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earthfluuke · 4 years

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summary: individual ohmfong moments i couldn’t get out of my head.

everyone has been writing yearning fics (and i adore them so much), but i wanted to get some fluff out there. i hope you enjoy!

it’s second nature for ohm to slide into any open seat at their group’s table. full plate in hand, he’s just about to dig in when he catches phuak’s questioning eye, and his fork freezes a breath from his food. the silent questioning raise of his eyebrow has phuak shaking his head and motioning a hand to the opposite side of the table.

“sit next to your boyfriend, dumb ass,” he says, followed by the mumble of, “no wonder none of your girlfriends stayed with you.”

eyes widening, he turns to fong who can only send him a forgiving smile. scrambling to move his things, he falls onto the bench beside him with a sigh. head hung, shoulder slumped, he works out quickly, “i’m sorry. it completely slipped my mind, and i–”

“it’s okay,” fong assures, understanding as ever. “it’s…different. but we’ll get there.” he slides a plastic cup across the table to him and knocks their shoulders together. “now stop sulking, and drink that.”

ohm rises a bit, reinflates. he’s only ever remembered fong coming to the table with a signature blue hawaii in hand. there is none in sight, only this. taking a sip, he can’t help but feel it tastes a bit sweeter than any other time he’s had it.

they’re not there yet; but they’re on their way.

ii.

“oh!” he hears ohm exclaim as they’re walking out of their classroom towards the football field. just as he turns to ask what’s wrong, he feels a hand grab onto his.

eyes shooting down to the space between them, fong takes notice of how ohm’s fingers fit between his and curl over more than half of his knuckles. he soaks in the warmth ohm’s palm presses into his own and the feel of his thumb stroking up to his nail and back down again. he’s never held someone’s hand before, save for his parents a long, much younger time ago, so he doesn’t have much to compare to. even so, he doesn’t think any other hand would feel as nice. this is the hand he wants to hold forever.

allowing his fingers to close and rest between the ridges of ohm’s knuckles, he tightens his hold when ohm gives their arms an experimental swing.

“we’re boyfriends now,” he explains. “that means we get to hold hands.”

it’s so innocent, so simple, but knowing that doesn’t help in slowing fong’s heart.

iii.

fong knows he has a very handsome boyfriend. it’s difficult to ignore when they’re meant to be studying in the library. ohm has a hand in his hair, head rested against his palm as a finger taps in concentration. his lips move with each word he reads, tongue sticking between his teeth when he gets to an exceptionally difficult section.

it’s too much sometimes, to just sit there and stare. actions have never been his strong suit; observations are more his style, but it’s not enough. leaning past the edge of his chair, he smooths a hand under ohm’s chin and up the cheek farthest from him. he pulls him the small distance he needs to in order to press a gentle kiss to the cheek facing him.

he hides the laugh that’s building in his throat when he moves back to find ohm wide eyed and stunned. the hand in his hair has slid down to where fong’s lips just grazed, and fong has to turn away from him to hide his pink cheeks and silly smile.

“i’m going to get some snacks. do you want anything?” ohm is too dazed to respond, so fong pushes back his chair and scurries off to the vending machines. it’ll give him the chance to calm down.

(and if he comes back with a few choice snacks he knows to be ohm’s favorites, then that’s just a bonus).

iv.

when fong is fast asleep, ohm can’t help but prop himself up on his arm and admire him. his bangs curl over his brow, and his cheek buries further into the pillow when there’s an especially cool breeze from the air conditioner. dark lashes fan over tan skin, full peach lips puffing out calm, even breaths. one hand clutches the blanket closer to him while the other lays on the sheets as though it’s looking for something.

he’s as gorgeous as he always is, but there’s something more special about a beauty that only ohm gets to see. there is a constant pull of wanting to grab onto that hand, remind him that what he’s reaching for is right beside him. but he cannot will himself to disturb him and instead resigns himself to only stare. he’s done enough to last him a lifetime, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of it; not if he’s staring at fong.

“beautiful. sweetheart. babe. love!”

“um,” tine clears his throat, looking from ohm’s wide, hopeful grin to the top of fong’s head, the only part of him visible from behind the pages of the book he’s using to hide. “what are you doing?”

“trying to figure out which name i like the most,” fong mumbles from behind his book, clutching the binding a bit tighter when ohm throws an arm around his shoulders.

“the secret is that he likes all of them,” he says, continuing over fong’s protests, “i just need to find out which one he likes the best.”

it picks up again from there, in front of their friends no less. all fong can do is let him go on and on, each name more blush inducing than the last, and hope his novel does a good enough job masking how much he’s enjoying this.

vi.

“i’ll see you for dinner after my group meeting. okay, tilak?”

“yeah, sure – wait, what? hey! fong!”

vii.

fong is always a vision, but this. this. this is something completely different and so very far from even his wildest of dreams.

his sweater – a light beige with a v-neck that dips lower without the collar of the shirt he normally wears underneath it poking out – hangs loose around fong’s smaller frame. the shoulders pool upwards, the sleeves drape over his fingers, the hem hits far past the bottom of his torso. it doesn’t fit at all, and yet it does. there is something so right about coming out of the shower and finding fong lying on his bed, homework papers strewn out across the sheets and ohm’s sweater pooling up around his hips.

“i’m sorry,” fong is quick to say, fingers scrambling to tug it over his head. “it got cold, and it was the first thing i saw. i can give it back.”

“no.” he holds his hands out to steady fong more than himself. when the neck of the sweater stretches back down and he can see him, ohm sends him a smile. “it’s…it’s good. nice. it looks nice.”

“nice,” fong repeats. the very tips of his fingers, the only parts that peek out from beneath the sleeves, smooth over the fabric. his eyes soften, the tips of his mouth curving up. ohm can’t the tingling feeling that spreads through him.

viii.

that single strand of hair. it’s as lovely as it is distracting, for fong at the very least. he supposes ohm must have gotten used to it, takes notice of it the same way he does to the air around him. but it’s so out place and somehow so perfectly put that fong cannot help but admire it.

it’s a flame, stark black and contrast to his skin, that draws his hand towards it like a moth. ever so carefully, with just a graze of his fingers, he pushes it back into place. brushing over his ear, his hand buries beneath the hair parted against his scalp, dark locks blanketing over it.

only then does ohm look to him, realize that there had been something out of place he hadn’t seen. what he does see – feel, sense, know – is fong. and what a wonder that is, to be more noticeable, more important, more vital than the air. to be what ohm needs to breathe.

ix.

ever changing lights flicker across the concert venue. sarawat’s band is on stage, but they’re impossible to pay attention to when fong has all of his focus. he’s beautiful in every color he bathes in, but ohm can’t help but be partial to the mixture of yellow and orange.

fong has always been a bright light, a beacon, an ever-present warmth. the colors paint him as the sun he’s always been, the very center of ohm’s universe. head back, ears turned up to the music, his eyes reflect gold when he turns to ohm to tug him close and sway them along to the bass beneath their feet.

purple and blue remind him of late nights where they’d forgotten to close the blinds. green brings memories of lying in the grassy field in the back of their high school, when all ohm could rely on was stolen glances and accidental hand brushes he’d hold nearer and dearer to his heart than he should have. pink and red mix together, and all he can see is love coating over full cheeks and a fuller smile that he is lucky enough to have directed at him. and then it’s back to yellow, back to orange, back to warmth so hot ohm could burn.

it’s a heat like no other. all he can do to cool is curls a single arm around the small of fong’s back and pull him close enough for their foreheads to touch. his heart still roars with flames, engulfs him in a love hot enough to melt.

wrapping himself around him, fong comments, “you really like this song.”

and all ohm can do is hum, hold him tighter, and soak in his warmth. “i think it might be my favorite.”

“how did you know?” fong asks. the two of them are staring up at the ceiling, peeling paint their replacement for stars. “that it was me, i mean.”

by all intents and purposes, it should be an easy enough question to answer. but it becomes difficult when it hits him that…it’s always been fong. there isn’t a moment where anyone else has taken refuge in his heart and made it their home.

“i don’t remember when it started. but i remember when i realized it couldn’t be anyone else.” the memory flashes behind his eyes in vivid detail, kept clean and clear from how many times he’s brought it back to the forefront of his mind. “new years eve of second year. after tine and phuak ditched us to find pretty girls to kiss at midnight.”

mouth agape when he looks to him, fong says in startled disbelief, “in your backyard when i almost burned my hand on that sparkler? that wasn’t as special as i was expecting. more embarrassing.”

“it wasn’t. and that’s why i knew. there didn’t need to be some big sign. i just knew that even in those simple moments, i wanted it to be you there with me. and,” ohm catches his eye, looks at him so he knows how much he means what he says, “it was the first time i got to see you smile. it wasn’t because of something stupid phuak did or something sweet tine said to you. it was just… because you were happy. i hadn’t seen anything that beautiful before.”

fong says nothing, only reaches down to grab his hand. but when he smiles – that smile – he tells ohm all he needs to know. it’s another one of those not so special moments; the two of them lying flat against the sheets, their hands twisted together between them. but that in and of itself makes it special.

#2gether #2gether the series #still2gether #still2gether the series #ohmfong #ohm x fong #my writing #i love these two so much #it's only been a few days #but they have my heart #also i'm so sorry that gif is SO shitty

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cubeswhump · 4 years

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Defy Fate; Reanimate, part 2: Giver of Life

Directly follows The Pieces of Osiris.

Tagging @brutal-nemesis and @more-miserables

Warnings for gore, death, self-harm (not done from depression or misery), murdur, drugging, creepy whumper, torture, dismemberment, disembowelment, semi-professional surgery, bit of eye (optic nerve) gore, lots of gross stuff.

Lorelai wished Dearil would laugh and tell her to hush up, that her singing is so pitchy. "You sound like a dying cat," she mimicked in a deep voice, but he stayed limp and cold in her arms.

"Mm! Mmmh!" Viktor tried to scream against the tape as Lorelai set Dearil down on the table by the John Doe.

"Alexa, volume up," Lorelai commanded.

She opened up the John Doe and cut out his heart. She had a donor heart in a cooler, so she tossed his in the trashbag - but she needed the four connective arteries. Removal was slow and intricate.

"I don't know what to do without you," she sang. Time to connect the John Doe's arteries to Dearil's husk. She relied a lot on magic for this binding, her nose dripping blood into Dearil's open chest.

She had never heard of attaching entire arteries to a corpse, so she had to rely on her own imagination and magic for that, but surely attaching the heart would be easier.

She hadn't gotten this far in medical school and had to make do with vague medical tutorials. She clamped the open ends of the arteries. She could have cried with relief when the arteries twitched even with no blood supply.

Viktor stared at her with watery eyes. She filled the syringe with clear liquid and injected it into his deltoid.

"You'll need this. Thos is going to hurt." She paused. "I really am sorry, Viktor, but you're dying for a good cause."

Tears slipped down his cheeks. He was in an awkward position tp fond his vein but she managed to get the IV connected to his arm. She got the other end connected to Dearil's remaining arm and sliced her palm open, drawing the rune on his upper arm.

His heart began beating slowly. This time Lorelai did cry with relief.

She cut Viktor's shirt off and sliced into him carelessly, making short incisions over whatever organ she needed while he writhed against the restraints. She didn't want him to bleed too much while he and Dearil shared one circulatory system, so she burned the sides of each incision with the butane torch Dearil used to make crème brûlée. Victor's eyes rolled back and fluttered shut when she started breaking open his ribcage.

He came in and out of consciousness as she went back and forth between him and Dearil, transferring to Dearil a left lung, a stomach, three quarters of a liver. Viktor was a fighter, going in and out of consciousness and giving the occasional struggle.

"Hecate, Thanatos, Hel, Hades, Osiris, Heka, Freyja..." Lorelai whispeted the name of every deity associated with death or magic that she knew of. She hoped one, if any existed, would hear her pleas and give some form of divine assistance. She panted behind her mask and swayed on her feet, every rune on her body bleeding.

When Viktor started convulsing, mouth bleeding as he bit his tongue, Lorelai slapped him hard.

"Don't ruin this for me!" she shouted.

He didn't wake up this time, and she drained what she could of his blood and transferred it to IV bags that were connected to Dearil one after the other.

She cut into his scalp and skull, filling a cup with cerebrospinal fluid and removing his brain (including eyes) before his heart. She got Dearil's brain out of the vat and connected both to Viktor's still-warm heart and a bag of blood pilfered from the hospital.

She ditched the butane torch and sliced him open autopsy-style with a Y-incision. She hastily harvested and transferred his organs to Dearil before decomposition could start: the other lung, his entire urinary system, his gallbladder (he could live without it, of course, but Dearil loved fatty foods and dairy), his pancreas, his thymus (hopefully Dearil's thyroid, which was still in place, would bounce back), and his intestines (sans-appendix).

She left Victor's husk for now to fix up Dearil's ribcage, which was difficult without rods abs screws. She drew runes over the breaks and the way it reformed was brittle and lumpy, but oh well. His body would have to take care of the rest. Next, she sewed up his Y-incision and transfered skin graft's from the John Doe's unmarked stomach to where she had sliced skin off Dearil to fit him in her suitcase. It would scar pretty badly, but Lorelai would love him all the same.

Then she started on Viktor's legs and left arm. He was so white; the limbs would stand out terribly against Dearil's gorgeous brown trunk. The John Doe was closer in color, but he was very tall and thin and the limbs just wouldn't work.

"Alexa, ten hours of Mozart," Lorelai called.

She took off her soiled gloves to look up bone grafting videos on her phone. She didn't have rods or screws, so she had to keep this pretty natural. Er, magical. But a little bit of medican guidance might help, considering she wasn't studying orthopaedics.

Putting together a human body in pieces was too advanced for anyone, and Lorelai was over here doing it. Who cared that she was only in her second year of medical school? If anyone could do this, it was her.

She glanced back and forth between her work and the video as she sliced into what was left of Dearil's thigh, peeling the skin away from the bone. She peeled the skin on Viktor's thigh back next and shaaped both bones as best as she could until they fit almost like puzzle pieces. A bit of blood on the bone. Healing would be slow, she knew, like a regular broken femur.

Her hands shook and she struggled to thread the needle. Dissolving thread for the subcutaneous tissue. She stitched very carefully, but it didn't matter if the sutures were slightly uneven. She had to keep turning Dearil to suture the entire circumference and he was so much heavier now. Dissolving thread for the dermis, non-dissolving for the epidermis. Repeat on right leg. Repeat on left arm.

She cut into his jaw to realign the bone and sewed it up. Missing teeth gaped at her and his tongue, though less bloated, was still an odd purple. She expected it would improve with the increased blood flow now, as she knew the purple color was due to a lack of circulation.

She took a few layers of skin from his buttocks and used the inch-long patch to graft over his shredded left eyebrow, and then she took the nose from the cooler and very carefully stitched it onto his face. The shape was perfect even if the dplor was off, and she'd help him pierce it when he was awake. His ears too. He'd like that.

She couldn't stop smiling. She could feel a pulse when she pinched the wrist of his new arm. Dearil was coming together; he was coming back to her.

But now she was onto the scary part: connecting his mind.

Dearin's brain was faintly pink now and no longer sagging. The wrinkles had deepened. Lorelai drew a rune on the floor, set a bucket on top, and cut into the John doe's head, careful to avoid the skin she needed from the left side. She placed his brain in the bucket, and then his tongue. She sprinkled some herbs and dust on top, dropped in some paper, and threw in a match. The smell was awful, but she couldn't open a window.

Lorelai sat down with Dearil and Viktor's brains... And then she was opening her eyes, lying on the floor, head pounding. She gasped abd scrambled up to the table, but a look at the brains told her she wasn't out for very long; both were still pink and plump.

She turned Dearil onto his stomach and first set to work on the cerviva columns. C3 was nearly severed in the crash and needed an offering. She took one of John Doe's upper vertebrae to throw into the offering fire and sliced into the scabbing-over laceration on her hand. She aligned the two halves of Dearil's C3 with her fingers and dripped some blood directly into the crack. The spell nearly knocked her to the ground, but the crack fused with the ghost of a scar. But nerve damage was the problem and quadriplegia or hemiplegia were big risks, so more blood. A bit more.

Her heart pounded in her ears. Dark spots appeared along her vision. Bit she had to keep going.

She attached the C1 connected to Dearil's beainstem to his C2 and sewed up the back of his neck. Onto more intricate structures now.

She rolled Dearil over once more, onto his back now. His eyelids came off so easily and Lorelai submerged them in a bowl of blood, herbs, and water. Viktor's ears were close enough in color, and she threaded one optic nerve through the eye socket, pinching the end of what remained of Dearil's optic nerve with thumb forceps and pressing the ends together. She wrapped the connection in paper with an inscribed, bloody rune, focusing her energy on this tiny connection.

Her phone started ringing. Was it daytime yet? With all the blinds shut, she couldn't tell.

A sharp pain struck her head. She removed the paper, and shakily exhaled. The nerve was intact. She repeated the process with the other nerve but this one had a bjt of trouble reattaching.

Lorelai's nose gushed blood, soaking into her mask. She tried again, and again. It finst attached, though the nerve was thin at the merge. Oh well.

She carefully sliced pieces from Viktor's brain to fill in the missing and daged parts of Dearil's parietal and frontal lobes. She kept thinking about Dearil's hippocampus. Would he remember her?

"Please, bless Dearil with two fully functional hippocampi," Lorelai murmured, not noticing how her words slurred together. "Let him remember our friendship."

She carefully sewed his eyelids, now looser and less stiff, back on and taped them closed. Then she drizzled the cerebrospinal fluid onto his exposed brain and took the skull fragments she had cut from Viktor, having been sure to leave a bit of an overlap so the bone wouldn't fall into Dearil's head if it was slow to fuse. She left a piece of skull off to allow for swelling, smeared blood along the crease, and carefully put the scalp flap back on.

She was so tired, she couldn't possibly do this many sutures. She used the stapler to attach it and then got to removing skin for a graft from the John Doe. She drew the path of the incision first, much of the left side of his head with his ear included, and worked on attaching it to Dearil with the stapler.

Just a few more needed. Suddenly he gave a moan and she gasped.

"Dearil... Can you hear me?" she asked breathlessly. She looked horrible: covered in blood and sweat, makeuo smeared down her face, hair wild. Would this really be the first thing he saw coming back?

Just a few more staples. A few more. The stapler fell from her hand as the world went black. She slumped onto her friend's bloodied stomach.

***

Lech mich im Arsch g'shwindi, g'shwindi!

Oh God. Lorelai had fallen asleep, and now Mozart was mocking her. The universe was mocking her.

But when she rose, neck stiff after sleeping in that position, she realized she was so, so wrong; the universe was on her side.

Beautiful pink and purple bruising had blossomed across Dearil's body. His chest rose and fell with rattling breaths.

"Oh, Dearil," she murmured. She picked the stapler back up and finished the job. He gave a shuddering breath with each click. She wiped the blood off his skin with a damp cloth and grinned, marveling at her work.

She wheeled over the stretcher and struggled to pull Dearil onto it. He was so heavy now. She took him to the bedroom she used to sleep in when she still went on vacation with her family, pulling back the blue covers before struggling to move Dearil into the bed.

It was time to stop playing necromancer and be his nurse. She got him set up with a bedpan and got a needle in his arm connected to a bag of saline and painkillers. Antibiotics would be administered later tonight.

Covering loosely with the sheet, she pressed a kiss to the unharmed side of his forehead. "I'll be back soon, Dear. I have things to take care of."

He didn't respond.

She took another trashbag to the surgical room and untied Viktor, dragging him and the John Doe onto the floor. The fire had gone out while she slept, and it wouldn't have been big enough anyway. She raised the bone saw above her head.

***

Viktor's clothes, her own clothes, the bedding from Viktor's deathbed, ropes, the remains of the two bodies stashed in a trashbag and both trashbags stored in the attic awaiting disposal. She lacked the strength to deal with the bed right now, just spraying chemicals on the stained mattress, and got to bleaching and mopping the operating room until it's surfaces sparkled.

She had to sit down during her shower. She was so dizzy even now, and her head pounded. The water running off her was stained pink, and she hoped the smell wasn't in her pores.

She was more bandage than woman after she got done wrapping the still-seeping runes, and she pulled a loose-fitting shirt and pajama pants on over them. She grabbed her phone, setting an alarm to go off two hours before her shift, and settled down on the floor by Dearil's bed with a blanket and pillow.

"I love you, Dearil," she murmured, closing her eyes.

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vexedtonightmares · 5 years

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last dance (elu ballet au) chapter douze

Lucas is in his final year at the Paris Opera Ballet School and he’ll be damned if he lets his former friend-turned-rival Eliott steal the lead role in their production of Swan Lake.

aka- lucas and eliott are rivals who are forced to room together for their final year of ballet school before they try to enter the company. we can all see where this is going.

i. ii. iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii. ix. x. xi. xii.

ao3

tw: eating disorder, anxiety attack, manic episode, negative self thought/talk

Vendredi 7:42-23:56

Lucas and Eliott hadn’t spoken a single word to one another since the night before. Eliott was already up when Lucas woke from a fitful slumber, already missing Eliott’s calming embrace. It was wild how he could get so accustomed to sleeping in someone else's arms so quickly, but he’d better get used to being alone again real quick.

The breakfast Eliott made was quite simple, just some scrambled eggs and toast, and these scrambled eggs didn’t look like they had been experimented on, so they were probably edible. Eliott didn’t force him to eat anything, but Lucas knew that there would probably be hell to pay if he didn’t, so he ate his eggs in silence, skipping the toast and leaving the room before Eliott could grab his things to follow.

Manon met him with a worried look on her face, always knowing how he was feeling before he did. “Lucas?” she asked earnestly, “Is everything all right?”

He nodded noncommittally, which he knew wasn’t much of an answer, but she seemed to understand that he was in no mood to divulge the cause of his woes right before classes started for the day.

Everyone could tell something was off with him, he knew it, but at least it didn’t impact his performance skills. The less he liked himself, the harder he worked in class, so he supposed that at least one good thing had come from the fight he’d had with Eliott.

More than anything, though, his heart burned. It burned because Eliott was everything to him, but they could never be together in the way he’d thought anymore. He didn’t want a parental substitute, he didn’t want to be a burden, but he knew those things would happen if they continued their relationship. He resolved to talk to Eliott about it after class, wishing things didn’t have to be this way more than anything.

Imane whisked him away for lunch, and Eliott joined them, of course. She seemed a bit confused, but Eliott claimed they had to go over a few things for the role of the Prince, and she sat in relative silence while Eliott went on about various things they’d already discussed about the role. Lucas was short with his answers, avoiding eye contact, but as far as Imane knew, that was normal.

The audacity Eliott had to think he could just go ahead and control Lucas because he saw a problem where there wasn’t one… Lucas was torn between telling Eliott to go fuck himself or never talking to him again.

Eliott left the table right after Lucas finished his food, and they didn’t talk again for the rest of rehearsals, didn’t share glances, didn’t even acknowledge that the other existed or that they’d been in love the day before.

Lucas was still in love, but he was working on fixing that. If he ever could. In the end it was just another sad fucking day for a sad fucking boy who was going to have to live a sad fucking life. Holding onto a lost love was definitely in the requirements of living a sad life, so Lucas supposed he wasn’t too far off from the life he’d always been meant to live.

Practice went a few hours longer than usual, probably to make up for the Wednesday they’d had free of rehearsals, so Lucas was dead tired by the time he packed up to go back to his room for the night. Yann and Manon both checked with him before he left, making sure he was ok, the only ones able to see what he kept beneath the surface, and he told them he’d talk to them later in the weekend when he wasn’t so tired. Whether or not that would actually happen was a good question, but at least he got them off his back for a night. He was too emotionally exhausted to do anything other than lie in his room until Eliott forced dinner on him.

In his room, Lucas laid flat on his back on his bed, not letting himself feel anything more than what he’d allowed himself to feel since Eliott stormed into his room the night before, which was nothing at all. He couldn’t afford to feel things, not when it could make him realize that maybe he didn’t have everything under control and maybe he did need help.

Yet slowly, surely, the feelings trickled in, unwanted but creeping through the corners of his brain into his heart and pumping through his veins. They swarmed his body, a paralyzing bind compounding the realization that he was both very very alone and very very not ok. All the things he’d kept himself too busy to think about, either with dance or with Eliott, came on in a wave, one that kept crashing until he was pulled too far under that it seemed the surface was only an illusion. The terrifying thing about drowning wasn’t the act itself, but the thought that it could have been prevented, if only he had realized he was drowning sooner. Now it was too late.

Tears streamed down in steady rivulets, drawing patterns down his cheeks and onto his sheets as he stared at the ceiling, barely consciously aware that he was crying. He wrapped his arms around his middle, clenching his shirt in his hands, then releasing it after a moment, sitting up in bed to catalogue his limbs, starting with his hands. His hands, made for playing the piano and for lifting his partners and for holding Eliott’s face in between them, for lacing their fingers together even when they got sweaty or uncomfortable. His wrists, which looked fit to snap at any moment but were still expected to be strong enough to bear the weight of the world.

It wasn’t a choice to be like this, but it was nothing if not the consequences of his own actions. Take control of something, anything, he’d told himself for years, and this was the result of when he did. He shouldn’t have been in control of himself, if this was what happened.

His ribs and spine poking through his skin in ways he had never paid enough attention to, but he felt embarrassed by, knowing how many people saw him look like this every day and never said anything about it. Except Eliott.

Except Eliott, who he hadn’t wanted to see it, but had anyway. Because Eliott was always looking, and Eliott noticed everything about him. Because he cared, for some reason. And Lucas hadn’t really figured it out until that moment, because no one had ever really cared about him like that before.

He was on his feet, moving to the door he’d slammed without a second thought, vaguely aware that the tears were still coming and had no plans of stopping anytime soon, wrenching the door open only to see Eliott waiting on the other side with a stunned look on his face.

When he took in Lucas’ appearance, the wetness on his face and the crescent moon shaped indentations in his outstretched palms, he welcomed Lucas into him without a single word, folding the already small but too small boy into his strong, capable arms, one hand wrapped around the back of his head, pulling Lucas into the crook of his neck.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered into Lucas’ hair, holding Lucas like he might lose him if he let go for even an instant. “I’ve got you.”

Eliott had him eliott had him eliott had him eliott had himeliotthadhimeliotthadhim…

Eliott had him.

Breathe in.

Eliott had him.

Breathe out.

Eliott had him.

“I’m so sorry.” It was a choked sob, but it was the best Lucas could muster, turning his tear stained gaze to Eliott.

“Shhh,” Eliott said soothingly, wiping a tear from his cheek, “You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“But I do—” Lucas tried, eyes welling with tears again.

“You can’t apologize for things that are out of your control, and I never expect you to,” Eliott said. If Lucas wasn’t in shambles, he might have been annoyed by how perfectly Eliott responded to any situation shoved into his way.

Lucas pressed his forehead to Eliott’s chest, wanting to speak, but not knowing what else to say. There was too much to say, too many things to be addressed, so he said nothing. Eliott heard him loud and clear, wrapping him up and carrying him bridal style to Eliott’s bedroom, lying him on the bed, leaving only to close the door and turn out the lights before coming back and sinking into bed beside him.

They laid facing one another, Lucas curled in on himself a bit, Eliott looking at Lucas with an earnest intensity that said, when you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.

Lucas wasn’t ready yet, so he waited for the sobs to subside, closing his eyes and focusing on the sound of Eliott’s breath until he was ready.

“I was going to break up with you,” Lucas said at last, opening his eyes only to be met by Eliott’s soft yet intense stare. He didn’t move a muscle as Lucas spoke, a silent gesture to continue. “I was going to break up with you because I thought you were the problem, that your care was unjustified,” he continued, before taking a breath and speaking the words he’d been holding in longer than he realized. He was blubbering, words barely intelligible, but it felt good to get it all out, finally.

“Maybe not unjustified, that’s the wrong word, but your care felt undeserved, because it’s the only care I’ve received in a long time. I don’t want to discount Manon, because she was a godsend, and still is, but she doesn’t always see me, the way you do. It scared me, that you saw me, because if I didn’t like what I saw, why should you, or anyone? I’ve never been in control of my life, but a few years ago I found a way that I could be. No one seemed to notice, and I only got more focused and better in the studio, so I thought there was no harm done. Being in charge of this one aspect of my life was the only thing that I could cling on to, really, especially when things were so bad at home, so I clung to it like my lifeline, not even consciously aware that I was doing so. I think it only became so noticeable, so bad this year because my holidays weren’t spent in fear, I didn’t need that control for a few months, so I let myself be happy.

“The thing about being happy when you’ve been unhappy as long as you can remember is that everything feels so real and so fake at the same time. I knew it wasn’t going to last, but I pretended that it could and I lived in that state until I came back here to start the year. That’s why you were the problem, because I couldn’t exist in that same state of ignorance with you, because you watched and you noticed and you loved and I’ve never felt any of this before in my entire life. The more you loved, the more I felt like a burden, and the more I convinced myself that it was your problem, not mine. But it is a problem, my problem. I am not a problem, which I’m saying because I know you’d correct me if I said otherwise, and also because I’m trying to believe it myself, but I have a problem. I have an eating disorder Eliott, and I need your help.”

Lucas heaved out a heavy breath when he finished speaking, a weight lifted from his shoulders. He hadn’t even realized it had been there. Eliott was still just looking at him, so he amended, “Not only you, of course. But I was hoping you’d help me get whatever help I need. If you want to. It’s your choice, you don’t have to feel obligated to do anything for me, ever.”

“It’s never an obligation, Lucas, it’s all a pleasure,” Eliott said, and Lucas surged forward, kissing him hard. It was an ugly kiss, the kind they never show in movies, but it was so real, the realest kiss the two of them had ever shared. Eliott brushed their noses together when they broke apart. “Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I’ve got you. Always.”

Finally, finally, Lucas let himself believe it.

Samedi 2:13

Lucas had drifted in and out of sleep a few times, continually jolting awake with the fear that when he opened his eyes he’d be alone. But Eliott was always there to smooth his hair, to wipe his tears, and to pull him close, whispering I love yous into his ear until he fell back asleep.

This moment of consciousness wasn’t the same sort of jolt as before, more of a slow reassurance that Eliott was still there holding him. There were coils in the pit of his stomach, twisting against his will as he remembered all the things he’d said earlier. He wished he hadn’t, in some ways, because he didn’t want Eliott to think him weak or to think he couldn’t handle some things on his own anymore.

It was something he’d have to work on, accepting help from others before he got to his breaking point.

“Are you still awake?” Lucas whispered, eyes still closed. Eliott’s hands fluttered in his hair, and Lucas opened his eyes to be met by the steely blue gaze he adored.

“I am.”

“Go to sleep,” Lucas said. Stay awake so I can count the stars in your eyes, he meant.

Eliott caught the words unsaid, like he always did, staying silent but awake. Lucas sensed the silence that engulfed them, let it ring in his ears until the silence became its own sound and he worked up the courage to say what he wanted to say.

“You know how you called me Lallemant the other day?” he asked. Eliott nodded, a crease forming between his brows. “And said it’s because I wasn’t Demaury yet?” Another nod.

Lucas shifted his position a bit so they were exactly eye to eye. “That’s what I want too. If this is it, I want to be a Demaury. Not now, but when it’s time.”

“Why?” It wasn’t a rebuttal, but a question asked of genuine curiosity.

Lucas cast his gaze downward. “Because I’ve never been a real Lallemant, and I don’t think I want to be one. Lallemants hit their sons and villainize their mentally ill spouses and take everything good and turn it rotten. I don’t want to be like that, and I don’t want to give that name to you, someone who embodies everything good about the world.”

“Lucas…”

“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad for me,” Lucas said, “I’m just saying it because I want you to know.”

“Lucas,” Eliott repeated, more seriously, “Thank you. For telling me this and for telling me everything earlier. Thank you, thank you, a hundred times, thank you. Because I know you, I know why you keep waking yourself up, and I know you regret saying anything, but trust me, this doesn’t make me think any less of you. You’re the strongest person I know, and all of this, asking for help, it only makes you stronger in my eyes. Ok?”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

Lucas giggled softly, the noise foreign to him. “Ok.”

“You’re beautiful when you laugh,” Eliott said, and Lucas drifted back off into the land of his subconscious, dreaming of him and Eliott and their love all the while.

Samedi 10:55

When Lucas woke up for real, he was almost positive everything had been a dream. He awoke alone in bed, but it wasn’t his bed, so he didn’t know what to think. The door was open, so Lucas sat up slowly and made his way into the living space cautiously, where the blinds were wide open and soft music was playing from the kitchen.

He looked closer and saw Eliott behind the counter, back facing him, nodding his head along to the music he was listening to with a dish towel over his shoulder and a spatula in his hand. Lucas felt his heart break open at the sight, imagining himself waking up to this same scene years from now in a home they shared. Last night couldn’t have been a dream, he decided.

Was it ok for him to go back to their normal dynamic, or would things still be tense? He was so grateful that Eliott had listened to him the night before without complaint, but a small part of him still felt like a burden, felt bad that he’d unloaded everything on Eliott and asked for help solving it.

“Lu! I’m so sorry, I was going to make you breakfast in bed…” Eliott’s eyes widened when he turned saw Lucas standing in the middle of the room.

Lucas smiled against his will. There was way too much food being made that Lucas knew he and Eliott both wouldn’t eat, but he was appreciative that Eliott was trying to frame eating as a fun surprise rather than forcing him to sit and eat while Eliott watched and made sure he wasn’t pretending. “Thank you,” he said softly, sitting at the counter.

Eliott must have realized his tone of voice didn’t match the atmosphere of the room, because he turned down the music and looked at Lucas seriously. “Do you want to try anything? I made pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, waffles, tried and failed to make crepes, avocado toast, omelettes, blueberry-bacon muffins, and got some croissants down the street.”

“Wow.” Lucas blinked. “That’s… a lot.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel like you have to eat everything, but I wanted to give you as many options as I could because I don’t know what you like best,” Eliott explained sheepishly.

They both looked at each other for a beat and all that could be heard were the soft sounds coming from Eliott’s speaker. Lucas furrowed his brows, turning his attention to it. “Eliott. Please tell me you’re not listening to Britney Spears.”

Any tension in the air evaporated as Eliott’s grin spread across his face and he turned up the volume on “Baby One More Time”. Lucas looked on in disbelief as Eliott lifted the spatula to his mouth and began to sing along.

“My loneliness is killing me… AND I… I must confess, I still believe… STILL BELIEVE!” Eliott spun around, making his way over to Lucas on the opposite side of the counter and serenading him. He held out a hand, which Lucas refused to accept, trying to hide his own grin.

“Give me a siiiiiiiiiiiiiiign, hit me baby one more time!”

“How did I not know that you’re a secret Britney fan?” Lucas asked over the music, still refusing to give into Eliott’s temptations. Eliott bounced his head along to the beat, stepping closer and closer into Lucas’ space.

“I’m not a secret Britney fan,” he said with a shrug, “I’m very vocal about my love for Britney Spears, you just hated me for so long I had to tell Sofiane and Idriss about it. They’re the secret fans.”

Lucas opened a space between his knees for Eliott to stand between, wrapping his arms around his neck. “I can’t believe it. I think I find the man of my dreams only to discover he’s a huge Britney Spears fan.”

Eliott snapped his head up, eyes meeting Lucas’ so fast Lucas worried he’d said something wrong. “I’m the man of your dreams?”

Oh, that was all? He’d thought it was obvious. “Yes, of course,” Lucas said genuinely, “You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not from now on.”

“Mmm I like it a lot.” Eliott ran one of his hands through Lucas’ hair. It was almost like they’d picked up where they left off, as if yesterday had never happened. No, more like yesterday did happen, but they were at a place now where they could grow from it, tell each other everything and know that they’d always have each other’s backs. Twenty four hours of pain for a lifetime of communication and support didn’t seem like a terrible trade-off.

“I like you a lot,” Lucas said, leaning closer to the man of his dreams. Eliott brushed their lips together in a slow, deep kiss. All the emotions that had emptied out of Lucas began to refill when their lips touched and he felt hungry. Hungry for Eliott, hungry for the breakfast spread in front of him, hungry for the life he’d been neglecting to live.

“Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know?” Eliott hummed against his lips, leaving their foreheads pressed together.

Lucas rolled his eyes and sighed. “Oh pretty baby, I shouldn’t have let you goooo…”

“You know it!” Eliott exclaimed.

Lucas rolled his eyes again, with passion. “Everyone knows it, Eli.” He grinned, raking his hands through Eliott’s soft hair. Even after spending so much time together recently, he still didn’t know how it looked and behaved the way it did, all gravity defying and fluffy.

“Now get me some pancakes before I die of the sound of Britney Spears’ nasally voice,” he added, nodding to the full buffet laid out on the other side of the counter.

“Anything for you, baby,” Eliott said with a wink and Lucas glared at him.

“Call me baby one more time,” Lucas sang jokingly, “I dare you.”

“Call me maybe! That’s a good one too.”

“I hate you so much.” Lucas put his face in his hands.

“Hate me baby, one more time,” Eliott sang as he set the plate in front of Lucas, still grinning ear to ear.

Lucas grabbed his fork and felt his heart race a bit as he stared at the food, two pancakes with syrup and fresh berries. It was nothing to freak out about, he could do this. Eliott must have realized his apprehension, because he sat down and touched the top of Lucas’ hand gently. Lucas flipped his palm over and clasped his hand into Eliott’s grip, cutting a piece of pancake with the edge of his fork and putting it in his mouth. It was shit, but he forced it down like it was the finest cuisine in the world.

“I couldn’t ever hate you again, not even one more time,” Lucas said once he finished the small bite. “Thank you. For this, for everything. In this universe and all others, you’re the best person I know.”

Eliott’s expression softened, and he pressed a small kiss to Lucas’ hand, still wrapped in his. “I love you more than the sun loves the moon Lucas soon-to-be Demaury, don’t you forget it.”

“Soon-to-be?” Lucas raised his eyebrows.

“You said it first, not me.”

“I don’t think I said soon-to-be.”

“Potato, potato.”

“You realize the point of that saying is to say one of them po-tay-to and the other po-tah-to, right? You just said po-tay-to twice.”

“Eh, tomato, tomato.”

“It’s to-may-to, to-mah-to!”

Samedi 23:59

The day had gone great, but Lucas was very tired out. They’d decided to wait until the weekend was over to talk to the director or the nurse about Lucas’ eating disorder, wanting to enjoy a few days of peace to themselves, and Lucas was glad they had. There was enough food leftover from breakfast that they didn’t have to cook the rest of the day, and Eliott sat with Lucas during lunch and dinner, making sure he ate without being overbearing about it. The food did leave something to be desired, but Lucas didn’t really want to tell Eliott that he was a terrible cook, not when he seemed to be in such a good mood.

For some reason, Eliott had an endless supply of energy all day, Lucas could barely keep up no matter how hard he tried. It was odd he’d be so energetic, especially given the fact that Lucas suspected he’d barely slept the night before. Maybe he was so overtired he was giddy, that had happened to Lucas on occasion.

“Eli, come lie down with me,” Lucas called from his bedroom. He’d wanted to get to bed before midnight, but Eliott kept distracting him with stolen kisses and dances around the living room. It was sweet, and it was fun, but now he just wanted to cuddle the night away.

Eliott poked his head into Lucas’ room, glancing at where Lucas laid on the bed in just a pair of boxers. “Fuck! You’re hot. But I can’t, I’ve had a sudden inspiration for Polaris.”

“Oh, yeah?” Lucas sat up on one elbow. “Do you want to talk it through with me? I’m not the best choreographer, but maybe I can help out.”

Eliott laughed. “No, no, go to bed. I have to be out in the elements anyway. It won’t have the same effect here, you know?”

Lucas didn’t know. “The same effect?”

“Rain! The kiss will be in the rain. Isn’t it perfect? If it’s not raining out now, I’ll go somewhere and buy all the water in the world to make my own rain, or maybe I can collect it from the sinks until they run out. Do the sinks ever run out of water? We should try, just to see. Imagine what would happen if our sinks ran out of water! It would be like the apocalypse, we’d have to make teams and bear the barren wasteland of society on our own. I’d have you on my team, of course, and probably Imane. She’s smarter than everyone, so she’d be able to find us more water. And tomatoes. Tomato, tomato, potato, allegro, overthrow, staccato, romeo, vertigo, domino, stereo, commando. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if we all went commando from now on?” Some of Eliott’s words were barely distinguishable through his laughter.

Lucas felt a bit uneasy. “Eliott, are you all right?”

Eliott sobered immediately, coming to sit on the edge of Lucas’ bed. “Would you call me crazy if I said this is the best I’ve felt in my whole life?”

“I’d never call you crazy,” Lucas said earnestly, reaching for Eliott’s hand, but missing as Eliott stood back up abruptly and went into the living space. “What are you doing?” he called.

“I never sleep, ‘cause sleep is the cousin of death!” Eliott yelled back to him.

“What?”

“It’s Nas,” Eliott explained with a gasp, passing back in front of the door and leaning on the frame. “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of Nas!”

Lucas merely shrugged. He probably had, but he was more into classic rock than hip hop. Eliott shook his head like Lucas’ response personally offended him. “Nas is amazing. Almost as amazing as dubstep and Britney Spears. And me. I’m the most amazing of them all.”

“Oh, yeah?” Lucas asked warily, eyes drooping. Maybe he was already asleep, that would explain the odd behavior.

“I can do anything,” Eliott said, grinning brightly, “Goodnight!”

“Goodnight?” Lucas responded as Eliott turned off the light. He could still hear Eliott humming in the other room, but he was too exhausted to force him to come to bed. Maybe he’d drank a Redbull or something. Oh well, they could cuddle later, Lucas supposed. He still wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t already dreaming.

He would wake up with Eliott beside him, that was all that mattered.

Dimanche 12:01

Somehow Lucas had slept for almost twelve hours. It was the first time in a long time that he'd done so. He felt the other side of his bed, but it was cold, which meant that Eliott had probably been awake for hours. Sure, he’d hoped they could wake up beside one another, but he had slept in longer than either of them was used to.

��Eliott,” he groaned from bed, noticing his door was still open. There was no response. Begrudgingly, he woke up fully, making his way out of his room and poking his head in Eliott’s once he saw that Eliott wasn’t out in their living space. He wasn’t in his room either, but his phone was on his bedside table so if he was out, he’d probably be back soon.

Lucas was still half asleep as he brushed his teeth and showered, letting the warm water fog his mind and the mirror. Much more awake after taking a shower that may have lasted close to an hour, Lucas went back into the living space to get breakfast, wanting to prove to himself that he could do it without prompting from others.

As soon as he exited the bathroom, however, he was struck by the appearance of the suite. He hadn’t noticed in his sleepy state, but now he widened his eyes as he looked around the room. It looked like a bomb had gone off.

Papers were scattered everywhere, all over the floor, the couch, the coffee table, the kitchen counter. There was scrawled handwriting on some of them, drawings on others, and Lucas put together that they must have been some of Eliott’s ideas for Polaris. Far too many ideas for one night, though.

The kitchen tap was running, just barely, and the sink was piled with dishes Lucas didn’t recall using. He opened up their fridge and was bombarded with the sight of what looked to him like a giant clusterfuck of food, none of it probably edible.

Confused, Lucas made himself a small bowl of cereal and grabbed his phone from his bedroom, wondering if Eliott had left any explanation. He surprisingly had several missed texts and a voicemail from him, all marked at various times throughout the night, stopping around six in the morning.

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: you’re so hot lycas i hope you know that

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: lucas, i meant. i’m so sorry i spelled your name wrong hahahah oops

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: remember when you hated me? that was funny, how could anyone hate me? i’m amazing

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: can you hear that

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: it’s the sound of my heart beating for YOU

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: was that cheesy? i can’t help it, i love you

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: wake up my love

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: let’s have sex

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: oh wait, we can’t, you’re so sleepy :(

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: it’s cute, i love it

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: i have so many ideas for polaris, i don’t know where to start

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: maybe i can learn piano so you don’t have to compose when you’re sleepy

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: because i might finish this ballet tonight

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: no, not tonight, in TEN MINUTES

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: i wonder if that’s the shoretst time to make a ballet in HSIOTORY

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: i’m making history baby! better watch out, world, eliott demaury is the greatest ballet choreographer alive!

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: i know youre asleep but i want to call you i want to hear uout voice i love yiur voiec i love everything about you other than me youre the best person in the wntire world you have blue eues and i do too but yours are so pretty i want to drown just so i can be surrounded by the coloor of your eyes when i die

MY BOYFRIEND 💘✨😍🦝💯🤪: i feel like swimming

Lucas didn’t know how to react to any of that, wondering if Eliott was pulling some sort of practical joke on him. He clicked on the voicemail to listen to it, heart dropping in his chest as he did.

“Hello, Lu! I LOVE YOUUUU! Oh, shit, I think I might have just woken you up… no wait, we’re good. I’ll go in the other room now, I feel creepy watching you sleep. Sleep. So weird, isn’t it, how normal people need so much of it but I can live forever without even sleeping a minute! Maybe I’m a superhero, like in the movies. I’d like to be a superhero, if it meant you were my damsel in distress. I’d save you a million times and never tire of it, I really would. I wonder if anyone would save me. Probably not, but that’s ok. The superheroes aren’t meant to be saved, that’s what makes them heroic. How could they be heroes if they weren’t willing to die to save the world or to save the one they loved? I love you. I love you. Remember how you said you’d push me into the Seine during our wedding? That’s where I’d like to drown, to be reminded of you. I’m always drowning, Lucas, why not make it official, right? Lucas Demaury… it has such a nice ring to it. Ring, should I get you a ring? I should.”

The sound cut out and Lucas realized it was the end of the message. He replayed it a few times, more and more unnerved as he did so. There had to be a logical explanation, there had to be. He wouldn’t freak out needlessly, Eliott was going to walk through the door any moment, smiling and carrying croissants from the shop down the street. He was just overtired, which Lucas completely understood.

Dimanche 15:28

Lucas still wasn’t worried. Definitely not. Eliott had left to visit Idriss, that was it. He was in such a rush that he’d forgotten his phone, no big deal. He’d wanted to give Lucas some extra alone time to rest before he had to face the consequences of his own actions and start his process to recovery on Monday, obviously.

Even knowing this, Lucas went into Eliott’s room, finding it similarly cluttered as the living room had been earlier. Lucas had passed the time since he woke up by cleaning, putting all of Eliott’s notes into neat piles and trying to transcribe them more legibly. He picked up Eliott’s phone from his bedside table, checking to see whether he had any notifications without snooping. There was nothing out of the ordinary, so nothing could be wrong.

He decided to start his online schoolwork for the next week, use the free time to get ahead so he could spend the week practicing and getting back on track both with his relationship and his health.

It took his mind off of things, for sure. All the equations to memorize for his math class combined with the terminology he somehow picked up pretty quickly in biology and the grammar he had to fix through a series of questions for French.

A knock came at the door that he almost didn’t hear through the music he’d blasted as an attempt to focus on the task at hand. He set his laptop to the side and opened the door, stunned to see Imane on the other side. Part of him had been hoping it was Eliott, though he would have no reason to knock.

“Where’s Eliott?” she asked without preamble.

He shrugged. “I think he’s with your brother.”

“Not possible, my brother is with Sofiane right now. They’re out running errands for my mother,” she explained.

Lucas thought it over, trying to still the rapid pace his heart had picked up. “Maybe he’s with them,” Lucas suggested. She rolled her eyes and pushed her way into the room. He closed the door after her, squinting his eyes in confusion. “Did you need something?” he added.

She rolled her eyes again. “No, I just dropped by to say hi.”

“Jeez, sorry, I’m not Eliott’s keeper, you know,” he shot back angrily. If Eliott wasn’t with Idriss, where was he? Lucas wracked his brain to think of any possible place he might be. Had he gone to visit his parents? That was a possibility…

“Lucas, are you even listening to me?” Imane snapped.

He blinked at her, realizing he was still frozen in front of the door. “Yeah, yeah, I am now. Sorry.”

She narrowed her eyes as he sat on the couch beside her. “What’s going on, Lucas? You look really pale. You didn’t kill him, did you?” she joked, but Lucas’ stomach dropped again. Lucas thought of one of the texts Eliott had sent. I want to drown just so i can be surrounded by the color of your eyes when I die.

“No,” he said, perhaps a bit too harshly. She raised her eyebrows at him, crossing her arms. “Sorry,” he apologized, but she knew him a bit too well.

“Lucas,” Imane repeated, “What is going on? Do you know where Eliott is?”

He shook his head without saying a word, feeling like he might vomit if he tried to say anything at all. She continued to look at him pointedly, and Lucas couldn’t hold it in any longer. Everything he’d kept secret about him and Eliott came out in one big blur, all leading up to his bizarre behavior the day before. Imane listened with wide eyed shock, so Lucas looked at the ground as he spoke, not wanting her judgement or a poor reaction.

“Fuck,” she said when he finished. He figured that summed it all up pretty well. “I can’t believe…” she continued, “I pride myself on being perceptive, I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out!”

“That was your takeaway?” he asked in exasperation.

She blinked as if remembering he was there. “Sorry, sorry, not helpful, I realize. Do you think, I don’t know, do you think Eliott might have been on something?”

“On something? Like on drugs?” he clarified disbelievingly. He was pretty sure Eliott had never even smoked weed, there was no way he was on drugs. And besides, why would he do drugs on a casual day where they had no other plans?

“What did he text you again?” she asked, and he pulled his phone out. She huffed in indignation when she saw his contact name for Eliott. “It was so obvious!” she exclaimed, before Lucas coughed pointedly and she sobered, returning to the task at hand.

She read through the texts with a worried frown, and Lucas played the message for her when she was done, frown growing deeper by the minute. “Lucas…” she said when she finished listening, “I think this is something serious. Why didn’t you say anything to anyone?”

“I don’t know! He left his phone here so I figured he was coming back soon.” Imane was looking at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world to tell someone about it, and maybe it was, but he didn’t know how to act in every situation that could possibly occur. This was all new to him too.

“We should tell the director,” she said definitively, and Lucas stilled.

“No, we can’t do that. Not yet,” he pleaded. If there was even the smallest possibility Eliott was on drugs, he would never forgive himself if he cost Eliott his future as a dancer over a one time instance.

“Lucas…”

“Can we please just give it until tomorrow? I’m as worried as you are, probably more worried, actually, but it’s completely possible he’s just with his parents or running errands and forgot his phone.” He knew he was being illogical, but he couldn’t think rationally at the moment. This decision was possibly one he would regret, but what if he regretted saying something about it more? He had to trust Eliott, as Eliott trusted him.

Imane sighed, placing a hand on his knee. “Lucas, you aren’t thinking this through clearly. If it was Manon saying things like this and disappearing, what would you do?”

“I don’t know, Imane! Fuck! I don’t know!” Sobs wracked his body for the millionth time in the past few days. Now that his emotions had filled back into every nook and cranny of his body they were free to come bursting out in a rush. He was vaguely aware that he was shaking uncontrollably, Imane becoming blurry in front of him due to the tears in his eyes.

“I don’t know anything. I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know Imane I don’t know what to do I don’t know what’s wrong I don’t know where he is it’s supposed to be me it’s supposed to be me—”

“Lucas,” Imane said harshly, clasping his face between her hands. “It’s ok. Everything will be ok, yeah? Take a deep breath, in, out, good, in, out.”

She repeated her mantra of in, out, in, out, until he got himself back under control, or at least under control enough that he was no longing looking fit to pass out at any minute. She laid him down, head in her lap, running a hand soothingly over his hair. He knew this was probably the last thing she wanted to be doing, which was why it meant so much that she was doing it anyway. He’d owe her for the rest of his life, but that didn’t matter at the moment.

Imane stayed with him the rest of the day, helping him with his online homework to try to take his mind off things. She’d disappear every now and then and Lucas knew she was talking to Idriss, trying to get him to help her find Eliott, who still hadn’t returned. There hadn’t been anything on the news about a beautiful boy drowning in the Seine, so Lucas allowed some of his anxiety to be placed on hold for the time being.

The night came quicker than anticipated and Lucas knew Imane had been right. They should have said something to someone in charge. There was no reason for Eliott to be gone this long, especially acting how he had the night before.

Imane made Lucas some tea and walked him to his bedroom, asking him over and over if he wanted her to stay, or to get Yann or Manon to stay. He refused, he was sure he’d spill everything to them too if given the chance, and he didn’t want them to find out like this, when he was a mess and Eliott was missing.

He cried into his pillow involuntarily long after she left him alone for the night. It was all his fault, he must have said or done something to make Eliott run away. Everyone did, it was only a matter of time. Maybe Eliott hadn’t been acting strangely at all, maybe he’d just wanted a way out and Lucas manufactured the whole thing in his head to ignore the simple reality that, ultimately, he was unloveable.

Lundi 8:01

Eliott wasn’t there.

#skam france #elu fic #elu ballet au #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #elu

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s-n-arly · 5 years

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A Peek into the Indie Writer World – Part IV: A Walk Through the Process

If you’re thinking of going indie, or have already decided to, you may find yourself wondering what steps you need to take. This is a look at the process, focusing on hard copy books and e-books.

The short version, in bullet format for those with very little time:

Write your story

Identify your output product(s)

Copy edit your story

Purchase and/or assign ISBNs

Request PCN (hard copy print only)

Format the story

Create front matter for printed work

Cover art and design

Publish

Market

The longer version with more details below the cut.

Write Your Story

There are many different ways to write. Use whatever process works for you (drawn out, under tight deadline, or anything in between). Revise and edit your draft to ensure you have the best possible version you can. Many people like to use critique groups or beta readers, other people don’t. The key is that your content (poetry, short stories, novella, or novel) is the highest quality you can make it.

Identify Your Products and Process

You can start looking at the various products and printers out there while you’re still in the writing stage. As your story gets closer to being ready to print, you’ll want to have some decisions on your starting point, at least. Will it be an e-book with print to follow? Or do you just want to start with the e-book and see how it goes? Your plans will influence some of your next steps.

Copy Edit Your Story

Most people think of this as proofreading, finding and fixing typos, spelling mistakes, and grammatical errors. In this case, it also includes ensuring your soon to be published book has a consistent style.

Style is a set of rules that provide a uniform look to a document. This includes things like use of font, font attributes (bold, italic, underline), implementation of flexible or optional grammar (such as the Oxford/serial comma), and the presentation of specialized terms. Most fiction publishers have a house style built off Chicago or AP style, both of which have handy manuals. It ultimately doesn’t matter what style you go with, as long as you are consistent.

In the editing world, style often includes formatting elements, but for the indie writer, some of that formatting will vary depending on the product or products you’re producing.

Things to Watch For

Consistent spelling for names of people and places

Consistent terminology for magic or world-specific details (eg: does the world use shape-shifter, shape shifter, or shapeshifter?)

Use of numbers (phone, age, height, distance) are generally spelled out in fiction

Consistent units of measure (unless there’s a good reason for it, you don’t want to randomly switch between metric and imperial)

If attention to detail and copy editing aren’t your strong suits, copy editing is something you should plan to hire out. You can also just hire someone for the pieces you need done. If you have a handle on your house style, but want someone else to proofread, that’s totally a thing that people do.

Purchase or Assign ISBN

If you’re printing with a company that offers a free International Standard Book Number (ISBN), and you’ve chosen to go that route, you can skip the purchasing step. I personally prefer to have full control of all my ISBNs, allowing me to take them with me if I switch printers or distributors.

Buy your ISBN in advance via Bowker. You will need one ISBN for each product you are producing. A trade paperback needs a different ISBN than a hardcover or audio book. There’s often a discount to purchase multiple ISBNs at one time.

Once you have any needed ISBNs for this project, you’ll need to link the number to a book title, and provide some information on the book and edition (publisher, summary, cover etc). This is a good time to perfect your back-cover blurb or teaser. You can come back and update much of the ISBN information later if you don’t have all the elements at the time you’re doing this.

Request a Preassigned Control Number (print copies only)

If you’re based in the US, you’ll want your book registered with the Library of Congress as this increases the likelihood that it will get into libraries. It also provides some added copyright protection.

You will use the Preassigned Control Number (PCN) process, which takes 10-15 business days. Start this far enough before you plan to complete the publication process, to ensure you have your Library of Congress Control Number (LCCN) before you go to print. If you have trouble navigating the Library of Congress’ website for questions (and you probably will, it’s not as clear as it could be), you may want to explore the PCN Manual.

To complete the process of registering, you will need to send a hard copy of the printed book to the Library of Congress.

Format the Story

Formatting your work can fit in with style, especially after you’ve gone through the indie process and have a handle on what you want and need. Many writers will create their draft in the most complicated format they are planning on producing, just so this piece is well underway (and less frustrating later). Once the book is ready for publication, they’ll make copies to reformat for other products.

At this point you need to know how you plan to publish and what company you’ll be using, as different publishers have different formatting requirements. Be sure you read the requirements before you put in a bunch of work changing your novel into a font you won’t be able to use.

Features you need to make formatting decisions on include:

Page size (determined by the product you are creating)

Margins (leave room for the gutter – the inside margin where the binding is)

Chapter heading font, size, and position

Indent (fiction usually indents first line of a paragraph)

Line spacing (look at similarly sized books to choose number of lines per page)

Section breaks (asterism or section sign are both good choices)

A Note on Paragraph Styles

If you’re not already using paragraph styles in your word processor, you need to start now. Styles designate font, size, and text attributes, as well as features like line spacing and indents. When used properly, styles ensure consistency and a professional looking end product. They also make it much easier to reformat the entire document if you need different features for a different product, or if you suddenly need a different font for your text body.

If you are creating an e-book, you must designate title and heading 1 styles at the very least, as these are used for navigation. Failure to designate these will often result in your book not meeting requirements for distribution.

Accessibility

Do not use extra returns and the space-bar to place text where you want it on the page. This makes your digital end product inaccessible to people with adaptive reading equipment. Screen readers will read every one of those spare characters, and no one wants to hear “asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk…” as they wait for the next section. Instead, use your styles to put chapter headings where you want them, and use hard returns (ctrl+enter) to separate chapters.

Front Matter

This is the content that comes between the front cover and the first page of the story regardless of whether it is a print or e-book. The professional standard includes:

Table of contents (this will be automatically generated for e-books)

Title page (should be on the right page for print editions)

Optional content includes:

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Book Cover

This is your primary advertiser for your book, whether it’s print, e-book, audio book, or a serial. You will use this image everywhere to pitch your work. We’ve all been told to not judge a book by its cover, and we all do it anyway, so expect that this is something that must be done right.

Consider your cover a visual extension of the story. It needs to be appealing while giving your reader clues on what to expect. If your zombie apocalypse story has a cover that feels like a Christian devotional, it won’t appeal to some of your readers and you’ll have gone against the expectations of others. You absolutely do not want your book to look like you spewed clip art at the page, a common new indie writer mistake. A generic cover does you no good either.

It’s okay if you don’t have the skills to create a stunning cover for your book; hiring someone to do this for you may be your best bet. It’s worth paying to get a cover that helps readers decide to pick your story. There are a lot of great artists out there, so look around and find someone whose style is a good fit and who you can afford. That said, don’t whine about prices. Artists deserve to be paid what they’re worth.

Publish

The steps at this stage will vary depending on the company or program you decide to go through.

For most print on demand printers, expect to have to buy a proof before the book becomes available to the public.

Market

This stage will vary depending on your comfort level and opportunities. In general, you should be marketing yourself as a writer at any opportunity. This means participating at conventions, doing readings, and posting announcements on your social media and website. Be careful to avoid giving your friends a constant hard sell on Facebook, though. No one enjoys that. Your social media needs to be somewhat active and should include content not specifically related to a recent book release. Posting teaser chapters can be a great try-before-you-buy option.

While this looks like a lot of steps to take, they are spread out over the course of your process of bringing your story to publication, and many are not that onerous. Most print on demand companies have paid services to help with some of these steps, if they seem too great for you to overcome on your own.

⁂

For the first article in this series, check out Part I. Or if you just missed the previous article, check out Part III. To see the next one, check out Part V.

For more articles on writing, check out my Reflections From the Sol section.

#reflections from the sol #indie author #indie world #Process #Indie Writer Series

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theultimateegghead-blog · 5 years

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100 FOLLOWER MEGA SPECIAL AWESOME 10 PART EVENT TOP 100 ENEMIES PART 5.

Hello everyone! Happy new year, we are half way done with this special! Sorry for the gaps, this is harder than I thought to write. That and the whole tumblr’s change in content has gotten some of my artist friends down so ive been spending time with them to help cheer them up.

Gentlemen - Tales of Series

Enemy Status – Bizarre well mannered creature.

Before you say it, yes, it is slenderman. However, I should mention this creature was introduced years before Slenderman. So, who is copying who? The gentleman is an odd creature encountered in the Tales series. These foes are large people in black suits and elongated limbs. Their faces have little to no features and they attack in strange ways. They are some of the more dangerous creatures in the series, and precaution should be put into consideration before engaging one. They give a good amount of EXP though. They win the list for just being so eerie.

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Shaydas - Super Smash Bros Brawl

Enemy Status – Sentient swarms of darkness.

The Shaydas is a dark creature that comes from subspace. More dangerous than the standard primid footsoldier, these creatures are armed with dual blades. They can warp around and can deliver devastating attacks with their swords. They seem to prefer dark areas such as mines and such. They can string combos, levitate and counterattack as well, making them a skilled opponent. While they are not the hardest to take down, they can serve a decent challenge. They win a spot because of their cool design and fighting style.

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Enforcer - Duke Nukem 3D

Enemy Status – High Ranking alien soldier.

The Enforcer is an enemy I both love and hate. These mobile aliens are cool looking. They are among the elite in the enemy forces and appear more frequently in later levels. They are infamous for their hitscan chain guns that can tear away at Duke’s health. They are also very mobile and can easily ambush or escape Duke. They may be a nuisance, but they are still very cool foes, and taking down a group of them unscathed feels amazing.

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Gazing Globin - The Binding of Isaac

Enemy status – Regenerating monster.

Its not the most intimidating or disgusting creature in the Binding of Isaac. These creatures simply run after the poor crying child, often in groups. Their sing massive staring eye and their low growls make them spooky. They can regenerate unless their remains are destroyed, and this can be tough if four of them are barreling down on you. They are easily the most memorable enemies in that game for me, and that is with some heavy competition. They are creepy ghouls that win a spot on the list.

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Shambler – Quake

Enemy Status – Incredibly dangerous blind monster.

The shamble is among one of the deadliest foes in FPS history. These monsters are large and blind, and very lethal. They can deal massive damage with melee and can shoot lightning at a distance. They are relentless predators and are often best avoided. Even on the easiest settings these guys are a tough challenge to overcome and are easily the most memorable enemies from the original Quake game. These deadly foes win a spot on the list.

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Stranger - Cry of Fear

Enemy Status – Strange mind manipulating monster.

Facebook, corrupting the minds and driving people in ruin….no not that facebook, this guy. The stranger is one of the creepiest foes in cry of Fear. They don’t rely on jump scares or loud noises. They are soft and quiet monsters that linger in the darkness. They can attack with weird psychic powers while they shuffle around. Slaying them causes them to spasm and flicker out of existence. What is this creature? This ghostly monster wins a spot on the list for sure, it may look goofy as just a photo, but in game it’s a whole different story.

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Dodongos - Zelda Series

Enemy Status – Large fire breathing reptiles.

A classic foe, and one of Link’s oldest enemies. The Dodongo’s are large dinosaur like creatures that seem to prefer places of extreme heat, or in Majora’s mask case, extreme cold. These beasts can breathe fire and can sometimes attack with their tail. In most cases their tail is their weak spot. They can vary in size to that of a small horse to that of a full building. They are not very smart and will eat anything put in front of them, including bombs. These classic foes win a spot on the list.

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Assassin Nobody - Kingdom Hearts Series

Enemy Status – High ranking nobodies.

Every member of Organization XIII has a nobody that represents them and their powers. The assassin nobody is a representation of Axel and is the first high class nobody encountered. These foes loom about and attack with their sleeves. They can defy space and time and merge into the ground to avoid taking damage. It is almost as if they can swim through the air as well. They drift about, waiting to strike and are often accompanied by other nobodies, waiting for Sora or Roxas to be distracted. While they are not the hardest to dispatch, they are easily the coolest for me, and thus they can represent the nobodies on this list.

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FROGS - Metal Gear Solid 4

Enemy Status – Elite female soldiers.

These elite units serve directly under Ocelot and are the pinnacle members of his army. Nanomachine fueled ladies. These ladies are armed to the teeth, armored, acrobatic and cannot feel things such as fear or distress. They are incredibly skilled warriors that will give snake a run for his money. These elite members sometimes serve as sub-bosses when they ambush Snake, but become normal enemies towards the end of the game. These are some super soldiers you don’t want to mess with.

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Allonne Knight - Dark Souls 2

Enemy Status – Loyal guards of the old Iron King.

The Aloone knights are the royal guards of the old Iron king. They wear sturdy armor and guard the old keep even after it falls to ruin. They wield bows and katanas, and often attack in groups. Their armor is pretty cool, but it isn’t the best there is to offer. Aesthetically they fit their given role well and are fun to fight against. They also give a good chunk of experience, making them optimal for souls grinding. They are a bit annoying in the DLC though, as their numbers are great, and those pesky archers can see you from a mile away. These guys are easily my favorite enemies from Dark souls II.

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And that concludes part 5, lets keep on going, this glass is still half full! See you next time.

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riftp · 5 years

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Read It For the Pictures 38: Avatar: Tsu’Tey’s Path by Duursema, Smith, Dzobia, and Parson

NK: Welcome to Read It For the Pictures, the comic book blog where we read it for the pictures! So, Dave Clarke, may I ask you what you were up to in 2009?

DC: I was at home watching television, so no I don't have any witnesses who can confirm that. And on that television I was seeing ads for James Cameron's Avatar. I didn't see it in a cinema, though; it would take another year or so for me to watch a DVD copy on the crappy little tv in my dorm.

NK: I.e. not in 3D, its big selling point

DC: Yeah, I didn't really get the appeal when I watched it. But in the spirit of the looking back 10 years and comparing the exciting, brimming with potential world of 2009 to the bloated and depressed pointlessness of 2019, we're reviewing an Avatar comic that came out this week.

NK: Avatar: Tsu'tey's Path #1 is a prequel comic written by Sherri L. Smith and illustrated by Jan Duursema with inks by Dan Parson and coloring by Wez Dzioba. It tells the story of Tsu'tey, the native heroine's betrothed who, following the "Pocahontas in Space" script, is just there to get cucked and get killed, so it's not like he's a complex and memorable character whose rich backstory we're worried about contradicting.

( Also, while I hate the regressive misogynist types who use the word, I really like saying "Cuck" because it's a funny sound. Cuck cuck cuck cuck cuck )

DC: Yes, Ive been hounded all week by Neil wanting to review the cuck comic. The year of the orc is over, long live the year of the cuck

NK: I was skeptical about this because the only other comic I've read drawn by artist Jan Duursema was a Wolverine "Prestige Format" one-shot in a fantasy AU Fortunately she's done a lot more than just ridiculously jacked grumpypusses in her long career.

DC: And how do you think this held up.

NK: About as well as it could've in a dimly lit forest with entirely half-naked blue cat people. So definitely points for accuracy.

DC: Yeah folks, not much to talk about in this one were you wondering what the blue aliens were doing prior to humans showing up? Pretty much just hunting and stuff

NK: Did you have trouble telling the characters apart?

DC: One was a woman

Pictured: a distinct and memorable cast of characters

NK: There was some impressive facial work in this comic in the scenes where characters got to emote beyond being stoic. It is worth noting that Avatar's Pandora is a beautifully designed world with some extremely impressive creatures. The trees are impressively organic and create a nice environment

DC: Neil was always a better diplomat than I. The biggest hint, to me at least, that this wasn’t a passion project was that even the action scenes seem to have no attempt at foreshortening. (foreshortening is when you draw a long object, like an arm or leg, distorted in such a way to look like it's coming towards the viewer, creating the illusion of depth)

NK: A lot of these are fairly stock superheroey poses too.

DC: The mighty marvel method allowed Jack Kirby to infuse page with a dynamic and spontaneous energy and also allowed people to easily crank out tie-in comics to 10 year old movies no one cares about. A few action poses, a few meaningful looks in a conversation scene, fit the words around them

NK: Computer coloring only goes so far to enhance this, comics haven't benefitted from technology to compensate for flat story as well as movies or games

DC: Come to think of it this probably went through several layers of approval from the IP owners. I wonder who has the job of making sure that the clothing the na'vi wear across multimedia is consistent.

NK: I would've preferred they gone with a radically stylized look to showcase the Na'vi's movements being far more fluid and flexible than humans'. For example, a Ted McKeever Avatar

DC: Michael Fiffe's Bloodstrike: Brutalists which we reviewed a while back is the good version of this decade out of date revival done right.

NK: Yes, that is a much better way to revitalize a long dead franchise the world's long since forgotten

DC: I wonder if any of the kids who saw avatar at a formative age are old enough to be nostalgic for it while the Na'vi go through a Shrek style ironic revival?

NK: In theory I like the idea of telling the story of the Na'vi, a mash-up of indigenous cultures through the lens of a rich white guy's philanthropy, from the perspective of the actual natives

DC: Weirdly this comic, by mostly just being the natives fucking around doing their own thing, has less weird politics than the film, where the white outsider was the hero in a story about pushing back the colonizers

NK: Avatar is really a form of colonialism that, having exhausted the natural resources and human labor it brutally stole from the rest of the world, shows it sympathy it can sell in the form of a #NotAllWhities adventure.. The bar is so low for larger sociocultural consciousness in Hollywood films that it almost seems woke compared to, say, the Transformers movies At least this comic gives Tsu'tey another note or two to his personality beyond "Cranky Cuck".

DC: What note was that? I mean, I know what it was, I’m asking for the readers. Obviously.

NK: That he's still mourning the death of his true beloved, Ney'tiri's sister, and he's stepping up to roles set before him.

DC: Let this be an PSA to fellow content producers: reviewing an Avatar comic in 2019 is not the easy comedy goldmine it may seem at first glance. That said, are you excited for Avatar 2: the search for Na'vi's gold?

NK: If you'll excuse me, I gotta go fast to catch a ship that sailed years ago.

DC: At least spending $4 on a comic for ironic nostalgia is cheaper than spending $20 on a movie ticket. Anyway, happy new year everyone, we promise* to have more regular reviews this year

*not legally binding

#avatar #neil kapit #dave clarke #dark horse #tsu'tey #cuck

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thegallinisystem · 6 years

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65 Questions You Aren't Used To

One of my followers (*cough cough @almostasgayasstartrek ) challenged me to answer all of these questions, so buckle up.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Sometimes. Usually only when I’m having a dissociative issue.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

It depends on if I’ve recently watched a horror play through or not.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

There are many. Pretty much anyone in politics.

4. What is your favorite word?

Anything that’s easily rhymable.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

Red maple, because the leaves are vibrant and I have sweetness inside

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

I don’t really look in the mirror unless I have to.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A blue shirt that has Chewbacca on it and says “Wookie of the Year”. Which is funny, because I don’t actually like Star Wars very much. But the shirt is comfy!

8. What do you label yourself as?

Transgender, non-binary, queer, Ravenclaw, INFJ, compassionate, empath, neurodivergent

9. Bright room or dark room?

Not too bright, but I prefer a lit room.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Believe it or not, sleeping. I know it’s hard to believe, especially for me.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

I would have to say 24. It was a good year.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My spouse.

13. Your worst enemy?

Probably myself. I tend to sabotage myself a lot.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

(insert desktop photo here)

15. Do you like someone?

Yes actually. Sometimes it hurts being polyromantic, because even though I’m currently in a relationship, we’ve all talked about having romantic relationships with others. So there’s this person I like who I met a couple months ago, but I know they’re not ready or interested in a relationship and I don’t know if they ever will be. Man, it’s been a while since I’ve had to deal with unrequited love.

16. The last song you listened to?

https://soundcloud.com/tophouserecordings/bass-farmers-unsettling-ft-nathan-brumley-original-mix

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

My father. Because then he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone and hopefully he’s got life insurance, which would help the rest of my family.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Mostly all of the politicians in power right now, save a couple of senators who aren’t incredibly evil.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

Jeff Bezos. Firstly, he’d transfer me and each of my friends $1 million. Then, he’d sign a legally binding contract changing how things work at Amazon so that employees actually get what they deserve. Then, he would pay to end world hunger and create housing for the homeless. He’d also pay for all of the people who are trying to transition to get the surgeries they need. I would find a way to do all of this in a legally binding way so that he couldn’t come back and try to sue once the day is over.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

It’s not great at the moment, but I take a lot of pride in my hair.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

There is a flaw with this question in that it assumes there are only two genders or sexes, and therefore there can be an opposite. The spectrum is wide and diverse biologically and narrowing it down to simply what genetalia you have on the outside is a disservice to that diversity.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

I have the ability to bring a crowd wherever I go. People call me a trendsetter, but it’s happened so many times that it’s uncanny.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Having the people around me turn out to be like the abusive people in my past. It hasn’t actually happened since 2013, but I’ve had some close calls and they’ve been terrifying.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Well firstly, we’ll start with toasted gluten free bread because of my stomach. Then, we’ll do cracked pepper turkey with mayo and Dijon mustard. Toss in some spinach, lettuce, tomato, red onion, and pickles and you’ve got a great sandwich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Putting it in my top surgery fund, which you can find here!

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Anywhere with a beach would be great by me.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac because one bottle of the stuff is worth nearly $2 million and I could sell it and be set for life. (I don’t drink so actually having it for me wouldn’t do me any good)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Everyone gets equal rights. Period.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Oh Nut!

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

I would either grab my laptop or reginald (insert picture of reginald here). It’s a serious debate for me, because reginald is my prized possession. But my laptop has a whole bunch of stuff on it that I really don’t want to lose.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Trump getting elected.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

That is the COOLEST reason for getting kicked out of the country. Honestly, if I had the money, I’d take my family and move to Europe where they have universal healthcare and know that human rights are for everyone.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

I would totally hang out with Death from The Sandman, she’s amazing. I’m not sure I would bring anyone back, because bringing people back from the dead has a whole bunch of repercussions that I don’t think we really know how to deal with.

34. What was your last dream about?

I don’t really remember my dreams that well.

35. Are you a good chopstick user?

I’d say so. When I have the option of using chopsticks, 9 times out of 10 I will because I can feed myself with them. I’m not good enough that I’m confident I don’t make faux paus though.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yes, I was admitted to a mental facility twice this past year.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

I built several as a kid! One in my backyard lasted for a good couple of weeks.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Not currently wearing socks.

39. What type of music do you like?

Depends on my mood, but I’m almost always in the mood for some electronica.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

I think sunrises are prettier, but I don’t like being awake at the time of day that they usually happen.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Chocolate malt

42. What football team do you support?

None? I don’t like football.

43. Do you have any scars?

I’ve got several on my knees from when I was a kid and played outside all the time. I’ve also got a few on my arms from self harm.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

I graduated 4 years ago, so this question is moot.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

The severity of my mental illness.

46. Are you reliable?

I don’t feel like I am. My poor physical and mental health means that I have to back out of things a lot and I hate it.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

What helped you heal from the trauma of my past.

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not usually.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

A dog that lives longer than 12 years in a healthy way. I know that the question is looking for something like a liger, but this is more fun.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I’ve had a lot of unusual conversations, so it’ll be hard to pick.

51. Are you a good liar?

I can be, but not if it’s for a game. Usually only when I’m trying to hide my mental or emotional health, which I haven’t done for a couple months.

52. How long could you go without talking?

I have gone several days without talking.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

I went to a super cuts once and the hairdresser gave me the choppiest haircut ever and a bunch of the strands weren’t even the same length. It was horrible.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

I’ve actually done it a lot more lately because of my allergies.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

Not well.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Peanut butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

I was trying to express something in therapy so it was more of an abstract piece.

58. What would be you dream car?

Something with amazing gas mileage.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I sometimes do oil pulling, where I swish coconut oil around in my mouth.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

Oh boy do I. I wrote a ton of poems about aliens in high school.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

No. I don’t really believe in horoscopes.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

X! It’s my gender marker now!

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

How about yes.

64. What do you think about babies?

I don’t really care for them and I’m definitely not having any of my own.

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

If you qualified for a wish from the make a wish foundation, what would your wish be?

I’ve thought about this one a lot, actually. When I was younger, I probably would have done something with animals, like being able to take care of them or go behind the scenes or something. I didn’t care much about the money or the big grandiose wishes like what I have now. I think I was a simple child.

#ask me #this was fun #about me

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pamphletstoinspire · 6 years

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THE SECOND BOOK OF MACHABEES. - From The Latin Vulgate Bible

Chapter 7

INTRODUCTION.

This Second Book of Machabees is not a continuation of the history contained in the First; nor does it come down so low as the First does, but relates many of the same facts more at large, and adds other remarkable particulars, omitted in the First Book, relating to the state of the Jews as well before as under the persecution of Antiochus. The author, who is not the same with that of the First Book, has given (as we learn from chap. ii. 20., &c.) a short abstract of what Jason, of Cyrene, had written in the five volumes, concerning Judas and his brethren. He wrote in Greek, and begins with two letters, sent by the Jews of Jerusalem to their brethren in Egypt. (Challoner) --- Hence the whole book has been considered by some as an epistle. (Cotelier, Can. Ap. p. 338.) --- But it is easy to distinguish the letter from the history, (Calmet) to which a preface is prefixed, chap. ii. 20. Yet the Alexandrian copy has at the end, "A letter concerning the acts of Judas Mach.[Machabeus.]" (Haydock) --- The appendix of two epistles was added to the First Book by him who wrote the second, (Worthington) abridging the work of Jason. (Haydock)

Chapter 7

The glorious martyrdom of the seven brethren and their mother.

1 It *(Year of the World 3837, Year before Christ 167) came to pass also, that seven brethren, together with their mother, were apprehended, and compelled by the king to eat swine's flesh against the law, for which end they were tormented with whips and scourges.

Notes & Commentary:

Ver. 1. Scourges, made of leather thongs; taureis. (Haydock) --- These brethren are styled Machabees; as Judas rendered this name so famous, that all who suffered or fought valiantly for religion in those times, went by this appellation. Josephus has much embellished this history, and Erasmus still more. The tombs of these martyrs were shewn at Antioch. (Calmet) --- Their names are not known. (Haydock) --- Those who wish to see more, may consult the large discourse of Josephus on the Machabees, (Worthington) though this work be contested, and St. Cyprian iv. ep. 6; St. Ambrose i. of. 40.; St. Chrysostom; St. Augustine; St. Leo, &c. (Worthington)

2 But one of them, who was the eldest, said thus: What wouldst thou ask, or learn of us? we are ready to die, rather than to transgress the laws of God, received from our fathers.

Ver. 2. No explanation given.

3 Then the king being angry, commanded frying-pans, and brazen cauldrons to be made hot: which forthwith being heated,

Ver. 3. No explanation given.

4 He commanded to cut out the tongue of him that had spoken first: and the skin of his head being drawn off, to chop off also the extremities of his hands and feet, the rest of his brethren and his mother looking on.

Ver. 4. No explanation given.

5 And when he was now maimed in all parts, he commanded him, being yet alive, to be brought to the fire, and to be fried in the frying-pan: and while he was suffering therein long torments, the rest, together with the mother, exhorted one another to die manfully,

Ver. 5. No explanation given.

6 Saying: The Lord God will look upon the truth, and will take pleasure in us, as Moses declared in the profession of the canticle; And in his servants he will take pleasure.

Ver. 6. Pleasure. Literally, "be comforted," as the Septuagint translate, (Haydock) Deuteronomy xxxii. 36. It may imply that God will avenge or chastise his servants, and then restore them to favour. This latter sense is here adopted, ver. 35.

7 So when the first was dead after this manner, they brought the next to make him a mocking-stock: and when they had pulled off the skin of his head with the hair, they asked him if he would eat, before he were punished throughout the whole body in every limb.

Ver. 7. No explanation given.

8 But he answered in his own language, and said: I will not do it. Wherefore he also, in the next place, received the torments of the first:

Ver. 8. Language. The Jews have always been very attentive to their own language, though they be forced to learn others for the sake of commerce, and to hold conversation with those among whom they live. This young man, no doubt, understood Greek, in which language his brother had probably spoken. The mother addressed her children in the Hebrew or Syriac tongue, ver. 21, 27. (Calmet)

9 And when he was at the last gasp, he said thus: Thou indeed, O most wicked man, destroyest us out of this present life: but the King of the world will raise us up, who die for his laws, in the resurrection of eternal life.

Ver. 9. Most wicked. The martyrs have sometimes been inspired by God to speak in harsh language to magistrates; though their office generally commands respect. (Haydock) --- Life. The resurrection is clearly specified in all these answers. The Redeemer was near at hand. (Calmet) --- Christiani fuerunt....factis. (St. Augustine, ser. i. 2.)

10 After him the third was made a mocking-stock, and when he was required, he quickly put forth his tongue, and courageously stretched out his hands:

Ver. 10. No explanation given.

11 And said with confidence: These I have from heaven, but for the laws of God I now despise them, because I hope to receive them again from him.

Ver. 11. No explanation given.

12 So that the king, and they that were with him, wondered at the young man's courage, because he esteemed the torments as nothing.

Ver. 12. No explanation given.

13 And after he was thus dead, they tormented the fourth in the like manner.

Ver. 13. No explanation given.

14 And when he was now ready to die, he spoke thus: It is better, being put to death by men, to look for hope from God, to be raised up again by him; for, as to thee, thou shalt have no resurrection unto life.

Ver. 14. No explanation given.

15 And when they had brought the fifth, they tormented him. But he, looking upon the king,

Ver. 15. No explanation given.

16 Said: Whereas thou hast power among men, though thou art corruptible, thou dost what thou wilt: but think not that our nation is forsaken by God.

Ver. 16. Power. Nothing could be more free than this answer, which greatly resembles that of Christ, John xix. 11. (Calmet)

17 But stay patiently a while, and thou shalt see his great power, in what manner he will torment thee and thy seed.

Ver. 17. No explanation given.

18 After him they brought the sixth, and he being ready to die, spoke thus: Be not deceived without cause: for we suffer these things for ourselves, having sinned against our God, and things worthy of admiration are done to us:

Ver. 18. No explanation given.

19 But do not think that thou shalt escape unpunished, for that thou attempted to fight against God.

Ver. 19. No explanation given.

20 Now the mother was to be admired above measure, and worthy to be remembered by good men, who beheld seven sons slain in the space of one day, and bore it with a good courage, for the hope that she had in God:

Ver. 20. Seven. The last was not yet dead: but he was before this was written, so that the mother's praise was perfect. (Haydock)

21 And she bravely exhorted every one of them in her own language, being filled with wisdom; and joining a man's heart to a woman's thought,

Ver. 21. No explanation given.

22 She said to them: I know not how you were formed in my womb; for I neither gave you breath, nor soul, nor life, neither did I frame the limbs of every one of you.

Ver. 22. Womb. This has always astonished the learned, the infant being formed often against the woman's desire, Job x. 10., and Wisdom vii. 2. (St. Augustine, anima i. 15.) (Calmet)

23 But the Creator of the world, that formed the nativity of man, and that found out the origin of all, he will restore to you again, in his mercy, both breath and life, as now you despise yourselves for the sake of his laws.

Ver. 23. No explanation given.

24 Now Antiochus, thinking himself despised, and withal despising the voice of the upbraider, when the youngest was yet alive, did not only exhort him by words, but also assured him with an oath, that he would make him a rich and a happy man, and, if he would turn from the laws of his fathers, would take him for a friend, and furnish him with things necessary.

Ver. 24. Despising. Literally, "despising the voice of the insulter." Greek, "fearing or perceiving that the speech was reproachful." (Haydock) --- Syriac, "turned aside not to hear the reproaches," &c. He did not understand Hebrew; but perceiving the constancy of the young men, he thought that their mother exhorted them to refuse compliance. (Calmet) --- Happy. This is beyond the power of riches or of any king. (Haydock)

25 But when the young man was not moved with these things, the king called the mother, and counselled her to deal with the young man to save his life.

Ver. 25. No explanation given.

26 And when he had exhorted her with many words, she promised that she would counsel her son.

Ver. 26. Promised. A promise regards something good; so that if a person should even bind himself by an oath to do evil, he must refrain, as to comply would he another sin. (Worthington) --- This woman promised to counsel, but not as the king wished, (Haydock) to gain a prolongation of life and worldly honours for her son. (Menochius) --- Such an equivocation was lawful. (Worthington) --- The king might blame himself if he was deceived. (Haydock)

27 So bending herself towards him, mocking the cruel tyrant, she said in her own language: My son, have pity upon me, that bore thee nine months in my womb, and gave thee suck three years, and nourished thee, and brought thee up unto this age.

Ver. 27. Three years. So long physicians judged it best for children to suck, till they could take solid meat. (Vales. lxxxiii.) (Genesis xxi. 8.) (Calmet) --- "Chrysippus assigns three years for the nurse." (Quint. i. 1.)

28 I beseech thee, my son, look upon heaven and earth, and all that is in them, and consider that God made them out of nothing, and mankind also:

Ver. 28. Nothing, not out of pre-existent and eternal matter. (St. Augustine, Nat. boni xxvi.) (Romans iv. 17.) --- So God can reduce all to nothing, chap. viii. 18.

29 So thou shalt not fear this tormentor, but being made a worthy partner with thy brethren, receive death, that in that mercy I may receive thee again with thy brethren.

Ver. 29. Mercy, in eternity of bliss, ver. 23. (Syriac) (Calmet)

30 While she was yet speaking these words, the young man said: For whom do you stay? I will not obey the commandment of the king, but the commandment of the law which was given us by Moses.

Ver. 30. No explanation given.

31 But thou that hast been the author of all mischief against the Hebrews, shalt not escape the hand of God.

Ver. 31. No explanation given.

32 For we suffer thus for our sins.

Ver. 32. No explanation given.

33 And though the Lord, our God, is angry with us a little while, for our chastisement and correction, yet he will be reconciled again to his servants.

Ver. 33. No explanation given.

34 But thou, O wicked, and of all men most flagitious, be not lifted up without cause with vain hopes, whilst thou art raging against his servants.

Ver. 34. No explanation given.

35 For thou hast not yet escaped the judgment of the Almighty God, who beholdeth all things.

Ver. 35. No explanation given.

36 For my brethren having now undergone a short pain, are under the covenant of eternal life: but thou, by the judgment of God, shalt receive just punishment for thy pride.

Ver. 36. Life. Greek, "short labour of eternal life, are fallen under the covenant of God." (Haydock) --- They enjoy that life which God promised.

37 But I, like my brethren, offer up my life and my body for the laws of our fathers: calling upon God to be speedily merciful to our nation, and that thou by torments and stripes mayst confess that he alone is God.

Ver. 37. God. This was accomplished, ver. 17., and chap. ix. 15.

38 But in me, and in my brethren, the wrath of the Almighty, which hath justly been brought upon all our nation, shall cease.

Ver. 38. Cease. The persecution was severe, but short. Judas the next year (the year [of the world] 3838.; Calmet) began to liberate the nation, (Haydock) by God's mercy, chap. viii. 5, 27.

39 Then the king being incensed with anger, raged against him more cruelly than all the rest, taking it grievously that he was mocked.

Ver. 39. No explanation given.

40 So this man also died undefiled, wholly trusting in the Lord.

Ver. 40. Undefiled, by idolatry. We read [in] 4 Machabees that he threw himself into a boiling cauldron; (Calmet) and Josephus says his mother "jumped into the fire that she might not be touched by any." But this is uncertain. The Church honours St. Apollonia, who acted thus; (Feb.[February?] ix.) it is supposed by divine inspiration. (Haydock)

41 And last of all, after the sons, the mother also was consumed.

Ver. 41. Consumed. Greek, "died" (Haydock) of joy: (Sixth. Bib. v. Victoria) she placed herself amid the dead bodies, and begged of God to release her soul; which was granted. (Arabic) (Grotius) --- But most believe that she suffered martyrdom immediately after her children. (Josephus, &c.) --- The Church honoured these martyrs from the earliest ages, and before any other of the Old Testament. We may justly style them the martyrs of the resurrection, as none at that time had spoken of it so distinctly. Sts. Naz.[Gregory of Nazianzus?], Max. of Turin, Gaudentius, &c., have pronounced panegyrics upon them.

42 But now there is enough said of the sacrifices, and of the excessive cruelties.

Ver. 42. Sacrifices. Greek splagchnismous, chap. vi. 21. (Haydock) --- Read 1 Machabees ii. 1., where the wars begun by Mathathias, and persecuted by Judas, are recorded. (Worthington)

#second book of maccabees

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acradaunt · 5 years

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EON Playthrough - Week 4

As suggested by last week, ever since getting subclasses, the rotation pool has grown ever larger. Perhaps too large, slowing down levelling to where I'm well below what it expects. This resulted in me making the rather dubious decision to fight the 9th stratum boss at a meager level 50-53, when I imagine the recommended is about 58-60, as all three regional FOEs remained as red.

Still, my stubbornness made me take four attempts to kill the guy, trying different tactics of varying offense and defensive. In the end, Laura frontline Combat Medic-ing beat out actually trying to block his nasty moves with Protector or Zodiac. I don't think Protector was by any means a bad choice, it's just that when the assface panics four of the five party members, your options are to use Healing Touch or to just wipe.

My reward for that was to be greeted by another full-on boss within about twenty minutes. So my efforts to get better gear before doubling back and taking out those FOEs was punched right in the face. Barf. Honestly, I've spent the majority of EO-time this week running around and cleaning things up and getting those awkward tiles on the map in FOE territory, so forward progress has been fairly minimal.

Iris the Protector/Imperial: The main idea with her is that she can use free turns to use a Drive attack and use that Heat Guard make her even better as a meatshield. Also, she was literally in EOIV as an Imperial, so it's only fair. However, the fact is, I didn't even HAVE a Drive Blade until like minutes ago. It's definitely a good fit for her, but things just haven't worked out that way yet, partially because I'm a cheapass. Doubly poor for her, both 9th's boss and 10th's midboss suffer from extreme quickening, getting radically more difficult as the fight goes on. Protection just cannot keep up with bosses who suddenly start taking multiple turns per turn midway into the fight. The only viable option is to carefully whittle them down to about 40%, and then just blow the everliving crap outta them in 3-4 turns. Slow and steady just can't mitigate enough or do enough damage. It's annoying because quickening isn't really a thing often in EO; apart from both Nexus' 4th stratum boss and side-region boss both having it to lesser, more reasonable degrees, the only real instance I can think of is friggin' Star Devourer. Possibly Undead King did? He didn't unlive that long to really know what he could do. It's fine when they take a second action after a set amount of turns (5th boss did this), but when they start doing it every turn, with stronger results? Not really fair.

Klein the Hero/Imperial: Regiment Rave is without a doubt absolutely nuts in terms of damage, but thinking about it, it's somewhat fair. It's a turn-end move, AND its damage comes largely from the rest of the party piling on. If anything goings wrong with anyone, it does fairly blah damage. In those regards, it's basically a stronger but more easily stuffed Link. Like Iris, the Drive Blade hasn't come into play yet, and for him, not sure if it will. Regiment Rave might be all or nothing, but when it is, it's likely stronger than a subbed Drive could hope to be. Its upside and downside is being fire-based, and I'm guessing both 10th's midboss and boss are gonna be wholly immune to that. So he's probably taking a break for a while.

Juri the Survivalist/Harbinger: Apart from her usual job of running nighttime gathering jobs (so you can immediately re-harvest those points when midnight strikes), after taking a good hard look at the 9th's enemies, Juri was a perfect fit to counter nearly every last one of them. Adept at avoiding hitting particular (frontline) targets and the toughest two enemies being easily crippled by Leg Bind and Blind made her exemplary towards the end of the stratum. Not to mention nearly every quest as of late has been simply gather crap from resource points. If you have a Survivalist and dumped them when stratums 5/7/8 were awful to them, look at bringing them back for the 9th.

Kahna the Landsknecht/Harbinger: Yeah, she squarely cracked into the main rotation. Linking is great for quickly subduing random monsters, but she's been performing questionably during bosses and FOEs. Yet I still keep using her. Hmm.

Coral the Landsknecht/Protector: Honestly, hasn't seen too much use since subclasses arrived. Dunno why, as while Kahna is definitely better for randoms, when I've taken her to bosses, she always seems stuck using her subpar Shield Breaks to keep things open for Erika and Olga, barely having time to contribute herself. Coral's at an unfortunate position where she's not as strong as Erika/Olga, and not as versatile as Laura. Landy's Force skill is decent enough, but it sure lacks the oomph of perfectly restoring everyone or killing just everything on screen or completely stealing a foe's turn. It's the same 'slow and steady isn't good enough' problem Iris has.

Laura the Medic/Landsknecht: It seems like in pinch situations, she's going to basically be a frontline debuffer, while Leon runs the healing & buff duty. While she's not as good or as durable as Coral, the potency of Healing Touch is somewhat ridiculous, having torpedoed the two brand new bosses strategies utterly.

Adam the Medic/Zodiac: Unlike Laura's reckless nonsense, Adam does so-so damage in the back, and has multi-hit options. Better for random encounters and those with massive physical resistance, but kind of a waste of TP during FOEs and bosses. They both fill niches, so I'm actively using both. Never at the same time, though. Two Landsknechts work great together, but two Medics sure don't.

Leon the Sovereign/Ronin: As mentioned on Laura, Leon tends to do more HP healing by buffing than the Medic actually does. It's not enough though, as he can't do a thing about ailments or binds, outside of the tremendously unreliable Prevent Order, and even then, it's too late to actually remove the ailment. Or take a mortally wounded character from almost dead to full health. He's more keeping things between okay and good; any critical situation and he's absolutely useless. The idea of Ronin was for him to Air Blade or Arm Bind or at least have SOME kind of offensive move, but he rarely ever has time, and I've also been too much of a cheapass to buy another quality Katana, so he's usually not even using one. He also can't revive at all, which sucks, but I guess not as bad as in IV or V, where Nectars required ultra-rare materials, which are now handed out daily on the world map. By the way, I LOVE map-gathering points. It saves time and money, and actually lets you get useful materials and rare drops without spending weeks running old points and fighting harmless enemies. It just cuts out needless tedium, and you get them only after you're done with the area, so it's not really giving you free stuff until after the prime-time has past, so gathering runs still do have a time and place. Just a lot more dangerous a time and place.

Kagura the Ninja/Ronin: Giving her Ronin suddenly made her do alright damage. Actually, genuinely great damage. Her array of ailments makes her pretty ideal for randoms and getting conditional drops. She would be really good now, if, ironically, Erika hadn't gotten over her own crippling frailness and there wasn't a fight for the back-row slots, with Laura, Leon, and Klein all being row-hoppers. Still, conditionals mean better gear, so I think she's keeping a spot in the rotation.

Erika the Ronin/Gunner: Definitely the workhorse of the entire game so far, Erika's finally getting over her frailty issues and remains a ludicrous source of damage. Gunner subclass and its Double Action is kind of hilarious, as it lets Charging Thrust and Sheath Strike hit twice and get massive Stance refills. I imagine it cuts both ways though, with Helm Splitter/Haze Slash/Horizontal Slash taking 4 Stance points away, but I frankly rarely use them, usually sticking to Arm Strike and Volt Stab and the rare risky Stone Thrust.

Olga the Gunner/Ninja: The other, far more recent, immovable pillar of the party, Ninja hasn't been quite as beneficial as Erika's Gunner, but -2 TP to all moves and better evasion have done plenty for her endurance. I initially planned on Ninja for mass backrow binding, but after learning that creating clones disables your Force meter, I dunno if it's worth it. Double Action and especially Riot Shot are amazing, with the latter being a 'free turn' button, something I'm obviously going to be needing in the extremely near future. I think more than anything though, her being the only person who can use a gun has kept her locked firmly in place, along with getting awesome guns at the exact right time.

Tate the Arcanist/Harbinger: Sorely disappointed. I expected to see pretty big numbers from her shiny new ice Scythe, but, uh, no. After demanding a leg-bind or other evasion down to hit, it still only does barely 60x3 hits. Pretty pathetic. Combined with a form of healing I don't find reliable at all, Arcanists just plain aren't my style. I think she's sitting things out from here, and'll stop getting all that free after-quest XP.

Stella the Runemaster/Protector: Seems like she might be useful for the 10th stratum. The shield helps MASSIVELY with her previously awful survivability, and her TP pool is large enough for her to have some sustain during FOEs/bosses by now, moreso with judicious use of Force. Damage is still iffy, all considered, and the Charges both take a turn and seem to absolutely suck, unlike V's Warlock.

Terra the Highlander/Protector: Like Tate, has been sucking down all the free XP but hasn't done anything since forever ago. Now that she's got ways to handle single targets, she's probably pretty good again, just hasn't found a way in. I'm probably missing out.

Yai the Pugilist/Ninja: Repeat previous statement. Pugilist needs a lot of both Skill Points and TP to be useful, and I'm getting to the point where she's probably almost there. Perhaps like Erika, she's over her ridiculous frailness by now, but I just don't see any circumstances where she'll outperform Olga. Actually, y'know, obvious answer. Olga's stupidly slow. Sure, she binds great, but after I've already been trampled that first turn. As with Terra, it's less about overall usefulness and more about not seeing a great Cestus or Spear come along that's kept them on the benches and Olga off them.

#Etrian Odyssey #Etrian Odyssey Nexus #EON #EOX #EO #EO Nexus

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