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𝙧𝙤𝙮𝙖 𝙞𝙣 𝙠𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙖 ! (2022)
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goodbye seoul.
goodbye to the city that was full of so many firsts for me.
the first time i stood up on my own two feet and lived alone, even though i'm not sure i can call it that because i had a school to support me and wasn't working here.
i was so afraid of so many things, but little by little i grew into my skin, both literally and figuratively. literally, i've adorned myself with tattoos and piercings here for the first time, even though i used to believe my body was too ugly for those things. figuratively, i think i've learned more about what kind of person i am, what i want and need, what i like and don't like.
for the first time, i gave up on someone. i'm always worried about maintaining friendships, but sometimes it really doesn't work out. sometimes you both get hurt and someone needs to just cut the string before everyone gets scarred.
for the first time, i learned what it feels like to be tipsy and that i don't like it, which is okay.
i've learned that i am capable of making friends but i just take a little longer than others.
i've learned it's okay to reach out to people and that i shouldn't be scared, but it won't always go well and that is okay.
i have learned that i really am a pushover. i don't know how to say no and i don't know my own thoughts and opinions. i've learned to understand how i feel by focusing on which decision i'll regret the most, and i've learned that it's not bad to be a pushover because two stubborn people won't get anywhere, but that it's okay to learn to stand upright once in a while when i feel strongly about something.
i enjoyed my hobbies to the maximum here without feeling ashamed. i attended concerts and birthday events. i bought albums. i sang my heart out at karaoke, alone a lot of the time. i ate whatever i wanted, even if i didn't consistenly run every morning.
although i'm sure my morning runs will form a core memory, those days when i woke up at 7 and left at 8am towards dongdaemun station, running by the underpass and gritting my teeth because i would always get stared at. then coming back at 9 to take my laundry out and hang it in my tiny room, the laundry i'd started at 7 when i woke up.
i'll miss my gongcha runs after my 9am class on tuesdays and thursdays, when the same boy would always be working. if i knew korean a little better, maybe i'd befriend him.
i'll miss gongcha in general a lot, and all the flavours.
i'll miss hearing songs i know everywhere, seeing my idols everywhere and joking about how maybe treasure is in that big black car with the tinted windows passing by.
i'll miss coming to hongdae practically everyday, not for the clubs but for the stores and cafés.
i'll miss late night ice cream runs from the convenience store. i'll miss walking up the steps next to the goshiwon to the spot with the pretty nice view whenever i felt sad or stressed. i'll miss salt24 and their nutella croissant. i'll miss budajjigae and the way every ingredient in that thing goes so well with each other. i'll miss the bells on restaurant tables so you don't have to awkwardly wait for a server to pass by before you tell them what you need. i'll miss the self serve water and side dishes stations. i'll miss the stores that sell cute things for so cheap. i'll miss being able to watch channie's room at a normal time in the evening.
i'll dearly miss the yg cafè, which became my safe space on days when T would go do other things without me. i always felt so comfortable there.
i'll miss so many things and i'll probably forget about all the things that gave me a hard time, like not being able to breathe when i'm alone and walking in public because everyone's staring at me because i'm a foreigner. things like the language barrier, the loneliness i felt on persian new year, feeling like i was incapable of making friends. people pushing you when they want to get off the subway even though you're clearly getting off, too. being T's caretaker for my whole exchange and feeling so small because of many of the things she does. feeling insecure about my friends and not knowing if they care for me.
but i'll forget those things because the good outshines the bad, and as much as i struggled, cried, felt pain and any negative emotion, there was always light.
light like the restaurant worker giving me watermelon on a hot day when i was picking up quarantine food for T again. me being offered a seat 6 rows closer at the stray kids concert and meeting a stay who befriended me. winning entry to kard's showcase, winning a first row seat by luck and also Jseph's polaroid.
thank you. i worked so hard to get here, as selfish and big-headed as it sounds. rereading my logs from before arriving here reminds me of just how badly i wanted to be here. i spent a lot of time feeling sad, lonely, and left out, but i won't regret it. those feelings were part of the exchange, too.
i worked hard to remain here, and now it's time to go. i don't want to go just yet, but it is time to go and there's no delaying it.
all of this is okay. it's okay.
these 5 months will form the most beautiful memory for me. it was the best time of my life, no matter how hard and upsetting it was at times, no matter how the people around me acted.
to me, to anyone who reads this, i hope all of us remember that anything is doable. anything is possible and i promise that the things we want will happen, if we believe and if we put in the effort. when i first landed in korea and during the taxi ride to my quarantine location, when i went to get covid tested and when i finally left quarantine, i was so in awe. i was mezmerized and i was so happy i could die, because finally i was in korea. i couldn't believe i had made it happen.
those days, i remember them so vividly. it feels like it was just yesterday. and now i'm going back to canada.
yesterday, our last full day, T and i spent part of it in hongdae. hongdae is special for us because it was the first part of seoul we left the goshiwon to go see. we were always there every week and it was also the last part of seoul we went to see on our last day. each time we were there, we were slightly different. i think hongdae was the place that watched us grow the most.
so thank you, seoul. you were nice to me at times, but it always mostly felt like you were just tolerating me. nonetheless, so much happened in your city. i'm ready to carry you on my back. i'll never forget you, and i hope you won't forget me either.
thank you for being with me, if you read through this log at any point. i'm not sure if it did anything for you, but i hope it was worthwhile!
i hope you too, reader (if there are any), go chase your dreams and make it happen. it doesn't matter what other people think about your dream. if you treasure it, then run straight towards it.
this is roya, june 25th 2022, day of flight back to canada, signing off a post for the last time. may you all be well!! ♡
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more seoullo.. this was the 24th of june, the day before my flight back :")
hongdae! can you believe it, korea started with T, Dami and i in hongdae and ended in hongdae too :(
donut i bought from dunkin in icn and i ate on the flight back..
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more skz!
last karaoke :")
seoullo, where kard's rumour was filmed!
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morw showcase+2d café!
bbq!!!!! and my last time having cass :(
finally got to see stray kids mahagrid ads in exit 3 at hongdae T-T
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café with my kuba friend :_( my first and last day with her..
i found what it isn't !!
best pancakes @.@
han river picnic!
brunch in yeonsadong? (i think i butchered the name but it's near blue mastercard hall or whatever :P)
kard... showcase..... best day ever T-T
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lotte world, still + me in uniform :P
mooni café!! (try their shakes! we were too early so they didn't have them yet T-T)
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space helena café!
yg again :*(
lotte world!
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dinner after day 2
food + café on monday, study day :P
study, eat, study, eat... Juyeon........ pretty ends
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café nearby to study (it was finals season) then a pasta dinner :>
청춘 or youth festival... one of the biggest highlights of my life :") i was in the wrong line and line dup for 2 hours to only find out once i reached the front after some friendly koreans told me.. but it was so fun.. i was so nervous going alone the first day but you gotta have some courage to have fun!
waffle for dessert with Tracy later after day 1
treasure on day 2 @.@
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in iksadong, i had some kind of steak bowl !! cactus with a hat (there were so many of those in korea ??) + cute café T and i had been wanting to go to but never got to
another café cause we were studying :>
budae jjigae but single serving style and with rice, no noods
gwangjang food market!! it was so close to us c:
bulgogi stew thingy in gangnam,, it tasted so good ☆_☆
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나티나티이이이
yg café.... i miss it :(
solo karaoke sesh scores!
menu of a nearby restaurant T and i were regulars of
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i'm back in canada, here to post the last of my photos before stepping away from this account. i'll always still be there to answer any questions, though :D
more from the Jacob birthday event--i stayed until the end and received so many of the freebies that were on the walls!
noodlez at a japanese place near home
birthday event for my beloved big naughty!+haechan bday ad
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more stargazer!! (it was too fun T-T)
meal i had with my stay friend, i met her at the stray kids concert! i'll miss her..
tbz Jacob day! i went to a photobooth and cupsleeve event 🥰 i stayed until the end and they let me take the artwork.. so sweet T-T
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food from food market!
i dont remember this T-T
korea university kurescendo festival was packed!
meal inbetween classes :> good katsu!
mint choco sandwich?! tasted like the ice cream!
ipselenti--the kast day of ku festival only for ku students,, it was packed but so fun! we had jay park, ph-1, sik-k, heize, gidle, red velvet and more!
stargazer may 28th!!!
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night views as we hunted for seafood c:
a theme park! theme was korea in the '60s :O
a meal traditional to jeju--some sort of pork and noodles,, i forget the name T-T
a cave! on this day, my foot hurt a lot. i was limping and it was hard to get around but i did my best :")
food market!
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