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#itll take like 10-15 minutes.

nudibutch · 11 days

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like fr. just try getting some hot (not boiling, but hot) water and putting your favorite dildo in it for about 10 or 15 minutes. then take it out, quickly pat it dry, and hold it. itll feel like its at human body temp or a little warmer. dont knock it till you try it - sometimes you have to use science to get the results you want!!

#for people saying its awkward or stupid #have you ever had a girl laugh with you while you stumble into your harness? or patiently wait while you finagle a different dick into it?#sex doesnt need to always be super sexy hardcore fuck me take it vibes. you know?#learn to relax a little #also above 'soak time' will depend on the room's air temp. the colder the air = the faster the water will cool down #so you may need to keep it in for longer warm up your room or refresh with hot water depending on time of year

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nix-does-stuff · 1 month

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Hey! I've played steamworld dig in the past and had a great time, very cool that SPG will be in their new title, heard good things about the first steamworld heist game but I never tried it, do you reckon itll be good?

steamworld heist is quite different from steamworld dig. steamworld heist is a turn based shooter and not like the gameplay from dig. but because its turn based you can take as long as you need with each shot. unlike dig heist has levels and so it's easier to not play for multiple hours in one sitting. the levels vary in length but it takes about 10-15 minutes to do one depending on the person. also HATS there are so many hats, you can change the characters' hats and they where them and you can shoot the hats of enemy's.

but if you want something with the same gameplay as steamworld dig try steamworld dig 2 it's the sequal and directly continues the story of dig.

I could ramble about steamworld heist more but not right now.

but heres the trailer for steamworld heist 2:

youtube

and here steamworld heist:

youtube

#nix rambles #spg #steam powered giraffe #steamworld heist #steamworld heist 2 #i love all the steamworld games <3

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somer-writes · 4 months

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pestilence au: twi's "fainting spells"

this is *not* intended to be a form of psychosis or a neurological condition. it *is* part of the fantasy aspect of this au (but no spoilers)

SO! as seen in ch 17 of Demise, twi has so-called "fainting spells". these happen in two phases:

the "fainting" itself which is more like sleepwalking?? he just kind goes like vacant so to speak. he will speak if talked to but no guarantees itll make any sense lolol hes also able to move around, but wont of his own volition. he does not ever remember this part of the episode. it lasts anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours

after he wakes up, within 5-10 minutes he'll have the more seizure-esque part of this experience. basically he goes rigid and it makes breathing v hard. hes bitten his tongue, strained muscles, ended up in some not so safe situations during this. during this part of the episode is when he "hallucinates" but no spoilers there. this phase only lasts like a minute at most, but usually only around 10-15 seconds

Rusl, Uli, Bo (and his late wife), and Ilia are the only people who actually know what to do in these situations. They use a head tilt chin lift maneuver to stabilize his head (just in case although hes never actually convulsed) and open his airway since he has a hard time breathing.

the other villagers are aware of these episodes but get one of those 4 when they occur. the nice thing is phase 1 is the warning phase

twi is right! the episodes only occur during (or perhaps before...) bad things happening

rusl and uli ofc have taken him to see doctors about it. no diagnosis. basically chalked up to a trauma response, given some strats, and thats all anyone can do

after he has one, he does have medicine he can take to prevent another one for roughly 20 hours. it leaves him very drowsy and very nauseas

he has not had one of them since he was 15, he is now 19

other notes!

twi spent the first 7 years of his life in a Bad Situation which he has almost 0 recollection of

he ran away from said Bad Situation. Rusl found him while in castle town on business and took him in a foster kid

twi is *not* adopted and was more or less raised by the village

he bought an abandoned two-room house on a little plot of land for peanuts when he turned 18. its v small. one room is his bedroom, the other room is everything else.

hes not the tidiest person. it annoys ilia. she makes him pick up when shes over

he reads a lot!! so does ilia - they swap books

#somer writes #lu fanfiction #lu twilight #pestilence au

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batmanshole · 2 months

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okay chat. im getting dinner with my dad tonight at 6. the place is 10 minutes away but i walk slow so lets say i should leave at 5:45. make that 5:40 because i always end up leaving 5 minutes late. itll take me abouttt 10 minutes or so for makeup + sunscreen. (5:30) then it will take me another 5 for clothes provided nothing goes wrong (dont like my outfit. mysterious stain. etc.) and maybe 20 minutes for hair?? so 5:05. and then ill take 5 minutes to pack my purse somewhere along the way which means i should start getting ready at 5. its currently 3:45. so i have an hour and 15 minutes to do things. i was gonna draw but i need longer than that to get into the zone AND get stuff done AND get out of the zone so i think ill play video games

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self-h-rmageddon · 1 month

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honestly bpd brain so fascinating like. if i wasnt experiencing the drawbacks of it everyday id probably find it more interesting cuz ??

the way. a sequence of events, SIMPLE. devastation, and then 15 seconds later im crying like that type of cry you dont want to have but you cant stop. lip quivers eyes water and this genuine deep sadness . its SO OVERR. nd then as im mid grief trying to wipe the tears as they come, whatever did it has undone it and im like. oh! okay :]]] like. ALL OF THIS IN ONE MINUTE from horribly sad to perfectly fine, HAPPY EVEN. it is very. tiring 💀💀 its fine but like damn bitch!!!

I . i know its not my fault so i wont BLAME myself but i know its hard for people to handle, its why i just dont ever share about it cuz like. it? makes all my feelings seem so... superficial. i PROMISE if im sad its genuine, its pain i feel but it doesnt seem very genuine when im over it in like 10 minutes, it feels horrible man like . im scared some day people arent going to take my emotions seriously at all, itll be like a 'boy who cried wolf' situation, where like. yeah hes sad, whatever he'll get over it type thing but. that would break my heart 😭😭 that would guarantee it spiral into something more

its just. its dizzying the way emotions just kinda slam into me and then peel off to make room for the next ones cuz it really is this IMPACT. sudden dread, most blinding joy ive ever felt. LET ME OUTTTT

i wonder how my life would be different if i could feel like everyone else does? im not saying other people DONT have intense emotions, but for me its every single fucking emotion its exhausting

plus it makes things WORSE the way my brain is constantly scanning for rejection and abandonment its ?? subconscious its genuinely a fully subconscious process cuz ill be FINE and then! oops!! thats a message that my brain can read wrong, worst case scenario immediately you will die alone goodbye forever stinky. 💀 okay

im getting better at it, i try to convince myself like hey. just cuz yr scared of soul crushingly cruel abandonment at any moment, remember who yr talking to!! would they really do that to you? and then im like. right. right, why would that happen thats so silly (brain in the back already plotting a million ways why it would happen)

ENOUGHHH BOY QUIET NOW

#im fine rn just rambling cuz i remembered it from earlier

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penisliker-moved · 1 year

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bc like 7pm is basicslly 9pm and at 9pm today i have to shower which will take 15 minutes and by then itll bssicslly be 10 and 10 is when km supposed to take my medicine and stop doing things so i can prepare for when i go to bed at 2 so basicslly its already my bedtime and i cant do anything fun rn. u see.

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aloera · 2 years

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First Sentence Game

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have fewer than 20, just list them all!) from oldest first. See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line.

thank you sm to @kiribakuhappiness for tagging me omg??? this looks so fun i love it

im just gonna go through all my complete bnha fics!! figure itll be the most cohesive that way

1. come home to me

The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent.

2. what we deserve

Katsuki’s timer really hasn’t been ticking for very long.

3. to have and to hold

Closing for the night is one of the best parts of Katsuki’s day.

4. godless society

The steady decline of Denki’s mental health begins with Bakugou Katsuki, like most things seem to, because the guy has the biggest main character energy Denki’s ever encountered.

5. control fraek

Bakugou Katsuki has only ever loved two people in his life.

6. like a heathen clung to the homily

Mina’s brain has always been the kind to fire off in seventeen different directions.

7. in other words, darling, kiss me

Mina is born in the kingdom of Tengoku, in a small cottage that borders the edge of the Enchanted Forest.

8. when the sea rises to meet us

Tooru relishes storms.

9. pickup lines and valentines

Katsuki meets his soulmate on the first day of school.

10. sugar cookies

Eijirou wakes up with his nose squished into Katsuki’s hair.

11. can’t take my eyes off of you

If Katsuki’s being completely honest, it might not be a total fucking stretch to say that he doesn’t know what a crush is.

12. i fall in love just a little (oh, a little bit)

Tooru staggers into the dorms, panting.

13. my heart’s already been sold

“Oi, Deku,” Kacchan says. “Look up for a sec.”

14. things small and precious

The minute Bakugou Katsuki catches sight of the snitch, Eijirou’s on him like a shark.

15. one single thread of gold

Katsuki’s first impression of Iida Tenya is that he’s got a stick the size of a California Redwood lodged up his ass.

16. too busy being yours

Katsuki’s not above admitting that he has issues with self-control when it comes to Eijirou.

17. en vogue

Sometimes, Eijirou and Bakugou eat lunch together out in the grounds as opposed to the cafeteria.

18. light spills in a flood

The thing is, Eijirou doesn't think it's that big of a deal.

19. begging for you (to take my hand)

Katsuki’s never been angrier with himself.

Patterns: ngl its possible im just bad at analyzing my stuff but like. i dont see a pattern,,, (??) if you see one let me know bc i am blind these all seem p different

Favourite(s): 4, 14, 15, 16

4 and 15 because they r funny and i went off with thoes <33 14 and 16 bc i think they are p good at indicating the tone of the fic (which is krbks obsession with each other. ofc)

anyway this was so fun???? i LOVE ask games thank you so so much for tagging me!!!! i tag @rae-tnub @moniix @wonhaebunny @hiuythn @wrunic and @carnation-station!!

#tag bait

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neproxrezi · 3 years

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Are you participating in the proposed dbd boycott to get them to do a game health update?

yeah, i wasn't sure at first caus "dont play the video game for a brief period" isn't going to work but "this company has put all its eggs in one basket and they are frankly quite neglectful of said basket, everyone stop buying anything ingame for 3 months" has me interested

more than 'fix the bugs' or anything else like that what i want to see out of the game is them being less god damn stingy with cosmetics (you should not have to pay $10 for ONE FUCKING COSMETIC) and addressing the grind. holy shit the grind in this game is so rough and it could be fixed fairly simply (i'm in favour of removing perk tiers, to cut a long post short)

hold on im gonna complain about dbd under a cut caus itll get long, i love this game so much but oh boy it has issues

it's been said a million times already but dbd's grind made more sense when there were like 4 or 5 characters per side, there are now over 20 and each new one introduces 3 perks to each side

I want to write about the grind in this game for a moment. There are 95 survivor perks in DBD. Every perk has three tiers. Some of them are great, and many are kind of pointless. Realistically, I'd bet you're only going to see about 15 of those perks in action in most of your games. However, if you unlock a perk to be taught to other survivors (which I tend to do even if I don't particularly want it, out of a mix of completionism and a 'may as well get it out of the way' kind of thing), you can't get rid of it. It's in your bloodwebs forever. 95 perks. 285 perk tiers. Let's talk about how long that takes to claim.

You buy a new character in the next chapter. You have every teachable perk unlocked. The new chapter really excited you, and you want to claim every perk on the new character (who I am going to name... Doug), so you saved a lot of bloodpoints in advance. In fact, you played for days and days and saved the cap, which is a million bloodpoints. You buy Doug, after much excited testing him out in the PTB. You spend all million points on Doug. Doug is now about level 35 to 40, out of 50. Hm. Well, time to keep playing. The bloodwebs kind of gave you a bunch of crap stuff on Doug, and you don't feel like running Power Struggle, Ace in the Hole, Babysitter and Breakdown, so you can't play Doug yet. You go play someone else.

Solo queuing as survivor is a mixed bag, and your games range from getting 10,000 bloodpoints (pretty rough game where everyone got wiped) to 27,000 (a great match, maybe with a bloodpoint offering). You save enough to get Doug to level 50. In the later levels, you start being able to get two perks a level instead of one. Let's say from level 1 to 50, you collect a total of 65 perks, because I don't remember exactly when it starts offering 2 per level. Okay, there are 220 perk levels left. Because of the game's propensity for giving you the same perk over and over to get you lots of perks at level 2 out of 3, of those 65 perk tiers you've probably got something like 20 to 25 actual perks. You're missing like, 70. Best case scenario, the ones you picked up include a lot of what you want. Most likely, you've got like half a good build and some gimmicky crap to slot in alongside it. Worst case scenario, which has happened to me plenty of times, you have like maybe one good perk and a pile of gimmicky crap. So. How long is it going to take you to get what you want?

There are 220 perk levels to go. After level 50, the webs are all the same size. It costs about 50,000 points to level up, and you get two perk levels per bloodweb. That's going to be 110 webs to get everything for Doug. Which is 5.5 million bloodpoints. Oh no. How many points were you earning per game again?

If you play with friends, you're probably going to do better. I find this to be true even if me and my friends are playing without voice comms or anything, because I just sort of know these people a bit better. I know my friend who mains Lisa Garland is a hook-diving bastard, so I don't need to go rescue anyone. Ace, god bless him, makes batshit altruistic plays, so I certainly don't need to go protect my teammates when he's out there doing things like this. I think I'm just going to sit on generators in the distance, think about our final gen spread, and try get us out of here. I'd say if I'm playing well, and accounting for offerings and WGLF stacks, with friends I average 30,000 a match and by myself I average 20,000. Playing killer I average more like 60,000, but playing killer is a bit stressful sometimes and I'm very indecisive about actually queuing up for it, so I probably actually get bp faster as survivor. I'm going to call the average per match across everything 25,000, because for every good game there are plenty where you underperform, or things just go drastically wrong. To earn 5.5 million points like that, you're going to have to play 220 matches. A game, including queue times and whatnot, can take ten to twenty minutes. That's... that's going to take a while. And that's ONE CHARACTER.

Now, on the survivor side you only really need to do this once. They're all just reskins of the same gameplay loop. On the killer side, you need to re-earn those perks for every new character you want to try out, because they're all different. Miiiiillions and millions of points. Hundreds of games. I have no problem with the game having a grind, but at this point it's absolute insanity.

In my opinion, removing perk tiers would cut the grind down to a reasonable level. There'd still be a grind, which I'm completely comfortable with existing, but it wouldn't be excruciatingly long, and you wouldn't have to spend as long dealing with bad perks.

HOWEVER, on top of that is the fact that they just. Holy shit the game updates slowly. I don't want to blame them for that in a way of like "these developers are incompetent and lazy", I really do love DBD to bits and I'm sure they do work very hard on it. That said, its update cycle is really slow. Reeaally slow. I wish they either had a bigger team, made balance updates faster (a handful of perk adjustments once every six weeks is... very very slow) or something to just try make the changes faster. Even when things do change it always feels so anxious and tentative, I wish they'd experiment more often. The time they disabled bloodlust to see what happened was really cool!

Yeah in short I just hope the grind gets addressed more than anything else, caus that's the part I actually think there's a relatively straightforward solution to. Also, I never got to play the older events where you could do shit like earn cosmetics, but they sounded way fucking cooler than the new ones. The halloween one last year was absolute shit, it's weird that their special events would get worse over time rather than better.

Buuut I agree with Scott Jund that the Resident Evil chapter was bad news for DBD's long term health because the one thing that would really give BHVR a kick up the ass is competition, and every time they land an amazing licensed chapter they become harder to compete with. They have an absolute monopoly on asymmetrical horror, and I honestly think the game would be in a better state right now if they had some competition >:[

#dibi #dbd #long post #i love dbd to bits i really do #but UGH it has issues

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dilfsenshi · 4 years

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hi. im going to give you my pasta tomato sauce resippy, ok?

youll need a liquidiser of some kind for this. a stick blender is the best for this, and if you dont have one and can afford one i thoroughly recommend it, def my fav kitchen appliance lol.

this is a great recipe that i make all the time. it makes a huge amount of sauce that you can then freeze and defrost whenever you dont want to cook. ive persuaded myself its very cost effective vs jars of sauce, but ive never actually sat down and done the maths to verify it lol. its def reasonably cheap though, its all veggies! this sauce always comes out a little different every time, which i quite enjoy :)

heres the ingredients list

1kg of tomatoes

2-3 medium carrots

1-2 sticks of celery

1 large onion (red onion is delicious on this, but brown is good too)

2 peppers (red + another is best but it doesnt matter too much)

garlic. i wont tell you how much you should use, i trust you. i tend to go for 5-6 cloves though

OPTIONAL chilli. i usually have a spare birdseye lying around

OPTIONAL mushrooms

OPTIONAL tomato paste/pure, if u live in a country where tomatoes are a bit flavourless (like the uk 🤕)

herbs and spices of your choice. recommended: oregano, paprika, chilli powder (if no fresh), mixed herbs, fresh basil

ok! you can make more sauce really easily by just adding more veg. i often use more than a kilo of tomatoes, its really not a precision recipe. its is technically very easy, it just requires a lot of veg chopping. it will take anywhere between 40 mins to an hour and a bit, depending on how fast you chop.

get a BIG pot and put it on low heat. chop your tomatoes into quarters w a serrated knife and put them in your pot. the idea is these will eventually break down. you may need to squeeze them down a bit with a wooden spoon. you dont need to wait for them to do so completely, just until theres enough liquid for your keep your other veg from burning

chop your onions and garlic and add them to the pot. youll want to do this with all your veg believe it or not.

the order i generally go in is onion+garlic > fresh chilli > carrot > pepper > celery. just roughly chopped is fine, just so long as it cooks! dont put the mushrooms in right now, the texture will be unpleasant.

once everythings in, youll need to add 1 1/2 tsp of sugar. this step is important, dont be tempted to skip it. itll cut down the acidity of the sauce and make it edible lol

it all needs to cook for about 15 minutes. if youre me, youll spend this time cracking open a beer and doing the dishes youve been ignoring all day.

once youre done with the dishes, your sauce will be ready for mushrooms and seasoning. you can add more herbs and spices later once youve blended your sauce, so dont go overboard. add the purée at this point, if using.

cook for another 10-15 mins, until your veggies are soft, then blend!

once its smooth, adjust seasoning and purée to taste and then add 1/2 tbsp of oil. i dont know what this step does but my mummy tells me to do it and i listen to her. keep your heat very low, as your sauce will spit a bit at this stage. cook for another 2-3 mins, and youre done!

i hope you enjoy my resippy and if you dont pls dont tell me ill get sad

#savoury #mine #sauces #freezable

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vadergf · 3 years

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Please give tips for board exams.. super nervous.. i want a good score but after my pa3 and preboards shit is seeming harder to me due to my shockingly horrible scores.. so pls gimme tips... (Also.. if u don't mind.. can u tell me ur score and how u achieved it??)

Okay anon I got 97.2% in my boards but let me tell you something: my preboards were utter shit. I swear to god, I almost failed in three subjects and only internals saved my chemistry marks.

So, please please dont be too worried about the preboards because they are designed to be super super hard and your teachers will correct it extra strictly!

(I was in ICSE so these may help more for ICSE kids but it can also work like generally)

If you have math, do it everyday. I'm not even kidding. Pick a chapter, get someone to mark like 10-15 sums from and work it out.

Choose your really weak subjects and work the hardest parts of it out. For me it was physics and chemistry, so I did the numericals for the hardest chapters first. Also there is NO problem in doing the chapters again and again. Like in my two months leave before boards, I only did this one physics chapter because I didnt get it at all. Just make sure whatever you're studying, you're doing it well.

Make a timetable. You need not have to stick to it religiously but itll give you a sense of structure . Pace yourself out okay. So if you're doing something that's hard for you: like chemistry or hindi, choose two other subjects that are easier like english or history. Stick to 3 subjects + Math a day and dont feel the need to do more than 1 chapter. Your brain will not retain so much information all at once. Give it time.

Take breaks, please. If you keep studying continuously, your brain will meld all the informed together. So if you study one subject, take atleast 45 minutes and do something that doesnt involve reading, then go back to studies.

Use your 10 year guides. They are so so important. Try to work out some 10 year question papers but Mainly, do it for Math. Math, my advice is, as soon as the chapters are over (which they will very soon if you do even 1/2 a chapter daily), do all the question papers. They literally ask you very little new questions.

Practice your handwriting and your timing.

DONT WORRY YOU ARE GOING TO DO AMAZING ANON, I HAVE SO MUCH FAITH IN YOU

If you have any more questions, just send me another ask or DM💙

#rey answers <3 #anon #ICSE help #board help #ICSE advice

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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 44

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: okayyy so here it is. time passes quicker, and youll see itll be like that in the last few chapters too. i hope you like this one, i hope youll like the last few chapters. im a bit nervous so i hope it’s not too bad! oh yea and i used a manip someone made on instagram, just thought it was cool haha!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : some requests i used here but ill only post them in the next chapter because i don’t want to spoil anything!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 44 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

August 9th, 2018

That was it. We were done with an other season and I couldn't believe what we accomplished. What I accomplished. We had filmed the last scene two days ago, right on time for me to go see Niall perform in LA two nights in a row and the party organised to celebrate the end of this season was scheduled on the first night of his week off. Everything seemed to fit perfectly together and I was happy. I was genuinely and truly happy.

"Did I tell you how much I missed you?" I heard my boyfriend whisper near my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, making a shiver cross my whole body.

"Mm yes, about a million times in the past 3 days." I replied with a chuckle, tilting my head as he pressed his lips gently on my neck.

I had missed him so much too. We had spent over a month apart and just like I expected, we were even stronger than we were before and that said a lot. We had talked every single day on facetime but it was never the same than to be able to smell him, feel him, taste him... just seeing him face to face was different than on a screen and I had no idea how i'd be able to spend an other 5 weeks separated from him.

"Okay then, did I tell you how good you look tonight?"

I laughed again and turned around in his arms, tilting my chin up to look in his eyes. We were a bit farther from the others, slightly hiding by a part of the wall, and i licked my lips, hoping no one was paying attention to us.

"I'm literally wearing an old pair of jeans that shows how big my ass is and a plain t-shirt." I pointed out. "But thank you."

As if it was a suitable answer, his hands slid from my back to my butt and he squeezed it, making me laugh again.

"I love your ass."

"And in public too?" I asked with an amused smile, my eyebrows raised. "Are you drunk?"

He chuckled and bent down to kiss my lips and i let him, feeling his warm mouth move gently and slowly against mine. No matter how many times we kissed, it always felt amazing, and no one else tasted that good.

"We should go back to the others." I pointed out in a low voice. "They're gonna start wondering where we are."

"Mm, I don't care." he whispered against my lips, making me chuckle low.

"Come on." I just replied, finally taking a step back and tilting my head on the side. "We can cuddle tonight."

We walked back in the room hand in hand and I noticed Dylan looking at us. He sent me a small smile that I answered as I tried to ignore Heidi, sitting next to him. They had been dating for longer than I thought they would and I was wondering if he still thought everything he had told me about her the last time we discussed it. I really thought it was a good thing for him to be with someone else, I just thought it sucked that she was the one he had picked. Still, it was none of my business and I couldn't stop him from inviting her to this party. After all, it was his tv show too, and I owed him a lot. I was well aware that it was more popular because he was the male lead and I knew how lucky I was to act with him.

As soon as we sat down, Heidi and Dylan got up but she left to the other side of the room and he walked to us, sitting in front of my boyfriend. I didn't know if this was about to be awkward but before we could say anything, I heard my phone and frowned. I grabbed it quickly and excused myself, knowing it was even more awkward that I left my boyfriend and my ex boyfriend together.

"Hey Louis, you're calling at a very weird moment." I just said with a smile.

"That's me specialty, love." he let out as a joke, making me chuckle. "You mom tried to call you apparently, but she couldn't reach you so she called my phone. Sweet sweet lady with an incredibly strong accent. It always surprises me."

I rolled my eyes but a smile still drew itself on my lips. "What did she want?"

"She said it was not urgent but she wanted to talk to you, make sure you're not dead or something."

I raised my nose up. "Don't joke with that."

"Sorry love, I didn't mean to bring back... that memory." he apologized after a few seconds of silence. "She doesn't know though, does she?"

"No, only you, me, Niall, and I'm guessing El?"

"Olivia, I didn't tell that to anyone, not even El." Louis admitted, making me smile fondly. "This is no one's business but yours. I promise to keep that secret forever."

"Thank you, Lou." I whispered before swallowing.

I hated to remember that moment of weakness I had, even if I knew it was part of why I was who and where I was today. I really had to hit rock bottom to kick myself up and finally breathe again. If my relationship with Niall was so strong now, it was partly because I had worked on myself and although I knew I still had work to do, I was stronger than I used to be when I first dated Niall. Of course, swallowing all the pills I could find was not my smartest or strongest moment but I was trying to forgive myself.

"Oh you want to hug me right now don't you?" Louis joked, making me laugh through my tears. "I know you!"

I laughed and wipe my eyes quickly before licking my lips. "Yea, I drank a bit too so it doesn't help. I'll text you soon, Lou."

"You better. Love you, queen."

I smiled fondly at the nickname and closed my eyes. "Love you too."

I hung up and texted my mom quickly before going back to the table. Dylan was now sitting next to Niall and it made me frown. I knew they were both a bit tipsy and I didn't want anything bad to happen between them. Gladly, I knew Niall was not into confrontation and Dylan was quite laid-back too. Plus, he was probably over me by then and if they could just accept each other's company, it would be enough for me. I didn't expect them to become close friends, of course, but It would be nice if it wasn't awkward between them anymore.

"Oh and that small.. whimper or whisper she makes when you slip your hand in her panties." I heard Niall comment before Dylan chuckled.

"Right." he agreed, shaking his head gently. "And she's always so ready too."

A tiny part of me wanted to stay and listen to what they were going to say but the part of me that was angry was definitely bigger. I took a step closer but held my breath when Dylan started talking again.

"Let's say it's different than Heidi."

"No man, I ain't going there." Niall laughed while shaking his head before taking a sip of his beer.

"No, I mean, Heidi is very sexy but it's that... that connection, you know?" I frowned and my lips parted when Niall laughed again.

"I don't want to hear about the 'connection' you had with my girlfriend, O'Brien." he pointed out, turning his almost empty beer with his fingers.

"No yea, I know. I just mean that... it's different when you love someone."

"Are you two really comparing how Heidi and I are in bed?"

Both of them jumped so high I thought they were about to fall off their chairs. I wanted to look at their reaction but I decided to focus on my boyfriend and when he turned around, his face changed and I could read fear in his eyes. I crossed my arms on my chest and shook my head, licking my lips.

"That's fucking disgusting. I don't deserve that, and Heidi doesn't either."

This time, I read surprise in Niall's eyes and glanced at Dylan who seemed as shocked as my boyfriend. Oh I still didn't like Heidi, but that didn't mean it was okay for them to discuss about how she was in bed.

"Just because both of you had the chance to fuck us both doesn't give you the right to share gossips about us." I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my anger inside and breathed in deeply. "That's fucking wrong."

I turned on my heels and left before I stopped and turned around again to look at them. "I'm mad at you both, by the way, if that wasn't clear enough."

I walked quickly to my dressing room and closed the door before holding myself against the counter, closing my eyes. I was torn between being mad that they could easily talk about me like that and being relieved that they could actually talk to each other without it being awkward. After a few minutes, I heard a knock at the door and thinking it was probably one of them, I swung the door open but my face changed when I noticed my assistant. My lips curled and I raised my eyebrows a bit surprised.

"You left quickly, are you okay?" she asked, concern written all over her face.

I made a quick head movement to incite her to walk in and closed the door behind her before we both sat down, her on the couch and me on a chair. Tinka was fairly new since my old assistant had to leave due to a pregnancy and we immediately bounded. She was gorgeous and I had to admit I was a bit jealous of her, not only for her looks but also for the way she attracted people easily and all that charisma she had probably inherited at birth, but at the same time, I felt connected to her too and I could never hate her.

"Okay so, I wanted to show you something. I mean at first I was not sure if I should, because I shouldn't have filmed it in first place, but..." she blabbed nervously before shaking her head. "I'll just show you."

She took her phone and clicked on a few things before handing it to me. I frowned, taking it cautiously before noticing she was showing me a video. I clicked on play and my eyes got bigger when I noticed Niall, sitting at the cafeteria as Heidi sat down in front of him. The first part of the conversation was hard to hear but Niall seemed confused and when she handed him a sheet of paper, I frowned again. He stared at what was written on it and finally, she put her hand on top of his and I felt my heart jump high in my throat. The second part of the conversation though, I heard it very clearly.

“You’re right. We should get back together, Niall.” Heidi said with a soft voice. “I mean, I know you’re trying to make me jealous with her but let’s be real. Who could really be jealous of her?"

This time, my heart sank in my chest and I swallowed hard. I was worth more than Heidi gave me credits for, I knew it now, but I also knew she would never see it. Perhaps, she was too busy trying to win Niall back.

“Do you even listen to yourself? You know damn well I’m with Liv and.. aren’t you with Dylan? I love her, okay! I’m not trying to make anyone jealous, I’m just trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved… the way I failed to love her the first time. And you have nothing to do with any of this. What even makes you think I want to be with you?"

I bit my bottom lip, breathing in deeply again and trying to suppress a small smile of relief when I heard my boyfriend's words. The fact that he admitted that he failed to love me right the first time made something stir in my stomach. I knew that failed relationship was not just on him, but it was nice to hear him admit that, especially to someone else.

“Because of that song! You wrote it for me and put it in one of my boxes for me to find!” she argued with him.

I saw Niall roll his eyes and his next words were as harsh as the tone he had used.

“I wrote this about Olivia! I wrote that in the first week I saw her again at the bakery after not seeing her for over a year. It isn’t about you, Heidi. It got in one of your boxes by mistake!” he let out rudely. “I love Olivia, not you. You need to let it go, okay? And those instagram posts you make.. For fuck’s sake, Heidi! What’s the point? Make me feel bad? Alright, I’m sorry I cheated on you, I should have broken up with you before and that was a mistake, okay? Now please, leave me the fuck alone.”

The video stopped but I still stared at the screen, lost in my thoughts, until Tinka talked again.

"I don't know why i recorded this, and I know I shouldn't have, I'm sorry." she apologized again. "But it was recorded anyway so I mean, why not show it to you?"

I just stared at the thumbnail of the video again before clicking on the 'delete' button and when it asked me if I was sure, I clicked on 'yes' without hesitation.

"Thanks, Tinka. I deleted it." I finally said, looking up at her before she nodded. "But thank you for showing me. Just... don't do that again, please. Niall and I we're both very... private."

I handed her her phone back just as an other knock was heard at the door. We both got up and I opened the door as she walked past Niall. He nodded at her and finally turned back to me, his hands in his pockets. I couldn't help but tilt my head, glancing down at him, telling myself once again how good he looked. I also couldn't stop thinking about the way he had told Heidi he loved me and it made me want to hug him.

"Olivia, I'm.. so sorry."

I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows, expecting more than just a simple apology.

"You're right. It was so wrong, and we shouldn't have." he added, making me lick my lips. "We were literally trying to find something to talk about, and it was so awkward... the only thing we really have in common is you. But we shouldn't have."

I let my shoulders fall and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. "So I really make some sort of whimper when you slip your hand in my panties?"

He chuckled and took one of his hands out of his pocket to pass it in his hair. "Yea, you do. But I'm slightly jealous knowing you also whimper like that when he did it. I thought I was special."

"Oh, poor little boy thought he was special." I joked, making him grimace too. "Come here."

I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him inside before closing the door behind him. He was close to me, so close I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine, and when my ass met the counter, I smiled more. He chuckled as he stared down in my eyes and shook his head slightly.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Mm, maybe."

I felt his hand slip in my jeans and panties and my eyes fluttered slightly as my lips parted as I let lout a whimper despite myself.

"And now?" he asked, clearly amused by the effect he had on me.

"I'll tell you in a few minutes." I whispered, tilting my chin up to look at him better.

I felt two of his fingers brush gently on my clit before he slipped them inside me. I moved one of my legs up on the counter and he moved closer to me, bending down slightly until his lips were only a few inches away from mine.

"You're all mine, yea?" he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip. "Say it."

"Mm, I'm all yours Niall." I breathed out, blinking a few times. "I belong to you."

"Fuck yes you do."

He started fingering me quickly, making sure his palm was rubbing against my clit and when I felt an orgasm spread all over my body, I let my head fall back and shook slightly as he pressed his mouth against mine. I could feel his lips curl as I came and I finally got down from my high, whimpering low and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Okay, I forgive you." I whispered, kissing him deeply for a few seconds before moving my head slightly back. "Do you think that's how Dylan will want to be forgiven too?"

I laughed lightly at the face he made and I heard him groan low. "I'll kill him."

I shook my head a bit and my amused smile turned into a fond one. "You know, I never ever moaned his name." I admitted, licking my lips. "I only do that with you."

He looked happy with my confession but he still raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because... I was always scared I'd moan your name instead."

His face changed and somehow, I could read love in his eyes and it made me swallow hard. He remained silent and my lips parted again.

"I've never stopped loving you, Niall." I murmured. "I told you."

"Guess what, Olivia?" he let out in a soft tone, his eyes roaming quickly on my face. "I never stopped loving you either."

----

August 15th, 2018

Dylan had stopped me before I left and had apologized to me profusely. He even texted me the next day to apologize again and I forgave him immediately. Maybe it was because I felt a bit guilty for not telling him about the video Tinka had showed me where his girlfriend was blatantly trying to get back with my boyfriend, but It was easy to forgive him and I knew he felt horrible about it. I was still unsure if I should tell him and at the same time, I didn't want to be the reason of their break-up, or even of a fight so I deciced to ignore it for now but that didn't stop me from feeling bad.

It was almost time for Niall to go back on tour and I felt extremely nervous about it. It had taken me about a week to decide on what I would do. I wanted to go with him but at the same time, I didn't want to be the clingy girlfriend who followed him everywhere. With time, I realized that I could follow him without going back to my old habits but I still had no idea how to tell him. He hadn't mentioned it again, probably because he didn't want to sound pushy or make me feel like I had to follow him, but my insecurity sometimes tried to make me believe it was because he didn't really want to spend so long with me.

"Why did you want me to come with you, Louis?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and turning to him as he was parking. "You know it's one of my last few days with Niall."

Louis laughed and shook his head, turning to me to look in my eyes.

"We both know you're gonna follow him on tour, Liv. Who are you trying to fool?" he said, his accent thick. "You can spend a few hours with your best friend, can't ya?"

I felt my heart skip a beat at how well Louis knew me, sometimes even better than I knew myself, and I realized that I had opened up to him like I had never opened up with anyone else besides Niall. And I didn't regret it at all.

"Yes. You're right."

"Look," he started again, turning on his seat to look at me. "I have something for you."

He searched through his pockets and handed me a well-folded piece of paper, which was surprising. Normally, anything that ended up in Louis' pocket was crumpled or crushed. I frowned a bit and took it before unfolding it gently and carefully.

"I drew it meself. Took me hours."

My lips parted as I looked at the drawing of a crown. It was pretty and he clearly had put a lot of effort into it. It was not perfect, but I thought that's what made it look even more special.

"Wow, Louis... this is..."

"I made it for you." he cut me gently. "If you wanted to get a tattoo, that is. It represents you well, don't ya think?"

I looked up in his eyes and weirdly, I could read stress, like he was not sure how i'd react. The fact that Louis always called me his queen, and that he had even written a song about me with that word made this drawing even more important for me and as soon as his eyes met mine, I knew it would be impossible for me not to get this tattoo.

"I think it represents you, actually." I explained, tilting my head and looking at him. "This tattoo will always remind me of you, and I want you to know that you're important to me, Louis. I would be dead without you. Literally."

His lips curled slightly on the right and stress disappeared from his traits.

"Now you need to draw something for me to get, too." he pointed out.

"Wait, so we're here to get you a tattoo that I would draw?" I asked as his smile turned into a smirk.

"Exactly."

"Can it be simple? I can't draw for shit." I admitted with a grimace.

"Just draw it, give it to the artist, and I'll look at it when it's done."

I stared at him for a few seconds, feeling my heartbeats accelerate and after a while, I breathed in and out. After all, if he didn't like it, he could always get something over it, right?

It took half an hour to get the crown tattooed on my ankle but only about 10 minutes to get the smiley I had drawn for Louis. It was pretty simple with x's instead of eyes and since it was on his wrist, he kept his eyes closed the whole time to make sure it wouldn't ruin the surprise. We walked back to his car in silence about an hour later and sat down, both of us leaning against our seats.

"Is it too simple?" I asked before he turning his head my way with a smile.

"No, it's perfect."

I smiled back at him and held my hand up between us. It took him a few seconds but he finally grabbed it, intertwining his fingers with mine and squeezing my hand.

"Thank you for saving my life." I let out in a soft voice. "Literally, but also metaphorically."

"You saved mine, too."

---

When I walked back in Niall's house... I mean, in our house... I heard him talk and frowned, trying to be quiet in case he was on the phone. I saw him in front of his laptop, just talking to the screen and it took me a few minutes to realize he was probably on a live chat on instagram. I made sure to remain silent and walked to the kitchen to gt myself a glass of wine and leaned against the counter. I listened to what he was saying from the living room, smiling and chuckling from time to time until I heard him say his goodbyes. I wanted an other minute or two, knowing Niall was the kind of person who said bye by stayed an other half an hour with his hand on the doorknob before actually leaving and when I joined him in the living room, he was getting up.

"Are you done?"

"Yes, sorry, I thought it would take you longer." he apologized, making me smile.

"No, it's all good, it's cool that you do lives for your fans." I just shrugged, joining him near the couch. "Your such a good person."

He smiled more and took the glass from my hands before placing it on the coffee table. I chuckled and he wrapped his arms around my waist, raising his eyebrows.

"And does that turn you on?"

I laughed some more. "Maybe."

He didn't answer anything. Instead, he pressed his lips against mine as his arms pulled me even closer. My eyes fluttered close as he deepened the kiss and I sighed low, feeling my body relax in his arms.

"I'm gonna miss you so much." he whispered before kissing me some more,

"I'll miss you more."

He stepped forward, forcing me to take a step back, and guided us around the couch and until the hall. I ended up hitting my back on the wall and I laughed against his lips.

"Clumsy ass." he said in the same amused tone he always said it. "I love you."

We finally ended up in our room and he closed the door with one of his feet, bringing me to the bed and quickly putting himself on top of me. I loved the feeling of his body over mine, warming me, and it always surprised me that every time, it would make a shiver cross my back. I shivered in his arms and he pulled away slightly to look in my eyes.

"How about we stay locked here until I have to take that fucking stupid plane?"

I raised my eyebrows and my lips parted before I tilted my chin up. "Don't you have somewhere to be tomorrow?"

"I canceled." he admitted, his eyes dropping to my lips before he ground his hips against mine, probably without thinking.

"For me?" I asked with a small smile.

"For us."

I brought my hands to his cheeks and let one of my thumbs brush on his bottom lip. "How many times are you gonna make love to me until you leave?"

His lips curled again and he chuckled low. "As many times as I can."

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batmanshole · 1 year

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okay wait dinner is at 6:15. itll take me about 10-15 minutes to get there. itll take me another eeehhh 10 minutes after im ready to be able to leave the house (grace period bc i am forgetful) so if i want to arrive at 6:10 i need to be ready by 5:50. it's gonna take me 45 minutes to do my makeup hair etc. <- dramatic cunt also i have shaky hands. so i should be clothed by 5pm. HOLD ON what time is sunset cause i gotta factor in spf... (takes awhile to set enough to do makeup on top) okay sunset is 8:52 so i should put it on if i leave at 6. hmm okay so i should Stop playing minecraft/blogging at like. 4:50. which is in 40 minutes.

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