#ive moved into my own home
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Now that my 3 zine pieces are done you'd think I'd go back to working on my huge roxner fic, but no I've already applied to 2 more zines and a big bang. I have no self control and I only get things done with deadlines to hold me accountable
#jodez.txt#one day i'll finish the casper au....ive been chipping away for so long#tbf though since i started that piece ive done 3 zines and 3 events#ive moved into my own home#i got a new job#my best friend had babies#ive been busy ladd#but one day....
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little dove.
a short comic about Ash and Snow's first meeting / how Snow got her nickname.
Snow's story
Ash’s story
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#cw: animal death#cw: blood#i think after this ash goes back home and finds herself thinking of snow more and more#while snow returns to her own kingdom and forgets much of this encounter until ash reaches some renown as a monster with a blade#after which snow becomes extremely fixated on her and remembers her as the girl who watched her bury a dead bird in a flowerbed#lesbian first dates be like#anyway#i like the irony of snow's nickname being little dove seeing as how shes not exactly a very peaceful person#although she may seem like it on the surface#shes kind of difficult to write too. ive gotta balance her veil of innocence with genuine sincerity#the fact that she believes her own delusions is what makes her such a fun character#one day ill move on from these characters but i love my homicidal daughters very much#thank you for reading#sapphic art#comic art#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics#heartearters
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you GUYS i am officially enrolled in my degree i am so unbelievably happy!!!!! i have been fighting for my life to get here. i had to turn down all my uni offers when i was a teen (had to move out independantly bc of domestic violence and disability/health complications). i've always known exactly what i want to do with my life but everything got put on hold whilst i desperately tried to sort my shit out. BUT IM DOING IT NOW!!!!!
#u guys dont even know 😭#i dropped out of school when i was 14/15#taught myself all my GCSEs at home#tried to go back to school 3 times but had to leave bc of my abuser finding me + disabilities/pain made my attendance scores impossible#taught myself my A levels and GOT INTO MY DREAM UNI#had to TURN DOWN the offer so i could move out alone somewhere safe on my own income where he could not find me#then had to take a few years to sort my shit out because hello what the FUCK was that first 20 years of my life#plus hey ive been AUTISTIC and adhd this whole time ontop of the cptsd and psychosis and whatever the FUCK else#but im here now :))#lets get a fUCKING DEGREE!!!!!!!!!!
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Lol. Lol. Lol.
#this is why i didnt want to move home 😂😂😂😂😂😂 being expected to cook and do the kitchen things#and not a single person cleaning in this house except for mom!!! = also me because i cant let my mother do all the work#anyway im tired lol!!!!! and i want to live with my 2 friends in the city#and meal prep together have my own space and not be subjected to more You should exercise comments#this is weight gained from depressive stress eating mom :-) i am Stressed and im trying not to cope this way but it is a process#anyway i miss my dorm i miss seeing 40+ people at meals i miss having the privacy to sing my heart out#i miss living in a small and manageable space i miss my FRIENDS i miss that boy (this is not a positive thing to miss admittedly)#i miss living right by the coffee shop that sells the Best Sandwich Ever and a honking good lavender vanilla latte#i also miss being able to fit into my favourite jeans. this is a self inflicted issue and it annoys me#anyway i am medium miserable and there is still a HECK TON of things to do#like unpack and go to the grocery store because its my father's birthday and ive committed#to cooking birthday dinner because birthday lunch was an unfortunate flop#o yeah also i miss having access to cheap obscenely strong black tea. that kept me going through finals#im only here a month before im off to my summer job which will be Away from here!! but darn it all its going to be a Month
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when midoriya punches the zero pointer at the entrance exam, all might says “show who you are, embody what it means to be a true hero, nothing is nobler than self sacrifice” do you think aizawa heard kill bill sirens
#he said that very loud and very confidently#i hold true to the hc that midoriya is so reckless due to his horrific self worth from being quirkless#but a good chunk of it is definitely bc of all might#who through his own issues encourages his self isolation and the worth of his power and what he can do with it over midoriya himself#and then you have aizawa who has spent his entire teaching career hammering home that living is just as important as saving someone#all might nedzu and probably everyone else in the room saw that as a heroic moment#midoriya saved uraraka with an unbelievable move with no reward for himself#aizawa is the only one that sees a kid break three out of four of his limbs and plummet to the earth with no plan to save himself#if uraraka hadnt managed to hit him he wouldve at the very least shattered his other arm#he very easily couldve died#and aizawas the only one that notices#thats why he grills him during the ball throw#he says midoriya cant be a hero bc being one will lead to him killing himself if he doesnt change#bc he saw a kid that would destroy himself at every given chance to help someone else#and hes the only one that realises how wrong that is#its been a minute since ive watched this scene and damn it hits a bit different now#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#go beyond plus ultra#aizawa shouta#midoriya izuku#deku#all might#bnha#mha#save post
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all fun and games being a college student until youre lookin at recipes like 'i dont have a knife that isnt a butter knife. i only have one pot and no pan. making me buy two different types of oil seems like a scam. can i freeze homemade wedges if i make them'
#and my roommates have all those things and would probably be fine to lend me them#but also i do not talk to them a lot. and i am scared#and ofc worst part of being a college student is ive been putting off my work so i wont have time until like next week to go and get shit..#wait actually my mam is picking me up tomorrow. im sure she'd drive me to home store and more. this is a win#still does not solve my Burning Urge to make my own wedges but sigh ill work w it#edit actually the WORST part of being a college student is i made the idiot move of choosing one of the tall presses#not taking into account that im too short to take advantage of all the storage space....#i think theres one of the short presses still empty i could claim#but i dont wanna have to bend all the time to get my shit.... meguca is suffeirng
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showering and then getting into your own bed with fresh sheets >>
#ive been living at my grandmas for about four months because we were getting house work done#its mostly over now so i've moved back home and its my first night in my bed after so long :)#its sad leaving my grandma but it feels good to be in my own space <3#diary
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theres a 99% chance we’re gonna move so i have to start packing little things now cause it makes the transition easier but i hate it i dont want to
#i know i sound like am immature little kid just pouting and stomping my foot#but i’ve had to move every two years since i was like 14 for so many different reasons#each place ive moved to just got increasingly worse so i think i have the right to pout like a 14 yr old girl#but its just dumb#if i start taking stuff down now itll make it easier to leave cause it wont feel like my space by then#its what ive always done#if i pack weeks ahead of time it just feels like im leaving a hotel or something#but right nows the hard part#im not even over my childhood home/s#i cant talk about those without crying and its been 20 years#i’d just like to stay in one place for awhile#we wont be going far cause me and my sister both have jobs right here but#its still different#im tired of seeing my stuff in boxes im tired of not feeling safe in my own space#it all just makes me so unstable cause i cant plant my roots anywhere#idk maybe its stupid#if everything goes according to plan#we’ll probably be moving a little after memorial day#and all i want to do is lock my door and refuse to let anyone do anything#im still just that little girl that was leaving her childhood bedroom and moving hours away#tbd#i didnt even get to skate today cause its raining#whatever im gonna get in bed and watch movies til i can go to sleep#if ive been bad at responding to msgs or not posting as much . this is why 👍#any sort of change like this makes me isolate myself like crazyy
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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#frank.txt#also shit is FUCKED rn . im so STRESSED#my landlord had a landlord moment so we're moving. also this place is getting unbearable#we live near freedom convoy folks and ive been called all sorts of slurs just trying to walk to 7/11 so . idk#maybe the next place will at least have homophobes that aren't as shouty and angry n shit bc GOD. GOD#that one guy that followed me halfway home just yelling slurs like yeah maybe moving out is a blessing in disguise#also this house haa no insulation which is awful in summer and winter#the next place we're going to is more expensive unfortunately but like. its insulated. doesnt have squirrels in the attic. or asbestos.#so uhm yayyy#its in a very secluded farmland area. tbh maybe thats what i need rn bc my physical and mental health arent super sturdy rn#physically feeling a bit bettr tho! just having bubble baths about it <3#i only post now on my priv twit @dykefiend rn#once things are settled ill go back to posting art .#bc i RLLY want to draw my own stuff soon i just gotta work on commissions wnd then start PACKING#genuinely almost cried last night thinking abt how i'll probably be able to see stars at night again#its the outskirts of the city in a rural area. super rundown broken down house but gorgeous yard. all u can hear is wind ans birds#no sirens or yelling or cars!
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#I had my reception recently and i made my own guestbook#Im proud of them!!#The inside cover is a collage of all the greeting and holiday cards ive been sent since i moved out of my home state#Its really mushy but this is the time to make mushy!!! You know? If not now then when??#Collage#Scrapbooking
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#☉#already getting stress induced nose bleeds again lmao#bro's not even back in the house yet but him and dad were going at it tonight#yelling at each other in the kitchen and i could hear them from my room in the basement#im so tired of it all#especially since my mom and i get to listen to them bitch about each other afterwards#before he moves back in im setting a firm boundary: unless i ask about something specifically *i don't want to hear about it*#ive hit minute 22 with this nose bleed now#i thought it was gonna be a short one (10-15 mins) but nooooo#i can feel it getting worse#based off my experience last summer im pretty sure that if i could just....#get out of this fuckin house#80% of my health problems will improve on their own#since all of them are triggered/aggravated by stress#too bad im fuckin stuck here for the foreseeable future#tbd#edit: 25 mins in and i think it's stopped for the time being...#i can hear my dad bitching about my brother to my mom rn while she's trying to get ready for bed#because she just got home with working her second job#and has to be up in 7hrs for her first one 😭#i want to yell at him to shut up or yell at my mom to tell him to shut up#neither of us will do such things tho#and so it goes
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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can literally only swing an apartment w another person and my bf is on the brink of backing out so i have to figure out what the hell is goin on there but god... god!!! i just want to escape!!! i was so goddamn close and now im being knocked all the way back!!! i dont even know where to /start/ looking for a new place to live or people to live with i just. what the fuck is wrong with me and why does this keep happening.
#its gotta be a me thing#which is why im probably gonna just sign up for one of those random roomie sites and inflict myself on a stranger#bc if i move in w anyone i know and it turns out im the thing that keeps ruining everyones lives#i dont wanna fuck up the few scraps of good ive got going for me#these past few months have just been a lot of me realizing how fucked ive been and how deep i keep digging#and i do not know how to get out of it anymore i dont fucking know anybody my viable support system is zero#too much of a coward to kill myself too terrified of the unknown to run away too convinced of my own stupid burden curse to accept help#what the fuck do i do here just#sit and shiver until my heart gives out i guess#maybe this will be it. maybe if move in day comes and passes and im still at home ill just kill myself#it might be easier then like. its obvious im not getting out any other way#so that might as well be it
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i went out w my brother n his friends for his 21st bday and we went bar hopping nd to a few clubs my first time ever going out lmaoo
#even my mom wanted me to go like lmaoo#My brother got fucked up tho😭lmaooo#i didnt even drink ghat much i feel ok#i got a seltzer a vodka cran and a green tea shot#it feels weird going out like essp w my brother but even when im w ppl in my own social group like. were literallly childrennn#thats how i feel sometimes#nd i feel like an alien observing other ppl.. sometimes its like how do u eben behave or act in thjs type of outing#overall had fun nd i preferred the more crowded club in tnjs small ish space really.compact where u barely have space to move cuz it feels#less awkward dancing idkk i enjoyed itt. they played abba too#bht club music is kind of crazy. like ok its hypeed but now im going home to listen to elliott smith#Its fun tho nd i got hit on which feels crazy cuz ive barely eber been hit on b4 nd i feel like a teenage gjrl like this should be illegal#Jk but its weird but ig nice smeone told me i was really pretty#I didnt over drink andi had a big meal b4 i went out sp itbwas a nice tipsy area i was in#my brother gt so fuckeddd he puekd 😭taking care of puking person is crazyyy also hes like 12 to me in my mind . not 21
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I feel like I need to be financially compensated for being raised to not know how to do like any fucking cleaning
#idk how to clean shit#why the fuck isnt home ec required good god#just vaguely following internet instructions and standing like :| bc its not working#ive gone through two boxes of baking soda#text#paersonal#like wow i wish my executive functioning was perhaps developed a little bit literally at all before being sent off on my own huh#shouldnt be something im only starting to deal with as an 18+ year old#like unironically im going to have to get a fucking coach or something#which sucks bc that's money and time and effort#like i dont want to get a therapist bc ik im just going to move in a year or whatever and then what#wont have em anymore#have to start the stupid awful process all over again#then again i wasnt fucking diagnosed w adhd until after college started#bc the mental healthcare in this country is a fucking joke and i want to shred the diagnostic requirements of the dsm#just hhhgghggrggfhh#it is So fucking crippling lmao
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