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#insane. idk but its just. something about it is hopeful
the-kipsabian · 20 days
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its kinda incredible actually thinking that aew is only 5 years old and they are pulling people like okada, ospreay, and former fed champions like jon moxley and adam copeland
high key insane actually
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retros-artandstuff · 2 months
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(1/3) troll side views
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x/2/3
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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i havent made any posts abt it but now that the big part is basically over ive gotta tell you im absolutely fucking fascinated with this whole submarine situation
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strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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syn4k · 1 year
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i miss the copper king so bad man
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munamania · 7 months
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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.
#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love#what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it#why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties#of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often#so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk#and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore#i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them#. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec#but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd#but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness#but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it#that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too#and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch#now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do#something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope#and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude#this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post#ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting#all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever
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wrestlezon · 1 year
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i learned a lot about subtitles today. mainly that i dont understand the standards or guidelines and that i did them in the worst way possible if i wanted to attach them separately to a twitter video. what a nightmare. not enough documentation. listen, dont be cute and overlap subtitle timings. spare yourself.
if you find yourself in a funny situation with exporting subtitle regions from davinci resolve and need to end up with an srt with no overlapping timecodes, download ttconv. my final message (passes away)
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moonsidesong · 10 months
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fair ways into magical turnabout. hate nahyuta a lot more than i remembered
#i remembered him being boring but god hes just ANNOYING i miss blackquill#also idk it drives me slightly insane that everyone we've met from khura'in is a monk in some way#like does this place really just not have anything else going for it culturally at all besides its religion#it makes the entire place seem awfully flat#bri talks#idk maybe once we start getting into the Rebellion territory of the story more itll flesh out a little#but like. should not take this long for us to see people that have livelihoods outside worship imo#should be mentioned that i havent finished this game in its entirety#ive been spoiled on a large sum of it and i dont Care if any more of it gets spoiled but i quit a few years ago in the middle of chapter 3#partially because i was insanely bored of it lol#so like! i dont know! maybe the actual mysteries of the later cases will intrigue me.#but right now it feels like bestie and i are being forced to make our own fun out of it#like inventing cliff terran. who is clay's identical brother who isnt aware clay is dead and is also strange but nice and is everywhere#<- also a twist villain????? the cliff lore is intense you guys wouldnt get it#anyway if youre reading these tags. hi! hope youre having a good day slash night#if you saw something in this game that im not . good for you! youre having more fun than i am LOL#and if you're thinking about getting into ace attorney as an outsider...... go for it!!!! the trilogy is still great!!!!!!#not everyone likes aa4 but its personally my favorite!!!! just maybe wait a while after trilogy it can be a bit jarring if you play them--#--in succession#thats all goodnight Lol
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welcometoteyvat · 1 year
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yoimiya 2nd story quest ?!?!?!?!
#honestly didn't vibe with the first one that much but lets goooooooo#as a tcg player im ok with the main gimmick being a tcg patch but it would be kinda boring if you're not into that lol but i do hope they ma#make a somewhat compelling story even if the premise of the patch sounds like total crack fic material#also very meh on fontaine 😭#i saw the key visual art for the livestream with like. charlotte. and my first thought was yanfei skin?????#and then i was disappointed. god the designs have not been hitting#i'm also delusional with fontaine bc before i knew it was gonna be france based i really thought the hydro nation would be either ancient ko#korea (to match with ancient china and japan) or maritime southeast asia#and seeing the underwater swimming clip just makes me want that more 😭😭😭😭😭😭#you could make a tropical like coral island or something similar for an underwater region if you used sea/pacific islands god#and maybe fishing would actually be useful in hydro regions bc greater importance to culture or something idk im just saying#like idk when has france been known for its sailing or maritime activities girl#besides like as a product of its empire. which genshin doesn't and won't reference lol#im neutral on steampunk but idk its just the way they've been designing fontaine characters (from the leaks) it isn't hitting idkkkkkkkkk#whatever. delusionally thinking about how genshin phili.ppines or like ancient indo.nesia would be like if they were land of hydro#ramblings!#genshin spoilers#livestream spoilers#liveblog insanity
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favorite type of hs art is "character standing in this empty place alone" and its framed like a photograph
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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years
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@raiden-metal-gear-rising sorry this is a gaypos for u but it mite be more of just a rant because i am fuming (not rly i am just frustrated bc . u know why <3)
#im sur u read my previous posts abt uhhh my mom goign to visit my brother bc shes on vacation rn right . shes off til next sunday i think#but uh. yeah thats not happening bc guess what!! she cant afford it!!! because wow who wuldve thought that having to pay twice as much#money for bills + groceries would make u poorer than u already are!!!!! we are struggling!!!!!!!#and what has robynne done? nothing but PARTIALLY pay for grocieries. emphasis on *partially*#idk man its just insane. even if mom wasnt rly thinking about coming to see u we still cant bc we cannot afford it at all.......#i even said if i need to get a job i will and then added 'bceause im more willing to get one than she is' n she just looked at me#and idk man its just frustrraing . pls moeve out of ur place soon so i can leave and move in with u KAJSKLBKKLJG#i dont mean to say that to like rush u or anything u can do whatever u awant at Whatever pace u want i donot minde . it is oke#i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! h#i have a very strong feeling im gonna be moving out before she does............................#just saying#sorey i kno this is supposed 2 be positive bc is gaypos but . i am not in a good mood i want 2 scream and throw things i think#i just want my house back!!!! im tired!!!!!! im so fucking tired man!!!!!! i m going insane!!!!!!!!#and now i just feel horrible bc rob knows i talk shit about her in vc and i just feel like i cannot talk out loud at all rn bc what if shes#fuckin eavesdropping!!! thats another thing did she just overhear me or like completely listen in on our conversation#bc if she listened in on us then thats fucked and i hope she fucks off#but if she just overheard us then idk man guess ill just have to close my door and keep it closed all the time which is something i donot#want to do !!#i dont like having my door closewd bc 1. it gets humid and 2. kitty does not like it and also 3. i just like having it open#but i feel like i cant have it open anymore bceause what if shes listening to just everything i say now!!!!!! i feel unsafe!!!!!!#get me out of here bestie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sory im just . H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going insane ill rb this with happier thoughts in a second i just#oh i am so mad . so mad
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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be-good-to-bugs · 2 days
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ughhh i hate packing and i hate knowing i cant bring most of my stuff with me
#the bin#and i especially hate not even knowing at all what i can bring bc i have no fucking clue how im even getting there :/#if i have to fly then i wont even be able to bring my art with me :( but i dont even know if flying is an option cause i have to be gone by#friday which is in 2 days so. how am i supposed to get a flight then? ugh. seems like if he cant drive on friday then ill be stiluck here#till he can drive. i hope not. i REALLY dont wanna spend my birthday is some strangers house who i dont know#but i have nowhere else to go. wish i knew what was happening :/ i dont even know if me staying there is an option bc they live with like 2#or 3 other people so. idk. ughhh#im so stressed. im trying to just pack everything up but ive been panicing nonstop since monday#idk what to do. even if i CAN stay what about my cats? they cant go there afaik. not even for a little bit. my snakes coukd for a time but#not the cats. im fairly sure thatbonw of the roommates has a cat allergy. i might be remembering wrong. idk.#not like flying is even really an option so. fucking. i dont know.#im hoping things can just go as they were planning but idk. i have no idea. im so stressed tho. ugh#well. at least i learned something helpful. seems like uber will work in the area my family is in bc they live close to my aunts house#i know uber works from there so its very helpful to know. yay. getting a job will be way easier that way.#if not for rewatching hbombeeguy and folding ideas videos i would have already gone insane trying to pack while panicing#whatever. if they can drive me it seems like ill be able to bring more or my stuff tho bc my mom is just gonna get a tank 4 lady there#its always good to have a spare tank anyway. and i can move baby into a bigger one which she has been needing anyway. thats nice.#but it doesnt matter if they cant even drive me. hhhh. whatever. i should go back to packing. or eat something. be productive#i only have a little time left so. hhh.
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bangcakes · 10 days
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#going wacko insane for the same guy again yep !!!!!!!!!@@@@#we both could have seen each other this weekend but JJDJDJZKZKZ DRAMAA#not with us but the other ppl JDJDJDJJD#i was so over it so i decided not to go. so i told him i wasnt n he said he wasnt either#in my delulu world i think he didnt go bc i didnt go HDJJDJDJZJZJ#bc he was online the whole weekend. plus i asked him if he wanted to just hang out with me n our other friend this week or next and he said#yes so HDJJDJDJDNDNSNS#god im just. i think i should just ask him out already#but our friend also hasnt answered me so im like...... hope everythings okay HNDJXNXNXNX#god inagine she cant make it or doesnt answer and i have to meet him one on one... o DJJDJDKDKDJDJJ#im trying not to be upset that shes not answering tho. its really not like her... its the long weekend so maybe shes doing something idk ..#ik shes also down about not having had a job offer yet#n me n the guy have jobs so... idk !!!#i was literally just in that headspace so i understand if shes reluctant to go out#it feels Awful when ur putting out a bunch of resumes and hearing nothing....#but yeah... idk whats gonna happen#but i dont wanna leave him hanging for too long so if she doesnt message me back by wednesday im gonna text her#she might just not be checking dc.... hhh idk JDJJDJDJXJZ#hitting that like 6 month mark since graduating and ya..... relationships are starting to dwindle tbh so i wouldnt be surprised#i was surprised she even wanted to keep in touch with me LOL but yeah#its crazy to me that out of everyone .. im closest to the guy. and like ik i always say that but it#doesnt become less surreal like. ever lol. like he answers me faster than my bffs... LOL what in the world#personal#wait omg im not done JDJJDJDJD when the drama was happening with the other ppl. i just wanted to talk to Him but i didnt have the energy#n when i finally did.. oh i felt so much better. love that we're always on the same page like.... what the fuck JDJDJDJXJX#idk i just think hes so sweet n cute n kind..... also prickly but i like that HDHJDJDJX#he always just says what he means. like hes v straightforward. and i really like that. bc im also that way and also bc im bad sometimes at#social stuff JDJJSJDJZJZJ
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loverboybitch · 10 months
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havent had time to catch up on my dash but just thinking about my friend saying at dinner “you know who really lives in the moment? shane.” and she wasnt joking...insane.//.
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