#if you die i don't get paid
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who the hell decided it was okay to give the crows those stupid marvel ass one-liners ITS SO UNFAIR
we have suspenseful and desperate Against All Odds fighting from the first & second army, there's nowhere left to run, we're barely holding off the darkling's forces...
then a dinky little bomb is thrown and for some godforsaken reason, this horrible dialogue:
"that's our demolitions expert 🤪"
"expert? 🫣 I mean uh y-yeah expert"
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. THEY WOULDN'T FUCKING SAY THAT.
#if you die i don't get paid#girl i am livid#makes the crows seem so stupid. if i hadn't read the books I'd be annoyed whenever they were on screen#and i am very tired of just having kaz say and calling that characterization.#i dont know how to explain it but youre doing it Wrong. youre making him all stoic with none of his snark and charm. hes just annoying.#and jesus christ i despise the way they do jesper. i cannot say it enough. and i am SO SAD because i love jesper so fucking much.#but all they do is have him make jokes and be stupid. jesper isn't stupid :(#idk man I'm just mad. give my crows the respect they deserve.#of course i take issue with some trilogy parts (lmao its supposed to be a whole war between armies and theres like ten people on each side)#but at the least the s&b stuff feels like it can be taken somewhat seriously most of the time. i cannot say the same for the crows.#tell me I'm not the only one disappointed by the weird humor they're trying to do#:/#sorry to be a hater#on a positive note i liked the conversation we got between Nikolai and Mal‚ I thought it was so sweet :')))#shadow and bone netflix
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cold fruit in a hot kitchen (so i had this great watermelon last weekend)
#so I had this great watermelon last weekend. and the thing is it probably wasn't even that great of a watermelon#but I was four hours into an eight hour shift and we had thrown out all the watermelon salad because no one was eating it#and then our manager ran in and yelled that the client really fucking wanted watermelon salad.#so like six of us servers started frantically chopping watermelon. and the kitchen got really hot#in the way it does when everyone inside it is really stressed because there's no fucking watermelon salad#and after we chopped all the watermelon and the client got their fucking watermelon we all had a moment#where we looked at the remaining watermelon and we were so hot and cocktail hour was almost over anyway and the salads were all plated#and we all went for the watermelon and we ate it with the kind of rabid intensity you only get while eating cold watermelon in a hot kitche#and it was the best watermelon I have ever tasted and several days later i am still chasing the high of that fucking watermelon#and the thing is i know it isn't even the watermelon i'm actually missing#it's the feeling of cool liquid on hot skin and the feeling of a crisis averted and the feeling of camaraderie#that comes with devouring a watermelon in a hot kitchen with six other people who you have nothing in common with except that watermelon.#i don't dream of labor but i am dreaming now of being 4 hours into an eight hour shift eating watermelon in a hot kitchen.#i dream of laughing around the cold fruit in my mouth. I crave that watermelon like i'll die without it.#< honest to god this is real and that watermelon left such an impact on me that i had to draw it and write this. having a normal one#maybe this is insane but working in a team of people you truly like to do something you actually enjoy is so underrated#if only they fucking paid me i could work as a server for the rest of my life. unironically#skribbles
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Taliesin for the sake of sanity I'm gonna have to ask you to NEVER LET ASHTON DO THAT AGAIN
Except the kissing Fearne part, more of that!
#critical role#bells hells#ashton greymoore#fearne calloway#taliesin jaffe#ashley johnson#sometimes warnings are there for a reason!#visibly shaking#frothing panicking unable to think#but yay Callowmoore#callowmoore#y'know after Fearne forgives him for almost dying#you regret what you don't take remember Ashley?#but now Ash is both Emperor and Empress so I need some magmatic power buffs going now since the gambit (somehow) paid off#rockwild#Taliesin you LITERAL PUNK#seeing discourse in the tag though I don't get; Fearne didn't want it so Ash took it that's all there is#the Hells are gonna be so mad but Ashton was not gonna let anyone die for them because they are what they're fighting for#hoof in the face is deserved though 'I love you so much but I hate you right now' style#3 weeks and several mental scenarios did not prepare me for that#ashton x fearne#fearne x ashton#cr spoilers#now commence a full week of more mental scenarios that won't prepare me but will at least keep me somewhat composed
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hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy
#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again#idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here#a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that#and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon#well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving#which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL#and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible#and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe#but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility#though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year#while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless#because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own)#experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing#moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one#i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving#started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore#and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself.#it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that
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Nicholas Rush, Stargate Universe: "Air"
#eternal stargate rewatch#stargate universe air#robert carlyle#nicholas rush#rush is so funny bc hes the exact opposite of rodney. eli says don't you care that someone died and rush is quietly like oh im secretly#running 9 different programs trying to figure out this database so that we DON'T die. if this was rodney he would have lead with that info#meanwhile TJ's actress did not get paid enough for this. she is in the background do ALL the face acting. she's the only character i like
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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guys, the nina thing bummed me so much i don't feel like mocking Kaz`s hair 😞
#thats the measure of my disapointment#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MOCK KAZ WHEN HE IS SERVING “IF YOU DIE WE DON'T GET PAID”#while Nina is there doing absolutely nothing but pine over matthias#which would be FINE if she got another scene like the other crows but noo#kaz brekker#nina zenik#and i did loved a lot of things on the trailer#is just...i feel like they are doing my baby dirty#netflix shadow and bone#six of crows
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Just seen "oh no, you BASTARDS not reblogging my works enough means my fic posts only get 700 notes." Reader, I fucking died.
#the fics i post and the ones i see reblogged have like... six notes on them? maybe a dozen if it's something really popular.#(so it's not just me being shit at writing! i know this! (thank goodness))#i get why people don't reblog fic - it's not pretty and it potentially confuses the reader about who wrote it. so i'm chill myself.#BUT OH! oh the pain of only being wildly popular on the tumblr dot com website!#*sigh*#it's just very. very “oh no we're only MILLIONAIRES we still can't buy everything we want! we're basically poor!”#“especially after we've paid little Tarquin's school fees and the mortgage on the second holiday home in France!”#calm your tits! people love you! it's fine!#(just to clarify: i did not die. I aten't ded.)
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...
#when the fact that you haven't been able to sleep because you keep coughing#is giving you anxiety#so you don't go to bed and never get any sleep#{i am actually about to fall asleep at my laptop tho so I better log off}#{i have to be up in 7½ h and i am going to die tomorrow}#{cause i literally need to do student teaching all day}#{which i might as well have as a full time job at this point cause logging 25h this week}#{did i mention im not being paid for any of this}
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I managed to sleep for 7 whole hours last night I'm human again
#co worker today: can you come in earlier tomorrow#me: die#like fuck i will sleep is no exaggeration the most important thing in my life right now#and from the other school they're asking me to go outside my hours#what's wrong with people i don't get paid enough for this bs
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I spent the entire night in the ER dying & waiting in the cold and the line, and I got pissed to the point where I walked all 45 minutes home. While dying. Super nice experience 10/10 recommend.
#( 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 ┊ out of character )#( tw: negativity )#( whereas my mum was beside me like; toughen up it builds character. you don't see me going to the hospital when i'm in pain#( I was pissed and sad and for a full 5 seconds the thought of punching a doctor crossed my mind#( i know it is not their fault they are understuffed and underpaid but DUDE i was waiting 7 HOURS#( anyway the pain has subdued on its own and i am getting it checked out on a doctor of mine#( but yeah tonight i nearly paid satan a visit. too stubborn to die i guess
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.
#cw: death#someone in my industry worked themselves to death.#he wasn't even 40#he was really close to a lot of my pals#it feels ghoulish#i can't take away from his death on twitter bc everyone is mourning#but i was in the “almost died cuz of overwork” club. too poor to see a doctor and almost tied of tumor related blood loss#comics the industry won't love you back#we're dying#we're dying here#few years ago i watched a marvel colorist crowdfund his treatment in the hospital while he worked in his bed.#gabby schulz did the same thing as me. almost died#we were just gonna die#cuz we can't afford it#comics is SO FUCKED#i don't think people understand#i really don't#this isn't a place where people get paid normal. it's not normal#none of this is normal. we are devalued so much and nobody cares or knows cause it's a stupid niche industry
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ive actually decided i hate being an introject so I'm going to be normal now (it was in fact not normal)
#kcposting#I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THIS AHAHAAH!!!!#most of the time i sit around and I'm aware of my life now and aware of who I am aside from my source but#sometimes i just look down at my hands and I think how did I get here? why me? why did I deserve that?#how do you reconcile that? how do you keep living as someone whos not meant to be alive? whos already paid the price for being worse#whos already been punished. why cant that be the end?#maybe im just being self deprecating but. I don't like being alive sometimes.#i wouldnt kill myself#but how do you watch yourself die and then keep moving?#sorry for being delusional on main but you all should have expected that from me by now#but to me sometimes it feels delusional to pretend I'm not myself#but ever since i showed up here ive felt this way so I try not to blame myself too hard#i mean. i exist for a reason.#i jusst cant stand remembering
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the “nice” thing about my sister draining my wallet is that im going to be like obsessively keeping track of my purchases and will be saving money as a result prob
#need you to know half of my monthly paycheck was gone in a week#she's gone now and won't be spending any more of my money but i will not be getting paid back any time soon lmao#gigi.txt#i vent abt my sister so much on tumblr but thats bc she's. so much. fortunately now that shes gone shit should die down#i have two other sisters but y'all don't hear shit abt them bc they're rocking along just fine (at least in terms of me)#baby sister graduating high school soon tho good for her#and my model sister (21) i think is going back 2 try uni again bc she dropped out
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Chilling in bed thoughts
This year has just basically been the eerie realization that I am the most unhappy I have every been in my life, and I am basically doing nothing about it.
LIKE, literally, I am just waiting to die, and have been for the last 7+ years, but on top of that, the mental and physical health is slowly getting worse. And despite that.....????? NOPE, not getting out of this chair!
It’s important to recognize that I’m doing this so maybe by airing out my chilling thoughts, I can hold myself accountable to try and like.........make it better? Cause everything that I used to love to do makes me feel nothing and this loneliness is getting unbearable!! I need to get out and try things or make new friends or......something!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!
I have been trying to attend to some things and making sure I do basic hygiene and also getting back into exercising regularly, so maybe there is hope yet. I just need to keep on trying, no matter what :)
#though I will say this: the wrong kid died. and NO I will not elaborate unless I get paid big bucks $$$#but yeah. the bleakness of the near future is scaring me and Im just like hhhahahahahaaahaahahaahha I wish I could just die#but that is not a solution#hopefully I can get therapy in the near future but that will have to wait for now cause no insurance to pay for it and my shitty home life-#-will basically mitigate any benefits from it me thinks. also I am not allowed to take meds for mental health things according to dad so -#-YEAH. THERES THAT!#seriously tho sometimes I think about that like. he will take horse meds to prevent covid but I am not allowed to get meds for mental health#anyways that's a rant for another day#me at future me: I hope one day you start to smile again at being alive because I don't want you to feel how I am feeling#text le text#don't get me wrong: there are a lot of good things that happened this year (den/game sessions/etc). but the bad things are getting worse too#idk#idk.......#we'll see what happens I guess
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i have got to remember to talk with some unions over the winter jesus christ
#we're so shorthanded. we're SO shorthanded like it's SO hard to get people to come in and work. and y want to know why??#just like actual businesses complaining about 'no one wants to work' it's because they DON'T FUCKING PAY US#'oh it's free hockey though :D' fuck you. fuck you! i'll kill you.#'free hockey' with an unfair amount of stress promptly placed upon you that the average fan doesn't HAVE.#compensation is two vouchers for discount tickets. How nice. none of us can fucking use those. we're at every game. we HVAE to be at every#game. because the small crew we've got that keeps consistently coming in is all we're down to.#and that makes it IMPOSSIBLE to train people for other tasks!!#I can do every position upstairs execpt calling the puck and shots. Calling the puck I'm always gonna suck at but shots i just don't know#a healthy crew upstairs. one enough so we can do our work and not be stressed. big enough to train new ppl or have a liason.#is 7-8. people#we've been working every game this season with 4 to five people. and it FUCKING SUCKS#i hate the steven's brothers.#we're one of i believe two echl off ice crews that doesn't get paid. every other crew in the league gets financial comp.#i hope rodney and brandon steven fucking die. i want them to keel over.
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