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amuseoffyre · 1 month

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Since I put together a rather massive thread about the probable S3 final fuckeries on the dead-parrot site, I figure I'll bring it over here as well :) This is bearing in mind that the show loved using history when it was useful or funny.

Blackbeard's death was in a battle and afterwards, his head was cut off and hung from the bowsprit of the ship, then later as a warning by a harbour. Urban legend said that his headless body swam around the ship, trying to find the head. Stede, meanwhile, was executed by hanging after being captured and tried in Charles Town.

My theory is a giant faking-their-deaths fuckery and this is the collection of extensive foreshadowing in sequential order.

1x01 - He's holding his own head! That's terrifying!

The Swede's flag with a skeleton holding his own head. Given Ed's flair for the dramatic and the urban legend that BB's body swam, headless, around the ship, this feels like a very him thing to do. (also ties in with Blackbeard's flag with just the skeleton in S1)

1x01 - Stede's first fuckery

Stede using mannequins as a diversion so they can escape from the British Navy and the British Navy fall for it. Also, significantly, one of the fake heads falls off.

1x03 - Stede hanged

I facepalmed so hard when I realised that we had already seen Stede get hanged and survive it. Also, the fact that the person who intended to kill him by hanging is the one who dies first? INCHRESTING.

1x04 - "People just see the flag - I don't even have to be on the boat. I'm a ghost"

And he won't be on the boat in the end :D (@wastingyourgum reminded me of this one :D)

1x04 - "He's wearing Blackbeard's clothes. He's on Blackbeard's ship".

Combining this with Stede's fake-heads-to-escape idea, Blackbeard's official 'death' is tied up with a bow :D They just need to find a suitable person to sub in *coughHornigoldcough*

1x06 - "Over here, child!"

HOOBOY this entire episode is basically emphatically pointing at Ed's skill in the art of misdirection. Ed is an expert at fooling people into seeing what he wants them to see. The Master of the Theatre of Fear.

1x06 - The crew fuckery

Stede, the Swede and Black Pete literally holding heads that aren't theirs And once again the allusion to swapping faces/places. "Are those supposed to be the same guy?" "But with very different hairstyles, ja?"

1x06 - "I'm supposed to burn your face off and take your identity"

Stede getting another layer of "how to get away with dying/disappearing" added to his arsenal of knowledge.

1x08 - The Unicorn's head

Oh look. A mythical creature's head is removed by the English, when Ed has been compared to a demon, devil, vampire and kraken. I wonder what that could be foreshadowing 🙃

1x09 - "You've kept the clippings so we can make fake heads and escape"

When in doubt, Stede turns to arts and crafts.

1x10 - "Now that's a fuckery"

Stede has already faked his own death not once, not twice, but three times in ten minutes. Now that's overkill 😂He's done it before, he'll do it again! In Stede's town, wearing Stede's clothes.

2x01 - "He can't possibly look like this"

The S1 propaganda pics are all full/half body, but now, he's reduced down to a head with very snaky looking hair. "He can't possibly look like that" (and this ties into something from 2x04 as well)

In related things, there is one historic piece of art referring to Blackbeard like this, as a disembodied head and I feel like there's a bit of a resemblance going on.

2x02 - "There's some beheadings on here"

Okay, yes, this one is a stretch, but head removal, people. We have more head removal :D

2x03 - "I'm not me, I'm you"

Yes, I know, in the context of the Gravy Basket, but there would be some poetrical vibes if Hornigold's body was the one left in Ed's place so Ed can live a long and happy life. (And yes, fully convinced he was an S3 villain)

2x03 - "I knew they killed him"

Will fully admit I yelped a bit when I saw this scene in higher res than a stream because with the drape of cloth over his head matching the colour of the surroundings, it's gives the illusion of a headless body.

2x04 - "He can't hear you. He's got no head"

Again, the symbolism of the mythical creature without a head. Especially when we see Izzy yelling at it as if its Blackbeard, his own personal figurehead.

2x04 - "Pulls his entire fucking face off. Turns out this one had stolen the face off some Brit and come to my rescue"

Of all the specialist skills for someone in Ed's old crew to have, disguising themselves with someone else's face? :D (That's romance ;))

2x04 - The Head of Medusa

Buttons' transmogrification bowl is under a painting of The head of Medusa (Caravaggio). In the story of Perseus, he used Medusa's severed head to defeat a terrible sea monster (hello, kraken :D) and a King.

And I mentioned earlier Ed's wanted poster had a connection to this episode and look at these images side by side:

Coincidence??? I THINK NOT XD

#ofmd #ofmd meta #ofmd foreshadowing #our flag means death #blackbeard #ed teach #stede bonnet

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crescencestudio · 4 months

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2023: A Year of Connection

Hi everyone!

As I told you last month, this month's "devlog" will be more like an end-of-year recap. For those of you who have known me a while, you'll know that I get ~in my feels~ and Very Nostalgic at the end of the year. And this year is no exception to that.

Looking back on this year, I realize I did much more than I thought I did. The year was filled with so many waves of uncertainty, burnout, and ruts, that I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in the moment. Now that the year has actually wrapped up, I can see that was Once Again my imposter syndrome whispering words of sweet nothings into my ears.

In fact, this year, I find that I did Way More than what I did last year. Crazy, considering how busy I remember 2022 being. Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Writing

If there is one thing this bitch did, it's fucking write LFMASODIJ. For all my complaining this year of routes taking too long, getting creative ruts, etc., I still wrote (what I consider) a Very Good amount. While I may not have hit my writing goals that I had set out, I still ended up writing around 255k words in total this year. Most of this being for Alaris, and some of it being for my dissertation (LOL) and other side games, like Intertwine and Jam Games.

This number also doesn't include deleted passages, edited passages, etc., so the amount I've spent writing, reviewing, etc. was Significant this year. Here's to hoping that momentum continues into next year and finishing the rest of Alaris!

Side Games

Something completely unexpected, but that I'll forever be grateful for, was my decision(s) to join game jams this year. It all started with Otojam, a visual novel jam I'd wanted to join for a WHILE.

Intertwine was, without a doubt, one of my most memorable moments from this year. The friends I made/grew closer to during that jam. The people I connected with because of Intertwine. The people I got to work with. Everything about the experience surpassed my expectations, and Van and Summer 2023 will always hold a very special place in my heart because of it. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed that game. It was my first full game I ever released, and I couldn't have been more nervous about it (no literally. I wasn't sleeping and I was nauseous for a week before release).

Knowing there was no "revision" afterwards that I could hide behind or promise that there would be a "better"/"enhanced" version made the release terrifying. But the reception you all gave to it and support from so many friends made me feel so connected and grateful for the community.

The other three side projects were... well, Unexpected. LOL. Before these jams, I'd never wanted to work in team settings, mostly because I have Mad Imposter Syndrome, and I've always imagined I'd be dead weight in any given game dev team. My skills on writing, art, and/or coding alone aren't "exemplary" enough for me to think I, well, deserve to be on a team. But when a couple of short jams were being held by a friend, and teams were being made filled with other friends, I thought maybe I could help, even if it's just to QA/playtest. But I've walked away from each of these experiences learning so much from other talented people and with very dear friends.

Each of these side games truly tested my chops in terms of writing, narrative design, and coding. But I'm glad I challenged myself to take part in each of these experiences because I've walked away with so much more than I would've expected.

Alaris

My Heart. My Soul. And at times, My Worst Enemy.

As much as I may have talked about how I Wasn't making progress on this baby. I, in fact, made A LOT of progress:

Art: 15 CGs, Updated Sprites, Kickstarter Artwork

Commissions: 20 BGs, Complete GUI, Personality/Affection Indicators, Editing, Voice Acted Lines, Complete OST (8 Tracks!)

Writing: Three Finished Routes

Shipped Kickstarter Merchandise

I'm going to be Real with you all. I'm not in the mood to recap everything for Alaris in the way I did with everything else LAFKMSDFOIJWOEI. Main reason being, I do that Every Month, and at this point, I would feel like I'm repeating myself for no reason. But let me tell you, when the Enhanced Demo comes out, you will see what I'm talking about with progress made. And I'm excited for the next year when I start getting to show things off (read: Demo Release and Route Beta Releases) now that assets have really come together ^^

I will say, thank you for sticking with this project for so long. It's easy to get bogged down in development when a project like this is as big as it is. It's just as easy to think that no one will care about this by the time I release, or people will start losing their patience with me as development goes on. So I'm forever grateful for how kind, supportive, and patient you all are, especially this year <3

Connections: The True Theme of 2023

If you've made it this far, I'm extremely impressed with you. And to reward you, I'll give you a moment of honesty and vulnerability which, to be frank, I Don't Do as a person and especially with my dev persona LMFAOO ((Before I do, let it be known, CW: mention of death, grief, alcoholism, chronic illness, suicidal thoughts))

Something I don't talk about much is that for all of 2022 and most of 2023, I was not in a good place mentally. At the beginning of 2022, I lost three very important people in my life back-to-back (I'm not exaggerating when I say back-to-back it was within 2 weeks, three separate deaths lol). That, on its own, was hard to deal with. But on top of that, I soon found myself having to cope/help with a family member's chronic illness and another family member's mental health (read: alcoholism, suicidality).

While this isn't a particularly unique situation, it was one that I found myself struggling with pretty severely on top of a pretty demanding work life. And it was a situation I found myself in until about midway through this year. Things have lightened up. I navigate a new life with some pretty severe triggers, and without the presence of some of my most loved ones. But overall, I at least feel like I can breathe and function, which is a state I didn't feel like I could exist in for over a year (and started to believe I may never exist in again).

Because of this new room in my life, I was able to connect with people again, in a more genuine way. I've grown closer to a lot of dev friends, to the point I consider some of them genuine close friends. And IRL, I've been able to reconnect with some of my dearest loved ones. The main reason I bring all of this up is because this year, I felt unbelievably connected to people, whether that was dev friends in the community, people who support my games, and IRL people.

And sometimes, when you interact with people solely online, it's easy to think they don't care as much about you as you do for them. But this has been disproven to me time and time again this year. And I've found myself in a state of appreciation for so many of the people I've been blessed to meet and befriend <3 I felt this especially so during some of the game jams, with the Secret Santa gift exchange, and with my recent Holiday Tree.

So thank you for everyone who has let me take up some space in their life. You literally Do Not Know how much it means to me and impacts me. This year, while I started it in a state of slightly hopelessness and numbness, I find myself ending it with gratitude and connection.

I hope the rest of this year (the very few couple of days we have left LOL) treats everyone well. I'm excited for how we get to start 2024 and what we'll get to experience together <3 Thank you again for the memories and support, love you all very dearly ^^

#crescence cries

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khuzena · 2 years

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The valorant protocol when their s/o is so good at cooking

Valorant protocol (boys ver) x any gender!reader

Tw: fluff and crack and someone has probably did this before but idgaf this is my take. Small smut because these men are just down bad for you.

(chamber, yoru,kay/o, phoenix, brimstone, breach, cypher, sova ,omen)

Chamber

He often cooks for his own meals and he doubts that anyone would ever cook for him out of the blue.

It was probably at morning he first tasted your meal, you, at the corner of his workshop with a bowl of Cream of mushroom soup for him, he was surprised at this sudden gesture and was held back at the strong aroma of it.

He took a bite and the way the flavors swirled in his mouth, he often eats at luxurious restaurants but your cooking is infinitely times better than what the others can offer.

He enjoyed every bite and wanted to taste every delicious delicacy that you can give, he'll provide you with a credit card with no limits, telling you to use as much as you need for your cooking appliances or ingredients as such.

Chamber would gift you some cook book recipes at random times, just open your cabinet and you'd see a shopping bag with french culinary cook book with literally every recipe. (If you do use that cook book, he'd be delighted and would want to be the first person who tries your food)

When he's busy though, he'd just quickly munch on some treat you made and would kiss you goodbye, tasting the whip cream on his lips as he goes to work.

Yoru

Much like chamber, he won't ever cook for anyone in the protocol other than himself and you, he lives off instant ramen and tonkatsu like a broke ass college student but yeah he's at an average level when it comes to cooking.

When he first tasted some dessert you mafe for him, preferably tiramisu, he savored every bite but his pompous ass can't set his ego aside to compliment your skills.

He'd sometimes watch you cook in the kitchen and hide in the corner of the room, admiring how you absolutely handle the spatula and every ingredient with elegance and deft. (However, if you do catch him sneaking around he'll quickly run away and won't face you until you bug him and would make a shitty excuse that it wasn't his intention to watch[it was])

Yoru sometimes teases you that you cooked food for him because you're so in love with him and so you shut him up with a spoon of cake you made.

Kay/o

He can't eat or smell food so sometimes he'll just watch you eat the food you make and watch you make it.

Even though he can't eat it, he likes watching you cook and would offer to help you prepare or make some dishes if you'd like.

Kay/o thinks the dishes you make are a work of art because it looks aesthetically pleasing and even if it doesn't, he knows you pour your heart out everytime you decide to cook some food.

Sometimes he'd ask you what your food tastes like so even if he can't eat it, he'll have an idea of how good it tastes.

He once tried to cook food but he accidentally spilled water in his hard drive and malfunctioned as you just froze there not knowing what to do, kay/o wanted to impress you too but instead of that he got a lecture instead, and some kisses. (Metal kiss yay)

Phoenix

Everytime you cook for him when he's stressed or just hungry, he feels like he's more down bad for you because I think he's the type to find people who are good chefs very attractive.(not all though, just you)

When he tried their cooking, he was absolutely hooked and would be begging for seconds.

If his s/o could bake, he'd ask for some small snacks like cookies or macaroons if they could; I can see him that when he's busy like in a mission, he'd take out a small snack that you made from his pocket and eat it so he could calm down.

He'll definitely be the type to brag to the others that 's/o made me this, that blah blah blah' to no end because he's just so smitten with you and proud of you.

When you visited his family, you cooked so much food his mothers were literally asking you if you were phoenix's lover, phoenix had to resist the urge to call you his wife/husband because you're just perfect in his eyes.

Brimstone

Oh boy, in his days before, he tasted a lot of good food whether it was travelling or with his friends in the past, he's tasted a lot but it seems like decades worth of food isn't as delectable as yours.

He'd be quick to praise every bite of the food you offered him and even asked if you would like to be some sort of protocol's chef. (He'd pay you good but if you'd like, he'd pay you in other cough cough ways.)

I don't know but I think I saw some voiceline of cypher ranting to brimstone that they run out of that specific drink and how the rest of the protocol seems to be drinking all his expensive tea and telling brim to buy their shit so the others could stop; brimstone is like the father to the protocol and fixes most of the problems, and if you were to tell him that oh you run out of ingredients he'd be coming back to the base with literally trucks worth of groceries.

There are times he'd stop his work and just stare at you with love-struck eyes while you did your work in the kitchen, the other agents however either teased you or found it cringe on how you guys look like those old couples.

Breach

He's a criminal for fucks sake he lived in the underground for probably a long time now and he's tasted some good food sometimes but would just eat easy-to-make food that wouldn't take too much time. (And also why would you spend an hour making meals when the police is at your tail, coulda spent that hour running away from them, he says)

But he'll encourage you to make more food since it's too good and that you shouldn't waste that talent of yours.

Like kay/o, Breach would help you in the kitchen whether it's just cutting up some onions or frying an omelette, well if he can't help you with that he'll just help you with cough cough other ways. (Y'all nasty)

He thinks you're a better chef than jett and when she found out she was butt hurt from his comment, like she's a god damn sous chef but don't worry they're both aware you're probably one of the best, if not the best chef in the protocol.

I can see he's the type to do tiny gestures like small kisses or quick hugs when you brew him coffee or cook up some swedish meatballs after or before he does workout training with the others.

Cypher

I wanted to mention an angst like you cooking like a fucking chef god and it reminds him of his wife, his old family eating happily together but that's not the point.

Cypher loves your cooking, it makes him feel so warm inside and, like the rest, would praise you about how amazing your culinary skills are.

He once made a joke that you should open up a restaurant and that he'll be the first one to eat there, but if you really did, he'd eat there regularly.

I can see him as someone who has a sweet tooth so if you were to make like Moroccan desserts like, meskouta orange cake or Baklava, god damn it he'll literally get pumped up in his work and would work harder, almost like it was the most intense energy food ever.

Cypher would be the type to take pictures of your food and would put it in some photo book and surprise you with it and label some of it with sticky notes like, 'dessert 1: tastes delicious but you taste better', you smacked him in the forehead after though.

Sova

When he was younger, his babushka would make the most mouthwatering meal he's ever tasted.

Once sova has took a bite of yours, he thinks that your skill level is literally on par with his babushka's. (Remember, grandmas are literally the best chefs idc what y'all say, someone telling you your cooking is like better than their grandma's is the greatest compliment ever)

When you're cooking in the kitchen, expect him at the counter just watching your every move and patiently waiting for you to finish so he can take a bite of it.

After he finishes his meal, he'll kiss and hug you, telling you that everything you feed him tastes wonderful and how he'd want you to be his wife/husband.

If you're open for some suggestions on what to cook next, he'd make a list of food like russian food or new combinations you could try and would be the first, like the rest, to taste it.

Everytime you just give him a warm smile and try to feed him with some pasta for example, he has to resist the urge to not take you here and now because god damn that pasta looks tasty as fuck but you both know what's tastier. (Wink wonk)

Omen

Like kay/o he can't eat or drink but let's say hypothetically he can, he barely eats because he doesn't have to, he can't explain it properly that he's not hungry but he's craving for the meals you make, and your's only.

It's just that he feels happy when he eats it, he thinks it tastes good and the smile on your face when you watch him savor every bite makes him enjoy it more.

Both yoru and him do watch in the shadows/corners of the kitchen room but the difference is he's not shy when he gets caught, he'd knit you a tiny hat with little food designs because he thinks you'll like it while intently watching on how you concoct the greatest 3-star Michelin dish made.

While you cook in the kitchen, he'd wrap his arms around your waist as you both watch some food literally spinning in the microwave.

He lied one time to you that he actually needed to eat just so you could cook some food for him regularly, but when you gave him someone else's cooking he said he didn't want it and that's how you found out he lied.

In conclusion:

You're their spouse. Anyways i hope y'all enjoyed this, i despise this tbh

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siriannatan · 7 months

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"Watcha' doing?" - GrianImpulse

So @brainrotranch posted those cute Impulse Grian arts and I literally had to write something :}

Grian had no particular interest in redstoners. If he did he'd have interest beyond explosives and murder dungeons in Tango. His fascination with Mumbo was all to do with his moustache. And Impulse... Maybe he actually liked Impulse. Not like he was admitting anything or that it had anything to do with his technical prowess.

The problem was... everyone assumed Grian had a thing for Mumbo. But they were just really good friends. All best friends make potentially homicidal robots that see them as father figures together. Besides, Mumbo had a thing for Iskall. And was incredibly bad about it. Worse than Timmy about Tango.

Not that Grian was weird about his crush. It was perfectly normal for him to perch around Pearl and Gem's bases. They had a lot of good thinking spots. For thinking about his base. The back as well. It was just a coincidence Impulse lived in the area and often flew in and out of his base. And flew around the general area helping his neighbours and pranking them and stuff. Admiring someone's flying skill was totally normal for avians...

"Watcha' doing?" Grian almost fell off the branch of Gem's massive cherry tree when Impulse was suddenly very much next to him. "Wah, careful," the 'dwarf' laughed. He was not fooling anyone with his disguise even if he did look good with a beard. Grian was more than aware there was a literal demon from the depths of the Nether next to him. A very handsome demon he happened to maybe, possibly have a crush on. And helping him not fall off. "You okay? I'm sorry..." Impulse jumped to apologising as soon as they were sure Grian would not fall.

"It's okay, I was a bit lost in thought, base planning and so on," Grian rambled, trying to not focus on Impulse's arm still around his waist.

"Is that why you're here all the time?" Impulse hummed, his hand slowly retreating. "Are you okay? Your face is almost as red as your jumper."

"I... I'm fine just got startled... I should go back to the back of my base," Grian desperately said the first thing that came to mind and turned to fly away. While completely forgetting they're on a tree branch...

And would plummet down if Impulse didn't catch him. Which would be really good if it didn't mean he was now in Impulse's arms, awkwardly clinging to his shirt. His face was even redder now. Hoping what he was hearing was wind and not Pearl snickering somewhere nearby.

"I can't believe I'm saying it but I think you need a break from building," Impulse sighed and gently glided down to his base.

Grian did not dare move. Too scared Impulse might accidentally drop him. Until he was gently deposited on a couch in a relatively small, compared to the whole underground keep, living quarters hidden behind Impulse's marvellous sorting system. Grian would ask him if he could build him one if he didn't know how 'much' he'd use it... Wasting Impulse's time was absolutely not something he ever wanted to do.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Impulse asked, breaking Grian away from his thoughts once again. There was a pleasantly warm hand on his forehead. "Maybe you spend too much time around Decked Out and caught a cold?" the demon-dwarf wondered.

"No... I..." Grian tried to come up with an excuse as to why his face was even redder than his jumper. "You're just freaking handsome okay..." Grian huffed, feathers puffing out around him. It might have nearly doubled his size but did not hide him at all.

Impulse just sighed, shaking his head. "Next time just tell me and not stalk me?" he asked, hand on hips. "And if I'm understanding correctly, I like you too, so come by whenever as long as I'm home. And. Do. Not. Press. Any. Buttons."

"Will do..." Grian nodded with a hint of a smile. Why did he ever doubt his own charms?

He did not protest when Impulse insisted he stay for lunch. And it was a lovely lunch, followed by cuddles and a nap. And maybe overexcited Gem and Pearl running in to congratulate them early in the morning...

#my stuff #my stories #fanfiction #hermitcraft #hermitshipping #impulsesv #grian

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mrs-dr-reid · 3 days

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My Personal Spencer Reid Headcanons Part 2/? (Dad!Spence Edition)

(This one’s for you, Ozzie)

He gets Derek to help him build a little bookshelf that can be completely dedicated to children's books

Reads every book on early childhood development he can get his hands on because he's a worry wart

GIRL! DAD! Although for me, I imagine he has a daughter first, then a son a few years later (mostly because I'm a first-born daughter and my brother is four years younger than me)

He does the thing where whenever his baby babbles or makes any type of noise, he responds with something like "Oh, really?" or "That's very interesting, tell me more" to help them build up their conversation skills

Fully commits to the bit during play time. Whether he's pretending to slay an imaginary dragon or falling over when hit with pretend magic, he'll do the absolute most to make his kids laugh

Would probably show up to work with his baby strapped to his chest in a baby carrier if it wasn't against FBI protocol to have a literal child in the same room as crime scene photos and multiple firearms

He'll carry his baby around and point out seemingly mundane things, but explain it to them in a way that makes it seem like the most interesting thing in the world. Especially with people, like he'll say, "See that pretty lady right there? That's your mommy, and she's the most wonderful person in the whole wide world."

He falls asleep with his kid on his chest all the time, especially after a rough case involving kids and he just needs to know that they're there and they're okay

Vehemently hates mindless children's programming, so he's definitely a nature documentary dad. Although he will allow Bluey, because he likes that it makes harder subjects easier for kids to digest while still being entertaining and fun

He gets his kids into puzzles as soon as their hand eye coordination develops, so whenever he's not on a case, he can usually be found at the kitchen table poring over a puzzle with his mini-me

Always hams it up with the voices when reading or telling his kids a bedtime story to make them laugh

He does magic tricks for his kids when they're babies just to see their eyes triple in size because their little baby brains don't have enough power to process what just happened

He cries whenever his kids copy what he does because it's too cute, whether it be mismatching their socks to match him, or calling you whatever sappy nickname he has for you like it's your name "because that's what Daddy calls you, and Daddy's always right"

Inhumanly fast at changing diapers. You once timed him, and he changed the baby's diaper and outfit in less than five minutes

He loves doing arts and crafts with his littles, and he loves it when they make something for him at school. Your fridge is positively covered in artwork, and whenever he swaps one drawing for another, he puts the old one in a memento box because he'll be damned if he throws away something his kid makes for him

He takes his kids to the park as often as he can to teach them how to play chess once they get old enough

Once you guys move to the suburbs away from all the light pollution, his favorite thing to do is to take his kids into the backyard, set up a little nest of blankets and pillows, and stargaze with them to teach them about all the constellations and planets

Sometimes he goes through little anxiety spats where he worries he's not cut out to be a dad, but the second his little one bursts through the door and yells, "DADDY, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY!!!!", every fear or doubt about his abilities melts away, and he jumps right back into World's Best Dad Mode™

#logan writes #logan has headcanons #dad!spencer reid

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chdarling · 9 months

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There exists a great tension between my desire to voraciously tear through every update of TLE as fast as humanly possible–wanting desperately to learn what's next and next and next–and encountering something so juicy, so delectable that I just have to linger for a while.

...Sev, leaving the daisy crown where she had placed it in a stoic act of friendship.

This line was one of my many stops in this chapter and I think is a good example of that elusive thing you are so great at. You can make a simple action feel thrilling, every interaction is layered and charged with meaning. In a single line, you capture the soul of Lily and Severus’ relationship. And my god is it so satisfying.

I probably take twice as long to read a chapter of TLE because I so frequently backtrack to re-read a line or a paragraph several times over. I think reading something written by you might be three times as fun as reading something written by anyone else. I receive so much joy from the details and the beautiful and funny insights you include so seamlessly and succinctly and cleverly.

I find it hard to articulate how much I earnestly like TLE. I cannot imagine how you came to be so unbelievably skilled at writing. I’ve no doubt it involved countless hours of hard-work and emotional labour but it must also be something inherent to you: a marvelous, observant, discerning, creative, clever and interesting mind. I am so grateful you choose to share your art with the world. I hope you will continue to do so because wherever you create art, I will be there to marvel at it.

🥺

I literally just started crying on the train. I’m going to show up to work with Recently Crying Face and if anyone asks me why I’m gonna have to say people were being nice to me on the internet. 🙈🙈🙈

Thank you so much, truly 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

#ch answers #tle2 #tle2 spoilers

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theforgottencrow · 2 months

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Like quite a few people ima be making a KOSA post in case it actually happens and everything is removed.

My time on here has honestly been, the best. There have been so many times I was upset about something and came on here only to forget that sadness by seeing my friends and etc. Before this, I also thought that nobody would ever think my art was good enough or have the same interests as me, but I was wrong. so, so, Wrong.

@i-died-fr-teehee, You were my first friend on here, you’ve made me smile so many times and your art continues get better everytime I see it. Keep being silly.

@dustsansm1, I remember first seeing your stuff and thinking how awesome and funny you were with your rps and just in general. You make me laugh all the time and make me so happy in general whenever I see u in my likes or reply to my stuff.

@weirdest-worlds, you deserve all the love and kindness. You’re so kind and funny and never fail to make me smile and actually feel appreciated. Please never forget that you are loved and are worth WAY more than you think.

@systematic-err0r, We may have not known each other long but you made me giggle while talking to you during the reblog chain and it was a lovely experience that I’m glad to have had.

@floweytheflower55, Your funny and silly and make me laugh everytime I see your stuff, Your flowey art is beautiful and I have no doubt you’ll continue to get better.

@leartistickarma, Your art is SO beautiful and stunning. You’re funny and creative and I enjoyed talking with you and becoming your friend. I already know your gonna be a legendary artist on day and I can’t wait to see it.

@lazy-shapeshiofter, We may not know each other but you bring a smile to my face whenever I see your art and rambles. Your art is absolutely gorgeous and I honestly look up to you as an artist.

@chrai, You’ve been such a amazing support to me and I smile everytime I see you’ve liked my stuff because no matter what it is either it’s a stupid ramble or me trauma dumping. You’ve been there. Thank you.

@scuddle-bubble101, When I saw you follow me I literally felt my jaw drop. I never imagined I’d get such an amazing and talented artist who makes me smile to actually like my stuff. Thank you.

Thank you. All my moots, and everyone who’s liked my stuff and followed me. Without you all I’d still be considering myself a worthless nobody with mediocre skills. I’ve had the best time on here and have met some absolutely amazing people who made me feel appreciated. If KOSA really happens, I’ll never forget you all.

I hope KOSA doesn’t happen. I want to continue sharing my art and laughing with my friends. I want to meet new people and make more friends, I want to see the people I care about grow as people and artists and get to be right besides them while telling them “I told you so.” When they’ve become that talented and beautiful person I know they are.

Stop KOSA. And if we fail? Then we tried our best. I’ll never forget the experiences Ive made with you all, I truly won’t.

#end kosa

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beartitled · 4 months

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Bear i genuinely need to know if you are on 15 coffees. How did you do that so detailed and nice????? How did you nake it so cool???? How do you have the talent and motivation???? How long did you draw to achieve this godly skill???

💕💞❤️💖💕Awwwww thank you 💕❤️💖💕💞❤️

Fun fact I actually don’t drink coffee (😨*shocked audience sounds*😨) or at least drink it very rarely, I dunno it just makes me more sleepy? for some reason? which is hilarious in this context

Hehe man I need to concentrate, but I can’t stop smiling

I’m very happy that people actually liked my picture book, it legit sends me away because it’s a personal project which took a ton of effort

Like fan arts, megadrawings, fan comics those are also mean a lot and made with love, but this project feels like showing a part of your soul

And when you see people actually enjoying it- just- ❤️💕💖💞💕❤️*ecstatic bear noises*💕❤️💖💕💞💕 *happy tiny jumps*💖💕❤️💕💖💞💖

(oki lemme put all my thoughts under read more, bc I didn’t expect to write that much 💥)

Answering the questions

I just love detailed stuff✨ Plus when you work on something for a long time, you can kinda think of something or subconsciously add even more visual details

Motivation comes from just a wish to finish something most of the time

When I work on big projects (that take months for example) I tend to go into 💪grind💪 state, where you just dedicate your entire time to making something

It a very interesting thing, because your life literally becomes this project for a few months, you wake up with a goal and make your day as productive as possible (after I finish something I can have a mini crisis, like wait this thing is over, wait I can do something different.. no I NEED A PURPOSE 💥💥💥 *aggressively starts yet another comic*)

Also I feel like uni played a major role in my productivity rate, bc you can have multiple projects in one semester and plus to that an assignment that just adds on every week

Imagine like inktober, but you decided to take 5 more prompt lists and every drawing you make is criticised by professor (so you need to make edits or redo your entire work)

This type of constant pressure just kinda makes you a different person in a way, at least it was my experience with it

And how much time (hehe don’t make me blush it’s not godly 👉👈), well entire life basically + almost 4 years of uni

Also wanted to say for people who are starting or just feel overwhelmed by other artists skills:

🫵Everyone starts with crappy pony drawings 🫵 (at least I did) (man if I ever find my first drawings I will show them)

The funniest thing is, I started drawing not because I wanted it to be good or to impress people

I just wanted a pony picture 💥 in a funky dress 💥💥 and my mum said “I’m tired of drawing horses for you, go do it yourself” 💥💥💥 and I did 💥‼️💥‼️💥💥

A lot of people chuckled at me bc the drawings were crappy, but I didn’t care 💥📣🗣️I’m the one holding a paper horse in a dress, not you 💥📣🗣️

So like, don’t sweat it, no art is bad – you put effort, you made it, it’s already worth attention and love

The idea of “good” is flawed and very vague anyway

The feeling of doubt is also normal, everyone has it time to time, without it we wouldn’t be able to improve

Just don’t let those thoughts consume you: appreciate your work and yourself 🫵❤️

Anyway thank you for this ask, it’s very sweet of you ❤️

Makes me incredibly happy that someone likes my stuff 🥺❤️💕💖🥺❤️💞

#bear answers #sorry for a whole essay in ask 💥💥#art mentioned brain go caboom 💥🧠#art talk #art thoughts

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duckprintspress · 9 months

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I feel like I need to start talking more about how one of the big things that Duck Prints Press does is open the door to people who could never even get a foot in with traditional publishing or even most medium/"small" presses (we're a small press, but we're really more of a micro-press, I see places calling themselves small presses that are fucktons bigger than we are).

I've got some anecdotal evidence that people avoid the publications of Presses like this one because they think our writing and editing standards are lower - that we're the people who failed to make it in bigger presses because we weren't good enough - and that, consciously and unconsciously, gatekeeping biases on who is and isn't qualified to write lead people to support small presses less than they might support a more established organization.

So...y'all realize that there are a lot of reasons people wouldn't pursue working with trad pub, right? and I don't even mean ethical doubts, and I don't even mean "trad pub doesn't want to publish certain kinds of stories," though those are definitely factors - we're able to give more space to play with themes and genres because we don't focus solely on "is this marketable" as a sales rubric.

But that's not what I consider the biggest difference.

Hi, I'm Claire, and I own Duck Prints Press, and I have a massive history of clinical depression, including being suicidal in the past. I'm a great writer, and I'm not just tooting my own horn, I've got almost 150,000 kudos on AO3 that suggest that just maybe, I know wtf I'm doing stringing words into sentences. I don't need a big press to tell me I'm competent, I already know that. What I do need is to not end up suicidal again. If I face the gauntlet of rejections that's supposedly "required" as part of gatekeeping trad pub, it will do severe damage to my mental health, and probably destroy my ability to write as depression-induced self-deception eats through what I know to be true.

THAT'S what's different about a micropress like ours. Yes, our founding vision was to work with fans, but the vast majority of the people who work with us have mental illnesses, physical disabilities, neurodivergence issues, and/or other "meatsuits are terrible actually" issues that strict publishing environments can't or, really, won't accommodate. We say "fuck that noise" and go out of our way to accommodate people, granting extensions and ensuring everyone can work on their own schedule. We're able to be very flexible, which means we bring in a lot of people whose incredible skills are overlooked, ignored, looked down on, kept out of, more mainstream publishing options.

If someone has trouble with deadlines? We still work with them.

If someone has an illness that flares irregularly and unpredictably? We still work with them.

If someone needs frequent reminders? We still work with them.

If someone works slowly because they can only do a little at a time? We still work with them.

If someone needs extra time, additional support, special software...we have thus far been able to accommodate literally everyone who has come to us.

As long as the creators who work with us keep communicating and keep showing at least a little progress, we will find a way to make things work, because we want to be as inclusive as possible, and because we know that most people with these challenges, no matter how good they are at writing or art or whatever it is they do with us, would face many more hardships to have these opportunities with a larger, more strict organization.

Just, every time I see indications that people think we're "less" because we're not HarperCollins or Penguin or Tor or something, I get so angry, because it shows so little understanding of how gatekeepy and especially how ableist trad pub is, and I wish more of the people who are thinking things like that would recognize that their behavior is, essentially, snobbery.

And to be clear I'm not saying "people with these challenges never get trad pubbed," that's clearly ridiculous and untrue, but I am saying, people with these challenges shouldn't have to be The Most Exceptional just to have a chance, and we deserve to have a place that will accommodate us instead of having to perform health, perform neurotypicalness, etc. just to succeed. We deserve to not have one flare-up potentially ruin our careers, and we deserve the same opportunities and respect as people who choose other directions.

Between trad pub, small press, and self-publishing, no one route is inherently "superior." Backing one over another doesn't guarantee you're only going to get good stories, or good editing. Trad pub publishes utter schlock sometimes, and self-publishing is fantastic sometimes, and some small presses do have lax standards, and some small presses are exceptional, and I feel like maybe people just really don't understand why places like Duck Prints Press try to exist - it's because we're trying to create spaces that meet us where we are, instead of focusing on rigid conformity, marketability, hard rules, etc.

The only way we'll get a diversity of voices in publishing is by supporting a diversity of publishers. The only way we'll be able to make space for everyone is by supporting the places that carve out new spaces to fit those who didn't fit elsewhere.

I wish more people would understand what we do and why we're here, and that folks would at least try our publications before assuming that we're "like big press but worse at writing/arting/editing."

Idk. I'm just tired, and sick, and still working even tho I'm sick, and frustrated with how hard it is to get anywhere, so here, have a rant I probably shouldn't post.

(this post brought to you by me seeing Chuck Tingle - entirely reasonably, to be clear, Chuck Tingle is awesome and I support him entirely! - celebrating the Camp Damascus release to thousands of notes, and Tor posting a poll about some Locked Tomb short story and getting 1300+ votes, and how I have to claw our way out of the background tumblr noise to get 100+ notes even on our biggest releases)

#duck prints press #about us #suicide mention #suicide tw #to be clear i'm in no danger now i'm well medicated #but i shouldn't have to destroy my mental health to get published actually #fuck that noise #authors shouldn't have to destroy themselves to meet the general public's delusional idea of what is success #i'm so tired y'all #why is everything so hard #i'd like to earn enough to take a paycheck some day #another big difference is that a lot of us our parents #and many of us are poor #virtually everyone i know who has succeed in trad pub is childless and has additional income streams #because those are the people who can afford to take the time and expense of writing full time

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degloved · 3 months

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the use of ai in fics genuinely makes me so sad. i can see with my own two eyes that the summary does not at all read as though it had been written by the fic's author (and verbiage aside, the usage of "coworker" in the main text versus "co-worker" in the summary is already telling enough.) idk. yeah "why should anyone bother reading what you didn't bother writing" and all, but it's more than that. we were all beginners at some point. we all sucked at some point. none of us could churn out the sort of perfection we strived towards from the get go—and this is ok. writing, especially when done for free and out of love for a book/show/movie/play/etc, should be an activity that is actively enjoyed; you're not writing solely for the final product, you're writing to write. when i first sat down nearly a decade ago now and put pen to paper (literally—i used to write by hand), it wasn't because i knew what i was gonna produce. it wasn't because i had some great grand idea that just had to be put out into the world. it was because there was something in me that made my fingers restless with the want to write. and naturally it's not always a walk in the park, and it's an activity that can frequently turn from pleasant to frustrating, but those are some hurdles you're meant to overcome by yourself. writer's block, burnout, not being able to make the words go right—we've all been there. it's part of the artistic process. because this is, at the end of the day, an art form—be it prose, poetry, original work, fic. and it just makes me really fucking sad that there's such an emphasis now on the finished product—the fact that it's even a 'product' to begin with—instead of... the entire journey. the honing of this skill—because it is very much a skill to master and continue perfecting. reading my work from 2017 (sadly do not have anything earlier) and seeing just how much i have improved in the last seven years is one of the most rewarding aspects of being a writer. knowing that what i do now i could never have done back then, and i would certainly never have learned if i hadn't constantly, continuously kept at it for those seven years. every bit of writing i do makes me better, more polished, represents a proverbial step closer to the mastery of this art form & becoming the kind of writer i want to be. i went from writing and very frequently being frustrated in those days that my piece couldn't compare to the fandom greats or the real life writers i looked up to, to now writing something and finding myself going back to it again and again, rereading it again and again because it's just that good. it's just that fucking good. and i got here all on my own, by putting in the time and the work, by pushing through the dissatisfaction and demoralization and self-doubt. it's a slow process, but so worth it. and some of these people will never have that, because there's a desire to achieve but no motivation to do the achieving. it's just so much easier to fire up chatgpt and have hours' or even days' worth of work in a couple of minutes after feeding the machine some prompts. "why should anyone bother reading what you didn't bother writing" and all that, but mostly, i just feel sad for what these kids are missing out on. because immediate satisfaction trumps a slow process, no matter how rewarding. i suppose

#n #ao3

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nachosforfree · 2 months

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Your art really hasn't improved over the many years I've been following your work. You still draw like a child. You have a creative mind and can come up with interesting concepts, but your execution always falls flat. Your skills have remained where they are for so many years without any change, and it's upsetting to see you become so stagnant.

That sucks for you I guess but I disagree because I can literally look at my art from a few years ago and see changes that I think are improvements, mostly in anatomy. I think that stagnation you think you're seeing is just me having a consistent art style that I've largely stuck with, but even then I do branch out into other styles like my style for lacking in commonality. I don't know if this ask was meant in good faith at all and my many years on tumblr make me doubt it, but if it was, I don't really see what you expect sending this to do.

#asks

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browzerhistory · 6 months

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because i have been Enabled (one person said i should) i'm going to post my late night analysis of leaf pile by the front bottoms! under the cut since it gets kind of long.

(obligatory disclaimer that this is my interpretation of the song and i'll probably miss some stuff or say something you don't agree with; but the beauty of art is you don't have to agree with one another on what it's about. note that i address brian as the singer and not his name, since he's said that not all of his songs are about him specifically.)

before i get in-depth with the lyrics, i want to discuss the theme. this song references a lot of tfb's other music and overall carries a very nostalgic/reflecting tone while still looking forward to the future with hope. i think it's an excellent example of tfb's growth as a band, both in technical skill and general outlook (hehe) on life. while their older songs carried a general air of hopelessness (specifically "it's hard to get better in an environment that drags you back into bad habits"), leaf pile exemplifies the turn towards exhausted but determined optimism.

now, onto the lyrics to support my argument.

if you've listened to the front bottoms for any amount of time, the very first line will be familiar.

I wanna be

this seems like a silly place to make my first note - it's just three words - but they're the same opening words to another one of my favorite tfb songs, vacation town. however, the line in vacation town continues with "that comfortable place where you write and read." i don't doubt that the use of this line was intentional, as tfb references their other songs frequently, and vacation town's theme of being stuck in the past compliments leaf pile well.

that person again

the one that I am right now, again

for the rest of my life, and then

I wanna lay down in the leaf pile, but I can't

fear of change is a common theme both in life and in tfb's music. this opening verse establishes a singer who wants to live in familiarity forever before dying ("laying down in the leaf pile"), but can't because, well, that's just what being alive is.

I wanna be that person again

the one that I am right now, again

for the rest of my life, again

I wanna lay down in the leaf pile

but I can't slow down

or I'm gonna crash, crash, crash, crash, crash

the repeat of the first verse emphasizes its point, but the changes also bring new ideas. the repetition of again affirms that the singer wishes to relive the past.

the addition to the last two lines is another reference to the rest of tfb's discography, though a lot less specific than the last one. the front bottoms sing about motorcycles in their songs a lot, and when riding a motorcycle, like a regular bike, keeping up speed is important because if you're too slow, the vehicle loses balance and falls. this also acts as a metaphor for life (sensing a pattern yet?), since dwelling too long on the past can make you lose sight of the future and get caught up in your regrets.

I wanna feel that same sense of calm

I wanna feel that same sense of peace

it felt so real before you got here

it'll be restored after you leave

after this verse, the chorus repeats again. the first two lines reaffirm a longing for a past that was easier and kinder. the second two remind me of dissociation. perhaps the singer, in meeting up with/seeing someone who reminds him of his past, loses himself in it.

(slightly unrelated note: this upcoming part of the song makes me insane. i love it so much.)

oh man

nothing ever kicked in or as hard as you did

I feel anxious, do you?

like I have to make a move

I'm just gonna do what you did

the singer feels cornered. he isn't ready to move into the future, but he can't keep clinging to the past. he addresses someone, probably the same "you" from the last line, and tells them that nothing ever kicked in or as hard as they did. this could be literal, as some of tfb's older songs also reference domestic/intimate partner violence, but there's definitely a metaphorical aspect to it too. the person the singer is addressing has had a profound and negative effect on his mental health, so much so that they're incomparable to anyone else in his life.

the singer says he's anxious, wonders whether the other person is, then says he's just going to do what they did. based on what we already know about the other person, we can assume it's nothing good.

I cut some ties with a few good friends

for it to be over how ready I am

I closed my eyes, I opened my eyes

but my mouth was closed the entire time

the singer cuts off "a few good friends;" presumably this is the move he had to make, and what the other person did too. he says he's ready for "it" to be over, which is probably related to what he had to do.

closing and opening his eyes, but keeping his mouth shut, may also symbolize the singer observing what's going on around him without making it worse by saying something wrong, which is something tfb has sang about in previous songs.

montgomery forever

first you get hurt, and then there's healing

it's a process, believe me

you stole my notebooks and now you're reading

this verse (my favorite in the song. if you even care) references another song on this album, montgomery forever, which is a song about the neighborhood brian lived in as a kid getting demolished. the usage of the title, followed by the assurance that grieving is a process, shows a resolution to grow through the challenges and losses the singer faces.

the notebook line also references a couple other tfb songs, where notebooks are almost sacred for their containment of the singer's unfiltered, innermost thoughts.

I can't wait to hear you say

that I got back a couple weeks ago

to our friends and family

I can't wait to hear you say

that I got back a couple weeks ago

this line also hits very close to home for me. i lost my best friend, joseph, to suicide when i was just 13 and he was 14. i wanted to believe that he would come back from the hospital eventually, that i'd be able to say he got back a few days ago and thank goodness he was fine. i wanted to do so many things with him that i never got to. i won't lie; i cried pretty hard when i first heard this part. it still gets to me when i'm feeling particularly sad.

but it was all to see

who could ride a motorcycle faster

as for me, I still believe

this line is a direct pull from an old demo, sexy and alive (give an inch). despite being an arguably old song, sexy and alive takes a hopeful tone more like tfb's new music. the usage of this verse connects with the theme of growing while connecting to the past, as well as earlier references to motorcycles as a metaphor for living.

do I seem anxious to you?

do I seem backed into a corner?

as if I had to make a move

but you could tell I didn't wanna

another repetition of an earlier line. the singer didn't want to make the move/cut off his friends, but his circumstances forced his hand, which made him feel anxious and cornered. this verse is repeated a couple times, at the same time as the next one:

I can't remember, it's all a blur

the person you are and the person you were

I can't remember, it's all a blur

the person you are and the person you were

another pretty strong reference to dissociation, specifically dissociative amnesia imo. (DISCLAIMER: i'm absolutely not armchair diagnosing brian with anything. a singer doesn't have to only write about things they've personally experienced, and it's a well-established fact that brian writes a lot of stories into his songs that aren't about him (the most well-known example being father). i just have a dissociative disorder myself and felt really called out by this line lol.) this lines up well with previous references to dissociation in the song.

I don't wanna talk

I don't wanna talk, I wanna look out the window

I don't wanna talk

I don't wanna talk, I wanna look out the window

these are the last lyrics in the song. the singer is tired of trying to explain how he feels to the other person, who either isn't aware of the harm they've caused him or just doesn't care. he's given up talking it out and resigned himself to looking out the window; moving on without the other person.

thanks for reading all of this, if you got this far. if you thought any of what i had to say was perceptive or cool, let me know and i'll post another analysis - probably for hooped earrings or batman since i love both of those songs too (though i may just post those for fun). there's also a possibility i do a post like this for songs from other bands i like.

#the front bottoms #lyric analysis #can you tell im insane about the way tfb reuse lyrics and motifs and gives them new meaning. can you tell

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artsinus · 6 months

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Recent arts

I just drew some quick little traditional drawings of Bambinata from PGR and some woman I made up that i thought i drew decently.

Ignore the weird perspective I’m still learnin 😩

Aside from that however, there was a drawing I was workin on that I doubt will be working on for a while. This drawing was supposed to be my big grand entrance back to digital, but I keep messing up so i’m just going to post it as a WIP and work on it later. It’s a drawing of Onikata Kayoko from Blue Archive, another gacha game i’ve been playing.

You can stop readin here cuz i’m gonna detail my journey of Blue Archive.

I never usually play games like Blue Archive because I despise games that are boring to play (usually idle games). I avoided Blue Archive not only because it didn’t look fun to play, but the community is extremely sussy which is creepy considering almost everyone in the game are underage minors. Personally, it ain’t real so idc but It’s still pretty icky to me. Recently however, I found the animator named BlueSeichi, who animated cute stuff about Blue Archive. Here is where I learned about the OST of BA, which is stupidly good for no reason. Due to this, I downloaded the game, and I’m having fun with it as my casual game while PGR is my main game. My top 3 favorite characters rn are Kayoko, Wakamo, and Toki.

The characters of BA carry the game, everybody having unique personalities. P.S, Kayoko and Wakamo are the only confirmed adults so what a coincidence 🤔. I also realized that the gameplay ain’t as braindead as I though, with it requiring skill timing and team building to actually clear harder content as apposed to pure brute force with leveling up. If I had to say what the hardest gacha games I played were, it’d be Arknights, Punishing: Gray Raven and then Blue Archive. The gameplay just has so much charm and personality to it.

Do yer want to know why I love Kayoko and Wakamo so much? Kayokos such a sweet heart, even with how she looks. In her description, she’s literally the only sane one in Problem Solvers 68 and she literally keeps it from crashing breh😩. She’s also a cat and music lover so based. Everybody in Problem Solvers is such a goofball, but Kayoko just follows along with their shenanigans just because she doesn’t want to break people’s expectations that she isn’t a delinquet. She knows how she looks may be detering, but she doesn’t care enough to change it. She also has some mystery to her, as it was revealed she knows Ako, from the Disciplinary Committe, one of the big bois that protect Gehenna. So, people say she used to work in the club, but it doesn’t make sense why she’d leave to go to join a rowdy troublemaking group full of nutjobs. Overall she’s a mystery overall, being disguised as a delinquent even tho she’s actually competent.

Wakamo, is crazy. In a good way. She’s basically a yandere, but one you can fix. Literally. Basically she’s one of the seven prisoners who broke out after the disappearance of the general student council president. She’s pretty violent and destroys every place she goes. When she met Sensei however, she developed love at first sight, and she kinda just stalks him. However, she actually listens to what Sensei says if he reprimands her, since she started holding back her violence specifically for Sensei. Like seriously, if Sensei tried, he could actually fix Wakamo, which is why I like her so much because she isn’t just your typical yandere.

And toki is just cool. I think i’ll like her more if I read her relationship stories, but the fact she can transform into a cool mecha suit is super badass ngl.

Blur archive has been quite the experience for me, and I an actively looking more osts for my playlist.

#pgr #punishing gray raven #pgr art #pgr fanart #blue archive fanart #bluearchive #grand entrance back to digital art i guess

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lonelypep · 1 month

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as anyone who has tried to learn an art could tell you, your taste in the craft will always accelerate faster than your actual skill. and now, dear tumblr users, i have reached this point. my taste has risen meteorically, and is now exploring the cosmos. my actual skill at anything has been left choking on pathetic, earthling dust.

as such, the specter of perfectionism has once again reared its head.

it sits at the helm of my creative synapses, acting as an infernal judge dictating the quality of everything i make. and unfortunately, the specter is a pessimist, a real “glass half-empty” sort of guy.

in a lot of ways, i’m a real hypocrite. i’ve encouraged nearly everyone i’ve met in the past year to pursue some sort of creative effort. and when they jokingly retort “oh id only make garbage,” id unleash my whole spiel on the topic: “it doesn’t have to be good! self expression is important! the greatest poets were spitting drivel at first! van gogh’s first painting is probably a complete piece of shit!”

and then, after the spectral, infernal judge/helmsman hasnt sent anything good out in a while, a second ghost, that of self doubt creeps in. and i question if i even enjoy making, if im so obsessed with the result. have i chosen the wrong profession? have i ever had an original thought in my entire life?

it’s time i mention the most popular thing ive ever posted on this website: a complete ranking of every super smash bros character, ranked by how good of a meal i think they would bring to a potluck.

i got the idea for this post after babysitting my young cousins, playing super smash bros with them. after a while, i got a character with a charge move, and said “hang on, let me cook for a bit.” they’re young, so they took this completely literally with “you’re not cooking anything.”

the entire night i was plagued, thinking about what smash bros characters would actually cook meal-wise. i wrote the entire thing in 2 hours, and i was sloppy with it. i got the numbers for the characters wrong multiple times, and i didn’t even go back and fix it. and yet it’s my most popular post, it has over a thousand notes.

my point is that your best ideas aren’t something that will shine on you like the light of god. they’re things that you’ll randomly think of while sitting on the toilet, which is even better than the light of god i think. and there’s value in all of your ideas. not just value for random tumblr users, but value for yourself.

originality is overrated anyways. i haven’t necessarily said anything original here, but it was worth it to me! i’ve reasoned through a writer’s block! i’ve made a thing! it’s worth it to me!

just make things. every single idea a person can have is precious. it’s all valuable in some way. you’re creative, even if you don’t know that yet. you’re an artistic genius whether you like it or not, you simply have no choice. so just make.

and i don’t think this essay will solve all block forever. obviously not. i’ll be scorned by the evils of perfectionism again. probably later today. but just do what you need to, take a break, take a walk, rewatch everything everywhere all at once, take a tumblr break. this is fun, remember?

#rudimentary pretentious essay #mini essay #essay #essay writing #personal essay #in this essay i will #my essays #i’ve said essay too many times now it has no meaning #art #poetry #writing #creative writing #creative inspiration #creative process #creativity

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shadylex · 4 months

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I see those tags and i wanna know about the (former) kingdom hearts oc real badly now

Oh my god, am I really going to go off?

Am I about to really embarrass myself at my literally 18 year old OC who is the whole reason I got into writing in the first place? And the weird obsession I have with any media/character that has to do with memory manipulation and mind reading?

I sure as fuck am, I'm about to talk about my OC that has basically been my face on tumblr for the last seven years at this point.

You're all about to meet Lexen, and how she came into existence.

Kingdom Hearts 2 released on December 22, 2005, and it was around this time that my ex-friend gave me this game as a sequel to the first Kingdom Hearts I had previously played.

I didn't make any OCs for the first game. I was just so enraptured by being able to play a video game with Disney characters in it and the frankly odd amount of platforming in this game. It was when I was given Kingdom Hearts 2 right after finishing the first one did it all really start to sink in.

Little 11 year old me was FULLY invested in anything edgy or cool looking, as with all kids around this age, and Organization XIII basically took me by the throat and never let go. This was my first jump into fandom and fan art and writing and a whole world that I now was able to read and look. I never really joined any big communities, I actually have a sour experience with the KHInsider website at the time so I really missed out on community.

Which is fine, I think I would've turned out much more toxic if I was part of a large community. What is more important is that KH2 was the beginning of Lexen.

Lexen is a self-insert of myself. Full on, just me thrown into the Kingdom Hearts world and having a good time, marysueing it up and just living it up in the haydays of FF.net. Then I started getting more creative and made a whole new character to investigate a thing that was barely touched on in KH2's plot.

The fact that Sora lost a lot of his memories between 1 and 2. I didn't realize at that time that Chain of Memories had happened, so the only exposure I really had was Namine who is the only character in-game that had any reference to memory manipulation.

So little ol' me though, "I could do better. I can make someone cooler."

And made Lexen.

Lexen is the secret 14th memory (very creative at the time, haha) and was specifically a living weapon that Xemnas used to both seed worlds with darkness and to keep Xemnas protected from danger and potential betrayals within the Organization.

My main concept for her was the fact that Nobodies within KH were said to have no emotions, merely mimicking their emotions from memories they have when they were alive. So... what happens when you are reborn but have no memories?

You have no frame of reference, no ability to experience emotions. At that moment, you are a blank slate. And all it takes is one person to pick you up and basically rewrite you however way they want.

Xemnas was the one to find Lexen first. Give her a name. Give her a purpose.

And Xemnas became Lexen's whole world and universe.

There was a devotion not born really out of loyalty, though that came about later, but because there was a lack of direction for Lexen. There was no reason for her to doubt, so she just followed without thought.

It was discovered fairly early on that she had an ability to mind read and to also extract memories out of a person. Xemnas saw potential in this power and trained her to be more autonomous and skilled with her powers. Eventually getting her to a point where she could made decisions for herself, but they were always to the benefit of Xemnas. To the Organization as a whole? Not always, it wasn't Lexen's job to question that. Just to follow orders and do them successfully.

Somewhere in her training and growing, it was also discovered she had a bit of Darkness within her. Not like she was harnessing Darkness as a power and using it herself, just a ball of Darkness that lived in her body separate from her soul. And it was growing more and more as she went to different worlds to plunge them into Darkness.

Until it eventually got strong enough to manifest as a whole new being.

Introducing: Berserk! The person who has been my icon on tumblr for the last 7 years!

She is not an alter ego to Lexen. She is not a power up move for Lexen. She is a completely separate identity and being that just happens to live in the same body as Lexen. Two minds, one body. And Berserk really wants to have sole control over this body to just cause untold amounts of damage towards anything. Not exactly something Xemnas wants out of his living weapon.

What he wants is total control and total loyalty to his word. Berserk (the name was given to her after she tried to kill him) was a wrench in the plan, but perhaps useful in specific situations.

My personal headcanon for Xemnas' power (which is Nothingness) is that he is an equivalent God to Nobodies. He can manipulate them, solidify their existence, and also erase them. It was how I justified his position as head of the Organization and how most everyone followed his word without asking too many questions. Those who did well... I eventually learned about Chain of Memories and added that to the lore.

So Xemnas used his powers to create a mental wall between Lexen and Berserk. Lexen would always have control of the body, was the dominate mind, and Berserk was locked away in a box to never be released unless used for specific means. Lexen was thrilled about this, no need to worry about the second person in her head. Berserk grew to have an absolute vendetta against Xemnas and Lexen for being her jail and jailer.

And it all came to a point by the end of KH2. When Xemnas was in the final showdown between himself and Sora and Riku. Lexen was waiting on the sidelines, looking for a signal to jump in and save Xemnas. But it never came, but Lexen decided to make the choice herself but she never was able to save Xemnas. Because as Xemnas was getting his ass handed to him by Sora and Riku, his focus on Lexen and Berserk's mental barrier faltered and Berserk took over.

Berserk and Lexen fought at this moment. A mental battle over who would have control over the body and have access to the rest of the universe. It concluded with Lexen having formed a mental barrier herself and blocking off Berserk long enough to regain sight and hearing with her body, but it was all over by then.

She had failed in protecting the one person that was her entire reason for living, and he was dead. The world she was on was falling apart. She has to decide right now if she wants to escape and keep living, or give up and let Berserk take over and never be seen again.

Lexen obviously took the step to escape. Was it out of survival? Maybe revenge? But she don't have the emotional output for revenge, and what good was it afterwards when her person that gave her purpose is dead forever?

These are all questions she had as she escaped onto a ship and flew off into space. Questions she never had reason to think about until now. It was now down to Lexen alone to decide what to do with this life and non-existence she was given and to make a person out of herself.

I dub these her Wandering Days.

And this is where I usually hang out in my internal exploration for Lexen, because there is where I can drop her into any fiction work without changing her character to fit the place. I start reading a book series I like? Throw Lexen in there straight from Kingdom Hearts and just let her explore. I'm watching Star Wars now? Just throw her in there with the Jedi and have them be confused at her magic powers and mind manipulation without the Force.

This is also my way of having Lexen experience lots of different cultures and people and learning that she can make something of herself. She doesn't need to be a living weapon. She doesn't need to devote herself to a singular purpose or person. In fact, as time goes on, she grows to see the logical disadvantage to being unjust, cruel, and malicious to people. She starts interfering in worlds that are oppressed to try and help them out.

But why would she do that, if she doesn't have the emotional capability to empathize and feel sorrow?

Well, I figured that if there was no emotional response from Lexen, then she solve all things with logical conclusions. And even from an emotionless, non-existent being who was cruel and ruthless before she could still logically come to the idea that it is better to not be like that anymore.

And this is a very, very, very messy summary of Lexen and Berserk. I haven't even touched on how the two minds interact with each other in their mind palace sort of dealio. Or my explanation of how Lexen's memory removal powers work as well. Or how my username is a mash-up of an old name I had and Lexen shoved together to make my new identity!

If you got to the bottom of this wall text, thank you very much!

I deeply appreciate anyone who read all of this and enjoyed even a second of it. Lexen is my heart and soul of a lot of creative writing I do. I keep working on her, updating her story with new ideas and lore as it comes to me and maybe one day I'll share her full experience to the world.

#shadytext #kingdom hearts #my ocs #long post #but it's all under a read more hopefully #i'm slightly embarrassed to post this it's all a ramble and not editted at all #but if anyone wants shorter and more detailed lore about any aspect of her it would make me so happy #lexen is my true baby girl and i love her so so much

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