HELLO MY LOVES

it's been so long and I've finally got the time to get on this app omg I missed this place.

i have a few words for my mutuals in the tags so I hope you read it a bit at least—I've decided to post this because, idk sending them to you one by one is a bit time-wasting.

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

Hi Ashley, idk if it's even a question but could you maybe share some thoughts on how to make friends on tumblr? I'm a super shy person, esp online, cause I tend to overthink basically every single word I write and recieve. Like if someone starts a conversation and follows you, do you follow them back and that kind of stuff haha Thank uuu

hello, dear! firstly, i’m not that great at making friends myself, probably due to my autistic awkwardness and how little energy my chronic illness leaves me for social interaction.

however, my best advice is to simply start offering compliments or fun comments to people who you like, such as telling an artist or writer how much you love their work. i met my best friend/qpp of 15 years just by leaving comments on her fic and then connecting on a message board, where we found out how similar we are and had a lot of goofy fun talking to each other, and then we never stopped. 

i know that overthinking is very easy, but keep in mind that a) everyone loves compliments, and b) almost everyone else on this site is happy to make friends. in fact, odds are they’re in exactly the same boat as you, feeling socially awkward and anxious, wanting to talk to people but not knowing where to start. you are not the sole anxious person in a room full of cool, collected social experts. 

personally, i don’t really ascribe to the ‘follow back’ philosophy; i want my dash to be mostly suited to my interests. sometimes i keep following friends even when their interests change, sometimes i unfollow but stay friends, sometimes i end up friends with people i’ve never followed. i certainly don’t mind people following me back after i follow them, but you don’t have to follow me to be my friend.

of course it doesn’t always work, but try sending an ask or a chat complimenting someone on something you like about them (if they’re not a creator, you could say how much you like their blog or how they do their makeup or what they say in their tags or their pets) and then ask a follow-up question that can lead to a conversation. how long have you been drawing? what first interested you in needlepoint? what’s your favorite fashion style? what’s your funniest story about your cat? what got you started watching [tv show]? could you tell me about your writing process? do you have any advice on how to get started doing cosplay?

most people like talking about themselves and their hobbies, so if they have time and energy it’s pretty easy to strike up a conversation by asking them those sorts of questions. of course you don’t want to be overly personal right off the bat, but engaging on something that you share an interest in can really get the ball rolling. 

i’ve also ended up frequently gravitating to others whom i can relate to in life experience, people who are autistic, asexual, nonbinary, chronically ill, or all of the above. that doesn’t mean you can only make friends with people who are exactly like you, but it’s really nice to have some friends who you are very similar to and who shares a lot of similar experiences.

and hell, sometimes you end up just striking up a random conversation with somebody because you both need to yell about your feelings over fictional characters kissing. that’s great too.

of course, sometimes people just don’t respond, or they respond unenthusiastically and the conversation goes nowhere at all. the thing is, you seriously just have to keep trying. you haven’t done anything wrong by making attempts to reach out to others - that’s what humans are made to do. we need others, others need us. i know it’s awkward, i know it can be embarrassing to put yourself out there and feel rejected, but chances are the other person doesn’t hate you, they’re just busy or tired or got distracted.

i know it sounds like a humble brag, but i have enough followers that i’m just not able to keep up with everyone who reaches out to me. i can’t answer every ask, i can’t do every tag game, i can’t engage with every chat message. i truly wish i could, though, and every time someone tries to talk to me or interact with me it makes me feel good just to know that person thinks of me and likes me. the fact that people want to talk to me is wonderful, even if i don’t have the energy to answer or i don’t know what to say.

say nice things to people. ask some questions. relate to others who share your identity/ies. yell about fandom feelings. it’s okay if it doesn’t work out sometimes, because sometimes it really does, and those times are worth the awkwardness of trying. all of us are looking for connection. keep trying and you’ll find some.

How Can You Tell When Someone Has A Crush On You? Here Are 12 Signs a Person Is Interested

How Can You Tell When Someone Has A Crush On You? Here Are 12 Signs a Person Is Interested

How are you able to tell if someone features a crush on you? Beyond that, how do couples even form these days? Frequently two people close completely intentionally via online dating, during which case there is no doubt about the intentions of the people involved. But if you only meet someone in the real world

, or are already friends with them, how does one know if someone likes you, or just, ya know, likes you? albeit, by the time we're adults, we've been anxiously picking apart the subtle signals and trying to discern crushes for whole decades, it still kinda seems like most folks are at a loss when it involves deciding whether or not someone is curious about us during a non-platonic way.

When you meet someone online or during a bar and otherwise do not know them in the least, it is easy to enter things with a swagger. you'll ask boring getting-to-know-you inquiries to pass time between first date marks and legit hear answers in surprise. When you're already friends with someone, you already know all about where they grew up, their hidden talent with dartboards, their knack for baking up the world's most perfect brownies... there is a lot less ground to hide while you lay your flirt game on. to not mention, stakes are high since the 2 of you have already got a relationship. If you lean certain a kiss and therefore the romantic feelings aren't reciprocated, meaning not only catastrophic embarrassment — that ill-advised move could lead on to absolutely the, definitive dissolve of what was once a completely rad, carefree friendship.

And if you develop a crush on someone you're employed with, you've got potentially even more room for confusion: Are they being friendly because they need to form out with you, or are they only being professionally cordial? Do they keep Gchatting you because they need to marry you and have 40 babies, or are they only, like, wondering what you would like for the office Chipotle order? HOW IS ANYONE alleged to KNOW THIS STUFF?

Breathe. One step at a time. There are ways to sort this out. If you recognize needless to say that you're romantically curious about someone, what we'd like to work out next is whether or not or not the opposite person also features a crush on you. Luckily, there are some scientific steps we will absorb assessing this matter. Here are 12 incredibly reliable signs that somebody is particularly into you:

They remember what you say

People remember far more details about interactions with someone they need a crush on, partially because they've likely been obsessing about those details, trying to find signs that you're curious about. Appearing curious about a conversation is even easier now our primary sort of communication is texting. Remembering tiny, inconsequential details of that conversation, however, is meaningful. Remember last week once you were complaining about your new standing desk making your heels sore? you would possibly not. But when somebody else remembers, and sends along to a link for non-fatigue rugs and offers a reduction through their official account? They're into you.

They look for excuses to speak with you

They use subtle laser focus to seek out you across the space at a crowded party and complement the (store-bought, totally unremarkable, non-praiseworthy) cookies you brought. They are not from scratch, a fact the 2 of you giggle over. But! They wanted a simple topic to spark conversation. and that they found it in your audacious plan to pass off Oreos as homemade. They probably find that detail adorable, because everything you are doing is adorable immediately. After all, this person features a crush on you.

They initiate conversation

We all know that feeling when your throat tightens as you see your crush go online to Gchat and you ignore them, trying to play it cool, all while secretly hoping that they ping you initially. If they always do, they're probably into you (and braver than you, BTW). If someone routinely shoots over the primary iMessage, or waves you down at parties, it's likely because this person likes you. it isn't complicated, but it is a reliable sign.

They subtweet you, during a non-contemptuous way

Social media is both an awesome and awful presence in our lives — and it complicates the hell out of dating. But if you and your crush are both active on social media, it is often quite telling of their true feelings. once you have a crush on someone, you almost can not help but be very conscious of their online presence — and yours will probably give that away at some point. for instance, you continue an indulgent, "don't care" Spotify spree, jamming every single Gin Blossoms song you'll find (we all know this is often a thing that happens), then a couple of minutes later, the thing Of Your Crushfection just happens to post a YouTube link to a scene from Empire Records featuring a Gin Blossoms song. it's like someone is trying to subconsciously tap into your line of vision and interests.

I'm aware that this seems like you'd need to be paying an insane amount of attention to every other's social media activity, and you're right. You would. Which you simply do when you're in deep crush mode.

They ask you to hold out one-on-one more often than groups

Obvious, but like, too obvious to not mention. If they're frequently foregoing the group hangs in favor of solo time with you, they're probably right down to clown, ifyouknowwhatImean. (, if you guys are already hanging out alone all the time, you're, uh, quite already dating maybe. check out that.)

They don't check out their phone

Not much says, "Hmm... I'm wondering what else I might be doing immediately that might be better than what I'm already doing" quite like coitus interruptus your phone during an interaction with another human. Sure, work emails and actual emergencies unfortunately happen, but considering most people's mobile device addiction, most of the people will disconnect when they're curious about whomever they're with. When you're together, it's all eyes and ears on you. there is no way in Hell they might idly start scrolling Facebook unless you wandered off to grab a second round from the bar.

They play with their hair

That's Decoding visual communication Basics 101. It might be associated with nerves or subconsciously showing off their shiny coif for you; a sort of peacocking. or even they wish they remembered to pocket a hairgrip this morning. Still! They probably only provides a damn due to your presence.

They consider your needs in little ways

Whether you're with a gaggle or not, they tend to suggest hanging out near your apartment or office. Did you mention en passant that your key chain was broken? Oh, look who just happened to select one up "because it had been near the checkout and that they remembered that yours was broken and it's kinda cute or whatever, no big deal."

They offer to drive or pay

Your friends likely love you an entire lot (and why wouldn't they? You rule), but unless you are a frightening driver or recently got laid off, they're probably not defaulting as your chauffeur or bill-flipper. If you've got a lover who suddenly seems more willing than usual to treat once you hang around, it might be a subtle (if not somewhat antiquated) approach to showing deeper interest.

They seem a touch nervous or flustered

Of course there are the lucky few who have the power to stay cool, calm, and picked up when conversing with a crush, but most of the attribute necessitates a significant case of hysteria when entering an in-depth range of somebody they're crushing on. Next time you're lecture the one that maybe is into, notice of whether or not they're more clumsy than usual or lose track of what they were saying mid-sentence. It's kinda cute, and a reasonably decent indicator of how nervous you're. And unless you guys happen to be tightrope walking whilst chatting, you gotta wonder where those nerves are coming from.

You bust them social media stalking you

Wait — did they only Like then Unlike a photograph you posted months ago? Yeah, they probably did. Because they were stalking you. and that they accidentally clicked where they didn't mean to, and swiftly tried to hide their tracks so you would not know they were rummaging through your archives because, duh, then you'd know they were drunk with lust and wanted to marry you so hard. If they did not have a crush on you, they would not feel ashamed getting caught creeping. It's those fluttery nerves flaring up again. unsure why they think you will not notice.

They'll tell you

While all the nerves we feel once we have a crush on someone remain unchanged from childhood until forever, adults have one thing going for them that youngsters don't: We are (sometimes, maybe) mature enough to travel after what we would like . which suggests it's completely possible that, while you're fretting over whether or not someone is curious about you, they'll just tell you, plainly, and without mixed messages. It takes guts to place yourself out there, but as an adult person, it's something we should always start making a habit of. there is a huge possibility the person with a crush on you would possibly never explicitly say so. That's fine. But that's also a sign of cowardice — and who has time for that? Which, incidentally, means you would possibly want to think about being straightforward with them about your feelings. Do you recognize what's hot? Confidence. end up some and do not accept somebody else who won't do the same

no sleep. no caffeine. no joint mobility.

2010/2018

Do you ever eat when you're not particularly hungry? i just eat, all the time. could be why i'm so fat. I’m always hungry. Or bored. So yeah. Have you ever gone up a mountain on a train? i've never been on a train. Still haven’t. What is your favourite hot beverage? tea. I don’t like hot beverages. I let tea and coffee get to room temperature, then put ice in them. And if I get coffee from Sheetz or Timmy Ho’s, it’s frozen. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: no. I barely have one personality. What was your imaginary friend called when you were a child? i had many. I still have many. Can you see the stars at night where you live? sometimes. notsomuch in the city. light pollution and whatnot. Probably could if I went outside. Where do you live? here. Ohio, unfortunately. Is there anyone you just can't get out of your head? all the time. People back home. Do you prefer cats or dogs? Why? cats. i hate dogs. they're noisy and ugly and they smell. and they're always sniffing things. I don’t hate dogs anymore but cats are still far superior. One thing you'd like to achieve this year: move out. Move home. Funny how that happens. Food: Are you adventurous or do you stick to what you know? sometimes i'll try new stuff but it's usually just the basics. I do not like new things. Are you a hoarder of useless items? i used to be. now i get rid of shit right and left. Yeah I need things to make me happy because nothing else does. What colour do you think suits you best? Is this your favourite colour? navy blue, and no it's not. green is my favorite color. Same. Is there anything (out of the obvious) that makes you feel really ill? a lot of things. but the one that's fresh in my mind is blue cheese. Wendy’s. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? of course i know them. and they both annoy me most of the time. My dad. If you could intern anywhere, where would you choose? a record company. A publishing house. Or I’d apprentice with a contractor. When was the last time you wrote so much your finger ached? a couple weeks ago. I don’t write anymore. But if it means anything, my finger hurts anyway thanks to arthritis. Do you store a lot of pictures you've taken that no one else has seen? i pretty much show them to people. almost all my pictures are of maranda. I probably have a lot of selfies that nobody has seen but I’m just too lazy to delete them. And I have a shit ton of memes saved that I keep meaning to send to Amanda and forget. Do you prefer film or digital pictures? digital are easier to take and to keep track of, but they're a pain in the ass to print. Digital. When was the last time you felt inferior? every day. Always. Do you bump into things often? yeah. can't tell you how many times i've broken the same damn toe. That toe is still fucked up. But yeah since I’m in pain all the time and had to completely change the way I walk, my equilibrium is off and I run into shit even more now. When did you first start using the internet? um...when it first came out? My dad was one of those “gotta have it now” people when it came to computer stuff back in the day. So we pretty much had it from the start. I wasn’t really allowed to use it though so I had to sneak on when everybody else was sleeping. And then my mom would wake up in the middle of the night and catch me so I’d get grounded. Were you ever a member of the Scouts / Girl Guides / Something similar? i was a brownie for a year. it sucked. I stand by that statement. Although my troop leader’s daughter, who I absolutely hated at the time, actually turned out to be really cool. She lives in Texas now so I don’t see her but we talk on facebook quite a bit. We have a lot of similar interests. Do you prefer camping or staying in hotels? camping. I guess camping but only for like one night. I’d really rather just stay home and watch tv. Do you have any family traditions for certain holidays? Which? i mean we all kinda get together on christmas and thanksgiving but it's not really any different than just regular sunday night dinner. I hardly ever get to go home on holidays anymore because Dave works through them. Or I have to work. Because there is no such thing as Thanksgiving off when you work in retail. Do you prefer lip balm that tastes or smells of something?Or maybe neither? aquafina is amazing. but usually i prefer my good ol' trusty blistex. it works instantly. Still a Blistex girl. Ride or die. The white tube, not the green stick. What is something you think about yourself that nobody agrees with? i'm usually the first to put myself down, and not many people disagree when i point out my shortcomings. People will disagree with me when I’m disparaging myself but I highly doubt they mean it. What about something people think of you that you don't agree with? they say i don't look like i weigh 180lbs, because my boobs are so big...but i definitely see the weight in the rest of my body. I stopped asking what people thought a long time ago. Nobody can make me hate myself less. Do you enjoy flying? What's your (least) favourite part? i've never flown, and i don't want to, but i have a feeling dave's not gonna let me go much longer without flying somewhere. Still haven’t. He says we’re going to Disney but I’m gonna fight him on it as long as I can. I was like “you knew what you were getting into when you married me.” Of course I wouldn’t want to go to Disney even if we lived right down the road from it, but that’s just the main example that we always argue about. What colour are your eyes? Do you like them? hazel, and yes. Green, and yes. They’re one of the few things about me that I do like. Have you ever had braces? no. Nope. It’s looking more and more like I’m gonna need dentures before I’m 35. Name one of your hobbies: singing. Games on Pogo. How minty is your toothpaste? minty enough, i guess. Mildly so. I use Colgate Optic White. What design is on your calendar this year? i've had panda calendars for the last three years. I don’t use a calendar. I just take a picture of my work schedule when it comes out every week, and double check it a million times to make sure I go on the right days. Do you collect anything? What? zippos, blankets, fossils, perfume, pandas...lots of things. Now mostly just blankets. And notebooks/journals that I never write in. Do you keep a diary? What sort of things do you write in it? i've been keeping journals since i was nine. I don’t have the energy to keep up with one anymore. Are you prone to headaches? not really. but i've been getting them more frequently lately. Apparently so, because I get them all the time now. Do you enjoy clowns / street performers or are they creepy to you? creepy. but it's not because they're clowns or anything...it's just that i don't like people. Same. What is your favourite type of video game? old school - my atari is as good as it gets. atari bowling and donkey kong FTW RPGs. The only games I play anymore are WoW and Skyrim. Sometimes Left4Dead but obvs that’s not an RPG. Do you believe everything you hear or do you take it with a pinch of salt? i don't believe ANYthing. I question everything. In the words of Anton Szander LaVey, “It has been said, 'the truth will make men free.' The truth alone has never made anyone free. It is only doubt which will bring mental emancipation.” What's the weather like where you live? (All year round, not today) cold 9 months of the year, unbearably hot the other three. Hmm...well fall and winter are bipolar as fuck. I mean it was almost 80 degrees yesterday and it’s supposed to snow tomorrow. Summer is disgustingly hot and spring seems to be nothing but rain. Have you ever had a teacher who would just babble about nothing? most of them. My favorite was Mrs. Longnecker. She was crazy as hell but I did love sophomore English. Do you ever look at a word and think that it looks odd? yes. All the time. I know there’s a name for that but I can’t think of it right now. Like when you write a word so many times that it starts to look like you’re spelling it wrong. Do you prefer getting news online, from a paper or from the TV? i'm sick of news. but i get most of it from the corral, oddly enough. I prefer not getting news because it’s all a bunch of bullshit and I pretty much only care about myself anyway. The shoes you wear most often: What do they look like? vans, they're blue and very old. like i've had them for...seven years i believe. I still have and occasionally wear those Vans. But mostly now I wear my knockoff Skechers slip-ons from Walmart and my Nikes, which are navy blue and lime green. Also very old, falling apart, and quite painful.   When was the last time you climbed a tree? never. Why on earth would I climb a tree? I can’t even walk up the stairs. Did you enjoy playing Hop Scotch when you were younger? no. i didn't play much of anything when i was younger. I’ve never played hopscotch. We were Matball all the way. And if you don’t know what Matball is then GTFO. Are you good at keeping your house clean? clean. not anal-retentive like my mother. Not even remotely. I only “clean” the day before Dave comes home from his work rotations. And even then I just do enough to make it look like I haven’t been living in a dump for three weeks. Can you play any instruments? many. Guitar, piano, xylophone, pretty much all other percussion except an actual drum set, clarinet. I have a trumpet but haven’t practiced at all. It’s hard to teach yourself a brass instrument when you share a wall with your 70 year old neighbor. And I did have a killer rainstick part senior year when we did Pirates of the Caribbean. Do you prefer chocolate or fruity flavoured candy? i don't really like candy too much. but hot tamales are my favorite, and they're knock you on your ass cinnamon. neither chocolate nor fruity. Fruity. But obviously I’ll take chocolate if you’ll give it to me. Fuck, I just remembered I have a mini Crunch bar in my jacket. My favorite candy now is Sweet Tarts Ropes, formerly known as Kazoozles. I love anything sour. Ooh and vanilla Tootsie Rolls. Well all Tootsie Rolls but vanilla are the best. Now I’m hungry. I need to go to Sheetz.