#im just rambling in the void lmao
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Actually im going to develop on my "Alejandro and Izzy friendship" HCs
they (hint: Alejandro) would be so awkward around eachother at first because Ale's trying to figure her out and see if he can take advantage of it but it's Izzy and Izzy is wacky as shit and has clocked him IMMEDIATELY (as what? i'll let you decide!) and knows he's not being genuine like ever. and she wants to know what's up with that guy.
He would not realise he's befriending her, or that he would consider her a friend until it's too late and he's let her drag him into pranking Duncan or whatever and he finds that he doesn't really care.
They both soooo have vulnerability issues up the wazoo it's crazy. They'd need character developpement for it to work out in the end but if it does it would be so wacky. fuck it Noah Izzy and Alejandro scheming. The only thing preventing them taking over the fucking world is Heather not being there with them (and Noah's too lazy to go through with it)
#cheese posting#td izzy#td alejandro#total drama#should i tag this as platonic aleizzy. would i talk about it in detail again. not sure#im just rambling in the void lmao
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#i just want my relatives to think i just died and forget about me completely#leave me aloneeeeeee#keep my name out of your mouthhhhhhh#ciervo rambles#this year has been shit i wonder if it will get worse#do you ever wake up and then boom it is night time again lmao#im just screaming into the void#ignore this wwwwww
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hiii i got a little insane over haskills characterization in the other elder scrolls games / material. teehee
rambling abt these ^ quotes under the cut (long). also im not that serious abt any of this tbh im just glad haskill appeared in any other elder scrolls material at all LOL
OKAY. okay. about these quotes. idk why other TES media does this, but in these quotes from elder scrolls legends + the interview with haskill it seems like the writers are pushing to give the impression that haskill slightly resents or is even indifferent to his position / the isles / sheogorath ?? (unless haskill is being a little bit more flippant or hyperbolic than usual...?) which is characterization that is NOT what i got from playing oblivion at all skdskdjfn
like... when i played oblivion i thought it was very clear that haskill prefers to be in the isles, serving sheogorath, more than anywhere else. (<- i think this is actually the reason he's technically "mad" even tho he seems sane outwardly. if you enjoy being among madmen it probably means you're mad yourself ykwim). i think haskill does like the isles, his ass is just reserved abt it, like he is about everything... yknow just like jeeves, whose character he's been compared to lmao:)
i think unfortunately some writers take his annoyance with the player and his slight second thoughts about sheogorath's plan in oblivion, and mistakenly assume that he's just annoyed at his whole position. haskill does have his moments of exasperation, but the thing is it's usually only exasperation and it never verges into anger or bitterness or resentment like the top quotes seem to indicate. for example, haskill says this abt his idea of you mantling sheo / the clowns debacle:
^ This quote is a good reference point for haskill's view on sheo bc its pretty much the most critical-of-sheogorath quote from oblivion i can recall, and it tells us a lot of things. in this quote he expresses some exasperation about the clown idea (because he's a prissy bitch who doesn't want to get his outfit dirty /affectionate) and shows some apprehension about one of his lord's ideas (because it involves you, and haskill doesnt like you). but these 2 points he has beef with aren't really reflective of sheo himself but of other issues - ie he doesn't directly question sheogorath. and IN THE END Haskill defers to sheo's judgement because haskill trusts him and values sheo's ideas. in all of his oblivion dialogue, this is the most critical toward sheogorath he gets, and he never outright insults or shows resentment toward him or the isles like in the above quotes bc his loyalty to sheogorath eclipses it
on the contrary (and i dont know why the writers for non-oblivion elder scrolls content dont seem to see this??), theres so much evidence that haskill actually does, you know,,, enjoy being in the isles. here are just some snippets i can think of:
"the isles are hardly a place for anyone, really" <- i BEG to differ, Haskill likes it here, he likes listening to prisoners being tortured in xedillian, he likes wearing his ridiculous frilly high collar outfit emblematic of the fashions of the isles, he doesn't care about morality and it suits him just fine that it doesn't matter here!! (the end quote might be him being a little facetious about relmyna but to be honest i wouldn't be surprised if he thought decency and morality WERE provincial notions because he certainly has no problem killing people lmao). and again, to enjoy doing these things / being around madmen probably says something abt haskill being mad himself. lol
not to mention he likes a bit of joking around. which i imagine sheo does a whole lot. when YOU rib him a little he says this:
his derision in the first bit i think indicates, "i cant believe you would joke around at a time like this," and the upturning of the "very good" i think indicates, "it was a good joke / maybe they could mantle sheo after all". he's not all dour - he appreciates a good joke, especially from (someone who's about to become) his Lord!!
and going a little deeper into haskill actually liking the isles... haskill clearly holds what sheogorath and the isles represent (chaos, free will, individuality) very highly. a good example of this is when you ask him about dyus, and he gives this snarky reply:
^ he says this with such VITRIOL its so funny :p and the amount of disdain in this line indicates (to me) a real conviction in his belief in the free will, chaos etc that sheogorath represents.
this is why i dont think this quote makes sense. "i cant remember why i put up with [sheogorath]" <- haskill wouldnt say this bc he understands fully why he puts up w sheogorath, and his own convictions in sheo that lead him to keep doing it, and even if this quote is him being hyperbolic, i dont think he'd joke about his faith in sheogorath like that because, yk, one of his characteristics is that he's extremely loyal, and moreover he never said anything to this effect in oblivion sdkjskdjs
him having a strong belief in what sheogorath / the isles represent is also evidenced by the language haskill uses when talking about sheo. whenever haskill mentions him, there is an element of poetry and respect to his words that shows that haskill thinks about him highly at the very least:
^ haskill constantly stresses sheogorath's intrinsic unknowableness and power and unique wisdom in a way that feels very respectful. saying "to attempt to fathom [sheogorath's will] is a foolish endeavor" shows that he knows there are unexplainable aspects to sheogorath that he takes note of, respects, and knowingly keeps his distance from... he gets sheogorath and reveres him (at least more than most others or the HoK). in these quotes especially, it feels a bit like hes trying to illustrate how impressive sheogorath is to the HoK, hyping up his boyfriend if you would. who said that.
and combined with this respect is (i believe!!!!) a deep care. he is invested in the isles and sheo and wants to help them out of more than just duty. he gets fearful and even loses his composure at some points in the story when sheo/the isles are threatened which i think indicates that he deeply cares for them both!!:
i think this is a care that, combined with the respect he has for sheo, makes it really unlikely for him to get more than exasperated with his behavior and verge into resentfulness. i dont think anyone truly understands sheogorath, not even haskill, but haskill respects sheo as a god, and also gets him in a more familiar/personal way i think - like the way that a cat owner loves their cat but gets exasperated with it when it gets its head stuck in a tissue box. he doesn't angry or anything because he understands that it's the cat's nature to get stuck in the tissue box / sheo's nature to be wild and unpredictable and messy. (the difference being that sheogorath is an all-powerful god cat..... do u see my vision???)
anyway this got crazy long JHDSHFSD... to finish i wanted to look at this extra bit of characterization i found that was wild to me:
^ like. i truly dont get where they got THIS characterization LMAO sheo constantly calls haskill faithful and smart and knowledgeable in oblivion, he practically begs you to summon haskill for help, hyping up his boyfriend so to speak, they care for each other your honor so of COURSE sheo trusts haskill to do his job. what are the legends writers doing in there!!
ANYWAY dear god this got long im going to bed <3
#rambles into the void#haskill#tes#this is all lighthearted by the way just my interpretation of the dialogue#if anyone else has thoughts abt this then be my guest to disagree <3 love to talk abt him#and honestly im just glad he appeared in legends at all..... like that card art??? im still bonkers about his card art#does this all make any sense!! lmao#i just think its more interesting if haskill is a snarky person but only to people he doesn't like. which is the case (i think) in oblivion#i think these lines are a l m o s t there but misdirect his snarkiness... that mans loyal as hell i dont think hed talk like that...#i mean why would he stick around sheo if he didnt at least respect him and enjoy the silly things he does. this man voluntarily puts#on a bright red foot-tall collar every day do you think he wouldnt appreciate a little silliness!! SKDJSD#and it fits with why he'd be in the isles even if he doesnt look mad#the first thing i thought when i realized he was outwardly 'sane' was 'oh but he likes being around 'mad' people therefore insane'... ykwim#i cant believe how well developed he is actually. haskill my beloved. i love your 400+ lines of dialogue haskill
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Kenny wants to show Kyle the stars again and says “I want to show you something” and takes him into the woods at night and after about 10 steps in Kyle’s like “This would be really creepy if I didn’t know you”
#k2#sp k2#i think even if kenny is a total sweetheart he is unintentionally creepy at times#send post thats it#rimble ramble#um. what if I just threw random snippets and thoughts into the void#once in awhile? like?#you know only 10 ppl will see anyways and will prob forget it#IF I do end up expanding on this idea in drawing or fic form....IF! IFFFF#idk if ill leave this up tho lmao may save it for a rainy day when#im between projects#whispers...my secret is ive still been outlining a fic recently#also its funny to assume my idea is that good that its a spoil to just share it#but ive had so many i never shared for YEARS LIKE...no one is around forever :(#so many missed opportunities for yrs cuz I was poor stressed and tired#south park
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Me: *reads classic literature* I have a fic idea
#my stuff#screaming into the void#and the void screams back#bsd fic#im just a special breed i guess#lmao#classic literature#hahahhahahhahahhaha#jesters privilege#jester's ramblings
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I'm trying to be so brave and work up the courage to run some errands by myself
#its just i don't trust my truck lmao#who would've thunk that being unemployed college drop out & always home i would've developed a fear of leaving my house#like im fine once im outside running around but trying to get ready and leave makes my anxieties skyrocket#rambling into the void
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dca/virus au but it's just them tempting you to click on spam links to infect your phone.
#ramblings#i know ive seen something like that before ! just. thinking about it#i havent collected many screenshots but. lately the spam in my spam folder is buck wild. im so tempted -#to look at those emails because the titles are wack. i wont do it but!! lmao.#why do they want access to your phone anyway. you ask. theres games on there!! and theyve been trapped for an eternity#in void land. so lonely. lonely singles please please click on this link please-#ahdjajdjjd
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BESTIES!!!! wish me luck pls! omg im so nervous in my car lmao
#its employed girl summer and this is the job that could possibly set me free from my horrible other job omg#im so nervous and excited#im inhaling this energy drink (im only here for two hours today lol) and im NERVOUS LMAO#silly how the only thing getting me through is the joe keery/quinn content i will inhale aftet#if you come across it rb it for me <3 i wanna see it hehehehehehhehehe#im shaking in my boots omg#also im wearing trousers and they are giving me an oppenheimer waist and i get it now…. i feel so powerful omg#work rn and possible splitting of an atom later 😌#(im kidding im not smart enough for that but i cannot shut up bcs im nervous so im rambling)#i feel SO SICK LMAO BUT NOT REALLY IM JUST NERVOUS AFTER I SPENT THE WHOLE WEEK SAYING I WASNT LMAO#AHHHHHHHHH#okay besties! gtg i will be back to being silly after i get out and i will update the void <3#txt.post#personal!#<- felt i might start this tag mayhaps#one more scream before i go AJDJFJJSJD-&;&&:$;@:$;@/#okay bye <3 hope you all are having a good day and if you read all this ily omg
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TMS really needs canonical skin tones
Like I get its part of the art style for them all to be either white or gray but I know for a FACT that Jon is black its just true I know him personally /j
I also enjoy drawing Luke as a black kid too the skin tone I give him just looks rlly good with his design... I also draw his hair as either dreads or just super curly like you know he don't brush that shit
Maybe I'm just being annoying because I'm black myself but still give me 🌟Variety🌟 /nf
#im tagging this but dont see this as me trying to force anything#im just screaming into the void lmao#lexi rambles#the mark side#tms
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i love it when i sit down to draw and my body decides to go "hey? hey? fuck you" and makes my arms go shaky
#love it so fucking much <3333333333333#im just yelling into the void ignore me lmao#the part in quotes could be read in the same cadence of ''hey hey you you i can be your girlfriend'' if you want#nightmare ramble#fuck
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hmmm,, thinking how AC Rogue would have hit even harder if Shay had an Assassin sibling, a twin sister more specifically,,, the potential for sibling angst,, hmm,,
#i have soooo many thoughts about this#the devastation the confusion the pain from both sides#the angst would be so good fr already imagining it#i'd elaborate on the idea but idk if im just shouting in the void lmao#assassins creed#ac rogue#shay cormac#my ramblings
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Anyone else in a love-hate relationship with Lucifer cos on one hand he's done and said awful things (acts like the brothers' and MC abusive dad by bossing them around, punishing them, starving them, etc, thinks he can do no wrong and he's always right, etc) I can't forgive and I hate his controlling and sadistic personnality but on the other hand he's just so freaking hot when flirting aksjsjfjdk (looking at you like THAT and saying things like THAT)
#Lucifer Mammon and Belphegor are the three brothers I hate basically#but luci is the only one im trying to f*ck#see my problem#obey me#obey me lucifer#mammon just has an awful personnality#belphegor killed me and enjoyed it do i need to say more#anti lucifer#so yeah im totally part of the anti lucifer league lmao#rambling into the void
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Man I've been so sleepy
#im so sorry if ive seemed down lately lol im just so sleepy 😭#also dealing with the horrors but thats the usual at this point#i think its a combination of me not sleeping that great? and also this medicine ive been taking#to help with congestion in my nose#love a weather change + coming down from covid#its kinda annoying though cause i wanna interact more on here :[#my askbox been kinda quiet lately (so so sorry to that one anon)#your question has been sitting in my box for a while 😭 its a great question but im just kinda nervous about it#but yeah september man. not fun#its also annoying because i am finding its affecting my drawing#AND i havent been able to ramble about blorbos :[ even though i have thoughts especially my lad#anyway idk why im making this post lmao im just bored and talking into the void and updating yall. ig.#and yeah apologizing if ive been like negative lately. yeah#love yall ill try get some sleep might help fight the drowsiness
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ugh
#vent/rant ahead i just wanna say stuff:#forcing myself to draw for my friends and post content for my friends and keep Being Active just for other ppl is wearing me out#i WANT to continue to be a part of the community but. man this sucks fkjdhsg#it's entirely my fault. the situations i've put myself in that i dont wanna make public#(not just stuff related to art and content motivation but also Oops i Upset A Friend And Feel Horrible)#but it still sucks even if it is my fault#idk man im just running out of stuff to care about. everything is getting worse 🧍#i'm sure i'll be here every once in a while but will i ever post a full drawing again? great question#clips? very very rarely#actual content? not likely#i have like. one thing i wanna post about at christmas (i know one of my gifts already). besides that uhhhhhhhh i've got nothing#might have one drawing/sketch for december but that's very up in the air#if you know my priv and wanna request go ahead. im always active there and that wont change unless twitter explodes#even if you've requested before and aren't in it now you can request again. i'll try to be more lenient with it (again this is my fault)#i doubt i could ever make myself straight up abandon this blog. i'll continue to answer asks and ramble when i want to#but forcing myself to be a Content Provider sucks. it's not working. i'm still sad. he's still dead. my friends are leaving.#i'm not gonna have anyone left by this time next year it'll just be me and the void lmao#too nervous to follow anyone new. too nervous to talk the friends i already have. cant hold a conversation to save my life#this is why i have like... 3 friends here (i think we're friends). sorry i never talk to you guys it's just Difficult :/#and it's not getting any easier. not since june/july !#all goat knows is talk about skyblock (getting harder to do). post link to song. and make 50 more non-rebloggable posts#chat#come back later#(to delete probably idk)#now the real question: is this all related to [current issues causing mood swings] or is this something that's been building since june#we'll see i guess#i could be fine a month or so from now. or tomorrow. or all the way in the summer. who knows#*attaches a picture of techno to make this seem slightly less miserable* jkfhdkg#i hate there being like 2000 people here. nearly 3000 i think. idk#i want to talk and rant without feeling like im making the world's worst apology video KJFDHKG i dont like having so many eyes on me
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big talky !!!
#bo posting#talky#sorey i just beed a place to ramble and also no one like ask me follow ups or give me advice djdjjd#just!!!! into the void!!!!#im being taken off prozac bc holy fucking shit#my dr is a bamf and very understanding of my position on being suicidal#which is like i am but i dont WANT to be#like its annoying#being suicidal is annoying#like girl i GET IT !!!!!!!!! but what else do you got?????#like anything productive???? no???? then shut up#so were no longer gonna be on an SSRI#uhm yeah#so i have a detailed plan i have to follow and fill out every day to monitor my drugs#which is in my journal that i love and i want to get more stickers for#:( but i cant afford much rn#which sucks#thats. for another time tho lmao#im so burnt out and depressed i hope thid helps bc wow#its never been this bad!!!! and i cant keep pushing through with another SSRI knowing itll do nothing
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So I subscribed to Tricycle (a like, 30+ year old Buddhist magazine) the other day and they do regular haiku contests, and they also have classes and stuff about how to write haiku. I've never really been one for poetry before, but thch after going through their backlog of haiku and stuff I think I might give it a try at some point
#just screaming into the void#oh dear me is that becoming a regular tag on here?#i think it is#but anyway#i run into issues with my fics where someone finds a riddle or a song or whoever whatever but bc im trash at poetry i never end#up getting to include those segments#idk#haiku seems like a good entry point since im already here on the buddhism train#im literally just rambling lmao#but remember when i used to be able to write proper one shots?#man those were the days#anyway#if i ever dredge up the confidence to attempt haiku ill post about it#love yall
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