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#it's aang lack of respect or empathy that lost him so many
the-badger-mole · 2 years
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Funny how people keep bringing up Zuko's misdeeds as if he didn't fight to make amends. As if the narrative of the show itself didn't hold him accountable. Meanwhile, nothing that bald little annoyance does wrong is treated with any sort of gravity, even when the person he wrongs most was allegedly his friend (Although, let's be real, Aang never saw Katara as a friend. Just a not-his-girlfriend-yet).
Had the show treated him like someone who was fallible, and had him in a place where he needed to truly make amends for the things he did to move forward. Had they made him face a real consequence or show any empathy or acknowledge the pain of anyone but himself, then maybe there wouldn't be as much Aang salt as there is (and as it stands, it's really not that much), and maybe people would be as forgiving of him as they are of Zuko (you know, the guy who actually worked to be better?)
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metellastella · 4 years
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Oneshot: Injury by a Firebender: The Dragon of the West and the Avatar
“Don’t touch me.” the monk said sharply. 
Iroh’s bronze eyes blinked in bewilderment at the harsh reprimand from the lighthearted airbender.  He had gone in to hug him, because he was clearly upset after their training session. The boy had been burned before, and this one had been simple enough for Katara to heal. So he wasn’t sure what had suddenly caused this shift in mood. 
“Are you all right?” the fatherly man asked with a tinge of panic. 
The boy was silent. 
His silver eyes cut into him. Iroh began churning up thoughts, trying to puzzle out what might be wrong, as he had when Lu Ten had gotten into moody episodes or angry fits.
“Aang,” the man said with a choked noise, “I am so, so sorry.” “It’s not your fault.” But the words were not forgiving in tone. They were hard. They projected ‘I understand this, but my feelings are very different from welcoming you back into my space right now.’ 
“What can I do to make it up to you? To make you feel better?” 
Aang’s shoulders screwed up. 
“Just . . .”
He breathed three times. 
Iroh recognized how he expanded his diaphragm as far as it would go, sucking in all the life-giving air his lungs could stand, and then releasing slowly like a leaking gas tank. 
The words from tutors from his own boyhood spoke to him, 
‘Picture you are drawing in the prana, the life force around you, and with each breath out, imagine you are cleansing yourself of fear and weakness.’ 
“You don’t normally act angry or forceful like Zuko,” the airbender analyzed. “But you do have your rare moments. If you could just . . . be extra quiet for the next few days, that would be a spiritsend.”
“Of course. I will be totally silent, if that’s what would help.” 
The monk relaxed further.  “What made this one worse? Was it something I did specifically?”
The monk opened his eyes and gave him a strained smile. “Toph and Zuko see you as the father you never had, Sensei. Or,” he corrected, “Does the Fire Nation use Sifu?” “Either is fine.”
“Or do you prefer Master?” “Aang, it really doesn’t matter. You insist on this formality, even though I’ve told you it’s not necessary.” 
“You see it as formality,” the monk bowed his head. “We saw it primarily as affection.” 
“Ah! Well then I am honored.”
“It is not a sign of dominance or status,” the monk went on. “But, like ‘Uncle,’ from Zuko, a friendly honorific.” “Like -chan! Or -san.” “Exactly. Like family.” 
The boy was silent for a few moments, and his brief happiness vanished.  “I had my own gurus, so although I want to see you as a parental figure, it feels as if I am betraying the dead by doing so.” The words dropped on him with all the force of the boy’s ten ton bison slamming into the ground. 
Tears gathered in the old man’s eyes. 
“It’s not your fault,” the monk said again, much gentler this time. “I want to like you, Master Iroh. But, the man that you, as a boy, kowtowed to as respect to an elder? He brutally murdered my elders.” 
Iroh couldn’t breathe. “Katara complains at me how ‘Zuko reminds me of my dead mother, and how am I supposed to deal with that,’ well.” The preteen laughed harshly. “I have to go meditate after she says things like that, or I will end up saying some very nasty things to her. She is like a noblewoman who complains that it is too hot, while fanning herself. I am the peasant out in the fields, toiling away to serve her up her dinner plate.” Iroh was convinced that he was having an out of body experience. He hadn’t felt this completely flattened by confusion since Mahimata, the Earth Spirit essentially mentally tortured him. 
“Nobody seems to understand exactly how much pain I’m in.” The boy went on in a monotone. “When we started out our journey, I would cry almost every day, as a normal person grieving their entire extended family’s death would. Sokka totally understood. He’d hug me, and rock me. Katara on the other hand, could not handle it. Grieving periods for one person are usually about at least a year, the monks would say. We had a couple of elders join the Spirit World, during my lifetime. So. If we were going to do some simple math here, how long would I need to grieve just every single one of my boyhood playmates, aside from an entire population of my people?” Iroh was beginning to feel faint from lack of oxygen. 
“Katara could not see me like that. It drove her insane. She’d let Sokka handle it. And I didn’t understand why at the time. I was hurt. I was beyond hurt. She acted so motherly all the time, and then when I needed her most, she abandoned me? I didn’t say anything to Sokka about it. I just cried. And tried to do what the monks said, look for the gratitude in the situation. A way to look at things from a positive angle. Impossible task, surely. I’d like to see the Mechanist be good enough at problem solving to unravel that one. After several meditation sessions, I finally ferreted out a way to look at it differently. This was ‘good.’ His macho attitude didn’t extend into berating a younger boy to ‘be more manly’ as you might expect.” 
He repeated the deep breaths. 
“Because, if both of them, my new family, had been unable to comfort me . . .”
The stab through the veteran’s heart was more painful than any blade that had ever gotten through his defenses and sliced into him. 
“Katara saw me as the savior to the world,” the monk said distantly. “So, not only was she hurt by my pain, because her empathy is strong. Every time that would happen, she would think that the world was lost, that we really couldn’t do it. I was too broken to be able to do this. Later on, she said, ‘Aang, we can just run away. You are only one person. You can’t solve this. There’s too much history. Too many people involved. I’ll bet my soul to some wicked spirit, that when the Avatar was established, the elder spirits never expected him to have to do something like this!! This was all a mistake. A slip of Fate. Surely, we need to just let you talk to them, and they’ll say the same thing!’” 
“I was very tempted by that offer,” the Bridge Between the Worlds said ponderously. “What if I just found some secluded spot for a couple of weeks, in order to go into deeper meditation trance states, and negotiate my way out of my responsibility? Were the spirits that merciful? Maybe.” 
He shrugged. “Maybe I should ‘have faith’ that the spirits would be fair to me, a poor little boy who did nothing to deserve this.”
Several more breaths, and Iroh could feel the wind around him reacting this time around. 
“I had a dream, where Roku spoke to me. He apologized for how he acted. That I needed more empathy from him, too. That he was not just my Guide, but also my elder who loved me.” 
A loud sob escaped him, and his element whooshed in response. 
“And now, when I sleep, I am in his arms. Like a baby who sleeps next to their mother. Sokka doesn’t have to do it so much, although he is still completely willing, and reminds me daily. Katara has gotten a little better.”
His next breath out was like a release valve, preventing overload from a too-full tank. 
“Nowadays, Roku murmurs things to me like, ‘It’s ok if you fail, Aang.’ ‘Just try your best.’ ‘That’s all any of us can ask from you.’ ‘You won’t be penalized by the Spirits.’ ‘You won’t even hear a harsh word from any of us Avatars.’ ‘And we most certainly will be there to comfort you.’ If I die, whether by disgruntled protestors, or by assassins trying to re-ignite the war, then the Air Nomads will truly have left the world. I try, during my meditations, to rein in that all-encompassing, all-too-likely scenario. Meditation is meant to quell anxiety after all,” he said a bit bitterly, “and all its attendant visualizations. I guess I am just lucky that, although my anxiety is centered on the entire world, I also have more powerful meditation states than the average person as well. It is suited to the task.” he said flatly. 
His silver eyes glanced around his surroundings. 
“Had I been born somewhere else than the Air Temples, where meditation for bending is not taken so seriously, I’m not sure what mental state I would be in. I could be catatonic, for one. I’m sure I would’ve hurt or killed people in fits of rage by now, Avatar Spirit involved or not.” 
He paused. “There has never been a child Avatar in the Spirit World. Ever. None of the spirits I have talked to in dreams knows what will happen if that comes to pass. Will I be a child in perpetuity? Some of the more feminine ones cluck over me like a mother hen and say, ‘You poor dear, you will feel very lonely here, should you die.’ ‘You will be the only one of your kind here, just as you are on the Material Plane.’ ‘We will lavish you with attention, little one.’ ‘You deserve paradise after death, probably even more so than any human who has ever existed.’ ‘Don’t be afraid.’” His tears drew tracks down his cheeks. 
“‘You’ve never had a mother, have you, love?’ ‘Your gurus were so mastered in their minds that they could provide that feminine touch to you.’ ‘We don’t mean to disrespect their culture, dear, but it seems terribly sad to us, still.’”
He let out a broken chuckle and quavered in a slightly otherworldly voice, “Roku, you brute, you had better take over as the next Avatar’s Guide if that happens. Expecting a child who had barely begun to live to mentor a sixteen year old? The fire fields will freeze over before we let you off the hook.’” The boy wiped his eyes. 
“I have lots of ‘people’ rooting for me. Not only rooting for me, but allowing the possibility that I will fail. And that, is what every boy and girl in the world needs.” 
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myfandomrambles · 5 years
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Iroh & Zuko: A study in change and healing.
Uncle Iron and Zuko’s relationship is one I find truly interesting. It shows an interesting look into how people can change, how people can help others, the nature of wisdom and addresses healthy relationships that can survive toxicity. 
So first change, this is obviously Zuko’s main character arch change and redemption, that’s been talked about ad nauseam, but Iroh also changed beforehand. We can infer he had a period of time that changed him the same way Zuko did over the course of the show. 
Iroh isn’t a magically better person, but one of the main reasons he can be a good force in Zuko’s life is his past change. Iroh always had a tendency towards knowledge and mastered the more spiritual part of Firebending. He also seemed to be more comfortable playing Pai Sho and tea than being a leader. I think his quest for knowledge and lack of political ambition allowed for the death of his son to be a moment that pushed him to end his military campaign and not challenges Ozai’s power grab. We also know somewhere around this time he joined the Order of The White Lotus connecting him to a force trying to bring back balance. Had he not dealt with the reckoning of the destruction of his own family and past, as well as work through tragedy he would not have been able to as effectively help Zuko. He understood the pain and trauma but he had learned acceptance. He was of course not perfect but having known the hate and found the peace he wasn’t leading Zuko blind. This means that not only can Ioh mentor him from a place of age, be fatherly after having lost his own child, but more than most people also have an inherent connection to the struggle being had. 
Iroh’s important role within the show is as a sage and mentor to primarily Zuko but others as well.  Iroh is calm, accepting, generally level headed and steadfast in his beliefs allowing him to be a guidepost and foil to Zuko’s own erraticism. He loves Zuko deeply and wants nothing more than for him to be able to heal and choose his own path but does challenge him as time goes on knowing if Zuko just lives in pain he can never move forward.
He gives education about the cultures, people and bending of the people they see. He tries to give Zuko the power to work through his own issues. This act is crucial even though Iroh knows Zuko can be a danger to himself and others he doesn’t try and totally strip his autonomy or leave him unable to defend himself. I think this is evident with Zhao in the first book and then the Zuko alone arc in book two. Allowing Zuko to fight for himself when possible, and fail when he has to allows learning and gives real power. This is reinforced when multiple times he tells Zuko that in the end he has to choose what he wants, chose his own destiny and honour. If he wanted Zuko to make good choices reinforcing the life of little choice they came from would have done more damage.
Iroh doesn’t leave him without backup ever either. He’s always there for Zuko either physically having his back in battle, talking to him or even trying to help their crew understand where Zuko is coming from. No one has really had his back since his mother left, and it’s debatable how much she was even capable of doing. Trying to help him understand he isn’t alone is so powerful. Someone just being there for you is one of the most healing things a person can have. And I think more than any of the actual lessons just giving unconditional love was one of the strongest legacies you can leave.
Iroh also modelled what he wanted Zuko to learn. Rather it is Firebending being able to take it with your head held up, letting down walls, enjoying the small things, or brewing the best tea. Iroh lived his ideas making it do as I say and as I do in almost all circumstances. This irked Zuko of course as it was periodically embarrassing for him but I think it was why everyone who met him respected him or at least liked him. Even when Iroh was a man of layers and did have a few secrets he wasn’t duplicitous. Being a model of what you want increases trust and can help it easier to actually learn new ways of being.
Iroh is an example of Wisdom and not just knowledge. I think this difference does matter. Iroh was, of course, a master Firebender knew much of history and culture and was at least a decent military man from the way others spoke of him, but his understanding of the intangible is what makes him powerful. He always knew to watch and learn, he invented multiple bending techniques because he let down the arrogance and took in other ideas. Being a member of the White Lotus he knew and respected the connection of all four elements. He was often a third party within the first book, during the siege of the north we see him chose not to fight really for or against the Fire Nation. He acts to protect the spirits, to keep the balance. He is not averse to using violence (even against his brother or niece) but has a respect for the life of all peoples. This kind of understanding and wisdom is more powerful than any spewing of facts. Because this plays into the level of acceptance he has, makes him a formidable foe and gives him an ability to convey complex ideas.
Trying to find your centre and accepting who you are is an act of connection to the world and yourself. He can help many people Toph, Aang and a street beggar can all listen and understand where he comes from. He can help Zuko through his metamorphosis moment because he understands the connection of identity, health and spirituality.  When you can bring a whole connection to someone it will always be stronger then listing facts or platitudes.
Zuko and Iroh have a relationship that is a blur of found family and blood ties. He is Zuko's biological uncle but they don’t seem to have been exceedingly close when Zuko was very young but after Iroh returned from war become closer. In the world of ancestors, destiny and bloodlines their relationship matters, but their connection was born from love, time, care, compassion, struggling, loss, fighting, and forgiveness. Neither the story or Iroh force Zuko to forgive Ozai or Azula. Iroh recognizes that his brother was abusive and horrible to his children, and recognizes that Aula can’t be left in power. Zuko chooses how he confronts both of these people, disavowing his father, and facing his sister with Katara. Their relationship comes out of this history of abuse and toxicity but is forged forward because of how much they have grown to care for each other in their own right and how much they grow. Iroh is Zuko’s real father in any important way and Zuko is as much his son as Lu Ten ever was.
Real World Techniques:
Through writing a mentor to someone who is clearly dealing with mental illness (C-PTSD, BPD) real-world psychological and coping strategies end up being employed in a strong connection.
-Radical acceptance. I skill taught in the framework of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). Iroh has learned to accept his past, and the loss he has shown. Iroh works hard to drag Zuko out of obsessive behaviour by trying to get him to accept that past happens, you can not fix that. Iroh himself embodies this behaviour. He doesn’t force non-action though, the acceptance makes you better able to manage future stress and build better lives.
-Meditation A common skill suggested across mental health and general health practice. He tries to instruct Zuko in this ability as one that is key to being able to properly Firebend and to reach in and use innate human power. This concept also connects people to the spirit world built into the mythology of the world.
-taking responsibility w/out victim blaming. Iroh knows Zuko’s backstory built him into this damaged person, but Iroh doesn’t allow him to hurt others through this. Iroh works to teach him to respect his crew, let down boundaries of pride and learn a new way of working in life. But there is never a time Iroh blames Zuko for the abuse he faced. Ozai’s treatment was never Zuko’s fault. They create an ability to simultaneously own your shit but not stew in self-hate
-We also see the structure we often see in productive de-radicalization programs. Zuko is exposed to the people he was taught to hate, facing the humanity and real-world effects of hate usually begin to break through narratives. Iroh lets him into his own point of view that connects all life, he learns the practice of living within balance instead of the belief system jammed into his brain, doesn’t let Zuko uses his past as reason for his behaviour, and acts and expects Zuko to let the humanity of The Earth Kingdom colour his view. The dissidence from his childhood beliefs and the new ones he can’t integrate into his life. This is crucial to his being able to learn the history of the fire nation, even describing the earth kingdom people favourably before his complete transformation.
Learning to use empathy across whole peoples is powerful to deprogram people, he is expected to verbally and through actions show contrition. Zuko is eventually able to connect to this over his indoctrination. The ability to come with humility and not expect the other side to forgive you. Often framed as seeking forgiveness from the people he does not deserve it from. This behaviour can work in reality and seeing played on screen is part of why this arc resonates across the media.
-Iroh helps Zuko find and construct meaning. The loss of a belief system Zuko experiences through his trauma leaves him in horrible confusion. Iroh helps him connect to his past giving a new lens to view the world from. He can’t do so from the position he held before having that structure built for him.
-I mentioned previously Iroh providing Zuko with a degree of control. Long term child abuse often creates either extreme self-reliance or sometimes learned helplessness. Offering both the ability to protect and control his life combined with having his back can combat both of these. Along with the deeply obsessive thought patterns around the avatar.
I truly belive their relationship is hugley important. Two characters who fit simple archetypes at the start are allowed to bloom into deeply strong and complex real feeling characters. Iroh is shown to be powerful, respected, incredibly kind and wise. We can all learn from him, and be shown a powerful love. Zuko’s own arch ahs been seen as groundbreaking for years but without Zuko we wouldn’t have had a person to guide and reflect this. Adding layers to the world and understanding ourslves. 
[Requested by nbj on AO3]
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