#is this an autism thing?
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i never stopped liking imagine dragons. i never understood the ajr hate. i unironically enjoyed that u2 album that mysteriously appeared on my phone. and i honestly think nickelback is a pretty solid band.
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i wake up and i think about project hail mary. i eat breakfast and i think about project hail mary. i go to school and i think about project hail mary. i listen to music and i think about project hail mary. i breathe and i think about project hail mary. i go home and i think about project hail mary. i do homework and i think about project hail mary. i talk with my friends and i think about project hail mary. i go to sleep and i dream about project hail mary. LET ME OUT LET ME OUT LET ME OUT ITS BEEN TWO AND A HALF YEARS LET ME OUTTTT
i am project hail mary at this point. my gender is project hail mary. my being is secretly eridian. every single thing i say is secretly a project hail mary reference. i cant EXIST without thinking about project hail mary.
#project hail mary#phm#LET ME OUT#is this an autism thing?#i think its an autism thing#please im begging let me out#ive written over 100k words of phm fanfic#i want to exist in peace please let me out#WEIR WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
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I think there should be a 10th circle of hell specifically for people who I try to explain how I had good intentions despite making a mistake to them and then they take it as "I'm not sorry and I'm telling you excuses why I was right" and get mad
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every day i hold back a rant about how much i love this sprite of miles edgeworth and how it brings me too much joy for my body to handle
he looks like a middle-aged father who just saw his child almost burn the kitchen and is trying to lecture them but the kitchen thing was actually very amusing and he's trying not to giggle about it. i love him he's ridiculous
#i need to touch something with my hands every time i see or think about the sprite#is this an autism thing?#maybe!#not ready for that answer yet#ace attorney#aa#miles edgeworth#edgeworth#raystextpost#raysidk
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Do the other adults at my work actually have their shit together? Are they pretending like I’m pretending? Are we all pretending that we’re not pretending?
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Does anyone ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach and you can't really decipher if it's joy, sadness, anxiety, stress, loneliness, excitement, or just plain energy but either way you're unfocused and restless and can't stop moving your fingers and feet and you just have an overwhelming urge to get up and move?
#no?#no? just me?#just me?#no? oh ok#is this an autism thing?#am i autistic?#perhaps adhd?#hm.#this is what my friend meant when i told him “ive been doing research and i think i might perhaps be neurodivergent” and he said “no duh?”#maybe its just my anxiety#someone please tell me this is a common experience
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why can i not control how loud my voice is. Unless I’m like, very specifically paying attention to it, my voice will get loud on/off without my fucking permission and like. whyyyyy. i get that i can’t control my tone all the time, i can’t control my facial expressions, ect, ect, but i can’t regulate the volume of my voice? WHY. WHY. that’s just not fucking fair. tf.
#actually autistic???#is this an autism thing?#it seems to go along with those other things?#but i don't actually know#regardless#it very very much gets me in trouble#bc i can't control it#and guess who actually can get it's feelings very hurt when ppl shush it left and right :)#me! yep#gotta love it lol#fr tho#wtf does this come from#disability#chaos is speaking
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guys i cant tell if me loving the way my voice sounds is a good or bad thing.
i mean obviously it’s pompous and no one wants to see someone with this much ego about it but i think i only feel this way because im so disconnected from my own body and my own being. it doesnt sound like MY voice, it doesnt sound like the voice i should have. i think i love my voice because it doesnt belong to me, it was given to me by mistake, i have someone elses voice and someone out there is stuck with the voice that should be in my body.
anyways just to let yall know i sound absolutely fantastic. i sound like someone who just loves sunflowers and very fizzy and sweet drinks and watching netflix comedy specials that are mostly just observational humor. if this sounds like you i think i might have your voice. dont worry, im taking good care of it!
#is this an autism thing?#is this a transgender thing?#whos to say#maybe im just being objective about it and i do actually have a nice voice#that does sound plausible i love being objective
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I've known for a while that I don't experience the "normal" emotions that other people describe. So as a kind of journaling exercise, here is...
A Comprehensive List Of Emotions That I Experience
(in order of how often I experience them)
All-Consuming Curiousity: my brain and my heart rate speed up, I can only think about one thing, and I must Must MUST learn more about it. Like my body is on fire. Almost always is about something technical and vast. Science, math, computers, engineering, history, philosophy, religion, etc.
OVERWHELMED: like my brain is screaming in 1000 voices all at once. Coherent throughts are scrambled into keysmashes, every muscle in my body needs to tense and push and bite and tear. Once almost accidentally sped at 120mph into another car from it. Bad, obviously. Happens when there's too many conflicting noises at once, or fluorescent lighting in a grocery store, or several tasks I have to do at the same time, etc.
Scrutinized: like my whole body is stiff and I have to filter myself multiple times before saying or doing anything. Usually in "nice" neighborhoods, or around very normative or older people. But there's a slight amount of this just being around people who want to talk to me.
Yearning: floaty romantic feelings, triggered when I interact positively with a crush. I think about them too much, and my actions and body and thoughts become soft. You know the one.
Content: a warmth deep in my belly. Usually when I wake up early and I'm having coffee and doing something I enjoy, or when I'm out camping, or when I'm exploring somewhere new and cool, or playing an exploration-heavy video game.
Safety: the opposite of Scrutiny, like a transcendental relaxation in my body and mind. Generally while I'm alone and hidden, or sometimes in places where things are kind of dirty and broken and everyone is a little weird but minding their own business and nobody wants the cops around.
Misery: tired, numb, distant, no desire for anything, usually devolves into alcoholism. Comes from the fact that I can't recognize "normal" negative emotions when they're happening, like I almost never feel angry or sad in the present moment. Instead, those feelings are happening in the background and build up until one day I notice that I've been miserable for weeks.
Existential Rage: my brain starts circling the same thoughts, which gradually get more extreme. Generally it's about climate change, and what we can but aren't doing about it (as a society, but also sometimes on the scale of just me and my friends). Sometimes it's also about colonialism or other issues like that, though generally those are too far outside of my control to qualify.
Anxiety: like my body is splitting itself in half from inside my chest. ALWAYS happens when I think someone is mad at me.
#is this an autism thing?#who knows!!#probably personal idk#this is for me not for you#but it's chill if you relate and reblog or whatever
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no sorry i can't come i'm busy arranging all the songs in my eight hour playlist in alphabetical order
#its 2 am#why am i doing this#i have school tomorrow#is this an autism thing?#i think it might be an autism thing#idk#autism#anyways i've noticed i have a lot of songs that start with b
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I think EXCLUSIVELY in words wtf do you mean I have to make a concept map for a GRADE???
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Idk why but one of my favorite things about playing older games is catching shit that almost no one else would care enough to notice like recognizing obscure voice actors from one game in another
for instance I just discovered that the character Logan Sheppard in Command & Conquer: Renegade has the same voice actor as Jaden Korr, the player character from Star Wars Jedi Knight III: Jedi Academy
#is this an autism thing?#i feel like it might be#never been diagnosed but I got like a 260 on that test you can do online#side note Jaden Korr is the main character in the novels Riptide and Crosscurrent which are two of my fav SW expanded universe books
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how do people revise by themselves like i dont think i physically can. i've tried all the tricks and nothing works i get bored in 10 minutes
#gcses 2023#exams suck#exams#how do you revise#revision#is this an autism thing?#its probably some sort of brain thing#maybe im just a lazy bastard
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Mom: Why are you acting like a dinosaur right now?
Me: What are you even talking about
Also me:
#lmao#is this an autism thing?#I already know i have adhd#and#i mean i think i have audhd#but i doubt this is enough evidence to thoroughly back my claim#idk lol#thought it was funny#leaf posts
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Hyperfixation is weird because sometimes it'll last a day at most and sometimes it'll go on for six months straight and you'll be equally in love with whatever you're hyperfixating on for that duration of time
#Mocha Maunders#Is this an autism thing?#I cannot believe that is an actual tag#Therefore I will assume it is#Autsim#Autism things
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spent yesterday rewatching madoka magica. listened to a few vocaloid songs because my little cousin is into that. went to visit sister and we watched ponyo. was late at night and i was tired. thoughts are a jumbled mess of the japanese language. getting dropped off at home and my mom asks me a question. i open my mouth to respond in japanese. i shut my mouth because i do not speak japanese. i could not for the life of me come up with a sentence in english.
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