#it's always 'of course she's fine with dating a man who gets icked out when she mentions her attraction to women 🙄' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akaaesir · 2 years

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i love having a less known platform so i can talk abt shipping jeanluc in a very specific way without kids jumping me for it so i give you two scenarios. it's long, bear with me, i've got a lot of thoughts.

diluc and jean dated in their teens in both of them, things didn't work out but they still cared a lot about each other and assumed they were better as just friends. (+transmasc kaeya, trans woman lisa, and rosaria being surprisingly helpful)

diluc assumes they're gay for the longest time. they just never get the same feelings for women as guys do, but they do get some sort of feelings and assume that it's platonic. they just... never actually find their relationships with men working out. something goes wrong, they get icked by random things that don't even make sense to be icked by. it's not even the guy, he could be the perfect man for him, but he'll get to a certain point and just be uncomfortable, even just the thought of being someone's boyfriend gives them the ick. they just end up complaining to kaeya when they figure he's drunk enough to not get it. kaeya drops that it sounds a little like dysphoria. diluc initially denies it because they don't really care about their body, it's just a few phrases that make them uncomfortable. but something about the conversation sticks with them, and they keep thinking about it. kaeya asks a few days later if they'd like to try new pronouns/titles, and they pretend to have no idea what he's talking about. but it still stuck. rosaria's in the bar that night fixing her eyeliner, and on a whim, diluc asks if she'd mind trying something on them. and when she hands them the mirror... something just felt right. it wasn't heavy makeup, just some light eyeliner, but they look really pretty and actually enjoy looking rather than just tolerating their appearance. they get adelinde to help them out a bit more and experiment with gender, eventually figure out they aren't super comfortable with being addressed as a woman or presenting fully femininely either, but prefer that to being seen as a man all the time and don't mind she/her pronouns. they eventually come out to a few people close to them, jean included. they end up talking more - it's not weird for jean, lisa, and diluc to all show up together to girl's night (non-gendered - half the people at girl's night aren't even girls). but with this bit of self-discovery comes a new resurgence of feelings. diluc isn't exactly the lovey type, but he finds himself inviting jean to hang out sometimes, even if they just hang out in the same place for a while. it gets jean out of her office and work for a quick rest, and it gets diluc out of their head for a while. they realize that things didn't work out because they didn't know who they were yet. they always tied their identity to external things, and it's easy to lose yourself when you lose those. one night, they finally get up the nerve to test the waters and find out that jean has been considering similar things on her end. they end up giving it another try, and it doesn't even feel like things have changed, per se. they've just got a label on it now.

jean didn't really try to figure out their gender. it was actually a complete accident. men's clothing was often just more practical. he never saw a need to correct people who called him "sir" or thought he was a guy from a distance. they just... never really cared. and honestly, who did it hurt if kaeya sometimes came over to play dress-up and jean tended to go for more masculine looks? it was all just for fun, right?... until it wasn't. it was time for a banquet, and he was expected to be wearing a dress. but something about it didn't fit them right. not physically. he just looked... wrong in the mirror. and of course, lisa came in with kaeya to see what was wrong. jean looked great, what was wrong? a few more outfits had the same issue - he looked fine, the dresses were quite lovely and some of their favourites, but the thought of being in them for hours and being expected to just... perform being a woman just felt wrong. lisa looked a bit confused and asked offhandedly if jean felt like being a woman was a performance. but that's how everyone felt about gender, right?... apparently not, lisa really did feel like a woman deep down. but of course lisa would, after the work she went through to transition. kaeya mentions that's how he felt about gender before he figured out the nuances, and while gender does still feel more like a performance to him, he just feels like kaeya. he explains that especially before, he always saw it more as pretending to be a woman or pretending to be a man. it's easier for people to see him as a guy, and he far prefers that to his other options. otherwise, people ask too many questions he can only answer in abstract concepts. and something about that resonates with jean. they don't push it immediately, but do decide to try on a blazer, and that odd feeling is gone. the banquet is fun, and he catches diluc staring more than once. and lisa and kaeya help him figure things out. this wasn't meant to bring them closer to diluc, but they end up hanging out more regardless. after dropping off kaeya one night because "he's too drunk to be left alone, and i can't find rosaria or the alchemist," he ends up inviting diluc in. they talk a while. then they talk more. mid-conversation one day, diluc drops that he thinks he likes jean. jean doesn't process it for a few seconds, continuing to ponder what food to order from good hunter, but when it sets in, he isn't opposed. they do both care for each other, after all, never hurts to give it another try.

mix and matchable as well i just think theyre cute scenarios

#genshin impact #jeanluc #jean gunnhildr #diluc ragnvindr #trans diluc #trans jean #screams into the void bc i love these dorks #ive heard that they act like they dated in middle school and they really do but hear me out

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daughterofhel · 3 years

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My icon died last night.

The little black and white cat, Auk (or-ick). A silly name from a badly remembered name from my childhood.

He was pretty much deaf; car got him.

I haven’t seen him since I left Texas, as I moved for a year to VA before finally moving to be with my wife in Vento. One of my guy friends family took him in on their ranch.

It was fitting; I did get Auk from a ranch. He was used to it, loved it even. And this was without the competition of an unhealthy amount of breeding stays like the ones I grabbed him and Ivy up from. I could only take two, my friend the same.

Funny. I had originally gone there to see the birth of a colt only to leave with a cat. Return the next day and get one more, a friend for my tiny runt of a thing.

And who should but all demand it be him to leave with me but Auk? The friendliest of cats that I’ve ever had the pleasure to be around. He also thwarted my attempts at having two girl cats. He was insistent to leave with me and you don’t argue when you’re chosen you know?

I won’t detail the tears following or the rough road and chaos that went on, but many double shifts back to back to back endlessly, a medicated clumsy grandmother with rapidly failing health, and complex roommate situations, I just wasn’t able to provide the needed time and care for my cats.

I cried the entire 45 minute drive to my buddys property when he said he could take them in. I had to pull over twice. They also cried the entire time, being afraid of the car, which made it harder. My buddy, He was the same guy who rescued a big pup clearly abandoned some years back. I had helped train him to not jump on people and other stuff. His folks also owned a longhorn ranch, lots and lots of space.

Those cats deserved better and this was a familiar element, now neutered, vaccinated, and with no stray competition and the dog was so careful. But god. I never wanted to say goodbye to my cats. It didn’t matter though, what I wanted; they needed care and time I wasn’t able to keep providing.

So I dropped them off. As expected, Ivy kept close but never got too close to the family. She simply doesn’t trust; I’ve no idea why such a little thing bonded instantly with me and remained quite the fixed cuddle bug. But she had. I felt worse about it with her than Auk if I’m to be honest.

Auk loved attention. Loved fetch. Belly rubs. This cat was a classic dog and a huge whore for attention. XD He essentially made himself at home and lavished any and all attention, to which my buddies mother instantly fell for this fuzzy dorks charms. He has been well cared for.

I know younger me could’ve and should’ve done better when I got these cats. Mind you, I’ve been gone for over 10 years now, so it has been quite some time. I’m doing what I wish I could have done for my cats then with the two rescues we got last year here.

I was young and working so many hours for nearly no profit after stuff was paid, even living at home and with roommates. I couldn’t afford the extra vet fees I needed or the fanciest of foods or any of that. I loved them, and I felt them being with me instead of the half starving state they were in from constantly competing with so many other cats, was still a better option for them. I still was at least able to do some of the important visits for them.

I cleared their fleas and earmites. I never did get rid of Ivys worms, though I desperately tried. I tried so many ways to get this pill into that cat. Even crushed into wet food. Friends helping to wrap and hold her to make her swallow. All the tricks we found, failed. She just. She wouldn’t take it. And I didn’t have the cash to go every single day and time she needed a dose to a pet clinic. I had checked more than once. It was so much money.

Older, better situated now.. I’ve been able to do right by the cats, Nyx and Tivali, that I have now.

We even saved Nyx’s eye. We have a system to give her her seizure medicine every 12 hours. They’re both fully up to date with their shots and are fixed. Ears totally clean. Monthly newly added anti flea tick collars.

The best food we can reasonably find at the local pet shop; their pelts are beautiful, soft, shiny, and they never smell.

We’ve even found a biodegradable corn based litter we can flush which has been the greatest find.

We get semi regular check ups on our girls and they’re doing just fine now. I’m still proud about saving Nyx’s eye. It was a tedious ordeal. 3-4 times a day we had to clean and medicate a cats eye. We got good at it even if she wasn’t fond of it. Thankfully the vitamins they required were like treats. Even the antibiotics from the colds they had from the shelter.

I miss Auk. And Ivy. And I wish I could’ve not only given them the life I’ve given my current cats now, (I’ve constructed basket beds, hammocks, a whole canopy jungle gym and rope bridge to boot for them with my wife!), but I wish I could have been the one to have them in my life still. I know it was not possible. It wouldn’t have been possible.

But I think of them. A lot. And I knew it was inevitable. Auk would’ve been well over 13 or so years by now. A little old but could’ve lived longer yet for sure. My buddy didn’t mention he has gone deaf. Of course he rarely goes home himself; I don’t blame him. Life’s complicated.

I have mourned these two cats multiple times now. So I’m not thrown into tears upon this news, I’ve cried plenty over the years already. But I’m still sad to hear that fuzzy delight has passed on. I won’t ask, but I hope, and believe, the accident was a quick end for such a friendly guy.

I’ll mourn him eventually in full. I know I will. But considering this is the fourth major bad news I’ve gotten in less than a month and most of it a week, I thought to write about it. If only to keep sane.

May I not receive the same news of my grandmother or my sister who both remain in the hospital.

And god. May my mother stop forcing me to recall and talk about our shared trauma under my father and just keep me up to date on my families health. I don’t want to be crushed under this suffocating vice on my neck that makes me hesitate to call and see my family. I know she needs to vent. And god. I try to let her. I do. I try to be kind; she needs it.

But it isn’t the time and place when I’m trying to figure out if my grandmother is dying or getting better. I shouldn’t have to receive that confirmation, be granted a brief video called hello and check in, with the price of an hour long dredge through a past I personally have gone to two different types of therapy through to try and cope with. Which, only to some degree, have helped.

One of the last longer calls we had she all but said she hoped her theories on my father possible molesting me were true, so, you know, that would be one more trauma we had in common. She went on and on, even trying to provide loose evidence to her theory. Troubling sentences I would say in my rare visits. Etc. She just. Wouldn’t. Stop. And that was after an hour of recalling how terrible her life was with my father and the abuse, the screaming, the terror, the hiding, the injuries, all of it. As if I wasn’t left to live my life with this very man she said her three years with ruined her more than all her past shit combined.

She assured me she was a good mother who tried. And honestly. No. But I do believe she tried. But she was already weak emotionally and mentally and my father wrecked what was left. She left me sometimes for a couple days lock in that house when I was in diapers. You don’t forget that shit. I’m still scared of the dark. I can’t reason with myself on it. But being mad about all of it doesn’t change anything and would hurt a woman already broken. Why would I do that.

Still. It bothers me. So fucking much. But she’s such a fragile person in a fragile emotional state with everything else on top. She’s been heavily depressed for many many years and it’s a bunch of other stuff that spirals and honestly, at this point, she’s toxic even to herself. I’ve tried working on it with her but it matters not if she’s not willing to work on it too. I don’t know my mother besides her many traumas. We’ve been separated and estranged for most of my life. Unless I was physically able to actually be there and provide a use.

But that’s par for the course; no one will have you around if you’re unable to provide something for it. My wife’s the first person who genuinely seems to enjoy having me around just because and wants nothing more. I do stuff of course; but with her I am not afraid a slip up could mean everything it taken away and lost. I can forget the dishes once or had a bad mental health day and stay in bed without it having catastrophic consequences. She’s such a wonderful kind woman; I cannot help stressing over how to repay her.

I try and I’ve expressed my distraught on the topic and though she always seems baffled and confused about my insistence that I should be doing far more, that lass doesn’t agree at all. It’s her parents home so I am not able to freely run the house as I would on our own, as I’m able and have in many places, so I’m often less useful with the restrictions. She’s also use to the flow and swing of things and has things half done before it’s being asked.

Our own place will make life smoother and calmer for both of us; most importantly her. I’ve watched this family, sweet, but absolutely tone deaf to how many and often their demands are tossed to her. All the other kids moved out with partners. Hell, the oldest s child basically lives here. Our own hurdle with raising a kid who we don’t have the final say on any single thing. His grandparents are enablers cuz they don’t want to hear any loud noises, no matter what. And that causes strain when the kid can and does get anything and everything as long as he kicks up a fit. And he sure as hell does. There are days it’s so bad my wife’s in tears. And that pisses me off. The kids a good person, but the fact no one will actually parent and draw definite lines and be firm with No’s can also make him horrible too.

I’ve to deal with the chess match that is my father. I often call him my own personal Devil. He kind of is. But one I’m familiar enough with at this point in my life. I know where and when to cut my losses, where to step around, when I need to swallow my pride or the easily seen through lies, and nod my head. If he was all terrible, I could have cut him from my life. But no one ever really is. And I do know I owe it to the man; he has helped tremendously in my life as much as he’s been a big problem of it. I know his biggest fear is to be alone and forgotten. I wouldn’t do that, not even to the devil.

I need some bland news. Not thrilling. Not depressing. Just some ‘hey that happened’ ‘oh cool.’ Kind of news. Just a small reprieve.

Im. Scared. Of what’s next.

I. Know that things are teetering dangerously into a very very tragic terrible story on my mothers end. I know her husbands already super suicidal. My half brothers severely autistic, non verbal, among a few other things and will require his whole life to have someone be there for him. He’s not stupid, and I hate when people treat him as so, but he is absolutely unable to care for himself. He doesn’t have the right motorskills even, though we’ve gone to many different places to try and help him find ways to do actions in his own way that still get the same result. I admire how he’s such a positive little man, generally not just happy, but delighted. I aspire to look at the world like he does. He reminds me to try. I do love that about him.

He is, however, a Big boy, 15 now, and growing. He’s also very strong now. My mother is getting to an age where his, as well call em happy slaps, are really hurting her. He is generally good about slapping your hands and not your back if you provide them. But when he is upset he is a shover; one bad fall could really cause a lot of chaos for my mother with her health. The husband spends most of his time locked in his room.

My half sister is epileptic. They have done tests for years and can’t figure out all her triggers or the whys. They just sometimes stop for a long time then suddenly happen. She’s 16, turning 17 soon. And I don’t even know if she’s going to be, since my mother won’t let me know. And there are large gaps from my sister being on tech due to concerns of what triggered her seizure this time so she’s often removed from electronic devices for a time.

When I had turned 21, my mother and her husband tried to have me sign a paper to become legal guardian of my half siblings, should something happen to them, so the kids didn’t get separated.

At that time, I was still taking care of my fathers mother along with working at a shit job, and had a house full of temporary roommates who I had offered rooms to as a sort of safe house for them. I have a knack for finding people from broken homes, what can I say? With the house my father and I built, we had space, so I used it. I was able to help the girls get out of toxic places, get on their feet, and move on. Not all of them always. But it did generally work out. One has a boyfriend who was growing worse to her on top of getting more and more into hard drugs while also she dealing with an abusive aunt who got worse once her mother died of cancer. So she was stuck with the terrible boyfriend. I had her stay with me as soon as I heard.

Another was complicated, but generally revolved around the alcoholic mother and the many, shady, men in and out of the house. The dangers of that alone were.. problematic without the friend also being suicidal and not taken seriously. I’ve stayed many times with her to just hang out, clean, cook, or even read a book cuz she just wanted to hear someone talking and such. You know? Until eventually I had her move in with me too.

Another’s mothers died of a cancer and dad an alcoholic; not abusive, he just became childlike and super forgetful. To a hurtful degree in his totally dependent state, whenever he was home. Plus their whole little trailer smelled of piss. And her boyfriend (they’re married with kids and happy now) was in jail. He had a bad past but had cleaned up his act quite well, but. Well that’s complicated. We all know that the police don’t squint at details of any issue if the accused has a problematic past.

I had two different girls with trouble at home who were being used by their family to constantly work, clean, and pay for everything.

I had an ex and her girlfriend with problematic homophobic parents who were terrible and semi violent so I had them stay with us so they could be together somewhere safer.

I did not. At all. Have the assured means to also be a parent of ten children with very different needs nor any medical benefits to help out with.

I also knew, that, with how my mothers husband was, if he had some guarantees for his children’s safety, he would likely end his life if he could. He’s been so close so many times. If signed this paper, he would have the last big most important concern that’s kept him from.. I just. I didn’t want him to do it. I selfishly didn’t want to be responsible for my siblings that would take away any bit of time I had for myself away. If anything happened, I would not abandon and forget my siblings. That’s absurd. But my mother implied heavily she wanted to be sure of that. And thus this paper.

I was struggling to find aid for college so I could go to school (never got to, by the way. Minus two classes in total. Aced them both, but it doesn’t matter. Credits in the wind). I was already dealing with my grandmother. The girls I chose to help. My shit job. My fathers temper and his horrible horrible ‘on again off again’ girlfriend. The chaos that alone committed.

I was busy providing a safe space in my home and making sure it stayed that way for the rare times trouble makers made the mistake of stepping up to my door to try and harass my girls.

I often worked 10 days in a row before a day off. Many of those days often had double shifts which were 16 hours. Sometimes I got an hour nap on the double shifts.

I just couldn’t do it.

And now. I remember something that came to mind back then that comes back to mind now. My moms husband adores my grandma. She’s been better to him than his own mother. She’s dying. He’s not taking it well and his mental health has always been pretty low and in the last couple years, already dangerously rock bottom. I’ll admit, same.

His daughter is now in the hospital. My brother is smart but there are some things we can’t really explain for him to get. He understands something is wrong but not sure what and it upsets him. He doesn’t like change and gets super fussy for it. Which can be taxing and hours and days and weeks of it. Grandmas been in the hospital for a couple more or more now. She coded a few days ago but they got her back.

If grandma dies. If something happens to my sister…

God. I don’t see that man sticking around.

And with my mom isolated. A lot of it her doing with her own family but also a good part of it being dumb petty bs of other folks that have no reason to behave like that (a whole drama I don’t have the energy to keep up with..). I just.

I see it as a domino effect of terrible terrible events I don’t want to write.

My mothers side im not very close to. I don’t blame my cousins, we were kids ajd our meetings were brief as they were. But the adults kept their distance with me. No one expected me to survive and decided it was easier to not get attached. To not get involved with me, and by extension, the devil himself, my father. So I never got the chance to know that family. Even when I tried.

So the only family I do have some ties to ajd know, is in a hospital bed, or on my dads side, and they’re dying to. And I get it… that at a certain age in life, many of the people around you start to. It’s just life. Ajd it sucks. And I miss having a best friend. I miss having friends who just seem to like to have me around. Want to have me around.

And I wonder if the friends I thought I made with my roommates were just because I provided something for them. Sure we laughed a lot, we cried over shared traumas, celebrated holidays together so as to not be alone.

But not a one speaks to me now. And hey. That’s also life. But it makes me feel pretty shitty; every where I look in the past, I can’t see any relationship, family, partner, friendship, that ever had me around unless I was providing services they wanted and needed. And I don’t mean the natural give and take.

I’m aware that I’m not the friend folks have around. I’m a fun distraction at best and have been told and reminded as such. I feel like shit cuz my wife’s wonderful and the best person in my life, and yet I still mourn having close friends to hang with. I miss gaming together the most. Or the bullshitting. Sharing food.

I’m not a nice person. I’m working on it. I am. I’ve also, for years, been working on my own personal problems so as to not bring them into even conversations. I don’t know what I am doing wrong but I just.. can’t seem to keep anyone around. And frankly.

I find myself crying about it a lot with no idea what to do.

And. I’m burnt out.

I don’t want to make friends anymore. And yet I still crave it. Which sucks. I can’t stop seeming to want that. And I keep trying. And trying.

I’m trying to accept and be happy with any bit of time I get from the few friends who talk to me. I try to take my chances where I can to hang out (online, as they’re all distance by now), cuz I know it’s a short window and I’ll be lucky to get a next time in the near future.

Online is harder to provide a use, and once the ‘honeymoon phase’ of the friendship winds down, some drop off the map entirely. A few abruptly. And I just. That’s fucked me ho a ton. I can’t even express how many hours I stay sitting. Thinking. Unable to understand what I am not doing or what I am.

It’s a pity party. I know. But it’s fine. I’m still the only one at it and though I’m quite forward even with nerves eating away at me, I still just don’t know how to keep anyone in my life.

It’s taken almost 6 years for me to relax enough to believe my wife will, in fact, stick around.

But at this point in time, I’ve realized, on a note I just keep getting really sad over, that the bits of friendship I’ll get to experience with people, will be brief, snippets, and frankly, only if I am providing something they’re not getting.

I’m essentially the magazine next to the toilet when you have a bad bad stomach bug and your phones dead.

Man’s that’s.. probably my own doing. I know I’m a lot of woe is me in here. And it’s a post talking to me, so I’m indulging in it. I absolutely can’t out loud or in life. I’m working on just.. trying to feel instead of ignoring it. Per my therapists suggestions. So I feel fucking overwhelmed, sad, and alone. Isolated. Heavily.

Ignorance is bliss for real. I wish I wasn’t so aware that I was the friend you go to when all options are down and you’re bored. When you are in a bind and need a safe spot (I don’t mind that one but it does suck that it’s the only time some folks pop back in or up). That if I’m not working then no one even has a small little want to just say hi. I wish I had people who just wanted to say hi because they just.. missed me? I gues?

I wish I knew how to be better as a person and a friend. I thought I was making strides on that. I really had. And yet.

Here I am. Just.

Bitching to the void. Becuase my wife doesn’t need me to add more to her life with her father (finally back from the hospital after surgery) and his health concerned along with everyone else’s and the own sets of ordeals here. I don’t need her to fret over me.

She’s needed distraction and I’ve left her alone for a couple weeks now to her drawing. Probably one of the best things I did do for her was clean up a space for a literal drawing room for her. She’s happier for it. People compliment her art and she rather enjoys the well deserved attention.

I personally would love to have her around more. But I’m having a lot of bad shit days. Weeks at this point. And I’m using my energy to be useful in setting the table or doing the dishes, the cats, playing with the nephew, etc.

All I want to do is sleep.

Frankly. I’m tired of waking up.

But for her. I will.

#void screaming #ignore

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 4 years

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Snart Siblings Day Out

Another long forgotten Lisa Snart Appreciation Week fic. (Takes place anytime before LOT, probably before Lewis' death).

They had just succeeded in a successful raid of the bank yesterday afternoon. Fortunately the Scarlet Speedster was too late for once and they made off with ten thousand dollars, three diamonds necklaces and various other weaponry from the guards. It had been a good day.

Mick was sprawled out on the couch, nursing his hangover from their celebratory drinks at the club last night and using a bunch of stolen wallets and burned out cigarettes as a mashed up pillow.

Leonard decided he would take advantage of the day to go to the movies. Specifically a Star Wars Marathon.

Lisa had a feeling that her nerd of a brother would go to the Marathon after she had saw the ad on TV, some anniversary for the main character's birthday or something stupid like that. When she realized he planned the heist the day before, and the back up plan to go into motion the day after said marathon, she just knew it. Her brother had always been a Star Wars fan since he was 5 years old.

Even the-"oh so important, nothing else matters, Lisa, you can schedule your date for another time, no you can not make out with him while you're on watch" missions took a backseat where Star Wars was concerned.

Normally Lisa wouldn't have joined him, but all there was to do today was either watch Mick be a big baby about his hangover or laze around town until the clubs opened up. She chose the movies.

The marathon started at 9 in the morning so to kill time, Lisa bought tickets to a early Disney movie that was airing for the little kids.

"Really Lisa?" Leonard said when he saw the tickets she bought. "Disney? I thought we had your 34 birthday two moths ago, not your 6th.”

"Well do you wanna watch Disney or do you wanna watch something called Dams: A architectural documentary? Besides it would be something to sleep through." Lisa said, matter of factly.

"I swear if anyone sees us watching this, I'm putting all of it on you." Leonard grimaced, pulling up the hood of his signature blue parka, hiding his face.

What she didn't mention was that it was Pinocchio. Lisa always had an attachment to the movie when she was younger. God how many times did she wear a blue dress to school and wave a wand around her room, singing? And she would always look for the wishing star.

But Leonard had also become acquainted to the movie, whenever he would have taken of her when she was younger, she would make him watch it with her. And sometimes he would sing.

Not many people knew this secret talent. But he was a good singer. Not just good, but great. He had a deep baritone and steady voice that followed through the pitches, whenever he sang, she thought of the song like a warm barrier around her.

That usually had been because of circumstance though. She would make him sing it to her before she fell asleep, or when she had a nightmare or when Lewis had one of his lessons.

He would crawl into whatever nook she had burrowed herself into, and hug her and sing to her until she stopped crying or until she fell asleep. The song always gave her that stupid childish hope that maybe Lewis wasn't their real father, that he had just stolen them and their real parents, the perfect kind were looking for them.

She glanced at Lenny's direction to see if he noticed the choice of movie. If he had, he wasn't fazed. His posture didn't relax or tense and his face was shrouded by the furry hood.

After the whole "Once upon a dream" song, Lisa slow dropped off to sleep. Really besides the big song, the movie was a snoozer. Leonard shook her awake, and they joined the long line of mega-nerds, some in costumes, awaiting to enter the theater.

When they entered, they were stuck in the front row, craning their heads back to see the screen, stuck between a blob creature and a guy with a tentacle shirt whose tentacles kept sneaking into her lap and popcorn.

Already refreshed from her other nap, she was agonizingly awake during the movie. It was a painful, slow moving torture that people called a "masterpiece of cinematic art" or at least people like her brother anyway. Really "cinematic art?"

She zoned out during the first half, so she was completely lost during the second half and second movie, and she couldn't go get a third popcorn refill because the aisle was crowded with legs and dorks that booed her every time she blocked their view of the screen.

Last ditch effort, she pulled out her phone and started playing Trivia Crack. She looked up to see Len glaring at her. "Turn it off.” he hissed "No one's paying attention. Not breaking the law here." "The light is distracting from the movie" he whispered "No it isn't. It's just a little thing compared to the huge 50 ft screen." "Yes but you keep clicking the keyboard, and some people are trying to listen to what they are saying." Leonard retorted "Oh you can't hear what they're saying? You really must be getting into your old age. The sound is giving me a..." She was cut off abruptly when Leonard grabbed her phone and firmly placed his other hand ontop of her mouth.

"This is my favorite part so shut it. He hissed. His hand wouldn't get off her mouth, no matter how many times she licked or bit it. He seemed to be lost in the world of the ugly green midget man.

Finally five and half hours later, they left the theater. Lisa practically ran out the door and kissed the sweet, fresh, cold ground.

Between the comfy woolen seats, and all the warm bodies, her leather outfit and his hand on her face, she was as sweaty as when Shawna dared Mick to spend the whole day in a incinerator.

They started to head for their parking space when she saw, faintly in the distance. A light blue café with a swirling ice cream cone. "Is that..." "Leo's Ice Cream" Leonard whispered.

Leo's Ice Cream was a place that their grandfather often took Leonard, saying it was his special place because of the coincidental name. Lisa barely remembered it, but when Leonard told stories, it sounded like he had just been there the day before. He had been very fond of their grandfather. Something about a greater father figure.

"Wanna go?" Lisa asked him. Leonard seemed to be making choosing whether to treat himself to his childhood memory or keep on with his ice cold criminal facade, which he chose the latter.

"No. It's fine. Let's go home." he said stiffly.

"But isn't the skating rink near by the café?" Lisa asked, innocently. "Well, yes" Leonard conceded. "Then let's go" Lisa dragged her brother by the arm as she raced down the streets to the round, grey building while Leonard stumbled to keep pace like an old man.

They entered the rink, and Lisa breathed in the cold, hair stinging smell of fresh ice. Another childhood memory of hers. She used to love to figure skate when she was younger. Other children wanted to be prima ballerinas. She wanted to be a prima ice skater ever since she had first visited the rink on a class field trip when she was 7.

Lewis, of course, had heartily disapproved. He needed her at home, to help with his jobs and be his punching bag and occasional cook. He didn't need his daughter to be trampling around the ice, looking like a sparkly, spandaxed idiot. Leonard was the one who supported her. He drove her to the rink, watched a few practices and when money got tight, flirted with her skating teacher to get free lessons.

As she grew older, and admittedly more cynical, she grew out of ice skating dreams, but continued to practice until she was in high school because Lenny seemed so happy to see her happy.

She laced up her rental skates and glided out to the ice. Muscle memory returning as she felt the slick floor beneath her blades.

Her muscles tensed as she returned to the familiar movement of glide-step-glide-step-turn. The wind sloshing past her ears, the world seemed to fade away, and dip and swirl as she did. She perform two triple lutz and five figure eights before returning to wear Leonard was by the plexiglass door.

"Are you gonna join me or what?" Lisa challenged, sharply turned with her time ick sending a shower of sparks.

"Just wanted to watch you get the jumping out of your system. Don't need to get another head cut."

Lisa sheepishly grinned, that might have happened a few times. She could get really lost in the moment.

Leonard slowly walked out onto the ice. He was a decent skater, but he mostly kept to the side as she glided around performing for the awestruck toddlers and their parents.

She kept it up for a few more turns until she felt her muscles cry out for a break. Lisa walked back to the rental and slowly took off her skates. She forgot how much fun she had doing that, the utter freedom of movement around on the ice. "Nice going sis, haven't lost your touch" Leonard drawled, slowly clapping. Lisa smiled in turn.

They walked out of the rink, and Lisa announced she was choosing the place for dinner. She briskly walked him across the street, to the little blue café. "Lisa, I..you don't need.. I a-” Leonard stammered.

"I insist Lenny, it's my treat. We all need a nice ice cream" Lisa waved off his protests as she took out her credit card.

They settled to an outside table, silently people-watching and eating their order. He neatly devouring his banana split. Lisa smiled as she watched him eat, taking note of his care-free face and his eyes that seemed to be thinking of some other time.

Contrary to what people may believe, but she wasn't so entirely self-absorbed. She knew how much Leonard loved her and how far he would go to protect her and make her happy. Honestly, it overwhelmed her sometimes. She felt she could never match up to his generosity and kindness to him. Never repay the fact that he had been her pillar of support, her biggest confidence, protector and cheerleader, and above all, someone who cared about her.

So sometimes, when she was able to make him smile like this with a small treat, she felt she was giving something back to the guy who practically was her father. Sure, it wasn't big or showy but she had a feeling he could get the meaning behind it.

He didn't have many happy childhood memories to look back on, at least this was one she could remind him of. "Tell me about our grandfather" Lisa said, and Leonard launched into a vivid description of their grandfather's kind, blue eyes among other things.

"He was the one he always believed in my skills." Leonard sighed, looking uncharacteristically mournful, "He was the one who told me to do what I'm good at, and to think and to act with a brain."

"I mean I can't encourage you like he did. But I'm on your side. I always will be if you need me. Don't forget that, no matter how many times you get sent to jail, there's someone on your side. You're not gonna be alone as long as I'm around." You're not alone, Lenny" Lisa murmured softly, Leonard gave a small smile.

They quickly moved on to less touchy subjects and started discussing any random thought that came to their head, from the Star Wars marathon to books to heists to the Scarlet Speedster.

"And what's up with his speeches? He sounds like some 50s superhero. I'm here in the name of justice, and to arrest you for robbery, grand theft auto and mercenary." Lisa crowed.

"Don't forget making him look bad." Leonard smirked.

"Oh yeah, we defiantly make him look bad."

Soon the sun started to set, and the afternoon lights turned to a light lilac. The walked silently back to the car with their own thoughts. Lisa felt a sense of stability and contentment she hadn't felt in a long time.

She wouldn't mind having more days like this. Just hanging out without doing any villainy or kidnapping. Sure, they would probably be back at it two days later but this was just as nice.

Leonard went into the driver's seat of their pick up and Lisa called dibs on shotgun out of habit from competing with Mick and sometimes Hartley when he joined the missions.

Lisa gazed out at Central City's skyline, and her ears perked up when she heard a familiar tune being hummed next to her. "Really Lenny?"

"Because of you whenever I hear that song it gets stuck in my head for the whole day" Leonard snarled, but Lisa could see his smirk behind the tone of voice, and started to sing along.

"When you wish upon a star, doesn't matter who you are..." Leonard's low alto joined in "Anything your heart's desire, your dreams come true."

It was so stupid how this song made her feel so freakin hopeful.

They stopped at the warehouse, and after Leonard locked the car doors, he gave her a quick, one sided hug and dis tangled himself from her.

"So that was nice." Leonard he muttered "Yeah" Lisa nodded. They both could feel the unspoken thought between them. It had been nice, it was just a small reminder that they cared for each other.

Next time they should bike around town. Lisa remembered that motorcycles races against her brother was another memory that was fun to try.

Besides there was a cool jewelry store right by Leo's Ice Cream that had some great stuff to steal. You know, for family bonding days.

#lisa snart #leonard snart #golden glider #captain cold #the flash #snart siblings #day out #my fanfic #my fanfiction #lisa snart appreciation week

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alirhi · 3 years

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I just want this done 😭

When I was 15, I started RPing with my friends over AIM. Usually we'd only stick with a particular story or set of characters (always original work; I wasn't much into fanfiction back then, though I'd started a few that never went far lol) for a session or two and then move on, but I had this one friend - we'll call her T - who had one character with a really rich, interesting backstory. We stuck with him and the boy I'd created to pair with him and just kept developing this story over several months.

My character, Zephan, ended up getting sidelined by another, much more interesting character who got added later, Kieran. And the first incarnation of what would eventually become the Crossroads series was born.

This is a really long rant, so I'll be nice and put the rest under a cut.

I have no fucking idea why T wrote with me, tbh. She was in her 20s. I was 15 and really annoying, and really bad at writing. 😂 I look back over that early material (and my ooc ramblings) and I want to die. Or reach back through time and slap that kid lmao. But anyway, for some reason this grown-ass lady put up with me, and my barf-inducing fawning over her character, and out of all that truly fucking awful writing, a pretty great idea came about.

I wasn't going to get into this, but then I realized context kind of matter lmao so here's a (hopefully) quick rundown on Crossroads 1.0:

Zephan is a bi cutie who meets a really hot guy, they hit it off right away (no insta-love, so at least I had that going for me lol) and start dating. They both have secret traumatic pasts neither is ready to reveal to the other, but of course, they come back to bite them in their respective asses. Zephan starts acting really strange; not moody so much as literally his entire personality changes. Eventually he learns that when he was a baby, he was possessed by this dying creature who needed a body - Kieran. And part of Zephan's trauma is actually linked to a monster from Kieran's past tracking him down. Kieran was weakened by the shit that almost killed him, so once he was safe in a new body, he kinda just went to sleep for 20 years. But then he started waking up and taking control of the body, which Zeph's not too happy about. They fight for dominance, hurting Zephan's bf in the process (emotionally lol not physically), and bf fucks off to a scary place from his past while Zephan and Kieran go to Kieran's home world to try to sort some shit out. It doesn't work. Eventually, they do figure something out with the help of one of Zeph's best friends, Leyna, who happens to be a super powerful witch. She splits them and gives Kieran a new body, he goes home to face his monsters, Zeph tries to find his bf... the whole thing was left unresolved because T and I drifted apart and I haven't spoken to her in like 17 years lol

in the meantime, I met a new bud. We'll call this one A. Me and A? IRL insta-love, yo! Not the romantic kind, but definitely BFFs from the second she first spoke to me. It's been a roller coaster since then lol. She's still very much in my life (is my unofficial sister) but our friendship has been nothing but drama the whole damn time. Not all of it was rl drama, though! A became my new RP partner! and guys, back in the day? This girl had some good ideas!

I can't remember anymore who was responsible for what. We spent years talking about this story... and not doing much else with it tbh. I got a little writing done here and there, but was hampered by all the rl fights and her flaking constantly, and when the drama got bad enough that we "stopped being friends" (every few weeks in high school lmao and a few times in our 20s), I had to go back and rewrite everything to get her contributions out of there.

It wasn't called Crossroads yet, btw. Until around 2012-ish, it was just this one story line - Achlais (T's suggested name for Kieran's world. I later learned that it's apparently Gaelic for "armpit" and was like "fuck that" XD but I loved the sound of it. so my friend - we'll call this one S - did some digging and found this really cool Greek deity Achlys and we were both like "yeah, that works." So...yeah. story was just Achlais/Achlys)

Achlais centered around Kieran and his struggles. Zephan became a footnote in this much more interesting character's journey. See, Kieran was born of trauma; he's a rape baby and the first thing he saw in the world was his mother being killed for having him. Never mind the fact that the man who killed her was his father and her rapist. Always blame the women, amirite? The cool thing is, though, daddy fucked himself over big time. Kieran was his first child, and by the very strict laws of their world (not Achlais; Kieran was born on a different world, called Takaldor, and then banished to Achlais) is the only legitimate heir to the throne. Oh, yeah. Daddy's King of Takalador. And mom? Mom's human, but she's also a Queen of another world in her own right. So enter leetle Kieran, heir to two thrones and shipped off to a third world and left to die. His body does, but his soul's too strong, so he body-hops for a while. Finds stillborn babies (no soul to fight him) and takes their bodies. Kieran gets to live, parents get to raise their child instead of mourning them. They never know their kiddo is actually just the vessel for a half-demon magical parasite lol.

It's in his last host body before Zephan that Kieran gets his name (mom was killed before naming him; he eventually found a host with a name he liked and kept it)... and also the bulk of his trauma. woo lol. He's kidnapped by the main villain, Kanaye (I was obsessed with A and K names in my teens. this story was rife with them until I painstakingly went through and changed as many as I could over the past few years), kept as a slave, bad things happen to him that I won't go into detail on because I forgot to put a trigger warning in the beginning. 😅 But just... really, really bad, traumatic shit. And even though his mind is fully grown at this point, his host body is a child (5ish when kidnapped, 7ish when Very Bad Stuff starts, 15 or so when he escapes. ...oh yeah, spoiler alert XD Kieran escapes). I had this policy that I still sometimes have trouble shaking off: I was never satisfied with my writing until it made me cringe (from ick factor, not from lack of quality lol. unfortunately, I have a very strong stomach and my tolerance for ick only grew as my writing got more icky lmao so... yeah. that snowballed.)

While in captivity/slavery, Kieran meets a girl also enslaved to Kanaye, named Amara (see? A and K names 🙄) and falls in love with her. He escapes, joins a gang (don't ask 😂 I'm trying to keep this as bare-bones as possible because there are a lot more stories than just this one in Crossroads), eventually when he thinks he's strong enough to take on this crazy demon wizard, he goes back to rescue Amara. he fails completely, Amara is mortally wounded, Kieran's host is killed, and Amara uses the last of her strength (she's magical af and that's why Kanaye kept her around) to push his soul to Earth. The whole thing with Zephan happens, just with a different bf who opens up this whole awesome subplot having to do with one of Achlais's moons. Anyway, when Kieran gets his own body back, he goes back to Achlais (where his enemy has literally taken over the world) and leads a war against Kanaye. Then he stands against his father to avenge his mother, and eventually becomes King of Takalador. unfortunately, it's a super ultra over-the-top racist world so they hate him for being half human, and there's like civil war and shit. fun stuff. Also, his mother is brought back from the dead lmao. There was stuff with different types of dragons, a whole slew of fantasy species and magic and y'all I have been building this world since I was 14 (yes, before the RP that kicked off the main plot. I had the world before I had characters or plot)

I would love nothing more than to go into excruciating detail about the worlds and their canon history and that awesome moon subplot and everything, but... I mean, look how long this already is, and I haven't even touched on the other stories yet lmao

The first non-Achlais/Achlys story to get linked to it was A's and my amazing (if I do say so myself lol) retelling of the war between the Biblical Heaven and Hell. It's told from the perspective of the First Fallen, and reframes the entire thing. Adonai (God, if you didn't know his name) is a psychotic fuckwit, there's an oft-repeated saying that no man is made more in His image than his Catholic priests, and Lucifer and his followers didn't fight for the throne or because they hated humans or whatever. that was all propaganda. They fought for their freedom, and they won. As part of the treaty that finally ended the bloodshed, they were given Hell but with the caveat that they have to torture the souls of evildoers. Kay, fine. They got a level for that lol. They finally have a home! They're safe from Adonai!

Until he breaks the treaty himself, determined to have his favorite pet back, and kidnaps Lucifer. His eldest daughter (a general who helped lead the first war) invades Heaven to get him back and a second war breaks out. The rescue attempt is ultimately successful, but Luci's just about fucking had it. There are all these rumors that Adonai can be killed, but because he created all things, kill him and reality unravels. Lucifer gives zero fucks. He's willing to put it to the test. Turns out is exaggerated... but pretty much true. The reality he created - Heaven and Hell - does depend on him being there and, y'know, alive lol. and so it all collapses when Luci kills him. The few survivors become refugees and they end up on - you guessed it! - Achlys!

There's also this whole other realm we created with our own made up Gods and Goddesses, that also comes into play and has its own story arc, but we'll get back to that. Just remember that the main Godly place is called Valdell.

Next we have the one I'm struggling with most rn, DJ's story. DJ is the oldest OC of mine in the entire Crossroads series. I made him up when I was 13/14. Originally, he was supposed to sort of blend into the background; he was just the bestie of the one I'd intended to focus on, Kali. but Kali's kind of a fuckhead and DJ was much more fun lol. They're both still in play, and still besties, but DJ is the main and Kali's just kinda there XD

Oh, DJ Gallagher, how I love thee, let me count the ways... On the surface, his story doesn't seem at all connected to the rest of the Crossroads universe (unless you're eagle-eyed and notice little Easter eggs here and there). There's no magic, it takes place entirely on Earth (in my hometown in the 90s, specifically lol)... doesn't seem to have much to do with this epic fantasy adventure. but oh, it does. DJ's got quite the future ahead of him... or did, when A was supposed to be writing this with me.

You know what? DJ's getting his own post. He deserves the attention lol. Just know that I love this boy, and his story is the part of this series giving me the most grief right now in my attempts to rewrite yet again to get all of A's crap out of the way.

Claddagh - Rebecca's story that I posted a bunch of snippets from a few days ago - is the next road added to Crossroads. What's her connection to all this? Well, in addition to her meeting Lucifer and his daughter/General Haliel, you learn that she is actually Rachel's (Kieran's mom) little sister. She's also the final piece of the puzzle at the end, in the one book that ties all of these stories together. Thankfully, despite many attempts to get her to, A never even tried to look like she was helping with this one. S was, back when we were friends, but she ghosted me in 2015, so I wrote her character out, replaced her with Fiona, and got a much better plot out of the deal, so that worked out lol. Thanks for being a bitch, S!

There are smaller parts, as well (Claddagh's planned to be a pretty long series, and so was Achlys when A was involved) - Dying Breed, in which Johanna's mother is abducted and skeptical, cynical Jo is forced to see a world of magic that her mom had been trying to show her (and protect her from) all her life; Annwn, where we're shown that Jo's mom actually knew a boy from DJ's story, Ice, and begs him to take on this insane quest that only gets crazier once he's actually on it; and the Winter trilogy, which genuinely started out as a joke, but my friends liked what I had, so I decided to keep it. That one's... it's different. XD it's a "reverse harem" story that gets pretty squicky. I'm not entirely sure how much of my original plan to keep. A never had a hand in any of this (though a mutual friend of ours, L, was briefly trying to help me with Dying Breed before she had to bow out) but just because it didn't come from our 2 AM spazz sessions doesn't mean all the ideas are good lol.

And then there's Heart and Seoul, which is actually a really long fanfic we wrote 11 years ago. We never finished it (almost, though) but it got popular for a while, so we decided to convert it to an original and, due to references mainly in DJ's story, it became connected to Crossroads. I was actually very happy to cut that lol. It's A's baby so I feel a little bad for saying this, but... I never loved that story as much as she did. It was fun for a while, but I'm so over it.

Valdell had its own trilogy planned, at first, too, but it was kind of just more of the same tired crap that one comes to expect from A - mpreg for the hell of it and a "doomed" romance. meh. On their own, they're not bad story elements if done right, but when it's literally every goddamn story she comes up with, it gets old real quick.

So that was Crossroads 2.0 - it went through many stages and rewrites, but that's the basic gist. We had this whole interconnected Whedonverse concept, and an MCU Phase 1, 2, 3 thing going on (Phase 2 was kicked off by one of the Valdell Gods getting fed up with all the mortals' bumbling and erasing all of existence except his home and the other Gods. his wife flipped shit until he remade it. DJ was brought back as a girl. wife was like "fucking really? are you kidding me?" so he rolled his eyes and fixed it, and DJ got a Phase 3. also, Lucifer got 3 phases because of some shit with the whole killing Addie thing and a boy named Cole...)

It got...complicated, to say the least. Convoluted is probably more accurate. So when I made the decision to cut A out once and for all instead of spending my life in limbo waiting for her to suddenly become reliable, I cut like... that whole MCU concept. I also cut out a lot of what happened in Achlys, and around 20 planned books got cut down to 5. and the whole struggle with DJ... character arcs that I loved are gone, that whole awesome subplot I mentioned in Achlys? gone. which means I have to rewrite shit all the way back to the first book, because it was an underlying mystery that persisted through the whole series!

A lot of stuff, I cut because it was just bad. Whether it came from her brain or mine, or this weird hive mind thing we have going on when we're overtired, doesn't matter. It was bad. Some stuff was great, but I cut it because it was either her idea initially (she used to be so creative before she dug herself a little rut and decided it was comfy and dis is home nao) or tied into her ideas and characters too tightly. I couldn't cut her Achlys characters, for instance, without cutting that mystery subplot even though the mystery was 100% my idea, because we'd worked together on building the shit necessary for it to exist, and solving it for the reader hinged on A's characters in the Zephan chunk of the story. and none of that is there anymore. Zephan's not a part of this at all. That whole story line is gone.

Unfortunately, erasing the Zeph part also erases Leyna and her brother Lucian, and Lucian appears in DJ's story and that was a clever little tie-in before, but now it's just... a random boy who appears for one scene and is mentioned once or twice, and that's it.

So it's been a struggle, to say the least. I don't know if I should stick to my guns and keep this new, much shorter Crossroads 3.0, or rework it one more time to keep these elements I loved...somehow. ugh.

fml.

#writer problems #crossroads #crossroads series #creativity #sometimes i have it #sometimes not so much lol #kill me #i wish i could just #snap my fingers and it's done #y'know?#halp #if any of this even made sense #any ideas?#i'm listening #long post #extremely long post #you've been warned

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vowel-in-thug · 7 years

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my night at a (possibly haunted) schoolhouse B&B

so i realized i didn’t tell the whole story of how this weekend, for the wedding, i stayed at a weird B&B and finally got my own creepy fucking story to share!!!!! i’ve always wanted one!! hopefully this will get some of you pumped for halloween!

the night of the wedding, the whole party was staying at this bed and breakfast down the road from the wedding venue. the bed and breakfast was a former schoolhouse.

it's like one of those old two story brick schoolhouses i've only ever seen in a cartoon. the bridal party (including me) goes there before the wedding to get ready. we meet the two owners, tom and pedro** (**names changed), who are nice but weird guys, and tom give us a tour.

the place is amazing and so creepy but so cool. on the bottom floor was the principal's office which is now the owner's office, there's a teacher's lounge/library as the breakfast nook, a little gym area with rubber floors and medicine balls, an auditorium area for events and a big lounge area. all filled with weird shit and old furniture, like i could have spent hours looking around we go upstairs.

there are only four bedrooms to this place, okay, and they're color coded (the red room, the blue room, etc). we have rented out the whole place for the night, the bride and groom, her peeps and his peeps.

we see all the rooms and they are so fucking NEAT. like each bedroom filled with this beautiful furniture and FUCKING HUGE and they have like old chalkboards on the wall and maps and books and a telescope (each room is a different "subject") but it's also, of course, really fucking creepy. weird portraits and old photos and little kids shoes, things like that. all fitting into the aesthetic, but all also really fucking creepy.

but during the day, we love it! we're all about it! it's just hilarious and amazing

so we get ready, and we look beautiful, and we go get her married and it's beautiful.

after the wedding, we head back to the bed and breakfast. it's dark as fuck. we're all at least drunk or getting there. we go up to the red room where the bride and groom are gonna spend the night. we've toted up all the leftover beer and wine from the open bar at the wedding. tom is there, again one of the owners. he comes into the room, asks how the ceremony was. someone asks about the inn, he gives us a very normal story: he went to school there as a little kid, he heard it was up for auction, he had the idea as a joke, but then no one bid on it and the price kept getting lower, so he ended up buying it (for a fucking steal, i looked it up)

anyway he shortly says goodnight. the last thing he asks if we have enough drinks (we do). and then he leaves! the building! that’s it! but we're fine because we're adults, and we're in the bedroom hanging out, but then ofc we start to explore the place because we’re also idiots and we go downstairs.

here's no one around except us. i went into the little kiddie auditorium they had there which they use to hold events (like the school would have used for assemblies, there's a little stage). it's got all this leftover party stuff sort of crammed into a corner. someone says they might have found the door to the basement. i said "no thanks" and ignored them. then the first weird thing:

over in one corner, there's a little bar. there are these cocktail napkins for something called GOGONOK DAY or something like that, dated for like september 15. there was a little silhouette of a boy on it. and behind the bar were two large tubs of water filled with old beer (the exact same looking tub, we had upstairs filled with beer, from the wedding venue). and there were also two dispensers, one of tea and one of lemon water, with a layer of mold on top.

which is......gross and odd, because the place itself was very clean. but i’m drunk so i just go ICK and ignore it and i'm taking pictures and the groom’s brother is on the piano, and then someone (a girl not in the bridal party but just came to party) sticks her head in the door and was like "uh guys"and we go out and there's a man there.

according to the girl, later, she'd been in the teacher's lounge looking at the door to the basement, and this guy just emerged and went "yep. yep." and walked passed her, and idk how the fuck she didn't scream or punch him bc i feel i would have done one of those things

anyway, it's just pedro! the other manager (that girl, as i said, wasn't part of the bridal party, so she had never met him). anyway pedro was very nice and was like, yknow, hey guys, you can't go wandering around. and we're drunk and like, oh sure of course we're not allowed and of course there's like a night manager, that makes perfect sense, we're sorry and goodnight

so we go back upstairs. by then it's kind of all winding down. we get kicked out of the red room so bride and groom can be alone, and the non wedding party people leave to go home

so i'm lying in the bed of the blue room, which is even larger than the red room. i'm sharing it with the maid of honor who is wasted and i'm trying to coax her to get ready for bed. she's in the bathroom and i hear voices out in the hall

so i go to the door. and this is when, you know in a modern horror movie when you're like "where is their PHONE why aren't you taking a picture of the ghost???" that is totally true bc i had my phone in my hand and i didn't think to record it

the blue room was at the top of the stairs. my friend charles, who was the best man, is standing on the middle landing. charles had been with us all night, including when we were fucking around downstairs and ran into pedro

so charles is standing on the middle landing, looking down at the first floor, which is now pitch black. and he says, "who are you?"and this voice answers, a guy i can't see, with an odd accent, "i'm frank. i'm the owner."

and charles has met both owners by this point, tom and pedro, so he starts talking to him in that way where, you know someone is full of shit but you're strying to get a straight answer out of someone. "oh you're the owner? how long have you owned this place? what's the history of this building?" etc

the guy.... does not answer these questions. he's just silent, presumably just staring up at charles in the dark.

the only thing he answers is when charles asks, "can you turn the lights back on downstairs?"

frank says, "no, i have to keep the lights off for the privacy of the other guests down here."

there are only four rooms, all upstairs, and the wedding party has rented them all

charles says, "what other guests? where are they staying? there's no rooms down here. are they in the basement haha?"

the guy just keeps saying, "i have to keep the lights off for their privacy."

until charles asks again, "where are the other guests?" and the guy replies, "why don't you mind your fucking business?"

at which point charles is like "okay cool you're right, i'm just gonna go to bed" and books it up the stairs and walks by me like "nope i'm not getting murdered tonight."

so i go back into my room and i lock the door and i crawl next to the drunk maid of honor and go to sleep.

i woke up at like 4am and got up to turn on the AC and nothing happened at all but i freaked myself out a bunch doing it. like shining my cellphone light at this BIG dark empty room and of course there's no one there BUT WHAT IF THERE HAD BEEN, or bending down to plug my phone back in and thinking I DIDN'T LOOK UNDER THE BED BEFORE, etc so i didn't sleep great

the next morning, all is normal. sun shining, etc. we all meet for breakfast in the breakfast nook. everyone is tired, but no one has died. tom is there to feed us a good breakfast

while we're packing up our stuff, i see the bridge and the maid of honor talking quietly, looking a little confused. the bride says they spoke to tom to apologize about running around last night, and tom said that pedro didn't even mention it. like he wasn't upset at all, it wasn't a big deal. presumably, people did that all the time, because it's such an interesting place. no anger to anyone.

there were no other guests at breakfast. no one named frank has ever worked there.

#SPOOKY #i don't really think it was a ghost but i think it could have been a deranged squatter #so like #also not great #literally me rn #or last weekend #i've told everyone this story now so i think i can finally start not thinking about it haha

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mrsteveecook · 6 years

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my coworker is telling everyone he wants to ask me out, should I admit I had a nose job, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker, who might be in junior high, is telling everyone he likes me and plans to ask me out

I work for a large company, and my job involves interacting with many departments. One man at the company, “John,” has apparently told several of our colleagues — who are also good friends of mine outside of work — that he intends to ask me out. These friends have all separately come to me and told me about this.

I’m not interested in dating John, which is awkward enough — but I now feel especially awkward about the whole thing, given that he’s told so many people about his crush on me. If he had just come to me and asked me out privately, I would have turned him down gently, and it may have been a bit strange working with him for a bit, but probably fine in the end.

But the fact that he’s involved so many people already in this makes me extremely self-conscious and, frankly, pretty annoyed at him for acting like our workplace is a high school cafeteria. I know he’s gearing up to ask soon — I saw him at work the other day and he mentioned something about a “big question” he needs to ask me — and I’m not sure how to handle it. When I turn him down, should I also mention my annoyance that he involved half the office in this? Tell him that it was inappropriate? I’m a little afraid that he’s going to turn around and broadcast the rejection to everyone – and I don’t want him to do this again with another woman at work in the future. But I also don’t want to overreact and feed into this (admittedly minor) drama.

I don’t have a problem with someone asking out a coworker — I just don’t want it broadcast all over the office!

Oh my goodness. He told you he has a “big question” he needs to ask you? This would be weird even for a nervous high schooler asking someone to prom. Also, he’s really raising the stakes for himself with all this drama … although maybe he assumes you’re going to say yes and thinks this is all Romance (TM)?

Anyway … ick. As a counterweight to how much drama he has brought to this, it might be best to keep your rejection as simple and matter of fact as possible — just “No, thank you.” That said, there’s certainly an argument for telling him he’s behaved inappropriately and it’s been unwelcome and has made you uncomfortable. And if you’re comfortable with that and want to do it, please do — I just don’t want you to feel obligated to if you’d rather not take that on, because it’s not your job to teach him to behave like a respectful adult. (But it’s very much your prerogative to ask your employer to handle that, if you want to have a word with his manager or HR. You’re very much entitled to tell them that you don’t want this guy making his desire to date you a major topic at work and to expect them to shut it down from there.)

My bigger worry is how he’s going to react after the rejection. If he’s moping around, or hassling you about why you said no, or asking friends to urge you to reconsider, or otherwise making it A Thing in your office, that’s “head to HR” territory. He can have all the feelings he wants, but he needs to keep them out of work and not make things awkward or uncomfortable for you.

2. Should I admit my nose job to coworkers?

Due to an accident a few months ago, I broke my nose and now need to get internal surgery on my nose (specifically the septum). However, I’ve always been unhappy with how my nose looks, so while I’m under anesthesia and in the OR, I’m going to have rhinoplasty done as well. My boss and team are aware of the impending surgery and wishing me the best. It shouldn’t keep me out of work for long, so I was simply not going to tell anyone else that I was having surgery and let them just think I’m out of the office for vacation or something.

However, I anticipate my nose looking quite different as I currently have a rather large bump on the bridge of it. I’ve been at this job for four and a half years, so I feel pretty confident that my coworkers in other departments will notice the change in my face! I’m nervous about navigating comments about looking different. It’s part of my office culture to be nosy (no pun intended), so I’m not sure if I should embrace and admit I had plastic surgery or just brush it off. For example, if I get asked “Is that a new nose?” I could smile and say “Yep, sure is!” Or shrug and say “Just a new haircut.” (I’m sure there are some better responses though!) I don’t want my responses, or the fact that I’m getting plastic surgery, to reflect badly on me or my professionalism. What would be the best course of action?

I think it depends on how obvious the change is and what your comfort level is in talking about it. If the change is really noticeable, it might be weirder to attribute it to a haircut, and you risk it becoming a more interesting thing to people if you’re denying something obvious. But you actually have a really easy fall-back here — you can truthfully explain that you broke your nose a few months ago and had surgery on it. People can fill in any blanks from there on their own, without you needing to get into the fact that you tacked on a cosmetic adjustment as well.

(In fact, “I had surgery to repair a deviated septum” and similar explanations are pretty popular when people have nose jobs, exactly because they let you acknowledge the change without having to deal with people’s weird feelings about cosmetic surgery.)

3. My boss keeps changing my schedule and not telling me

My boss keeps changing my scheduled work hours on the fly, sometimes even forgetting to tell me about it, and it’s driving me crazy. When I get to work, I have scheduled my life so that I leave approximately when my scheduled shift ends. I don’t mind staying a bit to wrap things up every so often if there is an unexpected project, and often do so. However, if I am scheduled until 4, my boss will often say, “you can stay until 6?” It sounds like it’s a question, but it’s not. And there are passive aggressive remarks if I say I can’t stay.

Earlier this month, I came in for extra work that my boss had been worried about. When I got there, first thing, we agreed on the time I would leave. Eight hours later, I had everything on her list completed and went to leave at the agreed upon time, but my boss said, “oh, but I scheduled you for another half hour. So you will need to stay late on tomorrow to make it up.”

I enjoy my work. I want to be a team player; if someone is sick or on vacation, I cover, I help out at busy times of year, etc. But I have night school and have older relatives I help care for—in fact, I was hired because I am in school to become professionally regulated, so they are well aware I have firm commitments. My superiors know when they will be working months in advance, yet I have to fight for even minimally advanced notice. Even if I didn’t have a quote-unquote good excuse to not stay into the evening at the drop of a hat, it doesn’t seem right. It feels like my workplace doesn’t consider me a full person.

This field is also not normally part of a culture of overtime similar to, say, young doctors and law students. Up to this point, I’ve kept neutral, factual reminders like, “Oh, I was going by the posted schedule, is there new information i should be aware of?” and “I am happy to stay, but I need advance notice” on the tip of my tongue, but nothing sinks in. How can I get some balance in my life?

You’re going to have to be more direct and more assertive about it: “Because I have night school and older family members I care for, I’m no longer going to be able to change my schedule on the fly as easily as I have been up until now and will need to leave at the end of my scheduled shift, unless it’s something we’ve worked out ahead of time. I wanted to let you know so that you’re not counting on me staying later than scheduled on the fly from now on.”

And then if you’re asked to stay late and you don’t want to do it, you say, “Sorry, I can’t! I need to leave right at the end of my scheduled shift because I have a commitment right afterwards.”

If you get the sense that your boss is upset by this after a few times of doing it, I’d address that head-on: “I’ve gotten the sense that you’ve been concerned when I haven’t been able to work later than my scheduled shifts. Can we hash out exactly what you expect of me in that regard and what I’m able to do so that we’re on the same page?”

Ultimately if what she says is “you need to be available for longer shifts with no notice,” then (a) that’s unreasonable, but (b) you’ll have to decide if you want the job under those conditions (or if you’re willing to just keep refusing and deal with whatever results from that, which could be anything from annoyed resignation to firing you over it).

4. We’re required to pay for our own celebration, even if we don’t attend

I wanted to get your take on something that’s been going on at the company I work at. I work as an actuary. To obtain the highest designation of Fellow of the Society of Actuaries, a person must complete several exams, which often take five or more years. People complete these exams while employed and companies will provide funds to use for study material and paid time off to use for studying. If a person fails their exams repeatedly, they may be removed from their job. Every six months, my company hosts an “exam results party.” Anyone may attend, whether you passed or failed, but the intention of the party is to celebrate those who have passed. Those who passed their exam are asked to contribute $85 (regardless of whether they intend to go to the party). Those who failed do not need to pay in order to attend. I say that they’re “asked,” but the reality is that we’re “told” to pay. The last time an email was circulated, it said “please pay Susan and Marcus the following…[with an explanation of the amounts of be paid].”

Everyone pays the money and it’s very clear that it’s “expected” rather than being asked for. For example, one year I passed two exams and was told that I’d need to pay $170 instead of $85. My face dropped in shock, and the person said, “Yeah, sorry, that’s just how it is.” Am I wrong for thinking that it’s inappropriate that this is presented to employees as a “required” payment? Most people here aren’t comfortable with causing trouble, so they just accept it and pay. Am I wrong for thinking it’s also weird that employees are paying for their own party?

It’s not necessarily outrageous that people are paying for their own party (I mean, it’s a little weird, but that’s a thing some places), but it’s completely bizarre that it’s a requirement and that you can’t opt out, and it’s even weird that you’re charged double if pass two exams.

I wonder if this got miscommunicated somewhere along the way — like someone decided the honorees should pay if they wanted a celebration and somehow that got misunderstood by an admin as “they must pay.”

Ideally you and others would just refuse. Say something like, “I appreciate the offer, but it’s not in my budget so I’m not going to attend.” And then if you’re told you have to pay anyway, you’d say, “That seems really weird — why would I be charged for a party I’m not attending? I think there must be a misunderstanding somewhere, but regardless this isn’t an expense I want to take on, so I’ll need to pass.” You could add, “If this is a business requirement, the company should be covering it. If it’s not a business requirement, then I’ll just decline.”

5. Is this rejection email rubbing salt in the wound?

I interviewed for a job a few days back for a company I was introduced to during an industry networking event. I felt that the interview went very well and afterward they said they would be making a decision within a few days. I was prepared to play the waiting game until three hours later I got this email:

“Hi All: Firstly, we wanted to take the time to thank you for meeting with us. We wanted to get back with everyone ASAP, so they would not be dwelling on this all weekend. We had a really great group of candidates and all of you would be a valuable addition to our team. We did have one candidate that was truly overqualified and had a skill set above what we were looking for. We have offered them the position and they have accepted. We will keep all of your resumes on file for future. We are growing and will need more help in time. We wish you all the very best and again thank you so much for meeting with us!”

I was understandably disappointed since this would have greatly improved my circumstances (higher pay, new experience in the industry, etc.) but what I can’t seem to shake off is the insulting nature of this email. “Not only are we not hiring you but we will openly praise and stress how excited we are about the winner!” I know it sounds childish, but honestly I feel discouraged by this whole situation. I guess my question is, is it normal for hiring managers to rub salt in the wounds during a rejection email?

I think it’s actually a pretty nice email! It’s very, very normal for an employer to explain that they went with someone who was unusually qualified or a particularly strong match. It’s not generally considered rubbing salt in the wound; it’s intended as an explanation — “you were good, but the competition was strong.” They’re trying to say “it’s not that you weren’t great, but just that someone else was unusually outstanding.” I suspect that because you’re disappointed, you’re taking the email more personally than you should.

The thing that’s a little unusual here is that you got this email only three hours after your interview, but it’s possible that you were their final interview, they made an offer right afterwards, and it was accepted on the spot.