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words-writ-in-starlight · 4 years

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THE UNTAMED, YOUR CHOICE OF OURAN AU, SOUL EATER AU, S&S AU, OR CORPSE BRIDE AU

OKAYI’M GOING TO DO THE OURAN AU BECAUSE I THINK IT’S REALLY FUNNY AND I MADE THEBAD CHOICE™ OF READING A BUNCH OF NEWS TODAY. Uh. Mycomputer crashed halfway through this and I think somehow it got longer,so. Sorry about that one.

ONE

Wen Ning is a scholarship student. He’s more than ascholarship student, really, he’s a here by the grace of every godever and also his sister student who also, incidentally, is ona scholarship. The phenomenally wealthy Wen family recently went down ina blaze of indignity and political scandal, but newly-broke Wen Qing is not hearing any arguments about sending her babybrother to a less-than-top-of-the-line high school, especially since he acedthe tests and was given a full ride except for books and uniform. SinceWen Qing was halfway through med school at the time of the Wen scandal, they’reburning through their meager inheritance to get her degree and make ends meetfor food, on the gamble eventually they might be able to move out of their absolutelyshit one-bedroom apartment on a doctor’s salary and also because Wen Ning pointblank refused to let her drop out. Therefore, when Wen Ning tries to hideout in an empty music room and accidentally breaks a very expensive vase, he hasa moment of abject dread and–well, yeah, okay, he’ll work it off, he guesses.

TWO

WeiWuxian isn’t actually planning to charge this kid for a vase that is definitelyworth more than the entire apartment building he lives in! Wei Wuxian isnot an asshole! It’s just that he hasnever seen this scholarship kid with the secondhand clothes and the long hairhiding his face and the unfortunate name speak to anyone outside of absolutelymandatory conversation, and it’s kind of depressing. So, Wuxian has decided to adopt him, teachhim how to talk to people, and maybe buy him a ponytail holder. He has about five seconds to get all of thatout on the third day since recruiting Wen Ning, when a very petite woman in ared coat storms in like a hurricane and corners Wuxian alone (or rather, withonly Lan Wangji, which is as close as it gets) with apparently homicidal intentto snarl, “If you’re messing with my brother’s head, no one will ever find yourbody.”

(WenNing did not mention being low-key press-ganged into a host club on the firstday. On the second day, he came home ina real uniform that actually fit, with his hair cut into something thatresembled a style and pulled back from his face, and he had to spill hisguts because not even Wen Qing’s sleep schedule was going to make her miss thatone.)

Turnsout that the sister Wen Ning mentioned, implying that she was the same kind ofangelic creature as Jiang Yanli, is fucking terrifying. Wei Wuxian rambles through hisexplanation so fast that he kind of doubts Wen Qing gets all of it, and then hewaves his hands helplessly and says, “I don’t know, he just seemed kind oflonely?” Wen Qing narrows her eyes athim. “It’s true! I never see him talk to anyone!”

“A-Ningis a good kid,” she says, shoving a finger into Wuxian’s chestthreateningly. “Our family never likedhim because he’s too nice, and no one else likes him because of his name, so ifI hear you’re messing with him…”

“Iswear,” Wuxian says, raising his hand. “Ijust thought maybe it would be good for him, having some people to hang outwith.”

WenQing studies him for another moment, and then she steps back and nods and says,“It will be.”

Andthat’s how the host club gets a part-time manager in addition to its latestrecruit.

THREE

Thehosts are:

[rose_petal_animation.gif]

WeiWuxian, whois nominally in charge because he came up with this whole idea, on the argumentthat, quote, “Jiang Cheng needs to learn to be nicer.” It was also tacitly agreed that he and JiangCheng needed something that would keep them out of the house and therefore outof Madam Yu’s way after school, and they’d already been kicked out of themartial arts club after a slight incident involving Wei Wuxian’s fist, JinZixuan’s face, and Jiang Cheng’s unapologetic support. Wuxian went around and recruited some folks,and now he has a host club, which, in his opinion, is markedly more fun thanthe martial arts club. The Mischievoustype.

JiangCheng,who has spent three years in this circus and is not noticeably nicer. He’s likable enough with the guests, but nomatter what Wei Wuxian says, Jiang Cheng does know how to be civil whenthe situation calls for it. He spends mostof his time trying to reign in his brother’s more wild ideas, but his successrate isn’t great, because their sets-and-costumes guy is a horrible enablerwith family money who is more than willing to contribute to all kinds ofnonsense as long as he can show up with a fan and look mysterious while hewatches the chaos at their events. JiangCheng says he’s the Long-Suffering type but actually he’s the Bad Boy typebecause of his temper.

JinZixuan,who is only here because his mother said he’d be grounded until he graduatesunless he found a good extracurricular and he didn’t know who ran the host clubwhen he blurted out that he was planning to join it. Now he’s committed because his mother will notsupport him leaving and it’s been three years and also he still hasn’t gottenJiang Yanli’s phone number, which has become absolutely necessary because thethree minutes he sees her every Thursday when she comes to get her brothers fortheir weekly sibling dinner are the best of his week. There is a good chance Zixuan’s going to getpunched again when he finally gets his courage up to ask her out, but sometimesit be like that. The Princely type, althoughhe’s hopeless when he’s not playing a part.

LanWangji, treasurer,who is only here because Wei Wuxian asked him to be, and everyone (except WeiWuxian) knows it. He’s still remarkablypopular with the guests, despite the fact that most people are lucky to get fiveconsecutive words out of him and it’s a known fact that he’ll bow out of aconversation with nothing more than a brief apology and a nod the moment Wuxiancalls him. Somehow, three years later,Wuxian has not picked up on the fact that Wangji is really not here tolearn to talk to women. Save him. The Stoic type.

LanXichen, generalsource of stability if not necessarily common sense, who is here because hisbrother is here. He and Wen Qing bondimmediately over their shared Protective Older Sibling energies, although WenQing is very much here to beat up anyone who looks sideways at her brother andXichen is very much here to wingman his brother as hard as he can manage. He’s a year older than the others, graduatingthis year, and the most popular host by a long shot. The Chivalrous type.

WenNing, who,yeah, is wide-eyed and shy and tends to start stuttering if more than threeguests are looking at him at any given moment, but he has an apparently innatetalent for sweet and unassuming kindness that’s a big hit. The guests are charmed by his nervousness andthey’re always happy to listen to him talk about his favorite subjects (his sister,his friends, and archery, which he currently can’t afford to do but knowseverything about, in that order). The Natural type.

Honorablemention to Nie Mingjue, who graduated last year and was only partof the host club because Lan Xichen made him. Which is to say, Xichen smiled at him and talked about how gladhe was that Wangji was making friends and how good it would look onMingjue’s college applications as a complement to his more athleticextracurriculars and how happy Huaisang would be to do something withhis brother, and then Mingjue blinked and boom, host club. He doesn’t have any idea what happened. Xichen is like that. The Jock type.

FOUR

NieHuaisang has been Wei Wuxian’s top enabler and partner in chaos since they werein middle school and he also knows everyone and everything despite hisreputation as a top-notch dumbass. Hisentire rationale for not being part of the host club is that it wouldrequire him to admit to knowing things, and he Won’t, which—top student Wei “IHandle My Adequacy Issues By Being Smart But Also Have Guilt About It” Wuxiandoesn’t totally get that, but sure, okay, proceed. Huaisang does, however, have anexcellent grasp of how to acquire all manner of strange things, so he is theirone-man supply center for all manner of wild concepts. One time he got an entire apple treenext-day-shipped just to prove he could.

Also,Huaisang is personally responsible for making most of the host club’s money,because he has a camera and a good sense for the kind of pictures that peoplewill pay for. Even funneling most of the money back into funding the club activities, Huaisang is still managing to turn a decent profit all told. He takes a nice 7% cut for himself (friends and family discount), which is half the reason Mingjue didn’t kick up even more of a fuss about it.

Huaisang’svisceral hatred of the head editor of the school paper is the best kept secretin the school but on god Huaisang’s connections are better than that JinGuangyao asshole’s and he’s going to take him down before graduation.

FIVE

Halfwaythrough the school year, Wei Wuxian gets in a car wreck and the way Lan Wangjireacts to being the first number the paramedics find in Wuxian’s phone is informative. It’s taken five and a half years, four brokenribs, a punctured lung, a concussion, and a spirited yelling sessionfrom Jiang Cheng, among other things, but Wei Wuxian has finally managed to geta clue.

Anda boyfriend.

Nowall they need to do is resolve Huaisang’s vendetta, figure out how the hell afirst year like Xue Yang managed to so comprehensively destroy ex-teacher XiaoXingchen’s reputation, and try and make it to Wen Qing’s graduation on time,and they’re golden.

#the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei wuxian #wen ning #ouran au #ask meme #headcanon meme #if you went 'hey where's mianmian' i'm sorry to inform you that she's too smart for this au!#mianmian is off living a completely sane life somewhere! she has a nice boyfriend and a healthy social life!#there is a HARD max of one truly sensible person in any ouran au and wen qing is already here!#'oh star lxc is sensible' no he's not. have you ever even glimpsed the source material. lxc is himbo supreme he's just quiet about it.#anyway i'm not sure how jgy wronged nmj in this au...but he did and nhs is out for BLOOD #this is a good au and it makes me happy but also i've been looking at it for So Long trying to remember what i wrote before #what else was i going to say about this au #oh! right! xy arranged to have xxc's reputation destroyed for 'inappropriate behavior on campus' with his bf song lan #and also implied although did not QUITE accuse outright that xxc came onto him #don't worry nhs has proof of that one also! this is a happy endings only au and that means that xxc gets his job back #after nhs has successfully orchestrated a LOT of disciplinary action #i sort of feel like wwx and lwj take more of a backseat in the host club after this year and jiang cheng (to his horror)#discovers that the nominal leadership has fallen on him #oh and also one time jzx made jyl cry and her brothers never forgave and they never forgot #the crying was after the punching though so it could be said that there was pre-existing resentment #asked and answered #cthulhu-with-a-fez

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oh-styles · 7 years

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A Little Bit of Her - Revised

Here it is, the long awaited step-dad series, also known as the reason my heart aches every waking moment of my life.

I want to first start off by apologizing that it took me so long to put this out, but I persevered and set forth on a mission to wait until I thought it was good enough to set free into the world, instead of forcing out something that would just be complete shit. So thank you for sticking with me, and I really hope you enjoy.

This is just an introduction piece, so it’s a bit shorter than what I normally put out, but never fear my little ducklings, more will be to come.

But as for now, I am pleased to introduce you to one of my favorite little duos.

She’s 11-months-old.

He was positive he was going to get sick; he couldn’t overlook the dodgy ache pulling at his esophagus, nor the unsettling twist of his gut with each heaving breath he unsteadily took. He could envision it perfectly, swerving into oncoming traffic as he projectile vomits all over his custom interior, only setting himself up for public humiliation once more when a pair of vigilant eyes watches the scene unfold, and before he knows it, another exasperating sign gets put up in remembrance of that unfortunate day – much like those years before.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened with each memorized turn, having spent late nights and early mornings tucked between copious crowded scheduling days at your 60 square metre flat, and it’s that unwanted churning welling up in the pit of his gut to be all the reminder he needs that today wasn’t like the nights before where he’d shuffle into your entryway in the late evening and have your panties pushed to the side with his cock tucked in deep before you even managed a hello.

Those were also the nights round two would have already been started before the two of you reached your bedroom.

The mornings would include a detailed reenactment of the festivities from the previous night, where he’d find his lips plastered to every inch of your chest, where his tongue would dance with yours and his hips would rock steadily into your core, and the mixture of moans would caress the surrounding four walls, until he was pulled from bed and jumping back into his restless schedule, where’d he be counting down the days until he could crawl under your sheets and find a home between your legs.

There’s really not any other place he’d rather be.

Her first word was ‘bye’.

It was a Tuesday when you told him, your body clad in one of his shirts, as you sat on the edge of the bed watching from the bathroom door as he undressed for a shower. You knew you could have picked a better time, one where he wasn’t stark naked in just his socks, but in your defense, naked or not, you knew what the answer would be.

After three months of stumbling into your bed and staying for breakfast, three months filled with good morning texts, and the occasional I love you that just made a recent comeback into your lives, you knew as important as she was in your life, and how secure the two of you have become over the months, it was time.

As he bent over to pull his boxers down, his mussed-up hair falling forward over his eyes, it slipped from your tongue.

“I want you to meet her.”

That got his attention.

He looked back to you with an alarming stare, still hunched over with his boxers puddled at his ankles. He knew he didn’t mishear you – you couldn’t have been more clear – but if he was being truthful, now wasn’t the time he was expecting you to drop this news, maybe when he had been dressed and with his cock not out…

“Her.”

“Harry.”

“Babe.”

“Harry.”

He could feel his dimple begin to pop as he spotted your cheeks painted in a deep red. Twice before you had told him the same exact thing, and like both times, you would call him the day before and break the news you didn’t think now was the right time, and just like each time he would reassure you that whenever you felt comfortable to introduce him to her, he would be there.

He also wasn’t sure what changed from today to four days ago, but he was humored.

“Harry, just shower and leave so I can pick her up from my mums—”

“Not even going to wait to hear my answer?” He peeked behind him as he tested the temperature of the water, arching his brow with a flirty demeanor and a wink.

“Don’t need one – you’re coming.”

“Oh, still so bossy. How about you come in here with me and teach me a lesson?” He stifled a chuckle, wiggling his butt in your direction, which you responded by gruffly standing and closing the door to the bathroom, barely making out his muffled, “Hey!”

It was too early for his jokes.

She loves listening to Bowie.

He can’t pinpoint the exact moment his nerves betrayed him, but he thinks it has something to do with the three consecutive knocks to your flat door, and the familiar shuffling from the other side. He had to take a private moment to himself upon his arrival, giving himself plenty friendly reminders that she is just a baby, a baby weighing in at 19 pounds, who hasn’t even mastered the art of walking, and therefore he has no reason to be as anxious as he was.

But he summed it down to this: you are a mother before a girlfriend; you won’t keep a guy around that your daughter doesn’t like, especially if the guy could as some point be a person she’d call a father. The guy that she chooses to keep around, would be someone her daughter feels comfortable around, and doesn’t mind spending time with.

If Harry can’t be that guy, there wouldn’t be much hope for the relationship.

He listened closely as the lock on the door clicked, and the knob slowly turned to reveal you in the shirt you had worn the night before, hair done up in a quick bun, and face wiped clean of any makeup; a look that was common for you these days, but it still made Harry just as crazy about you as he did all those years ago.

“Hey,” You half-whispered, inching the door open. “Just in time – dinners almost ready.”

He slowly inched into your foyer, the overwhelming smell of garlic wafting through the air hitting his nose like a quick punch. Cooking was never quite your forte, at least not all those years ago when you would surprise him at his house with a cheese and pickle sandwich. The two of you would sit in front of the telly, taking large bites out of your meal, while Gemma did her homework on the sofa. It was like clockwork, every Tuesday night, that’s where you would be.

“Do you…?” You inched forward, holding out your hand to retrieve his coat. You folded it over and rested it on the kitchen counter, leaning back to give him a willing grin. “You ready?”

“Now? I just—”

“You’re all I’ve been speaking of all afternoon,” you smirk, taking a hearty grip of his hand. “She’s quite excited to meet you, I must say. Was telling me all about it.”

He doesn’t know much about her, except she was born on the 11th of January of that year, and the father never showed up at the hospital to meet his daughter. You figured as much, but it still put a sting in the wound he had left. When he got word that you had given birth, through the grapevine of his mother, he was quick to send a bouquet to the hospital, attached with a note that read: “Congratulations, you have been promoted to the best position possible: a mother. Hope you’re doing well. H. x”

You never got back to him, but you kept the note stashed away with the rest of the memories you kept of him.

“Remember, she’s a baby. Don’t be so scared of a baby.”

He tried to laugh – he wanted to laugh – but god, were you right. Ever since he got word that you were expecting, with no other than that prick of a lad you dated a while after him, he felt a feverish burn in his gut, one that meant the green-eyed monster was near.

Leaving you wasn’t something he wanted, but something he felt was needed, and now he paid the price. He was just lucky you actually took him back after all this time.

You led him into the living room where you had Baby Einstein playing over the television, and inside of her little activity center, slapping and batting at a toy lion, was her. The first thing he saw was her hair, the massive curls bouncing as she clapped along to the music. Her laughter rose over the volume of the telly, and her little legs kicked and bounced her frame in her seat.

You squatted down in front of her, running a hand through her curls, and Harry noticed then a look in your eye that he had never had the chance to see before. It was the look that only one can give their child, and once again, the green-eyed monster returns with ravenous fury, because in a perfect world, that child was supposed to be his.

“Hey, lovebug. There’s someone I want to introduce you to.” She let out a yelp, slapping her hands down on the table, and out of habit, you reached down to wipe away the excess drool from the tail end of your shirt. “Does that mean ‘Yes, mummy!’?”

You peeked up with a wink, patting the floor beside you for him to join you.

There had been 216 days since the day you two began talking again, and 80 days since he, with confidence, call you his girlfriend, and now, two months later, he squats down beside you and before him, with eyes just like her mother, does he fall in love for the second time that year.

“Harry,” you lay a hand on his thigh. “This is Love.”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #one direction #one direction imagine #a little bit of her #step dad series #harry styles fluff #one direction fluff

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royalrastafariannaynays · 7 years

Text

It Feels (minific)

It’s opening your eyes that hurts the most.

Moving the next second, you feel some pain from your… knee? And then the tube tugs in your arm, sending shocks from the needle, and you wince. And there’s a cast around your leg, and a splint brace on your wrist, and there’s tape and gauze all over your hands and shoulders and a few places on your arms.

But… opening your eyes hurts more than anything in your life.

Because there, sitting wrecked and asleep in a chair right in front of your bed, is John’s dad.

He’s basically your dad, at this point. Just officially adopted you as his kin a few months ago. You’re on the insurance and everything. He rescued you, and he’s tried so hard to help you be okay.

Now, that’s not the part that hurts.

No, the part that hurts, is that you’re too broken to make it work.

And you’re too fucked up to let him help.

The drugs on your brain are making you feel a little better, pain-wise. But there’s a horrible, messed-up, sinking feeling in your gut that’s not letting you participate with the class and be a good son. That feeling is everywhere. It makes you feel heavier than lead, heavier than weed, heavier than a Sunday morning after the first night in forty where you slept more than four hours consecutively.

It makes you feel like concrete. Shitty, plain, hot under the sun, cracking, old, and messy concrete. While he half-sits in that chair, breathing deeply and just barely snoring. His wrinkles are more pronounced, and he looks… terrible. By the greasy hair, he’s been caking on deodorant to stop from smelling terrible, as well.

The air vent in the room turns on, and you rip your eyes away from Mister Egbert Senior to look around the room.

Everything feels numb.

There’s a card or three on the bedside table. One with a can of shaving cream from John. He must be in class right now. It’s a Monday, right?

There’s also a small arrangement of flowers in a cube vase. It’s got some woody curly branch in it, and a few happy colors of flowers surrounding a single rose. That will be from Rose. It’s… smaller than usual. And less extravagant. It’s this bouquet that almost sets you to feeling like crying for the first time since you opened your eyes.

Rose would have sent it. “We’re glad you’re still here, Dave,” the little card in it reads. And the lily in it is just starting to open, and it’s got a big old sunflower on the side, your favorite, and you know she meant it. Your fucking sister. She’s got all the right tools to show just how much you mean to her.

And it feels a million times worse.

So you tear your gaze from the flowers, as well.

There are two crows hanging out on the window sill, and one of them looks inside and squawks. Are they here for you too?

And just as they squawk, and two more flutter down to join them on the ledge, you hear something fall to the floor.

Standing in the doorway is Karkat.

His eyes are full of tears as he scrambles to pick up the grape soda he dropped, and you watch with wonder as he hisses curses at himself. His little black fingernails and his thick fingers clench on the can, tapping the top so that it might still be okay to drink.

“Fucking,” he grumbles, and it’s the first voice since you blacked out from pain at that mall. “Cost me two dollars and I can’t even stop dropping this ice-cold piece of shit.”

“K–” you start, and you can’t finish. Karkat walks over to your bedside, and he looks rumpled. This kid you’ve had a single class with, who asked you on a date and you turned down, who brought you a candy apple after Halloween because you wanted one, who drove you home from school a few times, who silently held your hand and kissed you oh so softly in the closet at Jade’s New Years party. This kid who’s into football because he needs an after school activity and is your same age and is built like a truck, this guy who you thought was a jock but found out he hates jocks. This guy who’s been becoming one of your best bros.

This guy. Is here?

After what you did?

You gaze up at him in something like shock as he seats himself in the chair you didn’t notice, right next to the bed, with the Letterman across the back of it. You know that Letterman was paid for by the school, and it’s the only coat he owns, and that he’s only good at the sport for scholarships. And he’s so smart, too. And he’s so focused on school and doing well so that he can get a good job to help his dad retire early.

And. He’s here? For you?

He cares that much, about you?

Guilt wracks your body.

Karkat sniffles, and snaps. “What.”

“I…” you try, and it’s croaky and harsh and weak.

Your un-tethered hand scrabbles at your face to push up your shades, but they’re not there. Panic swells in your chest, and you hear the heart monitor spaz a little as you scan the room for them.

“They were smashed in the fall,” Karkat explains, softer than before.

When you look up, his eyes are searingly gentle. Auburn, soft against his olive complexion and angry brown hair.

“Oh,” you try, voice crackling on the single syllable you can get out, and you want to punch something.

Part of you is angry that it didn’t work. Part of you is angry that things still hurt. But most of you is angry at yourself, for doing something so stupid.

Now, you relive in slow motion.

“I’m really glad I got to talk to you again, Dave,” he says.

Exactly how it feels to jump off of a second story outdoor walkway.

First, there was trepidation. That day, going to visit Jade at the Earthbound Trading Co where she worked, you hadn’t even been planning it. But walking out of the mall, you were struck by an urge. Not necessarily to die, no. Though you didn’t know if you would care if the fall killed you. Was the second story high enough to kill? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe if you landed wrong.

And what exactly would be the problem with landing wrong, you thought, as you followed the dull impulse and climbed up to sit on the waist-high railing wall. It was a good distance down, maybe not far enough.

There was a sunburn on the back of your legs that protested the hard surface. It was from laying out by Egbert’s pool for too long. John looked worried when you came inside, but you shrugged and laughed it off. It’s not self harm if you just don’t care enough to remember sunscreen, right?

A car passed below, a nicer car than you could probably ever afford. A family passed behind you, murmuring about you in Spanish like you wouldn’t hear them or understand. You watched the glass doors of the mall entrance, and a cool draft from inside hit you in the face.

And then a security guard caught your eye. Opened her mouth, reached out a hand.

And you pushed off. That’s it, you pushed off. Hoping you would land sideways, at the last minute.

The fall wasn’t long enough to regret it. Though you half hit a holly bush, and half of you hit the ground. Left leg first, shin cracking down the middle and your leg buckling as the rest of you followed. Concrete when you hit the ground. A scream. A screech of tires. Head hitting. Pain, and then nothing.

Until you woke up just now.

Karkat is holding your gaze as you stare at him, unblinking, still looking a bit like he could burst into tears.

“The waterworks, Karks? Talk about overdone,” you tell him, looking at the cast. Or, not a cast, now that you examine it through the blankets. A brace, and… lumps of bandages. So the bone broke skin, huh.

“Shut the fuck up already, Dave,” he tells you, and it’s so final and absolute that you do. You slam your mouth shut, and now you feel like you might throw up.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

It’s Karkat’s turn to close his mouth, audibly shutting off his tongue and you can almost hear his frown. “Do you know how much we love you?” he asks. “How much you would be missed?”

“I do now,” you try, and he hisses again, bites back another snapping retort. You said the wrong thing.

“Was it planned?” he asks, then, and you find yourself taken off guard.

Maybe he knows you regret it enough already.

“No,” you whisper, and that’s it. There’s a choking, firm lump in your throat, and you find yourself struggling to breathe around it. Karkat hands you, out of nowhere, one of those tall, thick hospital mugs with the translucent plastic, and you’re only able to sip from it.

And then, a nurse comes in, smile on her face and way too sunny for the situation. “Sir?” she asks, patiently and a little tired, like Karkat must have been asking them a lot of questions. You know he gets tired of dealing with people, so you don’t blame him. You guess.

Karkat waves in your direction, and you find yourself locking eyes with the nurse. She looks pleasantly surprised to see you awake.

“Oh, with all that blood loss we were expecting at least another four hours!” she exclaims, and goes to the wall behind herself to fetch a chart and pen. “It’s good to see you, Mister Strider,” she says, so friendly and sweet. You try to smile but you’re sure it only looks like a cringe.

The nurse takes your vitals anyway.

And then she changes your bandages. When she rips the first one off, you groan. And the groan is loud enough to make Karkat snort a laugh, and then something you weren’t ready for at all.

It wakes up John’s Dad. His name is Gene. But you’re not used to it yet.

And you stare at him, and he stares at you. And Karkat watches the nurse like a hawk (his father is a nurse).

Even as the bandages are torn away and replaced, and the lady takes your pain levels and writes them down, and tries to ask you questions about how you’re feeling to which you only have noncommital answers, and then says she’ll be right back with your doctor, you stare at John’s Dad.

He looks disappointed, happy, and sad all in one.

When the nurse is gone, you croak and clatter and try to explain.

But he waves you off.

“You can explain when you’re more comfortable,” he says. And relief floods through you. “Or not at all, if that’s what you want.”

The guilt pours back again. Why didn’t you talk to him, instead? The drugs are making you feel dizzy now, and you shake your head as fast as you can to rid the feeling. Hot tip: it’s not that fast.

“I’m just glad that you’re still here, and you’re okay, and you’re going to make a smooth recovery,” he says, then.

You feel yourself look down at your knees.

“The insurance will cover this, except a small amount,” he adds, and you watch his ankles as he straightens in his chair.

Karkat snorts, and then taps your forehead. He finds the gauze there with one hand, pulling on the tape enough to make you (very slowly) reach up to bat it away. “And possible brain damage,” he says, scolding.

Dad scolds him in turn and reprimands him for the obvious lie, while you work up the nerve to just tell him one last thing.

“I’m sorry,” you say. Like a benediction, like it would save you from anything. Karkat shuts up, and stands. He waves, and says something about giving you some space as he leaves.

John’s dad is quiet for all of maybe five entire minutes. It feels like an eternity. With the drugs you’re on, you’re not sure how much time actually passes.

“It’s okay, Dave,” he tells you. And he stands. You watch his hands wring in each other as he settles into the chair Karkat just left.

“I’m just glad you’re still here,” he repeats his earlier sentiment. You feel your eyes well up, now. “Just don’t do it again, okay?”

Fuck. The doctor will be here soon.

“After all,” he adds, and his voice cracks. “I didn’t even get to spend enough time with my new son yet.”

You’re crying, now.

Sniffling, ugly, like a new baby. Snot isn’t your friend. Dad knows enough not to hold you, but he lays his hand out to your side, palm-up.

It’s so warm and big as you clutch it, so rough from work and it feels so much like a hug. So much like a hug from the father you always wanted. It hurts, how much you needed it. Hurts how much you needed a parent, a guardian, a piece of comfort and stability. And you sob, there, silently through your dry throat. And he cries a little bit too, you think. But not as much.

You’re still holding his hand so tight when the doctor comes in.

Later, you’ve let it go, but John and Jade come to visit. Rose pays a visit herself before you’re released, reading you poetry as a captive audience. And when you go home, Karkat comes by every day after practice to bring you homework and dote on you. You’ll start therapy.

You’ll get better.

And it’s good.

#davekat vent fic #my fics that i write #ficlet #sadstuck #humanstuck #hs #dk #homestuck #dave strider #fan fiction #negativity #suicide cw #my short fics that i write

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flauntpage · 6 years

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Your Monday Morning Roundup

Last night felt like a punch to the gut.

It was a roller coaster weekend for Sixers fans regarding LeBron James. He officially opted out of his deal with the Cavaliers Friday morning and the courting for the king began. And slowly, it started to begin to feel he might actually come to Philly. And it felt like a Big 3 of James, Kawhi Leonard, and Paul George would not happen with PG staying in OKC.

Fast forward to Sunday, when in the middle of the World Cup, Woj dropped a huge bomb involving a meeting with the Sixers and LeBron’s reps, sans LeBron. The Sixers reportedly pitched that they were very confident the team could get Kawhi from the Spurs and sign him to a long-term deal. Getting him would’ve taken two players and three first round picks. We all wanted to pull the trigger immediately.

And then at 8:05 PM, out of nowhere, Klutch Sports Group, the agency that represents James, dropped a short press release announcing James would go to LA for four years and $154 million. Get his jersey if you want.

To make things worse:

Sources: As trade talks have unfolded, Kawhi Leonard’s focus is unchanged: He wants to be a Laker. https://t.co/0wZGf5MrNt

— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) July 2, 2018

Who knows how it may unfold in LA. The Lakers also signed Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, LANCE STEPHENSON, and JAVALE MCGEE to one-year deals. KCP is a good player, but Stephenson, LeBron’s top enemy who will probably play the role of J.R. Smith, and McGee, the big man who’s made numerous appearances on Shaqtin’ A Fool embarrassing himself, is unbelievable. It might turn into a clown show for all we know. They’re also interested in bringing back Brook Lopez and signing Nerlens Noel.

So what will the Sixers do? Ersan Ilyasova and Marco Belinelli left, which means the scoring from our bench took a huge hit. And with Kawhi’s wishes to still be a Laker in any way possible, including sitting out next season, it’d be smart if the Sixers don’t waste Dario and Covington plus three first round picks for a rental.

The big priority right now is to get J.J. Redick back. Losing him would be brutal. Next up would be reloading the bench. James Ennis has reportedly been a target for the team, and Jabari Parker has also been linked to the team. Do you also re-sign Amir Johnson or possibly pursue a guy like Kyle O’Quinn? Guys like Avery Bradley, Tyreke Evans, and Kyle Anderson (RFA) also intrigue me.

They also appear to be talking to Jerryd Bayless about either a complete buyout of his $8.575 million contract or stretching out his contract. The latter of the two options would keep him on the books for three seasons (double the number of years left on his current contract plus one year), but with a lower salary hit of around $2.85 million a year.

So with that, Joel Embiid’s response to all of this was simple:

MOOD #TheProcess pic.twitter.com/uwsCLVCSth

— Joel Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) July 2, 2018

Let’s do it organically. Trust The Process.

Before we continue, a word from our sponsors:

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The Roundup:

We have a new episode of Crossing Broadcast to discuss everything that happened this weekend, including the LeBron stuff.

Continuing with the current Sixers squad, Summer League action begins later this week. Markelle Fultz will not participate as he continues to work on his shot with Drew Hanlen, and Shake Milton suffered a stress fracture in his back and also will not play in Las Vegas.

Here’s a look at the minicamp participants, which also includes former St. Joe’s Hawk Isaiah Miles:

A look at #Sixers minicamp participants (with obvious note that Milton will not be in this group now) pic.twitter.com/tP9FaKOg3K

— Kyle Neubeck (@KyleNeubeck) July 1, 2018

Jonah Bolden will also not participate, and apparently he might not be a part of the team in the future at all:

Source: Philadelphia are entertaining the idea of using stash Jonah Bolden as a trade asset. Lots of interest from other NBA teams, there's a standard NBA buyout to free him of his $400,000 deal with Maccabi Tel Aviv.

— David Pick (@IAmDPick) July 2, 2018

As with the veterans on the team, Justin Anderson had shin surgery and will be re-evaluated in about two weeks.

On Thursday, the Sixers helped opened up a renovated playground in North Philly. They hope it can turn the area around for the better.

The Phillies took three of four games against the Nationals this weekend. After edging the Nats Thursday, the Phils got blown out Friday with a 17-7 loss, thanks to seven home runs by Washington.

Saturday saw Vince Velasquez leave the game early after taking a line drive to his right arm, but the Phils eventually earned a 3-2 win thanks to seven innings of bullpen work. He’s on the 10-day DL.

The series finale was a hot and wild 13 -inning affair, with the Phillies coming out on top with a 4-3 win thanks to an Andrew Knapp walk-off homer. Nick Pivetta came in relief for the final inning and got the win. That capped off a brutal 42-game stretch which saw the team go… 21-21. That’s really damn good.

The team has a well deserved day off before beginning a quick two-game series with the Baltimore Orioles tomorrow night at home. Zach Eflin will take the mound in that one.

During the weekend, we saw Pat Neshek return for a third of an inning, but also saw Hector Neris go back down to Lehigh Valley.

Recently retired Phillie Jayson Werth probably deserves a spot on the team’s Wall of Fame.

While NBA Free Agency was hot, NHL Free Agency also got underway Sunday afternoon. The Flyers made one move, signing James van Riemsdyk to a five-year, $35 million deal ($7 million AAV).

You can thank Claude Giroux and Jake Voracek for persuading JVR to come back:

“I heard from G and I talked to Jake Voracek,” van Riemsdyk said via conference call. “It was good. I did my homework in the situation to talk to guys that were still there, some guys that maybe are not there anymore but that were there recently, just to get a feel of where things are at.

“I talked to both those guys and just picked their brain about some stuff. They were great about being open and available to help me through my process of getting to the point to make a decision. That was really helpful.”

Three former Flyers the team didn’t want signed elsewhere. Brandon Manning went to Chicago (2 years, $2.25 million per year), Petr Mrazek went to Carolina (1 year, $1.5 million), and Valtteri Filppula signed with the New York Islanders (1 year, $2.75 million). Good job by Ron Hextall to not give those guys that much money.

Meanwhile at Development Camp, Isaac Ratcliffe is showing signs of why the team moved up in last year’s draft to get him:

“My goal after last camp was just to get a lot stronger,” he said last week, after finishing drills at the team’s practice facility in Voorhees. “I have the size to actually get heavier, and this year I wanted to come back and really show I developed a lot this year and put on a few pounds. I want to show I can compete with the toughest guys in the league.”

Ratcliffe, 19, said he wants to put on even more weight, continue to add strength, and increase his speed in the next year.

“It’s a fast game, and it’s a game that’s decreasing in size, too,” he said. “And I have to show that I can bring both speed and size to the game, and my skill set as well.”

Some surprising Eagles news: Linebacker Nigel Bradham won’t play in the season opener. He said it stemmed from an incident back in 2016 where he hit a cabana boy.

The Ringer suggests the Eagles trade Brandon Graham to San Francisco:

Let’s say, just for a minute, that the cap-strapped defending champs decide they can’t afford to sign Graham, 30, to a long-term contract extension now or in 2019. In that case, their next two options are to (1) ride out the final year of his contract and maximize their shot at winning a second consecutive title before letting him walk in free agency—thus getting relatively little (a 2020 comp pick, maximum) in return or (2) think big picture, and trade him now for high-value picks and some much-needed cap relief.

I know what I’d do (Super Bowl LIII or bust, baby), but with the 25-year-old Carson Wentz locked in as their franchise quarterback, the Eagles brass should be thinking about the long-term health of their roster and salary cap, too. That’s where the 49ers—cap- and draft-pick rich and not afraid to make a big splash—come in. San Francisco’s got plenty of interior pass-rush talent, but they don’t have a proven elite edge rusher like Graham. If they threw a 2019 second-rounder and more Philly’s way, Howie Roseman may have to consider it.

The Union fell to LAFC 4-1 out west this weekend. They’ll return home on Saturday to take on Atlanta United FC.

In the FIFA World Cup, France, Uruguay, Russia (in penalty kicks), and Croatia (PKs) all moved on to the quarterfinals this weekend with wins.

Today, Brazil takes on Mexico at 10 AM, followed by Belgium and Japan at 2 PM on Fox.

In other sports news, former Islanders captain John Tavares signed a seven-year, $77 million deal ($11 million AAV) with the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Not everyday you can live a childhood dream pic.twitter.com/YUTKdfMALl

— John Tavares (@91Tavares) July 1, 2018

In other NHL Free Agency news, John Tortorella ripped on defenseman Jack Johnson going to Pittsburgh:

John Tortorella sure can’t help himself when it comes to the Penguins https://t.co/vo3l6RH0sF pic.twitter.com/3W8o5DVcpc

— Mike Darnay (@MikeDarnay) July 2, 2018

Seahawks safety Kam Chancellor is probably calling it a career:

Gods Grace

pic.twitter.com/60J2DugpD1

— Kameron Chancellor (@KamChancellor) July 1, 2018

Celtics first round pick Robert Williams missed his flight to Boston and didn’t show up to the first day of Summer League workouts for the team.

Mo Salah signed a new long-term deal with Liverpool. He’ll be there until 2023.

In the news, $1.7 million of fentanyl was seized at the Port of Philadelphia.

Michael Cohen, Donald Trump’s personal attorney, said his family and country come first before President Trump

Vermont legalized weed.

The post Your Monday Morning Roundup appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Your Monday Morning Roundup published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

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biofunmy · 4 years

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Trevor Lawrence Puts Clemson Back in the National Championship Game

GLENDALE, Ariz. — As Ohio State quarterback Justin Fields planted to throw, he saw Chris Olave cutting toward the goal post, trailed by Clemson safety Nolan Turner, just as he had on an earlier fourth-quarter touchdown pass.

So he let fly a pass toward the end zone.

But just as the ball had left Fields’ hand, Olave cut back toward the sideline, leaving the ball to settle into the waiting arms of Turner, who cradled it and slid to the ground, knowing full well what came with it: a second consecutive berth in the national championship game.

Clemson, which cruised into its three previous championship games, took the hard road this time with a 29-23 victory over Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl on Saturday night. The win put the defending champion Tigers into the title game on Jan. 13 in New Orleans against top-ranked Louisiana State, a matchup that will do well to come anywhere near the drama that played out in the desert.

Clemson, which trailed by 16 points early and by 2 points late, drove the length of the field in the final minutes with quarterback Trevor Lawrence delivering a jump pass to running back Travis Etienne, who darted and raced 34 yards for the winning touchdown with 1:49 left.

The last-minute interception by Fields was the final regret for the Buckeyes, but it was far from the only one. They settled for three field goals early when they might have blown Clemson out, their offensive linchpins — Fields and running back J.K. Dobbins — were hobbling, and the officiating crew had delivered one gut punch after another.

One cost the Buckeyes their starting cornerback Shaun Wade, who was ejected for targeting, and another cost them a touchdown when a fumble return for a touchdown in the fourth quarter was wiped out upon review.

“Certainly feeling a range of emotions right now,” Ohio State Coach Ryan Day said. “Proud, sad and certainly angry.”

The atmosphere in the other locker room was naturally more buoyant, as Clemson players and coaches celebrated what surely must have been the most challenging of their 29 consecutive victories.

If there were doubts when Clemson took over at its own 6-yard line with 3:07 remaining and trailing, 23-21, they did not permeate the huddle.

Lawrence, the gangly sophomore who until that point had stymied Ohio State more with his legs than his right arm, looked around the huddle and told his teammates he loved them. “Let’s go win this thing,” he added.

“We definitely have that type of drive in our DNA,” receiver Diondre Overton said. “We were ready for it.”

Four plays later, Etienne had put Clemson ahead with his third touchdown of the night.

The game’s tenor, though, turned long before that — on Wade’s ejection.

With Ohio State firmly in control with a 16-0 lead late in the second quarter, Wade circled through on a blitz and leveled Lawrence for a sack. The play, on third-and-5, left Lawrence in need of a trainer’s attention as he lay flat on his back — and the Tigers looked equally supine.

But while Lawrence was being tended to, replay officials examined the play and ruled that Wade had lowered his helmet and hit Lawrence in the head with it. The penalty was severe: 15 yards and a first down for Clemson and Wade kicked out of the game.

Day was furious, his arms outstretched toward the referee Ken Williamson before he appeared to shout an expletive. Buckeyes fans backed him up with a chorus of boos. Clemson made the most of the opportunity, driving near the goal line when Etienne took a third-and-2 pitch from Lawrence and eluded three Buckeyes who appeared to have him penned in. Etienne wormed his way 8 yards for a touchdown to bring Clemson within 16-7 with 2:45 left in the half.

”We knew we had to score there,” Lawrence said. “The game was getting a little out of hand. Just had to put a drive together, and we can take anything we can get. That targeting call was huge.”

The Buckeyes were not finished unspooling.

Clemson held on three plays, the last of which ended with Dobbins twisting his left ankle, and the Tigers got the ball back at their 17 with 1:50 left before halftime.

Three plays later, Lawrence bolted 67 yards for a touchdown on a quarterback draw. Left guard John Simpson created the hole and Lawrence juked past safety Josh Proctor, got a block from a receiver and galloped down the sideline.

Suddenly, a game that looked like it might be over by halftime was alive, with Clemson creeping within 16-14.“One of the things I told them at the half: I thought we took their best punch,” Clemson Coach Dabo Swinney said. “I don’t think we could have played worse, but we took their best punch.”

Clemson seized the lead with some more help from the Buckeyes, taking advantage of a roughing the punter penalty to drive 99 yards — the last 53 covered by Etienne after he caught a swing pass from Lawrence, eluded two defenders and sprinted into the end zone to put Clemson ahead by 21-16.

That the Tigers offense worked that way — with Etienne catching passes (3 for 98 yards) and Lawrence running (107 yards on 16 carries) — was by design in a game between the nation’s top two defenses. With Ohio State playing man-to-man and committed to stopping Etienne, Swinney wrote two notes on his play sheet on Saturday morning: quarterback run and running back pass.

It was that threat of the quarterback run that set up the jump pass to Etienne.

But it was nearly not enough as Fields brought the Buckeyes back down the field.

Olave broke off his route because he thought Fields was scrambling.

“I’m heartbroken,” Olave said, sitting on a stool in front of his locker.

He had beaten Turner on the same route to put the Buckeyes ahead 23-21 early in the fourth quarter, catching a 23-yard pass from Fields on fourth and 2.

This play, though, unfolded differently. When Olave went one way and the ball went the other, Turner did not think about the implications. Instead, he had but a single thought.

“Just catch it,” he said. “Don’t drop it.”

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bharatiyamedia-blog · 5 years

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Short-handed Astros prep for visit from Cubs

https://bharatiyamedia.com/?p=357 The frustration from Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch was palpable, and not solely from the uneven performance that yielded an unfavorable result Sunday at home against Boston. His team’s health — as it prepares for the opener of a three-game interleague set Monday against the visiting Chicago Cubs — was a bigger factor. For a second consecutive weekend, the Astros proved unable to complete a series sweep of the Red Sox, falling on consecutive Sundays after having already clinched the three-game series. Of note in this series finale was the loss of utility infielder Aledmys Diaz, who, while scoring in the first inning, aggravated a left hamstring strain that sidelined him for several days earlier this month. According to Hinch, Diaz is likely to land on the 10-day injured list after avoiding it initially. Diaz will join Jose Altuve (hamstring), George Springer (hamstring) and Max Stassi (knee) on the IL, with Springer and Stassi lost in the games preceding Diaz going down Sunday. “I’m most frustrated about losing another player,” Hinch said. “I don’t like the back-to-back days where you lose a player, so I’m irritated.” Said Astros right-hander Justin Verlander, who took the 4-1 loss to the Red Sox: “It sucks to see guys going down like that. It’s just a punch in the gut anytime another guy goes down but you’ve got to keep it going. That’s baseball. Nobody is going to be sorry for us, not in that other dugout anyway. So we’ve got to find ways to win ball games. “I think we have the talent even without some of the best players on the planet in our lineup. Those guys make you better, but you look at the guys that have stepped in and they’ve done a tremendous job.” Right-hander Gerrit Cole (4-5, 4.11 ERA) gets the start for the Astros in the series opener against the Cubs. Cole has worked just five innings each in his two previous starts, going 0-1 with a 5.40 ERA and an .889 OPS allowed. Cole, who leads the majors in strikeouts (100) and strikeout rate (37.7 percent), is 9-3 with a 2.50 ERA over 14 career starts against the Cubs, having faced them regularly during five years in Pittsburgh. His 15th start against Chicago on Monday will mark his most against any opponent. Left-hander Cole Hamels (4-0, 3.38 ERA) will start for Chicago on Memorial Day. The Cubs have won each of Hamels’ three previous starts, with Hamels going 1-0 with a 3.38 ERA and 16 strikeouts over 16 innings during that stretch. Hamels is 8-6 with a 4.08 ERA over 20 career starts against the Astros, including a 1-2 mark and 3.60 ERA over four starts last season. In the Cubs, the Astros will face another legit title contender, although Chicago has slumped of late, falling for the third time in four games with a 10-2 loss to the Cincinnati Reds at Wrigley Field on Sunday. After the Cubs and Astros won World Series in successive seasons (2016-17), this matchup would have moved the needle last season. It still offers ample intrigue. “I’m looking forward to it,” Cubs manager Joe Maddon said. “They’re good. I think we’re good. As this thing moves forward, like I’ve said before, I’m really jacked up about all this stuff. I’m really having a good time. I like the fact we’re playing good teams.” Maddon said Kris Bryant, who left Sunday’s loss in the sixth inning after taking a hit near his head in a collision with Jason Heyward on a fly ball, remains under evaluation. It’s unclear if Bryant will play Monday. –Field Level Media Source link

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365footballorg-blog · 6 years

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Sunday scenes, happy trails and red mist: What you missed in MLS Week 24

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August 13, 201811:51AM EDT

What. A. Weekend.

Is it just me, or did MLS serve up more gems than usual this weekend? Here’s a rundown of the moments that rose above the rest.

Take me to church

Let’s start at the end: Sunday’s tripleheader of national-television action delivered most everything a viewer could ask for. Toronto FC and New York City FC swapped haymakers in a match that both sides clearly treated as a barometer for their postseason ambitions (more on that in a moment). Streaking Seattle and FC Dallas capped the evening with a tense, tetchy faceoff between two West contenders who know each other all too well.

In between, D.C. United and Orlando City SC gave us a true clash for the ages at rainy Audi Field. This nail-biting 3-2 classic had everything, which makes it the easy choice for my MLS app must-see condensed match of the week. But if you watch nothing else from this barnburner, make sure to savor the incredible, iconic game-winner that Wayne Rooney and Lucho Acosta stitched together deep in injury time:

“No matter what else happens during the rest of Rooney’s stint at DCU he has already created a legendary moment for this club,” wrote one commenter on the Washington Post’s recap, which about sums it up.

Truly inspiring moment from Rooney. Hate to go on and on about it, but that’s the kind of thing that picks teammates up, picks teams up, saves jobs, saves seasons, etc.. Exceptional. #DCU #MLS

— Pablo Maurer (@MLSist) August 13, 2018

When the red mist descends

Technically, Ismael Tajouri-Shradi gets much of the credit for NYCFC’s potentially massive road win at BMO Field, as it was his long-range howitzer that vanquished a proud and persistent 10-man TFC side in the dying minutes.

Jozy Altidore, however, earned a fair chunk of credit for the visitors’ victory when he shockingly lost his composure just 11 minutes after the opening whistle, lashing out at Alex Callens after the two clashed over the ball near the touchline to earn a straight red card. It was a stunning mistake by a player whose return from injury has sparked TFC of late.

Similar gaffes were also influential in Colorado and D.C. San Jose’s Shea Salinas uncharacteristically flew off the handle to earn an ejection for delivering a nasty elbow to Dillon Serna right in front of referee Alan Kelly, while Orlando’s Cristian Higuita got busted for an off-the-ball swing at Yamil Asad that was spotted by Jose Carlos Rivero and his crew.

Three costly lapses in judgement, three losses for their teams.

Down go the Timbers

Who saw this one coming?

The Vancouver Whitecaps, despite missing Alphonso Davies to injury and carrying midweek mileage both physical and emotional from Wednesday’s gut-punch draw in the first leg of the Canadian Championship, strutted into Providence Park and dealt the Portland Timbers their first home loss of 2018, breaking the hosts’ 15-game unbeaten streak. And just like D.C.’s Acosta, Cristian Techera headed home the winner despite being the shortest player on the pitch:

Verily, Vancouver remain one of MLS’s enduring enigmas.

Rugged travelers

The Whitecaps were one of five away teams to claim all three points in enemy territory (along with Philadelphia, NYCFC, Sporting KC and the New York Red Bulls), while another two picked up road draws (Montreal, Minnesota). That’s a striking degree of away success at this time of year, particularly given the league’s tradition of home-field advantage – only four teams have a winning record in their road matches at present.

The ‘Caps adeptly executed a defend-and-counter strategy, while others exploited opposition errors. What other factors did you see? Theories in the comments section below, please.

Big first goals

Here’s another huge way to put the wind in your team’s sails during the dog-days stretch run: Scoring from unexpected sources.

The Montreal Impact secured a 1-1 draw at Real Salt Lake thanks to the first-ever MLS goal from defender Jukka Raitala – and what a sweet hit it was…

…while Colorado’s dramatic late win over the Quakes was delivered by another debut strike, this one from Nana Boateng:

BWP’s Bulls step up

Ding dong, there’s a new Supporters’ Shield front-runner!

Yes, Atlanta United (who were off in Week 24) are still tops in the league when looking at the race in total points. But in terms of points per game, a more pertinent metric for many of us, the Red Bulls are now No. 1 at 2.04 ppg, led as usual by the relentless scoring, and history-making, of Bradley Wright-Phillips.

The first to score 15 goals in five consecutive season in @MLS history: @BWPNINENINE!#CHIvRBNY | #RBNY pic.twitter.com/KtOBJopTbz

— New York Red Bulls (@NewYorkRedBulls) August 12, 2018

They’ve done it somewhat quietly, tailing Atlanta in the long shadows that organization casts. But RBNY have earned their lofty spot. They’re 8-2-0 since June 13 and seem to have navigated a midseason coaching change more or less smoothly.

Late show with Gyasi

Sunday’s drama may have distracted national observers from the striking scene at MAPFRE Stadium in Columbus on Saturday, but Gyasi Zardes’ clutch injury-time winner is worth your time.

While a bitter blow for the hard-working Houston Dynamo, who were moments away from a laudable road draw in the wake of their exhausting U.S. Open Cup semifinal victory on Wednesday and felt that an offside flag should have been raised on the play, Zardes’ technique to settle and finish in one fluid motion was lovely:

Series:

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 10th June 2018 (Kanye West Edition)

There are a lot, and I mean, a LOT of new arrivals this week – seven, in fact – so I apologise for the long read ahead. I will try and keep it brief.

Top 10

No, our number-one has not changed. It is still “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa, keeping steady at its eighth week, whilst barely getting into the top 40 in the States? That’s odd.

Talking about artists without much US success, we have Jess Glynne up three spaces to number-two with the borderline-yodelling track “I’ll be There”.

“2002” by Anne-Marie is a non-mover at number-three, for some ungodly reason.

Sadly, “Nice for What” by Drake is down two spaces to number-four, but there’s no doubt that he’ll rebound once the album comes.

Also dropping (a single space, this time) is “No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande, now at number-five. I don’t think this will last long enough to get a number-one once the album drops, but we’ll see once that time comes.

The beautifully strange “Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato is now up four spots to number-six.

“Better Now” by Post Malone is up two spots to number-seven... somehow.

I assume George Ezra’s pushing a new single, as at number-eight, up 12 spaces from last week, is “Shotgun”, from his newest album.

That sadly pushes down “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia by a spot, now at number-nine.

And, to round off the top 10, we have the highest-charting Kanye West debut of the three that UK chart regulations allow, with “Yikes” from the album ye. This won’t last in the top 20 but it’s good to see it here regardless.

Climbers

While there are seemingly thousands of new arrivals, the gains are pretty slow. Other than “Shotgun”, we have a 15-space jump for “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker, now at #16. Thanks, advert?

Fallers

The fallers, however, are definitely a bit of a different story. We have six-position tanks for “Paradise” by George Ezra to #12, “Love Lies” by Khalid and Normani to #20 and “Never Enough” by Loren Allred to #38, as well as seven-space falls for “Bad Vibe” by M.O., Mr. Eazi and Lotto Boyzz to #25 and “First Time” by M-22 featuring Medina to #31 and 10-spot leaps of faith for “This is America” by Childish Gambino featuring Young Thug to #27, “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore to #35, and “Praise the Lord (Da Shine)” by A$AP Rocky featuring Skepta down to #39. There are a few miscellaneous songs that took hits too, like “In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes down nine spots to #21 and “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble down five spaces to #26, but the real stories here are the losses for two songs: “Freaky Friday” by Lil Dicky featuring Chris Brown and “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane, taking 13- and 26-space punches to the gut respectively, now consecutively laying at #32 and #33. I’m happy that Lil Dicky has collapsed, but it’s a shame about “Answerphone” – that song was growing on me by the second.

Dropouts and Returning Entries

That last section was the longest it’s ever been so far – it was an absolute massacre, and the same could probably be said for the drop outs, where Drake has some pre-album losses, including “God’s Plan” from #35, “I’m Upset” from #37 and his feature on BlocBoy JB’s “Look Alive” from #40. We also have “Vroom” by Yxng Bane out from #34, “Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie out from #30, as well as “Like I Do” by David Guetta, Martin Garrix and Brooks from #38. Nothing particularly sad here, especially since Drake will rebound, but I hope “Friends” comes back – that was a decent track.

As for returning entries, well, there’s none at all – thank God, there’s a lot of new arrivals to deal with anyway.

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “Youngblood” – 5 Seconds of Summer

So, this is surprisingly the second single from 5SOS I’ve reviewed on this channel, and once again, I have no real opinion on it. We have some weak fake-snaps and an ugly synth-noise of a sub-bass in the first (and second) verse, where members of the boy band sing pretty boringly – they’re in tune, but their performances aren’t any interesting... but then the chorus comes in, where the bassline gets more prominent and we get some simple but absolutely killer pounding drumming, as well as some more of a guitar presence, setting up a clean slate for the subtle EDM-influenced synths and (someone who I’m pretty sure is named) Luke to sing pretty powerfully over the hook, with both a catchy chorus and bridge, that seems so out of place compared to the rest of the song, both in terms of mood and quality. Overall, despite a funky hook and the final chorus being pretty great, this clumsy amalgamation of pop, rock, funk, dance and whatever the hell doesn’t work for me, especially in the verses.

#28 – “Girls Like You” – Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B

The only real reason this debuted in the top 40 is because of its star-studded video, featuring female stars from Sarah Silverman, Ellen DeGeneres, Camila Cabello and more, as well as the fact that Cardi’s a pretty cheat-code feature on any pop song right now in terms of traction-garnering. It should be noted that this is actually a remix of a song that originally featured on their album, Red Pill Blues, from last year.

Okay, I’m going to come clean: I love Maroon 5. They know how to write a hook, a funky bassline and a catchy riff or two, hence most of their hits really work for me, especially when the production is polished and Adam doesn’t go into too unbearable territory with his falsetto. They have a unique poppy charm that always keeps me coming back after they release something new, even if it is lazy trend-hopping. How does this fare? Well, it starts with some pretty all-over-the-place acoustic guitar strumming, before it is drowned out by the synths and the finger-snaps, yet Adam really rides on the minimalistic beat in the verse and the hook, with a sweet melody that translates well when the bass drops and we get a simple trap-pop song that uses its instrumental (or lack thereof) to an advantage of making quite a relaxed song, perfect for Adam’s lower register but not perfect at all for Cardi, known for more hype trap-rap tracks... so how is she? Well, after the Blank Banshee-esque Vocaloid drop in the bridge and Adam’s pretty great middle-eight, she kills it. Yeah, of course, she does, do you expect her to not destroy whatever she touches? Man, I’m pretty sure that this is right up my alley and succeeds by catering to my every need. In fact, this is borderline pandering to my specific desires in good pop music. This is great but, I mean, it’s a Maroon 5 song featuring Cardi B, so of course, it is.

#24 – “Butterflies” – AJ Tracey featuring Not3s

Oh, we back to the watered-down dancehall trash we get every week? I mean, okay? AJ Tracey has an okay flow but really, he’s not doing anything different than any other “grime” MC right now, other than saying that the woman’s anatomy is both like a pumpkin and the English channel. Okay, AJ, maybe she won’t “spread it” for you if you say that again. The chorus seems pretty directionless as well, it’s half about the girl but also goes into random tangents about how he’s so “fly”. Not3s is much better, though, for no particular reason other than the production on his verse has some distorted blaring synths that contrast his smooth, low-key vocals pretty damn well. Otherwise, I mean, it’s autotuned tropical-rap stuff we get every single week on this show, and to say I’m sick of it is a damn understatement. Gladly, the next four songs get rid of every British pop music cliché by throwing them out the freaking window, and hopefully, being of quality... right?

#22 – “Give Yourself a Try” – The 1975

...Wrong. Very wrong. First of all, I’m pretty sure this song is about getting woker as you age. I don’t know, something about the pretentious, borderline-nonsensical verses here just give off that vibe – talking about vibes, the singer here also mentions how getting STDs at 27 really is NOT the vibe, and throws in a few “big words” in there that I’m sure the singer is very impressed with and thinks he’s very intellectual for, when all the really do is interrupt the flow of the song. “The only apparatus required for happiness is your pain and f***ing going outside”. Okay, honey. He also says that he’s the millennial that baby-boomers like... okay, Matthew Healy, what are you trying to prove here? All he does in this song is complain and complain about the young ‘uns as a very old fellow aged... 29? Wait, hold on, are you sure this song isn’t called r/lewronggeneration? It sure feels like it’s ripped straight from a post that ends up on there. Ooh, but the song? Yeah, it’s okay instrumentally. It’s got a decent noisy appeal, with the screeching guitar and lo-fi aesthetic, but that really doesn’t work with Healy’s neatly-produced (albeit rather nasal) vocals here that remind me of a pop-punk singer who stopped trying midway through. By the three minutes the song goes on, the constant guitar loop gets tiring, exhausting and somewhat infuriating, as it never changes a single bit for the most part, even when you have some more hard-hitting drums and some clicking from a seemingly unknown source. Really, the lyrics kind of ruin this one for me – it could have been decent, but, man, they really messed this one up in the vocal, lyrical and generally thematic department. Yikes.

#17 – “Ghost Town” – Kanye West featuring PARTYNEXTDOOR, Kid Cudi and 070 Shake

Finally, we get to talk about the three most popular tracks from Kanye’s latest album, ye, and what makes them either fantastic or hilarious. This is pretty magically both, featuring uncredited vocal contributions from Kanye’s long-time friend and fellow-ghost-sighting-child Kid Cudi and new GOOD Music signee 070 Shake, as well as a feature from OVO member PARTYNEXTDOOR, present despite the recent beef that Pusha T, Kanye’s protégé of sorts, and OVO manager, Drake, which I won’t get into right now, because nothing charted from it other than that trash “I’m Upset” song last week. If you want to know Kanye’s comments on the beef, they’re right there on the same album’s track “No Mistakes”. Right now, however, we’re focusing on this breathtakingly dazzling track, “Ghost Town”, the penultimate song on the 23-minute, seven-song record. We start with a short Shirley Ann Lee sample, where she soulfully sings as a prologue to PARTYNEXTDOOR’s greatly-sung intro verse, with some of Kanye’s most soulful production since The College Dropout, and an absolutely killer guitar that fits PARTYNEXTDOOR’s rapid-fire delivery surprisingly well, but as always, it fits Kid Cudi’s slow blues-influenced drawl even better, who handles the interpolated chorus right before Kanye sings (without autotune!) for his short verse, where he sounds just as good as he did on “Runaway”, if not better, with discussion of not only his bipolar disorder, but his public appearance and persona, the lethal drug Fentanyl, Ye’s controversial past, his opioid addiction, and Einstein’s theory of special relativity in only barely even eight bars, before Cudi comes in to croon desperately over a minimalistic, stripped-down version of the beat before 070 Shake’s outro, with some poetic lyricism and the best guest performance I’ve heard on a Ye track since Chance on The Life of Pablo or even Nicki Minaj on My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy – truly, it is the females who kill their features on Ye’s records, even if they are few and far between. The anthemic lines such as “I put my hand on the stove to see if I still bleed / and nothing hurts anymore, I feel kinda free” being sung beautifully over borderline sound collage-level instrumentation, with 8-bit noises, distorted guitar samples and the rattling percussion, are an emotional rollercoaster. This is a masterpiece, and the fact that its sequel on Kanye’s second album of 2017, KIDS SEE GHOSTS, might be even better, just shows how much of a genius Kanye can be with the right sample and the right feature... well...

#11 – “All Mine” – Kanye West featuring Ant Clemons and Ty Dolla $ign

...and also maybe Jeremih and Valee. The credits on this album are a mess.

This song is hilarious and uncomfortable. It starts with a cheap flute sound, before the booming trap percussion comes in for Ant Clemons’ hilarious catchy falsetto melody in the hook, where he says that the girl is “supermodel thick”, while forcing a rhyme (pretty impressively) for “medulla oblongata”, before he states how he wants the girl to rub on his lamp and get the genie out the bottle. Just lovely. Oh, yeah, Ty Dolla $ign has like half a verse here, and he’s basically a non-presence. I love the guy’s voice but he does nothing here of importance. The fact that it’s a skittering trap sex jam with pretty dull production makes Kanye sort of out of his element, as he flows clumsily, while he closes his first verse with mentioning how he loves his girl’s breasts because they let him focus on two things at once. Over distorted clips of (presumably) vocals or synths, he memes his own song by claiming that he’s going to hit it raw (“like f*** the outcome”) and that “none of us would be here without cum”. Beautiful, Kanye. Just beautiful.

#10 – “Yikes” – Kanye West

Okay, now, this is a banger. With the autotuned (but still incredibly catchy) hook being as fun to sing as it is menacing and kind of creepy, this song perfectly represents the bipolar disorder Kanye talks about throughout the album. There’s the female vocal sample in the otherwise upbeat trap beat, as well as a deep synth acting as a bass in the hook to make it feel even darker, to help Kanye spit his bars intensely, but these aren’t exactly fire punchlines as they are kind of sad. “Is he gon’ make it? TBD”, he asks, noting his uncertainty in how he’ll survive due to his addiction, and how he’s “tweaking” off all these lethal drugs, with news sites reporting that he lost his mind. When he feels high, he won’t come down, but due to his bipolar disorder, he can quickly snap, and in the second verse, he demonstrates primal activity and pretty funny over-the-top bragging, rapping that his hospital band is a hundred bands, and that he doesn’t need a watch, and that he can smoke with Wiz Khalifa in North Korea and tell Kim that he’s never seen her – yes, this is all over the place and I love it for that. It’s crazy... kind of like him. This proves that Kanye’s still got some hilarious lines up his belt, and as always, the outdated pop culture references that we know and love him for.

Conclusion

Jesus Christ, this was long. Anyway, Worst of the Week is going to “Give Yourself a Try” by The 1975, with Dishonourable Mention not being served this week (although it could easily go to “Butterflies”). No, instead, we have a tied Honourable Mention, which both Maroon 5 and Kanye West pick up, for “Girls Like You” featuring Cardi B and “Yikes”, respectively. The Best of the Week should be obvious – it’s going to Kanye, PARTYNEXTDOOR, 070 Shake and Kid Cudi for “Ghost Town”, one of the best songs I think has ever charted since I started this series. See you next time, where Kanye will probably be replaced with more Kanye.

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junker-town · 6 years

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17 stats that defined a chaotic NFL Week 14

Carson Wentz joins an exclusive club no one wants to be part of (boo), but Snowmageddon (yay). What a week.

Well, here we are again. In a trend that has become far too common in 20-”is this stupid year over already”-17, another player in the midst of a breakout year is done for the season.

This time, it’s Carson Wentz, who was having an MVP-caliber season before tearing his ACL this week. It’s a gut punch for Eagles fans and for anyone who likes to watch a player turn into a magician for at least one play every week.

But let’s not Debbie Downer ourselves anymore than we have. This week in the NFL wasn’t lacking for drama. Or snow. Or fezzes.

3 4

Once their Sunday Night Football comeback win over the Ravens was final, the Steelers became the first AFC team to be welcomed to the playoff party this year. The way they got there is how you’d expect: leaning heavily on their three Killer B’s, who are all putting up wowza numbers this season:

Steelers’ Killer Bs can become first trio to lead league in rush/rec/pass in single season (per Elias) League leaders (b/f MNF) Passing: Ben Roethlisberger (3,744) Rushing: Le’Veon Bell (1,105) Receiving: Antonio Brown (1,509)

— Jeremy Fowler (@JFowlerESPN) December 11, 2017

In the AFC North-clinching win, Le’Veon Bell accounted for 125 total yards and three touchdowns. Ben Roethlisberger hit career highs in passes completed (44) and attempted (66) and also became the first quarterback to ever record three career 500-yard games.

Of Roethlisberger’s 506 passing yards, 213 went to Antonio Brown, including this 34-yarder on third down with about a minute left in the game:

That set up a game-winning field goal from Chris Boswell — his third in as many weeks. Come to think of it, the Killer B’s trio should really be considered a quartet.

The most mesmerizing sight in the NFL this weekend was the Snowmageddon game between the Bills and Colts. There’s just something about football in the snow that turns us all into kids on (a white) Christmas.

It snowed an estimated 16 inches in Orchard Park on Sunday, and the glorious mess of the Bills’ 13-7 overtime win was what we imagine football looked like 60 years ago: 156 passing yards, 97 total carries, Adam Vinatieri (who missed two field goals!).

We could even play a little game of Where’s Waldo, but with the Colts players:

Photo by Brett Carlsen/Getty Images

We’re not sure how much fun it’d be to play in a game Beyond the Wall, but it was the kind of lighthearted comedy we needed this week. At the very least, it deserved a Golden Globe nomination more than Will & Grace.

Carson Wentz’s injury puts him in some pretty exclusive company — one that he would rather not be in:

If Carson Wentz misses the postseason, he'll be the 22nd QB to start 13 regular season games but miss a playoff start. He'll also be the 4th in the last 2 years. https://t.co/GOC2EfACKi

— Football Perspective (@fbgchase) December 11, 2017

The Eagles announced on Monday that Wentz tore his ACL, after he left the team’s game against the Rams on Sunday. Wentz still played four more plays after he suffered the injury.

So now the Eagles, who also clinched the NFC East Sunday, will have to head to the postseason without their franchise quarterback. If there’s any silver lining, it’s that this team is in better position with Nick Foles than the Raiders were last year with third-string rookie Connor Cook.

If there’s anything that can approach the gutting number of injuries to star players this year, it’s the number of fights — and subsequent ejections — that we’ve seen this year.

The Jaguars, who are pestering their opponents on a weekly basis, caused the Seahawks to lose their cool at the end of Jacksonville’s 30-24 win. Sheldon Richardson was ejected for throwing a punch, while Quinton Jefferson got tossed for fighting.

The ejections of Seahawks DL Sheldon Richardson and Quinton Jefferson brings the NFL's total to 15 in 2017, the highest total for a single season since at least 2001 and possibly longer. https://t.co/FPE3bbuLjx

— Kevin Seifert (@SeifertESPN) December 11, 2017

The next ejection — and you know it’s coming — will be the most we’ve seen in a season in recent memory.

193

Andy Dalton hadn’t thrown an interception since Week 7 against the Steelers. He snapped a 193-pass streak without a pick in the Bengals’ 33-7 ennui-filled loss to the Bears on Sunday:

Andy Dalton had thrown 193 straight passes without an interception. It was the longest active streak in the @NFL.

— Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) December 10, 2017

Even worse for Dalton was that the pick wasn’t even his fault. It bounced off of A.J. Green’s hands and into the waiting arms of Bears safety Eddie Jackson. But it wasn’t a good day for Dalton overall. He completed 14 of 29 passes for 141 yards, one touchdown, and the pick. His 59.7 quarterback rating was his worst since Week 1, when he rated a 28.4.

The Bengals got their butts kicked by the Bears, but Marvin Lewis said it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Safety George Iloka disagreed. He said it was a “lack of execution, lack of effort,” less than a week after their gutting loss to the Steelers.

Whatever the reason, it was a very bad day for Dalton and the Bengals.

60-plus

On Sunday, Cam Newton rumbled for a critical 62 yards to put the Panthers in position to score and get a 31-24 win over the Vikings. It wasn’t his longest run of the season, though. In Week 10, Newton ran right through the Dolphins’ defense for a nice 69-yard gain.

With those two runs, Newton became the first quarterback in NFL history to have more than one run of 60 yards or more in a single season.

Newton is second on the team with 585 rushing yards and five touchdowns so far this season. He’s just 49 yards and a score behind the team’s leading rusher, Jonathan Stewart.

Newton hit another milestone on Sunday: He became the first NFL quarterback to wear a fez to his postgame press conference.

Cam fez game. http://pic.twitter.com/PuZlpynp2s

— Joe Person (@josephperson) December 10, 2017

There’s a first time for everything, a harsh reminder for Dan Bailey against the Giants this week. The Cowboys kicker missed an extra point on Sunday. That had never happened in his career before.

The rest of his day wasn’t all that great, either:

First time in Dan Bailey's career he has missed a PAT. That to go along with two missed field goals. Something is wrong.

— Clarence Hill Jr (@clarencehilljr) December 10, 2017

Bailey sat out four games earlier this season due to a groin injury. Those were his first misses since he returned to the lineup three weeks ago. But to be fair, both kicks he missed came from 50 and 53 yards, and it was pretty windy at MetLife Stadium.

Fortunately for the Cowboys, they still won 30-10 behind a career passing game from Dak Prescott.

This is only Chandler Jones’ second season with the Cardinals, but he’s already setting franchise records. With a sack against Marcus Mariota in Arizona’s win over the Titans, Jones became the first player in Cardinals history to record 14 sacks in 13 games. Jones has been the same productive player he’s always been ever since the Patriots traded him away in 2016, but this season has been his best by far:

Chandler Jones leads the @NFL in both sacks (14.0) & tackles for losses (24). In fact he is the only player who ranks in the top 5 in each category. http://pic.twitter.com/DOrdJzX2Be

— Mark Dalton (@CardsMarkD) December 11, 2017

In fact, Jones almost has any many sacks himself as the entire Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense, which has just 17. Speaking of ...

Matthew Stafford started his 109th straight game for the Lions this weekend, despite an injury to his throwing hand. Stafford had another, less distinguished streak heading into Sunday, but luckily for Stafford, this one was snapped:

Stafford had been sacked in 35 straight games. But for the first time in 2 years, he was kept clean on Sunday: https://t.co/bjrvlff85Y

— Pride of Detroit (@PrideOfDetroit) December 10, 2017

Stafford was sacked 98 times in those 35 games. He last went an entire game without getting sacked over two years ago, in Week 10 of the 2015 season.

With a clean pocket against the Bucs, Stafford completed of 36 of 44 passes for 381 yards and helped get the Lions in range for the game-winning field goal at the end.

Brett Hundley is better than Aaron Rodgers — by one measure, anyway:

After back-to-back walk-off wins, Brett Hundley has Aaron Rodgers beat in one category. http://pic.twitter.com/6atrfapFIW

— ESPN (@espn) December 10, 2017

Hundley has twice as many overtime wins as Rodgers. And he did it over two consecutive weeks.

In Week 13, Hundley led an eight-play, 72-yard drive to get the Packers in position to beat the Buccaneers 26-20 with a rushing touchdown from Aaron Jones. On Sunday, the Packers avoided the humiliation of handing the Browns their first win. Hundley capitalized on a DeShone Kizer interception in overtime and hit Davante Adams for the game-winning touchdown.

Rodgers, one of the best quarterbacks any of us have ever seen, has played in eight overtime games and has but one win to show for it. That came in Week 3 of this season, when the Packers broke the hearts of the other Ohio team with a 27-24 comeback win over the Bengals.

The Rams are strong in all three phases this season. But their real MVPs right now are the guys on special teams. On Sunday against the Eagles, safety Blake Countess made the most of a blocked punt, returning it 16 yards for a touchdown. It was the third blocked punt for the team this year, far outpacing the rest of the league:

The @RamsNFL have 3 blocked punts this season The next-closest teams have 1 apiece

— NFL Research (@NFLResearch) December 10, 2017

The Broncos, Bengals, Steelers, Dolphins, Saints, and Patriots are all tied for second with one each.

The Rams’ kicking game is legit, too. Kicker Greg Zuerlein leads the NFL in scoring with 148 points, and he could threaten LaDainian Tomlinson’s single-season record of 186 points. Punter Johnny Hekker’s net average of 45.1 yards is second-best in the NFL — and it should be noted, none of his punts have been blocked.

The Seahawks were down 27-10 heading into the fourth quarter against the Jaguars. At that point, Russell Wilson had, uncharacteristically, thrown three picks. So things were not looking good for the Seahawks’ chances of staging a comeback.

They still lost, but Wilson did his best to give Seattle a shot. He tossed two touchdowns late in the game, adding to his record 17 fourth-quarter touchdowns this season:

Most 4th-Quarter Pass TD in a Season – NFL History 2017 Russell Wilson 17 2011 Eli Manning 15 Via @EliasSports

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) December 11, 2017

The Seahawks still have three games left, and you could almost guarantee that he’ll be building on that record. Wilson’s been an MVP candidate this season with over 3,500 yards, 29 touchdowns, and 11 interceptions.

This week, Von Miller got his 90th career sack, which has rarely been matched through a player’s first seven years in the NFL:

Broncos LB @VonMiller with his 90th career sack (inc. playoffs). That's the 5th-most in NFL history thru a player's first 7 yrs. Only R. White, @DeMarcusWare, R. Dent & D. Thomas have more.

— Patrick Smyth (@psmyth12) December 10, 2017

Miller’s efforts also helped give the Broncos their first shutout win since 2005.

For a team that had been reeling, catching a 23-0 win over the Jets had to be a good feeling. The Broncos entered Sunday’s game having lost eight consecutive games.

3,500 x 10

When Philip Rivers passed the 3,500-yard passing yards mark in Sunday’s win over Washington, he joined an elite group.

Philip Rivers is only the 3rd quarterback in NFL history to pass for over 3,500 yards in 10 straight seasons. #ProBowlVote http://pic.twitter.com/Ob3RNTOoIM

— Los Angeles Chargers (@Chargers) December 11, 2017

Rivers has always been a prolific passer, but that hasn’t been enough to get the Chargers to the playoffs since the 2012 season. But this could be the year that changes for Rivers and the 7-6 Chargers.

15,311

Larry Fitzgerald has been moving his way up the NFL’s receiving yards chart this season. On Sunday, Fitzgerald passed one of the all-time greats.

Congrats, Larry! http://pic.twitter.com/DIBGErP4XQ

— SB Nation NFL (@SBNationNFL) December 10, 2017

Fitzgerald doesn’t think he compares to Moss, telling the Cardinals’ official site that “I don’t have any of those gifts that he has.” But it’s hard to argue with the numbers Fitzgerald has put up in his 14-year career: 15,311 receiving yards and 109 touchdowns.

Even if Fitzgerald does decide play out the one-year extension he signed with the Cardinals for 2018, it would take a miracle for Fitzgerald to take the top spot over Jerry Rice’s 22,895 receiving yards. But besting Terrell Owens’ 15,934 career yards to move into second place? That’s attainable.

39.6

Darrelle Revis made his Chiefs debut in Week 13 against the Jets and he looked ... well, like a 32-year-old who had just signed with a new team and hadn’t played a snap in almost a year.

But a week later against the Raiders, Revis looked much more comfortable in red and gold:

Per @PFF, #Chiefs CB Darrelle Revis played 56 out of 61 defensive snaps vs. the Raiders. Derek Carr targeted Revis 7 times, with Revis allowing only 1 reception for 8 yards. He had 1 pass defensed and a 39.6 passer rating when throwing in his direction. http://pic.twitter.com/oiuialSH4n

— BJ Kissel (@ChiefsReporter) December 11, 2017

Derek Carr’s awful outing probably helped those numbers, but allowing just a 39.6 QB rating can at least quiet the Revis Peninsula jokes this week.

The Patriots didn’t do anything well against the Dolphins on Monday night in a shocking loss. Tom Brady threw two interceptions in a regular season game for the first time in two years and the New England offense had seven three-and-outs. SEVEN!

Unsurprisingly, that many unsuccessful drives meant the Patriots did poorly on third down. How bad was it? Only the worst game for the team since 1991:

Patriots: 0-11 on 3rd down 1st time failing to convert a 3rd down since going 0-6 in 1991 vs Phoenix Cardinals Tom Brady was 14 years old when that game was played http://pic.twitter.com/r217ViF867

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) December 12, 2017

And something Bill Belichick hadn’t seen from his team since he was the coach of the Browns:

It's been 24 years! http://pic.twitter.com/l0gN5LLpeX

— SB Nation (@SBNation) December 12, 2017

New England finished the game with 248 yards of total offense, easily its worst offensive showing of the year. The previous low was 371 yards put up against the Chiefs in Week 1.

The Patriots always seem to shake off bad games on the rare occasion that they happen, so it’s probably not panic time, but whew this was a stinker.

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footyplusau · 7 years

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Nine things we learned from round 16

The 10: round 16’s best moments Another thrilling weekend of football

1. A hard tag isn’t always the best way Saints coach Alan Richardson refused to accept credit for his match-ups – instead deflecting it to his players – but they worked a treat. Stopping the Tigers’ dual midfield threats in Dustin Martin and Trent Cotchin was always going to be vital to any St Kilda success. Richardson sent Seb Ross and Jack Steven to them, respectively, but not in typical negating roles. They made the Richmond stars worry just as much about them as vice versa, and the results were spectacular. Martin had his worst game of the year and Cotchin was reported for a gut punch on a down night. The two Saints, on the other hand, combined for 66 disposals and were best afield. – Marc McGowan

• After the siren: Saints go from pretenders to contenders

2. The Swans are locked and loaded and coming for you, Heath Shaw Sydney’s eight wins from their past nine games have been built on an aggressive and ruthless mindset, and they’ve openly targeted the opposition’s best attacking defender, putting them ‘in the gun’ with great effect. Over the past few weeks, the Swans started the rot for Western Bulldogs jet Jason Johannisen, and have also gone after Essendon’s No.1 draft pick Andrew McGrath, and most recently Gold Coast dasher Jarrod Harbrow, and systematically eliminated their influence. There’s little doubt then that the Giants’ best rebounder Heath Shaw will have a target on his back in next week’s massive Sydney derby at Spotless Stadium. The Swans have used George Hewett to do the job in the past, but against the Suns it was Dan Robinson and Zak Jones who locked onto Harbrow and kept him to just 17 touches and one rebound 50, both well below his season average. Nathan Wilson is just as dangerous as Shaw for GWS, but the veteran’s influence goes far beyond his possessions, so if Sydney can shut him down it will have just as much effect on the rest of the team. – Adam Curley

• Forecast the road to the flag with the AFL Ladder and Finals Predictor

3. Lightning can strike twice The odds of GWS featuring in successive draws must have been astronomical, but as coach Leon Cameron lamented after Saturday’s tie in Launceston, “it is what it is”. And “what it is” for the Giants must surely be a hollow feeling after letting another win slip in the dying minutes, having looked every part the winners after piling on five consecutive goals to surge to a lead that seemed likely to secure the four points. But such has been their recent form – brilliant one quarter, less so the next. Cameron knows this kind of performance won’t pay dividends in the long-run, and figuring out how to get his group to perform consistently will be the key during a potentially tricky run home. – Stu Warren

WATCH: The thrilling final minutes of Haw v GWS

4. Zaharakis is doing his contract value no harm It was a slow start to the year for Zaharakis, who went through a flat patch early in the season and struggled for form. But a slight tweak in role and positioning has seen the Essendon best and fairest winner return to his best over the past two months. His 38-disposal and one-goal effort against Collingwood at the MCG on Saturday was probably his standout game of the season. His run and dash is back, and his skill level adds an important factor to Essendon’s midfield. His rise comes at a good time for the 27-year-old, who remains out of contract for next season and becomes a restricted free agent at the end of this year. He certainly isn’t getting cheaper for the Bombers. – Callum Twomey

• The run home: How the race for the finals is shaping up

5. Twin towers turn it on for top of the table Crows Adelaide skipper Taylor Walker and fellow key forward Josh Jenkins were superb in the Crows’ 59-point thumping of the Western Bulldogs at Adelaide Oval on Friday night. They booted seven goals between them and were dominant in the air, with their contested marking a highlight of the game. By his own admission, Walker’s form has been a bit hit and miss this year. Second-year Hawthorn defender Ryan Burton had his measure a few weeks ago, but Walker showed he’s a force to be reckoned with. Jenkins has also had an indifferent first half of the season through injury and form. When the Crows move the ball fast and get Walker and Jenkins in one-on-one situations, they’re hard to stop. – Lee Gaskin

• Around the state leagues: Who starred in your club’s twos?

6. Old McDonald Dees’ wildcard With Jesse Hogan making an inspirational return against the Blues following surgery to remove testicular cancer, the question was always going to be centered around whether he and defender-turned-forward Tom McDonald could coexist inside 50. After McDonald drilled four goals in a best afield performance in the Demons’ eight-point win over Carlton on Sunday, the emphatic answer was YES. McDonald’s move into attack, through necessity as much as anything, has now yielded 14 goals in five games. He is naturally drawn to the footy as a marking target and his accuracy in front of goal has been impressive. If McDonald can continue to produce the kind of football he is displaying now in the latter half of the season and Hogan finds his feet quickly, after a disjointed year that has seen him play just five games, then the Demons will be a potent force in the all-critical lead up to September. – Ben Guthrie

7. First-round draft picks. Who needs ’em? Ross Lyon clearly does not subscribe to the view early draft picks are the primary salvation for a rebuilding club, saying on Sunday Fremantle would rely on “will and intensity of improvement” to climb back up the ladder. The best example of this in Freo’s four-point win over North Melbourne was debutant Ryan Nyhuis. Nyhuis was taken from NT Thunder at pick No.34 in the 2015 NAB AFL Rookie Draft and after spending all his time at Fremantle across half-back and, occasionally, in run-with roles he was thrown into attack for his first AFL game, with a brief to curb North key defender Robbie Tarrant’s rebound. If the 20-year-old felt even slightly out of place, it didn’t show. By the time the game was six minutes old, he’d marked and goaled. He added another major in the opening 30 seconds of the second term but it was his poise late in the game that really stood out. First, with no options inside Freo’s forward 50, he bounced a long goal through from outside 50m at the 25-minute mark, then with scores level he out-marked North debutant Dan Nielson and calmly converted a 45m set shot. As Lyon pointed out after the game, Nyhuis clearly has work to do to cement a senior spot. But as debuts go, it was a promising first step – one most first-round picks would be rapt with. – Nick Bowen

WATCH: Dream debut for flyin’ Ryan

8. Blicavs is getting back near his best After an up-and-down year to date, 2015 best and fairest winner Mark Blicavs took a huge step forward against the Lions – and the Cats looked a far better team for it. Blicavs was a matchup nightmare for Chris Fagan’s men as he prowled up and down a wing, outrunning anyone who dared try to keep pace, and towered over smaller defenders that lined up on him in the forward 50. Blicavs finished with 20 disposals and a career-high three goals – all with a touch of class – in a polished display. He added seven marks and eight tackles and did most of his damage in the match-winning first-half, even spending small stints on-ball. Blicavs is the perfect foil to Geelong’s tall timber and appeared back to his roaming best on Saturday night. – Michael Whiting

• Fantasy form watch: Blue a snout contender

9. Jack can be the Eagles’ Darling again Jack Darling has copped more criticism than just about any other West Coast player this season – and plenty of it has been warranted – but he deserves credit for standing tall in recent weeks. The 25-year-old was maligned during a wildly inconsistent first half of the campaign, when he booted 19 goals from 11 games but failed to fire when the Eagles needed him most. But the bye couldn’t have come at a better time for the 191cm forward, who has lifted noticeably in recent weeks. His three-goal and four-goal assist game was vital in last round’s upset of the Bulldogs, while on Sunday he kickstarted the Eagles’ fightback after the Power surged to an early lead. Darling booted three excellent goals before half-time, added a fourth just after the break, and chased and pressured like fans have come to expect. Darling’s sheer talent is obvious, which makes him one of the most frustrating players in the competition, but maybe he is starting to turn things around. – Travis King

The post Nine things we learned from round 16 appeared first on Footy Plus.

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myupdatestudio-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Myupdatestudio

New Post has been published on https://myupdatestudio.com/baseball-sweeps-mac-opponent/

Baseball sweeps MAC opponent

Baseball commenced Mid-American Convention play with a three-sport sweep against the University of Toledo Rockets.

MAC Opponent

Mac Cost

NIU (7-sixteen, 3-zero MAC) got here into the sport losing eight of its last 10 games performed, however its offense came alive within the collection as they scored 32 combined runs, defeating the Rockets (5-18, 0-three MAC) 16-2 on Friday, 7-4 on Saturday and 9-three in the final sport on Sunday.

“This turned into an exceptional begin to MAC play,” stated Head Educate Mike Kunigonis. “We confirmed up and played an entire 27-plus innings this weekend.”

Friday — NIU 16, Toledo 2 The Huskies have been seeing the ball nicely within the first recreation of the series as all 9 hitters inside the batting order scored at least one run with all but two hitters recording at least two hits.

Four Huskies finished with or extra runs batted in as junior specific hitter Jesus Tovar III led the group with Four RBIs at the day, off of hits, which include a two-run domestic run to left area inside the top of the ninth.

Freshman 0.33 baseman Tommy Szczesny and junior 2d baseman Samuel Vega completed the game with 3 hits each because the infield duo blended for five RBIs, 3 runs scored and a domestic run.

Senior beginning pitcher Joe Hawks earned his second consecutive win as he pitched seven great innings for the Huskies, permitting runs on 9 hits, whilst striking out five batters in the game.

Saturday — NIU 7, Toledo 4 After being down four-0 within the first inning of recreation two, NIU activated its bats to score seven unanswered runs for a 7-four extra-inning victory.

Freshman pitcher Nathan Thomas was a key issue inside the win against the Rockets as he tossed seven scoreless innings in remedy as sophomore pitcher William Anderson become eliminated after allowing Four earned runs in the first inning of play.

Thomas allowed simply one walk, on three hits, at the same time as placing out 5 gamers at the mound.

The Huskies placed a run on the board within the sixth inning and scored 3 runs in the 8th inning with doubles from Szczesny and junior outfielder Joe Jumonville, accompanied with the aid of a -out unmarried by means of junior catcher Mike Roberson to tie the sport.

the sport went into extra innings while NIU went in advance on a floor ball via Samuel Vega to 1/3 that scored junior shortstop Brad Wood for the first lead of the game.

The Huskies introduced greater runs inside the inning as senior pitcher Ryan Blanton got here into the game inside the bottom half of the eleventh inning to shut down Toledo and record his first win of the season.

Sunday — NIU 9, Toledo 3 The Huskies won their very last recreation of the collection with some other big win from junior beginning pitcher Donovan Sims, who threw six innings and allowed one earned run and progressed his report to three-zero at the season.

Sims diminished his season Era to three.16 after Sunday’s overall performance.

“We had excellent performances on the mound, on the plate, and within the field all weekend, and that’s the important thing to fulfillment,” Kunigonis stated.

NIU went ahead in the 1/3 inning of the ballgame and in no way looked again as they scored Four runs on Four hits inside the inning, which includes a double by way of Roberson that scored 3 Huskies.

The Huskies brought 5 more coverage runs inside the ninth to complete the three-sport sweep.

“We can enjoy this win for the day on the bus journey back domestic and get again to paintings the following day,” Kunigonis said.

Kimbo Slice Vs Afro Puff And big Mac

After the final combat, group Kimbo decided that the overall rule changed into that Kimbo became going to rip through the competition like a bearded beast! To remedy this they decided to have not one but two contestants fight with Kimbo again to back.

Once more we see Kimbo enter the boatyard, equipped for a fight. His first unsure opponent could be afro puff due to the fact he has a puffy afro. What he doesn’t have are any guts. He time and again avoids Kimbo’s jabs and backs away, searching like a ridiculous parody of a head of broccoli. He is taking some hits while shelling out little or no damage to Kimbo earlier than he’s placed on the floor. He makes a decision after this that he would not want anymore and just lays there for a while as team Kimbo counts him out. Then he simply stands awkwardly at the same time as everyone berates him for being a coward earlier than sauntering off.

Immediately entering the next fight is large Mac. large Mac is a beefy, even though now the not specifically tall white guy who seems to have a few kind of sugar rush going. He lands a few punches and appears to have an specially high persistence – truly like Sean Gannon. It needs to have regarded like an awful dream for Kimbo, but because the combat progresses it’s obvious that huge Mac isn’t always keeping up so properly. He receives floored time and again, however, is not fearful of Kimbo as he receives lower back up after a quick reply, best to be knocked silly. Subsequently, a member of team Kimbo tells him to prevent getting up after it’s apparent that he cannot think instantly. Kimbo is effective yet again!

MAC Championship Preview

Akron gained the tiebreaker over Miami-Ohio and Bowling Green to get to the MAC name sport and the Zips might be looking for their first ever MAC Championship. For individuals who don’t know Akron thoroughly, this isn’t that a lot of a surprise. The Zips completed 6-5 last season, however, have been the most effective bowl eligible crew not to visit the put up season final yr so they’re out for a few redemption. A loss in this sport may even the document at 6-6 and ship them domestic Again this yr.

Northern Illinois took care of Western Michigan to win the MAC West in a tiebreaker over Toledo, who it defeated the prior week. The Huskies ended the season prevailing six of their very last seven video games, the most effective loss a stunning 14-factor defeat at home in opposition to Ball St. They finished 7-four at the season and have been a pair performs away from going 9-2. Northern Illinois gained its very last three street games after starting the season 0-three far away from domestic.

The Zips lead the MAC and are 22nd inside the USA in overall defense, permitting just 322 mpg, simply in advance of Toledo. It changed into an amazing turnaround after Akron completed 98th in the equal class a season in the past. A demoralizing 20-zero loss at home to Army dropped its record to a few-4 however rather than throwing within the towel, the Zips fought on to win 3 of their final 4 video games to get so far. The defense allowed most effective 10.eight ppg over that Four game stretch and gave up a first-rate 226 total yards within the very last games mixed.

The Zips allowed teams to surpass 500 general yards this season and one of these become Northern Illinois. The Huskies racked up 536 total yards in that beyond regular time loss which changed into one among five video games that they generated at least 500 yards. Northern Illinois finished the regular season 1st in the MAC and 15th in the country in total offense with 451.7 pg. The Huskies averaged 32.6 ppg on the season and scored 31 or more points 8 times on the season which include their final 3 video games.

The Northern Illinois protection bolstered over the final 4 games as its factors allowed reduced in every contest. The Huskies completed 4th in the Conference in general protection but it changed into very inconsistent this season. They allowed single digits to Four opponents but additionally allowed 31 or more points Four times as nicely. All of it balanced out however as they finished 1st in the MAC in scoring protection, allowing an average of twenty-two.1 ppg. After surrendering 491.3 ppg to its first three 1-A combatants, Northern Illinois allowed most effective 318.eight ppg in its very last seven video games.

The Zips aren’t a very sturdy group on offense however their great sport got here in opposition to the Huskies where they totaled 48 factors and 525 yards of offense, each season highs. most effective six points were scored in overtime so the numbers are not inflated due to that. The dashing offense finished ninth in the MAC with only 113 mpg but Akron did common 156.five ppg in its very last 4 games which must offer a few desirable momentum as the Huskies allowed 163.3 mpg on the floor over that same span.

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movietvtechgeeks · 7 years

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Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/stranger-things-winona-ryder-reactions-steal-sag-awards/

'Stranger Things' and Winona Ryder reactions steal SAG Awards

Awards shows are usually the time when actors get to make heated political acceptance speeches and after such a politically charged weekend, they went full speed ahead including the winners of Netflix’s “Stranger Things” which resulted in one of the funnier moments of the night when Winona Ryder didn’t quite seem to know how to reach. Her wide-eyed reactions to the very hit to the gut speech have been memed already. The combination of shock, delight, confusion and power to the people moments gave the night some levity after such an intense weekend where the world is becoming just as concerned about America’s president as many Americans already are.

Have a show like “Stranger Things” sweep the SAG awards was a great metaphor for the feeling. Many know that if there isn’t some push back against Donald Trump’s ongoing executive orders, there will be stranger things coming at us.

Ashton Kutcher set the tone for the evening, welcoming “everyone in airports who belong in my America,” alongside SAG members and viewers at home. Sarah Paulson, who scooped an award for her role in The People vs. OJ Simpson, used her speech to ask for donations to the ACLU, while Bryan Cranston slipped into character as president Lyndon B. Johnson to offer a warning to Donald Trump: “don’t piss in the soup we’ve all got to eat.”

Moonlight star Mahershala Ali also added an emotional take on the subject of identity and acceptance, referencing his own Muslim faith, and explaining how it didn’t stand in the way of his love for his mother — a Christian pastor. Julia Louis-Dreyfus took more direct aim at Trump’s executive order, calling it a “blemish” on the country, and un-American.

Youth was served as the kid-dominated “Stranger Things” proved the surprise Screen Actors Guild Awards top TV winner Sunday, with “Shameless” star William H. Macy scoring his own upset victory over Jeffrey Tambor of “Transparent.”

“Stranger Things,” Netflix’s supernatural thriller that earned breakout buzz in its freshman season, deprived three-time consecutive winner “Downton Abbey” of one last trophy for its concluding year. The streaming service claimed a leading four awards as the traditional broadcast networks were shut out, something they’re getting used to.

In the Donald Trump presidential era, awards ceremony viewers may have to get used to especially heavy doses of politics amid the glitz.

“In light of all that’s going on in the world today, it’s difficult to celebrate the already celebrated ‘Stranger Things,” said the show’s David Harbour, accepting the award for best TV drama series ensemble on behalf of 15 fellow cast members heavy on teens.

In a lengthy speech that reflected the evening’s consistently activist tone, Harbour suggested that people follow the lead of his lawman character and “punch some people in the face when they seek to destroy the weak and the disenfranchised and the marginalized.”

Macy’s win as best TV comedy actor came despite Tambor’s hefty awards haul for his portrayal of a transgender character, including last year’s SAG trophy, two Emmys and a Golden Globe.

“I’m shocked. I’m probably not as shocked as Jeffrey, but I’m pretty shocked. I would like to go against the strain this evening and thank President Donald Trump for making Frank Gallagher seem so normal,” the actor said, referring to the reprobate dad he plays in Showtime’s “Shameless.”

Louis-Dreyfus, who was honored as best TV comedy actress for HBO’s “Veep,” also started off on a lighter note.

“Whether the Russians did or did not hack the voting of tonight’s SAG Awards, I look out on the million or probably even the million and a half people in this room, and I say this award is legitimate and I won. I won, the winner is me, landslide,” she said, referring to Trump’s preoccupation with his loss of the popular vote.

Turning serious, Louis-Dreyfus called herself an immigrant’s daughter and an American patriot who feels compelled to say “this immigrant ban is a blemish and it is un-American,” a reference to Trump’s order to halt immigration from seven predominantly Muslim nations.

Netflix’s big night included “Orange Is the New Black,” which won best ensemble in a comedy series for the third consecutive year, and star Taylor Schilling had something to say.

“We stand up here representing a diverse group of people, representing generations of families who have sought a better life here from places like Nigeria, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Colombia, Ireland,” Schilling said, “and we know that it’s going to be up to us and all of you, probably, to keep telling stories that show what unites us is stronger than the forces that divide us.”

Two stars of Netflix’s British royal saga “The Crown” were winners: Claire Foy, who starred as Queen Elizabeth II, and John Lithgow for his portrayal of Winston Churchill in the series.

Sarah Paulson, an Emmy winner for her role as prosecutor Marcia Clark in FX’s miniseries “The People V. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story,” triumphed again and used part of her time on stage to call for donations to the ACLU.

Bryan Cranston, honored for playing President Lyndon Johnson in the HBO movie “All the Way,” offered wry guidance for the new U.S. president.

“I’m often asked how would Lyndon Johnson think about Donald Trump. And I honestly feel that (president No.) 36 would put his arm around (president No.) 45 and earnestly wish him success,” Cranston said. “And he would also whisper in his ear something he said often, as a form of encouragement and a cautionary tale, ‘Just don’t piss in the soup that all of us gotta eat.'”

Full list of the SAG 2017 Award Winners

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture

Captain Fantastic

Fences

Winner: Hidden Figures

Manchester by the Sea

Moonlight

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea

Andrew Garfield, Hacksaw Ridge

Ryan Gosling, La La Land

Viggo Mortensen, Captain Fantastic

Winner: Denzel Washington, Fences

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

Amy Adams, Arrival

Emily Blunt, The Girl on the Train

Natalie Portman, Jackie

Winner: Emma Stone, La La Land

Meryl Streep, Florence Foster Jenkins

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

The Crown

Downton Abbey

Game of Thrones

Winner: Stranger Things

Westworld

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series

Millie Bobby Brown, Stranger Things

Winner: Claire Foy, The Crown

Thandie Newton, Westworld

Winona Ryder, Stranger Things

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series

Sterling K. Brown, This Is Us

Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Winner: John Lithgow, The Crown

Rami Malek, Mr. Robot

Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a TV Movie or Limited Series

Riz Ahmed, The Night Of

Sterling K. Brown, The People vs. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story

Winner: Bryan Cranston, All the Way

John Turturro, The Night Of

Courtney B. Vance, The People vs. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a TV Movie or Limited Series

Bryce Dallas Howard, Black Mirror

Felicity Huffman, American Crime

Audra McDonald, Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill

Winner: Sarah Paulson, The People vs. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story

Kerry Washington, Confirmation

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role

Winner: Mahershala Ali, Moonlight

Jeff Bridges, Hell or High Water

Hugh Grant, Florence Foster Jenkins

Lucas Hedges, Manchester by the Sea

Dev Patel, Lion

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

Winner: Viola Davis, Fences

Naomie Harris, Moonlight

Nicole Kidman, Lion

Octavia Spencer, Hidden Figures

Michelle Williams, Manchester by the Sea

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory

Blackish

Modern Family

Winner: Orange Is the New Black

Veep

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series

Anthony Anderson, Blackish

Tituss Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Ty Burrell, Modern Family

Winner: William H. Macy, Shameless

Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series

Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black

Jane Fonda, Grace and Frankie

Ellie Kemper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Winner: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble

Captain America: Civil War

Doctor Strange

Winner: Hacksaw Ridge

Jason Bourne

Nocturnal Animals

Outstanding Action Performance by a Stunt Ensemble

Winner: Game of Thrones

Daredevil

Luke Cage

The Walking Dead

Westworld.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

#Ashton Kutcher #Donald Trump #Featured #SAG Awards #Stranger Things #Winona Ryder

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junker-town · 7 years

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NFL Dad, Week 7: You can’t fight the Pumpkin Industrial Complex

Every week, our NFL Dad tries to watch the full slate of RedZone Channel action while parenting two toddlers. This week: costume parties, pumpkins, and a distinct lack of drama.

I don’t care for the annual pumpkin craze, but I refuse to harsh anyone’s pumpkin high. I won’t rail against pumpkin spice lattes, I won’t scoff at pumpkin beers, and I won’t even make an official statement against pumpkin yogurt pretzels or pumpkin smoothies. I believe that apples are the better seasonal food, but taste is subjective (even if you don’t recognize that “pumpkin” flavor is just clove and cinnamon). Regardless, your pumpkin habit doesn’t affect my enjoyment of autumn.

This mindset is probably why I went along with my wife’s desire to go to a pumpkin patch on Saturday. Yes, my daughter already went apple-picking, but my son (almost 18 months) had never been to a pumpkin patch, so we needed to give him that experience. Could we buy a slightly overpriced pumpkin at the nearby farmer’s market? Sure, but that would be easy.

Instead, because we live in a dumb city unfit for parents and car owners, we rent a Zipcar for the morning, drive 90 minutes to a Long Island pumpkin patch that serves 4 million New Yorkers eager to avoid driving to a REAL farm in the Hudson Valley, fail to take a picture of the two kids in the pumpkins together, and survive an epic in-car meltdown from my daughter before hitting standstill traffic on the way back to the city. Oh, and my son slept for 20 minutes in the car, ruining his afternoon nap.

BUT AT LEAST WE GOT PUMPKINS! PRECIOUS MEMORIES AND TWO PUMPKINS FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF FIVE HOURS OF UNHAPPY CHILDREN. FIVE F**KING STARS, WOULD WASTE MY TIME AGAIN.

Pumpkins are dumb flavorless squashes and I hate them.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— The Saints-Packers matchup, which SHOULD be a Drew Brees-Aaron Rodgers shootout, will instead be a referendum on Brett Hundley in his first pro start. In the rain. WOOF.

Early in the game, Hundley draws the Saints offsides for a free play, but underthrows Davante Adams deep. It illuminates the problem with anyone who backs up Aaron Rodgers: even if they’ve learned his tricks of the trade, they don’t have the sheer talent to produce the same magic that he does. (The drive ends with an Aaron Jones sprint up the gut of the defense. 7-0, Green Bay.)

— The Rams, playing the Cardinals in London, are wearing their white-and-gold uniforms with the white horns on the helmets. Such an awful look. Anything reminiscent of the St. Louis era should be burned in a Dumpster YES EVEN KURT WARNER.

But for real, just wear the blue and yellow every week. It looks way better.

— Green Bay intercepts Brees in the end zone, but when I wake up from my nap the Saints have fought back to tie the game at seven. Briefly, anyway: Hundley runs it in to reclaim the lead and get his first Lambeau Leap.

— The Jaguars are stomping the Colts 17-0. There’s not much to say here, except Leonard Fournette isn’t playing and T.J. Yeldon looks capable in his stead. There’s nothing about the Jacoby Brissett offense that suggests it’s built to overcome a three-score lead against a very good defense. I’m happy to write this one off — and judging by the TV coverage, so is RedZone.

— Jameis Winston is playing with a sprained AC joint, and he looks off-target. Well, more off-target than usual. He underthrows one receiver, then throws off-target on a screen before getting strip-sacked. That tomahawk chop couldn’t have felt good on his injured shoulder.

— With the Bears up two scores, Mitchell Trubisky runs to the left on third and goal and dives for pylon. It’s ruled a touchdown initially, but overturned on review. Facing 4th and goal less than a yard out, John Fox opts to kick a field goal like the big ol’ coward he is.

Now, I’m getting ahead of myself in the diary, but I don’t want to talk about the Bears again, so let’s just get this dumb team out of the way. The Bears will go on to win thanks to Eddie Jackson’s two defensive touchdowns, which might make Chicago fans ignore the inherent John Fox-ness of their team’s play. I won’t hear any results-based defense of this trash team. Look at this!

The Bears are the first team to win a game while completing less than 5 passes since the 2011 Broncos. Tim Tebow was the QB of that team. http://pic.twitter.com/0RuRQYQDo3

— FOX Sports: NFL (@NFLonFOX) October 22, 2017

This is the drive chart of a team that won today. http://pic.twitter.com/UrjQyCEZUN

— Football Perspective (@fbgchase) October 22, 2017

The Bears earned zero first downs in the second half and became the first NFL team to win with fewer than five completed passes since ... the last time John Fox coached in the NFL. I’d rather have a block of cement coach my team.

— My daughter is up from her nap. She asks what’s happening on the TV. “The Browns are the brown team with orange helmets,” I say. “The Titans are the white team with blue pants. I like the Titans’ uniforms better. What do you think?”

She pauses for a moment. “I like the orange!” Such a shame that I have to disown her now.

— Todd Gurley freezes the Cardinals’ D with a jump-stop at line of scrimmage, then scampers around the left edge for a touchdown.

.@TG3II gets around the edge and is IN for SIX. #LARams http://pic.twitter.com/PMgvFG23T7

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

That possession came as a result of a Carson Palmer interception thrown while he got hit. Palmer seems unlikely to return (UPDATE: broken arm, he’s out 8 weeks), so we can go ahead and cross “Cardinals comeback” off the list. I’ve seen the Drew Stanton Show before.

— DeShone Kizer throws a pick that gets caught on the Titans’ 11-yard line. I have never in my life seen a quarterback commit red zone turnovers like this. He’s like the anti-Mariota.

That realization gives this useless field goal battle some semblance of meaning: Kizer and Mariota are diametrically opposed forces drawn together, as if they’re in a superhero movie like Unbreakable or Hancock. (Speaking of Unbreakable, shouts out to Sam Bradford, the undisputed Mr. Glass of the NFL.)

— With the Dolphins backed up to their own goal line, Jay Cutler throws an interception off a deflected pass. The Jets punch it in for a 21-14 lead. This game has been wildly entertaining throughout the first half, but I’m not wired to accept these teams playing an entertaining game.

— The Rams score another touchdown, this time on a Jared Goff read-option keeper. They’re up 20-0 near the end of the half, and Drew Stanton will have 40 seconds to throw an interception and give the Rams another chance to score.

Stanton’s first throw on the next drive: a pick directly to a Rams defender. I swear this is not some ex post facto insight I’ve edited in; I’ve just watched Drew Stanton before. So has the First Down France account:

Quelle honte Stanton. Scandaleux

— NFL France (@FirstDownFR) October 22, 2017

Scandaleux indeed! Greg Zuerlein kicks a 53-yarder, and the Rams go into halftime up 23-0.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— I’m not usually in the business of highlighting irrelevant three-yard catches, but Christian McCaffrey warrants an exception:

.@run__cmc only needs ONE hand. WOW. #KeepPounding http://pic.twitter.com/lg8V13659I

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

Lots of masturbation jokes to be made in that tweet there. Not that I would think about them, because I am VERY MATURE. Father of young children over here.

(*audibly farts and tells the kids it’s a “barking spider”*)

— My wife is taking our kids to a Halloween-ish birthday party, which means costumes are welcome but not mandatory. My son will be a shark, my daughter will be a ghost, and my wife will be harried and stressed out.

I help my daughter into the stroller and put her shoes on, then assist my wife as she loads my son into our carrier (we like the flexibility and simplicity of the Beco carrier, in case you’ve made the mistake of having children and need a recommendation).

And then, at 2:51 p.m. Eastern time: They’re gone. My apartment is completely quiet except for the TV. I am tempted to sleep, to eat and drink everything in the house, to get on my bike and ride in the sunshine ... but I just keep watching RedZone. The whole premise of me missing the party is that I have to work.

So, I stay and watch Joe Thomas tear his triceps, leading to the first missed snap of his career. After 10,363 consecutive snaps, the NFL’s ironman exits the game. And on such a promising Browns team!

Jay Cutler’s consecutive sourpuss streak is safe.

— In Miami, Jay Cutler has also left the game with an injury, though his consecutive sourpuss streak is safe.

— I take my dog for a walk. Stella is a Rottweiler mix that I adopted three or four years before I met my wife, and the dog loves me despite the way I’ve filled her living space with small humans that don’t give adequate belly rubs and suck up the attention that used to go to her.

While outside, we run into a family that dog-sat Stella once, and she nuzzles them all and wags her nub fervently. I leave her outside while I duck into a grocery to buy a tallboy (prep for the Seahawks game), and when I come back she lies down on the pavement and rolls onto her side. No walking until she gets her belly rub.

I say a lot how fulfilling parenthood is (and it is!), but for the record: My life was also pretty kickass when it was just me and Stella.

— I return from the walk and look at my computer while catching up. Something about my TV seems blurry, like the players are in regular definition. Then I notice that I’m getting more Jets-Dolphins than I’ve seen all day. Is RedZone EVER going to show this O.J. Howard touchdown I’m reading about on Twitter?

And then I realize: I’m watching the local CBS feed of the Jets game. I must have pressed “2” with an inadvertent nudge of the remote. I feel like I should get some kind of detox or vaccination.

DOCTOR: And how long were you exposed to Jets-Dolphins?

ME: I dunno, maybe 10 minutes?

DOCTOR: OK, this should be fairly routine — [reads chart]. REGULAR DEFINITION?!?!

ME: Is that bad?

[alarm sounds] [lights flash]

DOCTOR: [on the phone] Yes sir, we’re locking down the wing to contain the infection.

— In order to justify my beautiful peace and quiet, I start folding laundry, which is by far and away the WORST chore. I thought laundry couldn’t get worse, then I had kids. “Oh, you hate folding laundry? What if you had to do it more often and everything was five times smaller?” If we could afford simple luxuries, the very first thing I’d throw money at would be a laundry service.

— With less than a minute left in regulation, the Browns are attempting a 54-yard field goal to tie a 9-6 game. What a sorry-ass state of affairs. Welp, it’s good. The Browns are celebrating, but why? What is there to celebrate when the result is additional Browns football?

[clapping in Roger Goodell’s face after every word] BAN REGULAR SEASON OVERTIME AND SEND TEAMS HOME WITH TIES.

— Cooper Kupp scores a touchdown on a screen to make it 33-0 in London. I know Kupp played college ball at Eastern Washington, but that’s a Big XII name if I’ve ever seen one. Whenever I see his name I just start making white person word salad with it until I come back to his name. Like this:

Coop Cooper

Scooper Coop

Copper Kopp

Pooker Puck

Pucker Pork

Rucker Corp

Kurper Carp

Cooper Kupp

Ahhhhh, that feels so nice in my brain. The only NFL name that’s better for that game is Blake Bortles.

— There are three tied games as the early slate winds down: Jets-Dolphins, Bucs-Bills, and the trash fire in Cleveland. In reverse order:

1. The Browns and Titans feebly do nothing for most of overtime before Mariota finally gets his team into field goal range. Ryan Succop hits a 47-yarder to end this miserable affair 12-9.

2. After a LeSean McCoy touchdown tied the game at 27, it looked like the Bucs would have a chance to win the game — except Adam Humphries coughs up the ball and the Bills recover in field goal range. Steven Hauschka hits a 30-yarder with 14 seconds left to win the game, but not before the Bucs pull off the longest, most competent failed lateralpalooza in NFL history.

The final play today in Buffalo... #TBvsBUF http://pic.twitter.com/2Raz5eyFNu

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

3. Josh McCown attempts to lead the Jets on a game-winning drive. Pretend you didn’t see this game or any highlights: Given that setup, how do you think this ends?

If you said, “McCown interception” without thinking, congratulations: You have seen NFL games before. The announcer scoffs, “15 years [in the league], you shouldn’t make that mistake.” Yeah, no shit. But that’s the result you deserve when “political activism” is a disqualifying factor in your quarterback search.

Cody Parkey kicks the game-winner for the Dolphins. Cardy Poker. Coder Party. Parker Podey. Porky Corder. Corky Pordy. Cody Parker. Ahhhh.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— In Santa Clara, the Niners fumble a punt return, giving Dallas a short field. Zeke Elliott punches it in, and folks, I don’t think the home team’s gonna be able to overcome this 7-0 deficit. It’s just too big a hole with too little time.

— The Seahawks are at the Giants this week, which means I have the relatively rare luxury of watching the local broadcast, which in turn means that this column is gonna kind of suck from here on out. I promise to flip to RedZone during commercials!

(Last week, the Seahawks were on bye, and I didn’t mention that stupid team’s name ONCE in the entire column. I never enjoy the NFL as much as when Seattle doesn’t play.)

— The late games I’ll be mostly ignoring: Cowboys-49ers, Bengals-Steelers, and Broncos-Chargers. I click over during commercial, and there’s Antonio Brown scoring on a slant. Like clockwork. It’s 7-0 Steelers.

— Last season, a lot of people made fun of Ben McAdoo for wearing a giant, oversized windbreaker. Seeing him this season, it’s now clear that he chose the XXL with the intent to fill it out. I’m not trying to fat-shame anyone; I love a coach with a longterm vision.

I won’t make fun of anyone’s perceived weight gain, but I definitely WILL make fun of McAdoo’s sunglasses and hair and game-planning and everything else about him, because he’s a total herb who can’t coach.

— It’s so quiet in this apartment. So calm. My favorite team is on television, and I am drinking a beer and watching them without any children vying for my attention. This is nice. I like it? Yes, I like it.

But I also kinda miss the chaos. Not the chaos itself, but my ability to lessen it. If my son falls and cries, I can pick him up and soothe him. But if the Seahawks have ten plays inside the 11-yard line and come away with zero points because they throw a goddamn FADE on fourth down and JIMMY GRAHAM DROPS IT, there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it. At least parenting offers a tiny piece of self-determination.

-- I wonder what my kids are doing, but, like, only during commercials. If my wife ever leaves me, she should do it during a Seahawks game. Automatic three-hour head start.

— Jason Witten makes a SPECTACULAR one-handed TD grab.

.@JasonWitten ONE HAND TOUCHDOWN CATCH! Beautiful. #DallasCowboys http://pic.twitter.com/nMWkMOIr6W

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

What a great catch by a tight end! Isn’t that right, JIMMY GRAHAM??!?

— Juju Smith-Schuster gets wide open for a touchdown, then celebrates with hide-and-seek.

Come for the @TeamJuJu TD catch. But stay for Hide & Seek. #HereWeGo http://pic.twitter.com/YDaoE7SMeJ

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

This is a perfectly fine celebration, but I also think a lot of fans are being too laudatory of anything that flies in the face of the old, crappy rules against celebrations. Like, hide-and-seek is a children’s game. The other week, Kyle Rudolph celebrated with a game of Duck, Duck, Goose/Grey Duck. Are we really going to think it’s cool or funny if players dance in a circle and sing “Ring Around the Rosie”? Trust me: As a man who has sung “Ring Around the Rosie” and fallen down two dozen times in the last three days, it’s not that great.

Ditch the kids’ games and come at me with something that rivals Colombia’s team salsa dance. I am not a crank.

— Thomas Rawls fumbles directly into Landon Collins’ arms. Collins returns the ball some 30-odd yards to set up a red zone possession for the Giants, whose offense suddenly comes to life to score in two plays. Evan Engram scores the touchdown on a play in which Eli Manning play-faked to no one. Cool. Cool cool cool.

I change into sweatpants. There is a knot in the jaw muscle near my temple.

— I get a text from wife. They’re leaving in about 15 minutes. Is she sure? Does she want to stay out a little later? Go ahead, let them play with their friends a little longer. They can stay up late and have some more cake. Bring ‘em back around 8:00. No?

— Doug Baldwin is briefly taken over by the collective spirit of Seahawks Twitter and shoves Tom Cable, the offensive line coach largely blamed as the root of the team’s horrid line play.

The full story comes out later: Baldwin was trying to make sure that Russell Wilson was being heard by the players; the wideout wanted the emphasis to be on the players’ failure to execute, not the coaches’ calls. He even apologized to Cable and said he loves him.

Which, as a Seahawks fan, I guess is fine. But I also would have been OK with Wilson and Baldwin saying, “It’s him or us.”

— Good night, Dre Kirkpatrick:

The Bengals are 100% losing this game. You don’t recover from that.

— Zeke Elliott scores his third touchdown of the day, a 72-yard catch and run that puts the 49ers to bed.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— I run a bath and heat up the kids’ dinner. It’s a little after 6:00 p.m., and we’re going to have to hustle to keep the kids on schedule for their 7:00 bedtime.

My sister had kids years before I did, and I was the typical ignorant drunk uncle when it came to her devotion to the kids’ naps and schedule. “What’s with the schedule? Why can’t the kids just power through this one time?” Because the schedule is GOD, man! The schedule is all-powerful. It is the weather; it is the earth beneath your feet. Reject it and your life will be untethered from reality, a nonstop maelstrom of tears and tantrums.

We had dinner with friends on Saturday night, and ended up putting the kids to bed at 8:30 instead of 7:00. And my son was WRECKED the next morning, an absolute disaster until we put him down for a nap almost two hours earlier than usual.

— Uh, the Chargers are up 14-0 over the Broncos? The AFC West is a spooky-ass house of mirrors.

— With 14:03 in the 3rd quarter, the Giants get their first third down conversion in the game. Manning now has 29 yards passing. The next time I complain about watching the Seahawks offense, please remind me that the Giants exist.

— Around 6:20 p.m., just as my family returns, the Seahawks offense finally gets its touchdown:

The touch on this @DangeRussWilson TD pass... #Seahawks http://pic.twitter.com/raQqkTDpVi

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

The touch on that pass is what stands out on first watch, but do yourself a favor and watch the ankle-breaking move that gets Baldwin a free release from the slot.

— I’m as anti-Steelers as a fan can get, but I respect the hell out of any coach who attempts rude shit to stomp on a division rival. TO WIT: With the Steelers up two scores, Mike Tomlin dials up a fake punt on 4th and 7 to ice the game.

FAKE PUNT ALERT! #HereWeGo http://pic.twitter.com/wFxTkTqxjo

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

What an absolutely shitty thing to do. I love it!

— Speaking of disrespect, the Seahawks even the turnover battle with a strip-sack of Manning, and the first play they run on offense is this:

.@prichiejr goes ALL the way up to make the grab. Wow. Touchdown, @Seahawks! #Seahawks http://pic.twitter.com/7jvzLhruFx

— NFL (@NFL) October 22, 2017

It’s slightly underthrown by Wilson, which gives Landon Collins JUST enough time to make a play on the ball, but the simultaneous possession gives the Seahawks a touchdown. If I learned anything from the Fail Mary, it’s that a tie goes to the runner.

— We put the kids down at 7:25, and bedtime goes as smoothly and drama-free as each of the four late games.

Aside from the Seahawks result, I can’t say that I liked today better than the usual pandemonium of being NFL Dad. Given the choice, I’ll take the chaos and love of fatherhood over the quiet stress of being totally focused on my team. Both would be nice, of course, but that would mean more Seattle games in primetime. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

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