Yo! I'm the little John gremlin from that ask and I must say that was absolutely CHEFS KISS!!!

Amazing work I am very satisfied!

Hi bestie!! As a fellow John gremlin (wonderful nickname btw) this means a lot to me, thank you so much🥰 🫶🏻 I’ll definitely write more content because that was super fun and now I know I have a reader!!

On today's episode of Simps-R-Us: A Guy and his... pet(s), or You, Your Faves, and your fur/feathered/fin-babies:

Capt. John Price - Standing ten toes down on this: Price would have two small, cute dogs, one named Sir Peabody and the other named Lady Marie. You two spoil them something fierce and they have a pile of little doggy hats that match their beloved papa's... much to his chagrin.

Gaz - Gaz said he'd surprise you and surprise you he did. He came home with a cockatoo. A damn cockatoo. Jokes on him, though, because your bird baby absolutely loves to prank the shit out of Gaz, too, by mimicking your voice when you're away and making him jump. Jokes on both of you now, because Soap has taught him how to curse and that's all he does now, Scottish accent and all. You have a picture saved of the bird (named Buttercup) on top of Gaz's head.

Alex Keller - Has the most gremlin Donskoy (named Brunswick) to ever gremlin, complete with the wide stormy eyes, which is funny because Keller can sometimes make a face that's very much gremlin-esque and the two greatly resemble each other. Can usually be found making biscuits on Alex's head.

Soap - Has a Labrador named Whiskey that he absolutely adores. Whiskey has also put you two in the most adorable of love triangles where you don't know whose affection you're playfully fighting for on any given day. Also has a tendency to take Soap's socks and he has to chase him throughout the house. Well, he and Whiskey are chasing each other throughout the house just about constantly.

Ghost - You guys talked about it but he surprised you one day by bringing home a Belgian Mal puppers who didn't make the unit. His name? Pup. Pup Riley. And Pup Riley is a ball of energy. Bloody hell. He always assumes he's going for a walk whenever you two make ready to leave. He also won't let Simon leave without him and so Simon usually has to create a diversion just to walk out the front door. It's also not uncommon for Pup to jump on his Papa whenever he gets home, too. Oh, did we also talk about the fact that Simon has to fight with Pup for his side of the bed whenever he's home or that Pup wakes him up early in the damn morning to take him out for his first walk of the day?

Roach - Found a stray kitten and brought her home. Her name's Oatmeal. Oatmeal is now the chonkiest, cutest loaf (you send Roach various pictures of her Loafiness). You two also bought her a set of those pet buttons just for shits and giggles and Oatmeal's really caught on to them. She uses "Dad", "Mad", and "Food" a lot even though she stays fed lmao.

Keegan - To everyone's surprise (and his own), has a husky named Balto who ignores the concept of personal space, loves to put his paw right in the middle of Keegan's face, and has pissed on Keegan's boots more than once because Balto felt slighted (you had to go to the groomer's, buddy, you rolled in mud). You and Keegan have also lost count of the number of times you've had to carry Balto into the house because he refuses to come inside, especially when it’s cold.

Alejandro - You two adopted a senior dog named Mojo who is the most peaceful little angel. Can usually be found lying near yours or Alejo's feet as you're working or something of that nature.

Rudy - You two have this huge ass tank full of fish that run the gamut of the rainbow and you remember all their names. The brooding one is named Alejandro and his namesake was not amused lmao.

König - You two have a small but floofy cat. She's black with a grey undercoat that he calls his "little Prinzessin" and she always looks like she's in a constant state of surprise. Whenever she blinks or closes her eyes, she becomes a floofy void. Her Highness prefers to be carried like a baby, thank you very much.

Phillip Graves - You two are the proud parents of a Bulldog named Bubba who thinks he has his humans trained (spoiler alert: he kinda does). Bubba Graves makes your day with the way he silently judges his parents, throws a tantrum when he doesn't get more food or pets, and usually has Philip sigh facetiously and go, "Now, son, why can't you behave for your old man, huh?"

Hello Supablr. Sorry this took forever, but I've been working on a follow up project once I'm done with these. More on that later, so for now just enjoy the takes

Skarra: Feral, cackling gremlin trying to pretend he's not empty inside. Needs a hug, possibly several hugs, but is too afraid of cooties to ask. He's either going to have a Prince Zuko level redemption or go full Anakin Skywalker

Dingaan: Dammit Dingaan! You can't be both the lovable, clueless himbo and dumb, jock bully at the same time. Pick one!

Automatic: So, if we ever get a Rookie Season 2, are we gonna see him become the third wheel in Skarra and Shakes' rivalry? Cause no joke, this guy lost his job to Shakes and has way more reason to hate him than Skarra does

Max Power: I'm not a shipper, but why are there no pairings between him and Shakes? I mean, technically there's two of him, but still

Dooma: Oh Dooma, Dooma, Dooma. The writers made such a big deal about bringing you back, and then they promptly forgot about you. Guess upstaging Skarra really isn't all that easy.

Uber: Somehow, a 6.5, 300+ lb. German muscle man is giving me more babygirl vibes then a Sailor Moon character. Also, it's hilarious when you realize he outranks his coach.

Ja Nein: The rarely seen lovechild between adorkableness and pure evil. The "first day at the unit" meme was invented for this guy specifically.

Thor: If he grows a beard, we can call him Odin

Von Eye: Why did it take me four seasons to realize his name is a pun? What is wrong with me?

Chuck: Seriously, I want to see this guy succeed. I want him train up his team, pull off a win, and feel good about it just so he can tell Toni to screw off

John Johnson: The most loveable himbo in a team that consists of equally loveable himbos

Miko Chen: The only thing not completely wholesome about him is how little screen time he gets. That's about as shameful as Ura-Giri's strategies.

De los Santos: He really needs his own Boss theme, but does that make him the bad guy? Cause lets face it, he's not the bad guy

Don Aldo: That's not how hair physics works

Ninja: The second most absent arch-rival in my history of watching cartoons. At least they both brought him back and gave him an identity as El Matador's rival. Still wish we got to see more of the tigers

Liquido: Ten years ago, if I told myself I would one day describe someone as a "sociopathic surfer-dude" I would start to question my own sanity

Andre Meda: His name is an astronomy pun, his team uses constellations as a secret formation code, and his coach has them train in outer space. This guy is a huge closet nerd, and you can't change my mind.

Vladmir Savich: They made a few half-baked attempts to make him a villain and the fanbase is having none of it. Good for him.

Riano: WHY IS THERE NOT MORE CONTENT OF HIM AND SHAKES BEING FRIENDS? They were such good friends, and we have like zero content to prove it. Do the writers not realize how much of a foil he could have been to Skarra? Riano and Shakes being best friends, and Skarra is feeling like he's been replaced, thus hating Shakes even more. Sorry for the long rant but c'mon Moonbug, this guy had so much potential

I said it once and I'll say it once again (read it please)

Please for all the good that's left in this world DON'T WATCH RINGS OF POWER OR JUST PIRATE THIS SHOW🙏🏻🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾🙏🏿

As John Ronald Reuel Tolkien once said:

The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.

And THIS show is just one dark place full of peril and if we stop fighting - we'll show then that fairness and love mean absolutely nothing. ✋

😍Amazon is trying to turn the professor's life's work, something that means so much for millions of people, into a platform that they'll use to make cheap soulless spinoffs, merch and Galadriel knows what else.😍 Amazon spent 1 BILLION dollars just to insult Tolkien and humanity in general.

This is our chance to prove them that there's still ....sth good left in this world? That we still care more about people's lives (that Amazon doesn't give a fuck about), really talented writes and good stories where even little people can defeat the huge evil if they unite than.... rich guys who gave money to people who don't care about Tolkien at all and said:

ugh idk make a tv show about... what's popular rn? Euphoria (no offense, I love euphoria it's an example🥺)? Stranger things? Yeah but no one's gonna watch it cause you can't write a thing SO we'll call it lord of the rings cause people probably heard about it! So here's a plan: you call it LotR, erase everything that can even slightly look like a LotR adaptation AND scream feminism every 3 seconds so everyone who wants to criticize us can say nothing against it. (feminism by Amazon = 1) take the most powerful elf in history who's wisdom saved thousands lives and who never needed to hold a sword cause she had fucking magic powers 2) turn her into a little gremlin who's walking 24/7 with this face 😤 cause men breathe around her?... I guess? 3) give her a sword cause....if woman doesn't want to fight with a sword she's.....not a strong character anymore idk? Amazon makes me so confused every day

Pizza Tower United: the beginning of the united chaos

it starts with a pizza tower and a familar gremlin (not) enters the pizza tower...the gremlin reveals himself he's the woise! (noise but with the white color right?) as woise enters the level: john gutter

we see the main character of series attacking the enemys as collecting toppins and gerome too the woise is about to destory john pillar and woise skates away with his skateboard and exit the level and got a A rank and woise goes to the hub and...the united chaos begins! (the end of the episode)

.

January 1973 Abortion became legal in the US. Being with the US Army Drug & Alcohol Suppression Activity HQed in Japan I heard nothing about this decision. We had the Stars & Stripes Newspaper, along with Armed Forces Radio & Television Service. I had no TV but I did faithfully listen to Casey Kasim & Wolfman Jack on the radio. Rarely did I read the Stars & Stripes. I had just completed my 1st year in the Army, and my 7th month in Japan. My focus was on the Vietnam War. I did go to S Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, the Philipines, Hong Kong, & Vietnam in 1973 (as well as 4 months at John Hopkins University). During a layover in Hong Kong, I watched Happy Days on the unite room TV. I thought it was a paradoy on America, not knowing it was a weekly show in the US. In 1974 when I was getting ready to rotate back to Stateside I looked at cars via the PX to pick up once back in The World (the term we called the US). Saw all the news about the cost of gas due to the Gulf States holding back delivery. The AMC Gremlin had the best gas mileage of the cars we could order. When I was transferring from Traves Air Force Base to SF Airport I saw large cars towing mobile homes. So much for gas rationing. In 1985 I did finally learn about Roe v Wade while at Cardinal Glennon Seminary. 1973 seems so ancient using paper maps, buying a newspaper, using cash no credit cards, and calling on pay phones. Flying on TWA, Ozark, American. https://www.instagram.com/p/CfRBFKgOxjI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

IT'S TIME FOR JAMIE MCCRIMMON FINALLY! Round Seven is here guys and heck I am hyped to see this legend paired with each doctor. I'm not gonna bother with an intro here, no jokes, I'm just gonna highland fling myself into it.

1: This is one of the few instances I don't think Jamie and the Doc would instantly hit it off. I think Jamie would find One too patronising and One would find Jamie's technical ineptitude to be annoying at first. However they would soon bond and form a teacher/student relationship along the same lines as 12 and Bill.

2: Oh god how am I gonna sum this up. Okay we're gonna deal with Jamie seeing One regenerate into Two and then having to deal with Two high on regeneration energy. There would be confusion. There would be panic. He would also be the first to realise that Two was still The Doctor. And when Two is high on regeneration energy he is a mischievous gremlin. These two would instantly hit it off and cause so much chaos in Power of The Daleks. I'd be all here for it.

3: Jamie and Three would have a whale of a time with the UNIT family. Thinking about it, Jamie is perfectly suited to Three because he is always impressed by The Doctor but is also more than happy to call him out on bullshit. This means Three's arrogance would be reigned in but their comedic potential would shine brilliantly.

4: "I'm very serious about what I do but rarely about how I do it". This line was first said by three but absolutely represents Four too. Jamie would be all there for that, and you cannot convince me that he wouldn't get on with Leela like a house (or a TARDIS) on fire. If those two met they could legitimately rule the world.

5: He would be instantly adopted into the family, and would find himself educated on feminism, science, and history all at once. This would be a healthy team for Jamie, who would be able to chill out a bit more and not always play the action hero he sometimes had to play with Two. I think he would sometimes find it a little crowded though.

6: Again with the arrogance. Six is rather brash and Jamie usually benefits from a steadier hand at the wheel, although he is also resourceful and more than capable of being level headed in his own right. If Six travelled with Jamie I can see his manic energy being channelled into a rather gung ho persona that ended with both of them getting into rather sticky situations.

7: Jamie nearly left Two in Evil of The Daleks over what they did there. This pairing would last about three seconds before tempers split. Alternatively Seven would quickly learn that you can trust your companions with secrets and would become a more open and healthy doctor. So this could go either way.

8: Yeah this would be fun, the romantic poet and the brave clansman travelling the universe. I think it would make for rather whimsical storytelling, and I'd be all there for it.

War: I've heard about *that* story featuring an alternative ending to The War Games, and I have no inclination of giving Jamie that trauma here. Skip.

9: Jamie's loyalty to The Doctor would help in the harder times, and the respect that The Doctor has for Jamie would let them both interact well here. I think Jamie would make for a fantastic foil to both Nine and Rose, and Jack would absolutely be all over him. (Fuck John Barrowman tho).

10: Yeah this would be fun, the two space goofballs running around. Probably a strange pick but I'd love to see him in The Doctor's Daughter, purely to watch him and Jenny bounce off each other.

11: This would slap. Eleven is a magical Doctor who really understands the true beauty of the universe, and who really really wears his heart on his sleeve. Jamie would respect that and be fully on side with Eleven and whatever they needed to do. I wonder how him and Clara would interact?

12: This would literally be like 2 and Jamie onscreen and no one can convince me otherwise. The only difference is that 12 is Scottish! So instant chemistry boost. I'd literally pay for a special episode with Capaldi and Hines in. This would be so fun.

13: Yeah, this would be solid? I really can't find a reason to deny that this would be good but I can't find a reason to say it would be either. I just have a vibe.

Ruth: Both are very action-y, and willing to throw hands if threatened. This would be badass. 10/10 would love a series of these two together.

Alright, guys.

Here's a list of the DVDs in my room.

Rate My Taste

Here:

13 Assassins

2001: A Space Odyssey

300

47 Ronin

8 Mile

A Fistful of Dollars

AVP2: Requiem

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Account Rendered

Adaptation

Afro Samurai: The Complete Murder Sessions

Airplane!

Akira

Alien vs. Predator

Alley Cats

Amadeus

Amelie

Anastasia

Arachnophobia

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Back To The Future

Barry Lyndon

Batman

Batman Ninja

Batman TAS: Secrets of The Caped Crusaders

Batman TAS: Tales Of The Dark Knight

Batman: Gotham by Gaslight

Batman: Mask of The Phantasm

Battle Royale

Beetlejuice

Being John Malkovich

Ben-Hur

Big Eyes

Big Fish

Big Time Rush: Halfway There

Bill

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Birdman: (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Black Dynamite

Black Mama White Mama

Black Swan

Blackkklansman

Blade Runner: The Director's Cut

Blazing Saddles

Bonnie and Clyde

Boogeyman

Bowling For Columbine

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Breaking Bad

Breaking Glass

Brexit: The Uncivil War

Brokeback Mountain

Bubba Ho-Tep

Bugsy Malone

Bula Quo

Capitalism: A Love Story

Capote

Casablanca

Chicago

Children of Men

Churchill: The Hollywood Years

Citizen Kane

Clash Of The Titans

Clash of The Titans

Cleopatra Jones

Cloud Atlas

Clueless

Coffy

Commando

Conan The Barbarian

Control

Coraline

Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

Curse of The Golden Flower

David Brent: Life On The Road

Dazed And Confused

Deadpool

Deadpool 2

Death Note

Death Proof

Demolition Man

Descendants

Dirty Harry

Django Unchained

Doctor Zhivago

Dodgeball

Dog Soldiers

Double Indemnity

Dowton Abbey: Series One

Dr Strangelove Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

Dr Suess' How The Grinch Stole Christmas

Dr. No

Drunken Angel

Drunken Master

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Ed Wood

Edward Scissorhands

Elfie Hopkins

Escape Plan

Evil Dead

Evolution

Extras: The Complete First Series

Fahrenheit 9/11

Falling Down

Fame

Family Guy Presents: Blue Harvest

Family Guy: Season Nine

Fear And Loathing in Las Vegas

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Finding Netherland

Flashdance

Footloose

Forrest Gump

Forrest Warriors

Foxy Brown

From Dusk Till Dawn

From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money

From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman's Daughter

From Here to Eternity

Frost/Nixon

Frozen

Funny Face

Gatsby

Ghost Dog: The Way if The Samurai

Ghost In The Shell

Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex Vol. 1

Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex Vol. 2

Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex Vol. 5

Ghostwatch

Gnomeo & Juliet

Godzilla

Gone With The Wind

Grave of The Fireflies

Gremlins

Groundhog Day

Hail, Caesar

Happy Gilmore

Harry Hill's TV Burp Gold

Harry Hill's TV Burp Gold 2

Harry Potter And The Order of The Phoenix

Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone

Hero

Hideo Nakata's Dark Water

High and Low

Highlander

History: Poltergeists

History: Spontaneous Human Combustion

History: Vampires

Hobo With a Shotgun

Horrible Histories: Series One

Hot Fuzz

Hot Rod

House of Flying Daggers

I Know What You Did Last Summer

I, Tonya

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

In Bruges

Inglorious Basterds

Insomnia

Iron Man

Isle of Dogs

JFK

Jackie Brown

Jaws

Johnny English

Joker

Julie & Julia

Jumanji

Jurassic Park

Kick-Ass

Kick-Ass 2

Kill Bill Volume 1

Kill Bill Volume 2

King Kong vs. Godzilla

Kingsman: The Secret Service

LEGO Batman: The Movie (DC Super Heroes Unite)

LEGO Star Wars: The Yoda Chronicles

Labyrinth

Lady Vengeance

Last Action Hero

Lawrence of Arabia

Legends of The Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

Leon: The Professional

Les Miserables: In Concert (The 25th Anniversary)

Let The Right One In

Life of Pi

Limitless

Lost In Translation

Loving Vincent

Macbeth

Mad Max

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted

Marvel's Original Spiderman: Season 3 Vol. 1

Mean Girls

Megamind

Memoirs of a Geisha

Metropolis

Michael Jackson: Moon Walker

Miller's Crossing

Miranda Hart: My, What I Call, Live Show

Monster House

Monster in Paris

Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Monty Python's Life of Brian

Moulin Rouge

Mrs. Brown's Boys: Season One

Mulan

Mulan 2

My Week With Marilyn

Mythbusters: Season 1

Napoleon Dynamite

Naruto Shippuden: Box Set 1

Naruto Shippuden: Box Set 2

Nausicaä of The Valley of The Wind

Night of The Living Dead

Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation Vol. 1

Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation Vol. 3

No Country for Old Men

North by Northwest

O Brother Where Art Thou?

Oldboy

Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood

One Hour Photo

Open Season 2

Osama

Pan's Labyrinth

Paper Towns

Parasite

Paris When It Sizzles

Patton

Persepolis

Pleasantvile

Pokémon The Movie: Hoopa And The Clash of Ages

Pokémon: 4 Ever

Precious

Predator

Psycho

Pulp Fiction

Pumpkin Scissors

Rain Man

Rare Exports

Red Riding Hood

Reefer Madness

Requiem For A Dream

Reservoir Dogs

Prelude: The Face of the Fallen Church: Inquisition_start.

OST

Vatican City.

If one could ever think of a Magic Side equivalent to Academy City, one would think of the Vatican City State as an example of such.

Located within a walled enclave in the city of Rome, Italy, it is the central base of the Roman Catholic Church, the administration of which is also referred to as the Vatican.

And at its centre stood St. Peter's Basilica --- the worlds largest cathedral and the greatest Roman Catholic stronghold.

In mid-october of the previous year, it was utterly left in ruins thanks to a confrontation between one Fiamma of the Right and one of the former popes, Matthai Reese, which resulted in the defensive magical array for the city of the Vatican being severely weakened.

But that all seemed like a distant memory.

Vatican soldiers patrolled the city streets and the Basilica grounds, all of whom were magicians with formidable spells underneath their belts. They gave off an intimidating aura that made those in their presence want to turn away, lest they be threatened by them.

The damage caused by the confrontation last October had all been repaired, and its magical defense systems were up and running, almost as if the destruction had never occured.

It was all thanks to the efforts of the current Pope, Biscas T. Benedict. {1}

After the events with GREMLIN, Biscas had utilized the connections he had with the leader of a certain secret society and had manipulated events to have the second former Pope, Pietro Yogdis assassinated in his sleep. The second Pope's death was a surprise to everyone in Rome and around the world, and for a time, it worsened the divisions that were currently happening in the Church at the time.

However, Biscas had been chosen to become the Pope in the days to follow since there was not enough time for an election, along with the aid of those within the church that were loyal to him. And ever since becoming the Pope, Biscas would dedicate his effors to strengthening the Church, and making it stronger than when it had been in the hands of God's Right Seat.

the Grand Grimoire written by John Dee, the Frozen Sapphire of Arendelle, the Shard of Anubis, all of 30 Tyrian shekels, the Bell of Awakening and so on were among the many spiritual items and magical artifacts used to empower the Roman Catholic Church anew, giving it a new life that it had never been seen up until this point.

But with that new life, came a new darkness, something that was far ore insidious than anyone on the outside could imagine.

And that was that the Christian God had been substituted by an entity far outside of this realm known as The Fallen.

The Fallen was a being known as Gaelion, who was a demonic cosmic force that enslaved worlds with his own power, and influence. It was something that when looked in the lens of Christianity, was truly the embodiment of the Devil himself.

Yet members within the Roman Catholic Church were already worshiping such a being.

When they referred to God, it was this monster that they were referring to, to carry out horrific acts in the name of Gaelion, even though this entity probably would not care, or even know of their actions.

Hence, the church in secret, has been renamed as the Fallen Church of Rome.

The Fallen Church could be considered as a modern day incarnation of the Church from the dark ages as in the few months of their inception, they have committed several atrocities throughout the world. Magic Cabals from religions they deemed heretical were attacked, people deemed as enemies of the church were killed, tortured, or sacrificed in gruesome acts of worship, and the Church in general had been more militant than ever.

This showed in how they refused to acknowledge the Magic Association as a legitimate organization and has ignored them at large.

And it was all thanks to one man, and his connections.

But even so, one group of Magicians he formed a pact with, had also taken on the role of God's Right Seat. It was similar, yet entirely different when looked at closely.  

God's One Throne.

"Ah, I take it you have news for me."

The Pope said as he addressed the one who entered the papal throne room. Such was usually occupied by cardinals and advisers, however it was empty, only containing the Pope himself and the person who entered.

Yodion the Armoured.

A young man with neck length light purple hair, golden eyes, and clean white robes, Yodion the Armoured was a special type of Magician who was a member of God's One Throne.

As previously mentioned, God's One Throne was similar to God's Right Seat in that it was a political organization deeply active within the Roman Church, even run everything within it. They often advise the Pope on matters of the church and is more powerful than the actual clergy in general.

They were comprised of not four magicians, but 10, all of them aligned with angels in accordance with the Sephirot.

And the angel Yodion was aligned with was Chamuel.

"Yes. The assassination attempt on the traitor known as Agnese Sanctis has failed. The forces sent to deal with such has been defeated all by the hands of the God Hunter and..."

Yodion's face seemed to contort slightly in a look of displeasure, as if what he wanted to say truly disgusted him to his core.

"And?"

"...Imagine Breaker. The one known as Kamijou Touma."

Biscas sat in silence for a bit as he mulled over the information. He was familiar with the term Imagine Breaker, the name of its owner too.

This was the same boy that Former Pope Matthai Reese had deemed an enemy of God, and had sent out members of God's Right Seat to deal with him. Needless to say the attempts on the boy's life failed as both Vento of the Front and Aqua of the Rear suffered humiliating defeats at the time.

"I see. According to the information we have on record, Imagine Breaker is a reference point of the world, which means symbolically, it is our greatest obstacle. Perhaps more so than the God Hunter."

Given the plans that the Biscas and God's One Throne was working towards, the Imagine Breaker represented something that was to foil their goals of changing the world. If he so willed it, the owner of Imagine Breaker could undo everything that they would have worked to gain. But there was something else that couldn't be ignored.

And that was the boy himself.

Biscas had read the reports about how Kamijou had gotten involved in many Magic Side incidents, how he opposed the Church in the past and his involvement in the chaos surrounding Othinus. And then there was his reported involvement in the Holy Grail War in the East.

And in all of those incidents he had gathered many people around him, within the Magic Side, as well as the Science Side, although to what extent remained unknown to him. This gathering of forces from both sides proved to be an unstable element that could potentially throw the two sides into chaos, perhaps even more so than the God Hunter by herself.

The Kamijou Faction.

That was the name, given to a group without form consisting of all those who joined that boy and his right hand. Having various elements from his home turf on the science side, the magic side and other influential persons like the Royal Family and the President of the United States, as well as the God Hunter herself, the Kamijou Faction, if it ever took form, would be a formidable force, the likes of which has never been seen.

And that would ultimately bear its fangs toward the Fallen Church.

It seemed Yodion realized the clear threat that Kamijou Touma posed, and seemed more dangerous than Violent Violet, the Precure and other unbalanced elements could ever be on their own.

"I agree wholeheartedly your holiness. All of this time, we have been focusing on pointless things as potential threats when the true danger to our ideal has been in plain sight this entire time."

Yodion remarked, staring back at Pope Biscas with a determined look.

"Your holiness, allow me, Yodion the Armoured to lead an assault on Academy City. I swear to you that I will bring you the head of the beast known as Kamijou Touma. As someone who wants to see this world destroyed... with our utopia to rise from its ashes, I will not accept no for an answer. The holder of Imagine Breaker must be destroyed."

Biscas couldn't help but smile somewhat. In a way, the man reminded him of himself when he was young. Filled with determination and a drive to see the current world destroyed, and in its place a utopia where everyone can truly smile.

Perhaps this is why the relationship between Biscas and the members of God's One Throne were better than what previous Popes had with God's Right Seat. Unlike them, they all shared a singular goal, which is why Biscas had chosen to form a pact with them when they were introduced to him.

A simple traitor was of little concern.

The God Hunter was something to worry about, but not so much as the Kamijou Faction.

Formless or not, it had to be destroyed.

And what better way to destroy an organization, then executing its leader?

And so, the Pope gave his order.

"Very well. I hereby approve of the operation to attack Academy City. You will be leading the special division of the Ministry of Holy Affairs, the AX to engage and execute the one known as Kamijou Touma. Anyone who assists him will be considered part of the Kamijou Faction and an enemy of God as well. They are to be dealt with as you see fit."

"As you wish. I will carry out my orders faithfully and strongly. I shall show him, Academy City, and the Magic Association that they are to fear the blade of the Fallen Church and Yodion the Armoured."

Yodion the Armoured smiled maliciously as he gave a respectful bow before exiting the papal throne room to make the necessary arrangements to undertake such an operation.  

He knew that this move would not only make him a clear enemy of Academy City, but also the Magic Association which was also jointly working with Academy City.

But even so, it was irrelevant. Both of those institutions would be deemed irrelevant in his eyes.

And so, the Pope could only give a twisted smile himself as he sat in the throne room.

"Now then Aleister Crowley, Zelreich Kishur Von Schwarz. How will you react to my challenge? Sooner or later, your ambitions will be utterly crushed as I will lead this world to its salvation."

Flash Gordon will be released on 4K Ultra HD and Blu-ray on August 18 via Arrow Video. Adam Rabalais designed the new cover art for the 1980 science fiction action-adventure film; the original poster is on the reverse side.

Based on the King Features comic, the cult classic is directed by Mike Hodges (Get Carter, Damien: Omen II), written by Lorenzo Semple Jr. (Papillon, King Kong), and produced by Dino De Laurentiis (Army of Darkness, King Kong).

Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, Ornella Muti, Max von Sydow, Topol, Timothy Dalton, Mariangela Melato, Brian Blessed, and Peter Wyngarde star. Queen performed the soundtrack.

Flash Gordon has been restored in 4K by Studiocanal from the original camera negative with the approval of Hodges. It features 5.1 and 2.0 stereo DTS-HD Master audio options.

In addition to standard editions, both the 4K UHD and Blu-ray will be available in collector’s editions with a bonus disc containing Life After Flash, the 2017 documentary on Jones, and more.

Read on for details on all the extras.

Special features:

Audio commentary with director Mike Hodges

Audio commentary with actor Brian Blessed

Interviews with actors Sam J. Jones, Melody Anderson, and Brian Blessed, Queen quitarist Brian May, composer Howard Blake, and poster designer Renato Casaro

Behind the Scenes of Flash Gordon documentary

Archival interviews with director Mike Hodges, writer Lorenzo Semple Jr., and comic book artist Alex Ross

Lost in Space: Nic Roeg’s Flash Gordon – Documentary exploring director Nic Roeg’s unmade version of the film (new)

“Gremlin’s Finest Hour” - 1982 episode of the Flash Gordon animated series

Deleted scenes and original endings – prop collector Bob Lindenmayer discusses dropped sequences and sequel ideas

35th Anniversary Greenroom featurette – Mike Hodges reunites with the cast for the first time in 35 years

35th Anniversary Reunion featurette – Cast and crew discuss Flash Gordon

Entertainment Earth on Flash Gordon merchandise

Storyboards gallery

Stills gallery

Original Trailer

Easter eggs

Bonus disc (Collector’s Edition only):

Life After Flash - 2017 documentary directed by Lisa Downs on Sam J. Jones, featuring Flash Gordon cast and crew as well as Stan Lee, Robert Rodriguez, Mark Milla, and more

Sam J. Jones – Interviews and featurettes including coverage of a script read from the Chattanooga Film Festival, Sam discussing his career in Mexico, his “prayer walk,” and more

Melody Paintings extended – Actress Melody Anderson talks about her love of painting

Topol – Interviews with the actor on his collections, awards, and charity work

Brian Blessed – The actor recounts amusing stories about Flash Gordon

Late, Great Wyngarde – Actor Peter Wyngarde discusses his experiences filming Flash Gordon

Deep Roy – The actor raps about ambition and more

Alex Ross Talks Early Art – The artist talks about Flash Gordon and the many pieces of art he created for it

Tell Me More About This Man Houdini – Actor Rich Fuller and Bif Bang Pow’s Jason Lenzi discuss Flash Gordon

Comic Con early draft – Featurette looking at Comic Con featurette attendees and guests including Sam J. Jones, Rich Fulton, Jason Mewes, Michael Rooker, Claudia Wells, and more

Interview with Lisa Downs – The Life After Flash director explores her motivation and experiences making the documentary

Life After Flash on the Road – Featurettes on the film's festival circuate including Q&A excerpts with the Flash Gordon cast, behind-the-scenes footage, Kickstarter funding video

Trailer

Additional Collector’s Edition exclusives:

Booklet featuring new writing on the film by critics and film historians including Neil Snowdon, Dennis Cozzalio, John-Paul Checkett, A.K. Benedict, and Kat Ellinger, illustrated with original stills

Fold-out double-sided poster featuring original and newly commissioned artwork

Six double-sided, postcard-sized lobby card reproductions, alternative posters, and promotional images

Merciless Emperor Ming (Max von Sydow) decides to wreak havoc on Earth in a moment of cruel boredom. Boarding a rocket as a means of escape, star quarterback Flash Gordon (Sam J. Jones), Dale Arden (Melody Anderson) and Dr. Hans Zarkov (Topol) find themselves on Mongo. Taken prisoner Flash must save Dale from becoming Ming’s concubine, avoid the amorous intentions of Ming’s wicked daughter Aura (Ornella Muti) and unite the warring Kingdoms of Mongo.

Might delete this later idk, but I was tagged by @naia10101 , and if you tag me in something I feel it's my duty to do it. 

Your name and what you would have named yourself

My real name is Garthamon the Destroyer, and I've always loved the name Tyler for some reason. That's why I named my lil baby Tyler (rip) 

Astrological sign

I stan Buffo the Toad 

When did you join Tumblr and why?

Earlier this year I think? Because I love me some Goblincore, Clown husbandry and Vulture Culture and I wanted to get in on that.

Top 5 fandoms

I mean, the only fandom I've ever fully considered myself a part of and am still very much active in is REDACTED .Other then that I'm definitely the kind of fan who loves to therorise and appreciate fan art, but I don't really interact with other fans. I'm mega into Gravity Falls, BBC Ghosts and The Mystery Skulls Ghost videos. 

Top 5 movies

GREMLINS 2!!!!! OH MY LORD GREMLINS 2!!!! THAT'S MY DREAM PROJECT!! JUST BASICALLY MESSING AROUND WITH PUPPETS!!!! ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

The Shape of Water, Dirty Dancing, Deadpool and Deadpool 2 

Fun fact about me - I can recite the first Spongebob movie off by heart 

Go to song when you want to feel

WE'RE NO STRANGERS TO LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEE 😭

YOU KNOW THE RULES

AND SO DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 😭😭😭

I do have a sad bois playlist but that's PRIVATE 

What is your religion or faith if you have one?

[NOPE]

Do you have a type?

Short, green and say NYA NYA NYA 

What does your heart/soul yearn for?

👏 GEN 👏 4 👏 REMAKES 👏

[I was a fool blinded by my hybris]

If you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone you don’t know

I'd say "Shiny things and animals please" 

Favourite subject in school?

Computing, because Mr Gordon was Rad!

ALSO THE PUPPETRY UNIT IN COLLEGE, YEAAHHHH BAABBBIIEEEEE!!!!!!

Top 5 fictional characters

Uuuumm I mean I love The Faun and the Pale Man from Pan's Labyrinth, the Amphibian man from the Shape of Water and the Brain Gremlin from Gremlins 2 but that's because I fangirl over practical effects. 

And obviously I love all the ghosts from BBC's ghosts

Top 3 moments that made you ugly cry

The end of the John Lewis 2011 Christmas advert, The canyon jump in Spirit and when I booted up Pokémon Diamond for the first time in years 

The earth, the sun, the moon or the stars

MMOOONNNAAAAHHHHHH

Favourite kind of weather

Snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Favourite medium of art?

Umm… the best one? And the only correct answer to this question????

PUPPETS BABBBIIIIEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Introvert/ambivert/extrovert

Depends on my mood tbh

A favourite literary quote?

“Sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic badger to make it in this crazy game called life”

Some of your favourite books

I don't really read that much anymore. I loved the How to Train Your Dragon series as a kid, and I genuinely love Of Mice and Men, The Lord of the Flies and To Kill a Mockingbird but they all make me cry and now I don't need to read them for work I'll probably never put myself through that again.

I'll tell you a book I HATE! Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, if you're ever told to read it RUN! 5 YEARS!!!! 5 BLOOMIN YEARS I HAD TO RE READ IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

One specific house, overlooking a specific harbour in Scotland.

I baggsied it, I baggsie it every year, thems the rules!

If you could live in any time in history when would it be?

If this is a "go back in time and do what you want, it doesn't affect the future" situation I'd 100% love to go on a prehistoric roadtrip and visit as much as pre human history as I could, maybe take a couple of animals back like a Mammoth or two to save the species??

Nigel Marvin… I'd like to be Nigel Marvin 

If you could play any instrument masterfully what would it be?

I feel like this is a personal attack on me, I will play the drums again I swear but thems loud bois and I live in a terrace house! 

If you have one, what mythological gods/goddesses do you feel a connection to

Uuuuummmmmm none really, I am very much oooohhh the Fae though.

And lastly, favourite recent selfie on your camera roll

Here’s something a bit different: the beta kids play sburb, but instead of the beta trolls it’s the friendsim trolls. Who is most likely to be the patron troll (like Kanaya and Rose or Karkat and Jade) for each kid and why?

Ok the answer was longer than I intended, I hope you enjoy my analysis -Mod Damara

---------------------------------------------------

John- Folykl and Kuprum! Now this may sound weird but the 3 of them enjoys praking people, so that's already something to bound over, also John is a dork so they would enjoy messing with him generally, and if John can deal with Vriska he can deal with the Gremlins as well.

Alternatively: Diemen (Both considered babies by the fandom, but they have a lot of character dept that goes ignored), or Vikare (Another dork, and also I feel like he would too enjoy Magic tricks and John shitty movies), Bronya (She's Mom, John is baby, but mostly Bronya just likes to help everyone).

Rose- Another one that may seen odd but Stelsa, Rose values intelligence yes, but I feel like someone extroverted would be good for her, I feel like Rose would respect her dedication (she's show to be very dedicated to her Job in friendsim), while also enjoying her company, since she's very friendly and would love to help Rose with Alchemey outfits.

Alternatively: Boldir (She's very mysterious, and also she knows and Rose can respect that), Tyzias and Martisi (Lesbians Unite, and also they are both too tired to give a fuck, big respect).

Dave- Cirava, ok first of all Cirava would think Dave's Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff comic is funny as shit, if they mean it ironically or not it's not up for me to decide, but they both dig each other's chill Aesthetic, and the both suffer from traumas, Dave keeps a cool facade, while Cirava just tries to ignore their depression and is scared to be close to other after the incidente, imagine Dave rap's while Vapowarve plays in the background, this is now my BroOTP what have you done?

Alternatively: Remele (she's also has a comic after all, and she is genuinely confident in herself, so I think that would be a good energy to Dave), Mallek (Time players unite, and they both tries to be seen as cool dude™), Chixie (RAP COLAB WHEN? Also she would just enjoy Dave being chill since most of her life isn't chill at all, Dave would think she's nice).

Jade- Wanshi, I have no doubt, Jade is very friendly and Wanshi needs a friends, also both furries, Wanshi and Jade would talk about their Oc's and similar interests! Jade wouldn't make Wanshi feel like she's being treated like a dumb kid, and Jade just happy to have good and kind friend.

Alternatively: Skylla (Good dog best friend! Both badass girls but also really nice, Skylla is show to live far from others trolls hives, so she could help Jade with feeling lonely), Konyyl (May seen a werid match but Konyyl is show to be nice to her close ones, strong shoulder to cry on after all, Konyyl compliments her on her robotic skills), Tegiri (Honestly I think it would be hilarious to see these two interacting, Tegiri respects Jade's intelligence, and Jade just thinks he's a weird funny dude).

Real US Court cases

Julius Goldman’s Egg City v. United States

United States v. 11 1/4 Dozen Packages of Articles Labeled in Part Mrs. Moffat’s Shoo-Fly Powders for Drunkenness

Robin Hood, et al. v. US Gov. Banking Industry, et al.

Easter Seals Society for Crippled Children v. Playboy Enterprises

Fortner v. ATF Agents Dog 1, Cat 2, and Horse 3

I Am The Beast Six Six Six of the Lord of Hosts in Edmond Frank MacGillivray Jr. Now.  I Am The Beast Six Six Six of the Lord of Hosts IEFMJN. I Am The Beast Six Six Six of the Lord of Hosts.  I Am The Beast Six Six Six of the Lord of Hosts OTLOHIEFMJN. I Am The Beast SSSOTLOHIEFMJN. I Am The Beast Six Six Six. Beast Six Six Six Lord v. Michigan State Police, et al.

Brake v. Speed

United States ex rel. Mayo v. Satan and His Staff

Batman v. Commissioner

Schmuck v. United States

Terrible v. Terrible

Angst v. Angst

Juicy Whip v. Orange Bang

United States v. Approximately 64,695 Pounds of Shark Fins

United States v. 2,507 Live Canary-Winged Parakeets

United States v. An Article Consisting of 50,000 Cardboard Boxes More or Less, Each Containing One Pair of Clacker Balls

United States v. One Lucite Ball Containing Lunar Material (One Moon Rock) and One Ten Inch by Fourteen Inch Wooden Plaque

United States v. 1855.6 Pounds of American Paddlefish Meat and 982.34 Pounds of American Paddlefish Caviar

Nebraska v. One 1970 2-Door Sedan Rambler (Gremlin)

South Dakota v. Fifteen Impounded Cats

4 Exotic Dancers v. Spearmint Rhino and the Wild Goose, et al.

United States v. Approximately Thirteen Unoccupied Burial Plots Situated at Forest Lawn Memorial Park’s Hollywood Hills Cemetery Located in Los Angeles, California

Association of Irritated Residents v. United States Environmental Protection Agency

Wang v. Poon

United States v. International Brotherhood of Teamsters, Chauffeurs, Warehousemen and Helpers of America, AFL-CIO; Commission of La Cosa Nostra; Anthony Salerno, also known as Fat Tony; Matthew Ianniello, also known as Matty the Horse; Anthony Provenzano, also known as Tony Pro; Nunzio Provenzano, also known as Nunzi Pro; Anthony Corallo, also known as Tony Ducks; Salvatore Santoro; Christopher Furnari, Sr., also known as Christie Tick; Frank Manzo; Carmine Persico, also known as The Snake, also known as Junior; Gennaro Langella, also known as Gerry Lang; Philip Rastelli, also known as Rusty; Nicholas Marangello, also known as Nicky Glasses; Joseph Massino, also known as Joey Messino; Anthony Ficarotta, also known as Figgy; Eugene Boffa, Sr.; Francis Sheeran; Milton Rockman, also known as Maishe; John Tronolone, also known as Peanuts; Joseph John Aiuppa, also known as Joey Aiuppa, also known as Joe Doves, also known as Joey O’Brien; John Phillip Cerone, also known as Jackie Cerone, also known as Jackie the Lackie; Joseph Lombardo, also known as Joey the Clown; Angelo LaPietra, also known as The Nutcracker; Frank Balistrieri, also known as Carl Angelo Deluna, also known as Toughy; Carl Civella, also known as Corky; Anthony Thomas Civella, also known as Tony Ripe; General Executive Board, International Brotherhood of Teamsters; Jackie Presser, General President [and  other officers including sixteen Vice Presidents]; In re Application LXXXVI of the Independent Administrator, Leroy Ellis, Appellee v. Roadway Express, Inc

Death v. Graves

Source: Lowering the Bar

Every Film I Watched (for the first time) in 2018 (Part 5) 

Derek (Isaac Julien, United Kingdom, 2008)

Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond (Chris Smith, United States, 2017)

Spy Kids 3: Game Over (Robert Rodriguez, United States, 2003)

Coming Out (Heiner Carow, East Germany, 1989)

Les Amants du Pont-Neuf (Leos Carax, France, 1991)

Procès de Jeanne d’Arc / The Trial of Joan of Arc (Robert Bresson, France, 1961)

Suspiria (Luca Guadagnino, United States-Italy, 2018)

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (Bob Persichetti, Peter Ramsey, Rodney Rothman, United States, 2018)

Die Hard (John McTiernan, United States, 1988)

Gremlins (Joe Dante, United States, 1984)

Le Livre d'image / The Image Book (Jean-Luc Godard, Switzerland, 2018)

Io sono l'amore / I Am Love (Luca Guadagnino, Italy, 2009)

East is East (Damien O'Donnell, United Kingdom, 1999)

The Good Dinosaur (Peter Sohn, United States, 2015)

Kung Fu Panda 3 (Alessandro Carloni and Jennifer Yuh Nelson, China-United States, 2016)

Swimming With Men (Oliver Parker, United Kingdom, 2018)

Cinderella (Kenneth Branagh, United States-United Kingdom, 2015)

Steamboat Bill Jr. (Charles Reisner and Buster Keaton, United States, 1928)

Mary Poppins Returns (Rob Marshall, United States, 2018)

𝗕𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗜𝗦𝗕𝗘𝗥𝗚𝗘𝗥 & 𝗔𝗟𝗘𝗫𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗪𝗘𝗜𝗥𝗗 𝗢𝗡 𝗨𝗦! And we bet you thought the weirdest and most violent thing to come out of Houston was the Geto Boys. Incorrect! John Baltisberger and Reed Alexander give us tales about an FBI unit strictly focused on profiling the supernatural. Their mission: take down unnatural and otherworldly perps! It would be great of they eventually have to go after the homicidal ghost of Bushwick Bill. RIP Chucky. 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗨𝗣𝗗 𝗧𝗘𝗫𝗔𝗦 𝗖𝗔𝗦𝗘 𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗪! https://godless.com/products/upd-texas-case-files-by-john-baltisberger-1 _______________ UPD Texas Case Files by John Baltisberger and Reed Alexander Not every killer can be caught using conventional methods. When crimes are committed that are supernatural in nature, different methods must be employed, methods that can match, outwit, and ultimately stop these unnatural perpetrators. The UPD is the FBI's answer to this need. Dianna Saferstein is new to the department, and until recently didn't believe in magic, monsters, or faeries. Now she must work alongside mages, shapeshifters, and a tech-savvy gremlin in order to stop supernatural mass murders and protect the human populace of Texas. But even though she's now in the know, not everything is as it seems. When dealing with the occult, there is always another mystery to untangle and danger around every turn. Unnatural Perpetrators, Texas Case Files 1.1-1.3 gathers three YA novellas and a short story from Reed Alexander and Splatterpunk Nominatee John Baltisberger, detailing the perilous adventures of the FBI's elite UPD team based in Houston Texas. 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗨𝗣𝗗 𝗧𝗘𝗫𝗔𝗦 𝗖𝗔𝗦𝗘 𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗪! https://godless.com/products/upd-texas-case-files-by-john-baltisberger-1 _______________ #godlessapp #Godless #godlesshorror #godlesshorrrors #horror #horrorbooks #horrorbooksragram #indiehorror #indiebooks #indiebookstagram #supportindie #upd (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUDCsFjl-Dq/?utm_medium=tumblr

$300 Apartment by T.H. Cee

At the ripe old age of eighteen, I decided to move out and get my first apartment. Inexperienced and broke — never a good combination — I searched for the cheapest place to live, crossing out every ad in the newspaper above $300. I eventually found a place a few days later. In my mind, I’d stumbled upon the deal of a lifetime. Several units were available in a large and quaint old home converted into a two-story apartment house. From what I remember, the faded wallpaper masked an antique visage that borderlined on decay. A nicotine-stained ambience plastered the rooms with a cancerous yellow. You could almost hear the chipping lead paint crumble. Rehabbed just enough to convey the concept of occupancy, the structure appeared to be either on the verge of becoming an historic home or winning an eminent domain raffle. But the great news — the landlord advised basic utilities were included — all for $300 a month. In a hurry, I quickly leased a two-bedroom apartment on the second floor, and through a belief that my frugal search was somehow successful, mistakenly ignored the rest of the area. My naïve ears failed to warn me what the surrounding neighborhood tried to say. On a budget and motivated solely by price, the crazy taste of freedom had blinded me to the imperfections of what $300 could … and could not buy. ### The first day living there, I noticed a large hole in the bottom of a bedroom closet. A few hours later, I met my downstairs neighbor, Jizz Man. Jizz Man, when informed of my discovery, quickly held his needle ravaged arms up two feet apart. With wide eyes and a graphic vigor, he described the actual size of a rat he’d seen scurrying from his unit the day before. Somewhat of a philosopher, his potent use of simile immediately grabbed my attention. “That fucker,” he said matter-of-factly, “. . . was larger than a cat.” ### The next day, I met one of my next-door neighbors. For the record, I don’t recall his name. But for the sake of keeping things concise, being this is a story — let’s just call him “Old Alcoholic Dude” or Mr. Oad for short. It's also important to note that Mr. Oad was married, to none other than Mrs. Oad, who as my luck would have it ... was also an alcoholic. Mr. Oad banged on my door promptly at 8 a.m. With ass breath, he welcomed me to the neighborhood, and in a gruff tone, offered me the deal of a lifetime: a no risk chance to double my money, to experience high finance at its most primal level. “Just give me $10,” he said slurring his words, “and you can have $20 back in food stamps.” He then began to clear his throat with a cockeyed grin; in my mind, I watched three wet coughs form an imaginary ellipsis and introduce daylight to dark phlegm. My first impressions were that his liquid habit had washed away too many brain cells, that the man couldn’t chew a stick of gum and walk a sobriety line. I also surmised he probably wasn’t going to buy Girl Scout cookies with the proceeds — that is, unless they were somehow laced with rum. The scene played out like a dental nightmare, with Mr. Oad's breath reminiscent of a used anal thermometer thirsting for alcohol. The putrid wind expelled from his lungs hit my nose as if it were a fecal brick. In my mind, he’d become the unofficial spokesperson for the hazards of not flossing. Our conversation ended abruptly when I told him I had no cash. He quickly turned away quite frustrated, and in a welcome reprieve of sorts, spared me his next exhale. With a mixture of tenacity (and a possible case of the DTs) he started knocking on another door before I could close mine. In retrospect, I suppose many great sales motivators would have been proud. ### At the time, I had a girlfriend named Darcy. She was a Drama major and from what I remember a bit on the ostentatious side. Notorious for changing her hair color as often as her underwear, she possessed the unfortunate luck of being an eccentric bohemian. Back then, I overlooked these personality quirks primarily because of her bra size. That much I remember. As a young man in those days, I’d begun to look at many things on a sliding scale — and breasts happened to be one of them. Darcy was excited to see my place. She happily bounced from room to room and rambled on ad nauseum. “I love this. I love that,” she would say. In many ways, the girl was easy to please. Along with the apartment, we had a bed and didn’t have to use the backseat of my Gremlin anymore. I no longer needed to cover her face with a sweater attempting to keep the decibel level to a minimum. Not a huge fan of multi-tasking during sex, it was pretty much a win-win. ### Even my best friend Derrick liked my new digs. He’s been dead now for twenty years, but I still remember the first time he strutted into my apartment on that day — how he looked around a few moments before using his favorite catchphrase and part-time mantra. “Cool.” A person of few words, Derrick would always be cool to me — Miles Davis cool. If there’s a heaven, I surmise he's up there right now, fornicating with all the female angels and snorting fairy dust. Maybe even looking down at me and throwing high fives. We were kindred spirits back then, teenagers at that mysterious turning point of becoming men, keeping true to what decades later would be called the “Bro Code.” On occasion, I’d let Derrick bring women to my apartment after I left for work or school. From an economic standpoint, it became the barter system at its finest. All he had to do for me was leave a six-pack in the fridge and occasionally change the sheets. Mi casa, su casa.   ### My new life, however, did not escape peril despite these obvious perks. Enticed by the idea of saving money, I’d not yet learned how greed could inversely make things more expensive. An acquaintance talked me into taking on a roommate after a few weeks living alone. According to him, the dude “walked on water.” My main regret: finding out too late, he literally thought he could. I discovered after the fact that my new roommate, Brian, worked nights, and while not sleeping during the day, went door to door handing out his religious cult’s magazines. Unfortunately, this didn't get disclosed until after he'd moved in. Footnote for the naïve, the absolute first thing to ask before you shake hands and give anyone a key: You’re not crazy, are you? I'd always considered myself open-minded. Even somewhat spiritual. A huge fan of the “love thy neighbor” concept — especially females. If you’d asked Darcy, she would have vouched for me back then. But nevertheless, after several weeks, Brian’s proselytizing, no matter how much I tried to ignore it, took a strange and unexpected twist. With his “brotherly acceptance” stepping over into the dark side, he portrayed a different type of Passion Play, and to my surprise, soon crossed the thin bromosexual line of no return. Because he’d been my first roommate, I'd assumed it was normal to see him occasionally walk around naked. This belief, however, quickly changed when he added an erection into the mix, accompanied by garish bouts of living room masturbation theatre. Then, slinking into my room one night, his hands made the fatal mistake of moving from his penis toward mine. Not wanting to be a rape statistic, I taught him through a chokehold to speak in tongues. From the apartment to the hall, he got his ass pounded — and not the way he would’ve preferred. At the highpoint of our skirmish, my pugilistic rendition of the Last Rights almost introduced him to his maker. You would have thought he'd been thrilled. But when push came to shove, the man had no faith. Our battle ended with his baptism to the bottom of the first-floor stairs compliments of my large heterosexual foot. To summarize the moment: “‘No’ means no!” What devolved into a homoerotic adaptation of “Dante’s Inferno,” ended in forty days, and almost forty nights, if you included the evening I ended our arrangement by kicking that conflicted simian down a flight of stairs. In hindsight, the situation helped me understand a few things — like why my cousin, for amusement, always comes to the door naked when Jehovah’s Witnesses knock. ### A few days after getting rid of St. Brian (the Patron Saint for homos in denial), I discovered my other neighbor, who’d recently moved in, worked as a prostitute. This knowledge compliments of rolling paper-thin walls and a thick headboard that banged out a raunchy Morse Code. Weirdly, it was a result of this discovery that Darcy developed her own version of drama exercises to, I assume, hone her budding thespian skills. It started one night while both of us were in the throes of “enjoying each other’s company.” As we lay in bed, we overheard my neighbor on the other side of the wall working overtime. After listening to her and her John’s theatrics for a few moments, Darcy suggested, just for laughs, to emulate them. This meant, when my neighbor moaned or screamed, Darcy would do the same; when my neighbor’s “trick” made any sound, I would mimic it. We would also have to make these noises while doing what they were doing on the other side of the wall. In a matter of seconds, the moment transformed into an erotic version of Twister choreographed to an X-rated soundtrack. “Spank me daddy,” screamed the hooker. “Spank me daddy,” Darcy shouted. Et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum … If you’d asked Darcy at the time, she would’ve said the exercise had been about (in a dramatic voice): “transcending the emotion” or “being able to duplicate the acting experience.” That’s at least what she told me. This off-the-wall form of role-playing she’d concocted became hilarious. Especially, when we realized they could hear us on the other side, befuddled about what to make of it — like maybe their apartment was special in some way or had built in reverb. It also makes me wonder today if Darcy is now a porn star. When I consider all of the factors, it would make a lot of sense. “What the fuck was that?” said the John. “What the fuck was that?” I echoed. “Shut up and put your finger in my ass,” yelled the Prostitute. “That’s not your finger,” moaned Darcy. Et cetera, et cetera, ad infinitum … The other thing that wasn’t so cool about my neighbor, the working girl — she had a pimp. This deduction came from the noisy conversations that often followed when he'd show up. Keeping pretty much to the same predictable script, he’d always start out yelling something like, “Aww Hell Naw!” and then make some loose reference to where his drugs were kept followed by many sentences ending in the word “bitch.” Their meetings either closed with a classic pimp ritual common to the “Slap-a-Ho” tribe or an S&M session on angel dust. After a while, it became too difficult to tell the difference. ### For most young people, one’s first apartment becomes a ceremonial rite of passage. A path toward adulthood. Mine, however, had jumped the tracks and taken a nefarious turn; before I realized what happened, I found myself trapped in what seemed a ghetto bar mitzvah — one where I'd wished my yarmulke (if I even had one) were bulletproof. To avoid the constant drama, I struggled to keep a low profile. If one tenant didn’t have the police at their door, another one did. I became the poor college kid amidst all this wild trailer trash excitement. Then, one day, everything went sideways and shitty. Mr. and Mrs. Oad began to go on longer binges where they brazenly avoided sobriety for days at a time. I’d hear them up at all hours yelling and screaming. Even crying. And sometimes around 3 a.m., I would listen to Mrs. Oad loudly whimper the following: “I’ll be your German. Let me be your German.” The deviant sounds that followed, molested my ears. Also causing me to throw up a little in my mouth. Had you been able to read my thoughts back then, you probably would’ve seen a pink elephant wearing a Speedo. And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, the situation did. My neighbor’s long benders bled one into another and took on a sinister dimension, becoming one never-ending event. Mrs. Oad, the more dramatic of the two, did one of two things intermittently: She would climb naked out of her second story window onto a large tree and scream at passing airplanes or she would run naked around the building with a machete. Before I realized what happened, it became a National Geographic episode outside my door. I’m not sure where she got the machete. Truth is, her charging at me with the mighty blade effectively killed my curiosity to stop and ask. Every time I heard some bimbo tell me about how grueling her aerobics class had been in those days, I’d think of Mrs. Oad, her wrinkled and gravity-ravaged body, weapon in hand, chasing me up a flight of stairs. It somehow didn't compare. The situation, over time, took on a theatrical déjà vu. When she screamed naked from her tree at airplanes, the moment reminded me of the character Tattoo on “Fantasy Island,” the little person known famously for the line “Da Plane! Da Plane!” Thirty years later, this memory remains. When flying, I often catch myself looking out the window, wondering if there are other Mrs. Oads down there somewhere, and if so, are they staring upward, challenging me in some unknown existential way. Say what you will about the woman, her movements were quick despite her obvious age. The police came out numerous times, but every time they’d show up, she’d sneak into her apartment before they could record the offense. This wouldn’t happen today, as the same circumstance would’ve easily gone viral the first hour. Viva la YouTube.   ### Along with the approaching heat of summer, however, Mrs. Oad’s psychosis escalated. Her behavior became more defiant. Everyone sensed she was moving toward an impending and inevitable face-off — one where I'd hoped to enjoy eight hours of sleep after someone carted her ass off in a straitjacket. But after several weeks, there was still no end in sight. Like a hurricane stalling offshore, this quagmire of dysfunction neither waxed nor waned. But then one day, everything suddenly changed. I remember how Derrick and I trudged our way into the local grocery store. We were there in aisle three, when Tom, an old friend from high school appeared. Along with serendipity and a giant bag of weed, he'd moved back into town. He also needed a roommate. Thirty minutes later, the three of us sat in Tom's van, and over a few beers and the occasional bong hit, a new roommate alliance was forged. He even offered to help move. My luck appeared to be changing. That afternoon, we became the Three Musketeers, local Ganja Chapter 420. Poster boys for P.S.A.'s against reefer madness. Our perspective clouded by copious amounts of THC, we could have doubled for the Three Stooges with a profound case of the munchies. Derrick and I, for humor’s sake, decided not to warn Tom about Mrs. Oad's theatrics while on our way to retrieve my stuff, and on a last minute dare, looked forward to the opportunity of watching him discover this spectacle for himself. The moment would be priceless. Of course, when Derrick and I decided to do this, we planned on only letting Tom carry the light stuff. Say what you will about my sense of humor; I am not a monster. Once we arrived back at my $300 apartment, however, the timing could not have been worse. We found ourselves staring into the pinnacle of Mrs. Oad’s latest and greatest binge. She sat perched in her tree, like a sentry at a bipolar nudist colony, babbling something about Germans again. After Tom stopped laughing and got up off the ground, we each drew imaginary straws. Our strategy was simple: The three of us would slink onto the property and take turns running into the building like wasted commandos on some secret recon mission. We hoped to avoid any confrontation, and with hands full, desired to bolt out the front door with as much of my belongings as we could carry. I’m not sure what was worse, the threat of seeing an approaching machete or Mrs. Oad’s prune-like naked body with breasts jiggling at half-mast. The circumstance nurtured in me, apart from the potential risk for retinal scarring, a rock-solid appreciation for older women who wear support bras. We’d just finished loading up the van when police arrived. In my opinion, six months too late. Mrs. Oad held the machete in her hand with her eyes locked on the approaching news helicopter while she clung screaming from her tree. Caught up in the pandemonium, I suddenly heard my landlord’s booming voice. He’d just pulled up behind the gathering crowd, seen all my belongings in Tom’s van, and realized I was moving out. As a bargaining chip, I said he could keep my deposit in exchange for early termination of my lease. I also promised not to walk over to the news crew and tell them about his many code violations. Although initially annoyed, he quickly accepted my proposition. Smart man. We ended the transaction through a quick handshake. With a firm grip, he wished me well over the windy effects of the chopper and sporadic bullhorn shouts from police. He even said he’d give me a stellar reference. In many ways, I often think of that moment as my first step toward a higher credit score. From the front passenger seat of Tom’s van, I now saw Mrs. Oad on the ground in the fetal position, her naked body tangled and sedated in a police net. A tranquilizer dart protruded from her cellulite riddled ass. I took one final look back at my $300 apartment. Immersed in the bittersweet dysfunction of it all, I sensed my residency there had come full circle. I realized someday I would hold a different perspective and have to laugh … maybe even write a story. --- T.H.Cee has had other short stories published in Black Fox and New Praxius. He also had another story that will be published this month at Oddville Press.   --- Show your love for Horror Sleaze Trash by following us and checking out the links below! --- Facebook . Instagram . Twitter . Patreon . HST Merch!