#im just. so sick of having people miss sessions. idk if i should just start rescheduling it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

abundantchewtoys · 5 years

Text

HS Epi: Meat p19 reaction

I... don't really know what to expect anymore.

What could the wallet contain. A Dad note. A Terezi note. Or captchalogued people?

Odds are even we won't be seeing it right away. Though I'd dread to see Dirk's omniscient narrative voice take over narration of the post-victory scenes.

Still, Dirk should know better by now than to rely on his strong points this much. They're not evened out by a reliable moral compass all the time, and he's seen the results of that before. Guess with great knowledge comes great arrogance.

"Anyway, back to the B Plot." Ah yes, the B Plot. On Earth C. Featuring A2 trolls Karkat and Kanaya.

"Right about now, Jade should be wrapping up her political presentation to Roxy and Calliope" Ah, skipping right to the end of that, are we.

"Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam." Ah yes, one of these definitely led to the other.

"neoliberal austerity measures" How often can we repeat the same 3 words?

Roxy groans upon hearing the phrase “neoliberal austerity measures” for no less than the third time in this presentation." Roxy the audience surrogate. Since it's our 3rd time too.

"JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2 JADE: and here in figure a-6" It's a good thing timelines can only be scratched the once. A6 Alternia would have been a dreadful sight.

"JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i dictated to callie JADE: (great drawing by the way!!!) CALLIOPE: ^u^" Hah, Calliope's drawing skills have found another use! Political Powerpoints.

"JADE: the thing is that jane is an establishment leader JADE: shes looking at doing things the way our old universes did them JADE: shes pretty convinced that shes going to be able to replicate the capitalist hierarchies that earth had but in a more “responsible” way JADE: but none of that stuff actually worked!!!!!" That's a nice summary of the things that are wrong to Jane's approach, actually. Though it doesn't provide an answer to the underlying problem yet.

"ROXY: and u think karkat can do better? JADE: i think its worth it to give him a chance JADE: hes a leader of the people AND hes experienced firsthand what happens when establishment goes too far JADE: which i imagine you can sympathize with!" This really feels like a boardroom conference, with Jane trying to get a preliminary backing out of a captain of industry.

"Her graphs are floating around the living room in disarray." Hah, she's using her space powers for this in another mundane application. Though... not in any offical setting, it seems. Roxy and Calliope's home.

"CALLIOPE: i’m... CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?" To be fair, Calliope's probably going to follow Roxy in her eventual decision, anyway. Her childhood fascination with trolls might have been abandoned for new interests, or she might trust her friend's judgment in matters political.

"Calliope excuses herself from the conversation, and flees to the kitchen, seemingly making no attempt to disguise the fact that she is in fact fleeing." What a cutey. Calliope might in fact be trying to flee anything reeking of negativity, associating it with black romance and such.

"Jade deflates as she watches her go, sensing that her presentation wasn’t the slam dunk she was hoping for." It's so easy forgetting that the narration is also at least in part steering the story at this point. >_<

"ROXY: well i gotta say ROXY: this has been a hella convincing argument all in all ROXY: buuuuut idk if i can help u out" Maybe they would actually like to stay neutral?

"She and Calliope live in a belfry above New Prospit. One end of their living room is an oriel window that looks out over a public park. The other disappears into an arcading hallway lit at the far end by a giant stained glass window that Calliope made herself. The corbels supporting it have windy, abstract shapes carved into them." Artsy! I didn't know what to picture for their living space, but actually Calliope taking to carapacian art-deco and giving it a cheruban twist really works!

"That’s what keeps Jade Harley flitting from couch to couch, relationship to relationship. She can’t stop thinking to herself that “home” comes awfully close to rhyming with “alone.”" Home Alone, huh?

"Home is John, who doesn’t call anymore. Home is when Rose and Kanaya welcome her in from a cold night and help her set lyrics to her sick basslines. Home is here, snorting at Roxy’s irreverent method of storytelling and admiring Callie’s art. Home is Dave and Karkat." This REALLY reminds me of the Tramp, as he had a home in every street he frequented.

"ROXY: im alls ABOUT the sowing of discord among my childhood friends" She's had quite her fill of the dramas. That's a valid reason to stay out of it. She'll just have to weight it against the downsides of not influencing the outcome of the election in any positive way.

"JADE: dirk got to you first ROXY: not even ROXY: i got no problem tellin dirk where to stick it lmao ROXY: but dirks not the one running JADE: you think hes NOT the one pulling the strings behind the scenes? ROXY: sure but give janey a lil credit" On the one hand I'm glad Roxy's got such a backbone, on the other hand, off course we know Dirk's still influencing the outcome at the moment. Also, uh, he's got no issues invading the lives of his friends personally, even after telling us off on the subject first.

"ROXY: but shes yknow JADE: ruthless? :B

Roxy frowns. Jade is being pretty unfair." I get the feeling Jade is less good at filtering her words lately. And I also get the feeling Dirk is starting to sow a little conflict.

"ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings ROXY: always wearin those power suits trying to look like a big bad bitch JADE: you mean like....... the condesce? ROXY: wow ouch JADE: im not just imagining it though, right??? JADE: you see it too JADE: not to dredge up something horrible from your history JADE: but her whole image is just kinda...... *woof* ROXY: is that what you guys think? ROXY: u and dave and karkat?" It's something they should have brought up via intermediary channels to Jane on beforehand. Not let fester until all they could think of to "stop" her was introduce a late-to-the-party candidate.

Jade might also be doubly upset with Jane for seemingly mirroring the Condesce, as they were both brainwashed by her.

"Roxy leans forward and stares Jade down, like she’s searching for something behind Jade’s eyes." That's the same thing she did with John! Guess she's trying to find out some of her secrets.

"Jade unwittingly responds in kind, looking for meaning behind Roxy’s gaze. But she comes up empty. And to be honest, so do I." That unfathomable personality might be your spanner in the works, Dirk. I can only hope she's secretly onto him. Her Void powers manifest the 'obscurity' different from Equius.

"In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has." It's interesting, since they share so much in childhood upbringing, progeny, demeanor even at times...

"invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself" *coughDocScratchcough* ... What would Reload Roxy be doing right now, assuming the session's timeline didn't stop when Caliborn's soul 'left' it?

"ROXY: but shes not betty crocker ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her feelings" N'aww.

"ROXY: and thats p much all there is to say on the matter" Second time the phrase's been used in the epilogues!

"CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU." Passive player to the brink.

"CALLIOPE: i feel like interfering in both politics and a personal argUment between my friends woUld be impolite as well as kind of... stressfUl, to be honest. JADE: yeah JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!" It's nice to see they're cutting her some slack. A horrible childhood, an early death, a spiel as a ghost... Oh, sure, she's one of the good guys and as such would have some responsibilities in the end, but it's nice for a change they don't expect too much from her. Maybe a bit too little for her own good, but still.

"Calliope claps her hands together. It’s a bright noise. Her tone of voice is bright too. All these years and she still can’t believe that she has so many friends. She smiles at Jade, and Jade smiles back. The tea tastes great. The cakes are even better. Callie’s an artist in everything she does." ^u^ Aww, that warms my heart at least.

"JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!" ... Well, she's a more excellent host than Doc Scratch, for sure!

"ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”" ... I see! Well, guess we'll be getting some more insight into the androgyn bodies of cherubs and how Calliope has updated her self image over all these years? Caliborn still had the giant eyelashes, so it stands to reason there were also other, more masculine traits to Calliope's body even when she still shared it with her brother.

"JADE: oh wow!" Oh, I figured Jade already knew about Calliope's preferred pronouns, but it seems not!

"CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided." ... I just remembered how Calmasis also was this androgynous figure. ... I wonder if Calliope will be thinking about a name change.

So, I don't think Roxy's haircut is a sign she's genderfluid now too, but I imagine a lot of fanart has already been created for butch!Roxy by the time I read this.

"ROXY: m-me too actually" Oh. N-never mind then. That caught me unaware! I didn't see that in Roxy. For one, despite all the pink and the ponies, she didn't seem like she felt "trapped" in a role to me. Unlike Calliope, where I can see how she might have felt obliged to embrace everything not-Caliborn.

But this does shed a whole new light on Mom's overly childish and girlish bedroom in the lab. Like she was trying to compensate for something. Uhm... It might also be one of the main reasons behind her drinking problem. Her embracing girlish, adult woman habits but never feeling like they 'fit'.

Well well. Homestuck's main characters continue to be representation incarnate.

"Wait.

What?" PFFFFFFFFFF. I love it. Dirk's reaction is gold. Guess this completely blindsided him too and didn't shed any more lights on the inner workings of her mind than he thought. So even if he knew she was holding something back after the "yea", and maybe encouraged her to keep speaking, he didn't know what to expect.

"Roxy? Seriously?

Like I said, fucking inscrutable." Dirk has NOT just had an "I knew it!" moment.

"I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and..." That's a suspiciously specific acknowledgement, though, Dirky boy. :P

"You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.”" Pffff, of all the things. I didn't think this would have Dirk fly off the handle in such a Dave-way, while still narrating, but I'm happy to see it. In an out-of-story sense, Dirk is currently the audience surrogate, showcasing what a "true fanboy"'s reaction could be like, if they were both shocked to the core but mature enough to get over their shock without throwing around accusations and tantrums.

But yeah, at least the aloofness is gone from his voice, for just this time.

"I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise." I can picture him speaking through gritted teeth, it's glorious! 'This is good, this is fine. I am doing great!'

"ROXY: ahah hahaha hell of a way to come out" Ooh, so she's not even out to Jane or Rose yet!

"ROXY: what even is gender" That is SUCH a Roxy thing to say. Also, almost stoner like. Picture Gamzee going like (in his quirk): 'Have you ever really THOUGHT about gender, man? I mean, really THOUGHT about it.'

"Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say." "ROXY: i mean that was all stuff from our old universe ROXY: whyd we even bring it here right? JADE: right" I think for Jade it's not something she'd discard so easily! I mean, it all depends on whether 'gender' is something antigonal to your self image, in the end, I guess. If it isn't hindering you... that's how you stay heteronormative in some or all elements.

"Calliope takes a teacake between two of her claws and eats it delicately, hyper-aware of the horrible gnashing and snapping her powerful jaw is capable of.

CALLIOPE: my ideas aboUt gend—

SHIT. Between two of /their/ claws." HAH. Oh my god. The narration cut off Calliope. ... Pffff, though it IS a good callout, since I've been using gendered pronouns still to refer to Calliope. Whoops!

"CALLIOPE: i sUppose i only thoUght of myself as a girl because my, Um... CALLIOPE: my brother took mascUlinity qUite serioUsly." A) Still not saying his name :P B) Using his preferred pronouns.

"CALLIOPE: by which i mean, he became very enthUsiastic aboUt all the things it sUpposedly meant to be a boy. CALLIOPE: cherUb existence is dichotomoUs, bUt not in the same way hUman biology is. CALLIOPE: i sUppose oUr view of hUman cUlture indirectly inflUenced alternia’s development, which in tUrn affected yoUrs, which is something i’ve had a lot of time to think aboUt since we came here." Oh right! Lord English & Doc Scratch helped shape Alternia's development, so in a lot of bad ways there was a focus on power and masculinity, which may have trickled down into Earth's because of who created our universe, and thus it might all have been a self fulfilling prophecy, what Caliborn's gender identity is concerned! Guess we were due another one of these loops. :P

"ROXY: so much of what earth c thinks what boys and girls “SHOULD” do comes straight from the imagination of a bunch of dumb teens ROXY: which is totally FUCKED JADE: sure" Yes, and so much of what Earth C "should" be like, as a victory state reward planet, and the epilogues by extension, exists only in the imagination of a bunch of dumb humans spread over this globe. :P I reek a callout. Not undeserved, mind.

"She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen." (Referring to Jade.) I'll grant you that, Dirk. But I thought you were doing paraphrasing other people's thoughts for the course of this conversation?

"i liked the idea of dirk" He'll love to hear that. :P Well, you know, Karkat had the same thing, he loved the idea of Condesce as a powerful leader, if not always the result of that leadership.

"ROXY: and also literally no one else on the entire planet was alive at the time

ROXY: but we had some babies without even bein consulted about it anyway so w/e" Context!

"JADE: personally im a big fan!

And like that, Jade’s smiling again." Nothing like Dave & Karkat to lift her mood. :P

"The storm clouds pass so quickly in her world, you almost wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong at all. Roxy and Calliope certainly didn’t notice.

But there is something wrong. And this time, they’ll notice." Uhhh, wrong with Jade? Or something wrong with Earth C in general? Besides Dirk taking over, I mean. Oh no! ... Calliope left the kettle on! :P

"JADE: i... JADE: i.........

Jade drops her tea. The cup hits the floor and shatters." ... Is she passing out?? Just like Rose??

... Oh no. This doesn't have anything to do with John going back, retconning the timeline, and some of their selves being killed right? It shouldn't influence them, since they're from a different timeline, but with the talk about canon and relevance and truth and shit...

Is Dave going to pass out next???

Did John accidentally change the Reload timeline to be the alpha one, and is the future adjusting to the changes??? Or is it due to something to do with Lord English' powers in killing a different 'real' version of them?

"She takes in a sharp breath. She’s not feeling well suddenly. She’s dizzy, feverish, seeing things beyond her field of vision. A blinding flash of light. A black, perfect circle, burning a hole in her eyes." Wow. Just like John, she gets a vision of the Black Hole! So, maybe it's more like she gets backlash from suddenly absorbing the memories of Reload Jade.

"She doesn’t look bad at all— Jade wears unconsciousness well, having spent the better part of her life napping." Aaaand we're back in sleeping beauty terrain.

"But she can’t hear her. Jade is somewhere else right now." Uhhhhh. I thought they didn't really dream in the dreambubbles post-victory no more?? Also, those were all destroyed by LE, anyway.

Dang. That's weird.

Are the B1 kids (adults) actually going to be gathering in the Furthest Ring in 'person'? But why, and how? ... There isn't anything like a 'dreambubble self' body that persists in the Furthest Ring that John could have woken up like how you could wake people up on Derse and Prospit. ... Now I'm reminded of an old fanart I made of a green moon circling the Green Sun, with green dream selves for all humans & trolls we knew at the time (B1 and A2). :P

#homestuck #upd8 #reaction #homestuck liveblog #homestuck epilogues #spoiler alert #roxy lalonde #jade harley #calliope

3 notes · View notes

tandembicycles · 7 years

Text

friends and I made an atla si verse for ourselves during the stream because we’re like that so this is going under a readmore for posterity and information gathering lmfao

@ukitakejuushiro/danie- water bender and healer @endangeredtreealligator/gator- air bender with sound sensation and bending @eraserheacl/isaac- firebender and emo @shishiduck/lucian- earth bender specializing in metal bending ME/tandem- born earth bender (avatar by everyone else’s decision??) @d-lynx/ti- earth bender specializing in crystal and lava bending @kawaiijohn/amber- water bender

PERSONALITY/BENDING/STORY QUIRKS

Gator

Hovers a lot due to being insecure about height

Soundbending connects with synesthesia

Only airbender in city and had to keep it a secret due to stigma

Can befriend nearly any small animal and child? it’s wild

flies around and gets hyper at night, confusing the piss out of us when we all wake up

fights defensively and evasively

bad at sleeping and naps at weird places by getting distracted

easily overwhelmed and hides a bit

Danie

Very oblivious to danger and things going on around

Doesn’t try hard to be funny but is

LOVES snow and uses it as much as possible

always cold though and is constantly in layers/bundled up

Isaac

Catches on fire when embarrassed

Emo

“Hello. Isaac here.”

Blows fire when sneezing

Lucian

Makes bad jokes

Loves shiny things and picks them up all the time

Moves metal bracelets/rings in hands to fidgit

has a cat

Gets a tattoo for the element symbol once mastered (already have earth symbol)

Flirts badly with everyone

Clumsy and anxious

Freckles glow in avatar state

blue crystals are their signature thing

gets overwhelmed easily/has periods of intense self isolation so they build a little isolation tent for themselves out of crystals or obsidian because it's smooth and quiet and dark and alone.

crystal is their normal fighting element, lava happens when they're angry or very serious.

few burn marks arms and legs from the first time they crated lava

normally really quiet and sorta stays in the background and is really protective

pet rock snake

Amber

collects cool necklaces

fights using kicks and feet a lot/balancing and quick water moves

specializes in boiling hot water and steam maneuvers

when agitated, steam comes out of their mouth like a dragon lol cute

okay so it starts out with us meeting each other, of course, idk what the poltpoint is necessarily is or what the kickass mission is but HERE it’s goofy but funny hopefully

SO AMBS is starting out and traveled to the earth kingdom. Comes from a family of multibenders, with deep ancestry to the South Pole making them a water bender. They’re very good and charming, and they have this habit of forming stories with the water (forming it fluidly in the air, taking a lot of dedication and concentration) for fun, but like they gonna kick your ass also for fun. SO they travel cause they wanna see the world, and they go to an earth kingdom and they’re like “o damn.” Queue meeting Ti and Ti is like “wat the fuck is up, I’m an earth bender” and Amber is :O and Ti is like “Oh I know, I specialize with crystals and lava” and Amber continues to be like :O so they spend some time there just gabbing with Ti and they become good friends but then Ambs is like “kay I wanna keep travelling” and Ti is like “hey hey hey, I would also love to travel” so Ambs is like “come be my friend and copilot” and Ti is like “oh fuck yes” and Amber is like “but I don’t know where to go to next” and Ti is like “hey hey hey… you know the avatar…?” and Amber is like “I know of the avatar, certainly” and Ti is like “well they’re in that other earth kingdom you know” and Amber is like “WE MOVIN”

They go to the other earth kingdom and they’re like “oh wow the avatar I wanna meet the avatar the avatar would be really cool” and then they meet the avatar and it’s me and I’m like “these powers don’t let me meet pretty girls so what’s the fucking point” and they’re like oh wow the avatar is Not As Cool as previously determined and then I’m like “hey hey y’all are cute tho” and I shimmy over but fall on my way over which continues the trend of Not Cool but I’m like “however this is my Very Cool friend also from the earth kingdom” and here comes Lucian fuckin spidermanning over on some metal fabric and is like “sup I’m Lucian” and then instant friendship, because who wouldn’t want to be friends with spiderman and so they pal around with us and then friendship and I’m like “hey would any of you three, perhaps, be a water, fire, and/or air bender” to which there is a response of “I am a water bender” from amber and I go “please teach me wise one, I’ve already learned earth and metal from this extravagant beast here” and Lucian flexes and then Ti comes up like “I specialize in lava and crystal” and I go “holy butts teach me that as well” and Ti goes “oh certainly” so the avatar not only adds the ability to water, lava, and crystal bend but also the power of friendship and they do a sick four-way high five and travel into the sunset

Continued

Amber is like “hey there is a city on over here” and we are like god DAMN IT Amber you are a FANTASTIC traveler and a wonderful friend and also so beautiful and we so very much love you please take us to this city and so they do and we love them more SO. Here comes Gator who is super shy and chill and they technically avoided us a lot but then we saw them with a bunch of cute lil animals around them as they fed them and they were just So cute and we all fell in love and went “we must protect this darling creature” and so we all looked each other in the eye, nodded, and the adoption process was underway. Gator was kind of like “holy shit this is intimidating whom the fuck?” and we were like “hey, uh, hey, we love you?” and Gator was like “well what a coincidence I love love” and we were like “[beep] yes (shouldn’t curse with the youngins)” and so Gator is like “I WILL TEACH YOU AIR BENDING and these cool magic tricks and also how to create tornados and shit… if u want…” and I was like “oh my God Im going to feed you so much good food also YOU’RE AN AIR BENDER” and Gator was like “yeah I’m the only one in the city but she it’s a secret” and we were all wowed because tat’s AMAZING and it means they’re self taught so they’re fucking smart and we were just like HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT and they’re strong because secret secret, they got a secret, and we started weeping openly and Gator was like “what” and we all just went “what” and so we all nodded and hugged Gator and Gator was a lil overwhelmed but they loved it so we all left, but this time on Gator’s flying bison and with several other new pets

Moving on

We travel and it turns out Gator gets even more delightful when they warm up to people and whenever they talk about their special interests their eyes sparkle and we love this air bending gator and we ask them to do tricks all the time because they’re so?? Cool?? And they oblige and Ti shows us cool as hell crystals and starts fires for us out of Lava and Lucian is like “I’M HARD CORE LIKE METAL” and we laugh and Amber is just so chill and lovely and it’s wonderful totally amazing we have a wonderful time on our travels and everyone teaches me stuff and it’s so cool, everyone is excellent teachers

But suddenly, when on an unhabituated island

Someone runs out of a forest and into our camp and we’re like “hey who the fuck” and danie is like “I- I THE FUCK, THERE’S A BIG ANIMAL BIG BIG ANIMAL BYE” and they just keep runnin and we’re like “surely it cannot be that big”

However

It was.

SO JUST BASED OFF INSTINCT WE START BOLTING FROM THIS CREATURE and everyone was like “hey uh ur the avatar and you’re at least somewhat trained in three elements so what the fuck” and I was like “okay but I’m having performance issues due to anxiety” and they were like “oh no oh fuck no get ur shit together” and then suddenly we were like oh yeah team work, teamwork works, so we all like. Subdued the beast and it was chill and danie was like “oh hello, avatar you say” and I was like “oh my god finally a pretty lady holy shit” and I waltz on over like “hey… sup… how you doin…. It’s me, the avatar… big deal, you know… me… the avatar…” and I go to lean on a tree but miss but she digs it and I’m like “oh fuck yes finally” So she joins our camp and chills with us and is like “yea I’m a water healer but I ran away from home because Depression Session” to which amber and danie immediately bond over the water thing but Amber is like NO WE MUST MAKE YOU HAPPY FOUND FAMILY TROPE YOU’RE PART OF IT NOW and I’m like “hey teach me healing too” and then I flirt but that’s embarrassing and Ti is like “I lava you all” and Lucian is like “spiderman” and sleeps in a nearby tree and Gator Is like “I love my new found family” and Amber, the wise one, is like “okay but hey it’s cool that you are going to learn healing, that is a very good thing to learn,” and we all looked at one another and went “truly” because we forgot Our Kickass Mission that may kill us (which is what some of us want but I digress) so Amber is like “we have to get a firemaster and a REALLY good one like REALLY good” and I pipe up like “yes, exactly, yes” and our search continues for the final piece of the puzzle

So like we were like “okay so we gotta find a cool ass firebender” everyone nodded and said “tru” but then Amber, yet again the wise one, said “ah but you know what would also be a good idea” to which someone said “loving you” and they said “yes, but also. There’s a sacred scroll within a fire nation city that we should steal that has all the dates of historical missions and also the cycles of solstices and shit like it’s smart shit I feel like we should have” and we were like “god damn it yes but we gotta do thisand be sneaky” and Gator was like “okay we need to blend in with the people, when in rome, and then we’ll sneak in”

So costume change, we all look great, it’s amazing, but I gotta hide the tattoos, but it’s great we’re all fabulous obviously. And as we go along we stumble across a guy lamenting by himself against a wall, moving fire in his hands. I squint. “Look at that emo looking fuck.” “Yes, he’s quite emo,” Lucian responds. Ti agrees, “okay but the mission” and I go “no that’s the firebender we want” and everyone was confused and I was like “1. He’s cute. 2. The more emo a firebender looks, the better they are a firebender, this is like? Common knowledge guys. 3. He’s cute.” And then everyone was like “oh yeah that’s true.”

So.

We stroll on up and he is like, “Hello. Isaac here.” And we’re like “oh hello Isaac” and he’s like “hello. Isaac here.” And danie is like “hey can you keep a secret” and Isaac is like “I can keep a secret and many others yes, but you’re really going to tell a stranger a secret” and we’re all like “we’re very loving and trusting people you seem like a good egg” and Isaac is like “well I can’t argue with that” and we’re like “hey this is the avatar and we need a firemaster to teach her” and he’s like “oh hey I’m a firemaster that can teach her also the avatar? Cool fuck this place *hair flip* smh let me train you.” And we’re like YES but we gotta steal some shit and he’s like “cool fuck this place *hair flip* smh let me steal shit with you.”

So we all have a team and we steal the scroll with some atla/mission impossible type shit and it’s wonderful and Isaac becomes the new emo firemaster And the adventure for the found family continues.

#jr rambles #post: text #dnt rb /#unless you're on of the people in this wacky thing lmfao #long post /#if on mobile sorry aaaaaaaa #atla sis #amber #ti #gc #danie #isaac #lucian #me

8 notes · View notes

mercy-misrule · 7 years

Text

so i wrote about this briefly on twitter as it was fresh and i needed it out of me

but today i was having a lot of anxiety about getting ready to go to therapy

and i’d had broken sleep.

but i got up, i powered through, i showered because i needed to feel clean, and i felt less anxious, i was ready to leave. i was gonna miss the first session but it didn’t matter because i was going in, and that’s whats important

but as i got on the train i rang up and told them my eta

and the group has decided on these arbitrary rules that if you are 15 mins late to a session you can’t come into it, unless its the 2nd session on wednesday, and you can only be 5 mins late

because thats the psychotherapy session, is the reason, and some people say it disrupts it

but the thing is, if i can’t attend that session, i don’t meet the minimum contact hours for my health care fund to pay for the therapy

and these new restrictions have been brought in despite mine and one or two other people’s disagreements because knowing that i would still be allowed in, even if i was late

enabled me to go to therapy even when i was the shakiest

there was lots of ‘oh its disruptive, it means that the people who have taken the time to be here aren’t given the attention’

but its so fuckin punitive to the people in the group, like me who struggle to leave the fuckin house. and it feels performative.

the language being used by other patients has felt like ‘morally i am good for being on time and people being late should be punished’

i was on the train, and then one of the therapists rang back and said, oh are you already on the train? i was going to say you shouldn’t.

and i started to cry, because i felt like, i had tried so hard. i’d gotten my shit together on such a rough morning, i was doing what they keep telling me, to come in when i feel vulnerable

and now its like, oh wait don’t.

and then the therapist said ‘how does that make you feel? a little annoyed?’ and i felt like i was just. going to start scream sobbing, so i said i’m going to go now, and then got off the train at the next stop, caught it back home

cried alll the way back, silently, got it together to go shopping, to have two regular interactins with shop people

got home, spoke to cloacina and just melted down. she talked me through it, helped me come back, and im glad.

its not that i need to repress those explosive feelings, its more that, i can have that burst but if i don’t kill it after its initial explosion, its gonna escalate and take over the day, and then the recovery is gonna be days rather then hours.

Like right now, im still feeling the emotional hangover, the tightness behind my eyes, the sickness in my stomach and the urges to just. idk.

quit therapy entirely. scream at them. just give up on them. disparage anything i’ve learned there.

none of those urges are useful to me, so im marking them down and moving on from them.

i’ve got therapy again on friday. lets see how it goes.

for the record, i have never felt disrupted by people entering sessions late. i was glad to see them there. i’m ready to have fights with my group, i think.

#mental illness stuff #emotional meltdown #dbt group #today was a garrrrbage day

5 notes · View notes

secret-tacos · 7 years

Text

ok yknow what story time

when i was 17 my family was in some hot water with cps and i was forced to go see a therapist and psychiatrist.

my therapist constantly invalidated me. she told me, ya know, the person who already has trouble figuring out what is real or not and if everyone hates my guts, that all of my friendships including my fp werent real and that i should cut them all off. she made constant insults about my appearance, like i wasn’t depressed and like it didn’t take all the energy i had to even show up for this shit show. i told her again and again that my parents were abusive, and heck, that was the whole reason i was even forced to be here, but she just fucking ignored me and then boiled down my problems with my parents to just a bit of disagreement. i did not like the men in my life, because they all treated me like garbage. she would not take this for an answer and kept insisting that i had some deep seated repressed trauma, probably of sexual assault, and that was why i didnt like people who treated me badly. i still couldnt figure out what was real and what wasnt, but even when i told her i was pretty sure that didnt happen, she just mocked me and brushed it all off as me forgetting about it. even when i told her our sessions were actively hurting me and that i didnt want to be around her anymore, she extended our sessions far past what had been agreed on and told me that she wouldnt let me out until i got a job and moved out, even though 1) i was only 17. 2) i was mentally ill and being forced into something that took all the energy out of me and made my mental state worse. 3) i wasnt capable of holding down a job at the moment. all of our therapy sessions turned into that. i needed to dress properly, i needed to get a job, i needed to leave... not because my parents were abusive, oh no, but because she was upset that i wasnt productive. she told me i wouldnt be able to do anything without her and that if i stopped doing sessions with her, i would never get anywhere in life. this continued for months until i got kicked out by the company she worked for after missing too many sessions.

my psychiatrist didnt even try to be kind to me, he just asked me overly personal or complex questions, and then when i got overwhelmed and started crying he sat there and analyzed me like i was a lab specimen. he put me on prozac. whether this was due to my own hell brain or all the stress in my life, it didnt work. i told him i wanted to be off prozac. he put me on a higher dosage. it still didnt work. i tried to go cold turkey and felt like i was dying, when i told him that and asked him to wean me off he laughed at me and told me i had a very overactive imagination. when i asked him again to take me off my meds, he began ignoring me and talking directly to my mother about how he thought i should be tranquilized, and that was the final straw for her.

in the end i didnt even get diagnosed with anything, because i was, in my psychiatrists own words, too pretty to be depressed. too smart to be anxious.

idk why i felt like oversharing at 10 in the morning but my point here is that im so fucking sick and tired of neurotypicals acting like self diagnosis is one of the worst things u could do to urself. contrary to popular belief, we dont lack self awareness and theres no fucking reason why we shouldnt be able to learn more ab ourselves instead of suffering in silence because we dont know what the fuck is wrong with us. not everyone is able to go see someone in the mental health industry and yknow what?? not everyone should have to! those ppl arent infaliable! they can b rude and abusive and ableist too! acting like u need to get into a harmful and ableist industry just to say ‘yes. i am mentally ill.’ is fucking nasty and i hope that u kno ur scum

#pro self dx #pro self diagnosis #actuallymentallyill #actuallyborderline #actuallydepressive #actuallyanxious #tw ableism #tw therapy #tw medical

35 notes · View notes