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#it's less complicated than you think

pencap · 6 months

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GREEN

i am green green green down to my breath and blood and bones.

green with envy for all the beautiful things in the world that i cannot hold in my hands or press against my lips or swallow down whole.

green with sick all festering hurts i don't know how to heal and spreading poison i don't know the antidote for and hand-me-down aches i don't know the names of.

green with greed, the yawning void deep in my belly that wants and wants and wants and wants and wants from the day i was born screaming with want.

green with permission: yes please, come here, do as you please. i never did learn how to say no and mean it.

green like plants, like spring growth and summer leaves like basil and mint on kitchen counter tops like haworthia and pothos and monstera.

i am green green green down to my breath and blood and bones—

but maybe someday i will learn to hold the whole rainbow in my body.

- by sylvie (j.p.)

#spilled ink #poets on tumblr #original poem #poems on tumblr #poetry #writeblr #poetics #green #i am having complicated emotions about selfhood #and contradictory emotions and the parts of you that you chose to identify with #can you tell???#this felt like an outpouring to write #from idea to first draft was less than 30 minutes #honestly probably less than 15 #it's rough around the edges but i think it's meant to be that way #just a little bit

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possamble · 26 days

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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato #junoposting

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fellhellion · 9 months

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i'm still so confused why there are so many people who dislike gwen. this is godot ace attorney all over again lmao

of course this isn't universal but imo a large chunk of the dislike for gwen for the second film specifically come from fans imposing their audience omnipotence (and thus recognition of how things are being tonally presented within the film = assurance that miles is heroic and right for rebelling against canon conformity even with the risk the cast believes it poses to his universe, and he will be able to sucessfully find another solution) upon gwen and just not. placing themselves within the shoes of the character and understanding these are not theoretical stakes to them.

they are not aware of the fact that character arcs exist and that they themselves are fictional and that narrative function of their story is to demonstrate why you shouldn't succumb to despair/how suffering didn't make you a good person or hero - pain is just pain. you chose to do good when faced with that. they dont KNOW thats what the story is about lmao.

IN ADDITION, there's also the element to me of fans not having sympathy for the specific difficulty gwen faced as a teenager struggling with the enormous emotional burden of those stakes and the fact she'd recently gone through the incredible emotional upheaval (not even touching the vulnerability of the housing situation) regarding her father? and to an extent for me that just becomes a matter of refusing to engage with difficulties gwen found herself in

i think also. everyone wants to believe they would be the person to simply do the narratively rewarded thing, that they would be miles. that they would risk an entire universe (to their knowledge) and simply know it would all turn out okay. it's uncomfortable to look at characters perpetuating harm out of understandable fear and despair and see where you yourself might have also done something similar, or that you can empathise with what has lead them to this breaking point (in the heightened theatrics of the story).

it truly is that you can lead a fan to water but you can't make em drink.

#ask games #anon #long post #w gwen theres even LESS morally complicated dimensions than godot imo #like godot doesnt know for certain whether he acted to protect maya or to hurt dahlia (and that makes him INTERESTING and compelling -#and imo it was both) and he was blaming phoenix as a projection of the way he blamed himself for mia's death.#gwens is like. not at all as 'divisive' as that lmao. she thinks shes preventing miles from accidentally getting BILLIONS of people killed #she thought she was doing something good and just and you UNDERSTAND why. because she was scared and traumatised and as bad as she felt #about lying she was trying to do both protecting miles (in her mind) and protecting the multiverse #and the opening BEGINS w gwens regrets she KNOWS where she failed her friend and she doesnt make excuses for that and you STILL #have fans going oh why was she not just innately aware of the story's nature like jesus christ lmao

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gnometa233 · 3 months

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This might be a hot take because I know everyone is the most knowledgeable about themselves but sometimes I think people just have "complex genders" for the sake of having complex genders and making things more complicated for themselves. And half of that complexity comes from the outside pressure of gender roles and misogyny.

#yes we should respect peoples genders and their experiences #but sometimes...yall are doing a little too much #inb4 someone says 'well i wouldnt CHOOSE to have a gender this complicated'#idk man i dont know you but to quote someone smarter than me 'when you think you have to do more #do less.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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Hey, I think I missed a bit of lore or something, what’s the pit? And what’s the goop™️?

oh yeah no i haven't really talked about those Important Things yet! mostly because i'm still solidifying how they work in my mind... i try my best to adhere to canon, since to me aus are an exploration of the source / characters, so... its still tenuous. i have to think and consider and run parallel - there's a balance i'm still trying to find

like The Pit™️ (the spiral/eye void under Home) in Lights Out is gonna be different from the canon one since i started thinking about the au before the update. and the update changed my perception / theories on what the void is! but the au Pit™️ needs to remain mostly the way it originally was, or a lot of "plot" points fall apart

#and then the Goop™️ is like... the fuckin... black sludge stuff...#yk? the stuff? the stuff that makes humans sick?#its that but slightly to the left #the more i think about canon the more i realize that the au needs to diverge slightly more than i'd like lol #but thank fuck its remaining more... Smooth than canon if that makes sense. it has less facets #its more Straightforward. less wonderfully complex. shrimplicity over delicious intricacies #but im getting wildly off point! this is not what you asked! sorry!#but anyway to put it simply for the au:#the pit under home is filled with the black stuff. its the source #and the black stuff / goop is uh. well its everywhere and its Important and wally can manipulate it to a limited extent #also it chokes frank to death sorry xoxo #ok its a lil more complicated than that but yk yk #rambles from the bog #wh lights out au #but yeah the update came out and i went #Oh! I Got It Wrong! Neat!#i am honestly happy about it #i like being wrong in certain situations. this is one of them.#but for ease of the au and to keep it at a respectful distance from canon without straying too far #ill keep my Original Thoughts / Theory as au-canon!

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lovelyhan · 8 months

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1. Inflection Point (I finally chose. She's just so deeply special to me. I also think that was the first work of yours I read so, there's sentimentality there.)

2. Promise Ring (I don't want to talk about it. You're never allowed to write for Dino again /hj.)

3. Mirage (Mirage Wonwoo will always be famous to me.)

4. Haox (I love suffering so.)

5. Rush Hour (It's enemies to lovers of sorts and it's Hao. It also appeals to the exhibitionist in me. RJ geared content tbh.)

Honourable mention to Favorite Poison and Again and Again though.

THE EXHIBITIONIST INMEJRIFKEE and im not gonna lie i didnt expect you to actually pull up a list of ur top 5 kai fics 😭😭😭😭 ure too good for me,, what did i do to deserve someone like you,,,

#🍵 tea time #💘 mutuals #rj 🍷#inflection point my first love!!!#im a poly one hit wonder #still have visceral emotions abt that jeongcheol specifically....#🥺🥺🥺 and dont you want me to write chan into a less complicated love story #and it intrigues me how you like mirage so much !!#i think i wrote that on a rainy day when i was feeling a lot bored than usual in quarantine #(bc that was originally a fic for another fandom too!)#i love you so much what the fuck!

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overthinkinglotr · 2 years

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RE: Amazon's Lord of the Rings series: I think this excellent video from Sarah z -- about the way that right-wing backlash against certain media properties makes it nearly impossible to have genuine conversations about them, because you can't talk about them in good faith without inadvertently adding to the right-wing dogpile of people criticizing them for racist sexist reasons -- conveys pretty much everything I should probably say about it ladjflksdfs. Sarah Z makes a great point that this kind of vicious right-wing backlash often tends to deliberately focus media properties that are mediocre because of other reasons (like boring corporate mandates) and claim they're mediocre because of diversity. Right-wingers intentionally ignore properties that have diversity and are Good, and intentionally ignore the billions of shows/movies that aren't "woke" but are also similarly mediocre. Because right-wingers don't actually care about the "quality of art" unless they can use that as a weapon to attack the people they hate.