I lost myself so long ago I don't even know how to start looking

on theater, hélène cixous // abandon me, melissa febos // i'm not angry anymore, paramore // @ojibwa // also @/ojibwa // the chronology of water, lydia yuknavitch // from the last motel before a decade's long purgatory, silas denver melvin ( @sweatermuppet ) // on theater, hélène cixous

Okay, it's done! "I'm not angry anymore" by Paramore, X 13

YT is becoming tiktokified so it uploaded as a short because it's under a minute 🙄 but it was fun to make at least!

I'd like to thank @gooseontheinternet @saritaurez and @killjoygem for reminding me of where to find some great dark/angry!13 moments, as those were a struggle to find on my own.

Anger melted me down to my feet, like a candle. Now I sit here lower than I've been, cold and put out.

i miss being a teenager and feeling my feelings so much they'd down me. i miss being so angry my chest would hurt. my teeth would groan under the pressure. tears would stream down my face. i'm happier now but i miss how pop punk made me feel

https://youtu.be/0yY1vCSl2OQ?si=7KIUI-VrA2ilONPJ

Quick Paramore cover

I'm not angry anymore

Well, sometimes I am

I don't think badly of you

Well, sometimes I do

It depends on the day

The extent of all my worthless rage

I'm not angry anymore

I'm not bitter anymore

I'm syrupy sweet

I rot your teeth down to their core

If I'm really happy

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working at a grocery store has only made me even angrier about inflation and how food, water, and shelter isnt free

like just looking at groceries (not water or shelter) i see just a few bags (maybe around 5 or so) of food costing over $125 USD regularly. I've seen orders upwards of $600. and sure those have been bigger orders but no food should cost that much.

my coworkers and i shouldn't be complaining about the price of food when we get employee discounts.

a single bag of food for myself (usually containing some small pizzas, crackers, milk, and cereal) regularly costs between $50-60. minimum wage in my state is 15/HR. thats about four hours of work for one bag of food

a coworker who works on the front end of our store prides herself on being able to catch theives. everyone says how good she is at it. and sometimes it makes sense, sometimes people are just stealing to steal. but how do you ever know?

when the card reader we take outside is broken we are supposed to have the customers come inside to pay for their groceries if they're paying with EBT. there's a woman who's a regular who has a few small children and when she comes to pick up groceries they're usually asleep in the car.

am i supposed to make her choose between leaving her children alone in the car or waking them up and taking them inside?

four hours of work for one bag of groceries. is this not also theft?

four hours of work. let that sink in. four hours for one small bag of groceries.

we aren't supposed to accept tips but if we don't accept tips then how else are we supposed to afford our groceries?

i haven't seen a single person stealing food. you cannot steal whats already stolen.

although im no longer a christian, the teachings of my childhood have stuck with me, and in the bible it says "When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and for the foreigner residing among you."

society has reaped right up the the very edge and beyond of its fields, so it's up to us to reap what we can

four hours of work for one bag of food

in less than a year and a half the italian government has: worsened the living conditions for immigrants (which were dire already) with new "reception centers" that is really just a fancy word for a place that is worse than a jail; continued to let hundreds of people die at sea or deport them back to libya; cut the funds for public healthcare and education; favored the gentrification of historical city centers; suppressed and silenced protests for palestine all around the country; called for the arrest of peace activists; turned a blind eye on the inhumane conditions of an italian antifascist activist detained in hungary; called for a daspo to all singers (lmao???) who express their dissent (or literally anything even vaguely political that doesnt align with their ideology) on live, PUBLIC state tv; put forward their plan to leave the south in utter subservience to the north and made the police beat up the southern mayors and governors who protested against it; made the police beat up the students and activists who protested outside RAI (state tv) buildings in several cities against its shameless censorship of those that speak up about palestine, as well as its continued support of the zionist narrative through which the news are filtered; done absolutely nothing to mitigate the embarrassingly high percentage of deaths in the workplace or the even more absurdly high percentage of femicide.

and now they're trying to pass a law that criminalizes any critique of israel by lumping up antisemitism and antizionism in the same category so that if you even dare say hey maybe we should stop killing palestinians you could be legally prosecuted.

but they opened a few parks so i guess they also did good things

I REALLY LOVE BOARD GAME ISLANDS

Imagine paying 40k quid to a UK university and they won't even let you bring over your mum & dad for graduation.

I have been to 30+ countries and still have war flashbacks about filling out the visa entry form for the UK. The questions in it legitimately made me feel like dirt, one of the most dehumanizing experiences of my life. And I am saying this as someone who actually got a visa in the end.

btw talking about character reactions to bkg dying (i wrote the deku post several hours ago but shh) Aizawa :

The absolute disbelief on his face. And then the widening eyes. Horikoshi really had fun with that close up like my mans was really like nuh uh you are not ignoring Aizawa. The eyebrows? The wrinkles? The absolute panic and despair in this man's eyes? When he sees his student (one of the most promising and one of the best and one of the most reckless) dead on the floor?

And then the anger? The handhold, the grip on that other student that very much should not be here, that should be safe and not in the middle of a warzone with him, the panic and the sweat and the clenched jaw? I'm still and forever going insane

something about the way wwx, against all odds and against his own plans, just kept living and surviving through events that he was certain would kill him, so by the time sunshot ends and his heart is still beating he just becomes... mellow

I know I've said something similar before but like.

People are all "uwu we shouldn't let kids do hormone blockers or have surgeries because children can't consent to that!" and like. Aside from the fact that no one is doing gender affirming procedures on kids.

I would be willing to bet my left tit that these are the EXACT same fucks who would have given me shit from middle to high school and into college about getting laser hair removal, about my voice change from a soprano to an alto (not severe but noticeable, as I was a singer), who said I should amputate my healthy stomach so I could be more thin and "ladylike", who gave me ENDLESS shit for my body hair, including facial hair, who demanded I shave and pluck and squeeze myself into clothes and an image that didn't fit me and who ENCOURAGED me to take medications and have procedures that would permanently alter (and in the case of weight loss surgery? Damage, most likely) my body to fit what THEY thought I should be.

All because I have PCOS. My body is not what people expect of a cis woman's body.

Gee. It's almost like it has nothing to do with kids not consenting, and EVERYTHING to do with these chucklefucks wanting to deny trans kids access to life-saving care AND wanting to force intersex kids into medical treatment that they, by their own logic, cannot consent to.

But that's all fine when they're making us intersex folks "normal", huh?