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bvyfriend · 3 years

Text

MY GIF-MAKING TUTORIAL

for @sunshinesquash

i use photopea.com for making gifs so if you have photoshop i’m not sure how much different these tools will be, but i hope this can help!! i also have a windows computer so if you have a mac my recording technique might not work :’( all the tools i use are pretty simple and basic so if you can’t afford to download a lot of software dont worry!

recording:

when you’re finding videos to use for gifs, you want to use the highest quality footage u can find! you normally always want to use 1080p, but if you can only find 720p then make sure its not too grainy!

for the actual recording, i use the (windows + g) shortcut. once you click that this should pop up!

if this is your first time opening the game bar, it might just show only the top bar - if that happens, click on the second icon! when the capture sidebar shows up click on the third icon and the recording will begin :] make sure that your recording is 4-5 seconds max, otherwise it will be too big for photopea to handle and there will be too many frames!

opening the recording:

all your recordings from the windows game bar will automatically show up in videos > captures.

open photopea, and then click file > open and locate your recording!

when it’s opened photopea should look like this:

this image size is 1920 x 1080 which is way too big for photopea to load your final gif and for tumblr to accept! because of this you’ll click file > new and get to a pop-up that looks like this:

the size that i normally make my gifs is 540 x 540 which is what i’m going to use for this tutorial! you can always go for other dimensions - whatever you’re comfortable with :]. click create!

ok now comes the complicated part :

select all of the frames that you’re going to work with until they become highlighted grey. make sure the folder is not selected!

right click on the highlighted area so an options bar pops up!

click on ‘duplicate into...’ and select the drop down menu and click on ‘new project.psd’. there will be a ‘new project’ and a ‘new project.psd’ option - ‘new project.psd is the one you want to click on! ‘new project.psd’ is the 540x540 project that you created.

next, click on the tab that says ‘New Project.psd’ and it should show you something like this:

the frames are really zoomed in because of the different dimensions, so we’re going to fix that! make sure all of your frames are still highlighted and then click on the little folder button that i circled:

now all of your frames are going to be under a single folder. make sure ‘transform controls’ on the top menu is selected! now single click on the edge of the selected frames:

now a new menu is going to show up where it used to say ‘transform controls’ was! make sure the little hamburger button in between the dimensions is selected.

replace the 100% with 50% and now your dimensions will look like this!

now just drag that box of frames onto the white area! (make sure only the folder is selected on the side bar):

sharpening + color:

now you’re going to open that folder and then select all your frames again (make sure the folder is not highlighted):

now click filter > noise > and type in 1%.

im adding noise here because it helps smooth out the gif and makes sure there arent any wavy/grainy lines!

after you click ‘ok’ then click filter > sharpen > smart sharpen. you don’t have to change any settings here! just click ‘ok’ with the default settings.

now your base gif is ready for coloring!

all your coloring tools will be under layer > new adjustment layer.

always remember that whatever settings/coloring that i use may be different from the way you want to do it! gif-making always starts with exploring and experimenting with your style :]

the first type of adjustment layers that i always start with are the ones that deal with adjusting brightness! depending on how dark your gif is you will either want to start with ‘brightness/contrast’ or ‘levels’. (you can also use curves but levels are easier to control for me.)

if you have a super dark gif, you’re going to want to start with ‘brightness/contrast’. no actual adjustments will be made to this layer but you’re going to make its type ‘screen.’

BE CAREFUL WITH THIS LAYER! doing ‘screen’ with brightness/contrast will often whitewash characters of color so for this gif we’re going to just use ‘levels’! (there are ways to get the original skin tone back when using this layer, so if it’s completely necessary depending on the scene, you’re going to have to work a lot with coloring adjustment layers to make sure not to oversaturate or whiten when doing this. you’ll get there with practice, but for this tutorial we’re going to work with safe adjustments!)

if the gif becomes too bright because of ‘screen’ in brightness/contrast you can adjust the opacity!

whenever you use brightness/contrast you’re also going to use a levels layer because just this layer can remove a lot of the depth

now let’s open the levels layer!

you’ll see the three squares that you can adjust - the black is shadows, the grey is mid-tones, and the white is highlights. when working with characters of color don’t brighten the mid-tones, this will also whitewash them! dragging the squares to the left will brighten, and to the right will darken. each scene will require different adjustments so explore and figure out what’s right! make sure when brightening, that you remember to give it enough depth.

now the gif has proper lighting!

after your brightening layers, you’re going to look at the scene and check whether you need a photo filter layer! if your scene has a strange filter - for example, cw shows often use a weird dark yellow filter: this is where a photo filter comes in.

for this tutorial im going to show how to use the photo filter! shawn’s face has a yellow tint so we’re going to try this out. (there are ways to get rid of the yellow in selective color, but for this tutorial we’re going to start with photo filter.)

photopea automatically provides a yellow color photo filter which is not what we want for this scene! (if you have an especially blue scene this might help though!)

click on the orange square and drag the color picker to the opposite color of the one you’re trying to get rid. we’re getting rid of yellow, so we’ll select blue.

now, we’re going to adjust the density so it doesn’t look so blue. now it looks perfect!

now we’re going to go to my favorite tool: selective color :]

you can see hints of blue, and pink in the scene already - so we’re going to really bring those out!!

click on the drop down that will bring up a list of colors! we’re going to especially go for cyan and blue. when i really need to bring out blue, i drag the cyan fully over to 100% and the yellow to -100%

if you look at the gif now, you can see that the blue is starting to come out! duplicate that selective colors layer until the blue becomes saturated enough, but not grainy. i duplicated mine’s three times for this gif!

now that you see how to manipulate the colors with selective colors, experiment and see what you can do! i felt like the skin tones were too pale so i messed with the reds :] you may think differently, that’s why coloring is subjective not objective!

one of my other favorite tools to use is the vibrance tool! make sure not too saturate your colors too much so be careful with this layer!

another really fun tool to use is the hue/saturation tool! if you have a very prominent stable color that isnt too grainy, you can manipulate it to another totally different color! this gif may not do too well, since the blue isn’t completely solid, but we can still test it out!

click on the drop down to the color you want to manipulate and have fun with it! i could make the blue a little cyan here without making it too grainy so this is what we ended up with :]

this is going to be the end of the tutorial for now but always feel free to ask me if you need some more advice. if some of it was confusing dm me or i can always make a video of my process!

[VERY IMPORTANT: REMEMBER that photopea.com is a website so it’s always prone to crashing. always ALWAYS save your psd’s after you’re done editing. a psd will save all your coloring and frames! go to file > save as psd. to export your frames as a gif go to file > export as > gif > save! if photopea starts lagging, it might be the time to open it in another tab and start making your other gifs there.]

this is our before and after coloring!:

#husband.message #*mystuff #gif tutorial.#i hope this could help a little bit!!!!#ok for anyone to rb!!!

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yakocchi · 4 years

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The Bewitching Full Moon // Count

smh they’re never gonna release points-based event cards ever again are they guess I gotta make my own 5-min headers

This event is another one of those “His POV” events. I guess the reception on those has been very positive (which, good, bc I like them too) so they’re pushing them out more and more. They’ve also been pushing the envelope on these ooh lala so sexi ma gah stories with these scandalous avatars. yea sexy ok w/e but are they fashionable? idk abt that one chief... and according to the twitter surveys the community has been comparatively lukewarm too. I mean if they’re gonna make event avatars harder to get why are they getting uglier man

also holy crap the resulting doc for this thing got really long i hope tumblr doesn’t destroy me copypasta

edit: here comes me “slept on it” day after edit, fixed formatting issues and grammar errors that stuck out. if it made it even worse imma cry-

Spoilers under the cut! Please credit if you take any of it, thenk u (･ω･*) image-heavy!

Under the full moon, which shimmered with an ominous violet light - a single stagecoach wheeled through the city. (I wonder how many times it has been where I’ve left the manse like this with her.) I sneak a glance to my side, and gaze at Kara’s dress-clad form. (Dress, shoes, gloves, necklace, hair ornaments...) (I give you every single object, article to wear - and with that you are dyed in my color.) (I experienced that joy even before, but...) Now that we have become lovers, that joy is becoming more and more difficult to come by. (Whenever I look at you, there is this emotion - one that is difficult to put into words - that surges within me.) (Frankly, I try my best to simply suppress it.) (...Well, there is particularly something that is too much to entirely subdue.) I recall that sweet sensation of the very moment where I get to strip off the dress I give her– While deep in my thoughts, a smile cracks my features.

count: the joy from dressing her up is becoming rarer me: ? o whys that count: bc the horny supersedes it me: sir

[Kara]: “Count?” (Oops- if she learned of the things like the carnal passions I bear, she would surely grow disillusioned with me.) [Count]: “It’s nothing. You are just so stunning that a smile eased onto my face.” [Kara]: “D-Don’t play around, please…” As if to hide her face, she lightly puts her hands on her cheeks. She takes small breaths, apparently to temper her heart, before looking up again.

[Kara]: “Um… Tonight’s banquet is opening quite late, isn’t it?” The typical banquet opens its curtains at approximately sunset, where the usual routine is to have dinner together before taking pleasure in dancing and chitchat. However, the time now is already past 10. (Will this be your first time going to this type of evening gathering?) [Count]: “There are nobles who grow tired of the same old pattern of the typical party.” [Count]: “So occasionally, evening parties with fascinating themes appear.” [Kara]: “Fascinating themes’?” [Count]: “Costume parties, calling on an acrobat…” [Count]: “Which reminds me of this one gathering where all the lights of the mansion were to be off. It was quite the fascinating party, yes.” [Count]: “Well, now I’m wondering what tonight’s party will be like.” [Kara]: “Hehe, I’m looking forward to it.” (Whenever you so innocently accept the circumstances at hand like this– because it’s you, I get worried. But...)

With a hand I quietly turn her waist towards me, and bring my lips to her ear. [Count]: “I don’t mind if you enjoy yourself, but I would like if you could firmly avoid being careless.” [Count]: “As in these kinds of parties, the dangers lie hidden.” [Kara]: “What do you mean by ‘dangers’…?” She quietly stares at me, visibly failing to catch the meaning behind my words. [Count]: “In a space separated from everyday life, reason easily crumbles away.” [Count]: “And when instinct conquers reason, the floor changes into a hunting ground for love.” I smoothly stroke her back and hug her waist. [Kara]: “Coun-…“ [Count]: “I do not have even the slightest intention to present my adorable lover to such wolves.”

[Count]: “Because you only belong to me, after all.” [Kara]: “—Nn,” I wrap my arm around her body that had slightly jumped, and as if to engrave my touch I press my lips against hers. [Count]: “…So that you will absolutely not separate from me. Understood?” [Kara]: “…Under, stood…” [Count]: “—Good girl.” I narrow my eyes in satisfaction at her answer, and intertwine our hands against my knee.

(Back before we became lovers, I feel that I still had my wits about me.) (So it was quite unexpected of me to become brimming with emotion like this from simply spending time after time together.) (But, tonight… it has become more difficult than usual to tie down…) I shift my gaze to the window, and the moon that floats in the sky above radiates this violet. (—It couldn’t be… Well.)

When we step inside the noble’s mansion, a different world stretched before us. The saloon was colored a brilliant red, and several tables had been arranged in a line where aristocrats entertained themselves with card games and roulette.

[Count]: “So you’re surprised by the casino.” [Kara]: “Wow… I’ve seen Arthur and the others play these sort of games, but this is the first time I’ve ever set foot in a place like this.” [Kara]: “So there can even be things like casinos in the parties of nobles, huh?” [Count]: “In the beginning, gambling was an activity popular within the elite. So it has been as much as a long time for me too.”

“get it cuz im old as fuuuu”

Her eyes swelled of fresh expectations as she looks around the saloon. (We came here to enjoy ourselves, so yes, I would like you to have fun. To be honest, I would rather not teach you how to play the more dubious games, but…) (If it’s just something like cards, there shouldn’t be a problem.) While I survey the surroundings, right in the direction of the bar counter a voice calls out to me.

[Baron]: “Ah, the Count. It has been a while.” [Baroness]: “After this we’re playing a bit of poker, but would you like to join us?” I turn my eyes to see a baron who I was acquainted with and his wife beckoning me over. [Count]: “Kara, would you like to try?” [Kara]: “I only know the very basic rules, but I’ll try.” [Count]: “I’ll teach you, then.”

[Count]: “…And with that, I have shown you more or less the fundamental rules– but is there anything else that you may be confused about?” [Kara]: “I think I’ll be okay from here…!” [Count]: “Then, let’s put it into practice.” [Kara]: “Please go easy on me.” [Baron]: “Well, young miss, when it comes to winning or losing there’s no such thing as leniency.” [Baroness]: “Oh, you! You shouldn’t scare such an adorable little lady like that.” During our pleasant chatter, the cards are dealt before the four of us and we each check our individual hands. (A King, another King, a Three, a Seven, and a Jack… With only these, I can form One Pair with my Kings. A rather mediocre hand.) (Or, I could discard the other three cards and aim for a Three of a Kind?) (Well then. And Kara…?) While maintaining a poker face, I slide a glance and— [Kara]: “…” Within the tension her cheeks were slightly flushed red, and her mouth was shaped into a faint smile. (It appears that good cards have come to her.) (…But I probably should have also taught her the techniques of forming a poker face.) Though subtly smiling bitterly, I pleasantly watched my beloved to whom I shall compete with in her first poker game – She was fixated on the five cards in her hand before suddenly lifting her eyes. The moment our eyes met…—

(Huh…?) Almost in slow motion, my fingers move… [Count]: “—kgh,”

My fingers pick out the two Kings from my hand and throw them into the muck without a moment's hesitation. (Why, am I acting like…) (For a moment, it was almost as if someone had taken over my body—) Akin to a marionette, my actions had disregarded my own will. In my centuries of living, it was the first time I had ever experienced anything like that. (Just what on Earth was…)

[Baroness]: “My, it’s rare for the Count to lose his poker face like that.” [Count]: “Perhaps it’s also all just an act?” [Baron]: “As you’d expect from the Count, you can’t underestimate him.” While playfully exchanging banter, my consciousness was once more preoccupied with some thorough reflection. What rose from my mind was the suspicious moon that had risen in the sky. (—The “purple moon”.) Much like tonight - once every several centuries, there is a night where moon gives off a violet light. (That moonlight sharpens the vampiric senses, and additionally…) (On the night of the shining purple moon, vampires cannot oppose their loved ones.) As for my loved ones, it is undeniably Kara. (In other words, tonight my body is – controlled by Kara.)

If this is the case, then it would explain the cryptic behavior from just a minute ago. (If I cannot go against her wishes…) (Right when I met her eyes, it is highly probable that she had wished to beat me.) I turn over the new cards that were dealt to me in exchange for my discarded ones. (An Eight, and a King.) (If I hadn’t thrown away those Kings, I would have formed a Three of a Kind...)

[Count]: “…It appears I’m out of luck.” I line up my random assortment of cards by suit and place them down on the table. [Baroness]: “Hehe, I have One Pair.” [Baron]: “I also have One Pair.” [Kara]: “I have a Three of a Kind.” She breaks into a cheerful smile and reveals her hand. [Count]: “It seems that Lady Luck is smiling upon you.” [Kara]: “Hehe… it seems like it.” From that carefree smile, a sweet feeling spreads within the depths of my heart. (The real thrill of poker is supposed to be the psychological warfare, but) (When you are so innocently delighted I seem to forget all about that.) (This is not entirely the way I would have wanted it, but I got to see something lovely.)

And so, as the game continued— …In the end, I was unable to outplay her. [Baron]: “It surprised me to see the Count so clumsy at poker.” [Baron]: “Are you up for another round?” [Count]: “Please forgive me, but I cannot afford to display such an unsightly side of myself in front of my beloved anymore.” [Baroness]: “Miss Kara, I had fun with you tonight.” [Kara]: “Me too. Thank you for inviting me to play.” We leave the table, and I call on a waiter dressed in black to halt for me. [Count]: “May I have two glasses of champagne?” Receiving the pair of flutes, I hold out one of them to Kara. [Count]: “For your victory.”

[Count]: “So, for the occasion, shall we have a toast somewhere?” [Kara]: “Yes, of course… Um, where are we going?” [Count]: “How about someplace like the balcony?” [Count]: “With your first poker victory, it is a special night.” [Count]: “I want to have a quiet toast between just the two of us.” [Kara]: “O-Okay…”

Between the two of them, the honey-colored champagne sways in the glasses as if to mark the beginning of a sweet night…

Clinking our glasses, the champagne bubbles rise to the surface. [Count]: “Congratulations. Even to the end, I just couldn’t beat you.”

or rather “Congratulations - For I couldn’t win (over you) even at the end.” but that sounds kind of shady hm

[Kara]: “Thank you, but I definitely just got lucky there.” [Kara]: “I guess there really is such a thing as beginner’s luck, huh.” [Count]: “You say that, but you still seem rather happy about it?” I set my glass down and stroke her grinning cheeks with my fingertips to poke fun at them. [Count]: “Are you really that pleased about besting me?” [Kara]: “This is the first time I’ve ever won against the Count with something, so naturally I’m happy about it…”

lol i know they mean by “winning” in the general sense but i like to think they’ve played several types of games together and he just never lets her win

(You are truly not wearing a poker face of any kind right now.) (Even when you do try to hide it, it’s clearly apparent when you are thinking about something else.) [Count]: “But that’s not all, is it?” (I know that you wanted to beat me because the light of the purple moon had affected my body to do so.) (You so deeply wanted, from the bottom of your heart, to win - so I want to know the real reason behind it.) [Count]: “Come, truthfully confess to me.” [Kara]: “I can’t let anything slip past you, it seems…”

She’s at a bit of a loss for words before slowly looking up at me to possibly gauge my expression. [Kara]: “The truth is… back from when you kissed me in the carriage, I had been thinking about it.” [Count]: “That you wanted to beat me in something?” [Kara]: “Yes. At the time, while I was trying my hardest to calm my heartbeat…” [Kara]: “You, however, maintained your composed, collected face, right?” [Kara]: “That moment today wasn’t the only time it’s been like that; ever since we’ve become lovers, it has happened so many times that it’s impossible to count…” She tightly bites her lip. [Kara]: “I just can’t compete with someone like you.” [Kara]: “But then I thought with something like poker, I could perhaps win with luck on my side.”

[Kara]: “Since I’ve always been the one being toyed with…” [Kara]: ��Tonight, I thought… that I wanted to see the Count’s– see Abel’s, restless face…”

At that moment, I realized the consequences I had wrought from my prying – but it was already too late. The instant she shot through me with those eyes blurred with shyness, I could hear the sound of my reason shattering into pieces…

[Count]: “kgh—” (—I cannot fight it.) (Kara, I want to… No, I need – to take you.)

So I changed this entirely bc there’s no English equivalent. The original line can be literally translated as “Kara, I want to take you… no, take you.” What he does is change the pronoun he uses for “you” (kimi → omae) to signal the change in the level of intimacy. With most people (mansion residents, people in general) the Count uses “kimi”. Though with those who know him at a closer level, like Leonardo and Vlad, he uses “omae”. (Mostly) men are only really supposed to use “omae” with people they’re close to or it comes off as rude. This is significant with the Count and MC’s relationship because he begins to refer to her as “omae” when they’re alone together (and thus wants to make a point about how personal it is) once they reciprocate their feelings in Chapter… 24(?). The writers are more than aware of this, because all of the Count’s His POV stories in his route are titled 「君○○」 “kimi ____” but the His POV titles for the Endings use “omae”.

[Kara]: “—gh, Abel…” When I strongly embrace her, from the corner of my eye I catch sight of the moon in its sheen of purple light. Paired with this boiling sensation in my blood, I once again realize the meaning of my existence. [Count]: “…As you desire, I shall become just a man for you.” [Kara]: “A, bel…? —Mn, nn…” I steal her lips, as if to take away all of her warmth. (Just simple touches are not enough.) I draw her head closer and entangle our tongues to steal those lips even deeper. (What’s this - it’s sweet… from the scent, the touch, and the taste…) However, my hunger was not sated even by this kiss. (More - I want to taste you, more…) I pull her waist towards me and capture her tongue that had attempted to escape in a fluster. Dominated by instinct, like a starved beast I devour her lips.

(…Seeking her in this way, in an unknown place where someone could come, what in God’s name is wrong with me?) The remains of my reason murmur from the edge of my mind. But, contrary to those feelings, there was a certain kind of a pleasure intoxicating my heart. (The sense of my reason being thrown aside… is this sweet, hm…?) My fingertips, in their longing for her, slowly ride up the hem of her dress.

sir this is a community balcony i’m gonna need you to take yourself out

[Kara]: “Ngh… A, bel…”

[Count]: “Whether to accept or refuse me, is up to you.”

PREMIUM ENDING

The “purple moon” sharpens the vampire’s senses, and additionally– a vampire’s body that basks in its moonlight shall be dominated by their loved ones. [Kara]: “Since I’m always the only one being toyed with…” [Kara]: “Tonight, I thought… that I wanted to see the Count’s– see Abel’s, restless face…” —A loved one’s wishes, for tonight, can be granted under this moon that emits this mysterious light. My fingertips, in their longing for her, slowly ride up the hem of her dress. [Kara]: “Ngh… A, bel…” [Count]: “Whether to accept or refuse me, is up to you.”

Releasing her lips from our deep kiss, I securely hug her from behind and place her hands against the balcony. [Kara]: “Abel, what are…?” The eyes that look over the shoulder quiver in confusion. (Right now, as instinct overwhelms me... I want to take you.) [Count]: “Show me that disheveled form of yours some more.” A hand glides upwards to approach her chest, and wraps around her breast through the silk of the fabric. [Kara]: “Nnn… Abel,” [Count]: “It’s all right. I shall hide you in a way that no else can see.” [Count]: “Even for myself, I do not intend to show that sweet expression of yours to other men.” [Kara]: “That’s not the…” Her eyes were widened, and moistened with shame. [Count]: “And just who was the one who said that they wanted to see my restless face?” [Kara]: “That’s...” The adorable figure of my beloved, trapped with lowered eyes, also makes a bewitching pleasure sharply simmer within me. (If I happened to look into a mirror right now… Without a doubt, I would see that the face I’m wearing is far from that of a gentleman.) [Count]: “I know that you also want to learn of these indecent pleasures, hm?” [Kara]: “I…—nn,” To cut off her words, I rub the peaks of her breasts against the silk with the pads of my fingers. [Kara]: “ah- Mn…” [Count]: “To the point where I can find that out immediately— harden them for me.” [Count]: “Not wanting to know this pleasure... you don’t seem that way at all, or am I mistaken?” (Because of the purple moon, I cannot go against her wishes tonight.) (If she truly didn’t want this, I wouldn’t be able to even lay a finger on her.) (Since I am able to touch her, this means—)

[Count]: “…You truly, want me to forcibly take you, don’t you?” Burying my face onto her nape I move my fingers to agitate her, her body trembling within me. Desperately biting her lip, she stifles her sweet voice. (Whatever it is that you are thinking, I will quite distinctly know what it is.) (Because the one controlling me, is you yourself…) I rub her with my fingers again, and she twists her back with a shudder. [Kara]: “Hah, ah…” [Count]: “It seems that you are feeling it more than usual.” [Count]: “To seek a thrill like this, what a bad girl you are.”

[Count]: “But, if you don’t keep that voice down, you will be heard, no?” [Kara]: “Ha, ah- But… I can’t… hold o-…” [Count]: “There’s no other choice, then.” The corners of my lips raise into an elegant smile before I lift her chin. [Count]: “I’ll stifle it for you.” [Kara]: “Mn, uhn…” Continuing to lovingly caress her breast in one hand I press my lips to hers, providing even more heat. A voice laced with temptation spills out from her wetted lips. [Kara]: “A…bel… if you do, any more than this, I…” [Count]: “Then if I do any more than this, what will happen?” [Kara]: “Don’t bully me…” Her lovely voice cries out between the light brushes of our lips, and my chest sweetly tightens from the sound. (This appetite will not be satisfied until I make her wholly mine.) [Count]: “Do you take me for a man who only teases and leaves you unfulfilled?”

[Count]: “I shall stain your entire body with pleasure.”

…In a certain room. I slip off my coats, vest, tie, and finally shirt to reveal my bare skin…While I fling them onto the sofa one by one, I lead Kara in the direction of the bed. (The part where I drive her to the corner like this… is exceptional tonight.)

[Kara]: “Ah…” Hitting the edge of the bed, she casts her eyes down as there is nowhere else to go. [Count]: “…Got you.” I capture her beloved body into my arm’s embrace, and slowly push her down onto the bed. [Count]: “In here, you can be as loud as you like.” [Kara]: “But… is it okay to use this room as you please…?” [Count]: “When we arrived tonight we had talked about the themes of evening parties, correct?” I move my hand from stroking her blooming cheeks to press a fingertip against her lips. [Count]: “For those who wish to indulge in something rather risqué for the night, they prepare rooms like this.” [Count]: “So I shall receive this room for use with my humble gratitude.” I unravel the ribbon on the back, and the silk dress almost seemed to glide off her shoulder as it fell down.

(I do like to beautifully dress you up – but stripping you down with my own two hands also sends my heart racing.) [Kara]: “gh…” I seize her hands that were about to cover her chest and pin them to the sheets. [Count]: “Without hiding anything, show yourself to me.” Her exposed skin became shamefully dyed with the hue of roses before my very eyes. This color, teeming with vitality, made my vampiric instincts ache painfully.

[Kara]: “n-no… It’s embarrassing…” [Count]: “Then, if I stop looking… I shall have a taste instead.” I meet her breasts and crawl the tip of my tongue along the peak. [Kara]: “Ah, aah… Abel… Mn,” She pushes against my chest in light resistance. But before long her resistance had ceased, and gradually changed to that of her disheveled sighs and sweet gasps. [Count]: “It seems that you’ve become quite honest with yourself.” [Kara]: “To be loved like this – I have no choice but to be honest, right…?” [Kara]: “As tonight will be the only time I’ll get to know of your ferocious emotions…”

My mind is suddenly drawn to her wording. (Does she know about the purple moon…?) But I cannot imagine that she would know about something like a rare phenomenon that occurs only once every several centuries. I stare at her as if to look into her heart, and our eyes meet.

[Kara]: “More… Please, lose yourself to me, more…” (If she does know about the purple moon, and thus is purposefully provoking me, then…) [Count]: “What a naughty girl. Do you want to ruin my composure that badly?” [Kara]: “Yes…” The Count’s body is completely, sweetly steeped in her words, and as if it were alcohol his reason gradually dissolved. (Right now, even the words that I always shower her with will not come out.) For his heart was dominated only by the instinct of a vampire, and only by the instinct to love her as a man. [Count]: “I want to cast away my morality and reason, and just love you.”

FIN

this guy…………is a lot. i thought maybe everyone would be like this for the event but no, leo only gets weird bc essentially his mc was dumb enough to try to pick up broken shards of glass with her bare hands (im not trying to shame her… but i am) and then it’s not really isaac’s fault when he already has the worst bloodthirst out of all of them so sir step into the paddy wagon, the horni police will question u shortly

anyway tl;dr the sweet ending has the mc reveal to him early that she knew what the purple moon does to vampires in terms of the heightened vampire senses and crud but not the obedience to loved ones so he tells her blah blah romanceu talk but he still wants to bone and so they go home to do it instead.

Make sure to purchase the Epilogue when you have the chance! It’s good stuff ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

So, thanks for reading! (`･ω･´) Sorry if it’s hard to parse through. there’s a reason why editing is a job people get paid for orz

#idk wat the engl tags are idk #like do they call him comte #how french do we get #ikemen vampire #ikevam #comte de saint germain

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klutcherov · 3 years

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hi, morgan!!! 8, 24 and 42 for the ask

[8] your favorite graphic or gif created by yourself?

these fave hawks player sets (1, 2). it was my first time trying to blend two gifs on the same canvas technique and the psd i used is still one of my ult fave colorings

[24] what is something you’re wanting to learn right now?

sharpening!! i feel like ive focused so much of my time to learning how to color that i really dont know how to sharpen gifs all that well. but ive been testing some new settings out recently so we’ll see how that goes.

[42] anything you’re curious about graphic/gif related

im always curious about other ppl’s coloring process. coloring is my fave part so its always cool to see how other people color!

#ask #ask game #thank you carol 💗#itsonlyburn

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buckykingofmemes · 7 years

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Bucky, I totally get the no hugging thing. Getting hugged makes me want to punch the hugger (most of the time; it's complicated; fucking sensory processing issues). People seem to figure out pretty fast that you don't do hugs. How would you recommend telegraphing an aversion to hugs, extended handshakes, arm pats, back pats, etc. to those around you, especially those who don't know you that well, for someone small, female, and (apparently) cute?

have you ever tried to pet a cat that didnt want to be petted? you have your hand directly over their spine, and as you lower it they just turn into a liquid and slide away, and you wind up petting the floor where they were. learn from the cats.

to begin with, stand just outside easy arm’s reach with new people. it will make you seem a bit standoffish but will also make it take an awkward amount of effort to pat your shoulder or grab your arm. you can compensate for the physical distance by being actively engaged in the conversation, which i rarely bother with. in social situations, find things to hold: a drink of some kind, your phone or wallet in the other hand, which means you dont have any hands free for hugs or handshakes. make the ‘sorry, cant, my hands are full’ shrug and smile when necessary. (or, if you are me, stare people dead in the eyes and scowl. that’s pretty effective.) wear layers; distance the touch from your skin. with handshakes, having a limp grip is your enemy; instead, do a simple firm clasp and then release. usually people will get a ‘handshake over’ vibe easily after a you loosen, but if you’re limp-gripped the whole time, there’s no end signal. and most people will get it–girls especially–if you just tell them youre not a big toucher. if youre down to give a white lie or two, say you’re getting over a cold and dont want to spread germs.

when someone goes for a hug, close your body language; shoulders drawn up and head tilted down, hands close in towards center mass and elbows out, widening and sharpening your profile. this is the ‘im solid and pointy, dont grab me’ shape. add in widened eyes and a bit of a lean backwards and most people will get the idea that you do not want to be grabbed. feel free to say ‘sorry, not a hugger,’ if necessary, and possibly offer an alternative that you’re more comfortable with. people usually respond well to humorously-delivered overly-serious options like, ‘can we exchange Dignified Buisnessman Nods instead?’ or ‘the high-five of the emotionally stunted?’ this is a clint technique, and he rocks it when hes not feeling like being handsy with people. i just stick with my usual scowl and glare. as long as you make it clear that you dont dislike them, and arent trying to snub them, people tend to roll with alternative options.

if theyre not okay with it or dont get the hint, find other people to hang out with.

#bucky barnes: agony aunt #not the usual funny stuff but #i'm pretty touch averse and this works for me #so i thought id share #team naptime #Anonymous

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myjujitsujourney · 7 years

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Accept the past and realize that each new day you are a new person who doesn't need to carry old baggage into the new day with you.

Its been a while since last time i wrote on this blog. Alot of things have been happening in the back ground. So jasmine dumped me back i march, i went on a bit of a rampage and started training full on. Double classes doing 8 sessions a week. Pushed hard at strength and conditioning training. I was sitting around the border of 68-69kg. i was bulking, packing on the muscle. I hate to admit it but during the holiday period before all this happened i let myself go a little. My new goal was to get lean and ripped again but at the time i wanted to get back into competition. My main focus was Melbourne international it was on july 15. I had about 3-4 months to push for it. It was tough. Coach was also was competing this year going to brazil to compete and the following month to do world masters. Training with him you know he would always push you to your limit.

I realised my key weakness is letting them pass when im on my pack. Alex seems to do it to me ever time. But i know once im able to wrap my legs or control there arm i can wrap my legs around them and slowly play my game.

I had the opportunity to teach for a few classes. Since alex was visiting a few gyms in Sydney. It was interesting, been a bit rusty looking after others but teaching it so its easy for them to understand. I’ve also been taking more responsibilities at my shop. looking after certain dishes now. starting to make a mean Singapore noodles.

Helio soneca

alex professor was coming back to melbourne. this time straight from a super fight in dubai. it was against megaton. they history of a first feather weight fight and hello beat him, ever since megaton has wanted to avenge it as articles and people were saying, the sunday before he was due to come to melbourne i was lucky to watch a streamed version of his fight live. he managed to beat megaton on a sweep. but the technique level was amazing. when he arrived to melbourne he had two seminars and he thought some amazing techniques. some of the main take aways that resonated with me was.

"Defense,control,attack"

you can improve your jujitsu if you look at youtube, only if you look at your adult division and masters in you weight class that are black belt. And look at what they do and how they move. Thats how you will improve in your game.

abmar barbosa seminar from short notice there was a seminar held at the gym, one of carlos friends that he fought with in the past came to melbourne and wanted to hold a seminar. he asked alex and showed some interesting techniques. his main game was new generation open guard. with spider. some of which were really good and he was really straight forward in his technique. he’s mentality is straight up. there no lightness to technique. to the point where you do the sweep you have to make your opponent slap to the flow. to ensure it works. to get your opponent off guard to finish them off.

Its been a few weeks before melbourne and cia paulista held a interclub comp before melbourne. I was at first reluctant to compete as i didnt feel ready but alex was ademant i try it out. as coach always does there was no backing out. ended up registering just for my weight. however the only person i could fight was kang who recently switched from juniors team to cia paulista under carlos. i have never had the opportunity to beat him. he’s a tough opponent and he’s always won the division i like to fight in.

game day the week before it i tried to keep the momentum of hard training but i felt lack lusted and couldn’t push myself to keep training. i started to slack off. i just could be bothered. when it was time i rocked up to the venue and straight away all the lower belts from he gym were up fighting. i had to coach. i must say coaching someone you help teach nd see them fight and do well is such a great thing to see. sitting on the sidelines and yelling and cheering for them what to do next. was great. but it took a lot of energy out of me. all i wanted to do was get my fights over and done with. i found out there were 3 people in my division. i had to win 2 fights to win it. and both were from carlos students. the other guy i remember i got to roll with him but he smashed me as a blue belt.

i didn’t care i put in all that training I was confident enough to say to myself i could hold myself for atlas the first few minutes and make it look like a good fight. finally after rocking at 11 i was called up. it was almost 3pm and i was facing hang first.

at that point i felt sluggish and tired. but as well a little sick. i stepped onto the mat and touched hands. i was going to wait for him to pull and see how he goes. i know with my game I’m happy on the bottom but i got nothing to lose as coach says. he pulls guard and we who would give up the position. i could tell he was strong. his grips were holding me up. it was a stall mate. then we reset and i pulled guard. i managed to get into my deep half and sweep him. its a tough fight close controls. all I’m trying to do is counter his next move but aswell find my opening. he’s fending me off pretty well. i tried to get his back but missed out not he hooks. it was a close matchup but pretty much i just won with he sweep. 2-0. the adenelin kicked in and my forearms are tensed up like a rock. i finally beat him after all this time. i thought he was my krytonite. he was the guy that always had that little bit further to just beat me.

next up i had the other guy. there was clearly a weight difference. he was much heavier. i rembered he was strong and played a unique game. we touched hands and i tried to take my time with stand up. he’s tall and strong and before it alex said to be careful if he’s on top. well stand for a minute or so. he’s so strong trying to control my collar. i pulled guard to feel what he would do. he went for a submission straight up trying to lock me in a lapel choke. with his legs wrapped around me. i felt it was on but he had no control to finish it off. so i managed to get out of it. i played my half guard game and slowly fended him and kept him at bay. i played into my game i kept working getting his back. until i got his leg and flipped him to control and get on hook. i had hooks in both his legs and his body onto on me. i have the seat belt held onto him nd worked my eziequel. i used my leg to flip him on a angle to tighten and sharpen the angle of the choke. with 15 secs left not he clock it was all of nothing. i get the locks in and thrust my hand into the back of the neck. the counting begins with 5 secs left he taps. its all over. i managed to win it. i was more surprised that i beat my thoughts. its such a weird feeling. this has given me the confidence for melt open. if i could beat hang i could win it. i didnt think there was anyone else tougher to go against and this guy.

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apsbicepstraining · 7 years

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Old flames Mario Balotelli and Milan start to regret reviving the occasion | Paolo Bandini

Injury may have impeded Mario Balotellis return to Milan, but his attitude on the tar – rather than off it – has led to more the issue of his wasted talent

He is to say situations would be different. He told us he had changed his courses. Mario Balotelli told us all the words he thought we might want to hear as he rejoined Milanon loan this summer. Ive learned from my misunderstandings, he did. Ill grant everything. At one point, he even informed Gazzetta dello Sport that: I used to be a boy named Mario, but now Im Mario the man.

If he clanged like a spurned love trying to win back a lost spouses acceptance, then perhaps thats exactly what he was. Balotelli had adored Milan since he was a child, and was not the first to frame the relations between the two countries in romantic expressions. Adriano Galliani announced the strikers imminent return last-place August by telling reporters: Some affections never end.

The Rossoneris chief executive is notorious for his willingness to arouse old-time liaisons. Such players as Andriy Shevchenko, Ruud Gullit, Kak and Roberto Donadoni have varied the golf-club under his stewardship, only to proceed afterwards in their careers. None had already been recaptured anything like their best organize during their second stints with the team.

So why fus with Balotelli? He had never sparkled as brightly as the aforementioned wizards in the first instance. His ten-strike charge for Milan was robust with 26 goals tallied in 43 tournament images and hitherto he had faded following a bright initial six-month trance. It was Balotelli who salvaged a third-place finish for Milan after joining in January 2013, but he too who obtained 10 yellow placards and one red-faced while cutting a tetchy and isolated illustration during the following campaign.

Since then, he had weathered a dreadful time at Liverpool tallying only a single Premier League goal and falling behind Rickie Lambert in the pecking order. Milan fans were not exactly stirring for his recall. In information, there used to be whistlings at San Siro when Balotellis name was announced amongst the equivalents for the home opener against Empoli.

But there was some technique to Gallianis madness. Balotelli, unlike those previous high-profile returnees, was still in his mid-2 0s. Besides, this was only a loan with no cost fixed. In gist, Milan were going a risk-free experiment of a participate they had sold for 16 m a year earlier, and whose better seasons could still lie ahead.

The golf-clubs new administrator, additionally, had an existing relationship with Balotelli. Sinisa Mihajlovic had been an deputy at Inter back when the player was emerging from the Nerazzurris youth team. A private find was arranged between them before Milan signed off on the deal.

You will need to be the first to arrive and the last to leave, Mihajlovic was reported to have told Balotelli. You must ever give your all, otherwise I will make sure you find your suitcases waiting outside the gates of Milanello.

Balotelli seemed to have taken that word on board. He put in a swashbuckling cameo off the bench during a derby demolish to Inter before commemorating his first start with a fine free-kick destination to open the scoring in a 3-2 win over Udinese.

Just when his stellar was in the dominance, though, he was sidelined by a athletics hernia. The harm, which turned out to require an operation, took Balotelli out of action from September right through to mid-January.

When Balotelli reverted, he discovered that he was no longer needed. After a difficult firstly half to the season, Mihajlovic has at last received an attacking partnership that worked, MBaye Niangs range and readiness to float out and serve intersections from either side reaching him the perfect foil to Carlos Baccas penalty-box prowling.

Milan went nine recreations without defeat, surging back into the hasten for European regions. Where formerly Balotelli asked Why ever me? now he was instead turn left meditate Why never me? He averaged fewer than 13 times on the pitch in his first eight league games back from trauma, and failed to record a single aim or assist.

Mihajlovic was unsympathetic to propositions that Balotelli necessitated more substantial opportunities to make an impact. The number of minutes you have on the pitching do not thing, said the manager. You can be decisive even in five. He needs to show me that he has feeling and desire.

That final feeling was its most important one. Innovated for the succumbing instants of a 2-1 win over Genoa, Balotelli had been asked to lead the defensive endeavor from the figurehead but never broke out of a move. Merely a late intervention from Milans athletic manager, Antonio Bovenzi, deterred a frenzied Mihajlovic from storming over to make an example of his striker at full-time.

Sinisa Mihajlovic alleged Mario Balotelli is not yet amply fit. Photograph: Elisabetta Baracchi/ EPA

And yet, after Niang marred his ankle in a car accident last week, it was Balotelli to whom the manager grew. He may or may not be the most obvious selection. Jrmy Mnez, Milans preceding scorer in 2014 -1 5, has invested most of this season recuperating from a hernia of his own but started alongside Balotelli in the Coppa Italia semi-final second leg against Alessandria on Tuesday. The Frenchman touched a pair of goals during what became a 5-0 rout.

Balotelli grabbed one just as he had be done in order to the reverse fixture but his rendition again shortage dynamism or verve. Various newspapers determined him as the most difficult participate in a red-and-black shirt.

Mihajlovic persisted, selecting Balotelli to start alongside Bacca in Sundays match away to Sassuolo. Unlike third-tier Alessandria, these rivals were strong enough to give Milan real concerns. Just six points behind the Rossoneri at kick-off, Sassuolo had won both home editions of this fixture since their promotion to the top-flight in 2013.

They would soon make it three out of three. After taking the extend through a beautifully taken destination from Alfred Duncan in the 27 th instant, Sassuolo never looked at risk of going pegged back. Nicola Sansone shaped the score 2-0 under contentious situations late on, his team-mate Davide Biondini fortunate not to have been penalise for a pollute on Andrea Bertolacci in the buildup, but Milans legitimate grievances over that incident could not mask their own drawbacks in attack.

Balotelli and Bacca never appeared in sync as partnership agreements, the former is inadequate to fill wide cavities and give junctions as Niang might. If the lack of cohesion was comprehensible, given the two players scant ordeal of playing together, then Balotellis indifferent body language and failure to impose himself on his own terms were harder to justify. He did not touch the dance once in Sassuolos penalty country, and was subbed off in the 55 th minute.

His replacement, Mnez, did not fare much better. Mihajlovic claimed subsequentlies that neither player is hitherto at full fitness, but that disagreement is becoming harder to immerse. Almost two months have gone by since Balotelli moved his first post-injury illusion, against Fiorentina. This was the first tournament pair he had started since then, and likewise the first one Milan have lost.

We cannot accuse his conflicts on extra-curricular distractions. With the exception of one crude gesture made towards Napoli supporters who collected outside Milans hotel to abuse him last-place month, Balotellis behaviour has been beyond reproach. He has saved his head down, bided out of the gossip line and adhered diligently to riders Milan be incorporated in his contract governing conduct, social media use and even personal grooming.

But the cold reality is that he has achieved little on the tone so far to reassure Milan that this relationship was worth revitalizing. He had recently 10 competitions left in which to do so, and is unlikely to play in all of those unless his actions sharpen up swiftly.

Balotelli may experience annoyed by the timing of his hernia, which cost him force at a time when the picture was beginning to look a little more positive. He would not be the first lonely soul, though, has found that the success or flop of any love affair can come down to a matter of timing.

Talking points

No change at the top, with Juventus maintaining their three-point produce over Napoli after both teams won. The Partenopei will be happy to have Gonzalo Higuan back among the goals after recent overblown reactions to the striker leading four recreations without one. None was more liable on that figurehead, of course, than Napolis owner, Aurelio De Laurentiis, who were of the view that Higuan needed to lose a kilo and a half in order to get back to his early season formation. Was there more to such a comment than a clumsy attempt to motivate a stellar participate? Knowing De Laurentiis, you surely would not bet against it. He has been at loggerheads with Higuan for some time over the players refusal to extend a contract which ranges to 2018, and there was a smell here of the public reviews he levelled against Ezequiel Lavezzi and Edinson Cavani before the latter are each sell off Paris Saint-Germain.

Gianluigi Buffon has not let in a Serie A destination for 836 instants. Image: Giorgio Perottino/ Reuters

Another clean sheet for Gigi Buffon, who has now disappeared 836 instants without admitting a goal in Serie A, establishing his the third-longest such streak in its own history of the Italian top flight. The only actors left to overtake are Dino Zoff, who lasted 903 hours in 1972 -7 3, and Sebastiano Rossi, who exited 929 hours for Milan in 1993 -9 4. It is no foregone conclusion that Buffon will catch them; next up for Juventus are Sassuolo, who have won three directly. The Old Lady wobbled for a spell against Atalanta on Sunday, and there was a period – before Mario Lemina gave the game beyond doubt with this excellent goal – when even the succes was searching far away from secure at 1-0.

Could Roma hitherto have a say in the claim race? An eight part spread to commanders Juventus will not be easily bridged, but Luciano Spallettis side have at least demonstrated themselves as the next challenger in line behind Napoli after blowing away Fiorentina on Friday. The Giallorossi have now won seven straight-from-the-shoulder in the conference and the tempo of Mohamed Salah and Stephan El Shaarawy exclusively examined more devastating this week with Diego Perotti drawing the fibres in a No10 role.

The relegation scrap just got a whole lot tighter, with only one point dispersing Palermo and Frosinone after the Sicilians lost to Inter and the Canarini acquired at home to Udinese. Where Palermo are without a triumph in seven coincides, Frosinone have won half of their last-place six.

Verona, though, might be finished when he was threshed 3-0 at home to Sampdoria – who are finally putting some distance( or, at the least, some more squads) between themselves and the relegation zone.

Results: Atalanta 0-2 Juventus, Bologna 0-0 Carpi, Frosinone 2-0 Udinese, Genoa 1-0 Empoli, Inter 3-1 Palermo, Napoli 3-1 Chievo, Roma 4-1 Fiorentina, Sassuolo 2-0 Milan, Torino 1-1 Lazio, Verona 0-3 Sampdoria

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topsolarpanels · 7 years

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Why your adolescent thinks you’re an idiot

Emma Beddington cherishes the days when her sons watched her as a goddess. But they have entered a new phase of life in which their parents are buffoons

Do you think Im stupid? Sooner or afterwards as a parent, you will hear yourself say this. You cant used to help. The topic merely falls out of your mouth, without being consciously formulated in your brain. Its an impotent rhetorical flourish inherited from your forefathers, a piece of indignant punctuation when your child has just told you, for example, with a straight face, that they dont know where their phone is.

But of course its not rhetorical for your children and their answer is yes, they think you are stupid. Very stupid. You have reached the phase in your parenting life when your status has changed, irrevocably, from hero to tedious buffoon. Congratulations!

It has happened to me twice now. My elder son is 14; two brothers is only 12, but with the habitual precocity of second infants, he has already mastered the art of procuring me entirely idiotic. They are both in the middle of exams. I may be an inadequate human being of underwhelming professional achievements( my sons certainly think so ), but I have never met an exam I couldnt hotshot. I love exams, but my revision skills have been proclaimed redundant: I am too stupid to be trusted. I am banned from any participation in maths or science and my proffered index cards and highlighters are greeted with an enthusiasm normally reserved for my( now long retired) suggestions that we go on nice country strolls together. The elder is dodging my attempts to engage him in stimulating debate on feudalism; the younger has taken to correcting my pronunciation when I try to test him on his Chinese vocabulary, a superior smile playing around the corners of his lips.

Thwarted, I cornered the elder on the stairs this morning to give him some last minute advice. As I started to expound on my carefully sharpened technique for answering questions you havent rewritten for, my son placed his hands on my shoulders and looked at me with a remote, benign, oddly familiar expres. It was, I realised, the expres I adopt when watching videos of bumbling pandas falling out of trees on YouTube. Theyre funny for a few seconds, but basically ridiculous.

Im going now, he said, gently but securely, cutting me off in full flow. Then he patted me on both cheeks. This is my life now. I have become that bumbling panda falling out of a tree, subjected by turns to waves of sarcasm, teensplaining and condescension.

Life used to be so easy. I was an oracle. A goddess, I could conjure wonders. My infants trusted me implicitly. I only had to show them a fuzzy video clip of an owl on a skateboard, cook a lopsided Pikachu cake, or expound, sketchily, on gravity or the Vikings to be lauded a hero. Now they giggle hysterically when I try to lend some rudimentary sex education advice, deal with Scart cables or express an opinion on Syria.

I confess that a certain degree of midlife befuddlement has crept up on me of late, coinciding unhappily with the sharpening of my childrens critical faculties. Do I know what they entail when they say they need to buy more Ram or enable SLI? No. Have I really asked my younger son five times whether he has swimming tomorrow? Perhaps I cant rule it out. Recently they have derived great pleasure from repeatedly proving me a video in which you have to calculate the probability of there being a goat or a auto behind a set of three doors, which leaves me tearful with embarrassment. When their parent and I feed and drink too much, then fall asleep on the sofa in front of Britains Got Talent, waking hours later in dishevelled, drooling bafflement, it only serves to confirm their notion that we are basically Roald Dahls Twits.

As parents of bilingual infants, we are at an additional disadvantage. I sound like a simpleton speaking French, erroneously referring to Mrs Pencil Sharpener, Mr Interview and Mrs Tentacle, whereas both boys like to persuade their parent to say things like Thirsk and wide-mouthed frog, merely to mock his French accent.

Of course, we are far from alone and that is some comfort. All teens guess their parents are stupid. Its an evolutionary imperative: a cruel, but near universal one, motivating them to leave the nest and us to expel them. When my son teensplains the causes of the first world war to me( a modern history alumnu ), I recollect the conservation biologist whose son teensplained the need for renewable energy to her and her( alternative energy consultant) spouse, and another acquaintance who was treated to a lecture on menstruation from her 11 -year-old son. We are all in it together( it being the moronic soup of adulthood ), mystified and incompetent, scarcely able to operate our remote controls without assistance.

Following in the wake of generations of stupid mothers who dont get it, we embattled straws of people have gleaned a few survival strategies from our forebears. First, it is feasible to comforting to think that there may be a degree of karmic comeuppance involved: you did it to your parents and some years hence, your children will suffer in turn.

As a adolescent, I was surely convinced of my vast intellectual superiority over my mothers, Professor Beddington and Professor Baldwin, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. My parent has a mathematical model named after him, but I expended six years believing him to be the stupidest individual ever to stroll the face of the earth. So outlandishly stupid did I believe him to be that I walked 10 paces behind him in the street, a penalty now regularly meted out to me by my own progeny. As ye sow, so shall ye reap. I look forward to watching any future grandchildren I may have trail my sons at a surly, disgusted distance.

But what, if anything, can we do about it? There are two schools of thought. The first says dont try too hard. You know how cats are attracted to the people who give them the least attention? Adolescents are basically cats( infants aged four to 10 are labradors, patently, and the under-fours are the product of some unholy union of howler monkey and honey badger ).

Do not, what it is you do, attempt to ingratiate yourself by being cool in any way. We all recollect how awful the teachers who tried to be down with the children were: dont do it. Stories of your partying or your festival-going are revolting: they do not care that you watched Radiohead in 1992 before they were famous or once shared a urinal with Bobby Gillespie. Do not say sick or fleek or similar. Plough your own austere, consistently adult furrow. My stepfather spent much of my and my sisters teenage years reading Turgenev and smoking roll-ups in the back yard: this earned him a sort of gradual, grudging respect from us. If you follow this approach religiously, you may occasionally be rewarded by a languid advance: a head laid down in your shoulder as you watch television or an off-hand request to be shown how to stimulate chocolate chip cookies or solve a quadratic equation. You may not. The key thing is not to care too much one way or the other.

Alternatively, you can prove them right. Ham it up: wear a cagoule in public, say you really love that new tune from Asos then start singing it aloud and ask them if they still like that nice Floella. Be the buffoon they think you are: theres something very restful about being viewed as little more than a ludicrous, cash-dispensing flesh marionette. After all, you cant disappoint a adolescent because they already expect the worst of you.

The thing is, I love teens mine and others. For all the contempt and the ridicule and the galling refusal to listen to my excellent advice, they are wonderful company: funny, intensely alive and explosion with ideas, the most vivid distillation of what it is to be human. I truly feel lucky merely to be around them( except when I want to kill them. Id say its 50:50 right now ).

The more I think about it, the more Im seduced to conclude that perhaps we just need to accept their verdict: we are stupid. Its their world now and we, with our climate change extinctions, homophobia and Brexit flotillas, are merely messing it up for them. My friend Barbara recently asked her teenage daughter if there was anything she could do to stem the flow of adolescent contempt coming her way. Dont be a twat, said her daughter.

Words to live by, fellow idiots.