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#ive never been just one person before
chaoticrokiroki · 11 months
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making up my own fuyumi rn because lord knows the actual todoroki family has been disappointing me lately (never shouto ofc)
it's summer and i'm once again thinking about what it means to be siblings. where one ends and the other starts, where the memories blur together and you're not quite sure which of you did what because there's a certain point in your childhood where your siblings are extensions of your own body, of your own mind. maybe it lasts. maybe it doesn't.
but it happened, nonetheless. we were there.
and how confusing it is, to be the last one home. when everything's silent and the spaces they used to fill are empty and they're a phone call away but it's just not the same and the words seem to die in your mouth, melting on your tongue with the distinctive taste of loneliness.
it's not going to be the same, ever again.
and so. how hurtful, for fuyumi, to have all but raised that child. to have been shouto's only female figure. and to wake up one day and help him pack his bags and watch him walk away. watch him live somewhere else, eat at another table and sleep in a bed she's never made, somewhere that fuyumi has never touched. somewhere they've never existed together.
(how do other people go through life as one? I've been four and then everyone told me i should be three but how do you do that? how do you move past your sibling? i'm four, still. i don't know how to be anything else.)
how awful. how awful to know that they're gone. both of them. how terrible, to be cooking and cleaning only to stop. suddenly aware of the silence. suddenly aware, i'm the only one home.
(i still cook too much food, i still pack it away neatly. i still think you'll come home for lunch. because how could you not? i was born knowing you. how am i supposed to understand your absence?)
it's summer and there's fresh fruit in the kitchen and no one to eat it with me. i used to count every piece so that we could share them fairly. used to think one, two, three, four, five, six so it's two for each of us.
(they need to be cut in smaller pieces. there's not enough for the four of us. except.)
count every last slice with too sticky fingers, so that they won't whine that you got more. and then share it. share every last bite because you've never known a world where fruit was eaten all by yourself.
it's summer and you've never known a world where your siblings aren't by your side.
(it's summer and fuyumi is the last one home. there's fruit, sitting on the counter, and she can't bring herself to reach for it. it's too much, it's far too much for just one person.)
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skitskatdacat63 · 5 months
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2023 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso
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broke-on-books · 11 months
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Best thing about being a Scooby Doo fan: you can meet some of the nicest people with some really cool ideas and hcs, there's such an abiding love for the franchise, which on its own is just AMAZING, such a wealth of content to dive into, and I haven't even gotten into the fan REDESIGNS and aus and-
Worst thing about being a Scooby Doo fan: people irl in public will come up to you with some of the worst Scooby takes ever (Scrappy found dead in Miami, SDMI revolutionized animation, etc.) and you have to restrain yourself from getting into a fistfight with some rando acquaintance/friend-of-a-friend in public ALL THE TIME 💀
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kathrynmjaneway · 5 months
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daydadahlias · 7 months
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you can't reclaim a word that's never been used against you
#if you've never been called fat before please dont use that word#as someone who has been called fat a lot in my life in very painful ways... y'all dont get it#and i dont want people within a hundred feet of a word they dont understand the connotation/power of#im really just sad and tired of seeing non-fat people call ashton fat. because it just Keeps happening a *lot* and i just like#cannot stomach it at this point. i mean i literally see it FREQUENTLY and now ive just seen some stuff about it on my dash tonight and like#it brings me to tears literally every single time i see it. and i *never* see fat people call ashton fat ever. it is *only* non-fat people#and it's because they just simply do not understand how that word feels. and i shouldn't necessarily fault people for it BC they dont get i#but people writing feeder fics about him?? and going out of their way to describe his body in a way they never would a thin person's...#and more than that. like. he's not *fat*???? that's just not the right word. sure he HAS fat. everyone does#but calling him fat pointblank is just like... i do not see the benefit in it. he's Big. he's Muscular. but he's not *fat*#and it makes me think that you dont know any fat people. when that word has only ever been used in a derogatory manner by the majority#i mean that is NOT a neutral word. at this point in history. and if you have never experienced the harm that it can bring i just#i mean i dont know why you *want* to be using it#so yeah uh saying my bit on that bc y'all know me#im a little blabber box chatter mouth#and it's just something that i see a lot of especially on ao3 and one of the primary reasons actually that#i dont really read new fics by authors i dont know#because the way people treat ashton's body is very different than how they treat others'#and it's usually not fat people creating that content SO!#please uh consider maybe the words you're using... and how they could affect others!#ok i have a lot of homework to do tonight so im gonna. hunker down and do that#and feel Not Good about my body because if you think *ashton irwin* is *fat* then#i dont really want to know what you think about an actual fat person
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6-2-aestheticsofhate · 2 months
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i love minos (thinks about his fanon depiction) (throws up)
#okay god i try not too care too much abt mischaracterization especially if its something small but even bigger stuff its like. who cares#we've all been guilty of it at least a little bit before. you know.#but the fact fanon minos has practically ZERO things in common with minos in canon. like. :/#the fact they make him a sex obsessed guy when he shows zero hints towards being horny/sexual in game. and at most he just says that people#shouldnt be punished for loving one another. like.#everytime i see fanon content of minos and hes like haha gabriel do you want to have sex or hes constantly talking abt sex like. come on.#i never even see people talk abt stuff abt minos thats actually cool and not some fanon made up haha bisexual lighting and i love sex bit#like okay we're not gonna talk abt the fact that he had to see the destruction of everything he worked towards to help others with his own#eyes from his prison.#we're not gonna talk about how tragic he is or his story or anything abt his personality in canon?#no we're just gonna graft a make believe personality onto him where he constantly talks abt sex and nothing else? and wants to fuck gabriel#when one of the first things hes ever said upon being freed is that he wants to kill gabriel?#SORRY I KNOW IM BEING A LITTLE HATER AND IVE TRIED TO LESSEN UP ON IT ESP COMPARED TO MY LAST FANDOM. BUT.#GOD.#it wouldnt even be that bad if they didnt rough down minos's rough edges and hatred of gabriel and yet make sisyphus more#angry/violent towards him when he just had beef with heaven in general. like. interesting. that youre. depicting the person of#color as more angry/violent towards your blorbo when its arguable he doesnt even care abt gabe in specific.#really interesting.#truly.#okay im done being a hater#salt tag#to delete
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jinstronaut · 1 month
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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meowthiroth · 7 months
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I've always found it surreal how some cis people will suddenly start to treat you after they learn you're trans. like the way they'll go from speaking to you completely normally one second to casually asking you the most awkward, invasive questions the next. with zero self-awareness about how weird it is to ask someone else questions like that, even though they'd know better if they were talking to another cis person. it reminds me of this one xkcd comic with the graph that's like "proximity to cat/inanity of statements"
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bangcakes · 5 months
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#personal#was gonna message today but then i DIDNT. IDK. IT DIDNT FEEL RIGHT. AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.#I KNEE THE TOPIC BUT LIKE. WORDING ?????? WORDS???? IT WOULDNT COME#its okay tho. its okay. i literally have a fuckin note on my phone where i put shid i can talk to him about in the future NDNNDNDJXJDJDJDMD#GOD LMAO. IVE NEVER PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT IN. IM SO......#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its mostly been me messaging first but like he keeps it going....... GOD LMAO#it was like that in person too tho. like we would just stand/walk n not say anything JDJDJFJKFKFJXMXMX GOD#i wasnt made for this oml. i dont even talk to ppl that much. like idk. iDK.#i just... 1. i dont want him to forget about me 2. i dont want him to think i forgot about him#3. i dont want him to think im not interested in talking to him anymore#ok 2 and 3 are basically the same but JDJDJDJDJDJDJDJD#IM SO BAD AT KEEPING IN TOUCH. LIKE THIS IS SUCH A CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON MY PART. LIKE. I HOPE HE REALIZES????#also like. id love if hed message me first. hes done it before. but there was more to talk about while the sem was still going. now its#like... ok we can talk about exams n grades but now its christmas so like ??????#and like. GOD. is it like... is it TOO MUCH??? to say merry xmas to him?????? or would it be normal?????#im just ???????#GOD. i want him to know i like him but i also uh.... DONT??????? IDK IDK#i also kinda wanna see if we can even be friends outside school. but like HHHHHHHHHH i cant take it. I WANNA SEE HIM XJFIRKRIRFDIODDKHDJZJZ#hhhhhh god pls dont let me be the only one feeling this way istg#im just !!!!!@@@ i never expected this to happen to me ok. but if its Reciprocated. like TRULY. i think i'll actually like. break down#crying JDJDJDJKDKDKDKDKDKX#like Happy tears. like.... Disbelieving tears. hhhhhhhh#but..... n e way. i got this far. and when ppl dont like you they avoid you or come up with excuses. but rather hes moving like Toward me.#like i couldnt have gotten this far without him like.... Participatjng#god its all so new and weird. i just#if youve never felt this way. you probably will one day and wont know what the fuck to do. its all just too weird#literally went from like screamin about sj to like. a guy in my class JDJZKDKKZZMZMZ its fjne. its ok#know hes Cute tho.#thats another thing. i never imagined i could like have someone so Cute.... god. i'll die if he likes me back. hes so so Cute. not my usual#type. like. physically i mean. personality wise hes typical of me NFNFJFJFMFDMDM n e way. hit the tag limit 😳
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orcelito · 5 months
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Also remembering that I get to write wolfwood next chapter and I'm a widdle nervous bc this is a Big Moment and I only wrote him a little bit with Sentido and it's been 8 months since then
But im also REALLY excited bc I get to finally (FINALLY) start executing the vashwood concepts I'd thought up at the damned START of this fic
So much relationship development to get to. So much Wolfwood to get to. Very exciting things.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#ive got a pretty solid grasp on wolfwood I Think but also#i think i wanna do some more research into him before i write hin#im gonna need to read more of the manga Anyways.#i need to study his mannerisms and speech patterns and the ways he interacts with the world#because i have a good idea of it already but a lot of my concept of him does exist in fanon#because it's been A Bit since ive actually read the manga.#and i never want to base my writing off of fanon. never ever ever. that's fatal writing error number One.#i pride myself on my rock solid characterizations. for side characters it doesnt matter as much#but the 2nd person in the main pairing? ostensibly the 2nd most important character to the fic?#yeah im not gonna fuckin base him off of what i have in my mind from however much fanfiction.#it's like the difference between accuracy and precision. by following fanon characterizations#someone might be able to be Precise about his characterization. in that they write him consistently and according to common perception.#but fanon very often exists Just to the left of what canon actually is. so it may be precise but not accurate#at least with regard to canon characterizations.#i want my characterization to be both precise And accurate. i want people to read my fic and go 'yeah thats trimax wolfwood'#with vash i do sprinkle in a few of my favorite things from the other versions too. same with the girls.#and maybe i'll do that a bit with wolfwood. but also hes so very different between the 3 iterations#that he might as well be different characters in all of them.#this is first and foremost a trimax fic. so i WILL have trimax wolfwood in it.#i may look up general guides for writing him if theyre around. but tbh i will rely more on my own research probably.#i have my own system for writing anyways. the sliding scales of different qualities that guides my general word choices for dialog#ive explained it before. dont really wanna get into it again.#i need to solidify in my mind where ww exists on the axes of intelligence politeness kindness and formality#among others. while also paying attention for any kind of repeat words or phrases that he likes to use#that i can pepper in to make it Sound Like Him.#thats the key to how i do general dialog lol. it's of course guided by who they are as a person#but word choice is done through the general perception of them along a set of axes. this is how it goes for All my writing.#im. rambling. whoops. anyways im excited for wolfwood. Soon...
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pallases · 8 months
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peapod20001 · 8 months
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I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3
#random post#me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/#I’m not an overly emotional person in the stereotypical way. but I do get in my feels when thinking about life and the experience of living#I’m like. constantly explaining things to myself cus there’s never really a time or place to talk about it#also my method of explaining things is very not coherent sometimes. so it takes me a bit to really get my point across in a comprehensible#way. I’m a big thinker. I have many thoughts and ideas a views. a daily thing of mine is noticing problems#and then fixing them in my head with thought out explanations and motives and outcomes#it’s like I’m talking to someone else. much like how I format my text posts. that’s how my inner monologue is#me talking to myself is actually me talking to someone else. someone that isn’t real#anyways it’s a daily occurrence. every day of my life is spent with thoughts similar to those breaking down a movie#lots of thoughts from adhd. compulsive thoughts from ocd. overwhelming thoughts from autism. distressing thoughts from bpd#ya. this isn’t a vent I just need to like. see the thoughts in writing so I can do smth else. like eat this muffin ive been staring at for#over an hour now <3 mmmbfbg yea muffins are hard to eat now cus I had some with mold and food mold especially is a big nono for me#spend like. five minutes examining the damn thing before I even consider taking a bite. I’m very hungry an thirsty </3#when your mouth is so dry you can taste your own mouth 👍 I’m experiencing#nothing in particular. just experiencing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like having an experience and living#drank my tea and I had like. hallucinations of like an alcohol prep pad. I’ve been using those in my ear cus. tmi. had a pimple that’s#causing problems so mom suggested that. it burned! which means it worked so word. I’ve noticed lately that both me AND my family have been#using ‘word’ a lot. dad says we’ve been saying it but no we haven’t. if we had I’d have BEEN saying it. maybe we’ve used it before for a bit#but now it’s back. idk. I’ve said it in class on more than one occasion lmao I don’t look like the type to say smth like that but whatever#it’s like when I used to say bro after every sentence like 10 years ago lol. we’re a family of parrots we repeat eachother a lot#I started saying I love you out of no where and they started doing it too. we whistle at eachother from across the house. sing ear worms#together. quote funny things at every opportunity and drive the joke into the ground. everyone in this house is a different kind of mentally#I’ll and it’s the most beautiful clash of personalities because we’re all so annoying and we love eachother so much and also our#communication is shit because some ppl have hearing loss and another is a short fused child and some are quick to interrupt and some dont#get a word in and some just can’t explain and some can’t understand. we get there eventually at some point. we don’t get the full grasp of#how much we love eachother yet. but we’re gettin there. anyways this went into several different directions but they’re all good ones#I think. if you read all this good on you! this is my brain 24/7/365 haha ok love you
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soggypotatoes · 7 months
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the problem with turning up to uni all colourful in overalls and pigtails is that everyone thinks im 18
im 27, i just have the fashion sense of a clown and my neck is sweaty
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britneyshakespeare · 9 months
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He won't leave my fucking friends alone.
#tales from diana#sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe#i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again'#ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations#i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!!#i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to#he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle???#the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong#like im the shady person and the liar.#i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back#i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself.#he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him#and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore.#if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually.#i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was.#and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him.#i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent#some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh?#i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least#a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them#theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear#and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong#even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever#i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it#i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse.#he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known.#he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity.#and will i say none of this to him? no#im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me.#i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.
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tamagotchikgs · 14 hours
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i am so filled w love rn i am so ,,,,, Something. & maybe i am allowed to be comfortable w someone for the first time ever mayb i am safe...... i keep saying this because i never thought i would b. but it only feels more true,,, more possible as time goes on n that is wild 2 me
#when did i get here how did i get this how did i get the best thing in my whole life#they r so fucking cool they r everything good in the world#& i adore them w my whole soul#i dont even know how 2 convey it#i dont deserve any of it but god does it feel so good. to just. be able to give love n receive it n it feel .Real#feel like maybe i can fit n exist n have a place even if it's with a single person#not only a place where i belong but where i am allowed 2 love#because like !!!!!! holay molayyyy !!!!!!!!!! i love !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! them so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont even know how to show it but a !!!!!!!!!!!!! it is in there n it is bubbling every second n i . every moment spent w them is nourish#nourishing my soul#straight lasagna in that bad boy#there has never been anything more important or interesting 2 me i have ever come across in the world than them#yea i still get nervous or . self-conscious w them sometimes because o boy they deserve the world but. it feels so different#it's different to the one i feel everywhere else#im not gonna lie the strong emotions i get because of how much i care can b.. agonizing when it's the bad ones#but the good outweighs them so hard#and ive never had that#usually the bad hits n it takes me down n thats it#i keep going down#but here i get down n then. hey wait. here is good#here is sosoososos much good#n i cherish them for the way they can handle my shit so much HBJABH...#on top of already loving them#instead of . me being a problem it's ok#they grab my shit n twist it#it's like i can be a person if im with them#and the experiences i have had n continue 2 have build onto me#like i am a person. and i can see it. which i never have been or could before#but more than any of the ways they affect me i just love them for . the fact they r them#standalone they r so fucking incredible. n i want them to know that i want them 2 feel that too
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semiotomatics · 5 months
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god i miss my prescription strength muscle relaxant
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