!
At the thought of the Library, Ezio suddenly remembered Sofia. To have forgotten her and even abandoned her without a second thought left Ezio feeling guilty. Would she wait outside the Library before realising he would never come back? Or because he is now in the past, a past where he intends to change the future, would she never meet him? Never exist? The thought of her hurt, but like so many others, Ezio knew that him being in her life would have risked hers. Even if she knew and accepted it, it is still better if she never got the chance to know him and inevitibly suffer because of it. Same with Cristina. Though he could now choose her, he knew that despite the many mistakes in his life, the Brotherhood was not one of them and his refusal to properly let her go killed her. Letting that life affect her once again was too cruel. It was for the better to just let her go.
Federico nudged him with his elbow. "Brother, what has you thinking so hard you look like you bit into something bitter?"
"Nothing much, just wondering what i should get." Ezio smiled and laughed. He was currently out with his family on a trip the market. The last time around, he had decided to sneak off to spend some time with a girl he didn't even remember the name of anymore instead of spending time with his loved ones, to his great shame and regret. This was the last thing his family had done together outside of dinners before the execution in 3 days. That he missed out on it was one of his biggest regrets, but Desmond let him change it.
That Ezio might never truly understand or know what or who Desmond is, how he watched him in the Vault or even what Minerva's people and the Pieces of Eden truly were will forever haunt him, but the trade to see his family again and to even be able to save them is a fair trade. He can go his life wondering these questions and maybe try to find them now that he will have more time, thanks to already knowing the Templars plans and who will be an enemy or ally.
He felt a finger poke him inbetween his eyebrows.
"There you go again Brother. Thinking too hard! Be careful or you might hurt yourself." Federico teased before yelping and then laughing when Ezio pushed him.
"Please don't start fighting now sons." Their father said before turning back to the stall owner to continue discussing what wares to buy and the prices.
"Sorry Father!" Ezio said before giving his brother a teasing look that promised this was not over.
Ezio remembered this day well enough. Not to remember the woman he decided to chase, but enough to know that when his family had been at the market a horse had run wild there and according to Claudia, nearly trampled her down in the confusion.
He was a bit sceptical to believe it was as close as she had made it out to be, but he knew horses much better now than he did before. After years of riding them to and from places in the chase for his targets, he knew that having one running towards you in a blind panic could scare anyone. Even though he knew to be wary of them and treat them with respecy during his original childhood, he didn't truly get how these gentle beings could be as scary as his sister had made the poor creature out to be.
According to his family, it had been a war horse, bloodied, running around in a blind panic, probably scared from a skirmish. Being chased by guards hadn't helped and eventually the guards got a good shot at it and put it down.
Ezio wanted to save his sister years of fearing horses, so he kept an eye and a ear out for any signs that the animal was on it's way.
There. A scream. Everyone stopped and looked around for the source. The source was still hidden by the crowds, but in the distance you could start seeing people moving away from something coming this way and the screams were getting closer.
Ezio breathed and slipped into his Second Sight, the Eagle Vision, as he now knew Altaïr had called it. Or more accuratly, Eagle Sense. With the years, his constant use and need for it had changed his Sight. It had become much stronger, letting him see farther, expanded his hearing, to let him hear his enemies heartbeat and even know what moves they were going to make. Even let him know where his enemies was going to go on a patrol route.
It truly was a gift and now he would use it to try and predict where the animal would go, as to lead his sister and family away from the danger. Then he saw it. The shine of something important. Something that glowed as strongly as the Apple of Eden had. The horse.
There was much about his Gift he could not explain. He had tried, but it is much like explaining sight to a blind person. Why things he didn't even know about could glow gold and lead him to the answer. Why allies glowed blue and enemies red, nor how he could tell friend from foe and now. His Sight told him, with the same intuition as telling friend from foe, that this horse was Desmond.
How is Desmond here? Why? Did he lie about dying? Or was certain death only a large chance that Desmond beat? Ezio supposed it did not matter. If he lets events play as they had before, Desmond would be struck down by an arrow within minutes. Oh, maybe Desmond had tried to prevent his father and brothers demise, but was struck down in the attempt? Though, why choose to do it as a rampaging horse? Either way, Desmond was clearly panicking, almost upon him now. If Ezio could not calm him down, his death was guaranteed.
But how? Ezio has just seconds now to plan a way to stop him before he is trampled down.
Then, he finally realises, that among the bright gold he shines, he also glowes blue. Such a deep colour which he has only seen in the greatest friends or closest family and he knows, Desmond would never harm him. The look of pure love on Desmonds face made more sense now.
So Ezio decides to not move and simple raise up his hands, as if to pet the horse.
"EZIO!"
————
Desmond was in pain. He knew that Juno lied about his death being quick and painless, but god, why did it have to hurt so much!? During his hallucination, it wasn't nearly so bad! And can't forget the weird nightmare he's having ontop of it. He's a goddamned horse on some battlefield. He was rearing up when the nightmare started, neighing as his rider was shot and killed by an arrow.
There's so much blood. The smell strikes fear in his heart. There's so much red. He slips into Eagle Vision and there's even more red. Not a spec of blue. A sword slides against the armor he is wearing and the screech of metal is too much. He bolts.
He needs to run. Away from the monsters with sharp sticks. Away from the smell of blood and death. Away from the shadows hiding hunters. They follow him. They chase him for a long time.
He is getting so tired.
He needs to get back to the barn. His owner would make everything alright. He would croon soft noises he did not understand, but the tone was soft and gentle. He would give him a treat while brushing him down after a hard days work.
He did ride him into scary battles he did not understand, but afterwards he would wash and groom him extra thoroughly, while feeding him the best apples, crooning more sounds in a happy tone. He would repeat one of the few sounds he understood, which meant "him" and "pay attention to me".
Dante.
But he wasn't on his back anymore and he didn't hear his voice. Just the loud, scary noises of more men in the shiny hard thing. They had the pointy sticks too and tried to take the things dangling from his mouth. Only his owner can touch that! Only he is to be trusted with them.
Running is getting harder, there is large, straight hills in the way and the path is narrower with many strangers in it.
There is still so much red. He can still smell the blood, feel it clotting his fur. Too much red!
Blue.
Suddenly there's blue in front of him. He knows blue means ally. Though why and how this person is blue confuses him. But he is Blue and running him over is not good, but why is he standing there!? Does he not see the red!? Smell it!? Does he not understand we need to run!?
"Desmond"
That single word pierces the fog of fear and wild panic that has flooded Desmonds mind. Ezio is in front of him, hand already gripping the reigns while the other rests on his muzzle.
"There we go Desmond, everything is alright."
Desmond still feels phantom threads of fear, but with Ezio's calming blue glow and his voice saying gentle reassurances, it feels far away.
Now with his mind fully human and not driven by horse instincts or memories, the question becomes: How and why the fuck is he a horse in 15th century Italy with Ezio!?
What even is his life.
————
So, a couple parts i'm stupidly happy about is the "He had love, but didn't cherish it. Didn't truly feel it and took it for granted." part. This, as you can probably tell was inspired by the famous quote "When I was a young man, I had liberty, but I did not see it. I had time, but I did not know it. And I had love, but I did not feel it."
I believe Ezio didn't fully understand liberty until he tried to live a peaceful life with Sofia and realised he would always fear Templars taking revenge on his family and time, because the knowledge that he would never see his children grow up to adults had never been a concern before he met Sofia. He probably thought he wouldn't have a family at all.
But love. Love he would understand what he missed. He would understand it just days after he lost his father and brothers. Those moments you missed out on. Of opportunities to spend time that you squandered away. Time you will never get back, because in real life we don't have time travel.
And now i understand it. Before the end of the last year, i was like Ezio before the loss. Before i lost my grandparents only a few weeks apart.
Those opportunities to spend time was rare and thankfully i took most of them, but i still squandered it away by not actually spending time with them. I just visited and hid away in my room, wasting the time by sitting on the phone.
I will forever regret that because ny memory is shit and besides a few childhood ones, i have no memories of them. I still remember their voices, they were pretty distinct thankfully, but how long until i forget that.
It hurts and as someone who is afraid of death and it's finality, such a reminder that time and love is finite is soulcrushing. It is only recently that i have truly started to think of my grandparents and i guess try to process the fact they are gone forever.
When we first got the news that my grandpa had died, i was even more glued to my phone, not wanting to acknowledge what was happening. I also didn't wanna sleep and only got some when i passed out from exhaustion. We even went to the doctor to get time of work and some sleep medication i didn't dare end up taking.
I even had thoughts of just taking all the pills and just sleeping, to get away from the pain forever. But i'm thankfully too much of a coward, so it just stayed thoughts. I'm doing much better now and as i mentioned, i think i'm starting to process the fact that they are gone.
So, yeah. This post went in a direction i didn't expect. But it feels important and maybe in a few years i can look back at this post and see a snapshot of who i was and reflect on who i am now. So, here's to the future me and anyone else who needs to hear it:
I hope things are going well and if they're not... well, things get better. They always do. You're loved and even if your loved ones are gone, they live on in you. You will carry that love with you, for the rest of your life. 💜
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Playing Metamorphosis Alpha (1976)
(This was originally published in the Indie RPG Newsletter)
This week, we officially kick off a year's worth of intermittent posting about games from 1975 to 1985. We start off with Metamorphosis Alpha, a game by James Ward, published by TSR in 1976.
The pitch of Metamorphosis Alpha is wild. You play people aboard a giant starship that on its journey through space was irradiated and turned into a wacky wonderland. The ship is huge - 50 miles long and 17 levels. It's a megadungeon with whole biomes in it. The people aboard the ship have essentially had their society break down with mutated folk and non-mutated folk separating and fracturing into a thousand different communities. A lot of knowledge of the ship has been lost and now, life is mostly about survival.
Mutation is at the heart of this game. It's both a worldbuilding principle (anything is possible! just say it's a mutation!) and an invitation to make off-the-wall weirdest bunch of freaky little guys you could hope for. Character creation is easily the most fun part of the game. You can play a normal human (boo!), a mutant person, a mutant animal, or, wait for it, a mutant plant! Yes, my green friends, you can absolutely play a plant. In my game, which we dubbed the Preposterous Adventures of Peacock and Plant, the two players were, you guessed it, a peacock and a plant. Or rather, a peacock-person and a plant-person. Or to be even more precise, a peacock with six hands and a levitating ficus.
While stats are randomly rolled (3d6 down the line), you get to pick your mutations. For physical mutations, you could pick having wings or gills. For mental mutations (usually limited to one), you could pick precognition or telekinesis or telepathy or... death field generation? It's a gonzo buffet.
I don't particularly like the term "lonely fun". I think "lonely" stopped being a synonym for "alone" a while ago and now it's mostly used to mean "sadness about being alone". There's nothing sad about sitting by yourself and playing a game. For both the GM and players, Metamorphosis Alpha's big gift is solo fun. The GM is invited to make this big starship, piece by piece, stocking it with whatever nonsense they can imagine. The players are given this toy box with pretty clear rules so they can spend all the time they want making the choicest weirdo.
How does it play? Good question, disembodied voice! Well, it doesn't really. The actual rules of the game felt like little islands that you could visit but if you didn't, you were wandering adrift. There are six stats. Radiation Resistance, only used when exposed to radiation. Mental Resistance, used for psychic attacks and defending from them. Leadership Potential, which is used to see if someone will follow you and join your party. And then Strength, Dexterity and Constitution which are for combat.
So outside of being irradiated, trying to recruit a follower, or fighting, the game doesn't really have any rules to invoke. There is no core mechanic as you're probably used to. People who have played OD&D will recognize this but for others, I have to explain how weird that feels. You don't just roll the dice when making a jump or when trying to persuade a person or examining a door or literally anything outside the situations mentioned above. There is no ability check or saving throw. It was honestly like playing a PbtA game with four very specific moves and nothing else.
I didn't want to just ignore this in play so I didn't houserule it away. We stuck to the text and anytime the characters wanted to do something dangerous or tricky, we just talked through it. This wasn't great. Not just because we missed rolling dice. For me, this was tough because there was the stark tonal shift from character creation to play. When we made characters, it seemed like a saturday morning cartoon. But when we played, the primary method for progress was getting the GM to agree that your action should succeed. You can't just roll for success, you have to convince the GM. But on what basis is the GM supposed to decide? If I was being an impartial referee, thinking about physics and realism and so on, my job is to say "no" to wacky ideas that would be home in a saturday morning cartoon. In the end, I didn't want to spend my time saying no and chose to embrace my players' wacky ideas. We had a fun game and since the players wanted to avoid all the combat, we basically never touched the dice.
I'm not sure what to make of this. Is this one of those "objective successfully failed" situations? I'm really interested in hearing from folks who played this game or its successor, Gamma World. Which way did you fall? Survival dungeoncrawl or saturday morning cart
PS: This is how stats like Radiation Resistance are used. When the situation arises, you look down at a look-up table! Radiation level on the x-axis and your stat on the y-axis. The result is the amount of dice you take as damage, I think. If you get a D, that's instant death. But every turn when you're exposed, your stat temporarily goes down by one. So you have to keep rechecking the table every turn.
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John, Lies and Trust, and the Dark World
Okay, okaaaayyyyy I'm so normal about all this you have no idea *exhaaaale*
This is basically John's character study after all the s4 finale's revelations. The post ended up being too long, and I know how we're all here either ND or just hate long walls of text, so I broke it down into a series of about 4-5 posts I'll put here gradually. The last (?) part, the parallels between s3 and 4, is still in progress, but others are completed.
There's goint to be a general introduction, then the Dark World, the deal, John's personality after the Dark World, and S3 &4 parallels. Enjoy! I'll be glad to discuss.
Introduction
So, I've relistened to s3 and the finale once again. I'm not feeling well, fellas. The more I think about this whole deal, the worse it gets.
What initially tripped me off was how lifeless Arthur sounded after he learned about John's deal with Kayne and how easily he agreed to Kayne's offer, like he suddenly lost all the fight he used to have in him - because John betrayed him with his lies, in Arthur's pov (probably). Now, I've listened to the finale about 3 or 4 times and still can't determine if The Great Divorce is waiting for us or not. There wasn't that much time for any interactions or processing, so while Arthur sounded shocked initially, it's also Kayne they're dealing with, and, moreover, ecstatic Kayne, which is worse, and he's just blew up one person's head and yeeted another gods know where. AND he hears John, so not much room for talking things out. Maybe Arthur was just being smart and cautious. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway, because the boys were getting MUCH better at communication and established a remarkable level of trust between them. And Arthur had all the hints at what was going on in general, so. Is he an investigator or what.
So that's not what I want to talk about but needed to get this out of my system, and it leads to the actual topic.
Trust.
Trust between these two has been something like a cornerstone since the very beginning, has been tested and broken and mended a number of times, but it becomes one of the most important and prominent topics as early as in season 2. We all remember the pits, thank you very much, right.
This was an important lesson for John to learn. He... that's a bit of a projection but it seems to me like he's finding out the limits of what's what (the good and the bad, acceptable and not, hurtful and healing, etc.) a bit like I do - by hitting the extremes and gradually coming to the happy middle, like a pendulum. Once the extreme is found, he'd try his best not to go there again unless it's really necessary in his opinion. Before the pits he learned that saying and doing some things was a no-go, and lying to Arthur was one of them.
Frankly, it's almost funny how bad he was at it almost since the beginning. He's supposed to be a great manipulator, and seemed to be pretty sucessful at it at first, but lost his cool too quickly, being too annoyed by Arthur and just grumbling the orders. Even so, when he started getting attached even in the slightest, lying immediately became more difficult for him. So this is one thing we learn rather early: John actually hates lying. He's really, really BAD at it when it comes to Arthur whom he cares about, even when he's not very sure about it yet. He lies so reluctantly that it's pretty easy to spot when something's off and you don't even have to be an investigator for that.
Could it be partly because the original King in Yellow is supposed to whisper the truths any sane person cannot bear, and not just manipulate them?
Right before the pits, when they agreed to trust each other and John rolled back to lying, it wasn't just for funsies or a vicious manipulation. And he didn't like what he was doing. But, in his opinion, it was necessary, it was useful and helped him - and them - in a precarious situation. He lied about the depiction of the KiY on the wall and some other things which seemed objectively dangerous and could trip Arthur off if mentioned, but didn't take anything away if stayed hidden. And the wall carving thing was simply about John's fear. I'm not sure what exactly he was scared of, but to me it seemed as if it was of losing Arthur's trust just when they established it. They arrived to the KiY's place, what if Arthur suspects John was plotting something (when he wasn't, but how does he prove it?!), so better not to mention this. It's just a carving, who cares, they'll be fine. It probably sounds irrational, but that's how I saw the situation. And it was irrational, because John panicked.
I can't remember which ficwriter said that John reverts to lying when he's scared (pls tell me I'll leave the credits here), but I think it's a very good observation that's never come across my mind before I read it.
So he was panicking and making things up as he went, and it backfired exactly with what he was trying to avoid.
Therefore:
John hates lying and isn't good at it
reverts to it when deeply scared
learned it was a very important point to never lie to Arthur, otherwise the trust will be lost (and John values this trust a lot)
It goes without saying that the no lying rule goes both ways as both boys hate being lied to.
And right after this newfound knowledge and determination to be better John promises to never forget Arthur (mutually), then promptly loses Arthur (not being sure if he's even alive) and gets pulled back to the King.
I was impressed to learn he stayed true to his word and fought the King tooth and nail every moment he could. Even Kayne confirmed that, so it's not just John's bravado.
He won. Actually this is a huge revelation in on itself, because it shows how just strong and big part of the King John is: he's beaten the King in a battle of wills in his own realm. Think about it, just think. No wonder he defeated Yellow, too.
I bet he thought he had nothing left to lose and was desperate not to lose himself. John actually wants to live really bad, I think, and not as a part of someone else, but as his own person. but definitely together with Arthur by the way he sounded in s3 and 4
And then he ended up in the Dark World, alone, just like he used to fear.
TBC
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BACKGROUNDER - the one that got away!kuroo
note: hello!! if you're seeing this post, you probably clicked through from this fic, and if not... well that's ur own journey <3 this is a collection of posts from my #the one that got away!kuroo universe, which offer context to the main story but aren't strictly necessary—like... further readings, i guess. i contemplated how best to direct people here, and in order for you to most easily access this info, i settled for this post!! under the cut are all of the asks/text posts that ultimately culminated in the full fic, arranged in chronological order for your viewing convenience:
original text post: not to kill the vibe but kuroo tetsuro does give me big 'guy who isn't ready for marriage but then gets married to the first girlfriend he has after the two of you break up' energy for reasons i cannot quite put my finger on
> n to rub salt into the wound, you thought for sure you and kuroo would marry
you didn't think the breakup would stick. you always thought—or hoped, maybe—that the two of you would find your way back to each other when the time was right. but not even two years later (which feels so SOON, even though it isn't really) you see that he's engaged to a girl—a perfectly nice, normal girl, that you can't even bring yourself to hate because you know all too well what it's like to be in love with tetsuro. know what it's like to want a future with him. and you can't blame her for it, even if you resent her for being the one who gets it.
> after the wedding who do you go with? are you drunk out of your mind
you aren't invited. that stings. but you think it might have been worse if you did end up getting one of those beautiful, unnecessarily elaborate invitations in the mail.
you run into kuroo a few months before the ceremony at a mutual friend's birthday party. end up talking. the wedding comes up accidentally more than anything—maybe someone else mentions it, maybe you ask, maybe he tells you like he's repenting for a sin he didn't commit—and he stumbles through an unbearably awkward explanation (that he doesn't even owe you) as to why you weren't invited. but you know even if he says it in nicer, easier to swallow words, gilded with white lies: it would be weird. it would be wrong. it wouldn't be fair to anyone. not to him, or to you, or to her.
you get drunk the night of the wedding and hook up with the guy you've been fucking for the past few months, who you're pretty sure doesn't even know what you do for work even though you've told him multiple times. all your friends are dressed up and celebrating, and you're throwing up in the hotel bathroom by 2am while the guy sleeps in the bed a room away—completely, blissfully unaware of what's happening on the other side of the wall, let alone at a glittering venue across town.
you envy him for it.
> does kuroo still love reader? does he love her?
he does still love reader AND love his fiance too. maybe in different ways. maybe his love for reader is like guilt. maybe his love for his soon-to-be wife is more like atonement. i don't think it took kuroo very long to realize what he did to you was, well, sort of cruel. i think he regrets it deeply and thinks about it often. in a fucked up sort of way it makes him better to his new partner, because he doesn't want to hurt someone like that again because of his own immaturity. it's unfortunate, but it's like she gets to reap all the benefits of the growth he experiences at your expense.
> Will it ever get better for you after kuroos wedding
of course it will. that's the really weird thing about heartbreak: life just keeps going. you feel like your heart has been cleaved out of your chest, but then you just... go to work. you do your laundry. you read a new book that becomes an all time favourite. you spend time with your friends and family. you go on dates. you learn all the lyrics to new songs. you celebrate holidays and birthdays. and one day you realize it's been years and you're in a totally different part of your life now, and the boy you thought would one day be holding your hand on your deathbed doesn't even know what the inside of your new apartment looks like. and you don't know what his looks like, either. and it's still sad, and hard sometimes, but all you can do is keep going. keep trying to find new happiness even if it's not the one you wanted. and hope that somewhere out there he has a new favourite book too.
> think of Kai who was secretly pining for you during your relationship with Kuroo. Yet, he still doesn't have it in him to confess his feelings. So, he does the next best thing: he becomes your booty call. But when you slip during one of your hook-ups--when you moan Kuroo's name--he realizes it would never work out between the two of you. Your heart is so full of Kuroo that there's no room for him.
kuroo is so beloved by the people around him that i don't think there's a friend in his life who would EVER betray him like that—even if they did have feelings for you. even more than that, a lot of the friends that he introduced you to during your relationship (who you got close to) seem to grow distant after the breakup. even though it was his fault, really. even though you were their friend too. they just seem to naturally gravitate back to him, like belongings that are divvied up after a divorce. and there's no hard feelings. they don't dislike you, or even do it consciously, it just... happens.
you do definitely call out tetsuro's name when you're hooking up with other people though. it never ends well.
> sorry if u’ve already answered this but how long did kuroo and reader date?
they met in high school, and always had little crushes on each other but it never went anywhere. kuroo FINALLY confessed at graduation (he tried to be rly smooth like the shoujo protag he isn't and almost botched it) and they started dating at 18. they dated for a little over 5 years. broke up at 23. kuroo stayed single for a while before he started dating his (eventual) wife, and they got married at around 26. reader moved away from Tokyo when she was 28-29. and reader and kuroo are both in their mid-to-late 30s when the fic opens!!
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Female Reader x Rooster
Time: Post-Top gun: Maverick
Y/n Blackwood - L/n, daughter of Charlotte "Charlie" Blackwood. Y/n took a strong interest in planes from a young age. Knowing her father was an esteemed pilot drew her even further into the navy. Quickly, she became one of the best solo pilots and graduating at the top of her class at Top Gun.
Her next mission? Return to Top Gun, Face certain death, romantic interests, and finally, her thought-to-be-dead, father.
This book contains strong language and sexual content that may be sensitive readers under the age of 18
This story was originally posted on Wattpad, follow me on there for faster updates. I have published a non-binary version of this story published there for those who do not identify as female or use she/her pronouns. It will follow the exact same story line.
Link to Wattpad Account
Link to the Non-Binary version
Master list
All is Fair
Loud pounding on the door along with a muffled voice woke me up. My head throbbed of a hangover, pounding so hard my eyes hurt. I groaned, taking the pillow underneath my head and flipping it over my face for cover.
The pounding still continued, more persistent than last time.
"Rooster." I grumbled through the pillow. Not even a movement.
I lifted my pillow up just enough to see Roosters sleeping body, not moving at all.
"Rooster." I said a little louder. Nothing happened. Man, he slept like a rock.
I took the pillow from my head and smacked him in the face with it. Rooster jumped awake with a gasp.
"Rooster. The door." I groaned in agony, pulling the blanket over my head.
I heard rooster mutter under his breath and the weight from his side of the bed lifted. I stayed in my secluded blanket hole as the pounding continued.
"I'm coming!" He yelled at the door as he stumbled to slip his boxers on. I popped my head out from under the blanket long enough to give him a jab.
"You already did."
I quickly covered my head with the blanket again just in time for me to feel a thump. I removed my head from the blanket and grabbed the pillow that rooster had thrown at me and put it behind my head.
"Mav? What the hell?"
My eyes widened into shock. My heart dropped into my stomach and suddenly I thought I might be sick. I sunk a little further into the bed and did my best to cover my face.
I heard heavy footsteps come from the hallway and saw a flash of a person walk by.
"Have you seen y/n?" His voice echoed around the walls of the room.
"Sure. Come on in." I heard Rooster say sarcastically.
"Her car is still at the base but there's no sign of her anywhere. I thought surely hangman would know where she was but he didn't seem to know either." Maverick sounded panicked, like he was truly worried.
Rooster walked by the bedroom door and leaned in and grabbed the doorknob. He mouthed 'be quiet' to me before shutting the door.
I felt safer behind the closed door. I reached for my phone and to check for messages.
I cursed myself, putting my phone down and deciding not to answer Hangman. I was a little mad at Phoenix for telling him but I wouldn't want him to worry about where I was.
"I don't know, I've kind of been out all night." I faintly heard rooster say. I slowly crept out of bed, wrapping myself in a smaller throw blanket and making my way towards the door to eavesdrop.
"You went out? It looks like you stayed and drank. You look like shit."
"Aw, thanks Mav."
There was silence for a brief moment and the sounds of heavy booted feet walking on the wooden floors.
"Seriously, what did you do here?"
"Hey don't try to parent me now. What I do on my own time is my business."
"Whatever you say, Brad."
"She did text me though, sent me a screenshot of what you told her about being on call. Which is why I enjoyed my night."
There was silence for a moment before Maverick spoke again.
"Okay. Thank you. Let me know if you hear from her?"
"I will. I'll see you at base."
The footsteps grew louder as they reached the door, causing me to instinctively take a step back. The front door opened and then closed. I let go of the breath that I was holding and felt my racing heart slow down.
The door to the bedroom swung open and Rooster stood there white as a ghost.
"That was horrible."
"I'm so sorry." I said while holding back laughter.
"God I felt like a teenager." Rooster chuckled, wrapping his arms around me. I laughed at him while putting my head on his chest.
"A teenager?"
"Yes! A teenager hiding their girlfriend from their dad." He chuckled.
"Girlfriend?" I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. I knew that's not what he meant, but I wouldn't turn down an opportunity to push his buttons.
"That's- it's not-" Rooster stumbled on his words, his face red with fluster.
I laughed at him. "I know what you meant."
Rooster furrowed his eyebrows together and moved his hands down under my butt to scoop me up in the air. I smiled while looking down at his face.
"You're such a sweetheart, you know?" He said sarcastically.
"I know."
•••
"Attention on deck!"
Our late morning briefing was happening In the airplane hangar, similar to our first mission briefing. I sat in the back row, hangman and Coyote at the table in front of me and directly beside me was Fanboy and Payback. The group of pilots stood up at attention as cyclone's presence was recognized.
"At ease." He instructed us once he took his place at the podium. The pilots took their seats, I rested my elbows on my table. I knew what was coming already, but I was anxious to know more.
"Upon receiving more information from our intel, our mission date is fast approaching. Our internal source has informed us that the enemy air base will be vacant for a brief 45 minute window. We are not sure when, but we do know it will be this week. With this new information we are requiring all aviators to be prepared to be on call."
Fanboy raised his hand and was called on by cyclone.
"What does that mean for us?"
"Your outfit and gear must be on and up to the regulation military standards, and each aviator will be on the aircraft carrier within 5 minutes. To make departure more efficient, your planes will already be loaded into the carrier. During daylight hours this shouldn't be a problem, when you're sleeping is when your decisions really impact your efficiency. Some sleep in their uniform, others sleep in their undershirts with their uniform on hand and ready to go."
Cyclone looked around the group. Nobody raised their hand, it seemed that nobody had any questions. The tension in the room thickened, the realness of the missions presence settling into their minds.
"As for training, Captain Mitchell will continue to coach you through exercises but to prevent the destruction of incredibly valuable and expensive equipment we are placing a restriction on aircrafts. No more than 2 aircrafts in the air at a time, including a trainer and trainee duo, for no more than 30 consecutive minutes without switching both pilots. Now, Captain Mitchell will brief you all on the mission dynamics."
Cyclone excused himself from the podium and Maverick stepped up. Being significantly shorter than cyclone, he moved the microphone down before speaking.
"Good morning aviators. After watching you and flying with you, I have made a decision on the teams for this mission. I will stay on the aircraft carrier on standby. Dagger team A, coming in from the north will be Fanboy and Payback, and Coyote. Dagger team B, coming in from the west will be Hangman, and Phoenix and Bob. Dagger team C, coming in from the south will be Rooster and Wolf."
The pilots silently looked around the room at their teammates. Rooster looked back at me and our eyes connected. He gave me a small nod which I returned to him. We had expected us to be partners based on what Maverick had told Rooster.
"We will meet after lunch in the screening room to strategize the mission. The days leading up to departure you will practice with your partner. And uh..." mavericks voice trailed off as he looked at Cyclone and Warlock that stood off to the side. Cyclone gave him a nod. Mavericks attention turned back to the pilots on the deck.
"That's all. You're dismissed."
I rose from my seat, flattening out my uniform when a hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. Hangman had turned around and taken my wrist in his hand.
"We need to talk." He whispered quietly to me.
I sighed. "Look I'm sorry I didn't text you back but what I do in my free time isn't your business." I whispered back.
"It's not about that, we should switch partners."
"What? Why?"
"Come on y/n, you know we're the best. We'd be in and out in no time. Plus rooster and Phoenix are good buddies, it would be fine."
"Jake. It wasn't my decision, it was based on mavericks evaluation. Plus, We would kill each other."
"I'm just worried he would hold you back."
"Like I'd be any better with you to hang me out to dry?"
"Is there a problem?" A new voice joined the conversation. Both Hangman and I stopped our whisper argument to look over at rooster. He had his arms crossed over his chest, one eyebrow raised.
"No. Everything's fine the way it is." I snapped in Hangman's face, intending to make a jab at the conversation I just had. My head was boiling, Hangman frustrated me beyond belief with that conversation. Though this was different, it was the same feeling of him getting on my nerves but his approach was different.
On a normal day, Hangman would be telling me rooster would hold me back, but he would never offer to switch partners. In fact if we were partners he would do everything in his power to switch.
"Wolf!"
I was drawn from the depths of my mind by a voice calling me down the hall. I turned around to see Maverick jogging up to me. I instinctively looked over his shoulder and then over mine to make sure cyclone wasn't around.
"What's up Mav?" I asked.
"Did I see you and hangman get into it back there?"
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Same shit, different day."
Maverick chuckled and put his hands in his pockets. "Glad to see nothing has changed. Listen, I wanted to ask if you agreed with the partnering for the mission."
I raised my eyebrows in surprise at his question.
"You're the professional here. Whatever you say goes, right?"
"Right I just- I don't know. It seems selfish but, I wanted to put you and Bradley together because I know you'll keep each other safe. I can't lose either of you. But if there's any reason you think you won't be a good team-"
"Mav," I put a hand on his shoulder mid sentence to get him to stop.
"Rooster and I will be fine. Don't worry."
He smiled at me. A smile that truly showed how anxious he was about this mission. Probably because he would be on standby and not flying this mission. I understand the feeling of needing to protect everybody. After his event with his best friend Goose, it must be difficult.
"We'll be great." I reassured him one more time.
"I know you will. I'll see you in the screening room."
Maverick turned on heel and left swiftly. There was still the concern of nepotism looming over us. It made trying to connect with Maverick difficult. I saw him here at work all the time but I couldn't talk to him. If I did it had to be in secret. Now with the on call requirement I couldn't leave base, and after the mission is over I will be going home.
Home... would I go home? My biological father is here. I love my step father, but I live by myself in my hometown. I only see him every so often. Maybe I could move him here? He has always loved the beach. Being here and learning about Maverick and his family has made me feel more connected to my mother. I could stay here and work at Top Gun until my next deployment.
My feet carried me back around to the cafeteria for lunch. I entered the cafeteria and saw the lunch room at a bit of a divide. I chose to sit with fanboy, Phoenix and Bob and rooster. I knew that they would help lighten my mood.
"So then, I said to him, buddy, I'm the woman in the plane."
Apparently I had missed Phoenix's whole story about a man thinking she was just a mission control operated or a teacher or something. I smiled and laughed along although I didn't know how the conversation got there in the first place.
The nerves were setting in. I don't remember the last time I had a mission this high stakes, and especially growing closer to these people In the process. I just hoped that everything would go smoothly.
Next Chapter
#top gun smut#top gun movie#top gun fic#top gun fanfiction#bradley bradshaw smut#bradley bradshaw#rooster bradshaw fic#rooster bradshaw#rooster x y/n#rooster x reader#rooster fanfic#pete mitchell#fanboy top gun#hangman top gun#jake seresin#bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley bradshaw fluff#bradley bradshaw fic#bradley bradshaw fanfiction#bradley bradshaw angst#bradley bradshaw x y/n#bradley bradshaw x oc#bradley bradshaw x reader#bradley bradshaw x female reader#bradley bradhsaw x you#bradley bradshaw fanfic#top gun rooster#rooster top gun#bradley bradshaw imagine#bradley bradshaw drabble
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56 for whichever OC(s) you think fits best
From this!
56). "If you ever compare them to vermin again, I'll beat the shit outta you!"
Angst and fearplay in this one— you have been warned.
---
Oscar liked Freddie. He was a bit of a dick, pompous, a bit bratty— but he was loyal, and Oscar was loyal in return. They had fights every now and then but ultimately the two could settle down and back each other up when it counted.
Freddie grew up in a rich household. His parents had split up when he was young, but he was still the darling child of both. His father was an extremely wealthy man, and his mother had a popular set of exercise DVDs that brought in extra money, not to mention a fitness brand.
He was originally from the USA like his father, but he and his mother moved to England when he was four years old, because she wanted to experience the royalty of English life.
Whatever the hell that meant.
Oscar had the opposite upbringing. His parents stayed together when they really shouldn't have, and eventually his father was arrested for domestic abuse and never came back home after; only sending money through the post. His mother was a gambling addict who kicked Oscar out when he was sixteen because he reminded her of his father too much. She called, but she wouldn't ever help him out.
To be fair, she never had money left to help him out in the first place.
During that time Freddie's mum let him stay in their house and, since he was such a close friend of Freddie's, they paid for Oscar to have a small place to stay once he was 18, so long as he paid the bills.
Oscar was very thankful to his friend's family— without them he'd have probably ended up on the streets.
And despite that all… he knew it would be a disaster if Freddie met Sammy.
He would text Freddie about Sammy often, but he never mentioned her size in any of those messages, or her trauma (it wasn't really his to tell). Freddie started out at first being a womaniser, praising Oscar and telling him to 'get it in quick before she loses interest', to which Oscar always responded: 'fuck off you prick'.
Eventually though, he realised how much Oscar genuinely really liked her, and encouraged him to voice his feelings. He got excited whenever Oscar told him about any cute moments that had happened, and was really happy to see his friend actually caring this much about someone.
That was all great. What wasn't great was Freddie making a surprise visit to his house after Oscar had mentioned he was hanging out with Sammy that same day.
"So? Where is she?" The blonde asked as he barged in, despite Oscar very specifically telling him to get out.
Luckily he had heard Freddie's obnoxiously loud car coming and so Sammy had time to hide— but not enough time to actually get into the walls. Oscar was worried for her and simultaneously embarrassed to have Freddie possibly expose his feelings for Sammy.
Sure, he could tell that Sammy was reciprocating in many ways, but he could also see that she was hesitant. She needed time. A lot of it. And he would respect that— in fact, Oscar was very specifically avoiding mentioning his feelings directly because he knew how much she hated being put on the spot.
"She just left, now go..!" Oscar insisted. He didn't want to force his closest friend out of the door so he was instead trying to stay in front of Freddie, keeping in mind where Sammy was hidden behind a picture frame just a few feet away.
"That's some bullshit, mate. If she just left you wouldn't be this pressed over me visiting." Freddie pointed out, unfaltering as he once again pushed past Oscar, chortling like he wasn't being a complete ass at that moment. To Freddie he was just being mischievous, but Oscar just felt cold at the thought of Sammy being seen.
He hated seeing her so scared…
"Watch out—" Oscar noticed a second too late that Freddie was just about to trip over the coffee table as the blonde stepped backwards.
Just as he began to fall back, Freddie turned himself, grabbing onto a nearby shelf to restore his balance. The shelf shook, knocking off the picture frame his hand had just barely managed to knock in his hasty correction.
Freddie caught it quickly, an apology on the top of his tongue until he noticed there was a tiny…thing on the shelf. It was right next to his hand— he had been very close to squishing the little thing entirely.
Before he could even really comprehend what he was looking at, Oscar butted in.
"Shit! Sammy, are you okay?" He knelt beside the shelf for some reason, hands in his lap as he spoke to the tiny thing.
Wait.
"You're Sammy!?" Freddie exclaimed, shocked. Before Oscar could stop him his hands descended upon the minuscule girl, grabbing her up into both hands, pinning her tiny limbs with his comparatively large fingers. He brought her close to his face, mouth agape with wonder.
"Don't hurt her..!" Oscar spoke urgently, immediately back on his feet and hovering anxiously. He would intervene, but if he grabbed Sammy back then she could get hurt— or fall… and die. Freddie hardly heard him.
"Well, I can't say she's my type… I didn't know you were into the whole helpless kink thingy Osc." Freddie joked, watching with amusement as the tiny creature squirmed in his grip. "She's like a little mouse…"
Oscar flushed red, with both embarrassment and anger at the insinuation.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?! Can't you see she's scared?? Put her down…!" He demanded more harshly this time, taking a step towards Freddie only for the other boy to turn away in response, provoking a frightened yell from Sammy. Oscar's heart was racing— he couldn't even imagine how hers must be in this moment.
"I'm only messing, mate~ She's so small. Like a little bug… God, you could snap her so easily. Is that why her arm's all fake and shit?" Freddie hummed, brushing a thumb over the prosthetic curiously. He chuckled. "I have to admit though, the appeal is growing on me…"
"Freddie if you don't put her down right now I swear—"
"Having a little pet mouse all to myself…" Freddie realised he was going a bit too far in that moment, and he moved to put the tiny girl down finally. What he failed to realise though was that Oscar was not just a bit annoyed.
He was pissed.
The moment Freddie opened his hands and let the girl tumble back out onto the shelf, he was sent sprawling onto the ground after Oscar punched him straight across the face. Freddie sat there in shock for a few moments. He knew Oscar didn't always like his sense of humour but he was never this angry.
Now though the red-haired boy was standing above him, positively fuming.
"If you ever compare her to vermin again, I'll beat the shit outta you!" He shouted. Oscar really didn't care about loyalty to Freddie right then— not when he saw how callously and cruelly his best friend was treating Sammy, just because she was smaller than him.
"Wh— I was kidding..! I didn't even hurt her!" Freddie couldn't help but get defensive, pushing himself to his feet and puffing out his chest as he stood his ground. Oscar was blowing things way out of proportion, clearly…
Well, he thought so until he heard a weird choking sound.
He and Oscar both looked towards the source of the noise at the same time.
Freddie froze up when he saw the girl was curled up on the counter, tears streaming down her face and gripping her arms so tightly that he could see her nails starting to draw blood. Her eyes were wide and terror-stricken, rocking herself back and forth, choking on her own breaths in between shuddering sobs.
"He touched me, he touched me, he touched me— H-he touched me… no no no…" She sobbed, practically hysterical, shaking and crying and fuck.
I did that.
Freddie wasn't used to people actually getting upset at his jokes— and if they did get upset then usually there were other people egging him on to continue. Freddie wasn't a malicious person, but he was naive in terms of understanding how much his words could affect others.
He didn't know what to do. Other girls whenever he would make harsh jokes like that would banter right back at him, not break down in tears. So he stood there… helpless.
Oscar quickly knelt down near the shelf again, his hands at the edge of it but keeping them out of sight for Sammy to avoid scaring her further. His expression looked scared, worried for her, his anger put on the back burner as he focused solely on the tiny borrower in front of him.
"Hey shh shh shh… You're alright, I'm here, okay? It's me, Oscar. You're here with me and you're safe. I won't let anyone touch you. I promise..." He assured softly, trying his best to coax her out of the panic attack she was stuck in.
Sammy remained a trembling mess; sobbing and hyperventilating for a while longer as Oscar slowly helped her calm down. Freddie watched with a mixture of guilt, shock, and shame.
Once the girl was able to think and speak more coherently she climbed into Oscar's hands, huddling up against his fingers as she continued to shake and hiccup. Oscar cradled her to his chest, before turning a harsh glare in Freddie's direction. The blonde took a step back, intimidated.
"Osc, I didn't mean to scare her that bad— I really didn't..!" He defended himself, hands raised in surrender. Freddie had never seen someone so viscerally upset by his jokes before, and it had spooked him quite a bit. Not to mention he had never seen Oscar properly angry before.
"Then what the hell was all that about?? That was cruel and you know it, Freddie. You have no idea about all the shit she's been through..!" Oscar responded, a growl in his tone though he didn't raise his voice to avoid startling Sammy into another panic attack.
"Well, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know she would freak the fuck out— how was I supposed to know?" Freddie couldn't help but get a bit defensive again, though he did glance guiltily down at the tiny girl curled up within Oscar's hands.
Oscar usually might take the time to explain why his friend was being ignorant right now… But this time, he just wanted Freddie to leave.
"Get out. If I keep looking at your face right now I'm gonna end up punching it again…" Oscar gestured towards the door, his glare making it very clear that he wasn't just making an empty threat.
As much as Freddie wanted to defend his intentions, he recognized that he was only going to make things worse by sticking around. He looked down at Sammy again.
"I uh… I really am sorry, by the way. In hindsight I went too far." He apologised, though based on how she only made a small whimpering sound and curled up tighter into herself, he doubted she was really listening. Oscar curled his fingers inwards to hide her from Freddie's vision.
"Out." He ordered once more, and this time Freddie listened, leaving the house as if he was the true victim in all of this. Oscar relaxed as soon as the door was shut, his entire demeanour softening as he looked down at Sammy with a concerned gaze.
He let out a sigh, holding her against his chest, feeling how she leaned against him with what little weight she had. Oscar would never take for granted the trust she was giving him at this moment. He closed his eyes.
"I'll protect you…"
#g/t community#ocs#g/t artist#g/t#ask box#borrowers#g/t writer#giant/tiny#borrower au#g/t au#g/t fearplay#g/t angst#giant/tiny writing#oc asks#ask
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okay hi
did i promise to make an art... lore dump post literally last month? yes. did i not do it for nearly a month? also yes. and im Very Sorry.
anyway! onto the ranting
So starting off with the obvious, Nanehi's color scheme is based off of the Shawnee tribe's flag!
Obviously more desaturated, but the blue sweater and two yellow stars were meant to show that he's native.
Alright, going in page order I'm just gonna throw around some easter eggs or fun facts or commentary...whatever....
Because this is the only good image I can find of it, Nane wears his parents' wedding bands on a necklace. Because his parents are divorced </3
On page 2, Nane has a poster up on his wall which is my current sketchbook cover in my art class. I believe it's somewhere on my art blog
Nane has a ziptie on his backpack! It doesn't mean anything.
Page 6: The white text that says "what?" is actually a reference to the first debut of Nane - an askblog!
(technically his first word was "huh" but i changed it to what for plot's sake)
Continuing with the black spaces on page 6, the panicked eye doesn't really mean anything. However, the twisted light switch was supposed to represent the noose that shows up at the end of the comic.
For page 7, there's obviously the audience design to talk about, but the things I actually wanna focus on are:
The doodle on the top left, which is Nanehi saying that he thinks he has tinnitus [which he then goes on to immediately deny in the next page]
And the doodle on the bottom right. His fursona is a bunny and if I could, I would've tried to fit more bunny imagery into the comic. But alas :pensive:
Page 13: All the different colored text were the responses I got from a select few people. I showed them the previous panels of the page and asked them what they wanted [there is one distinct person I didn't ask but I will get to them later].
I also want you to keep the... 3rd shade of green in mind [the "i want to see where this goes"]
For this panel on page 15, I wanted it to be known that Nanehi isn't a real person, and they know it. Everyone else's face is squared, even the simply doodled character in the background and the barely visible person in the foreground. Everyone except Nane.
Page 16: Man that's just mold on his shower curtain.
Page 17: There's actually a lot I want to talk about with page 17. Firstly, the design of The Audience. It changed, clearly. Before it was that weird circle thing, but now it's more humanoid - to the point of having hair similar to Nanehi's. The reason being, it's not entirely The Audience anymore. It's The Creator too. Nanehi was based off my fear of being watched and constantly having an audience. The little amount of comfort that the figure gives was... sorta supposed to be an apology to the character- as cheesy as that sounds.
(Also the fact that their text originally said "didn't they already answer that" but was crossed out to say 'we'. The Creator disguising themself as The Audience. And truly, what is to separate them?)
Another thing I want to point out is the dark grey panel. It's the same shade of grey I used for the askblog, and he's smiling in that panel, because during the askblog he was much happier around the audience- or the concept of them, rather.
And then of course, the dark blue text that reads "I know how this ends." That actually wasn't a response I took from someone, but rather a piece of... I guess dialogue, that I felt like someone would say. That specific someone being my friend Classi, who was the only person besides me that knew how Watcher ended. Purely because she had a very similar character and we thought that they'd be buddies.
On page 18, we have 3 entire panels in a different style. That being the style of the askblog.
(some examples)(the last image is where the avatar came from, haha)
On page 19 we have this panel, which you can probably assume what it is. It, I suppose, could both be seen as Nane standing, back to the audience, or as Nane hanging without the noose. You choose.
And of course, the last page. For some reason this fucks me up. Because this is The Creator talking to Nanehi. The Creator knows that Nane has no say in how their story ends, but they're given the illusion of control, because that's all they've been looking for. They wanted control over something, so the only way to prove such control was to show The Audience that they could end the story whenever they wanted. He doesn't know that he was talking to The Creator, he just assumed it was still The Audience. He doesn't know that he didn't really have a say.
This was what he wanted. That's how he's ending the story
#watcher comic#directors commentary#uhhhhh#yeah i think thats everything?#idk i'll probably add more later
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WIPs and abandoned projects (March 2021-December 2023)
Info on each one (as well as what the songs/audio sources are):
The song playing in the intro and outro is Dianthus Nardiformis from the Dreaming Mary OST.
19: March 2021. Okay so this one's not actually a work in progress. I made this on my 19th birthday, the joke being that the singer just says 19 then it ends. I think I thought it was kinda dumb so I didn't end up actually posting it. Also features a sona I had before Cress that I never really got attached to, so she was barely used. Song is 19 by Old 97's.
Lonely Holiday: July 2021. This has the honor of being the first OMORI mv I ever attempted. I started this on a whim while bored out of my mind dogsitting for a couple weeks, and I kinda just lost interest in it. Dunno if I'll go back to it. Song is Lonely Holiday by Old 97's.
Numb: July 2021. Another one I started while dogsitting, and another one I kinda just lost interest in, but I absolutely want to revisit it someday because it's an idea I've had for a while and still really want to do. Song is Numb (Linkin Park Cover) by Robyn Adele Anderson.
The Artist: December 2021. I stopped working on this one because doing everything manually frame-by-frame got really annoying and I started to hate working on it. I dunno why I did the zoom in manually but it looks bad, lol. The entire MV would have been just this verse of the song because I thought it really fit Basil and Omori. Tbh I still like how this looks and I may come back to it. Song is The Artist by The Hush Sound.
Higher: February 2022. It's the animation meme. I actually posted this wip a while ago but I'm still gonna include it here for completion's sake. This was really just storyboard practice, so I don't have much of an interest in completing it beyond this. It's Omori Strikers AU (my omori x persona 5 crossover au) and it's basically about Omori's identity issues due to being Sunny's Shadow. The quality's really bad on this one, for some reason iMovie refused to export it in a higher quality than this, I don't know why. Song is High by SIVIK.
Little Sunbeam: February 2022. This MV would have centered on the omari au, and beyond this it'd switch to Mari's pov and take on different palettes. Doing that text effect made working on this very annoying and would make my art program lag a lot so I lost interest in working on it. I might revisit this one, though I'd have to rework the original idea I had now that my perception on the common omari au has changed lol. Song is Little Sunbeam by Eleisha Eagle.
Nightmarish: April 2022. This MV would technically be a remake of one I made in 2020. Same song, same color palette, but with a completely new media. Part of wanting to work on this is wanting to spread Dreaming Mary propaganda cause I love it and I think people who like OMORI will like Dreaming Mary as well. Also I love this song. I definitely wanna go back to this one at some point. Song is Nightmarish from the Dreaming Mary OST.
Keep You Safe: July 2022. Like Higher I also posted this wip before but will still include it here. I absolutely want to go back to this one someday because I still really like the idea I have for it. Fun fact, for those who remember this piece, that was based on this MV, but it's not like you can tell based on what's shown here. Song is Keep You Safe by The Crane Wives.
Four Walls: August 2022. Amnesiac Omori MV, what would have been his youtube introduction if I hadn't stopped working on it and then made When Am I Gonna Lose You. I think I kinda just lost interest in this one, though I wanna go back to it at some point I think. Song is Four Walls (The Ballad of Perry Smith) by Bastille.
Someone Gets Hurt: January 2023. Amnesiac omori again babey!! Animatic that would have taken place after he regains his memories, where he's basically really angry and lashes out at Sunny and Stranger. Might revisit this one. Song is Someone Gets Hurt (Reprise) from the Mean Girls musical.
Uhh some shitpost: February 2023. Silly thing, it's a shame I stopped working on it before it actually got to the main funny part. I dunno if I'll go back to this one. Audio from @/tylergaca on twitter.
Jealous: March 2023. Animation meme. It would've been about Sunny and Mari in my pmd au and the leadup to the incident. It took me a while to get that second shot right and I still really don't like it. Do wanna revisit this one cause I love angst surrounding these two so much I love them in pmd au GRAHHH. Song is Jealous by Eyedress (slowed down).
Stranger lipsync test: May 2023. This was way too difficult as a lipsync test so I gave up on it, though I still like the animation for it. Also this is a pretty good contender for headcanon voice for Stranger I'll be real. Audio is from Persona 5 Royal.
Propaganda: August 2023. Amnesiac omori au storyboard that I do actually wanna make into a completed thing. This is very spoilery so my master plan is to not explain what's happening. Muah hah hah >:3c. Also once again iMovie exported this in a really bad quality for some reason. Song is Propaganda by Kill J.
Alter's Rant: December 2023. One more amnesiac omori animatic for the road. Once again it's really spoilery but it's basically Alter and Omori's final confrontation. I have more done than what's shown here but I wanna keep it a surprise for when I finish it, which should hopefully be soon >:3c. Also this one also got hit by iMovie's low quality curse. Song is Eva's Rant from Bring It On The Musical.
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Hello! I'm still vaguely bouncing off the walls because music(!!!).
"but for me singing is much more about technique/performance than it is about songwriting. it probably creeps out in my writing in how i talk about things like breathing, but they occupy very different parts of my brain"- birl
Breathing patterns definitely feature in your texts as of notice. Other characters certifiably breath and vary their tone of voice! It's on Regulus' radar even! Clothes are not, people are sometimes faceless indistinct voiceboxes to Regulus measure purely in proximity to himself and what he thinks of that (people and Evan and Barty and Sirius that is, but Evan particularly gets the full picture of himself picked up on, he should be honoured).
In ATFHV/TTDL specifically, or else just close to the original setting, so discounting your two separate music-centred aus, who actually plays an instrument/cares about music/sings (to whatever level of expertise you want to specify).
I seem to recall Evan probably does as a Rosier(TM) necessity to perform but nothing else off the top of my head. I know none of them have a toad that would allow them to participate in that particular interspecies choir.
Feel free to take your time, of course, I'm simply curious.
western classical singing is really about a balance of physical tension and relaxation designed to make a lot of stuff happen while also making it look very easy/unstrained and that's regulus all over tbh
one of the things that i find so funny is the idea of sirius being. an incredibly annoyingly loud child. will never shut the fuck up. rules-lawyers everything within an inch of its life. all his games he made up involve destruction/yelling/crashing. this means i think he definitely learned violin when he was little and was So Bad At It that orion and walburga quietly changed their minds about that one
just like. HORRIBLE SCREECHING NOISES FROM SIRIUS'S ROOM AT THREE IN THE MORNING
sirius: *was so bad at violin that his parents didn't even try to get his younger brother to learn an instrument*
the rosiers are more ~patrons~ of musicians than they are musicians themselves - evan can plunk out some simple tunes on a keyboard, but he didn't really formally study piano. he can talk a lot about performance and interpretation though
i have a whole roster of people in the hogwarts choir but none of our important characters are in it afjlshgjkjf
my brain is vibrating re this topic but i'm also sleepy aghlkshgkjsdf i may have more thoughts later but i shall post this as primary thoughts!!
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I wasn't originally planning on writing any of this, but I've read so many wonderful and deeply personal love letters to FFVIII yesterday and today for its 25th anniversary that it kind of emboldened me to.
So here goes I guess, kind of somewhat personal wall of text about a ps1 game, under the cut. You've been warned!
Okay now I don't know how to start. You could say FFVIII came into my life at exactly the right time for me to absolutely imprint on it.
I remember playing the demo that came with a bunch of other demos from a PSN magazine; I'd watched my older brother play a lot of FFVII beforehand and I was enchanted by the story, graphics and characters, the music... Even though my understanding of english at the time was next to mediocre so I relied on him to explain things a lot. I was like... 8 or 9 then so loads of subjects and plot points went completely over my head but it didn't matter at all to me (It was kind of hilarious when I replayed it when I was older because I was like damn, this story is a LOT more convoluted/complicated than I remember wth??? Lmao)
When VIII finally released and I watched my brother play, I was now 10/11 and sometimes he'd play without me so I missed a lot of stuff (and it's rather funny because I remember looking at Squall and co at first and being like whoa, those adults have got their shit together so much and wow how I ever could have looked at Squall and thought that, is beyond me lmao) but when he was done with it I picked it up and played. And sucked. But it stayed with me through my teenage years, never too far.
I was then a lot more fluent in english and literature in general so it pretty much was my first real big 'story-driven' video game ever. I was so damn invested, and, perhaps most of all, I saw myself in Squall so damn much it was borderline uncanny. I think it's so comforting (or alarming depending on how you want to look at it lol) that that seems to be a common thing for all of us die-hard fans. We just 'get it', don't we?
I've... always been a 'weird' kid. That kid other kids somehow know to stay away from, because something is 'off' with them, before they learn how to mock and bully. And I was aware of my 'otherness' as much as them, for as long as I can remember. I never quite fit in, anywhere, no matter how hard I tried. I didn't have a lot of friends, and the very few I had I always kept at arms' length for self-preservation reasons. If I was never vulnerable, if they knew nothing deeper than surface-level stuff about me, they could never hurt me. And this way I wouldn't get too attached, so when they left it wouldn't hurt. Sound familiar?
Admittedly it's safe to assume that I had a somewhat fucked-up childhood (I mean, I wasn't an orphan forced to become a child soldier but still lol) as these behaviours didn't appear out of nowhere, and Squall's inner monologues and way of seeing things just resonated so much with me, I couldn't believe this guy was the hero that saved the day, despite all his traumas and anxiety... But he was. And he did. And his friends cared for him despite it all. And someone fell in love with him, flaws and all. He realized his way of life wasn't sustainable forever and he just... changed. But he wasn't unlovable. He wasn't irredeemable and broken! I cried so much the first time I finished that game. It felt so fucking unfair, I felt like I'd grown and matured right alongside Squall but as the credits rolled and the tv screen turned black I was met with my reflection; alone, in my room. Where were my friends, where was my Rinoa?
I'm an extremely private person. Sharing deep things about myself is extremely difficult for me and twice now I've come this close to erasing the entirety of this post. I have to fight the voice in my head that says this is irrelevant and useless at best, and dangerous to divulge so much personal info at worst. When I talk about personal things, even to the people closest to me, I start shaking and I feel nauseous and cold all over. Even today, right now as I'm typing this!
But this damn video game made me realize that I would never be happy and at peace if I was never honest and vulnerable. Because when you spend years around someone and know loads of things about them yet they know nothing about you, you're not a friend; you're an acquaintance. To love is to give a person the means to hurt you and trust them not to. You have to take that leap.
I eventually found my friends, and my Rinoa; I'm still having trouble trusting and opening up and relying on others but it got better, and it gets better still, and it's in part because of that. one. video game. Ain't that just crazy? A little bit, probably. Who cares.
I feel this wall of text of a post is all over the place and probably TMI but wow good on you for reading through it all lmao. Am I gonna regret posting this in the morning? Most definitely. But hopefully I have the strenght to leave it up. Hopefully someone somewhere can also relate, like I've related so much to all of your posts on this game! Ultimately I am deeply grateful and amazed by this community, we're the black sheeps, the underdogs, the often ill-understood... But I wouldn't want it any other way.
Happy 25th anniversary, Final Fantasy VIII.
#warning: long-ass text post#final fantasy viii#final fantasy 8#ffviii#ff8#my shit#happy 25th anniversary ffviii
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Originally posted: Oct 5 2022
Anonymous asks:
Hi! If your still taking requests…
I'd like an Ink Bendy x Male reader, but with Bendy as the bottom? Thanks for the time, cheers
(yep I still do requests! Hope you enjoy! I'm not too good at writing MxM but I made it work the best I could. Also yes the blue text is the Dua Lipa song. Sorry if its not that good, ive been busy with school stuff lately so i havent had much time to draw or write)
~Good In Bed~
Ink Bendy x Male! Reader
Paring: Male x Male
Smut (18+)
Swearing
Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
🎵Yeah, let's get to the point here
You love to disappoint me, don't ya?
You tell me what I want but ain't no follow through
You don't follow through, no🎵
There against the wall, was the Ink Demon being manhandled by his lover, F/N. The human male made out with the demon in a sort of aggressive way, by pushing him into the wall. The demon moaned as F/N felt up the skinny demon, feeling every jut of bone.
🎵But if you only knew me
The way you know my body, baby
Then I think maybe we could probably see this through
We could make it through, but🎵
The human shoved the demon onto a nearby cot in the room and started caressing his chest as he ground his hips into him. F/N started to take his jeans off and soon came his boxers as his erection sprang free and Bendy groaned.
🎵I've been thinkin' it'd be better
If we didn't know each other
Then you go and make me feel okay
Got me thinkin' it'd be better
If we didn't stay together
Then you put your hands up on my waist🎵
F/N hopped onto Bendy's waist and straddled him. The demon started to writhe and whine for his lover to go all out on him. He did this on purpose, knowing how much Bendy could just flip him over and get what he want, he still stays on the bottom.
🎵I know it's really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad
Messin' with my head, head, head, head, head
We drive each other mad, mad, mad, mad, mad
But baby, that's what makes us good in bed🎵
F/N figured Bendy has had enough and plunged down on top of him, riding him at a slow pace. All the while the ink demon's moans and groans of pleasure giving F/N the drive to bounce faster on his girth. Bendy's moans only get louder and louder, being the bottom he is he tries to get more by thrusting up, but F/N comes off and says "If you want this, then you'll have to obide by my rules Bendy."
🎵Please
Come take it out on me, me, me, me, me
I know it's really bad, bad, bad, bad
But baby, that's what makes us good in bed
It's bad
We drive each other mad
It might be kinda sad
But I think that's what makes us good in bed🎵
He dropped down onto the demon again and rode him at a faster pace, knowing Bendy will cum soon and so will he, so he picks up the tempo of his bouncing to near the edge faster.
🎵I dedicate this verse to
All that good pipe in the moonlight
And the long nights where we did everything but talk it through
That's what we do, yeah
You always let me down, boy
But when you're going down I get so up
Don't know if I could find someone who do me like you do🎵
F/N brought Bendy into one last passionate kiss as he felt his shaft twitch inside of him. He felt up and down his curves and let out the last moan as Bendy shot his seed up inside of Y/N. Both panting, and out of breath from the steamy sex session the both of them just had.
🎵I've been thinkin' it'd be better
If we didn't know each other
Then you go and make me feel okay
Got me thinkin' it'd be better
If we didn't stay together
Then you put your hands up on my waist
I know it's really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad
Messin' with my head, head, head, head, head
We drive each other mad, mad, mad, mad, mad
But baby, that's what makes us good in bed
Please
Come take it out on me, me, me, me, me
I know it's really bad, bad, bad, bad
But baby, that's what makes us good in bed🎵
F/N got off of the demon and helped him up and soon began to put his clothes back on. "That was great, thank you baby" he gave the demon a kiss on the cheek and went back to lay down on the bed
🎵It's bad
We drive each other mad
It might be kinda sad
But I think that's what makes us good in bed
It's bad
We drive each other mad
It might be kinda sad
But I think that's what makes us good in bed
Yeah, we don't know how to talk
(Mm)
But damn, we know how to fuck🎵
The tall demon followed suit to his lover in the bed, tired and drenched in sweat and ink. It was a sight that Bendy loved to see. He got into the bed and wrapped his lanky arms around F/N's waist and dropped his head onto his shoulder. Purring and satisfied, Bendy got to sleep easily that night, no nightmares of Joey, no flashbacks of when he was first created, none of that. He was happy and content right here.
🎵I know it's really bad, bad, bad, bad, bad
Messin' with my head, head, head, head, head
We drive each other mad, mad, mad, mad, mad
But baby, that's what makes us good in bed
Please
Come take it out on me, me, me, me, me
I know it's really bad, bad, bad, bad
But baby, that's what makes us good in bed
It's bad
We drive each other mad
It might be kinda sad
But I think that's what makes us good in bed
It's bad
We drive each other mad
It might be kinda sad
But I think that's what makes us good in bed🎵
(Posting all my other oneshots and whatnot will take a bit so be patient please! Also if your the original person who requested this let me know so I can tag you! I couldn't tag you bc you changed your name :)
#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#bendy x reader#ink bendy#ink bendy x reader#smut#mxm#mxm smut#smut oneshot#old writing
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This a remake of something I posted on my old blog. On July 8th 2023 Bob tweeted;
Since the original image attached is quite long and pixelated, I transcribed it- exactly as he wrote it. He says that he regrets things he's said in the past, talks about where he is at now, and sends a message out to past friends. You can find the full message text underneath the cut. Warning for talk about suicide and internet hate.
[Tweet] bob bryar @/bobbryar: i really shouldn't post this but, as you know, i make some bad decisions. i think if you click it you should be able to read the whole thing. sorry it's kind of long. ❤️-bc
[Image] hi friends,
i'm going to go out on a super long limb and be the most honest i've ever been in my life. probably too honest. i was going to write something like this only to my close friends but i just decided fuck it, i'll write to everyone, whoever wants to read it can read it. i have nothing to hide. nothing to lose.
nobody knows i'm doing this and it's all me by myself. it will probably be a jumbled mess because i'm obviously feeling like shit, but i hope it will make sense. i have nothing that i'm trying to promote. i have nothing that i'm trying to sell, i'm just trying to get better, clear some things up, and keep going. i'm an extremely private person now so it makes no sense at all for me to do this, and it's way out of my comfort zone, but i'm tired of people dying. i will probably regret this but...... fuck it, way too many friends are now gone and i'm exhausted so here we go.
i've spent years hiding from everyone because i receive so much hate that i don't know how to deal with, and i know i probably deserve it. somehow, no matter how much i hide, i still get messages, phone calls, texts, and even letters in my mailbox. a lot of them are very nice and they make me smile, but most are pretty much telling me to die. some literally just say "DIE" and that's it. LOL. i really don't understand why anyone even cares or takes the time to find me but here we are.
i am way too old for this shit so i've put on a tough guy stone face and pretended like nothing ever bothered me. but when i'm alone i just sit and stare at the wall and think about how things went so wrong. how i had so many friends and now have so few, and now i lost the life that i really enjoyed and worked so hard for. honestly, i've become a pretty lonely and unhappy dude.
i feel very lucky and fortunate so i've worked extra hard to help people and animals that needed a hand without ever bragging or asking for anything in return. even after trying so hard to be the best person that i could possibly be i still feel like an extremely hated dude and i'm not really sure why. when i moved into my hole in the woods most people just forgot about me and didn't care, or never cared anyways, but the people that still come after me are too much to handle.
a while ago i made the decision to give away everything that i owned, give away all of my money, spend some time with the few friends that i had left, wipe my phone, stop talking or replying to everyone so they wouldn't care, and then end it. peace out. i even had the note, the rope (ratchet strap for moving the motorcycles) and location (my garage) ready to go. i felt like that was the only option for me. i felt like i had lived my life and it was time for me to go. i had lost my girl of 13 years that i really needed and relied on, lost all of my pets that were like my kids, had multiple friends die or just disappear, and lost every part of the music industry that i grew up in and lived 24/7. it seemed like everyone in that world magically disappeared when i wasn't getting them gigs, making them money, or getting them into events for free anymore. i had my wrist surgically rebuilt twice to be able to play instruments again but by the time my hand worked i was too old to start over, everything was gone, luckily for me, at the last moment i realized that wasn't the solution. i realized that i couldn't put my mom, my dogs, and the few friends i had left through something like that. i don't think anyone else would have cared to be honest.
i was in a really bad spot but i really didn't, and don't want to die. i was just an angry and lost dude. i lost all trust in people. i still only trust a couple people now and i'll probably be this way for the rest of my life. i also had no idea that i came off as such a jerk all the time. i never meant to. i only just realized it recently when i hit bottom and people got real with me. i really had no idea. other than my fake tough guy attitude i always thought i was a really good person that did good things for the world.
in the past i've made some dumb comments that were either admittedly wrong or were very misinterpreted. i've learned a lot since then and i'm sorry. i really am sorry. maybe i can have the opportunity to address those comments, or anything else, to clear the air and maybe feel happy again. maybe we can be friends again. maybe we can even help someone else that is feeling shitty or alone at the same time.
i'm now mentally healthy (still physically a potato), humbled, and ready to move forward. i want to reconnect with friends, catch up with the rest of the world that i avoided for so long, and remember the experiences (good and bad) that i've blocked out. it's super weird for me at this point but i want to talk more. maybe something on an app. i don't know what everyone uses now. remember, it's been a while and i'm an old man now. i've never gone on a live camera app to talk so i'm not sure which one is the best or how to use any of them. i messed around with instagram the other day when i was trying to play a game and i think i got it figured out for the most part. i dont especially want to be seen because i'm a fat old man now, and i hate being on camera, but i think it's the best way to be real. i have the username "bobbryar" on every app that i'm aware of except instagram. the instagram username is "bcbryar" because someone took my name for some reason. btw, i'd like to have that back if anyone knows how.
i'm probably opening the door for a refueled barrage of embarrassment, but this is my last try to make things fun and live a happy life again. so fuck it again. if this turns out horribly i will just go back to my hole and not try again. i promise.
i know most of you are thinking 'waaah, fuck you, i don't care, nobody likes you anymore, you're old, just go away, etc'. i've heard it all and i understand. but for the people who want to talk, let's do it and hopefully be friends again. i've been thinking about this for a while now.
maybe this is dumb. probably. i don't know. but if you are down i will hang out as long as you want. if it goes well maybe we can talk more often. maybe it might be fun. it's definitely time to have some motherfucking fun again.
i already know that i'm going to get super extra roasted for writing this but oh well. don't care.
anyways... let me know if you are down. i'd really like to have my friends back in my life again. i really miss my friends a lot.
i'm heading back over to the DCI competition now and i'm late. i miss that a lot too. maybe i'll see you there, come hang out and have some fun.
i hope to talk very soon.
❤️ -bc.
[Reply to the tweet] bob bryar @/bobbryar: you can save it as a picture and then see the whole thing. thanks for the help jordan. 🙂
#i watched one of his live streams on instagram- he played fortnite with pink floyd's the dark side of the moon playing in the background#idk ive been wanting to have this on my blog again for a while and since im in my bob feelings here we go#im not commenting on the value of his words here in this post. just sharing it#bob bryar#mcr#twitter
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