cardan: *drunkenly pointing to jude* give it up for my gf everybody!

jude: I'm your wife.

cardan: *ecstatic* WHAT?? WOAH, EVEN BETTER THEN!!!

jude: i came here to say i’m sorry.

cardan: go ahead.

jude: no, that was it, i did it. i said i’m sorry.

jude: hey, i said it again. now i got one in the bank so i can do whatever i want.

Cardan: Jude, what are you doing?

Jude: The Court of Teeth wanted to know what kind of weapons we have in our armory and I'm just letting them know it's private information.

Cardan: *reading over Jude's shoulder* This just says fuck around and find out in calligraphy.

Jude: Oh so now I'm considered a "bad guy" just because I've murdered people in the past, continue doing so in the present and will most likely keep on doing it in the future?

tfota jude headcanon

the first thing jude did as queen of elfhame (once cardan was safely returned from his snake form) was install plumbing. there is no way she continued to put up with chamber pots. jude was 100% sending letters by bird to get vivienne to send blueprints for septic tanks and running water pipes.

Jude: I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.

Cardan: Its not a joke,I'm a legit snack

Jude: i hate you

Cardan: *in his head* enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst with happy ending, 300k+ words

Cardan, stroking Jude's hair : You're so cute and pretty.

Jude, sleepily : I could beat the shit out of you.

Cardan, lovingly : I know.

Taryn: Put yourself in my shoes.

Cardan: I would never wear those.

this is 113% what cardan thought happened during the exile

jude: have you ever come across somebody more difficult than yourself?

cardan: you’re up there.

Incorrect Cruel Prince

Lady Asha: I raised a perfectly, well behaved, functioning son.

Jude: You have a son I don't know about?

Cardan: I-

Jude: who else here thought Cardan was my boyfriend?

Jude: Cardan put your hand down

Taryn: Jude, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!

Jude: Well of course I have.

Jude: Have you ever tried going mad without power?

Cardan: It's boring.

Valerian: May your hands always be stained with blood. Jude: The joke's on you. I'd love that.